Hi everybody,

My girlfriend (20) of 9 months broke up with me (23) 1,5 months ago. The reason was that she didn't knew what she wanted. Even though she loves me like crazy, these doubts made her very unhappy. In order to figure out what she wanted she, unfortunately, couldn't be in a relationship with me. Maybe in the future, but not right now.

I told her I accepted her decision. I truly want her to be happy. The break up has been really hard on me because I love her so much. She is the girl of my dreams. At first we stayed in contact through skype and fb. We kept talking like nothing had changed. Every time we spoke made me the happiest man alive. But after each time we spoke, I got really sad. Thoughts of her meeting other guys drove me crazy! After two weeks I couldn't do it anymore. I had too much hope, but the harsh truth was that it was over. In order to move on I had to take a step back.

This I did. I decided not to contact her for three weeks. These three weeks were very hard. Does she miss? Is she seeing someone else Argh... I really tried to move on. I started working out again. Hanging out with friends etc. I feel better, but after these three weeks I still want her back so bad.

Yesterday we spoke through Facebook for the first time in three weeks. It was really nice. She told me that she really missed me and the last two weeks had been hard. I know that there is a slight chance we can work things out already. But somehow I feel the urge to ask her how she feels/thinks about us after being apart for 1,5 month. I don't want to push her by asking this. I just need to know in order to really move on. If she says that she wants to get back together, great! But, the biggest chance will be that she doesn't know yet. For me this will mean I will take a serious step back. I won't try to win her back anymore and move on with my life. I just need to hear it from her. I need closure.

My question is: How do I ask her this, without setting her off?

Also, if she tells me she doesn't want to get back together. I really want to be friends. I truly want to be friends, but I am so emotionally involved. I don't think I will be able to handle that already. I am afraid I will crack if I see that she is dating someone else. This brings me to freaking Facebook. Right now we are friends. We blocked as much as we could for each others sake. Still, I can see her profile pictures and comments on it. This makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. It drives me crazy...

My question: Should I defriend her? Any other thoughts?

I'm sorry that it turned out to be this long of a story. I just really need an outsiders take on all of this. This problem is keeping me up for days.

Thank you guys in advance!

P

Stop half stepping. Either ask her to take you back, or stay complete NC.

Make up your mind and either take the risk, or move on without her. That applies to her social network page. Stay off it, or be miserable.

Make a decision to stop the misery, and go for healing. So when do you start COMPLETE NC, and stop half stepping?

Hi talaniman,

Thank you for your comment.

Actually, I did decide to ask her if she wanted to get back together. But my question is, how do I approach this in a way that she won't get annoyed?

Thank you.

This is what I am dealing with:

I found out that she Skyped with an ex crush on our first month anniversary. This guy happens to be a good friend of hers. I am okay with her talking to a guy friend. But when I read that she wrote, "I miss cuddling with you", I felt betrayed. I didn't found this out immediately, maybe 6-7 months in. When we broke up I confronted her with it. All she could say was that it didn't meant anything. That she thought it wasn't wrong in any kind of way. That my feelings were ridiculous.

In order to be friends with her, I really need to be at peace with this. It's really bothering me. I just feel betrayed and in some way even cheated on.

1- Am I overreacting?
2- What does it mean?
3- Should I talk to her about it, even though we are broken up, in order to move on?

Thank you in advance!



Posts merged and edited/T

I have asked that this thread be merged with your previous thread since they both are about the same relationship.

If you don't feel like you can be friends with her and you don't trust her, then let her and the relationship go.

Stop all contact and let yourself heal.

QUOTE by Peder;
Actually, I did decide to ask her if she wanted to get back together. But my question is, how do I approach this in a way that she won't get annoyed?
I cannot tell you an approach. If you do not know how to communicate with your own girl, then you don't need to be with her.

If you don't have the guts to take a risk, then you don't need to be with her. If you are so worried about her reaction, then you don't need to be with her.


This is what I am dealing with:
I found out that she Skyped with an ex crush on our first month anniversary. This guy happens to be a good friend of hers. I am okay with her talking to a guy friend. But when I read that she wrote, "I miss cuddling with you", I felt betrayed. I didn't found this out immediately, maybe 6-7 months in. When we broke up I confronted her with it. All she could say was that it didn't meant anything. That she thought it wasn't wrong in any kind of way. That my feelings were ridiculous.
And you waited until you get dumped to air your concerns?? Talk about to late!! OU LET IT GO THEN, LEAVE IT ALONE NOW!


In order to be friends with her, I really need to be at peace with this. It's really bothering me. I just feel betrayed and in some way even cheated on.

1- Am I overreacting?
Yes, because this is very old news and you should have addressed this when it happened, or when you found out. Its done! Its a dead issue, and you are no longer together. Thats the main reason you drop this NOW!!
2- What does it mean?
It means she was flirting with the ex behind your back, but was it harmless?? Who knows but them. Obviously you don't believe what she has said about it
3- Should I talk to her about it, even though we are broken up, in order to move on?
NO WAY, you leave it alone and move on any way. Put her behind you, and don't try to force a friendship to keep her in your life. Go get a life without her, and be busy and unavailable for any conversations, drama, or anything else. You got dumped, now take the time to get your own life together without her in it. Its over so why drag your misery out? Why give up your dignity, and self respect??? WHY??

The best reason to leave her alone and start your healing through NC is you probably don't understand what happened, nor how to deal with it, or even why you leave someone alone after they dump you, and don't try to just be friends.

It keeps you from being dumped on, so you can get over your shock, hurt, dissapointment, frustration, humiliation, and rejection without making a darn fool of yourself, so at least you walk away with DIGNITY, AND SELF RESPECT!!

The last thing you need is to try being a friend to some one that has kicked your a$$ to the curb.

Peder Hardly ANYONE who breaks up are friends. Yes everyone says they want to be friends but it really never happens. Think about if you are friends with her and go out to eat and she starts talking to a guy. How are you going to react? Seriously go NC keep going to the gym hang out with friends soon enough you won't even think about her. I mean dude when was the last time you told a female friend who is your ex that you miss cuddling with them. C'MON MAN!

Hey guys,

So it´s been almost two months since my last post, I thought I would update you guys on the situation.
Well, like I expected, we didn´t get back together. For the past 1,5 months we stayed ´friends´. I really tried, but I couldn´t do it anymore. Although I love talking to her, every conversation had a bitter after-taste for me. A week ago I wrote her a letter saying that I wasn´t ready for a purely plutonic friendship. I would love to be friends one day, but I honestly don´t know when that will be, if ever. She tried to talk me out of it, but I stood my ground. When I made clear to her that she had to get through this (missing me, feeling depressed, can´t sleep) on her own, she responded with: ´then I will´. This was the last email she sent me. I hurts a bit that this is last thing she wrote to me, maybe I hoped/expected something more nicely. It kind of hurts. I accept that it is how it is. She decided to break up and there is nothing that I can do, but to move on with my life.
I try to stay as busy as possible. Going to the gym 3 times a week, playing soccer two 2 times a week, studies, friends and family. Still, it is hard to block her totally out of my mind. Sometimes I have painfull thoughts about her and other guys etc. I realize that this will get less with time. I´m just so tired of it, it really affects my mood and physical condition. I think I don´t really have a question, its just nice to write my feeling/thoughts down I guess.

Thanks for listening!

Just stay on your path guy, and it will get better, now that you have accepted what it is you must do for yourself.

Thanks for coming back and updating us.