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-   Bereavement (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=48)
-   -   My son died (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=449616)

  • Feb 22, 2010, 02:27 PM
    albear

    I'm so sorry for your loss
    Stay safe
    Hugs
  • Feb 22, 2010, 04:02 PM
    0rphan

    thisisit,

    There are no words that I can say to ease your loss,a feeling I know very well, only that try and remember the good times you had together, times that will always be yours to hold close to your heart.

    They say time is a wonderful healer,so give yourself time,draw comfort from those who love you and don't be afraid to ask for support and help in your time of grief.

    I hope you are with somebody at this sad time,having people around does help, even if there is no conversation, it doesn't matter, they will be there for you, if only for a hug or shoulder to lean on.

    Please have a word with your GP who may give you something to get you through this, perhaps something to aid your sleep.

    thisisit, please look after yourself which is what your son would have wished.

    I send you many huggs across the miles and pray for love and support for you and all of your family.

    May God Bless you all xx
  • Feb 22, 2010, 04:12 PM
    thisisit

    My doc is calling in for a prescription to ambien. I have appointments scheduled for Thurs, oncology, and next Thurs. with my regular doctor, then later next month with the GI doctors.

    Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, everyone.
  • Feb 24, 2010, 08:03 PM
    Greta-d
    I feel very emphatetic to you. Hope you have somebody around you to help you go through the hardest time. Hope God gives you strengh and peace to pull through for your grandson. My prayers are with you that the legal proceedings don't last too long. My strong prayers are with you and I'll pray for God to give you strength while He took the liberty to give pain.
  • Feb 24, 2010, 09:14 PM
    Clough
    So, how are you doing now, thisisit?

    Thanks!
  • Feb 25, 2010, 05:54 AM
    thisisit

    Not doing to well... I guess that's to be expected. I've had constant pain in my chest and diarrhea since I heard the news. Got a preliminary report from the coroner yesterday and made funeral arrangements. His cause of death is: Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome. Final autopsy report won't be done for 4-6 weeks. I'll be having a private showing tomorrow, with services next week after all the out of towners can get here.

    Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

    :(
  • Feb 25, 2010, 06:24 AM
    HistorianChick

    Oh my, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

    I don't know what to say, other than I just said a prayer for you. Please know that you're supported, loved, and thought of during this horrible time.

    Hugs.
  • Feb 25, 2010, 11:32 AM
    Clough
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by thisisit View Post
    Not doing to well.... I guess that's to be expected. I've had constant pain in my chest and diarrhea since I heard the news. Got a preliminary report from the coroner yesterday and made funeral arrangements. His cause of death is: Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome. Final autopsy report won't be done for 4-6 weeks. I'll be having a private showing tomorrow, with services next week after all the out of towners can get here.

    Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

    :(

    I will continue to pray for you and yours, thisisit! I wish that I could be there for you! But, this is about the best that I can do!

    You've been there for me many times on this site. It's much appreciated!

    You'll be okay. Just keep living and trying! It's the best any of us can do!

    Thanks!
  • Mar 4, 2010, 01:49 PM
    Clough
    So, how are you now and what's been happening, thisisit?

    I'm very concerned!

    Thanks!
  • Mar 4, 2010, 05:53 PM
    thisisit

    Thanks Clough! It has been very hard, to say the least.

    This is the second time one of my sons died. My oldest son was killed in a work place accident in 2001. Losing a child already does not make it any easier the second time around. I have been afraid my son is going to die like this for a little over a year now. I even told him, at least a dozen times, I was afraid he was going to die of sudden unexplained death syndrome, because he had a brain tumor and seizures that were not well controlled and he took 2 or more kinds of anti-seizure meds, plus chemo. I just had this feeling. He almost died back in Oct. last year while he was in the hospital. He was admitted just because he 'felt' weird, like he was going to have a seizure. After he was already there, and in front of the doctors, he had a seizure that was so bad he was in a coma for 3 days. They called the seizure a status epilepticus. They almost lost him even with help right on hand, so imagine if he had that happen anywhere else. People who have seizures and need to take more than one kind of medication are at a greatly increacsed risk of suddenly dying for no apparent reason. So, I knew, and I felt this is how he is going to die. It doesn't make it any easier. The pain is overwhelming and comes in waves.

