hopefulthinker
Nov 24, 2012, 10:21 AM
Hey everyone, so I've spent the past few days reading over all of the great advice, especially the novel by ISneezeFunny. I apologize as this is probably going to be a little long, but this venting helps, and gets a better backstory. My girlfriend and I finally broke it off after 3 years of a great relationship about 4 months ago, and we are both in our early 20s and I ED up. She was the first person I met at my university, lived down the hall in my suite, and became BEST friends immediately. We hooked up a few times after a few months of knowing each other for a few weeks, but no more than that. We wanted to just be friends. She ended up dating a d-bag for a while, and we still were best friends throughout the entire time, but it wasn't until the late spring of our sophomore year that I expressed my feelings.
We were unseperable all the time time, could talk about anything for hours, the only person that really understood me as she was a similar person and was the only one I could trust opening up to fully emotionally. We never really liked going out, but just liked to relax and just enjoy each others company. I explained my feelings that I didn't want to date just anyone, but someone that I truly cared for. You should be best friends with the person that your in a relationship, and that was how I felt. She is beautiful, sweet, kind, caring, and a general awesome girl. She was very reluctant for many weeks, as she was afraid to because she didn't want something to go wrong and ruin our friendship as well. Throughout always being friends, everyone always told us that we were perfect together and no matter what would get married at some point, and still do hear that. In the end, I kind of pressured her into it, but it happened and turned out to be the right choice.
Now when most people break up, everyone tells them that they deserve better, and that they must remove all contact because it was primarily the others fault. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I was an amazing boyfriend in terms of giving her my all. I took her out to dinner on the regular, would surprise her with flowers, hang out all the time. All of her friends were jealous because I was a gentleman and I believe that a woman that you care about should be treated right. But I had some large faults. I have had some traumatic events in my past that I try to hide, so I have always had a barrier of somewhat to protect myself from getting hurt, she understood my reasoning but didn't like it. I would lie about stupid things, like I was studying when she wasn't there and she'd call and I'd happen to be at a coffee shop just picking up coffee to come back, but hated having to explain that I was just out for a minute. Things like that. My parents are also super protective and always find faults with anyone I know, and I sometime wouldn't stick up for my ex when this would happen.
My ex was an amazing woman as well, was sweet, but she was always thinking about the future which scared the s#it out of me. From time to time discuss how many kids, where to live, and keep in mind I was at the point of applying to grad school and she graduating so I was afraid of the long distance possibility. As a result, I broke up with her two times throughout our time, both only lasting about a week, both initiated by myself as I was more thinking that by doing this, I would be saving us a lot of heartache later down the road, I was thinking for the both of us. But would end up realizing that I was losing someone I cared about so much that I couldn't deal with it.
Now 4 months ago, I am in my last few weeks before grad school applications are due, she is graduating in one semester early, I had 2. I explained that I couldn't handle it and didn't want to cause any more pain. She told me that this was literally the last time and that we would never get back together EVER again. I agree, as I thought this was what I wanted. I wanted to take my last year of school to focus on my studies and start my career, and not have to gear my future career location to where she ended up as well. A month into it, we mutually decide that we still missed each other dearly and both didn't want anything, so we would be friends like we used to, as at this point, we had both lost basically our mental rock of someone we could talk to about anything. We began hanging out on the regular, probably once or twice a week just to catch up. But every time I would go to her place, sorority, all the sisters would say that they know we are eventually going to get married. We just fit into that comfortable feeling with each other and everyone can see it. Time goes by, and my mind begins to churn as to how I really screwed up and was a to her in so many ways, but knew she would never accept me back. So I just kept at this friendship, trying to be all that I could be, and show her that I have become a better person on my own. I'd help her out when she was in need, go see a movie, go to dinner, go downtown shopping. Things we did when we were dating. We just weren't together in a physical sense or an all the time sense. But there is always that chemistry between us, she just is afraid to trust me again and have that cycle happen.
Present time: On Monday she called me frantic about how her family and her were not on good terms, and asked if she could stay at my place until after thanksgiving, as she knew I was going home. I of course said yes, it didn't matter, just wanted her to feel safe and comfortable. I called and checked on her on a few occasions to see how things were. Now for the past week, I had been coming up with an approach to speak to her about rekindling as I thought that it was an appropriate time. I decided that I would leave thanksgiving with my parents early and come back to my house where she would be, so we could have some alone time to talk. As I'm on my way, she ends up deciding to go back to her home for dinner, and because I had been so set on talking to her about this, I asked if I could stop by to break up my 8 hour drive, and as well wish her cousin a happy birthday and see her brother, we became good friends, whom I hadn't seen in about 5 months.
