Some guys refuse to see that they have a low opinion of women. He very likely does. Guys like that never change.

I don't understand why you keep on going back for more? What is it about this man, that you need? Nothing! The ex girlfriend, who cares what he does, what he says, who he is with, why do you set yourself up for more and enjoy all this turmoil and drama. He has nothing to offer you. Why would you even answer him? These are questions you have to ask yourself? Way too much drama. You were getting so strong. I really don't understand what it is going to take for you to move on. Everyone is going to think your psycho for going back for more. I don't mean to seem harsh, but what Tal said enough is enough...

sully123, I've made a huge mistake trusting and loving my ex but have finally woke up. The one problem that I'm finding difficult and if anyone could shed some light id be so grateful. The problem is I just want to know from him why why why?? Why he lied, why he cheated, why he said he carved my name in his arm when he didn't?

I just keep thinking is it me, did I deserve to be treated this way, if I knew why he did this I could move on, at the moment all he is doing is slagging me off to his ex girlfriend and anyone else that will listen

Louise,you should understand that when we're dealing with the emotionally incompetent(and I'm using polite language here),no questions are ever going to receive rational answers. So you need to stop even thinking why and just accept that he's an idiot and that's what idiots do. He does this to everybody not just to you. So please let all the questions go as well.

Louise,you should understand that when we're dealing with the emotionally incompetent(and I'm using polite language here),no questions are ever going to receive rational answers. So you need to stop even thinking why and just accept that he's an idiot and that's what idiots do. He does this to everybody not just to you. So please let all the questions go as well.

Thanks so much amicon, I'm going mad thinking why he treats me this way. Im just so down, he calls me a tart, whore and a slag and that's hurts so much

You know and the people who care about you know that that is not true. He and his words only have whatever power over you that you allow . The way to free yourself from this is to just not give it any thought nor any attention. Just let it go.

Louise, I know its hard and difficult. I went through a horrible divorce back in 2002, thought I married the man of my dreams, and that I would grow old with. The sweetest guy ever, till I married him. He broke my heart, and I kept wanting answers, till one day 6 months later, I finally let go .I said I may never get answers, and will never understand why till this day. There is nothing I can do that could ever change that. But I have realized over the years, he has the issues not me. The man has business in the same town I live in, where I have always lived for 35 yrs, we both have. I still see him and now he waves, but he hurt me terribly. I know he isn't happy today. But I grew stronger, and can never go back. They try and flip the blame, and don't take responsibility over their own actions. Don't beat yourself up, you may never get answers. It's not you, its him. YOU just need to stay far away from him, and don't fall into his trap.Be strong.

You know and the people who care about you know that that is not true. He and his words only have whatever power over you that you allow . The way to free yourself from this is to just not give it any thought nor any attention. Just let it go.

Thanks sully and amicon, I don't understand why he has this hold over me, the one thing I know for sure is that I don't want him back, but why do icare over what he thinks of me?? He texts my boyfriend and tells him " you gonna have to watch that one and she is a cheater" why does he do and say these nigs to hurt me, its like he don't want me to be happy??

Again you'll never have any answers so for your own peace of mind stop looking for them.

amicon and suuly, thank you so much for your time, I really do appreciate it. He plays me for a fool because I let him but no more. He wants me to keep texting him and I isn't going to like I have told him. It just hurts me that someone that I loved could treat me this way : (

All of us love unwisely at least once,the thing is to learn from our experience and move on. :-)

amicon, thanks so much, I tried to pm you but couldn't find a link, I just wanted to say thanks for being there for me hun, I really do appreciate it, ome days I don't want to get out of bed as he has hurt me so much xxxx

Try pming again tomorrow if you want to-and try to stay strong. It's late evening here in England so I'll say good night.
Take care. X0

Try pming again tomorrow if you want to-and try to stay strong. It's late evening here in England so I'll say good night.
Take care. X0

I'm in england to hun, in lancs so I know its late and the weather is snowing for once lol, I can't find a link so il say thank you so much now for all your help and advice xxxxxxxxx

Just a quick update as its 02.20am here, I've just received a text message from my ex's girlfriend mate?? Slating me, the text said that my ex has been forwarding all my texts onto his ex girlfriend? Why would he be so mean, the texts where asking him how he could treat me that way by the way.

Its been a wake up call, I didn't think he could be so low, the text from the unknow woman said I hope your nan is OK? (being sarcastic and just to show he has forwarded my texts), this is my nan that has terminal cancer, they are laughing at my through her, that's sick. Well its given me the wake up call never to bother texting him again and trying to find out why he has turned on me.

Right now he is trying to prove to his ex that he didn't ask me to marry him, even though she has seen the text she don't believe it, and I suppose me stupidly texting him and asking him why he treats me like sh*t don't help my case tbh.

Anyway, its really pi**ed me off that he could sink this low but I suppose shows his true colours.

He always has been this low, you just refused to accept it and wash him from your life entirely. Hopefully you will be angry enough, not just pizzed, to finally end all this crap, and stop going back to it.

He always has been this low, you just refused to accept it and wash him from your life entirely. Hopefully you will be angry enough, not just pizzed, to finally end all this crap, and stop going back to it.

I'm such an idiot tal, but I've woken up in time to enjoy xmas :D:D

I stupidly text him asking why he hated me as that was all I wanted to know, as I hadn't done anything wrong when he turned on me :confused

One day he was asking me to marry him and the next he was telling his ex that he never asked me and was calling me stalker :confused: I just didn't understand where he was coming from. Now the ex thinks I'm a loony and want him back, she has seen the texts to prove he asked me to marry him but she said there blurry and can't make them out, she just don't want to see what's in front of her eyes. Then tonight I get abusive texts off his ex gf's mate :confused::confused:

So quit trying to convince someone how stupid they are. Let this mess go down the toilet with the rest of the crap!

Why do I want answers tal? You seem too know a lot and be very wise, don't worry him forwarding my texts to his ex has finished it between us but why do I feel the urge to text him and ask him why he treats me this way??

Louise you keep going back for more. Come on, you have more respect for yourself than that. It gets to be an obsession with you. Why do you keep on reading the texts, from any of them. If you were strong enough, and you wanted to put an end to this, you would change your number, but that isn't happening. You keep going back for more. I can't figure out what you get from all this. Talk to therapist, and get some help.We wouldn't all be wrong.

Louise, you need another hobby that is not your ex. This is an unhealthy obsession. It just seems like you stir things up with others and then complain when they treat you badly.

You need to strive for a little more maturity, which means putting this behind you and putting your energy into something that will make your life better (instead of worse). Do you have a job? Do you go to school? What do you think about besides your ex? What were you doing with your life before you met him?

why do i want answers tal? you seem too know alot and be very wise, dont worry him forwarding my texts to his ex has finished it between us but why do i feel the urge to text him and ask him why he treats me this way ????
Partly because your hurt, and wonder why he is an idiot, and partly because you seem not to have better things to do. You seem to be caught in a cycle, and your hoping he changes, or show a better side that he has. But he doesn't have that in him, so you really need to stop looking for it.

Its you who must accept he is an idiot, and uses people. If you can accept a snake bites because that's what they do, you can accept he is no good, and hurting is what he does.

Stay away from snakes and guys like this. Now move on.

Talaniman Rule- Never stand besides a bush you know a snake is hiding in.

Partly because your hurt, and wonder why he is an idiot, and partly because you seem not to have better things to do. You seem to be caught in a cycle, and your hoping he changes, or show a better side that he has. But he doesn't have that in him, so you really need to stop looking for it.

Its you who must accept he is an idiot, and uses people. If you can accept a snake bites because thats what they do, you can accept he is no good, and hurting is what he does.

Stay away from snakes and guys like this. Now move on.

Talaniman Rule- Never stand besides a bush you know a snake is hiding in.



Thanks for all your replies, well I've done as you all said and told him enough is enough, my new fella has text him and asked him politely to leave us alone and stop slating me. Anyway, that plan backfired as all my ex is doing now is constantly texting me ex at silly hours in the morning and lets just say writing very explicit messgaes asking my new fella what we are up to and telling him that I am rank and that he had better wear protection. This is putting it very mildly, my ex now refers to me as "it", he said to my boyfriend are you going to do ***** ti "it" tonight in bed, oh and by the way the way tell "it" I love her lol... NOT.

He just wants to ruin my new relationship, he says he don't give a dam about me but then why would he do this to me and my fella, I'm hoping to get a new mobile at xmas to stop all this. This things he says about me are just so graphic and demeaning :(:(:(

Louise, you need another hobby that is not your ex. This is an unhealthy obsession. It just seems like you stir things up with others and then complain when they treat you badly.

You need to strive for a little more maturity, which means putting this behind you and putting your energy into something that will make your life better (instead of worse). Do you have a job? Do you go to school? What do you think about besides your ex? What were you doing with your life before you met him?

Asking, I'm looking for new hobbies but at the mo in England its thick with snow so I can't get out but I'm keeping busy, as I said above the ex is now targeting my new fella with really horrible and sexually explicit messages at silly hours of the morning. As for school, I have my degree and a masters and I'm currently completing my Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma, I have also decided (due to my nan being ill with terminal cancer) that I'm going to apply to go back to uni in Sept and become a nurse. Im feeling more positive today and looking forward to a new yr and a new start, I thought it was cracking up there for a minute as all he does is play mind games with me that I'm taking no longer and I've told him that yesterday. I now just delete his message as mentioned without reading them so his words can't affect me and make me cry :(:(:(

Let the b@stard get the last word, and stop explaining yourself to this idiot. My gosh, ignore him completely.

