This is how it goes down: my girl was with someone for 10 yrs! Since she was 15... they lived together for 3 yrs... they would break up and get back, but she would always go back to him... about 6 months ago, he asked her to marry him.. she rejected his because she was moving to another country for work, and because she was willing to see what else is out there

That's where I come in... about 4 months ago, I met her at a party and we hit it off... we really started falling for each other, and started to really like each other... she told me that I'm the only one for her, etc... she made it clear to me that she wants to move on with me and ditch her past, and concentrate on us, but she just needed time... for example, when we would be getting sexual, she would sometimes hesitate first, because it would be the first time with someone new (other than her ex of 10yrs)... I didn't care, I really liked her, so I respected her past, respected the fact that she was with someone for so long, and didn't mind taking it slow with her until she fully forgets about him

Things were going fine until, she got a warning at work.. she was told to pick up her sales within 2 weeks or she's getting fired! So of course she started panicking and worrying, etc... she only wanted to stay home and never felt like going out.. I would have to beg her to go out so I can see her...

After about 10 days of not seeing her and arguing a bit on the phone... she tells me the truth: for the past week me and my ex started talking again.. she said she told him about work and the warning and that she told him because he is the person that knows her best... she told me that she realized that she still has feelings for him.. the exact words were, "i really like you, but i still love my ex...im really confused..maybe we should take it easy for a while, take things slow"

I haven't talked to her in almost a week.. let her miss me and realize what she is missing... she has a good thing with her here, don't know why she had to rekindle the past... giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me... if she doesn't realize she made a mistake, I think I'm going to have to forget about her

My questions are: 1) is my decision good? 2) or do I just call her and fight for her... and tell her she is making a mistake, etc... basically, what will make me get her back... fighting for her, or making her miss me?

I think it is best to back off because even if you fight to win her back her heart sounds like it is with him and you are better off letting them get back together than to get her back and her always wondering what she is feeling. So stay backed off until things play out however they are going to go.

U make sense... but I know that she only contacted him again because of the pressure at work.. and on some level I can understand why she would feel comfortable talking to her ex of 10 yrs.. I mean I do only know her for 4 months... but the point is, just because he met her first, doesn't mean that I won't lover her the same or more than he did.. besides they live in different countries... even though she still loves him, she just has to realize that he is the past, and I am the present and future... but I don't think fighting for her would help.. it would be added pressure on her... I should give her space and let her realize it herself (hopefully)...

She is looking, maybe trying to escape, but she is obviously not able to concentrate on her job, or her future. It is all so 'iffy' for her, so I would just stand back and let her figure out what she really has set for goals in her life.

Instead of talking to you about her job problem, she talked to him because she felt he knows her best and was desperate for advice from someone she trusts more.

Getting to know someone and falling for them is fun, but it can be tough too and no matter what your decision will finally be, it's still up to her, so you really have no control of what's in it for you at this time.

Don't put your life on hold for her. Find someone to start a fresh relationship with that is not carrying around so much past baggage - that's what I would do.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted. Honest, your not the only one this has happened to, and it will probably not be the last time, until you finally find the right one.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

You did the right thing. What she asked you is a matter of fact in favor of you. No matter what you do, you can't compare 10yrs to 4 months. Just do it to protect yourself from false hopes. We can't force love and sometimes the best way to show it is being patient in providing them their own pace.

u make sense....but i know that she only contacted him again bc of the pressure at work..and on some level i can understand why she would feel comfortable talking to her ex of 10 yrs..i mean i do only know her for 4 months...but the point is, just because he met her first, doesnt mean that i wont lover her the same or more than he did..besides they live in different countries...even though she still loves him, she just has to realize that he is the past, and i am the present and future....but i dont think fighting for her would help..it would be added pressure on her...i should give her space and let her realize it herself (hopefully)....

That is a wise decision dear. Give her time to get her life and job balanced so that she can relax and enjoy the time with you once she is no longer stressed out. If she does contact you in the near future, just tell her you care and that she can talk to you about anything... but, still don't sit at the phone waiting - that would be unfair to yourself.

Crossing my fingers for you a whole bunch!

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There are no guarantees in life, but we have a right to hope for happy endings - you are a caring and patient person and deserve it.

UGH.

I have been there man. It is not a battle worth fighting. She will come back and run away from him... from you... etc.

I know you love her. Yes, staying away is good. She has to work out a lot of issues. She needs REAL time away from him -- then you could date... maybe tell her you'd like to see in 6 months. Really, I'd just walk away if you could. It's early...

She needs time, and space, and most of all no pressure from you at all. Back away, and give her what she needs, whether that's you, or not. That's caring on your part.

Whatever she is going through, let her deal with it her own way, while you focus on you.

We never know what will happen next, so best be ready for whatever it is.

She's a confused little dummy. Leave her alone and find a new girl.

Apparently, she runs to her ex and you when trouble comes up.

Even if it has been a couple months that you met her, you still could have been a rebound for her. And that is never fun. All I am saying is try and put some space between you two and let her deal with her own issues. After a 10 yeaar relatioship she still will not be over it. In the mean time try and relax and keep yourself busy

but the point is, just because he met her first, doesn't mean that I won't lover her the same or more than he did.. besides they live in different countries... even though she still loves him, she just has to realize that he is the past, and I am the present and future...

Dude, they have a LONG history together & were broke up only 2 months after a marriage proposal. If they had been married, the divorce would barely be filed. The fact that he met her first doesn't mean you couldn't love her in a way that would be good for her, but it does mean he has a prior claim she's not willing to give up. She called him because she wanted to talk things out with the man she's loved for a decade.

If you don't want to get caught up in the drama / trauma of her deciding which of you she will pick (if does end up being one of you & not someone new), stay away until she truly is emotionally single & contacts you. During that time, don't sit home waiting for her to call. Find someone truly single & willing to have a relationship with someone like you, not someone turning to an ex for support. That sounds like got the past & present cornered pretty good (she cut contact with you significantly to turn to him) so odds are her future may fall into his hands too.

Otherwise, you'll just end up being used to make him rev up his efforts to win her back & with their long history, he's got a pretty good winning hand. Not because she's rubbing into his face you're this interested in her but because if he has a brain, when he knows she's been seeing someone seriously (if he doesn't already) he'll turn the charm on full blast on his own.

I'm not saying you have NO chance, but it's a slim one especially if she admitted loving him & it sounds like there was no really horrible person or breakup she was getting away from. Just she didn't want a long distance relationship & wanted to see what was out there. Well, you were out there but it didn't stop her from loving him or wanting to call him. Not trying to be mean, but you need to realize that this may be a lost cause & not let it get to you too badly if you lose this one.

Interesting... it looks like a unanimous decision to give her space to decide what she wants and make her miss me, etc... no one was in favor of fighting to get her back...

OK.. done.. I haven't called her in almost a week... and of course if I meet someone in the mean time, there is no reason why I shouldn't pursue it... I mean, technically, I am single!

But my next question is: 1) when do i call my ex again? how long is enough time for her space? 2) do i call, or wait for her to do the move?....the reason I am suggesting to call is because I believe if I want to get her back in some way, I need to be in the picture... maybe a phonecall once a week.. a message here and there... because everyday I don't contact her, I'm sure her prick ex is calling... so I need to get back in the picture somehow,. im not saying pressure, and calling everyday, and asking to see her evrytime... but I don't see a harm in calling once in a while, lettng her know I'm OK with the "breakup" and that we can be friends; and that if her stupid ex fukks up again, I'll be there for her as a friend or boyfriend

Thanks guys

You already stated she and this guy have a history of breaking out and then getting back together. No matter what your shared in the 4 months of knowing each other, her and her ex shared more and that's why she called him after her boss warn her of getting fired. I think you was someone she happened to get along with and help cured her from being lonely. That's the reason she'd hestitated at times before becoming intimate. What your shared happen too fast and came to an end. You shouldn't sit around and wait because she will always go back to her ex while you'll just be left with heartache. Move on and next time don't be too quick to jump into something with someone with a history like her because if you think they were not still in contact before this, you would only be kidding yourself.

You can't get someone back period, as it her choice and you have to understand that there is still something between these two, that makes your time together nothing more than acquaintances.

Obviously your in much deeper emotionally than she is, and to have a chance at being healthy, you must let her go, and leave her alone, as anything else won't be friendship, it will be you hanging around trying to get her back. That will always be in the back of your mind, so best not contact her ever, but focus on moving your own life along.

Your hurt, and shocked now, but let the emotional dust settle, before you decide what's best for you. Give it plenty of thought.

Guys... I appreciate your answers, but the last two answers made it seem that the relationship was one sided? The girl told me she really likes me and wants to forget her past and move on... she told her ex to move on!. it was not one sided at all!

What happened was when hit the fan (warning at work), the added pressure made her turn to something she knows... she did talk to me about work as well, but she also talked to him... and she said that it is not fair to me to continue with her when she realized she still has feelings for him... the girl is confused... does she move on with me, or go back to her ex and make it work...

My point is, it was in no way one sided...

Of course she will most probably choose him, I know that... but when the "emotional dust" settles, she'll realize that she misses me as well, and we are in the same country after all... let her miss me, and I will move on of course... and IF she does decide to come back, it will be on my terms...

Now, please just answer my previous questions about if it is wise to message or call once in a while just to see where she stands and to keep myself in the picture... no pressure, just some gestures to see how she is doing, say hi, etc... I think I should stay in the pic. Whether to be friends, or even get back when she realizes she might be making the same mistake again of getting back with him

But my next question is: 1) when do I call my ex again? How long is enough time for her space? 2) do I call, or wait for her to do the move?. the reason I am suggesting to call is because I believe if I want to get her back in some way, I need to be in the picture... maybe a phonecall once a week.. a message here and there... because everyday I don't contact her, I'm sure her prick ex is calling... so I need to get back in the picture somehow,. im not saying pressure, and calling everyday, and asking to see her evrytime... but I don't see a harm in calling once in a while, lettng her know I'm OK with the "breakup" and that we can be friends; and that if her stupid ex fukks up again, I'll be there for her as a friend or boyfriend

Thanks guys

but my next question is: 1) when do i call my ex again? how long is enough time for her space? 2) do i call, or wait for her to do the move?....the reason i am suggesting to call is because i believe if i want to get her back in some way, i need to be in the picture...maybe a phonecall once a week..a message here and there....because everyday i dont contact her, im sure her prick ex is calling...so i need to get back in the picture somehow,....im not saying pressure, and calling everyday, and asking to see her evrytime...but i dont see a harm in calling once in a while, lettng her know im ok with the "breakup" and that we can be friends; and that if her stupid ex fukks up again, i'll be there for her as a friend or bf

thanks guys


You don't. Period. End of story.

No need to carry her trash around you anymore.
Forget her and find someone else. You seriously need relationship counseling.

What is the part "she runs to her ex when stuff happens" don't you understand?
You're just a rebound for her to go to and leave as she wants.

There is no doubt that she had a good time with you & that wasn't one sided. But you are refusing to acknowledge that she is in a very confused state of mind right now regarding what to do with her life, her career & her long term relationship. Many couples break up & get back together which is what you want her to do because you had a great 4 months with her, her ex may want that for himself too & he has TEN YRS.

Perhaps you should think hard to see if this insistence you have on getting her back is really based on her & the quality of the relationship you have with her or instead is really more about other factors such as hating to lose to another guy so you can feel like the "better man won", fear of abandonment, not wanting to have to go on the hunt for a new girlfriend instead of this woman herself.

She may come back to you, she may not. You want to hear what tricks you can use to make it more likely you are successful in your pursuit of her. Why don't you try being patient & letting her decide what contact she wants with you on her own while getting on with your own life in a healthy way? Making her an obsession that you must win at all costs isn't going to help anyone, including you.

Breakups are hard & hurtful, it's understandable to want to get back what we had but that's not always possible. You need to accept that she may not be interested in getting back with you as much as her ex & there will be nothing you can do about that, it's her life & choice.

No one can tell you the perfect timing as to your contact attempts, only you know her. We can only tell you that if you keep pushing the result you get is likely to be one you don't want since you will become another source of stress to her instead of pleasure. You made your position clear to her (you want the relationship), she is letting you know hers & she knows how to reach you if she has more to say. Whether you pay attention to that is up to you.

Well put and sounds about right... she knows how to contact me.. and maybe one week is still not enough time

guys...i appreciate your answers, but the last two answers made it seem that the relationship was one sided?! the girl told me she really likes me and wants to forget her past and move on...she told her ex to move on!...it was not one sided at all!

I reread the 2 posts prior to this post and the advice given did not seem one sidea at all but maybe misunderstod. Prior to her moving to this new town she was propose to by her ex but the relationship ended due to he moving. Then she met you, I'd give her credit for being honest with you because most people aren't, and then your started something. Your feeling grew but her didn't because she was never completely over her ex, therefore she could not completley give herself to you.

Moving on to your new questions, contacting her is something you shouldn't do until you can cope with being her friend. Calling her ex a prick is helping because it's oblivious there's something about him that keeps her going back to him.

She can not miss what she is not given the opportunity to long for. She will not miss you bugging her if having you in her face in some form constantly isn't what she wants. It will be an annoyance she wants to stop instead, is that what you want to happen? It will drive her right into his arms much easier if you push too hard when she's not ready to deal with you.

I appreciate your answers.. but just to let you know, SHE

liz28: SHE is the one that said I want to move forward with you and SHE told her ex to move on.. I never forced anything... what happened was things with us became serious, and when the pressure from work added on, she turned to him and realized there is smthg there... and of course, she will choose 10yrs over 4 months.. (hopefully it is just a phase)

liz28: SHE is the one that said i want to move forward with u and SHE told her ex to move on..i never forced anything...what happened was things with us became serious, and when the pressure from work added on, she turned to him and realized there is smthg there...and of course, she will choose 10yrs over 4 months..(hopefully it is just a phase)

And she's the one who is too blinded by the light to realize "moving on" means stop contacting with him.

Exactly. You need to do what everyone else has suggested:
Get over her and find someone else.

Stop defending such a un-worthy girl.

So I guess the decision from you guys is to not contact her at all... wait for her to contact... and then take it from there, see where we stand... sounds about right... when it hits the 10 day-2 week mark, I'll let you guys know what I decided... thanks

She may not be having non-stop contact with him but she did open the door for him again, even if just as a good friend. She wants time to sort things out & you respecting her need for that is the best route for you both.

Sounds like you have a good gameplan in place now.

True dudes.. of course I would have preferred she didn't contact him when she got the warning at work, but she did know him for 10 yrs... I mean I was with a girl for 4 yrs and I still call her sometimes when I need advice... and it seems that "gate" let in some old feelings

And despite how pissed I am.. I did tell her that I appreciate the fact that she told me the truth... I mean other girls would just distance themselves and let you figure it out... must have took some courage

Anyway, we'll see what happens.. its the weekend now almost so got to get ready to party ;)

By the way, just to let you guys know... im 27... been single and playing around and travelling and one night stands for most of my life... my 2 only meaningful and long relationships were 4 yrs and now this one for 4 months... maybe that sheds some light on why I'm still sprung... I don't give up my single life unless its for someone worth it

She definitely deserves mega credit for being honest with you, that sort of integrity is the exactly the kind that a great relationship can be built on.

Best wishes to you!

For her to even want to get back with him only proves she was never over him. If your not over someone, you can't fully give your all to someone else. You already stated they have a yo-yo relationship, break-up get back together, so this is have they'll always be until they grow up and break this cycle.

Betrayal: Thank you for agreeing she deserves credit and your wishes.. and hopefully with time, we'll see what happens.. whether it be friends or a couple

Liz: thanks for your honesty... I always knew she was not COMPLETELY over him.. I mean I met her 2 months after the marriage proposal... but I took what she told me that shewants to move on as the truth, maybe I was wrong... hopefully she will grow up and realize that she needs to move on or settle... until then, I guess I should go out and enjoy my new single life, make her miss me, and hopefully she'll come back

Now its time to see if what they say is true: if you love smthg set it free, if its meant to be she will come back, if not, screw it (smthg like that) :P

It's one of my ex's friend's birthday on Monday.. I should go if invited yeah?

But while I'm there, just be friendly to my ex, ignore her a bit, and show her I'm having a good time and fine without her? Isn't that the strategy?

No, the strategy is be yourself, have a great time, and be polite to all. If you can't do that, don't go. You ARE just fine without her, and have no need to show her anything, except polite acceptance.

it's one of my ex's friend's birthday on monday..i should go if invited yeah?

but while im there, just be friendly to my ex, ignore her a bit, and show her im having a good time and fine without her? isnt that the strategy?

No... don't go~

Your feelings will rise again...

hjpan: thanks man, I see your point, but my feelings are already high...

I went out last night, got a number, most probably going to pursue it; but still not over the ex... every blonde girl I would see, I would look to see if that was her or not ;).. guess these things take time

But I am going to go to the birthday... I mean I am friends with the birthday girl, and of course want to see the ex... im sure if she sees me, her feelings for me will rise as well

But what is smart is to go, be polite to everyone, have a good time, but not show too much attention to my ex.. that will drive her crazy... come on boys, we all know that when you ignore a girl, and show her your OK and confident, it appeals to her more...

hjpan: thanks man, i see ur point, but my feelings are already high...

i went out last night, got a number, most probably gonna pursue it; but still not over the ex...every blonde girl i would see, i would look to see if that was her or not ;)..guess these things take time

but i am gonna go to the birthday...i mean i am friends with the bday girl, and of course wanna see the ex...im sure if she sees me, her feelings for me will rise as well

but what is smart is to go, be polite to everyone, have a good time, but not show too much attention to my ex..that will drive her crazy...come on boys, we all know that when u ignore a girl, and show her ur ok and confident, it appeals to her more...

Well, as long as there's no strings attached.

You are going to that party, good for you. But you are going for the wrong reasons. You are thinking about her and how you will act to get a reaction from her. NO!!
You need to think about yourself and pretend that she won't even be there, because I am sure you will be different if she isn't there. Now you will always look over your shoulder to see if you are getting er attention. I also bet you will talk to her and not make it short and simple as I feel your intentions are still in a way to try and get her back.

True, I am going for the wrong reasons, but it is only natural.. I mean the break up was only 10 days ago, and I haven't seen her in like two weeks... these are just the cards I was dealt (bday coming in this time)

But I will definitely try to not talk to her, just be polite and ignore her a bit, and be nice to everyone and have fun.. especially since I still feel that any pressure from me will turn her more and more to her ex

We'll see how things work out

true, i am going for the wrong reasons, but it is only natural..i mean the break up was only 10 days ago, and i havent seen her in like two weeks...these are just the cards i was dealt (bday coming in this time)

but i will definitely try to not talk to her, just be polite and ignore her a bit, and be nice to everyone and have fun..especially since i still feel that any pressure from me will turn her more and more to her ex

we'll see how things work out

You know you're going for the WRONG REASONS

DON'T GO WITH STRINGS ATTACHED.

I agree the best thing to do if you go and she is there act as if she was not there.
Do not be going and acting like I think I will flirt with this hot chick and in the back of your mind you are picturing your old girlfriend looking right at you getting jealous.

Go and act like, "Hey I really think I would like to get to know that girl and I think I will approach her at the punch bowl and see if I can get a dance and maybe things will click with us. NO thought or care to what your ex is or isn't doing.

I agree your going for the wrong reasons. Don't think for one minute that once she spot you at the party she'll come running back to you. Who knows she might ignore you. Worst case scernio, your get back together and a week later your back to where you was at before the party because no matter what she's still in love with her ex. Remember that!

OK... good strategy.. "I agree the best thing to do if you go and she is there act as if she was not there.
Do not be going and acting like I think I will flirt with this hot chick and in the back of your mind you are picturing your old gf looking right at you getting jealous.

Go and act like, "Hey I really think I would like to get to know that girl and I think I will approach her at the punch bowl and see if I can get a dance and maybe things will click with us. NO thought or care to what your ex is or isn't doing"

So kind of ignoring her but being polite... that was my strategy all along... hope it has some effect

And liz28: always appreciate your honesty... but you have to remember that I live in the same country as her! Which is to my advantage... the pressure at work made her turn to him because of the history, so I'm thinking it might be a phase... MAYBE, she will turn back and realize she made a mistake, and that the past 4 months with me were great and smthg to build on... MAYBE NOT

OH BTW, SHE DID PICK UP HER SALES, AND IS NOT GETTING FIRED! SHE IS ON PROBATION TILL END OF SEPTEMBER, BUT STILL GOOD NEWS... hopefully this will ease the pressure, calm her down, make her think clearly.. and we'll see

Dubai can be a stressfull place, believe me I know I have lived there for 18 years haha.
It s good that you still living your life and not "hiding" from the places you might run into your ex. With that said, stay strong and do not give her any attention and like everyone said pretend she is not even there, if she runs into you smile be polite, how are you and keep moving.

Looks like there is not going to be a birthday... I called the birthday girl to wish her a happy birthday, had a nice 5 min conversation. I asked her how she plans to celebrate... she said "not much...just a few people might come over or nothing at all"... so I wished her a happy birthday, told her to keep in touch and take care... didnt ask her anything about my ex obviously

Back to square 1 I guess... giving the ex time and distance... maybe a few more days (until it becomes 2 weeks.. then we'll see)

looks like there is not gonna be a birthday...i called the birthday girl to wish her a happy birthday, had a nice 5 min convo. i asked her how she plans to celebrate...she said "not much...just a few people might come over or nothing at all"...so i wished her a happy birthday, told her to keep in touch and take care...didnt ask her anything about my ex obviously

back to square 1 i guess...giving the ex time and distance...maybe a few more days (until it becomes 2 weeks..then we'll see)

All right.. you're on the right track~
Just forget that girl..

