Day 7... still thinking of ways to 'get my ex back', but I'm not acting on them. How's everyone else doing?

Hi Dollarman,

I am a mess... I am thinking of ways to do the same.

Day 7...still thinking of ways to 'get my ex back', but I'm not acting on them. How's everyone else doing?

Crappy day for everyone... I feel pretty cruddy. She's in town and its made me pretty depressed. For some stupid reason I am thinking of calling her to hang out.

Ahhhhhh! I hate to hear that! Smile smile smile smile! You are the one worthy of pursuit not him.

NNG,
Do you think you would take her back?

Ahhhhhh! I hate to hear that! Smile smile smile smile! You are the one worthy of pursuit not him.

Thanks Dollar, I wish he would..

Crappy day for everyone... I feel pretty cruddy. Shes in town and its made me pretty depressed. For some stupid reason I am thinking of calling her to hang out.

Hi NNG,

That is not stupid at all. You are missing her, totally understandable. If you did call her and she wanted to hang out with you, what would your ideal outcome be (for you)?

NNG,
Do you think you would take her back?

True dollarman,

Simple question like that and it makes you think about why you don't want her. Sure it might be good for a day, but I could never be happy with someone who has dragged me through what she did.

Haha, the heart makes you think so illogically about these things. I hate it!

Hang in there guys, I am on day? I really don't remember, but you guys hang in there. She called a couple of times, but I didn't answer. Her birthday is tomorrow, and I am felling like crap. We are in this together to better ourselves. Team One love.

Hi NNG,

That is not stupid at all. You are missing her, totally understandable. If you did call her and she wanted to hang out with you, what would your ideal outcome be (for you)?

I don't even know what it would be. That's the thing, its just me missing her. Its like I am mourning the death of someone. She was my whole life for 4 years. For some weird reason in my mind I want her to be reminded of the guy I am, and just regret what she did to me and regret not being with me. It's a stupid thought but one that comes to me often. Again illogical.

I don't even know what it would be. Thats the thing, its just me missing her. Its like I am mourning the death of someone. She was my whole life for 4 years. For some weird reason in my mind I want her to be reminded of the guy I am, and just regret what she did to me and regret not being with me. Its a stupid thought but one that comes to me often. Again illogical.

You know NNG, I know exactly the feelings that you are feeling; I want the same thing from my ex. I want him to forgive me this time, and let him know the reasons I said what I said, and work this out together..

I digress, sorry about that...

If you called her, do you think she would feel your words? Or would they fall on deaf ears?

NNG - those feelings are completely natural. My ex drove past me last night, and tooted her horn, smiled and waved at me. I barely acknowledged her, as I was on the phone at the time. I d love to not see her ever again to be honest. Though accidentally seeing her only twice in 6 months is pretty good considering we live 5 minutes walk from each other.

I know how you feel, about wanting them to miss what they had. In the end if they really do, they'll let you know. Until then try your very best to forget them. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and the last 6 months have been pretty pants really. But ill be damned if I'm going to let her ruin the next 6 months. There is better out there for all of us. Just takes time to get out of the tunnel of woe that is the breakup aftermath.

Stay strong though guys, doing well all round. And don't call them!!

You know NNG, I know exactly the feelings that you are feeling; I want the same thing from my ex. I want him to forgive me this time, and let him know the reasons why I said what I said, and work this out together..

I digress, sorry about that...

If you called her, do you think she would feel your words? Or would they fall on deaf ears?

I think I got a little confused on that one. You want him to forgive you?.

I want her to apologize to me, I know I was nothing but the perfect boyfriend to her and she had never realized how horrible she was to me. I know if I called her she would love to get together, and would probably drop the whole its not over bombs again. I have realized now though that those are hollow words, and she likes to keep me hanging on. And that's why I can't see her.

NNG - those feelings are completely natural. My ex drove past me last nite, and tooted her horn, smiled and waved at me. I barely acknowledged her, as i was on the phone at the time. I d love to not see her ever again to be honest. tho accidently seeing her only twice in 6 months is pretty good considering we live 5 mins walk from each other.

i know how you feel, about wanting them to miss what they had. in the end if they really do, they'll let you know. until then try your very best to forget them. its the hardest thing ive ever had to do, and the last 6 months have been pretty pants really. but ill be damned if im going to let her ruin the next 6 months. there is better out there for all of us. just takes time to get out of the tunnel of woe that is the breakup aftermath.

stay strong tho guys, doing well all round. and don't call them!!!

Great answer. I have been told even by her best friends that she will realize what she lost one day. I can't focus on that though. Like you said there are better things out there for us and we deserve them. Can't let them affect our lives like this forever.

I want her to apologize to me, I know I was nothing but the perfect boyfriend to her and she had never realized how horrible she was to me. I know if I called her she would love to get together, and would probably drop the whole its not over bombs again. I have realized now though that those are hollow words, and she likes to keep me hanging on. And thats why i can't see her.[/QUOTE]

Hi NNG,

Good for you! You are absolutely right. :) :) You DID NOT and DO NOT deserve to ever be treated like that.

[QUOTE=NorthernNiceGuy]I think I got a little confused on that one. You want him to forgive you?.

Yes, because I was the one who broke up with him this time... :(

NNG (and everyone else),

I want to throw out the fact that you keep noticing that your thought process is illogical. You need to understand that the emotions that run through your mind are coming from your heart and, by definition, your heart is far from logical.

It is the classic heart vs. head struggle. Heart wants what it wants, head wants what is logical. Don't try to rationalize your thoughts, you'll lose. I'm glad you understand that it is illogical though, and being able to recognize that is a crucial step in getting over it.

Yes, because I was the one who broke up with him this time...:(

Ah yes, the fiancé one. As for that one, and by what everyone said in your threads, you are better off without him, just as I am. As bird just said, we are thinking illogically, and we have to keep realizing that. We can and will do better!!

I woke up not so well today, as she was the first thing on my mind, but as the day is going she is fadding. Hope everyone is staying strong out their!! Have a good dy everyone

i woke up not so well today, as she was the first thing on my mind, but as the day is going she is fadding. Hope everyone is staying strong out their!!! have a good dy everyone

Hi Rocker,

Thank you, you too! :) Stay strong!

I have gone 16 weeks no contact since I got dumped very out the blue! Still miss him like crazy and some days I nearly crack but I won't, what does it show 16 weeks on me being silent then I appear, he made his decision he knows where I am if he changes his mind!

i woke up not so well today, as she was the first thing on my mind, but as the day is going she is fadding. Hope everyone is staying strong out their!!! have a good dy everyone

Bud its been a month and a half for me and I still think of her first thing in the AM almost every morning. Yesterday was the first day I didn't immediately, it took about a half an hour :)

It doesn't hurt so much down the road, and you get distracted within about 30 seconds...

Same thing happens here... Mornings are the worst.. but as the day goes by, I think less about him...

Got to agree with all of you on that. I always thought the nights would be the hardest as that is when I was with her the most. It seems I go to bed feeling pretty good about it, but than in the morning its like the good feelings have been erased and I have to start all over again.

65 days of nc.. I think I'm losing it
I really miss her lately I dno what to do..

For those saying she is the first thing you think about in the morning, I recommend reading a book or something else. That will be the last thing your mind will focus on and when you are sleeping that's what the brain will be going focused on. This will not work 100% right away, but it will work if you keep doing it.

65 days of nc..I think im losing it
I really miss her lately I dno what to do..

Your hitting a rough patch in the hills and valleys of the aftermath. But keep focused on the positive.

65 days of nc..I think im losing it
I really miss her lately I dno what to do..

First of all, be proud yourself... 65 days is a great achievement! Second, keep on with the distractions. If you feel like contacting her, come onto AMHD, and just rant, or let out your feelings. See a movie, read a book or magazine, play a game, go out with friends, you know, all that stuff. Remember we're here for you too.

Thx Master!. I'll try your idea :)

I think I want to talk to her about this.. not about us.. just about what its come too...
There's no point I know but it just saddens me

I think I want to talk to her about this..not about us..just about what its come too...
theres no point I know but it just saddens me

You're hitting a big rough patch buddy, I know what you're feeling as I have been pretty down the last couple days too. Talking to her will just make it worse, it really will. This feeling will fade soon enough, just keep on keeping on and be strong.

Nooo... Don't break the NC please... You've made it so far.. 65 days.. don't step back.. Keep moving forward... if you want to talk to her come here & write!.

Its like running a marathon... You can run till' you get tired, then you hit this metaphorical wall. Its hard to run, and you want to stop, BUT DON'T STOP! In running, this point where you feel you need to stop is where you burn the most calories, and build the most muscle. Once you get past this 'wall' it is a lot easier after.

The same applies to NC. It gets hard a little into it, but it WILL get easier... This is where you do the most growing. Just stay strong! Don't throw away the last 65 days! And again, we're here for you.

Nick,

You can handle it. No doubt in 65 days you've been through this before. Give yourself a deadline/goal. Try 90 days. After than, re-evaluate your situation and see if you still feel the need to talk to her then...

So here's the latest. It got a bit confusing today.
I got a call while was on my university campus at 10:30. I didn't know who it was plus I was in class. After class I decided to call back and my ex picks up her phone. I quickly hang up realizing that I didn't want to talk to her. She calls me back and leaves me a voicemail asking why I called. I know eh ?

So I go on Facebook and change my status saying "i wonder why ppl call from an uknown number, and then when i call back, ask why i called"

She sent me a Facebook private message saying "ur so immature with ur pathetic status names...
seriously get over yourself spion_kop. i called by accident, and didnt even realized that i called. FIRSTLY i didnt call from an unknown number..it was work..and i ment to call my friend. im sorry that ur number came to mind...SECONDLY, why the did u call back and not say anything? talk about wasting my time..

and 3rdly, ur status' are getting stupid and old..so seriously stop being the immature one, and then later regret what u did..

The only reason I didn't recognize her work number is because I deleted her number and obvs I didtn memorize it.
She loves calling me immature just so she can boost her self esteem. Do you guys have any suggestions on what I can or should/should not do?

Ahh weird day today...
I have been NC for a week from my ex, and the one time I saw her through this, I completely ignored her (see my previous post). So today I get a text from her asking to meet up after class. I know I shouldn't have agreed but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm okay with talking to her. Plus from our last run in, I think she thought I hated her, which I do not, so I wanted to clear that up.

Anyway, I meet up with her . We talk for a little and she finds out I'm stuck on campus today because my car is in the shop and I can't get a ride home until much later. She offers to give me a ride and then suggests maybe we can eat and hang out too. At this point I get a little angry, as I realize she misses me and just wants to see me to make herself feel better. So I tell her that I can't just come running whenever she misses me and tell her how messed up what she did to me was. At this point she gets mad and storms away from me. I think... okay... if you can't be mature enough to have a conversation with me than fine. So I leave too... I have my own stuff to take care of.

Few minutes later, she calls me and tells me she wasn't doing this to try to get me to stop ignoring her (I told her I needed my space), but she was only trying to be nice by offering me a ride home. I feel a little guilty for telling her off before, and start to think that maybe she really was just trying to be nice, so I tell her fine, you can drive me home if you really want. On the ride home she tells me she is really hungry and would like to eat too before she has to drive back. Still feeling a little guilty, I agree to that and we find a place to eat. During this time, she tells me stupid, meaningless things such as "I miss you and I think about you all the time." When I hear this I realize that I was right - she just missed me and wanted to see me - she wasn't just driving me out of kindness.

At this point I know well enough not to get my hopes up about her coming back to me and whatever. In terms of healing, I don't think today's incident has set me back. I don't miss her more than I usually do, and don't expect anything of her from today. This situation was just overall very awkward for me to handle. On one hand, I know if I had refused her ride back I would feel guilty because, according to her, she was just trying to be nice. However, after accepting her ride and her telling me those nonsense things, I feel like I was tricked because it turns out it was only because she missed me...

Thoughts anyone? How should I handle this in the future?

Havok, you got suckered into this man. You never hafta let your guard down. She knows how to hit the spot and the dumpees like you and me fall for it.
Well at least now you know and this can be a good lesson learnt. Don't let it get you down because you realized what she is trying to do, take it as a positive lesson.
Keep your chin up bro.

Havok, you got suckered into this man. You never hafta let your guard down. She knows how to hit the spot and the dumpees like you and me fall for it.
Well at least now you know and this can be a good lesson learnt. Don't let it get you down because you realized what she is trying to do, take it as a positive lesson.
Keep your chin up bro.

Yeah I mean overall, in terms of missing her and all that, I feel like I'm over her enough that hanging out with her today didn't affect my healing. Its more that I'm in a situation where I don't really want to see/talk to her right now, but I also don't want to be hostile and make her think I hate her. It's just hard/confusing for me to maintain that right distance, know what I mean?

