Hi All

I'm wondering if you kind people could help me, I'm in a big dilemma. My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with.

Basically, we split up 2 years ago and since then he has been wanting to get together but then I find out about his lies, he asked me to get back together in October last year and then I found out he had a long distance girlfriend. He told me he was going on a trip and it turned out to be visit her, needless to say I was gutted.

In May he asked to get back together again, I then found out he was asking this girl (lets call her Jane) to go on holiday with him, when I asked him he said it was true but they were just mates then a couple of weeks later I found out they slept together. He told me he was drunk and it was a mistake, that it was me he loved etc etc.

He has text me recently saying that he loves me and that he wants us to be together, I asked if he was with Jane and he said no. I then found out that he is seeing the girl I thought he was!! I found out as her Facebook account says she's in a relationship with him.

He just lies to me all the time, asking me to get back together but at the same time being in a relationship. He knows that I love him, this is tearing me apart. What should I do?

Extreme harshness warning

It's really difficult to help yourself if you love him regardless of all his lies.

He's a liar, that's just who he is. But who are you? It sounds like you have a self-esteem and confidence problem.

Have more self-respect. You don't need to associate yourself with someone like that. Get some professional help for your confidence problem.

Stop talking to him. Block him out of your life or else you can never move on with your life. You've already put 2+ years of your life on hold for this guy, it's enough. There are nicer people in this world. Why don't you go meet some...

As much as you want him to be telling you the truth, he does not. Do not take his calls or texts. Do not read emails from him. Stay away from Facebook for a while. He is toxic. You need space and sanity. His issues, "Jane" can have.

Take care of yourself. Don't take any more of his poison.

I wish, thanks for your response, I haven't sat around waiting for him, he comes in and out of my life as he pleases, he just knows that I do love him.

I know deep down that I can do better, I feel for his girlfriend really, she thinks the son shines out his a$$ and all the time he is telling me he loves me.

I know that I could never trust him and without trust then its impossible to have a relationship. He has told my friend that he enjoys playing mind games and that he is good at it, I personally don't know what kind of perosn admits to that and is proud of that fact.

Move on with your life... without him. His using you--simple. Don't waste anymore time on him. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Go fishing!

This sounds like a bad situation period. If he loved you so much he wouldn't lie to you. If anything, he would be straight forward and honest to show you how much he has changed.
You need to get yourself esteem up and forget him. You can find someone better who will love you and treat you with more respect then he does. Why would you want to stay with someone so dishonest. You will always wonder what's true or not and never have trust. A good relationship needs trust.

As much as you want him to be telling you the truth, he does not. Do not take his calls or texts. Do not read emails from him. Stay away from Facebook for a while. He is toxic. You need space and sanity. His issues, "Jane" can have.

Take care of yourself. Don't take any more of his poison.

My friend text him ttelling him that we found out that he is seeing "Jane" and he went silent for a couple of days!! My friend told my ex that he is making me ill with these lies. When he found this out he text me and asked if I'm taking pills because of him? I've not answered his text, that was 3 days ago.

Im just so hurt and upset I don't know what to do

My friend text him ttelling him that we found out that he is seeing "Jane" and he went silent for a couple of days !!!!! my friend told my ex that he is making me ill with these lies. When he found this out he text me and asked if im taking pills because of him? ive not answered his text, that was 3 days ago.

Im just so hurt and upset i dont know what to do

Don't answer his texts, calls or visits. Its been 3 days you said. That's a good start to NC. The longer you go the easier it will be to move on.

This sounds like a bad situation period. If he loved you so much he wouldnt lie to you. If anything, he would be straight forward and honest to show you how much he has changed.
You need to get your self esteem up and forget him. You can find someone better who will love you and treat you with more respect then he does. Why would you want to stay with someone so dishonest. You will always wonder whats true or not and never have trust. A good relationship needs trust.

Thanks for your response sunflower, his girlfriend (apparently she is an old friend of his) was told that he tells lies etc etc an she chose not to believe people. I thought should I tell her about her boyfriend wanting to get together with me but then it just makes me look like the bitter ex and I don't want that. Plus I really don't want the hassle of it all. She was warned months ago what he was like and how he cheats but she says that she is a good gudge of character??

STOP getting updates from your friends about him. You're just prolonging your pain and suffering.

You need to go into extreme no contact. You pretty much have to erase him from your life. Block him from email, social networks, IMs, etc. If your friends respected your well-being, they would help you keep him out of your life entirely. He's making your life too difficult.

You should be out meeting new people and having fun with friends. Not misery.

You've been broken for 2 years and hearing that he's seeing someone is making you ill? Why? He's free to do what he wants whether it's lying or shaving his head.

Unfriend them both of Facebook and delete the text messages.

thanks for your response sunflower, his gf (apparently she is an old friend of his) was told that he tells lies etc etc an she chose not to believe people. I thought should I tell her about her bf wanting to get together with me but then it just makes me look like the bitter ex and i dont want that. Plus tbh I really dont want the hassle of it all. She was warned months ago what he was like and how he cheats but she says that she is a good gudge of charachter ???????

I personally wouldn't tell her anything. Maybe that's wrong of me to think that way but I would leave that mess to her. Don't get in to this big triangle of he said/she said.

STOP getting updates from your friends about him. You need to go into extreme no contact. You pretty much have to erase him from your life. Block him from email, social networks, IMs, etc. If your friends respected your well-being, they would help you keep him out of your life entirely. He's making your life too difficult.

You should be out meeting new people and having fun with friends. Not suffering.

You are right I wish, I did NC with him for 3 months, but its like the 3 month rule, after this time he drops me a text and tries to worm himself into my life. He says all the right things and I fall for it every time. I need to be stronger I know but its so hard

Erase any evidence of his existence. I'm sorry you have to do this, but extreme situations require extreme measures.

Change your number if you have to. Otherwise, instead of putting his name there, just but "looser" or something. If you see the looser sending you a text message, then have a friend or family member help you erase the message before you read it.

You have to believe that you are better off without him in any part of your life.

I personally wouldnt tell her anything. Maybe thats wrong of me to think that way but I would leave that mess to her. Dont get in to this big triangle of he said/she said.

That's hat I think sunflower, as much as id like to wipe the smile off her face its hassle that I don't need or an tbh. Ive seen pics of them on Facebook and it makes me sick. Im not friends with either of them so from now on can't see anything. Ive also blocked them so they can't find me.

Erase any evidence of his existence. I'm sorry you have to do this, but extreme situations require extreme measures.

Change your number if you have to. Otherwise, instead of putting his name there, just but "looser" or something. If you see the looser sending you a text message, then have a friend or family member help you erase the message before you read it.

You have to believe that you are better off without him in any part of your life.

I don't have his number in my phone, I deleted that ages ago, I just can remember his number off the top of my head unfortunately!!

i dont have his number in my phone, i deleted that ages ago, i just can remember his number off the top of my head unfortunatley !!!!

Get a new number.

Otherwise, that's why I suggested that you save his number under "looser" or something. It doesn't matter if you memorize his number, just give your phone to someone else to delete the text message so you don't have to read that sh*t.

Hi All

Im wondering if youkind people could help me, im in a big dilemma. My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with...

What should I do?
He's an ex for a reason, and I guess this is why.

You're not with him so he can't be held responsible for anything he does and he knows this, which is why he lies and doesn't feel bad about lying to you.

Cut off all contact with him.

thats hat i think sunflower, as much as id like to wipe the smile off her face its hassle that i dont need or an tbh. Ive seen pics of them on facebook and it makes me sick. Im not friends with either of them so from now on can't see anything. Ive also blocked them so they can't find me.

That's one good step that you took them off your Facebook. You don't need to see it. Its not worth the hurt.

He's an ex for a reason, and I guess this is why.

You're not with him so he can't be held responsible for anything he does and he knows this, which is why he lies and doesn't feel bad about lying to you.

Cut off all contact with him.

Your right, he doesn't see what he is doing is wrong? He knows I love him and in the past I've fell for his crap but I'm feeling a bit stronger now.

Thats one good step that you took them off your facebook. You dont need to see it. Its not worth the hurt.

How could someone who says they love you and would die for you treat you this way? I just don't understand? Do you think he doesn't love me? I know they say actions speak louder than words.

how could someone who says they love you and would die for you treat you this way? i just dont understand? do you think he doesnt love me? i know they say actions speak louder than words.

If he loved you he would not treat you this way. He is a player, a user, a loser. Leading you on. Don't fall for it. They are just words. Actions do speak louder then words and he is acting like an arse. Your stepping in the right direction staying away from him.

How old are you Louise?

how could someone who says they love you and would die for you treat you this way? i just dont understand? do you think he doesnt love me? i know they say actions speak louder than words.

You are asking the wrong questions.
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.
Anthony Robbins

Everything will change the only question is growing up or decaying.

how could someone who says they love you and would die for you treat you this way? i just dont understand? do you think he doesnt love me? i know they say actions speak louder than words.
I think it was Churchill who once said "People often say what they mean, but rarely mean what they say".

Your ex is a case in point.

How old are you Louise?

I'm 31 needkarma

im 31 needkarma

31? For real? Your dealing with these childish games at 31? No offense please but I was thinking much younger. Leave him to his immaturity. You don't need that. Move on and find a man that can treat you like a woman and not a school girl. A man who knows what a relationship is.

31? For real? Your dealing with these childish games at 31? No offense please but I was thinking much younger. Leave him to his immaturity. You dont need that. Move on and find a man that can treat you like a woman and not a school girl. A man who knows what a relationship is.

Sunflower thanks for the advice, I'm not moping around after this guy, I have my own house, a degree as well as a Masters. The ex lives at home at aged 30 (need I say more really!! ) I've got a good job, lots of friends the only thing that's screwing it up is the ex!! :(:(:(

sunflower thanks for the advice, im not moping around after this guy, i have my own house, a degree as well as a Masters. The ex lives at home at aged 30 (need i say more really!!!) ive got a good job, lots of friends the only thing thats screwing it up is the ex !!!!! :(:(:(

If he's the only screwed up part of your life, then get rid of him. Block him out of your life.

He has told my friend that he enjoys playing mind games and that he is good at it, I personally don't know what kind of person admits to that and is proud of that fact.
A dirty lowdown rat that likes to torture people.

I agree with the others, you need to erase him from your life. Totally ignore the fool.

sunflower thanks for the advice, im not moping around after this guy, i have my own house, a degree as well as a Masters. The ex lives at home at aged 30 (need i say more really!!!) ive got a good job, lots of friends the only thing thats screwing it up is the ex !!!!! :(:(:(

No no no no, the ex isn't screwing it up. He is screwing it up. You sound like you have your life together. Snap out of his little game and find someone on the same level as you.

Is it possible to love someone so much but know that you will never be together because of there lies?

is it possible to love someone so much but know that you will never be together because of there lies?

There are endless possibilites if you act instead of react, every time he reaches out to you stop reacting, and start acting to not put yourself in an emotional rollercoaster.

Love him from a distant.

is it possible to love someone so much but know that you will never be together because of there lies?

You seem so insecure right now. Your emotionally dependent on him and its draining you. You need to have NC and stick it out.

Do yourself a favor,and when it gets hard,think of the girl he slept with,then came running to you after.

That is very F*** up.

And I've been in that position,but didn't realize it until after.

If he can do it to her,he can do it to you,how do you know you're the only one he ~loves~?

Get in contact with her if you need some support.

Get over the idle jealousy and lean on someone who understands (if possible)

If you do contact her for any reason, do it for your own closure and nothing else.

If you do contact her for any reason, do it for your own closure and nothing else.

If I'm truthful I don't want to go and tell the girl about the lying scumbag she is with, he will think that I care enough to go and find her if I do!!
Its day 4 of no contact, its really really hard, but when I'm down I think of the time he slept with the girl he told me he was just mates with and I know I can do better than to be with someone like that.

Louise think more of yourself than that. Who care who he sleeps with and who cares what he does. Forget him, your setting yourself up for hardache. You don't need this guy. He's a dishonest and he isn't worth your time.

I would ask why you continue to 'love' someone that is clearly toxic and that consistently lies to you?

You sound as if some of your life is healthy and stable - you're an adult, not a teenager - so what is it about your connection to this person that keeps you in such pain and angst?

In your heart you know he's not worth your thoughts, time and affection. In your heart you know that even if you had him he wouldn't be trustworthy - why do you continue to obsess about him?

He's proven time after time that he's not to be trusted, he lies and he cheats - yet you still yearn for him. Why? What is it within you that keeps you connected to him?

Think a little more deeply about your motivation in staying connected to this person after such a long time. What is it within you that seeks this distress? If you can find the answer you may find it easier to literally erase him from your thoughts and your life.

I would ask why you continue to 'love' someone that is clearly toxic and that consistently lies to you?

You sound as if some of your life is healthy and stable - you're an adult, not a teenager - so what is it about your connection to this person that keeps you in such pain and angst?

In your heart you know he's not worth your thoughts, time and affection. In your heart you know that even if you had him he wouldn't be trustworthy - why do you continue to obsess about him?

He's proven time after time that he's not to be trusted, he lies and he cheats - yet you still yearn for him. Why? What is it within you that keeps you connected to him?

Think a little more deeply about your motivation in staying connected to this person after such a long time. What is it within you that seeks this distress? If you can find the answer you may find it easier to literally erase him from your thoughts and your life.

I thought id give you all an update (I hope you don't mind). Its day 5 of no contact now, its been a lot easier than the previous times of NC as I think this time the nature of how he treats me has really hit home. Im not a little teenager that thinks I deserve this treatment, I'm a grown woman with my own house, nice car, good kob and lots of friends that knows she deserves better. But when he texts I go all weak and tell him that I love him too?? Im trying to be strong this time, I'm not even bothered anymore about him being with someone (at one point in time that thought would have killed my heart) so does this mean that I'm starting to heal and move on??

Im not sat around waiting for him, I'm living my life to the full, id never put my life on hold for anyone. Its like someone commented on here and I've said myself before, even if I did get back together with him (which won't happen) id just be constantley looking over my shoulder and wondering what lies he was telling me and that's not a healthy adult relationship. So why do I yern for him? Ive not got sky high confidence but then again my confidence is not that low, if I could understand why I yern for a guy that is no good for me then maybe I could snap out of this situation.

Any ideas of why I yern for this bad guy would be appreciated, that's for keeping with this thread, I really appreciate all your help and advice

Louise xx

So why do I yern for him? Ive not got sky high confidence but then again my confidence is not that low, if I could understand why I yern for a guy that is no good for me then maybe I could snap out of this situation.