The ex called me tonight! Hahaaaiiiiii... just to see how I was doing... I was nice on the phone (asking her how she is, how is work, etc.), but also showed her that I'm OK and that I'm having fun.. told her I went out on the weekend to party

She asked what I was doing and with who, I told her I was with "a friend" at the mall, when I was actually alone... she went quiet for a bit... it was like a normal 4 minute conversation... then towards the end, the line started cutting and could barely hear her.. and the conversation ended without a proper bye or talk to you later

So when I got home 2 hours later, I messaged "sorry about before, but i couldnt hear you very well and my friend kept asking me about what shoes she should buy! (to make her a bit jealous) anyway, it was nice talking to you. Have a good day tmrw, goodnight"

I felt it was a very plain message... no smiley faces or emotion, etc... it apologizes for the dry conversation at the end, it makes her a bit jealous, but also says that it was nice talking to her, but all in a plain way

What you think? About her calling and about my message? What is the next step? Thanks

the ex called me tonight! hahaaaiiiiii...just to see how i was doing...i was nice on the phone (asking her how she is, how is work, etc.), but also showed her that im ok and that im having fun..told her i went out on the weekend to party

she asked what i was doing and with who, i told her i was with "a friend" at the mall, when i was actually alone...she went quiet for a bit...it was like a normal 4 minute conversation...then towards the end, the line started cutting and could barely hear her..and the convo ended without a proper bye or talk to you later

so when i got home 2 hours later, i messaged "sorry about before, but i couldnt hear you very well and my friend kept asking me about what shoes she should buy! (to make her a bit jealous) anyway, it was nice talking to you. Have a good day tmrw, goodnight"

i felt it was a very plain message...no smiley faces or emotion, etc...it apologizes for the dry convo at the end, it makes her a bit jealous, but also says that it was nice talking to her, but all in a plain way

what ya'll think? about her calling and about my message? what is the next step? thanks

She called you... she cut the NC~

Anyway, just let her do the wanting back...

Don't make her too jealous or she may just feel that you are happy with 'the new girl' and back off all together.

True.. she should be doing the wanting back... so that's why I backed off for almost 10 days and she called...

And about the not making her too jealous.. I thought about it.. u got to regulate it... told her I went partying and was with a friend shopping... next time, I won't mention anything

So I take it the message I sent was good? But who does the next step? Do I call in a couple of days, or do I let her call back since I sent a message?

This is so confusing.. I hate the relationship games.. single life is so much easier!

Yeah maybe next time a 'just laying back at home alone and a little down not knowing what to do this weekend''. Then it leaves the door open for her to ask if you want to join her or if you want some company.

yeah maybe next time a 'just laying back at home alone and a little down not knowing what to do this weekend''. Then it leaves the door open for her to ask if you want to join her or if you want some company.


Basically, make a mini-trap to see a good plan.

Yeah.. good idea... she knows that on the weekend my roommate will be out of the country, so no wing man to party with

I'm thinking 2 options: 1) calling her on weekend... see how she is, tell her I'm bored, and see if she wants to do smthg (like u said)

2) not calling her, but calling her friends to invite them out, and tell them to tell her to come

yeah..good idea...she knows that on the weekend my roomate will be out of the country, so no wing man to party with

im thinking 2 options: 1) calling her on weekend...see how she is, tell her im bored, and see if she wants to do smthg (like u said)

2) not calling her, but calling her friends to invite them out, and tell them to tell her to come

Option 2 is better~ not a direct threat.

Yeah... I think so too... 1) I messaged last 2) won't risk her saying no 3)maybe the first time seeing each other after the break up would be easier around people, then with time invite her out alone

It took me quite a long time to read through your original post and all the following posts, I think the option 1 is better, I don't think invite lots of friends is a good idea. You told her you were with a "girl". Its childish, sorry.
If I were u, I would call her, and suggest a dinner or movie or something, and be friendly to her, not confront of whether she want to be with her ex or with u, not put pressure on her, just be friendly, but let her know the door is open to her, if she want to be back to u, she is welcome.

but my next question is: 1) when do i call my ex again? how long is enough time for her space? 2) do i call, or wait for her to do the move?....the reason i am suggesting to call is because i believe if i want to get her back in some way, i need to be in the picture...maybe a phonecall once a week..a message here and there....because everyday i dont contact her, im sure her prick ex is calling...so i need to get back in the picture somehow,....im not saying pressure, and calling everyday, and asking to see her evrytime...but i dont see a harm in calling once in a while, lettng her know im ok with the "breakup" and that we can be friends; and that if her stupid ex fukks up again, i'll be there for her as a friend or bf

thanks guys

So, you NEED to be in the picture and you have decided that he is a prick... buddy, this is all about you and your feelings and no matter what we suggest, you will blindly stay with your plan. You are obsessed and the only way you are going to learn a lesson on this is on your own - so do what you want, when you want to. There is no recipe for handling a relationship - it all depends on your mental make-up and how you cope with rejection and from what I have read - you still have a lot to learn.

So, no matter what your choice on this issue will bring you, I wish you luck.

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1) appreciate your honesty

2) yes, I believe I NEED to be in the picture if I want her back... how will I get her back if I'm living my own life and she her own.. u have to mix it up from time to time... and I know this from experience... u give a little then back off, etc... too much space isn't good either, especially if there is another guy in the picture

3) I know he is a prick because of what I've seen... the first month she was with me, he would call her and she would tell him to move on and that she has... he would call fighting... she would be with me in the car, and he would tell her "im gonna call ur sister in 5 mins, if ur not home, ur gonna have a problem!"... he sent her a ticket once so she can go back to her country... so maybe he is a nice guy, but from what I have seen, nope

4) look, I want the girl back... I feel she turned to him during a phase of stress... now that she is not getting fired anymore, and I gave her space, maybe she will think clearly again and realize that she is in the same country as me and maybe she made a mistake

5) please explain to me how staying away will get her back? It doesn't cross my mind... I never said pressure... I said maybe some contact here and there

Anyway, I bumped into her and her friends today! Talk about awkward!. (which shows that there are still feelings for me.. bc if she was normal, then it would mean she forgot about me... but awkwardness means feelings)

Anyway, I said hi to all of them, very polite and confident, had most of the conversation with her friends.. I think I had only one sentence with my ex, and I could tell she was trying to avoid looking at me a lot... but I made sure that when I left, I gave a bigger kiss on the cheek to her... kissed the other 2 girls normally, but gave my ex like a 2 second kiss on the cheek on purpose

That's what I mean: giving her the bigger kiss shows I still like her, but ignoring her during the conversation, and excusing myself later to leave shows I'm OK without her

Comments or what is the next step, anyone?

You have all the answers, so what do you need any one's opinion for?? Your fooling yourself bigtime.

No talaniman... the whole point of this website is to ask for advice or help, is it not? Even ifi decide to do what I see is best for me (merely because I know the girl best), it does not mean that I don't listen to or appreciate anyone's opinion!

I read all posts and I help others with their questions as well... anyway, it may seem I have all the answers, but the truth is I am confused and do think twice before any contact or action with the ex

So, how am I fooling myself?

this is how it goes down: my girl was with someone for 10 yrs! since she was 15...they lived together for 3 yrs...they would break up and get back, but she would always go back to him...about 6 months ago, he asked her to marry him..she rejected his because she was moving to another country for work, and bc she was willing to see what else is out there

thats where i come in...about 4 months ago, i met her at a party and we hit it off....we really started falling for each other, and started to really like each other...she told me that im the only one for her, etc...she made it clear to me that she wants to move on with me and ditch her past, and concentrate on us, but she just needed time...for example, when we would be getting sexual, she would sometimes hesitate first, because it would be the first time with someone new (other than her ex of 10yrs)...i didnt care, i really liked her, so i respected her past, respected the fact that she was with someone for so long, and didnt mind taking it slow with her until she fully forgets about him

things were going fine until, she got a warning at work..she was told to pick up her sales within 2 weeks or shes getting fired! so of course she started panicking and worrying, etc...she only wanted to stay home and never felt like going out..i would have to beg her to go out so i can see her...

after about 10 days of not seeing her and arguing a bit on the phone...she tells me the truth: for the past week me and my ex started talking again..she said she told him about work and the warning and that she told him bc he is the person that knows her best...she told me that she realized that she still has feelings for him..the exact words were, "i really like you, but i still love my ex...im really confused..maybe we should take it easy for a while, take things slow"

i havent talked to her in almost a week..let her miss me and realize what she is missing...she has a good thing with her here, dont know why she had to rekindle the past...giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me...if she doesnt realize she made a mistake, i think im gonna have to forget about her

my questions are: 1) is my decision good? 2) or do i just call her and fight for her...and tell her she is making a mistake, etc...basically, what will make me get her back...fighting for her, or making her miss me?
FIGHT! And if that don't work then you can give up.

I know you got close to the girl but 4 months is still a short period for you to be overthinking everything she does now and how to get her back. I know that she was stressed from work and had lot going on that may have cause the break, but could you possibly think that you were maybe a rebound to her long relation, which is why you guys really got close but eventually ended it because she never had the time to grieve and move past her 10 year relatioshiop. Just something to think about!!

no talaniman....the whole point of this website is to ask for advice or help, is it not?! even ifi decide to do what i see is best for me (merely because i know the girl best), it does not mean that i dont listen to or appreciate anyones opinion!

i read all posts and i help others with their questions as well....anyway, it may seem i have all the answers, but the truth is i am confused and do think twice before any contact or action with the ex

so, how am i fooling myself?

Lots of people ask advice and after listening to people tell them one thing, they know more than ever that they want to do something else. But that back and forth helps! I don't think that asking a question obliges you to follow the advice you get. I hate it when people say, "So why did you bother asking me?"

Tabbarat, I think you are emotionally brave. It's much easier to fade away, never call her, and just not try. I wish you luck! You are way ahead of many people who don't know what they want. Hopefully, she will appreciate your bravery and love and come back. If it doesn't turn out, I hope you will not blame her, but think of your own efforts as coming from pure intentions that make you able to be a great lover to someone else.

Thank you! For the past week I've been getting all these posts saying "give up, move on, its a losing battle, etc."... all I'm saying is giving space to vent or let someone think things through is smthg, and giving up is smthg else... what happened to going down fighting? I'm a person that will try everything first, so that I won't have any regrets later... I know that if I just give up and HOPE she comes back, it might not work... so I gave her space for a week, and SHE called me... now I'll give her another couple of days, then I'll call her... it has to be a back and forth

Maybe I was a rebound.. of course I think about it... but I know the girl saw me as more than that... in fact, she told me that she hasn't fallen so fast for someone before me... on top of that, I know she still has feelings after these 2 weeks because of the awkwardness yesterday when we bumped into each other

And in any case, if it doesn't work out, I won't blame her... bc 1) she would have left me for an ex of 10yrs (worthy reason), its not like she met someone else or lost feelings for me.. 2) she was honest with me.. she told me the truth... other girls would have just distanced themselves.. will always appreciate that

So thank you, ASKING, your right; it is easier to just fade away

Oh.. and for all the people who are calling me "obsessive", you don't know me and sorry you guys were never truly loved.. regards :)

I don't think she knows what she wants I'm with a guy who just split from a 10 year relationship and I know he still loves her its hard for me to but I'm in a different relationship to you I have a kid to this man and yes I was the rebound. My opion is to confront her straight on what she wants and needs and what she expects from the future if its you then she shouldn't be like this with you as she will push you away.
You also have to think about yourself (which I haven't done) do you want to be with this person who still has feelings for there ex, this will cause many problems in the future for you as it has for me I'm still working on it 3 years later. Hope all goes well for you and you get the outcome you need. ;)

anyway, I bumped into her and her friends today! Talk about awkward!. (which shows that there are still feelings for me.. bc if she was normal, then it would mean she forgot about me... but awkwardness means feelings)
Not too sure about that.. awkwardness just means very uncomfortable to me..



that's what I mean: giving her the bigger kiss shows I still like her, but ignoring her during the convo, and excusing myself later to leave shows I'm OK without her

Again, to me this looks like you have a possessive attitude and wanted to 'brand' her. HER feelings were not on your mind there at all.

Comments or what is the next step, anyone?

So, you see things can be seen differently under different circumstances. All I'm trying to tell you is that you need to tell yourself whether you want her because you have to win all the time, or do you think knowing her for 4 months proves your un-dying love and respect for her? Double check your motives here and if you really think you have a chance and are positive that you are the one to make her happier than anyone else in her life, keep on trying, but don't make a contest out of it.

Again, good luck.

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The only reason I said to back off is because how could you want to try to be with someone who isn't completely over her ex. The only reason for them not being together is due to her move. What happens your get back together than weeks or months you wind up in the same boat. Again, in order for her to be able to fully devote herself to you is not to be emotional attached to anyone else. Only than can she give you her all. I am not telling you this just because but only because I learned this from experience. One someone is not over someone and your giving your all it tends to put a lot of questions in your mind.

Chery: I appreciate your wishes... I don't want to have to justify that she still has feelings.. bc if you were in my place you could tell... when she called me 2 nights ago, she asked who I was with, went quiet when I told her I was with a "friend", she told me she was looking at old pics of us, and there was a bit of flirting on the phone... it is obvious our feelings are still there, but the difference is I want to express them, she wants to try to get over them until she sorts her life out (work, ex, etc.)

I miss her a lot and things were going amazing... I was away for 3 weeks during summer, and she would call me twice a day and constant messages telling me she missed me.. when I came back she wanted to see me everyday.. so, yes, I do want her for what we had and can have, NOT because there is another guy in the pic.. her ex was always in the pic in one way or another (read my question about how she wanted to take things slow physically), but it never stopped me

Liz: u are right... im not denying... since she turned to her ex during her time of stress, if we get back, it will always make me think... but these issues can be solved by talking and having a mature conversation... giving up and backing off won't solve much.. thanks again

Another thing... my life from ages 16-27 has been mostly about playing around and enjoying the single party life... I only give my heart and best when I think its someone worth it... and that's why I've only had 2 "serious" relaionships (one for almost 5 yrs, and now this one for 4 months)... the rest were meaningless or no more than 1 or 2 months

Just to give my perspective about why I'm being "possessive" :P

All I'm trying to tell you is that you need to tell yourself whether you want her because you have to win all the time, or do you think knowing her for 4 months proves your un-dying love and respect for her? Double check your motives here and if you really think you have a chance and are positive that you are the one to make her happier than anyone else in her life, keep on trying, but don't make a contest out of it.

I think this is a really good point.

I have always found it helpful to give some situations some time, before going back, and taking a second look, just for the added perspective. Having a balance also puts things in a more realistic light also.

Rejection can leave us with some rather weird feelings to deal with.

Don't expect anything from her, tabbarat.

True talinaman... time is important... gave her almost 10 days of no contact before she called me... the only thing I realized being away from her is that I miss her, we can have smthg amazing still

hjpan: your right as well... not expecting anything... learned to be realistic and keep my expectations low so that I won't be disappointed, BUT if I'm going to go down, its going down knowing that I just didn't give up

Moreover, my ex, the one I went out with for almost 5yrs... about 3 months after we broke up, she met someone and now are getting engaged after about 2 yrs togeher... so I doubt she is marrying a rebound... sometimes you can find love right after a long relationship... rare but possible

true talinaman...time is important...gave her almost 10 days of no contact before she called me...the only thing i realized being away from her is that i miss her, we can have smthg amazing still

hjpan: ur right as well...not expecting anything...learned to be realistic and keep my expectations low so that i wont be disappointed, BUT if im going to go down, its going down knowing that i just didnt give up


That's the spirit =]

I don't expect my ex to crawl back to me or even "be-friend" me

I do want to know how things go, and do hope you will win her back, keep me posted. Because, I talked to my ex yesterday, and told him I log on this site often recently, we are good friends now, I still hv feelings for him, but it desnt prevent us to be friends, he is such a good friend of me, we exchange the tidbits of daily life every day,and I'm in a similar situation of u, he hs a long time relationship, and I'm the new one (6 months), he went back with his ex, and I didn't lose hope of getting him back.
So, if finally, after all, at last,eventually, you get her back, that's really a good sign for me.
And let me know your next step.

Sure! Of course I'll let you know... we're in this together! :P

What I'm thinking, is that I'm going to contact her friend today (one of the girls she was with when I bumped into them 2 nights ago), and suggest to do smthg... I'll tell her to tell the "girls" (meaning my ex as well)... that way my ex can come and feel comfortable around her friends (considering it was a bit awkward when we bumped into each other)

If they come, great, I know how to handle it... be nice and polite and crack jokes with everyone, but once in a while flirt with the ex

If they don't, then no problem.. do my own thing on the weekend, and give my ex a call after the weekend to see how she is

The way I see it, is give space, be friendly, do your own thing... but IF you want them back, once in a while you have to mix it up... invite them on a date, have a flirty conversation, etc.. have to keep it balanced; anything to keep you out of the friend zone!

notbigthing: if you want him back, watch out for the friend zone!

I know, tabbarat, I won't let the most beautiful thing ever happened in my life go that easily, :) I hope one day I can write a post with this title---"how i get him back"

Hi everyone! Would appreciate your thoughts on what happened tonight:

I sent one of my ex's friends a message telling them that I'm going to be in this restaurant having dinner and playing some cards, and they (them and my ex) are welcome to join me... they called me later and told me that they are going to passby... when they came, they sat on another table because they didn't want to disturb our card game... but after like 30 minutes, they sent us some drinks, and a note to me saying "hi, hope you are winning"

When that happened, I left my friends and went to sit with them.. we had a nice conversation, still mostly with her friends than her, but less awkward then the time I bumped into her... while we were walking out, I took one of her friends to the side, and told her to take care of my ex for me... we said our goodbyes, and again I gave my ex a big kiss on the cheek

So my analysis: 1) they didn't have to come to the restaurant if my ex didn't want to... I mean if my ex doesn't have feelings anymore, or thinks seeing me is a bad idea or doesn't want to se me, she wouldn't have come... but she did

2) I liked the sending of the drinks and note... whoever sent it (her or her friends), it had to happen with her consent

3) even though it was still a bit awkward and had more conversation with her friends, I still showed I was confident and OK and having fun... BUT I made sure to tell her friend to take care of her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek

I'm interested to know what you guys think... does her coming when I invited them mean smthg, or is it just friendly... what about the drinks and note? Is there a next step?

Thanks

Drinks mean nothing but friendship right now.

The only way to get any meaning is time apart and let her put some real words and feelings together. "I hope you are winning" is not: "we need to talk"... She likes you. But does not like her conflicted feelings and is a bit of a mess... STAY BACK MY FRIEND.

Thanks for the advice... 1) friendship is still better than nothing... I really care about her and do want her to be happy even if its not with me (I told her that)... in any case, friendship means contact, contact means smthg may happen again because I'm still in the picture

2) I agree that "hope you are winning" is nothing major, but it is a first step right? Maybe she doesn't want to talk about us now, she still needs time... so I am giving her time... we went from convos everyday to once or twice a week, and when I bumped into her yesterday it was the first time in almost 20 days!. and when we do talk it is normal conversation, so I am not pressuring her

She knows how I feel, I'm being friendly, giving her space, not bringing up "us" because its still early...

I think you may be betting on the wrong horse, but hey. I know it's hard to walk away.

Hang in there...

A

Hi everyone! Would appreciate your thoughts on what happened tonight:

I sent one of my ex's friends a message telling them that I'm going to be in this restaurant having dinner and playing some cards, and they (them and my ex) are welcome to join me... they called me later and told me that they are going to passby... when they came, they sat on another table because they didn't want to disturb our card game... but after like 30 minutes, they sent us some drinks, and a note to me saying "hi, hope you are winning"

When that happened, I left my friends and went to sit with them.. we had a nice conversation, still mostly with her friends than her, but less awkward then the time I bumped into her... while we were walking out, I took one of her friends to the side, and told her to take care of my ex for me... we said our goodbyes, and again I gave my ex a big kiss on the cheek

So my analysis: 1) they didn't have to come to the restaurant if my ex didn't want to... I mean if my ex doesn't have feelings anymore, or thinks seeing me is a bad idea or doesn't want to se me, she wouldn't have come... but she did

2) I liked the sending of the drinks and note... whoever sent it (her or her friends), it had to happen with her consent

3) even though it was still a bit awkward and had more conversation with her friends, I still showed I was confident and OK and having fun... BUT I made sure to tell her friend to take care of her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek

I'm interested to know what you guys think... does her coming when I invited them mean smthg, or is it just friendly... what about the drinks and note? Is there a next step?

Thanks

Maybe she just wants to go out and show you that she's not spending all her time with this ex. She has a life of her own, and even though you want to be a part of it, as of now-you cant. Be her friend if you don't think it won't hurt you in the end, but, I would just let her do her own thing.. if she tags along that's all her then, but I wouldn't be texting her or anything.

I think its good sign, u just need to step by step to be close to her.

Lostinhiseyes: but why did she come to the same place I was in? She could have easily went somewhere else, or told her friends to go somewhere else.. would she really just come all the way there to show me she is going out? Anyway, her ex of 10 yrs doesn't live in dubai with us

Why the drinks and note? Why start smthg?

Anyway, I learned not to expect anything.. I took it easy and was normal about it... giving it another couple of days and we'll see..

When we are in love we often give meaning to things that may have no meaning at all.

She wants to be friends, and feel no guilt about loving her ex still. If you are cool with that you are all set. If you are not, protect yourself.

