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well folks i went out and bought an electric guitar, ive never played one b4 so im gonna fill this time by learning how to play like a pro

You should have got a drum set, the best way to release anger within music is banging on dose drums

well folks i went out and bought an electric guitar, ive never played one b4 so im gonna fill this time by learning how to play like a pro

I have been playing for a few years now and I'll be the first to admit, it's a great way to just put everything out of your mind and get totally involved in something. It's a good release...

Just make sure you don't get discouraged... its very frustrating to start.

I bought a punching bag set.( heavy bag).. that seem to help. I also took 5 days off and went to NY city... funny thing. When I was there , I was so busy, and was at a parade with so many hotties that I really didn't think about her. Now I'm back... oh boy.. memories like crazylast night I was so down... but then watched the lakers play so that helped

I went out and bought a dirt bike. Always nice to pick up a new hobby for that extra time you suddenly have on your hands :)

Well I just found out what ended it. Another guy. I think I knew that but it's now been confirmed. I'm not shocked or surprisely even upset but maybe I'm still numb. It's funny because I usually know what to tell other people but now I'm just kind of living and thinking, you f-ing c word that I can't say.

Hey Chuff,

I'm sorry to hear that, it must be rough.

The best thing I can say now is that you absolutely know what you have to do now. Next time she tries to act friendly, talk as friends, whatever else she pulls you know that you can't play along. It was all fine and dandy before, but now you know you can't do it.

I know you are forced to have some contact with her, but I don't think she deserves your nicety anymore. I know it was nice for you to keep light, friendly contact with her, but you must know that can't continue..

Keep cool, try to relax and realize that nothing has really changed. The situation between the two of you is no different then it has been.

Well I just found out what ended it. Another guy. I think I knew that but it's now been confirmed. I'm not shocked or surprisely even upset but maybe I'm still numb. It's funny because I usually know what to tell other people but now I'm just kind of living and thinking, you f-ing c word that I can't say.


Chuff sorry to hear that. What I mean is that sorry to hear that she is an idiot. I won't pitty you as you know from all the awesome advice that you give and I know that you deserve better and obviously she was not the best for you. Numb I can understand that, Its like someone just thrown a bucket of ice on you in the middle of winter. But you know what, it's her loss because you are great! Your chuffing awesome!

And everyone chuffing love's your advice! I like that name by the way I get to replace it with bad words.. You get the chuffing point?

Remember JN is only a post away. Chuff Up it will get better!

WIth a lot of chuffing love
Jolie Noire

Lol.. are you smiling yet?

Hey Chuff,

I'm sorry to hear that, it must be rough.

The best thing I can say now is that you absolutely know what you have to do now. Next time she tries to act friendly, talk as friends, whatever else she pulls you know that you can;t play along. It was all fine and dandy before, but now you know you can't do it.

I know you are forced to have some contact with her, but I don't think she deserves your nicety anymore. I know it was nice for you to keep light, friendly contact with her, but you must know that can't continue..

Keep cool, try to relax and realize that nothing has really changed. The situation between the two of you is no different then it has been.

Yes you are correct. You know even just reading what you wrote I realize I made the mistake of even being friendly... by that I mean if she started the conversation I kept it going and now I have to just move it along. Even the other week when she was feeling down it was me being the nice guy that stopped and asked if she was okay and for all I know she had a fight with him and I let myself be the back up cheerleader. AHHHH, I can't believe I reverted to the nice guy again after getting all this through my head.

Let that be the last straw... for your own sake

Chuff sorry to hear that. What I mean is that sorry to hear that she is an idiot. I won't pitty you as you know from all the awesome advice that you give and I know that you deserve better and obviously she was not the best for you. Numb I can understand that, Its like someone just thrown a bucket of ice on you in the middle of winter. But you know what, it's her loss because you are great! Your chuffing awesome!

And everyone chuffing love's your advice! I like that name by the way I get to replace it with bad words.. You get the chuffing point?

Remember JN is only a post away. Chuff Up it will get better!

WIth alot of chuffing love
Jolie Noire

Lol.. are you smiling yet?


Jolie you are so correct. She is an idiot. The funny thing is I know I deserve better and knew it even while going out with her, but I'm happy to have someone else confirm it. Also, I live in Florida so bucket of ice in the winter isn't that bad. Although it's incredibly hot today, so I'ld be happy to have one now.

But to answer your question, I am smiling and it did make me feel better so I really appreciate what you've said. By the way, it's now official, I'm single with no attachment so if you want a Chuffing good time... Nevermind.

Jolie you are so correct. She is an idiot. The funny thing is I know I deserve better and knew it even while going out with her, but I'm happy to have someone else confirm it. Also, I live in Florida so bucket of ice in the winter isn't that bad. Although it's incredibly hot today, so I'ld be happy to have one now.

But to answer your question, I am smiling and it did make me feel better so I really appreciate what you've said. By the way, it's now official, I'm single with no attachment so if you want a Chuffing good time................Nevermind.


Are you chuffing on me? Lol

I just came back from Orlando a few weeks ago was there a whole week, beautiful weather relaxed at coco beach for a day.. Absolutely beautiful.. Will keep that in mind... chuff may take you up on that offer one day!

:D smiles

Jolie you are so correct. She is an idiot. The funny thing is I know I deserve better and knew it even while going out with her, but I'm happy to have someone else confirm it. Also, I live in Florida so bucket of ice in the winter isn't that bad. Although it's incredibly hot today, so I'ld be happy to have one now.

But to answer your question, I am smiling and it did make me feel better so I really appreciate what you've said. By the way, it's now official, I'm single with no attachment so if you want a Chuffing good time................Nevermind.


At least you no for sure that any more of the interaction you've been having won't do any good, so its time to ride the chuff train to pastures new. You'll be fine my friend. She is definitely an idiot!

Are you chuffing on me? lol

I just came back from Orlando a few weeks ago was there a whole week, beautiful weather relaxed at coco beach for a day.. Absolutely beautiful.. Will keep that in mind... chuff may take you up on that offer one day!

:D smiles


ARE YOU CHUFFING ME?! NOW I'M REALLY DEPRESSED. I just moved from Lakeland, which is right outside of Orlando to St. Petersburg which is on the Gulf Coast. I can't believe you were here, and we didn't at least make a day of it. Oh well, I hope you do keep that in mind and come on back down, I'll show you around and I even promise to be a gentleman. ;)

At least you no for sure that any more of the interaction you've been having won't do any good, so its time to ride the chuff train to pastures new. You'll be fine my friend. She is definately an idiot!


Chuff train Choo Choo!! You know what, the more I read this stuff the better my day is getting, you are right. I've got a concrete answer, no more guessing what happened and trying to figure out the strange way she's been acting. Also, I do want to confirm once again, she is an idiot. In fact, I don't believe I can say that enough.

ARE YOU CHUFFING ME?!?!?!?!? NOW I'M REALLY DEPRESSED. I just moved from Lakeland, which is right outside of Orlando to St. Petersburg which is on the Gulf Coast. I can't believe you were here, and we didn't at least make a day of it. Oh well, I hope you do keep that in mind and come on back down, I'll show you around and I even promise to be a gentleman. ;)

I go every year for vacation.. Being a jersey gal.. The weather here is crazy, cold winters, cold springs, rainy summers, so unpredicatble... I intend to go back again sometime this year. Hopefully. I know you are a gentleman just one thing! Don't wear the clown outfit ;) lol.. just teasing..

I agree JN, the weather here in Jersey is very unpredictable, it's out of hand ha ha.. 80 degrees one day then 60 the next!

Awwww man I feel like the odd one out living here in Ireland, though the sun is out and I'm roasting you guys would probably think it was freezing lol

I agree JN, the weather here in Jersey is very unpredictable, it's out of hand ha ha..80 degrees one day then 60 the next!

Come up north a few hours to Connecticut. It's been nuts here. 50 in the AM, 85 in the afternoon. It really gets annoying :p Yesterday I think the high/low was 76 and 47 :(

I go to school in Jersey, so I know what you guys mean.

Hey where abouts in Jersey are you? That's cool we are close!

I live right around the Trenton area, how about you?

What school in jersey man?

I am in North NJ area, near bergen county, passaic county, essex.. about an hour away from the jersey shore, Point pleasant...

what school in jersey man?

NJIT in Newark...

I don't really like it. There is nothing to do socially so I'm kind of stuck on campus. I was going to transfer, but I only have one more year so I'm toughing it out till then. Not to mention, I'm not a city person lol

NJIT in Newark....

I don't really like it. There is nothing to do socially so I'm kind of stuck on campus. I was going to transfer, but I only have one more year so I'm toughing it out till then. Not to mention, im not a city person lol


I work in Livingston.. There are things to do in newark or even the surrounding towns there are a ton of food places, what about NJPAC center and You can take the path to NYC, you are close to Hoboken which is a ride away... How about the meadowlands fair that is coming up in about a month..

BTW NJIT is a great school Most of our engineers here at my company graduated from there!

We'll I'm not there all summer. I guess what I meant to say is there isn't my kind of things to do there. I don't know, I guess I don't get along well in cities. Although I have a fascination with exploring places that are abandoned or forgotten and "hauntings" etc, and I have found a few sites which have tons of stuff about that in the North Jersey area (weirdNJ sort of stuff).

BTW NJIT is a great school Most of our engineers here at my company graduated from there!

I do like the program they have there... Thanks :)

Oh, I forgot to mention. I have been waiting to check out a Devil's game at the new Prudential center, anyone been?

We'll I'm not there all summer. I guess what I meant to say is there isn't my kind of things to do there. I don't know, I guess I don't get along well in cities. Although I have a fascination with exploring places that are abandoned or forgotten and "hauntings" etc, and i have found a few sites which have tons of stuff about that in the North Jersey area (weirdNJ sort of stuff).


I see... well time to explore now that you are single, try new things.

Everyone should come to belfast, great bars, best Guinness in the world and the drinks are on me :)

I see... well time to explore now that you are single, try new things.

