I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

I'm right there with you... we started this whole "break" thing on the 8th. She called everyday for a week since. Then nothing... a couple of days would go by and she would initiate contact again. Now we are on 3 days with NC... it used to be really hard in the beginning but it gets easier with time. I still love her, but I do not like the games she is playing...

I'm on day 16 of NC. The first 2 weeks I was starting to feel pretty good. The past couple of days have been a little rough though... but the last thing I want to do is start the whole cycle over again so I'm not calling... EVER! Haha... no my goal is 55 days (I know it's a random #). And after 55 days I figure I won't want to ever talk to him again anyway.

ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?


Suelle, that's great! I envy you. I hope I can reach day number 16.. actually I wonder what might happen in 16 days!

Night is close and things are getting tough here but still holding.. hope I feel better soon :(

HI
I'm on the 34th day of no contact and somedays are OK but most days are bad I miss him so much still. I don't know if its because I didn't see the breakup coming or what I guess I'm actually still in SHOCK! He doesn't even try to contact me either. I just wish I knew how long its going to take before I feel better.

Keep it up! This is great! You crossed a real long way! You're a tough girl, it's his loss without a doubt.

I guess we all didn't see it coming and it's the schock that's making it real hard to even accept the situation.

I wonder about the same thing too.. I mean, I really want to get back on track and do the things I used to do and I gave hope on having her back.. but I just want to move on, yet all I feel is this "dizziness". Anyone feels this too? I still can't feel like doing anything.

Or maybe because we deeply expect them to call us during the NC period that we can't really get over it 100% ?

Anytime I miss him, I just remind myself that he's not the same person he used to be or the person I thought he was so what's the point in calling him? It will only make things worse... and frankly, he doesn't deserve my time or energy... let them keep guessing forever... they don't know that you're sitting here thinking about them 24 hours a day.. the only way they'll know that is if you call them and tell them... you want to NOT call them so they can start to wonder what the heck you're up to.

I don't know, they all seem to never care to call or anything.. so I guess they don't even wonder about what we're doing nor even wish to know. And when you think of it, it's real hilarious.. I mean, just 2 month ago, before she traveled she used to go crazy to know what I'm doing every hour.. just like she did the whole past 5 years.. but now, she cares not. I guess it was the same with you (?).

He kept calling me for a month after we broke up and I finally just told him to stop and leave me alone. I didn't want to be friends. I told him when and if I want to talk to you, I'll call. After 3 1/2 years and 2 years of living together, you can't just suddenly become friends. So, I decided I had to go cold turkey and just the cut the cord.

I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.

I think I am on like a month and a bit now. Every day I think of her less and less. They don't bother, many of us will never know why the dumpers don't. Probably because the relationship is over? Feelings of guilt, confusion or just don't want to etc... Nc is a sure way of moving on though that's all I know.

I still remember times when I went out for a meal or a summer fête at my first school. As a dumper or dumpee are you likely to forget someone you were intimat with whether a long time or a short time... no!

Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just got to focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.

Exactly. And the only one of those things you can control is #1. Just gotta focus on yourself. If he's going to come back, he's going to come back but your much better off leaving him alone and focusing on yourself if that is going to happen. Yes, and after 7 years together, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you. I think a lot of times they (the dumpers) start to feel worse later on after the break-up (like months later) whereas by that time we (the dumpees) are already healing.

Thanks Suelle. I think you are so right, I think the dumpers do have regrets but it comes later. I know him very well and he is a deeply emotional person so when it does hit him it's going to HIT HIM HARD!!

Drop all those feelings of will they regret it etc... It doesn't matter. We have nothing to push for though whilst the dumper does, their choice is theirs not nessarily ours and they have to live with it, those guilty feelings or being treated badly by their next and maybe one day they will realise.. I actually had it pretty good. By then though were in our own happy lives with no feelings of confusion as we didn't cause it!

I know he must wonder about me sometimes. We were very close and did everything together. I have to think that when you spend 7 years living together and sharing everyday that the memories and thoughts of each other just don't go away over night. My reasons for N/C are #1 so maybe I will eventually start to heal. #2 So he can have space to realize that what we had doesn't come along that often. #3 If he does still love me than he needs to figure that out on his own and not by me calling him to try to convince him that he does.

I'd love to think the same way, but they don't wonder about us, otherwise they wouldn't be away till now. It seems that there feelings can vanish in 24 hours, at least this is what I noticed regarding my situation with my ex.

But Suelle, what I get from your words is you're still hoping during the NC period, which won't make things easier for you.

I'm on my second day now.. like yesterday, so far feeling good, but I wonder how things will be at night.

I'm not sure that this thread is such a good idea.

The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.

At some point you have to stop counting.

No, I'm not hoping he'll come back because I'm getting to the place where I don't want him back. He's not the person I thought he was. It's not my fault. I'm hoping with every single day it'll get easier and easier to forget him and I'll be able to open up to someonelse again...

[QUOTE=Numb]ConfusedandLost, good for you! Lucky that she calls you, I guess it gives you some boost to your self-esteem?
Does she calls to just say hi, or want to be back?


I guess it is good that she called at first... but now I have found that it is just torturing myself. It makes me want to get back to way it was. She needs time away from "us" regular contact like that just complicated things even more. She would say hi and talk about our days etc... I was kind of weird since we were making more contact after the break than did prior to it. She would tell me how much she misses me and she loves me... well than why are we on a break?

It's been 5 months since my ex cut the cord and 7 weeks of no contact (after a 4 year relationship). Things have gotten better for me since, but only in the sense that it's easier to go on with my life and do my day to day things without being completely paralyzed in thoughts. But then again today is a hard day for me and I should be working now, so, I'm still not completely healthy. Anyway, I still miss her and love her dearly and those feelings of confusion and shock are still there. There is also that hope that she will call, and the hurt that she hasn't... not even a little text message to say "hey, hope ur not dead." I know I should move on and it's all I can do, and I am doing it. But I can't help shake the feeling that I will always love this girl and want to be with her. It's not like it was when she first broke up, that desperate "I need her in my life" reaction to being rejected... it's more of a genuine at peace feeling... I don't know if this makes sense or anyone can relate. I know most here just get to the point were they say screw them (the ex), and maybe (hopefully), I will get there too someday.

Anyway, I know everyone's situation is different so not everyone will feel the same or go through the same process. The only thing that's similar for all of us is that there's nothing you can do, so keep taking it day by day. Eventually, something's got to give... whether you find someone else, wake up one morning and realize you don't care anymore, or the ex comes back one day.

In the meantime good luck to everyone, know you're not the only one going through this and keep everyone posted if you can.

So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!

The whole point of NC is to get on with your life without someone, for the rest of your life. I don't see how that can happen if you're posting in a thread and dwelling over how long you haven't been in contact for.

At some point you have to stop counting.

Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.


Suelle, this is great news!! I'm so happy for you :) Your post did just give me an extra boost of determination!

[QUOTE=Numb]Of course, you're right. Things are still fresh for me and I really can't act as if I don't care or do not count the days. I'm counting now cause I'm having a hard time but that doesn't mean that I do not want to move on. I think it's the same for others too.


I agree with you Numb, things are still fresh and very painful and I think keeping track of our N/C and talking about our ex's is part of the grieving process. Like I've said before in one of my threads. THIS IS LIKE A DEATH AND I AM GRIEVING!!

So, its 2 days shy of the 2 month mark of our break-up and 17 days of no contact and guess who just called me? Aaghh! I didn't answer. He left a message saying "Hi, wanted to see what was up? I miss you. Call me back." Fat chance. I'm NOT calling you back. Maybe I'll call him back in 60 days when I really don't care anymore. This is going to be tough. But I figure a phone call is nothing and he probably just really wants to see what was up. If he wanted to get back together, he'd be at my house saying/crying it to me, not calling me at work at 11am on a Friday. I feel like I actually got the power back now. Yeah!

WOW Suelle, I would freak out if he called me, I don't think he ever will but if he did I don't think I would be as strong as you are. In fact I know I wouldn't be. That's what I hope for really. I want him back and I can't lie about it

Don't ever answer. My first question if ever my ex did: Why are you calling me? I have moved on I suggest you do to. I don't do friends with ex's. I have friends already, your not one of them. Bye

I'm not that strong. It's killing me not calling him back but I know he won't have anything to say that I want to hear and I don't want to then talk to him, hang up, and then half to start all over at square one. And honestly, the more and more I think about it... I don't know that I necessarily miss him anymore. I think I just miss having someone in my life, not necessarily him. And why should I settle for someone who was so unsure about us that he let me go. I guess I'm having a pretty good today thankfully. Next week I might get down again but you know, the healing process is a roller coaster.

Jiser - Exactly. Why would I want to be friends with an ex? I don't want a constant reminder of pain and rejection. Unless of course the breakup was completely mutual. But if it wasn't comoletely mutual, beings friends always winds up with someone getting hurt over and over again.

I'm not that strong. It's killing me not calling him back but I know he won't have anything to say that I want to hear and I don't want to then talk to him, hang up, and then half to start all over at square one. And honestly, the more and more I think about it...I don't know that I necessarily miss him anymore. I think I just miss having someone in my life, not necessarily him. And why should I settle for someone who was so unsure about us that he let me go. I guess I'm having a pretty good today thankfully. Next week I might get down again but you know, the healing process is a roller coaster.

I can't imagine not missing him. I don't know if you've read any of my posts on here but we had a great relationship. We literally laughed and had fun everyday. We had respect for each other. We didn't fight. We did special things for each other everyday, maybe one day he would make me dinner so I would rub his back in return or visa versa. We went fishing almost every weekend, or camping, We went grocery shopping together and genuinly loved being together and this lasted for 7 years. He even made me dinner and made love to me the day before he left. I WANT THAT BACK!!

Yes, I know how you feel. We had sex the morning we broke up. Then that day, we went to the zoo and had fun all day. And then that night, it was just like BAM.. we had a fight and that was it. But you have to remember, if it was such a perfect relationship for both of you, then he wouldn't be gone. I think sometimes we are so blinded by love that we don't see everything that's going on. We were best friends, so I don't understand it either how someone can suddenly just say "well, that's it, i'm done". Sometimes people just need to be left alone to sort out their feelings.

And remember, you will get that back! It won't necessarily be with the same person but whether its with another person or your ex, you want that back with someone who is SURE that they want to be with you forever... not just for now. No conniving or manipulating can make that happen.

Yes, I know how you feel. We had sex the morning we broke up. Then that day, we went to the zoo and had fun all day. And then that night, it was just like BAM..we had a fight and that was it. But you have to remember, if it was such a perfect relationship for both of you, then he wouldn't be gone. I think sometimes we are so blinded by love that we don't see everything that's going on. We were best friends, so I don't understand it either how someone can suddenly just say "well, that's it, i'm done". Sometimes people just need to be left alone to sort out their feelings.

And remember, you will get that back! It won't necessarily be with the same person but whether its with another person or your ex, you want that back with someone who is SURE that they want to be with you forever....not just for now. No conniving or manipulating can make that happen.

Very good point Suelle. I later found out he was being intensly pursued by a girl he works with. Not that that's any excuse but she somehow made him question our relationship. Funny thing is he was constantly asking me if I knew how rare what we have together is, and I always said yes I do its very rare.

Yes, people always think the grass is greener. You just got to let him see for himself. Especially, when you're together for so long and I think you were together for most of his 20s, right? (Same thing for me.) He suddenly says, wait, is this it? How can I be sure this is the best girl for me? I'm pretty sure based on my discussions with me ex, that that's what his problem was. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 26, so I had a substantial amount of more dating experience than he had. So, the day of the fight he basically said to me "if we stay together any longer, we're going to have to get married and I'm not ready to dedicate myself to one person yet....you're the best gf ever, I just wished we had met 5 years later than we did"... so there's really no response to that I can give him... other than to just disappear from his life... and pray 20 years from now, he looks back and says, "wow, i shouldn't have let that one go"...

And missinghim2much, who knows, maybe you and I will find the grass is greener. : )

Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc

Haha... my guy is 25 too now. Exactly, set it free. You know, my aunt once told me that woman settle down when they meet the right person, and men settle down when it's the right time. Timing really is everything. I think I'm staying away from the younger boys for now.