Good advice.. a huge part is me accepting that I might not get her back, and have to determine how much I can handle... the truth is I am fine without her... like I can eat, sleep, drink, go out wit friends :).. BUT I really do miss her and still really like her.. and when I see her, there is still smthg for sure... so I know that I can handle not getting her back, but still going to try

So I'm thinking of calling her tonight or tmrw, just to have a nice conversation, see how she is, let her know I am there for her (considering that I haven't called her in 2 weeks, she called me a week ago, and when she saw me 2 days ago, we didn't have much of a conversation)

Then of course I go NC for another week or till next weekend when we see what her next move is

Called her about one hour ago... had one of the best conversations we ever had.. very interesting, funny, comfortable, flirty ;)... we both agreed that next time we see each other we wouldn't make it uncomfortable/awkward like 2 nights ago... the conversation lasted about one hour... she tried explaining how stressed she was and what she was going through.. I told her its OK, the past is the past, hope your OK now, etc..

I ended the conversation by saying going out for dinner, keep in touch and take care, have a good day tmrw

Point: finally had a nice decent conversation since the break up... re-established that we can be good together (the conversation, the flirting, the laughing, etc) and it felt like smthg was rekindled.. can't explain it, but it was just one of those convos that click

Am I out of the woods? Of course not! Still early? Yes! Am I expecting anything? No! But was it a good step to getting her back? Hell yes!

Now I'm going back to giving space and time... let her choose when to do the next move

Like I say, mix it up.. friendly, but flirtatious... space, but once in a while come back in the pic... this will get your girlfriend back (if you want her back); not total distance and then hoping she comes back

Regards

"This will get ur gf back (if u want her back); not total distance and then hoping she comes back..."

Maybe... But you can't control her. I know you feel like it's possible. But it may not be.
I am glad you all chatted and it made you feel better. I just hope you find peace from here. And since you are a new relationship maybe worth a try.

Just so you know, your odds are not high. She is likely aware of the subtle attempt at manipulation.

I know a lot of 'tricks' for getting women, and getting them back... but when searching for a REAL relationship, the less games the better in the long run.

You stated that you are not expecting anything, but I don't think that you are being totally truthful. I feel that you are expecting to get back together based on your last conversation. Yes, this conversation may have gone well, but remember that she has a LONG past history of constantly going back to her ex. She is sooo confused. What is to stop her from going back to him again and again every time that she is confused? You may want her back, but are you willing to have to go through this time and time again? Those are questions that you need to ask yourself.

If your going be her friend be her friends but don't be her friend expecting you can be more than that. It seems like you want to seem like your over her but your really not. If the best plan can fold so be careful with your intentions and know things don't always go as you plan.

U guys are right... it is risky... I of course want her back, but not thinking far ahead about what happens if she goes back to her ex sometime down the line... that is why I have decided to try to get her back, but on my own terms... if things work out, I will definitely have to sit and have a talk with her about her boyfriend situation

But for now, I'm enjoying talking to her and seeing her again from time to time and seeing where that takes us

Last night in our phone conversation, she told me she was feeling sick.. so I MESSAGED her today asking how she is.. she CALLED me and we ended up having a 30 minute conversation that was also nice and flirtatious...

I think it is best to back off because even if you fight to win her back her heart sounds like it is with him and you are better off letting them get back together than to get her back and her always wondering what she is feeling. So stay backed off until things play out however they are going to go.

I agree! You never know if she will move back their and tell him about you so just stay away! Sorry man!:(

u make sense....but i know that she only contacted him again bc of the pressure at work..

It sounds contradictory, doesn't it? She told you "she called him bc of pressure at work" and than she told you "She likes you, but she loves him". The lady doesn't seem confused. She feels guilty. Some people just can't take guiltyness, and tend to act like at least they are not lying to you or keeping something secret (and than, after some contacts: Im sorry, but you know, its not you... its me), but they are going their way, and this is just the first step. She didn't just woke up from the bed and said, OK, I'm going to call my exbf today, or why do I feel so confused today?. She was thinking about that long time ago, and in the meantime saying sweet words to you. Im not saying she is bad or evil, she is just human. She knows its wrong to do something like that to a caring, bla bla bla, person like you, and that makes her feel bad for you, but she already made up her mind. Its not because she already had enough of you! She didn't had enough of him!


and on some level i can understand why she would feel comfortable talking to her ex of 10 yrs..i mean i do only know her for 4 months...but the point is, just because he met her first, doesnt mean that i wont lover her the same or more than he did..besides they live in different countries...even though she still loves him, she just has to realize that he is the past, and i am the present and future....but i dont think fighting for her would help..it would be added pressure on her...i should give her space and let her realize it herself (hopefully)....

Pressure, realize, space, etc... its not the case. You have to pressure yourself to realize that you need space! I haven't see any good from any kind of situation like this.


lostinhiseyes: but why did she come to the same place i was in? she could have easily went somewhere else, or told her friends to go somewhere else..

Did you put some note on the front door with "DO NOT ENTER, IM HERE! GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!"? Come on.


would she really just come all the way there to show me she is going out? anyway, her ex of 10 yrs doesnt live in dubai with us

why the drinks and note? why start smthg?

anyway, i learned not to expect anything..i took it easy and was normal about it...giving it another couple of days and we'll see..

Good for you. Learn to not expect anything! Because if something is going to happen, it will happen. If you keep thinking "what, why, when, what if", you will have to deal with the conseguences. A big and long-time headache. Expecting may be delusive, because it may not be what you want it to be.

You keep on telling us that you will give her space and that you have learned not to expect anything, but you still dwell on your idea of how she should lead her life now. She might just want to be out socializing with others and have a good time BECAUSE she's in another country... but wishing she were there with him. That's human too, and you have to accept this if it's in fact how she really thinks. You cannot read another persons mind - or change it for that matter - it's a two-way street which is only controlled by each individual and how they perceive their goals in life.

And IF you two get together - you will have not right whatsoever to 'have a talk' about her ex with her, unless she completely give him up for you and is wearing your wedding ring. And, not even that give any one of us a right to determine who someone talks to - we don't own anyone, ever.

We share chapters in life with others, give and take, learn and trust. These lead to happiness, and should not start with or lead to stress and accusations - that's not love, it's selfishness.

You can continue this 'chase' but to me, it sounds like it's taking a strain on you and you should be spending time finding warmth and happiness and not building a relationship on past or present problems that you think you might be able to 'straighten' out in due time - she might have something to say about that too.

Take a look in the mirror and ask what exactly is it that you are expecting from yourself - for yourself, then you can see what you can expect from others...

Is there something in your life that you have to prove? And to whom?

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

Whoa! What is this gang up on tabbarat day?

1) u keep on saying what am I doing and making me seem like the bad person... first of all, when she told me she was talking to her ex again and realized she still loved him, I bowed out and told her I wish you the best and want you to be happy even if its not with me... I didn't contact her for more than a week... SHE called me first... then I proceeded to invite her FRIEND... but SHE came... I MESSAGED her last night to check on her, SHE CALLED me...

Its true I want her back, its true I miss her and still like her... but at this point, it takes 2 to tango.. I know she is probably confused.. I know she still likes and I may be taking advantage of it.. but why am I a bad person? She can easily not call or see me, etc.. she has control as well... just because I'm trying to get her back doesn't make me a bad person.. just makes me someone who is willing to fight for love

2) of course she probably wasn't FULLY over him while she was with me (I mean 10yrs is a long time, and I met her only 2 months after her break up with him)... but it was working out the 4 mnths we were together... she would tell HIM to move on and she fell for me, etc... what TRIGGERED her to call him was the pressure at work... like I said, sometimes I still call my ex of 5 yrs when I need someone to talk to...

So sorry, matteus, but its not all guilt... no one is forcing her to call me and want to stay in touch with me.. she could have easily cut the converstion short after 10 minutes instead of wanting to stay longer on the phone with me when I said I had to go! That's right, folks... last night I said I had to go, she didn't want me to hang up

3) of course I didn't put a sign telling her don't come to the same place as me.. but don't be so naïve, matteus... if I wanted to avoid someone or thought seeing her would make me uncomfortable, I wouldn't go! Simple! Been there, done that to girls I didn't want to see anymore

4) your right, though.. not expecting anything.. its safer like that... right now, I still really like her and want her back... but honestly, if we end up staying friends its fine by me... I like single life as well...

I know she really likes me too, but is confused about what to do... thats why I'm giving space as well.. if she puts some effort, I'm going to give effort as well... she calls, I call... if she cuts me out, then I'll cut her out

But sorry guys, not going to cut her out if I fel I can still get her back

In fact, why doesn't her stupid boyfriend give up! I mean he should realize she moved... she met someone else and fell for him... she moved on.. she rejected his marriage proposal.. maybe he should consider giving space as well

Regards

whoa! what is this gang up on tabbarat day??

1) u keep on saying what am i doing and making me seem like the bad person....first of all, when she told me she was talking to her ex again and realized she still loved him, i bowed out and told her i wish u the best and want u to be happy even if its not with me...i didnt contact her for more than a week...SHE called me first...then i proceeded to invite her FRIEND...but SHE came...i MESSAGED her last night to check on her, SHE CALLED me...

Friendly reactions. My ex messaged me, 3 months later after the last contact. And I replied in a friendly mode. She even asked me for a favor, 1 year after the breakup. And I helped her. I wasn't expecting anything! For me, she is nothing more but just a friend now. No heart feelings, nothing, nada. I do not miss her! I miss what she was before, as she was my girlfriend.

Buddy, if she is willing to stay, she doesn't have to call or message you! She runs for you! Calling and message are "the power of old behavior". It happened to me. For 2 months long, since the breakup, we used to write to each other, first every week, than every 2 weeks, and than... every 3 months, or more.


its true i want her back, its true i miss her and still like her...but at this point, it takes 2 to tango..i know she is probably confused..i know she still likes and i may be taking advantage of it..but why am i a bad person? she can easily not call or see me, etc..she has control as well...just bc im trying to get her back doesnt make me a bad person..just makes me someone who is willing to fight for love

Is that called love? I name it Need. And in this situation, need is indeed selfiness, just because you already know everything what happened, you know her wishes, and still go opposite of her thoughts and do not respect her actions. She is the one who said she loves him. She is the one who wants to go. And you are not willing to give up. Call it whatever you want. As you said, it needs two to tango. But does it seem like this is the case? Cause she is not willing to dance.


2) of course she probably wasnt FULLY over him while she was with me (i mean 10yrs is a long time, and i met her only 2 months after her break up with him)...but it was working out the 4 mnths we were together...

Rebound relations aren't real. So don't keep lying to yourself and stop telling yourself it was working!


she would tell HIM to move on and she fell for me, etc...what TRIGGERED her to call him was the pressure at work...like i said, sometimes i still call my ex of 5 yrs when i need someone to talk to...

You call someone, when you need someone to talk. We all do, may it be an ex, or an old friend, doesn't matter. But after that, you don't tell your current partner "im sorry, i like you, but i love her".




so sorry, matteus, but its not all guilt...no one is forcing her to call me and want to stay in touch with me..she could have easily cut the converstion short after 10 minutes instead of wanting to stay longer on the phone with me when i said i had to go! thats right, folks...last night i said i had to go, she didnt want me to hang up

That may be something. a passing time, or a "i miss you, dont hang up", or whatever. But believe me when I say. When you want someone, you go out of your way! Just do not expect anything. Let her mind work toward you. Do not keep thinking on "what if, why did she, etc". It brought me nothing good!


3) of course i didnt put a sign telling her dont come to the same place as me..but dont be so naive, matteus...if i wanted to avoid someone or thought seeing her would make me uncomfortable, i wouldnt go! simple! been there, done that to girls i didnt want to see anymore

How could have she known you were there??


but sorry guys, not gonna cut her out if i fel i can still get her back

You want someone back, who doesn't seem like is wanting to come back!


in fact, why doesnt her stupid bf give up! i mean he should realize she moved...she met someone else and fell for him...she moved on..she rejected his marriage proposal..maybe he should consider giving space as well

She didn't moved on, as the situation explains.

Regards too

I'm a bit busy at work now, but will be sure to reply to your post point for point later on...

But smthg that caught my eye and must answer quickly.. u asked how was she to know I was at the place when she came...

If you read back, you can see that I invited her FRIEND telling her to come join me if she wants in this restaurant.. I was with some friends playing cards and eating... 1 hr later, her friend AND my ex come.. and when I don't go sit with them, they send me a note and some drinks to the table

Ttyl, take care

I don't think anyone is calling you a bad person but only giving you their advice.

You stated her ex should back off but you never know what she is telling her ex. She could be telling both of your something different and there are two sides to every story. Again, the pressure from work didn't make her contact her ex, mostly likely she was always in contact with him. Otherwise, your would still be together. Also, if that's the case who to say when she will felt more pressure it that right to link back with her ex? In the end it is up to you what you do but mostly everyone is warning you of an outcome that might not be what you planned. Again, you can expect much from someone that isn't over their ex.

She has you in the friendzone, and that's where you'll stay as long as the ex is still in the picture. I venture to say, just because she has been honest with telling you how she feels about the ex, and her breaking up with you, that's reason enough to leave her alone, and all of your thoughts, and actions, are based on false hope, and the fact she is still keeping you around.

Lets face it, she does a little, and you see her changing her mind, and coming back to you. Sorry to say that doesn't sound like love, bur denial. Your not fighting to get her back, your proving she doesn't need you in a relationship, to keep you around. She can never miss you that way.

1) make up your minds! Am I trying to keep her around because I am in "denial" or is she keeping me around in the "friendzone"?!

The truth is, and to her admission last night, she still likes me, and is confused.. she also said that she didn't tell her ex about me (wants to keep us both separate)... true she loves him, but she hasn't seen him in 9 months! And then she met me, and fell for me (also said that yesterday)

I can agree with you guys on one thing.. as long as the ex is in the picture, we can never be a relationship again... so then there are 3 possibilities: we either stay only friends, or I become an affair, or she decides that she only turned to him in a moment of pressure, and realizes that she doesn't want a long distance (back to where she was when she rejected his marriage proposal) and then come back

2) I'm not saying she wants me back now! I'm not turning a call and a message into her running after me! I'm not 10yrs old! All I'm saying it is a first step... if she wanted a clean break she could have easily done it and avoided me

When I broke up with girls, I wouldn't answer their calls later, I would not message, and of course not go to where I knew they would be!

The girl is confused,, she still likes me... what she is going to do about it is the question and depends on how I play it... SORRY, BUT U GUYS DID NOT HEAR THE 2 LONG CONVOS WE HAD, AND DID NOT SEE HER REACTIONS WHEN SHE WAS WITH ME... its easy to look from the sidelines and judge.. so cut me some freakin slack

The flirting on the phone is "friendzone'? Hmmm... when I want to keep girsl in the friendzone I don't flirt back to them and tell them no please stay on the phone, don't go

ALL IM SAYING, IS THAT SHE STILL HAS FEELINGS AND IS CONFUSED (to her admission)... YES SHE LOVES HER EX, BUT IS CONFUSED ABOUT IF SHE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE... I WANT HER BACK KNOWING THIS... SO I GIVE HER SPACE TO WORK OUT HER MIND, BUT ONCE IN A WHILE FLIRT TO KEEP US OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE...

That's what I'm doing... and as long as she has feelings, I'm going to act... she calls, I call... she doesn't call, I don't call... not forcing anything, and not denying, etc.

We'll see how it plays out... if she comes back good, if not, good too.. then I'll stop trying

First you need to reread the rules for rating answers and don't disagree just because of your emotions. When I stated she might be telling you and her ex two different things that didn't imply whether she told him about you or not. I also find it odd that she didn't tell him about you. Anyway from this point on I won't comment on this post any longer.

Sorry about the rating.. im new to this.. I didn't see any rules:)

If you don't want to comment anymore, I can rspect that.. thanks for your posts so far, though

Just a last question.. why is it odd she didn't tell him about me?

I guess this is a case of learning your own lessons first hand. The advice you have been given is only our opinion, and by rule, deserves no disagreement rating, unless it is dangerous, or false in facts.

Don't take it so personal.

she told me she didnt tell her ex about me

Why she didn't? Ask yourself. In my opinion, she didn't told him anything about you, just because she felt like hurting him, and making him feel bad. She was not ready to tell him. But she will do it. And you know why? To provoke a jealosy reaction from him. If she wanted just friends with him, its nothing wrong to tell a friend you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.


sorry about the rating..im new to this..i didnt see any rules:)

if u dont want to comment anymore, i can rspect that..thanks for ur posts so far, though

just a last question..why is it odd she didnt tell him about me?

Why she didn't? Ask yourself. In my opinion, she didn't told him anything about you, just because she felt like hurting him, and making him feel bad. She was not ready to tell him. But she will do it. And you know why? To provoke a jealosy reaction from him. If she wanted just friends with him, its nothing wrong to tell a friend you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.


2) im not saying she wants me back now! im not turning a call and a message into her running after me! im not 10yrs old!? all im saying it is a first step...if she wanted a clean break she could have easily done it and avoided me

Why she should avoid you? We usually avoid someone who made some bad to us. You didn't.

I think you have to leave it, she could have stayed with you but chose to go back to her man of 10 years, there is lots of history there and I don't think you will ever win her over.

Like and love are miles apart.

I hate to beat a dead horse, as what I am going to say has kind of already been said. I just want to add my thoughts and perspective. I also find it very odd that she claims that she did not say anything to her ex about you. Why do I find that odd? Well, when you are in a true love relationship (and sometimes even a "like" relationship) with someone, you tell EVERYONE you know about that person. In this case, it almost sounds like she does not want to mention to her ex that she has met ANYONE, much less someone that she has been with for even 4 months. If I would be wondering about anything, I would be wondering WHY didn't she say anything to him about the fact that she even met you as a friend? She didn't even say that she met you PERIOD, right?

I don't think that you are a bad person. EVERYONE has (or will) go through some kind of heart ache in their lives. It means that we are human and have feelings. We are just here to offer you advice from our own life experiences. Take what you can from all of it, but don't get mad at anyone who may say something that you may not want to hear. If you don't like it, ignore it. You are going to do what you are going to do, regardless of what anyone says about it. Believe me, we care about your situation, otherwise we would not be commenting on it. We just don't want to see another human being hurt in the same way that maybe we have been hurt in the past by someone we THOUGHT cared for us as well. That is human nature, too.

I also wanted to comment on the fact that you say that you really know what this girl is thinking. Believe me, no you don't. No one can be 100% sure of what another person is thinking. Being with someone for just 4 months does not mean that you really know a person. Shoot, sometimes when you are with someone for over a year, you may not REALLY know someone. You only know someone as well as they WANT you to know them. I don't think that she has been totally truthful about who she is or her intentions with you or with herself. I just say be careful. If you want to go after her, then do it. However, know that past behaviors are VERY GOOD indicators of future behaviors. If you can live with ALL of her past behaviors and want to continue questioning why she does everything she does, why she says the things that she says to you and what she means by the things that she says, why she does or does not say certain things to her ex about you or anyone else, then go for it. No one is stopping you.

1) well, she didn't tell him she met me and fell for me... this is what she told me... but she did tell all her family... her dad and mom know about me.. spoke to them on the phone actually... I met her sister and went out all together a couple of times... she lives with her aunt here in dubai, we also used to go out with her... and in fact she called me 2 days ago to see how I was (hmmm.. her aunt, who lives with my ex asked called to ask about me.. could it mean smthg? Maybe yes, maybe no).. so she did tell her family and friends

So, I don't really care if she told her ex or not... not a big deal... I know that he used to call her when she was with me at the beginning, and in front of me she used to tell him to move on.. she moved on and he should to

2) I'm sorry if I offended anyone... I appreciate all posts, good or bad.. thanks

3) thank u,, and your right, I take your appreciated advices, but in the end will do what I want...

I just want you people to know, that I am not still trying to get her because I'm a bad or manipulative person... I really like the girl and know I can make her very happy... as long as she still has feelings, I'm going to act on it... I don't want to just give up

The moment she shows me she is completely over me, and wants to fully dedicate herself to her long distance ex, I will gracefully bow out... trust me, I like single life too!

The moment I don't feel the vibes she sends when she calls me, or when we see each other... the moment she stops calling, or answering my calls or messages, then I will know where her heart FULLY is

So far they do... I mean I didn't call her for a week after the break up and SHE called me... I invited her FRIEND out, and SHE came with her... I called 2 nights ago for the first time since the break up and we had a very nice and flirtatious conversation... last night I MESSAGED her, and she CALLED me right after instead of messaging back and had another long nice conversation (she didn't want me to hang up)

So, so far, the actions are a bit similar... now giving space again for a couple of days to see what the next step is

I think this is what your comment is on right? Hope I answered the right part.. thanks anyway

so far they do....i mean i didnt call her for a week after the break up and SHE called me...i invited her FRIEND out, and SHE came with her...i called 2 nights ago for the first time since the break up and we had a very nice and flirtatious convo...last night i MESSAGED her, and she CALLED me right after instead of messaging back and had another long nice convo (she didnt want me to hang up)

so, so far, the actions are a bit similar...now giving space again for a couple of days to see what the next step is

i think this is what ur comment is on right? hope i answered the right part..thanks anyway

I think she still likes you... confused who to go with

The thing is about inviting her friend out was that you knew that your ex would be with her, so therefore you actually were hoping that she showed up. You were expecting it. Again, this does not make you a bad person but it shows that she is not the only one who is doing the contacting. Hey, if you want to go after her, then go after her. If you want to drop her, then drop her. No one can tell you what to do, what she is thinking, what you should think, etc. You are going to do what you are going to do and you will have to live with the results of your actions.

That is true Mom of 2 but sometimes breakups make you act out of impulse and your emotions and therefore it is hard sometimes to see that thin line between what is still okay and what is said to be crossing the line, Which is why it is always good to have a outsiders opinion on the matter.

She is confused about who she wants to go with.. and as long as that's the case, I will try to get her back (but not in a manipulative way)

To tell the truth, I didn't know she was with her friend... but I knew that the she would tell my ex I invited her... I was testing to see if she would come... looks like she passed the test ;)

I agree I'm also doing some of the contacting.. has to be a give and take.. u give a little, then back away, etc

Again, thnks for the advices!