I suppose your right. The "clubs" and other things of that nature which are generally found in cities aren't anything I've ever tried. Not sure how I would do, I'd feel awkward, but no better time then now.

everyone should come to belfast, great bars, best guiness in the world and the drinks are on me :)

Sounds good to me! Although I don't drink Guinness.. but just to travel is a good idea!

I suppose your right. The "clubs" and other things of that nature which are generally found in cities aren't anything I've ever tried. Not sure how I would do, I'd feel awkward, but no better time then now.


Hey listen, I find things to do I don't know what type of music you like or what you are really into, but there are many places even in montclair nj, that are classy and upscale with live bands, and music great food, mature crowds, then you have the musuems that are awesomes, poetry(I love poetry) I perform, haven't done it lately.. there are just so many things you can do to enjoy yourself while you are single.

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll have to check into some of that stuff in the fall.

I go every year for vacation.. Being a jersey gal.. the weather here is crazy, cold winters, cold springs, rainy summers, so unpredicatble... I intend to go back again sometime this year. Hopefully. I know you are a gentleman just one thing! don't wear the clown outfit ;) lol.. just teasing..

I won't wear the clown outfit if you WILL wear that outfit with the boots.

I won't wear the clown outfit if you WILL wear that outfit with the boots.


Boots in FL, I would look insane!

chuff I was just wondering what with the Dark Knight coming out do you reckon people will mistake you for some kind of Joker wannabe?

Just a thought that's all :P

Boots in FL, I would look insane!

Fine then, just bring your smile.

Chuff the suspense is killing me, What do you look like?

Yea chuff, what do you look like?

Chuff the suspense is killing me, What do you look like?

Come on now, I can't blow this by showing you what I look like. Then you'll never talk to me.

Come on now, I can't blow this by showing you what I look like. Then you'll never talk to me.

Oh stop it... I found the clown pic to be very attractive!lol

Oh stop it.... I found the clown pic to be very attractive!lol

Okay Jolie, if you like the clown face then prepared to be scared by this...

God is everyone on here from New Jersey! I'm in Jersey City. Hudson County representing!

Okay Jolie, if you like the clown face then prepared to be scared by this ........


You are handsome, your ex is an idiot! And your funny, and you give awesome advice! :D I like you much better than the clown!

God is everyone on here from New Jersey! I'm in Jersey City. Hudson County representing!


Hey losingit are you going to the fair? Wow more NJersians!

You are handsome, your ex is an idiot! and your funny, and you give awesome advice! :D I like you much better than the clown!

That's strange, most people tell me to go put the clown face back on. Are you taking any medications?

Are you taking any medications?

No not today! I am medication free.

Maybe I will upload my pic too, we could turn this thread into a dating service lol

maybe I will upload my pic too, we could turn this thread into a dating service lol


Lol it would be great to see what everyone looks like!

Well my avatar is my pic :)

OK but lets just start with a view from behind shall we
http://a533.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/41/l_ba48a4954c959cf0d4d83be464c5fe34.jpg

Nice back drop!

Back drop?? That was on mission bay in san diego California

I got this forwarded to me from my ex's sister.
I didn't ask for this and remember that she is seeing someone

"so today would have been my 2 yrs and 11 months with spion_kop...and next month will be 3 ing years..

screw love, i never want to fall in love again!

u know, the number 29 will haunt me for the rest of my ing life! every month on the 29th ill be like "well this would have been my 10 yr and 2 month anniversary with spion_kop..." guhhh!

anyways im bitter


I don't understand why she sent this to me nor can I grasp the full idea of the message.

So far NC has been great for me, I should be avoiding these types of emails but ugh..

Well, I broke NC! But I'm remarkably okay.

For some reason, I guess I felt like testing the waters to see how good I actually am.

I called him and his phone was off so it went right to voicemail. Just left a message saying hi, just wanted to see how you were doing, I'll try you again some other time. I instantly regretted it.

2 minutes later he called me back. I didn't answer cause I was afraid. Then he called again twice within 5 minutes. I waited a half hour and decided, OK, losingit, just do it. So, I called him.

He was happy to hear from me. We chatted about what we were up to... blah blah blah. Talked for about 15 minutes and then, I was like "ok, let me go..i have to get in the shower". He asked if I wanted him to call me later I said "no, that's ok. i'm going out tonight."

We hung up. He texted me then and said "what a pleasant surprise it was to hear from you. it was really good to talk. I'm happy we were able 2 speak. Thank you, losingit."

I have zero hope of us ever getting back together and know that us together is not the right thing. And honestly, the phone conversation didn't really bring back any "butterfly" feelings or anything. It was more just like talking to an old acquaintance you haven't spoken to in a while.

If anything, the phone conversation made me feel and realize that my feelings for him perhaps have started to diminish. And that I really am on the right track to healing. (I don't advocate breaking NC to anyone though as I probably would have been just as fine if not better had I not contacted him).

Anyway, I don't plan on speaking to him again for a long while. I don't want to tempt fate and let myself get pulled back into all that.

losingit77, it seems like you're more and more in control of yourself. That's great to see, especially by testing the water to see where you are in your recovery. It's always good to know where you stand as it can help you with your progress.
Keep up the good work and stay calm. It was good to hear that you didn't talk about your relationship and just focused on catching up.

Thanks, spion_kop. That's exactly how I'm starting to feel again. Like I have "control" of myself. Its good to start to feel like I have that back.

But, I'm not going to pat myself on the back too much. Back to NC.

I got this forwarded to me from my ex's sister.
I didnt ask for this and remember that she is seeing someone

"so today would have been my 2 yrs and 11 months with spion_kop...and next month will be 3 ing years..

screw love, i never want to fall in love again!

u know, the number 29 will haunt me for the rest of my ing life! every month on the 29th ill be like "well this would have been my 10 yr and 2 month anniversary with spion_kop..." guhhh!

anyways im bitter


I dont understand why she sent this to me nor can i grasp the full idea of the message.

So far NC has been great for me, i should be avoiding these types of emails but ugh..

Okay maybe I'm way off base here and I apologize for making this suggestion if it turns out not be true, but this sounds like a "feeler" put out there by your ex. She doesn't want to approach you and admit she's a loser who left you, and she doesn't want to get caught approaching you if she is seeing someone else. But maybe her fling was not exactly what she thought it would be, so now she wants to come back to you. She can't approach you so she sends this to her sister, who then forwards it to you under the guise of "my sister doesn't know I'm sending this blah blah blah."

I in no way am telling you to make contact with her, but I'm thinking she's starting to realize what she had and now is faced with the reality of dealing with... and perhaps trying to get it back. To me this seems like you are "winning" the game of who can get over who and I think it's driving her nuts to know that you are stronger then she gave you credit for.

Today is turning out to be not such a good day... I am drunk so forgive this post if it is not apprioate but I just found out my friend died of a brain aneurism. He was only 33 and left behind his wife and a 5 year old little girl. Sometimes we get caught up in our own personal issues and we don't even see that real problems are happening. His little one is such a sweetie that I can't even believe I'm sitting here feeling bad about what happened to me today. That will pass while this little one may never come to terms with what happened or at least at this age.

Kind of put life in a different perspective, and sorry for your loss.

Chuff, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, and the loss his wife and his little girl have to face. I had a very good friend that died of the very same thing, and that exact age. He had a young girl also. (Ironic) That's a hard thing to go through, at such a young age. Very sorry to hear about that. It brings back memories, and I'm so very sorry that your friends little girl has to go through that! :( My sympathy's are with you and your friends family.

chuff sorry to hear about your friend. Will keep you and your friend's family in my prayers...

chuff, that is really sad to hear. My thoughts and prayers are with the family. It does really put everything into perspective where there are more important issues in life, like life itself..

The funny thing is I was gearing up to post my story and talk about my decision to implement NC. Then you realize that you are NOT the most important. Thanks God for the message. My prayers and heart are with you Chuff and your friends family. Such a hard thing to deal with, but remember God. Don't forget that He will deliver you.

Thanks everybody for your comments. I spoke with his sister this morning and she said she felt "betrayed." Also I didn't mean to thread steal, when I got the news I was drinking because the of what happened during the day and I came back and just sat in down for awhile, and was surfing the net and saw my post from hours earlier and kind of thinking, "Your stuck on what happened to you, and it takes this to wake you up that." I'm kind of ashamed to admit that again this morning I was still stuck on thinking about the ex, so go figure.

Dollarman, hit us up with your story and what's going on. This isn't my thread this is for everybody and I'd love to bring it back to the NC discussions and what we can all do to move forward in a positive way.

Chuff, I too am sorry for your loss. It really is an eye-opener I can imagine.

You're a tough guy though, you'll manage just fine.

Thanks Chuff. Good to see you bounced back, but here goes...

I'm going to try and keep it brief, because there's no real need to beat this dead horse into the ground. We broke up in April. She initiated the contacts first, then she stopped. Then I had to do the initiating. She met somebody. Not together officially, but might as well be. I've been on and off with the no contact thing, and after awhile I realized I was the only one willing to work at this 'friendship', and I've come to realize I'm not interested at all in that. It takes two to tango. I sent a letter to her a couple days ago, and I guess it was just my final say without the need or pressure on her to write me back. At times I want to get back, but at times I don't. This NC thing is really to win myself back. So I'm on day 2. My record is a week. So I'm looking forward to Next Saturday.

PS: You guys think the letter was a bad idea? It just had my feelings, but no asking or blaming. It wasn't a love letter but it was heartfelt.

Do I think the letter was a bad idea?

It doesn't matter

The letter was sent, who cares if it was a good idea or bad idea. Stop thinking about it. You sent it now, you felt it was the right thing to do and its done. Worrying about how she will feel when she reads it and if she will respond or not and how it would be is not what you want to do.

As far as the "at times I want to get back, at times I don't" that's normal. Don't worry about that. If there is one thing I learned it's that the whole journey is going to be up and down and up and down.

One thing you can be sure of is that if you are feeling down, give it a while, you will be feeling better... hang in there and try to stay away from her or anything that would give you any indications of her.

Sounds like a Grade A response. I'll do just that. I'm definitely going to be on this board updating and keeping track of my progress, and I want to thank everyone in advance for the support and honest answers. I have a feeling that this will be much easier than I may have ever imagined.