7 days of no contact...

damn~ it's getting harder =/

So here's the latest. It got a bit confusing today.
I got a call while was on my university campus at 10:30. I didnt know who it was plus i was in class. After class i decided to call back and my ex picks up her phone. I quickly hang up realizing that i didnt wanna talk to her. She calls me back and leaves me a voicemail asking why i called. I know eh ?

So i go on facebook and change my status saying "i wonder why ppl call from an uknown number, and then when i call back, ask why i called"

She sent me a facebook private message saying "ur so immature with ur pathetic status names...
seriously get over yourself spion_kop. i called by accident, and didnt even realized that i called. FIRSTLY i didnt call from an unknown number..it was work..and i ment to call my friend. im sorry that ur number came to mind...SECONDLY, why the did u call back and not say anything? talk about wasting my time..

and 3rdly, ur status' are getting stupid and old..so seriously stop being the immature one, and then later regret what u did..

The only reason i didnt recognize her work number is because i deleted her number and obvs i didtn memorize it.
She loves calling me immature just so she can boost her self esteem. Do you guys have any suggestions on what i can or should/should not do?

Ignore it... she's obviously the immature one...

So I go on Facebook and change my status saying "i wonder why ppl call from an unknown number, and then when i call back, ask why i called"

One day you will learn not reacting is the way to go, so we all know you did it for the return contact, and got it.

IGNORE THIS KIND OF STUFF!

It's just hard/confusing for me to maintain that right distance, know what I mean?
Polite but unavailable is what I go with.

Tal, I barely got any sleep last night because I was out with friends all night even though I had to wake up at 7 this morning so I was really out of it.
But this annoyed me so much that instead of ignoring it, like how I usually do, I cracked. But I saved her work number so next time I know!
It just helped me realize who she is each day.

One day you will learn not reacting is the way to go, so we all know you did it for the return contact, and got it.

IGNORE THIS KIND OF STUFF!

I don't think the Facebook status was a good idea. It was obviously aimed at her... and it kind of looks like you were trying to get a reaction. Don't be one of those people that wear their hearts on their Facebook status.

Don't mean it in a mean way, just don't broadcast what's going on in your life (drama) over the Facebook airwaves, its nobody's business

Yea, I haven't done that before, but this was too much today. So now I made sure that she has no way or EVER reaching me/stalking me/creeping up on me.

I don't understand why she would do something like that. I've not spoken to her, msged her or anything like that. It feels like I dumped her and moved on while she is still holding on.
I know she wants to ease her guilt, feel wanted but honestly she thinks like she is like God's gift on earth and that no one else matters. That's really going to get her in the end, karma will get her

I think when you emphasize about her/him, you are thinking about them (which is harmful, I can't say that it is helpful or productive). When you try to not think about them, the thought of trying to not think of them comes into mind, which is just as bad as trying to think about them. Don't try to fight the feelings, the emotions, the pain and the sorrow. Receive everything gently and with an open-mind, and then let those thoughts go. Receive and let go, because you are going to move on forward. Not move back. I believe that's how you grow and prosper in life, good luck guys.

That's really going to get her in the end, karma will get her
She set you up pretty good fella, no reaction would have sent a strong message. That's all she wanted was a reaction, so she could throw it in your face.
Lesson learned??

Lesson learnt tal. She did want a reaction and she got it. I must say though, she's going quite low to get it. Who the hell did I fall in love with? She left me yet she won't let me be. It's really annoying.
Does this mean that I broke NC?

Doesn't matter, as long as you learned something you needed to know.

I want to call my ex D:

the urge... lol

So here's the latest. It got a bit confusing today.
I got a call while was on my university campus at 10:30. I didnt know who it was plus i was in class. After class i decided to call back and my ex picks up her phone. I quickly hang up realizing that i didnt wanna talk to her. She calls me back and leaves me a voicemail asking why i called. I know eh ?

So i go on facebook and change my status saying "i wonder why ppl call from an uknown number, and then when i call back, ask why i called"

She sent me a facebook private message saying "ur so immature with ur pathetic status names...
seriously get over yourself spion_kop. i called by accident, and didnt even realized that i called. FIRSTLY i didnt call from an unknown number..it was work..and i ment to call my friend. im sorry that ur number came to mind...SECONDLY, why the did u call back and not say anything? talk about wasting my time..

and 3rdly, ur status' are getting stupid and old..so seriously stop being the immature one, and then later regret what u did..

The only reason i didnt recognize her work number is because i deleted her number and obvs i didtn memorize it.
She loves calling me immature just so she can boost her self esteem. Do you guys have any suggestions on what i can or should/should not do?

Well,2 things are certain :

1. She called you
2. She checked out your Facebook

So my guess is she is pretty interested in what you're doing,however only in a sick selfish way.She hates herself and blows it out on you.

Ahh weird day today...
I have been NC for a week from my ex, and the one time I saw her through this, I completely ignored her (see my previous post). So today I get a text from her asking to meet up after class. I know I shouldn't have agreed but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm okay with talking to her. Plus from our last run in, I think she thought I hated her, which I do not, so I wanted to clear that up.

Anyways, I meet up with her . We talk for a little and she finds out I'm stuck on campus today because my car is in the shop and I can't get a ride home until much later. She offers to give me a ride and then suggests maybe we can eat and hang out too. At this point I get a little angry, as I realize she misses me and just wants to see me to make herself feel better. So I tell her that I can't just come running whenever she misses me and tell her how messed up what she did to me was. At this point she gets mad and storms away from me. I think...okay...if you can't be mature enough to have a conversation with me than fine. So I leave too...I have my own stuff to take care of.

Few minutes later, she calls me and tells me she wasn't doing this to try to get me to stop ignoring her (I told her I needed my space), but she was only trying to be nice by offering me a ride home. I feel a little guilty for telling her off before, and start to think that maybe she really was just trying to be nice, so I tell her fine, you can drive me home if you really want. On the ride home she tells me she is really hungry and would like to eat too before she has to drive back. Still feeling a little guilty, I agree to that and we find a place to eat. During this time, she tells me stupid, meaningless things such as "I miss you and I think about you all the time." When I hear this I realize that I was right - she just missed me and wanted to see me - she wasn't just driving me out of kindness.

At this point I know well enough not to get my hopes up about her coming back to me and whatever. In terms of healing, I don't think today's incident has set me back. I don't miss her more than I usually do, and don't expect anything of her from today. This situation was just overall very awkward for me to handle. On one hand, I know if I had refused her ride back I would feel guilty because, according to her, she was just trying to be nice. However, after accepting her ride and her telling me those nonsense things, I feel like I was tricked because it turns out it was only because she missed me...

Thoughts anyone? How should I handle this in the future?

A week is not that long.If it was like a couple of months it would be different,but a week is nothing,it doesn't mean anything what she did,because I know that that is what you are really thinking.

What you should be thinking is,yeah she misses you but.. she's not with you.So nothing of importance has changed.You should have and you should from now on,give her more time to miss you.

Oh,and by the way,I'm over a month now,of not contacting and ignoring her texts and calls,which of course have stopped for 10-12 days or so,and were stupid and irrelevant anyway.

Last week was bad,but everyday things are a little different,not better necessaserily,but different.Been working out like crazy,and running through that proverbial wall!

Fortunately,the winds are back!Surf's up!

I don't think the facebook status was a good idea. It was obviously aimed at her... and it kinda looks like you were trying to get a reaction. Don't be one of those people that wear their hearts on their facebook status.

Don't mean it in a mean way, just don't broadcast whats going on in your life (drama) over the facebook airwaves, its nobody's business

I have to agree here. It seemed your status reaction was based on trying to get a rise out of her. Maybe you were feeling a little down because she called you and you wanted to know what she was thinking about you? Either way, I wouldn't recommend it in the future.

When I am tempted to do that sort of thing... I think along these lines:

I respect my ex for not trying to contact me and understanding when I told her that we couldn't be friends, at least not right away, so the least I could do is respect her decision to end it and not try to force emotions up on her that she doesn't need. Granted, she shouldn't be checking up on me, but just in case she is, why would I put things out there to dig at her?

EDIT: Any spion, I wanted to respond to your comment "who did I fall in love with". Realize that who she is now, is not who you fell in love with. They probably couldn't be further apart, and many of us can relate to that.

I agree with you bigbird. I have been NC for a about a month and I haven't done anything like that in the past. It's just that after she accused me of calling her and not vice versa I just got very annoyed and lost my composure. At least now I know better. I just love the advice you guys give because it's blunt and that's what I want to hear.

Anyway I blocked her friend from Facebook, even though I'm friends with her, and I told her the reasons. This is what she said in response.

lol aww spion_kop, i think u know her too well, or maybe girls in general. and she talked to me about how she misses u more than ever now, and i told her that it's not that, its' just that u've stopped giving her that attention, that's what makes her miss u more. the fact that ur not answering her calls or calling back makes her miss u more. and she agreed. so, anyway, she has to get used to that, because clearly u had it 10 times worse than her, and if u can do it, she has to too.

What's so special about an individual is their own special individuality and personality that they hold true to them self (somewhere deep down inside). The bad things in life will not be changed by passivity or idealism but through our own capacity to make wise choices in our engagements with the world around and also within us. By learning how to treasure freedom and compassion, we cultivate an ethical life not as an end in itself but as a mean to serenity and wisdom. We sow the seed of our future through what we commit ourselves to in this moment. Maybe that whole thing is a mouthful, (but hopefully not wrong?)

A week is not that long.If it was like a couple of months it would be different,but a week is nothing,it doesn't mean anything what she did,because I know that that is what you are really thinking.

What you should be thinking is,yeah she misses you but.. she's not with you.So nothing of importance has changed.You should have and you should from now on,give her more time to miss you.

I know a week is nothing... Some people I see here have NCed for months. But we've been on a break for over a month before I started NC and during that time I did maintain contact but was also working on getting over her. Through this, I believe I skipped most of the hard parts of NC in the beginning. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, and I'm speaking too soon, but I see people who are in the same length of NC as I am posting stuff like "I miss her so bad I really want to call her" etc. I haven't felt like that since we first went on this break over a month ago, and if anything I felt like this week of NC was very liberating.

So really, I know not to expect anything from this encounter. I never would have gotten in that car with her if I knew it as only because she missed me but she pulled the guilt card on me. I just feel a little deceived and hopefully in the future I don't have more run ins like this...

I guess I'll follow Tal's advice (good as always) of polite but unavailable

On day 8. Not so down today, but still a bit confused I guess... how is everyone else?

Hi Dollar,

Eh... okay. Trying to stay strong... I actually posted a letter on the 'letters to ex' topic that I wanted to send to him, but I didn't send it.

How are you doing? Are you still confused about whether you should contact her family?

High five for not sending it! I'm proud proud proud of you! And I'm not so confused anymore, I think I'm more bitter lately, I'm sure there's an anomosity growing in me... oh well. And I haven't contacted her family no, I have no intention on doing so either. Thanks for remembering! Made me smile.

High five for not sending it! I'm proud proud proud of you! And I'm not so confused anymore, I think I'm more bitter lately, I'm sure there's an anomosity growing in me...oh well. And I haven't contacted her family no, I have no intention on doing so either. Thanks for remembering! Made me smile.

Thank you my friend, so very much!

And I am proud of you as well! You are doing great with NC!! :)
I understand why you feel bitter. You love someone so much, and you give them your all, and then this happens...

Starlite, good job on not sending, strength is what will pull us through. Today is going OK for me, really want to talk to her but I will not make that call or text, she wants to see what else is out there so fine. As well do I then.

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? Just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if in fact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown in case it happens.

Hey Guys, well I broke NC today with her mother. I don't feel to bad about it though as her god father passed away, and I think I did the right thing by sending my condolences.

My ex made contact with me to though, twice since yesterday. She sent me an e-mail, just saying she was in town and wanted to know what I was up to. It bothered me because she used my pet name and dropped an xoxo at the end. And than today she texted me and said, "I saw your dad today :) I Miss him :(" That also bothered me... I have managed to pull myself out of the funk pretty good though. 2 more days and she won't be back in town for a good few months, I can't wait!

Honestly jolienoire... I'd be willing to work on it. I'm not sure how I'd react if I heard those words, but I'd be willing to work on it. And I would take all that I've learned and see what happened..

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.

I would definitely WORK with her if she was willing to WORK on what caused the separation, and then I would probably go another round. But I honestly don't know if that day will ever arrive

Jolienoire, if she can leave once she can leave again.

The way she did was just so completely immature too. And nothing has changed since we've split. Im still doing ALL the work as far as figuring out what I am doing with her stuff that she left in MY HOME.

-.-
-Sik

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.