True, that's why we all joined this site :)

to tell the truth, i didnt know she was with her friend...but i knew that the she would tell my ex i invited her...i was testing to see if she would come...looks like she passed the test ;)

i agree im also doing some of the contacting..has to be a give and take..u give a little, then back away, etc

again, thnks for the advices!

So you are OK with being the back up plan? Someone who tells me they are still in love with their ex of 10 years, I'm only going to ask them 1 question, what direction are you heading in, and that's just so I can run in the opposite. Sure she came, she has to keep you on the hook for when things don't work out with her ex again. You are doing that job very well may I add.

Dude... I can't blame her for still having feelings for her ex of 10yrs (lived with him for 3yrs) that asked her to marry him! But she also did fall for me really quickly... SHE told me she loved me FIRST after only 3 months... she is confused about what to do and wants time to sort her life out... so I think I am more than a back up plan.. and we both know she came more than just to keep me on the hook

The way I see it, is that I'm going up against a giant, and having a chance... 10yrs vs. 4mnths, and she is confused... if anyone should be worried, it should be her ex (I don't mean to make it sound like a competition)

As long as I'm in the same country as her and she has feelings, I'm going to go for it... but still, again, not expecting anything.. taking it slow

dude...i can't blame her for still having feelings for her ex of 10yrs (lived with him for 3yrs) that asked her to marry him! but she also did fall for me really quickly...SHE told me she loved me FIRST after only 3 months...she is confused about what to do and wants time to sort her life out...so i think i am more than a back up plan..and we both know she came more than just to keep me on the hook

the way i see it, is that im going up against a giant, and having a chance...10yrs vs. 4mnths, and she is confused...if anyone should be worried, it should be her ex (i dont mean to make it sound like a competition)

as long as im in the same country as her and she has feelings, im gonna go for it...but still, again, not expecting anything..taking it slow

If the plan fails, what are you going to do?

You can list all possible solutions to the problem, but the real question is "Are you going to do all those solutions?"

If she is no longer confused and FULLY chooses her ex... if she stops messaging me or calling me/answering my calls... if she stops seeing me and flirting with me, then I know she is COMPLETELY over me, and I will move on and see her only as a friend... and I will move on with no regrets because I know that I at least tried to get her back, and fought for someone I really care about... then I go out and have a threesome ;)

But as long as I still feel she likes me and is confused, I want her back... bc of what we had, and what we can have... I still really like her and care about her

1) well, she didnt tell him she met me and fell for me...this is what she told me....

She told you what she thought its enough for you to know.


but she did tell all her family...her dad and mom know about me..spoke to them on the phone actually...i met her sister and went out all together a couple of times...she lives with her aunt here in dubai, we also used to go out with her...and in fact she called me 2 days ago to see how i was (hmmm..her aunt, who lives with my ex asked called to ask about me..could it mean smthg? maybe yes, maybe no)..so she did tell her family and friends

Once upon a time... when you were "everything" for her. In that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you. And everything what she did, its normal. Talking to her friends about you, to her parents about you, etc. now, we are talking about now, and only now! Not the future, not the past, but now!


so, i dont really care if she told her ex or not...not a big deal...

In fact, that's a big deal in here. Why she didn't? A lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions.


i know that he used to call her when she was with me at the beginning, and in front of me she used to tell him to move on..she moved on and he should to

As the situation explains now, it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him.


2) im sorry if i offended anyone...i appreciate all posts, good or bad..thanks

There are no bad or good posts. Only good advices, made from people without any interess but helping, and as you see, they are free and at least you should respect them, although they may not fit with your point of view.


3) thank u,,,and ur right, i take ur appreciated advices, but in the end will do what i want...

We already know it. Everyone here, who came for advice, in the end, did what he/she wanted to do. Only a couple of them save themselves from their own.


i just want u ppl to know, that i am not still trying to get her bc im a bad or manipulative person...i really like the girl and know i can make her very happy...as long as she still has feelings, im going to act on it...i dont want to just give up

Its up to you.


the moment she shows me she is completely over me, and wants to fully dedicate herself to her long distance ex, i will gracefully bow out...trust me, i like single life too!

If you want to go for it, then go. Till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell.


the moment i dont feel the vibes she sends when she calls me, or when we see each other...the moment she stops calling, or answering my calls or messages, then i will know where her heart FULLY is

She already told you where her heart fully is, but you don't want to listen.

I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. Not in this case.

Be good

1) "she told you what she thought its enough for you to know".

... so are you saying that she told him about me, but lied to me and said she didn't?

2) "once upon a time.... when you were "everything" for her. in that time, the girl was under "drugs", under the effects of the addiction, and she was addicted to you."

... its time to give her another dose of my drug ;)... its not easy to give up an "addiction"

3) "why she didnt? a lot of options in here, but most possible one is that she was afraid of his reactions."

... maybe your right

4) "it seems to me like the girl was just upset with him."

... not really... she told me that she ended it with him because she wasn't ready to get married yet, and wanted to come to dubai and meet new people and see what else was out there.. I mean she was with him for 10 yrs, so wanted smthg new and fresh... basically to move on... and she told him he should do the same.. I think she really did want to move on, but still wasn't COMPLETELY over him yet (which is understandble)

5) "are free and at least you should respect them"

... I do respect everyone, even you :P, even if I disagree... if I didn't respect all of u, I wouldn't check this page everyday and take my time writing back

6) "if you want to go for it, then go. till now, you have seen only the front door of the hell"

... thank u.. I will go for it... and hell doesn't scare me :).. regret scares me... not trying scares me... and anyway, getting over my relationship of 5yrs ending made me a stronger person, so not very scared of getting hurt

7) "she already told you where her heart fully is, but you dont want to listen"

... she told me she still loves her ex, but also really likes me... she said she wants to take things slow... which means she is confused... she still calls me and wants to see me... to me she did not tell me FULLY... I know if I'm alone with her, in our favorite spot, on the beach... looking into her eyes, and ask her "do u still really like me?" she will say yes

8) "I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. not in this case."

... dont do anything you don't want to.. I appreciate your posts and enjoy your advices

By the way, she is from ukraine... so she is European like you, so take it easy on us ;)

Take care

1) ...so are u saying that she told him about me, but lied to me and said she didnt?

First, you said she told you she didn't told her ex about you, don't you ?


...its time to give her another dose of my drug ;)...its not easy to give up an "addiction"

We aren't going to discuss about addiction in here, but tell me, what does addiction means to you, and how you build it? I guess you don't know much of it, do you ?


...not really...she told me that she ended it with him bc she wasnt ready to get married yet, and wanted to come to dubai and meet new ppl and see what else was out there..i mean she was with him for 10 yrs, so wanted smthg new and fresh...

She made the effort. Wanted to meet new people. She did it. Wanted to start new and fresh. She did it. She saw what else was out there, and it was not so interesfull, so now...


....she told me she still loves her ex, but also really likes me...

Love vs like - - miles apart


which means she is confused...she still calls me and wants to see me...to me she did not tell me FULLY...i know if im alone with her, in our favorite spot, on the beach...looking into her eyes, and ask her "do u still really like me?" she will say yes

Its all your mind playing games with you. Your imagination. Sorry. You can't tell what's in her mind! Even through the words she says. ONLY HER ACTIONS! And I don't see any, till now!


8) "I know it would be better for you, if we talk to you the way you want, if we give you the advices you want to have, but that for sure is not going to happen. not in this case."

...dont do anything u dont want to..i appreciate ur posts and enjoy ur advices

btw, she is from ukraine...so she is europian like you, so take it easy on us ;)

take care

I may sound harsh, but believe me, I have nothing personal with you! I went through all this! I did everything you are doing now! I putted my ex on the pedestal like you do. Believe me. Its not worth. Because every thing you said till now, everything you explained till now, all this debate, was nothing but only you thoughts against ours. Hers are not included.

1) yeah... she told me she didn't tell her ex about me

2) u know what she said the other day on the phone... that she is still worried about her job... she is afraid that if she gets fired, she may have to go bak to ukraine... so basically, if she stays in dubai, she will give us another chance.. if she goes back to ukraine, she will get back with her ex, probably marry him... that is why she is taking it slow now.. she wants to see what is going to happen with her life... she doesn't want to get attached to me and then have to go back to ukraine... and she also doesn't want to let me go if she ends up staying here.. thats why she is also confused about what she wants

3) she messaged me "i love you" once when I was on vacation about 1 month ago.. when I called her the next day... she said sorry I was very emotional because I really miss you and want you to be with me... I didn't want to say it in a message, I'll tell you I person one day when you come back from your vacation... but 2 days after I came back, she got the warning at work and its started going downhill :(

So I think what we feel for each other is more than just "like"

4) u still don't see actions? She called me first after I didn't call her for one week... she came when I invited her friend... she is flirting with me on the phone.. 2 nights ago I messaged her, but she called me instead of messaging back... she agreed that next time we see each other we will try not to make it uncomfortable (which means she wants to see me)... we stayed more than 1 hour on the phone, and she didn't want me to hang up, etc... its not much, but it is actions.. a first step

5) her thoughts are that she is confused.. taking time to herself until she sees what will happen at work... she is talking to me and her ex... she realized she still loves her ex... but she also still really likes/loves me... most probably she will chose her ex... but as long as she is confused and staying in dubai, I'm going to try to get her back

I'm glad your better now and got over your past relationship... albania is a place I would like to visit one day by the way

1) yeah...she told me she didnt tell her ex about me

2) u know what she said the other day on the phone...that she is still worried about her job...she is afraid that if she gets fired, she may have to go bak to ukraine...so basically, if she stays in dubai, she will give us another chance..if she goes back to ukraine, she will get back with her ex, probably marry him...that is why she is taking it slow now..she wants to see what is gonna happen with her life...she doesnt want to get attached to me and then have to go back to ukraine...and she also doesnt want to let me go if she ends up staying here..thats why she is also confused about what she wants

3) she messaged me "i love you" once when i was on vacation about 1 month ago..when i called her the next day...she said sorry i was very emotional bc i really miss u and want u to be with me...i didnt want to say it in a message, i'll tell u i person one day when u come back from ur vacation...but 2 days after i came back, she got the warning at work and its started going downhill :(

so i think what we feel for each other is more than just "like"

4) u still dont see actions? she called me first after i didnt call her for one week...she came when i invited her friend...she is flirting with me on the phone..2 nights ago i messaged her, but she called me instead of messaging back...she agreed that next time we see each other we will try not to make it uncomfortable (which means she wants to see me)...we stayed more than 1 hour on the phone, and she didnt want me to hang up, etc...its not much, but it is actions..a first step

5) her thoughts are that she is confused..taking time to herself until she sees what will happen at work...she is talking to me and her ex...she realized she still loves her ex...but she also still really likes/loves me...most probably she will chose her ex...but as long as she is confused and staying in dubai, im going to try to get her back

im glad ur better now and got over ur past relationship...albania is a place i would like to visit one day btw


Dude.... find girls around you~
You already know she's making a decisive decision and leaning towards going back to Ukraine to be with her ex. For her stay in Dubai, why do you want to try and get her back? What is the reason that you want to keep her to yourself instead of letting a dumb, confused, and "player-like" female go?" I was in the same boat with my ex but she left me... gave me false hope that we'll get back together.

Recently, one of my "girl-friends" screwed with my head & feelings... led me on thinking we might get on together, but told me she was committed to someone else.

You think you can get everything you want, but it's not possible.

The best modern song to describe is "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay



I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

really appreciate it man... but I've been fukking around and looking at girls for the past 2 yrs, and for all my life before my 5 yr relationship... u name it, I did it, or her ;)... right now I'm in the phase where I want a relationship again... and I really clicked with this girl... sure she has baggage, but we had an amazing 4 months... I can honestly say that I fell for her hard, either as much or more than my ex of 5yrs... and I know she fell fast for me too (she told me she didn't expect to fall for someone so hard after being with someone for 10yrs)

so the basis of a solid relationship is there

sure she is confused, but its natural... pressure at work + ex love of 10 yrs back in pic + new guy she really likes=more pressure and "i need my space, lets take it slow"

how is she dumb and a player man? She was honest at least to tell me the truth... and its not like she cheated on me.. she just started talking to her ex again when she felt pressure (smthg I still do with my ex)

I don't want to defend her.. of course not... but she isn't a bad person... her confusion, and her job are what are pissing me off

the reason I want her back is simply because when u think u find love, u have to do your best to keep it... I rarely give up my single life for a chick unless I think she is worth it... maybe u guys think she isn't worth it now... but this is all just 2 weeks ago... we had 4 amazing mnths that would have definitely lasted longer

I'm sorry about the false hope u got... maybe I'm getting the same.. but I want to find out... and if we don't get back, or she moves back to ukraine, then u will be the first to know that I will move on to meet new girls and sing them all the Coldplay they want! :)

Since we are a ways in on this post, I'd like to quickly refer to your initial post:


"I havent talked to her in almost a week..let her miss me and realize what she is missing...she has a good thing with her here, dont know why she had to rekindle the past...giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me...if she doesnt realize she made a mistake, i think im gonna have to forget about her"

1) is my decision good?
NOT SURE WHAT DECISION WAS MADE? I GUESS YOU CHOSE HANG AND HOPE? WITH SOME FLIRTING?.

2) do i just call her and fight for her...and tell her she is making a mistake, etc.
NO, THAT NEVER WORKS.

3) basically, what will make me get her back...fighting for her, or making her miss me?
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. BACK OFF. GIVE HER ENOUGH TIME TO SEE IF HER FANTASY OF SHE AND HER EX FADES. FLIRTNG MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD BUT DOES NOT RAISE YOUR VALUE UNTIL SHE MISSES YOU.

DID YOU SAY UKRAINE? That does not sound like a good sign for the longterm. She's a long way from her culture and needs financial support as well if she fails... I think she likes you, and is flirty, but is in no way ready to go back to girlfriend right now...
Friends she can do. Real lovers - not now. I know it realllllyyyyy sucks when we fall in love and the other person pulls back. So, see what happens, but I just wanted to put this on the record for whatever it's worth.

1) since she ended up calling me after one week of NC, and since then has shown some interest and feelings... I decided to stay the course and try to get her back with my strategy of a balance of space/time with some flirting here and there.. friendly but flirtatious.. mixing it up

2) I agree with point 3... flirting is not as big a value as missing me... but she does miss me.. told me herself

3) yeah man! Ukraine! Long way home... im concentrating on fixing things now before worrying about her culture, etc... didnt seem to bother us for 4 mnths :)

4) agree with u.. not ready for being girlfriend yet.. thats why taking it slow and giving distance as well

5) again, appreciate your advice.. worth a lot

liking how everyone has become so involved with this story! Over 1000 views! Your all welcome to party in Dubai anytime! :)

Good

really appreciate it man...but ive been fukking around and looking at girls for the past 2 yrs, and for all my life before my 5 yr relationship...u name it, i did it, or her ;)....right now im in the phase where i want a relationship again...and i really clicked with this girl...sure she has baggage, but we had an amazing 4 months...i can honestly say that i fell for her hard, either as much or more than my ex of 5yrs...and i know she fell fast for me too (she told me she didnt expect to fall for someone so hard after being with someone for 10yrs)

so the basis of a solid relationship is there

sure she is confused, but its natural...pressure at work + ex love of 10 yrs back in pic + new guy she really likes=more pressure and "i need my space, lets take it slow"

how is she dumb and a player man? she was honest at least to tell me the truth...and its not like she cheated on me..she just started talking to her ex again when she felt pressure (smthg i still do with my ex)

i dont wanna defend her..of course not...but she isnt a bad person...her confusion, and her job are what are pissing me off

the reason i want her back is simply bc when u think u find love, u have to do ur best to keep it...i rarely give up my single life for a chick unless i think she is worth it...maybe u guys think she isnt worth it now...but this is all just 2 weeks ago...we had 4 amazing mnths that would have definitely lasted longer

im sorry about the false hope u got...maybe im getting the same..but i wanna find out...and if we dont get back, or she moves back to ukraine, then u will be the first to know that i will move on to meet new girls and sing them all the Coldplay they want! :)

1. Congratulations.
2. It is natural to be confused, but going back and forth between 2 guys? I don't think so. She knows she wants her ex, but she also wants you. You need to use your pair in the sack and say "hey~ I'm tired of being in the middle. Please pick a side and go on." If you don't say that, you're going to end up really hurt once she makes her choice if it's not you.
3. She is dumb in going back and forth with problems... a player in sense of flirting with you and her ex.
4. Her confusion and her job makes you mad? Well, why keep it in yourself? Help her find another job and make her choose who to be with. In the end, it's going to be a win-lose situation no matter what... maybe a lose-lose as well.
5. How is she worth the price if she's giving you problems? Also, this isn't love.. it's lust~ How do you tell the difference? She's going back and forth with you and her ex... tells you she loves then one second and apologizes for her actions the next second.
6. Well, I'm sick of relationships so I'll be signing my Army papers next summer.
7. Awesome =]

The thing is, I don't want her to pick a side... bc there is a chance she may choose her ex...

What I'm doing is influencing her choice... a swing vote if you will... u have to convince her into choosing u... I work in sales... and I know that to make the client choose you over the competitor, you have to differentiate yourself

So I give her space to think, but once in a while, flirt with her, remind her of what we had and can have... try to influence her choice... at the end, when "election" time comes, who she "votes" for will win

But just giving up and saying, I'm going full NC, u know where to find me.. dont think that will help much

Trust me, I might get hurt a bit if she doesn't choose me.. but I'm strong enough to handle it... once you get over a 5yr relationship ending, you get over anything... on top of that, I'm 27, maybe thinking of being married in a few yrs... so I don't mind still going out and having more fun as long as I still got lead in my pencil ;)

I agree with u: per your explanation, then she is "dumb and a player".. but I still appreciate her telling me the truth, and to a small degree can understand why she called her ex after 4 mnths during that stress phase

She loves her job... doesnt want to change.. and likes who she works with... she got herself another month now, but still on probabtion... doesnt want to worry about finding another job until its final with this one

Moreover, dubai has this stupid rule that if you change your work permit more than twice in less than one year, you have to leave for 6mnths! So if she gets fired before December, she is gone for 6mnths! So that's the amount of pressure she is under

"problems" is a big word... she has problems at work... I don't have problems.. if I see her good, if not, I'm going out with the boys... im really fine.. but I do miss her like hell, I want to be with her, and still really like her.. I think its both love and lust

Joining the army? Well good luck to u... if you want my advice, join when you have an administration in place that won't lie to its soldiers and sends them to their doom over a lie... but of course, I respect anyone willing to defend their country, GOOD LUCK TO U!

First of all, none of us called you a bad person. We are not being judgemental, just trying to be helpful to a young, desperate man in love.like millions of other young men.

But please don't expect people who have had similar experiences in their lives that are trying to help you look at this from various viewpoints, to put on their kit-gloves and stroke your ego. That's not what we are here for.


in fact, why doesn't her stupid boyfriend give up! I mean he should realize she moved... she met someone else and fell for him... she moved on.. she rejected his marriage proposal.. maybe he should consider giving space as well

Do you really think you have a right to call someone you don't know 'stupid' and suggest what he should do with his life in the future? You only know her for MONTHS and are fighting tooth and nail to keep her and influence her to do it 'your way' - where he feels the same way after knowing and loving her for YEARS and h just does not want to give her up either. What's so stupid about that? After all, you both have something in common, you love her, want her, are jealous and not willing to give up the fight for her - so why get angry at a guy who is just as emotional and sensitive as you are, geez, accept that fact and live with it.

And again, you ASSUME and think ahead too much where she is concerned. You are not in her head, and you should never try to be there - what you should be working on is gaining her heart by continuing the 'chase' with affectionate gestures and not psychoanalysis or thoughts of what you think she is doing wrong or right. Pay attention to her signals and accept her for what she is - not what you want her to be. If you can do that and get closer, that's half the 'battle'. But, we warn you that this is not a movie - it's reality - and will wind up according to how you deal with it through learning and growing.

You want her to see your point of view and also wish her ex would do what you think he should, but I don't see you being very perceptive of our hints either, and you get irritated when we don't tell you what you want to hear. We cannot give you step-by-step instructions on how to get her back because you know that is not possible in any relationship unless you are living in one - even then, we all have to play it by 'ear' or 'feel the vibes' and communicate with each other. As has been said, that's life and sometimes we win, sometimes we don't, but it does go on and we learn from every path we took and will take in the future. It's the choices we make that mold us into who we are.

So, you will make your choices and will live with them - whichever choices you make, I wish you luck and hope it all works out well for you. If not, we will still be here to help you get over it. It it does, we will be here to congratulate you in your determination and growth.

One more thing.. her ex will always be a part of her life even if she chooses you - that's life, that's fact.. Can you accept that and live with it and go on from there without dwelling on her past?
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)
I'm 57 and still remember my very first ex.. and the rest of them too- so what! They helped in molding me into the person I am now. Every relationship leaves it's mark and it's memories - they don't get erased or ignored and should never be the cause of anger in the next path in life.

Please do not bash our political party as this is not the forum for it. We have not bashed yours.

As for him being stupid for not realizing she moved on, well obviously she didn't move on and still has feelings for him or else she wouldn't be confused.

[quote=tabbarat]the thing is, I don't want her to pick a side... bc there is a chance she may choose her ex...

That's insecurity in oneself and/or in the relationship...


what I'm doing is influencing her choice... a swing vote if you will... u have to convince her into choosing u... I work in sales... and I know that to make the client choose you over the competitor, you have to differentiate yourself

So I give her space to think, but once in a while, flirt with her, remind her of what we had and can have... try to influence her choice... at the end, when "election" time comes, who she "votes" for will win

A relationship is NOT politics. It should be a heck of a lot more HONEST!



