It's about one week that I can't sleep or eat properly. I'm so nervous and can't stop thinking for even one second. And I cry more than 3 times a day. And I sit and stare to a point and I don't even go to university.

When I met him I was in the worst period of my life, really disappointed. I have a crazy stupid family who screwed my life. My father is addicted and sold all we had and lost the money some years ago. I am an undergraduate student. I started to work immediately after high school, I tried all the jobs that you can imagine, but all my efforts were not enough to make up the disaster my father made. I used to feel responsible for my little brother and sister and I was barely able to make enough money for me. I was also terrible in my relationships and before him. I used to date 2 types of people: jerks or nerds.

Then I met him. He was 35, lawyer for a big company, gentleman, short, bald and very polite. I am 22, material engineering student, tall and somehow beautiful, with a very not normal life. When he asked me to be his girlfriend my first thought I said no, without thinking (I don't make decisions really wisely I know but I wasn't really looking for a relationship). Then we hung out for like 6 months, as simple friends for me, but he was trying to change my idea. After 3 months, I completely trusted him and started to talk about all the problems and everything. He started to give me suggestions like to help me and my family financially to restart and get back on the feet and stuff. In the beginning without thinking I said no, because is normal to not to accept charity from people, especially those who are seeking to have a relationship with you but he insisted occasionally, and I really needed the money, so I accepted to borrow some money from him for a while. He told me that in 3 months he will give me 20k euro to buy a house, and I can give it back to him whenever I have it.
And honestly I was surprised, not because he was rich, because I felt that he really cares about me and wants me to be happy, and he's the first guy that doesn't want to screw me and escape, but wants to stay with me and protect me. Also because he proposed me in the very beginning dates even before we kiss, so I started to see him in a different way. I've had some sort of sexual abuse from my first boyfriend before him and my sexual life was blocked for about 9 month, including 6 month friendship with him. I cried a lot the first time with him, and for one month I used to cry after sex, but with his kindness and patience I learned how to enjoy being a woman, and how not to feel sad after having sex. it was also because I completely felt safe with him. His way was showing me a very great future with him, and I, without accepting his proposal that soon, liked to hear that he wants me FOREVER.

After a while I realized that he doesn't have any problem to lie about little things, but I thought is not that bad and it doesn't bother me that much and I somehow do the same from time to time. The 3rd month arrived and he started to bring excuses about that 20 k euro. I told him if he changed his idea is okay my problems are mine and I have to solve them not he. But he said that he wants to do it and he has the money also but he can't bring inside the country for some reasons that (after I realized that were all lies.) Then I felt offended, and I felt hurt, and I felt he tried somehow to seduce me and lie to me and buy me through my problems. And I decided to breakup with him. And he started to bring some installments like 2000euro one month and another 1000 in another month. A normal person with a normal life should refuse this money, and this kind of help, but I chose my family above my pride. In about 5 month he gave me 13k euro, and I know is a lot of money, and no one do it usually. But he didn't do it to make me happy, he didn't even tried to not to hurt my pride. But still, he did it, and I gave all to my mom and she added her saving and we bought an apartment which is not built yet.

At that time I was realizing that how much he loves his money, and giving up a little part of it also for avoiding breakups really meant that he wants mean he really wanted to marry me. After that I closed the discussion about money with him because in some travels I realized that he is surprisingly stingy and even at his home he prefers not to eat for spending less! It was awful for me, but I decided to bear it because I had the impression that he really loves me and no one is able to love me in this way.

In summer, I discovered that he is cheating on me, I saw messages like I'm falling in love with you and I won't leave you to a girl 2 years younger than me, that he knew for 2 weeks. Even talking about it makes me cry. When I talked to him he said that it was a mistake and he just loves me and he never touched her and he just needed a person who gives him more attention. Again my super wise mind accepted it. He promised that he cut all the contact with her, now after 6 months I realized that he is still in touch with her. And has also a new girl! She and her husband were friends with him for 15 years, and now they have a baby and want to get divorce. He used to say that the only reason that he's not with her is that his husband met him first. He also told me that some years ago they lived separated for one year and he had an affair with her and he remembers that she was so wet! Now they are getting a divorce and he's lawyer of both of them. I realized that he hides her messages and when I asked him the reason he said because is her personal stuff. I asked him to call her and ask her if he can show me the messages, but he said no. After 2 hours that I left he called me and told me she said is okay if I see the messages! Do I look that much stupid? You could delete 1000 of messages in these 2 hours.

Then we were supposed to spend our 3 days of holidays together and but he left to his hometown where his mother and also that girl live, and decided to spend his holiday there, I had no way, I tried a lot to keep our relationship, I begged him to stay, and I told him if he passes these 3 days there I would break up with him, but he left. Now he's there and I'm here, nothing from him. I'm crying all the time, I can't imagine my future without him, I can't bear any other guy, I can't bear him continue lying. I can't decide, I'm looking to my cellphone all the time to see that he's sorry and he wants to come back, but nothing, really nothing, He used to be a teddy bear, and he used to make all to keep me, but really nothing now after 2ndays. Should I call him?