That's all he wants is the satisfaction of knowing he can get a reaction just by pushing your buttons. Don't give him one.

That's what he wants Tal, the last word grrrrrrr. Im past caring now, he just upsets me so much calling me "it", how could someone turn on someone like this? Its like he don't like me being with my new fella but don't want me either at times

Can you block his number so that his texts are refused? You can on some phones. Constantly texting people the way he does is harassment. Maybe you should have a word with the local bobby?

Can you block his number so that his texts are refused? You can on some phones. Constantly texting people the way he does is harassment. Maybe you should have a word with the local bobby?

I've tried that, may bloody phone isn't compatible, I'm going to get a new phone at xmas in the sale so hopefully it will put the end t all this hurt and pain he wants to put me through, I angrily (and stupidly I know) text him the other day and said "i know you want me dead and if you carry on im going to be" he then said to my ex last night, "i thought lou was trying to kill herself, god she is taking a long time in doing it lol :(:(

I've just this second had a text from his ex saying thanks for getting me and **** back on track, I hope you have a nice xmas as I know we will :(:( why do they want to hurt me all the time. She knows and has seen the texts that he has sent me but still goes back for more :confused::confused: , I certainly wouldn't go back to a guy that the week before asked someone else to marry them lol, she must have a very low opinion of herself, that's all I can say. Onwards and upwards I say xxx

Yup-onwards and upwards!

Thanks amicon, I'm trying my best but I'm breaking inside, now I've got the ex girlfriend texting me, the night before last was his ex girlfriend mate as well!! And then him. Roll on the sale when I can get a new phone so they can't hurt me

Don't read any of the messages from him, his girlfriend, or any of his friends. Just delete. Have a friend delete them if that will help you not see them.

Hope you get the new phone soon that will allow you to block them. Also, glad you have goals and a new fella. Focus on them. I would ask your new boy friend not to communicate with any of them at all. It just stirs the pot.

Merry Solstice! Starting today, there will be more sunshine in your life!

Don't read any of the messages from him, his gf, or any of his friends. Just delete. Have a friend delete them if that will help you not see them.

Hope you get the new phone soon that will allow you to block them. Also, glad you have goals and a new fella. Focus on them. I would ask your new boy friend not to communicate with any of them at all. It just stirs the pot.

Merry Solstice! Starting today, there will be more sunshine in your life!

Thanks asking, my fella has told my ex that he has deleted his number (he hadn't as like me his phone isn't compatible) and as soon as he knew he rang my fellas phone to test, my fella has just said he has blocked his texts and calls and that altoguh it may ring at his end it won't at ours??

I can't believe he was texting my ex asking what we were doing etc when we in bed,what kind of a nut job is he. The really hurtful comment came when he asked my fella if I had killed myself yet as I'm taking my time in doing so :(:(

my fella has just text me and he has just received a text from my ex's girlfriend or ex girlfriend now!! A really abusive one, when is this going to stop, it said that my ex means everything to her and we should f^^k off out there life and to stop texting him?? It was my ex that was texting us in bed last night so I don't know what all that is about. He is just feeding her a bunch of lies and she is silly enough to fall for it

I recommend you turn your phones off and put them in another room when you are in bed. ;)

Make a pact with your new guy not to read or tell each other about any more of these messages. You both deserve better. So make an agreement with each other to let this blow over.

I recommend you turn your phones off and put them in another room when you are in bed. ;)

Make a pact with your new guy not to read or tell each other about any more of these messages. You both deserve better. So make an agreement with each other to let this blow over.

Since my last post his ex has been ringing me constantly, so we have both turned our mobiles off and just ignore her, she is a nutter like him it seems, she goes back to him after he made her go back on her depression pills :(:( she is threatening me and my fella about contacting my ex, the thing is we hae told him to leave us alone. He is really playing her for a fool it seems and she is falling for it x

I've just turned my mobile back on and got lots of messages from the ex's girlfriend, I just deleted them so don't know what they say but they would have been vulgar no doubt as she is as rough as a badgers arse, why can't they leave me alone, he will have told her I'm texting him, the only reason I texted hi early this morning to say leave us alone to be happy, because I stand up for myself he goes crying to her and she has a go. Ive so had enough, my phone will be off tonight for the 1st time in ages.

I just don't understand and now understand that I never will, I've took everyone's advice on here when they say don't ask why as you will never know or get the answer, just accept it and move on. I just can't get my head around why his ex would have a go at me when its him that is in the wrong??

They are both in the wrong, and seem to be egging each other on. Don't you think that's a shame, and a pity, they have nothing better to do? They certainly deserve each other, and I'm sure you will have the last laugh.

Its been my experience that people who go to such lengths to put someone down, are actually jealous and insecure and are trying to project themselves higher in there own eyes. Usually the exact opposite happens, and they end up miserable, and exposed for what they are.

They are both in the wrong, and seem to be egging each other on. Don't you think thats a shame, and a pity, they have nothing better to do? They certainly deserve each other, and I'm sure you will have the last laugh.

Its been my experience that people who go to such lengths to put someone down, are actually jealous and insecure and are trying to project themselves higher in there own eyes. Usually the exact opposite happens, and they end up miserable, and exposed for what they are.

Thanks Tal, they don't seem to think there in the wrong unfortunately, he is telling her I'm a loony and she thinks I made the whole thing up to win him back (as if), even though she has seen the texts he sent me. How can a person (my ex) ask me to marry him and then say he didn't, how can he pretend to cut my name in his arm when he didn't? Etc etc these sound to me like the actions of a mentally ill person don't you think Tal?

I think we can all agree that the pair of them are sadly lacking in the mental health department but make a pact with yourself that nothing they say or do is going to hurt you anymore.
You can do this and you'd be doing in for your own peace of mind.

Talaniman Rule-Never try to figure out what crazy people think, or do. It will make you as crazy as them.

Talaniman Rule-Never try to figure out what crazy people think, or do. It will make you as crazy as them.

Lol, very true Tal - wise words from a very wise person

It's over, move on, cut his drama off. Stop playing into it, with them all. Smartest thing you could do is get a new phone number, that would stop everything. It's going on way too long.. I just don't know how you even listen to it, its been going on way too long.

It's over, move on, cut his drama off. Stop playing into it, with them all. Smartest thing you could do is get a new phone number, that would stop everything. It's going on way too long.. I just don't know how you even listen to it, its been going on way too long.

sully123 you are so right, I've left them too it over xmas, I did have the ex boyfriends girlfriend or ex girlfriend whatever she currently is ringing me on christmas day but my phone was on silent upstairs and so I only realised late at night. I never replied as that is what she wants, they are both just looking to stir the pot and hurt me. They are welcome to each other, I do hope they spend new yrs eve together as they deserve each other. On a happier note I had a lovely xmas day with my family and drunk far too much champagne!! I hope everyone else had a lovely day too.

Here's to a new year and a new start xxxxxx

Stay strong louiseismyname and don't give in. Your heading in the right direction. Glad you had a nice Christmas, and start the New Year off thinking only about you.

Thanks sully, my ex really hurt me when he told my fella, oh by the way tell louise I love her NOT!! I just don't know how he could be so cruel, well I do, as he is a nut job!!

Don't even think about allowing yourself to let him hurt you. Ignore!

Thanks amicon, your right, every time I think of those words try and block them out. I think he was only saying them as I have a new fella and he don't like that I'm moving on so in order to hurt me he says nasty comments. Im too grown up to play silly games with them both, I really do hope they get back together as they really do deserve each other. I hope you had a lovely xmas x

Yes thanks but no champagne! The trick is to keep ignoring both of them,you have a good life-they don't.
A person only has the power over us that we allow them to have.
Take care. X

Yes thanks but no champagne! The trick is to keep ignoring both of them,you have a good life-they dont.
A person only has the power over us that we allow them to have.
Take care. X

That's very tue amicon, they have no power over me at all. I don't understand why my ex's girlfriend or ex girlfriend (whatever she is at the mo) rang me on xmas day? I do have a good life don't I!!

I have a nice detached house, a lovely fella, a nice doggy, great friends and family, a degree, masters etc and he has...

A drink driving conviction he received in April and is banned until Oct, a wacko girlfriend, he is living at home with his mummy and daddy at 31, all his mates think he is a lair (as they warned me about him before we got together), he hates his job etc etc

Gosh when I write it down I really do have it much better off than them, at least now I don't have the worry of whether my partner is cheating or lying to me constantly, as I know that is what his gf/ex girlfriend will be constantly worrying about :D:D:D

You said it all! Say hello to your doggie! :-)

Lol amicon, I will always be a better person than he ever will. He just don't know when to stop lyin and cheating on people. Yes I haven't been a saint in the past as many of us haven't, but I've grown up and learnt to appreciate what I have and that's all behind me years ago and I'm a different person now.

I just can't understand why this woman would take him back after she saw the texts he sent me, how can he lie his way out of that for crying out loud?? The woman must have really low self respect as did I in the past to take him back and then to start insulting me who was only trying to help her

It beggars belief but that's her problem now. He's not in your life anymore.