But just giving up and saying, I'm going full NC, u know where to find me.. dont think that will help much

That's life and we all have to face rejection, whether we want to or not. Believe me, millions of us have been through it and survived it. Read some of the stickies in the Relationship Section to see that you are not alone.

Building a relationship is not a game or a sales competition. You need to set yourself some 'emotional' goals and work on them one step at a time, to include the ups and downs, just like everybody else.

We are here to help you, but you need to ask yourself what you really want. (I know I'm repeating myself, but I would not waste my prescious time if I did not care - you see I have terminal cancer and give advice for free, so rest assured that we don't gang up on anyone... )

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

I didn't mean to bash your party, but as a canadian citizen, just giving my opinion.

True... she did move on, but was not COMPLETELY over him... didnt deny that.

Again, she is confused even though her ex of 10yrs is back in the pic.. I look at it as an achievement instead of a sign for me to give up...

Anyway, still not expecting anything... just waiting, taking things slow

OK.. 1) thanks for all the advice... I never said that I don't appreciate it.. I really do.. and no offense, but I don't need anyone to stroke my ego, because as you see, it's pretty high already :P... since day 1 I've been saying what I plan to do, but thanking everyone for their advice... and just 2 days ago I told everyone, that as soon she moves back to ukraine, OR shows me she no longer wants me, you all will be the first people I tell and tell you I was wrong

But you have to accept my determination, and take it as a sign of how much I care about this girl and want her back... I rarely fall for a girl, so when I do, I do my best to try to fix things

2) I don't have anything personal with her boyfriend... really I don't.. in fact, part of me thinks he is a lucky guy because he had her for 10yrs and lived with her for 3... he wanted to marry her, which shows me he is a stand up guy

My anger is not directed at him as a person, but as her past that has come back to bite us in the @ss

3) I am trying to win her heart by gestures... I didn't give up... when we talked on the phone I told her that she is someone I really care about and want her to be happy even if its not with me... etc.. she knows how I felt about her when we were together, and how I feel about her now

4) your right, sometimes we lose, and sometimes we win... and I'm a big man to accept if I lose, and not scared of losing... but also I'm not someone who gives up for a girl he knows he can make happy in the present and future

5) I know her ex will always be a part of her life... he always was in a way during our relationship (the reason we were taking things slow).. I never dwelt on her past.. if you read my original post, I said that I didn't care and took it slow because I care about her... so I believe all things can be solved by communication

I remember my ex too, and still talk to her when I need someone... my problem is not with her calling her ex when she was feeling stressed, but that she realized that she still had feelings for him, and got her confused

Hmmm.. I know it's a stupid example, but are you guys FRIENDS fans? The show... Richard was monicas past, he wanted to marry her, but she moved on and met chandler... when there was trouble and she started talking to richard again and she started getting confused, did chandler give up? no... he went and told her he loved her etc... its a stupid example, but the point is that the past shouldn't always win... the new guy may just like the girl more than the old guy

Thanks again

Didn't mean to make a relationship into politics! Was just watching obama-mccain on the news and got me thinking :)

Trust me, I'm not scared of rejection.. when I was a single guy, I would get rejected sometimes... its part of life... and I handled my relationship of 5yrs ending, so it made me stronger... I only move on (if it's a girl I love) when the fat lady sings... and so far, the fat lady hasn't sung yet... she is just standing on the stage thinking what to do ;)

I'm sorry to hear about your condition... im in charge of the GARDASIL (cervical cancer vaccine) account here in dubai, so I know about cancer first hand; from doctors and patients... I really appreciate all the time and free advice you give.. hope you guys can see that... dont take the fact that I still do what's in my head as a sign that I ignore your advices, because its not

You need to stop comparing your reality to something that happened on a TV program. They have a script, you don't, although I think that you may be looking for one. What would you be saying if the outcome of the program was the other way around and the old boyfriend won out? You need to know that happens sometimes as well. Both are possibilities.

I can't help but think that this girl wants to have her cake and eat it too. She is using both of you because she has her own insecurities over the fact that she does not want to be alone. She is stringing her ex around JUST IN CASE she has to go back home. She is stringing you around JUST IN CASE she has to stay. That is not love, that is manipulation. That is being a player for her own wants and needs. She is playing both of you wrong.

She is not confused on one thing, she doesn't want a relationship with you. That's clear through all the confusion. What you have failed to see is, the friend zone label, she has pasted on your forehead.

I have seen this so many times, and no one wants to believe, the one they want more with, keeps feeding them just enough crumbs to give them some kind of hope to keep giving them attention.

That's behind this whole thing, she keeps you close because she wants, and needs the attention you give her.

You don't win any one back, that's not up to you, its completely up to them, and all the flirting, pushing, pulling, and gesturing means absolutely nothing.

You also fail to see that, despite your "gestures" she hasn't changed positions at all. Prove it to yourself, and see what happens when she doesn't get the friendly attention she needs from you. She will blow your phone up, and wonder why your ignoring her. But through all of this, she ain't going to be your girlfriend. Hmmmm, makes you wonder why your doing all this, when you could be having such a good time with someone who is healthy, honest, and available.

Mom of 2: well, yes and no... true the girl is confused, but I don't think its out of manipulation... she has no idea what she is going to do about work, and doesn't even know if she is leaving the country or not... she really likes both of us... I mean that is her ex of 10 yrs, and I am the new guy that she fell for very fast...

Of course no one likes to be strung along, but she expalined it to me on the phone the other day... she just wants to take things easy until she sees what happens with her job/staying in the country.. her priority is sorting out her job first... the situation of me and her ex is secondary... but she isn't doing it out of spite or manipulation, just trying to protect herself

Sure she started talking to him again, and told me to take it slow.. but it is no way a "break up", as is in just leave me alone... her words and actions so far don't indicate she wants me out of the picture yet.. and I'm going to be there for her until we see what happens with her job.. supporting her as a friend/bf (if we get back)... as long as she has feelings and is confused, I'm going to be there for her, I have nothing to lose; on the other hand, I have everything if I have her back because I really like her

talaniman: do you flirt with your exes? Do you go to where they are knowing they will be there... when they tell you "i have to go", do you tell them "no dont hang up, i miss u"... nope, because you have them in the friend zone... she doesn't have me there yet (to her admission as well).. she told me on the phone that she really likes me still and that's why it was awkward the first time we bumped into each other

But your probably right.. she gives me crumbs so I can give her attention.. and I give her crumbs too so she doesn't completely sway to her ex and maybe get her back.. or to answer you better, make HER decide to come back

Nope.. dont wonder.. I know exactly what I'm doing... had plenty of "healthy, honest, available" girls in my day... now I just want her.. but thanks anyway

I mean I flirt once in a while, but still living my own life.. when she decides, she knows where I am

But let me ask you.. why are you so pessimistic?

I wouldn't call it pessimistic as much as I would experience. From the 8 or 9 months I have been on this site, I have yet to hear a success story in where the girl went back after a break. I mean if you read through all the posts on this site, there aren't many success stories are there?

True... u have a point.. the chances are slim.. and that's why I say I'm not expecting anything... think of it this way, if I was scared of rejection and knew the chances were not to my favor, I would have walked away and saved myself some pain.. BUT, instead I'm still in the game in a way... which either shows I'm really smart or really stupid :P... only one way to find out, and I'm willing to risk that for this girl (I only fall for a few girls)

And hey, there's a first time for everything ;)

I'm not pessimistic at all, and if you follow my posts, its about being healthy and realistic. Your female isn't the poor, helpless, confused, thing you think she is, and has her own motivations for doing things. My point is, make your decisions based on facts, and not feelings, because despite what females say, it's their actions that reveal the true intentions. That with all us humans.

I also suspect there is something your not telling, because you seem mighty invested for a 4 month dating thing. Especially since a player like yourself is hung up on this female, and should know full well, it takes more than the feelings of one to make a relationship. As long as you play "the game" by her rules, you lose.



Make HER decide to come back


Could this be about ego?? Or you just have to prove you got it?? I don't know, but you seem to spend way too much time trying to accomplish what?? What does a player do when he gets what he wants?

He moves on, as there is no more thrill in the chase.

I think she's probably moved on.

But, I'm glad you can accept it and can be friends.

1) I disagree, she IS confused.. but you are right, she also knows what she is doing... she doesn't want to decide on anything before she knows where her job puts her; stay in dubai or go back to ukraine for 6mnths

2) her actions tell me she still has feelings... no, scratch that.. she TOLD me point blank she still likes me (during one of those long phone convos we had in which she didn't want me to hang up and kept flirting with me)... so there is no doubt there is still smthg there, or else I would have been out of the pic 3 weeks ago when the break up happened! I'm no fool, I don't waste my time on a girl that doesn't want me... but I know she still does

3) I like how your trying to analyze me :P... I never said I was a player.. that is an ugly word... I just like being single, partying, meeting different girls, etc... most of my adult life has been single with dating girls for a max of one or two months.. nothing special... I have only fell for 2 girls, my ex of 5yrs which ended because she wanted marriage and I wasn't ready yet, and now this Ukrainian girl for 4 months... the reason I'm so "invested" is because she has everything I want in a girl and more.. we just click... we didn't fight once in 4 mnths! I can't explain it.. but I have been in dubai for 1 year now... the 4mnths with her were better than the 8mnths I was single in! (mind you I had my first threesome during that time ;) )... I rarely "invest" in a girl, but she was definitely worth my "money" ;)

Its not about ego.. trust me... she knows I can go out now and pick up a girl... some used to call me when I was with her.. and she would see me ignore their calls... I don't have to prove anything to anyone...

And the chase is not over, the thrill is still there... bc actually, now I realized how much she means to me

Hope I'm shedding light on why I care so much... all your advices are sound, and to be honest would probably give them myself to some poor sap on this webpage, but you guys have to be in my place to fully understand... im keeping my expectations low but am strong to handle whatever may result (I think)

As for ASH123: what makes you think she FULLY moved on?. and yeah, if all goes down the drain, I won't mind being friends with her.. just like I'm still friends with my ex of 5yrs... when I told her that I want you to be happy even if its not with me, I really meant it because I do care about her purely

I know I stated I wasn't going comment anymore but I wanted to point something out to you.
First you say:sure she started talking to him again, and told me to take it slow.. but it is no way a "break up", as is in just leave me alone.

Then you say: there is no doubt there is still smthg there, or else I would have been out of the pic 3 weeks ago when the break up happen.

Was there an actual break- or not?

First you say:she was the one who said she loved you first. Then you say, she only likes me. Which one was it?

Tal stated you were a player because you stated it in your eariler post. Now you say, player is a ungly word but yet you used it and associated it with your name.

Also, you can win someone heart when it is there to be won. What your going do win half or 1/4 of her heart?

1) Welcome back lizzie!

2) well, it WAS a break up in the sense we aren't together anymore... but NOT a break up in the sense that she still has feelings and is confused... when I break up with someone it means "leave me alone".. her break up was more of a "lets take it slow, give me time and space i am confused"... if I felt she didn't care about me anymore, I would have left 3 weeks ago

3) what I said was, until I left for vacation for 3 weeks... we used to tell each other I really like u, I really care about u, etc... one night she messaged me "i love u", and when I called her the next day, she said she was just feeling emotional because she missed me so much, but she wants to tell me it in person when I get back from my vacation... but we never got the chance... so lets say she really likes me and I really like her, but if things continued great with us (and she didn't get the warning at work), we definitely would be telling each other "i love u" now

4) I'm a player in the sense I like meeting different women and like to be single and party and travel... but NOT a player in the sense that I cheat on women and treat them badly and lie to them... never have, never will... in fact, the reason my relationships last 1-2 mnths is because I'm honest and break up with them first before I do smthg with someoen else... I have a younger sister, so I treat women the way I want guys to treat her.. with respect and honesty

5) of course I want her full heart... I know she wasn't FULLY over her ex while she was with me, but she was moving on and things were amazing with us... UNTIL the warning at work, stress etc. came and her past came back in the pic... so I want her back, then we'll go back to working on moving on and continuing where we stopped

all your advices are sound, and to be honest would probably give them myself to some poor sap on this webpage,
That's just too condenscending, for a guy who is one of thousand trying to get their "girl" back.

but you guys have to be in my place to fully understand
Its been a while for some of us, but you are far from unique. Especially on this forum.

You still hold on to confused huh! So be it.

No disrespect to anyone,, in here I'm just like the rest of these guys.. true

And yes, still hanging on to confused... bc of all the examples I've said in my posts, because I'm the one living the situation, and because she told me straight out she still likes me.. u have to trust me on this one...

If I was sure she FULLY wanted me out of her life or only FULLY as a friend, would have been gone long time ago my friend

Take care

Given all the facts: ukraine, old boyfriend, job stress, new culture, new place, "confusion" and flirting in bars... she is clearly not serious. How old is she? 25? Has she gone to college? What is her relationship with her parents? What is her financial situation? What happened with her EX? How did they break up? How many friends does she have in dubai?

Since you have not had many serious girlfriends I know this feels really special - especially since she's making you work - but I am not sure yet this is too much.

Look at these questions and I'll see.

Also, what do you do?

I don't get why all the interrogative questions about my work or hers, but here goes:

1) flirting in bars? When did that happen? She met me in my bro's birthday and we clicked directly.. she rejected me twice before she agreed on going with me to dinner for the first time... bc of the reason I told everyone, that she told me she just got out of smthg serious and wanted to take things slow.. and since the breakup, we flirt on the phone or the time we saw each other.. which is normal for people who still like each other

2) she was with her ex for 10 yrs on and off... she lived with him for 3 yrs... he asked her to marry him before she moved here, but she wasn't ready and wanted to be on her own and try new things, etc.

3) she is serious... serious about work and was serious about me... I don't have to justify that.. I mean we had a 4mth relationship like anyone else... see each other like 4 times a week, phone everyday, dinners, movies, nightclubs, etc... very good relationship

But she warned me at the beginning that we have to take it slow because she just got out of smthg serious... she wanted to move on from her ex, and she told him to move on, in front of me even when he would call her... her feelings for me were genuine and serious (at least while her ex was out of the pic)

It may seem not serious to you now, but you had to be there from the begnning... dont just look at one part... I have no doubt that what we shared was genuine and true

She is 25, exactly, from ukraine, went to college, works in real estate, and if she has a good month, makes more than me! :) her parents seem middle class

She is very close to her parents... I met her mom, sister, and aunt, talkd to her dad on the phone... seem like nice people

She has around 10 friends in dubai (mostly co workers); mind you she has been in dubai less than a year... I know all her friends and we all get along, and my friends like her too

Trust me, I'm not into her because I haven't had many relationships... im into her for the person she is... like I said, we just click and fell for her quick and hard... her too (to her own admission)... take it in a way that I was willing to give up my single life for her

I'll give you an example.. I was on vacation for 3 weeks, had a chance to sleep with a girl, didn't do it because I couldn't cheat on her because I don't want to hurt her, and because I couldn't stop thinking about her... the old me would have nailed her hard ;)

As for me, I work in pharmaceuticals.. with Merck... im in charge of sales of one of their vaccines in dubai... Thankfully, I do pretty well and meeting my sales targets every quarter

Now tell me how all this info helps? :)

Thanks

Well I can tell you from a woman's perspective, that the transition from a long term relationship to a new country and job is crazy. I say she needs time on her own, and to save you getting scolded try and do your own thing- 'fishes in the sea' and all. Its just not worth the hassle, get out before its too l8!

Your right cooly... and that's why she told me to take it slow... and I didn't mind... im already in too deep, too late I guess, but thanks :)

ok, here's what I get. The more I ask the more I learn.


Quoting you: "He asked her to marry him before she moved here, but she wasn't ready and wanted to be on her own and try new things, etc."

So, that is what she is doing and why she is protecting you. A girl can be head over heels but will stick to her "plan" of independence. So, expect that to stay the same.

Next. her job is clearly very important to her. She travelled a long way to do it. It is #1 as we all know. So, I think she will not get serious, as you know, for a while.

I am glad to hear she is close with her family so she is not drifting. It also means to me that we can believe what she says since she has a firm foundation. And she has said she wants to be independent and work on her job.

You have mutual friends. That is good for the most part. It also requires some careful maneuvering right now clearly. In a way, it is a double edged sword. You can be sort of connected which is nice. And you can show you all get along. But there is not the separation she may need.

I think she sounds like a super cool girl. And would be fun as heck to date. I think the next chance to rekindle what you have will come when her independence and her job are cooking - as you know. How long? I'd say about a year would be wise. 6 months if all goes as well as possible. Anything before that she would not likely take seriously. (She might hook up with you before that, but being a serious girlfriend before that - I'd guess probably not.)

Life is tough and sometimes we have to prioritize and that is what she is doing.

One note: The word "love" is a powerful one and when we hear it, it can make really move us. It means a lot. I have to say that the word is often not as quite as meaningful as the actions... and right now her actions are not love. But if things change let me know. I hope you find what you're looking for. It may take a lot of patience and it may... not be her.

For some reason I was not allowed to give you a reputation, but you deserve an award ;)... well said and well interpreted

I'm sure she felt things with us were getting serious; at a point when she was stressed at work, and realized she still had feelings for her ex... so the logical step was to cut me out and give herself space, so she can concentrate on her work.. I understand that...

When we were talking on the phone the other day, she told me that she is sorry about how things ended up, but she explained her situation... she was very worried about getting fired, because that means she has to go back to ukraine for 6mnths! And she loves her life here with me, her friends, her work, and of course her aunt... she would prefer to stay here..

OK.. let me recap... everything was great between us, moving forward, falling more and more for each other, then all of a sudden she gets the warning at work... she gets stressed and that made her realize what her priorities are and maybe also turned her off our relationship... the stress at work made her realize she misses the person who knows her best, her ex of 10 yrs... she gives him a call... for about one week, she was talking to him and me together, but she realized she also still had feelings for him... knowing that, plus the stress at work, she decided to cut me out.. sound about right?

OK.. I know all this... ur saying I have to give her space for maybe 6 mnths to sort her life out... I don't mind being friends with her during this time because I do care about her; but:

1) she is on probation, so that means she could be gone any month... time is not a luxury

2) what about her ex boyfriend? What are your thoughts on that? U talked about her and me, and her and her work, but what about him? How does he fit it in?

Because I know she has feelings for him and for me... so as long as she is confused, I have a window of opportunity... the moment I back out, I move into the pure friendzone, and he moves back in as a long distance ex (if she ends up staying in dubai)

For that reason I'm doing a strategy of mixing distance with flirting.. giving her space but also staying in the pic

Thanks again, take care

Her ex BF is a comfort zone. Something she can fall back on if things get rough.

This is likely my last post on this so read close.

1. My last post pretty much said it all. Please re-read
2. If she is on limited time, then she KNOWS you both are on limited time.
So, when you see her - yes be fun and nice... But not much else to do.
At some point, as long as you have said she is important to you and how you feel, you've done your job.
(That usually happens at the break-up) Contacting her beyond that will just stress her.
3. The boyfriend is going to be in play/in her mind for 6 months to a year NO MATTER where she is.
4. It's just bad luck right now for you. Don't worry, I don't think you are a player. No player would freak out this much after 4 months. :-)
I am glad you care for her a lot. But a lot of this is out if your hands.

I've gotten girls back MANY times, and it only lasts if they have sorted out whatever was bugging them to begin with. If this was just an insecure girl you could fight for her and make it clear you want to marry her etc. but this is not one of those cases. She wants to be single. If she ever doesn't want to be--you'll know it. Until then, relax, it is out of your hands...

Again, well said... hope u stick around though

for some reason I was not allowed to give u a reputation, but u deserve an award ;)... well said and well interpreted

Due to your disagreement ratings to others for their opinion, which is a violation of the rules, someone gave you enough disagreements to nullify your ability to rate others, whether you agree or disagree. Read the rules.

;)

I thought it was just a "spread the reputations" that caused it?

Oh well, love is a battlefield.

True... all is fair in love and war...

Anyway, just to let you guys know... last time me and my ex had contact was on Sunday, when I messaged to see how she is, but she called back instead and we had a nice long flirtatious conversation... im thinking of calling her tmrw.. contact once a week, can't be that bad ;)

Regards

Good luck man I don't wish you the crap end of the stick here. In an Ideal world everything ends as we want it to. BUt as we all know it does not. I just don't want you get hurt if you end up being a failed rebound. 10 years being with someone is a long time to get over it all. But I do wish you the best, as in the comes around to you and your happy for the rest of your life.

Thanks man... have met some nice people here the past 3 weeks... even though sometimes I don't listen to ppl's advices, I still appreciate all posts

I know 10 yrs is a long time to get over someone... but I was with someone for 5 yrs, and am over her.. in fact she is getting engaged soon to the guy she started dating 3 months after our break up! I know I shouldn't compare, but it is an example of how sometimes you should just move forward and leave the past behind

Will keep you guys updated... take care

Look we know your stubborn, and smitten, and as pessimistic as I may sound, or as harsh as I can get, its all about being healthy in mind, to be able to judge the facts, for what they are, and make reasonable decisions, based on facts, and not just feelings.

Backing away, and changing the routine, and cutting contact, is a way to achieve that goal. It will allow you the advantage of clearer perspective. That's all No contact does. It lets the emotional dust settle enough that the brain can be engaged, to it full potential.

