Ask Me Help Desk - 12 year old dating a 17 year old?

12 year old dating a 17 year old?

I'm a 12 year old girl and my boyfriend is 17. He's not with me for sex, he's told me that he does not want us to have sex until marriage. I'm really mature for my age and don't like dating guys my own age because they are way to immature. A lot of people would think that he is just with me for sex, but he is with me because he loves me, we have no sexual relationship and won't until we marry. He is a former muslim and is coverting to Christian for me, if that doesn't show that he loves me I don't know what does. I would like to know your opinion on our relationship and the age difference.

Seriously, NO WAY.
The age and maturity difference at this stage is far too much.
If you were both adults then it would be a different matter, but as it stands there's too much potential for VERY BAD things to happen.
Also in less than a year he will become and Adult at that opens up a whole new can of worms taht you are no where near ready to deal with.

A 17 year old boy interested in a 12 year girl has issues. This is not normal. He may tell you it's not sex but he's lying. How long has he been your boyfriend?
How do your parents feel about this?
You're not even in High School and he's about out. This guy is a creep.

Do your parents approve of him and this relationship? Personally my 12 year old would never be allowed in such a relationship, and honestly, he would be in jail for any contact with her.

So what do your parents say? Do they even know? Be honest.

Do your parents allow you to date and do they know about him including his age?

Frankly, I think 12 year olds should not be involved in one-on-one dating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

A 17 year old boy interested in a 12 year girl has issues. This is not normal. He may tell you it's not sex but he's lying. How long has he been your boyfriend?
How do your parents feel about this?
You're not even in High School and he's about out. This guy is a creep.

He's already out of high school and has graduated collage. He's not with me for sex, his religion does not allow him to have sex before marriage, it's considered a sin. He's been my boyfriend for 2 months, I met him on Facebook. My parents do not support our relationship not only because of the age difference, but because he is Muslim.

Have you met in real life?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Do your parents allow you to date and do they know about him including his age?

Frankly, I think 12 year olds should not be involved in one-on-one dating.

My parents do allow me to date, but do not approve of him because he is Muslim.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Have you met in real life?

No but we talk all the time and video chat, he is planning on coming to Canada to meet me and to have a better life.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Do your parents approve of him and this relationship? Personally my 12 year old would never be allowed in such a relationship, and honestly, he would be in jail for any contact with her.

So what do your parents say? Do they even know? Be honest.

My parents do know about our relationship, but do not approve because he is Muslim.

So you aren't actually in a relationship, online does NOT count for anything.
This is a HUGE RED FLAG situation and he is GROOMING you !!!
Get out of the way NOW !!!!!

But have you ever met in person? Do you intend on disobeying your parents? How far away is he? You are asking for trouble getting involved with a internet stranger at 12!!

Sex or no sex, a 17 year old boy should not be interested in you at your age. He says it's a sin to be having sex with you but does not think it is to have you disobey your parents?
Have you met this boy? How do you know he is what he says he is. He has graduated college at 17?
You need to leave him alone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlyben

Seriously, NO WAY.
The age and maturity difference at this stage is far too much.
If you were both adults then it would be a different matter, but as it stands there's too much potential for VERY BAD things to happen.
Also in less than a year he will become and Adult at that opens up a whole new can of worms taht you are no where near ready to deal with.

I don't get why it is any different then a 5 year age difference with adults. My parents have a 7 year age difference, and my gradparents had a 23 year age difference.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

I don't get why it is any different then a 5 year age difference with adults. My parents have a 7 year age difference, and my gradparents had a 23 year age difference.

You are a child, he is almost an adult. That is the difference. Adults don't date minors. Someone his age should not be messing with you, should not even be interested in you. Have you met him? I would imaging he is a lot older than 17.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

No but we talk all the time and video chat, he is planning on coming to Canada to meet me and to have a better life.

What country does he live or rather claims to live in at this moment?

You do realize that people on the internet lie about themselves, don't you? He may not be who and what you think he is. Two months of on-line communication is not dating and it isn't even scratching the surface of getting know a person.

You are NOT an adult. The rules are different because by law you are a minor and have ADULTSS responsible for you. Its simple, because that's the LAW!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Sex or no sex, a 17 year old boy should not be interested in you at your age. He says it's a sin to be having sex with you but does not think it is to have you disobey your parents?
Have you met this boy? How do you know he is what he says he is. He has graduated college at 17?
You need to leave him alone

He does think it is a sin for me to disobey my parents and is planning on talking to them to get them to approve of our relationship. He lives in Pakistan, there they start school at 5 and end at 15, then they have 2 years of collage. He makes me very happy and we have a lot in common.

You are a minor child, living with your parents. He has no business planning to meet you. Do your parents know you are video chatting with him and that he claims to be 17?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

What country does he live or rather claims to live in at this moment?