It beggars belief but thats her problem now. He's not in your life anymore.

That's very true, I just find myself sitting here at times wondering how a person that says they loved me etc can turn on me and be so hurtful whilst at the same time by lying to another woman? He obviously likes the drama in his life for sure. I just can't understand why his ex won't leave me alone, I want nothing to do with either of them ever again but it seems she now has my number and won't leave me alone. Hopefully this will all die down soon and I can enjoy the new yr in peace without my stalkers in tow. If it continues then il definitely get a new mobile as I can't take much more of this verbal abusive by her xxxx she has a foul mouth and must live in the gutter judging by her language :o:o:o

Change your number. And remember Jeremy Kyle!

Change your number. And remember Jeremy Kyle!

Lol, you make me laugh amicon, il remember Jeremy for sure. Im happy to have the drama out of my life, it must be awful to be in a relationship in which there is no trust xxxxx

Hello everyone, hope you are all OK, just a quick message to let you know that I officially detest my ex!! I'm so over him AT LAST and feel sorry for any future woman in his life. To cut a long story short, I had a car accident last Monday when my car slid and spun 180 on black ice, I thought my time was up!! Anyway, somehow my ex found out and never even text me to see if I was OK. Don't get me wrong, I didn't really want him too but it just proved to me how little he cares if I live or died. Im so over him and never want to hear from him again - it is a little late but new start for a new year - thanks all for your help xx I hope I can help others with the advice I've received from you fab guys xx

Stay around and help out-good choice! I hope you weren't hurt in the accident.

( And I'm not going to even going to mention you know who-hi,hi!)

Stay around and help out-good choice! I hope you werent hurt in the accident.

( And I'm not going to even going to mention you know who-hi,hi!)

Thanks amicon, luckily there was no cars behind me or on the other side of the road!! If it had happened 30 seconds later then it would have been a different story, I was on my way home from college. I escaped with whiplash and a sore back, I was lucky but it gave me the wake up call I needed tbh. Don't get me wrong it still hurts when he turns round to my friends and says he don't love me then turns round to me and says he does and that he cares about me and can't help caring??

If he cared about me he would have dropped me a friendly text to ask if I'm OK after the accident :(:( but he didn't and that shows his true colours.

Don't worry about it-enjoy your relationship with your new fella.
I'm glad you weren't hurt too bad but take care of yourself on the roads.

Yeah the roads are very bad at the mo, they are getting better though with the rain here, I'm so nervous driving at the mo. I was scared to get in my car again but I forced myself to drive again otherwise id never get back in the car.

I just hope things pick up soon, its only 12 days into 2010 and already I've got a car repair bill of £500 as my head gasket just blown up xxx

Well things are finally starting to look up at last!!

Ive completed my uni application and that has been given in, I took all your advice and met up with an old school friend that I hadn't seen in 15 years and we went out for lunch and drank a lot of wine lol!! I had such a fab time. I even had the confidence to text my ex and tell him please don't ever contact this number again, fair enough I did get a very nasty text back saying "i know what, why dont you f**k off and stop texting me as my girlfriend is getting pi**ed off with all of this". When I received the text I was mad but I didn't rise to the occasion and just deleted the text and have never contacted him since. I know he only sent me the nasty text as he does not like that I have asked him not to contact me again.

Anyway, hopefully this is going to be the start of a good tme in my life xx

I'm glad you're having a great time!
Just don't bother texting him again-ok? :-)

You did wonderful with completing the application, but blew it when you text him again. What is it going to take? What does that man have to offer you, that you need to contact him?Why do you need to do this? He sends you a text back telling you his girlfriend is annoyed, that would give me the hint. You come so far, and then for some reason like need to text him, I don't quite understand why you can't let go. YOU both have moved on. He has lied to you, and you keep going back. Please Louise, stay strong and stop giving in.

Thanks for your replies, sully don't worry I won't ever text him again. I just had to send that last text so he knew id had enough and wanted to be left alone. Im glad he texted me back with his usual horrid words, as it made me realise that we will never be just friends and that he is truly a nasty person and not worthy of my time or effort.

Like I said I got my uni application in and I've been out with a mate I've not see in 15 yrs, it was so good to go out and forget him. In the past 5 days I have not even been tempted to text him in the slightest, that has never happened with me before so I really do think this time I'm on a road and walking in the right direction. Xx

Just a quick update - it has been 8 days now and I've had complete NC from the jerk and feel better than ever. This is the 1st time that I have not felt the need to text him and ask him why he treated me so badley and lied to me constantly. Il never get the answers I want and I've just accepted that.

I realise that I have and will always have a better life than him and much nicer and honest friends that I can count on. Im just so mad that I got involved with him, but I can't change the past and I suppose it's the past that shapes us into the person we are today.

The closing date for my uni application is tomorrow so hopefully il hear something very soon as to whether I've been accepted or not, fingers crossed I do and then I have my course in Sept to look forward too.

Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's advice and thanks for sticking by me when I broke NC rules in the past, that won't be happening again I can assure you. I never want to go back and feel that pain ever again xxx

That's great news,hun,don't be angry with yourself though-we live and learn from all our experiences.

Fingers crossed for uni.
Take care.xx

That's great news,hun,dont be angry with yourself though-we live and learn from all our experiences.

Fingers crossed for uni.
Take care.xx

Thanks Amicon!! I've never felt this positive, I really don't care if I never see him ever again and that is the truth. I just am happy not to have that drama in my life anymore, wondering who he is with and whether he will text me, and if he does text me will it be nice or the usual nasty stuff.

Im so much better than that and don't deserve to be treated that way. If he ever texts me again il simply ignore his text like the last one he sent me. Im onwards and upwards and this time he isn't going to drag me down to his level xx

Just wanted to give you all a little update (if that's ok), I thought it would help others to see that if I can move on ANYONE can move on. Well I am on day 13 now and not contacted him once, I've had weak moments but I just keep myself occupied and they soon pass. I feel so much better not having to worry whether he will be texting me nasty words or wondering where or in his case WHO he is with!! Its like a breathe of fresh air. I wanted to say again thank you so much for everyone that has helped me through this horrible time. Il never ever go back and put myself through that again for sure. Xxxxx

Its good to hear some happy! Keep up the NC and know that you're on the right path.

Thanks amicon - without you especially I would have never got over this horrible person treating me so badly, so thank you so much. Its easy to type but please understand how much I do appreciate the time yo take to offer help and advice. Xxxxx

You're very welcome! :-) x

Thank you for being such a nice person, you for one have given me hope that there are still some nice people out there in this world xxx :)

I am so happy for you, Louise.You go girl! Stay strong ad vent to us.

Thanks sully 123 :D:D:D

Thanks sully123, don't worry it's the TWO WEEK MARK!! And I'm feeling gooooooood :D:D

Il never ever contact him again, I've learnt my lesson and no I have no desire to understand why he used to treat me like scum. He is an idiot and that's why he did it. I know him and he will wonder when I will coming running back asking him "why do you treat me this way"? Well he is going to have a big shock this time when he don't hear them words ;););)

Your last post is great! I wish you the best of luck!
Hang in there :)

Thanks carrotalker, I will lfor sure hang in there, I realised 2 weeks ago that there are a lot of people worse off than me. A lot of people on here I think need to realise this point that are having problems of there own xxx

Hi everyone - just wanted to give you all an update, I turned my phone on today and my ex has text me asking me if I rang him last night!! Do I reply and say no or should I just ignore the text and pretend I never saw it, I'm thinking of opting for the latter one

Any help would be appreciated, I just don't understand, he told me to leave him alone after I told him not to contact me yet he still has my mobile number in his phone. I don't have his number anymore but recognise his number.

You ignore it Louise.
Don't get drawn back into the gameplaying.
NC-remember?

You ignore it Louise.
Dont get drawn back into the gameplaying.
NC-remember?

Hi Amicon - why do you think he text me that when he said 2 1/2 weeks ago that he wanted me to stop texting him which I did?? Its just so confusing, surely if he didn't want me in his life then he would have deleted my number??

Louise, don't care, please, why are you even giving him a thought? You are so strong, donb't give in now, you will be back to square one. You are so better off without him. OMG stay away, please!

He is trying to get you to play his stupid games again-dont worry about his twisted reasons.
Stop thinking about the sad sicko!

What you should do is ignore him and feel happy that he is out of your life.

Thanks sully and amicon - don't worry I deleted the text and I won't reply, I've come too far too go back, I know he don't care really - I'm just a little game to him to pass the time when he is bored and that hurts :(

Don't let it hurt you Louise. I admire you for being so strong, we are all here for you. Vent to us, that is all you need.

Don't let it hurt-he's not worthy of your pain.
Take care and enjoy your weekend. :-)

L try and not let it get me down but its so hard :(

He just walks back into my life whenever he pleases, he sent me a really nasty text saying to go away and stop texting him after I had told him not to contact me again. I hurt his feelings by telling him to never contact me again I know that for sure. Now after telling me too f%%k off and stop texting him he turns round and texts me?? I just don't understand what he has to gain by this? :(

He can only hurt you if you allow his actions to hurt.

Tell yourself that its pointless trying to figure him and his actions out.

Keep telling yourself that because that is the truth.

Thanks Amicon - I had all my head straight and was starting to move on and was doing so well with it all. Ive not contacted him for 17 days ish now and didn't really think of him much.