I completely agree with u... but what is no contact supposed to do for me now? Think clearly about what? If I still want her or not? If she is worth the "chase'?...i already thought about it, and the answer is yes...

i am completely for the NC strategy if there was a huge fight or disagreement of somekind, or some irreconcilable differences, in order to let the emotioanl dust settle...for example, my relationship of 5 yrs ended bc we couldnt agree on if/when to get married...i was ready, she was not...so we used to fight...no contact gave us the sapce and time we needed to think clearly and we both decided that it was best to end it..so we stayed friends

but this case is different...there was no fight or differences...i mean i was not confused about anything...i wanted her 3 weeks ago, and i still want her now...so NC from my end now wouldnt solve anything, and it wouldnt serve its purpose...

i agree she needs space to sort out her life (work, if she is gonna stay in dubai, her ex back in the pic, etc), and i agreed to give her space...i changed the routine, no contact everyday, no seeing her 4 times a week anymore, etc...so she has her space to think, but again, i contact her still once in a while to "influence" her decision... and she doesn't seem to mind, may I add ;)

Finally, I don't think your harsh, on the contrary, your advices are sound and just

Correction: my ex of 5yrs was ready to get married, I was not :)

No contact may give you the time to settle down, and think of a better strategy! This one ain't working, and you will be in friend zone, until you figure this out.

Your situation may be unique to you, but you could benefit from think time.


judge the facts, for what they are, and make reasonable decisions, based on facts, and not just feelings.

I think your suggestion of a better strategy would be full NC, then maybe in like 6 mnths contact again or smthg when she would have sorted her life out... maybe, but its too long to wait when there is an ex back in the pic AND because we don't know if she will still be in the country by then.. time is not a luxury

That's why I'm doing a balance strategy.. and as long as I'm flirting and saying and doing things that will kepp me out of the friendzone, I shouldn't worry... obviously there are actions and words you should say to stay out of that zone

A few are: flirting, don't talk about her boyfriend! make her jealous sometimes, tease her in a funny way, if your going to invite her out it should be at night and preferably alone, etc... these are a few things I can think of now (more ideas welcome)

Sure I haven't got her back yet, and that's IF I get her back, but in any case, 3 weeks is still a short time to determine

All due respect, but your strategy has some really big flaws in it, and all built on assumptions, and fear. You can never assume the female heart, and mind, nor can you make some one comeback to you, nor make them feel as you do, or as you want them to. The fear comes in when you let the shadow of the ex, enter your thinking, and assumes how she may feel about him.

Better to get solid with the things you CAN control, and that's YOU, and what you do for yourself. I've seen many a guy crash, and burn, over assumptions, and try to control a situation he cannot. So do your thing, as I can appreciate the learning process, and the growing pains that come with it. I won't say I told you so.

HINT- She doesn't want either of you!!

1) true, a lot of my strategy is based on assumptions... but also on facts... I know for a fact she still likes me and misses me.. thats what I'm basing it on.. as long as there is that, I have a chance to "influence" her

2) with all due respect, sometimes you CAN make someone come back to u.. the word "make" is a harsh word, but there are things you do and say to make a girl want you back... otherwise, no one in history would have said the phrase "we got back together"... the girl has to miss you and once in a while be reminded of the good times you shared together for her to consider getting back.. sometimes her seeing you having fun and meeting new people and going out makes her jealous, also a feeling that makes her consider getting back

Again, I don't want to make it seem I'm manipulating her to get back with me... I really like her and want to continue where we left off, so I have to use the weapons that are in my arsenal... "all fair in love and war"...

On the contrary, I feel I'm using my brain more than my heart on this one... before any call, I think 10 times to make sure that I have balanced enough of the "NC-contact strategy"

3) your right,, now she doesn't want either... her priority is her work... but I can guarantee you that if I'm out of the pic for good, or at least 3 months straight, she will get back with her ex... bc he will still be in the pic and he has 10yrs... im just trying to level the playing ground

I'm not saying what you say is wrong or unsound, but I'm just saying that my situation may be a bit unique to the NC strategy... bc there is an ex in the pic and because time is not a luxury

Take care

I prefer my woman to want to be there on her own choosing, not by influence, or manipulations, and irregardless of the competition from an ex, or anyone else who walks the planet. Just me, mind you!!

Just another point for NO CONTACT, when they are confused, indecisive, or just not ready, willing, or able.

No Contact also allows you to see your options, and opportunities, so you won't be stuck in a confusion of thought or actions that don't produce a darn thing in your interest.

It allows you to grow, and understand yourself, which is essential, for understanding others. And being able to cope with what you have to.

OK, this is what happened tonight:

I called her to see how she is, we spent an hour and a half on the phone! It was friendly and flirtatious for the first 45 minutes, but the next 45 minutes is where it all goes down...

I started telling her how I'm glad she is happy and that I wish her the best even if its not with me, etc... I told her that I do miss her, but I was trying to get over her by actively going out and trying to meet new people, etc... then the subject of my ex girlfriend came up... which led to talking about the word "love"...

She asked me if I loved her (her meaning the current Ukrainian girl)... after a bit of "it doesnt matter anymore if i do or not" and "maybe one day u'll find out" from my part, she stressed that I tell her the truth... so I did

I told her that I do love her... how I don't give my heart to any girl.. how I fell for her from the moment I met her, how the past 4 months were amazing... I told her that I went on vacation for 3 weeks, and I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her... I told her that basically I was coming back from vacation to tell you "i love u", but I never got the chance...

I then asked her about her... she said she "really loves me too", and she misses me a lot, etc... she said I do love my boyfriend, I mean he is the one that has been with me for 10 yrs and wants to marry me, etc... but I do love you also... she loves 2 people, her ex because of what he means to her and their history, and me because of what I mean to her now and because I'm a great guy that she loves to be with

I then tried cutting the conversation short, but she didn't want me to! She told me to stay longer and then she said: "i feel like kissing you!"

At that moment I didn't know what to say... literally... I told her that I wanted to also, but didn't know if it was a good idea... but then I thought about it and told her that I would be there (her house) in 10 minutes, she said to make it 5 ;)

I got there... she got in the car, we cruised around a bit... we had a normal conversation for a while... held hands, etc... then when I dropped her back home, we made out for a good 5-10 minutes... it was all good during, like the good ol' days ;)

But when we finished, I was left with a confused look on my face! I was thinking: "what happened, what now, what does this mean?".. she noticed my confused look, and told me to smile... so we said our goodbyes, and when I got home messaged her goodnight and to have a good day at work tmrw

So, lets analyze what happened tonight... was it just a surge of feelings that culminated into us kissing? Was it us getting back together? Was it a "booty-call?" we finally told each other we love each other, is that a step forward, or will it complicate things more? Is she no longer confused? What the hell just happened?

AND more importantly, what do I do next?

My plan: cool it, go NC for 2-3 days, wait for her to call, take it easy... if she doesn't, I'll call, maybe invite her out for coffee or smthg

Thanks in advance

No one can tell you what to do, we can only analyze the situation and give our opinions. At some point she has to make a choice and stop keeping someone in their pockets. I wish you the best outcome possible, but remember everything in life has its purpose. I feel until she makes a choice she is confused on weither to put the feelings away from her ex or yours. Not to sound like an a$$.

U don't sound like an @ss at all! :)

I do appreciate your opinions... thats why I asked...

Your right, eventually she has to choose... but what happened tonight? It was just a surge of feelings that led to kissing? Did we get back?

Only time will tell... at least I now have a foot in the door...

So going to give it a couple of days, I think we both need it, then we'll see

OK, this is what happened tonight:

I called her to see how she is, we spent an hour and a half on the phone! It was friendly and flirtatious for the first 45 minutes, but the next 45 minutes is where it all goes down...

I started telling her how I'm glad she is happy and that I wish her the best even if its not with me, etc... I told her that I do miss her, but I was trying to get over her by actively going out and trying to meet new people, etc... then the subject of my ex girlfriend came up... which led to talking about the word "love"...

She asked me if I loved her (her meaning the current Ukrainian girl)... after a bit of "it doesnt matter anymore if i do or not" and "maybe one day u'll find out" from my part, she stressed that I tell her the truth... so I did

I told her that I do love her... how I don't give my heart to any girl.. how I fell for her from the moment I met her, how the past 4 months were amazing... I told her that I went on vacation for 3 weeks, and I couldn't stop thinking about her and how much I miss her... I told her that basically I was coming back from vacation to tell you "i love u", but I never got the chance...

I then asked her about her... she said she "really loves me too", and she misses me a lot, etc... she said I do love my boyfriend, I mean he is the one that has been with me for 10 yrs and wants to marry me, etc... but I do love you also... she loves 2 people, her ex because of what he means to her and their history, and me because of what I mean to her now and because I'm a great guy that she loves to be with

I then tried cutting the conversation short, but she didn't want me to! She told me to stay longer and then she said: "i feel like kissing you!"

At that moment I didn't know what to say... literally... I told her that I wanted to also, but didn't know if it was a good idea... but then I thought about it and told her that I would be there (her house) in 10 minutes, she said to make it 5

I got there... she got in the car, we cruised around a bit... we had a normal conversation for a while... held hands, etc... then when I dropped her back home, we made out for a good 5-10 minutes... it was all good during, like the good ol' days

But when we finished, I was left with a confused look on my face! I was thinking: "what happened, what now, what does this mean?".. she noticed my confused look, and told me to smile... so we said our goodbyes, and when I got home messaged her goodnight and to have a good day at work tmrw

So, lets analyze what happened tonight... was it just a surge of feelings that culminated into us kissing? Was it us getting back together? Was it a "booty-call?" we finally told each other we love each other, is that a step forward, or will it complicate things more? Is she no longer confused? What the hell just happened?

AND more importantly, what do I do next?

My plan: cool it, go NC for 2-3 days, wait for her to call, take it easy... if she doesn't, I'll call, maybe invite her out for coffee or smthg

Thanks in advance

Hmmm... not a lot of people commented yet on last nights major development... either you guys are busy with other posts, or you have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

Again, I say the NC strategy is sound and works.. but I don't think it should just be thrown around for every situation... each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

Anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

Thanks

hmmm...not a lot of ppl commented yet on last nights major development....either you guys are busy with other posts, or u have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

again, i say the NC strategy is sound and works..but i dont think it should just be thrown around for every situation...each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

thanks
To be frank, I think they have spoken their mind.

We should be talking to her. She is the one with all the power, and control, and calling all the shots. Your just the sheet blowing in the wind.

Hahaha... first I get bashed for trying to "influence her", "change her", "make her", etc... and now I'm just a "sheet in the wind"

Why don't u just admit that it was my regulated/balanced NC strategy that made our phone conversations turn to flirting, flirting turn to "i love u and miss u", and culminating with "be here in 5 minutes i want to kiss u"

I'm not saying what you guys advocate is wrong, it is right.. and I did do it, I remind you I went FULL NC for more than a week after the break up and she contacted me first... and in between calls (her calling or me calling), I would go days NC

But we have to admit, my balanced strategy kept me in the game and led to what happened last night

Your right.. im not out of the woods yet.. true... but ask ANYONE who is in a SIMILAR situation as me, and they will tell you that what happened last night is 10 times better than waiting for months on end waiting for the girl to make up her mind and MAYBE come back

In fact, my friend, if I sat around for months full NC, THEN I would be waiting for her to call the shpts and I would be a "sheet"... but as long as I'm in the game, with a strategy, giving her space but also reminding her of the good ol' days, I have some control as well

As you can see from many of your answers... you have definitely made the right decision. She needs her "space." That is something we've all heard and needed. No matter how we try we can never MAKE someone see or feel what we do. As hard as it is, we all have to learn for ourselves. Even when we ask advice sometimes we don't always listen and we say "I should have listened to so and so..."

If you feel what you're doing is right for YOU, then it is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is force her decision, she needs to see for herself what you are worth and if she is really ready to move on, if not, it will only hurt you more later on. If she does decide she is ready for you, don't only hear her words, but look at her actions. If anything is saying "this doesn't feel right," then move on. It won't happen right away so I wouldn't put a time frame on it. We all need real time to heal from a past relationship, because sometimes we just like the familiarity of it. Someone will be out there very deserving of you whether it be her, or someone else. In the meantime, live your life and enjoy, and show yourself that you are worth it.

hmmm...not a lot of ppl commented yet on last nights major development....either you guys are busy with other posts, or u have realized that my strategy may be working, or at least has set me in the right direction ;)

again, i say the NC strategy is sound and works..but i dont think it should just be thrown around for every situation...each relationship is unique and the NC strategy should be modified based on what the person wants out of the break up

anyway, would still appreciate some comments on last nights events

thanks


Here's what I think about the development. You have to ask yourself if you want this to be a "game", or a game worth playing. Or do you want it to be a true and pure relationship? Sure all relationships take work, but how much work do u want to put into it before it becomes a chore. Yes, you're right, by doing what you did, you are "keeping yourself in the game" but you have to make sure you play your cards right then. Make sure that you don't give in every time there is a "new development" make her work too. It's human nature for all of us to want what we can't have. By you stepping back it did make her think... but you don't want her to feel like she can have her cake and eat it too.

She may have almost definitely meant what she said and feels for you, but u have to make her realize that this is a real decision for her to make and if she wants you then she's going to have to put in some real effort and show you.

Welcome to ASK ME ;)

Hey dude. Glad you feel better. Just don't pressure her and have fun. You may get somewhere.

Also, if you get confused again you might wanna re-read my posts.

Here's an excerpt: "I'd say about a year would be wise. 6 months if all goes as well as possible. Anything before that she would not likely take seriously. (She might hook up with you before that, but being a serious girlfriend before that - I'd guess probably not.)"

Peace and good luck with it.

Thanks bro... in fact, your post crossed my mind after I dropped her back home last night

Drop in from time to time.. take care

Saw your comment: haven't been on this site long enough to figure it all out.. tried sending you a private message, but it won't let me, because for some reason never got the activation email... so go ahead, ask me :)

:), no, what I did was I sent you a good reputation.. which is smthg good apparently on this site :P... and I meant welcome to ASK ME (the website)... but thanks anyway, and don't worry, u'll get the hang of it ;).. take care

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! U just put a smile on MY face. Yea I'll get the hang of it eventually. YOU just helped ME. Thanks!

Update: she called me tonight

Had a nice normal conversation for only 5 minutes, then I cut it short because I was at dinner... so far, so good

Thinking of not calling her tmrw, continue with the NC, then invite her out Tuesday night

Regards

ummm truthfully, i think your jelous and a bit over protected, shes going through a tough time he has known her longer she might have realised when he was helping her that she has feelings for him, back off let things take there own route, relax a little..do NOT get involved it will cause more jelousy

woopsie just read your update.. yeah well hope things go well, see it might just have been a small thing ;)

good luck =]

Don't call her up tomorrow... what you're doing is working... pace yourself and don't get ahead of yourself or too excited. And wait for her to ask YOU to do something, as much as it itches. Remember make her work...

Lol @ sophie: :) see, I'm not a bad guy! Just someone that knows what he wants, and is willing to work for someone I think is worth it... trust me, I'm not a jealous guy or overprotective... but thank for your wishes :) take care!

Maria: thanks for the advice... I agree that I won't call tmrw... she "worked" today and called... I shouldn't be too hasty... take it slow and easy and enjoy myself, then make the best of the times we talk or see each other... ur a smart one, your boyfriend is a lucky guy ;) hehehe

We'll see if he realizes that... told you went through the same thing...

But I kind of know what works... hahaha so I'm using my advantage to help u. ;)~~

But u know mostly what to do... ur a smart one too, and she's also lucky! Thanks

Well u know what they say, "great minds think alike" ;)

When u post a question, I'll be sure to post my two cents and try to help :) see you

lol @ sophie: :) see, im not a bad guy! just someone that knows what he wants, and is willing to work for someone i think is worth it...trust me, im not a jealous guy or overprotective...but thank for ur wishes :) take care!

maria: thanks for the advice...i agree that i wont call tmrw...she "worked" today and called...i shouldnt be too hasty...take it slow and easy and enjoy myself, then make the best of the times we talk or see each other...ur a smart one, ur bf is a lucky guy ;) hehehe

You want your girl back, and I really wish you can get her back. But may I ask you this:

Do you call it a "success" if you get your girl back by influencing her thoughts, by being manipulative, etc? Let suppose you will get her back. What then? Who may say she will not reevaluate her "decision" influenced by you?
Anyway, as I see, you didn't came here for advice. We have heard these kind of situations a million times, and all of them ended the bad way. I was in your shoes before 1 year. I tried everything you are trying. Even the "balancing" strategy, like you want to call it. You may read my posts too, if you want. I came here, and to be sincere, I was not looking for people who will tell me to move on, to go nc, or whatever. I came here to speak, I came here to find people who will have the same thoughts like me. People like talaniman, cherry, etc, told me to stop doing what I was doing. But I didn't. Now my ex lies somewhere else, but not in my arms. Not that they told me to go nc, so that I can get her back. But how to get myself back and save myself from all that pain. Is this what you want? To "fight" for something, loose, have more headache, and in the end, tell yourself: I should have gone nc? I hope not. But anyway, everyone chooses his own path. In a friendly way, I suggest you to ready the following posts.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-get-him-her-back-187766-13.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-re-attract-ex-161312-2.html#post774551

I always like hearing from you because I can tell that you say things with truth and experience... thanks, I'm going to read the posts now

And the questions you asked me, of course I think about them.. that is why after we finished making out yesterday, I was left with a confused look and thinking "what the fcuk just happened? and what does it mean?".. but taking it easy, step by step

But I think by using words like "manipulating" and "influence", your making me look like a bad person... the way I see it is, I love this girl, I love what we had and can have, I feel that it ended before its time... I rarely fall for a girl, but when I do, I do with all my heart

I told her yesterday, if you want me stop calling u, tell me... if you want me to get out of your life, tell me, and I'll gladly do it, because I don't want to put pressure on u, and because I don't want to cause problems between you and your boyfriend.. I told her that I'm trying to move on, etc. and I do give her space also.. I really mean it when I tell her I want you to be happy even if its not with me

I'm sorry, but if I wanted to be manipulative, I could have played a dirty game... and pressured her, and told her what do you want with your boyfriend, he is probably cheating on you in ukraine, long distance never works, etc... so many things I could have said or done, but I never take the low road

I told her straight... I care about u, I loved what we had, if you want to get back its cool... if not, its cool too... and she knows I mean it, because she knows I love single life...

So I give her space.. if she calls, I call... its a give and take...

The moment I feel I'm doing all the work, and she has lost interest, trust me, matteus, I will stop following her and go back to partying... I'll even go to albania and party with u! :)

I'm going to read your posts now.. take care

Where to begin. Your not going to believe this, but having seen this plot used millions of times, let me ask you a question. Knowing exactly how you feel about her, why would she throw you a bone? Is that because she has feelings, for you that surged to the front, and she couldn't help herself?? Or is she keeping you close?

Sorry guy, running over to her place, and letting her play kissy face is something, you'll reget. Take some time, real time to back off, and let the emotional dust get out of your eyes, and see whare you really stand. She is calling every shot, and you are only reacting. You should be highly upset at this point, not smitten.

I know, what does a dusty old guy know of love, and females, and your unique situation?

Read the other posts of guys who sound just like you do, and learn from them.

im sorry, but if i wanted to be manipulative, i could have played a dirty game...and pressured her, and told her what do u want with ur bf, he is probably cheating on u in ukraine, long distance never works, etc...so many things i could have said or done, but i never take the low road


Hold on are you saying she is still with the guy?

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can't put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn't come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..

----> true... I know what single life is like, now I'm in the phase where I want to be in a serious relationship again, so to me she is worth it... but of course, still not having high expectations and trying to be realistic

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

---> I agree.. but this advice is for the "wussies" as you call them.. the ones that cry and stalk and call everyday begging... I was never that guy.. from the first minute she told me she realized she still had feelings for her ex, I wished her the best, appreciate your honesty, take care, and went NC

All in all, it's typically a lot easier to just get on with your life and start dating other woman than it is to try to get a woman back.

--> of course its easier, buanyone can date a woman, but not what I want now...

3. Pining away over the woman for weeks, months, or even years after the fact. Too many guys (and women) will just sit around hoping that their relationship "fixes itself". This creates all kinds of negative emotional states, unrealistic expectations, and strange vibes when you do communicate with the ex.

---> I have to watch out for this... its only been 3 weeks... the moment I see it taking too long or she lost interest, I will bow out gracefully and party with you in albania, or we party here in dubai!

And never forget the power of jealousy. You are not trying to play any tricks in here by going on with your life. It's the ex who sees you and your reactions as a challenge. If your ex learns that you're getting on with your life and seeing other people, she's FAR more likely to take a renewed interest in you.

---> true, she sees me moving on, I told her I'm moving on and trying to forget her, she knows how much I love single life.. so the jealousy is there

Just like when you meet an attractive woman who's used to getting a lot of attention from men... you must GIVE HER THE SPACE TO MISS YOU. You need to get on with your life, don't call often, play "hard to get", tease her and have fun, and let her know that
You're dating other people and moving forward to enjoy your life.

----> that's what I'm doing.. being friendly but flirtatious... teasing, etc... I let her miss me for about a week, then either she calls or I call, and we have this "fun" that gets attraction

By the way, I honestly believe that women can tell ALMOST INSTANTLY if you're the kind of man that she's going to feel ATTRACTION for.
How?
By the way you look at her, the way you hold yourself, the way you speak to her, and kinds of things you say.

--> I'm pretty good at that ;)

You give yourself a second chance to be happy again (by going on with your life)!! And in the same time you give yourself "a second chance" with your ex, by letting them know that you aren't feeling down as they thought you will, and they may see you as a challenge after that. Is this a game? I don't think so. They wanted out, and you are letting them go out. Why should you act like you don't like their decision? They already knew you won't like their decision, before leaving you. There is no need to chase them, or beg them to stay, as it won't change nothing for better. Neither being rude to them. You act like yourself, and respect their decision. Do you feel happy? Sure. A little down, but you have to tell yourself this: No one can make you happy, but you! No one can take care of you, but you!

