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louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:35 AM

Hi All

I'm wondering if you kind people could help me, I'm in a big dilemma. My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with.

Basically, we split up 2 years ago and since then he has been wanting to get together but then I find out about his lies, he asked me to get back together in October last year and then I found out he had a long distance girlfriend. He told me he was going on a trip and it turned out to be visit her, needless to say I was gutted.

In May he asked to get back together again, I then found out he was asking this girl (lets call her Jane) to go on holiday with him, when I asked him he said it was true but they were just mates then a couple of weeks later I found out they slept together. He told me he was drunk and it was a mistake, that it was me he loved etc etc.

He has text me recently saying that he loves me and that he wants us to be together, I asked if he was with Jane and he said no. I then found out that he is seeing the girl I thought he was!! I found out as her Facebook account says she's in a relationship with him.

He just lies to me all the time, asking me to get back together but at the same time being in a relationship. He knows that I love him, this is tearing me apart. What should I do?

I wish · Jul 2, 2009, 10:41 AM

Extreme harshness warning

It's really difficult to help yourself if you love him regardless of all his lies.

He's a liar, that's just who he is. But who are you? It sounds like you have a self-esteem and confidence problem.

Have more self-respect. You don't need to associate yourself with someone like that. Get some professional help for your confidence problem.

Stop talking to him. Block him out of your life or else you can never move on with your life. You've already put 2+ years of your life on hold for this guy, it's enough. There are nicer people in this world. Why don't you go meet some...

simoneaugie · Jul 2, 2009, 10:46 AM

As much as you want him to be telling you the truth, he does not. Do not take his calls or texts. Do not read emails from him. Stay away from Facebook for a while. He is toxic. You need space and sanity. His issues, "Jane" can have.

Take care of yourself. Don't take any more of his poison.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:47 AM

I wish, thanks for your response, I haven't sat around waiting for him, he comes in and out of my life as he pleases, he just knows that I do love him.

I know deep down that I can do better, I feel for his girlfriend really, she thinks the son shines out his a$$ and all the time he is telling me he loves me.

I know that I could never trust him and without trust then its impossible to have a relationship. He has told my friend that he enjoys playing mind games and that he is good at it, I personally don't know what kind of perosn admits to that and is proud of that fact.

CathrineP · Jul 2, 2009, 10:48 AM

Move on with your life... without him. His using you--simple. Don't waste anymore time on him. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Go fishing!

88sunflower · Jul 2, 2009, 10:49 AM

This sounds like a bad situation period. If he loved you so much he wouldn't lie to you. If anything, he would be straight forward and honest to show you how much he has changed.
You need to get yourself esteem up and forget him. You can find someone better who will love you and treat you with more respect then he does. Why would you want to stay with someone so dishonest. You will always wonder what's true or not and never have trust. A good relationship needs trust.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

As much as you want him to be telling you the truth, he does not. Do not take his calls or texts. Do not read emails from him. Stay away from Facebook for a while. He is toxic. You need space and sanity. His issues, "Jane" can have.

Take care of yourself. Don't take any more of his poison.

My friend text him ttelling him that we found out that he is seeing "Jane" and he went silent for a couple of days!! My friend told my ex that he is making me ill with these lies. When he found this out he text me and asked if I'm taking pills because of him? I've not answered his text, that was 3 days ago.

Im just so hurt and upset I don't know what to do

88sunflower · Jul 2, 2009, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

My friend text him ttelling him that we found out that he is seeing "Jane" and he went silent for a couple of days !!!!! my friend told my ex that he is making me ill with these lies. When he found this out he text me and asked if im taking pills because of him? ive not answered his text, that was 3 days ago.

Im just so hurt and upset i dont know what to do

Don't answer his texts, calls or visits. Its been 3 days you said. That's a good start to NC. The longer you go the easier it will be to move on.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

This sounds like a bad situation period. If he loved you so much he wouldnt lie to you. If anything, he would be straight forward and honest to show you how much he has changed.
You need to get your self esteem up and forget him. You can find someone better who will love you and treat you with more respect then he does. Why would you want to stay with someone so dishonest. You will always wonder whats true or not and never have trust. A good relationship needs trust.

Thanks for your response sunflower, his girlfriend (apparently she is an old friend of his) was told that he tells lies etc etc an she chose not to believe people. I thought should I tell her about her boyfriend wanting to get together with me but then it just makes me look like the bitter ex and I don't want that. Plus I really don't want the hassle of it all. She was warned months ago what he was like and how he cheats but she says that she is a good gudge of character??