BB is right my man,

As tough as it is, stay away from her, and anything that could give you info on her. It doesn't help in the healing process to open up that wound. I know, I did and it hurt. Nearly 90 days of NC for me, and it still hurts. Nothing like it did, but enough.

YOur in the right place, welcome aboard!

Man, I can't wait to say I've done 90 days of hard NC time. I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually excited for such a challenge. Maybe that's twisted, but in such a position I have no choice but to get better. And to strive for it. Lol. I think I'm excited about NC. :)

Dollarman, I also agree that what's done is done. I probably would not have recommended sending it but on the flip side, it allowed you to get out some of the emotions you've been feeling so in that regard it's a positive for you. I also like you last response, it's positive and you don't look at NC as "oh not another day, whoa as me" but rather it's a challenge for you to overcome and a goal for you to achieve. That's the way to go about it and to be honest, that's what all of us should be encouraging in all those applying NC.

Well its been about 2 months now, not of NC but of being broken up. Still struggleing. Just want her back in my arms. I have my moments of realizing that she's not the only girl in the world and that I can find another person to love. But I don't know the past couple days have been a struggle. Kind of still having the hope that she comes to her senses. I don't know anymore.

OK guys I got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

I bought a guitar and I'm left handed, now should I learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, I'm not good with these kind of things so I just wanted to say sorry my friend.

Well most likely you should learn it left handed, unless your going for unique! Up to you but some guitars you can't just simply switch the strings around because of the nut and the bridge, but those are also reversible and ajustable

well its been about 2 months now, not of NC but of being broken up. still struggleing. just want her back in my arms. i have my moments of realizing that shes not the only girl in the world and that i can find another person to love. but idk the past couple days have been a struggle. kinda still having the hope that she comes to her senses. idk anymore.

I feel you. I can't reiterate anything new to what you already know as far as what to do. But CR, you have it in you to stand up and say you are right. She is not in her senses. You have to acknowledge that her mistakes are not yours, and right or wrong she must live with those decisions. But her decisions can't not ba taken by you as a step back. Your doing fine overall, these are just a few days, not the overall progress.

ok guys i got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

i bought a guitar and im left handed, now should i learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say im very sorry to hear about your loss, im not good with these kind of things so i just wanted to say sorry my friend.


Thanks for you comments.

Also, maybe this is a stupid question but don't they make guitars for left handed people.

Also, how you learning to play this? Lessons, by yourself?

ok guys i got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

i bought a guitar and im left handed, now should i learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say im very sorry to hear about your loss, im not good with these kind of things so i just wanted to say sorry my friend.


Hendrix did it :)

But seriously, like CR said, you can't just flip the strings around. You have to change the hardware etc and even then, the knobs and lever will be reversed. Your best bet might be to return it (if possible) and get a left handed guitar. I'm amazed that whoever sold it to you didn't say anything or ask.

But yes Chuff, they do make left handed guitars. I've never tried, as I'm a righty, but I imagine trying to learn right handed as a lefty would be quite tough.

I have a question...

At this point the pain/miserableness/loneliness from my break up almost makes me feel like I should have never gone out with the girl in the first place. Before this relationship, I was happy being single and doing my own thing, but now that I have experienced what it is like to have that companion, I really feel like I can never go back (she was my first... ). I know you guys say to work on bettering yourself, go out more, pick up new hobbies, keep yourself busy, etc. but I just feel like there will always be that irreplaceable void.

A common quote I often hear is "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." However, at this point I really don't see the truth in that quote. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time and unforgettable experiences with this girl, but that just makes me feel so much worse that it's lost. And I hate feeling like this.

So I'm wondering... is this a common feeling? Or am I wrong to feel like this?

Entirely too common of a feeling. You're right, that whole "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"... is bs at this point. Only after you're over the girl and have "bettered" yourself, will you realize that it's true. As for now, yes, being angry, being sad, feeling like there's nothing left for you... is normal.

However, everyone on this thread is right. You got to focus on yourself. You got to do you.

Entirely too common of a feeling. You're right, that whole "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"...is bs at this point. Only after you're over the girl and have "bettered" yourself, will you realize that it's true. As for now, yes, being angry, being sad, feeling like there's nothing left for you...is normal.

However, everyone on this thread is right. You gotta focus on yourself. You gotta do you.

Thanks for the reply Sneeze, that seems to make sense. I hope I can reach that point soon. On a side note, I just read your entire thread the other day (I am doing NC. What about her) and it's really amazing how similar our stories are, I almost couldn't believe it... from the reasons for the break up, to how she was one of those stressed out "wanting to please everyone types," to how she already has a "new guy" (and denies it), to how she never drank before but now is starting to. She was also one who was genuine, would never play games types, but has changed that since the break up. Plus I am asian too :). Just thought I'd share that...

Yeah, one thing that amazed me when I was first here on this forum was that I thought I was the only one going through this crap, then I found out there's THOUSANDS of guys in the same situation.

Thanks for reading my entire thread... that's a long thread too.

Hang in there hav0k, it gets better, in fact, it gets better than better. I'm on day... what... I've lost count... something like 6 months? I just feel overall in better control of my life... physically/emotionally. I also feel much lighter and more relaxed... being single for a little bit is definitely liberating and less burdensome.

Hang in there.

I really feel like I can never go back (she was my first...). I know you guys say to work on bettering yourself, go out more, pick up new hobbies, keep yourself busy, etc. but I just feel like there will always be that irreplaceable void.

First experiences are very hard on us emotionally, as we have no previous events in which to guide us through what is a very tough time. Be patient as you will eventually know how to cope with those very normal emotions, we humans have after a sudden loss.

When in the middle of those emotional storms we go through, we seldom see hope, but as you gain knowledge and experience, no matter how hard the times seem, it will get better, and there is no such thing as irreplaceable voids in your life. That's the lesson we learn , that saying goodbye to one life chapter, often ushers in another.

Well last night was my ex's boyfriend birthday. Those thoughts are seeping into my mind... all that physical touching... ugh... At least I went out and enjoyed my friend's birthday. It sux when you make up in the morning and you're in your bed thinking about what may happened. It's been more than 3 weeks of NC and so far so good.

On day 3. Feeling good. How's everybody else doing today?? Any cool happenings?

Grrr... just rememebered about that letter I sent to her. Lol. Whatta dummy move that was! Oh well. Better to smile about it then dwell. It's kind of funny what we do for relationships eh?

Grrr...just rememebered about that letter I sent to her. Lol. Whatta dummy move that was! Oh well. Better to smile about it then dwell. It's kind of funny what we do for relationships eh?


What was the letter about? I have been contemplating doing that but I have resisted (probably the right thing to do).

There's a thread on this forum called "letters to our exes"

It's where we wrote letters and just sent them in... without actually sending to our exes. It helps.

what was the letter about? I have been contemplating doing that but I have resisted (probably the right thing to do).

Don't do it!

there's a thread on this forum called "letters to our exes"

it's where we wrote letters and just sent them in...without actually sending to our exes. it helps.

Helps a lot, I recently went back and read what I wrote... wow, wasn't I an angry westy. However, I've come a long way since then and at this point I don't think I couldn't care less about the whole situation and my ex in general... also been about 5-6 months, I never kept track, but being single definitely has it's benefits... you will all learn that once again.

Just recently been on a slew of dates... still nothing to float my boat, and it just feels like I've been dating the same girl over and over again. But it makes me feel great that you can literally meet girls anywhere.

Basically it was me saying that I've been working hard, and that I have no hard feelings toward her. And I also mentioned starting over and working things slowly. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now its like... any contact we've had recently I had to initiate and it wasn't hostile at all... I'm just like... she can start initiating. I mean, the upside is that the letter allowed me to relieve myself but at the same time move on. I do love her, but I'm not her doormat.

what was the letter about? I have been contemplating doing that but I have resisted (probably the right thing to do).


Don't do it!! There's really no point.

Originally Posted by hav0k
what was the letter about? I have been contemplating doing that but I have resisted (probably the right thing to do).

I agree, and hope you can keep resisting. Letters to our exes is the place to send it. My post is #41

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/letters-our-exes-154321-5.html?highlight=letters+to+our+exes

(5 weeks in now)

Hey Guys,

Well my trip out west is just about coming to an end. I fly back home tomorrow. Got to admit though things are starting to get a little hard again. We haven't talked or anything but my mind is starting to think a lot about what she is up to and if she is with somebody yet. I am forgetting about how bad of a girlfriend she was and starting to think about only the good things. I suppose this is just one of the dips in the roller coaster that is a break up. I think it might have something to do with being far away with home not really knowing anyone (except my friend). I guess when you put a mind that is feeling down and lonely in that kind of situation is can make you feel pretty ty. I have caught myself a couple times being pretty quiet and it really bugs me that she this effect on me when I want to be having a good time.

Also, I feel ridiculous even saying it but have any of you guys gone through this... We have been going to the bars and clubs a lot the last few days, and whenever I see one of those douche bag guys that hit on every girl in the place, I picture him with my girlfriend... stupid I know...

She will be home on this week for grad so I think I might be getting nervous about seeing her out or her contacting me. She had told me before that she wanted to do dinner when she was home... I told her I would think about it but it would just set me back. I think I will just ignore everything from now on. I find that she contacts me a lot, and then when I open up to talking with her she feels better and stops contacting me. I can't play that game anymore. That's my update for now, any of those great words of wisdom you guys have would be great right about now.

Day 33

Been seeing this girl recently, and have barely thought about the ex. Great girl, real funny, real hot, really into me, couldn't be much better on paper.The ex popped into my head this morning and I thought; why not see how she's doing, I think I could handle it given my current great situation. So went on Facebook... and there was another post about her new boyfriend and her going for a day trip together. Thought for a brief while I thought they might have split and karma might have had its way, but that's a lesson learnt, no contact means no contact. Why the hell did I do it? Sorry guys.

By the way NNG, I know exactly what you mean about the guys hitting on your ex. Though they are also the same guys that women can see right through, even if they are really vulnerable after the breakup. Another one is that I always look whenever I see a car that looks like the ex's or the new bf's. I just can't stop myself.