That's a good question. I know I can say that I wouldn't. The sheer amount of people... family and friends that would kill me for doing so would keep me in line. I think I would be too embarrassed to show my face if I did. Easier for me by the way she treated me I think... I really hope all you guys would do the same.

Hey Guys, well I broke NC today with her mother. I don't feel to bad about it though as her god father passed away, and I think I did the right thing by sending my condolences.

Yea I broke NC with my ex's dad I ran into him yesterday but it felt good in a way to talk to him, we didn't talk about my ex, just talked life. Small talk. Felt good, I don't know y.

I would definatly WORK with her if she was willing to WORK on what caused the seperation, and then i would probly go another round. but i honestly dont know if that day will ever arrive

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history.. anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

starlite, good job on not sending, strenght is what will pull us through. Today is going ok for me, really want to talk to her but i will not make that call or text, she wants to see what else is out there so fine. as well do i then.

Good for you, Rocker! :) That is right!

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.

Hi Jolienoire,

Yes, I would. My situation is a little complicated though, this time I broke up with him, out of fear (if you want to, read my posts it will give you the whole kit and kaboodle). But provided we have both worked on ourselves, and because the love is already there, I would go back with him in a NY minute. I just hope that day comes, and he wants me back...

Thats a good question. I know I can say that I wouldn't. The sheer amount of people... family and friends that would kill me for doing so would keep me in line. I think I would be too embarrassed to show my face if I did. Easier for me by the way she treated me I think.... I really hope all you guys would do the same.


Well I read your story, and your relationship lacked effort from her. You were doing all the work, and that is never a good thing. So for you it would require a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking..

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...


I am so happy for the both of you! I wish you all the best! :)

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

Such an awesome story! I would love to have something like that happen, though I'm not banking on it. I just dig the idea of love truly connecting two people. Amazing and I'm very happy for you! :)

Hi Jolienoire,

Yes, I would. My situation is a little complicated though, this time I broke up with him, out of fear (if you want to, read my posts it will give you the whole kit and kaboodle). But provided we have both worked on ourselves, and because the love is already there, I would go back with him in a NY minute. I just hope that day comes, and he wants me back...


I did read your story and although you broke up with him, I can understand your reason, He seemed too fickle to begin with, and you wanted to make sure you were going to make the right decision. Totally understandable,however how can he then say he was ready for marriage and so instantaneously dismiss that when you show him a little skeptism? I mean look at his track record.. How could he really have wanted to get married when he just showed that he can't communicate effectively? It was okay to dismiss your feelings prior to that but telling you he was not ready and when you question his motives, he totally disregards your concerns and blame you for the breakup? Honestly in my opinion you didn't ruin anything. He isn't being logical.. and he acted irrationally.

Such an awesome story! I would love to have something like that happen, though I'm not banking on it. I just dig the idea of love truly connecting two people. Amazing and I'm very happy for you! :)


It really depends on how the relationship was overall, because To be honest my ex-husband would never ever get a second chance.

Well I read your story,, and your relationship lacked effort from her. You were doing all the work, and that is never a good thing. So for you it would require a lot of thinking, and thinking and thinking..

Yea your right, I think I would have to take back what I said about hoping the others wouldn't take their ex's back. Forgot that everyone here didn't have an ex like mine... Your story sounds pretty amazing, and I will admit that even though I know I shouldn't ever get back with her, I have thought about a scenario like yours. Can't help but think that.

Yea your right, I think I would have to take back what I said about hoping the others wouldn't take their ex's back. Forgot that everyone here didn't have an ex like mine... Your story sounds pretty amazing, and I will admit that even though I know I shouldn't ever get back with her, I have thought about a scenario like yours. Can't help but think that.


Besides you have nothing to worry about, Your young, attractive, and you express your emotions.. You would have a line out of the door and around the corner. If only you can see your potential.

I did read your story and although you broke up with him, I can understand your reason, He seemed too fickle to begin with, and you wanted to make sure you were going to make the right decision. Totally understandable,however how can he then say he was ready for marriage and so instantaneously dismiss that when you show him a little skeptism? I mean look at his track record.. How could he really have wanted to get married when he just showed that he can't communicate effectively? It was okay to dismiss your feelings prior to that but telling you he was not ready and when you question his motives, he totally disregards your concerns and blame you for the breakup? Honestly in my opinion you didn't ruin anything. He isn't being logical..and he acted irrationally.

I know, that is true. I mean he did it twice to me, and this time, I got nervous for valid reasons, and he doesn't even let me explain or when I suggested that we still move in and work on things, he says no... But yet, I have taken him back... twice...

Honestly jolienoire...I'd be willing to work on it. I'm not sure how I'd react if I heard those words, but I'd be willing to work on it. And I would take all that I've learned and see what happened..


In your case your ex wanted to test the waters, or perhaps think the grass is greener on the otherside. WHich I can understand why you feel betrayed, because she should be working it out with someone she loves rather than looking for it else where, By the time you heal from this NC you may not even want her back, In my opinion, I find it as I deal with a lot of people in relationships that people tend to have more bitterness when they are left for someone else and usually when they do come back your trust in the relationship lacks tremendously and at times can end in another bad breakup.

I know, that is true. I mean he did it twice to me, and this time, I got nervous for valid reasons, and he doesn't even let me explain or when I suggested that we still move in and work on things, he says no...But yet, I have taken him back...twice...


Yes, irrational, he is contradicting, and really not seeing the whole picture. Your reasons were valid especially with someone who is fickle like he was. But sometimes people think when you take them back you erase or must forget about the past and start anew. Which we should do but its hard, and Heck we are all human, Its like getting burned once accident, getting burned twice, negligence getting burned three times you asked for it..

In your case your ex wanted to test the waters, or perhaps think the grass is greener on the otherside. WHich I can understand why you feel betrayed, because she should be working it out with someone she loves rather than looking for it else where, By the time you heal from this NC you may not even want her back,, In my opinion, I find it as I deal with a lot of ppl in relationships that people tend to have more bitterness when they are left for someone else and usually when they do come back your trust in the relationship lacks tremendously and at times can end in another bad breakup.

Spot on. Thank you for your answer, and I hear all of your points loud and clear. It was very tough for me to hear her say she wanted to date other people... very tough. But if you love them let them go, because if it does work out I don't want it to be a fluke.. let me stop because I seem to have that wishful thinking welling up. Thank you though.

Besides you have nothing to worry about, Your young, attractive, and you express your emotions.. You would have a line out of the door and around the corner. If only you can see your potential.

jolienoire,

I think you just made my day, I really took that to heart and I am going to do my best to not sell myself short. Really, thank you, that simple post made me feel a world of better. I really respect the advice you give, guess that's why you're an expert :)

It could it or it could not, Let me tell you I was in the same boat, I went months without talking to my ex. He did inititate several attempts to contact during the NC period, But I kept my cool stayed grounded, and didn't give in. But again I already have been through a divorce so my tolerance level is pretty dense.. Anyway Months passed I already considered us never getting back together, but again this is the guy I dated many years ago back in HS before I was even married. SO we have a history..anyway he came back and with a vengenance.. He was completely miserable the whole time we were apart. I guess I didn't worry because I knew deep down in my heart of hearts I was good to him, and when you make a good impression in someone's heart it usually stays there.. My point is when he came back I was firm in what I wanted and stood for, and if he couldn't handle it then he was knocking at the wrong door. He knows I am very verbal, and very true to my word. Yes we are still together, and stronger than ever...

Im glad to hear that, that is awsome.

This is just weird but my ex somehow still has me on msn, I thought I had blocked and deleted her turns out I only deleted her.

Anyway she starts talking to me, I reply with very short one word answers then she asks me If we could try again would you want too.

I was surprised at this and wanted to say yes but I played it cool and said I honestly don't know, she then asked would I think about it, I said I would.

Then she starts saying how she's missed me and talking like this reminds her of the old days and that's what made her fall for me.

Now I'm confused, is she being serious, could we really go back after the damage that has been done. So many questions in my head, I honestly don't know what to do.

Make her work for it.

... really... work for it.

I'm only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday I sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasn't been online to read them.. its really tearing me apart.

Well guys, here I am again... I am such a mess... I really want to call him and apologize for everything... I wish I could know if he would ever reconsider getting back with me... My God I miss him... I'm sorry

im only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday i sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasnt been online to read them..its really tearing me apart.

Hi Wiggy,
I know what you are going through. Not to worry, I'm sure she will respond once she sees them. Are you keeping yourself busy though? That is key, try and keep as busy as you can. I'm glad to see that you came back here though. That is a good thing :)

im only on my first day, and its been killing me, after we had the conversation yesterday i sent her 2 messages on my myspace but she hasnt been online to read them..its really tearing me apart.
Stop texting, stay of her whatever page, and do something with yourself, that doesn't include desperate humiliation.

Wiggy, trust me and everyone else when we say that keeping no contact is for the best.

I had to break it today and call her dad (if you want to count that) Hes the only damn one of the lot up there that will actually talk to me because he's a respectable man. Like I said in my thread, he's coming fathers day weekend (next saturday) to come get HER crap out of my house. How messed up is that?

Now I just need to figure out what I want to "not make it into the box" to make up for packing all her crap up.

-Sik

Starlite, you'll be OK! Tomorrow is a new day with a chance for new oportunities!

Tonight was awsome I went to club europe and had a blast, almost ever girl was on me, ( the guys did not like that at all). I feel a lot better now that I told her we can't be friends, and also went to the club and had girls all over me, it makes you feel like you haven't really lost anything, ( well for me). I love you guys, you guys are awsome. Without you guys I would be lost , and sitting at home thinking of ways to get my ex back, ex#1 begging. Hang in there guys, get out there, have fun. Most of us on here with problems are young, live life. You partner made the mistake of hurting you, and losing you, they will figure it out later in life, and regret losing you. Hopefully you will be moved on by then if not, you will be a totally different person, ready for whatever they bring to the table. Remember I love you guys. Ok it 5 in the morning and I am tired. PEACE OUT.

Great post AJ, that made me smile!

starlite, you'll be ok! tomorrow is a new day with a chance for new oportunities!

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. That's a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.

I just wish I can know what he is thinking; if he would ever take me back again... :( I feel so badly for what I did... I feel like buying a plane ticket, flying to Georgia, taking him into my arms, looking into his eyes, and asking him to forgive me, and to please let us work this out together... I didn't really mean what I said..

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. Thats a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.

I just wish I can know what he is thinking; if he would ever take me back again....:( I feel so badly for what I did...I feel like buying a plane ticket, flying to georgia, taking him into my arms, looking into his eyes, and asking him to forgive me, and to please let us work this out together...I didn't really mean what I said..

Same here except my ex lives in FL...

Hi HJ,

From a man's point of view, do you think I still have a chance of him forgiving me, letting me back in, reconciling?

Thank you Rocker,

Well It's morning now, and of course I deamt of him last night. God this is so hard. I am going to get my hair colored today see if that boosts my spirits. Thats a good 3 hour process so I be somewhat occupied.


What about the nails (hands and feet)? That could be therapeutic.

Question for you guys and gals! What would you do if your ex wanted you back today? Would you say yes or no? just curious... remember when doing NC it is also great rule of thumb to know where you stand if infact they do come back into your life... start preparation for that mental meltdown incase it happens.


If my ex came back to me I don't know what I would do. My friends/family would really give it to me because of what she did to me. I know people can fall out of love but the way she handled the situation and her immature behavior would throw me off. I would have to warn her that I wouldn't put up with her selfish, ego filled, emotionally manipulated behavior. She will have to stop treating me like I was second best to her and stop 'winning' thr fights

Plus I think the major reason I woulldnt take her back is because she is immature. You don't want to be with someone who has no consideration of your feelings and just looks satsify her needs. She is very insecure even though I'm the one that should have been (considering that she was a model). I wouldn't take her back now because I promised my friend I would make a deision after 1 year ii she were to come back. So if she really loved me she would have to wait

Hi HJ,

From a man's point of view, do you think I still have a chance of him forgiving me, letting me back in, reconciling?The only reconciling he will do is if he gets what he wants, and you do what he says. I care a lot, and want you happy, but you really need to get the stars from your eyes, and move forward. Stop speculating on him and deal with what YOU want.

Im with you TAL!!

Not feeling so good today!. as a matter of fact I cried.. haven't done it in some time.. but I feel like crying today... I hate mornings... omg what's wrong with me?. I want to erase him from my mind completely.. like if he never existed!. this is hard!

Hang in there damage, if you need to talk to somebody, you can talk to me. or text me. Your doing great, your just going up a hump right now. I am here for you!

Just remember, you'll be stronger than ever when you're done with all this crap. Hang in there and rough it out like a grizzled mountaineer stuck in the wilderness with a machete and a can of baked beans.