I feel that if I don't text him that he will just carry on texting me until he gets his way, I just wish I had never met him, I hate it that he plays me and his girlfriend off against each other :(

You don't text him.
You stay strong and don't break NC.

Just a quick update, I woke up this morning with a missed call on my phone from my ex, I knew if I didn't reply to his text that he would phone me to see if my mobiles on, that's his little game x

Speak to your network provider-they can block his number as he is a nuisance caller.
And continue ignoring him.
Stay strong.x

So you don't advise me to text him and politely tell him to leave me alone.

Why has he still got my number when he wanted me gone

No more texts,calls or any kind of communication.
Again,don't buy into his attempts at playing games with you.
Ignore,ignore and ignore.

Absolutely not! What to get more aggravated, and get back to square one. It's over and you have moved on.

Repeat after me, Ignore, and delete!!

I have deleted the call and I will pretend that I never saw it - like I say I've come too far to play more of his games, he won't like me ignoring him but I need to think of me for once. He has made his choice and led in his many beds

Remember, you don't care Louise what he thinks. It's about you and you only. Everyday you will get stronger. Later on down the road you will look back and say what was I thinking.

I so hope your right sully123, at the mo I feel used and taken advantage of. I know and finally understand that I can only be miserable if I let him and that will never happen again. Im a lot stronger now that we have not been in contact with each other for nearly 3 weeks.

Thanks for all your words of advice, I'm going to follow them and keep strong!! :)

It just makes me angry that he tells me to stop contacting him and then texts and calls me as he pleases. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Well grrr-but your anger is wasted on the j**k-save your feelings for somebody who deserves them.

Thanks amicon - I've come on leaps and bounds the past 2 weeks, I've been in touch with old schools friends, planning a holiday and generally looking forward to a fuller happier life.

p.s I can't believe I woke up to snow this morning - what a shock xx

Just wanted to keep you all informed as I haven't been around for a while, my ex texted me the other day and was calling me all these horrible names like a slag, whore, etc and said that I need to get myself down to the std clinic?? All because he found out I was with someone else now. I just don't understand? He says he don't love me and for me to stop calling him but then a few weeks down the track I get abuse like this. It really hurt me and set me back a lot, why would he call me these nasty names when he knows deep down I don't sleep around

Louise,you really need to do something about blocking his number.

You're perfectly fine for weeks then you allow his BS affect you again.

Ive said it before,I'll say it again,ignore the jerk.

Il try amicon (I didn't contact him for ages) and thought I was OK being friends but obviously not, he told me he loved me etc etc and I thought yes we can be friends and it will work out, then I get the texts (whore,slag etc) if he don't love me then why be bothered if I'm with someone else?

Il just ignore them and carry on xx

Expecting truth from a liar, is like using a spoon to dig a hole. Doesn't make sense nor get the job done.

What I don't understand is why you let his surprises through texting upset you still. You know he has the morals of that spoon I just mentioned?

Thanks Tal, I don't understand why he has this power over me, even though his words mean squat as he lies all the time I think everyone likes to be told they are loved even if he may not mean them.

The hurtful thing is that he called me a , whore, slag etc, even in anger would you really call those names to someone that you supposidly love?

I rang him yesterday to say stop contacting me and he was just nasty calling me weird etc, I said look why do you text me eh... do you love me? And he replied I thought I did and then said yes... I think I do yes?? Whay kind of an answer is that

You are a sensitive, emotional lady, I get that, that's why we are here for you to vent to.

>cyber hugs<

Yes,hugs from me too Lou-remember Jeremy Kyle?:-)

Count your blessings,you've got a good life.

Louise, stop calling him back. You come so far, and for some reason you let this idiot bother you. Stop giving in to him. Vent to us, instead. He doesn't love you, he enjoys abusing you and tormenting your mind. Stop allowing it. Enough is enough. Stop dialing this crazy man back. You deserve better.

Thanks, ami, tal and sully for your kind insightful words. Im feeling much stronger today and I'm going to ignore him from now on again. Ive got too good a life going on for mummys boy to spoil it this time.

It just hurts that he says he loves me and then ignores my texts and calls for three days, that too me isn't love more like mind games. Xxx

That's it ignore him forever-NC forever!!

Thanks ami, I really do love this guy :0( and he uses that love to play mind games with me

Why is it that I have this fab fella who would give up his life for me yet I'm drawn to this other guy who treats me like dirt and only ever thinks of himself.?

While I've been trying to make this other guy speak to me I'm not putting in the time and effort with my fella, I don't want to lose this guy as he is the best guy in the world. God its just so hard, I'm not going to answer his texts and calls again, I made a mistake thinking we could be friends but you are so right when you say on here that sometimes after a relationship brakes down there is just no going back to being friends :0(

You need to detox yourself from this dependency you have-that's not love it's more like a drug you crave.

What you're doing to each other,and you're playing your part as well,as you can't leave it be,is toxic and a complete waste of time.

As for the relationship you are in now,do you really think it's fair on your current guy,your being with him,with all this carry on?

Have a think about that.

Ami - no I really don't think its right and fair on hence hence my saying in an above thread. Id never want to hurt him ever, hence my venting on here rather than contacting my ex. I just hate that someone could want to hurt someone else so badly, so any times including a few days ago I've thought of ending it all because of the hurt and pain my ex boyfriend wants to put on me. I won't do it though as I have a family and many friends that need my support at this difficult time (my nan) xx

So many people tell me that I'm a kind and loving person and that I'm so thoughtless towards myself and so giving to others, if this is so then why does this ex want to hurt me if I'm a good person?

Because he is not a good person, and the sooner you accept the world is full of bad people, who do bad things, then you will do what good people do about bad people, to protect themselves, they don't associate themselves with them at all.

Any attention you give them, brings bad things into your life.

Thanks Tal, I hate myself so much for loving him!!

Im just going to try and keep myself busy to forget him :0( I just hate it that someone can play on someone's loves for another. I hate to think that there are nasty people out there but I suppose its true and I've got to face that horrible fact. He just ignores me for days at a time and when he is bored he just texts me a "hey its me how are you" line and expects me to jump through a hoop.

He calls me a slag and a whore but then gets mad if I'm with someone else, its like he is jealous that I'm with somelse but don't really want me himself. I just don't understand many things at the moment but what I do understand thankfully is that he plays mind games and hurts others to gain happiness for himself xx

I love you Louise, but your repeating yourself, so forgive me for asking if you have been texting him recently?

I just need to know if this is him, or are you still trying to keep him in your life by still contacting him.


He just ignores me for days at a time and when he is bored he just texts me a "hey its me how are you" line and expects me to jump through a hoop.

I would expect he contacts you out of the blue, as you have not text, or called him in many months, I mean many months. But if you react to his texts, that's breaking no contact, and is keeping this vicious cycle alive.

He has been texting me Tal so I stupidly text him back saying I was with someone and yes I loved him but id like for us to be friends, he said that how can I be with someone else if I still loved him?

Forget friends,forget HIM.
If anyone were to call me the names he has called you,I'd sue them!

He even said the other day that he thought id make the pregnancy up and was lying. The names he calls me hurt the most, why would you say that to someone?

This is where you trip yourself up-you try to figure him out-instead of saying to yourself; Right,he is a complete idiot,s***f him,and then get on with your life.

That's what I'm doing ami now - I've spent far too long trying to analyse his $behaviour and it gets me no where and makes me unhappy. When we spoke the other day I told him how much he was hurting me, he said I don't know what hurt is and I asked him why he said that? He said that he self harms cause of the pain inside him!! This is the guy that said he cut my name into his arm and then blamed me (his ex girlfriend told it was all a lie and he hadn't cut hmself)

From now on I'm looking forward and forgetting him xx

he has been texting me Tal so i stupidly text him back saying i was with someone and yes i loved him but id like for us to be friends, he said that how can i be with someone else if i still loved him?

Harshness warning

So its you who have been not going No Contact properly that's kept this alive for so long? No wonder you have not healed, and been able to move beyond this idiot you think can be a friend.

Are you so desperate for a friend that you are fooling yourself? Yes you are as every post you have written is all about you keeping this idiot around to make you miserable. After the last nine months when do you take some suggestions, and do what it takes to keep the devil away from you.

Its not his fault he is a jerk idiot who disrespect you and calls you names.

Its entirely, absolutely YOUR fault for taking his abuse, ignoring NC, breaking NC, and going back to the same treatment as before.

That is utter INSANITY, doing the same freaking thing over, and over (breaking NC), and expecting different results. (him acting like a good person, he is not, and has proven to you, he will not even act like you want him too).

I hate it when someone whom I care about, and want her to be happy just keeps doing DUMB stuff to hurt themselves again, and again.:mad:

Especially when they keep saying how right I (and others) are with our advice, but don't heed it. My gosh, its been 8 freaking months of LYING to US!! :mad:::confused::mad:

Tal - I have never lied on this forum :0( believe me I regret TRYING to be his friend, I thought it would be OK between us and he would accept my new fella ! Big mistake and a lesson learned but I'm not in as deep as per usual and am happy to walk away now before getting hurt again.

