I'm a African American gay male,who's in love with a man that I have been having sex with off and on for the last five yrs.I'm not sure how he feels about me,but when I ask he always says he loves me... Both our family know that we have been seeing each other on the low due to some bs that came about. Still he doesn't want to be see in public together and it hurts so I'm real confused can you tell me what's going on.

He obviously doesn't want his business that far in the open, but what do you expect after 5 years and why have you not resolved this confusion by asking him what the deal with all this is.

You have had sex for 5 years but can't talk of what the future is? If you are confused why are you still going along with his program?

It is obvious you are a sex partner, and either because he does not want to be gay publicly, or other reason, he does not want more.

So if you want more, tell him, or find someone else that will be open with relationship

"it hurts so I'm real confused can you tell me what's going on."

What is the confusion? You and I both know there are some men that can't deal with being a homosexual. You and I both know there are some men that can't deal with others knowing they're a homosexual. That is a really difficult step to make and some never make it. Society has made us feel like we have to be in the closet, like being gay is a bad thing. It just sucks that we can't be who we want to be without being judged. Trust me, I know.

You sound like you are wanting more from the relationship. Is he willing? Can he give more? If not you are going to have to find that in someone else or accept him for what he can give you.

But I also agree with the wise talaniman in that your expectations for the relationship should have been dealt with well before now. Open those lines of communication and see what's up.

'.. we have been seeing each other on the low due to some bs that came about.'

That's all you have to say about him - basically nothing at all?

And all we know about you is that you are gay (not sure what race has to do with it).

After 5 years you should have gotten a clue. He has sex with you but does not want to be seen in public with you. Get a clue and some self respect. Leave him alone. He's using you for sex. Find someone you can have an open honest relationship with. He is obviously not the one.