-Sik

THX...
How you doing BTW?

All right what's going on here...

You guys can look back maybe 10 pages or so on this thread for my story but basically I told my ex a little over a week ago that we should go NC. A couple days ago I basically got suckered into her giving me a ride home from campus (my car is broke). We ended up hanging out a little and whatever.

Now today I get a text from her. It was nothing important, just about how she met someone that knew me yesterday at a party. I figured she knew, despite her driving me home the other day, that nothing changed and I still don't want to talk to her at this point

How should I handle this? I don't want to just blatantly ignore her by not texting back so I figure I'll let her squirm a little (she hates when people don't text back), and answer her later.

Reply with a short answer if you're going to reply at all.

Give her no time of day.

Damaged: I'm doing okay, I've posted updates both here and in my thread... things are coming to closure and I'm feeling better than ever now. You get what you deserve and she's getting exactly that right about now for completely using me. (her myspace mood is irritated, lol)

-Sik

How should I handle this? I don't want to just blatantly ignore her by not texting back so I figure I'll let her squirm a little (she hates when people don't text back), and answer her later.

Havok,

The problem is, your not letting her squirm. Its quite the opposite. Your sitting there, squirming, because you don't know what to do. I think its best that you don't respond. As long as you keep this line of communication open, she will continue to use it. If you look back and see the line of actions that have occurred, you will see that she is trying to keep a line of communication open with you. As long as that exists, so will thoughts of her in your mind.

Day 9. Looking forward to 30. How's everyone doing today??

I ended up texting her back and we talk for a little then she wants to hang out AGAIN (what is she thinking?). So I told her straight up... if she wants to get back with me we can talk but we can't do this hanging out friends crap right now.

Havok,
If you look back and see the line of actions that have occurred, you will see that she is trying to keep a line of communication open with you. As long as that exists, so will thoughts of her in your mind.


Read that again :)

So I did the right thing right? I just closed the line of communication.

Hey y'all (that's southern for you all)(the heat gets to us)(It's really, really hot down here)(Seriously, you can not believe how hot is down here right now)(It sucks).

I want to share a little story with you all because I want to impress upon you something I noticed while this was going on. I think I was on about two weeks without having seen the evil witch until yesterday when I walked by her while she was outside on break. The mighty Chuffster, hating the skank with every being of my soul, refused to acknowledge her but she of course said hello and asked how I was doing. I answered by just kept moving along. Naturally this tried to (and admittingly succeeded at times) of bringing my day down because I was somewhat focused on it. But I kept busy at work and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Most important I keep thinking how lucky I am this thing didn't drag out further, and how she's somebody else liar to deal with. When you turn this around and start viewing the positive you start becoming positive.

Several hours later another woman who works in our building approaches the Chuffster after work, and a conversation about 30 minutes ensues. The conversation contains flirting, touching, and with yours truly a heavy dose of laughter. She reminds me of something I didn't even realize, and that was she brought me some candy a few months ago, which I think was her way of seeing if I would respond. Truthfully, I wasn't even trying to be rude, I just sort of didn't give it a second thought, as I get a lot of things from the different business in this building, so candy doesn't really stick out. But with a clear head I saw this was her way of approaching me, and I didn't really respond so she dropped it. Then I did something for her about a month ago, with no intent other then being a good guy and in fact I haven't talked to her since. However, I think I was creating some interest in her and this came out last night. While this is all happening I'm thinking, "there are women everywhere waiting to approach, you just have to have your eyes open to what's going on."

Now I have no idea where this will go, if anywhere, but what I want to express to you all, especially the guys, we get hung up on this idea that "she was the one" or "nobody else is like her" blah blah blah, and I'm here to tell you, that while you are going to miss the ex, there are other women out there and maybe you can't see them right now because they read emotions and can tell when a guy is down. But it comes right back the same thing I always say, focus on the positive, focus on what's good about your situation, focus on you , and just focus on what is going on in your life, and they will start to present themselves to you.

Thanks chuff! This insight into your life gave me a glimmer of hope today

That's so true, you nailed that right on the head... That's my pick me up for the day.

thanks chuff! this insight into your life gave me a glimmer of hope today

Bro, I'm here to tell you, you have more then a glimmer. The hope is there, the confidence is there, everything you need is there, you just have to start focusing on the good in your situation... and there is good in every situation. It's up to you to find it and search it out. Maybe your break up made you a stronger person, maybe it taught you a lesson, maybe you'll find someone better, maybe if you would have stayed she would have murdered you and this was God's way of running interference. While that last one was a stretch, my point is that there is good, if not greatness in every situation, and when the break up happens we get stuck, we go into shock, and we just sort of coast on memories for awhile and we sometimes don't see what's right in front of us. There are 3 billion women on this planet, the odds are, she wasn't "the one." Stay positive, stay proud, stay true to yourself and that glimmer of hope will be a ray of truth when you let it.

I got to say, there is no way she is the one if she left... And you will find someone better! We all will.

Well I have finally come to the realization that she is moving on with her life. I am getting the impression she is content with what happened, for now anyway. I suppose this should help me move on a bit more, I just hate that she doesn't have to suffer like me.

One thing that has helped a bit lately is I talked to someone who knows her, they told me she absolutely hates my ex, she is the biggest follower she has ever met and is very fake. She didn't think this before but this just goes to show the change my ex went through.

I'm happy to hear that you are coming back to reality NNG...

And I know what you mean when you say you are the only one who has to suffer. I had a girlfriend who was in my french language class last year (highschool). The day after she dumped me, I was sad, depressed, and quiet. She came to class happy, and perky. That was not a good day, lol.

But an important thing is, is that I moved on from it, and got into other relationships.

I was in that mindset that she was the most perfect girl in the world, and no one else compares... Reality is, she is one of many who can make you happy. I know its hard to see now, but you'll get happier, find someone better .

Of course my expirience is only with high school relationships (short and sweet), but I think the lessons I've learned still apply to a more mature dating world.

Good luck NNG!

I was in that mindset that she was the most perfect girl in the world, and no one else compares... Reality is, she is one of many who can make you happy. I know its hard to see now, but you'll get happier, find someone better .


Oh definitely jr, I think that's a huge thing for most people on here. They don't see that light at the end of the tunnel as of yet. I am wanting to see it but have to admit still feel as if I can't love like that again for someone else. We will though, all of us will, it will just take time.

Thanks for the words my friend.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

10 months NC! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

I'm on day 10. Broke double digits. 14 is the record. How's everyone else doing today?

10 months NC!! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

Hey, I'm really happy to hear that everything worked out with you! Congratulations! And I hope you visit this site more often, and provide some help to these people. They can really learn from your expiriences with NC!

I'm on day 10. Broke double digits. 14 is the record. How's everyone else doing today?

That record is about to be shattered in 5 days. I'd say that's something to look forward to and be positive about.

10 months NC!! Seriously guys, stick with the NC. If you want proof that it works have a look back at some of my posts from 6 to 9 months ago, how I was convinced that NC wasn't the best idea, how I doubted whether it was a good thing for me.

NC will give you the clarity you cannot get if your ex is still hanging around. I don't care if she contacts me now, I am ambivalent. If she does, then I may listen to what she says, I may not. It may be better if she doesn't ever contact me because she will be told in no uncertain terms what I think about her and the way she acted towards me, which may not be a good thing! Water under the bridge is better!

I can't wait for that day. I took a look back at your early posts, its really motivating to see the change in you now. I can't wait till all I feel is happiness. Thanks for posting, I am sure everybody here appreciates it. 1.5 months in now with some breaks in NC. I am going pretty religiously now and am looking forward to being in your position.

Same here, day 94 of NC. She seems happy enough, so I just need to keep focusing on me. Its not easy, but its got to be done. Just trying to get myself truly happy on my own at the moment.one day at a time.

Keep going guys.

Also Chuff, that pic really brings out your eyes...

Also Chuff, that pic really brings out your eyes...

Thank you, I'm very flattered. I want people to see into my soul and not just look at me as "eye candy" and I'm happy to see that you are one of those people.

They don't see that light at the end of the tunnel as of yet. I am wanting to see it but have to admit still feel as if I can't love like that again for someone else. We will though, all of us will, it will just take time.



This is exactly how I feel.. sometimes I'm clear minded and know that I will get through this but most of the time I feel like I'll never love the way I did again... It makes me so sad because I want to feel that lovey dovey, head over heals love again... and for some reason I think it won't happen again... I swear,that's what bothers me the most!. it makes me so depressed.. :(

Well I talked to my ex last night. She tells me she has a date, that pisses me off. It hurts. I wish I didn't talk to her! Damnit! She asked if we could be friends, I told her I want to because I care about her and all but its just that I have too many feelings for her still. Damnit she has a date. 3 years with her, and she is able to move on so easily.

Well i talked to my ex last night. she tells me she has a date, that pisses me off. it hurts. i wish i didnt talk to her! damnit! she asked if we could be friends, i told her i want to because i care about her and all but its just that i have too many feelings for her still. damnit she has a date. 3 years with her, and she is able to move on so easily.

First of all, while you could look at this as moving on so easily, you could also look at it as her only way to distract herself from what she's feeling. It may not be correct but how you interpret the message is up to you and you might as well do what is best for your recovery. Secondly, it really speaks to how cruel she is to even tell you to begin with, obviously looking for some kind of reaction out you. I honestly can't imagine being that cruel to someone when they obviously know you are still suffering. I hope this means something when you read this months from now, but I'm happy for you that you only got a 3 sentence with someone like that, it could have been longer.

... so why talk to her?

That example, alone, cr, is the reason we don't talk to our exes.

So, I guess I'll join in on this post.. since I'm in a reacent heartbreak

It's been one day of NC for me.. I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday.. he called me Friday night (technically Sat morning) and we talked for like an hour.. and I realize that it makes it so hard talking to them on the phone after break ups.. because every time we get off we both start crying and think it's the last time we will talk.. why keep the torture up?

He called me last night and left a very heartbreakingly sad voicemail.. and sent me two text messages.. shame on me for reading them and listening to the voicemail.. I did not respond however..

He called this morning at 11am.. I did not answer.. I don't think he has it in his head that it's over.. this makes it so hard for me..

Wow what a day, seriously... what a day hope everyone is staying strong! I'm hanging in their the chuffster showing me some good points!

wow what a day, seriously....what a day hope everyone is staying strong! im hanging in their the chuffster showing me some good points!

Keep going rocker. You've slipped up and I think you realized that's why nc is for the best. I got to say that is extremely lame that your ex told you that. I feel for you buddy as that would be extremely heard to hear. But use what she said to fuel your nc fire. She's obviously beneath you.

For some reason, a question popped into my head about my ex. After taking to finals from 3:30pm to 8pm on Saturday, I went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate my completion of freshman year. While eating, the question "Was the time spent studying and staying in college worth losing a loved one?" I am 100% sure everyone would say "college is more worthwhile" but I feel kind of obsolete since my ex used to tell me that I spent too much time with college than her =/.

So, I guess i'll join in on this post.. since im in a reacent heartbreak

It's been one day of NC for me.. I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday.. he called me friday night (technically Sat morning) and we talked for like an hour.. and i realize that it makes it so hard talking to them on the phone after break ups.. because everytime we get off we both start crying and think it's the last time we will talk.. why keep the torture up?

He called me last night and left a very heartbreakingly sad voicemail.. and sent me two text messages.. shame on me for reading them and listening to the voicemail.. I did not respond however..

He called this morning at 11am.. i did not answer.. I don't think he has it in his head that it's over.. this makes it so hard for me..

Hey Plonak,

Its going to be really hard for awhile. And he is probably not going to leave you alone for a bit. But hopefully he eventually starts to get the picture and will stop. Its going to be hard on the both of you, but just remember that this is for the best, and that one day things are going to be OK. You're taking action to improve your life and get out of a situation that is destructive to your happiness. One day you are going to be so glad that you went through this pain, its hard to see now but its true.

For some reason, a question popped into my head about my ex. After taking to finals from 3:30pm to 8pm on Saturday, I went to a Japanese restaurant to celebrate my completion of freshman year. While eating, the question "Was the time spent studying and staying in college worth losing a loved one?" I am 100% sure everyone would say "college is more worthwhile" but I feel kind of obsolete since my ex used to tell me that I spent too much time with college than her =/.

Being in freshman year there is so much more time to meet someone new, someone who understands that school is important and has the same priorities as you. It is unfair for anyone to ask you (especially at this age) to put your future on the back burner for them. You did the best you could as a boyfriend and as serious student, and if she can't see that than she's not worth your time. Don't ever put your life on pause for someone else, it will always come back to bite you in the a$$. I wouldn't think that all this has caused you to lose a loved one... I think it brought out her true colors and that now you are one step closer to finding the right girl, someone who will respect and understand that you have goals.

