Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 years and have child together. This summer I kicked him out for several reasons and we have been off and on since June. The reason I left him was do to lying finances and feeling the distance between us. I have had a troubled childhood and was raised in a dysfunctional family. I was recently put on antidepressants. So Im having a hard time fighting my gut that he has cheated. I feel it and with him lying why wouldn't he lie about that to. He always says I over react about stuff and I agree on some things I have. But given my history and him knowing my history I feel he should have threaded lightly. I am a fighter and can be demanding, I think too much and am very jealous at times. I know this chaos is because of me being paranoid and he is feeding into it as well. I'm so on the fence I love him I just don't know if I can forgive him. He has taken steps to show me he wants us to be better like finance classes and going to church. I feel like he's a good liar and why would someone do that if they weren't genuine. I haven't ever had a healthy romantic relationship and I feel that causes problems too. I pride myself on honesty and his lies are what has hurt me the most I doubt anything and everything he tells me now and it's unfair to both of us. I was miserable when he was gone and I'm sort of happy when he's around cause I know he's not with anyone else. But is it possible to trust him and he swears he's not like most guys in the cheating category. It just doesn't add up with his sneaky ways. He would never admit it if he did that I know. He's lied about less right to my face. He told me he cheated on 2 girlfriends over 10 yrs ago and he would never do that to me cause he knows how it feels on both sides. I want to believe him but I know how unhappy we both were he also said if he did cheat it would be over with us. I think he knows if I knew he did we wouldn't be together and I truly believe he doesn't want me to leave him. He still claims I'm the only girl he has wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with. He makes really poor decisions and it's hard for me not to think when it comes to sex he would do that too.. He has a lot of female friends and they all think he's this nice wonderful guy why can't I too. I know because he has hurt me and he makes me feel like I'm selfish or expecting too much. I know people make mistakes and maybe I'm expecting too much and there are no guarantees. But for once in my life I want security I deserve security. He has said several times he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and has apologized numerous times. So give it another try or chalk it up? That's my dilemma.

Has he actually ever cheated or is this just hour imagination working overtime?

Has he actually ever cheated or is this just hour imagination working overtime?
On me? Not that know of.. My brain is quite active and I often assume the absolute worst in any situation that pertains to me especially my heart.

Is this the same fellow you were trying to get on supervised visitation? What has changed in your relationship since September?

Is this the same fellow you were trying to get on supervised visitation? What has changed in your relationship since September?
Yes he has been going through financial classes we have been meeting with a pastor and attending church together he has acknowledged all of the lying and mistakes he has made to me and the pastor. He had admitted to the pill use and marijuana and has stopped all of that and no longer drinks so I'm hopeful but very cautious.