Yes, and that's why not contacting him is the best thing to do in the situation.

haha...my guy is 25 too now. Exactly, set it free. You know, my aunt once told me that woman settle down when they meet the right person, and men settle down when its the right time. Timing really is everything. I think I'm staying away from the younger boys for now.

Yes, and that's why not contacting him is the best thing to do in the situation.

I've never heard that before but it makes so much sense. It seems that's exactly what happen he was the right person but it wasn't the right time.

But, I firmly believe, there's not just one right person for each of us... if that was the case, we'd all be screwed cause how we ever find them in this huge world. You just have to find the combination of right person/right time.

But, i firmly believe, there's not just one right person for each of us...if that was the case, we'd all be screwed cause how we ever find them in this huge world. You just have to find the combination of right person/right time.

I so want to be where you are Suelle. I want to think there's someone else out there for me and be strong enough to reject him if he came back. But I'm not there. I know at this point of my recovery I would be a pitiful weakling and take him back if he wanted me to.

I was crying every day for 6 weeks after we broke up... I was crying in the car, at work, in the shower, in bed, it never ended. What was harder was that he was still calling so that made it even harder because I had to act like I was totally fine. This I think is about the 9th week, and I started feeling a lot better. The mornings are usually the hardest, but it really is getting A LOT better. I was where you were. I thought, "how can I go on...i'll never feel the same way about anyone..blahblah"... This site has actually really helped with everything and just hanging out with my friends as much as possible and stuff like that makes it a lot better. And staying away from the grapevine makes SUCH a big difference. You'll have good days and then you'll have bad days but slowly... really slowly it'll get a little better each day.

Actually Suelle he was only 18 when we got together he is 25 now. So I do need to let him go out and experience everything he missed that's one reason I haven't contacted him. If you love something set it free.. etc etc

I'm not really sure of this. My ex was 16 when we got together and now she's 22... if she's doing this to "experience" things it would be real stupid.. cause I wonder what is left for her to experience regarding "guys"? And whatever she wanted to experience I directly made it available for her (earthly/life matters). So if going out dating guys for short time is "experience", I'll say the girl is nothing but a B**** quiet openly. And same applies for a guy... So to put it in another way.. they want FUN and childish stuff.. and they aren't simply ready for any commitment, they just didn't mature enough to even realise a thing.

Look at it this way.. they left us suddenly and it wasn't a mutual break up nor because of something SO BAD one did to the other! So to leave someone after spending so many years with is just cause the person got bored, want to mess around, wants to feel free and simply because he/she no longer feels a thing for the other partner or simply an act of immaturity. For whatever reason it is, this person got to feel some regret one day in the future and stick to it.. cause there is no turning back.

Just my opinion though.. as for me, I think after 3 sleepless nights, I finally got myself on track and feel nothing anymore. I got cheated on and dumped, so I really see it way too stupid to even THINK about it! I don't care anymore and I feel real good since yesterday.. and going on a date soon too :)

Aaghhh!! So, my phone rings this morning and I don't recognize the # and I answer it... and it's my ex!! He tricked me! He knew I wouldn't answer if I saw it was him. So we shoot the breeze and he tells me how everythings not good with him.. blah blah blah... and I act like everything is fine and great with me.. and then he just keeps chitchatting about stuff and finally I'm like... ok, I got to go. And he's like OK, I'll talk to you later. Why did this have to happen?! What does he want from me?? I don't know what to do now. I was seriously doing so good! At least I know now it seems I'm doing a lot better than he is!

ARRGH! More great news from you Suelle... well seems like you started hesitating.. I can't blame you.. so, want him back?

I don't know. I was doing so good and hadn't cried in weeks and now of course, the second I get of the phone with him I'm crying again! At least I played it entirely cool to his face. I don't want him back if the only reason he's coming back is because his life sucks and he has no one else. I only would take him back (and slowly at that) if he really showed that he had made a HUGE mistake and that I was the one he wanted to be with forever. But honestly, I've started healing and moving on and I can't take this anymore. It's like either sh*t or get off the pot, you know?

Yeah I totally understand what you mean.. I fear that the same would happen to me. I was thinking "what IF she calls me someday this month? what would I do?".
The good thing is that you're thinking the right way in my opinion and if he truly shows you how big of a mistake he made and how he regrets it and you decided to have him back, then I'd advice to show him hell before he steps in once again. That's what I'd do IF she ever calls back (won't happen, but IF).

The last time we spoke before today (which was 18 days ago).. I told him, "I don't want to be friends, don't call me to be just friends"... and then he goes and does this. I don't know if he calls again.. if I should reiterate that again or play it cool or just ignore him all together.

Any suggestions on what to do now? I want to call him and just say listen "what do you want from me? Its all of me or none of me. If you want to be friends, find someonelse to be friends with..." or am I just better off leaving well enough alone and doing nothing... I know I'm probably better off doing nothing, but I just don't know...

Any suggestions on what to do now? I want to call him and just say listen "what do you want from me? Its all of me or none of me. If you want to be friends, find someonelse to be friends with..." or am I just better off leaving well enough alone and doing nothing...I know I'm probably better off doing nothing, but I just don't know...

Wow Suelle, that's rough I can't even imagine being in your situation at this point. I would cave I'm sure of it. But something you said earlier about you don't want him back if he's just coming back because his life sucks. Think about it this way on some level he would only want you if his life sucks because he realized it sucks because you're not in it. Does that make sense? I mean if and when they do realize they scewed up and want you back wouldn't their lives suck because they know they threw away the best thing that ever happened to them.

Yes, missinghim2much, you're right about his life sucking cause I'm not in it. If he realized that, that'd be one thing. Its just he should just come out and say it then! Its almost like he's trying to feel me out to see what I'm thinking.

I'm going back into NC mode again. I'm thankful that I was able to play it completely cool and that I was the one to end the conversation and get off the phone rather than him. Now he can stir in his emotions like I've had to for the past 2 months. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing his life hasn't been all crazy and fun since he left me. Now he can start guessing what I'm up to... If/when he calls me again (which by the sound of him sounds like he's going to), I'm just going to tell him, its all of me or none of me...

If you ask me, I'd say keep it cool. To tell him to make choice will certainly show him how desperate you are and that you are ready to have him back. Let him take the lead and do the step.. girl, now if he wants to be back, he better come back ON YOUR OWN RULES!

On the other hand, would you really want him back after all of this?

Exactly, numb. I'm not doing anything at this point. Its right back to NC with a vengeance. I just soooooo wish I hadn't answered the phone this morning!

It's OK, he'll be calling back tomorrow... once they start the calling they never stop... so just act cool and ignore your phone for a while, cause it will never stop ringing these days! It's obvious that he's cracking up! Pay back time!

Aaghh! Why am I sitting here thinking about all this again? I had given up hope that he'd ever come back and that phone call yesterday really screwed me up. What if he's realized that he screwed up and he's trying to reach out? If he calls again, should I just ignore or answer and ask him "why are you calling me? I already told you I don't want to be friends, if that's what you want, STOP calling me!" And then, just end the conversation. And go back to NC?

Suelle,
I hear you on that... I'm going through the same with a woman I proposed to and 1 week later she wants to take a "break". You have to be strong and don't cave in... do not sacrifice yourself anymore. Ask yourself if this is what you want down the road if things get patched up. I'm on day number 5 of NC and 21 of physically seeing each other. Sure it hurts a lot wanting to call and reach out to that person you love. Just remember if they truly love you then they will be going through the same agony that you are now. If that is true... then why the "break"... was it true love to begin with? True love knows no boundaries and it waits for no one...

So, now by ex texts me, and says " i still love u. absolutely". That's its. Nothing about getting back togeter or anything. So what the heck am I supposed to do with that?? Aagghh, he's so frustrating. I can't believe I have to start all over again with NC.

Suelle Do you think he finally knows what he wants? This has got to be making you crazy

Im going through the same with my ex g/f of 3.5 years, she rings, emails... she doesn't want to be with me, she just wants to see if I'm still on the back burner. I answered one of her calls by mistake as she phoned from a number I didn't have an whilst I wo asleep.. she then rang from her number which I ignored, bcos I ignored her she emailled me then accusing me of showing people photo's of her which I bit to, an I shouldn't have because she knows full well I wouldn't do that but she just wanted me to respond! Ex's are weird!

Yes, its like pull-push, push-pull. Its like the exes want to make things as confusing as possible. Then, my ex texts me again and says, "your still my girlfriend, always will be." What does that mean? We broke up 2 months ago! The only way to the end confusion I guess is back to NC. I can't believe a word he says anymore. I don't know that he's realized his mistake or is just trying to keep me in the back burner for a booty call. I'm not falling for it.

I know, its weird how there's so many people experiences the same issues! So it must be right when everyone says... definitely trying to keep us on the back burner! I'm not falling for it either, too many people out there that would treat you a whole lot better

New development. He texted me today and wants to come to see me. Fortunately, I actually have plans today so I told him I couldn't. Ha, take that! NC really does work.

Suelle, the ball is in your playground now... congrats :)

I'm on the 5th day of NC.. no word from her.

Ha! Good work... yeah NC made my ex g/f come sniffing round but I think lads will take back their ex g/f's more than if a women dumped their ex b/f... if you know what I mean! So I think you stand in good stead compared to my situation

I've made no contact for 6 weeks and he hasn't even so much as tried to make contact with me. I guess it works for some but not others. Besides he's been seeing someone else so I'm sure she keeps him busy so I'm not on his mind in the least.

I've made NC for 7 weeks yesterday, she's iniated contact 3 times... but it's pointless, unless she sent a text/email saying I've made a mistake I want to give it another go then I'm just moving on, an even if she sent that... with the way I feel now I prob won't take her back... my ex dated a guy straight away after us breaking, like 2 days after, so it was hard for me because I did 2 months worth of chasing before I started the NC... she then dumped him after 2.5 months, so there was nothing ever in it but I think it was to get a point over to me that she doesn't want to see me anymore an that's the only way she could get over me as I wo her first love etc after a 3.5 year relationship!

It won't last with that girl he's seeing, it never does. So stay strong an then at least when it fizzles out you'll be in the driving seat!

4 weeks to the day of no contact! Two more days and it will be a record for me!

We split up 6 months ago, she ran the whole lets be friends line. I let her do that, she clearly wanted to do that to 1) ease her guilt; 2) for someone to hang out with until she found a new bloke. I said we couldn't be friends 4 weeks ago, and I wouldn't contact her, and only expected to hear from her if she wants to talk about us.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?
3 months to the day. Impressed with myself! I am way happier now, and know that if the ex ever contacts me I will be rationale in deciding whether to meet. I have felt myself thinking that now I see things with a clearer head (I am not sure I want to get back together with her) I was debating whether seeing how she is at somepoint soon! Is that a good or bad idea? I know from a mutual friend she is still single, is not happy with it, but thinks that I have no interest in seeing her. Thoughts?

Thursday will be 10 weeks for me... Crazy.

I am going on my 4 month with zero contact. It is tough. My ex has a boyfriend who is down visiting her. It's a big pill to swallow but remember gents, she is no longer yours so just let go. I have trouble some days but there is nothing I can do. Good luck to you guys. It is a long and bumpyroad.

Since July now! :)

Probably for ever also now.

3 months and feeling good. Still miss her allot but I don't dwell on it as much as I uset too.
Not interested in dating right now either. Most girls I have met for whateva reason just don't interest me.

Last time I spoke with my ex was on Oct 24 so tomorrow will be two weeks.. that day she called while I was in class I wouldn't had picked up if I knew it was her but she called private and I thought it was one of my friends who always calls private... when I picked up she sounded shy.. n then just said that she was calling to see if I was still alive?. I actually called her two days after that out of anger of hearing that she was walking around my neighborhood with her new boyfriend.. that was it.. even though this NC works I feel like we are all stuck waiting for them to call in my case the day she called even if it was for her dumb question it gave me some sense of relief not even hope but just brighten the day to know that she had to be thinking of me in order for her to call... I don't like feeling like I have to rely or wait for her to call to give me this sense of peace of mind... Do any of you feel the same way??

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

4 months to the day. I am please I am still sticking to the No Contact. I am now starting to move on, been out on dates etc. I am wondering if she will ever call but there you go, who knows!?