Any ideas of why I yern for this bad guy would be appreciated, thats for keeping with this thread, I really appreciate all your help and advice

louise xx

That is what NC is for. Not only is it for you to move on and heal from the pain of a break-up but as many good, experienced people here have said, its about making yourself a better, and more complete person. So now during NC is the time for you to figure that out. Can it be that you despise being alone and must always have someone? Perhaps it could also be that you may be insecure and something about him or your relationship with him made you feel better. Honestly no one knows you like yourself and so you would have a better idea about this and you are the one who will ultimately know why you feel that you need him. But we will all try to help :D

That is what NC is for. Not only is it for you to move on and heal from the pain of a break-up but as many good, experienced people here have said, its about making yourself a better, and more complete person. So now during NC is the time for you to figure that out. Can it be that you despise being alone and must always have someone? Perhaps it could also be that you may be insecure and something about him or your relationship with him made you feel better. Honestly no one knows you like yourself and so you would have a better idea about this and you are the one who will ultimately know why you feel that you need him. But we will all try to help :D

Thanks for your response. I think I liked the attention of him telling me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. Even though looking back now he may not have meant what he said. Im happy to be alone and don't feel the need for a man, I was brought up never to rely on anyone but yourself you see.

He is a bad boy and I'm sat here under no illusions that he will change or think for one minute that I will change him. I just don't understand why he told me he is single, as like I did (and regret) can always find this girl on Facebook and request her as a friend and see that they are together. She is the type of person that will accept anyone as a friend so all the truth is out there to see. I don't understand why he lies when he get found so easily like he has?

i thought id give you all an update (i hope you dont mind). Its day 5 of no contact now, its been alot easier than the previous times of NC as I think this time the nature of how he treats me has really hit home. Im not a little teenager that thinks I deserve this treatment, im a grown woman with my own house, nice car, good kob and lots of friends that knows she deserves better. But when he texts I go all weak and tell him that I love him too ????? Im trying to be strong this time, im not even bothered anymore about him being with someone (at one point in time that thought would have killed my heart) so does this mean that im starting to heal and move on???

Im not sat around waiting for him, im living my life to the full, id never put my life on hold for anyone. Its like someone commented on here and ive said myself before, even if I did get back together with him (which wont happen) id just be constantley looking over my shoulder and wondering what lies he was telling me and thats not a healthy adult relationship. So why do I yern for him? Ive not got sky high confidence but then again my confidence is not that low, if I could understand why I yern for a guy that is no good for me then maybe I could snap out of this situation.

Any ideas of why I yern for this bad guy would be appreciated, thats for keeping with this thread, I really appreciate all your help and advice

louise xx

Hi Louise - only you can really know why you keep giving this guy your energy - to me it sounds like a form of addiction that you can't let go of.

Perhaps he's like a 'bad boy' to you and you're addicted to the fact that he's unattainable, mysterious, distant, etc. Perhaps you want the challenge of making him love YOU, not those other girls. Perhaps you don't really want a committed relationship and pursuing a man like this means that you can avoid it.

As I said - ultimately, only you have the answers.

Louise maybe talk to a therapist and he could answer why you keep on wanting to go back. You seem very stable in every other aspect of your life, except this. It could be something from childhood, who knows. We can only give you advice and he might just have the answers you are looking for. Good luck and keep us updated.

I do think that I deserve better than being lied to. All this guy does is come crawling to me (im assuming when he is going through a rough patch ith the gf).
He texts me and then I respond and he don't even text me back half of the time, its like he enjoys making a fool out of me ? Why would you do that to someone who you say that you love?

It's not love, he is unstable. You have to figure out why you keep on going back, what draws you to this man. I don't understand, just cut him off, even if you have to change your phone number, if that is what it takes. He offers you absolutely nothing except for hardache and pain. Change from this day forward and don't look back. There are so many nice men that could offer you so much more. It's like a visicious cycle what your going through. Can you pinpoint something in your life that is happened that you let someone treat you like this? Please stop and get your priorites back on the right track.

Trust is paramount in a relationship. Do you think you will EVER believe ANYTHING he ever tells you ? Probably not. Don't waste any more energy on this guy. HE IS A LIAR. The love you feel is probably based on lies that he told you. He cheats now and probably will for years to come. Find yourself a nice, honest, loving guy who will treat you like a lady. Good luck to you.

Thank you all for your kind words, help and advice. Im sure he is unstable to be honest, when I first met him 2 years ago his mates warned me to be careful as he tells lies, that really should have been a warning sign but stupid me thought that he would never lie or cheat on me!! That hit me right in the face.

Ive always been there for him and he knows that, he has admitted in the past that he has treated me bdley and said he would change but he never has.

Im on day 5 of NC and its hard but I'm getting there, just not having to hear his bull is a lovely break to be honest. Im just taking it a day at a time, I've lost a stone and now I'm 6 foot tall and weigh just 8 stone due to all this meyhem

Good luck and keep us posted. Everyday you will get stronger. We all have been through different situations, but you look back and say to yourself what was I thinking..

Good luck and keep us posted. Everyday you will get stronger. We all have been through different situations, but you look back and say to yourself what was I thinking..

sully123 thank you, I really hope I look bac on this and say what a wan£$r he was and what was I thinking but at the moment the pain is just too deep. I have good hours and bads hours (not days) my emotions change towards him from one minute to the next. I feel a fool to have been fooled by him. He must be laughing at my weakness for him and that hurts. I would have died for him at one point :(:(:(

Good work on the NC for 5 days. Keep strong and keep going forward. Don't fall prey to him again. Let his new girlfriend deal with his childish ways and she can be the new fool on his block. It will get easier as you move ahead.

I just wanted to give you all an update, I've just had some bad news regarding a family members health on Thurs and am obviousley very upset, one of my friends told my ex that id had some bad news and he asked what it was. My friend said that she thought I would have told him and that because I hadn't then its not really her place to say.

To cut a long story short, the guy turns round and says that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm a wierdo and need help. These comments really hurt me, especially now at a time like this, so stupidly I text him and asked why had he called me these names when he knew I was going through a rough time. I told him that his words really hurt me.

In reply to this he text me and said "no problem" and said that he had moved on and is happy and I need to do the same. How can someone who was asking me to get back together 2 weeks ago (whilst he had a girlfriend btw) call me weird and say that I need help, and too top it all when I asked heow he could be so cruel to me and call me those horrible names he says "no problem".

He has really hurt me this time, I'm just torn inside at his insensitive ways at the difficult time in my life

Most people will tell you to forget him, but you don't have to, you should give him options or a trial period to see how much he lies or what he does then make your decision

Louise,go back and re read all the posts on this thread..
Take a step back from this and see how other people who are objective view the situation.

You are not 'weird' you are hurt.

If anything his words should cement your resolve to rid this man from your life.

Go back to no contact,and start your life away from this misery.. im sorry to hear about your bad news,get support from your family and friends,the only way forward is to take a step forward!
This man does not want you.

This man does not love you.

This man does not respect you.

Is this the type of man you want in your life?

You deserve more then this hardship and downright disrespect.

You have to move on to preserve your own mental and emotional health.

louise,go back and re read all the posts on this thread..
take a step back from this and see how other people who are objective view the situation.

you are not 'weird' you are hurt.

if anything his words should cement your resolve to rid this man from your life.

Go back to no contact,and start your life away from this misery..im sorry to hear about your bad news,get support from your family and friends,the only way forward is to take a step forward!
This man does not want you.

This man does not love you.

This man does not respect you.

Is this the type of man you want in your life?

You deserve more then this hardship and downright disrespect.

You have to move on to preserve your own mental and emotional health.

Thank you for your kind words, if anyone its him that weird and needs help, its him that asking me to get back with him when he has a girlfriend, its him that always lies about everything and is a cheater. Im just so hurt, only 2 weeks ago he was saying he loved me and why could we not be together, I told him because he had a girlfriend and he said that he didn't, that they were just mates. Then I found out they were together. He just knows how to break my heart. I know for sure he will come back running to me when he is bored of the girlfriend or wants to play some more mind games with me and that's the upsetting part.

For someone who only 2 weeks ago says that they love you and want to be with you to go and turn round and call me weird and that I need help and then to add insult to injury when I said that he hurt me he didn't give a sh%t and said no problem ? Why people why would he do that to me :(:(:(

He did that to you because you let him have the power to do it.

He is slowly but surely taking every bit of self esteem you have,don't let him.

Why do people say things they don't mean,maybe he hoped you could be his bit on the side,I'm sorry that sounds harsh,but possibly true.

Stop letting him hurt you.
He has the power to hurt you,TAKE IT BACK!

I don't know how else to say it..

No contact is hard.. ive said this before,you need to heal.

Romefalls (a regular poster) said something in a thread that made a lot of sense,it went something like this, if you broke your arm would to still be able to use it,no,you would'nt,it has to heal. Your heart is broken,stop using it to make decisions,give it time to heal.

Your letting this guy take a jackhammer to an already broken heart.

Save yourself,stop thinking about the whys and what ifs..

Get outside,meet up with some friends,and try and find some peace today.
Give yourself a break from this torture.

he did that to you because you let him have the power to do it.

He is slowly but surely taking every bit of self esteem you have,dont let him.

why do people say things they dont mean,maybe he hoped you could be his bit on the side,im sorry that sounds harsh,but possibly true.

stop letting him hurt you.
He has the power to hurt you,TAKE IT BACK!

i dont know how else to say it..

No contact is hard..ive said this before,you need to heal.

Romefalls (a regular poster) said something in a thread that made a lot of sense,it went something like this, if you broke your arm would to still be able to use it,no,you would'nt,it has to heal. your heart is broken,stop using it to make decisions,give it time to heal.

your letting this guy take a jackhammer to an already broken heart.

save yourself,stop thinking about the whys and what ifs..

get outside,meet up with some friends,and try and find some peace today.
give yourself a break from this torture.

Just when I thought that I couldn't take anymore I get the bad news regarding family members health on Thurs, I'm rying to deal with this as well as being strong for my family. Im at my nearves end tbh, don't get me wrong, its not that I wait around for this guy, I try and get on with my life the best I can, I struggle through everyday and its hard. I don't live anymore I just merely exist. This latest news regarding my family member has just tipeed me off the edge, I don't know how much more I can take. To think that my ex just don't care what I'm going through breaks my heart

You need to realize that he has a problem and it is who he is to be a player. He may very well have loved you but it is a dysfunctional love not a healthy relationship type love.
Just because he 'loved' you doesn't mean you are obligated to a relationship with him or anyone that doesn't show you the respect you should have.
You need to find someone that DOES care and leave him in the past. Don't be co dependent on someone that isn't worth it that only makes you dysfunctional as well.
Forget about what he says or thinks. Don't waste your time dwelling on the words of an idiot.
Put your efforts into your close relationship with your family and kick him to the dust.

The fact is going by your posts he does not care.
Is there someone in your life you can talk to?

Would you consider seeing your doctor to talk things over,he may suggest some counselling.

Sometimes it not enough to seek answers from outside sources,and we need to get help from other places.

From your other posts you seem very together,there's just this one thorn in your side that is turning septic...

Your having a bad day.
Try and find a positive to this situation,think about what you have learned.
You are now in a position to share your story and help someone else.

the fact is going by your posts he does not care.
is there someone in your life you can talk to?

would you consider seeing your doctor to talk things over,he may suggest some counselling.

sometimes it not enough to seek answers from outside sources,and we need to get help from other places.

From your other posts you seem very together,theres just this one thorn in your side that is turning septic...

your having a bad day.
try and find a positive to this situation,think about what you have learned.
you are now in a position to share your story and help someone else.

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions, it hurts that he just seems to turn on me every so often. I know that he isn't a nice person and I think he is a little unstable. I do have a good life, I have lots of friends and family, a nice house, I've just managed to get myself a temporary job (that maybe going permanent) having been made redundant last year. I am highly educated with a degree and a Masters, a nice sports car, this is the only thorn in my life

Louise you sound like a good catch!

What the hell are you thinking woman!

There is a man somewhere out there looking for you,you have many positive things to bring to the table.

Heal... and when the time is right get back out there and the man who will love you,hold you,respect you NOT lie to you,is sure to see how wonderful you truly are..
And you can tell him the story of this jerk you once knew!

Quit going back for more just because he contacts you 'wanting you back'
From now on just 'click' him out when he attempts to contact you.

Some days I just don't want to get out of bed and carry on with my life, I understand that there are people out there (like my family member) who are far worse off than me. Don't get me wrong I never feel sorry for myself as I know I have many good things but I'm just so low at the moment, I really don't care if I live or die at the moment and that is a horrible feeling to be walking around with

Louise you are drowning in self pity.

Keep the no contact.

This will get better.

Go see your doctor if these feelings continue.

I know it is easy to fall into depression whenever everything seems to be going wrong. You have to get a positive outlook on life and not let things get the better of you.
I have been feeling the same way for a couple weeks now. You just get to a blah point like eating the same bland food over and over and nothing changes.

I just want the pain to stop, is that too much too ask? Maybe it is self pity, but I have not told anyone how I'm feeling. Im a very private person, people always think of me as the strong one

I don't think its necessarily self pity.
At least with me it is like I feel so stunned that I feel numbed and the numb feels crummy like I want it to stop and it just flows through me reminding me what I am trying to forget. It hurts yet its numb. Then I sit here like stunned that I am in this and can't get out, yet I just sit here.

Sorry Louise for what you going through with your family member. That is never easy! I lost my Dad in his 80's last yr, and its still tough for me. I have my Mom living with me. It's a whole different world for me. As far as your ex boyfriend, you have to move past this. He is a thorn in your side. No one deserves that treatment, especially at a time like this for you. He seems very immature and has some serious issues. We are all here to help you get through this. Don't look back, there are so many nice guys out there who would treat you with respect, and offer you so much more. Why even bother with this man, he is a waste of your time and eneregy. You sound like you have so much to offer someone, so hopefully you can find someone who will appreciate you.

Sorry Louise for what you going through with your family member. That is never easy! I lost my Dad in his 80's last yr, and its still tough for me. I have my Mom living with me. It's a whole different world for me. As far as your ex boyfriend, you have to move past this. He is a thorn in your side. No one deserves that treatment, especially at a time like this for you. He seems very immature and has some serious issues. We are all here to help you get through this. Don't look back, their are so many nice guys out there who would treat you with respect, and offer you so much more. Why even bother with this man, he is a waste of your time and eneregy. You sound like you have so much to offer someone, so hopefully you can find someone who will appreciate you.