I'm not sure if breaking up was the best idea. I'm trying so hard to not to write to him, and again I'm crying and hating my empty ******ing life :(

Well you should leave him... Don't worry there are other fish in the sea. He isn't right for you. God had chossen you a guy. Just be patient.. It will be fine hope I helped

Wait for him to come back and talk, and please don't call a guy who has given you so much money stingy. You should solve your personal problems and not be so impulsive in the first place.

Adults make agreements to resolve issues. Ultimatums are self serving and controlling.

He is a much older, established man, with a lot of money.

You were (are) a very needy, young woman who he helped; in a considerable way financially, and emotionally with all your perceived problems.

To accept so much money made you dependent on him. To be so emotionally needy made you dependent on him. To claim that without him your family would suffer (so you take the money), makes you dependent on him.

I'm not sure who's using who here.

You have a lot of justification for the way you decided to live your life by being involved with a man that you haven't said you even love. Yet, for him to 'invest' so much money in you, perhaps he saw some future at one point, but maybe realized that he'd been doing all the giving, and you all the taking.

That would exhaust anybody.

So what have you learned? From the beginning it doesn't sound like you were mature enough, or stable enough to have any relationship. Yet on the other hand, you've managed to make it to university in a degree program that would have eventually eased your financial difficulties. So you do have the ability to plan, work hard, live independently from your family, and work toward a goal of independence.

Why do you need him? You having a rotten childhood doesn't excuse the fact that you were so desperate that you'd involve yourself with a man much older than yourself, take a lot of money from him.

You showed jealousy too. Maybe you didn't want to lose a good thing. Reading his cell phone messages doesn't indicate anything other than your insecurity.

But why. Didn't your mother wonder how you managed to get all that money?

If you have problems that are holding you back, you need to seek guidance from the University and perhaps seek other ways to accomplish your financial goals. If you are so desperate to come to terms with your past, the university can assist with counseling. See a Doctor for a checkup. Maybe you need to be assessed for mental health issues.

I don't see you as a victim here. I think you used him, and he used you. Maybe learn how to rely only on yourself, financially and otherwise, to gain your independence and be able to confidently move forward to get your degree. Then you will need no one.

Your so wise,
U understood the whole thing,
About me using him and he using me you are completely right,
I told the husband that he is ing with him,in a panic of course,and then I understood that my life is so empty without him,and so unbearable,so I decided to go back to him,pretending that I believed the whole bull that he makes up every time he lies(he's the worst lier I've ever seen)
I already wrote to him,that I'm sorry,I decided to stay with him and believe his lies
about my mom what do u think?they were happy that finally i have some benefits for them
...


He is a much older, established man, with a lot of money.

You were (are) a very needy, young woman who he helped; in a considerable way financially, and emotionally with all your perceived problems.

To accept so much money made you dependent on him. To be so emotionally needy made you dependent on him. To claim that without him your family would suffer (so you take the money), makes you dependent on him.

I'm not sure who's using who here.

You have a lot of justification for the way you decided to live your life by being involved with a man that you haven't said you even love. Yet, for him to 'invest' so much money in you, perhaps he saw some future at one point, but maybe realized that he'd been doing all the giving, and you all the taking.

That would exhaust anybody.

So what have you learned? From the beginning it doesn't sound like you were mature enough, or stable enough to have any relationship. Yet on the other hand, you've managed to make it to university in a degree program that would have eventually eased your financial difficulties. So you do have the ability to plan, work hard, live independently from your family, and work toward a goal of independence.

Why do you need him? You having a rotten childhood doesn't excuse the fact that you were so desperate that you'd involve yourself with a man much older than yourself, take a lot of money from him.

You showed jealousy too. Maybe you didn't want to lose a good thing. Reading his cell phone messages doesn't indicate anything other than your insecurity.

But why. Didn't your mother wonder how you managed to get all that money?

If you have problems that are holding you back, you need to seek guidance from the University and perhaps seek other ways to accomplish your financial goals. If you are so desperate to come to terms with your past, the university can assist with counseling. See a Doctor for a checkup. Maybe you need to be assessed for mental health issues.

I don't see you as a victim here. I think you used him, and he used you. Maybe learn how to rely only on yourself, financially and otherwise, to gain your independence and be able to confidently move forward to get your degree. Then you will need no one.

Regardless of the monetary benefits that you receive from someone, if you don't see the relationship going somewhere you want to go or with a person you see yourself with in the future then you need to get out of that toxic environment. There is a name for people who take money in exchange for services which are normally only performed in a relationship, and it's not a nice one.