Although I had a bad spell last week when I almost rang her! Should I ever call her?

4 months to the day. I am please I am still sticking to the No Contact. I am now starting to move on, been out on dates etc. I am wondering if she will ever call but there you go, who knows!!??

Although I had a bad spell last week when I almost rang her!! Should I ever call her??
Why mess up the healing process, with a moment of insanity?? After you have healed, now that's another story. Most here who have been through the process, have no urge to call the ex. Go figure!!

Why mess up the healing process, with a moment of insanity??? After you have healed, now thats another story. Most here who have been thru the process, have no urge to call the ex. Go figure!!!

I think that is right Tal. I need to be in a place where I am ambivalent about her. I won't want to call her then anyway. If she does call, I can deal with things with a clear head, which, realistically, by then will probably mean ignoring any call from her or being very blunt.

Sometimes I have moments where I nearly slip though. I have guarded against that! Her numbers have been deleted from my phone and are written down and put away. On the one occasion when I nearly called, by the time I had got the number, I saw sense!

Although I am starting to move to an anger to an ambivalence phase now. If she calls, I will deal with it, if not, well it means it is her loss.

I am at the 2 month mark.It has been a tough,tough 2 months.I was in a daze for the first month.Then I thought I had it beaten,then wallop,more pain and suffering.So although I am healing I do expect tough days ahead.I am proud of myself and will not break NC.If she ever wants me back,she'll have to come to me.That way we would be entering back on equal terms,giving our relationship a much better chance.If I chased her and even got her back,then I would be walking on eggshells forever after.So NC is the way to go,it can do absolutely no harm,but a hell of a lot of good.You will have your dignity intact and walk with your head tall.

I am at the 2 month mark.It has been a tough,tough 2 months.I was in a daze for the first month.Then I thought I had it beaten,then wallop,more pain and suffering.So although I am healing I do expect tough days ahead.I am proud of myself and will not break NC.If she ever wants me back,she'll have to come to me.That way we would be entering back on equal terms,giving our relationship a much better chance.If I chased her and even got her back,then I would be walking on eggshells forever after.So NC is the way to go,it can do absolutely no harm,but a hell of a lot of good.You will have your dignity intact and walk with your head tall.

It is tough but it sounds like you are doing way better than most at the two month mark. A lot of people seem to still be debating whether to contact the ex. You are not at that stage and are clear that any contact must come from her.

The focus, which I am starting to realise after 4 months NC, should be about you not getting her back. Start enjoying being single again. If she comes back, you can be objective, if not, it is her loss.

I am approaching 4 months now. I still miss my ex and my head is clear and focused. I however don't have the desire to contact her really. I have several ways to contact her if I chose except her cell number it got changed when we broke up and I never saved or memorized her new number I can not say how much that has truly helpded me. I probably would have drunk called her 20 times by now lol! Anyway the holiday season hit me hard until I realized she was not a holiday person very cold about it actually didn't seem to enjoy or get into them that much. She is a good person wouldn't bad talk her but I guess not for me. 4 months and counting till I meet the 1 who truly apprciates who I am.

It is tough but it sounds like you are doing way better than most at the two month mark. A lot of people seem to still be debating whether or not to contact the ex. You are not at that stage and are clear that any contact must come from her.

The focus, which I am starting to realise after 4 months NC, should be about you not getting her back. Start enjoying being single again. If she comes back, you can be objective, if not, it is her loss.

Yes I too would like to think that at 4 months I will not be thinking about getting her back.Hopefully by that stage I won't want her back.Right now I do want her back,but not at any price.

Yes I too would like to think that at 4 months I will not be thinking about getting her back.Hopefully by that stage I won't want her back.Right now I do want her back,but not at any price.

Well that is a good place to be in. You are not going to be needy and try and get her back. Any approach MUST come from her.

As you say, in a few months time, you may not even be bothered about her contacting you!

Last time i spoke with my ex was on Oct 24 so tomorrow will be two weeks..that day she called while i was in class i wouldnt had picked up if i knew it was her but she called private and i thought it was one of my friends who always calls private...when i picked up she sounded shy..n then just said that she was callin to see if i was still alive???...I actually called her two days after that out of anger of hearin that she was walkin around my neighborhood with her new bf..that was it.. even though this NC works i feel like we are all stuck waitin for them to call in my case the day she called even if it was for her dumb question it gave me some sense of relief not even hope but just brighten the day to know that she had to be thinkin of me in order for her to call... I dont like feelin like i have to rely or wait for her to call to give me this sense of peace of mind... Do any of you feel the same way???

The view that I take is that if she calls, great, I can deal with it, but it must be her who makes the first move. She must realise it was her loss. If not, well, that's life and I will find someone new and probably better for me before long anyway.

She first mentioned this break thing about 2 months ago. But didn't say we didn't have to not talk she just said not talk as much. So I felt bad and id contact her once a week to show I didn't forget her. But she'd never put any effort into it, it was always me doing it. So then finally I stopped contacting. Been 2 weeks. Deff going to go on for a 3rd week because this is finals week for the both of us and I'm real busy so deff not going to try and contact her. But this is the longest time of not talking to each other in seriously 2 years. It's a weird experience for me. I'm hoping she will soon miss me too. I'm also putting to test all the stuff she said about us about this not being some break up that she does have faith in us just wants to hold off till she feels more ready to put in the time needed. I just have to see if she met what she said about everything. So I'm just not going to do anything anymore and let her come back to me. I did send her a card though that was real nice and simple just saying gluck on finals... should be there sometime this week

The view that I take is that if she calls, great, I can deal with it, but it must be her who makes the first move. She must realise it was her loss. If not, well, that's life and I will find someone new and probably better for me before long anyway.

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,because in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them?? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number... "I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"...
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

Mine will be 2 months tomorrow. I have had ZERO contact with her. She however had tried to contact me up until 5 weeks ago. I would not reply to any of her messages. I am still doing crappy. I have started to get angry and can't believe some of the things she has done to me. I wanted so much for her to come back and I miss her so much but I will never let that on to anyone other than on here. I have been so good about being all fixing myself. I still miss her so much though. It makes me sad we are not together. But I am doing good on my own. Just still shocked and feel dumb as a rock.

We have tried this a whole bunch of times, specially coming out of me. And him just accepting it, but at the end I fell for his calls. Now he is wiilling to start the process, I miss him a lot I did see him today, kalled him again, with no answer. Even though I wish he'd answer, it is good in a way because it keeps me from hearing his voice and struggling with this. So since he did not picked up the phone today I will start the nc tomorrow. Got to go to sleep now..! I just hope I kan.

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

That is exactly it. By contacting I would be saying to her that I am still needing her, a bad situation to present to her. Even if I did persuade her to try again I would always be wating for the "do you think we have made the right choice getting back together" and "I am still not sure" type comments. Why have that anxiety again!?

If she contacts me, it is because she wants too.

I have a tip, sign up to internet dating e.g. match.com or similar. If you are sat at home on your own feeling a bit down there is nothing like an ego boost of going online and seeing the number of top quality women that are single, attractive and like the same things as you! It may help you to start to move on, it has helped me!

Hey thank's for the tip.I will look into it.Luckily I have a good circle of friends and can go back on the social scene.At the moment I am just taking a "time out" for me.I think after Xmas I will pick up the pieces and move on properly.It helps to know I am in a similar situation to you and we are both doing the right thing.

I'm technically on... day 0.

Broke up last weekend, but she calls me everyday. So I explained to her that talking will only delay the getting over period... and she said that she didn't want to get over me. Strange how girls are...

Anyway, we have the same classes and the same friends, so I maintain contact with her at least once a day... somehow. For example, yest, I realized that she borrowed a book of mine that I needed... so I called her to get the book. See... contact I can't avoid. 2 days ago, our professor paired us up for the same project... contact I can't avoid. HOWEVER! I am keeping it shallow and professional. Only talk about what needs to be talked about. Then I'm out. ZING!

After nearly 4 weeks, I broke NC, as I needed certain things back from her. She's still seems to have the same attitude towards me, but I think I have got through it rather well, as I didn't say anything emotional etc. kept it cool and calm. So not such a bad outcome...

Ha, even asked how she was doing... guess that was a mistake on my part. Got no reply except 'i think we should still wait awhile before we talk'... done with waiting. I give up.

Correct Question,I sometimes let the heart rule the head.I start texting a message of undying love to my ex,playing into her arms.She is probably waiting for this text,cos in the past I did send it,more than once.Not again,my heart has been kicked to touch and my logical self is now in the driving seat.Imagine,they break your heart,then we give them the reassurance that we are lost without them.What does that spell out to them??? That we are sad pathetic losers.Well I won't be doing it Question.Of course I have had the temptations,but thankfully my mind overruled my heart.A good tip,send a text message to your own mobile number......"I will not contact her,no matter what.If she loves me she will contact me.After all she dumped me.Do not do it"......
Just remember this,next time you get weak!

It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His girlfriend dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!?

It is funny how that is the case. The more they know they can have us, via our pleading texts/calls etc, the more they back away, but still run the "lets be friends" line. In a lot of cases, it seems to me, that over time, NC makes them re-assess what they want and it is them that initiates contact but, bizarrely, the dumpee has moved on!!

Funny! I know a friend who is in exactly that situation. His gf dumped him out of the blue in June. He pleaded, begged etc for another chance, she said no. He then broke off contact. She initiated contact 3 months later (Sept) only to say to him she "hoped they could be friends". He said no.

In Oct, he met someone else, they see each other every day, he will shortly move in with her. The ex has now contacted him virtually pleading for another chance. He said no.

I don't think that is an unusual situation either!!??

It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someone's heart.

It's kind of proof of the old saying "what goes around,comes around" isn't it?
I think you and I see NC in the same light.Of course the let's be friends trick is a no go,in my opinion.Just disappear!!

The story of your friend is quite common.I seriously think some dumpers think that the dumpees cannot live without them.They think they can leave them and have them back at the click of a finger.I find it hard to have any sympathy with her.Now it is her turn to really feel the pain.I wouldn't wish this on anybody,but she just might think twice next time before she goes and breaks someones heart.

The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

The funny thing with him is that he was dumped by her out of the blue. He gave her the chance (3 months later when she contacted him) to try again, she ran the "let's be friends line" which we all know means "I want to keep you around to ease my guily and/or as a back up". He rejected that.

The person he is now with is way better for him, less high maintenance, less highly strung. Classic example of the grass isn't always greener.

I think that happens in a lot of these situations.

High maintenance!! Wow does that ring a bell. My ex was extremley HM.She threw me out of her house on 4 occasions because I didn't agree with her point of view(I live 15 miles from her,had to sleep in my car on 1 occasion,because I had some drinks earlier) On 1 occasion I threw her out of my place(I know,but where did I get the idea from)Anyway she hasn't spoken to me since.I tried the phone calls and even went to her work place,but she said and I quote "It's different,I am a woman,you don't do that to a woman" So my assumption is it's OK for a woman to mistreat a man,but not vice versa.I shouldn't have stooped to her level,but I feel she bit of her nose to spite her face.If she wants me she knows where I am,but like your friend I may meet someone better and lower maintenance.

Its been a week since I last had any contact with my ex and 2 months since she dumped me, she did some classic moves, split out of the blue then contacted me none stop for a week telling me I'm the best boyfriends she's ever had etc... the nothing until she told me to move on. After that she showed up at places she'd know id be clubs etc then made an excuse to see me and then again nothing... so I sinned and got in touch it didn't get me anywhere and the very next day she cried when she saw my sis in a club!

I still want her back.. we had a six year relationship we met at 18 but she's had a lot of older boyfriends etc in the past... no contact is best all around you get on or they come back you can't loose really but then if they do you have to decide what's for the best FOR YOU!!

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)

You are doing the right thing. NC will either bring her back or help you move on it is a win win situation. Stick to it and work on u.

Good Luck!

:)


I really appreciate the support. Thank you very much.

This is the very first day I'm dedicating myself to NC with my exgirlfriend. I don't want to be her back up anymore, and I'm tired of being confused. I really want her back, but I know what I'm going to get when I start chasing after her. This might be the best for me, but it'll be hard because I see her in the halls everyday. God, I hate my life.

Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? How often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend... we all feel bad but don't give up! We all here to help if you want it just reach out! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better... no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

5th day NC,one month since he broke up with me,I am going crazy because I'm sure he isn't coming back ever and I won't see him for God knows how long.I really hate good byes.I really wish we could just be friends.for real,JUST friends,just chat on the internet like once a week.it's awful,I can't even wish him happy holidays

NC apart from one occasion we were at the same club - no contact happened. Well nearly 5 months now : ), time flys when your busy.

Can be done, keep at it people.

Can I ask what your timescales are here? i.e. when did she end things? how often have you been in contact since? Is it you or her who contacted?

You are doing the right thing. Put some distance between you. It can only have a positive outcome.

Me and her ended in August, and we've kind of been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

Spartan

Hey man were all in the same boat my friend....we all feel bad but dont give up!! we all here to help if you want it just reach out!! N/C is the only way to get yourself sorted and if (big if) she wants you back then you have the choice to decide.

Im the same mate but it will get better...no person is worth feeling like you life is worthless!

Thanks, it's good to know that someone understands what I'm going through. It just kind of speeds the healing process, in my opinion. I just start to get depressed, and sad when I start playing my guitar because it just automatically makes me think of her. It was a mistake to build my whole life around this girl.

Me and her ended in august, and we've kinda been in touch ever since then
I started NC around 3 days ago, and she contacted me yesterday of why I have been ignoring her for a while.

And thank you, I appreciate it

If she is still contacting you then you need to tell her that you cannot be in contact anymore. The outcome can only be positive. It may make her focus her mind and see what she has lost, it may not, but you will start to heal over time.

Although getting her back should not be your main aim. NC is about you getting yourself back.

If she is still contacting you then you need to tell her that you cannot be in contact anymore. The outcome can only be positive. It may make her focus her mind and see what she has lost, it may not, but you will start to heal over time.

Although getting her back should not be your main aim. NC is about you getting yourself back.

Yeah, getting her back WAS my main aim for about 2 months or so, but she made some big mistakes with her (ex boyfriend now) and it made me look at who she really was, instead of looking at her like how I want her to be. But in my circumstance, it doesn't matter if she's in my life or not anymore. I'm starting to heal more day by day

I'm sick of all you.
They're NEVER coming back.
At least not this year.So
Cheer up,it's 2008 pretty soon.
Until then,shut up.
Get moving

Yawn. Nc is easy.

Yawn. Nc is easy.

Letting go and moving on has been extremely hard for me... but you're right, NC is the easy part... I have'nt even been tempted to call him.

Yawn. Nc is easy.

NC is definitely the easy part. In fact NC is a luxury for the people who can't have it. So if you do have the chance of NC , TAKE IT!

Anytime I miss him, I just remind myself that he's not the same person he used to be or the person I thought he was so what's the point in calling him? It will only make things worse....and frankly, he doesn't deserve my time or energy...let them keep guessing forever...they don't know that you're sitting here thinking about them 24 hours a day..the only way they'll know that is if you call them and tell them...you want to NOT call them so they can start to wonder what the heck you're up to.

You are soooright suelle,about thinking about them 24/7 I thought I was the only one who did that,obsessivelyy think about them,but with NC you can think about them but don't act on it and still protect yourself it's a win win situation. I'm on let see two weeks, hmm, maybe almost ttwo weeks because I did sent him a email attachment w/out writing anything a week ago , I guess that's breaking NC:( but I didn't answer his calls, which was once every two week I see, with no messages. Why don't they bother to leave message if they want to talk to you? But really most of our contact is through the phone which is no more. Now Xmas is coming up and I'm trying hard not to email hi merry Xmas, but NC if you're dedicated is the only way for the rejected to be on equal level with the rejecter, not that we never were equal to them but it seems like they have all the power when they did the rejecting,by doing NC, you're saying, fine you don't want me? You can't have me! %$#@@@! Oops,sorry got a little angry there :)

Yes I too would like to think that at 4 months I will not be thinking about getting her back.Hopefully by that stage I won't want her back.Right now I do want her back,but not at any price.


That's deep, I want him back to but not at any price, words to live by way to go!

With No Contact because:

1) They are not in your life

2) The reminders are not there

3) It's broke

The thoughts of them will gradually diminish. It has to happen, its pretty obvious. It's hard but its worth it in the end. Also the relationship is over in most cases, so why should there be contact. Keep at it folks.

I can appreciate your position. It has been my experience here though, that making healthy decisions, is the best way to go, and healing is the best way to be healthy. It is also my experience that limited contact, and even no contact, has brought the exes back, but in every case so far, The dumpee no longer felt the same, and was going to move on, or the dumpee is seeing the ex in a very different way, and no longer wishes to go back. This has been seen over and over, by even the most hardcore determined dumpees who have posted here. I can only put forth the facts, and stress, its better to get your own act together, and then look at the rest of the world, and think, before you make your next move. Its also interesting that those who have moved on, don't hate the ex for dumping them, as they move to better lives, and relationships, and I think that's the best outcome. I point out even in your own case Radan, your story is incomplete as of now, but we look forward to your update, and I honestly hope you get what you want.

Should I wish her a Merry Christmas, or wait for her to do it first?

Btw 2 days and strong... lol, not really, but after every weak moment when I cry, when I'm done crying I remember that she's the reason I'm crying and why would I want to call her and let her know that she's getting to me. I don't think I deserve to be a plan B to anyone.

Way to go west. Way to go.

Roughly... 2 weeks with a hiccup a week ago. Going strong? Eh... still going.

It's been 5 months no contact for me now... I think N/C is the easiest part of all this. I suppose when your ex moves in with someone immediately after leaving you it makes N/C that much easier... I mean what would I say anyway... Offer to buy them a house warming gift?

Haha true. Funny thing is, my ex and I had a "good breakup". One of those, I LOVE YOU, AND I WANT US TO TALK IN ABOUT A MONTH OR SO...

... those.

So it was hard. Not only did I love this girl, she was GOOD. We broke up... WELL. So I missed her even more. I even remember saying to one of my friends, I WISH SHE CHEATED ON ME OR SOMETHING SO I CAN BE MAD AT HER AND GET OVER HER More quick.

3 days later, from her friends, I find out some dude's been spending the night at her place.

... touche fate. Touché.

i even remember saying to one of my friends, I WISH SHE CHEATED ON ME OR SOMETHING SO I CAN BE MAD AT HER AND GET OVER HER QUICKER.

3 days later, from her friends, i find out some dude's been spending the night at her place.

...touche fate. touche.

I don't think even the fact that he moved in with someone else made it easier or more quick to get over him... I should've been mad but for months I made excuses for him... In my mind it was almost like I thought he left for some reasons beyond his control... Like he didn't really mean it... But I do think that the fact he's with someone else definitely made N/C easier.. Reason being, I was scared I'd find out he was happy... I didn't want to hear that.

I really really want her back... I know this is probably a weak moment but I want her so bad to realize that she made a mistake. But I swear I'm not going to call her, or even text her a merry christmas. But sometimes I wonder if she won't realize that she made a mistake, and she is stubborn about making the first move... but I guess a phone call isn't really too much to ask for... I know NC is about me, but I just find myself waiting for her to call. Especially now around the holidays when almost all my friends are away.

Day 3... so far so good.

Natural feelings, its only been 3 days, I do suggest you get proactive on your healing though, it will fill the time better than waiting and wondering.

Well Guys I have been doing great until today. Don't want to beat myself up about it but my ex emailed me after 4 MONTHS! This is how it went down lol. First email was a Hi in the title with no body to the email I email back hello. She emails back just wanted to check on you and the baby and see how you guys are doing. I give her a quick snapshot of what has been going on with my daughter in her new school etc.. Next is so what you been up to? Gave her a quick snapshot of that stuff working out diet etc.. HELP! Lol.
I feel I have been progressing sooo much I really don't want to see it ruined cause she decided to contact me. Me and her did not have nasty falling out or anything just went through allot myself personally allot of death and it strained our relationship so we parted ways. But recently I met somebody she works with by chance on a internet dating site once I realized they worked at the same job, had the same manager, etc.. I cut the girl off I don't have any animoisty torwards my ex I am hurt but not bitter. Recently I had been really struggling with missing her and I do miss her badly but I don't want any recurrence or setbacks. Do I love her ? Yes Do I miss her ? Yes would I try to work it out? Probably but I don't want to walk into a bear trap which is what I feel is happening. I will keep my distance and the emails to a minimum. I WILL NOT call her or email her directly myself if she emails I will respond but I won't be as the other post says a WUSS lol.

Im hating xmas, this is my first on my own in six years all I've thought about is texting her even just to say merry xmas... I know I can't but I want to I'm missing her a lot!

Although I've been very busy the last few days, I mean this is the first time I've really sat down since yesterday morning all I want to do I speak to her, there's no real point I know and I know the more I text I lower myself but I just can't help feeling this way is!

Is anyone else feeling the same?

You sure you want to be with me
I've nothing to give
Won't lie and say this lovin's best
Leave us in emotional peace
Take a walk, taste the rest
No, take a rest

You sure you want to be with me
I've nothing to give
Won’t lie and say this lovin's best
Leave us in emotional peace
Take a walk, taste the rest
No, take a rest


Who would this be directed at? Is this just the general opinion of women that want a break or what?

You sure you want to be with me
I've nothing to give
Won’t lie and say this lovin's best
Leave us in emotional peace
Take a walk, taste the rest
No, take a rest

I took it as a dumper, talking to a dumpee, Fits both ways, man or woman.

It's a song by massive atack I have been listening to lately.
I was the dumpee and those lyrics somewhat helped me calm down a bit,I guess they've made me understand the situation-that there was nothing (for him)to give,it wasn't the best thing I could ever have ,and I should pull myself together.
I don't know,my comfort is in those lyrics and I thought maybe someone else on this forum would feel the same way.

Cool, the soundtrack form Juno makes me feel happy. 9.99 on itunes for 19 songs... not bad at all.

Well I think it's lovely that we can talk about healing art instead of freaking out ''omg it's been 3 days 9 months and 2 seconds NC'' now really.
I don't know about you guys but this constant reminder that I've lost something and how long it's been since I met/saw/heard about/talked to my ex is not helping me at all. I'll move away from this thread and I wish you all a very HAPPY new year!
Listen to ''All is full of love'' by Bjork

Perception is in the eye of the beholder, or something like that? I couldn't disagree more that with this: "this constant reminder that i've lost something and how long it's been since i met/saw/heard about/talked to my ex is not helping me at all." That is not the reason for this thread. This thread is a small place where you can pat yourself (and others) on the back; for me, 12/27/07 was the 30th day since NC and I am proud of that, and look forward to 60 and 90. I agree with the notion that one can spend too much time swimming in pity; but pity and NC are really different, in my view.

I am on day 19. The first week I was fine, I felt empowered and I felt like I made a giant leap to getting on with my life. Unfortunately over the last week I've been a blubbering teary eyed mess, brought on by the holidays and spending too much time alone.

However I have still not made any contact and obviously neither has he. Thus far I have stood firm so hopefully I can continue this good run even though it's hurting like hell.

Good to see you again Roo, Glad you finally made your.

I am on day 19. The first week I was fine, I felt empowered and I felt like I made a giant leap to getting on with my life. Unfortunately over the last week I've been a blubbering teary eyed mess, brought on by the holidays and spending too much time alone.

However I have still not made any contact and obviously neither has he. Thus far I have stood firm so hopefully I can continue this good run even though it's hurting like hell.

Hi Roogirl
I have read back through your post and you have been through quite a journey. You seem like you are very strong , good on you.
The holiday season is hard for everyone in this situation so don't feel alone , the feeling is totally normal. Stay strong and don't break NC and go back to square one.

And remember we are all on here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Here's to 2008 and your new life :-)

Hi Roogirl
I have read back through your post and you have been through quite a journey. You seem like you are very strong , good on you.
The holiday season is hard for everyone in this situation so don't feel alone , the feeling is totally normal. Stay strong and don't break NC and go back to square one.

And remember we are all on here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Here's to 2008 and your new life :-)

Oh I wish I was so strong, but unfortunately I'm not. I've been secretely holding on to the hope that he might come back, but he won't. If he wanted to come back he would have by now. I miss him so much. I divorced my cheating husband (hooray! That's a good thing). But divorcing him was like a walk in the park in comparison to this. I think I got involved with someone too soon afterward, but boy I loved this man so much.

