dogmom4
Jul 6, 2012, 03:26 PM
Hello,
I am in a frightening situation. I went through a brutal divorce 5 yrs ago. My ex was/is very abusive. I hired an attny got good results in the beginning but ended badly. I was awarded family home & my ex signed a quick claim deed so I am legal sole owner. However the mortgage was left in his name because at that time it was much more cost effective & I was not working due to back surgeries. Even though I had spousal support I could not get a loan because I had not been working for 4+ yrs & was told that the morg co's needed to see at least 2-3 yrs of my continual payment history. My ex was supposed to notify the mortgage co. that they had his permission for me to be authorized on accnt to ask ?'s or any info I needed, that I would be making all further payments going forward. He never did it no matter how many times he was told to which caused me many more issues.
Here's my problem, because he has issues & was angry/acted out whenever something did not go his way. He started this even before the divorce was over causing me all sorts of problems/damage. I should have been left in a position that would have allowed me to survive & move on w/my life. I received a sum of $ & spousal support w/the hope that I would be able to return to work at some point. He called the mortgage co many times having the statements sent away from the home to where ever he was. He also started messing around w/my regular mail. He was trying to cause me to have a payment not get there, become late so he could go to the courts to have me found in contempt of court for violating the divorce decree. I could not set up monthly w/d's from my checking accnt but they couldn't because my ex never did the authorization. Well after 2 yrs he succeeded, once, when I was taken to the hospital. I had put several payments in my mail box to be mailed out, including the mortgage, because I was pretty sure I would be admitted. Well over 1 mo later I found out the payment never arrived so he filed the contempt charge, lied & said I was late twice. The stress has about killed me. It has caused my health to plummet severely.
I am now disabled, have developed several serious health probs, I can hardly function any more & will need to have 2-3 surgeries. Because of his lies & manipulations he has caused me to lose most of the $$ I had, spousal support. I thought the attnys I hired would protect me from these probs. Instead he didn't do many things that would have protected me & now my ex has filed suit against me to force me to sell my home. I can't refinance since I lost my support & have no income. My credit is excellent for now & the mortgage payments are current to date.
About 1 yr after the divorce is when my health started to decline. I have also lost a lot of money on huge ongoing medical bills for all of the new health issues that have arisen from my ex's abuse, behavior & all the domino effect of issues/stress. I am living off what savings I have left but it is going fast. I have been going w/o certain medical & other help I desperately need to try & conserve as much as possible.
I can't afford to move. There is no way I could find a place to rent in my area for what my mortgage payment is. I've lived here for 10yrs+ & have put every drop of work & money into this home. Because my health has been so bad & I haven't been able to continue the help I used to have here, there are projects that have been piling up. Between the ware & tare on the home & several things that need to be repaired I can't afford to sell my home w/o fixing them or I will take an enormous loss, much more than the cost to do it. This is a nice house. I have to walk away w/enough $ after loan is paid off as it is all I have to buy another home when the time comes that I do need to move. The market crash also didn't help either. My plan was to find a smaller home & put what ever is left in savings because even @ the time of divorce I knew I would have back probes for the rest of my life. My health has been so bad that I have not been able to do these things. I have 2 lrg dogs who are my kids & my brother living here. He is a full time student & unemployed. He helps me w/alot of things that I cannot do or afford anymore. I can barely leave the house most of the time, there is no way I could go through a move when I can barely move/function. I don't have enough $ anymore to buy the mortgage off, in fact only enough to exist for 3-4 yrs maybe. I'm in the process of filing disability but it's along process. I've tried everything looking for help or someone to give me an arm loan of 3-7 yrs w/no go because of no income, even though I've got enough to cover that length of time. I never planned on staying here for ever but also never planned on any of these things happening or my health suffering because of it. I was supposed to be able to move on w/my life in peace. Because I've basically become house-bound & bed ridden I haven't been able to do anything like be w/my friends, go out, I've missed all sorts of activities, birthdays, holidays w/family & friends. All I ever wanted was a family & now have lost not just that but now I will probably never be able to have a child (the human kind), something I've always wanted so dearly.