    There was no evidence that my son had a seizure before he died. He was found dead, in the bath tub, but he had not drowned. He did not have a heart attack, he did not OD, and there was no sign of trauma or injury anywhere on his body. The coroner rule the death "SUDS", kind of an adult version of SIDS.

    Sorry, I had completely forgot that you had surgery. I hope you are doing OK and healing well!
  • Mar 4, 2010, 06:05 PM
    Clough
    Well, you've been there for me. I'm trying to be there for you, thisisit!

    It's not ever easy, dealing with death...

    Thoughts, prayers, what do we do? All we can do is try...

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, thisisit! That's what I have to offer right now. You're not alone though...
  • Mar 5, 2010, 12:55 AM
    Gemini54
    Hi Thisisit,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. It's understandable though given your circumstances. Has your son's funeral been held yet?

    When you described your son's death, I felt like it's almost as if he decided to pass on, peacefully, and without pain.

    I'm apologize if this sounds simplistic, because I know that this does not make it any easier for you. You're the one that's left with the overwhelming pain.

    Please know that I've had people close to me die as well (not a child though) and I'm thinking of you and sending you love.

    You are not alone, and love is what other people can give you. Be open to receiving it... I'm hoping it will ease some of the pain.
  • Mar 5, 2010, 01:24 AM
    firmbeliever

    So sorry to hear of your loss.


    .
  • Mar 5, 2010, 07:05 AM
    thisisit
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Gemini54 View Post
    Hi Thisisit,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. It's understandable though given your circumstances. Has your son's funeral been held yet?

    When you described your son's death, I felt like it's almost as if he decided to pass on, peacefully, and without pain.

    I'm apologize if this sounds simplistic, because I know that this does not make it any easier for you. You're the one that's left with the overwhelming pain.

    Please know that I've had people close to me die as well (not a child though) and I'm thinking of you and sending you love.

    You are not alone, and love is what other people can give you. Be open to receiving it...I'm hoping it will ease some of the pain.

    Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

    I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing OK. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(
  • Mar 5, 2010, 07:12 AM
    1Believe
    I usually don't get on here however I saw your title and my heart felt for you. As bad as we may think we have it, someone is always going through something worse... I will pray for you, pray for Him to ease your pain and comfort you. No time can heal your loss. Make sure you keep God in your heart and know that even at this dark dark place, it's for a reason and your children are with you always and guarding you with wings... Your friend in your picture? Definitely keep him/her, they are the best companions and know your sorrows and joys.. May you find peace.
  • Mar 6, 2010, 07:13 PM
    kat349
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by thisisit View Post
    thank you both, I am going between being numb and bouts of crying with extreme sadness.

    I am so very sorry ! Ihave just lost my Grandson and joined the Gonetoosoon.org it's a really peaceful site where you can chat to people, light candles etc going through the same bereavements , I have met a couple of really nice friends, I'm so very sorry
    Thinking of you xxx
  • Mar 6, 2010, 08:06 PM
    Gemini54
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by thisisit View Post
    Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money.... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

    I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing ok. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(

    Whew, it sounds as if there is a whole other story here!

    I'm hoping that now you've got the funeral formalities out of the way, you can focus on yourself. Being fine physically is great, but it's your emotional and spiritual well-being that concerns me.

    Keep the people that you love around you and don't be scared to talk and share your experience... kat's suggestion sounded helpful.
  • Mar 6, 2010, 10:22 PM
    Clough
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by thisisit View Post
    Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money.... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

    I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing ok. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(

    You're going to make it, thisisit! You've got a sound mind, courage, friends, and one heck of a good heart!

    Thank you for also sharing this sort of thing with us! I know that it's not easy to do that with people that you don't even really know. Although, maybe we really do come to know each other on these online sites...
  • Mar 13, 2010, 06:18 PM
    Clough
    So, how are you doing and how are things now, thisisit?

    Thanks!
  • Mar 13, 2010, 06:24 PM
    EmoPrincess

    O thisisit, may the gods shine upon you and your sons. I'm sorry. We all are here for you to talk if you need it.

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