I get there and we all hang out for a bit and then she walks me to my car and I ask her to sit down as I wanted to talk, and at this moment she realized the real reason for me coming. I went through my whole spiel that I had worked up for weeks about how I royally ed up, and don't deserve to even be friend with her, but that I am god damn in love with her and don't want a new chance, but a fresh start as more than dating, but a mature and serious committed relationship (not engaged). Just meaning I don't want a college relationship, I am ready to look towards the future. I explained my issues which I had never really explained to her how I was afraid of moving and distance and kids and just fearful and made up these issues to allow me to justify breaking up with her, but I've realized that what I wanted was her.
We were unseperable all the time time, could talk about anything for hours, the only person that really understood me as she was a similar person and was the only one I could trust opening up to fully emotionally. We never really liked going out, but just liked to relax and just enjoy each others company. I explained my feelings that I didn't want to date just anyone, but someone that I truly cared for. You should be best friends with the person that your in a relationship, and that was how I felt. She is beautiful, sweet, kind, caring, and a general awesome girl. She was very reluctant for many weeks, as she was afraid to because she didn't want something to go wrong and ruin our friendship as well. Throughout always being friends, everyone always told us that we were perfect together and no matter what would get married at some point, and still do hear that. In the end, I kind of pressured her into it, but it happened and turned out to be the right choice.
Now when most people break up, everyone tells them that they deserve better, and that they must remove all contact because it was primarily the others fault. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I was an amazing boyfriend in terms of giving her my all. I took her out to dinner on the regular, would surprise her with flowers, hang out all the time. All of her friends were jealous because I was a gentleman and I believe that a woman that you care about should be treated right. But I had some large faults. I have had some traumatic events in my past that I try to hide, so I have always had a barrier of somewhat to protect myself from getting hurt, she understood my reasoning but didn't like it. I would lie about stupid things, like I was studying when she wasn't there and she'd call and I'd happen to be at a coffee shop just picking up coffee to come back, but hated having to explain that I was just out for a minute. Things like that. My parents are also super protective and always find faults with anyone I know, and I sometime wouldn't stick up for my ex when this would happen.
My ex was an amazing woman as well, was sweet, but she was always thinking about the future which scared the s#it out of me. From time to time discuss how many kids, where to live, and keep in mind I was at the point of applying to grad school and she graduating so I was afraid of the long distance possibility. As a result, I broke up with her two times throughout our time, both only lasting about a week, both initiated by myself as I was more thinking that by doing this, I would be saving us a lot of heartache later down the road, I was thinking for the both of us. But would end up realizing that I was losing someone I cared about so much that I couldn't deal with it.
Now 4 months ago, I am in my last few weeks before grad school applications are due, she is graduating in one semester early, I had 2. I explained that I couldn't handle it and didn't want to cause any more pain. She told me that this was literally the last time and that we would never get back together EVER again. I agree, as I thought this was what I wanted. I wanted to take my last year of school to focus on my studies and start my career, and not have to gear my future career location to where she ended up as well. A month into it, we mutually decide that we still missed each other dearly and both didn't want anything, so we would be friends like we used to, as at this point, we had both lost basically our mental rock of someone we could talk to about anything. We began hanging out on the regular, probably once or twice a week just to catch up. But every time I would go to her place, sorority, all the sisters would say that they know we are eventually going to get married. We just fit into that comfortable feeling with each other and everyone can see it. Time goes by, and my mind begins to churn as to how I really screwed up and was a to her in so many ways, but knew she would never accept me back. So I just kept at this friendship, trying to be all that I could be, and show her that I have become a better person on my own. I'd help her out when she was in need, go see a movie, go to dinner, go downtown shopping. Things we did when we were dating. We just weren't together in a physical sense or an all the time sense. But there is always that chemistry between us, she just is afraid to trust me again and have that cycle happen.
Present time: On Monday she called me frantic about how her family and her were not on good terms, and asked if she could stay at my place until after thanksgiving, as she knew I was going home. I of course said yes, it didn't matter, just wanted her to feel safe and comfortable. I called and checked on her on a few occasions to see how things were. Now for the past week, I had been coming up with an approach to speak to her about rekindling as I thought that it was an appropriate time. I decided that I would leave thanksgiving with my parents early and come back to my house where she would be, so we could have some alone time to talk. As I'm on my way, she ends up deciding to go back to her home for dinner, and because I had been so set on talking to her about this, I asked if I could stop by to break up my 8 hour drive, and as well wish her cousin a happy birthday and see her brother, we became good friends, whom I hadn't seen in about 5 months.
I get there and we all hang out for a bit and then she walks me to my car and I ask her to sit down as I wanted to talk, and at this moment she realized the real reason for me coming. I went through my whole spiel that I had worked up for weeks about how I royally ed up, and don't deserve to even be friend with her, but that I am god damn in love with her and don't want a new chance, but a fresh start as more than dating, but a mature and serious committed relationship (not engaged). Just meaning I don't want a college relationship, I am ready to look towards the future. I explained my issues which I had never really explained to her how I was afraid of moving and distance and kids and just fearful and made up these issues to allow me to justify breaking up with her, but I've realized that what I wanted was her.