Again, thank you for your kind words, I'm in tears writing this now. Its good to know that there are still lots of kind people out there. Its just very hard at the moment, I'm in a new job trying to work hard and prove myself so that I can be took on permanent, whilst doing this I'm trying to keep strong due to my family issues as well as this guy treating me like a piece of dirt. Im a very very strong person and have dealt with so much over the years but right at this point in time I really don't know if I can take much more.

Again, thank you for your kind words, im in tears writing this now. Its good to know that there are still lots of kind people out there. Its just very hard at the moment, im in a new job trying to work hard and prove myself so that I can be took on permenant, whilst doing this im trying to keep strong due to my family issues as well as this guy treating me like a piece of dirt. Im a very very strong person and have dealt with so much over the years but right at this point in time i really dont know if i can take much more.

I'm feeling a little better and trying get things into perspective, I've cleaned my house from top to bottom to try and keep my mind off things. Im going to carry on NC and hopefully this will all be a bad dream somtime soon. Ive got a new phone but I just can't help putting my old sim card in my new phone to see if he has text me, I'm really trying to not do that and move on and forget him. As I've always said, I knew from the start that we could never be together due to his lying cheating ways, that's what puzzles me you see, I know he is bad news and that we could never have a future but I still love him

That's great that you are doing everything you need to do. I wish I could get motivated to clean my house top to bottom. I keep telling myself to do it and here I sit depressed and unmotivated.

The reason you still love him is because it is normal to love anybody that had a big part of your life. Girls will even say they still have strong feelings for a guy that beat them because when you are with someone you develop a bond no matter how rotten they are.
In time you will get over it enough to move on without dwelling on it.

I just feel so hurt and betrayed by this guy, to say such nasty things about me and then when I tell them how much he hurt me with his words he just turns around and says "no problem"?? What kind of a person would ever say that to someone.?

I just keep hearing his nasty words in my head over and over again, I'm working full time so keep busy during the day and try to keep busy at night but its so hard.

I just can't understand how someone who said they loved me only 2 weeks ago could be so cruel and unloving towards me at a time like this in my life, I'm devastated

Why would you let a person like that hurt you? He's an idiot, whom you don't need.

Stop giving him power over you.

Stay away from him and stop getting news about him.

Pretend he doesn't exist. Do not associate yourself with anything related to him.

Its hard but I don't have any connections with him any longer, I've changed my number and blocked him on Facebook so he can't find me (if he looks). The only contact we have is that he has a friend that knows a friend of one of my friends (if that makes sense). But hopefully that will be the end of that.

He will leave me alone for a few weeks and then one day will appear back in my life wth a text asking how I am like nothing has happened. He thinks he can treat eople this way and then walk back into there life when it suits him.

Louise, I have to say that you've gotten a lot of very helpful support and good advice. I read the whole thread and I ran across one post. I don't remember who it was at this point, but they called him the ex. He doesn't even have to be an ex. He can just be some jerk. He's a tele marketer salesperson who happens to have the scoop on you that has empowered them to be able to sell you whatever they want. Think, it's that stupid company that you mistakenly gave your bank account info out to that won't stop drawing funds even though you've told them to stop. You don't want their worthless product anymore. You didn't sign any contract. Keeping up with the NC is the same as changing your account.

You sound as though you are strong enough and not so damaged that you are not repairable from this.

I did read in one of your replies that you had been raise to be independent of anyone. Another characteristic common with independence is strength and moral to finish anything that you may have started. This Mr X sounds very insatiable. I myself am trying to recover from a similar case right now. You should take a look in the mirror and decide what you see. Do you see pretty, attractive and capable? Do you see worthless? Do you see weak and beat up? Do you see strong but beat up? Can you bare to look in the mirror? These are just the feelings and emotions that you have and feel toward yourself. I got to a point that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because I couldn't stand to see the weakness and unworthy that I saw. But keep up with the NC, continue to rebuild your own spirit and confidence, and what ever you do, do a little more investigation before you go and invest in another "tele marketer"
I hope I've been helpful. Good luck. ;)

I didn't even bother reading the details of your problem because the answer says it all:

He's a LIAR!

If he lies about EVERYTHING, that's usually a good sign that... he's a LIAR! You want to know why he does it? Because he doesn't respect your opinions or feelings!

You know what you should do?

BREAK UP WITH HIM!

Oh heck no girl! He's trying to be a playa and that's not going to fly. Tell him that he needs to get his head on straight before he can be with you. Your to good for that bs.

oh heck no girl!! hes tryin to be a playa and thats not gonna fly. tell him that he needs to get his head on straight before he can be with you. your to good for that bs.

He don't want to be with me now, he is with his girlfriend who he was with when he asked me out and I said I can't be with you because you have a girlfriend, that's when he said to me that they are just friends!! That was another one of his lies. At the moment he don't want anything to do with me an told me to move on because he has moved on and is happy. The funny thing is that I've never asked to get back with him, I just told him I loved him but we can't be together because he has a girlfriend!!

I don't want to get back with him and never did, I just can't stop loving him for some reason :confused::confused:

I isn't sat around moping and its been 3 days of NC and I'm more than fine. The girlfriend can put up with his BS and lies now. She thinks the sun shines out of his a$$ but she will have the wake up call eventually.

The thing that hurts me is that even though he is being so nasty to me now, in a few weeks he will be back being nice and telling me that he said those nasty words in anger and how much he loves me. He thinks he can treat me like dirt and then go for a roll in the hay with his girlfriend then come back to me. Well it isn't going to happen, I'm worth more than that and will not be used by him ever again. Ive changed my phone and put the old phone on voicemail so he knows its turned off and is staying off

I'm just having a bit of a weak moment and thought that I should better come on here and vent rather than text him (I believe that's the advice you all give)
It still hurts like hell that he could say those words about me, I'm trying my best to forget and move on with my life. I wish we could just have a switch and turn our feelings off.

Louise try to stop, your letting your emotions take over you. Keep on telling yourself this man is GARBAGE! He isn't worth anything. He doesn't know how to love someone, and he never will. You are not thinking clearly. Your letting those weak moments take overyou. WHY would you love someone who treats you like that? You know your worth more than that. He thinks he has this control over you and your letting him do this to you. YOU can do and stay strong!

Dump him!

This isn't about him any more, this is about coping with your own feelings. Venting is great, going bowling is better.

When was the last time you did something good for yourself??

This isn't about him any more, this is about coping with your own feelings. Venting is great, going bowling is better.

When was the last time you did something good for yourself???

I never do anything nice for myself, I'm just to down and depressed to go out and face the world at the minute. I go from home to work and then back home, I'm working 50 per week trying to keep my mind off this and its killing me!! As soon as he comes into my head I try and think of other things and it usually works. Im concentrating on my sick family member at the moment which gives me something to focus on as well as realising that others have it far worse than me.

i never do anything nice for myself, I'm just to down and depressed to go out and face the world at the minute


I would be down and depressed too, if I never show my love for myself.

That needs to change, and if it does, I guarantee your attitude will change with it. TRUST me on this. There is NO EXCUSE for not showing yourself that you love YOU!! NONE at all!

I would be down and depressed too, if I never show my love for myself.

That needs to change, and if it does, I guarantee your attitude will change with it. TRUST me on this. There is NO EXCUSE for not showing yourself that you love YOU!! NONE at all!

How do I love myself talaniman? I feel down right useless. Even an idiot like him is now telling me to leave him alone (btw I'm on day 5 of NC!! ) it just hurts so much that only 2 weeks ago he was wanting to build a life with me and now he is just being horrible to me. What must his relationship with his girlfriend be like if he was asking me out behind her back

Louise you can't build a life with this man because he is a liar. Honestly, do you really care what she is thinking when he is talking behind her back? She is crazy for being with him. Quit thinking of this man, sometimes these things become an obsession. You are worth so much more. Concentrate on yourself, like Tal said, do something for yourself. Even if you have to go to a therapist then do it. Vent, anything, but STOP thinking of him. He isn't a part of your life and he never was Louise. He is a player.

He is a liar... you are useless... yet he is a liar... so what do you care what a liar says or thinks... believe the truth... you are not useless... end the lie(s) and quit feeding into them!

How do I love myself talaniman? I feel down right useless

First, stop crying, and go shopping for things you like, and look good in.
Get your hair fixed up, in a new style

Get your best girl friend, and go see a play or show, or even go bowling. Its your life, and your responsibility to build a life that you enjoy, with friends, activities, and hobbies. Take a class or develop a skill.

These are but a few ways to show you love yourself and are happy with who you are. That's when you will see that the lying idiot who is talking crap CAN'T MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, and you won't be affected by his BS!

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, they are a must read for people who need to heal. There is a link in my signature.

Come back, and call me a liar, if you don't get some good insights into your feelings, and a clear path to solutions.

His "Making you feel terrible" is still part of his head games. It serves 2 purposes for him.

1. He makes you feel terrible to a point that you start to think that he's the only one that will ever except you because you're "so useless". You're not useless. This is just part his rat run head game he plays that I'm sure he's playing on her too. Let her take on that hassle and kink in her psyche.

2. He gets to vent whatever frustration he has toward you because it seems to him that his mind games are beginning to fail.

The way you show and feel the love you have for yourself is to completely put that jerk out of your mind, and keep in mind the emotional wealth and support that you bring into others lives. Just don't forget how much yourself an others love you, and not how much he doesn't.

Just a bit of an update folks, one of my friends was talking to my ex yesterday and she asked him if he still loved me and he replied yes deeply, he told her to tell me that he always thinks of me. He said that he thought I didn't love him anymore (he only said this I bet so I go back saying yes I do love you etc etc).

My friend told him that yes I still love him but will never ever talk to him again after thenasty things that he called me (wierdo, and that I needed help). She told him to apologise to me as they were very hurtful comments and he turned round and said "not a chance, im going to the pub to get pi$$ed - f**k it"!!

How can someone say that they still love me deeply and then turn round and say that he isn't apologising and be rude like that?

Why his he saying nice things one minute and then nasty things the next?

Louise, why do you even care what he things? Please you are falling back into his trap again. He is garbage. Why you would even waste another minute and even have your girlfriend ask him if he loved you. OMG. HE has serious issues, and you keep on wondering. GET AWAY FROM HIM... I thought you were going on with your life, he is just reeling you back in, and your falling for it. He doesn't know what love is, and at this point you are not thinking much of yourself, and you...

Louise, why do you even care what he things? Please you are falling back into his trap again. He is garbage. Why you would even waste another minute and even have your girlfriend ask him if he loved you. OMG. HE has serious issues, and you keep on wondering. GET AWAY FROM HIM... I thought you were going on with your life, he is just reeling you back in, and your falling for it. He doesn't know what love is, and at this point you are not thinking much of yourself, and you...

I take your point sully123 and thank you for that, do you think he is trying to reel me back in? When my friend told him that il never speak to him again he said "see i told you she hates me, i wont text her again !!!!". Its like he is playing mind games with me again. He says he loves me deeply, then says that he knows that we will never be together again but tells me he loves me deeply?

I am carrying on with my life and concentrating on my sick family member and not him, he thinks he is a player, but I think it did take him back a bit when my friend said that I do still love him but will NEVER EVER speak to him again after the nasty things he said to me and the laughed in my face.

What should I do now? It kills me to hear him say he loves me deeply even if it maybe another of his lies. :(:(:(

Louise we are here to help you. You have so much to offer some other person. Your friend shouldn't even have asked him if he loved you. :YOU have to get strong, and concentrate on your family member who is sick right now, which I know you are doing. He is playing mind games, he wants to make you suffer. Louise that isn't someone who loves you. I know its difficult when your in the situation and were on the outside. But every time if your friend or who ever feeds him information or you hear info it just sets you back again. I don't know why you put up with his crap. TRy and get strong.

Louise we are here to help you. You have so much to offer some other person. Your friend shouldn't even have asked him if he loved you. :YOU have to get strong, and concentrate on your family member who is sick right now, which I know you are doing. He is playing mind games, he wants to make you suffer. Louise that isn't someone who loves you. I know its difficult when your in the situation and were on the outside. But everytime if your friend or who ever feeds him information or you hear info it just sets you back again. I don't know why you put up with his crap. TRy and get strong.

Thanks sully123, I know that he has a g f and that don't even hurt me now so I must going in the right direction?? What kind of person asks me out and tells me he loves me and makes very sexual remarks as to what he wants to do with me when he has a girlfriend?

You are right he is trying to reel me back in and I think I hurt his feelings when he knew that il never speak to him again after the hurtful comments, he is the very least of my problems at the moment. He can play his mind games with someone else, its only when a famly member gets very sick that it makes you realise that his mind games are really childish and unimportant and that there are bigger things happening in the world.

Im just so low right now, all my frinds are busy with there own lives and I've no one really to talk to about my family member as everyone is so upset. I just don't know where to turn, hence me coming on here and talking it through

Stop for a second and use your head. Listen to yourself. You seem like an intelligent person who can tell what's wrong from right.
I've been there.I know how things can be confusing... he is toxic. Tell him that you need a break and want to think things over. Stay away from him 4 at least a month. Join a gym.go on a vacation.. put your thoughts and energy in something else. I hope you will start to see much clearer as it is obvious that he is influencing your thoughts right now.. wish you the best of luck :)

stop for a second and use your head. listen to ur self. u seem like an intelligent person who can tell what's wrong from right.
I've been there.i know how things can be confusing.... he is toxic. tell him that u need a break and want to think things over. stay away from him 4 at least a month. join a gym.go on a vacation.. put ur thoughts n energy in something else. i hope u will start to see much clearer as it is obvious that he is influencing ur thoughts right now..wish u the best of luck :)

Thanks for your advice, I'm just so emotionally attached at the moment to see straight, and that's why its good to come on here and get other peoples opinions and advice that are not emotionally attached.

Ive just been on a month vacation and didn't contact him for 2 weeks, then I broke my resolve on my return which I now regret. In my anger last night I tet him saying enjoy getting pissed at the pub and forgetting about me and he text back... will do - thanks!!