I have had so many of my rights violated by my attny, the last judge we had as well as I my ex. I have been threatened continually, abused you name it & have lost all faith in the legal system. I have spent the past 5 yrs afraid for my safety, health, wellbeing, finances & am now afraid of losing my home. My ex makes millions+ $$'s & has been able to afford to continually cause me problems. He could have been a man, saved us both a lot of $ & time but he isn't happy unless he gets his way w/everything so he has taken this entire thing to where it is now.
One of his daily threats to me before the finalization of the divorce was "if you don't do what i say then this or that will happen & i will do what ever i have to to get the outcome i want." I know he meant it I just didn't think he would actually be allowed to get away w/it. It doesn't matter how nice/good of a person I've spent my life being it seems people will do anything for $$ or they are afraid of it/him because they see what he's done to me. I've had everyone who's been involved in my case tell me that he is one of the worst narcissists they've ever seen, he's a con artist, terrible person, etc but that hasn't seemed to matter much. I'm so scared. Scared of losing the only thing I have left & because of how bad my health is, my life.
Can I be forced to sell my home in my situation. What do I do if the judge is unethical & sides w/my ex's demands, he's got this amazing way of making himself look like the victim. Last court date the judge had his mind made up before we even got there. He would not listen to one thing I said, that was if he even allowed me to even talk. I have no where to go, no body to help me & can no longer afford an attorney if I want to be able to live. My case was/is very complex, there was so much involved that the thought of trying to even catch up an attorney on the details is very scary, especially if they don't know the law in-depth enough to protect me which was a huge problem w/last attny. This also added to my list of problems. I can't afford to get stuck paying my ex's attny fees either. I just got served these papers 2 days ago and am supposed to go before the judge in August. I'm supposed to be having 1 of the surgeries I need asap but because I've been so ill they can't do it until my vitals are up. One of the surgeries I need isn't covered by insurance & is going to cost $35,000! All of this stress is really killing me. I haven't had one break from this whole mess for 5yrs. Am I supposed to become homeless w/my dogs, make my brother homeless, not be able to get the medical attention I need? Eat? Enough of my life has been taken because of this. All I've ever wanted through this is for my ex to just leave me alone. Sorry for the long post but there is so much to this story it's hard to give the digest version.
Thanks for your time, in Oregon
I am in a frightening situation. I went through a brutal divorce 5 yrs ago. My ex was/is very abusive. I hired an attny got good results in the beginning but ended badly. I was awarded family home & my ex signed a quick claim deed so I am legal sole owner. However the mortgage was left in his name because at that time it was much more cost effective & I was not working due to back surgeries. Even though I had spousal support I could not get a loan because I had not been working for 4+ yrs & was told that the morg co's needed to see at least 2-3 yrs of my continual payment history. My ex was supposed to notify the mortgage co. that they had his permission for me to be authorized on accnt to ask ?'s or any info I needed, that I would be making all further payments going forward. He never did it no matter how many times he was told to which caused me many more issues.
Here's my problem, because he has issues & was angry/acted out whenever something did not go his way. He started this even before the divorce was over causing me all sorts of problems/damage. I should have been left in a position that would have allowed me to survive & move on w/my life. I received a sum of $ & spousal support w/the hope that I would be able to return to work at some point. He called the mortgage co many times having the statements sent away from the home to where ever he was. He also started messing around w/my regular mail. He was trying to cause me to have a payment not get there, become late so he could go to the courts to have me found in contempt of court for violating the divorce decree. I could not set up monthly w/d's from my checking accnt but they couldn't because my ex never did the authorization. Well after 2 yrs he succeeded, once, when I was taken to the hospital. I had put several payments in my mail box to be mailed out, including the mortgage, because I was pretty sure I would be admitted. Well over 1 mo later I found out the payment never arrived so he filed the contempt charge, lied & said I was late twice. The stress has about killed me. It has caused my health to plummet severely.
I am now disabled, have developed several serious health probs, I can hardly function any more & will need to have 2-3 surgeries. Because of his lies & manipulations he has caused me to lose most of the $$ I had, spousal support. I thought the attnys I hired would protect me from these probs. Instead he didn't do many things that would have protected me & now my ex has filed suit against me to force me to sell my home. I can't refinance since I lost my support & have no income. My credit is excellent for now & the mortgage payments are current to date.