I now understand that we can never ever be mates, yes that is sad as I do love the idiot but understand that my current fella is far more important to me than he ever was. I just need the strength to keep busy and keep my dignity that he is trying to take away from me. Il be OK, I always am, I've got my family especially my nans illness to keep my mind busy plus a whole heap of college work. Thanks again for your help guys, without you id be on the funny farm for sure. I won't post anymore comments on here as I don't want to upset or offend anyone xxx

I just want you to get on with your life and be happy-ok?

That's all I want also, but it really hurts to see my friend keeping running her head into a brick wall.

Don't let my rant stop you from posting, but I get upset when you aren't making the progress, you could be so for that I apologize, because here is where you should be comfortable to vent your feelings without me getting all emotional, and evil.

See, I am human too, and do have feelings same as you, and make mistakes sometimes... same as you. :D

Thanks for your advice - il not contact him again. I can now see the bigger picture and understand that its all controlling mind games and not love - yeah it hurts me very much and I feel like having a good old cry but il never shed another tear for him, that would been seen as weak in his eyes.

Maybe he did love me, maybe he didn't? I don't suppose il ever find out the real truth on that score

No,and just leave it at that,you'll never know.

Some people aren't capable of loving themselves,so they can't love anyone else.

Sad,but that's life.

Thanks ami - I just hate myself for loving someone who cares so little about my feelings :0(, I wish that I wasn't such an emotional and sensitive person at times.

Love yourself for being you-that's the best way to go about finding a happy,loving and fullfilling relationship.

What is the point of being in a relationship with him, there is clearly no trust.

Chickie - I don't want a relationship with him, I just wanted to be mates but that isn't going to happen now, he has been calling me all the names under the sun and some are far too graphic to print on here.

Im trying to keep busy and forget him but I don't have a button that allows you too stop loving someone regardless of the hurt they cause you, if I could make one of those buttons I think id be a millionaire by now and be living the high life in the sun :0)

Hey everyone - hope you are all OK and having a fun Easter (im doing uni work :0( )

I just wanted to let you know that I'm so over this guy still and am looking forward to the future and what it brings. If the texts to me carry on (ive had a few in the past few days saying the usual that I'm a cow, slag etc etc) il change my number. Im feeling very positive and understand that the guy is poision to me and that we will never ever be friends, which is sad but a hard fact of life xxxx

Now you're talking-stick to those decisions!

Happy Easter to you too -dont o'd on the chocs!

Hi ami - too late on the o'd lol, already ate a Rolo one!!

Hope your having a nice Easter, I'm much more positive than I was, I realise that my problems are not important compared to others around me in comparison. Plus why would I want to be with someone who says they love me(apparently lol!! ) but can turn round and call me those hurtful names. He even turned round to my mate last week and said that he hopes he gets cancer!! How nasty and sick is that eh!!

Just ignore,ignore and ignore.

Tell your mates to stop it with the updates-boring stuff!

(I only like After Eight-so had a few of those.. . )

Thanks ami, I love after eight too!
I just can't understand why I'm sad that someone that ignores me, calls me horrid names, lies to me and has cheated on me is not in my life anymore. I mean I should be happy that I'm free of that mental torment and I am 99% happy its over, but just can't get over the hurt that one day he wants to talk and the next he ignores me for no reason

There is no understanding him so just leave it at that.

Words are cheap-actions speak volumes.

Just let it go.

Louise, stop caring what he thinks, it's been way too long, this dragging out. You have come so far. You know you're a good person and that's all that counts. I personally wouldn't give him the time of day. It's over and move on, that's the best thing to do. There's three things a woman should never take is cheating, abuse and being married to an acoholic . He falls in that category. He is scum in my book, and he should be, in yours.

Thanks ami and sully, yeah he is not a nice person I know that. I keep saying in my head that he can only hurt me if I let him hurt me. That's something that I've heard on here a few times and believe it to be true.

And it is true-so don't let him.
(Grr!) :-)

Thanks once again, it just hurts me that he just ignores me and tells me he don't want to ever see me again and then I USED to text him and ask him to be my friend and he just ignores my texts. So I stopped texting him and then I think he didn't like that I wasn't chasing him anymore and he would get in touch?? / does that sound like mind games to you??

Yes.

Look-he never was nor will he ever be your friend.

Stay with the decision you made,no contact.

Ever.

Thanks Ami - don't worry this time its going to be NC for good I PROMISE.Like I said, I'm feeling much better about the whole situation, oh I forgot to say, I got accepted into uni!! Start in Sept (mentally health nursing quite ironically lol) xxx

Congrats on that-good subject-you can use your own experiences with the mentally incompetent in your work.. .

Congrats on that-good subject-you can use your own experiences with the mentally incompetent in your work.. . . . . .

Lol... that comment just made my day :0) xxx

Thanks again all for all your help and support- without you guys I really don't think id be here right now typing this. Its funny how you can open your heart to strangers but not your own family and friends.

Im much stronger now and certainly won't be taking anymore of his nonsense when he decides to come running back when he wants to be in contact again. It is his loss if he don't ant my friendship not mine, its not me that lives at home with mummy aged 31, is a lier, cheater and general scum bag who has been nicked for drink driving (that rant made me feel better lol)

I hope you all had a lovely Easter and thanks once again xxx

Stay strong and focused on you. Do whatever it takes you to keep busy. He's dirt, and don't even mention his name. He is a poor example of a man. No respectful person treats a woman like that. Thank the Lord, you are rid of this man,he did you a great favor. His name after awhile you won't even mention... Good luck and vent to us, we are here for you, as always.

Thank you sully, that really means a lot to me. Don't worry I've learnt my lesson the hard way but getting my heart broke but it will mend and it will become another one of lifes little lessons I think.

It does make me mad that he thinks he can ignore me as he pleases and generally treat me like dirt and then come running back as he pleases. Well the boy has got a rude awakening next time he comes crawling back - I Isn't LISTENING OR RESPONDING TO HIM
Thanks again all xxxx

Scouts honour-good thinking.
(speaking of scouts-listen to Scouting for Girls latest-says it all.. . )

Keep well and take good care of yourself.

Louise, and keep his name out of your volcabulary. He is in the past. One day you will say to yourself, why did I every even give him the time of the day. The day will come, just continue on the path you are going.

Thanks to you both - sully I hope that day comes soon as my heart is breaking even though I know it's the right thing to do (staying away from him). If it is the right thing then why do I feel this pain, hurt and betrayl? I won't contact him again I promise but I can't understand why if its such a bad thing to be his friend does it hurt so much

The thing is,you can make your mind up to not allow yourself to feel this pain anylonger.

So long as you keep going over the hurt and the pain,you become the victim of that agony.

Make a conscious choice to not stay stuck in that mentality.

The thing is,you can make your mind up to not allow yourself to feel this pain anylonger.

So long as you keep going over the hurt and the pain,you become the victim of that agony.

Make a conscious choice to not stay stuck in that mentality.

Your right ami (as always :p:p), from today the hurt and pain he has put me through will go, I'm keeping myself busy and trying not to wonder what he is doing or where he is but its hard. Il get there, I just need a kick up the backside every now and then from you guys ;);)

Im not going to be a victim any longer, I'm getting on with life as we only have one shot - thanks ami you're the best xx

Thanks for the vote of confidence-:-)-come here when you need to,but I trust you are moving on now!

Oh yes I'm moving on from him and his mind games, but il stick around to give my help and advice on others problems. I like to think I've been through the mill and can offer some helpful advice as others have helped me xx

Just remember you are a better person that him! Remind yourself, of what that man has put you through. The abuse and cheat he is. I shouldn't even call him a man, he doesn't even deserve that title.

Wow louise I just read the whole thing. You should be really proud you got through all of that. Gj :). Gives me a lot of hope.

Just rememer you are a better person that him! Remind yourself, of what that man has put you through. The abuse and cheat he is. I shouldn't even call him a man, he doesn't even deserve that title.

Thanks Sully, I know that I'm a better person than him and that's what keeps me going. I just hope I can help others on here like everyone has so kindly helped me. Il never forget the kindness you have all shown xxx

Wow louise i just read the whole thing. You should be really proud you got through all of that. Gj :). Gives me a lot of hope.

I'm glad my story shows that you are not alone, just keep NC and you will heal a lot faster then keep going back to the ex. She will think that she can play mind games with you if you keep going back for more BS. Please feel free to vent on here xx

Hey, you split up 2 years ago. Probably a godsend.

"My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with."

"his actions just dont match his words"

Why are you still even thinking about him? Let alone conversing.

Get on with things. Geez.

Hi Louise,

I hope this is not too harsh and I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just read your entire post from the beginning and I must tell you, it was absolute torture to read. I'm going through the same thing with someone who has not done to me half the things this jerk has done to you and I refuse to give my ex another chance. Loving him is completely irrelevant.

You keep asking how can he do this to you and why, and the answer is simple, he does this because he gets a reaction out of you, Every time! And any reaction from you, be it positive or negative, equals attention towards him and a huge ego boost! And he will continue seeking a reaction from you and will not stop as long as you CONTINUE TO REACT (i.e. reply to his texts/calls). The only thing you are good for in his eyes is an ego boost (I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh).

You are like an elastic band. He keeps the tension by contacting you and releases it by ignoring you so that YOU START TRYING TO PULL HIM TOWARDS YOU. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect he has on you and he just sits back, ignores you and watches you feed his ego by feeling hurt and reacting to him. This is incredibly satisfying to him and that's why he keeps doing it, not because he loves you (he only loves himself).