---> didn't beg, she sees me happy and not wussy, she knows I'm cool with whatever she chooses... all I'm saying is I'm OK without u, but prefer to be with u.. and that's how I'm "balancing"

But I have to agree... u seem like you have a lot of experience and people trust your advices... I will always appreciate your posts to my question...

I am going to have to disagree to that wussy statement. Because someone cry's over being heart broken does not mean they are a wussy. Instead they are human, to be cold would mean your not human. I am afraid regardless to what everyone has said you will continue to feel you are the one in a million exception. In which I hope you are for your well being.

Honestly... I think what happened yesterday was a surge of feelings that culminated into us making out.. happens to the best of us... but this proves that she still loves me, but is still confused... no way do I believe that what happened yetserday was us getting back... im still being realistic... all I said was that it was a step in the right direction

When all you people where telling me to go FULL NC, get out, save yourself, etc, forget about her, I was with her on the phone yesterday for 1.5hrs, she finally said she loved me, and wanted to kiss me, even when I was trying to cut the conversation short...

My friend, how is he calling all the shots? I went NC, she called... she called today... I messaged her last time, she called... she said she wants to kiss me... the way I see it is I have some control too! She called to say I still have feelings for the ex, lets take it easy/break up, but last night it was like the good ol' days... ur saying that was all her? Come on, cut me some friggin slack :)

Again, I'm not smitten, I'm satisfied, but not out of the woods yet.. and still not high expectations

I don't think your old man! :) I appreciate your honesty.. really

As for juggalo: if you read from the beginning, he was out of the pic physically the whole time we were together, but when she was feeling pressure at work she contacted him and realized there is still smthg there... but he still lives in ukraine and not with us in dubai

I never called anyone a wussy... the other people did... I respect any way someone reacts... I just reacted in the reverse psychology way.. take care

honestly...i think what happened yesterday was a surge of feelings that culminated into us making out..happens to the best of us....but this proves that she still loves me, but is still confused...no way do i believe that what happened yetserday was us getting back...im still being realistic...all i said was that it was a step in the right direction

when all u ppl where telling me to go FULL NC, get out, save urself, etc, forget about her, i was with her on the phone yesterday for 1.5hrs, she finally said she loved me, and wanted to kiss me, even when i was trying to cut the convo short...

my friend, how is he calling all the shots? i went NC, she called...she called today...i messaged her last time, she called...she said she wants to kiss me...the way i see it is i have some control too! she called to say i still have feelings for the ex, lets take it easy/break up, but last night it was like the good ol' days...ur saying that was all her?! come on, cut me some friggin slack :)

again, im not smitten, im satisfied, but not out of the woods yet..and still not high expectations

i dont think ur old man! :) i appreciate ur honesty..really

as for juggalo: if u read from the beginning, he was out of the pic physically the whole time we were together, but when she ws feeling pressure at work she contacted him and realized there is still smthg there...but he still lives in ukraine and not with us in dubai


No. Just no.

She doesn't know who she wants. She doesn't love you; if she did, there wouldn't be any "omfg! I love my ex of 10 years! I love you too!" If you think clearly about it, you're in a lose-lose situation here. Even if you get her, what are you going to prove yourself? Ability to be very independent and enough income to support you and her? Enough to last few months in case you or her get laid off from work? Ability to be commited?

After 19 reptitive posts, you keep rebutting your same argument which is a bit irritating and trite. We told you to go NC, you refused to do so.. she calls you, you pick up.
We told you to stop contacting her at all, you two meet up.
We told you to consider "friends", you argue that she loves you.

The real questions are:
Why does you love her?
Why does she love you?
How are you sure she's the one female?

By the looks of this, you only want to hear THE USERS WHO AGREE WITH YOU, NOT CRITICIZE OR DISAGREE WITH YOU. I'm fine with that cause it's not my problem...

If you lived in US, I'd recommend some dating books....

i always like hearing from u because i can tell that u say things with truth and experience...thanks, im gonna read the posts now

That is what people in here have to offer. Not just some theoretical phrases, be it "NC" or not, be it "move on" or not. Not any pieces of the content of a "How to get your ex back" e-book. Its our experience.


and the questions u asked me, of course i think about them..that is why after we finished making out yesterday, i was left with a confused look and thinking "what the fcuk just happened? and what does it mean?"..but taking it easy, step by step

As I told you, I did everything you are doing right now. And is funny, because we have both the same stories. An ex in the picture, rebound, etc. She was with him for 6 years, and I was with her for like 2 years. And no matter what, in the end they always go back! But I didn't knew it before. Than one day I really asked myself the same question I made you. I understood that that was not the right way. You can't do anything to get someone back. People do not loose. They come or go by her own choice. The only way is by manipulating. If you do, "its not fair" and is dangerous, because one day, that someone will understand. And you will have the same results. The only way is to win them back, but you are far away from that.


but i think by using words like "manipulating" and "influence", ur making me look liek a bad person...

No, you shouldn't feel like that. We all want to have something, and we will use everything we know and have learned, to get it back. But someone is not a thing. Again, you are not wanting to win her back, but get her back, and that is a difference.


the way i see it is, i love this girl, i love what we had and can have, i feel that it ended before its time...i rarely fall for a girl, but when i do, i do with all my heart

Common words, sorry.


i told her yesterday, if u want me stop calling u, tell me...if u want me to get out of ur life, tell me, and i'll gladly do it, bc i dont want to put pressure on u, and bc i dont want to cause problems between u and ur bf..

1. Never ever ask a girl what to do. Never wait for her approval. Be more decisive, and as a result, you will be more attractive in her eyes.

2. You can't ask someone if they want you to leave. What are you expecting? Her to tell you YES?


i really mean it when i tell her i want u to be happy even if its not with me

1. Who is saying the opposite? But as I told you, these are common words.
2. What are you expecting here ? Her to tell you "OK than, let me be happy?", or "I want to be happy with you?" You don't need her approval!


im sorry, but if i wanted to be manipulative, i could have played a dirty game...and pressured her, and told her what do u want with ur bf, he is probably cheating on u in ukraine, long distance never works, etc...so many things i could have said or done, but i never take the low road

That is being desperate, not manipulative. Everyone knows the meaning after those words.


i told her straight...i care about u, i loved what we had, if u want to get back its cool...if not, its cool too...and she knows i mean it, bc she knows i love single life...

1. No, she doesn't know. Because you are not giving her any sign that you like your single life...
2. These kind of conversations from your part are tendentious. Still, saying these kind of words like "if you want ok, if you dont still ok" are provocative and they do influence one's mind and thoughts. Stop.


so i give her space..if she calls, i call...its a give and take...

You have given too much during your relation. Now its not the case. Only if the girl wants too. And she will let you know. Stop asking yourself and killing yourself with questions like "what to do, what is the next step, etc". And live your life without her now.

There is a saying. Its better to life your life with your girl around, and not your life around the girl!

Take care

Your last post sounded rational to me. You seem to be the man with the plan and I wish you lotsa luck!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)

If you lived in dubai, I would recommend some "how to get ur ex back" books ;)

Bro, I do appreciate your posts... but what do you mean why do we love each other? Why do any couple love each other?

I fell for her even though she was not fully over her ex of 10 yrs, and she fell for me at a time when she wasn't expecting to fall for another guy so soon... those are just the cards we were dealt

Who said that I'm getting her back to prove smthg? I want her back for the obvious reasons.. trust me, its not to prove anything

My question is, if I went NC and didn't answer her calls like you all said, where would I be now? We would probably still not be talking... and how would that help someone who wants to get back with his ex?

But if you ask any guy that wants his ex back, would you rather go full NC and hope she comes back, or do the "balance NC" and have a shot of getting her back; see what he says

I do listen to all your posts, but in the end I do what I feel my situation requires... if you guys want to wish me luck or not is up to u... I come here to get advice and talk to some neutral people, not to be told what to do

Matteus: I agree with you that my chances might be low, but I'm still lwilling to try.. dont like regret.. I never walk away if I know there is a chance of getting back.. and I always say, if I feel she is completely over me, then I will gracefully walk away

Yes, I want to "get" her back, not "win" her back

I wasn't asking her what to do, I was showing her I'm cool with or without her... dont make me sound like a "wussy"

She knows I love single life from before we were together, she knows my history.. and she has met girls that wanted me while we were together.. so she knows I'm fine either way (but prefer to be with her)

Thanks, take care

Thank u... "rational" and "fair" are much better words than "ur being manipulative" :)

if u lived in dubai, i would recommend some "how to get ur ex back" books ;)

bro, i do appreciate ur posts...but what do u mean why do we love each other?! why do any couple love each other?

i fell for her even though she was not fully over her ex of 10 yrs, and she fell for me at a time when she wasnt expecting to fall for another guy so soon...those are just the cards we were dealt

who said that im getting her back to prove smthg? i want her back for the obvious reasons..trust me, its not to prove anything

my question is, if i went NC and didnt answer her calls like u all said, where would i be now? we would probably still not be talking....and how would that help someone who wants to get back with his ex?

but if u ask any guy that wants his ex back, would u rather go full NC and hope she comes back, or do the "balance NC" and have a shot of getting her back; see what he says

i do listen to all ur posts, but in the end i do what i feel my situation requires...if u guys want to wish me luck or not is up to u...i come here to get advice and talk to some neutral ppl, not to be told what to do

It is fairly simple.
Why pick this girl over 1 billion other girls?

What makes it sooooooooo special between the two of you?

Personally, going NC and not getting my ex back was the best thing to ever happen to me as I'm now engaged to the girl I met afterwards.

And for the record, my ex(after 5 months of NC) texted me asking if I missed her and if I wanted to give it a shot again.

hjpan: I don't know my friend... I don't know why its so special.. it just feels right.. I mean it was an amazing 4mnths, fell for her from the moment I met her, was on vacation partying and travelling, etc. but couldn't get her out of my mind... dont want to sound too sappy, so I'll leave it at that.. the important thing is that she knows why I think she is special, and she told me why she thinks I'm special.. u can't pick who you fall for

Rome: I'm happy for you bro.. wish you and your fiance' the best... but I don't want to generalize and say that I will get engaged to the next girl I meet if I go NC

And honestly, I don't want to wait 5 mnths seeing if she contacts... as long as it has still been only 3 weeks, and the feelings are still there, I'm going to try to work things out... if not, you guys will be the first to know, and hopefully I'll be drinking a toast at your wedding! :)

Take care all

I read your original post, and I think you made the better decision. Don't call her back period though. She made her choice. The part about taking it slow and easing off, is a nice way of saying "well things are getting rough now and I'm back to my familiar territory, back to my protector, and that is not you".

Oops, I did it again! Hihihihihiih

Update: she wasn't fired today, but moved from sales department to client services... its less pay, but at least she isn't fired and won't have to leave the country because of her visa!

So I called her today when I heard about it from my brother (a manager in her company), she seemed fine... a bit sad, but also happy because of the less stress, etc.

Then SHE asked to see me... so we went somewhere for dinner... had a nice long talk, flirting, etc... she again told me that she is sorry for the way things turned out, but she didn't think it was fair to me or for us to stay longer together when she realized she had feelings for her ex.. she also said she really likes me and loves me etc

Then she told me how her and her ex fought last night...

After we had some drinks, dropped her home, we made out a bit ;).. and then she said she wants to see me again tmrw, I said "we'll see, call me"...

Anyway, I know we've beaten this story down to a pulp, and everyone has said their piece; but I will still update you guys, or at least the ones still interested :)

Take care

oops, i did it again! hihihihihiih

update: she wasnt fired today, but moved from sales department to client services...its less pay, but at least she isnt fired and wont have to leave the country bc of her visa!

so i called her today when i heard about it from my brother (a manager in her company), she seemed fine...a bit sad, but also happy bc of the less stress, etc.

then SHE asked to see me...so we went somewhere for dinner...had a nice long talk, flirting, etc...she again told me that she is sorry for the way things turned out, but she didnt think it was fair to me or for us to stay longer together when she realized she had feelings for her ex..she also said she really likes me and loves me etc

then she told me how her and her ex fought last night....

after we had some drinks, dropped her home, we made out a bit ;)..and then she said she wants to see me again tmrw, i said "we'll see, call me"...

anyway, i know we've beaten this story down to a pulp, and everyone has said their piece; but i will still update you guys, or at least the ones still interested :)

take care

That doesn't mean she won't leave her ex.

Maybe she will leave him/get over him, maybe she won't...

Tonight was just about enjoying the "good" news about her staying in dubai and her new move at work...

I'm enjoying seeing her and talking to her and kissing her again... but I have to be careful not to let her "have her cake and eat it too".. meaning, I have to say "no" to seeing her sometimes... not answer the occasional phonecall, maybe answer some girls phone calls while she is with me

All in good time, my friends.. all in good time

Lol you are really trying hard, Good luck with it.

Thanks bro.. good luck to you 2

oops, i did it again! hihihihihiih

update: she wasnt fired today, but moved from sales department to client services...its less pay, but at least she isnt fired and wont have to leave the country bc of her visa!

so i called her today when i heard about it from my brother (a manager in her company), she seemed fine...a bit sad, but also happy bc of the less stress, etc.

then SHE asked to see me...so we went somewhere for dinner...had a nice long talk, flirting, etc...she again told me that she is sorry for the way things turned out, but she didnt think it was fair to me or for us to stay longer together when she realized she had feelings for her ex..she also said she really likes me and loves me etc

then she told me how her and her ex fought last night....

after we had some drinks, dropped her home, we made out a bit ;)..and then she said she wants to see me again tmrw, i said "we'll see, call me"...

anyway, i know we've beaten this story down to a pulp, and everyone has said their piece; but i will still update you guys, or at least the ones still interested :)

take care


My man, you're her consolation prize. She goes out with you AFTER she fights with her ex. She's cool with you AFTER she doesn't get fired. You're being played like a fiddle my friend. As soon as she patches things up with her ex your getting the silver medal, second prize, the moral victory etc etc. Don't be foolish. She's got too much baggage. Move on.

I couldn't agree with enigmagnetic more!! I feel that this girl cannot stand to be alone and needs to have someone there for her at all times. If she is not getting what she needs from the boyfriend of 10 years, then she goes to you. She KNOWS that you will be there whenever she needs you to be. In fact, she DEMANDS it. When you told her that you could be there in 10 minutes, that was not good enough - she needed you in 5 minutes. Again, whether you realize it or not, she IS calling all the shots. You may think that you are in control, but you are not because you are waiting for her to decide the outcome of the relationship. There may be flirting, but that is just to fill a small need but is not enough to sustain a relationship. I believe that the call the other night was in fact a booty call of sorts. Yes, you went out to dinner and yes she said that she loved you, but that was after she asked you. People have different ideas of what love is and it sounds like what you think love is is so different from what she thinks love is. You need to seiously talk about this. I love in different ways and at different levels. The love that I have for my family is different from the love that I have from my friends and is TOTALLY different from the love that I have for my boyfriend.

You nailed it mom, but what can you expect when your still in the stranger stage, after a 4 month thing that didn't work?? But he IS still trying.

Hmmm, I must agree with everyone that you need to move on. I read through all the pages on this thread and it seems that you keep adding more to the story as it unfold and I guess your responsing so much that your forgotting what your saying. This girl is not confused she knows exactly what she is doing. She flopping back and forth but she just get to see you because you and her live in the same country, while her ex of ten years don't. I wonder if she will be saying that or considering being with you if the ex was in town, no. Also, it interersting you knows about him while he don't know about you. I think it's unfair to him that he is being kept in the woods. It been proven that she is still in contact with him from what you wrote and she was at least talking with him last night from what you said, so what do you think they talk about?? Her job? The weather? No, then two. If he was there she would be locking lips with him.

You came on here seeking people advice and then you call it bad when it is not what you want to hear. You have used words to describe your situation but when other people used the same words you used you become mad or take it as someone calling you a bad person, which no one did. Everyone is being honest but you don't want to hear it. We all laern from our mistakes but you can also learn from other people mistakes. You're right when you say it's your life so your going do what you want. This girl is not someone who can offer anything to you but heartache and add confusion to your life. Analyizing every move or conversation with her is not good either. Her heart is with someone else and why would you want to be with someone who with you one day then leaves. Then she says she likes you but don't love you, then you loves you. Open your eyes and see her for what she is. If you wasn't in this situation but a friend of your was, what would you tell them??

Hmmm... where do I begin.. me against the world huh? The way I like it... ;)

OK... 1) I never got mad at anyone, I never said anyone's advice is bad, and I listen and read all posts! FOR THE LAST TIME!

2) yes, it is my life... and I'm the one who knows the situation best, so I decide what is best for me... again, I never said the NC strategy doesn't work or is bad, but I thought my strategy of balance was best for this situation!

3) if her ex was in the same town, we would have never met and gone out in the first place! And because he lives in another country and because she rejected his marriage proposal, is what helped us get together anyway... that is exactly why I say that she should move on and forget the past... her ex boyfriend is the past and lives far away, while I live with her here

4) she IS confused... and if some of you guys read some of your OWN posts from a while back, many of you agreed she was confused and told me to give her space! What changed hmmm?

The girl fell for me fast and it started getting serious... then she started talking to her ex when she got stressed at work, and realized she still had feelings for him... so now she is thinking: do I get back with my ex of 10yrs who lives away, or stay with the guy that I have been happy with the past 4 mnths?

If she wasn't confused, if she was sure she only wanted him, then why does she still call and want to see me, and want to kiss me?

I know when IM sure I want to be back FULLY with my ex, I would cut the person I'm with out! No contact, to avoid confusion... but she still initiates contact because there is still smthg there

I'm sorry, but you guys living thousands of miles away, can't see that... I see it, and she tells me she is confused... she loves what she had with her ex and the fact that he wants to marry her, and she loves what she has with me and where it can go

And when she said be here in 5 minutes, not 10, she didn't mean it in a bad or manipulative way like you suggested, mom of 2.. she meant it in a sexy way ;).. like hurry, I need your lovin' heheh

5) if my friend was in this situation: I would ask him if he really wants to be with her and if he really loves her.. if she is worth this trouble... if he wants her back?. if he says yes, then I would wish him good luck, and tell him to try to get her back at least...

I said a million times, the moment I feel that she is fully over me and decides to get back with her ex, and only wants me as a friend, I will back away... but as long as things are going the way they are now, I'm going to try, because I don't like living with regret!

6) talaniman, stop making me sound desperate... u don't know me... ive been with many girls before, and dumped and been dumped, and never thought twice... but when I feel she is someone I love, I work on it, not give up!

U don't know me, or how I act, or how I feel... I love being single almost as much as I love being with this girl... so trust me, the way I'm feeling now is confident... 3 weeks ago, she "broke up" because she realized she still had feelings for the ex and said it wasn't fair to the both of us... we weren't talking at all... but now, after MY strategy, we are back to talking and seeing each other and making out... hmmmmm... was that all her? Come on!.

By the way, for anyone interested on "how to get their gf back", drop me an email and I'll give you some tips free of charge!

Mom of 2: your right about smthg... that the ONLY thing she may be calling the shots on is the outcome of the relationship.. SHE has to decide if she is going to move on and be with me or stay with her ex... the only thing I can do is "help" her decide in my favor

And I do that by being smart and not making her "have her cake and eat it too"

And as for your definition of love: u are also right... love for friends is different for family, etc. I know this, and she told me... she loves her ex because of what they had, he wants to marry her for Gods sakes... she loves me for what we have and how we are together, and what we can have

And if you remember, she told me she loved me first when I was on vacation but was waiting for me to get back to dubai to tell me in person

Anyway, doesn't matter... the point is... YES, the girl has baggage.. but I was willing to overlook it from the start of our relationship, and willing to overlook it now... there WILL be a time when she has to decide what/who she wants... for now, she is still CONFUSED...

When she decides: if it is me, then I will be telling all of you I TOLD U SO... if its not me, then I will be expecting you guys to tell me the same thing, but then will HAPPILY move on and go back to my life of partying, travelling, and women

Life is too short to spend trying to make smthg work, but regret is also a bit*h


Regards

You are blind :(

by the way, for anyone interested on "how to get their gf back", drop me an email and I'll give you some tips free of charge!

We await your example that you know what your talking about. "Shrug" wish you luck.

And deaf too apparently ;) hahaha

I liked u better when u wished me good luck :P

Take care man

Lol I still wish you luck man I do I wish everyone could be happy forever.

Only time will tell, talaniman...

Thanks for your wishes.. appreciate your posts and experience.. really!

enigmagnetic's word of caution is very valid here. It could be that she is playing a game, but you show no aversion to playing a bit yourself, by what you plan on doing... i.e. keeping her guessing and talking to (even if pretending) other girls while she's around, or being busy once in a while.

So, for right now, it's a game of life that you are playing and you seem to be certain that it could go both ways. I just hope that you both stop playing and start being 'real' before you regret it.

You are single, and entitled to play any field of your choice. When the time comes to get 'settled' you will realize that there is no need to play any more. Whether it's with this girl or another, only time will tell.

Hope your plan works for you... keep us posted. The way I see it, the 'score' is a tie and might go into overtime to reach a 'goal'.

Good Luck.

http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/00020111.gif (http://www.sweetim.com/s.asp?im=gen&ref=10)

hmmm...where do i begin..me against the world huh? the way i like it...;)

ok...1) i never got mad at anyone, i never said anyone's advice is bad, and i listen and read all posts!! FOR THE LAST TIME!

No, you didn't said. Your actions/reactions did.


2) yes, it is my life...and im the one who knows the situation best, so i decide what is best for me...again, i never said the NC strategy doesnt work or is bad, but i thought my strategy of balance was best for this situation!

Your so-called "strategy", for me is nothing but a NEED of yours to stay in contact with her.

that is exactly why i say that she should move on and forget the past...her ex bf is the past and lives far away, while i live with her here

1. Because of her ex, you had to know each other, as she was feeling alone
2. its her life and she makes her own decisions. Love doesn't know distances. And sometimes those distances make it stronger.