You do realize that people on the internet lie about themselves, don't you? He may not be who and what you think he is. Two months of on-line communication is not dating and it isn't even scratching the surface of getting know a person.

He lives in Pakistan. We have talked for more then 2 months we just started dating 2 months ago. I know people can lie on the internet, that's why I took time to make sure he's really who he says he is. For him to lie would be a sin, then he would be cursed by Allah.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

He does think it is a sin for me to disobey my parents and is planning on talking to them to get them to approve of our relationship. He lives in Pakistan, there they start school at 5 and end at 15, then they have 2 years of collage. He makes me very happy and we have a lot in common.

Girl, you don't even know this guy in 2 months time, and there is very little a 17 year old young man has in common with a 12 year old girl. This is an older guy talking to you and your hormones are probably kicking in.
I would bet the bank that he will not come to Canada to meet you. Any 17 year old in his right mind would not be speaking this way to a 12 year old.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are a minor child, living with your parents. He has no business planning to meet you. Do your parents know you are video chatting with him and that he claims to be 17?

Yes, they to know. They don't care about the age, they don't approve of him because he is Muslim.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

Yes, they to know. They don't care about the age, they don't approve of him because he is Muslim.

They don't approve because they KNOW that you are being GROOMED and are trying to guide YOU to do the right thing.
Do you understand what GROOMING actual is ?!

This situation can only end in HURT !!!

How did you make sure he is who he says he is?

I find your parents not caring their 12 years old daughter is talking to a 17 year old hard to believe. Earlier you say they disapproved because of his age and him being a Muslim.
So which is it.

This is going around in circles; on line relationships very rarely work out, and this is one of them. He is in Pakistan you say. If he plans to come visit you I hope he has a lot of money for visas, passport and travel and he has to swear he has accommodation and enough money to stay his allotted time (allotted time because he will have to go back to his home country)when he gets here with a letter from an adult confirming that. You can't do that, you are not an adult.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Girl, you don't even know this guy in 2 months time, and there is very little a 17 year old young man has in common with a 12 year old girl. This is an older guy talking to you and your hormones are probably kicking in.
I would bet the bank that he will not come to Canada to meet you. Any 17 year old in his right mind would not be speaking this way to a 12 year old.

I've been talking to him for about a year already, and we have found a lot that we have in common. I wouldn't care if he was older or younger then me, love knows no age. He is planning on coming to Canada in about 2-3 months.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

love knows no age

Ah, a great line from a romance novel!

Quote:

He is planning on coming to Canada in about 2-3 months.

And how will you be able to see him if your parents don't approve of him? Where will he stay? He will rent a car? How, at 17?

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

I've been talking to him for about a year already, and we have found a lot that we have in common. I wouldn't care if he was older or younger then me, love knows no age. He is planning on coming to Canada in about 2-3 months.

I thought the online communication was only for a couple of months. Your parents didn't have a problem with you at 11 talking to a 16 year old?
You sound just like a 12 year old, did he feed you this love knows no age stuff?
Where is he going to stay when he comes to Canada. Are your parents going to allow you to meet him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I find your parents not caring their 12 years old daughter is talking to a 17 year old hard to believe. Earlier you say they disapproved because of his age and him being a Muslim.
So which is it.

They don't really like the age difference, but their OK with it. They don't like him because he is Muslim mostly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I thought the online communication was only for a couple of months. Your parents didn't have a problem with you at 11 talking to a 16 year old?
You sound just like a 12 year old, did he feed you this love knows no age stuff?
Where is he going to stay when he comes to Canada. Are your parents going to allow you to meet him.

I've been dating him for a couple months but I've been talking to him for longer. My parents were fine with us talking as friends. And no he said nothing about 'love knows no age'. He might be staying with me, if we can talk my parents into it.

You're not dating him, you chatting online.
You said your parents are fine with you talking as friends, (although I find that unbelievable) so I take it you have lied to them and not told them you are now talking as girlfriend/boyfriend.
Do you honestly think your parents would allow this young man they have never met to stay in their house with their 12 year old daughter? Seriously?
Girl you are delusional and definitely 12.
If this is true, this young man has problems. There is no way a normal young man would be talking to you since you were 11 unless he is in to young girls. Which make him a pervert.

Only a 17 year old perv will have any interest in a 12 year old. The differences in maturity is massive. And as was mentioned... anyone that does... is an aspiring pedophile.

And he's also got to have serious issues if he can't get a girl his age to go out with him.

I'm sorry... but he is preying on a very young, very impressionable young girl who is easily impressed and vulnerable to being manipulated by an older more experience guy.

THe only way to prove otherwise is wait until you are 18 before pursuing anything. I bet he's not interested then. Assuming he's not in jail before then.

I remember being 12... I remember being 17... amazingly vividly. So you can't say I don't understand... I do understand all too well.