The only way to break him and break this sick cycle is to act as if he was dead, as if he does not exist. How do you interact with a deceased person? YOU DON'T! EVER!

Please do not let this jerk have any effect on you whatsoever. Repeat after me 'I do not love this low life!' And remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE. Fake it until you make it. Fake indifference until you feel nothing but indifference towards him.

I wish you the best of luck!

Girl with a story - many thanks for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate however harsh the response. Im in a better place at the moment and have cut all contact with him and don't care if I ever see him again. It hurts me that he calls me all the names under the sun e.g. slag, whore etc after he says he loves me but I'm trying to get past that hurt. I keep remembering that he can only hurt me if I let him!!

His opinion of me isn't relevant anymore like it once was, one of the last things we said to each other via text was this... I said to him "you dont passionatly love me do you"? And he replied "no I dont but I do love you"!! I don't know what was meant by that. One day he loves me and the next day he treats or should I say treated me like dirt e.g ignoring my texts and calls and slagging me off verbally.

I used to ask him why he would say such cruel things that are not true and he knows that they are not true and his answer was that he is stupid and says stupid things at times?? He may say stupid things but things like calling me a slag and a whore and telling my boyfriend that if he goes near me then he will need to go to an sti clinic ASAP is so cruel and upsetting.

He is no longer your problem.

He can call whoever names. Who really cares?

"have cut all contact with him and dont care if I ever see him again"

Thatta girl!

He is no longer your problem.

He can call whoever names. Who really cares?

"have cut all contact with him and dont care if I ever see him again"

Thatta girl!!

I didn't think that id ever have the strength to do it but I did it!! :p:p:p

I really don't care if I don't ever hear from him again, even if he does call il never answer or reply. He says he still loves me but my love for him is getting less and less by the day

That isn't love.

That aint love.

Your right, and then I used to think omg he didn't love me and it was all mind games and then I go tumbling back down and have to start from square one, I'm a little stronger now and I'm glad a person like that isn't attracted to me :):)

"im glad a person like that isnt attracted to me"

Now you can make room in your life for the good ones...

I never thought that id get back to that place where I was happy without him, but if I can do it then anyone can do it!!

Its like I feel free and don't have to worry if the next text or call is going to be a nasty or a nice one, I'm happy with a lovely guy and life couldn't be any better at the moment. Im looking forward to finishing my course in June and starting a new direction in my life in September.

I thought I was so having a bad time of it, then I looked around around and so all those people around me that are ill and have far more to worry about than I do. Im really glad I had my wake up call so I can start living my life again and not pondering on his every action xx

Just a quick update to say that I'm keeping to the NC and have not felt this good in ages. NC really does work wonders!! :0)

Im feeling more positive and no longer keep my mobile phone underneath my pillow at night waiting for that text or call from him (looking back that now sounds such a silly thing to do)

Im living proof that NC can be done and it WORKS :0)

Good-stick to it!

Hi ami - hope you are well and enjoying the sunshine!!

Im doing well, and NC is working a treat, no longer am I pining for hin. Don't get me wrong I'm not 100% OK and think about him everyday but try and keep myself busy and hope NC will eventually allow me to think about him less and less.

I read a post that really helped me when you said something about "silence is dignity". That's what I'm trying to do, get my dignity back and not text or call him asking him why he treats me this badly or why he all of a sudden wants nothing to do with me. It does hurt that he has turned on me again all of a sudden but I'm trying not to let it hurt me this time. Like you said, he can only hurt me if I let him and I'm not letting him hurt me ever again. XXX

True-nobody can hurt our hearts-unless we let them.

Its all about h o w we handle our own emotions and how we choose to react when others treat us with disrespect.

(no sunshine here-drizzly rain.. . :-( )

It hurts like hell that someone I loved and trusted could treat me this way but I'm not letting it get me down this time. I have one life and I can't waste it on someone that cares so little for my feelings and emotions. Its hard just switching your heart off but NC does help ad I'm getting there bit by bit. I do think of him every day and my heart aches when I think of the things he has said and done to me but il be OK and its made me a stronger person in a way

The sun has now officially gone in and the cloud has arrived :0(

Emotions can't be just switched off,but you will heal much more quickly when you go NC and stick to it.

Just see it as an investment in your future happiness.

And remember,all the loving words in the world are just that-words.

People prove their worth by their actions.

Hi all - just thought id give you all an update!! After stupidly texting him for ages and receiving no reply which you all know about I found out yesterday he is back with his ex girlfriend. She is all loved up with him etc etc. I personally can't understand why she would have him back when approx a month ago he was telling me he loved me but hey ho.

Part of me considered telling her AGAIN what a low life he is and that he was trying to be with me up until a month ago until he blanked me AGAIN. Its funny how he cut off all contact with me the week he started seeing her. But the week before he was telling me he wanted a life with me??

Well like I said in the past I'm well over hin, not doubt il hear from him again when they have split up or had a row and he is bored, I'm not going to bother contacting her and telling her what a low life he is, sh has been told many times before but thinks people are lying to her and want to break her and him up!!

I don't understand why she would ant to be with someone when all through there 6 month relationship last year he was begging me to go back to him even asked me to marry him. She even saw the texts and still didn't believe it?? Well they say love is blind don't they. It took me long enough to learn but thankfully I have.

Don't worry about their comings and goings,just carry on with your life and let the past stay the past.

NC forever.

Go enjoy your life. Don't give him the opportunity to "blank" you again.

Good luck to you.

Thanks you both for you kind words, I'm going to keep on the path and try not to think of him and her together. She deserves all that will be coming to her when he cheats and lies to her once again.

I just can't understand why she would want to be with him when she was telling me last year that "i can have him, im fed up of his mind games" she even told me that I'm welcome to him as he can't be trusted!!

Very strange for her to say that and then jump back into bed with him at the first opportunity

Lou,it's a waste of time trying to understand people such as these-and it only stops you from moving on completely.

It doesn't matter what they do,think or feel,what matters is that you allow yourself to have the life you deserve-without them in it.

Lou,it's a waste of time trying to understand people such as these-and it only stops you from moving on completely.

It doesnt matter what they do,think or feel,what matters is that you allow yourself to have the life you deserve-without them in it.

Thanks ami - why does it still just a little hurt that she is with him after all he has done to her behind her back??
I say this then in the next breathe I really don't care what they do as long as they both stay away from me. It does hurt a little how someone who said they loved me can move on or should I say go back again to this woman

That's why you should distract yourself and not think about them-you need to see how toxic the entire situation/relationship was and feel happy that he is not in your life anymore.

I do ami - I know how toxic the relationship was to me, and I am glad that I'm out of it and don't have to be subject to his mind games and insults of him calling me a s**g, wh**e and a whole host of other names. He told me he loved me yet went off to be with someone else, so now I can see that it wasn't love that it was just him being a d**k and thinking with it as well!!

I try and keep myself busy and I'm doing well at it but I'm fed up of having to put a brave face on whilst they are out enjoying each other :0(

All I ever did was be there for him, even stupidly after he insults me and what am I left with... nothing but bitter memories and an aching heart somedays.

Il survive like Gloria Gaynor says, it just sucks that all I've done for him and the time I invested he chucks back in my face and walks into the sunset with the woman who I told that her man asked me too marry him :0(

Granted it sucks-but let it go,because if you have a serious think about it you will realise how unimportant it really is.

Ami - why do you say its unimportant hun? Do you mean because they deserve each other, him because he is a liar and a cheat and her because she has been told time and time again about him but just won't listen and thinks that everybody is lying to her

Its unimportant as whatever they do or will do,or have done can't hurt you anymore-unless you you allow yourself to feel hurt.

When we move on,we come to realise that the ex has no power over us,unless we let them.

Its unimportant as whatever they do or will do,or have done can't hurt you anymore-unless you you allow yourself to feel hurt.

When we move on,we come to realise that the ex has no power over us,unless we let them.

Very wise words, he can only hurt me if I let him and that will never ever happen again, I never want to feel the way I did back then. Il leave that for his girlfriend to suffer me thinks. Im looking forward to the future and what it holds, those two are very welcome to each other, he thinks he is gods gift to women and she thinks the sun shines out of his a$$ :D:D

Actually its no longer your business, and would be well done with them both. You will never understand how some people tick, but for sure she has done nothing that you haven't done, so leave them alone. As you learned then someday so shall she.

We all learn at our own pace. I am really surprised you still dwell on this, as you say your over it.

hi all - just thought id give you all an update !!! after stupidly texting him for ages and recieving no reply which you all know about i found out yesterday he is back with his ex gf. She is all loved up with him etc etc. I personally can't understand why she would have him back when approx a month ago he was telling me he loved me but hey ho.

Part of me considered telling her AGAIN what a low life he is and that he was trying to be with me up until a month ago until he blanked me AGAIN. Its funny how he cut off all contact with me the week he started seeing her. But the week before he was telling me he wanted a life with me ????

Well like i said in the past im well over hin, not doubt il hear from him again when they have split up or had a row and he is bored, im not going to bother contacting her and telling her what a low life he is, sh has been told many times before but thinks people are lying to her and want to break her and him up !!!!!

I dont understand why she would ant to be with someone when all throught there 6 month relationship last year he was begging me to go back to him even asked me to marry him. She even saw the texts and still didnt believe it ???? well they say love is blind dont they. It took me long enough to learn but thankfully I have.

