It sounds like you're on the right track. I'm cheering for you!
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It sounds like you're on the right track. I'm cheering for you!
Yep... stay on that path; we're all cheering for you! Continue to help around the house, focus on your schoolwork, be respectful, enjoy time with your friends, but be open about it. When you ask if it is okay, let your father know where you are going, who you are going with, and when you will be back... and be sure that you do just what you say. Actions often do speak louder than words. That is how you rebuild trust.
You're 15. At 15 you don't have the sense God gave a goat, that's why 15 year olds have parents, and hopefully they have parents that care enough about them to steer them in the right direction, even though most of the things we parents have to do, make our teens hate us. After all, you know it all, right? You're 15. I remember "knowing it all" when I was 15, and my 16 year old son is at the same stage, he thinks he knows it all too. Thankfully he's been raised to respect his parents, and listen to them. He doesn't like it, but he does it, and because of that he'll grow to learn that the things he thinks he knows, he really doesn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit
Your dad gave up because the things you were doing, and continued to do, despite all his efforts to help you, didn't stop. You wouldn't listen, you continued to do what you wanted to do, with no regard to your own safety, and with no regard to your dad.
Did he really give up? Heck no! He does care, he loves you. He was hoping that by saying he gives up, you'd get it, you'd figure out that you're the problem and you'd hopefully steer yourself in the right direction.
Talk to your dad if you plan to do something. Ask for his advice, and then follow it!
You think being a teen is hard, that parents are so hard to figure out. Wait until you're the parent of a teen!
Think, I do believe you can make some good decisions.
1. You did get a job and kept it despite issues with a "co-worker". You have not told us that you were fired for not doing your job or other problems. So I will give you credit on that one.
2. You did go to your father and tell him about the drugs before he found out through other sources. That was a good decision. You may not like the consequences, but that doesn't negate getting help which is a good thing.
3. You do appear to listen and you do appear to be trying to do the right things. Those are good decisions.
I am glad that you do keep coming back for advice and that you are trying to talk to your father. Those are steps in the right direction.
You are young and you are learning. Of course you will make mistakes, we all do. But you need to learn how to not repeat the same mistake over and over again. Taking the short-cut of doing what you want and then thinking about the consequences seems to be the biggest mistake. It leads to being less than honest with your father causing damage to the relationship. I realize that you are trying to be truthful with your father. I also realize it takes time and experience to feel safe being honest about touchy subjects. You have to trust your father as much as he has to be able to trust you. You are working on it and that is good for both of you. Hopefully, your step-mother will see that you are trying and that relationship will get better, too.
The more you open up to your father and ask him for advice and help, the more he will know you are trying to do the right thing. But remember that he is a father and parents tend to freak out when they are worried about their children. Even when they say that they don't care, they do and it can cause them to react without fully thinking things through. So be as patient with him as you want him to be with you.
From this point forward, if a major choice comes up such as dating or going out to a party, before you do what you want, stop and ask your father for advice/permission. Look at it as getting all the information before you jump. What you may think is a three inch curb, your father may recognize as 40 foot cliff.
Cat said it better than I did. I'm blunt as a spoon, not very poetic when I write. Cat does it justice. Sadly I have to spread the rep.
Think is listening. It's two steps forward, one step back. But she is trying, and most important, she keeps asking and listening! That's a really big deal, something I should have mentioned, because that aspect of the posts/questions, is what keeps me answering, and keeps me caring about her, and I do care about her, even though she often makes me want to smack my head against a wall. Not her fault, she's 15, I have that reaction to most 15 year olds. ;)
I don't agree with a lot of what Think has done, and if it were one of my kids, I'd be beside myself with worry, and no knowledge on how to deal with it all, how to move forward.
Above all, look at your dad as a human being, not just a dad. You kids don't come with handbooks, it's all trial and error, and when something big happens, we don't always know how to deal with it, how to handle it, how to keep the child we love, safe. It's not easy. Parenting is really really hard, and I used to clean toilets filled with feces. That was easy compared to being a parent. It's hit and miss, and all the while you pray that you won't miss.
Parents don't know it all, but they do know more than a teenager. We do our best, try our best, all because we love our kids. Our best isn't always good enough, and the pain that causes is beyond anything you could experience at 15. You'll understand when you have kids of your own, hopefully at least 10 years from now. ;)
Bottom line, parents are human, just like you. We make mistakes, we screw up, but when we screw up it can affect our kids, and when that happens it's really hard to forgive yourself. But that's life. No one has the perfect parents, and no one has the perfect kids. Perfect isn't possible. Perfect is boring.
You're trying, and that's all anyone can expect. Talk more with your dad about the decisions you're making, not only because you're too young to make many of these decisions, but because it will help you bond with him, it will make him realize that you do care about what he thinks, how he feels, and it will make him realize that you love him as much as he loves you!
Thanks everyone for the advice. I will try talking to me dad more as you've suggested instead of just doing things. I haven't been living with me dad for that long and before that I haven't really seen very much of him, guess he must think I'm just trouble the way I act, so I find it hard to talk to him. But I suppose the more I try the more easier it will get. It was easy talking to me mum I've know her forever me dad feels like a stranger sometimes. I want me dad to trust me and I want to change so thanks again for all the help and advice.
Ask him questions about what toys he played with when he was a little boy, what sports he likes and why, if he ever had any pets and stories about them, how he and your mother met, and other non-confrontational questions about his life. Begin a real relationship with him. You might want to do the same thing with your step-mum, asking about her younger years.
This is something I have trouble relating to, because I was brought up with both my parents, and my kids have been brought up with both of theirs.Quote:
Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit
Just realize that he is your dad. He took you in because he loves you, even if he didn't have the chance to bond with you until now. Give it time, give both of you time.
Keep talking to him, not only about problems, but about fun stuff too. Maybe suggest that the two of you do something together, just the two of you, every month. A chance to be alone, get to know each other. Just like when you meet someone new.
Give him a chance, and let him give you a chance.
I broke up with my boyfriend, I feel so horrible like the worst person ever. He was really upset he really wanted me to not leave him. Tried to convince me to still go out with him, I feel really bad I do really like him he's a really nice guy. But I don't want to do what me dad told me not to I've done enough stupid stuff. I told him we could still be friends. I should have told me dad that I was dating him at least then I could have talked to him about it anyway just needed to tell someone. Cheers for all the advice I'm going to try talking with me dad more.
Tell your dad, that you have a boy who has asked you out and you like him and want to see him. Ask your dad if he is willing to meet him and talk with him before he makes the decision (which you will abide by) not to allow you to date.
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