One thing that you seem to have at least is that she is actually contacting you and that she is upset about you at least a little... think mines completely forgotten about me... bleak. Still though, NC is always the way forward.

NNG:

What your feeling is perfectly fine. It is tough, and as time goes on you begin to forget about the bad things in the relationship and miss the good - as nothing else seems to matter anymore. It really helps to stop and think rationally about why you broke up. Think back to the little fights that you had, how often you had them, and how they drove you nuts. Guaranteed there is something about her that drove you nuts before it ended - remember these things don't just "go away".

It's also perfectly normal to be upset by the thought of your ex with someone else. What usually comforts me is that she was just as, if not more, broken up by the breakup then I was. Therefore, I can assume that she is having as hard, if not a worse, time trying to move on and forget about me. Is this true? Hell if I know, but because of NC I can believe whatever I want :)

Jammy:
Don't sweat the Facebook issue. You aren't very far in yet, so its understandable that it would still upset you. You tested the waters and found out you weren't ready. Now you know for next time. I did the same thing and was worried that I would be set WAY back, but it only took a couple days and I was right back where I was before. It hurts, but it really shows you how far you have come in dealing with these sorts of things.

but my mind is starting to think a lot about what she is up to and if she is with somebody yet. I am forgetting about how bad of a girlfriend she was and starting to think about only the good thingsTo keep your mind from playing tricks on you, remember the bad when you remember the good. Selective memory is not giving you the whole picture.

Normal for people that get dumped.

To keep your mind from playing tricks on you, remember the bad when you remember the good. Selective memory is not giving you the whole picture.

Normal for people that get dumped.

Good advice, I agree. I have only been starting to do that. Before, I used to only reminisce about the good stuff but now I like to focus on her negative qualities too :). Now that I think about it, there are quite a few of them

It is a constant struggle between your heart and your head.

Your hearts sees only the good, your heart wants you to go running back because everything was perfect and you miss all those GREAT qualities. However, your head knows the negatives. Your head knows that even if you get back together, it won't work down the road.

Why else do so many of these "quick reconciliations" fail? No time to understand what happened and fix the problem. Comfort is no substitute for a REAL relationship.

Well haven't really been thinking of her lately but for the past 2 nights I have dreamt about her. No idea why - and it has her in the back of my head all day when I dream about her. In my dreams, she's telling me she has missed me every minute of the day and I respond negatively to her? Maybe I want her to be missing me, when, in reality, I don't think she is because she never bothers to contact me.

Well haven't really been thinking of her lately but for the past 2 nights I have dreamt about her. No idea why - and it has her in the back of my head all day when I dream about her. In my dreams, she's telling me she has missed me every minute of the day and I respond negatively to her?? Maybe I want her to be missing me, when, in reality, I don't think she is because she never bothers to contact me.

Dreams are dreams. Random firings from your brain while you sleep. No doubt she was on your mind during the day, and the thoughts fell over to your sleep. Don't think too much into it. Happens to everyone.

on Day 6 of NC and she's not supposed to be gone longer than 7...
(details are on my thread, it's the only one I've created, check my profile)

Its really starting to sink in that she isn't coming back tomorrow... I have tomorrow off and I don't know what I am going to do with myself.

I need to think in the now though and focus on today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. Long day of work ahead of me (1pm - 10pm, dreading it already)

Just trying to get some of this out so I don't feel weird ALL day long x.x

-Sik

Well a little over 2 months since we broke up. Can't/don't count NC anymore since we actually spoke twice the weekend (he called 5 times).

It was weird. We just chatted like old friends. I got to say. I really didn't feel any of those old feelings. We talked. Hung up and that was it. No crying. No sleepless nights. Nothing. Weird. Guess feelings can diminish and we can get control of our heart and emotions sometimes.

To be honest, he honestly sounded surprised and a little confused by how apathetic I seemed. But, whatever. He knows he'll always hold a special place in my heart. But the last 2 months (and really more so the last 2 weeks) have given me a lot of time to realize that our relationship had to end. Not because there is anything wrong with him or anything wrong with me. We just want different things out of life and we are just too incompatible. There's no winners and losers in breakups. Just 2 people who just aren't meant to be together. It feels good to finally be getting to this place. And the future looks bright.

Hang in there all. If you set your mind to it and really look hard enough, you can see the silver lining in what's happening to you right now.

It's Day 5 of no contact.

Day 4! I think my record is 7 days. Almost there... how's everyone doing today?

Day 4! I think my record is 7 days. Almost there....how's everyone doing 2day?

Stressed as heck.

3 essays due this week.
2 final exams on Saturday... back to back... 3:30pm to 5:30pm & 6pm to 8pm

That's how college life rolls me =/

Hey don't be stressed man. Let the situation add a couple logs to your fire. I almost had a lapse and almost let myself get down about my situation, but then I read your post... I look at it two ways, we can either cry or smile. It's our choice to choose. Lol long-winded but good luck on those finals.

Hey don't be stressed man. Let the situation add a couple logs to your fire. I almost had a lapse and almost let myself get down about my situation, but then I read your post....I look at it two ways, we can either cry or smile. It's our choice to choose. Lol long-winded but good luck on those finals.


Thankss =]

Hey Bird and Tal,

Just got home from my trip... haha the first thing I did was hit the computer to check what you had to say. Thanks for the words, they always help. Tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Day 7, she said she wouldn't be longer than a week (on her little trip, look at my thread for more info).

Also happens to be our 4 month... ugh how awkward.

-Sik

Tough it out. A thought that helps me through is that you didn't forget her words, and she didn't forget yours. The difference is you actually cared, and currently she doesn't. Phones work two-ways, not just a one way deal. If she can blow you off, let your wind blow stronger.

(5 weeks in now)

Hey Guys,


Also, I feel ridiculous even saying it but have any of you guys gone through this.... We have been going to the bars and clubs a lot the last few days, and whenever I see one of those douche bag guys that hit on every girl in the place, I picture him with my girlfriend.... stupid I know...



Jesus northern! You read my mind. I get like this even at the gym, I never used to compare myself to other guys, but now I see all the other guys with better physiques and imagine them with her, thinking that her intentions are to upgrade from me.

I'm glad I don't feel alone in this. Thank you so much for speaking up about it!

And another thing to remember, you never want to reach out, get bitten, feel bad, cry about it, piss your friends off by talking about, then have to hop on here just to say you messed up. Then the classic line... "I broke NC, I'm back on Day 1 again". I want to be worlds away from day 1.

She's blocked//removed from everything as of right now so I'm not worried. She knows my phones on and I'm not going to break NC unless I decide that I need to tell her she's moving out and her stuff is all packed up.

All this just makes me wonder what in the world is going through her head...

-Sik

Good job on the blocking. Now let's work on worrying about her thoughts. You have to pretend to hold a mirror to her. Act as though she's completely forgotten you, and when you hold the 'mirror' up.. you need to reflect that. 'Forget' her in a sense, and focus on your thoughts. This is only going to strengthen you. There's plenty of support here... you're not alone.

I know and I appreciate that from everyone. Thanks.

Still trying to decide whether to break NC or not.

-Sik

I know and I appreciate that from everyone. Thanks.

Still trying to decide whether to break NC or not.

-Sik

Give some more time or so..

I'm trying my hardest not to call~ it's pretty rough.. 6 days

Sik,

Dollarman has some good advice for you. I think you should reread it. The idea of the mirror and "letting your wind blow stronger" are both great suggestions.

Don't worry about breaking NC, just keep going as you have been going. There is no reason to start over.

I know and I appreciate that from everyone. Thanks.

Still trying to decide whether to break NC or not.

-Sik

I just commented on your thread, and in my view taking care of those loose ends, she left behind is business you should take care of, as soon as possible. Handling your personal business overrides no cantact, and no begging or whinig, Do what you have to, and be done.

When I was doing hard no contact I just looked at it this way, would you ever play through a whole videogame only to get to the final boss and turn off the system without saving? No flipping way! So why would you go 7 days and then want to start all over?

What you think will happen, she will come back to you and then next time you forget to fold your shirt the right way, she takes off running? She disrespected you, your family, your house. Just think, in the old times, that type of thing was punishable by DEATH! And you want to talk to her? I would say "come get your stuff on this date at this time, if not it will be on the curb. Thank you"

Just think, in the old times, that type of thing was punishable by DEATH! And you want to talk to her? I would say "come get your stuff on this date at this time, if not it will be on the curb. Thank you"

That mess is STILL punishable by death in some countries.

You could do what romefalls said to do (the curb idea), or if you want to be a WEE bit nicer, put her crap in storage and tell her to pick up the keys and that she has 1 month to clear out the storage or she's stuck with the bill.

I agree, its ridiculous for her to expect you to sit around and wait on her decision.

That's unfair of her to expect, and will only slow you down in your healing.

Go get some boxes and start packing up... at this point, her coming back shouldn't even be an option. We all know you'd love to take her back, but think rationally about it... Like Rome said, could you trust her with your heart again, and honestly think she wouldn't do it again?

I made that mistake once... never again.

Hi Guys,

I want to call him so badly. I miss him so much. I wish and pray he would call... I don't know what to do... I know, I should do nothing... but I am afraid that I won't hear from him again...

I am supposed to fly to GA and go to the concert with him in July. The last time I spoke to him was a week ago from this past Friday, and he was still very into my going with him. I haven't had any communication with him since (I still didn't buy my plane ticket yet either).

... starlite, I'm going to say that the concert may be off. Flying with him, I'm assuming that you'll be staying in the same hotel room... could be disastrous. Sure it'll be fun... but that'll put your nc STRAIGHT back.

I mean, of course there are going to be parts of you that wants to take her back. We all understand that, as a lot of us at your point in time would have taken our ex's back with open arms but you need to take time and reflect about the relationship and I think you will see that you are much better off

Hi Guys,

Actually he lives in Georgia, so I would be flying from NY and staying at his house.

I would love to work things out with him. I know I screwed up this time, because I broke it off with him, but I really do want him back...