I now regret texting him s he probably thinks that I care what he does, I don't as much as I did, it just hurt when he said he isn't apologising and that he was going out to get drunk instead :(:

I was doing so well before my 1 short text last night, I handt contacted him for over a week, I don't fel like I'm back at the beginning as I needed to get it off my chest but I'm dissapointe din myself that I still let him hurt my feelings when he learly don't give a rats ar$e about mine :mad::mad::mad:

thanks for your advice, im just so emotionally attached at the moment to see straight, and thats why its good to come on here and get other peoples opinions and advice that are not emotionally attached.

Ive just been on a month vacation and didnt contact him for 2 weeks, then i broke my resolve on my return which i now regret. In my anger last night i tet him saying enjoy getting pissed at the pub and forgetting about me and he text back ..... will do - thanks !!!

I now regret texting him s he probably thinks that i care what he does, i dont as much as i did, it just hurt when he said he aint apologising and that he was going out to get drunk instead :(:

I was doing so well before my 1 short text last night, i handt contacted him for over a week, i dont fel like im back at the beginning as i needed to get it off my chest but im dissapointe din myself that i still let him hurt my feelings when he learly dont give a rats ar$e about mine :mad::mad::mad:


Don't worry take it slow... u've been in love it will take time before you fall out of it... just be consistent and hold your head high.. no one has the right to trash you or make fun of u. u deserve better

Don't worry take it slow......... u've been in love it will take time b4 u fall out of it.......just be consistent n hold ur head high.. no one has the right to trash u or make fun of u. u deserve better

Its just so hard at the moment, he text me today and I stupidly text back saying that I can't do this as what's happened between us in the past is just still too raw, he asked why its too raw and I said you know why!! He then texted me and asked me if its because I still loved him?

Why does he do this, what do you think he wants from me? I've told him that I'm going to do my best to move on and try and leave the past in th past

Ive told him that I'm going to do my best to move on and try and leave the past in th past
Your words, and your actions don't match up!

You say your moving on, so stop all contact, and then this confusion will stop, and so will he, when he has been totally ignored!

its just so hard at the moment, he text me today and i stupidly text back saying that i can't do this as whats happened between us in the past is just still too raw, he asked why its too raw and i said you know why !!!!! he then texted me and asked me if its because i still loved him?

Why does he do this, what do you think he wants from me? ive told him that im going to do my best to move on and try and leave the past in th past

If you will not distance yourself from him you will keep on suffering... you are the one who has to take a decision... why are you allowing him to call the shots... be affirmative... if you don't stop now .trust me you will not stop ever.. think about it.. u have your whole life ahead of u. just think about all the different possibilities, all the people you will meet in future.r u willing to stake all that on a stupid mistake... u made a mistake .u texted him... DON'T REPEAT IT AGAIN. Just do this. Next time when he texts you just hit the delete button.DON't READ IT>>>>>>>>>>>>...

Your words, and your actions don't match up!

You say your moving on, so stop all contact, and then this confusion will stop, and so will he, when he has been totally ignored!

I agree with Tal

I know that I made a huge mstake texting him, my friend told him that I don't love him anymore and he text back and said that I did love him. Its like he don't care about me or my feelings, he only cares that I love him and that in turn I will always be there for him to crawl back too, that's how it looks and feels anyway.

I made a mistake by texting him and I've learnt my lesson, I need to move forward with my life, I'm going to visit my sick family member today which will be upsetting but something that I need to do.

I just try and get my head around why he keeps being bothered if I love him when he already has a girlfriend and has told me he has moved on?

I agree with Tal

I just wanted to give you an update, my ex told my friend I was a wierdo and eeded help and in my anger I text him to say thanks for calling me those horrible things, he text back and said that he thought theyy were true and that I did need help (in a nice way). What is his game?? Why do I need help? Its him that comes to me asking to get back when he has a girlfriend its him that lies and cheats and manipulates people!! Why do I need help, I'm just trying to get on with my life and be happy, but he keeps appearing on the scene.

Is this some part of his mind games, making me think that I'm cracking up and need help, when I read his comments I was nearly in tears, how can he be so mean. Ive not responded to him and NEVER EVER WILL, these horrible comments were the thing I needed to carry on NC FOREVER.

The thing is, I starting to believe him that I'm going mad!! I must be mad to put up with the bs he has been giving me for so long, why do I feel loike I'm losing the plot when its him that's lies and cheats? :confused::confused::confused:

Louise, you are going to continue to be stuck and stay in the situation, by continuing to text him. You say your not going to bother with him, but you do. He plays with your head and your emotions, and you allow that. Why do you friends come back and tell you these things if they know you are moving on? TELL them you don't want to hear his name or anything about him. Be strong, I know its hard, but forcing yourself to do something for you helps a lot, as hard as it is.

Your ex isn't the problem you are. You allow him to live rent free in your head, and your impulsive reactions are at the root cause of this.

Your ex isn't the problem you are. You allow him to live rent free in your head, and your impulsive reactions are at the root cause of this.

Why is he saying that I need help ? That's a very nasty thing to say isn't it. Im never going to contact him again, I promise the ask me help forum that!! You are all right, he don't care about me, if he did he would have text me to see if I was OK when he found out that id had some bad news. I thought that I could count on him but realise that I can't rely on him and that makes me sad.

I need to carry on getting on with my life and trying to get back to being the happy woman I once was, god knows how I'm going to do that but I'm going to give it 110%

Why do I bother what he thinks about me anyway? Like tal said do I really care what the likes of a lier and a cheater thinks anyway? I need to keep telling myself this, as at the minute he is winning and making me feel lower than low

Thanks for all your help and advice, its really appreciated

Another think you should do: is tell your friend/friends (i.e. the ones who know him) that you do not wish to hear about him, you don't want updates, you don't want gossip.

If he says bad things about you, you don't need to know. Time to close the book on him now! You are the one who should be in control of your life! And right now you have played into all of his games and lies.

Take control now!

another think you should do: is tell your friend/friends (i.e. the ones who know him) that you do not wish to hear about him, you don't want updates, you don't want gossip.

If he says bad things about you, you don't need to know. Time to close the book on him now! You are the one who should be in control of your life! And right now you have played into all of his games and lies.

take control now!

I've just come back from viiting my family member and realise even more that life is too short to be playing mind games with 30 yr old boy that still lives at home!! You only get one shot at life and I'm not going to waste a 2nd more on this boy that obviously don't love me. He knows that myfamily member is ill and hasn't text me to offer his support etc, don't get me wrong I don't want to receive a text from him but just to know he was thinking of me at this difficult time would be nice. He foun out I was looking at moving over seas and text me to say hope all goes well and goodbye Louise.

He obviously don't care if I move thousnads of miles away and that hurts like hell after last week him saying that he loved me and why couldn't we be together??

I don't suppose I have any other option than to move on and keep my head up high, I do feel terrible after him saying those nasty words to me but know deep down that its him that's the one that needs help and not me.

The thought of having to go back to work tomorrow and do another 48 hour week to keep busy of these thoughts of him kills me but I've no choice and need to move on. Thanks for everyone's help and support on here, I just hope my situation gets better. I know from previous experience with him that in a few weeks/months he will be back

Just a quick update, I'm back on with NC and I'm on the 3rd day, its very hard but I'm trying my hardest to be strong and take control of my life back. My family member is going in hopsital today for some tests and again on thurs so I'm hoping and praying it all goes well.

The only thing that really still hurts me is that when I told him about my sick family member he never even text back to offer his support or to see how I was doing :(:(

How could some one that say they love you deeply not care about how you are and what you are going through. Its typical with him I've got to say, now he has a new play thing on the scene I'm the last thing on his mind until he gets dumped or bored and that hurts like hell, but again its something I've got to deal with and move on with my life.

I try and think that there was a life before him and will be after him, but its so hard when he tells me he loves me and then don't even see if I'm OK - his actions just don't match his words

Louise, congratulations on third day of NC... continue... continue... continue.. . Your still a little stuck on what he thinks because of your family member being sick. He doesn't care, that's it in a nutshell. You think he loves you, he isn't capable of loving someone, nonetheless, you want that kind of love? (from someone) You have moved on now and so has he. You have to try your best and stop worrying what he thinks. It isn't love and there is no love there. Everyday you will get stronger, stop wondering. I told you one day in the future you will say to yourself, WHAT WAS I THINKING TO EVEN HAVE CARED ABOUT A PERSON LIKE THAT? Stay focused on you, and only you.

Sometimes when we are overwhelmed we take on thing that gives us hope (or we think gives us hope) and put all that emotion into it. True you want love, and support through this hard time, and that's what really hurts, is the realization that he ain't it.

You have a start to recovery, stay with it.

Thanks again for all your kind words, its just SO hard but I think I realise that he doesn't love me and probably never has, that makes me feel like a failure.

I just don't know how someone can walk away away from someone who shared a big part of there life, I understand that we are not toether and that don't bother me anymore but to not even to a simple little text saying that he hoped my family member would be OK is just plain unthoughtful.

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way he has treated me, what I have learnt from this is that you can't change people, they are who they are. Im just very very dissapointed that he don't care how I am, but on the other hand its given my the strength to carry on NC and realise that I can do much better without him in my life. No more lies, cheating, ignoring my texts and calls etc etc - the girlfriend can have that now as she thinks the sun shines out of his rear. Little does she know he was asking to meet up with me and get back together behind her back, hopefully in time she will open her eyes to him but its doubtful

First of I think that you're doing great with the NC, and in the long run you'll be better of (by far) without him in your life.

To realize that someone you loved probably never loved you is painful and hard and you have my greatest sympathies. (been in those shoes and their a true pain) What I can tell you though is that this does not make you a failure. In the end, you are better of without him and is cruelty is what makes him a failure!

Although emotional rejection from someone we care about is never easy, its quite the opposite, it will take time to get over it... but after this process that you're going through I'm confident that you will be able to stand on your own two legs, head held high and hopefully with a sense of self-worth and pride in who you are.


but on the other hand its given my the strength to carry on NC and realise that I can do much better without him in my life. No more lies, cheating, ignoring my texts and calls etc etc -

If this is what gives you strength to continue NC right now, then just remind yourself in weak moments of why you want to get through this. But don't be concerned about that girl... she is not your responsibility, you are! And you cna't save anyone else but you!

Also, there are so many lessons in the heart ache you're feeling right now and when you've healed and gotten over this guy. Hey, you'll be better of and you will have given yourself time to be you and to get back on your feet.

And next time you date and let someone in you'll also know what type of behavior you will not allow and you'll know more what type of relationship you're looking for.

First of I think that you're doing great with the NC, and in the long run you'll be better of (by far) without him in your life.

To realize that someone you loved probably never loved you is painful and hard and you have my greatest sympathies. (been in those shoes and their a true pain) What I can tell you though is that this does not make you a failure. In the end, you are better of without him and is cruelty is what makes him a failure!!

Although emotional rejection from someone we care about is never easy, its quite the oposite, it will take time to get over it... but after this process that you're going through I'm confident that you will be able to stand on your own two legs, head held high and hopefully with a sense of self-worth and pride in who you are.



If this is what gives you strength to continue NC right now, then just remind yourself in weak moments of why you want to get through this. But don't be conserned about that girl.... she is not your responsibility, you are! and you cna't save anyone else but you!

also, there are so many lessons in the heart ache you're feeling right now and when you've healed and gotten over this guy. Hey, you'll be better of and you will have given yourself time to be you and to get back on your feet.

and next time you date and let someone in you'll also know what type of behavior you will not allow and you'll know more what type of relationship you're looking for.

Thanks roxypoxy for your kind words. The thing that really hurt me an still does a little is how he wants to play mind games with me all the time, I'm a 31 yr old woman not an 19 old teenager, that's not what I want to do anymore and quite frankly I'm glad to be away from his mind games. He has even admitted to a friend of mine a few months ago that he enjoys playing mind games with people and has had a lot of experience?? What kind of person admits to wanting too and enjoying playing these games??

It's the calling me and telling me he wants to be together with me when he has a girlfriend, he thinks I'm stupid and won't find out that he had a girlfriend??

Im doing me best to move on but its hard, I feel all alone and its my family members next appt tomoz with the big appointment next week. Im just so sad and lonely.

At first I would have loved to tell his girlfriend what he was up to but she wouldn't believe her even if I showed her the texts that say "i love you why can't we be together" from him, she thinks the son shines out off his a hole. Plus I don't want him thinking that I care about him anymore, or indeed what he does or who he does it with. Im trying to keep busy but now I've come down ill and got sent home from work.It just seems like one thing after another, but il cope and I know that there are worse people off than me

He does sound like a real piece of work! And if he likes playing tricks on people and messing with peoples minds, then you really are better of. It makes me hopeful that you can see that!

Like you say, you're 31 years olf, not 19 and you really do deserve someone who is and acts like an adult, someone who is mature enough to not play w others and their feelings.

What he has done to you is horrible and that's why it great that you have cut of his access to you and your emotional life. That way he can't keep pulling you back in and he can't play anymore tricks on you.

You say your sad and lonely... do you have away to spend more time with friends/family?

He does sound like a real piece of work! And if he likes playing tricks on people and messing with peoples minds, then you really are better of. It makes me hopeful that you can see that!

Like you say, you're 31 years olf, not 19 and you really do deserve someone who is and acts like an adult, someone who is mature enough to not play w others and their feelings.

what he has done to you is horrible and thats why it great that you have cut of his access to you and your emotional life. That way he can't keep pulling you back in and he can't play anymore tricks on you.

you say your sad and lonely... do you have away to spend more time with friends/family?

All my friends have other things on there plates at the minute, I'm the one everyone comes to when they have problems so know one ever thinks that I have problems too. As for my family its very touch at the moment, with my family member being so ill its not really right for me to put my insignificant problems out there, plus I'm not one to discuss my problems face to face, hence I'm on here.

If I could just understand why he treats me this way, but I know that I will never know that, he won't give that answer to me if I ask him, he thinks it's a big joke for some reason.

He has twice asked me to get back together with him while he was seeing someone, then he used to ignore my texts and ring me and hang up on me when it suited him. When I first met him oe of his friends told me that he told lies but I was a fool in love and thought that he would never lie to me!! That's one big lesson I've learnt. All he ever did was lie to me. He would text me and then I wouldn't hear from him for a week, it was just a bg merry go round of games with him, when I would get bored and not play into them he would come back into my life.

He told me last week that I needed to move on and that he was happy and had moved on, but on the other hand onl wone week before that he was asking to get back together behind his girlfriend back, he was telling me that he loved me etc etc. I just give up, I've changed my number and need to move on but its hard.

I'm sorry to hear that you can't talk to someone that your close to, face to face that is. Do you feel that you can't take to your friends about it because you'd see it as a burden on them?