Northern,

You're right, I know that one day I will be happy that I went through this pain. It will make me stronger..

It's weird one moment I'm fine and the next I feel horrible..

And Northern, I was reading some of your posts and I know you proly already know this but you really are a nice person.. don't ever change that.. there are nice girls out there that want nice guys.. I'm a good woman, and I'm smart enough to not go for or want the 'bad guys".. there are plenty of good women out there that are going to snag you up when you're ready to get out there... guaranteed..

Hope there are nice guys out there for me too when I'm ready..

Being in freshman year there is so much more time to meet someone new, someone who understands that school is important and has the same priorities as you. It is unfair for anyone to ask you (especially at this age) to put your future on the back burner for them. You did the best you could as a boyfriend and as serious student, and if she can't see that than shes not worth your time. Don't ever put your life on pause for someone else, it will always come back to bite you in the a$$. I wouldn't think that all this has caused you to lose a loved one... I think it brought out her true colors and that now you are one step closer to finding the right girl, someone who will respect and understand that you have goals.

Thank you

and Northern, I was reading some of your posts and i know you proly already know this but you really are a nice person..don't ever change that.. there are nice girls out there that want nice guys.. I'm a good woman, and I'm smart enough to not go for or want the 'bad guys".. there are plenty of good women out there that are gonna snag you up when you're ready to get out there... guaranteed..

hope there are nice guys out there for me too when im ready..

Thanks plonak, that really meant a lot. Things like that get me through the day :)

... and there will be, you don`t even have to think twice about that!

Thanks plonak, that really meant a lot. Things like that get me through the day :)

... and there will be, you don`t even have to think twice about that!

There'll be the good guys..

college frat boys... they drink to get drunk & show off, sex it up with random girls, and waste time =/

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?


What does NC mean? Because in my country its stands for my Location I say: I'm living in NC :D

What does NC mean?, Because in my country its stands for my Location I say: I'm livin in NC :D

You know, you've made a good observation and point there, tiamokiss!

When people use abbreviations on this site, it would be helpful if they would take into consideration that there may be folks who don't understand what the abbreviations mean. And, using the complete term for which the abbreviation stands for might help them to get even more really good answers to their questions, or responses to answers that have been given, if they wouldn't use the abbreviations. I had no idea what NC meant, until I joined this site.

Does NC for you mean North Carolina, please? That is what I used to think that it represented. But, maybe it's even something else? Don't know...

This is a site, where the potentially really fine people to answer questions, might be from any part of the world, and thus, might not be privy to the abbreviations used for something similar in another part of the world.

Now, in just my oberservation of your post, your using the term "Cuz" might also be confusing to someone else. In the English language, it's also one of the abbreviations that is used for the word "cousin." ;)

What does NC mean?, Because in my country its stands for my Location I say: I'm livin in NC :D

Hi there! In the context of this thread, "NC" means "No Contact". When a couple breaks up, they sometimes agree that no contact would be best but it is difficult on the person who wants to continue the relationship or at least friendship. So this thread is to encourage those going through this to help them, knowing others are going through the same thing, hurting in their hearts but knowing there are better things coming in the future. Knowing you are not the only one going through a difficult day, evening, or night, and having encouraging words to "hang in there and don't text, call, e-mail, but remain with your decision to have "no contact" is a real help. Each day gets a tiny bit easier but if you do talk to that person, it sort of just takes you backwards in your emotions your resolve to move forward with your life. Hope this helped. :)

You know, you've made a good observation and point there, tiamokiss!

When people use abbreviations on this site, it would be helpful if they would take into consideration that there may be folks who don't understand what the abbreviations mean. And, using the complete term for which the abbreviation stands for might help them to get even more really good answers to their questions, or responses to answers that have been given, if they wouldn't use the abbreviations. I had no idea what NC meant, until I joined this site.

Does NC for you mean North Carolina, please? That is what I used to think that it represented. But, maybe it's even something else? Don't know...

This is a site, where the potentially really fine people to answer questions, might be from any part of the world, and thus, might not be privy to the abbreviations used for something similar in another part of the world.

Now, in just my oberservation of your post, your using the term "Cuz" might also be confusing to someone else. In the English language, it's also one of the abbreviations that is used for the word "cousin." ;)

You just brought back a fun little memory. Thank you. My uncle from Missouri use to call me "Cuz" because his youngest son called me "Cuz" and he got such a kick out of that. I find some abbreviations used on the site confusing for me also. I usually have to ask someone what they mean. :confused: I am not into texting on the phone much so when those abbreviations are used, I am really lost. I know, I am the "Stone Age Kid"!! :p I might need to change my avatar now. LOL

In total jest and jocularity here and in no intention of making fun of anyone else, Well because, that's because you were able to figure things out in these posts because you are such an astute person, because! :)

Now, in just my oberservation of your post, your using the term "Cuz" might also be confusing to someone else. In the English language, it's also one of the abbreviations that is used for the word "cousin." ;)


Oh come on! It's clear from the sentence :p

Hi there! In the context of this thread, "NC" means "No Contact". When a couple breaks up, they sometimes agree that no contact would be best but it is difficult on the person who wants to continue the relationship or at least friendship. So this thread is to encourage those going through this to help them, knowing others are going through the same thing, hurting in their hearts but knowing there are better things coming in the future. Knowing you are not the only one going through a difficult day, evening, or night, and having encouraging words to "hang in there and don't text, call, e-mail, but remain with your decision to have "no contact" is a real help. Each day gets a tiny bit easier but if you do talk to that person, it sort of just takes you backwards in your emotions your resolve to move forward with your life. Hope this helped. :)


Thank you very much! It's am amazing, soon I will join this thread, hope so ! :rolleyes:

Day 9 of NC --> No Contact..

the urge is slowly dying

The only reconciling he will do is if he gets what he wants, and you do what he says. I care a lot, and want you happy, but you really need to get the stars from your eyes, and move forward. Stop speculating on him and deal with what YOU want.

Hi Tal,

Thank you very much. I really want him, but I know what you all mean. I want him, but it has to be US, not just him. I know I would make him so happy, but I would love more than anything for him to realize that because of his yo-yoing in the past, (and I guess now), that this is not right; that this is why I said what I said. Basically I want him to wake up and step up to the plate. I hope that doesn't sound unreasonable on my part. Who knows what he is thinking, and if he really wants this relationship (me).

Who knows what he is thinking, and if he really wants this relationship (me).

You are better off that way. I know it hurts to hear that, but its easier if you don't know anything about what he is doing, or what he is thinking. Any inkling of his thoughts will just keep you hanging on and feeling very upset.

Keep strong and stay on the NC path. Trust me, and many others here, it gets better!

You are better off that way. I know it hurts to hear that, but its easier if you don't know anything about what he is doing, or what he is thinking. Any inkling of his thoughts will just keep you hanging on and feeling very upset.

Keep strong and stay on the NC path. Trust me, and many others here, it gets better!

Hi BigBird,

Thanks very much. It is just so hard. I see how men (especially here on this site) are so wonderful, and they really do care about their ex's. I just feel (not because of the site - this site and the people on it are awesome!) extremely heartbroken, because he since the breakup, he doesn't/didn't reach out to me to even talk about working on things. It's like, yet again, he kicked me to the curb, and threw away his feelings towards me. I know that sounds selfish on my part, but, my God, there is nothing I wouldn't have done for this man, I genuinly love him, but either he doesn't see that, doesn't want it, or doesn't know how to handle that... I just don't know, and it breaks my heart...

It's like, yet again, he kicked me to the curb, and threw away his feelings towards me.

This sort of thought is totally under your control. For example,

My ex hasn't tried to reach out to me in 2 months. She sent me a couple emails, but since those, I haven't heard anything from her, and at this point, I'm thanking her for that. It would be SO much harder for me if I had to choose to ignore her constantly, I'd rather her let me heal and I appreciate the gesture from her.

See, I choose to look at is as her doing me a favor, not her "kicking me to the curb". When we first broke up I told her that it was going to be hard for me to be friends, and that upset her. However, she has been strong and not tried to contact me repeatedly, and I respect and appreciate that.

Its all in how you decide to look at it.

I agree with BB...

Star:
In a way he's making things easier for you!. Thank him for that... I know you would rather him calling you, and trying to fix things, but like Tal said: he will only reconciliate if he gets what HE wants, and that's no good for you!. So thank him (don't contact him)bc he's doing you a favor... you can't realize that now, later on you will!. Things will get better Remember this:"not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of LUCK!

I agree with both BB and damaged. Your brain is automatically going to go negative, so you have to turn the meaning of what is happening into a positive outcome.

Thanks guys. You all make perfect sense. I am going to force myself to do that. I need to take control of my happiness, and by pining, worrying, etc... that isn't bringing in happiness...

Thank you guys! :)

How are all of you doing today?

Damaged, are you feeling better honey?

Hey star...
I'm feeling pretty good... yourself?.
Excited about the get-together?

Starlite,
He is using your own feelings to get what he wants, you to miss him enough, to give in to doing it his way, so you really need to re-evaluate such a one-sided, controlling, relationship, because you will never get what you want, without paying a heckuva price to your character, self-esteem, and dignity.

He is using your own feelings to get what he wants, you to miss him enough to give in to doing it his way, so you really need to re-evaluate such a one-sided, controlling, relationship, because you will never get what you want without paying on heckuva price to your character, self-esteem, and dignity.

Thank you Tal. I can't tell you, and everyone else here, how much I appreciate your insight and advice. I know he is so one-sided. I hope that by me breaking up (believe me I didn't want to) maybe will give him a real wake-up call. Who knows?

Well I posted a week ago telling you lot that I'd been having dreams about my ex lately. Since I posted that, I've picked myself up and had a really good week. But today, I've woken up in bad form.

A while ago, my ex contacted me with a number I didn't know. She told me when we broke up that it would be a good idea to change our numbers. So I guessed that she had changed her number and that's why when she text me a while ago, I didn't know the number. Well when I was slightly drunk on Saturday night, I decided I'd ring her old number to see if she had changed it and guess what, she had.

Now when she texted me with her new number, I deleted the message so I have no way to contact her even if I wanted to. But this is getting me down because we had been together 2 and a half years, now I haven't even heard her voice in about 3 months. She's just like a stranger to me now. And I'll probably never get to see her again (bar walking past her in the street). Just one of those days you get :(

Dazt:

A bit off... because if she suggested that you guys changed numbers, and she changed her number, did she assume that you haven't? Because... if she thought you would change your number... why would she text you at your old number?

However, now that you have no way of contacting her... technically, it's a good thing. Almost a forced nc. Now the ball's in her court.

dazt:

a bit off...because if she suggested that you guys changed numbers, and she changed her number, did she assume that you haven't? Because...if she thought you would change your number...why would she text you at your old number?

however, now that you have no way of contacting her...technically, it's a good thing. almost a forced nc. now the ball's in her court.

We had been texting about a month (about an incident that happened) before that and I was still using my old number and she was using her mum's so I guess she just assumed I hadn't changed it. Thing I don't get is - she told me we should both change our numbers, so why when she got a new number, why did she text me using it? I think she did this because then I might chase after her again - and I know she loves me chasing after her.

I know how you feel... It sucks so much when you feel good for about a weeek and then one day you wake up and feel like crap.. but be patient you'll prob feel better tomorrow.. try to get busy today and just get through the day.. Its a good thing that you don't have her new number... It'll help you in the end... Things will get better!!

I hope that by me breaking up (believe me I didn't want to) maybe will give him a real wake-up call. Who knows?
This worries me as maybe its you who needs the wake up call, not him.
(Darn, tried to say it nicely, without being harsh)

Hi Daz,

I am sorry that you are feeling the pain. I know (we all know) what you are going through and how you are feeling. In a way (again, I know this is hard) it is a good thing that you don't have her new number, because that will always tempt you to reach out to her. It is best not to for your own good. It is the best thing for you. The feeling that you have of her being a 'stranger' is a normal feeling when a breakup occurs. But just know that you will get past the sadness and hurt. You will meet someone else and you will fall in love again. It will take time, but you must try and stay as strong as you can, and keep yourself and your mind busy with other things. Always know you can always come here and talk with all of us.

Thanks Star.. At the end of the day, it was my decision to delete her message and the number and then went and deleted her mums number, her dads, her sisters and her friends numbers so that I would have no chance to contact at all. I'm on 3 months no contact, most of the time I've been positive but you get a couple of days in the month when you feel really down about it. Not sure why.

however, now that you have no way of contacting her...technically, it's a good thing. almost a forced nc. now the ball's in her court.

I agree. This is one of the times where it is nice not to have any control over that situation. You no longer have a choice, and it will make it easier. No more temptation, as you have no way of contacting her anyway. Take it one day at a time, you'll get there. Your in a down moment, but in a short while you'll be feeling great again.

