Hi everyone,

I'm in my early twenties and about a year and a half ago a relationship ended between myself and another girl I dated for 6 months. I have visited this site before and applied the NC rule as soon as I knew it was over. After the breakup I expanded my social life and it kept me busy and helped for a while. But it might make me a bad person or whatever but I've always used friends and acquaintances only when I need them. I'm much more happy living my life simply. And once I was introduced to relationships I've been much more happy when in them than not. And I tend to let go of everyone else.

After about 4 months I got into a few relationships that didn't last long and they lacked the substance of the previous girl. So I kind of started fresh as it's helped me in the past. Stopped contact with everyone that was involved in my "previous life". Got a new job that I thought would help fulfill my needs as that's always been my stomping ground for getting new relationships. But it just hadn't turned out that way. And it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship now and it's starting to make me doubt myself and my attractiveness and confidence that I once really had a strong connection to.

I've been really lonely for months now and I'll be the first to admit it's my fault for not going out and being active enough in the dating community. I don't have many activities I take part in other than work and I see the flaw in that. But every time I get motivated to actively seek another girlfriend, not only do I doubt my abilities because of the lengthy period I've spent alone, I always hold these girls up the pedestal of my ex of a year and a half ago.

And believe me, she wasn't all that. She wasn't loyal to me. And she didn't take our relationship nearly as seriously as I did. And I'm sure there are much nicer girls out there. But when I was with her I spent all my time with her. We did everything together. I guess you could call her my first true love. And ever since it ended I've been trying to recapture that feeling. And it's just not working.

So here I am debating on whether so send her a message to possibly get back together simply because I want to recapture the feeling I had with her. I know my pursuit would probably be successful whether she's in a relationship or not as I know what to say to her and when we got together in the first place I took her away from her boyfriend at the time. And her reason for breaking up with me was because I wasn't mature enough, and I'd agree with that at the time (she's almost 3 years older than me). But I'm sure she's heard about the leaps and bounds I've made in my life from mutual friends over the last year and a half. So that cancels out that reasoning.

However I have been very proud of myself for not contacting her to this point because I remember her showing me Facebook messages of endless ex's trying to contact her and I know it made her feel good and added to her very egotistical outlook on things. And I know I'm probably the only one who hasn't tried to reconnect with her. It bothers her I'm sure.

So I'm very lost and depressed. I wake up every morning and the first thought that comes into my head is another day alone. So I guess I'm asking if anyone could tell me what the best course of action for me might be? Should I contact my ex? Or what can I do to end this lonely feeling that's been with me for a long time now? It's just getting to the point where I'm losing all my confidence and I'm mainly sick of not having anyone to share my life with. Friends and family just don't fill that void for me.

Thanks to everyone who reads my essay.

I've been really lonely for months now and I'll be the first to admit it's my fault for not going out and being active enough in the dating community. I don't have many activities I take part in other than work and I see the flaw in that.

A lonely person seeking romance and attention only finds dissapointment. I would try correcting the social flaws, and being happy, and build a happy life, before considering going back to what didn't work before. Not a good sign you rather go back instead of move forward. Why settle?