I wish · Jul 2, 2009, 10:53 AM

STOP getting updates from your friends about him. You're just prolonging your pain and suffering.

You need to go into extreme no contact. You pretty much have to erase him from your life. Block him from email, social networks, IMs, etc. If your friends respected your well-being, they would help you keep him out of your life entirely. He's making your life too difficult.

You should be out meeting new people and having fun with friends. Not misery.

NeedKarma · Jul 2, 2009, 10:54 AM

You've been broken for 2 years and hearing that he's seeing someone is making you ill? Why? He's free to do what he wants whether it's lying or shaving his head.

Unfriend them both of Facebook and delete the text messages.

88sunflower · Jul 2, 2009, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

thanks for your response sunflower, his gf (apparently she is an old friend of his) was told that he tells lies etc etc an she chose not to believe people. I thought should I tell her about her bf wanting to get together with me but then it just makes me look like the bitter ex and i dont want that. Plus tbh I really dont want the hassle of it all. She was warned months ago what he was like and how he cheats but she says that she is a good gudge of charachter ???????

I personally wouldn't tell her anything. Maybe that's wrong of me to think that way but I would leave that mess to her. Don't get in to this big triangle of he said/she said.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

STOP getting updates from your friends about him. You need to go into extreme no contact. You pretty much have to erase him from your life. Block him from email, social networks, IMs, etc. If your friends respected your well-being, they would help you keep him out of your life entirely. He's making your life too difficult.

You should be out meeting new people and having fun with friends. Not suffering.

You are right I wish, I did NC with him for 3 months, but its like the 3 month rule, after this time he drops me a text and tries to worm himself into my life. He says all the right things and I fall for it every time. I need to be stronger I know but its so hard

I wish · Jul 2, 2009, 10:56 AM

Erase any evidence of his existence. I'm sorry you have to do this, but extreme situations require extreme measures.

Change your number if you have to. Otherwise, instead of putting his name there, just but "looser" or something. If you see the looser sending you a text message, then have a friend or family member help you erase the message before you read it.

You have to believe that you are better off without him in any part of your life.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

I personally wouldnt tell her anything. Maybe thats wrong of me to think that way but I would leave that mess to her. Dont get in to this big triangle of he said/she said.

That's hat I think sunflower, as much as id like to wipe the smile off her face its hassle that I don't need or an tbh. Ive seen pics of them on Facebook and it makes me sick. Im not friends with either of them so from now on can't see anything. Ive also blocked them so they can't find me.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Erase any evidence of his existence. I'm sorry you have to do this, but extreme situations require extreme measures.

Change your number if you have to. Otherwise, instead of putting his name there, just but "looser" or something. If you see the looser sending you a text message, then have a friend or family member help you erase the message before you read it.

You have to believe that you are better off without him in any part of your life.

I don't have his number in my phone, I deleted that ages ago, I just can remember his number off the top of my head unfortunately!!

I wish · Jul 2, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

i dont have his number in my phone, i deleted that ages ago, i just can remember his number off the top of my head unfortunatley !!!!

Get a new number.

Otherwise, that's why I suggested that you save his number under "looser" or something. It doesn't matter if you memorize his number, just give your phone to someone else to delete the text message so you don't have to read that sh*t.

slapshot_oi · Jul 2, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

Hi All

Im wondering if youkind people could help me, im in a big dilemma. My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with...

What should I do?

He's an ex for a reason, and I guess this is why.

You're not with him so he can't be held responsible for anything he does and he knows this, which is why he lies and doesn't feel bad about lying to you.

Cut off all contact with him.

88sunflower · Jul 2, 2009, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by louiseismyname

thats hat i think sunflower, as much as id like to wipe the smile off her face its hassle that i dont need or an tbh. Ive seen pics of them on facebook and it makes me sick. Im not friends with either of them so from now on can't see anything. Ive also blocked them so they can't find me.

That's one good step that you took them off your Facebook. You don't need to see it. Its not worth the hurt.

louiseismyname · Jul 2, 2009, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

He's an ex for a reason, and I guess this is why.

You're not with him so he can't be held responsible for anything he does and he knows this, which is why he lies and doesn't feel bad about lying to you.

Cut off all contact with him.

Your right, he doesn't see what he is doing is wrong? He knows I love him and in the past I've fell for his crap but I'm feeling a bit stronger now.