This worries me as maybe its you who needs the wake up call, not him.
(Darn, tried to say it nicely, without being harsh)

Hi Tal,

You didn't sound harsh at all :). I had that wake up call when I broke up with him I guess, but I wish he would have that wakeup call as well.

DazT, sounds like you are having a strong case of "separation anxiety". When you had access to her number, you had one set of emotions to deal with but knowing you don't know her number, it sets up another set of emotions to deal with.

It all goes back to acceptance that this is over... whether you have her number or not. I do not take "separation anxiety" lightly. I am no expert about it other then my own experience... have no real knowledge of it... If I lose a pencil, I can get "separation anxiety", well of course, that is a bit of an exaggeration but just meaning it isn't so much what I lose, it is the absence of something that was in my life and now is gone or lost.

I always have to get a mindset in loss. I am so sorry you woke up feeling so badly. Her texting you and then finding she had changed her number spun you around. You can always find a way to contact her so I don't that that is so much the issue. Did you respond to her text? If not, you are one step closer to your new future.

Personally, I don't understand why she would want you and her to both change your numbers. I would not change mine just to help her not contact, that just means all your friends would have to be notified, businesses notified, dental and doctor offices, etc.

It sounds like to me, you have been doing fairly well in NC and this is just a bump in the road leading to a better future. If she texts again, write down the number but I would not text back. That way, you can put the number away and sort of relax about the "separation anxiety".

I think the issue of "separation anxiety" has something to do with us feeling we have no control so we must take steps to control what we can, and what we can't, let it go.

I know "Easier said than done". You are doing good, better than you even know. Best to you! Moving on is difficult as everyone on this thread will attest to. But the longer you go without contact the easier it becomes.

DazT, sounds like you are having a strong case of "separation anxiety". When you had access to her number, you had one set of emotions to deal with but knowing you don't know her number, it sets up another set of emotions to deal with.

It all goes back to acceptance that this is over...........whether you have her number or not. I do not take "separation anxiety" lightly. I am no expert about it other then my own experience.....have no real knowledge of it..........If I lose a pencil, I can get "separation anxiety", well of course, that is a bit of an exaggeration but just meaning it isn't so much what I lose, it is the absence of something that was in my life and now is gone or lost.

I always have to get a mindset in loss. I am so sorry you woke up feeling so badly. Her texting you and then finding she had changed her number spun you around. You can always find a way to contact her so I don't that that is so much the issue. Did you respond to her text? If not, you are one step closer to your new future.

Personally, I don't understand why she would want you and her to both change your numbers. I would not change mine just to help her not contact, that just means all your friends would have to be notified, businesses notified, dental and doctor offices, etc.

It sounds like to me, you have been doing fairly well in NC and this is just a bump in the road leading to a better future. If she texts again, write down the number but I would not text back. That way, you can put the number away and sort of relax about the "separation anxiety".

I think the issue of "separation anxiety" has something to do with us feeling we have no control so we must take steps to control what we can, and what we can't, let it go.

I know "Easier said than done". You are doing good, better than you even know. Best to you! Moving on is difficult as everyone on this thread will attest to. But the longer you go without contact the easier it becomes.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I didn't have the control I once had. Because, even when I did have her number, I didn't contact her once.. so what difference does it make?

She text me a message off her new number saying "Can you give my sister back my DVD tomorrow please?".. a month and a half later, I still haven't gave her DVD back, so I don't think she's even that bothered about the DVD, I just think she wanted to let me know that she has a new number just so if I want to go chasing after her, I have the number to do so. I just text her back saying "Yeah, I'll give the dvd back when I see your sister".

Yeah, I thought it was silly changing my number, so I never bothered. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it? It's abit weird.

But anyway, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I didn't have the control I once had. Because, even when I did have her number, I didn't contact her once.. so what difference does it make?

She text me a message off her new number saying "Can you give my sister back my DVD tomorrow please?".. a month and a half later, I still haven't gave her DVD back, so I don't think she's even that bothered about the DVD, I just think she wanted to let me know that she has a new number just so if I want to go chasing after her, I have the number to do so. I just text her back saying "Yeah, I'll give the dvd back when I see your sister".

Yeah, I thought it was silly changing my number, so I never bothered. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it?! It's abit weird.

But anyways, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.


Sounds like you are doing good then and have made a come back from your down day! Good for you! :)

Hey all,

Just checking up on all you guys... Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm going on somewhere around 1.5-2 months, I haven't really counted and don't intend on it. I couldn't even tell you what day it was that we broke up - doesn't matter :)

For anyone struggling -- keep it up. Sooner rather than later you notice the results, and from there on out it all gets easier. The little bit of progess you make inspires you to keep going and one day you will feel fine again. I don't know if I would say that I am "great", but I am definitely okay.

I am still keeping busy, going out whenever there is something going on and looking forward to meeting new people in the future. Who knows what might come up...

Hang in there everyone.

. It's obvious, she's finding it hard to get over me to go through all that hassel just so I don't have her number then she gave in and gave me it?! It's abit weird.

But anyways, I'm getting on really well with no contact, 3 months it's been.

It's a mind game they love to play... you got to prove to them and mostly to ourselves that we are strong enough to not chase/ txt/ call them... Keep it strong you are doing good... You will have bad days.. we all do... but if you hang tough you'll come out stronger than you already are!. ""This too shall pass""

Hey BB...
Im glad your doing "Okay".. Its awesome!. Keep up the good work :)

Hey guys,

I broke NC last night.. he sent me a text and I replied.. I know it's bad, but tonight around 10pm I'm going to lay it all out there and tell him we don't have a chance of getting back together.. I know it's going to be hard, but I think he needs to hear this so he can move on. He doesn't seem to get it in his head that it's over. Maybe then he will leave me alone...

Plonak,

Since you want him to leave you alone (basically) it might be best to lay it out to him like that. Some might say just ignore him, but if he wasn't totally clear on your intentions, and what was happening, it might be best to tell him like that. Just be sure that you don't keep letting him get you to call after this, at some point you may need to put your foot down.

I think its best that your open and honest with him. Don't tell him anything that might give him hope, even though that might make it easier for him in the short term. False hope is a killer in the long term. I'm sure you don't want him hanging on and getting hurt even more, so honesty is always the best... I'm sure you know that.

Be nice, but firm. You sound a little annoyed ("Maybe then he will leave me alone..."), just don't come across this way to him. You don't want him thinking you hate him, that would make it harder on him...

Good luck, and you know where to find us...

It's been more than a month now. I'd say that it's getting better and better each day. Just today I'm feeling a bit down and I thought about her.
This past weekend, I went out of town to visit some old friends of mine and had suchhhhh a blast! I did nothing but relax, take it easy and re charge my batteries!
How's everyone else?

Doing OK thanks Spion. Guess I feel a little left out sometimes because all my mates seem to be in a relationship, but I try to not let that bother me. Looking forward to being totally happy on my own, and then one day finding someone else.

JPM!! That's weird because that's happening to me too. When I was with my ex, most of my friends were single and now it's the opposite. But don't let it bring you down, after all, now they will come to you for advice on what to do etc. You're the more experienced person now and just keep your chin up!

That happens.. lol... now even animals have a mate or couple or w.e:D... But its okay!. things will get better!!

Don't know why, but having a bit of a down moment. Probably because we lost our 5 a side footy game tonight and I was pants, so guess feeling a bit useless for a bit.

Aaakkk

Stop being a sad sack! Just sometimes I can't look at all the great things that I have going for me, I get a bit caught up in the past, and look at what I haven't. I guess sometimes your up and sometimes your down.

Better day tomorrow I hope.

10 days~ *sigh*

Well, I told my sister that I want a military career and work in the psychology field. I also told her that I wanted to become a street racer.

Then, we talked about my relationship...
It was hard, but I managed to talk her directly with it.

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

There's no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!

-dances-

-Sik

Glad your surgery went well... I bet it hurts like s****.. hope you get well soon!.
Good to hear her dad is getting her stuff

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

Theres no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!!

-dances-

-Sik

That's cool :)

I am planning on getting my stuff back after I finish my Army training (whenever I get sent)... lol

Good News: My surgery went well and am now in the healing process (damn it hurts more than it did before, but with blood now)

Theres no bad news to be said because her dads getting her stuff!!!

-dances-

-Sik

Hi Sik,

I'm glad your surgery went well! I hope you feel better! I'm also happy for you that her dad is picking up her stuff. It's all good my friend! :D

Thanks everyone :)

Its funny also, we both are in a chatroom about a certain hobby. And its like nothing ever happened and it amuses me to no extent. :P

Is it bad that I have such a POSITIVE outlook at just about EVERYTHING in my life now that she's GONE?

-Sik

Thanks everyone :)

its funny also, we both are in a chatroom about a certain hobby. And its like nothing ever happened and it amuses me to no extent. :P

Is it bad that I have such a POSITIVE outlook at just about EVERYTHING in my life now that she's GONE?

-Sik

No way! That is awesome, and by all means, you should have a positive attitude. You are on the up and up!! That is great! Keep that positive attitude and you will draw positive things to you! :)

Hey all,

Well my ex caught me today. She called me from her new place's house number and I thought it was family as I have family in the same town she lives in. We talked for about 30 minutes (wish I had cut it off a lot sooner). She told me about all the things she had been up to... I told her about all the fun things I had been doing... She didn't sound like the girl I remember which helped a little I guess, not someone that would interest me now a days. She said she was pretty lonely and didn't really know anyone there.

There were a few cheap shots I thought she shouldn't have said. 1) that she wished she had a boyfriend at grad with her to take pictures... (didn't say me... just a boyfriend) 2) That some really nice funny guy there liked her.

Just seems unnecessary to say those things to me, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO KNOW!! Even though she broke my heart I would never say stuff like that to her... have some sense!

Also she mentioned how she still isn't sure if its over between us, she was still saying she was mixed up and wasn't sure. She said if she hadn't left town she would want to try again . (I think that's bull) I wish so much I had just said, "sorry it would take two for us to ever work again, and I don't want any part of it". Of course I didn't and made it seem like I was still interested.

Guaranteed that she won't call me for a long time, she got what she wanted out of me again and feels like I still want her so that should make her feel good for a bit.

I don't think it set me back too much but it is making it hurt a little. I wish they made a pill for getting over breakups, I really don't want to be thinking about this anymore!!

Hey all,

well my ex caught me today. She called me from her new place's house number and I thought it was family as I have family in the same town she lives in. We talked for about 30 mins (wish I had cut it off a lot sooner). She told me about all the things she had been up to.... I told her about all the fun things I had been doing... She didn't sound like the girl I remember which helped a little I guess, not someone that would interest me now a days. She said she was pretty lonely and didn't really know anyone there.

There were a few cheap shots I thought she shouldn't have said. 1) that she wished she had a boyfriend at grad with her to take pictures... (didn't say me... just a boyfriend) 2) That some really nice funny guy there liked her.

Just seems unnecessary to say those things to me, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO KNOW!!!! Even though she broke my heart I would never say stuff like that to her... have some sense!

Also she mentioned how she still isn't sure if its over between us, she was still saying she was mixed up and wasn't sure. She said if she hadn't left town she would want to try again . (i think thats bull) I wish so much I had just said, "sorry it would take two for us to ever work again, and I don't want any part of it". Of course I didn't and made it seem like I was still interested.

Guaranteed that she won't call me for a long time, she got what she wanted out of me again and feels like I still want her so that should make her feel good for a bit.

I don't think it set me back too much but it is making it hurt a little. I wish they made a pill for getting over breakups, I really don't want to be thinking about this anymore!!!!!


She wants to get a reaction out of you bro. She knows that you still care and that she still means a lot to you. Don't let her get to you. Plus now that you know the number she is calling you from, it should be easier to ignore it.
When she says that she isn't sure of what's going on between you two, she is trying to string you along. She wants to go enjoy herself while at the same time make sure you're still around if there isn't anything good out there.
It's perfectly fine to be thinking about this. The more you think about it, the more you start to realize who they really are and what they are really doing to you. Don't try to block her out of your mind, try to understand her actions, and intentions while wanting what is best for you.

Hey all,

well my ex caught me today. She called me from her new place's house number and I thought it was family as I have family in the same town she lives in. We talked for about 30 mins (wish I had cut it off a lot sooner). She told me about all the things she had been up to.... I told her about all the fun things I had been doing... She didn't sound like the girl I remember which helped a little I guess, not someone that would interest me now a days. She said she was pretty lonely and didn't really know anyone there.

There were a few cheap shots I thought she shouldn't have said. 1) that she wished she had a boyfriend at grad with her to take pictures... (didn't say me... just a boyfriend) 2) That some really nice funny guy there liked her.