Starlite,

I am supposed to fly to GA and go to the concert with him in July. The last time I spoke to him was a week ago from this past Friday, and he was still very into my going with him. I haven't had any communication with him since (I still didn't buy my plane ticket yet either).

Forget that concert, it will be a clear message to him by not going, and a break of his attempts at control over this relationship.

Given the past events, how can you give in to HIS wishes at this point? Forget plane tickets, buy yourself something nice, and do something you enjoy. Why ain't the bum buying you tickets, if he wants you so bad? Don't let emotions cloud your decisions when reality is really clear.

I know Tal, and I keep saying that to myself. I was the one who screwed things up this time though...

I would love to work things out with him.
I bet, but the thing you keep missing is he doesn't compromise, you do. That's unequal, and unfair. You get nothing you want but him, on his terms as he wishes it. He gets exactly what he wants. Feelings aside, that's a lousy deal for you, but great for him, dontcha think?

I know I screwed up this time, because I broke it off with him,
The best thing you ever did, and if he wants you misses you, he'll come and get you, or at least call, and if you stick to your guns, he get to call the terms.

but I really do want him back....
Does that mean any way you can have him, or as a respectful caring partner? Give it some thought as to how much your willing to give, and what you want in return.

I agree with all of them... going to that concert would be a mistake... Let's say you get back together eventually you will break up again(he doesn't respect you).. so please forget about the concert, like talaiman said go buy yourself something nice, and let this guy go.. He hasn't even contacted you... & you didn't screw anything up.. he screwed it up.. He lost a good woman.. It's his loss...
"dont worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"

I know, I have given so much in this relationship, and he just comes back when he is ready, with hardly any communication in between. But what is killing me now is we were about to take this relationship to the next level (finally) and he was really there, and this was something that I had wanted for so long, and I killed it... and I hurt him I'm sure, and now he is not contacting me, or pursuing me... I know I hurt him though, and perhaps he feels that I am not worth it? But this time, I screwed it all up... that is what is killing me... I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs... and to have a mature conversation explain to him that all relationships require work... and to let him know why I got cold feet (and have him realize (without blaming him) that because he kept yo-yoing in the past, that is what I was afraid of this time... but I want to hear from him without his wall or whatever makes him do what he does, what he needs, and to let him know what I need, and we can do this... together

I wish I knew what he is really thinking with regards to us, getting back together, etc...

Maybe you should think the way he thinks... How many times has he hurt you?. you should think he is not worth it as well.. but I guess you don't mind putting him before you.. that's too sad... ur selling yourself short..


I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs...

You should get back with him, so he can dump again... Maybe then you will learn... :(

Starlite1,
I know, I have given so much in this relationship, and he just comes back when he is ready, with hardly any communication in between.
Because you keep giving. No matter what he does, you keep giving.


But what is killing me now is we were about to take this relationship to the next level (finally) and he was really there, and this was something that I had wanted for so long, and I killed it...
That's what he let you think, and it's the oldest trick in the book, going along with you and your plans, and pulling the rug from under your feet, and making you think its your fault. Very old a common trick of a master manipulator.


and I hurt him I'm sure, and now he is not contacting me, or pursuing me... I know I hurt him though, and perhaps he feels that I am not worth it? But this time, I screwed it all up... that is what is killing me.
Geez that's his purpose to let you stew in your own juice feeling guilty and helpless. You are being tenderised for the main event.

.. I want him to forgive me, and take me back, so we can discuss everything, and I can really find out what he needs.
Ha! Your easy, that's the whole point, you being receptive to his needs, and want to please him.

.. and to have a mature conversation explain to him that all relationships require work...
Good luck with that, I think he has made it clear your idea of a relationship is not what he wants. Now he likes his idea better. You please him and meet his needs and he does nothing for you.

and to let him know why I got cold feet (and have him realize (without blaming him) that because he kept yo-yoing in the past, that is what I was afraid of this time..
You are wise to listen to your intuition, as yo-yo is what he wants and explaining will never change his mind. Talking rationally is what real caring humans do with their partner. That's something he wants no part of, and he has told you, he is not willing to work with you to solve your problems to the benefit of you both.


.but I want to hear from him without his wall or whatever makes him do what he does, what he needs, and to let him know what I need, and we can do this... together

What part of not being willg is it that confuses you as his every action and words have said "me and only me".


I wish I knew what he is really thinking with regards to us, getting back together, etc..

As I have said, HIS WAY OR NO WAY!


Keep no contact, and stick to your guns, until action, not words, show he is willing to change and respect you.

Love yourself enough, to keep your dignity and self respect. Read the first line in mysignature, and think about it.

Thanks Tal... So I shouldn't contact him at all... let him wonder about me?

No contact. Hang tough. At worst, he'll never call but you weren't waiting. At best, he'll call and you get to chat on YOUR terms. It's a win-win.

Hi Dollarman,

Thank you for your response. I know you are all right... I guess I need to work on my insecurity, and somehow realize how this man in not the best choice for me...

After 39 years of being insecure, I don't know how not to be...

Its not easy to accept, but I think that the advice you've been given is spot on. The hardest part is acting on the advice, I found it hard, but in the end they were right!

You know, the more and more I think about it, I have always been the one to reach out to him after we have broken up, I always tried to fix the relationship, try and communicate to get through to him... I felt that I was the 'man' in the relationship, and I am the woman!

I had a weird run in with the ex today. We are both taking classes on campus (unfortunately in the same building at the same time). It's the first time I've seen her since NC started ~five days ago. At this point I'm still pretty bitter about what she did (lead me on after we were on a "break" and then I found out she was already secretly hanging out with another guy behind my back (rebound guy?) - partly my fault to hang in there like that, but even after I found out she STILL tried to deny it... ). Anyway when I saw her she was walking in with one of my friends. I saw her smile at me, expecting some sort of greeting from me but I completely ignored her and only talked to my friend that she was with for a little. I know it made things awkward but at this point I'm still really pissed about what she did. Do you guys think I owe it to her to at least be civil and say hi when I see her around? I do feel a little bad (her smile still gets me... ) but honestly what she did was really F-ed up and I still don't think she even realizes that.

You did what you felt was right at the time. However, if you want to come off as "I'm over you. Deal with it," then smile at her, say HI, then move on. Don't linger for a conversation, but at least be civil.

Hi HavOK,

I think don't it is a bad thing that you did. If you happen to see her again, and it's just the two of you (no friends around), just say a quick 'hey' and keep walking. If she stops you, you can stop if you want, and kind of be a little cool in your attitude. If the conversation gets a little heated, you say "listen, it's not cool what you did, I don't appreciate and I certainly didn't deserve it, think about it. See Ya". And that is all you have to say.

I'm on day 5. Feeling strong... thinking of her, but I'm calm. Praise God! I'm looking forward to continuing this challenge. Any new updates or interesting news?

Hi Dollarman,

Good for you!! You are doing great! Nothing much with me. Still missing him, and stuff like that...

Hav0k,
Tread lightly with that whole 'friends' crap. I've heard it, tried it, then slowly it ended up as me doing all the work to maintain it.. so then I turned my back on her too. Not telling you what to do, but be careful.. no need to compromise the strength you've gained.

Thanks starlite!
Quite honestly though it's God carrying me through this. The power of prayer is amazing, and couple that with the awesome people here and it becomes almost exciting to be able to purposely not contact someone who hurt me like that. Missing him is normal, just remember you're doing great too! Don't forget that!

Thank you! So are you! And you know? Prayer does work. I am not the most religious person by any means, but I talk with God everyday, and I know he hears all of us.

Hey, I'm not sure if you saw the post or not, but we (us members) are planning a big get together where we can meet and hang out in person.

Here is the post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-about-get-together-all-us-222453.html

Whatcha think?

I was hit with a moment of weakness. Just a lapse. I'm trying to snap out of it though. No urge to contact, I guess more of a sense of loss.

Thanks for the responses sneeze, star and dollarman.

Don't worry dollarman, I know very well not to delve into that friends crap. I tried it when we were on our break and she ended up completely screwing me over. Guess I learned that lesson...

I ignored her today because I wanted her to know how F-ed up her actions were. At the same time though I don't want her to think I hate her forever. Ahhh dilemmas... I suppose it won't hurt to say Hi to her though.

Its been two weeks for me, and after a weekend surrounded by some friends I feel like I'm hitting bottom again. I even had to convince myself to not call her.

I keep wondering what she's doing, who she's with, whether she cares, and keep imagining her with another guy at bars, clubs, partying happily--these are the things she does.

Its like I'm forgetting all the bad things she did and how unhappy I was in the relationship, and no matter how hard I try and remind myself, its just not strong enough to combat the feeling of lonliness and longing.

I hate it, it's that feeling of being punched in the stomach you know, I get it so randomly, like today, I was just watching my favorite sitcom, which I do everyday while eating breakfast, and I kept getting bombarded with imagery of her with others and feelings of lonliness. I was doing quite all right for a solid week.

I used to passify myself by reminding myself of my future (graduating soon) and the new friends I will meet next semester, but now even that stuff doesn't matter to me. I hate that I can't take control of myself.

Shake down, no one said this is easy, but just stay strong, I know what you mean when you say nothing else matters and for a time I believed myself when I would say it, but the truth is that there is at least one thing that matters and that is you my friend! Just stay strong and in time we're going to get through this!

I am considering enlisting in the Army even though my mom does not approve.

I am considering enlisting in the Army even though my mom does not approve.

Why? Was this idea sparked by your breakup? If so I don't suggest following through on that...

Funny thing is that thought went through my mind too but I quickly realized how bad of an idea it was (at least for me, could be different for you).

Why? Was this idea sparked by your breakup? If so I don't suggest following through on that...

Funny thing is that thought went through my mind too but I quickly realized how bad of an idea it was (at least for me, could be different for you).

Hell me too, I thought joining the army would be a great way to get over a girl, luckily I came to my senses and now I'm glad I didn't join.

No matter how bad you feel trust me the sorrow will pass

hell me too, i thought joining the army would be a great way to get over a girl, luckily i came to my senses and now im glad i didnt join.

no matter how bad you feel trust me the sorrow will pass


I have an interest in future military career.

At first, I talked to my ex and she was fine with me in the Army.

