I have been in a relationship for just over four years. We have lived together for three and a half years. At least once a month I consider leaving him. Is this normal? I don’t feel like he really cares about me. Although he says he does he certainly does not show it. He is very selfish and controlling. He doesn’t like my family or friends round to the house. He doesn’t like me phoning anyone, although he says this is because it costs too much. He doesn’t help around the house and I have to run round after him doing the shopping, fetching this and that. He is 18 years older than me and I really feel that he thinks he is more important and his opinions are far more valid than mine because he is older.
My mum has recently left to move away and rather that be supportive he tells me I am ruining my life by being upset and just p*****g him off. I think he is jealous that I actually love my mum.
I really don’t know what to do. I know if I try to talk to him, rather than listen he just fly’s off the handle. And I know that if I tell him I am leaving he will be a b*****d. I don’t even know if I want to leave him. I am so confused.
I feel like I am wasting my life, but even if I find someone else, will it really be any different? Is this just what relationships are all about? Once the nice bit wears off and real life comes into play.
I really need some advice on this. PLEASE help! :confused:

My friend is going out with someone very controlling. He said that if she leaves him he will get his friends on to her.

This guy doesn't sound like the right guy for you, and he is driving you away with the way he is acting. He shouldn't be taking you away from your family and friends like that. Not a healthy relationship to be in. If you feel like leaving him so many times, then maybe you should go with your gut feeling.

Ska,

No this is not a healthy relationship. You should not feel like wanting to leave him or that you can't have friends and family. A relationship should be about accepting each other and each others friends and family... You need to have more of a life than just him. The fact that he is controlling, doesn't listen to you, and gets mad at you being upset about missing your own mother says it all. This is not the guy for you!! You should find a way to break up, move out and move on. You seem like a giving person, and he is not giving you anything back. You should find someone who will appreciate what you have to give, and give you the things to make you as happy as well!

Relationships are not meant to be like this one, do you want to feel this miserable all your life? I don't think you should, nor do you have to. You are not married and no kids, right? Therefor it should be easier getting out of this relationship. He sounds way too controlling! I hope you can get out of it without it turning into a mess...

Best Wishes!

The others are absolutely right this is not a healthy or equal relationship. He acts more like a dad so I think you should find someone in your own generation to be happy with. Hurry he already has you on punishment and has grounded you. Had enough yet? It gets worse. Mess or not, get out. Good Luck.

No, this is not what relationships are all about. You've got yourself an abuser and a loser. There's really no reason to stick around unless you actually enjoy being treated this way. Ultimately you have to make your own decision but if I were in your shoes I'd have flown the coop a long time ago.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link anything, but.

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/