Just seems unnecessary to say those things to me, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO KNOW!!!! Even though she broke my heart I would never say stuff like that to her... have some sense!

Also she mentioned how she still isn't sure if its over between us, she was still saying she was mixed up and wasn't sure. She said if she hadn't left town she would want to try again . (i think thats bull) I wish so much I had just said, "sorry it would take two for us to ever work again, and I don't want any part of it". Of course I didn't and made it seem like I was still interested.

Guaranteed that she won't call me for a long time, she got what she wanted out of me again and feels like I still want her so that should make her feel good for a bit.

I don't think it set me back too much but it is making it hurt a little. I wish they made a pill for getting over breakups, I really don't want to be thinking about this anymore!!!!!

Tell her that you slept with several girls.

That will definitely shut her up for a bit =]

NNG,

You are right to wonder why she would tell you these things. I have to agree with spion that she is trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't over analyze anything she said. You know that it was all bs and she was just saying whatever she could to get a reaction. Who knows if any of that is true.

For all you know, she made the bit up about the guy liking her and she was waiting for you to reduce to a driveling fool, but you didn't. That might be eating her up now, it might not. It doesn't matter - keep on the NC path, and you will be feeling better soon.

NNG,

You are right to wonder why she would tell you these things. I have to agree with spion that she is trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't over analyze anything she said. You know that it was all bs and she was just saying whatever she could to get a reaction. Who knows if any of that is true.

For all you know, she made the bit up about the guy liking her and she was waiting for you to reduce to a driveling fool, but you didn't. That might be eating her up now, it might not. It doesn't matter - keep on the NC path, and you will be feeling better soon.

If she wants to be treated like a child, NNG should treat her like one.

Guys & girls..

I am sorry D:

I broke the NC... my ex called, but I did not pick up. Well, I looked at the missed call and it was my ex. Stupidly, I called back and we started talking. I spoke little and listened to her life. Maybe I am too lenient and laid-back so I called her. I do not know why =/

there was nothing much going on except she is going her way of life and told me her plan of getting a MacPro for computer animation class, working to earn some money, and moving out of her parents' place.

that was about it...

BUT.. I did asked her why she called and to my surprise, she was bit stunned and told me that she cares for her friends and wanted to see how I was doing.

Yea, well hjpan, it always crosses your mind that you could say that, I know it would definitely make her feel horrible. But its not me, birds right, even though she has hurt me I don't want to hurt her. I am better than that and won't sink down to her level. Chances are she is going to go through this one day, so I will let karma take care of things... and then she'll know how it feels. And I wouldn't be surprised if she called me when it did.
Who knows how honest she was about things, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's a lie. But I am not even going to think about that. And advice to everyone else, don't think of the "what ifs" "could ofs" "what they're doins"and the "maybes"... You don't have control over any of these things and allowing them to take over your mind will make you miserable. '

Lets just toss this experiences into the ol NC fire.. Should keep it burning for a while longer.



Hjpan,

Well it seems your ex has just thrown you into the friends category without your permission. She still misses you a lot but obviously just wants to be friends. So being friends for her is great. She gets to talk to you and make herself feel better because she misses you, as well as lessen her guilt for hurting you. And what do you get Hjpan, your ex telling you that their life is OK... meaning OK without you!

That last line was something "told me that she cares for her friends and wanted to see how I was doing."

You're not friends right now, not until you are ready to be friends. All this has done has just made her feel good and you upset... And don't friends not make friends upset?

Hit the NC hard!

hjpan,

she was bit stunned and told me that she cares for her friends and wanted to see how I was doing.


Your in the friendzone and if your not happy with it, stop calling back, and be unavailable until you can let go of the idea of a relationship.

NNG,
You handled her fishing expedition really well, No Info about your personal feelings as she gave that right away.

Most people who go thru No Contact, and are healing or have moved on, really don't want to go backwards, as they see their exes in a realistic light, and not from a pedestal.

I agree Tal, I thought I wanted to go back with my ex. Then I heard of some rumors, so naturally I confronted her on them. We ended up talking on the phone for an hour and after we hung up, I said to myself. She's not the same girl, why would I want to go back to someone like her. I've spent the last 6 months bettering myself, fixing what she said was broken, and now that I am "fixed" I feel better about myself and can close that chapter of my life. It felt good to put HER in the friends zone while she still "misses me"

Trust me guys, everything comes full circle in a break up... No Contact was the best thing I have ever done!

I don't want my ex back either... I'm still hurt but I don't want anything to do with him.He is not the person I thought he was, I was so wrong about him. He seriously dissapointed me!! Like I've said before I miss what we "had", but not really the person... I still think about him, but less than before.. I guess time does heal.. Little by little but we're getting there!

I don't want my ex back either...I'm still hurt but i don't want anything to do with him.He is not the person i thought he was, i was so wrong about him. He seriously dissapointed me!!!!.Like i've said before i miss what we "had", but not really the person...I still think about him, but less than before..I guess time does heal..Little by little but we're getting there!!

Good for you! :D You are doing great. Believe me, I know how you feel about missing. It's because they were a part of our lives for a long period, and we always think that 'Hey, this could be it', and then Whammo! It's the void that hurts us most, I guess..

Yea.. it sucks because they just left all of the sudden, so we're left with this emptiness feeling... but we just need to get used to being alone & enjoy singlehood.. lol

How are you feeling today star?. BETTER!. I hope so:D

Guys, I screwed up... I just texted him... Hasn't responded yet.. I just texted to say hi and to find out about the concert... I'm a little nervous..

[QUOTE=damaged]yea.. it sucks because they just left all of the sudden, so we're left with this emptiness feeling... but we just need to get used to being alone & enjoy singlehood.. lol


That's true, need to get used to being single, and enjoying it, and focusing on what you have got in your life, not what you haven't. Doing well guys, and Rome great to read your last post, your doing great man.

yea..it sucks bc they just left all of the sudden, so we're left with this emptiness feeling...but we just need to get used to being alone & enjoy singlehood..lol

How are you feeling today star??..BETTER!!..i hope so:D

Hi Damaged..

I sent him a text about an hour ago... I know that was definatley not the smartest thing to do... I haven't heard back from him yet..

How are you doing?

Star, did you still want to go to that concert!

Hi NNG,

Yes, a big part of me does. Especially since the last time we spoke, (two and half weeks ago), he asked if I am still going to the concert and was looking forward to me going. I know I have to be so strong, as I didn't get a response from him yet from my text today. I really hope that he reciprocates in a positive way..

Im doing good!. wondering why you texted him! :eek:... but I understand you.. Its hard not txting/calling but you got to be strong... try to trick yourself or something... you could write his name but with a friend's number so when you feel like txting him, instead of him you'll txt your friend.. IDK:rolleyes:... lol... Just try to be strong; you mayy not get a response!

The last time you spoke with him who contacted whom?.

Thanks Damaged. That is a good idea too! I have to be strong.. and I need to be strong...

Hang in there star, just try to stop, breathe and think next time you want to do something and try to imagine what you will feel like after. If it is better, then do it. If not, don't!

Now a question that I have.

I am well beyond the point of wanting to get back together with my ex. I suppose I miss the connection we had at times, but how much I actually miss the relationship is debatable at this point. My question is this... Has anyone ever noticed that you want to talk to them NOT FOR YOU but for them? I don't need to talk to her at all, haven't really had the urge to call her out of loneliness or missing her in a long time. Funny thing is, sometimes the thought runs through my mind to make contact because I want her to know I don't hate her.

Its pretty backwards actually... She broke up with me, and at times I have feelings of contacting her so that she doesn't think I'm mad at her. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to do it, just trying to see if anyone else knows what I'm talking about...

Maybe it's the nice guy syndrome??

I personally think it's the nice guy syndrome... She can think whatever she wants, not your problem anymore.

If you were to call her though you might find out some things you don't want to hear right now, even though you think you might be ready. Remember what that one simple pic on the internet did to you. I'd say call her one day when you are feeling really good, and hey by then you might not care to at all.

Hi Bigbird,

Thank you so much, I appreciate your being there for me :)

With regards to your post,

I absolutely understand what you are saying. I especially did that with my ex husband, and my ex b/f (the one that I am dealing with now). I always want to make sure that they are okay, and that they aren't mad at me. Even if they broke up with me, or I broke off with them. Actually, I do that with everyone, friends, family too! Even if something was done that wasn't my fault, I would apologize, and ensure that everything is Okay.

I have been accused by EVERYONE, that I apologize way too much. But that is me, and I empathize with people, and I care, no matter who is in the wrong.

If you were to call her though you might find out some things you don't want to hear right now, even though you think you might be ready. Remember what that one simple pic on the internet did to you. I'd say call her one day when you are feeling really good, and hey by then you might not care to at all.

Oh, absolutely.

Don't take my post to mean I wanted to do it. I'm just trying to gain a better understanding of what this is. I personally think understanding all of your thoughts and urges helps tremendously when trying to overcome any big issues in the future.

Thanks for the input.

But that is me, and I empathize with people, and I care, no matter who is in the wrong.

The funny thing is, by trying to "make sure they are okay" not only can you jeopardize yourself, but you might actually do the opposite for them. If they are trying to move on, and you contact them, it certainly isn't helping.

The funny thing is, by trying to "make sure they are okay" not only can you jeopardize yourself, but you might actually do the opposite for them. If they are trying to move on, and you contact them, it certainly isn't helping.

That is true too, and I have come to think that as well, several months ago. It took me 39 years to realize that; by sometimes doing what I feel in my heart is good, can sometimes be very detrimental. (I guess this old gal can learn new tricks LOL)!

I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I can't help but wounder how my ex's date went last night. Its driving me nuts. I don't know damn her

i know i shouldnt let it get to me but i can't help but wounder how my ex's date went last night. its driving me nuts. idk damn her

That's why we should stick to no contact.I bet you that if you wouldn't have contacted her, you wouldn't know she went on a date!. NC is very important... it is VERY HARD though... but you just got to focus... & right now just watch TV, call your friends and go out, or play guitar or video games, or skate... w.e entertains you!!

i know i shouldnt let it get to me but i can't help but wounder how my ex's date went last night. its driving me nuts. idk damn her

Hi Rocker,

I know, I'm sure it is. But, Damaged is right. You should get out and about with some friends, and go have fun. Do anything you can to take your mind off this. I know this is WAY easier said than done. Trust me when I say that this would be consuming my entire thoughts. But, you have to fight those thoughts somehow with thinking good things for yourself (not to think of her). If if your friends are busy, or you don't feel like seeing anybody, stay right here. We are all here, 24/7 ;)

Hang in there star, just try to stop, breathe and think next time you want to do something and try to imagine what you will feel like after. If it is better, then do it. If not, don't!

Now a question that I have.

I am well beyond the point of wanting to get back together with my ex. I suppose I miss the connection we had at times, but how much I actually miss the relationship is debatable at this point. My question is this... Has anyone ever noticed that you want to talk to them NOT FOR YOU but for them? I don't need to talk to her at all, haven't really had the urge to call her out of loneliness or missing her in a long time. Funny thing is, sometimes the thought runs through my mind to make contact because I want her to know I don't hate her.

Its pretty backwards actually...She broke up with me, and at times I have feelings of contacting her so that she doesn't think I'm mad at her. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to do it, just trying to see if anyone else knows what I'm talking about...

Maybe its the nice guy syndrome???

I know the feeling. However, with how her and I broke up, I come out looking like at a$$ either way and with her telling people I hit her, it just cements the fact.

So I'll just play the @$$ card and stick to my own business. Working on going through her stuff today and packing it up into the dressers.

-Sik

Hi Sik,

She is the a$$, big time. Not you at all.

yea, well hjpan, it always crosses your mind that you could say that, I know it would definitely make her feel horrible. But its not me, birds right, even though she has hurt me I don't want to hurt her. I am better than that and won't sink down to her level. Chances are she is going to go through this one day, so I will let karma take care of things... and then she'll know how it feels. And I wouldn't be surprised if she called me when it did.
Who knows how honest she was about things, but I wouldn't be surprised if its a lie. But I am not even going to think about that. And advice to everyone else, don't think of the "what ifs" "could ofs" "what they're doins"and the "maybes"... You don't have control over any of these things and allowing them to take over your mind will make you miserable. '

Lets just toss this experiences into the ol NC fire.. Should keep it burning for a while longer.



Hjpan,

Well it seems your ex has just thrown you into the friends category without your permission. She still misses you a lot but obviously just wants to be friends. So being friends for her is great. She gets to talk to you and make herself feel better because she misses you, as well as lessen her guilt for hurting you. And what do you get Hjpan, your ex telling you that their life is ok... meaning ok without you!