I now that others already have addressed this... but let it go hon! Let go o it!

He is not your problem, she is not your problem and this is non of your business. Its time to edject yourself from the situation completely!

You got to let go of things you can't control and the love life of these two people are non of your problem and if she is setting herself up for heartache.. well quite frankly, that's her problem and her business.

You should focus on saving yourself and controlling and caring about yourself and things that are a part of your business and your life...

Best of luck! Keep going strong with NC (which also contains.. not listening to stuff about his life As I see it)

Roxy

Tal - thanks for your words, I hardly ever think of them anymore, it just took me by surprise when I heard they were together. I knew she would take him back anyway some day.

Like I say, I don't dwell on the past anymore, I have a lovely fella and my lifes good, I just hate seeing people get used that's all but like you said, I learned and so must she

Roxy - you are right, that's her problem and her business and that's why I'm keeping my nose out of the situation and not telling her that he is a pig, if she wants to be with someone that has cheated on her in the past then you are right in saying that's its her business not mine. It just pi$$es me off that every time they argue he comes running to me. If he does come running this time I won't be there after the way he treated me. Im happy at last and finally feel like my life is heading in the correct direction. NC for me ALL the way xxxx

I'm glad to hear that! That NC is still in motion and that you think of it has her problem and not yours and it is an healthy attitude to have: If he comes running, you won't be there!

Good for you!

Hi roxy- no I won't be there for sure. Ive finally woke up to him and his nasty ways. He thinks he can flit from woman to woman when he is bored or got dumped. Well I won't be there anymore, if he does call/text then I won't answer and I delete without reading.

Hi folks - just a bit of an update and a bit of advice please. Well it was going sooo well, 3 months of NC and then bang out of the blue my ex texts me. So what I did was tell me friend that it wasn't my number anymore but the ex was insistent that it was and that he has a mate in the police and checked I the phone was regestered in my ame. In the end I gave up and just text that yes the phone used to belong to louise but acted as now it was now one of my friends. He didn't fall for it and so I said it was me. Anyway he started it all again and I just turned round and said "what do you want me to say to you that I love you and want to marry you" and he said do you? I replied "do you" he said "I would"!! To cut a long story short he was flirting really bad with me and saying to me "you know how I feel as I say it often enough but you just throw it back in my face"!!

By this point I've had enough, so I do something silly, I make a profile up on FB and check to see if his ex is with him and she is!! I wish I hadn't done it now but I just was curious (well I was 99%) certain anyway that they were together. To cut a long story short she cottoned on that it was me friend requesting her (ive denied it) to spy and break up her and my ex. The ONLY reason I friend requested her was to see if the low life scum bag was playing his old tricks and he was. So now she is telling all her FB friends that I'm back after my ex ad won't leave him alone, when in fact that it was HIM texting me after 3 months and telling me he loves me. I told him in the texts to leave me alone and that we were no longer mates.

They are going away in August and it makes me sick, he texts me flirting and saying he loves me, I text him back saying I'm not his friend and to leave me alone and now his ex is slagging me off saying that I'm trying to steal her man off her and that I'm pathetic as I can't let him go after 3 years??

While my ex obviously must be slagging me off to his new girlfriend on one hand then texting me flirting on the other. It just annoys me that HE contacts me and I tell him to leave me alone and the girlfriend thinks I'm trying to break them up.

I know I shouldn't have friend requested her and il delete her today but how the hell am I to blame when its HER boyfriend that's causing the trouble. It made me laugh because of FB she put that I can try my best to cause trouble but its only making them stronger!! He really is playing her for a fool again

Im more happy than I've ever been with my fella and know now that I just shouldn't of replied to his first text, I just wanted to give the creep the benefit of the doubt and that he was single and being a jerk rather than being in a relationship and being a jerk. Anyway, I won't make the mistake of replying again, he will always be a creep and it don't other me that they are together, what bothers me is him trying to play mind games with me and hurt me. He goes out of his way to hurt me :(:( and make me sad. One minute he was being nice and then the other he was being nasty to me, when I ask him why he is always so nasty he replies "its always about you isnt it, everythings is about you"??

NO CONTACT!

Start again,don't let him invade into your life,change your number,once you let him in again,all he knows now is with a little persistence he can get to you,it might take a little longer this time to get rid of him completely.

If he keeps pestering you,talk to the police,have it logged as a compliant,if he tries to find out about you again,re: phone numbers,the compliant is logged.

This guy needs a reality wake up call.

Don't check the Facebook,the girlfriend is to be pitied,and at least she is keeping him some what busy and out of your life.

Boot camp nc for you,he will get the message,you just have to be strong and ignore the teenage antics on Facebook.

NO CONTACT!

start again,dont let him invade into your life,change your number,once you let him in again,all he knows now is with a little persistence he can get to you,it might take a little longer this time to get rid of him completly.

if he keeps pestering you,talk to the police,have it logged as a compliant,if he tries to find out about you again,re: phone numbers,the compliant is logged.

this guy needs a reality wake up call.

dont check the facebook,the girlfriend is to be pitied,and at least she is keeping him some what busy and out of your life.

boot camp nc for you,he will get the message,you just have to be strong and ignore the teenage antics on facebook.

Oh yes back to NC for sure, I ask him to delete my number as I deleted his but he won't. If it contiunes then il change my number, I can't block his number as I've already tried. He just loves playing people off against the other, it must make him feel important. I don't understand the girlfriend though, she thinks I'm trying to break them up?? I've never talked to her for months, all I wanted it too see if they were together and that he was still a creep. Im glad they are together, like you said it keeps him busy and away from me for periods. It just annoys me when it is him that is causing all the trouble and his girlfriend is slagging me off. She was told what he was like last year but he must have told her it was me pestering him?? So she now thinks I'm out to break them up which is the furthest thing from my mind

Ah sure,better to be the hot topic of conversation then ignored.

She is not your friend,family,sibling,you don't have to listen to what she says,you don't have to eat dinner with her and you don't have to listen to her deluded fantasies of her 'poor boyfriend'... shes to be pitied.

Your free from him,you don't have to listen to his crap,and you know he has no honesty no integrity and he's a donkeys a$$, ( that's kind of insulting to donkeys!).

Rise above the crap talk and get on with your life.

I really feel sorry for the girlfriend (even though she is adament in slagging me off) as she is getting played by him. Maybe he does loves her, amybe he doesn't? I don't know and don't care. It just pi$$es me off that a man wants to play two women off against each other and that's why I'm not responding this time as I don't want him to think that he is so worthy of my time!!

How can he say he loves me and at the same time be planning a holiday with her?? Confused.com!!

i really feel sorry for the gf (even though she is adament in slagging me off) as she is getting played by him. Maybe he does loves her, amybe he doesnt? i dont know and dont care. It just pi$$es me off that a man wants to play two women off against each other and thats why im not responding this time as i dont want him to think that he is so worthy of my time !!!!

How can he say he loves me and at the same time be planning a holiday with her ????? confused.com !!!!!


Perhaps because he wants an easy shag,you on the side,cant think of any other reason,its certainly not love.

You fell for the love line before and he's using the same line again,the guy needs to get some new material!

He does not love you,he does not love her,there's no bones about that.

Redhead - she thinks they are madly in love and that I'm trying to come between them!! Ha ha

Id never touch his dirty skanky a$$ again if you paid me, he must be laughing at us both. Me because he thinks he can text anytime and say the "i love you crap" and get away with it, and her because he is playing her for a fool and she thinks the sun shines out of his a$$. How can you have a girlfriend and behind her back with me and probably many other be telling others you love them and want to be with them? Whether he does or does not love me (I don't think he does) its still very wrong to treat your girlfriend in that way. Id love to tell her that her boyfriend is a scum bag and show her the texts he sent me but I've done this before and even with the texts in front of her eyes she didn't believe me!! So this time its her own fault when she finds out what a lying scum bag he is

She will no doubt find out on her own in time.

You need to perserve your integrity,be a lady through out the experience,and do NOT entertain conversations about him/her or about them.

Let it go,and move on with your own life.

Thoughts of his behaviour are only toxic to you.

she will no doubt find out on her own in time.

you need to perserve your integrity,be a lady through out the experience,and do NOT entertain conversations about him/her or about them.

let it go,and move on with your own life.

thoughts of his behaviour are only toxic to you.

Thanks Redhead - that's what I'm now trying to do, retain my dignity but its bloody hard as all I ant to do is scream and say... ITS NOT FLAMING ME THAT IS GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR BF IITS VICE VERSA!! But I won't do that, il let her think that she is the better woman and that she has her man and that I'm trying to break them up!!
I don't understand how deep down she can trst him, maybe she can't and that's why she needs to tell the world how happy they are. Anyway, I've deleted her on FB and now there both out of my life for good I hope xx

Good for you,and I think you are right in sayng that she does know.

Anyone who needs to always bump up their partners profile,knows there are serious flaws in the relationship and just can't admit them to themselves.

Its annoying when someone is sayng things about you that are not true,and in the normal course of events I would say,stand up for yourself,but in this instance I see no point, as she would not believe you and only see you as interfering and causing trouble,it would benefit no one.

You've taken the higher road and you will be better for it.