I'm glad your on here though! I know that this site helped me a LOT when I had nowhere to go. And it has helped a lot of other people as well.

So I hope its helpful to you!

As for this guy... I know where your coming from, wanting answers, but sadly we don't always get the answers we need, and sometimes we don't get answers at all. Last summer I went through something horrible and my x boyfriend who claimed to love me and care about me, he wasn't there for me at all. And he showed me such an ugly side of himself... when I came on here I needed help to get him out of my life and it also made me realize that I could never find the answers as to why he treated me as badly as he did. He just did. That was just a side of him that had existed all along.

With this guy, I really think that your dodging a bullet. He is bad news and I understand that you want answers as to why he has treated you like a piece of poo stuck under his shoe. And why he tries to keep you in his life even though he has someone else.

Sometimes we don't always find the answers to behavior like that, although I'd say that he has some serious issues! He might simply be unable to have a relationship with someone that is healthy, and equal. Love isn't about using the other person, or controlling them. And the way he has acted he certainly seem to have a need to control you and to know where he has you even when he has "let you go". And like you said he likes to mess with peoples minds... in the end I think this will be his down fall...

also, I think that as you go through this process you have started you will benefit from trying to let go of the things you can't control:

1. The way he acts, and why
2. The questions that will remained unanswered.

Try to focus on what you can control

1. you day to day life
2. Who you keep close and who you chose to push away.

as for being lonely, is there a way that you can hang out with friends... without talking about this? Could you call one of them up and say: hey need to get my mind of things, lets go for a walk? Lets cook and eat dinner together? Lets go have a drink? Lets go to the movies, rent a movie etc?

Also I wouldn't trust a word he says, you haven't gotten back together with him; which of course makes him want you to think that to rub it in.

I'm sorry to say hon, but I think its time that you make a plan as to how to flush the thoughts of him out of your system, and make a new plan that involves how to make you happy.

Because you deserve to be happy!

You don't really need to bother yourself about him, rather you should brace yourself up and move on, God has a purpose for you.

I just wanted to give you all an update and again say thanks for all your help and support. I have now hit the 1 week point of NC and feel a little better, I'm not going to text him ever again. I even tested myself and looked at his girlfriend profile pic (im not her friend so I can't see any info just her profile pic) and the profile pic had changed to a piture of her and my ex together wrapped in each others arms. Do you know what, it didn't bother me in the slightest!! All I thought was that I really feel sorry them them both. Him because he is a compulsive lair and cheat and her because her boyfriend has been going back her back telling me and god knows how many other woman that he loves them and wants to be with them,!

Every time I think of him I think of how much he lied and hur me and that makes me not want to go back for more. Ive broken NC before and really regretted doing that each and ever time. There's no way that I'm going back and feeling like that again

Thanks again for all your help xx

Glad your staying strong Louise, good for you. I just think now you have finally seen the whole picture, and what a cheat and liar he is. Sometimes when were caught up in the situation, its hard to see past it. Our emotions are running high, then all of a sudden something just clicks. We have all been through it. Let me tell you, my lowest days when things looked bleak, and when your going through relationship problems it's the people here that make you strong and make you see the light. We are here for you, and good luck.

Once you close that chapter of your life, You can open another, and see other options and opportunities to be happy. You really don't have to test yourself, I don't think, as life will do that for you. Your doing good though keep it up.

I'm glad that things are going okay. You've past the first week and that's really great and a good reason to be proud. I'm also happy for you that you can see him for what he is now.

And remember that we're here for you. If you need us!

I'm glad that things are going okay. You've past the first week and thats really great and a good reason to be proud. I'm also happy for you that you can see him for what he is now.

And remember that we're here for you. If you need us!

Thanks everyone for there kind words, its like I've finally woken up and smelt the roses as they say and I think they smelt of s**t!! I really don't care what he does and who it does it with, I no longer have to worry over whether he is telling me the truth or who's bed he is in tonight and that's such a weight off my shoulders. Id never go back in a million years and I can't wait for the day for him to text me old mobile and wait for my reply THAT Isn't GOING TO HAPPEN LOL!!

I will never even look in his direction if I see him about he not only has hurt me once but three or four times. I think they say fool me once shame on you but fool me twice same on me ? Well I'm being shamed no more. Ive found that self respect that I lost and I'm finally on the way up - watch out world I'm coming through lol :p:p:p

Louise, I thought you were cutting off all contact? Why would you even reply to him and even answer him, its adding fuel to the fire. NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT... If you say your strong than means nothing no answering no nothing. YOU have came this far, don't blow it now.. that's the satisfaction you want him to have?

Louise, I thought you were cutting off all contact? Why would you even reply to him and even answer him, its adding fuel to the fire. NO CONTACT IS NO CONTACT.... If you say your strong than means nothing no answering no nothing. YOU have came this far, don't blow it now.. thats the satisfaction you want him to have?

sully123, thanks for the reply, I don't understand why you think I'm going to contact him. Il never contact hi ever again or want to be contacted by him. I said in my last post that if he contacts me then I'm never going to reply, he will expect me too but I'm not going to. He thinks that I will come running when he is bored, he has got another thing coming this time. Don't worry l be strong and won't break my resolve this time. :D:D:D

Look follow your heart before your mind

look follow your heart before your mind

I don't think that is a wise move, my heart says that I love him but my mind says that I would never be able to trust him and would always be wondering if he is telling the truth.

Anyway, just a quick update, I'm on day 17 of NC and I'm doing fine,he even text me again the other day (I knew he would eventually, he just can't deleted my number like I have deleted his). Anyway he text me on Sat and I haven't replied. I think he got a bit confused and thought I was pregnant and said congrats and wished me well. Then on Tuesday night his girlfriend ended up ringing my mate (when my mate was texting my ex he has kept the number and his girlfriend has got it)at 2am!! Saying that they had broke up and wanted to know info on him etc. I wouldn't mind but the day before this now ex girlfriend was texting my mate calling her all the names under the sun.

Anyway, I'm staying out of it all and keeping busy, like I said I'm on day 17 of NC and feel wonderful. I couldn't help but smile when I knew they had split up, I just hope she sees him for what he is but I doubt it to be honest. I wouldn't have him back now if he begged, its onwards and upwards for me WITHOUT HIM

Hi

All I just wanted to give you an update on my progress. Well things were going great for me and the NC was going well. He then split up with his GF and started the texts to me again, but this time it's a whole lot worse than before, he says that he can't be with anyone else but me and that he loves me so much and has never stopped loving me. He now has started to self harm (cutting my name into his skin) apparently, he says that we are now going to be together forever?

I got a text the other day from his friend (but I think it was him) saying that my ex was in hospital, so I rang the hospital and they said no one under that name had been admitted, I just knew deep down he did this for my attention, when I finally got through to him (just in case it wasn't a stunt and then I would have felt bad) he said that he has to go to the hospital 3 times a week to talk about the self harming otherwise he will get taken in on daycare.

I just don't know what to do for the best I do love him and want to be there for him but I'm with someone now and don't want to hurt them?
His texts read, I've carved your name into my skin with a blade so you will be with me forever, and your name is on me forever now, I have you in me always. Somedays il text him and he won't text me back for days, its like he likes me worrying about him. Its like he gets kicks out of me worrying.

What do I do, I just don't know if he is telling the truth about his self harming or its just another one of his lies , please could you give me some help as I'm at my wits end. Ive just started a CIM marketing diploma course and so I'm very busy and this is just going down the pan quickly with all the worry I have over my ex

Its time you had another wakeup call and started smelling the coffee again.
He is messing you about.
If he is selfharming he should get treatment but this has nothing to do with you.
Leave his dramas be and ignore his manipulations.

Its time you had another wakeup call and started smelling the coffee again.
He is messing you about.
If he is selfharming he should get treatment but this has nothing to do with you.
Leave his dramas be and ignore his manipulations.

I really need to stop caring about him I know, apparently he drove past my house yesterday but I was away so that really got on his nearves!!

It just feels like he wants me when there is no one else around to give him the attention, I do love him but he drives me crazy with his lies and apparent self harming. He said that he did love me and asked me to have a baby with him and get married to prove his love? Don't worry that isn't going to happen as I'm far to sensible for that, but I'm so confused and hurt. I asked why he cuts himself and he said because of me. That really hurt me, if I stay in contact then we both just end up getting knowhere and start arguing or if I leave I'm scared he may hurt himself because of me and il have that burden to carry for the rest of my life. This is making me ill

You really need to enforce the NC, a lot better. Until you do he will always have a foot in the door to drag you back to him. I think you know this.

Even worse holding on to each other will spoil anything you try to do, as your seeing first hand. Is that fair to your new partner?

He s trying to emotionally blackmail you.
He is responsible for his own actions,no one else.
Don't fall back into his gameplaying.

He says that he loves me and wants to be with me but I feel that when something better comes along he will be out the door, there is no trust there and my relationship is suffering with my partner.

Why is he self harming, or if he is lying about doing that then why would he do that?

To turn around and to say to someone that they will be in you forever because they have cut there name into there skin is a bit strange.

Ive tried to tell him I'm leaving and that I hope he gets help and he text me back and said "yes you go running like the rest of them when they know im ill, you can run but il always have your name on me forever ????? "

I don't care what he does, or what he says. You have been down this road before, so stop listening to the fool, or keep suffering the consequences of breaking No Contact, and being his puppet.

You can't reason with a stupid idiot, and being made to feel guilty is YOU, not wanting to let go. How dare you allow this jerk to run your life.

Talaniman, how do I walk away from this? How do I walk and not care if he cuts himself ? How can I live with myself if he hurts himself?

The thread you posted says: He lies about everything-give that some serious thought. Never mind WHY he lies, for your own sake-IGNORE HIM.

I feel like I'm cracking up with the pressure myself, he don't care about me some days, he just ignores my texts and thinks il be there when he is ready to talk again.

he just ignores my texts and thinks I'll be there when he is ready to talk again.
So far he has been right hasn't he? Stop answering his texts, what part of that do you not understand? That's not NO Contact your doing, your just being manipulated and lied to yet again. Read this post,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/confused-about-exs-behavior-407136.html?=#post2039716



Quote by Destiny09
He doesn't want anyone else to have you either so by keep coming back your always there for him... as and when he wants.

Its time to put your foot down, and stop accepting this kind of behavior for yourself. Do the work required by NC, and leave the jerk alone and let him pay the consequences of his actions, not you. Keep this selfish fiend out of your life as he sure isn't showing you love or respect, so deserves none from you.

What's worse is the real victim is your new partner, who is being deprived of a real chance at happiness because your more concerned with an idiot, than yourself, or him. How sick is that?

So far he has been right hasn't he? Stop answering his texts, what part of that do you not understand? Thats not NO Contact your doing, your just being manipulated and lied to yet again. Read this post,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/confused-about-exs-behavior-407136.html?=#post2039716


Its time to put your foot down, and stop accepting this kind of behavior for yourself. Do the work required by NC, and leave the jerk alone and let him pay the consequences of his actions, not you. Keep this selfish fiend out of your life as he sure isn't showing you love or respect, so deserves none from you.

Whats worse is the real victim is your new partner, who is being deprived of a real chance at happiness because your more concerned with an idiot, than yourself, or him. How sick is that?

Thanks Talaniman, you are so right, I do love him and MAYBE he loves me? But there is no trust there and he treats me like s$%t when he does come back into my life. Im just so scared that he is going to do something silly though, I understand that I have no control over what he does but he says that ITS BECAUSE OF ME that he carves my name into his skin. That makes me feel very guily and low

I understand, but your looking at this through pure emotions, and not seeing the facts of the matter.

He doesn't love you, but you wanted him too. His actions are not those of love, but desperation. That's really twisted, and he is twisting you to be like him.

Now don't make me call you names that you don't want to hear. But its as frustrating for us to go through this with you, and we do care and want you happy, and emotionally healthy.

If you just do the NC, things would get better over time, and we would all be happy.

Tal.
Having to spread rep-but agree 100%-Louise-the guy s old news and he s bad news.
Please do the NC.

I understand, but your looking at this thru pure emotions, and not seeing the facts of the matter.

He doesn't love you, but you wanted him too. His actions are not those of love, but desperation. Thats really twisted, and he is twisting you to be like him.

Now don't make me call you names that you don't want to hear. But its as frustrating for us to go thru this with you, and we do care and want you happy, and emotionally healthy.

If you just do the NC, things would get better over time, and we would all be happy.

No please don't call me names as I really couldn't take that right now lol!! I've dropped him a text to let him know that my phone is gpoing off and now that I'm gone out of his life that I hope he stops cutting himself. I do need to concentrate on me and my partner but its so hard. I understand that you probably hear lots of stories like mine (I did read the link you sent me on the last page, thank you) but I don't know anyone else who is/has gone through this self harming issue with an ex before?

I want to move on and it hurts me to read above when you stated that he don't love me, but your probably correct, he says he would die for me etc etc and that I'm his one true love and that he can never be with anyone else as he would never love them like he loves me but that's all a lie probably.
I just don't know how to move on and forget about someone that it backmailing me with self harming?

blackmailing me with self harming?
Its more common than you think, and sadly a lot of young people are doing it. There are many such stories like yours in the TEEN section of this forum.

Its always about control, not love. It's the sign of a sick, twisted mind, that needs help, professional help.

Ordinary folks can't help them.

I thought he may love me, he tells me often enough but then his words or actions don't match up, I think your right when you say its about control, he wants to control me and because I won't be with him he hurts himself to get attention I think. Don't get me wrong I'm no expert on the matter.

Ive just found out that a close family member has got terminal cancer so I'm finding things a lot harder to deal with a the minute, I've not told me ex about this as he only cares about himself and his life. He don't think that there canbe anything wrong in anybody else's life apart from his.

Loise,
I just read your first few posts and the last few. At the beginning, you asked "why" he lies and here at the end you are wondering whether he loves you. I can tell you that in both cases it does not matter.

It is not your job to figure how why he lies, why he cuts himself, whether he really loves you, and the many other questions his behavior raises. He is an unsuitable partner and it would be a mistake for you to spend the rest of your life with him or even several years (during which you have children and must then, finally and blessedly, divorce). He is not your burden to bear and the details of his psychology are not your problem. Every time you start to wonder why he did or said something, stop yourself and remind yourself it doesn't matter and think about something more pleasant.

The voice of experience

No Contact with the ex for any reason.

I'm going NC again, I'm just going to have to concentrate on me for a bit rather than spend my time wondering whether he is dead in a ditch as awful as that sounds.