After the break up, I was sparked to join; I could careless what reasons not to join.

Just don't make such a life changing state when you are in such an emotionally fragile state.

I have been thinking about that path for a few years now, and I'll agree after the breakup the feelings and urges were stronger, but you need to know not to make these kind of decisions when your mind isn't at its healthiest.

Just don't make such a life changing state when you are in such an emotionally fragile state.

I have been thinking about that path for a few years now, and I'll agree after the breakup the feelings and urges were stronger, but you need to know not to make these kind of decisions when your mind isn't at its healthiest.

My choice is not fragile. I have been thinking about the military since winter 2007. Yes, the urge is strong but I have decided to enlist. All I need is to find time to put my schedule together so college plans do not interfere directly.

Good,

I'm glad you have put a lot of thought into it.

Good,

I'm glad you have put a lot of thought into it.

Thank you =]

Its been two weeks for me, and after a weekend surrounded by some friends I feel like im hitting bottom again. I even had to convince myself to not call her.

I keep wondering what shes doing, who shes with, whether she cares, and keep imagining her with another guy at bars, clubs, partying happily--these are the things she does.

Its like im forgetting all the bad things she did and how unhappy I was in the relationship, and no matter how hard I try and remind myself, its just not strong enough to combat the feeling of lonliness and longing.

I hate it, its that feeling of being punched in the stomach ya know, I get it so randomly, like today, I was just watching my favorite sitcom, which i do everyday while eating breakfast, and I kept getting bombarded with imagery of her with others and feelings of lonliness. I was doing quite alright for a solid week.

I used to passify myself by reminding myself of my future (graduating soon) and the new friends I will meet next semester, but now even that stuff doesnt matter to me. I hate that I can't take control of myself.


Hi Shakedown,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I am feeling the same way. It is killing me. I keep looking at my phone, and I want to dial his number and talk to him. I wonder what he is thinking, is he missing me? Is he still mad at me? Did/does he still mean that 'the ship has sailed'? I have no idea... but it is breaking my heart... the way he is and can easily write me off and shut his feelings and emotions off like a switch... I am so upset too...

Hi Shakedown,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I am feeling the same way. It is killing me. I keep looking at my phone, and I want to dial his number and talk to him. I wonder what he is thinking, is he missing me? Is he still mad at me? Did/does he still mean that 'the ship has sailed'? I have no idea....but it is breaking my heart...the way he is and can easily write me off and shut his feelings and emotions off like a switch....I am so upset too....

But do not consider the military route unless you have spent a good amount of time self-evaluating and receiving right information.

I'm in the same boat as well~ I want to dial, but I refrain myself. It is hard, but I am persisting. On top of that, I told her that I WILL make myself famous and popular due to a good contribution to others and society.

For all you who seems to be just starting with NC, and are struggling in the early days/weeks I wanted to post about my status.

I am about a month and a half in (I believe, I never really counted). Trust me when I tell you that it does get better. I can relate to how all of you feel at this point. You still can't accept that it is over, you still want them to call, you are still checking your phone, your email, your voicemails -- praying for a message from them. Don't fret - this is normal.

Soon you will begin to notice a change in your overall mood. You might start to feel a little angry or bitter at your ex. You might start to miss them a little more, but for some reason you aren't very sad about it. Perhaps you will even feel like you need to cry to make yourself feel better but the tears just won't come. Good signs -- all of them. Once your mood changes, you know you are on the right path.

As your mood changes you begin to start making realizations about yourself. You spend more time thinking about yourself, how you feel and what you need to do. All of this helps the process speed up a little bit - it helps you understand what worked and what hasn't worked, and thus you can ensure you do the best you can for yourself.

After a month and a half I have had so many ups and downs that I couldn't even count them. One day you feel like you are over it. You feel so great, so happy - but eventually you will find yourself not feeling so great again. This is where the realizations come in. You will eventually have enough control over your mind to know that you will feel better someday - and when that day comes, your down times are MUCH shorter.

I still think of her every morning, and a few times during the day. The difference you ask? I don't think about her for long periods, and I know exactly what to do to get my mind off her. This is the sort of learning that goes on, and the sort of learning which is crucial to getting over this.

As time goes on, you learn how to control yourself and your mind. You discover that you truly are the only one in control of your future - and that is a GREAT feeling.

Thank you Big Bird :-) And I am so glad that you are feeling better! That is excellent!!

I just can't help feeling bad for me and for him... that I almost moved down there to finally have a life with him, and I was all ready and elated, then at the last minute... I totally backed out... I blew me away and I'm sure him as well... I wish I could make it all right again... take back what I had said... and have him feel my heartfelt apology, and him not even roconsidering... 'that ship has sailed"... that is breaking my heart... I'm sorry I keep repeating myself... I am so sorry...

Well put big bird

Thank you Big Bird :-) And I am so glad that you are feeling better!! That is excellent!!!

I just can't help feeling bad for me and for him...that I almost moved down there to finally have a life with him, and I was all ready and elated, then at the last minute...I totally backed out....I blew me away and I'm sure him as well...I wish I could make it all right again...take back what I had said.....and have him feel my heartfelt apology, and him not even roconsidering....'that ship has sailed"....that is breaking my heart....I'm sorry I keep repeating myself....I am so sorry....

Same situation EXCEPT my ex was going to move near me.

Stay strong guys. I think it may just be an off day as I have felt the growing pains as well, but we have to stay on the path to recovery. If they decide to help us with that, they can join us on this journey. Ending day 5!

Eughhhh, she's making this very difficult on me... She tried to add me as a friend on Facebook tonight. Thank god when we were dating I set her privacy settings for her and all I can see is her profile pic and personal info. I can see that she kept all my Facebook gifts. I would get her a flower on every special occasion to make a little virtual bouquet on her profile. Cheesy I know but she still has it. In her profile pic she looks great, as beautiful as ever. But I know, beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside. Just got to keep telling myself I am better than this and her, and I will do better! Everybody says I can so it must be true right? I wish she would piss off though... It made me feel like crap.

And if anyone is wondering, I rejected the request.

This weekend is going to be really rough with her home. I know she is going to try and contact me to get together.

eughhhh, shes making this very difficult on me... She tried to add me as a friend on facebook tonight. Thank god when we were dating I set her privacy settings for her and all i can see is her profile pic and personal info. I can see that she kept all my facebook gifts. I would get her a flower on every special occasion to make a little virtual bouquet on her profile. Cheesy I know but she still has it. In her profile pic she looks great, as beautiful as ever. But I know, beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside. Just got to keep telling myself I am better than this and her, and I will do better! Everybody says i can so it must be true right? I wish she would piss off though... It made me feel like crap.

And if anyone is wondering, i rejected the request.

This weekend is going to be really rough with her home. I know she is going to try and contact me to get together.

Maybe she wanted to be friends..

Maybe she wanted to be friends...?

I know she misses me. I know it doesn't mean anything. It has only been 5 weeks and the last time she tried to add me I rejected it and told her we weren't friends and not to do that anymore. The last time we had contact she gave me ( a week and a half ago) she texted me saying how much she was missing me, and wanted to "maybe" work on fixing us, and even asked in another text if I had been laid yet. When she got her answer she ignored the rest of my texts and hasn't contacted me since.

And last time she added me as a friend all she did was get mad at me for having girls writing on my wall.

Its selfish, I asked her not to add me because it hurt me and she has disregarded what I said so she can feel better by knowing what I am up to.

I know she misses me. I know it doesn't mean anything. It has only been 5 weeks and the last time she tried to add me i rejected it and told her we wern't friends and not to do that anymore. The last time we had contact she gave me ( a week and a half ago) she texted me saying how much she was missing me, and wanted to "maybe" work on fixing us, and even asked in another text if i had been laid yet. When she got her answer she ignored the rest of my texts and hasn't contacted me since.

And last time she added me as a friend all she did was get mad at me for having girls writing on my wall.

Its selfish, I asked her not to add me because it hurt me and she has disregarded what I said so she can feel better by knowing what I am up to.

Best way is to end with friendship.
Considering just having her on facebook is pretty lenient.
There's nothing wrong with friends; yes, memories will stay there =/

As for your ex getting mad, you have to understand females are emotional creatures. My ex used to be all jealous since majority of the people I talk to are girls. It's a common.

Facebook is something else. I actually haven't logged on myspace or Facebook since things happened. It really helps to just cut your ties. Instead of staying on those sites, I've been reading instead. Either way, I know how tough it is because I've been up and down all day. Lol... it would be nice to smooth these things over... wishful thinking took over.

Stay strong guys, I'm posting here everyday and it has been helping me.

Best way is to end with friendship.
Considering just having her on facebook is pretty lenient.
There's nothing wrong with friends; yes, memories will stay there =/

As for your ex getting mad, you have to understand females are emotional creatures. My ex used to be all jealous since majority of the people I talk to are girls. It's a common.



Yea its only been 5 weeks from a 4 year relationship. Friends doesn't happen that fast... I didn't ask for a friend, I have lots of those. Read my story, think you'll see how manipulative and selfish she was. I am not trying to disagree with you, but she hurt me deep buddy... And I don't think doing something that I asked her not to because it hurt me is reasonable. Its kind of in line with everything else about her, its always about her.

yea its only been 5 weeks from a 4 year relationship. Friends doesn't happen that fast... I didn't ask for a friend, I have lots of those. Read my story, think you'll see how manipulative and selfish she was. I am not trying to disagree with you, but she hurt me deep buddy... And I don't think doing something that I asked her not to because it hurt me is reasonable. Its kinda in line with everything else about her, its always about her.


My bad~ sorry =/

Now, after reading your post...

You are better without her. I do not know what the heck happened, but her friends started 8iching you out? That's awkward. My ex's friends never sent me any mails or texts to me how I'm an @^s and such.

After reading about her, I do realize maybe one of the reasons why my ex left..
It's because I'm attending a prestigious university which keeps me busy about 75% of the time. I guess she wanted someone who is able to spend time with her and such~

I'm not book smart nor street smart, but people tell me that I will be a genius.. lol

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.

Not at all.. lol

No problem hjpan.

