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-   -   How do we prove a mother is unfit? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=273056)

  • Oct 24, 2008, 07:13 AM
    rjjk0708
    How do we prove a mother is unfit?
    My fiancÚ has a 1 year old little boy with his ex-girlfriend and she is a horrible mother. They agreed on a custody agreement outside of court and then filed it with family court after they went to the first mediation. At the first mediation, the mediator set up a visitation schedule for the father and the mother volunteered to let him have the little boy every weekend so she could have her nights out (she was 21 at the time) and 2 week nights. The father agreed to it just so he could get his son away from her as much as possible because it is an unfit environment. She lives with her parents (who beat each other with tire irons in front of their 3 kids a few years ago and led to the police being called), has a history of doing drugs, gets completely drunk every weekend (even if she has her son for a weekend every once and a while), has him sleeping in bed with her (he doesn't have his own crib or pack & play), she doesn't have a job and hasn't had one in 2 years (she worked 2 weeks 6 months ago but quit because it was boring), uses her child support for gas money and to go out... not for her son (she's on WIC and medicaid so all she has to buy are toys and clothes for the little boy), during the winter she never dresses him in warm clothes or a jacket or hat, she doesn't wash his clothes, he doesn't get a bath regularly, she's not cleaning him properly when she changes his diaper, she lies about his medical information and says he's going to need surgery on things like his back, but when we called the doctor he said that was a lie, she tries to get us to give him medicine that will make him sick or doesn't give us the perscription he's suppose to be on, his clothes never fit (they're always way too small or way too big), he'll come in the same pants 3 nights in a row, she tries to interfere with the father spending extra time with his son and does what ever she can to cause issues, and to top it all off she has taken him to the bar with her since he was at least 3 months old and had him sitting on the bar at times. Our attorney says that there is nothing we can do until we own our own house since we live with the father's parents, but it just seems like there HAS to be something we can do. I'm sure we can't get custody of the little boy, but if we could at least get placement of him then we think he will have a much better life. He would be in a much better environment and around people that could and would actually care for him like parents should. She has a violent history too. She tried to kill me about 6 months before she got pregnant by trying to running me off the road 5 times in one night, when she was dating the father she constantly threatened to kill him, she told me several times she was going to kill me if I had anything to do with her child, and she stalked both of us for about 6 months. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?
  • Oct 24, 2008, 11:36 AM
    450donn

    Sounds to me like the first thing he needs to do is hire a lawyer, get a paternity test done and if his lawyer is good he will hire a PI to get all the dirt necessary to get full custody. Personally I would also seek to terminate her rights as the mother. But that is just me and to me the child's life and safety are paramount in this situation. Only other option is to get child welfare involved, but that can be messy and not in the child's best interest overall.
  • Oct 24, 2008, 12:36 PM
    liz28

    Do you have proof that she threated to kill you or a police report about her trying to run you off the road?

    Her having WIC, or any other government program doesn't make her unfit however if she isn't taking proper care of the child that would. If the father has all of these concerns he should file for custody at the courts. Documents everything, including taking pictures. It will be a battle but the interest of the child is at sake.
  • Nov 5, 2008, 09:34 AM
    Ms Payne

    Hi my name is Pamela and I am trying to find out how can I change My son name to the name he suppose to have at birth and the reason why I want this is because the name he didn't suppose to have is not the name his farther and wanted him to have the name I want him to have is the name he has now and I want a birthceritfiacte in the same name has it appears on his social serity card can you please help me in this matter
  • Dec 29, 2008, 02:46 PM
    star1922

    How did this turn out for you? We are in a very very similar situation, but the unfit mother here changes states and residences constantly and spontaneously decides when she wants to see him 2 or 3 times a year during which she brings gifts and drowns him in candy. She abandoned him at 2 but refuses to give up her legal rights and it's screwing him up. Going to court for sole custody will require her prescence if she shows up and if she does it will be just to fight to have rights to a child she doesn't care about. I keep hearing it takes a lot for the courts to only allow supervised visitation because they are biased in the first place, we can't afford a lawyer much less a PI, but that is a great idea hiring one to get the needed dirt. Do many do pro-bono?
  • Dec 29, 2008, 02:49 PM
    star1922
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by 450donn View Post
    Sounds to me like the first thing he needs to do is hire a lawyer, get a paternity test done and if his lawyer is good he will hire a PI to get all the dirt necessary to get full custody. Personally I would also seek to terminate her rights as the mother. But that is just me and to me the child's life and safety are paramount in this situation. Only other option is to get child welfare involved, but that can be messy and not in the child's best interest overall.

    I keep hearing that it's almost impossible to terminate rights unless the moms are physicallyabusive or can be proven to be on drugs, much less get visits required to be super-vised, because the courts always want to give the mom another chance.:(

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