Thanks you all for your words of advice , lets hope I can stick to it, I'm sure I've got the will power to not let him ruin my life like he is currently doing

You've been broken up for months, but every time you contact him, you reset all the progress.

You're not the only person who has difficulty starting and sticking with no contact. It's a really tough phase. You should also know that the pain can get ever worse in the early stages of no contact. But once it reaches its pinacle, it will only get easier from there.

It's all about will power. If you ever feel the urge to break no contact, feel free to post your urge here and we'll set you start. You can also try reading this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

I've made a terrible mistake well approx 4 terrible mistakes already today, I've text the ex 4 times to ask why is he ignoring me all of a sudden!! I really regret doing this now and feel stupid.
Do you think this is what he wants, for me to keep bombarding him with texts asking about his welfare? He has replied to any texts I've sent since Sunday morning when he drove past my house and he found out I was away for the weekend.
How do I stop caring when he can't even be bothered to reply to my texts when I see if he is OK
Please help, any advice will be seriously appreciated

By texting him you re playing straight into his manipulative little mindgames.
Do you want to spend months and years reinacting this drama?
Stop your texts, detox from this person and get on with your own life and be happy.

By texting him you re playing straight into his manipulative little mindgames.
Do you want to spend months and years reinacting this drama?
Stop your texts, detox from this person and get on with your own life and be happy.

Your so right amicon, hence why I felt such a fool after I text him 4 times today to see if he is OK but he is yet to respond. Why would he ignore my texts though?

That's why I wrote detox-you need to go cold turkey on him.
No more contact. Ever.

Thank you for your advice, my friend has (rightly or wrongly) text him today to say leave me alone and that she knows he is lying regarding cutting my name into his arm, she told him a few home truths that were probably very nasty but she said that they needed to be said.
Im going to get on with my life somehow? Trying to switch my emootions off is going to be hard be I've enough to try and occupy myself with at the moment, I've got 6000 word essay to write before the end of Nov.

My and my ex couldn't be any different really, they say opposites attract but I don't know if that's the case here. Im 31, got my own house, a degree and a masters, nice car and he is living at home with his parents at 30 with no qualifications and no enthusiasm for life.

I just don't know how I stop loving someone like that but I understand that NC is really my only option at the minute. I feel like I'm losing the plot big time by keep texting him and being ignored, it hurts me so much that he don't care about my feelings only his own xxx

You re doing well in life-and you deserve to be happy.
Good luck with the essay.

Thanks amicon, I really don't feel like I'm doing well in life, on the outside I may seem happy but inside everyday is a struggle for me with my ex and what he is doing xxx

I'm just so so down and don't know how to lift this feeling? The pain that he has put me through, I just don't understand why he would do this to me. Im trying to get my head straigh to start my essay but all I can think of is him and what if he is hurting himself. It just feels like a circle and I really do want to break the circle as I've had enough of going round and round and ending up the one who is hurt and ignored

Hi Louise,

If I may be blunt, I think you have become used to drama or even a bit addicted to it. It may not come naturally to you, but in your relationship with your ex, there's a constant cycle of breaking up and making up. You seemed pulled to make up with him even when there is absolutely no possibility of being happy with this man. As you pointed out yourself, you deserve better.

I wonder if you don't partly feel that you SHOULD care whether he cuts himself? Well, I'm here to give you permission not to care. You do not have to worry about it. From what you've said, you think he's making it up. Your instincts are probably right, since you know him best. But what if he has really done it? Well, so he has a weird scar for the rest of the his life. His problem, not yours. Frankly, it's unlikely he would have the courage to do it. But if he has, his parents will get him to a doctor. You are not his mother--although it seems like he interacts with you as if you were a parent.

Think long term. Ask yourself, where do I want to be in five years? Do I want to be having drama with X? Envision for yourself what you want. It sounds like you've done a lot to get yourself to that vision already if you have a house, a masters and a career. Do you want to be married? Do you want children? Do you want to travel or accomplish some specific career goal? Do you want to do something for the world around you? You seem talented and able. How are you going to use that? Whatever it is, you can't do it with your ex in the picture because he is a human ball and chain who will drag you down as long as you are thinking about him instead of your own plans.

Throw yourself into the essay and don't think about X. This is YOUR life, not his.

Be strong! I know you have it in you to stop texting this noodlehead. :)

asking, thank you for those words they really helped me understand. I have such a gifted life that sometimes I wonder how I got this lucky. Its only this guy that keps dragging me down. Whilst I was reading your quote my ex text me (as had texted him earlier to say I will email some self harming info over rather than post it through his door and he said yes please email me the info rather than coming down as he didn't want me to see him like this)?
What he probaby meant that there was nothing wrong with him so he didn't want me coming down. I replied very politely and stated that il email the info over and that I think its best if we don't contact each other again and too take care. I hope I did the right thing??

I need to get my life back on track, I'm currently spending a lot of time with my nan who has terminal cancer and is at the hospital 5 times a week have radiotherapy. So its very hard for me at the moment trying to keep a sane mind xxxx

Had texted him earlier to say I will email some self harming info over rather than post it through his door

What's wrong with his computer he can't get his own info?/ And before you make excuses for his pathetic distractions, and manipulations, you need to realize he is using your own mixed up feelings against you to keep you engaged with him, and you're a sucker for a sob story. Stop the contact.


I need to get my life back on track, I'm currently spending a lot of time with my nan who has terminal cancer and is at the hospital 5 times a week have radiotherapy. So its very hard for me at the moment trying to keep a sane mind xxxx

Stop the contact with this knucklehead, and focus on what you have to do, and leave the BS in the gutter where it belongs.

My gosh, please don't think in your time of need he is a support to you.

talaniman, he don't know about my nan, I haven't told him as I didn't want to be a burden to him. Ive just text him the websites over and its up to him to do the rest. I cannot physically do anymore, I'm totally emotionally drained and ready for the scrap yard!!

Im going to put this deamon to rest and get on with my life knowing that I have done all I can for him, no doubt he will be back in a few weeks/days declaring his undying love for me but it won't wash this time. He is never there when I need him and is too selfish to think of anyone but himself. Even if he knew about my nan he wouldn't care hence the reason why I haven't said anything.

Ignore him, that's a start.

Thanks for all your help and advice. Im feeling a little better today, the sun is shining and that seems to help a lot for some reason??

I know understand that its not my fault that he does what he does, I would just like to ask one more question if I may.

He has text me and asked me to go along with him to one of his self harming sessions tomorrow? I think I know what your all going to say and that's not go with him and I don't think that would be a good idea if he says that I'm the reason that he cuts himself in the first place. He says he wants me to go with him to understand what he goes through?

Any suggestions how to handle this one please without hurting him even more, I've told him that I don't think it's a good idea and he went off in a right huff with me??

Louise-ignore him.
Yes you knew that would be the reply just as you k n o w that the ONLY way to get him out of your life for GOOD is to keep ignoring him.
You enjoy the sunshine and be good to yourself.

amicon, wy would he want me to go with him to these sessions? When he says I'm the cuase of the cutting, is this another of his ways to make me feel bad, like he said he wants me to see what he has to go through??

I was angry last night when he asked me that and I said why don't you take your ex to the sessions and he replied I will then!!

STOP getting updates from your friends about him. You're just prolonging your pain and suffering.

You need to go into extreme no contact. You pretty much have to erase him from your life. Block him from email, social networks, IMs, etc. If your friends respected your well-being, they would help you keep him out of your life entirely. He's making your life too difficult.

You should be out meeting new people and having fun with friends. Not misery.

100 % correct.Dont allow him even in your thoughts

Do not go with him. You do not need to know what he is going through.

Either say no, or just don't answer. Say goodbye (if you haven't already) and then don't answer anything he sends you. Best if you don't even read or listen to any messages.

Thank you for all your replies, I really don't know where I would e without your help and support at this difficult time. The ex is just ignoring me at the mo, he has fits and starts of when he wants to text me back and when he don't!! I just never know where I am with him

Im not going to go with him tomorrow, I've told him that I'm fed up of him ignoring me again and that I'm off out for a beer and he should have a good life. Obviuosley I haven't heard from him since and probably won't for a couple of days/weeks.

He just plays mind games with me all the time

thank you for all your replies, i really dont know where i would e without your help and support at this difficult time.

You would be even better off if you listen to ALL of the advice here.


The ex is just ignoring me at the mo, he has fits and starts of when he wants to text me back and when he dont !!!!!

How do you know he's ignoring you? Are you STILL texting that guy?


i just never know where i am with him

You're his little toy. That's where you are with him.

Here's an idea: QUIT TEXTING HIM. Quit getting updates. Block him, change your number, whatever. It looks like you're still stuck on stupid. You're not progressing by standing up to him and repeatedly telling him crap. You'll progress if you go complete NC. Let the emotional dust settle. Then you're eyes will open up, and you'll see what the rest of us are seeing.


Im not going to go with him tomorrow, ive told him that im fed up of him ignoring me again and that im off out for a beer and he should have a good life. Obviuosley i havnt heard from him since and probably wont for a couple of days/weeks.

He just plays mind games with me all the time

Because you let him

Sorry to be harsh here... but...

You are nothing to him. He's just playing around with you. He comes back to you when he has no one else. He doesn't love you. He's just saying nice things to you to keep you around, he doesn't mean any of it. He knows he can manipulate you and treat you like dirt and you would still stick around. This guy is poison, toxic, and I bet you he treats all the girls like dirt, which is why he doesn't have anyone and keeps coming back to you because you brush his ego and make him feel wanted.

Honey, you need to get yourself respect back. Don't let anyone take you for granted, use you, manipulate you and dump you aside for their personal gain.

I know it is hard, it is very hurtful because you love this person. But you need to think that sometimes we love people who do not deserve our love and we must cut them out of our life for our own good. So you need to cut off all contacts. Do not answer his calls. Do not answer any number you do not know. Do not open his emails. Block him from all social sites. Do not check up on him or any girl. Make it clear to your friends you do not want updates. If they do not listen, I suggest distance yourself from them because they are not really your friends.

Talk it out. Let it out. Be sad. Be angry. But you know as time passes by you will be happy because one day the right guy will come into your life and treat you the way you should be treated!

sorry to be harsh here...but...

you are nothing to him. he's just playing around with you. he comes back to you when he has no one else. he doesnt love you. he's just saying nice things to you to keep you around, he doesnt mean any of it. he knows he can manipulate you and treat you like dirt and you would still stick around. this guy is poison, toxic, and i bet you he treats all the girls like dirt, which is why he doesnt have anyone and keeps coming back to you because you brush his ego and make him feel wanted.

honey, you need to get your self respect back. dont let anyone take you for granted, use you, manipulate you and dump you aside for their personal gain.

i know it is hard, it is very hurtful because you love this person. but you need to think that sometimes we love people who do not deserve our love and we must cut them out of our life for our own good. so you need to cut off all contacts. do not answer his calls. do not answer any number you do not know. do not open his emails. block him from all social sites. do not check up on him or any girl. make it clear to your friends you do not want updates. if they do not listen, i suggest distance yourself from them because they are not really your friends.

talk it out. let it out. be sad. be angry. but you know as time passes by you will be happy because one day the right guy will come into your life and treat you the way you should be treated!

Skyscraper - you were right those words were blunt but I needed to hear them!! It does hurt that he can use me like this. One day exting me then the next day ignoring me when I'm trying to help him. I really don't understand why he wants to play me like a fool (I suppose I'm too soft with him and he thinks il always be here for him when he needs me). For my own sanity I'm going to go cold turkey on him and this time for good Ive got my essay to sort out and my life to get back on track, its going to be hard and at the moment I feel like I've been stabbed in the back by him but what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger don't they say.

Thanks for all your help and advice, you are all such lovely people and like I keep saying without the help on here I think I would have been in a funny farm with the ex a long time ago xxxx

Just a quick update if you don't mind, I've got a new number and text the ex to say please don't text me again as I'm not being used by him any longer, he hasn't text me back and to be honest I'm glad!! The more I text him the more his ego is inflatd thinking that I care (which I do but I'm not showing it any longer) I'm going to have to walk away with my tail between my legs and somehow mend my broken heart.
At least some good has come out of all of this, I realise that I am worth more than 10 of him and I deserved to be treated with respect at the very least.

I still don't understand why he is ignoring me all of a sudden, maybe so that I keep texting him and saying "please dont ignore me" "i want to help you as i care for you" maybe he ignores me because he wants the attention?

Stop thinking about what he's thinking!

Think your own thoughts. For example:

What are you going to have for dinner tonight? Do you need to buy any ingredients for that? Should you invite a relative to join you for Sunday dinner? What movie are you going to see next Friday night? Who can you get to go with you? Do you still have her number?

asking you are right, I know that it is the right thing to do to move on and forget him but how do you "fall out of love with someone"? My heart is yearning for this person but my head says that he is bad news and will bring me nothing but bad news.

Im not going to contact him as I don't want to be his "puppet" as someone in an earlier thread stated, the thing that hurt me is everyone saying that he didn't love me in the slightest

Life is so so cruel

His kind of love is poison to you for sure, but you don't fall out of love, you just put love for yourself as a much higher priority than what you feel for him. Maybe you can't stop what you feel for him, but you can be better at what you feel for yourself.

Texting him to leave you alone, and then worrying that he didn't text you back, is not love for yourself. Your hoping the poison shows up again. Ignoring him completely, no matter what, is showing the love for yourself you need.

His kind of love is poison to you for sure, but you don't fall out of love, you just put love for yourself as a much higher priority than what you feel for him. Maybe you can't stop what you feel for him, but you can be better at what you feel for yourself.

Texting him to leave you alone, and then worrying that he didn't text you back, is not love for yourself. Your hoping the poison shows up again. Ignoring him completely, no matter what, is showing the love for yourself you need.

Thanks talaniman, you have a lovely way with words and making everything sound right. Im OK giving others advice its just taking it myself that is the trouble!! Whatever happens I'm at least walking out of this with self respect and dignity, all I ever do is text him and see if he needs myhelp, ask him if there's anything I can do for him and he still ignores these texts. At the end of the day if nothing else I think that is rude of him :mad:

I was married to an abusive husband for 15 years. 99% of it was verbal abuse, constantly undermining me and humiliating me in front of others. It was different from your situation, but bad. I have been divorced from him for 8 years. But I still have to deal with him regularly because we have kids together. When he gets under my skin--and he still needles me and tries to complicate my life -- I used to start thinking about him and trying to figure him out. Big mistake! I have gotten good at just tuning out those thoughts and literally moving on to other thoughts and I'm much happier for it. I just don't care anymore what he thinks.