Her friends never did that, but thanks for the support. Just got to keep telling myself I am better off.


Its not an easy thing to do, but your doing the right thing. Its been close to 7 months since my split, and just over 3 months since a hiccup which took me back to square one. Otherwise I think I am close to 90 days of NC.

Still think of my ex, not as much as I did, but still miss her company in many ways. Not fully healed yet, but am on the right track.

Good times are ahead for all of us!

NNG,

You did the right thing - don't worry about it. At this point, the right thing is whatever feels good to you. You are only looking out for one person now, numero uno - yourself. Of course you will still consider her feelings when you make decisions, but your needs much be above hers. For example, I wouldn't recommend sleeping around and throwing it in her face - that's just painful to her and unnecessary, but there is no reason for you to accept a friend request if you think it will hurt you - no hard feelings but you need time.

I hear you about friends. I'd like to be friends with my ex someday, but it will take time. After a 4 year relationship, there are a LOT of feelings that need to work out of my system before I can even consider that. I don't want to be thrown back to the starting line after a month and a half of NC, I'm sure you don't either :)

Hang tough bud

Thanks guys,

Yea feel like an a$$ for doing it but at the same time I know it would kill me to be her friend. I am already feeling more down these days, and this didn't help. Still nervous about her being home this weekend, I know there is a phone call coming...

Stay strong guys, I'm posting here everyday and it has been helping me.

I wish I had more time to devote to this site then I used to but there is a lot help in that message, especially for guys. We don't have the network to go and tell our problems to like women do, so we wind up bottling up a lot of the pain and then it winds up making it worse. Posting here is a great way to relieve that pain and also learn some things that will help you in the future.

Well my ex just mailed me to let me know how better her life is without me in it and how she's become a happier person.

Nice isn't she lol

well my ex just mailed me to let me know how better her life is without me in it and how shes become a happier person.

nice aint she lol


Normally I would not take time to answer her back but in this instance, I might suggest a simple, one line email that reads, "and yet you are still thinking about me. Thanks, you just made my day!"

well my ex just mailed me to let me know how better her life is without me in it and how shes become a happier person.


She's being petty, and looking for a response.

Do you honestly think that if she was that much happier, she would care to tell you about it? What does she possibly have to gain by telling you about it? The only reason she would tell you is that she wants a response out of you - and the only reason she would want a response out of you is if she was lying, or trying to convince herself.

Ignore it :)

Cheers guys, ill just ignore it. Have to admit it felt like a kick in the nuts but ill be fine, over the worst of it now anyway.

cheers guys, ill just ignore it. have to admit it felt like a kick in the nuts but ill be fine, over the worst of it now anyways.


It should feel like more of a nice massage. She's full of it and she's missing you. She's now realized what she had, your winning the emotional game against a woman who knows how emotions work better then you. I'd say it's not a kick in the balls but rather a notch in you cap that you are the one in charge here.

It should feel like more of a nice massage. She's full of it and she's missing you. She's now realized what she had, your winning the emotional game against a woman who knows how emotions work better then you. I'd say it's not a kick in the balls but rather a notch in you cap that you are the one in charge here.

It's funny when you stop and think about why she would be doing this -- and how desperate an attempt it seems even though what she wants is the exact opposite of what she is implying. Welcome to the world of women.

It should feel like more of a nice massage. She's full of it and she's missing you. She's now realized what she had, your winning the emotional game against a woman who knows how emotions work better then you. I'd say it's not a kick in the balls but rather a notch in you cap that you are the one in charge here.


chuff if you were a woman id marry you and be your slave :)

Yea, I agree with everyone. My ex does the same thing(we are friends now, but it's weird because she says she wants to try again but is scared I'll go back to how I was) and she is constantly telling me that she's happy with him, he treats her nice, he doesn't care that we talk, blah blah.. I just want to text her back and be like "who you trying to convince" but I don't.

Just take the e-mail with a grain of sand

chuff if you were a woman id marry you and be your slave :)

Interestingly enough I will not be having the operation to become a woman.

However, if there are women out there who would like to become my slave (and I promise to be a great master) drop my a line.

"who you trying to convince"

Just take the e-mail with a grain of sand

I agree Rome,

She wants to get back with you, but is happy with him? No way... you deserve sooo much better :)

Ignore them... They just want you back because you guys are So0o0o0o IRRESISTIBLE ;)

Chuck I'd be your slave :D

Ignore them....They just want you back bc u guys are So0o0o0o IRRESISTIBLE ;)

Chuck i'd be ur slave :D

First of all slave, get my name right. There will be much punishment for that.

Ooh I'm sooo sorry master chuff!

Yes... Yes... Yes, Master Chuff. In fact I believe the rest of you should also refer to me in such a fashion. But Miss D, you still must pay the price for you slander. As you know though, I'm a pretty decent guy, so I'll let you choose the punishment... however, I will choose the severity.

Going through day 6... I may be hitting a rough patch... but I'm holding on to perseverance over everything. Yesterday was kind of tough too... how's everyone else?

Feeling pretty good actually, have my ups and downs but that's life.

Just keep moving forward, that's all any of us can do.

Hey dollarman...
Good to hear your standing strong!. :)
Me -----> so far so good... Have my moments, but I'm hanging on!

Here I've just realised that this thread is longer than emo punks infamous one last year, some of you newer members might not have seen it but it reached a 1000 posts.

chuff you must remember that epic?

Hi Zoo,

Is emo punks still on? I never saw that post.

Hi Dollarman!

Good for you! Excellent!

Me, well, I'm still in an up and down state. I still haven't contacted him though!

He's still on but I think the post has been taking down, was on his profile and it doesn't seem to be there

Hi Master Chuff ;)

I couldn't resist :)

What was the post about?

what was the post about??

It was about him getting over his ex, but he didn't really take the advice giving at first and was making the same mistakes over again, then he found someone else and made the same mistakes.

In all fairness though he's a cool guy who was going through a bad time but I think he's back with the original ex now.

If you can try and find it, it's a good read

here ive just realised that this thread is longer than emo punks infamous one last year, some of you newer members might not have seen it but it reached a 1000 posts.

chuff you must remember that epic?


Man that was epic. God, you all missed something spectacular there. God bless that kid, but he just did not want to listen. I'm not knocking him because I suffer from nice guy symdrom and I've made more mistakes then all of you, but we'd tell that kid exactly what to do, and sure enough he'd do the exact opposite and then he came back here wondering what went wrong. Then we'd spell it out for him again, and again he'd do the exact opposite. Rince and repeat. That guy could have wrote a soap opera because it was drama, drama, drama. All that being said, EmoPunk had the heart of lion, and a willinginess to learn. He kept getting sh*t on by his ex and was feeling terrible for months but he never quit, and he never quit believing. Even in that 1000 post milestone that kid finally came around and he even wound up back with her after 5 or 6 months. As much as you would be in awe of his inability to follow basic instructions (like "quit contacting her") I have to tell you I'm proud of him because he was going through some horrible times and talking about the worst possible ideas and he NEVER quit. He kept coming back, even when he knew what he'd done that day was wrong and he put himself out there, but he knew he could improve, he just needed some others to show him the way and believe in him.

Hi Master Chuff ;)

I couldn't resist :)

I know you couldn't resist. Nobody can resist the MASTER!!

Man that was epic. God, you all missed something spectacular there. God bless that kid, but he just did not want to listen. I'm not knocking him because I suffer from nice guy symdrom and I've made more mistakes then all of you, but we'd tell that kid exactly what to do, and sure enough he'd do the exact opposite and then he came back here wondering what went wrong. Then we'd spell it out for him again, and again he'd do the exact opposite. Rince and repeat. That guy could have wrote a soap opera because it was drama, drama, drama. All that being said, EmoPunk had the heart of lion, and a willinginess to learn. He kept getting sh*t on by his ex and was feeling terrible for months but he never quit, and he never quit believing. Even in that 1000 post milestone that kid finally came around and he even wound up back with her after 5 or 6 months. As much as you would be in awe of his inability to follow basic instructions (like "quit contacting her") I have to tell you I'm proud of him because he was going through some horrible times and talking about the worst possible ideas and he NEVER quit. He kept coming back, even when he knew what he'd done that day was wrong and he put himself out there, but he knew he could improve, he just needed some others to show him the way and believe in him.

Totally agree, he was committed and never quit. She put him through some really bad times but he didn't give up on her.

Considering they are back together now maybe he was right and we were wrong, maybe they should be together, whose to know but I just hope he is happy now, god knows he worked hard to get her back, he deserves some happiness this year.

WOW! I hope everything is going well for him. His dedication and determination is nice.

I know you couldn't resist. Nobody can resist the MASTER!!!!!!

Exactly LOL :)

Yea... I hope everything is going awesome for him too!. damn that must have been a mission.. lol

Considering they are back together now maybe he was right and we were wrong,

Actually, I'd say just the opposite. I'd say we were all right, and he didn't start getting results until he quit acting like drama queen and started putting her in her place and showed her she wasn't the only one in town when he started dating that other girl. She didn't go back the same guy that she left, she went back to the new Emo we all helped become.

Actually, I'd say just the opposite. I'd say we were all right, and he didn't start getting results until he quit acting like drama queen and started putting her in her place and showed her she wasn't the only one in town when he started dating that other girl. She didn't go back the same guy that she left, she went back to the new Emo we all helped become.

That's true, dammit the least the boy could do is buy us a drink :P

thats true, dammit the least the boy could do is buy us a drink :P


I have to agree 100%.

I just tried to look up that post but it's gone?? Why, did Emo have it removed?

That sounds like one hell of a story, don't know how you could put yourself through that.. . I couldn't handle life if I did that. Guess he got what he wanted in the end. All the power to him.

I have to agree 100%.

I just tried to look up that post but it's gone??? Why, did Emo have it removed?

No idea, I tried looking it up when I came back a month ago to see how long it had got but its gone.

Kind of sad, I would have kept it to see the progress that was made and to look at the advice given for future reference.

Its sad to see it go

Yea, he shouldn't have taken it out.. Us newbies could've had learn something from him.. :)

Hmm I want to read that now too. I'm on my 4th week and so far so good. I really want to read his story as it might give me some more motivation.