Well the day before yesterday was my first day of NC. I fell asleep holding my phone and carry it in my pocket at all times. Its like I know that after what he's done things will never be the same. But I still feel in denial. This all happened so fast. I think NC will help me move on. Because he already has a new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) after less than one week. The only thing is I have to get my dog tomorro and some couches. I hope he's not there because I'm scared of what I may say. I don't know how I will feel in time but right now I feel betrayed and alone yet still in love. :(

Week 3 is ova.

I'm feeling great. I'm doing awesome.

As well as I'm doing, it makes me wonder... it's only been 3 weeks of NC from a 3 year relationship. I'm already feeling... decently. Funny how the human mind works.

Some people would say YOU Didn't LOVE HER. Actually... I did. I really did. I guess I get over people easily.

Thanks for this update; I expect roogirl and xcookiemonstorx will be feeling better, if not much better, around late January. Each day can be a painful process and there needs to be some positive things to do (coping strategies), other than tears and self-pity. But all of it is part of the cure for heartache, it seems.

well the day before yesterday was my first day of NC. i fell asleep holding my phone and carry it in my pocket at all times. its like i know that after what hes done things will never be the same. but i still feel in denial. this all happened so fast. i think NC will help me move on. bc he already has a new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) after less than one week. the only thing is i have to get my dog tomorro and some couches. i hope hes not there bc im scared of what i may say. i dont know how i will feel in time but right now i feel betrayed and alone yet still in love. :(


Well done for your first day of NC. Take it one day at a time, some days will be easier than others and other days will be absolute murder, take it from me, but you must remain strong. I can understand why you feel betrayed that happened to me too. Let them have each other, they deserve each other. One day it will be this new girl's turn to cry when your ex cheats on her too. It will only be a matter of time.

Well guys, it's only been my 3rd day of complete No Contact. I still carry my phone and check it every 2 hours or so, still hoping she might call or something. It's pretty pathetic, I feel kind of low about it. But for now, these 2 days have been great. I mean if she wanted to get back together or wanted to be friends, she would've contacted me :confused: . Really sad thing is that I'm still in love with her. I just don't know why she started to completely ignore me these past days, it's been murder :(. Well guys, here's to a new year and a new life, I wish everyone the best of luck.

Well guys, it's only been my 3rd day of complete No Contact. I still carry my phone and check it every 2 hours or so, still hoping she might call or something. It's pretty pathetic, I feel kinda low about it. But for now, these 2 days have been great. I mean if she wanted to get back together or wanted to be friends, she would've contacted me :confused: . Really sad thing is that I'm still in love with her. I just don't know why she started to completely ignore me these past days, it's been murder :(. Well guys, here's to a new year and a new life, I wish everyone the best of luck.

Keep going with the no contact, I know it's murder, and you are not pathetic, you are behaving like someone who has just had their heart broken, we have all been through that. I still check my email and my Yahoo about 10 times a day, all with the same result, a bit fat nothing. I think we do this because we are looking for ways to numb the pain.

Here is something that might help you, and I quote: 'Quite honestly, they will be more intrigued by the fact that you didn't call than if you did. Not keeping the lines of communication open says a lot about somebody. It says they've moved on and are not interested in spending their valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with them' taken from the book 'it's called a breakup because it's broken' by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Rutola-Behrendt. This is a book written primarily for the girl but I think this quote applies with both sexes.

NC is freakin hard when your friends are busy with their girlfriends and you have almost nothing to do...

It is hard, but it beats the alternative; don't think about what your ex is doing and do whatever else you have to do to re-establish yourself. And check this out:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

I think despite the times, you all are doing better than you think, and should have hope for the coming year. May it be HAPPY!

Keep going with the no contact, I know it's murder, and you are not pathetic, you are behaving like someone who has just had their heart broken, we have all been through that. I still check my email and my yahoo about 10 times a day, all with the same result, a bit fat nothing. I think we do this because we are looking for ways to numb the pain.

Here is something that might help you, and I quote: 'Quite honestly, they will be more intrigued by the fact that you didnt call than if you did. Not keeping the lines of communication open says a lot about somebody. It says they've moved on and are not interested in spending their valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with them' taken from the book 'it's called a breakup because it's broken' by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Rutola-Behrendt. This is a book written primarily for the girl but I think this quote applies with both sexes.


Thanks roogirl, that'll be my reminder next time I want to go and call her or something. She doesn't talk to me and looks like she easily replaced me. I'll be strong, I'll show her. She had the nerves to say "after all we've been through" the last time we talked. She wanted to know something and I didn't tell her. I couldn't believe her but I didn't go off and explode on her. Enough talking about her anyway, and I appreciate the advice and help. I hope you have a happy new year. To you and everyone else.

Well, I'm back to day one, after two months of no contact. She broke up with me 4 months ago, ending a 3 year relationship. I saw her for the first time in 4 months 2 days ago, and it was so painful acting like we were "just friends", that I felt I had to set the record straight, explain that I still had feelings for her, and that I didn't know if I wanted to see her again or if we could be just friends.
I know it was bad of me to break no contact,but I was in a somewhat unusual situation, as she moved 1600 miles away from me back to her mom when she broke up, and this is the last time I would be in the area before deciding whether to move to Hawaii or near her (Arizona) at the end of the summer. She says she's moved on, that I'm a nice guy that deserves a good girl, but that girl's not her. Four months, and I still can't stop thinking about her. But, I guess, at least now I know. I kept hoping the no contact would make her miss me, but she's just jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend during that time.

You wrote: "She broke up with me 4 months ago...." and then "she's just jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend during that time."

My guess is the timeline is a little different, and she was dropping you before this.

Go back and re-read the No Contact information because it is for you, numero uno. And check this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html You will be fine.

Amazing, even after being told NC is for healing, some still think that it's the magic pill to get the partner back. Truly amazing.

Amazing, even after being told NC is for healing, some still think that its the magic pill to get the partner back. Truly amazing.

LOL... It's a revolving door Tal , and we'll just have to keep repeating ourselves :-)

I'm on day 13 today, with 2 hickup's in me sending text's. One was a reply to her wishing me a merry christmas and the second was a stupid drunken lapse after going out with friends I sent her a message thanking her for the time we did have together blah blah :)

NC is definitely helping me let go slowly and while I still really miss her and don't fully understand the reason she broke up with me I can start to see that I miss having someone as an outlet to love/do things with more so than just 'her' if that makes sense. I feel a little aggrieved too that this person was given more than any other partner as I had thought 'I had found the one' and put probably too much effort in comparison to other relationships but I guess it's better to have given too much than too little :)

I get the feeling I will be in a lot nicer place in 2 weeks time if I feel this much better about it after 2 weeks (I was a freakin mess to begin with).

I'm on day 13 today, with 2 hickup's in me sending text's. One was a reply to her wishing me a merry christmas and the second was a stupid drunken lapse after going out with friends I sent her a message thanking her for the time we did have together blah blah :)

NC is definitely helping me let go slowly and while I still really miss her and don't fully understand the reason she broke up with me I can start to see that I miss having someone as an outlet to love/do things with more so than just 'her' if that makes sense. I feel a little aggrieved too that this person was given more than any other partner as I had thought 'I had found the one' and put probably too much effort in comparison to other relationships but I guess it's better to have given too much than too little :)

I get the feeling I will be in a lot nicer place in 2 weeks time if I feel this much better about it after 2 weeks (I was a freakin mess to begin with).

Yes you will be in a much nicer place in a couple more weeks, just do what you need to do to work it out of your system. I've been writing him letters that I will never send, and that all helps too. Don't worry about the hiccups! Just keep going, it's hard and it hurts like hell, but soon you will be free of all this pain, helped along by no contact.

I'm now up to day 35 with no contact. This has been the hard road, but it's been worth it. I've learned much and grown a great deal, I feel stronger than I have for a long time, but I'm not out of the woods just yet. I'm starting to care less and less about whether he misses me or not. Even if he does, he is only missing me because he is choosing, every day, not to be with me. Someone like that is not worth my time! That's what's keeping me motivated.

I'm on day 21 of no contact the longest I have ever been without contacting my ex! She has contacted me with a chain text about ''forgiving in 2008 and send this to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2008'' blah blah blah. I didn't text back does that count as a break in N/C? It certainly tested me to the limit and I very, very nearly gave in and contacted her!

Its been really tough and I still love her but like Roogirl said she's choosing not to be with me every day, not the other way around!

4 weeks now. 1 hiccup 3 weeks ago.

Although I'm doing fine... getting on with my life, just having a good time... not to mention I have no trouble sleeping anymore...

I continue to find myself checking her myspace daily and AIM to see if she's on.. . hmm.

Don't worry about things like that Sneeze, best thing you can do is delete her, I have and all of her friends from myspace, Facebook etc... ive basically fallen off the radar and its working for me at the moment I'm getting stronger everyday... like I said my resolve has been tested in the last week but I came through and now she knows there are no easy ways into my life again she has to fight for me now and if she's not willing to do it then its her loss not mine I'm in the same position I have been since day 1 and maybe, just maybe she's having second thoughts?! Right now I don't care, I care about me and me alone!

Good call... cept currently, I'm under a network at school and work so I can't delete her... there doesn't exist a buddy list. Everyone's just automatically on it. I find myself checking to see if she's online on the network.

My goal today: do not check her myspace.

Well when you don't check myspace, pat yourself on the back and celebrate!

Your next goal will be ignoring her whenever your online don't check on her

After that your done!

We all want to know what are ex's are up to believe me where are you going to get by checking... more confusion! Drop of the radar and heal then see what happens!

You said it maggie... I've checked my ex's Facebook a few times knowing that ill only be more hurt and confused, but I did it anyway, and guess what, more hurt and confused... but I'm doing better... been 2 weeks and she texted me saying that she's coming over tomorrow, I told her I was busy but she said that she's still going to come over. So hopefully I can survive this final encounter before she goes back to school... I'm hoping she'll have something positive to say, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

Wait... you said you're busy and she's STILL coming over?

I'm glad that my ex is back home for the holidays... but we'll see how well this goes when she's back in school.

Well keep your chin up here's a little saying for you:
Hope for the best,
Fear the worst,
And take what comes!

About the truest thing my ex ever said lol! Good luck with your meeting I hope it goes well for you!

As for me I'm going to carry on with N/C and see where it takes me, at the moment I'm getting in better shape emotionally than I was a few months ago and I feel like I've gained some of the power in my life back from my ex!

Well, she pretty much begged me until I said okay, but I'm definitley going to keep it short

Depends what you want my friend, be prepared for what she's going to say good or bad either way your not too surprised

I don't know if I want to call it a relapse but my ex broke NC I'm sure a couple of you guys have seen the post across these boards. We have emailed each other over the past week or so. Actually she initiated and I just respond. She has been doing things that it seems she is reaching out but I am not trying to be stressed or read into what she is doing. I did that before which got me stressed. I socialize and I see other women and I don't call her or text her she just emails me. She has been asking me questions but nothing too deep like am I seeing anybody etc.. Just how are you how you been type stuff. I am evaluating now how I feel about it and if I want it to continue. Some friends have said I should ask what all this means but I honestly don't think it is time to ask anything. I am still in healing and I am still focused on getting myself together it does intrigue me but it doesn't consume me which I feel is progress. :>)

Some friends have said I should ask what all this means but I honestly dont think it is time to ask anything. )

Not to mention, if you ask, they will IMMEDIATELY retract, thinking that they baited you. Don't give in. and of course, they're never going to tell you what it means. They'll play it off as "just talking"

Numb,how are you doing?left us for happier places or are you still fighting?share it with us!

If you must see her and you want to see her go with an open mind, take what comes your way but don't expect too much she may just be checking up on you, I don't know if I was an expert I wouldn't be single lol!

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

Hang in there cali, hang out with your friends, play video games... whatever, keep your mind focused and it'll get easier.

Its always hard at first and it will be really hard, I'm three weeks in, my ex text me a chain text about a week ago but because it wasn't about me and her I ignored it... everyday has been a struggle to stop myself contacting her since but it will pass and I will get better as will you just hang in there!