Thanks redhead - I hope it's the better road, I think it is but I'm just so angry inside that he is laughing at us both... grrrrrrrrrr

I wish I had never met him, I was at a low point in my life when we met as otherwise I would not have even gone near a geek like that. I mean to lie about self harming and writing my name in his arm so we would be together forever is a bit strange!!

They are both welcome to each other, they are both losers who have no life, no qualifications and obviousley no trust in each other

Come on Louise, block him from your phone. Then this cycle ends.

Come on Louise, block him from your phone. Then this cycle ends.

I've tried Tal - I promise but I can't do that on a PAYG mobile, if this continues il just buy another cheap sim and transfer my number xx I'm not getting into the cycle again for sure x

Seems to me the ex b/fs loving all the attention and lying his arris off to them both, wouldn't be surprised to find out he has a 3rd or 4th on the go too.

Love is blind, and his g/f is bound to take his part, she won't want to admit that he's a lying toe rag, because that would mean she too will have to deal with it or be the laughing stock.

Sad sad people, however OP you're on the right track, keep up with the NC, and you'll soon find he doesn't even enter your thoughts, and think how wonderful it will be to live a truthful life, finally, when you live with Walter Mitty out of it.

Pinochio...

Delete without responding, or do you need some really tough love to break the insanity of your actions?? :confused:

Yup, this all could have been avoided.

Delete without responding, or do you need some really tough love to break the insanity of your actions???? :confused:

Hi Tal - yep the next time he texts il just delete without responding. It just hurts as a few days ago he was saying that he loves me (a lie I know) and then goes on Facebook and tells his ex on a public forum that he hasn't heard from me who he now classes as "LOOPY LOU" for a few days YYYYYEEEEE HAAAAAAA??

Why would he text ME one day saying he loves me and then when I tell him to delete my number he goes on FB and says that thank god he hasn't heard from me to his girlfriend?? Its just so weird. Anyway, I've deleted all FB contacts etc as I don't want to know the hurtful things they are saying about me publicly. It just hurts that one day he says he wants to marry me and the next he is going on FB saying to his ex that thankfully he hasn't heard from me "LOOPY LOU" IN A FEW DAYS :(:(

I'm 31 just like you. I share your pain and I feel so sorry for you that you have met with this type of person --- such a jerk. But what made me wordless is your obsession over him. You let this guy continue to have influence on you, still open almost every channel of contacts and connections with him, and also your non-stop same type of questions "Why he do that?, why he do this?"

May I ask you why? Why doing this to yourself? Even I don't know you before, I feel that this is absolutely unhealthy and come on... we are 31 now!

When my ex dumped me 2 months ago saying that he never loved me and he just can't pretend any longer. I was in deep shock, after all the nice things I have done for him for years. I feel being used, being lied to, and feel so worthless. I spent time figure out what's going on and there are thousands of stuffs going in my head for weeks. Then I just come to a conclusion that "I deserve a lot better --- than this jerk who always suffer me, the one I deserve will be the one who is a good kind person in his character, who won't leave me for other girl, who won't lie to me, who won't cheat on me, who will always stand by me, and who truly care for me." And the belief that I deserve better give me strength to get over him and I know that one day I will totally get over him. I still feel so hurt sometimes and think about it a lot but my strong will to keep moving forward not backward make me get through it day by day.

And you know what I have done since the day he dumped me? SINCE THE FIRST DAY HE DUMPED ME, I changed all my numbers he knows, I blocked him from all possible connections he had with me, I even blocked all mutual friends, and blocked all the emails, and tell mutual friends to totally shut up about him, so he has no single way to reach me at all nor do I care if he tried to do it. And for me, do I want to contact him or visit his Facebook or ask some friends about him? Yes! I really want to do it a lot. But again it’s my strong will to move forward and I realize that doing all those things are useless and will only cause me pain, so I never do it. I never contact him in any way at all and I know that this is the right way to go. Dignity and pride make me feel good about myself.

You should stop figuring out someone as it consumes so much energy! And all your “why” questions come up with only one answer that “It’s so clear that he is not a good person and even clearer that this guy doesn’t love you at all!”

I think your problem is that you never really want to give up with this guy, to be honest. You stuck and you obsess and you just can’t quit this cycle because deep inside you don’t really want to do it yet. You still seem to enjoy suffering yourself and enjoy texting and knowing about him and then come here and ask “why” and “why”. I think you should ask yourself “Why I still holding on to this?”

This has to begin with the strong will inside your heart and your mind that you want to end it and really feel enough with it. You have to see by yourself what’s good and what’s bad for you. It’s so clear for us but maybe it takes more time for you.

You have to love yourself. I don’t think you do. Sorry to be so straightforward but people who love themselves will not do what you do to yourself right now. As for me, even if I cry for 24 hours everyday for months (which I’m not!), I will never ever contact or want to keep in touch or want to know anything about anyone who dumped me, or used me, or lied to me, or suffer me. I don't want my dream guy waiting for me out there for too long by stucking on this past nightmare. Case closed.

wonderlife thanks for your reply. I think you were right in that you said I was trying to figure him out and that consumes too much energy. I had a unknown number missed call on my phone last week and knew it was him but I just deleted it and moved on. Im ot interested anymore in what he is up to, I know he is with her and that's enough for me to pack my bags and get the hell out of this cycle. I really do hope they are happy together but I doubt that will last for long with his lies and cheating ways.

I agree that I was living in the past for a long time and stupidly dwelling on the whys all the time instead of moving on and looking forward to my future. I don't really think of him much anymore, and one the few occasions that I do I just think of something else and the thought soon passes.

He has just left me with a bitternesss that I can't seem to shake off but I'm trying so so hard, that's maybe why I always ask the why why why questions, as if I understand why he treated me so badly then I could try and figure out how to get over it?? But from the advice on here I understand that il never understand why he did these nasty things to me so I need to try and move on without answers

That's life-you move on-strong and never mind the answers- just being you-and trusting that life is good. Don't spend another moment thinking about him.
Ok?

Thats life-you move on-strong and never mind the answers- just being you-and trusting that life is good. Dont spend another moment thinking about him.
Ok?

OK hun, I'm doing my best to move on and forget that chapter of my life, it's a chapter I regret so so much. Anymore messages and il just delete without reading I 101% promise xx :):)

I would have done the same thing, change my number and blocked every possible way he could contact me, and Louise you haven't done that yet. I don't understand what your hanging on too. He is still consuming your life, it's over and he should have been over inside of you a very long time ago. Like wonderlife said, it's dignity and pride.

NC, when you make the decision to do so and are committed, becomes easy & after a while, second nature.

The hard part is the soul searching & digging deep into ourselves to recognize why we make certain decisions in our life.

In essence, we are in control of every action we take. And the successes & failures that come with those decisions.

Im happy to hear that you are starting on a new path.
Good luck, you can do it.

Van

Thank you all for your messages, I'm going to delete any messages without reading as sully I can't change my number as I'm on contract, that is the only contact method he has with me as he is not one of my FB friends etc. I just regret ever meeting the jerk tbh, it makes me mad that he used me like that but it is an event that has taught me a few good lessons in life.

I would look into that Louise, that isn't true you can't change your number, because one of my friends just changed her number recently, and she was on contract. We all are! When you call them and tell them you are being harassed they have no problem changing it. You don't have to keep that number. You get so far Louise, and then you fall back in that same path of wondering. It's over, he is a jerk!

A year is far to long to have carried this on. He has made a game of harassing you and it may be time to take more aggressive tactics against him.

I agree with Sully, contact your contractor and simply explain your situation, and see about changing your number, or contact the police.

At some point, you may have to consult a male family member, or your new b/f, to have a word with him.

By now you already know that passively talking to him only fuels him further, and that has to stop, and you will have to eventually accept that evil, trifling people are in the world, that want to hurt you, and you have to protect yourself from them. Being nice is not an option, nor dwelling on why they are the way they are.

Being timid, and allowing their behavior is NOT an option either. Get that number changed.

Lou.let it go-too much time-too much energy wasted-ok? Be strong ignore,ignore and ignore. Lol x

Why he did all these nasty things to you from the past up until the present time?

Because you let him to. And if you enjoy it and you love this type of person and don't think you deserve better, then please stop reading all the great advices posted by lot of nice people here. If not, then, you should take some serious actions to get you out of this painful cycle.

When someone hurts you once, it will be a lot smarter to figure out all the smart helpful ways not to let them do it to you ever again - than to figure out why they did what they did.

I strongly suggest that you have to start with the first step, which you should start it strictly and seriously long long time ago. It's a total No-Contact with the person and not let him have any channels to contact you. It will still affect you emotionally and negatively if you still have to see missed call and text messages from him or else, even if you deleted them all. I think you know what I mean --- make it total clean and clear.

And when you continue to do it for a period and continue to distance yourself from the past by not involve with him at all, there'll be a time when you will be able to see the past as it actually happened in a more rational ways --- like you are outside viewer. You may finally know what was going on and what you should do that will be best for yourself.

For me, I start thinking rational, seeing things clearer, and knowing what to do when he was totally out of my life.

For you, please begin with the first step. And NC in my book doesn't mean doing it for a week and after that visit his Facebook, or reply to his text, or answer his call, and then back to NC again like a cycle that never end. You can't let it happen at all, not even once.

Clean and clear, I have to stress here --- not involve with him at all and don't let him involve with you at all. Go forward only.