I don't know how you can get there, but that's where you need to be. You are giving your ex too much power over you. He doesn't deserve to have that kind of influence on you.

Whether your ex loved you or not is just another irrelevant item. The answer depends on how you define love and what exact kinds of feelings he was capable of. It's just not worth spending a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what he was feeling when. Honestly, you'll never know. And it doesn't change anything. You have to find a way to let go of wondering. However you define love, it's not a reflection on you. And I think you have to stop seeing yourself through his eyes.

Being "in love" (if he was) is something that anyone can feel at times, even people with very bad values who lie, hurt, and use others. Love is a set of feelings that seem transcendent when you are feeling them, but are really very human. They don't make you a better person. If he was in love with you, that doesn't make his two-timing okay. Whatever his feelings, they were not enough to make him honest or faithful. It is no honor to be loved by someone like that.

Life can be cruel. But as others have pointed out, you are lucky to be out of this relationship, and not married with children with him. The pain you are feeling is intense but it will pass. It is a short term pain. Try to be brave.

Continue no contact. I'm glad you are doing that. The more strict you are about not communicating with him (at all), the sooner the pain will pass. And the more strict you are with yourself about not thinking about him, the sooner you will be happy again.

Take care!

I was married to an abusive husband for 15 years. 99% of it was verbal abuse, constantly undermining me and humiliating me in front of others. It was different from your situation, but bad. I have been divorced from him for 8 years. But I still have to deal with him regularly because we have kids together. When he gets under my skin--and he still needles me and tries to complicate my life -- I used to start thinking about him and trying to figure him out. Big mistake! I have gotten good at just tuning out those thoughts and literally moving on to other thoughts and I'm much happier for it. I just don't care anymore what he thinks.

I don't know how you can get there, but that's where you need to be. You are giving your ex too much power over you. He doesn't deserve to have that kind of influence on you.

Whether your ex loved you or not is just another irrelevant item. The answer depends on how you define love and what exact kinds of feelings he was capable of. It's just not worth spending a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what he was feeling when. Honestly, you'll never know. And it doesn't change anything. You have to find a way to let go of wondering. However you define love, it's not a reflection on you. And I think you have to stop seeing yourself through his eyes.

Being "in love" (if he was) is something that anyone can feel at times, even people with very bad values who lie, hurt, and use others. Love is a set of feelings that seem transcendent when you are feeling them, but are really very human. They don't make you a better person. If he was in love with you, that doesn't make his two-timing okay. Whatever his feelings, they were not enough to make him honest or faithful. It is no honor to be loved by someone like that.

Life can be cruel. But as others have pointed out, you are lucky to be out of this relationship, and not married with children with him. The pain you are feeling is intense but it will pass. It is a short term pain. Try to be brave.

Continue no contact. I'm glad you are doing that. The more strict you are about not communicating with him (at all), the sooner the pain will pass. And the more strict you are with yourself about not thinking about him, the sooner you will be happy again.

Take care!

asking - thank you so much for taking the time out and writing that lovely message. That is my problem, I think that because he don't love me its my fault, that I have done something wrong. How can a person one day text me and say that they have carved my name into there arm so that we will be together forever and the next just ignore me? Talk about mixed signals.

I have now learnt that its not my fault that he does these things to himself, I've told him so many times to stop but he don't listen, its like he likes the thought of me worrying over him.

I have now learned that its not my fault that he does these things to himself, Ive told him so many times to stop but he doesn't listen, its like he likes the thought of me worrying over him.

Profound as every texts you give him shows you care, and validates his behavior in his own mind. So he has no motivation to change anything as he knows he hasn't lost you. He will change his actions, when he regrets them enough. But first he must completely "lose" you.

I found out tonight that my ex still goes round to his ex for sex twice a week :( despite telling me that he don't see her and he has only slept with her the once. He told me that he has never told her he loves her which I found out is a lie as he has told her loads of times, they arnt together but still do the business. In one way it broke my heart knowing he was telling me he loves me and cuts himself because of me (which must be a lie if he goes to her house as he wouldn't go with bandages) but on the other hand at least I now know what a prat and a liar he is.

I was so close to telling his ex on Facebook what he is up to but then I thought of the advice on here and decided against that idea as I don't want the hassle that would come with that.

The ex thinks the sun shines out of his and calls him a "good one"?? Little does she know that he has been texting me asking me to get pregnant by him and get married!! I feel like I should tell her but she has been warned before and doesn't listen to anyone only him.

I feel such a fool for believing his lies, I trust people and this is where it gets me. Like I say it hurt and I wish I never dug for info but now I have it, I'm not wasting a minute longer on this creep. The ex said he was going over to her house tomoz for tea and to watch a dvd, I was nearly sick when I heard that.

Oh well you live and you learn, and I've learnt a huge lesson

I so wished id never gone routing, I'm my own worst enemy!! At least I have the closure I need and will certainly move on and forget him now. Im beating myself up over how stupid I've been!! My ex must think I'm a right soft touch who will believe anything. All I ever wanted to do was help hin, why are people so cruel??

I feel used and abused and a laughing stock, his ex seems like a nice lady but is very blinkered when it comes to him!! I suppose I was the same and I had to learn the hard way and get hurt again. I thought that he would never lie to me again , boy was I wrong and am paying the price for it now

Better late than never... At least you know what a loser he is... You have closure and now take care of yourself.

I know this hurts right now. But it sounds like you finally have some clarity on who he really is. It should make the NO Contact a lot easier. Be good to yourself in this difficult time, and try to stop thinking about them. Buy yourself something nice, go out with friends. You need distractions and TLC.

Take care.

Thanks for all your kind words and advice, I've not slept a wink last night. I was doing me best to put them out of my head but it didn't work :(

I just can't stop beating myself up for what a fool I've been beliving his lies, all I ever did was care for him and ask him if there was anything I could do to help him and he still ignores these texts. He told me they were never in a relationship and were just friends that slept together one drunken night, in fact they were together 6 months :(

I asked him a couple of weeks ago if there was anything that I could do to help him and he said stay and don't move to oz like I was going to, he told me to stay when all the while he was getting booty of his ex. I could have made a life changing decision and all the while he was doing this behind my back.

It's the hurt and humiliation that is hard for me, obviousley he don't know that I know this info on him, my last few texts were asking him if there was anything I could help him with "after he cut himself" and he hasn't even responded to my offer of help.:confused::confused:

This girl thinks he is Mr Wonderful, she told me he broke it off with her at the beginning of Oct after 6 months together as he didn't want to get hurt!! That's his usual line when it gets a bit to deep for him - he runs away. The thought of them together tonight at her house having tea and watching a dvd makes me physically sick. He was really getting his cake and eating it at the end, he had his ex who he no longer is with so no commitment but still gets the booty call and there's stupid me who is texting him every two minutes making sure he is OK and telling him I care about him very much.

All of this makes his text to me which read "i cannot be with anyone else louise as i would never love them as much as i love you" a load of c**p

I felt really awful yesterday as I said some horrible things in anger to my ex (as he wasn't responding to my texts when I was asking if he was ok), I said id wish I never met him etc, so yesterday morning I just dropped him a quick text to say sorry and that if he wanted to be friends then text me that day, last night at 6pm he hadn't responded so I just text him again saying that I take it that you don't want me in your life and so I won't contact you again. (these texts were before I found out that he was still seeing his ex for booty call)

Ive turned my phone off and got another one and am using that, I just feel so STUPID and AN IDIOT, he must be laughing at me big time and that's what hurts the most, to think an intelligent person like me could be fooled into caring for someone who treats me like that, I just don't know what to do, I've been trying to get my essay sorted, I'm 1000 words into 6000. The concentration levels arnt what they were for obvious reason.

I just feel so down and used and it hurts so much, I know I made a mistake digging and wish I hadn't done it but I have and il never contact him again, I just don't know how il ever get over the hurt and humiliation :(

God I'm hurting so so much, I didn't ever think that he would have this much affect over my life. It knew from the start he lies and cheats but stupidly thought he would change, my heart is broken and I feel a fool

Don't blame yourself.
Don't beat yourself up. You re just another person like many of us who loved unwisely.

Do you think I'm right not telling the ex that he is getting booty off what he has been texting me, I don't she will listen if I tell her and he will just say I'm lying plus I don't have the texts anymore as I wanted rid of him and his lies x

Please for your own sake have NOTHING to do with any of them. Just let it go now.

Can I just ask amicon (and thanks for your help btw), why do you say let it go?

You re welcome! And let it go so you can start getting some peace of mind. Don't let this run your life.

I know that if I email the other woman for one it will look like I care about that prat (which I do but don't want to show), also he will just say imlying and now I've deleted all the texts I have no proof of him wnating to start a family with me. I kept the text for a long time but in the end kept re reading them and sending myself mad so I just deleted them and him out of my life.

She was told that he was a cheater before she got together with him but she obvioulsey chose to ignore it then and will probably do the same now.

I hate that I'm the one who has cared and been there for him but its me that is alone and feeling this way while they "booty call" each other twice a week.

Louise-you k n o w this guy and his messed up life is something you completely need to leave behind you.You are going around in circles with this, make your mind up that you have the strength to just move on.

The truth hurts, but now that you know the truth, you can let him go for good.

Louise,
To be honest, I am beginning to think you need counseling. I don't want to minimize the pain you are feeling, but my sense is that you overdramatize everything. You say you want to break up with him, and you have good reasons to do so, but you have been texting him non stop. Your behavior would confuse anyone. Being friends with this guy is not an option. Get a grip!

If you want to be happy, you have to try to be happy. Instead it seems that you are just wallowing in your misery. Everyone here has given you the same advice, but you just ignore it.
Asking

Louise,
To be honest, I am beginning to think you need counseling. I don't want to minimize the pain you are feeling, but my sense is that you overdramatize everything. You say you want to break up with him, and you have good reasons to do so, but you have been texting him non stop. Your behavior would confuse anyone. Being friends with this guy is not an option. Get a grip!

If you want to be happy, you have to try to be happy. Instead it seems that you are just wallowing in your misery. Everyone here has given you the same advice, but you just ignore it.
Asking

Thanks for all your help and advice, after finding out his lies I feel free and although I'm hurting it gave me the strength to move on. Stupidly my friend told my ex's woman about him texting me etc (I told him not too btw) and how he wanted to marry and have kids with me, she believed him at first then wanted proof but because I deleted all his texts she is unsure now. She has been warned so many times but don't listen even if she had proof she wouldn't believe it. She asked my friend to tell me to ring her but I haven't done, I just want out of this whole mess tbh. She won't believe me WITH OR WITHOUT proof so why bother.

Im just getting out of the whole mess before it gets anyworse, I'm concentrating on my family and friends oh yes and my study that I've not been able to concentrate on for weeks because of his lies regarding him cutting himself. I am sad and angry but want to get past this as then he has won. Ive turned my old phone off and got a new one so he has no way of contacting me ;);)

Anyway, that's in the past

Its in the past and it stays in the past.
Stay strong.

Thanks for all your help and advice, without this forum id be in the nut house, it annoys me that I deleted the texts from my ex so I have no proof for the ex as she is asking for some but I can't do anything about that now I suppose

Just leave that a l o n e-its not your problem. Concentrate on your own life and your happiness.

Just leave that a l o n e-its not your problem. Concentrate on your own life and your happiness.

I'm going too amicon that's why I have not texted the woman when she asked me too, it just annoys me that I had proof and deleted it. She will probably take him back again and he will hurt her, I just like to try and help her but feel powerless to do so now I've deleted texts :mad::mad::mad:

Like I say she probably won't believe me even if I gave her the texts, she is in love with him and has blinkers on to his faults so I'm trying my best to too let this anger consume me, I suppose if there together or not its not my problem any longer it just makes me mad when this woman has been told by different people about him and don't listen

I just want to say thanks again for all your help, I've took some time out and went to see my nan who has terminal cancer and realised that I don't need a person like my ex in my life. I also realise that yes I was stupid to delete the texts he sent me asking me to get back with him etc but even if I didn't delete them I probably wouldn't want to show his ex anyway as I wouldn't want the agro it would bring.

I know I need to move on with my life and put this in the past, at least I didn't make a commitment to this guy and have kids with him at least I suppose, I always thought that there was something not quite right hence me never meeting him when he wanted too.

Its up to the other woman to decide how to handle her side of the situation, she has been told enough times but seems blinkered to him and his lies. I wish them both luck in the future especially the woman as if she gets back with him then she is certainly going to need it

Thanks again for all your help and advice, I'm going to live my life to the full, as they say you only have one shot at this xxxx

Wow! You sound like you have really made some progress in the last couple of days. Be aware that you may have hard days ahead. But you can weather them. If you have any temptation to text him, just focus on getting through a few hours by distracting yourself and the impulse will pass. I'm glad going to see your nan was helpful. I'm sure she was glad to see you too.

Don't go back with him. He has proven that he is unfaithful and a pathilogical liar. That is not good for any relationship. Go out meet new people. You are single and you should be dating. Not worrying about someone you broke up with. That you know was no good.

Wow! You sound like you have really made some progress in the last couple of days. Be aware that you may have hard days ahead. But you can weather them. If you have any temptation to text him, just focus on getting through a few hours by distracting yourself and the impulse will pass. I'm glad going to see your nan was helpful. I'm sure she was glad to see you too.

Thanks asking, yeah I've really done a lot of thinking in the past couple of days, I've had my phone off for 2 whole days now which is good for me lol! I turned my phone on to see if id got any messages and a text had come through from my ex saying "tell matthew that he has done it now" matt was my friend who told the woman about his lies and cheating. I just looked at the message and thought "i can't be arsed even answering your text so bog off" I deleted the text and turned my phone off.

It does feel like a big weight has been lifted as with my phone being off all the time I don't have to worry about this guy and his many problems. When my friend spoke to him via his face book page my ex was just making a big joke out of everything. My friend told him he needs to see a mental health specialist if he feels the need to lie about cutting himself and being admitted in hospital plus the other hundreds of lies he has told but he just replied "yes il book myself in then lol"

I feel sorry for the ex, he is a very lonely person and has drove a lot of people away with his lies but this ex girlfriend of his will probably stand by him, that's her decision, I've done all I can to help so its up to them to sort there mess out. Ive got my nan to worry about and look after, she starts her radiotherapy on Fri and is very scared :(:(

Thanks again for being so kind to me, it took a few attempts to make me see sense but you got there in the end ;);) xxx

Take care-lighting a candle for your nan-good luck.