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

Cali
You are in the early stages and the feelings you have at the moment are perfectly normal. Read the link at the bottom of my signature and don't fall into the trap of doing all these things , it will help you to start healing and also keep your dignity.

Best wishes and remember we are all here when you need to vent.

Im on day 19 now and feeling not entirely happy about things, but am now able to at least reason why certain things occurred and even better not blame myself for everything. We lived together and worked together which made thing awkward but she works elsewhere now (funny how that would have made things easier if the relationship started now instead of then, but it would have drawn out what wasn't a relationship designed to work forever I guess. Sometimes a little pressure on a couple might actively help see what people are really like?).

Unfortunately she is still required to come into my workplace occasionally. I wouldn't mind what people's opinion of the best way to continue NC is in this situation? I can easily change my work hours to suit not having to see her, but to me it makes me feel like I am giving her far too much power over me considering I don't really have any intention of even getting back together with her as much I did love her originally before she broke it off. On the other hand I don't really want to see myself slide back from where I am now after some decent NC.

Hmm :)

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

Don't beat yourself up over checking your email every 10 minutes, I did it too! You are going through a very crappy period in your life so be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Try and stick with your no contact no matter how strong the urge is. This stage will pass, you might not believe it but trust me it will. Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me because I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.

roogirl said: " Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me becuse I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you."

Darn, that's good. I couldn't rate the answer, so, Amen, sister.

I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago because she was cheating on me. Now I still miss her, but I have found another girl who is 20x better, she a lot nicer, kinder and sweeter. The point is, when you get dumped, cheated on... etc, it's just a sign that there is a better guy/girl out there for you, you just have to go out and find him/her.

I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago because she was cheating on me. Now I still miss her, but I have found another girl who is 20x better, she alot nicer, kinder and sweeter. The point is, when you get dumped, cheated on... etc, it's just a sign that there is a better guy/girl out there for you, you just have to go out and find him/her.

Wisdom from the mouth of babes. :eek: He is right!! :D

Well Guys I have been doing great until today. Dont want to beat myself up about it but my ex emailed me after 4 MONTHS! This is how it went down lol. First email was a Hi in the title with no body to the email I email back hello. She emails back just wanted to check on you and the baby and see how you guys are doing. I give her a quick snapshot of what has been going on with my daughter in her new school etc.. Next is so what u been up to? gave her a quick snapshot of that stuff working out diet etc.. HELP! lol.
I feel I have been progressing sooo much I really dont want to see it ruined cause she decided to contact me. Me and her did not have nasty falling out or anything just went through allot myself personally allot of death and it strained our relationship so we parted ways. But recently I met somebody she works with by chance on a internet dating site once i realized they worked at the same job, had the same manager, etc.. I cut the girl off I dont have any animoisty torwards my ex I am hurt but not bitter. Recently I had been really struggling with missing her and I do miss her badly but I dont want any recurrence or setbacks. Do I love her ? Yes Do I miss her ? Yes would I try to work it out? Probably but I dont want to walk into a bear trap which is what I feel is happening. I will keep my distance and the emails to a minimum. I WILL NOT call her or email her directly myself if she emails I will respond but I wont be as the other post says a WUSS lol.

Sorry I shouldve did half a quote,new to this thing. Kuuslki,you're in the same situation as I, you start healing and moving on and that's when the Ex contacts you. Now many would say don't reply don't answer,and that's the true way of doing it, but its not easy, what you did,very limited contact is right on the ball. I don't answer his calls,most of the time,I'm hard person to reach anyway. But no I don't want to regress on my healing either. First and foremost,YOU come first, so if you're not ready to talk to her, just 'miss' her calls,wait a day or tw0 and reply with a short,but happy email. There's lots of threads about what to do when they contact you,many of them says make it sweet short and happy, Its noy playing games,its protecting yourself. The message you want to send is "I'm moving on living my fabulous life without you",even if you're not and is actually obsessing about them like I did,its not as bad lately. The heart,in my case, takes a long time to heal so why regress? And you should see someone new even if they work at the same place your ex does. Hey what better ways for them to see that you moved on. Keep up the good work,let me know how it goes,you're not alone in this!

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

5 months as of yesterday. I even forgot it was 5 months until today!

If I am honest I still miss her, but haven't even come near to contacting her recently. I am starting to think it is forever now. If that is the case, so be it.

I have been out on a few dates recently. I find myself being very fussy! That can only be a good thing as I won't settle for second best. I am out with a lady at the weekend who I have loads in common with, she is very keen and is doing a lot of the chasing. I am keen too and it has promise!

Life goes on!

Mine is just 2 days.. Definately harder than I thought it would be

Sorry i shouldve did half a quote,new to this thing. Kuuslki,youre in the same situation as I, you start healing and moving on and thats when the Ex contacts you. Now many would say dont reply dont answer,and thats the true way of doing it, but its not easy, what you did,very limited contact is right on the ball. I dont answer his calls,most of the time,i'm hard person to reach anyway. But no i dont want to regress on my healing either. First and formost,YOU come first, so if youre not ready to talk to her, just 'miss' her calls,wait a day or tw0 and reply with a short,but happy email. Theres lots of threads about what to do when they contact you,many of them says make it sweet short and happy, Its noy playing games,its protecting your self. The msg you want to send is "I'm moving on living my fabulous life without you",even if youre not and is actually obsessing about them like I did,its not as bad lately. The heart,in my case, takes a long time to heal so why regress?? And you should see someone new even if they work at the same place your ex does. Hey what better ways for them to see that you moved on. Keep up the good work,let me know how it goes,youre not alone in this!

I have def kept the response and everything short and sweet. When we went NC it was mutual but only because I don't want to be with anybody that doesn't want me or feels I have needs they can't meet me in the middle on. I do wonder about her and miss her still but I do not extend myself on the emails and we haven't spoke or text it has been strictly company emails. I have been keeping myself busy because her B - Day is next month and also valentines don't know if these are the reasons she is reaching out or wha but I have already made plans so I won't see her even if she ask I just want to make sure I am OK first. Even if it ends up we are just friends.

That's what I want to know. My g/f broke up w/ me a couple days ago because she "wants to be single." And "she doesnt want to be with anybody else b/c she loves me" blah blah. Anyway, what do I do if she comes back, hell I don't know a month or so, and wants to talk about things. What if I want to get back together? How do I act? Tough? I know not to just break down but do I tell her how I feel if its all still there?

Missinghim, You're #1 reason was so you could heal. However, I've got a feeling that #2 is the one you're hoping for... I know it is for me. And I just have a hard time trying to figure out what I would do if she did call and want to "talk." There is no way I would just go running to her. I wouldn't be mean, but stern because she was totally wreckless with my feelings. She said she just want some time so she could go out with friends and stuff because she never could before. But anyway, what would you do if he did call?

This is the issue with most people. They do NC... but they don't get on with their lives with the hope that their ex will call them back. I say... screw with the ex's feelings. You got your own life now. They're doing their own thing. If they call back, let them call back. Don't even think about that right now. ASSUME that they won't call back and just move on with your life. Two things will happen:

1. they will call back. If that's what you wanted... good. Then take it from there.

2. they won't call back. Then fine... you're already moving on.

I'm with samesame and ConfusedandLost. I truly love this girl. We have just been apart for a few days but NC. I don't want to say "screw her" is my thing. And yeah, I'll admit, even with NC, I wish every minute she will call. I know, well it sounds stupid, so I guess I think this girl really loves me. I mean, it sounds stupid, but I really think she does. I broke up with her about a year ago for this same reason of feeling like I had to explain every time I went out with my friends. And... I called her and she said she didn't want to see me and it scared the hell out of me. I guess I thought she would always be there and I'm hoping that happens with her. Part of me thinks it will but the other half is saying, if it doesn't you're going to have to move on. I guess what Im asking is... listening to the post, everybody is trying to get over their bf/gf with NC. What if I don't want to get over her (pathetic I know)? Do I contact her or let her come back to me like I did her? If that's what is meant to be

3rd day and I am finding myself not having that uncontrollable urge to text.. It does get better, because you start to realize "If they don't care enough to call me, why should I care enough to call them" I even don't feel like signing on my myspace page. Tomorrow will be the test considering I work with her.. but come on guys, we can do this

Sorry about those 3 "answers" I left. I'm new to this thing so you know. Its my 2nd day of NC, 3rd of us being broken up. This has helped reading all of this, thank God its not just me. I really like the win-win situation with NC. However, if she does call (it seems a lot of people on here hope they will) and I don't answer then does that tell her I'm not interested? I mean, she is going to have to bend over backwards for me if this is ever going to work again so I know that much. I guess Im asking if I should show any interest whatsoever because I don't want her to feel like she made a mistake and then think I'm mad and give up. But I guess she wouldn't give up if she really wanted it to work. And umm... she lives on the other side of the apt complex. Ok, enough being pathetic for now, going to work out.

My whole outlook on the situation is... If she calls, let it ring out and then call her back awhile after... I'm not quite sure how long I'm going to let her wait, but I'm hoping for at least a day.. Make her sweat as long as possible.. Now if she calls once and you let it ring out and then calls again later.. pick it up.. It might be important

For those new to NC, it amazes me how you can be dumped, and still think she will come back, and are so willing to wait, and care more for her feelings, than your own. Its always so interesting as we heal, and move on, we can look back, and really see how unhealthy we are when we get here, and how we have completely changed our attitudes. Good Luck!

Ok, sorry I feel retarded and selfish to keep talking but another question. I was driving to the place where I work out and the tanning bed that my g/f goes to is right next to it. I saw her car there then saw her walking to the front door as I was driving by in the parking lot. I looked at her and she kind of slowed down and waived. I just turned my head back around and went on to park and didn't look back. This is so freakin hard. I know Im just suppose to move on I KNOW. But Im just not there yet. And, I don't want to burn any bridges if she does realize she needs me. I WILL NOT go pour my heart out though or even contact her. Did I do the right thing?

I was going well for a while there, but this week I feel like I've taken 10 steps back and one forward. I'm making so much progress, and all I want to do is tell him! And when I realise he's gone, it just smacks me in the face one more time. I have to work out how I'm going to break this self-torturous cycle. I say the prayer 'god grant me the serenity... and so on' to talk myself into letting go, I tell myself to stop being stupid, he's not coming back, and just to let go, so far it has been ineffective. I think this no contact is working more against me and more in his favour! It's making me miss him 10 times more than he's probably ever going to miss me. At the same time, this method of self torture is truly the only way to heal. It's been hell, but I still haven't crumbled and made any contact.

I know the feeling Roo. She kind of gave me the "I still love you and dont wanna be w/anybody else thing." But this is killing me. I'm not stupid, as dumb as I may sound for wanting to hang on. But I do want to hang on. I want her back. And I'm throwing the idea of calling her and just saying, "if its over its over but i need to know for sure." Then I'll prob get the "I can't say for sure" response and then really feel dumb for letting her know this is killing me.

Yeah, its tough as those fresh, intense emotions have our thinking coo-coo-lala, at times, but it will pass for a while, just try to stay on the path of NC.

This is my 4th month of NC thing...
I feel alive but not living... hehehehehe!
In some ways I fell dead but not departed...

*sobs*

I'm only close to 1 month in and feel the same Overdozed. Yesterday after talking to one of my female friends @ work I've decided to be a bit pro-active about certain things and force myself to feel a bit more alive. My flatmate and I are moving (she used to live with me and I think a change in scenery will help) and I'm changing jobs (I used to work with her too heh) and I figure if I can force myself to be in more foreign situations then it might help facilitate the moving on with my life phase I hope to be in soon :)

I'm only close to 1 month in and feel the same Overdozed. Yesterday after talking to one of my female friends @ work I've decided to be a bit pro-active about certain things and force myself to feel a bit more alive. My flatmate and I are moving (she used to live with me and I think a change in scenery will help) and I'm changing jobs (I used to work with her too heh) and I figure if I can force myself to be in more foreign situations then it might help facilitate the moving on with my life phase I hope to be in soon :)

Very good plan lunchbox, My ex and I lived together for many years so everything I now have we accumulated together (furniture, t.v.'s dishes) EVERYTHING. It's rough living in the same place with all the remiders. If I had money I'd ditch that place and all the crap and move someplace else. To bad that's not going to happen anytime soon. I think you have the right idea though... Good for you!!

This is now my 4th day of NC... I don't look at her myspace but she looks at mine, but the biggest thing is... Last night I was outside talking to one of my friends and this car drove past 4 times, really slow and stopping to see who I was talking too.. SUV filled with girls all giggling and someone ducking in the backseat... Maybe it's wishful thinking, but everyone I tell it too say all signs point to my ex.. Condering my boy goes out with one of her friends and it was a "girls night out" last night..

He kept calling me for a month after we broke up and I finally just told him to stop and leave me alone. I didn't want to be friends. I told him when and if I want to talk to you, I'll call. After 3 1/2 years and 2 years of living together, you can't just suddenly become friends. So, I decided I had to go cold turkey and just the cut the cord.


Hi Suelle, I thinkit s ridiculous how they love to ease their conscience with the friends game,how can they really expect us to follow along to all their rules. No I don't want you but wew'll be friends? No,not if they are dating someone else,in my case. I had to finally let him know I'm not ready to talk to him or just be friends. Its better to look after you,they are obviously not.

You can't be friends, my ex wanted that and I said no then she got really upset... at the moment we seem to be playing this cat and mouse game, she texts me I don't respond for a while then I text her and she doesn't respond! Its madness

Its like when they say soon I might feel different.. I had that talk, a few months I was told... what do they expect you to just sit around or be their friend until they meet someone else or get bored!

I agree Maggie. Its been 3 days of NC for me and its not easy. It sucks. I really do believe she loves me and maybe its true that a girl might just truly need time away to see if we are the right ones. I hope so anyway. But at the same time... can she really love me and break it off with me? She told me I could call or email her. Oh thanks! What an honor.

I don't know what to do anymore, one min I feel like I don't want her the next I'm desperate for her... its horrible!

Ive lost all self respect for myself for wanting/still loving someone that has put me through all of the stuff she has!

I don't even know what she wants anymore... I wished it was me but I think that may be delusion, she's messed with my head when she could have just left and let me be.. but no she has to text every now and again despite me asking her not to bother me and I won't bother her!

So here's an update on my situation. I went out with this girl for 2 years, she dumped me beginning of December saying that she couldn't handle the distance (she goes away to school, I was going to go to the same one) and she wasn't sure if she ever loved me at all. So I tried the "just friends" thing for a week, and I realized it wasn't going to happen, so I told her that I just couldn't be friends. So NC it was, had a few hiccups, but then she wanted to see me the 5th before she went back, so she came over and we talked about stuff, and she kept telling me that she really does want it to work out between us and stuff, then it started to get awkward so she asked me what I got for xmas so I pulled out this cool book I got, so as we were going through it, she kept getting a little closer and a little closer, and then she kissed me, so I kissed her back and then we started making out for a little bit, then she started crying saying that she was a slut, I felt bad so I cheered her up (im that guy who always knows what to say) and then she left, I was happy and she was happy, but it gave me hope... Then I did something kind of stupid and went on her Facebook, because I know her password, and I found a message she wrote to the guy she's known for 10 days who she apparently "loves" now. While I was reading it, it was just so stupid and made me realize what an idiot she is, and that she really knows nothing about love and doesn't have a rational thought in her head, on top of that she told him that she was only with me out of pity, she honestly thought that I "needed" her to be happy, I don't have her now and I'm pretty happy, anyway, its just unbelievable that every time she would say that I make her so happy or that she loved me, that in the back of her mind she was thinking, "this ought to give the poor guy a little more confidence" What kind of whore does that! So yeah, I'm kind of glad I read that, because now ill stop kidding myself that she'll come back and really start to move on, and knowing what kind of person she really is, is helping out a lot. You'd think after 2 years you'd know everything about them right? Psh... women...

psh... women...

Psh women is right. Similar situation. 3 years. We broke up. She got sick and ended up in the hospital. You checked her fbook. I checked her phone. Found messages from the kid I was suspicious about pre-breakup. Found 30 something messages from within 3 days... "i still like you"... "let's go eat"... "where are you, why aren't you here"... "can i come over"... etc.

End of story.

Yea, I'm sorry to here that pal... Sounds like you had a big heart breaker on your hands. It sucked with my ex because we both did and still do love each deeply and whole heartedly but she just couldn't take the pain I was weighing her down with and I understand. It was a very somber sight, neither one of us had a good christmas(she told me this) and both of us cried a lot when we saw each other on the day after we broke up. She really didn't want to do it but knew she had to. I understand that now, but doesn't stop the fact that I love her unconditionally and wish her back every day.. But who knows what the future holds.. keep your head up bro

ISNEEZEFUNNY... Yea I know that, the kid my ex is friends with now is a total loser. He works full-time where I work part time.. He counts tils for the front end cashiers. I'm and IT Admin, college educated, work 2 jobs. I'm in great shape, working out even more to show her what she lost. Hate can be a positive emotion when it forces you to better yourself

I just wanted to say that I'm glad somebody else on here does want to get back with her. B/c I feel the same way... been broke up a week and NC. I know she loves me. Sounds stupid I know but I just know. And every time I say something about it on here somebody tells me how I just need to move no and forget it. Which may be the case but nevertheless Im just glad to hear that Im not the only one

Your not alone my friend... I would get back with my ex in a heartbeat.. of course only after we talk out our issues because if we just jump back into things, it would just happen again. Like you, I just know she still loves me and is enjoying the freedom with her friends right now.. But it will hit her after awhile of NC.. I still have hope

Nearly everybody on here want their ex back myself included... but each situation is different and the people that are further down the line can see more clearly what might happen so they give you the best advice to protect yourself from being hurt. We wear all in your situation but in three months on from where you are and I felt the same way you did at your stage!

I want my ex back so there's two but I'm just being practical and trying to move on

I agree I also want my ex back but there is a catch that u will learn later what is the expense? If it means the same situation I walked away from them no I don't want her back if it means she has changed and is working to improve the things that were lacking I will be more then happy to listen but as allot of people have stated don't be a door mat they didn't meet a door mat. I myself can say I became a door mat when I allowed the relationship to become unbalanced and it was all about her and not us. Be careful!

See, me on the otherhand is the one that needs to change my jealous ways. Which I am taking several steps to do so. So I would actually show her that I mean what I say this time(I have said I would change before, but did for 2 weeks then went back to my old self) If she were to call and say we should work things out,I would say we need to work our problems out before we do anything. That's what love is, working through problems not sweeping them under the rug

I agree totally with what you said relationships are hard to keep together especially if you've been together a long time, you have to work extra hard to keep some spark... but even if your ex doesn't come back, I'm not saying she won't but if she didn't your still a better person than you were in the relationship so you're a better person with or without her for the rest of your life

Exactly. I actually wrote her a long letter last week apologizing to her for how I treated her and to thank her for showing me the error of my ways and basically showing me I need to change or I will end up alone which was true. So I am out to change to better myself. No matter what happens I'm going to be stronger than I was before. And this forum is the best venting area ever.. had I found this site before, I might have saved myself some pain and realizations. Like I could have posted my worries and have them set to rest by you guys

Its been only a day for me so far of no contact. It sucks because I was doing so well but broke the no contact last week and now I'm starting again!Oh well you just got to look forward and move on from the past.. I just know I'll c him around especially when I go back to college. And whenever he sees me around he seems to think I went to that place just to see him!Which is totally not true but that's what he believes for some reason.He is such a jerk I hate him so much right now actually if I never see him again it'll probably be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

If You guys only knew how piss'd I was at the responses I got when I first came to this site you'd be surprised. I wanted to hear things like call him and tell him how you feel, and things like sure he still loves you he'll be back soon. That's what I WANTED to hear.

What I got was the TRUTH plain and simple. I can admit now what I really wanted was for them to sugar coat everything to make me feel better. Well they were RIGHT and he didn't come back. And they were RIGHT when they said if you love someone as much as we think our ex's do they wouldn't have walked away.

All of this BS about I have to many problems and I need to be alone to work them out. When you're in LOVE and I mean Truly in LOVE like I was with my ex, the first thing you do when you have problems in life is reach out to the one you love. The one that makes lifes bull $hit a little bit easier.

Oh and I love this one. I need to find myself so I need to be single. How can being in love keep you from finding yourself?

Well I was never more able to be myself and truly knew exactly the person that I am better then when I was in love. What I'm saying here is, when you are in love and I mean truly in love all the UP's and DOWN'S of life are just that much sweeter when you have the one you love to share it with. So tell me, if you add up all the excuses dumpers use to be out of the relationship DOES THAT SOUND LIKE LOVE TO YOU?

Ok, here's one more for you. Again, maybe it will never work and out she will never call me again. But, if she does (wishful thinking maybe) I know its going to be hard. I'm not going to make it impossible but we will work things out slowly, very slowly and actually solve things. But what do you say if she calls. I mean, what if she ask "how are you?" Its like you want to tell her that you are just wonderful without her but at the same time you want her to know how much you love her.

Ok, heres one more for ya'll. Again, maybe it will never work and out she will never call me agian. But, if she does (wishful thinking maybe) I know its gonna be hard. I'm not gonna make it impossible but we will work things out slowly, very slowly and actually solve things. But what do you say if she calls. I mean, what if she ask "how are you?" Its like you want to tell her that you are just wonderful without her but at the same time you want her to know how much you love her.


I think if she's going to call it'll be either because she wants to be friends or she wants to talk about the relationship. I'd say no to friends, personally that would probably be too hard, and you would be letting her have her cake and eat it too. And if she wants to talk about the relationship, take it slow and see where things go, I mean, only if you want too. I just wouldn't initiate anything, answer her questions honestly and try to seem optimistic about your future and what not. Cus she wanted you out of her life, so you should plan your future accordingly. If they really want you back, I think they'll try and make it clear, after all, they were selfish enough to break up with you, so why wouldn't they be selfish about getting you back if that's what they wanted.

As for me, I'm trying not to think about whether she'll call, I'm trying to think about where I want to see myself in the future, I have a lot of college ahead of me and it makes me happy to think of myself all successful. So yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't expect anything, for 1, you'll be surprised if they do call, and if they don't, you won't care.

This'll be my last semester in college... I want all those feelings I had with her be all gone... today and tommmmooroooow I'd be thinking nothing but myself... ei! Ist that being selfish?tell me...

Like I've said, alive but not living...

*smiles*

this'll be my last semester in college...i want all those feelings i had with her be all gone...today and tommmmooroooow i'd be thinking nothing but myself.....ei! ist that being selfish?tell me......

like ive said, alive but not living....

*smiles*

No it's not being selfish at all. As a matter of fact, thinking of yourself is the very least you can do, especially while you go through this horrible phase. We all need to be our own best friend, and other people will be more than happy to come along and help you through.

I have reached day 41 of no contact. Even though I feel like some days I take 3 steps back and 1 forward, over the past couple of days something has awakened inside of me - I'm free! No more bullying, no more walking on eggshells, no more control, no more yelling, no more humiliating 'jokes' in front of his friends at my expense, no more manipulation, no more emotional blackmail - all gone!

I feel like I've been let out of a cage. Suddenly I'm starting to remember all the reasons I turned my back on this relationship in the first place. You forget so easily during your phase of heartbreak, and idealise them, put them on a pedestal, and yearn for something so badly that it doesn't even enter your mind that this person was very bad for you.

There is light at the other end of the tunnel, my fellow no-contacters. Keep going, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it is so very liberating all at the same time.

I think there are a lot of people similar to me on this site, I've seen so many threads from people that are at my stage of a break up... it doesn't matter how long you went out it still hurts.

Reading the posts I think a lot of people are at the stage where they, know they should let it go but are scared to say, that's it this person is out of my life for good... no matter what happens.

n/c is extremely hard... what you can't have you want i.e you know you can't call so you have to fight the urge! I suppose it's a bit like that with regards to our ex's

I agree Maggie... I'm at the point where I know I need to let go, and I am starting too, it is very hard. So far it's been 2 weeks with no myspace page stalking and 8 days of NC... It's a long road but I feel as though I am getting better and better. Night time doesn't really affect me anymore too much, but the mornings are still very hard for some reason.

I mean I said it but I can't do it... ive fought with myself all day not to contact her, again, same as yesterday... all id like is to see her face and hear her voice, its madness, she'll probably tell me where to go or not answer!

Im dissapointed I feel like this but I do there's no denying it! Three months and here I am same boat!

And here I was thinking that after that amount of time things would get easier... I'm doing everything I possibly can to kill time and not think about her and have the urge. I have a wonderful girl that likes me a lot she says, but I can't seem to give the attention she deserves. I really feel its unfair that we are left here trying to pick up the pieces while they are out there happy and fine...

When you get lost and wandering around, you need to recall the hotlinks on tananiman's signature, or ash123 principles of breaking up. By definition, the dumper is holding the power because she loved you less. Once again, the dumper loves the dumpee less.

Ehh.. I don't know about loved me less as much as couldn't deal with my jealousy anymore. That was the reason we broke up, it wasn't because of any other reason than me driving her away with the constant jealousy fights and accusing of stupid things.

Romefalls19: We have to be able to differentiate between the reason and the excuse.

That really is the reason though lol... I was really bad with my jealousy, like beyond out of control. I basically placed her into a little box to the point where she didn't want to live her life inside that box. I wish it was an excuse, then I wouldn't be doing all the therapy, classes and book reading to better myself in that aspect. It really hits home once a therapist tells you that you have a huge jealousy and insecurity problem. She didn't want to end it, but felt as though she had to, so that she couldbe happy again. She was unhappy with how I treated her, and this was coming from one of her friends telling me that. After we had already broken up. It wasn't an excuse to break up, she's not out with other guys(as much as people on here disagree) she is out with her girlfriends, which is something I did not like her doing while we were together.

My ex has just added me on Facebook, despite me deleting her a couple of weeks after we split up and her even admitting herself I can't be friends it's a bit of a dilemma

Five weeks of not speaking directly, she's since turned up at my train station which was out of her way

Haha, maggie. I just replied to your post on the other topic and here I see you again.

Just calculated it's been 4 full week since I've seen the ex. 5 weeks since the break up.

I have yet to have any contact with her whatsoever... except for the e-mail she wrote me 2 weeks ago explaining why we broke up. Didn't write back.

I see her for the first time this week as school starts.

I will not be a jerk, but I will not be friendly either. Simply polite. Civil. Short. Wish me luck.

I wish you all of the luck in the world my friend, do you want her back or are you past that? Just trying to get as much opinion as possible spoke to a few friends as well

Well, I'm not really sure what's going on. Our breakup... was very out of the blue. No fights. Nothing going wrong. Just... happened. She wanted freedom to hang out with her friends without feeling guilty she wasn't hanging out with me... that was her reason. Seriously.

Then I hear that some dude's been hanging out with her a lot (3 days after we break up a 3 year relationship)... spending the night at her place... but she denies that (not just to me, but to all her friends as well). So I have no idea what's going on with that either.

Do I want her back? no... not really. I'm doing fine being single. But like many, I am nostalgic. I can't go a day without thinking of something we did in the past... something fun.. like that trip we took to Hawaii... or that time we went ice skating. Small things like that.

Do I miss her? Absolutely. But I know what needs to be done. There's only 4 months of school left. Then we graduate. No point in starting something else.

I don't want my heart to rule my head, so I'm taking some time to think about it, I don't want to make any snap decisions... I do want her back, seven years is a long time to be together.

I was alson dumped out of the blue I hadn't seen her for two days and she said we weren't progressing in the relationship no fight no crying no fall outs. Since then I know nothing of her life and her of mine she's been fishing before and I ignored it, I've also told her I can't be friends... so what does she want, I don't know

i dont want my heart to rule my head


Uuhhk... feelings over thoughts... no... thoughts over feelings...
Am confused... :confused:

This is 4th month of NC thing... dunno n if am proggrrressinggggggg...
*smiles*

i dont want my heart to rule my head


Uuhhk... feelings over thoughts... no... thoughts over feelings...
Am confused... :confused:

This is 4th month of NC thing... dunno and if am proggrrressinggggggg...
I think I am, but a part of me says am not...
:confused:

*smiles*

I know how both of you guys feel. I know I shouldn't want her back, but I do. I know I can say no, but do I want too... It's a hard reality this thing called love. I think I'm going to sue Hollywood for their false advertisement of fairy tale endings. You know the one where the guy gets the girl and they live on happily...

Chin up my friend, a lot of people here are in the same boat at the moment. It's a confusing time for us all and our rational thoughts sometime go out of the window. Stick at it, look at me yesterday and the day before I nearly broke no contact... but I didn't now my ex has added me on Facebook another problem.

Stick with it and you'll heal... we all will, there's no such thing as fairytail that's why so many relationships fail, high expectations with little effort put into it!

Exactly... I think it would be comforting to know that they are hurting a little over this.. Just so you know you're not at this alone.. I guess fate works both ways

Stick with it and you'll heal...we all will, theres no such thing as fairytail thats why so many relationships fail, high expectations with little effort put into it!!

That's awesome, can you please explain that to my ex for me ? ;)

Just cracked day 30, I no longer feel the need to try and make contact at all, just a mix of resentment and sadness I guess. It's funny how your feelings change over time.

Believe me I can't figure out mine never mind anybody else's!

Just stick at it... im no expert like tman and George but just bear in mind every situation is different and never make snap decisions when your hurt... whenever I've done it I've regretted it i.e breaking n/c!

If they want you, they'll come to you and if they don't (most likely I'm afraid) you'll heal doing n/c

Its been a week of no contact. But I saw him last night!Argh I feel so bitter towards him about everything that happened.. He said hi to me and didn't want to be rude so I said hi as well. But apart from that I ignored him the whole night and he kept staring at me all the time, got his friend to come and ask me some dumb question (soo immature, he's in his twenties) and was wearing this t-shirt I bought for him. What is up with that.. Probably reading too much into it but I just wish he would stop messing with my head and leave me a lone!

Be strong you've only just begun to heal, it's a very confusing time, I don't know why or how you split but from experience you both are desperate for each other like withdrawals that or they were mean/cheated and you just hate their guts... he was worried that you were there, I bet you spolit his night too look at it that way!

Worried about what though? was probably confused as to why I didn't talk to him because I usually do.. He was such a jerk the whole time we were together and has the nerve to end things and expects me to be nice to him as if nothing happened!I don't think so.He said he doesn't have any feelings anymore so he should just act that way and stop sending me all these mixed messages, says one thing does another. I mean is it just me reading too much into it? Or can anyone else see this happening as well? Feel like I'm going crazy lol

Worried that he's been to harsh, you'll meet someone better, you'll meet someone before he does, there's a few!

We all get mixed messages that why were all on her trying to help each other figure them out... its never an easy time the first few weeks are hard, very hard but use you anger as a way to push yourself to get better, don't do it to spite him just, when you think you can't do this think about him and push yourself

Thanks so much for your support. I've already met so many guys and been on a few dates but I still can't seem to get this idiot out of my head!No matter how good looking/nice etc the other guy is its still not him! Hate that feeling! In all honesty if he wanted me back I probably would get back together with him. Not at first but eventually.. But doesn't look like its going to happen so I'll keep going with no contact hopefully I'll be over it soon..

Just keep going, see how things pan out, tomorrow you could meet a guy that may blow you away!

Keep trying to heal, no contact all tof the way! It's the comfort of somebody you miss not him... well maybe him a little but that will pass I assure you!

Its been a month of NC. Last time was me accidentally sending an email I was writing just to write. She responded and basically just wanted me to pay for things she said I owed her, she responded by texting me from her new boyfriends phone. Blah.
1 month give or take.

Hey maggie, You said a few posts ago that your g/f has "gone fishing" a few times... calling Im guessin. Anyway, do you want her back? This is the part I want to know... when that happens, IF you want to try and make it work, how do you express that to them without sounding mean or like a doormat? At what point do you pick up the phone and talk.

MLB... I see your posts all the time and you're always asking the same thing, "what do i do/say if she calls"... I think you're just posting it over and over again waiting for a specific answer. Try to think of what to do when she doesn't call, if she's going to call, I doubt it will be for awhile... so long that you'll most likely not care whether she calls. I wanted my ex to call me so bad for like the first month. Stop worrying about her calling and move on. I've heard that answer so many times and I hated it every time, but it's the best answer you're going to get... forget her. Jiser's signature says it all... its my new favorite quote ever. Psh, women.

BTW, if you're wondering if she misses you... I'm sure she does, a lot... that is, if your time with her was spent wisely. My 2yrs with my ex were amazing... I know she loved every minute of it like I did, so if she doesn't miss me, she has got to be crazy... or she's got another man to take her mind off me, but eventually she'll miss me. And yours will miss you too, if she's not already. Give it time... if you still want her when she calls in say... maybe 4 or 5 months... then its up to you.

Well, you're right. But I still want to know haha. I just wonder. I mean, maybe she won't call its surprised the hell out of me so far that she hasn't... which is killing me but, maybe she won't ever. I realize that. I just want to know what to say if she does and nobody will answer it. I know I posted it a lot. Sorry for being so repetitive.

You just added something else while I was responding. I think, pretty sure, that she's hanging out with a guy. I don't know him at all but he was a coworker she talked about a lot. So I'm sure her mind is occupied with him for the time being. But it will wear off eventually and she will have to think about me. She's just the type of girl that really is sweet. Cares about everything. So it has surprised me she hadn't even called to just check on me or something that's just how she is. So... therefore, she's prob with him, BUT, at some point, at night, or when she's alone, she'll think...

It's all right MLB. I'm wondering what's going on with my ex too. After the breakup, she was a wreck for about 2 weeks... and I was fine. But now, after a month, it seems like the tables have been turned. I can't go roughly 2 hours without thinking about her... all the while she's having a great time (or so it seems). She's out with her friends, hanging out with this new guy, etc.

Some will say that she's doing all that to distract herself... but who knows? We live within 2 miles of each other... go to the same school... and yet... nothing. I'm surprised she hasn't called me either. Oh well. Que sera sera.

p.s. - my ex did check on me (sorta) by asking my best friend how I'm doing. I'm not sure if she actually wanted to know or if she did this to get on my best friend's good side by at least faking that she wanted to know. Who knows?

She lives about 20 seconds from me in another apt. haha. I refuse to drive by there. One because I dotn want her to know I am and two, I don't want to see her with another guy. You kidna described our relationship... she smothered me at first then I smothered her. Its amazing how we did almost an exact 180. Anyway, its day 10 of NC and day 10 since our breakup. This is just not a lot of fun.

Yeah, I know my ex is with someone too, but I've realized that she's very immature and confused... and when the newness of that relationship fades away, which it always does... She'll realize she'll have to work at it, and I doubt she'll want to. She didn't want to keep going with me, and I things were really great between us... But enough about her, I still think about her and stuff, but I finally went on a date the other night, and it went really well. I'm trying my hardest not to compare her to my ex, and so far I'm doing a lot better. Maybe its just the newness and hope of my new relationship, but I def. still think about my ex. And she emailed me the other day saying that she really did enjoy our relationship and that she misses me, but she said she just doesn't feel the same right now, she said she wasn't sure about the future, and neither am I, because the break-up came out of nowhere, so who knows what else could happen. Its really like a wake up call on how uncertain everything is... I ended up planning so much around her without realizing it, now I do, and my plans have changed so there the best for me. So yeah guys, who knows what could happen down the road. If its meant to be, its meant to be. In the mean time, I'm going to keep busy, flirt with them hoes, whatever makes me feel good.

Haha thanks, here's another question. You prob hate me but... just ignore me I guess I don't know. I'm still in the optimistic phase forgive me. Im sure she expected me to call and I haven't at all. Now, Im worried about that she'll think that even if she has made a mistake she won't call because I haven't seemingly made an effort to get her back. I swear on my life I understand the NC thing, that's why Im doing it. But is it possible to overdo it?

haha thanks, heres another question. Yall prob hate me but.....just ignore me I guess I dont know. I'm still in the optimistic phase forgive me. Im sure she expected me to call and I havent at all. Now, Im worried about that she'll think that even if she has made a mistake she wont call b/c I havent seemingly made an effort to get her back. I swear on my life I understand the NC thing, thats why Im doing it. But is it possible to overdo it?

If she really wants to come back she will , she chose to leave so she has to make the move to come back. Doesn't happen too often though MLB