4) she IS confused...and if some of u guys read some of ur OWN posts from a while back, many of u agreed she was confused and told me to give her space! what changed hmmm??

What changed? We all change our opinions about someone, according to his/her actions. But if you read more carefully, some of us told you since the beginning to stop everything and move on.


the girl fell for me fast and it started getting serious...then she started talking to her ex when she got stressed at work, and realized she still had feelings for him...so now she is thinking: do i get back with my ex of 10yrs who lives away, or stay with the guy that i have been happy with the past 4 mnths?

Don't you get it, or don't you want to get it? If you ask the girl about this "getting serious" you will have a completely other answer, but not what you are thinking! Even about "work stress!"


if she wasnt confused, if she was sure she only wanted him, then why does she still call and want to see me, and want to kiss me?

2 answers:
a. the power of old behaviour,
b. she knows she has the control and she wants to prove it to herself.

You choose.



i know when IM sure i want to be back FULLY with my ex, i would cut the person im with out! no contact, to avoid confusion...but she still initiates contact bc there is still smthg there

im sorry, but u guys living thousands of miles away, can't see that...i see it, and she tells me she is confused...she loves what she had with her ex and the fact that he wants to marry her, and she loves what she has with me and where it can go

Never ever look at people's words when they have a problem. They might not be sincere.


5) if my friend was in this situation: i would ask him if he really wants to be with her and if he really loves her..if she is worth this trouble...if he wants her back?..if he says yes, then i would wish him good luck, and tell him to try to get her back at least....

You are not in the position to answer that kind of question, tabbarat.


6) talaniman, stop making me sound desperate....u dont know me...ive been with many girls before, and dumped and been dumped, and never thought twice...but when i feel she is someone i love, i work on it, not give up!

1. talaniman is one of the best. He is for sure not trying to desperate or put down anyone, but help. Its up to you to understand.
2. you are not uncommon, regarding to dumped and been dumped, and not giving up.


btw, for anyone interested on "how to get their gf back", drop me an email and i'll give u some tips free of charge!!


People, our words are not worth. Don't waste your time on this case. Sorry for you tabbarat. Good luck on your life.

Chery: thanks for your wishes... ur right, I do feel it's a "tie" and going into overtime... it can go either way, and I'm willing to stay in the "game" until it is over (i.e get back together, or one of us decides enough is enough)

But I am making sure she doesn't have her cake and eat it too... I tell her I'm busy sometimes, and "forget" to call her when she tells me to call or message her back... I am answering other girls/ex gf's phone calls when she is with me, etc.

Matteus: NEED is a strong word... I do want her back... but I am being smart about it... im not being a wuss... I give her space, but flirt with her time to time... give her enough time to miss me, then pop back in the picture... I know exactly what I'm doing, and so far it is working... we are back to talking and kissing, etc... so it is a strategy

Your saying she still calls me and wants to kiss me because of "power of old behavior"... why is it NEED for me, but "old behavior" for her?. thats a double standard... dont complicate it... there is smthg still there obviously, and that's why she still wants to see me... she is not fully over me...

Thank for your advice, matteus, really I appreciate it... but I don't need you or anyone's pity... im fine and happy... there is a chance I might get back with a girl I really care about... if we do get back that's great; if not, I know I'll be happy too!. I feel confident and no regret about whatever the outcome is

PS. No one is forcing anyone to write on this case... all posts welcome

Regards

but i am making sure she doesnt have her cake and eat it too...

Do you know the meaning of "have the cake and eat it too"? I guess

Do you know the meaning of "have the cake and eat it too"? I guess
I do not think there is much getting through to him.

I do not want to you to be unhappy as I do not want anyone unhappy. People who have given you advice have been there and although everyone thinks their case is unique 99.99% of the time it is not. Good luck in your unique situation I hope the best for you.

OK.. lets say we don't get back... so what? Life goes on... I know this

I would say it was a fun ride, and at least I know I tried to get a girl I care about back... no regrets

If we do get back and she chooses me over her ex of 10yrs, I will be telling all of you I TOLD YOU SO, though :)

Take care and thanks for your wishes

Originally Posted by Matteus
Do you know the meaning of "have the cake and eat it too"? I guess

When a person has the benefits of a relationship, without the commitment. The partner always has a false hope of something more, so goes along with this FRIENDSHIP. Reality doesn't set in until, the one partner develops romantic interests in someone else.

True.. I agree.. but didn't she already develop interest in someone else? (her ex, when she called to tell me she found out she still has feelings for him)

So what is it called when she develops interest in someone else, yet STILL wants to be with me/see me/kiss me? I guess...

You're the rebound, the in between guy to help her move on from the ex, or distract her from missing him.

Maybe, maybe not... time will tell

By the way, she called ME again today... told her I was BUSY... said SHE wants to see ME tmrw

Oh no! She is controlling me! :P

maybe, maybe not...time will tell

btw, she called ME again today...told her I was BUSY...said SHE wants to see ME tmrw

oh no! she is controlling me! :P
Depends are you going to see her tomorrow :D but Good luck again man.

maybe, maybe not...time will tell

btw, she called ME again today...told her I was BUSY...said SHE wants to see ME tmrw

oh no! she is controlling me! :P

*sigh* *facepalm*

You just don't understand the whole point... you don't love her.
If she dumps you, you said that you would find other girls... right off the bat and move on


Depends are you going to see her tomorrow :D but Good luck again man.

Sounds like he wants to get laid... more than loving her

Sounds like he wants to get laid... more than loving her
Lol I cannot wait to see how this all plays out. This magical strategy. I mean I do wish him the best but I cannot help but laugh a bit.

lol I cannot wait to see how this all plays out. This magical strategy. I mean I do wish him the best but I cannot help but laugh a bit.

Same here.

Looks like his strategy won't work because he's too arrogant and takes too much pride in himself.

She knows she doesn't need to make a choice because you keep hanging around.

Make yourself scarce , then she may just realise she has to make one.

She knows she doesn't need to make a choice because you keep hanging around.

Make yourself scarce , then she may just realise she has to make one.

That's what we've been trying to tell him but he feels as "if he in love" with the girl... *sigh*

Guys! I'm right here! Hello! I can hear you... hehehe

OK...

I DO love her (and I want to get laid)... if I didn't love her I wouldn't put effort into "playing the game" or trying to get her back! I would just walk away/give up!

I said many times before... I have been dumped and I did the dumping, and moved on easily... but if it's a girl I think is special, I work on it!

And yes, if it doesn't work out (she decides she only wants her ex, or is fully over me), I will move on "right of the bat" because I love single life as well... it doesn't scare me... been single or had meaningless relationships more than serious ones, so its not new territory to me, i.e doesn't scare me... doesnt mean that I don't love her

And its not arrogance, its more like confidence...

For some reason you guys think I'm acting out of desperation and I sit on my bed for hours contemplating my next moves and hoping she calls, etc... that it SO far from the truth! I really am OK and comfortable... if she calls, we talk, then a few days later, I call her... if she wants to see me, sometimes I will sometimes I won't... I don't give it that much thought... when we don't see each other, I'm out with my friends, etc.

Frien4u is right about one thing; that I have to make myself scarce in order for her to be forced to make a choice... he is right.. and that is why I'm not making myself too available... in time she WILL HAVE to make a choice... I mean obviously this situation can't stay like this for long! I don't want it, I'm sure she doesn't either, and her poor boyfriend is still in the dark... so that's why I say time will tell

Right now, enjoying the ride...

But I can tell u 2 things I'm proud of: 1) a guy of 4 mnths was able to make a girl that was in a relationship for 10YRS fall for him, and make her unsure if she should get back with her ex... basically, ex of 10yrs vs. guy of 4mnths, and I'm holding my own

2) 3 weeks ago, we were NC, "i stil have feelings for my ex, maybe we should take it slow/stay friends", no talking, no seeing, no kissing, as if we were strangers... but now, its different because of my strategy (the balanced/regulated NC)

If any guys want their ex back, do what I say... hehehe

Bye boys! We're in this together! :)

So I would suggest you make yourself even more scarce... like disappear off the scene all together. I mean seriously how long are you willing to put up with this. IF she seriously loved you she wouldn't put you through all this crap for fear of losing you.

The way I see it you've got your strategy but she also has hers. Her strategy is to keep you close to her in case it doesn't work out with her Ex , and your strategy is playing right into her hands.

Look bottom line is if your willing to be tagged along by this girl so be it , that's your choice and you have to suffer the consequences. What people on here are telling you is basically what we see here day in day out , and your story isn't that different.

Anyway I wish you luck whatever you decide.

a) i DO love her (and i wanna get laid)...if i didnt love her i wouldnt put effort into "playing the game" or trying to get her back! i would just walk away/give up!

b)her poor bf is still in the dark...so thats why i say time will tell

c)a guy of 4 mnths was able to make a girl that was in a relationship for 10YRS fall for him, and make her unsure if she should get back with her ex...basically, ex of 10yrs vs. guy of 4mnths, and im holding my own

d) 3 weeks ago, we were NC, "i stil have feelings for my ex, maybe we should take it slow/stay friends", no talking, no seeing, no kissing, as if we were strangers...but now, its different bc of my strategy (the balanced/regulated NC)

e) its confidence


Its not about confidence, its not about proud, its not about love. Its about stalking, its about self ego. A man with proud, a man with confidence, in your shoes, would be running miles away from these kind of situations, even if he were in love. Not because he might be afraid, but he knows that if someone doesn't want to stay, its better to let go. I want my girl to stay there with me at her own choice, not by my strategy. No one is going to stay with you, because you love them. No one is going to like you, because you like them. Its all about SELF HOME MADE choices, without ANY influences, nothing!

I didn't reply to matteus and friend4u because part of what they say IS true and makes sense; but MORE importantly because everyone has said his piece, and this story has been beaten to a pulp! I don't think there is much more to say or add...

Everyone knows where I stand and what is going on

But will update from time to time...

Today's update: she called me, we had the regular nice flirty conversation, I asked her if she felt like doing smthg, she said she was a bit tired, so I said no problem

She is travelling on Monday night to turkey for a 5 day vacation with her family (she has some time off before she starts work in the new department)...
She asked me if I can take her to the airport, and that she would like that, etc...
I told her that I would have to check with my secretary because I now have a busy schedule, and I'll get back to her ;) (teasing her)

I know what you all are going to say... that she is stringing me around, and she is keeping me close in case it doesn't work out with her ex, bla bla bla

Maybe that's true, but what ALSO could be true, is that OBVIOUSLY she still has feelings for me, she is not over me, and wants me to be the last person she sees before she goes off on vacation, etc... no manipulation or anything... just a girl that likes a guy and wants to see him before she travels..

She could have easily called a cab, but SHE called, and SHE wants to see me... so, she is doing some actions and putting some effort as well

Again, I say, time will tell what choice she will make
Regards

By the way, maybe it already isn't working out with her ex?. how the hell should I know? I sure as hell isn't going to bring him up and ask her about him

I'm just enjoying the ride, FOR NOW... if she is going to talk to me about her ex and what's going on, fine, but I isn't going to ask her... thats friend zone material!

She knows my stance: I'm cool with or without her... if she is going to put effort, I'll put effort... if she going to choose her ex, I'm backing away

Yes, this story has been beaten to a pulp!! All of your posts are starting to say the same thing, over and over and over again. "She called again and we had the same flirty convo." If this was true love, you would stop with the games, talk seriously about what is going on, stop with the "flirty convos". When you are in love with someone, you have the ability to see a future with that person. Can you honestly do that? Both of you apparently want what you can't have. It is all a game. As long as she has her ex in the picture, you will never truly have her. She is choosing you because you are there and he is not. I highly doubt that if he were in the same country that you would even be in the picture. How does that make you feel? Seriously!! Cop a clue that you are getting played and she just wants to get laid!! Sorry that I am losing my patience with this, but if we don't totally agree with you and don't say exactly what you want to hear, you get overly defensive and start rationalizing every single action, every single word.

Seriously, I wish you all the luck in the world. I know that I have said this before, but you can NEVER make anyone come back to you. If she truly loved you and you truly loved her, then the games would stop and you would start getting real.

That right mom, mostly everyone been telling him that since day one but he want to do what he wants and it's his life so he can. But why ask for people advice if you don't want it and goes in defensive mode every time it's something you don't want to hear then call it bad advice. Some people just learn the hard way.

As he says, "Time will tell".

guys! im right here! hello! i can hear you...hehehe

if any guys want their ex back, do what i say...hehehe

Look at the way you reply to our posts. Does it sound serious? No. Are you being serious? I doubt.


bye boys!! we're in this together! :)

No, we aren't together in this. You are alone.


everyone knows where i stand and what is goin on

As you see, no one is being with you. But, in the end, its your life and do whatever you want, but don't ask for advice.


again, i say, time will tell what choice she will make

Till she makes a choice? She is not your GOD!! Be a man! What are you? Is there any sign of proud in your being?

We are just beating a dead horse here.

I know that the reason why I no longer post any advice on this thread because it is like beating a dead horse. I just find it amusing.

I'm going to answer each of you one by one...

Mom of 2: "stop with the games? stop with the flirty convos?" I wish! I wish that was the case, but its not! And whether WE like it or not, relationships at some phases ARE a game! Everyone is guilty of "playing the game" at some point! No one is innocent... whether it is at the beginning, when you are still dating and don't want to seem too available... or during the relationship, when you both try to spice things up... or at the end, when no matter how badly you want to stay with the person, you "play the game" and go NC or tell him/her your OK with the break up! At some point everyone has tried to make their bf/gf jealous! No one is innocent! So don't blame me for "playing the game" in order to try to get her back!

Your asking if it is love? Of course! Then what! U think I like to do this in my free time?? I told you many times before, I've had many "relationships" before, and never would I think twice before dumping the girl, or getting back with her if she dumped me! Of course I love the girl... I love being with her and making her happy! I love what we had, and CAN have (future tense)... thats why I want her back and am putting this effort... if I didn't love her, I would have treated her like all my other realtionships and told her "fine, piss off" and gone partying and had me a threesome!

I never denied that if her ex was in dubai with us, she wouldn't be with me... I never said that.. of course she would be with him! We wouldn't have even met! And I always knew she was not FULLY over him, but just needed time to move on (original post).. I knew that from day 1.. she never lied about her past... I was still willing to get into a relationship with her knowing her "baggage", and she got into a relationship with me as well...

But the REALITY is the guy is NOT here with us... she didn't get fired, and she is staying here for now.. so lets deal with that... of course it will be hard for her to get over her ex of 10yrs, but is she going to do long distance all her life? I don't think so! All she needs is time to move on and realize that the past is the past... and she knows this!

btw, she told me her parents dont like the fact that she started talking to her ex again, and they prefer if she moved on with me...of course its her decision (not her parents), but just thought i'd let u guys know

The point is, of course if he is in the pic she is never FULLY mine... but these things take time... it takes a while to get over someone of 10yrs! I understand that... but also, if she was FULLY over me, then it would be easy for her to tell me FCUK off, but instead she still wants to see me

She "just wants to get laid"? Just to let you know, we haven't had sex since we started talking/seeing each other again... and our convos aren't always sexual and perverted; we are talking like we used to when we were together... and I don't think a girl that just wants me to DO her, would ask me to "drop her at the airport bc im the last person she wants to see before she travels for a week!"

liz28: I missed u! :P when did I ever say someone's advice was bad? If you find me the post where I used that word, I will send you roses to your home address! :) but I don't think u'll find any post where I said anyone's advice sucks, so I'm sorry, but you won't be getting any roses from me :(

I don't mind learning the hard way! I'm strong enough to handle it... having a previous relationship of 5yrs end makes you stronger... I say it again, I love single life almost as much as I love being with her, so its not like I'll be depressed and not want to leave the house for weeks, etc.!

U can love someone, but also be strong enough to handle what may come... the best part is knowing that you did your best and had no regrets

If you and matteus don't want to post anymore, feel free not to! I never told/begged anyone to write anything... I appreciate all posts, but no love lost if you stop writing

But hmmmm... I see 3000 views! So 2 less views won't make a difference

i love being the bad guy...everybody loves a villain..hehehe (joking)

Matteus: where do I start with u.. heheh... ur mean sometimes, but I still respect your opinions

1) I am serious, trust me... but if I ever go to albania, u'll see that I'm a fun and cool guy! :)... nothing wrong with making what is starting to become a boring question a bit funny, to add some humour to our posts

2) "im alone"... good, the way I like it... anyway, have been alone since day one... 90% of you disagree with me since the beginning so nothing new

3) I'm free to ask for advice.. ur free to give or not give advice!

4) aha! Now this is where I get a bit mean...

"be a man! what are you?"... who do you think you are? Are you my friend? Are you my father?. not once did I insult u... we always disagreed, but I never insulted you... I still think we are both grown respectful men that can have a discussion without insults... hope I am not wrong about u

Be a man? U don't know me! U don't know my past and present... to you pride and strength in this situation is giving up, and going NC... to me its getting a girl I love and see a future with back! I might be facing rejection, and I'm facing a girl who is not fully over her ex of 10yrs, but I'm still in it! Not scared of the consequences.. one post even called me "emotionally brave" ;)... to ME that is strength... I guess we will just have to agree to disagree

I would still like to say, that 3 weeks ago, we were not talking, seeing each other, "broken up", etc... now we talk on the phone almost everyday, we see each other a couple times a week, and we are kissing, and she wants me to take her to the airport... hmmm... I think maybe a small part of her is considering to get back with me

And finally, let me ask you all this my internet friends: SHE HAS A ONE WEEK VACATION... SHE DECIDED TO GO TO TURKEY WITH HER FAMILY INSTEAD OF UKRAINE TO SEE HER BF!. hmmmm... she told me that her "bf" got pissed at that... just a thought

Anyway, for those of you who are viewing and writing: thank u

For those who are not going to write anymore: nice meeting u

Take care... TABBARAT HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

Hey, I see this thread is still going... you have created quite a stir. Ha! Good times:-)

As for your girl. I think you can have sex with her again. In fact, I bet you can date her again. It is going to be on her terms though buddy. You may like it at first, but until she's "ready" she'll wear the pants. (But some guys like that. He he) -- Anyway, Good luck. I'll check back in a month when you all are dating! :-) You may find your relationship pattern repeats, as is pretty common, but as long as you are not looking to get married anytime soon - you have time. To wait... and wait :-) be warned.

Peace

look at the way you reply to our posts. Does it sound serious? No. Are you being serious? I doubt.



No, we arent together in this. You are alone.



As you see, noone is being with you. But, in the end, its your life and do whatever you want, but dont ask for advice.



till she makes a choice? She is not your GOD!!! Be a man! what are you? is there any sign of proud in your being?

If I am correct.... history repeats itself to the people who did not learn their lesson in the first place.

Take Nazi Germany during WWI & WWII...
When WWI came, military leaders thought they were all buff & tough since they've defeated other countries easily. Well... they lost part of their territories and forced to have no army.

Adolf Hitler came and gave hope for Germans...
Until the Nazi army were flanked during D-Day at Normandy
When I say flanked, it means "tricked"...

And Adolf Hitler decided to attack USSR so the Japanese have a route to defend Germany on the side

Nope.... Hitler committed suicide~ Germany lost the war

Do I sound mean? Yes. That's the effect my words give to people after they hear my opinion. We, members of this site (sorry for talking in the name of them too), might sound harsh and aggressive, but we are sincere, and what's more important, we do not have any damn reason to make you or anyone else feel bad! And as for myself, I have to tell you that, I'm not going to change my way, you like it or not. You wanted advice, that's why you came here, but I hate when someone asks for help, but wants to hear what he likes to hear. If I insulted you, than I insulted myself, cause when I was talking to you, it was like I was talking to myself!

I don't know what the fcuk your getting at :), but it was a nice history lesson :)

1) I've never been in a similar situation before (dating a girl with baggage, ex of 10yrs etc.), so can't learn from my OWN mistakes yet

2) at least hitler was "king" while it lasted... im sure it was a good ride for him, and maybe no regrets... he rode it out, gave it his all, and found out himself the outcme eventually

(dont get me wrong, I hate the guy! He is a criminal that is burning in hell)

But if you want my historic perspective: 1) hitler/japan fcuked up by attacking the USA (pearl harbor)... they woke up a sleeping giant

2) hiroshima and nagasaki ended the war as well.. can't forget that

3) hitler had some strategic mistakes with his attacks on russia... he led an under-equipped and under trained army through the cold mountains of russia... he should have used more planes

Anyway, have no idea what this has to do with my Ukrainian girl... but it was fun! Take care bro

not scared of the consequences..

Its all about consequences, my man, and your image in her eyes. You only had a 4 months relations, what to expect in the future. She already knows your weakness. I really hope the best, and that she won't use your weakness against you. Because if she does, the story will repeat itself. And what might happen to your pride, its what is more important.

Matteus: look, I do appreciate your posts/advice...

Think of it this way, maybe next time I have another relationship problem, we will agree 100%

Your advice is not wrong or bad... it just happens that we disagree on something's... we just have to agree to disagree (without insults)

Your right... I have to be careful how I go about this... I can't let her see/use my weakness against me... but that will be my own mistake to make...

For example... she is going on vacation for 6 days... that will be a good time to give her space/ time... I will obviously not call her and message her , etc... I will tell her hope you have fun, you deserve it after such a stressful time, I'll call/see you when you get back... then go NC

think of it this way, maybe next time i have another relationship problem, we will agree 100%

I really hope you are not going to have another relationship problem, but if that will happen, still I hope we won't agree 100%, cause than who will be the "black sheep between the white ones" :)? I mean, without a little "tension", it will be boring!


(without insults)

Sorry for taking it as an insult, but it was like an appeal to your reason!