I kind of cracked the other day, I didn't contact her but I looked at her Facebook and saw her album pics of her new bf's birthday pics. The guy looks like a douche but it helped me boost myself esteem ahaha.
I wouldn't say that I'm over her, but I know that I wouldn't get back into a relationship with her after what she did. She needs to change a WHOLE LOT for me to even consider

Good... Keep it strong!!

It would be cool to hear from emo again to let us know how its going, here still posts here every so often but I haven't really had the chance to speak with the guy.

no idea, i tried lookin it up when i came back a month ago to see how long it had got but its gone.

kinda sad, i would have kept it to see the progress that was made and to look at the advice given for future reference.

its sad to see it go


I agree, if Emo could overcome what he did there is no stopping anybody. That kid is an inspiration and he doesn't even know it. Furthermore, all the work we all put into it seems wasted knowing that we can't revisit it.

I agree, if Emo could overcome what he did there is no stopping anybody. That kid is an inspiration and he doesn't even know it. Furthermore, all the work we all put into it seems wasted knowing that we can't revisit it.

Would Tal know anything about it, and if it could be brought back?

would Tal know anything about it, and if it could be brought back?

Tal might know about it, he oversees the relationship portion of this site. I don't know if it could be brought back or not. I'd print a copy for myself if it could though.

I've never seen the post. Can anybody give a brief synopsis? Still having a bit of an 'off' day I guess... kinda sucks

I wouldn't be surprised if emo was back on this site under another name cause the same thing happened again.

I was on last summer after the 1st breakup with my ex under a different name. Then this March after the 2nd (and absolutely definitively FINAL) breakup, I came back on under a different name. No matter how different you think you may become, the relationship always has a way of going back to the same old ways if BOTH of the people involved don't change.

I learned my life lesson. Once an ex, always ex. It's a LOT easier that way. And anyway, I'm having way too much fun now being single. And I'm actually dating someone new now who I can actually be myself around and who wants the same things out of a relationship as I do. No more playing games of trying to be the person my ex won't leave. I'm over that.

Still hanging on~

Today, my mind made random scenarios of how my ex tried to get me back.. lol
Then my mind projected that her next boyfriend got her pregnant & ran off...

I have a question... and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol... the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

I had an encounter with the fam as well, as my ex's family adored me... and wanted to know what was going on since my ex did not tell her family that she had dumped me and had a new boyfriend within 2 weeks.

Needless to say, when it's over, it's over. Family and all. If they contact you, then great. You can be courteous. But no need to contact the family... as blood is thicker than water, the family will almost always stick with the ex.

I had an encounter with the fam as well, as my ex's family adored me...and wanted to know what was going on since my ex did not tell her family that she had dumped me and had a new boyfriend within 2 weeks.

Needless to say, when it's over, it's over. family and all. If they contact you, then great. You can be courteous. But no need to contact the family...as blood is thicker than water, the family will almost always stick with the ex.

My ex's mom likes me, so I call her probably once a month or so.

I wouldn't be surprised if emo was back on this site under another name cause the same exact thing happened again.

I was on last summer after the 1st breakup with my ex under a different name. Then this March after the 2nd (and absolutely definitively FINAL) breakup, I came back on under a different name. No matter how different you think you may become, the relationship always has a way of going back to the same old ways if BOTH of the people involved don't change.


Ditto

:(

I have a question...and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol...the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

I know how you feel, dollar. I am feeling so miserable today. I want to text him soooo badly right now.

Have you spoken to her family since the breakup?

Still hanging on~

Today, my mind made random scenarios of how my ex tried to get me back.. lol
..

Oh Man HJ! I was actually thinking of the same thing myself earlier today. A scenario of my ex coming back/taking me back... I think all of us are having a tough go of it today... :(

Yeah I've spoken to her family since. I really need to just get over this whole thing.

Hey Guys... I have to say how amazing and what truly kind people you all are. In reading all of your posts, and your feelings towards your ex girlfriends, and your emotions are so incredible. Please do not misunderstand... I am so, so truly sorry for the pain each of you are feeling and what you have all gone through, but the fact that you express your love, dedication and emotions is truly beautiful. You are all real men in my book.

I see how all of you are, and then I see my ex, and I get sad in a way... I wish he expressed or maybe felt the way for me that you guys do and feel for your girlfriends.

You should all be very proud of yourselves... I know I am proud to have met you all, and for the friendship that you guys give me.

And the same goes for you beautiful women. I mean, you all are royalty, not just any old girlfriend. But a partner. And I appreciate every single word uttered as well. I really do take what is said to heart, and it does help. So thank you as well.

Yeah I've spoken to her family since. I really need to just get over this whole thing.

I know, hon, but it is hard. It is going to take time. There is a post that I saw the other day here, I would have to search for it again, but I may try it. What it is, is people write a letter to their ex's, they don't send it to them, but they write what they would really want to say. Thinking about that makes me think that it would be a good idea, because you are expressing your feeling 'indirectly' to your ex, and you may feel better. I think I am going to try it. I guess it couldn't hurt?

Dollarman,

A note on the family. I would recommend staying away from them. The one experience I have was not a good one, though it wasn't direct interaction between them and me.

Like many of you, her family adored me. At times I wondered if they liked me more than they liked her lol (but really... :)) After she broke up with me the first time (last year) a little more than a week later she was talking to me and telling me that she wanted to work it out. Those were the best words that I ever heard. I wanted to forget the whole week before and just move on with our lives.

Turns out, her mom was "not talking to her" because she was so angry that she had dumped me. Her mom always compared me to her (ex's mom's) new husband - the perfect guy, etc, etc, etc. Well after a week of being back together, the same feelings came back up again. Needless to say, that was rough. When it happened again this year, I told her that she has to stick to her decision and not let others influence her opinions, and she agreed. She felt terrible for throwing me around like that.

In short, its just a warning as to the power of their family and the precautions that need to be taken when their family gets involved. Her mom probably thought she was helping, or something, but in the end, it just made things worse for that week...

:) Thank you dollarman

I agree, Losingit, that would be so great, and I would truly be the happiest woman on the planet :D

I have a question...and I'm sure this is emotion getting me, but if I were to contact family members is that breaking NC? Lol...the funny thing is that as I'm typing that I can already feel my desperation in that question. How funny that is, I can't seem to let go. I'm stuck today I guess.

Dollarman,

Yea I would have to recommend against contacting her family. I love my ex's family, and I know they think highly of me, even took my side on this break up. I thought what the hell, its her family, just because we are not together doesn't mean I can't still be friends with her family. WRONG. Her mom sends me text messages still every now and then, and little e-mails telling me how much they miss me. I have stopped responding though, I realized it was just making me feel worse, because they are a direct connection to your ex, and a constant reminder of them. Talking to them is going to do nothing more than make this process take longer. I know it sucks but put yourself first. They will understand.

This is way off topic, but something just hit me... well its been on my mind before but why is it that women always say they want a nice guy yet somehow they go for the bad guys?? And usually the nice guys finish last? Any one have any light to shed on this?ladies?

Not a lady... but what I have gathered from talking to other women is this. Women want a "bad guy" in the beginning, they like the chase and for some reason being treated like crap. As they get older they start to settle down and want that nice guy who they can always count on to love them and be there for them... While it kind of seems like we finish last, I think the prize for last is better than the prize for first. Those "bad guys" usually don't end up in an everlasting relationship.

That's my two cents anyway.

I think you need to draw the line between bad guy and independent men.

The way I see it is this:

Women don't necessarily want the bad guy, but they don't want the good guy either. They want the mysterious, strong, independent guy who gives off an air of confidence. They want to wonder about the guy, have to chase him a little bit.

Notice none of that implies that the guy must be an @$$hole, or anything of the like, but bending over backwards isn't a great way to keep them interested.

Hi Classicrocker and NorthernNiceGuy,

That is an excellent question, and being a woman, I really don't know why. Although that isn't true for all women. Speaking for myself, I, even when I was younger, I always wanted a nice guy. I think because the 'bad boy' image can be very sexy (I'll admit it"); because a woman feels like this 'bad boy' will protect her (That is my take) but I think when a man is nice, compassionate, and expresses his feelings to his partner, that is truly sexy!

Oh Man HJ! I was actually thinking of the same thing myself earlier today. A scenario of my ex coming back/taking me back ...... I think all of us are having a tough go of it today...:(

Yep D:

Yea that makes sense, what's more atractive to women that bad boy or that confident independent man? Id like to here some more takes on this from women, where are you at tonight?? Not saying you guys don't have great points of views on this

yea that makes sense, whats more atractive to women that bad boy or that confident independent man?? id like to here some more takes on this from women, where are you at tonight??? not saying you guys dont have great points of views on this

Confident independent man.. lol

Most "bad boys" are confident. So I think in the beginning they fall for this confidence and as time goes they realize whether the have a confident nice guy, or a bad guy. But by that time the woman's feelings are already there, and they seem to put up with it.

I totally winged that but it seemed to make sense...

What the hell are we even doing trying to figure women out... Its like a blind man trying to figure out a Rubiks Cube.

Most "bad boys" are confident. So I think in the beginning they fall for this confidence and as time goes they realize whether or not the have a confident nice guy, or a bad guy. But by that time the womans feelings are already there, and they seem to put up with it.

I totally winged that but it seemed to make sense....

What the hell are we even doing trying to figure women out... Its like a blind man trying to figure out a Rubiks Cube.

Yep~

Haha, nice point northern

I got to admit... girls are really indecisive =/

No contact is over.
My thread:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/all-warmed-up-221408-5.html#post1077145

Its funny because she sent me an email and its just back to silent treatment so far after that. Hah.

-Sik

I agree with BigBird... Is not like we go fter the "bad boy".. We go after the one that shows confidence, and the one we need to chase after a little.. The one that keeps us interested.. Then we find out he's an A****, but we're in it too deep.. l0l...

& northernNiceGuy is right: Stop trying to figure us out... We're too complicated! ;)

Well we as woman need to love a bad guy once in our lifetime in order to appreciaten a good one.