If his fellow classmates found out about this....he would be getting beaten up in gym class on a regular basis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

He is planning on coming to Canada in about 2-3 months.

Sweetie, you don't get this part do you? He is coming to Canada IF he can get a Visa, put up so much money to support himself while here; get a letter from another adult, who knows him, to tell immigration that he has a place to stay while here. If he can't fulfill these requirements (even if his age doesn't stop him) he won't be visiting Canada.

You started this off by stating you were more mature for your age and don't like dating guys your age. Well you have proven that you are not very mature, in fact downright naïve. What I see is a little child who thinks boy her own age are immature, typical for a 12 yr old. So you find someone claiming to be older who pays attention to you and plays up to you. So you think you are in love with him. What you are doing is falling for a line. The greater likelihood is this guy is a pedophile, grooming you.

Just the fact that you think you are dating shows how naïve you are. You can't date someone you have never actually met. You claim you waited until you were sure he is what he says he is. But someone asked you how you know he is. You didn't answer. What has convinced you? Just because he has told you?

You don't understand that we are adults with knowledge and experience. We know that this isn't a real relationship. That this guy is playing you. That you are heading for trouble if you continue this.

The only smart thing you have done is post here asking for opinions. But I don't know what you thought we would say, but clearly you really didn't want to hear it. Another sign of your immaturity.

I really want to know what convinced you he was telling the truth?

Its also possible this fellow talks to many females online because its easy and young girls love attention.

I will have to agree with the others, Also a Muslim who is a true believer would never change their religion just to date someone. ** And they should not. To expect him to, to believe most of what he has told you, shows such immature actions, it is obvious you are an average 12 year old girl.

The odds he is 17 is doubtful, normally much older and says that, to get closer to younger girls.

I would say, he is normally interested in getting you to send photos at some point, maybe not yet, Your parents need to be told of this. ** A real mature person would not be ashamed or scared to do this. And allow them to help you decide what is proper

I think that you should first of all pay attention to the category you put this question to. This is not even relationships, this is Children. Plus you are a child and 17 yo is a teenager, the difference is huge and to be honest I can't even imagine common interests o you guys.

To be fair, this thread was moved from DATING to here. Because a 12 year old is a child, and dating is different than as a teen. She isn't even a teen yet, but its easy to think you are older and more advanced when an older guy gives you face time and attention. Especially from behind the security of fantasy and distance.

Fr.Chuck is right though about the dangers of being groomed to do things online that she knows her parents especially wouldn't like, even though a few pictures seems so innocent.

I always love it when a child comes here and the first thing they post is "I'm very mature for my age". A truly mature person doesn't have to tell anyone that they're mature, they prove it by their actions, and words. You didn't prove your claim.

Bottom line, the internet is a scary place. We get a lot of posts from Pakistan, from guys in their 20's asking when they can marry the 8 year old they are in love with. How long do they have to wait to have her? Is two years enough? They never even question that a relationship with a grown man and a child, is sick!

How do you feel about pedophiles? Are you okay with men grooming children so that they can molest them? What's you're take on that? After all, you're very mature for you age, so prove it. Let's discuss the cold hard facts here. You're a child, he's almost an adult (if he's really 17 and not older). Do you think it's okay for an adult to show romantic interest in a child? If so, why? If not, why? Show the maturity you claim to have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Only a 17 year old perv will have any interest in a 12 year old. The differences in maturity is massive. And as was mentioned... anyone that does... is an aspiring pedophile.

And he's also got to have serious issues if he can't get a girl his age to go out with him.

I'm sorry... but he is preying on a very young, very impressionable young girl who is easily impressed and vulnerable to being manipulated by an older more experience guy.

THe only way to prove otherwise is wait until you are 18 before pursuing anything. I bet he's not interested then. Assuming he's not in jail before then.

I remember being 12... I remember being 17... amazingly vividly. So you can't say I don't understand... I do understand all too well.

If his fellow classmates found out about this....he would be getting beaten up in gym class on a regular basis.

I'm not very easy to impress. He is not a perv, I have talked to Muslims who have said that it is normal for a guy in their religion to like younger girls, also I've been told that he wouldn't be to hard on me if I messed up because I am younger. We are waiting until I'm 18, he has already proposed and we plan on marrying when I am 18.

Btw he doesn't go to school, he has graduated high school and collage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizzlelover

I have talked to Muslims who have said that it is normal for a guy in their religion to like younger girls,

That is quite true and even more, it's a cultural matter that men of Pakistani heritage find young white girls the easiest targets due to their underlying gullibility and immaturity.
YOU ARE BEING GROOMED !!!

He is NOT your boyfriend and he is ONLY interested in you in a sexual way.
Once you actually realise that FACT the better things will be.

This is CLASSIC grooming behaviour and MUST be reported to the authorities for legal action.