That last line was something "told me that she cares for her friends and wanted to see how I was doing."

You're not friends right now, not until you are ready to be friends. All this has done has just made her feel good and you upset.... And don't friends not make friends upset?

Hit the NC hard!

Truly, I have set myself a limitation on her. I will not call her for a while since I still need some space. For friendship, it is still on my shoulders; in other words, I do not really know if friendship can be shrugged onto a shoulder right after being dumped two weeks prior.

Thank you all for support :)

It's 8:25 pm Tues. night, and no response from him from the text I sent him this morning. I am heartbroken but I did this to myself. I guess I didn't mean that much to him, then again, I broke up with him this time. I guess I deserve the no response...

I do not really know if friendship can be shrugged onto a shoulder right after being dumped two weeks prior.



Its very rare that it can - I think your best bet is to not even try, not worth the risk just yet.

Hey all -

Its been awhile but I'm back. You all seem to be doing really good and I'm so happy to see such a strong and truly caring group of complete strangers. Hang in there. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

And like most on here are saying now. I feel the same. I don't miss my ex anymore. I miss what I "thought" we had. But now almost 2 1/2 months post-breakup, I can say. What we "had" for the last year of our relationship really wasn't all that great. I was in a relationship with him, but he had one foot out the door the whole time. So forget about trying to get back "what you had" with the ex with someone else. Truly think about what you actually want out of a relationship. If you're clear about that in your head, one day it'll make it so much easier to find that person that wants the same.

If the past 4 years have taught me anything, its taught me what I truly want in a relationship and in a partner. And now back in the dating game, it makes it soooo much easier to identify the princes from the frogs. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve! And don't ever settle for giving more than you're getting!

Ok, enough of a pep talk. (That pep talk was just as much for me as for everyone).

It gets easier. Trust me, I was crying for over a month and thinking about him every waking moment. Sure I still think about him.. but not out of longing or sadness. More out of a "wow, that was a crazy time in my life...good and bad".

Keep yourself busy and find new distractions. It works!!

Its very rare that it can - I think your best bet is to not even try, not worth the risk just yet.

That is what I am doing.

Hey all -

Its been awhile but I'm back. You all seem to be doing really good and I'm so happy to see such a strong and truly caring group of complete strangers. Hang in there. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

And like most on here are saying now. I feel the same. I don't miss my ex anymore. I miss what I "thought" we had. But now almost 2 1/2 months post-breakup, I can say. What we "had" for the last year of our relationship really wasn't all that great. I was in a relationship with him, but he had one foot out the door the whole time. So forget about trying to get back "what you had" with the ex with someone else. Truly think about what you actually want out of a relationship. If you're clear about that in your head, one day it'll make it so much easier to find that person that wants the same.

If the past 4 years have taught me anything, its taught me what I truly want in a relationship and in a partner. And now back in the dating game, it makes it soooo much easier to identify the princes from the frogs. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve! And don't ever settle for giving more than you're getting!

Ok, enough of a pep talk. (That pep talk was just as much for me as for everyone).

It gets easier. Trust me, I was crying for over a month and thinking about him every waking moment. Sure I still think about him..but not out of longing or sadness. More out of a "wow, that was a crazy time in my life...good and bad".

Keep yourself busy and find new distractions. It works!!!

Hey Losingit,

I totally agree on where you are coming from. Just missing what I thought we had. My relationship the last year hasn't been very good. And she had made me literally a depressed mess for at least 4 months of that year. I found a computer wallpaper I had made back in February (2 months before we broke up), it was just a couple sentences that I wrote out one night after she blew me off for the bar... Its kind of weird because in it I predicted what was going to happen. Reading it daily helped me back then, and reading it now it helps even more... Thought I would share...

"I will not let her or the sadness created from her define who I am and how I feel. I do not need her, I am a strong, independent, good person who deserves someone who will love me unconditionally. I don’t know why I ever put her on this pedestal, she is not my life and will never define my life or what i can be. I will be ok on my own. I got family and friends that love me and soon enough she will become no more than a memory to me."

Kind of cheesy but that sort of stuff helps.

NNG,

Not cheesy, it's a little inspiring actually. I enjoyed it, thanks!

I agree with bigbird

Not cheesy at all.

Wow NNG,

It's a wonder you stayed with her 4 months more after writing that, but you didn't want to give up on the relationship and that shows that you're a good caring person.. you gave that relationship everything you could and it just didn't work.. at least you don't have the guilt in the back of your head telling you that you didn't try hard enough.. you sure did..

Its been a really long day and night with what is on my mind.
So OK she's dating,and excited about it. So OK she's probably not coming back to me.what can I do? Its out of my hands. Out of my control. She's gone. Pick up the pieces and just move on. She was your first seriously relationship and love. Its OK, there is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. She left you in the end cause she's too curiouse about what else is out their... just walk on classicrocker, walk on

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on

Hi Rocker,

I know it's hard, but that is all you can do. Just try and keep yourself as busy as possible and not think about her. I know that is easier said than done, but know as you heal and get stronger and stronger, you WILL meet a new woman who will be so deserving of your love.

Wow NNG,

it's a wonder you stayed with her 4 months more after writing that, but you didn't want to give up on the relationship and that shows that you're a good caring person.. you gave that relationship everything you possibly could and it just didn't work.. at least you don't have the guilt in the back of your head telling you that you didn't try hard enough.. you sure did..


Yea, there is no guilt here... She actually did this to me last year at this time. Acted like she wanted nothing to do with me and was always out. I even caught her messaging her friends about this big crush she had on her prof... eeesh. I almost left her then and I guess it made her snap out of it. That went on for about 3 months last year, I really should have gotten out of it then, but she assured me it wouldn't happen again, well here I am!

And rocker, try not to worry about it. Like you said you have no control over it. And you really have no idea how that date went, really chances are it wasn't anything special and nothing came of it. I guarantee you he was being compared harshly to you, and probably fell pretty short. Just let what she said to you strengthen your nc.

Good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

good charlotte - dance floor anthem, makes me feel better (the second half of the song anyways). Just crank it.

Music is key :p

its been a really long day and night whith what is on my mind.
so ok shes dating,and excited about it. so ok shes prolly not coming back to me.what can i do? its out of my hands. out of my control. shes gone. pick up the pieces and just move on. she was your first seriously relationship and love. its ok, their is more out their! chuff enev told me so! Stop dwelling on the good times with her. she left you in the end cause shes too curiouse about what else is out their....just walk on classicrocker, walk on


Can't argue with that. Cracking advice. Hard to do, but like me, and many others its got to be adhered too.

In time someone will come into your life. I haven't found it yet, but one day I know something will happen.

Keep going though, good things will happen for all of us! I know that for sure :)

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her birthday is coming up in a few days and I don't know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy birthday since I don't want to be rude

OMG I love you guys, I was NANO seconds away from breaking NC.

God job for not breaking it!

Since my ex called, I have not called her back

Hey you guys, it's been a good day so far. But there is one thing that does bother me. Her bday is coming up in a few days and I dont know what to do. I really do not want to break NC at all but yet I want to do the mature thing and at least text her a happy bday since i dont want to be rude

Hey man,

My ex's birthday is coming up in a few days as well, and I haven't talked to her in almost 2 months now. I'll give you the advice, and what I learned, about my situation.

First off, you want to call her because you aren't bitter, you don't want to be mean, and you still want to be a good guy - just like you were, no doubt, during your relationship. This sounds good to you, and it sounded great to me too.

But think of it this way. The reason that you still have this urge to send her a card (and the reason I did) is because you are still stuck with "Nice Guy Syndrome". You want to be the good guy, you want to make sure she knows you aren't angry with her/hate her/anything else. The funny thing is, why would she hate you? She dumped you, so you shouldn't have to worry about her being angry with you etc...

When she broke up with you, she was making the decision to move forward in life without you. That means no calls to make her feel better, no more presents, no more dates, and no more birthday cards. That's what she wanted, so give her what she wants.

Don't think of not sending the card as a mean thing to do. Think of it as doing what she asked, and at the same time doing what is good for both of you.

The PROS: You feel better that she might not be angry with you.

The CONS: It can open a line of communication you don't need (NC remember?).
You might be hurting her more than helping if she is being reminded of you (she might be hurting too... )
You might put yourself back in the healing process and end up bitter and angry at her.
Etc, etc, etc...

You tell me, which list is longer??

After some sincere thought, I decided against it, and I hope that you do too...

EDIT:

In case it helps, here is my post. Look at #145 and onward...
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/taking-break-nc-207720-15.html

Guys I'm feeling horribly depressed right now...

I'm am studying for the CPA exam and while it's keeping my mind off things, I have to take a break in between things or I'd go nuts, and then I sit there and have nothing really to do.. and I can't stop thinking about him and feeling the loneliness..

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's going to be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and I'm going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep loneliness is so HARD!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...

We have been keeping minimal contact, because I'm going to Al-anon meetings for my co-dependancy and I called him yesterday to tell him how it's been going, and I think that was a mistake, because it just drudges up old feelings.. by the time we hung up we decided not to do anymore contact.. he told me to call him when I'm ready to see him again (not sure if that's going to happen) and so today I was doing pretty well, and then he called me right when I got off work to ask me a question about something (he needed it for work) and then all the feelings came back again

But as I'm writing this now, I'm feeling a little better.. it's so hard breaking up with someone, you all must know that.. I feel so much guilt and desperation, and pain just like you that have been dumped.. it's awful!!

OK venting is over

What scares me so bad is this up coming weekend.. it's gonna be the first real weekend without each other, and I always hung out with him.. and im going to have nothing to do.. most of my friends have boyfriends, and they spend time with them on the weekends.. just having that deep lonelyness is so HARD!!!! Im so scared and sad and depressed...


A word of advice...

Try to change your ENTIRE routine for the weekend, it might help. What makes it hurt so much is that it is so obvious that a huge part of our life is missing. Something that was always there is no longer there. When you change your entire routine, everything seems different, and your mind is equally distracted by everything else that it doesn't hurt so much.

Even the stupid little things really can help. Try driving to places by different routes. If you have anything that is routine, change it up. Do things at different times. It helped me to break any routine that I had (that I could) and try to mix things up. It makes you feel like a new person entirely...

The thing is I never really had any routine on the weekends, I always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that I don't have my ex around I have nothing (except for studying) I guess I could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

I don't have very many friends to begin with.. but I guess I can always make new ones. Way easier said than done

way easier said than done

I hear that, but it can be done - does take time and practice though... just go out and have fun, you will attract people who want to be friends and be around you.

Bigbird, I was just thinking of sending her a text wishing her a happy birthday and that's it. There would be no phone call or anything like that. If she were to call, id ignore it. It's all about wishing her a happy birthday.

I get what you are saying about what she wanted and all. Cutting her out doesn't make me the nice guy and I've not been a nice guy to her. I've been nice to myself and my needs.

Im just stuck because of the healing process. I don't want to take a step back nor do I want her to call me and bug me etc. At the same time, if I don't text I don't want her to have a bad impression of me. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't want her to remember me as an . I know I shouldn't care what she thinks after what happened

Bigbird, it's getting kind of late, I will read your story tomorrow, promise. At least I'm honest :P

Lol,

I don't care if you read it or not, I just put it there for your own sake. I thought the advice others gave me might help you. Do what you will with it...

Guys!! I haven't been here for awhile... I thought I would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning I'm pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag... so that helps a lot... been broken up for almost two months now... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time... this week especially... although I have to confess that I had contact twice... the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago... it hard guys... pain pain pain all over... I don't even try to fight these feelings... I just let them run through!!

guys!!! i haven't been here for awhile....i thought i would just stop by cause this week has been horrible... in the morning i m pretty good... wake up work out for about a good hour, and hit the punching bag...so that helps a lot....been broken up for almost two months now.... there are days where my heart hurt the whole time....this week especially....although i have to confess that i had contact twice...the day she left town,( almost 1 month ago) and ten days ago.....it hard guys...pain pain pain all over.....i don't even try to fight these feelings...i just let them run through!!!!

All part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Going to be interesting I am sure!!

The thing is i never really had any routine on the weekends, i always played it by ear, and it was usually when my Ex was avaiable that we would do something.. so now that i dont have my ex around i have nothing (except for studying) I guess i could try to see if some friends would like to hang out but it's hard again because they all want to spend time with their guys..

i don't have very many friends to begin with.. but i guess i can always make new ones. way easier said than done


Go to an illegal street race with friends.

You'll probably find a nice guy

all part of the human experience my friend, don't suppress the feelings or they will come back to haunt you later. After going through this we will all have a clearer understanding of what we want and desire out of life and a partner. Almost 1 month 3 weeks for me. Next week is our official 4 year anniversary... Gonna be interesting I am sure!!!!

Wow D: