I texted him last night asking if he got in safely and that I needed to talk to him so please come online. He never replied to those texts and he never came online.

I was suddenly reminded of how much it hurt me when we dated. It was always difficult to get into contact with him and I used to think he was ignoring me purposely when he wasn't. In fact, that was the last straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. When he had "ignored" me unintentionally for a day, I broke up with him.

At least I'm not hurting like I did back then, although I have to admit that I'm annoyed. I wanted to establish boundaries, as recommended by confused25.

Especially after rereading confused25's previous post, I now have to wonder if he truly did only come down here for sex. He drove 3-4 hours, left a tournament thing he had early on so he could make it here, and he told me that he had been completely exhausted and a total mess that morning. But I had just assumed that he felt guilty for cancelling on me previously and because I had accused him of being a flake, and that's why he went the trouble to visit me.

In any case, I plan on asking him as follows:
1. Did you just come here for sex?
2. If not, why did you let things escalate?
3. If you want to be friends, I want to be friends and not friends with benefits.

Does this sound good?

The only thing that can help is letting go, and stop assuming, which you seem to be good at, and keeping the no contact, as seen in your last post, you have more questions than answers, and are not focusing on healing. His motivations, for his actions, are not important.

I think No contact is a very effective way of healing and at times even a good tactic at getting the ex back. However, I just don't feel that it should be applied to jiltedgirl's situation... at least not yet. In fact, I believe that simply cutting contact right now would be running away from the problem.

Of course she has questions and after sharing a very physical and intimate act I believe she has a right to have them answered. BUT you have to be prepared to hear answers you don't want to hear, including "Yeah it was just for the sex." In other words, don't ask the question if you fear the answer.

Personally I think you are ready to have a calm and mature conversation with this person. Talk to him about all of this and lay to rest the whole problem. However, it's important that you go in with the attitude that whatever happens, happens and life goes on afterwards. Don't go in with the idea that maybe you'll get back together, or maybe you can be friends, but instead go in with the idea that you are about to finish this chapter of your life and your fine if it has a good or bad ending.

In my opinion you should try to talk to him, but don't make it a priority. Don't stress out about getting answers to your questions right away. Let things flow naturally and talk to him whenever it just happens.

I think No contact is a very effective way of healing and at times even a good tactic at getting the ex back. However, I just don't feel that it should be applied to jiltedgirl's situation... at least not yet. In fact, I believe that simply cutting contact right now would be running away from the problem.

You will never hear me say NC is tactic to get an ex back. Just my opinion, the better you heal, the better your prepared for making good decisions based on facts, for yourself. She had a chance at that rational conversation already, and has a hang over to prove it.

Hey confused25 and talaniman! Thanks for the input, as always. You both brought up valid points. I did lose an opportune moment to have a rational conversation, which was the entire point of the trip... ((sigh)). I was so bewildered by the turn of events I didn't know what to think (like you said, it was probably the hangover... ).

I will ask him when I see him online. I don't expect anything from him. There's nothing to lose. I mean, to be frank, I lost him three months ago when I broke up with him. Lol. I guess I have to be prepared for the chance to lose him as a friend, too. :/

Hey confused25 and talaniman! Thanks for the input, as always. You both brought up valid points. I did lose an opportune moment to have a rational conversation, which was the entire point of the trip...((sigh)). I was so bewildered by the turn of events I didn't know what to think (like you said, it was probably the hangover...).

I will ask him when I see him online. I don't expect anything from him. There's nothing to lose. I mean, to be frank, I lost him three months ago when I broke up with him. lol. I guess I have to be prepared for the chance to lose him as a friend, too. :/


I can sympathise with what you are going through, like yourself I wouldn't mind a few answers either. Even though I've staunchly stood by the no contact rule and reached 60 days (yeah!), I still feel an urge to seek answers like you do. I've got no clue what I'm hoping to gain from it, or even why I have such an urge. Maybe once you get the answers you are looking for you will be able to gain the closure you seek.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

So I find myself thinking that it has been virtually a year to the day that my ex ended our relationship.

In many ways I have started to move on, but in so many ways I am struggling to do so. I still think about her on a daily basis, why the person who I did absolutely everything for, and helped through some tough times and a bad illness, would go against everything she said to me, that she loved me and wanted to be with me.

On the other hand, it is nearly 6 months of no contact. I have not contacted her and I won't contact her, so in that respect I am pleased with myself that I broke the cycle of me being there for her on the pretense of friendship, yet her doing nothing for me except give me false hope that we may get back together and use my kindness for herself.

I still think that she may contact me at somepoint, though I am starting to think now that it probably won't be on the basis I want it to be. If she does call, she will either not be listening to my requests that being friends won't work or, she may contact me to talk about us, but I am not sure I could ever trust someone again who let me down so badly.

I am just trying to get some perspective. The fact that I have stuck to NC for 6 months, and will continue to stick to it, is surely good. How else can I try and move on further!?

Any thoughts would be appreciated?

Wow. I never thought it would come down to this, but my ex is avoiding me. He never replied to my texts from Sunday. He didn't reply to the one that I sent to him last night--"Are you ignoring me? I won't bite"--and he never accepted my Facebook friend request, and I'm pretty sure he's been online on Facebook. I just sent him another one this morning to not be a douc*he, that it'll only take a few minutes, and that I'm going to keep bothering him until he answers.

I just can't believe he is reacting this way. He's acting so immature. I honestly don't see why he is making it such a big deal. We hooked up. It was a mistake. We both know nothing is going to come out of it. And for some odd reason, I'm not even angry at him. Just surprised.

Well, on the bright side, we can now do NC for real in line with this forum's philosophy. I mean... I understand if he doesn't want to talk to me again after this. I don't understand why, but I understand that this is his wish. And to be frank, I'm sort of sick and tired of trying to be friends. But, I deserve, no, he at least owes me one last explanation.

I just asked a mutual friend to tell him to talk to me and stop being so childish about it. Come on. If we're going to end things, I don't want to end things this way. And by "this way," I don't necessarily mean bad. It seems like we're going to have a bad ending either way. Lol. But I might as well get some answers...

Jilted, understand I'm not trying to be harsh, but your chance for answers has come, and gone, and anything but accetance and healing, will only prolong your questions and misery.

I am just trying to get some perspective. The fact that I have stuck to NC for 6 months, and will continue to stick to it, is surely good. How else can I try and move on further!?

I don't think that's a question for you at this time. I think you already know how NC, has helped you so far. You will have those days where you have doubts or feel uncertain. That's only those old feelings making a last ditch effort to influence your thinking, so push them aside, and stay on the path.

Well he just IMed me. I didn't get a chance to ask my questions and have the "answers to come and [go]," but told him to be around later to talk.

He really is a fantastic bullsh*tter. I wish I could be more like that instead of blunt, open, and to the point.

Oh well. I agree NC will be best after this. But I want my answers, whether they're what I want to hear or not.

I feel you jilted... it's just that most of us here want answers. Most of us here are from the infamous "I need space..." and we all know that's not really it. So we want answers. We go after answers, and we realize... they don't really have answers.

I would MUCH rather my ex come up to me, come clean and say, YES. WE BROKE UP BECAUSE I WAS INTERESTED IN ANOTHER GUY. But... it ain't going to happen.

We work with what we got... and sometimes... it's not much. Sometimes, it's nothing at all.

I hope you get the answer you deserve... but if not, at least you got us.

Thanks ISneezeFunny. I continued the conversation once I got back to my room. I actually did get the answers I needed--the excuses that he normally gives to cover his own --when I asked him why he was avoiding me and acting weird. He told me he wasn't really avoiding me but I called when he was asleep. When I told him that I noticed he didn't friend me back on Facebook, he snarkily replied, "I noticed you defriended me...so," which is just another example of his repressed anger at me coming out. He was very snarky and cold. He tried to act like he was fine with the hook-up, even though when I asked if we were cool, he replied, "sure, well what do you mean by cool?" He seemed to be the one who was defensive, not me, yet he accused me of being very defensive. I suppose it's just another example of his immaturity and selfishness, saying he got caught up in the "spur of the moment," which I aptly said "so you thought with down there" and he replied, "that's what I meant."

In the end, I let it go. I'm just so sick and tired of making nice. I tried hard to make the relationship work. I tried doubly hard to make this friendship work, too. At least I got to express everything I wanted to and got everything off my chest. I explained that I hadn't meant that to happen. I told him I didn't think we could be friends to which he replied, "That's insane. Of course we can be friends."

That was the only time that I kept my own thoughts to myself: "Not if I can help it..."

Surprisingly I went from being indignant to just feeling sorry for him. He only cares about himself and that's the way he will be until he changes. He made the hook up a much bigger deal by avoiding me afterwards, coming up with excuses, and acting cold and distant with me--not friendly behavior.

It's not so much more that I am forcing myself to stick to NC anymore. I just don't want to talk to him and deal with his inability to communicate anything. As I told him, "you have the mental capacity of a spoon and the emotional capacity of a rock." He, of course, told me that statement made no sense whatsoever.

I told him not to think too hard about it.

By the time he figures it out, I'll be gone.

Tal: I'm sorry, I think you took what I said the wrong way. I never meant to say that you suggested NC was a tactic to get the ex back.

jiltedgirl: Well it looks like you got your questions answered. I'm sorry that it didn't turn out better, but at least now you can move forward with your life. Forget about this guy. Personally I have little respect for men who engage in sex with someone who cares about them and then brush it off as it didn't mean anything. Trust me you can do a lot better. I suggest going back to NC and begin writing the next chapter of your life.

Tal: I'm sorry, I think you took what I said the wrong way. I never meant to say that you suggested NC was a tactic to get the ex back.

No problem, I never took it personally, just wanted to make sure that others see it for what it is and not build false hope. Standard expert disclaimer.

It has been said and re-said: "...it's just that most of us here want answers." At the end of the day, folks, it really just doesn't matter. "I need space" and "I need time": it's over. I don't believe romantic love is negotiated.

I'm just starting NC and I am a little scared, but I need to start to heal and move on. He is not the same guy I started dating and I need to remember that and now I feel as if I do not even know him. It is just so difficult after living together for almost two years with all the memories we have to then go to not talking to at all. Hopefully he will realize what he lost and I will be over him by then!

sunshine79, you have written: " i need to start to heal and move on." That is a great start and NC will work for you. Just watch those little, impulsive tricks in the mind, like 'I'll just send a little text' or 'I'll just send a nice email', etc. And when you start blaming yourself, go get a milkshake.

Hey those in healing --

Take at look at my break-up guide
(Below in my signature)

It just may help... Many have found it helpful in tough times.


Best,

A

And when you start blaming yourself, go get a milkshake.


... george, if I followed that advice I would have gained at least 20 lbs a week after the breakup.

...george, if I followed that advice I woulda gained at least 20 lbs a week after the breakup.

HAHAHAHAH. Word, ISneezeFunny. Word. ;)

Lol; so, Sneeze, what did you do?

I know that I may sound bitter and/or resentful, but I don't think I will ever be able to get into a relationship again not because I don't want to or anything (I actually sort of get excited at the prospect of dating new guys), but because I don't want to get hurt by another guy.

The most current ex made me open up to me, which took a long time because I became cautious after the last burn. But as soon as I opened up, gave him my heart, and took a chance, he transformed from this caring guy who was crazy about me into just another stereotypical guy--emotionally distant and uncommunicative. In other words, once he pursued and got me, he didn't care anymore (I apologize for generalizing).

It's not like I was in love with the ex so can you imagine if I fell in love with someone? I'm really scared to get hurt again. I can't take another disappointment, another heartache.

lol; so, Sneeze, what did you do?

1. I boxed.
2. I worked out. A lot.
3. I went to a shooting range and learned how to shoot.

Pretty much, I LOST about 18 lbs.

At least you benefited. I swear I've gained 10 lbs since last weekend.

Is it really hard for you guys in the mornings? I wake up really really depressed with this horrible apocalyptic feeling in my stomach. It goes away throughout the day and usually doesn't come back at night, but the mornings are killer--just the realization that I've been used and he doesn't give a crap's about me.

Jilted I know what you mean by the mornings, I wake up every morning wondering if it was all a nightmare, struggle just to eat breakfast. My thing is I begin to wonder where she laid her head down at night, oddly that's a thought I have right before I go to bed too. There is a quote from a song that describe my pain early on "You wake just to suffer through the day"

I hate to be THAT guy, but lately... my life is starting to pick up.

I'm currently on my 7th week... and I don't know, things couldn't be going better.

My academic career is doing well as I'm focused and studying hard... my actual career is taking off... girls have been asking me out to lunch/dinner on a relatively consistent basis... my friends and I go out to do random things (rock climbing, bars, go out to eat... we even went to a yoga class simply to pick up women)

I know exactly what jilted and rome is talking about. 2 - 3 weeks ago, I would go to sleep and I'd stay on my side of the bed. I would wake up on my side of the bed... and my initial reaction would have been... damn. Why. But now, I sleep in the middle, I use the entire bed throughout the night, I wake up, ready to go through the day.

I don't know what happened... it just did. Some of you are going to say, "That means you didn't really like her that much"... but that's not true. I was planning on asking this girl to marry me after a year or two.

But honestly, after following the ingenious instructions of the peers at AMHD... I can honestly say that I actually feel better about myself and I DEFINITELY can tell that people notice that I feel better. It's a good feeling.

I hate to be THAT guy, but lately...my life is starting to pick up.

I'm currently on my 7th week...and I don't know, things couldn't be going better.

My academic career is doing well as I'm focused and studying hard...my actual career is taking off...girls have been asking me out to lunch/dinner on a relatively consistent basis...my friends and I go out to do random things (rock climbing, bars, go out to eat...we even went to a yoga class simply to pick up women)

I know exactly what jilted and rome is talking about. 2 - 3 weeks ago, I would go to sleep and I'd stay on my side of the bed. I would wake up on my side of the bed...and my initial reaction would have been...damn. why. but now, I sleep in the middle, I use the entire bed throughout the night, I wake up, ready to go through the day.

I don't know what happened...it just did. Some of you are going to say, "That means you didn't really like her that much"...but that's not true. I was planning on asking this girl to marry me after a year or two.

But honestly, after following the ingenious instructions of the peers at AMHD...I can honestly say that I actually feel better about myself and I DEFINITELY can tell that people notice that I feel better. It's a good feeling.

This definitely shows that getting on with life, sticking to NC, and trying to be yourself reaps rewards. Well done!

I am finding the same, though perhaps on a slower basis. I have stuck to NC for 6 months. The last week I have been thinking more about my ex, mainly because it is a year since things ended. But over the last couple of days, like you, I have moved towards more of a positive line.

In fact, the major thing focusing on my mind as far as women go now, is deciding which one of the two women I have been on dates with over the past couple of weeks, I should decide to stick with, if either!!

Good news. Usually, I see my ex's name everywhere, but yesterday the name "Alexis" was brought up in class and I wasn't reminded of him... that is until I looked down at my paper and saw I had written "Alex" (my ex's name) instead.

I woke up today and the first thing that I thought of was "I have a lot of work to do." Then, excited thoughts about a party tonight/tom night, and finally, thoughts of the ex followed suit.

I hope this indicated progress, albeit slow.


At least he wasn't the first thing on my thoughts.

These are great stories.

If anyone gets stuck please remember that 90 days is the detox goal.

Sometimes less, sometimes more. But you have to feel the burn of silence
Before the process can magically work. Just know that as it gets worse... it is
Actually healing... power through. And you will see it works.

So I'm only on day 2 of NC. And I do realize that this is the best thing to do for myself to move on. The only thing that hurts is in the back of my mind I feel like NC or space is just another way of saying it is really over. And if I am doing NC is he or does he just not want to talk to me? The break up is still so fresh to me my mind is all mush. I still wake up thinking this is all a dream and that he is still getting ready to propose. I feel like my heart is being pulled out everday of NC... I admire all of you and want to be in your places right now too! Please tell me this gets better...

Thanks for writing and sharing so quickly; you have courage. I think folks come to a decision about whether to stay on a sinking ship or swim; you must be thinking about swimming, and at that point what goes on in the other person's head gets to be less important. No one can know what is going on in someone else's mind; and I think it is best not to listen so much about what is said, as to watch what is being done. Yes, it gets better, much better.

Is it really hard for you guys in the mornings? I wake up really really depressed with this horrible apocalyptic feeling in my stomach. It goes away throughout the day and usually doesn't come back at night, but the mornings are killer--just the realization that I've been used and he doesn't give a crap's about me.

I was dumped 5 months ago by my ex, and I still think about her every single morning. I don't want to, but for whatever reason she is the first thing that invades my thoughts when I wake up. It used to be that I'd wake up, immediately think about her, and then think about her for the rest of the day and be all sad and whatnot. It's a bit different now, because I wake up, think about her, but then remind myself that she's gone and dating someone else, but that we are friends and I can talk to her any time I want if I so choose. So, instead of thinking about her, I just stop and remind myself to focus on getting a new girl. Still sucks though. Looking forward to the day when I wake up and don't think about her anymore because I've got another hottie laying next to me.

I think the reason people are stuck on their ex's for so long is because they refuse to let go and focus on their own life. They keep living the dream in which after certain time the ex will come back and everything will be the same. You all need to wake up from that dream. First of all even if they do come back there is no garauntee that they are the same person any more. And second of all, why would you even want them back after what you went through.

When you decide to let go and move on... that's when you realize how much better you are off without them. Why would you want to waste months on someone that is living their life to the fullest and not giving any thought on how you are? Don't you deserve better? Don't you want to be loved again? Decide now, Today, Weather you want to go through this another 5 months or say "I'm letting you go, and moving on today". Act on it, don't just dwell on the hope that will only make you sit in that hole you are in right now.

R

Meant to say, Robert has it exactly right, and that freakinconfused sounds like he needs someone else to make him happy, when I believe we are looking for internal healing, not external goodies. Nothing wrong with that; but I don't want to be dependent on someone else for my welfare and happiness.

I felt like I needed someone else to make me happy until I actually had some time to myself and realized I don't need anyone. I can be happy by myself by doing stuff I like and going places.

It's tough at first especially if you were in a relationship where you kept giving and giving and never getting anything in return. I was so dependend on my ex that I couldn't see myself living at all without her. It's not to say that I don't miss her anymore. I do, but I don't need her to be happy. I have everything I want in the world... Relationships will come and go... But I won't go anywhere. Nothing is certain in the world anymore; nothing can garauntee you that you'll be with a girl for the rest of your life.

That's why we need to live our lives for ourselves and only then will be find the true happiness and meaning of life.

I felt like i needed someone else to make me happy until i actually had some time to myself and realized i don't need anyone. I can be happy by myself by doing stuff i like and going places.

That's why we need to live our lives for ourselves and only then will be find the true happiness and meaning of life.

This is ON POINT. Couldn't be more true if you tried.

I thought I needed my ex to be happy... then I spent some time by myself... went out with friends... went on a few dates... now I actually look forward to just chilling on my own. Watch the game with some pizza and beer? Couldn't be happier.

So I'm only on day 2 of NC. And I do realize that this is the best thing to do for myself to move on. The only thing that hurts is in the back of my mind I feel like NC or space is just another way of saying it is really over. And if i am doing NC is he or does he just not want to talk to me?? The break up is still so fresh to me my mind is all mush. I still wake up thinking this is all a dream and that he is still getting ready to propose. I feel like my heart is being pulled out everday of NC....I admire all of you and want to be in your places right now too! please tell me this gets better...

It gets worse then better.. then worse... then better.

Please read the guide I created below. It may add some perspective

A

I don't need anyone else to make me happy - that's ridiculous. Before I dated her I was single for about 2 and a half years and had no problem with it at all. I actually broke it off with the girl I was dating at the time because I was about to move off for college, and I wanted to be single. I just enjoy the company and comfort of being with a significant other.

And I don't WANT to think about my ex when I wake up. It's not like I wake up and say "ok, let's think about the ex now so that we get all sad and nostalgic." It doesn't work that way. It's like I wake up and the thought is already in my head. Instead of dwelling on it though, I just push it away. After about 10 minutes the thought is gone. I was simply saying that it would be nice if I could wake up and not think about her period.

I don't need anyone else to make me happy - that's ridiculous. Before I dated her I was single for about 2 and a half years and had no problem with it at all. I actually broke it off with the girl I was dating at the time because I was about to move off for college, and I wanted to be single. I just enjoy the company and comfort of being with a significant other.

And I don't WANT to think about my ex when I wake up. It's not like I wake up and say "ok, let's think about the ex now so that we get all sad and nostalgic." It doesn't work that way. It's like I wake up and the thought is already in my head. Instead of dwelling on it though, I just push it away. After about 10 minutes the thought is gone. I was simply saying that it would be nice if I could wake up and not think about her period.

I sometimes get frustrated with myself for thinking about my ex too, I still think of him a lot but I wish I wouldn't as well! Time will fix this, the only proplem with time is that it takes time.

We're all getting there.

Just take it one day at a time, I guess. :)

... So I went out last night, mingled, etc. I didn't meet anyone interesting, which is fine. But I kept thinking of him, which is not fine. Yep, I'm talking about the ex. I woke up today feeling pretty down. I didn't get out of bed for 3 hours, which says a lot. And I hadn't allowed myself to think of the ex very much as of late, but after last night, I seemed to have opened a door that I had almost closed.

I guess it's just that I miss him. I have to try and accept that there's nothing wrong with that. All I know is that this Thursday's Valentine's Day is going to be a b*tch.

I'm just going to focus on my studies.

Jilted, you've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? "A prediction that becomes true as a consequence of having been made. For example, if the president of a large company predicts a fall in the company's share price, then the prediction is likely to bring about a fall in the share price irrespective of any other factors, because investors will be more inclined to sell their shares."
self-fulfilling prophecy - Encyclopedia.com (http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1O87-selffulfillingprophecy.html)

jilted, you've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? "A prediction that becomes true as a consequence of having been made. For example, if the president of a large company predicts a fall in the company's share price, then the prediction is likely to bring about a fall in the share price irrespective of any other factors, because investors will be more inclined to sell their shares."
self-fulfilling prophecy - Encyclopedia.com (http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1O87-selffulfillingprophecy.html)


Oh George...

Look at it this way. A president would be qualified to make that prediction given the merit, experience, and skill that he has accumulated to reach that top-level position.

Besides, I'm not dealing with any third or fourth party, which in the above example are the investors. I'm dealing solely with myself. This isn't a "self-fulfilling prophesy." It's a prediction based on the simple fact that I know myself. I know how I'm going to feel and act. Why? Let's just say it's based on previous patterns and trends throughout the years post-breakup, exacerbated by the rising costs of loneliness.

I know what "self-fulfilling prophesy" means, George. That link really wasn't necessary. No need to get snarky!! Lol!! Tsktsk. :cool:

It's really your attitude about how it's going to go down. If you go about it thinking, "this is going to suck"... it probably will suck.

For v-day, go out with your single friends. Go out to dinner, go to a bar, there'll be plenty of singles there looking for v-day romance.

I asked my buddies to go out with me, but apparently 5 dudes going out on v-day doesn't fly.

I'll be going out with a few female friends in hopes that they can play wing-girl.

it's really your attitude about how it's gonna go down. if you go about it thinking, "this is going to suck"...it probably will suck.

for v-day, go out with your single friends. go out to dinner, go to a bar, there'll be plenty of singles there looking for v-day romance.

I asked my buddies to go out with me, but apparently 5 dudes going out on v-day doesn't fly.

I'll be going out with a few female friends in hopes that they can play wing-girl.

Lol! I would imagine your guy friends wouldn't be thrilled... :p In any case, that's great ISneeze~!

I mean I get what you're saying. But you know what's worse, and which has happened too many times to count? To think "this isn't going to suck" and then, well, having it suck.

I forgot who made this declaration, but it goes something like this: "have low expectations and everything comes as a pleasant surprise."

Of course making plans with single friends (at least with those few singletons left remaining ;) )is great. Alas, such plans have been thwarted because of a mammoth paper due the next day... :rolleyes:

Hence, I expect nothing.

Boo to reality. :o

Hey Jilted
Don't feel bad or beat yourself up about feeling bad on V Day , that is a perfectly normal feeling as is having similar feelings on BDays , anniversaries etc. You are still in the early stages and those feelings will subside with time. Next Valentines Day you'll be laughing all this off believe me.

And for what it's worth HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you and everyone else on here :-)

If you want, you can use my situation to make yourself feel better... y'know, how if you have a headache and then you see someone get kicked in the face, then you're like HMM... MY HEADACHE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD NOW...

This is my v-day situation.

I made reservations downtown... some hotel was throwing this v-day special 7-course dinner... on their rooftop overlooking downtown. The price is $150 a person, and I had to prepay for one person as a deposit. So I'm out $150.

Next, I bought tix to a show before dinner. I'm out $140

Next, I made reservations at a hotel next door to that dinner joint. $300.

Realizing your ex will be spending it with some other guy.. Priceless.

So yeah... I'm out a few bucks... no matter. I'm actually taking a girl out to the show, but as far as dinner... I'm really not wanting to spend that much on another girl... and I doubt any girl wants to spend $150 for dinner. So dinner + hotel... are out. I'm out $450. Eh.

c'est la vie.

If you want, you can use my situation to make yourself feel better...y'know, how if you have a headache and then you see someone get kicked in the face, then you're like HMM...MY HEADACHE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD NOW...

this is my v-day situation.

I made reservations downtown...some hotel was throwing this v-day special 7-course dinner...on their rooftop overlooking downtown. the price is $150 a person, and I had to prepay for one person as a deposit. So I'm out $150.

Next, I bought tix to a show before dinner. I'm out $140

Next, I made reservations at a hotel next door to that dinner joint. $300.

Realizing your ex will be spending it with some other guy...? Priceless.

so yeah...I'm out a few bucks...no matter. I'm actually taking a girl out to the show, but as far as dinner...I'm really not wanting to spend that much on another girl...and I doubt any girl wants to spend $150 for dinner. so dinner + hotel...are out. I'm out $450. eh.

c'est la vie.

I think the attitude to this situation demonstrates how far you have come along, just by implementing NC. Most would be overwhelmed by pity, you are not! You are annoyed by the situation and the way your ex has acted. That means you are not putting her on a pedestal!

Just to give a quick update on the situation. I am still doing NC... I have actually lost count of the days(sorry guys) but in a way I feel a lot better. So Sunday I worked 8-2 and normally she works in the book keepers office. So I am getting ready to leave and have my IPOD on and as I'm walking up to the time clock. Sure enough there she is, her friend has the book keeping door wide open and my ex is laughing and then eye contact is made and the laughing and smile just erases from her face. (Keep in mind the entire time I was walking up to the clock I was lip singing to my IPOD) I don't know what to think, but I sort of thought maybe things aren't so great with this new guy and that NC is really getting to her. YES I do know NC is strictly for me, and it is helping. I just was curious why she would act that way...

She may have been just surprised to see that you're doing much better. Walking (with probably a spring in your step) and lip syncing to your Ipod are not things depressed people do. Don't let it get to you (I know you wont) She is gone, and its over and done with. She may not regret it now, but she will one day.

Just to give a quick update on the situation. I am still doing NC...I have actually lost count of the days(sorry guys) but in a way I feel a lot better. So Sunday I worked 8-2 and normally she works in the book keepers office. So I am getting ready to leave and have my IPOD on and as I'm walking up to the time clock. Sure enough there she is, her friend has the book keeping door wide open and my ex is laughing and then eye contact is made and the laughing and smile just erases from her face. (Keep in mind the entire time I was walking up to the clock I was lip singing to my IPOD) I dunno what to think, but I sorta thought maybe things aren't so great with this new guy and that NC is really getting to her. YES I do know NC is strictly for me, and it is helping. I just was curious why she would act that way...

Stop worrying about what she is feeling and thinking. She didn't have your feelings in mind at all!

The fact you are happier demonstrates you are taking positive steps.

If she wants to speak to you she will come to you. Until that happens, (if at all), continue doing what you have been doing.

Don't have a clue as to what she is thinking, but it sure didn't make her day that your high steppin', and finger poppin', at work. LOL!! They only ting you could have added would be a very wide grin and a hello!! Keep going with your own thang!

There is no way of getting me to talk to her ha ha... One of her friends asked me Saturday why I deleted her off my myspace and I simply replied "it has nothing to do with me not liking you as a person, but rather you being my ex's bestfriend and things would be too weird. Maybe one day down the road we can speak again but as for now, it doesn't seem right" I do whatever I can to keep my mind off my ex. I am at the gym religiously, started taking up boxing classes at the same gym, Mixed Martial Arts training the following month. It's going to be a busy time for me and I'm only going to be getting in better shape each day.

Questions007 - I am in fact a lot happier than I was before, I still have set backs but when I saw her and she took that smile off her face it was a good feeling for myself not to break my stride and stop singing ha ha.

I'm now 6 weeks in without seeing my ex, and just over a week since a got an email from her, and did't reply.

I am still going with NC, as I get that the less I do the more I do, in all ways. I am getting on with things as best as I can, passed my 1st motorbike test at the weekend so that is a positive!

This website/forum has been a great help and I'm only 6 weeks in.

The mornings are the worst I find at the moment, still think of her when I wake up.

I'm now 6 weeks in without seeing my ex, and just over a week since a got an email from her, and did't reply.

I am stil going with NC, as i get that the less i do the more i do, in all ways. i am getting on with things as best as i can, passed my 1st motorbike test at the weekend so that is a positive!

This website/forum has been a great help and im only 6 weeks in.

The mornings are the worst i find at the moment, still think of her when i wake up.

I speak from experience in saying the first 6 to 8 weeks are the hardest. In 6 weeks time you will so much better, 6 weeks after that even better, and so on!

You will be surprised as to how much perspective you gain over time.

Wow. It's been a little over a week since I've fully done NC, but I thought it was much longer, more like 2-3 weeks. I know I shouldn't complain or vent (God knows that I do plenty of that).

I can usually muster enough willpower to push any feelings of anger or hurt aside and march forward with a "whatever-it happened-move on" attitude, but tonight I find myself unable to suppress them, which is bad considering I have two papers to complete tonight. I guess it's going to be a long night...

Well, he's online right now and back from away. I usually force myself to "not care," but I can't help staring at his screen name. I just can't believe that coward never apologized to me. What's more, I can't believe that he will never feel the need to apologize to me.

How could someone be so... I don't even know... Who am I kidding? I know the answer to this. He doesn't want to do anything with me and frankly, I don't want anything to do with him.

Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...

Boo to feelings.. :o

Well, he's online right now and back from away. I usually force myself to "not care," but I can't help staring at his screen name. I just can't believe that coward never apologized to me. What's more, I can't believe that he will never feel the need to apologize to me.

How could someone be so...I don't even know... Who am I kidding? I know the answer to this. He doesn't want to do anything with me and frankly, I don't want anything to do with him.

Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...

Boo to feelings.. :o

I feel you on that, blare some music turn off the instant messenger and do the best on the two papers your working on. Just got to adjust your focus to something important :)

You haven't deleted him from your computer??

Tal I tried to give you rep but once again would not allow me too.. I agree, the deleting of ways to contact a person should be the first thing done if you're going to go NC... I did it as soon as I went NC simply so I didn't know what she was doing.. Ignorance is bliss :-)

You haven't deleted him from your computer????

I did, but the bad thing about memory is that you remember the sn...

Well, the feelings have passed for now.

They always will. Just a simple exercise that may help. Every time he pops into your head get up and do something. Anything will do from cleaning out a drawer to arranging silverware. This will allow you to learn to change your focus.

Update:

NC is probably the greatest thing that's ever happened to me... as far as post break-up. Been about a month and a half, I find myself doing better in school, I have a girl in almost every class (never used to flirt back when I was with the ex, damn I'm good lol)

So yeah, if someone just broke your heart, things do get better, you just have to make the effort to meet new people... and if you think you'll never find anyone else again (I thought that, I now laugh at myself) take it from this little chubby guy (thats me! Only 5'8'') confidence is everything, and now that I honestly don't want the ex back, I feel so much better about myself, after thinking about her in a different light, I actually put up with a lot for my ex. Would I do it again? Sure. Would I have done anything differently? Not a chance; I'm a total catch and if she can't see that then its her loss.

Probably the best thing I did was make a new friend that's into the same music as me, (shes really cool, and wise) and we just share happy music and talk about it, I enjoy listening to music. So yeah, try and find someone who has a same interest as you, something you love, it can really put things in perspective.

P.S. its hard to give 5 girls the attention they want, but at least I never find myself texting only one of them. And if you think I'm a bad guy for this, I'm not, I've been totally honest with all of them, saying that I just got out of a relationship a little while ago, and they're all very nice about it.

P.P.S. (I think that's it) I see a lot of posts on here about being 20, 21, 24, etc... and still a virgin, I'm 21, a virgin, I'm proud of it, and girls think its hot. So don't feel bad about it people.

Well guys its day 2 for me... I'm doing okay lets see HOw fast I can get back on track...

I'm not counting the days but it has been roughly a month since breakup and two weeks since no contact. I still miss her a lot and care for her but since our breakup I was able to see her in a different light. She is not the perfect girl that I had once thought she was. I deserve somebody who won't betray my trust and will always love and appreciate me. It took a series of unfortunate events to take place for me to learn that she is not the one for me.

One day she will realize what she had loss and it will be too late for her. I am almost certain that when/if she tries to come back I will tell her that I do not want her back and mean it. I still have my highs and lows but now I feel a hundred times better then I did before. Everyday is better then the last and I am beginning to feel more optimistic about my situation.

Hey I haven't written anything on this NC Calender because I just found this and this is exactly what I need. Let me tell you a little about my situation. My boyfriend broke up two weeks ago. I have been extremely sick which started a few days after we broke up I was in and out of the hospital so I have been contacting him because of everything. Thursday was the last time I talked to him he seemed distaant and really didn't care so I just decided I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I haven't call him or texted him since Thursday and I feel good.

He called me last night and this morning and I ignored both of the phone calls. I Just am really confused because he obviously wants to move on and not with me. I just stopped kind of randomly just stopped calling and stopped answering his calls.

We were together for 1 year and weren't for a month in that year. We spent a lot of time together and we were in love but we just started fighting nonstop all the time so he decided to leave because of all the fighting.
I still want to talk to him and see what he's doing. If he keeps calling what should I do?

THANKS!!

Why do you argue so much?? You would probably be better served by posting a question in 'relationships', if your unsure, and get a lot more feedback. Unless your absolutely sure you want this to be over. In that case you keep doing as you have been.

Hello all.

I was doing great this weekend until a mutual friend momentarily brought him up. He thanked her for recommending a band. She told me she had no idea what he was talking about. That idiot--I was the one who listened to them! In fact, I listened to one of their songs all summer when we first started dating because it reminded me of how happy I was to have found him! Then again, memory was never his strong point. Too bad it's mine.

What's more, I surprisingly acted like it didn't bother me because it didn't... until a few hours later when I was by myself and not surrounded by friends. (Talk about delayed reaction.)

As a result, I was pretty much useless last night. I feel like I'm back at square one, where I'm flooded by memories of us and where I keep asking all those questions that I will never receive an answer to, at least honest ones. I'd been doing so well lately, too! I hadn't been as angry or bitter thinking back on it, more as matter of fact and "thank you for the experience. it was nice while it lasted." I had a good attitude about it, and now it's gone. Now I'm back to wondering why he stopped liking me enough, why I wasn't good enough, etc. even though I know the latter (at least... ) is definitely NOT true! (No offense to the ex... )

Maybe I just feel lonely? I hadn't listened to that song in so long. It brought back things I had forgotten.

Sorry for the rant, as per usual. UGH.

So stop thinking, get up, and do something that changes your focus. You know the drill. One bad day is inevitable, we all get them, it will pass, and you can help it. Its to nice outside to be sad, at least where I am. :) I know not fair! :D

Hi jiltedgirl: you wrote: "Maybe I just feel lonely? I hadn't listened to that song in so long. It brought back things I had forgotten." Just my opinion, but I think that is the power of music and its ability to bring back memories, and yes those enhanced, selective memories. But look, I am curious about the name of the song; will you share it? Many thanks.

Hi jiltedgirl: you wrote: "Maybe I just feel lonely? I hadn't listened to that song in so long. It brought back things I had forgotten." Just my opinion, but I think that is the power of music and its ability to bring back memories, and yes those enhanced, selective memories. But look, I am curious about the name of the song; will you share it? Many thanks.

Sure!

This is one of the few songs that I actually like from the band. I'm not that much of a fan. I usually listen to very mellow, indie (and depressing or so people have told me) music, but because I was happy at this point in my life, I liked this one. I remember I was so hesitant to even date him or even show any type of affection due to my last painful breakup, but he was so patient, understanding, and sweet that he eventually won me over. :) I was just amazed that a guy I really liked could be so crazy about me, too. I never told him I even liked this song, since that would have been embarrassing lol.

I don't mean to seem really sappy/delusional or anything, but I know that this is how he felt about me... at the time of course :rolleyes:

Wow. Thanks, George! I don't know why, but looking up the lyrics for you and writing the above just made me feel a lot better now. It made me realize that I really do thank him for the experience and for helping me take another chance with someone, even if it didn't work out.

I don't know how I'll feel later, but right now at this very moment, I don't have any regrets. :o

--------------------
BAND: The Fratellis
SONG: "Whistle For The Choir"

Well it's a big big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty tell me you your name
Is it out of line if I were simply bold to say "Would you be mine"?

Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I maybe on a downer am still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock time it takes for you to talk

So if you're lonely why'd you say your not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come
And go you know me no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Well it's a big big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my hearts in broken pieces
And my heads a mess
And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woo hoo
That's got me going crazy for the things you do

So if your crazy I don't care you amaze me
Oh you're a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk
I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only, a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible

So if your lonely, why'd you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me, no you don't even know me
Your so sweet to try oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Week 1 Day 0 Its actually been a few days but she still contacts me after telling me she needed a break. She initiated contact with me today twice. I kept it brief. She still insists it's a break and seemed mad that I was treating it as a break up. Let her be mad. I told her I wasn't keeping any false hopes (even if that's a lie). The irrational part of my brain tells me its only a break. The logical part tells that part to shut up. I don't know. I can keep NC if she will actually take the break she wants to take and stop talking to me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-break-out-blue-186128.html#post891371

Week 1 Day 0 Its actually been a few days but she still contacts me after telling me she needed a break. She initiated contact with me today twice. I kept it brief. She still insists its a break and seemed mad that I was treating it as a break up. Let her be mad. I told her I wasn't keeping any false hopes (even if thats a lie). The irrational part of my brain tells me its only a break. The logical part tells that part to shut up. I don't know. I can keep NC if she will actually take the break she wants to take and stop talking to me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-break-out-blue-186128.html#post891371

Just ignore her, or tell her, "you wanted a break, what is there to talk about?" then that's it.

Didn't feel like starting a new thread... I haven't cried about my whole situation since... I guess it first happened...

Goodness, what's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just tired, or stressed about all the papers I have to write... but yeah, I guess it all just overflowed on me... man, I really miss her... I just wish I could really understand what she was thinking, and I really don't want to believe that we didn't have something special from her point of view. I don't want to believe that its all the same to her and her new guy. I don't know, its just a damn shame, we got along so well... just when I got absolutely comfortable that she wouldn't ever do this to me... sigh... as bad as it sounds... I hope karma is real, I hope she feels this one day... and at the same time I don't.

Tell me I'm crazy, but I still want her back...

Didn't feel like starting a new thread... i havent cried about my whole situation since... i guess it first happened...

goodness, whats wrong with me? maybe im just tired, or stressed about all the papers i have to write... but yeah, i guess it all just overflowed on me... man, i really miss her... i just wish i could really understand what she was thinking, and i really dont want to believe that we didn't have something special from her point of view. i dont want to believe that its all the same to her and her new guy. I dunno, its just a damn shame, we got along so well... just when i got absolutely comfortable that she wouldn't ever do this to me... sigh... as bad as it sounds... i hope karma is real, i hope she feels this one day... and at the same time i dont.

Tell me im crazy, but i still want her back...

West my man,

You have been doing really really well. I've been logged onto this site everyday for the last 2 weeks, just reading up on how we are all doing and what stage of this breakup BS we are all in. You are doing great, you've just had a moment when its all caught up with you. You've been so busy, working out, hanging out with new people that you've managed to block it out well. All that's happened is that the emotion you've bottled up has come out.

I cried last Saturday night, thinking of my ex, and how much I miss her. We got along amazingly well, but she broke up with me. She will miss you, you are a catch. But as the advice that you and the others have been giving is keep on the path, you'll have the bad moments, but keep going. I've heard its worth it, so I am going to keep going. I miss her so much, but its time to keep thinking about you, as you have been doing.

You are a salmon in the sea of tuna.

Salmon are rare in this sea, and sometimes a girl won't realise that she had a salmon until she's been or is going out with a tuna.

Keep digging deep, we are all in this together. Keep posting on here too, as it keeps me going over in England!

Well I lasted long. A whole whopping 30 odd hours before I caved. I ignored 4 text messeges before I caved. But now I'm at Day 0 still after drunk dialing her last night. I knew I was going to do something stupid before I started drinking. So I drank to give me the excuse to do it and make it easier to convince myself it was the right thing. Well drunk dialing someone and accusing them of cheating at 1am is definitely not the right thing to do. She didn't seem too upset, but not too happy either. If she ever actually was considering still being with me after this 1 month "break" I just gave her a good excuse not to and I hurt myself in the process. If she did cheat on me, I think I deserve her honesty for all I've ever done for her. Its only the first week and I feel like hell. I just want to cry but I can't. I just really miss her. I've gone longer than this without seeing her, but this is the first time I'm not sure that I'll ever see her again.

SJB -

It will get better. I had to delete my ex's number and all the texts I had from her so I don't contact her when I'm drunk as it doesn't do you any favours.

Your still in the raw emotion stage, so don't beat yourself up for contacting her, just try not to again. I know its not easy, but it will save you from yourself.

I cried last weekend as I missed my ex so much, its only natural. When I last saw my ex on new years eve and I got out of her car with my stuff for the last time, I just totally broke down and didn't know what to do with myself.

So don't feel bad for feeling a bit messed up, just try not to contact her, as when you do you open up the wounds of hurt.

Keep going, everyone on here will help as best they can.

I still think of my ex everyday, and I haven't seen her for 7 weeks, but I know it will get better!

West my man,

You have been doing really really well. I've been logged onto this site everyday for the last 2 weeks, just reading up on how we are all doing and what stage of this breakup BS we are all in. You are doing great, you've just had a moment when its all caught up with you. You've been so busy, working out, hanging out with new people that you've managed to block it out well. all thats happened is that the emotion you've bottled up has come out.

I cried last saturday night, thinking of my ex, and how much i miss her. We got along amazingly well, but she broke up with me. She will miss you, you are a catch. But as the advice that you and the others have been giving is keep on the path, you'll have the bad moments, but keep going. I've heard its worth it, so i am going to keep going. I miss her so much, but its time to keep thinking about you, as you have been doing.

You are a salmon in the sea of tuna.

Salmon are rare in this sea, and sometimes a girl won't realise that she had a salmon until shes been or is going out with a tuna.

Keep digging deep, we are all in this together. Keep posting on here too, as it keeps me going over in England!!

Thanks... today was a much better day, even after I was done crying I felt better... its weird. They should call it post break-up Bipolar syndrome or something.

Hey guys,

It's almost been a month now of NC for me. Sadly, I still think of him everyday, but with less frequency and not with strong feelings as before. I've felt good this past week, concentrating on doing well in shool... until I woke up today. I woke up with that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I haven't felt in a while.

It's not like he's the first thing on my mind anymore, but today he was. It seems that I'm in an awful rut today. I felt even worse when I saw later how he'll talk to our friends, but doesn't care to check up on me, not that that should matter or anything.

Even though I know it's for the best and that it would never have worked out, the truth is that I still miss him. I miss talking to him. I wish I could see him. I'm reminded of him every time I see a couple walk by holding hands. I can't help think: "That used to be us."


-end-

It's OK! You're doing well! Your goal is 3 months!! Trust me, look back at the end of the second month and look back on your posts. You'll think "did I REALLY say that?"

Well I guess I will join the club. Its been 4 days now of NC with my ex.. Been a rough weekend because we were supposed to go to a ball together and I had a tux rented and ready to go before everything fell through.She was at her little event all weekend while I was at home crying myself to sleep. I have managed to stay busy most of the time but I am still sitting here analyzing the hell out of where I went wrong. I turned my cell phone off 2 days ago. I am afraid that A. she hasn't contacted me and B. If she has contacted me I don't want to read those words "its over".. Funny thing is I'm scared to turn my phone back on.. lol anyway I am glad that this forum is here because it has helped kill some time and knowing that others are experiencing similar situations is a little comforting.

Well I guess I will join the club. Its been 4 days now of NC with my ex.. Been a rough weekend because we were supposed to go to a ball together and I had a tux rented and ready to go before everything fell through.She was at her little event all weekend while I was at home crying myself to sleep. I have managed to stay busy most of the time but I am still sitting here analyzing the hell out of where I went wrong. I turned my cell phone off 2 days ago. I am afraid that A. she hasnt contacted me and B. If she has contacted me I dont want to read those words "its over".. Funny thing is im scared to turn my phone back on..lol anyway I am glad that this forum is here because it has helped kill some time and knowing that others are experiencing similar situations is a little comforting.


Just turn the phone on, no need to stop your life when obviously she hasn't... Don't take all the fault in why this relationship didn't work. Take it for what it was, learn from this relationship. I know it isn't easy, but if we never go through life without failure how can we succeed in future.. Don't regret the past and don't fear the future.. Turn the phone on and turn up yourself esteem... turn up the volume on your intuition..

Well I'm halfway through day 3 of NC. I'm into my second week of the break. I'm trying to convince myself that contacting her is just going to make it worse and turn this break into a break up for sure. I'm frustrated as hell cause this whole thing came about with out me seeing it. I had no way of preventing it cause I didn't see any big problems. Now I feel like I'm doing nothing cause of NC, but I know that in this case nothing really is something. Just feel kind of powerless like I should be doing more, but I know that I can't and shouldn't. Thinking about her right now is pretty much a constant thing. Can't really concentrate on work or school though I know I need to. I'm trying guys.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me at January 1st but only last week we get no contact. Yesterday we chat and I realize that he's thinking I'm not at our country but I didn't tell him the true.he wrote a lot but I just answered by short words, than he said that he knew I wasn't in our country just because I didn't go see his concert (he's musician).. I didn't answered. What do you think about it?

my ex boyfriend broke up with me at january 1st but only last week we get no contact. yesterday we chat and i realize that he's thinking i'm not at our country but i didnt tell him the true.he wrote a lot but i just answered by short words, than he said that he knew i wasnt in our country just because i didnt go see his concert (he's musician)..i didnt answered. what do you think about it?


Please post your own thread so you can get an effective response if you don't know how please follow this link on instructions

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_vb_read_and_post

Well I am on the tail end of my 5th day of NC and today has had its ups and downs. I woke up late so I didn't get to work until 10 and I was supposed to be there at 8. I finally turned my phone back on this morning.. I was shocked that my X hasn't even sent a single text. I guess she is one of those that flip like a light switch. I was relieved and saddened at the same time. I just keep telling myself that she has controlled my thoughts for the last time. I will never call her back and if she calls me I will just have to deal with it but I don't think she's going to call so that shouldn't be an issue. Went to t he gym after work so now I am tired and I am surfing the net for a while before going to bed. I hope everyone else out there going through the same situation had a tolerable day. Day by day things will get easier..

I am on my third week of NC. I am doing considerably better then before but I have a lot more to work on. I have many mixed feelings about her and some days are better then the others. Today was one of those days where everything I saw reminded me of her and I could not get her off my mind. It just frustrates me so much because I thought everything was perfect. She was the best thing to happen to me and I cared about her more then the world. Before she left me I thought I had my whole life planned out. I still have my goals but some of the biggest ones involved her by my side. I guess sometimes life throws you unexpected curve balls and you need to learn how to deal with them. Right now I am looking forward to the day where I no longer care what she is doing, how she feels, or anything in that matter. I care about her very much but she hurt me a lot. In the mean time I am going to try to focus on myself and let everything play its course. I hope given everybody's circumstances that you all are doing well.

For anybody who ever heard the song "Another Lonely Day" by Ben Harper; that song pretty much sums up exactly how I am feeling now. Another great song is "Beware! Criminal" by Incubus. I could through many more out there but I think many of us on this forum can also relate to these ones.

I like Blink 182- What Went Wrong... u fuked up my life!

Ok.

So I got a Facebook message from my ex (not the one I am getting over) telling me that he is "sorry we haven't had a chance to meet up" and that he "just wanted to let [me] know that [he thinks] about [me] and would like to see [me] again."

Talk about NC working, but for the wrong reason. Maybe he wants to just be friends, but why do they always come back when you have lost all interest, even if only to be "friends"?

Le sigh.

How long ago was this guy in your life?

I'm thinking... dude was doing OK in his life, hit a road block, then thought of you. My ex (2nd one) recently contacted me to see if we can get together and catch up. (weird... considering she lives with her current boyfriend). It's a week of 2nd exes catching up.

A little less than a year ago. He wanted to meet up since last semester, but since I was in a relationship with someone else (the of an ex who I've referred to many a time on this forum), I didn't think it was a good idea.

Well, I didn't see him as anything more then and I still don't now. He kept wanting to meet up, but I cancelled each time because I was always busy with schoolwork, friends, and whatnot.

I guess I can try and squeeze him in a few weekends from now.. :/

If you're completely over him, then I don't think it's a bad idea.. although this kid sounds like he wants to try for something more.

Tread slowly.

If you go into any interactions with the idea of seeing if he has potential, I think your doomed to fail, he may be a friend for life, so be honest with yourself about your motives for any interaction, before you do. Accepting people for what, and who they are, is as important, as not contacting your ex, to your own healing. Closing our mind prevents us seeing all our options, and prevents us from seeing reality and being a good listener. You never know who, or when something is said, we need to know.

Haven't posted in here for a while, but I'm pretty much back at day 1

The ex doesn't seem to think what her actions'll do to me, and I was pretty devoted to her. Her choice in the next boyfriend didn't go as expected, this sucks. Ironically, Jimi Hendrix's Manic Depression is the shuffled song right now. :( got to start back at square one again. I hope you guys are doing way better then I am right now.

DETAILS? Venting is good and we are nosey.

Haha, I'm sorry
I thought I was done with NC with her, thought I was completely over her so I did what I thought was right (or what I wanted, importantly). Sadly, I was pretty much wrong. Fell in love (not really, I just liked her a lot) but anyway, she was friendly towards me. The kind of friendliness where I was plan E or something. I don’t know, it’s just something I assumed anyway. She started talking to a recent ex of hers (he made her feel so terrible, made her cry almost everyday, made everyday unbearable, called her every curse words he could at her, dissed her in front of his friends every chance he get, and referred to her as “” whenever anyone mentioned her name). Through some miracle and illogical sense, she forgave him when he apologized (I’m not sure if it’s legit or not). Here we are, almost 4 days later and she’s now in love with him. It’s like one of those scenes in the movie where the girl goes off with the guy and I’m the one guy that’s left in the street, in pouring rain with broken hopes, I guess. I was really devoted to her and I was there for her more then she really realized (appreciated would also be a good word). I don’t think she realized what she did to me, but I don’t even have the slightest thought of talking about this to her. Screw her, this sucks.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?
"Technically...only two days from 2/25/08. K. I sent a "voice mail" to him from my phone to "get it out... " - NC since although I've been sooooooooo very tempted. I like this idea of "charting" your no contact days. It's like quitting a BAD HABIT!! And me, being OCD/BIpolar/PMDD/PSTD and every other little quirk you can think of (not true in most cases... just the ones I'm willing to admit and get HELP for... ) This idea will be extremely useful for me at this point. I am resiliant. I think you ALL ARE AWESOME for sharing your most intimate and vulnerable aspects of yourself, which in turn... allows me to do the same. Thank you so very very much! KUDOS!!

Yea, after the first month I stopped counting how many days, all I know is that I feel 10X better than I did when I was pining over her for the first 2 weeks. Then I tried N/C and would do the typical well I need to say this, I need to say that crap. When what needed to be said was all out the window when she ended it. I believe I am closing in on 2 months since we have said 2 words to each other. I still have urges like everyone, I still have her telling people I text her "confessing my love and how I will wait for her" at work which is comical because I don't have her phone number or e-mail address. Everything is deleted...

Don't worry everyone, it gets better and soon you will be smiling and wondering "what the heck was I thinking"

Don't worry everyone, it gets better and soon you will be smiling and wondering "what the heck was I thinking"

Too true! And I thought that was just me. Periodically laughing as to what a needy wuss I was with the ex. Hindsight gives so much clarity!

Yea, I was such a sap! I was pining over her and was all depressed... for what? Waiting for a girl who was quick to drop me? As soon as I started living my life the way I wanted to, everything fell into place. I am more incline to approach girls lately, even got a date for Friday night(1st real date since the break up)

I was reading a journal I kept for the first month of the break up as a further reminder of how I never want to be that guy again. I realize now that I am the catch and will be better off. Knowing I did everything I could, I can look back in a year and have no regrets for not trying. It's a rewarding feeling

Yea, I was such a sap! I was pining over her and was all depressed...for what? Waiting for a girl who was quick to drop me? As soon as I started living my life the way I wanted to, everything fell into place. I am more incline to approach girls lately, even got a date for Friday night(1st real date since the break up)

I was reading a journal I kept for the first month of the break up as a further reminder of how I never want to be that guy again. I realize now that I am the catch and will be better off. Knowing I did everything I could, I can look back in a year and have no regrets for not trying. It's a rewarding feeling

It is amazing how textbook the pattern is for dumpees after being dumped!

Period 1 - upset, anxiety, maybe depression, a huge desire to get the dumper back
Period 2 - Anger, upset
Period 3 - Ambivalence!

Today is day 1 for me :( I moved out yesterday and my ex keeps texting about bills and things about the house. Doesn't he care about anything else, oh I don't know like... me? I'm miserable, sad and I don't see too much hope for my future in regards to romance :(

So it has been somewhere around 6 weeks of NC. During this time I have made considerable improvements but these past two days have been really rough. I came home from college for spring break and was able to see some of my best friends for the first time since the breakup. I have known these guys for a long time (before I started dating my ex) and were pretty close. However, while I was away at school I never brought up to them what happened in any phone/email conversations.

Naturally since they are so adapt to me being with her (we were together for over 4 years) they asked about her. Between you guys on this site and my mother I had never told anybody what happened between my ex and I. I kept it under wraps and if anybody else asked I would just tell them we are not together anymore.

I told my friends everything that had happened between me and her while I was away at school. They are very supportive and it did not bother me at the time talking about with them but later on in the night when I got home I could not get her off my mind. I stupidly picked up a picture book she had given me some time ago. The combination of seeing all the pictures of us together and me talking about her my buddies caught up to me. This set me back some and now I feel like I did earlier into the breakup.

Anyway I am sorry that this post is long but It helps to let it out sometimes. I guess everybody has there highs and lows and this is just a reminder that I need more time. I hope everyone else is doing well though.

I have an interesting situation I would like to share. I am on day 2 of NC. The interesting thing is that I did the dumping. He wasn't giving me what I needed and communication wasn't working amongst other things. So after telling him over and over that I wasn't happy and that I never saw him anymore I told him not to call me or text me anymore. I told him I wanted to be free and single. I'm tired of doing all the work in the relationship I'm the giver he's the taker so I wanted out. The thing is I feel I want to call him and tell him I'm sorry and try again to make things work. Do you know what will happen? He will continue to take me for granted and use me like he has been so I think the NC is mostly to work on you and to gain yourself respect and dignity back. It doesn't matter who made the decision to part ways, what matters is that there was a reason why it happened and although is a horrible thing to go through eventually we will all reach acceptance and realize that we don't need to chase after something that we already lost. He didn't have the guts to leave me so I did and it probably hurts even more because I had to make the decision for both of us. To make it even worse I am pregnant with his child so he will be in my life but not as a romantic partner so I'm taking this time to get over him so I can have a healthy relationship with him in the future for the sake of our baby. The key here is to be strong and think of the outcome which is always better when you know you've done the courageous thing. So keep your heads up high and think of the ultimate prize... you will come out on top with your dignity intact and stronger then ever. If a hormonal pregnant woman can do it so can you!!

Hello all,

I haven't been on here in a while. I really hope everyone is doing well.

Just wanted to share that it's been almost two months since I did NC and this is the first time that I haven't felt down at the beginning of the week (I usually fluctuate through the weeks). I still think about him every now and then, but almost as a thirdy party. God I'm soooo glad that the relationship with the ex is over. I can't believe that I let anyone treat me like that and question my self-worth!! [I guess that happens when you like someone lol. ;) ]

Wooot to freeedom~!!

All of you, duck22, dusty angel, txpriss, etc. keep on trucking!

Hello all,

I haven't been on here in a while. I really hope everyone is doing well.

Just wanted to share that it's been almost two months since I did NC and this is the first time that I haven't felt down at the beginning of the week (I usually fluctuate through the weeks). I still think about him every now and then, but almost as a thirdy party. God I'm soooo glad that the relationship with the ex is over. I can't believe that I let anyone treat me like that and question my self-worth!!! [I guess that happens when you like someone lol. ;) ]

Wooot to freeedom~!!!

All of you, duck22, dusty angel, txpriss, etc., keep on trucking!

Keep on going, and also if you can motivate others that helps!

To be this far down the road to recovery after 2 months is very good!

Kind of broke NC on Saturday.. But don't feel as though it was a big deal and I'll explain why. My parents go grocery shopping at the place me n her work, they still are really close with my ex which I'm OK with(I just tell them not to tell me what she says). Well something happened and it really got my mom upset, and my ex actually was being nice to her called the manager and made sure they told me what happened. A cashier had freaked out on my mom, making a huge scene. So my ex did all this and then said "make sure you call George, I would but he doesn't talk to me anymore" So she then text my mom asking how she was. So when I went to leave for the day, I took my headphones off and walked up to her and simply said "Hey Brianna, thanks for checkin on my mom. It meant a lot to her and I appreciate what you did. So thank you"

Was that so bad? I really want to stick to the NC thing

If it doesn't really phase you then its okay, I would just hope that this doesn't open a can of worms. But yeah, as long as you're over her or at least not holding onto any hope that she'll come back, then I think it was cool.

Nah, no hope ha ha.. I figure what's meant to be will be... Regardless of what I say or do, I'm not over her but talking to her like that didn't make me want to go home and watch the Notebook crying. I actually ended up going to a party ha ha... I'm enjoying being single, no body calling and checking in on me

Nah, no hope ha ha..I figure what's meant to be will be...Regardless of what I say or do, I'm not over her but talking to her like that didn't make me want to go home and watch the Notebook crying. I actually ended up going to a party ha ha...I'm enjoying being single, no body calling and checking in on me

Too right, don't have to be home at a certain time to talk on the phone before bed... going and doing whatever I want... its really not that bad at all.

As I had expected my ex contacted me via text last night. I didn't reply to any of them. I was asleep at the time anyway so I wasn't about to disrupt my beauty sleep for him... yeah who am I kidding? I couldn't go back to sleep for three hours after him texting me over and over. I still did not respond and I won't. He kept saying how I'm being irrational and made a drastic decision by breaking things off. He said he wanted to be there for me and my child and so on and so on. It felt great to hear those words but what could he's motive really be. I've been down this path many times before and I think I've learned a thing or two. He gets me to come back try again and then a few weeks later he's back to distancing himself with the excuse of work, I don't see him for weeks at a time, says he's coming by and doesn't (not even a courtesy call saying he can't make it) to me these are not signs of a person who is in love with me but more like a user. I still don't get it why be with someone if you are never around anyway? So many questios. As you can see they do come around but you need to look at their motives and decide for yourself if you want to go back to the old days and be with someone that has hurt you deeply or if you are better off alone. I think that's why NC is so important for the healing process and to make a better decision when they do come around. My head is clear my heart still cloudy so I have to be careful. I have to be honest, I feel empowered by not answering his text, like somehow I am now the one in control sort of speak. Great feeling! Keep being strong :)

I agree, the NC rule is great. A friend I spoke with last night said that it looked like I was afraid to move on for fears that I might be too far gone if my ex should decide to re-enter the picture. However, she said I need to face this fear head on and just get on with my life. She said hypothetically it's better to start a situation over again when you've moved on from your normal routine and habits. For instance, if we jumped back into our relationship now, we'd be right back where we were with our grudges and bad habits. We'd only have the same problems we used to. However, she said step away and move on, discover you again. If he should return, he'll have to return a different person. However, whether you'll be the same is the question. I'm keeping this in mind but I don't want to sit around wondering if he'll return. I know I'd rather be alone right now than enter the situation I just left and have it good for a short while then go right back to the usual toxic mess. I know I'd be better off alone or meeting someone totally new some time in the future. Who knows, maybe it'll work out later on down the road but in the meantime I'm keeping my head up and my eyes open!

... so my friend calls me up today and she asks me hesitatingly, " Hey (my name)...have you been talking to (my ex) recently?" This is after I told her two months ago that I would prefer that she not talk about him to me. This is also a month after I told her the @$$hole thing he did to me, without going into detail since I felt that would put her in an uncomfortable position as a mutual friend, and that I didn't want anything to do with him again.

I replied, "No. I haven't talked to him since." Then, she tells me that he texted her saying that he's going to be in the city this weekend.

I know that I shouldn't care, but I just don't understand why she brought him up with me? That's like picking at a fresh scar. I mean, yes it's healed over, but it's still there.

True, I don't want to see him ever again, but now I can't help wondering if he's going to be around this weekend and if he's going to hang out with my friend. Ugh. The fact that I care shows that I'm still smarting. :T

Eh. Perhaps it's because she thought that he contacted you to see if you two wanted to meet up (since he contacted her... ).

As you said, it may also be an indirect way for her to ask if it's OK if she hangs out with him.

Let it go jilted... let it go.

If it makes you feel any better, my ex is currently on a cruise with her new guy... while I'm working... for spring break. Yep.

Oh man. I thought I did let it go. HAHA. Guess not. Should I tell her it's fine if she wants to meet up with him? I was sort of cold when she brought him up. I was like, "Oh. Well, isn't that nice for him" and she told me that she was sorry for bringing him up. The conversation about him ended there and I changed the topic to more important matters.

I hope I didn't keep her from meeting up with him. They're childhood friends. Should I tell her it's okay? I feel badly now.

If they were friends before anyway I think you should tell her its fine to see him.

Don't worry about it Jilted. It's hard when the ex quickly pops back up into your life in one way or another. I actually saw my ex today and my whole day went downhill from there (and its been 3 months since we talked). I started to think about all the great times and... yeah... well there you have it.

Anyway, don't stress out about your friend. You are not keeping her from hanging out with him, I mean that question didn't even come up. If it makes you feel better just let her know your sorry for the way you reacted to her question and that you hope you didn't offend her. That's as far as I would go.

Thanks ISneeze, friend4u, and confused25.

Yea, I just told her she shouldn't feel awkward about meeting up with him just because of me. She told me she just wanted to know since she had no idea what our interaction was like. I told her the truth; there wasn't any. Lolol!

Good... I think you did the right thing

The past few days have been tough for some reason... I don't know why but I just want to talk to her... maybe its because its spring break and I know she's in town... or its just another rough patch in this bipolar break-up syndrome...

*sigh* I thought I was doing so good, I had a girl tell me that she loved me last week, and it didn't really do much for me. It was nice to hear, but I just don't feel the same way... mostly because we only hung out 4 times... but goodness, I thought I was really getting over her! Psh... I hate this bs.

The past few days have been tough for some reason... i dont know why but i just want to talk to her... maybe its because its spring break and i know she's in town... or its just another rough patch in this bipolar break-up syndrome...

*sigh* i thought i was doing so good, i had a girl tell me that she loved me last week, and it didn't really do much for me. it was nice to hear, but i just dont feel the same way... mostly because we only hung out 4 times... but goodness, i thought i was really getting over her! psh... i hate this bs.

Hahaha. That's a good way to put it: "bi-polar break-up syndrome." -_- Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing well and don't you forget it. You've made a lot of process, and when you get annoyed with yourself or preoccupied with those inconvenient feelings, just concentrate on the positive. :cool:

I had the syndrome this past weekend, although I'm slowly returning to normal thank LORD.
I'm looking forward to my European excursion this Spring Break, starting for me at the end of this week. Woooot.

i'm on day 23 of NC

One month :-) and still alive

hey umm would contacting the brother of my ex to ask a question (wii friend code =) )be considered breaking the NC?

I would like to think "breaking nc" is contacting the ex...

However, if you're contacting the brother of the ex... in hopes that somehow she'll hear that you called... or maybe if she'll pick up... or contact you in return in some way, I would consider that breaking nc.

Really, if you're doing this so that she'll somehow be tied into it... then don't kid yourself. If not, and you're contacting him strictly for the codes, then why not?

Nc isn't something that's supposed to tie you down... it's kind of like a diet. The more you stick to it, the faster and more efficient results will follow. You break it every now and then... and it will hurt, and just might make results take a bit longer.

Oh all right ^_^. I'm glad. It was an IM to her brother and when I IMed him, I was really hoping that she wasn't home.. and that she wasn't near the computer. Although what made me think is that... there was no response on the AIM and suddenly logged off.. I fear that it was her and if it was I thought I just broke the NC

I'm on my 7th and its really hard trying not to do anything but its killing me

Sonia... Don't worry, the first 2 weeks are really hard! It was one of the hardest things to do in my life, but looking where I am now as compared to where I was(check my older posts and see how bad I was) I feel so much better. I am hanging out with friends, meeting new people, new girls in my life and just living life how I want to. What I did was make a CONs list about your ex, this way whenever you feel the need to contact them... Read that list and it goes away. Trust me after 2 weeks, it starts to get better

BTW... I'm on day 97:-D

Wow that's great, I like your cons list that way you never forget what they did to you, thanks for the advice will do that

3 months of no DIRECT contact... (YAYA) not doing so well with his best friend... we have spoken every month since the break up... yikes

It's been 4 days for me of NC. We broke up about a week and a half ago. It's been tough getting over him. My emotions are all over the place and it makes me feel sick when I think of what he might be up to or what his feelings are.

Deleting his number off my phone helped. And I deleted his room mates number also. I not only blocked him on myspace... but I also cancelled my account and blocked the whole website on my computer (his page is public). Im just trying to make it harder for myself to contact him. We didn't really hang out w/ the same group of friends, we don't work together or even live near each other, so I guess that's a good thing.

I know that I don't want to know what's going on in his life or how he's feeling. It would just make me hurt more, no matter how curious I am. Of course, I always get the urge to contact. I keep thinking up new things that I want to ask him or tell him. But I just try to remember that as good as it might sound in my head at the time, I'll just end up regreting it in the end. Not only will I be appearing weak to him, but more importantly to myself.

I know this is for the better. I just wish it wasn't so hard!

It's been 4 days for me of NC. We broke up about a week and a half ago. It's been tough getting over him. My emotions are all over the place and it makes me feel sick when I think of what he might be up to or what his feelings are.

Deleting his number off my phone helped. And I deleted his room mates number also. I not only blocked him on myspace...but I also cancelled my account and blocked the whole website on my computer (his page is public). Im just trying to make it harder for myself to contact him. We didnt really hang out w/ the same group of friends, we dont work together or even live near each other, so I guess thats a good thing.

I know that i dont want to know what's going on in his life or how he's feeling. It would just make me hurt more, no matter how curious i am. Of course, i always get the urge to contact. i keep thinking up new things that i want to ask him or tell him. But i just try to remember that as good as it might sound in my head at the time, i'll just end up regreting it in the end. Not only will i be appearing weak to him, but more importantly to myself.

I know this is for the better. I just wish it wasnt so hard!


Hang in there sweetie... I know how much it sucks but you sound strong. The pain won't last forever it just seems like that now. Keep busy and stay close to those who love you.
Best of luck to you... smile even when is tough to do so

It's day 4.5 for me since the breakup and it's been NC. I will not contact him, but I still really wish I could talk to him. Ugh, so bad.

I'm so glad I found this forum because none of my friends understand. They either say "It'll take a week. Give it two weeks and you'll be fine." or they say "Yeah, it's like losing a best friend."
... No, it's actually losing my boyfriend of 3.5 years, the person who I shared my life with.
It's nice to finally be understood and find some support, even if it is from people whose faces I can't see.

I know that i dont want to know what's going on in his life or how he's feeling. It would just make me hurt more, no matter how curious i am. Of course, i always get the urge to contact. i keep thinking up new things that i want to ask him or tell him. But i just try to remember that as good as it might sound in my head at the time, i'll just end up regreting it in the end. Not only will i be appearing weak to him, but more importantly to myself.

I know this is for the better. I just wish it wasnt so hard!

I am going through the same thing. If it's any consolation, you're not going through this alone.

Keep yourself busy with your friends/family or do things you enjoy like read novels. I'm at day 40 of NC, never thought I could make it this far. If I can reach day 40, I'm sure you all can too!

It's day 4.5 for me since the breakup and it's been NC. I will not contact him, but I still really wish I could talk to him. Ugh, so bad.

I'm so glad I found this forum because none of my friends understand. They either say "It'll take a week. Give it two weeks and you'll be fine." or they say "Yeah, it's like losing a best friend."
...No, it's actually losing my boyfriend of 3.5 years, the person who I shared my life with.
It's nice to finally be understood and find some support, even if it is from people whose faces I can't see.

You are so right, friends don't understand or they get sick of hearing about it. I think it feels like a death. When my boyfriend left I grieved just like he had died.

And this forum is a life saver. It's the only reason I think I kept my sanity, Well most of it anyway LOL!

I definitely have to agree with the current sentiment. It has been almost 6 months NC for me. And although some things are easier, it still feels like there is an open wound. (And like a sore tooth or a bruise, I keep poking it!)

2 weeks. Ha! Lol.

I have been doing total n/c for 2 weeks after we broke up almost 3 months ago and then started sleeping together again. Anyway the dumb thing was is that last week I was stranded at the Airport after my ph battery died and his was the only number I knew off by heart so I called him off someone else's ph and asked him to call my sister to come and get me... it all ended with a text from him later saying he hoped I got home OK and that he loved that he could still be my hero!! Toatally messed with my head and now has me thinking about him again heaps, I am so close to txting him but no I have to be strong esp after I have been so good already for 2 weeks I am sure I can keep on, it is amazing how just that little bit of contact can bring it all up again!

Hi people. I am so glad I found this thread.

My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me March 19. The first week after, I was a wreck.. texting, calling.. all that crap. He said he still loves me but it's for the best, blah blah.

We had an awkward post break-up talk in which I told him why we should be together and he just cried and cried and said no.. He still thinks this is for the best.

Two days later I call him (I know, I know) and tell him I think he's confused and needs space. He doesn't disagree.. and I tell him that we shouldn't talk for a while.

He says "How long?" So I say about a month? I mean.. is that?

Then I make it to the end of the week and there is a mix-up in which he thinks I called him (I didn't... but it turns out my friend was trying to delete his number from my phone and accidentally did.. at about 4:30.) Anyway, he called me back ONE HOUR later.. (I didn't answer.) I waited the next day to text and ask "Why did you call? Unless you know what you want, we aren't supposed to talk." And he said, "ok no talking."

Then, losing my control I texted "And if you already know, don't play this game." I feel so dumb for writing that to him, because now, since he said NOTHING back.. I'm like does this mean! But since then, it's been no contact. Basically a whole week (doesn't sound like a lot.. but feels like hell.)

I hate to admit I have some hope due to his weird behavior, but I feel a bit better reading through here and realizing I'm not alone and that I WILL BE OK, either way..

Thanks for reading all of this. (If you did.)

Don't be so hard on yourself... we've all sent that text we wish we didn't, sent that email, made that call... we've all done that stupid thing. So forgive yourself and keep trying to move on... don't expect anything from him when this month is over...

My ex said that we'd talk about a relationship this summer... yet I sent an angry email after I find out that she was emotionally cheating on me. And I pretty much ended up breaking the "break" she wanted. So yeah, don't expect a miracle, as most "breaks" are for good.

It's not a break though.. It's an official break-up.

It's just so weird.. like one night we're laughing and happy, the next we're not.. the day he broke up with me, he sends me this message to say "hey, I love you! (before he broke up with me I mean)

I told him don't expect me to be waiting when he figures it all out. God, I wish I meant that. I hate my weakness right now. And I am trying so hard to push ahead and just make it day by day.

I am just so darn sad and I know it gets better, and I keep having to tell myself we weren't something special..

I just feel so trapped in sadness right now. This has to get better. And I know everyone says that in a few months you'll look back and laugh at how needy you are.. but no one laugh at me right now please. I am hurting so much.

No one's laughing at you... because we've all been there. I was in your shoes 3 months ago. I was a wreck... really.

For a solid week, I barely ate, slept, or anything really... I was wasting away.

Now, 3 months later, I look back and I still don't laugh at what happened, but I do look at it as a learning experience... I'm doing MUCH better now, but at times, it still hurts a little. Not a big deal though.

It helps to read others' stories and realize that they're indeed better.

I believe a few of our stories reflect what you're going through... :

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688.html

ihatewestseneca's:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-break-165161.html

freakinconfused's (his story's halfway down the first page):

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-4-years-wanted-break-its-been-5-weeks-what-do-do-142152.html

We've all been there... and we're all much better now. You'll get better. I promise. Keep your head up.

Nicole
It really just takes time believe us , I know its easy to say but time really is a good healer. Just come on here and vent whenever you feel the need and there's always someone a round to lend an ear.

None of those stories are like mine. I'm not trying to be a pain in the butt, but no.

We aren't on a break. There was no neediness. We didn't spend every day together nor did we freak out if we were busy and had to go a day without talking. I've never heard mention of another girl or anything like that. I mean.. I guess there could be? But I would seriously doubt it. My brother works with him and all he ever does is work, so I'm not sure where he would meet someone.

We've broken up once before. When I first came to college he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. So I stopped talking to him for a month and tried to move on. About 6 weeks later he came back and after much talk about his commitment level, etc. we gave it another shot. We dated non-stop for the next 2.5 years.

I won't lie and say he's always a peach, but neither am I. He seemed genuinely confused and I am trying not to care. And it's so hard to think he's never, ever coming back. We just had such a great friendship and he even told me it's not that he wants anyone else, he just thinks we fight too much and we wouldn't be happy in the future. I think he's panicking about something.. Errrgh.

I want to stop caring. And I want to stop thinking there is any chance. Really, I do. But how do you ignore what you hope but don't want to hope?

Ok I lied. Some of these stories are like mine. I must be in denial.

What I need to tell myself is that if he really loved me as much as he is portraying.. he wouldn't be doing this to me, right? If he really wanted to be with me he'd call. If he loved me nearly as much as I loved him, we'd be together right now, right?

Or is this over-simplifying things? Can someone make a mistake..

But as I said above, this is the second time he's broken my heart. But the first time, he DID come back and things were really great for 2.5 years, so getting back together doesn't always spell disaster.

I need to protect myself and not give it back right? Right?

But my mind always goes back to my mom's friend Jackie. She and her hubby broke up 6 times before getting married. And they've been happy for 20 years+.

But I am only 21. So shouldn't I just get over it?

I am sorry I've written on here like 4 times tonight. I am just feeling terrible and am so tempted to dial him. But I can't let that happen.

NC POWER!

Nicole
Yep RIGHT!!

You are at the beginning of this stupid emotional Roller coaster ride , I'm not going to lie , there will be many bad days ahead for you. That's just a normal part of the process. But as time goes there will be less and less.
Break-ups su*k but you just have to weather the pain , and unfortunately there isn't an easy way. But you can make it easier.

You can wallow in the pretence that he may come back or that he still loves you etc. or you can start NC now and start the healing process. Like you yourself said "If he loved you he would be here with you"

If you two are meant to be down the track so be it , but by starting the healing process now and not holding on to false hope if that time comes at least you will be in a better place emotionally to decide if that is really what you want.

NC RULES!! And keep venting , it makes you feel better right :-)

Confession time:

I got so torn up about this confusion thing, and I wasn't buying it. But I needed to hear him say it.

So I texted him and was like..

I can't live in limbo. You don't have to love me or even miss me, but just be honest with me. If you're not confused I need to hear it.

And he told me. He's not confused.

So, OK. Feel like crap.

But at least now I KNOW for sure. No lingering hopes due to anything he's said. I feel like maybe I can move forward now, knowing that I did everything I could do.

He's an idiot for letting me go. I am prettier, smarter, and better than he's ever going to get.

Day 8 of NC for me. And it still sucks.

A stronger individual than I.. Guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*

A stronger individual than I.. guess I'm at Day 0 again. *Sigh*
I don't think it's strong vs. weak!! I learned from experience of breaking NC that it didn't work for me last time. You're strong. It's OK.

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

It's hard for everyone at the beginning but it gets easier with time , secret is to be strong enough not to break NC and going back to Day 1

Agreed. NC should not be broken until you are clear you don't want your ex back. If you reach that stage, and know (remember and beware the mind tricks!) that you would be happy to see them without expectation, then maybe. The reality is though, that once you reach that stage, you will probably have no interest in seeing them anyway!!

Don't worry Nicole.. I went back to day 0 a few times, we ended up getting back together.. but it wasn't the same as the first time and we broke up again. I'm now on day 9, but for some strange reason, I feel on top of the world! Maybe some day you will get to the stage I'm at, because I was at your stage one time and thought I'd never feel like this.

Be strong and don't break N/C because it'll bring you right back down again.

I am trying not to worry and just let things be. It's just hard, and no one wants to listen to me talk about it.. so I keep turning to this site.

It hasn't even been the full day and I can't stop crying. I loved him so much.. it's very hard to see outside of my pain.

I've been in love with him since I was 17.. so I guess it's time to stand alone. I'm not scared to be alone.. I'm just scared to lose HIM. Well, I guess I already have.

The worst part is.. I don't hate him. Not at all. I just hate that he did this to me.

I always thought we had something really special. And maybe we did. But it's gone now. That's what I have to remember. It's gone and it's his fault.

I'm fluctuating.. She texted me yesterday but didn't reply.. I was fine.. I was happy lately but I'm a bit down now :/

Update Guys!

Ok, so I am on day 100 and something... I get a text from one of her friends saying "Hey it's so and so..Brianna has something she wants to talk to you about but she doesn't know how to approach it" So I waited a bit and responded by saying "It doesn't really matter, she's got a boyfriend and I'm happy for her" and she responded right away saying "But it's something important she says" So I waited another hour and responded "Well, I guess I should have heard that from her lips. I will tell you one thing, so and so, if she has something to say, it will not take place over text or the phone, She can call me and ask to meet up and discuss it in person." And again, right away with the response "Well, I dunno, I'll let her know"

Think I handled that situation well? I am not going to do the whole "friends" thing as well as not talking about anything with her over the phone or text messages.

I think you handled it well Rome.

Although, the fact that your ex didn't have to balls to text you or call you herself, and had her friend do it, says a lot about her maturity level. Now I know you've grown and bettered yourself and yada yada, you're amazing now. (whatever) but that doesn't mean your ex has grown, apparently she jumped right in with another guy, how much can you learn about yourself if you're too busy learning about someone else. So its fairly safe to assume that she is the same person.

So I ask you this... if she wants you back, do you even think you would go back?


As for me, I had contact a couple weeks ago in the form of a late snack at a little restaurant after about 3 months of NC. It was nice seeing her again, although I couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me. Anyway, it was a nice meeting, though she cried twice over "nothing", told me that she loved me and then immediately after said not to think about that, and then I got a few emails soon after saying that she cares, but she doesn't ever want to be with me again. And I thought "hrm, 1. i can't do long distance anymore, so i dont want to be with her, 2. her reasons for breaking up with me have changed so many times, i can't really remember. and finally 3. shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."

So after that meeting I had a rough couple days, but I feel like I'm back on top. I don't care what she is doing at all, haven't checked her Facebook in a while, nor do I have the desire too. Went out with a girl a couple nights ago (we got a taco). I didn't really like her that much, but it was an all right time. So this leaves me with a question for the ladies...

Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me! Other than my ex, I've yet to go out with such a girl. Stop hiding and come to Westy.

i couldn't help but notice that she looked better when she was with me.
This is what broken hearts dream of.


... shes a young, stupid, confused girl who doesn't know what she wants, and any further contact will only leave me more confused."
Amazingly rational.


Where are the cute girls that also have something interesting to say to me!? other than my ex, i've yet to go out with such a girl. stop hiding and come to Westy.
They're all where I am, in vast amounts, surrounded nothing but awful guys. Let's trade.

Ha ha.. I honestly can't say if I would go back or not. I would actually have to sit down, hear what she has to say about the situation and how things are going on her end. Then after that happens, I would go back home and think about things. Come on here, tell the whole story of how the chat went and just see how things go. I'm the type who never rules anything out so it will be hard to say for sure right now.

Westy, trust me.. Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

Westy, trust me..Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

Do boys come in flocks? DO BOYS COME IN FLOCKS?? Haha. I like to think it's a lot easier to find the nice girls than the nice boys. Or at least I tell myself when I'm surrounded by jerks.

Ha ha... I don't know, I'm a nice guy and get screwed over but when I act like a jerk(say I'll call back and don't.. etc) they keep coming. Any answer lol? Nice guys finish last in my book, or so it seems.

Westy, trust me..Girls will come and they will come in flocks. I have just learned that, I have so many different girls I'm talking to, just playing the field, nothing serious with any of them.

Don't worry, girls flock... just none that I want. I think I might want them, and then they open their mouth... haha.

Girls DO come in flocks... it's ridiculous.

I haven't had contact from my ex except her e-mail to tell me that her and the new guy are official now... (shocker... ). I simply ignored it.

Rome, as far as your ex telling you something important, I have a feeling it'll be something you won't expect... regardless, I agree with westy saying that she should have rather talked to you first. My ex does the same thing, as she'll say something to one of my mutual friends in hopes that she'll relay the info to me.

Jami: no worries. Guys probably flock more than girls do.

Yea, like hey! I'm pregnant.. Ha ha... I'm not going to over think it, I'm just choosing not to believe it until I hear it from her lips herself. Who knows what I will even say, I will definitely be posting a topic on that if it ever happens ha ha

I do so much to stay out of my ex's life, she does so much to find out about mine.. It's hilarious

Yep. Isn't that the way it goes when you do NC?

I don't check my ex's fbook... nor do I even ask about her. In fact, I know NOTHING about what my ex is doing... except what my friends tell me... and even then, I tell them I don't want to know, I don't care.

My ex (in her e-mail to me) told me that she's been checking up on me... and have confessed that she wished I updated my fbook more often so she can see what I'm doing... she also confesses that she's been asking my friends how I'm doing and such. I guess she told me all this to make me see that she still cares... but in the end, I think she went off the grid.

My boyfriend dumped me after 2 1/2 yrs because he needed space?? Blocked me on fbook etc. I'm now on day 49 with no contact from him and I haven't contacted him. I'm proud of myself because I thought I couldn't cope shows I have. Just wish I had more answers to why he wanted to break up I know there was no one else , and on that morning he paid of all our holidays why waste the money. Just hope one day he will wake up an realise what he has lost, because I'm stronger than ever now!

It really is so encouraging to see people moving on, it gives me hope that things will get better. I have been doing N/C for almost 3 weeks it is not getting any easier and I am constantly thinking about txting him but somehow I haven't and because of that I feel so much better about myself.

Ps guys definitley come in flocks, sometimes scaryily so! Haha oh the joys of being single again!

I really don't want to think about guys in flocks. I really feel like I need to just focus on me. But it's hard.. But today wasn't terrible. No tears today..

It's more like a dull ache. And honestly.. this might sound terrible, but one of the things I miss most is the sex?

Is it weird to worry you'll never meet anyone else with the same sexual style/voracity/etc/ as you? I don't know. I just miss the physical closeness.

And having someone to talk to at the end of the evening. But, Day 1 of Official NC is over and done successful. Good night all!

It's more like a dull ache. And honestly.. this might sound terrible, but one of the things I miss most is the sex?

Is it weird to worry you'll never meet anyone else with the same sexual style/voracity/etc/ as you? I don't know. I just miss the physical closeness.

Actually, I thought this as well... but I found out that I was wrong. Yes, the physical closeness... will be missed. But the sexual style/voracity/appetite/just overall craziness in bed... there are a LOT of people out there. Trust me.


And having someone to talk to at the end of the evening.

I feel you, but after some time, at the end of the day, you're glad you have time to just sit back, turn on the tv/read a book/watch a movie, and relax...

Just keep going everyone, we are doing well. Sneeze/Rome/West, I've been reading all your posts the last few weeks, and I'm glad you guys are turning the corner. Its defiantely spurring me on.

I don't really have much interest in other girls at the moment, its only day 29 of NC (2nd time around - but it won't be broken this time, by me at least). Just need some me time I think. Im back hitting the gym, and am looking forward to the good times again!

Keep posting!

Yea, the 3 amigos(me, Sneeze, West) were all the same, we did not think we would be able to survive, we missed our ex's too much. And now here we are, turning pages and giving other people that are in the same position as we were 3 months ago, a positive outlook on things. We still have our days when our ex's pop into our head, but if they are like me, it's less frequent and don't really have that dagger to the heart feeling anymore?

Keep up with the NC it truly is a great tool to heal yourself.

Day 2. Complete. All was well, until I was alone at night..

I was putting all of "our" things - letter, pictures, all that stuff away. And then I went through old Facebook posts and deleted them.

But it hurt me so much. Because, we were so in love. So very much in love.. crazy about each other. And now, I'm crying again, but at least I got it all packed up. I just don't understand how we let it fall apart.

And I'm really tired of people telling me I shouldn't be so sad because I'll find someone better, I'm so young, blah blah... I KNOW all this. But that doesn't make it hurt any less and it doesn't mean that it wasn't special to me.

I loved him (still do, despite trying) with all of my heart. And it's so very broken that I wish I could fast-forward a few months. I don't want to love him anymore. I can't deal with this heartache. I can't. It hurts to breathe sometimes. I just miss him.. I say that without hope, without agenda.. I just miss him.

I know how you feel Nicole, actually we all do. Losing someone you love is never an easy thing, in fact it is one of the hardest aspects of life. I know it's cliché but things will get better with time. Right now allow yourself to cry and be angry. You've been through a lot so there is no shame.

I know it hurts and all you want to do is wake up and find out that it was all a bad dream. Unfortunately this is life and at times it can be very rough. Trust me, with time things will become easier for you. This was his decision and he will have to live with it. You on the other hand will learn a great deal from this experience and you'll soon realize that the person worth crying over will never make you shed a tear.

Nicole writes: " I don't want to love him anymore."
Hope things get better for you, and they will; you reminded me of a song I enjoy:
Don't Want To Love You Anymore Delbert McClinton

I remember when my ex first split with me, I could barely eat or sleep for a good week or so. But it does get better. You just have to keep busy, and get your in motion as they say.+

We've all been there nicole.. and some of us are there right now.. I'm on day 9 though its kind of 4 really cause she talked to me 4 days ago but I didn't answer.. I wish I didn't love her either but I do and she's changed.. there isn't much we can do about it but focus on ourselves and get better.. I wish she'd come back but at the same time I don't..
Its easter break and I'm getting to spend a lot of time with friends, when I get back to england its going to be a lot harder.

It's day 4351255151 for me... I think. Haven't kept up with the days... I know it's been about 4 months now...

I ran into my ex last night while I was out with a buddy of mine... she was with her new boyfriend... it wasn't awkward, but she ended up coming to us and saying hi to us... then she left and my entire group looked at each other and thought "...why'd she come up to us...?"

No problems. I will be fine.

Day 3 - Done..

Still horribly sad. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up. When am I going to stop feeling so terrible? I feel fine when I'm out, doing stuff, whatever.

But the minute I get home.. it's all tears. I just don't know how to do this and I feel like I'm feeling all the wrong things, but I just.. I just don't know.

I hate him for this. I hate him for telling me he loves me, but doesn't think we'd be happy later. I hate him for saying he was confused. I hate him for saying he cared. I hate that he says he still loves me but isn't with me. His love is for s h*t.

God do I know how you feel...

During my breakup, it was winter break... so I had NO friends here as they all went home. It was... ridiculous. During the day, it was fine as I was at work, but the nights... were so awful. I know exactly where you're at... hang in there. What I did to pass the nights were to go to the gym around 10pm... and just run or lift weights... for a long time. Then I'd come home, shower, maybe read a little bit, and then pass out. I used to never listen to music, but I started to... and I used to always watch movies, but I stopped. Things kind of changed overall.

Hang in there. Keep your head up. It'll get better soon.

I also keep thinking how she could do this to us..
I think its day 10.. I don't want to count.

I also keep thinking how she could do this to us..


Well... that is the million dollar question... "how could they just... (you fill in the blank)?"

I felt a lot better after deciding NC but now its seemingly worse knowing that its over and that is that.
Im still young and have no intention of getting married any time soon.. We've only been apart less than a month and I've slept with 2 girls.. but I still miss her and I'm still hurt.

She just talked to me again on msn asking if I'm there..
Didn't reply :/
I kind of wait for her all day to come and approach me at some point.. shes been doing so every 2-3 days so far.. blah

She asked me if I'm ignoring her on purpose..
Again I didn't reply..
If I said yes she'd either ask why and we would talk about it and id get pissed off again knowing she doesn't care about me..
Or she would say "ok" and id be equally pissed off..

This sucks

7 weeks I gone without contact its hurting like crazy today, the other day I was strong and wrote it on here now I'm angy and hurt again whhy..

I know in 3 weeks time ill be expecting a call as its my birthday then it won't happen I was meant to goon holiday with him then and it won't happen, I want to fast forward to August then ill know I be happy.

But I am proud of myself as soon as he said its over I didn't chase I just disappeared and had no contact. Just need time to heal x

I need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing not talking to her..
I don't need to tell her I'm no ttaling to her right?
That's a form of letting her have a go at having the control

Ignore her. Your doing the right thing!! Be in control, don't let her think your there x

I know what you mean concerning future plans..
I booked flights to leave early from home to go back to the UK and stay with her for a week.. My residence contract excludes holidays and I can't go back to my halls until the 15th..
I was homeless up until about 4-5 days ago, now I'm going to stay at a friends in london..
But I keep thinking how we arranged my going there and how we were both sad about being apart for a month during the easter break and how I would miss her, and couldn't wait for the easter break to end.. and she dumped me before I left and now she couldn't care less.

A w e s o m e. :/

I Guess we just got to stop thinking about the plans made, they have made their decision we got to deal with it. But please do not contact her, it will push her away, that's y I haven't contacted my ex but then he could have contacted me,

Mine finished with me very out the blue because he needed space. When he said this he was crying. I know there is no one else involved I think he is just mixed up very mixed up, 2yrs I spent with him planning our future now I got that on my own.

If they come back or not, doing no contact will help in the long run x

I hate to burst your bubble, but you can never rule out the possibility of someone else. That may be the reason they're confused. As for NC, keep going! Any contact will only make you feel worse than you do now. But with NC it'll get better. I promise. I still have nights where I just want to talk to my ex, but I find if I get up for a drink, when I sit back down, that feeling is almost gone... another strange "bi-polar" feeling.

Keep it up people, NC is the right thing to do!

Im starting to feel that as well.. she put up pictures of her with this guy who I actually know.. and I was suspicious of a long time ago... makes me so angry but I can't do anything about it I can't let her know its getting to me.

I haven't heard of or seen anything of a new girl. But I guess you never know. But, Nick, I think we should keep our heads held high and try our best to look forward. We will never let them know how much it's hurting us that they may have moved on.

And besides, who knows? Maybe this new person won't be so great... and maybe it'll make her regret her dumb decision. But.. her loss, you know? I don't mean it will make her regret it so that she'll come back, but regret it in the sense that.. she's just dumb. I don't know if that makes sense. I hope my ex regrets what he did just so I can have the satisfaction of knowing he's an idiot.

Anyway.. I'm sending everyone on this crazy thread a hug, in whatever stage. A hug for those who hurt, a hug for those who support, and a hug for everyone in between. You all have been such a blessing and help to me.

Hi all... well major step back for me, I ended up going to the ex's with my group of friends on sat night for house warming. As soon as I got there he would not stop staring at me and text me saying thanks so much for coming you look great. The one thing I know is that he is so attracted to me and as bad as that sounds I almost like knowing that I have that power.. anyway as the night went on and I got a bit drunk somehow I ended up staying and he started saying how much he had missed not talking to him after the past three weeks and how he wanted us to have a proper chat when we were sober, funny now the N/C suddenly gave me that power again. Soooo we slept together... stupid I know and then spent all Sunday just hanging out like old times it was so fun but at the same time I didn't let myself get too carried away I know it doesn't mean anything and we are NOT getting back together. He text me last night and said how great it was to see me again and stuff. Now I am confussed I don't want to get back together after how far I have come but it was so good to spend time with him...

Im starting to feel that aswell..she put up pictures of her with this guy who I actually know..and I was suspicious of a long time ago...makes me so angry but I can't do anything about it I can't let her know its getting to me.

Stay away from myspace and Facebook... only pain can come from those sites... its hard, but don't look! You'll feel so much better if you beat those urges.

Day 4.

I also suck at not looking at his Facebook. I know I shouldn't. But I miss him terribly and I don't know.. it's hard. I can't wait to stop crying every day.

How long does this "crap phase" take for an almost four-year (first love) relationship?

:-(

Basic rule of thumb says... a month for every year you've been together, but that obviously differs based on person to person... I've known people that have gotten over their 3 year relationships in 2 weeks, and have also known people that have passed 8 months and aren't still over their 1 year relationship... really up to them.

You can delay this "healing" process by contacting him, checking fbook (it is... the devil. Trust me), and thinking about him day/night...

You can speed the process up by keeping busy and spending time with your friends to forget about him. Your choice.

Good luck.

It's been seven months now, I feel great
One question though (this is just a really short one, I didn't think creating a post would be necessary)
Once in a while, when I see her, I get a bit weird feeling. I don't like her but it's just a tiny bit of an attraction. I'm just wondering if this is normal or not :confused:

Thanks

Yeah, I think it is... I mean, she was once an important part of your life, so it's normal to feel "something"... if I can figure out what that "something" is, I'll let you know.

As for me, I'm on 4 months now, and I'm doing fine... although I still have nostalgic flashbacks... they last only a few seconds. I still find myself avoiding her or trying to not go places where I know she will be with her new boyfriend... but since we don't have the same friends, it's not too tragic.

Sounds normal to me, but don't judge a book by its movie.

Thanks guys
I have flashbacks too, with the notes that I haven't gotten rid of yet but everything's cool. There's nothing left for her here anymore.
Anyway, I wish you guys well. Peace out

Day 4.

I also suck at not looking at his facebook. I know I shouldn't.


:-(

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and I caved the other day and checked it... I know I still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. I do know that my ex doesn't know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. And how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, I helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and I know it -_-... I've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but I learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. And its like, I don't want to date for awhile because I think I need to improve myself some more (even though I've been on about a dozen dates), but I just miss having someone to talk to like I could talk to my ex. There's only a few people I know where I can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, I gave her all of me... I know now that it was a mistake, there's no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if I had loved myself a bit more, maybe I could have spared some heartache if I had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. And it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. I mean, I really thought I did everything right, and I still kind of think I did. We hung out as friends for about 5 months before I asked her out, then we started dating, I took everything nice and slow... it's a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). But yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, I thought it was going to be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! I knew I loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till I fall in love again. It doesn't seem like it now, but I guess it will just happen. I hope.

It sucks because she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, I think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

Anyway, about Facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. Its been 3 months and I still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. But I got I little feeling of something. Goodness, I almost checked her email. (go go self control!) I don't know, I just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. My ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what I want, on what I'm going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a girlfriend for awhile.

Well, I've wasted enough time... got to get back to my paper.
Sorry this is so long everybody... rough night I guess, yet I had a great day.

Well my ex has blocked me on Facebook so I can't even look. Which in a way is good for me but not a good sign.

Well, at least it's better knowing for sure, right? Trust me... it's better that she blocked you... rather than to trail you around with the whole "I want us to be friends" bs.

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and i caved the other day and checked it... i know i still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. i do know that my ex doesnt know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. and how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, i helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and i know it -_-... i've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but i learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. and its like, i dont wanna date for awhile cus i think i need to improve myself some more (even though i've been on about a dozen dates), but i just miss having someone to talk to like i could talk to my ex. theres only a few people i know where i can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, i gave her all of me... i know now that it was a mistake, theres no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if i had loved myself a bit more, maybe i could have spared some heartache if i had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. and it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. i mean, i really thought i did everything right, and i still kinda think i did. we hung out as friends for about 5 months before i asked her out, then we started dating, i took everything nice and slow... its a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). but yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, i thought it was gonna be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! i knew i loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till i fall in love again. it doesn't seem like it now, but i guess it will just happen. i hope.

it sucks cus she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, i think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

anyway, about facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. its been 3 months and i still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. but i got i little feeling of something. goodness, i almost checked her email. (go go self control!) i dunno, i just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. my ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what i want, on what im going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a gf for awhile.

well, i've wasted enough time... gotta get back to my paper.
sorry this is so long everybody... rough night i guess, yet i had a great day.

I am also the same, I check her Facebook page evry so often. I know I shouldn't, but in many respects, I consider that to be way better than breaking NC, and it stops me contacting her too!

I know that eventually I will have to stop checking her fb site, I am almost at that stage. I think that is part of the gradual process of letting go.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

Having just posted a few answers to help other people, I have realised that today is 8 months of NC for me. Time does move on quickly!

Grrr stupid Facebook, I don't have him on mine anymore I blocked it so I can't look at it, anyway after seeing each other last week he has text me and then put a message on my Facebook last night saying "nice profile pic, you look too hot you should change it:-)" so anoying, I don't know what the hell is going on with him right now. I think he is having second thoughts but if he did want me back I don't know what I would do I don't even think I want that anymore...

Has it only been 5 days of NC?

Feels like a life-time. I'm still having those urges of.. "Oh, he'd think this was so funny." or "Oh, I feel so crappy, he'll make me feel better." Nope. He's the reason I feel so crappy. Stay strong everybody.

Seneca - I too have been guilty of snooping using their passwords. *Sigh* It's all so tempting.. but at least I haven't called him. I have been staying busy with school and stuff, it's just hard when I'm alone in my room..

Nicole, I feel you, which is why the first month of the breakup, I picked up another job and a volunteering job, and started to write a book.. . nothing makes the time pass than coming home at 2am to go to sleep, only to wake up at 8am to go to work.

Feels like a life-time. I'm still having those urges of.. "Oh, he'd think this was so funny." or "Oh, I feel so crappy, he'll make me feel better." Nope. He's the reason I feel so crappy. Stay strong everybody.

That's been happening to me a lot too. Back when we were together and a day was going by where I was feeling down... I would just text him saying "can i spend the night?" and he always said "of course". It always made me feel so good. I miss being able to do that. But I try to tell myself... hey, sure I had a bad day and Im feeling down, but I'll get through it on my own. I can be strong. I don't need anyone to run to. I don't need anyone to protect me. I can make it on my own.

I feel Im doing well as far as facebook/myspace is concerned. About a week after the break up I cancelled my myspace account and blocked the site from my computer. (his profile is public) and I haven't been there since. Im not getting rid of Facebook since I have a lot of friends on there who I'd like to stay in touch with, but I did remove him as a friend. But, yet again, since we're in the same network I can still see his page. Im trying to be good about not checking it out. It's good he doesn't really update it at all, so the couple times I've gone there nothing has been changed. But that is how I found out about his "new relationship" w/ his friend. Made me so sick, but that's why it's a good to stay away from those things. I tell myself this every time I feel the urge to check in on him. I know I'm not going to like what I see, so I try to distract myself. I go to another site or I call up a friend. Then the urge goes away.

I feel things are getting better, even though I'm constantly thinking about him. Just as someone else had pointed out... I fear I also still have that little hope that maybe he'll come back into my life somehow. This is probably bad, but it makes me feel better having this hope. I know I shouldn't though, because it just slows me down from moving on.

I know its hard, its been a little over 3 months, and i caved the other day and checked it... i know i still have this false hope that we'll see each other again, and who knows what could happen. i do know that my ex doesnt know what she wants and needs to grow up and learn about herself, but she jumped in with a new guy almost immediately after breaking up with me. and how can you learn about yourself if you're trying to learn everything about someone else... but yeah, even worse, i helped my ex set up almost everything that has a password, and i know it -_-... i've snooped before by logging into her account and it caused a lot of pain and confusion, but i learned that she really has no more feelings left for me. and its like, i dont wanna date for awhile cus i think i need to improve myself some more (even though i've been on about a dozen dates), but i just miss having someone to talk to like i could talk to my ex. theres only a few people i know where i can really be myself around, and my ex got it all, i gave her all of me... i know now that it was a mistake, theres no such thing as a "sure thing" anymore... relationships are so unpredictable... but maybe it was if i had loved myself a bit more, maybe i could have spared some heartache if i had a little more love for myself instead of giving it all to my ex. and it sucks to know that almost nobody marries they're first love. i mean, i really thought i did everything right, and i still kinda think i did. we hung out as friends for about 5 months before i asked her out, then we started dating, i took everything nice and slow... its a personal choice of mine (and hers, as we are the same religion) to wait till marriage for sex so we never did (there was a lot of "alternatives" teehee). but yeah, things went slow, we built something so strong, and then she left for college, i thought it was gonna be tough, but that we'd survive... didn't last 1 semester... lol. *sigh* and she tells me that she wasn't sure if she had ever loved me... ouch! i knew i loved her... but maybe this was to teach me that maybe it wasn't "real" love... ill never know till i fall in love again. it doesn't seem like it now, but i guess it will just happen. i hope.

it sucks cus she really knew me so well... and we had absolutely no problems, i think we had maybe 2 major fights, but they were always resolved through peaceful conversation and reasoning...

anyway, about facebook... lol, sorry for the rant. its been 3 months and i still slip up, nothing that really shocks me, and makes my heart beat real fast. but i got i little feeling of something. goodness, i almost checked her email. (go go self control!) i dunno, i just want to see something that might feed my false hope, something wrong with the new guy, some sort of problem they have. my ex's friend used to email me, she hasn't in awhile, and part of wishes that she would... but the other part wants to slap that part and tell me to focus on me, on what i want, on what im going to do with my life, on why its nice to be without a gf for awhile.

well, i've wasted enough time... gotta get back to my paper.
sorry this is so long everybody... rough night i guess, yet i had a great day.


That's pretty much bang on for me all round West. Your posts are tip top. My ex luckilly only got the internet in her flat after we broke up, and I rejected her request to be my friend on it, as I know it wouldn't do me any favours to see what she's up too, and whilst I thought about what if she wants to see what I'm too, I decided that to not accept her request was best all round.

I have definite moments when I get pretty sad about the fact we aren't together, I miss all sorts of things. I was a bit like you as well, I gave a hell of a lot, probably too much now I look back on it. Your partner should be a big part of your life, not all of it. She wasn't all of my life, but I sure put her very high up.

The worst bit is the downtime I now have, I'm doing my utmost to do great things with the time I'm now given. I'm doing salsa and jive classes, play soccer on mondays, just need a good outdoor sport/hobby at the weekends now, as that's when the time with her was the best and I've got to fill it myself.

Best thing to think of is that, our exes took a good look at the relationship and thought id rather try my luck elsewhere, or rather be on my own than with you.

That seriously sucks, but things happen for a reason. Now we've got the chance to do a lot of work on ourselves, which I realise now I need to do, and we'll come back stronger all round.

Its definitely their loss and whilst it doesn't feel like it now it is our gain.

Im on day 32 of NC, just got to keep going. Not interested in dating or anything yet, I'll just let nature take its course.

Keep posting though everyone, as it really helps.

Day 6. Feeling pretty OK today, actually.

I stayed pretty darn busy and yeah, no crying.

So.. yay?

Congrats! The no-crying bit is actually a huge step. Keep your head above the water. You can do it!!

So after a week full of set backs and crying I am starting my official no contact again today... so here it is day one! Its funny how it all comes back again so quickly it almost feels like its still so fresh. Just like a scab which I can't stop picking even though it hurts... god I hope I can do this.

I'm on day 16 now.. feels really great most of the time.. but I just got a great memory of us back in the day and it hurts I'll never be able to do that again..

As someone said, when I had a bad day, I would ring my ex up and ask her to stay at mine that night and she made everything better. Now I have to get through it on my own.

But there's sooo many advantages of being separated too. I don't have to phone her every night any more when I don't want to or wait for her to text back.. I get to spend all my own money on ME!

I feel happier than I have for a long, long time as we were messing each other about for the past 6 months.. it's good to be free to do what I want now.

But there's sooo many advantages of being separated too. I don't have to phone her every night any more when I don't want to or wait for her to text back.. I get to spend all my own money on ME!



My older brother and his girlfriend just moved in with my mom and me not too long ago... all they do is argue, the same can be said of a couple of my best friends, they're always fighting with their girl. Now my ex and I rarely fought... but its nice that the possibility of someone yelling at me over nothing is extremely thin.

And what you say is so true, there are loads of benefits to being single, more time to do better in school, time to work out, time to do whatever you like to do in your down time. Personally, I enjoy my own company, and I'm so glad I don't feel the need to constantly be with someone. Cheers to all the singles out there! What "leap-froggers" fail to see is that sometimes its good to be single, to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.

to be independently happy is something nobody can take away from you.
Powerful words.

Hey guys. To Daz.. keep going. It gets a little better. Just keep fighting temptation.

I was really good tonight (Day 7, A WHOLE WEEK NC! ). He was online (he never goes online) and he put up an away message (he NEVER NEVER NEVER does that) saying he was packing for the "big move" and "yay for him."

And I didn't do a thing. I was intensely curious and confused (he never mentioned moving anywhere... probably just to an apartment with a friend.. ) but I just ignored him for the time being.

I really want to be friends EVENTUALLY, but for now, NC is working for me.. so whooo!

Well done Nicole... keep on that NC Highway

NC now

July 2007 - April 2008 :)

WOW... Time flys. I got over it but I still think of her now and again. Life is to busy at the moment. Don't worry peeps it gets easy!

Oooh! For me it's NC starting late JAN 2008- APRIL 2008.
I concur with Jiser. It really does get easier!! I promise.

ALso, I really like your quote likening holding onto anger to grasping hot coal. So true! That's something that I still struggle with every now and then. :T

Great words in inspiration guys, really does help to see people coming out on the other side of the mess they were once in.

Lucky number 8. :-)

I am so blessed to have all of you. You "strangers" make me feel so much better... every day. Thanks.

October 2007 - April 2008
I'm so distanced from her and everything's coming together. I'm so happy to be myself
I'm also getting in touch with old friends of mine, I never realized it would be this easier in the long run
How is everyone else doing?

February 2008 - April 2008
Nearly at 2 months. I feel I have control of my life. I wrote down a list of reasons I shouldn't contact him and I wrote about 50. So whenever I get the urge to contact or respond to his messages, I read that list and stop myself. Sometimes, I feel a bit down but I guess that's the part of healing process but I find that I'm not crying as much as I was a month ago. I'm glad you are all doing well :)

This sucks. I was feeling pretty OK for a while. And after going out last night, I've been crying over and over again.

I still miss him. Day 10, and back to feeling like crap. :-(

It will pass, actually your doing great.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?
This is my 8th NC day. A little easier every day. Weekends are still tough because I'm not working. Plenty of memories lingering in the house. Trying to keep busy and hanging with some friends. Don't drink and dial! Think about tomorrow. Make some plans to get out. Listen to some uplifting music. It will only get better. Be around people as much as possible.

Day 18 of NC; day 18 of break-up. Phew.

I'm on Day 22 of NC. Day 30 since the break up.

I could tell things are getting better. This past week I feel I've taken some steps backward, but they've been very very small. I still haven't looked at the myspace or Facebook. But at work this past week I was discussing that w/ a friend and she brought up the fact that she checked his pages a couple of times. I wish she hadn't said that because of course I stupidly ask what she saw on there. Just some small things... he got a new job, went out of town to visit his family and that there was a pic of him up w/ his new girl. Simple things that of course made me upset after I heard them, but by the time I left work it passed and I felt fine.

I still have dreams of him. Sometimes they're happy and other times they're sad, but it's every single night... sometimes a couple in one night. When I first wake up I remember them and feel this kind of sad depressing feeling, but once I get up and start doing stuff I forget about it. This morning was little different though. It stayed w/ me for an hour or two and made me cry for a little bit which I haven't done for a few days.

So I like I said, I take tiny steps back, but I feel it's getting quicker for me to bounce back from them. Im glad to hear others are feeling better too. Even if it's really small, it's still improvement. As badly as we want to, we can't just wake up one day and feel 100% better. It's all going to take some time.

Welp, been about almost 4 months of NC for me. Yesterday a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend. We were talking about it and he was like "you know, i dont know what happened, but i found myself wishing i was somewhere else while i was with her." now call him a jerk, but he was honest, that's what he told her too, he told her that they were just growing apart, and that feelings change. Nothing stays the same people... as much as we'd like it to, some good things don't ever last.

Anyway, this got me thinking about my ex, I've tried to put myself in her shoes so many times, and I think I really have now. She is afraid to be alone, she is needy, but our arrangement was making her miserable. Long distance is bad news, lol. Anyway, after much thinking last night, I've really come to the conclusion that I really don't want to be with her anymore, let alone, care abut what she's up to, its like, I can't help but not care.

Time truly does heal all, I remember I thought she was the only girl for me, I've yet to meet another girl that I like, but it'll happen, it has to. I also think I've really learned to love myself, sometimes I want so bad to tell my ex to stop looking for love in people and just find it in yourself... but that would be pointless and stupid, its something you have to figure out yourself.

Hang in there people, these early stages are so rough, but NC is totally worth it in a few months.

Well, seeing as westy posted, I feel like I should too.

I'm coming up on 4 months as well. Still think of her once in a while, but it's more disappointment in her as a person rather than me feeling bad about myself. Then I look at my bank account + my bike, and suddenly, I feel much better. :)

It's been 4 months of No Contact for me. I still miss her a lot and I think about her everyday, which is actually pretty annoying. However, I reached the point where the thoughts don't severely hinder my day-to-day operations. Which is great because final exams are coming up and I need to be able to concentrate. I'm also looking forward to the summer because I have big plans, so with more time and healing things will get even better.

I am starting back on day one today... dumb I know, we ended up sleeping together again, we are just kind of addicted to each other and always fall back in that trap. Anyway this time it was kind of different I saw him and was not overly attracted to him nor did I feel very sad when I said good bye... I know that there can not be such a thing as meaningless sex with an ex but it almost felt like that and it makes me kind of happy that I am not going away from it feeling sad... is that really weird?? Anyway here is to the first day again of N/C again. I will wish myself good luck, I will need it!

Seeing as both Westy and Isneeze posted updates, I shall as well

Like Isneeze, I also think about my ex from time to time(do see her at work) and its just a sad situation because she has become so fake to everyone, which is a good thing because it helped me along in my healing so much better. I have heard everything from "she has something to talk to you about, but doesn't know how to approach you" to "she really misses talking to you and wants to be friends" but I figure if she has something to say she can say it to me, face to face, or not at all. I have also begun talking to a new girl who I really feel a connection with, approaching the situation very slowly as I don't want to get hurt.

So to the newcomers, have faith, you will get through this and when you look back on how you acted you will want to punch yourself. If you need proof, look at some of my original posts such a little wuss and was like everyone else.. "She's perfect, I'll never found another, it was all my fault" Yeah... I said all that stuff **Slaps self**

Haven't seen her in a month, I think its about week two of no contact..
Had a call today and the number looked very similar to hers(no I didn't know her number off by heart - thank god).. had a bit of a shock but then I found it wasn't her.. good that wouldve ed everything up :)

I have been following Isneeze, Westys and Rome's posts this past while and some of their situations are very like mine so I thought I'd post in here as well.

It has been 3 weeks for me.. not as long as the other lads, but I'll get there.

When I feel down I look at my list, and if that doesn't work.. I think about my new car (which I will be purchasing in the next week, it's my first car! ). I have got a new look (new haircut, new clothes) and every weekend I go out and drink, chat up girls and have a great time with my friends which is really what life is about between the ages of 17-21.

There is a brighter side, just stick through the bad times! Have a little faith.

Dazt! The list is an amazing thing isn't it? I had one up until I hit the one month mark... After that, I saw how my ex really is now and was just astounded by how much time I wasted trying to get her back. I don't regret the time we spent together at all, but do regret how the situation of the break up was handled on her part(over a text message) and I should have just ended contact right then and there... Just responded by saying "If that's what you want to do, take care of yourself pretty girl" but I can't go back and change the past as I can only work towards the future and I'm perfectly OK with her not being in it. If our roads seem to cross again in the future, then so be it. But as for now, I'm going to stay me.

Well I'll join the crowd. For those new to the site I just returned after being gone for about a year. I'm going through some tough times of my own and I've been reading all my own advice from past columns, which interestingly has both helped and made me feel really stupid for knowing everything and letting it get to this level. My problem was the same one it has been for life, I reverted back to the nice guy and started letting her take advantage of me. Just a few days removed and it's clear as day but when I was in the middle of it I missed it completely. I think I'm on day 7 of no contact. I work in the same building as this girl and she saw me on Friday and gave me a wave. I pretended not to see her, and she kept trying, moving around to position herself so I would see her. She finally gave up. Unlike some posters here the question is not if, but when I will see her again because I work in the same building with her. In fact it for sure will be in the next two days as I have to deliver their invoice on the 15th and I have to give it to her directly.

As most people do in this situation I want to chew her out for several things, or just make some snide comment. It's not going to help and I know it, but I still want to none the less. I want to act like it doesn't matter and hit her up with my arrogance and humor, which is the one thing she reacted to even at the end, but then I just think it's to little to late. What bothers me more then her though, is myself. I knew this stuff, I preached it, I saw it happening to others and made corrections and yet when I was in the middle of it I couldn't see what was going on. What has been really troubling for me is actually admitting that while I got screwed over, I allowed it to happen. You must stand up for yourself.

If you all want to know the power of this website, I came here the first time after getting screwed over because I'm the nice guy. I read and read and read some more, post after post comparing what I would do in a situation to what the answers were and what women respond to. Over the course of a year I went from the first girl I came here for to another girl who I dated for a year. The entire time I was dating her I was using the advice I saw here on this website. When it ended, I felt the sting for about a day or two and moved forward. Then I found my most recent, and did everything right at the beginning.

Then I made a mistake that I truly believe lead my to the path of the nice guy again. I quit coming here and helping others. When I was giving advice I wasn't only providing it them, I was thinking how and what was going on in that situation. I took it a step further and studied psychology and even figured out some more of what was going on between the sexes. Then I quit coming here, and along with my job and some other responsibilities I quit practicing the fundamentals, I reverted right back to the nice guy. I knew things were going bad and I couldn't even see what was going wrong because I left my base. I gave more then 50%, which is my own damn advice that you never do it. She pulled away and I chased. DUMB!

In the end, for me no contact will never be no contact. I will always see her around as long as she or I work here in the building. Both our companies do business with one another and we are both the contact points between the two companies. I'm screwed. I can never not see her again. Sometimes she eats lunch at the picnic table right outside my office so even when I am not talking to her, I may see her. That sure does suck.

While this turned more into a rant then a NC calendar but I really needed to get a lot of my chest. I'm not even sure if it helped.

Day 8 and not so great! I was feeling pretty awful all of sudden today. I guess cause it finally hit that this is real. Felt awful all day but I'm starting to feel better now.

Never had any desire to break NC because I know that'll only make me feel 100x worse. Just missing him a lot. I had a dream about him last night that really didn't help. I don't mind being alone, single, etc. Just miss my best friend. Guess if I'm missing him he's probably missing me... but he's only got himself to blame for that. Luckily, I told him when we broke up that it would be easier for me if we didn't talk and he said he understood so I don't have to worry about him calling. Guess its good and bad in a way. But I'm just focusing on each day as it comes and making sure I make plans for every weekend so I'm not sitting at home moping.

Its weird, the thing I feel the most afraid of is waking one day and suddenly not having this love for him anymore. I know that should be the goal but it scares me. It wasn't a bad awful breakup. I know we still love each other very much. I guess we're just not right for each other. Oh well, to new beginnings!

I toatally understand what you mean about being scared of not loving him anymore, it has been 3 months for me but we have continued to see each other casually during that time, now it is a little more final and I am almost starting to care less and less about him and that really scares me... I am going to miss being so in love with him as a best friend and as a boyfreind but really it is time to let go... wow only day 8 I am going to be like everyone else and say it does get easier cause it does. And you are being way stronger than I ever was at the beginning I wish I had kept to N/C right from the start!

Chuff
Great post there , I understand what it's like to not be able to go NC completely because you see your EX at work or socially or a variety of other reasons.

That's why I have said for a long time that NC (if you can do it completely) is actually a luxury , so to all you people out there who CAN go complete NC , please do so. Honestly it's for your own good and gets the healing process started and finished a lot faster.

Your spot on there, I do get to do NC, but unfortunately I bumped in to my ex on the way home from work yesterday, it was only for a few seconds, but it still stirs emotions I don't want or need to feel.

Today will be my first day practicing nc with my ex. It has been about a week and a half since we broke up. It hurts so bad, but I cannot see her or talk to her. I met with her last night, and she pretty much said we are over, for good. No sense in trying to hold on to someone that has already given up. Time to focus on myself, my friends, my family, and work. The rest will makes itself clear when the time comes. GL all.

Also, what is this "list" that people are talking about?

What do you mean by the "list" belightingguy? Do you mean the stickies?

The list:

A list you make yourself on why you're better off without your ex, why you shouldn't contact your ex and a list of all the bad things about your ex. Add anything negative about your ex to this list and read it every time you're thinking of contacting her, or when you think of any good thoughts of her.

Yep, a great list to have... I made one when I first started No Contact so every time I got the urge to talk to her I would then read the list and the urge would go away. I recommend the list to anyone and everyone going through a break up. It's so easy to remember the good times but sometimes anger is what you need.

Day 9. Zero urge to contact. What's the point? What would I say? "hey, remember me? We were together for 4 years. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Just wanted to see how your life has been?"... duh! Its so weird. I just want him to be thinking of me and missing me. I know I shouldn't care about how feels, but its just killing me. How can someone say "I love you, I will always love you, I'm sorry I let you down, I just can't be in a relationship right now...". Agh! Why is life so complicated? I'm going to try to write one of those lists... even if I have to make stuff up to be angry about. I'd rather be angry and irate than have a constant underlying sadness.

Confession: I contacted the ex on Saturday through texts. But I had a reason (and I know everone says that.. )

I was doing fairly well with no contact (got up to 8 days, each time) seems like more.. Because the first time was v. brief.. ANYWAY..

I was molested in a club on Friday night and spent the whole night with the police/hospital, etc. It was killing me and he was the only person I wanted/trusted to talk to. So I texted him, and he acted like.. really concerned: Saying he wanted to kill the guy, he wishes he could help, blah blah.

I ended up saying some dumb things like how I've been so strong and I've been doing well, but this happening has made me feel weak and made me feel things about you that I shouldn't. And he just kept saying sorry and that he's here for me.

The WEIRD part is this. At the end of this text conversation, he says "I will call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And I was like.. what does that mean! And he just said "I'll explain later, hang in there, i'm here for you."

WHAT!? I feel so dumb that I contacted him.. but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and alone. :-(

I still love him. But it seems pretty obvious he doesn't love me.. as he hasn't said anything to me since and said he has things to explain later??

Dazt! The list is an amazing thing isn't it? I had one up til I hit the one month mark...After that, I saw how my ex really is now and was just astounded by how much time I wasted trying to get her back. I don't regret the time we spent together at all, but do regret how the situation of the break up was handled on her part(over a text message) and I should have just ended contact right then and there...Just responded by saying "If that's what you want to do, take care of yourself pretty girl" but I can't go back and change the past as I can only work towards the future and I'm perfectly OK with her not being in it. If our roads seem to cross again in the future, then so be it. But as for now, I'm going to stay me.

The list is what keeps ye going! Yeah, my ex has changed too and I know now it was a complete waste of time trying to get her back because the person she was when me and her were happy is now gone.. like she never existed.

I also have regrets about the breakup of our relationship. We broke up 3 or 4 times and really when we ended the first time I should have wasted no time on trying to get her back and should just try to get on with my life.

I have the same attitude as you, if our paths cross in the future, so be it. But for now, we will stay us and get on with our lives. I'm really surprised at how well I've done without her in my life.. I haven't cried once, don't check her Myspace, haven't had any strong temptations to contact her and don't really think about her until night time (now).. but instead of sitting about moping, I decided to come on here and let out my feelings.