About 1 yr after the divorce is when my health started to decline. I have also lost a lot of money on huge ongoing medical bills for all of the new health issues that have arisen from my ex's abuse, behavior & all the domino effect of issues/stress. I am living off what savings I have left but it is going fast. I have been going w/o certain medical & other help I desperately need to try & conserve as much as possible.
I can't afford to move. There is no way I could find a place to rent in my area for what my mortgage payment is. I've lived here for 10yrs+ & have put every drop of work & money into this home. Because my health has been so bad & I haven't been able to continue the help I used to have here, there are projects that have been piling up. Between the ware & tare on the home & several things that need to be repaired I can't afford to sell my home w/o fixing them or I will take an enormous loss, much more than the cost to do it. This is a nice house. I have to walk away w/enough $ after loan is paid off as it is all I have to buy another home when the time comes that I do need to move. The market crash also didn't help either. My plan was to find a smaller home & put what ever is left in savings because even @ the time of divorce I knew I would have back probes for the rest of my life. My health has been so bad that I have not been able to do these things. I have 2 lrg dogs who are my kids & my brother living here. He is a full time student & unemployed. He helps me w/alot of things that I cannot do or afford anymore. I can barely leave the house most of the time, there is no way I could go through a move when I can barely move/function. I don't have enough $ anymore to buy the mortgage off, in fact only enough to exist for 3-4 yrs maybe. I'm in the process of filing disability but it's along process. I've tried everything looking for help or someone to give me an arm loan of 3-7 yrs w/no go because of no income, even though I've got enough to cover that length of time. I never planned on staying here for ever but also never planned on any of these things happening or my health suffering because of it. I was supposed to be able to move on w/my life in peace. Because I've basically become house-bound & bed ridden I haven't been able to do anything like be w/my friends, go out, I've missed all sorts of activities, birthdays, holidays w/family & friends. All I ever wanted was a family & now have lost not just that but now I will probably never be able to have a child (the human kind), something I've always wanted so dearly.
I have had so many of my rights violated by my attny, the last judge we had as well as I my ex. I have been threatened continually, abused you name it & have lost all faith in the legal system. I have spent the past 5 yrs afraid for my safety, health, wellbeing, finances & am now afraid of losing my home. My ex makes millions+ $$'s & has been able to afford to continually cause me problems. He could have been a man, saved us both a lot of $ & time but he isn't happy unless he gets his way w/everything so he has taken this entire thing to where it is now.
One of his daily threats to me before the finalization of the divorce was "if you don't do what i say then this or that will happen & i will do what ever i have to to get the outcome i want." I know he meant it I just didn't think he would actually be allowed to get away w/it. It doesn't matter how nice/good of a person I've spent my life being it seems people will do anything for $$ or they are afraid of it/him because they see what he's done to me. I've had everyone who's been involved in my case tell me that he is one of the worst narcissists they've ever seen, he's a con artist, terrible person, etc but that hasn't seemed to matter much. I'm so scared. Scared of losing the only thing I have left & because of how bad my health is, my life.
Can I be forced to sell my home in my situation. What do I do if the judge is unethical & sides w/my ex's demands, he's got this amazing way of making himself look like the victim. Last court date the judge had his mind made up before we even got there. He would not listen to one thing I said, that was if he even allowed me to even talk. I have no where to go, no body to help me & can no longer afford an attorney if I want to be able to live. My case was/is very complex, there was so much involved that the thought of trying to even catch up an attorney on the details is very scary, especially if they don't know the law in-depth enough to protect me which was a huge problem w/last attny. This also added to my list of problems. I can't afford to get stuck paying my ex's attny fees either. I just got served these papers 2 days ago and am supposed to go before the judge in August. I'm supposed to be having 1 of the surgeries I need asap but because I've been so ill they can't do it until my vitals are up. One of the surgeries I need isn't covered by insurance & is going to cost $35,000! All of this stress is really killing me. I haven't had one break from this whole mess for 5yrs. Am I supposed to become homeless w/my dogs, make my brother homeless, not be able to get the medical attention I need? Eat? Enough of my life has been taken because of this. All I've ever wanted through this is for my ex to just leave me alone. Sorry for the long post but there is so much to this story it's hard to give the digest version.
Thanks for your time, in Oregon