Thank you amicon, that means a lot to me. You are very kind xxx

Hope you stick around Ask Me Help Desk and continue to post. :)
Good thoughts for your nan.

Thanks asking - il stick around for sure. I won't lie - I'm hurting that I've been taken in by a liar but il get over it as I'm a better and nicer person than he will ever be. It just hurts that he said he loved me nearly everyday - I wonder if it was a lie or whether there was a little love there?? I suppose this is what happens when you give your heart to someone, there is always a risk of it getting trampled on eh!!

Thank you for your kind words on my nan, I was trying to stay positive for her and be there for her whilst taking the bull from my ex, the hurtful thing was, when I told him my nan had cancer and that I was distraught he didn't even text me back. That hurt me so so much and really showed me his true colours

Just a quick update, I'm on day 5 of NC and feel great, I've not even any thought of texting the jerk, this NC works wonders, I don't even care if the ex and his lady get back today as its not my problem anymore. My nans going for her radiotherapy tomorrow so all that is important is her to me at the mo

Thanks again for all your words of encouragement it means a lot, I've realised I don't need a cheat and iar in my life xxx

You must be off your rocker if you continue to associate yourself with this pondlife! End/

You must be off your rocker if you continue to associate yourself with this pondlife!! End/

I don't know if you have read my posts but I'm well and truly finished with the pond scum, I have not contacted him for nearly week and I'm never going to contact him again. He is a waste of my time, I've spent so much time worrying over him and his lies :mad::mad:

Keep it up Louise you re doing great!:-)

Hopefully when you cool off, you won't have the urge to contact him again.

Here are so tips if you have the urge: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

You can also always come back here and we'll support you!

Remember, if you contact him again, you will reset all the progress you'e made. Stay strong and don't give in!

Thanks amicon and I wish - don't worry I won't be contacting me again, he said some really nasty things to his ex about me (called me a bunny boiler) just because I was texting him to see how he was after he said he cut himself because of me. He really was playing us both for fools wasn't he!!

Yes he was, and well done for realising :) - you're worth more than that - we all are! - good luck!

Yes he was, and well done for realising :) - youre worth more than that - we all are! - good luck!

I realise now that I'm worth more than that but I'm still hurting by the way he treated me and saying horrible things like the bunny boiler to his ex :(:(

I was only texting him after he said that he had cut himself and was going to do something silly, he wanted the attention and I gave it to him and I got called a bunny boiler :(

I don't know how to over come this hurt, I try not too think about them together and do other things to keep myself busy, it just hurts so so much when you try and help someone and they repay you like this :(

Don't worry I'm not weakening, just having a weak moment, I've not any desire to contact him or her, they both deserve each other, I'm so better off without all that bull s**t in my life. My nan had her radiotherapy today and she is feeling better than she thought she would so that has cheered me up a bit. :)

Good news your nan s feeling ok-keep doing things that make you feel good-dont let his BS upset you.

Thanks amicon, I try my best to forget him. In the past he has always come back to me but I think maybe this time will be different as he has never been as caught out like this before. I don't want to ever see his face again. The thought of the boy (not man) makes me sick in the stomach. Ive never felt this hatred for him before, I try not to let the hatred rule my life as then he has "won" so to speak.

Im trying hard to get on with my essay, its so hard to concentrate though. Im a strong person and I know I can get through everything that is happening to me at the moment, I just need to look to the future and be positive xxxx

Just a quick little update, I'm on day 7 of NC and feel GREAT!! My friend told me that my ex has sent him a friend reuest on Facebook but he has just ignored it and deleted his account so I'm glad about that. I thought id have this burning desire to see if my ex and this woman will get back together but I don't funnily enough. Even if they are tgether then she deserves all she gets. I have a feeling the friend request by my ex to my friend was probably just to brag that he didn't succeed in breaking them up (that is how childish the ex is I'm afraid)

Anyway, I'm far to bust with my own life to wonder about them, I know one day he will come crawling back probably when he thinks its all forgotten but I won't reply to any of his contacts. Ive had my old phone off now for a week and I'm doing OK.

Thanks again for all your help xxx

You re doing well-keep it up. And don't spend time even thinking about him.
Cyberhug.

You re doing well-keep it up. And dont spend time even thinking about him.
Cyberhug.

Thanks amicon, I'm going to try and put him out of my head I promise, its just so hard. Its not that I think nice things when I do think of him, I just think of all the horrible things he has put me through :( :( and he don't seem to care that he has hurt me so so much.

Im trying to keep strong as I've more important things to consider at the moment like my nan and my mum, thanks again :D:D

Just another quick update (hope you don't all mind) , I've got too over the 1 week mark today of NC!! Its day 8 ad I'm feeling fine, I'm so surprised as I thought by now I would be pining for him or even wondering about them together. But I can honestly say with my hand on my heart that I really don't care if there together or not. Ive been at college tonight so that is keeping me mega busy at the moment.

It really is true when all you all say NC is the key to moving on, thank you so so much for all your help and advice xxx

Well done you!:-)

Thanks amicon, for some stupid reason I'm having a bit of a moment where I started to think of the ex so I thought id better come on here rather than sit and dwell on the plonker. Don't worry I'm not going to contact him, I just had a bit of a weak moment there for a bit. I really don't want anything to do with him ever again :-)

Im just annoyed that I let him lie and trick me for so long, but I've learnt my lesson at last xxx

Weak moments are allowed!
Do something you enjoy instead.:-) x

Hi Louise,
It's understandable that you would remember some of the good things and to miss some of that. But this guy only makes women miserable. Get your mind on something else. :)

Take care.

Thanks asking and amicon. Im trying to keep myself busy busy busy. I get mad at myself for having these weak moments. Yes it is true that we did have some good times but he tarnised all of those with the amount of bad times he put on me :-(

The thing that still hurts me is how he could lie about something so sick (sel harming and cutting my name into his arm so we will be together forever), I was going to give up going to Australia for him due to these actions. He is just so so selfish its untrue. Never once has he apologised to me for the hurt and the worry that he has caused me (not that I want to hear from him btw) but it would have just been nice to know he felt some shame. But to be honest I don't think he even realises that he has done something wrong.

I do think that someone who could lie about self harming and being taken into hospital plus cutting my name in there arm so we can be together forever does need some mental health don't you think??

Don't worry about the weak moments-they'll pass. Just accept he's a sick person and no longer in your life.

I have been wondering about his saying he cut your name into his arm. Do you think he was trolling you?

I have been wondering about his saying he cut your name into his arm. Do you think he was trolling you?

Sorry asking, I don't know what you mean ?

I'm on day 10 and I'm doing OK, just thought id post again as I know that if I can do this NC thing then ANYONE can do it. Yes its hard but I feel so free and much happier as I'm not worrying about someone carving my name in there arm!! Yes it hurts that they would make all those lies up but I'm just glad that I'm out of there and away from his poisonous mind games xxxx

I should not have brought it up. You have been doing great.
I say, don't think about him!

Have you been seeing friends lately? Plans for Thanksgiving or a trip in the next month or so?

Cheers,
asking

I should not have brought it up. You have been doing great.
I say, don't think about him!

Have you been seeing friends lately? Plans for Thanksgiving or a trip in the next month or so?

Cheers,
asking

Hi asking, I'm glad you brought it up, what did you mean hun?

I just meant maybe he was deliberately trying to upset you for the fun of it because he knew he could. It was just a thought because it seemed so weird to threaten you like that, especially when it turns out he's seeing someone else anyway. So if he wasn't even distraught, I guess I'm thinking it was a joke and he's an even worse jerk. I'm really angry with him and I don't even know him!

I just meant maybe he was deliberately trying to upset you for the fun of it because he knew he could. It was just a thought because it seemed so weird to threaten you like that, especially when it turns out he's seeing someone else anyway. So if he wasn't even distraught, I guess I'm thinking it was a joke and he's an even worse jerk. I'm really angry with him and I don't even know him!

I think he was trying to upset me, the more I think about him and the what he did to me mentally the more angry I used to get hence why it don't bother me anymore as I know I'm better than 10 of him.
As for him seeing someone, he broke it off with her but they were still friends with benefits shall we say!! I think he partly did it because he knew that I cared and he loved the attention that I gave him when he told me what he had done. On the other hand his ex told my friend that my ex was telling her that he thought I was a bunny boiler because I was texting him all the time?? (I only text him as he said he was cutting himself because of me), he was playing us both for fools. He told the woman that he would "come down and sort me out" as I was making her cry!! :confused::confused:

That he was playing us off against each other, he was telling me he loved me and he didn't want me to go to australia and that he cut himself due to his love for me, on the other hand he was telling the other woman the he thought that I was a bunny boiler and that he would sort me out if I was making his other woman's life hell.

Hmm. Classic two-timer and similar to what people describe as borderline personality disorder, too. Always stirring the pot and playing people off against each other.

You are well rid of him.
Congratulations!
asking

Hmm. Classic two-timer and similar to what people describe as borderline personality disorder, too. Always stirring the pot and playing people off against each other.

You are well rid of him.
Congratulations!
asking

I think you are right Asking, the main thing that he liked doing was playing mond games with people. He once turned round and said to my friend that he enjoyed playing mind games with people and that was good at it because he had 30 years experience of it? :confused::confused: now how sick in the head is that statement eh!!

All the guy does is just flick from one girl to the next, he told his ex he called it off with her because he was scared of getting hurt lol!! That made me laugh as for one he told me they were never in a relationship and secondly and more laughable me thinks is that he is OK hurting everyone else but don't want to get hurt himself.

On a serious note, I really do think that the guy has some very serious mental health issues to be lying about cutting himself and being addmitted into hospital, he just made a big joke of it (pretending to cut himself) when my friend confronted him. It is just a vicious circle for him that I feel will never ever end, lies... cheats... lies... cheats etc

Hi all, I don't know if you remember me and my situation. Well I was doing very well with the ex and then last week he came back into my life as he had heard I was in a car crash, he asked how I was and I thought I'm over him so il respond and say I'm OK and that it wasn't serious and I had just hurt my back.

Anyway we got chatting as mates and he asked me to marry him, I was shocked, I told my mate and my mate went and told his ex girlfriend. As soon as she knew she was texting me asking me if it was true saying that they had broken up in Oct but where still sleeping together until 5 weeks ago when she had enough of his mind games and decided just to be mates with him. She did say that a couple of days previuos he had asked her and her daughter to spend new yr with him. Once the ex found out he asked me to marry him she rung him and he denied everything calling me a loony and a lair and that I was stalking him?? I just couldn't believe it, then my ex turned on me and all of a sudden wouldn't reply to my texts after just asking me to marry him? Whilst ignoring me he was telling his ex nasty thing about me.

Fastforward a day later and his ex girlfriend has gone from saying us girls should stick together etc etc to texting me abuse calling me a stalker and that I should leave him alone and that I'm desperate, so god knows what he has been telling her. The ex has told one of my friends he thinks I'm a nasty skank etc etc I won't go into the words as they are not very nice.

He is now trying to sweet talk his ex, I just understand why he does this? Why ask me to marry him and then tell his ex that he hasn't?

Louise-please don't do this again-let it sink in -once and for all-ANY contact,ANY involvement with your ex allows you to step right back to where you were-in misery,pain and confusion.
Is that what you want? If NOT just ignore him.
I hope your back's better.

Thanks amicon - I drove right into a low wall! My minds just not on the job bcause of him. Don't get m wrong I never had any intention of marrying the guy. I just don't understand why he would ask that question and then deny it to his his. I also found out he got banned in April for drink driving for 18 months too. Why does he say he loves me one minute and then calls me a sl%g and a who%e the next day, its like he had a borderline personailty disorder

Hmm. Classic two-timer and similar to what people describe as borderline personality disorder, too. Always stirring the pot and playing people off against each other.

You are well rid of him.
Congratulations!
asking

This is so so true asking!! He plays me and the ex girlfriend off against each other, I told the ex girlfriend that I have the texts here to prove he is a liar and that he did ask me to marry him, I even sent them to her as I didn't want her getting her (before she turned on me and started to be nasty to me), she had a pic of my phone with the words there, fair enough they were blurry but you could make them out, and she still didn't want to believe me?? The woman has said that she has bad depression and that 10 days ago my ex sent her over the edge and she had to go back on these drugs. I give up with her, she don't want to believe what's right in front of her eyes. Ive told her she I welcome to the skank

You will never be friends with the ex, so stop trying. How many times do you get screwed over by this guy before enough, is enough?

You will never be friends with the ex, so stop trying. How many times do you get screwed over by this guy before enough, is enough?

I only contacted him as I thought I was strnger and could handle it but then he just turned on me again? Telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me one day and then slating me to his ex the next. Why would someone do that? I assume he likes playing us off against each other. Well she is welcome to him, he hurt my feelings with the nasty comments but it made me ralise that someone that says they love you don't call you a sl%g the next day however angy they are.

I feel for the woman, but she is on her 4th warning and says she loves him??

But all these things,lies and dramas only matter when you let them. Let it go.

But all these things,lies and dramas only matter when you let them. Let it go.

That's so so true amicon, you are so right, I never thought of it like that. I guess I do love him and he knows that and likes hurting me with the love I have for him. Don't worry il never go back, I only text him as I thought I was stronger and I am but certainly didn't expect the backlash received from him and his psyco ex girlfriend. Its like they are laughing at me now, even though she said to me that she couldn't trust him ever again

Then go complete NC forever. Never speak to any of them again. Actively work on leaving all this c**p behind you. Only you can do that for yourself.
We're all here giving you the same advice-listen to us.

Then go complete NC forever. Never speak to any of them again. Actively work on leaving all this c**p behind you. Only you can do that for yourself.
We're all here giving you the same advice-listen to us.

Il never ever go back, that a dead certain, I only text him as I love him and thought we could be mates but that's not going to happen nor do I want it to happen now. He couldn't even care I I dropped down dead tomorrow and that hurts but I won't let it get me down. Im going to have a nice xmas with my family and put this sorry mess behind me once and for all. Thanks so much for all your help, id never have got through this without you all xxxxx

Good choice.
Have a great Xmas and a Happy 2010!

Good choice.
Have a great Xmas and a Happy 2010!

The same to you amicon, have a lovely xmas and a very Happy 2010 XX