My son is nearly 13 and has been going through a problem for nearly 5/6 years he can not seem to stop himself from stealing I have tried grounding him I have tried taking things out of his room but that just punishes his younger brother which is not fair he hasn't done anything wrong. I have been told to have him arressted but I must admit I am scared that he will hate me for it I just want him to stop, once over he used to say he didn't realise that he had taken it(usually money) but now he has gotton to the point of where he has organised it in his own head so now it is serious. I just don't know what to do for the best as he has to learn that he can not carry on otherwise he is heading for trouble later in life.

Has anyone actually pinpointed this as an obsessive compulsive disorder, which kleptomania actually is. So, knowing this, having him arrested will not solve his problem, Tidgeypudd, (I recognized your screen name as you being from the UK even before seeing that you actually were). People with any type of compulsive order need professional help, so you had better see your physician and have him referred to a someone to get this sorted out. He can actually have a proper life beyond this and I hate to say this, but there are meds that will help him, meds that he will not have to be on for the rest of his life. This disorder, by the way, is genetic. Do you know of anyone in your family who has had something similar to kleptomania? Do a little search, it may be enlightening to you, enough to find a way to deal with further help for y our son. Good luck my dear, it must be stressful for you.

Tick

If he knows he is doing this and plans it, that is one thing, if he does it and is not controlable

Next how does this effect his brother, unless they share a room and if so, can you find them separate rooms

Have you looked into professional counseling or talked to anyone perhaps on a boot camp

I have already had my son referred to a children's counselor 3 years back and the came assessd him to see what help they could give and they just said he was a typical child and nothing they could do. Isn't kleptomania where a person steals anything from any where well my son is only stealing money from my house. I am a manic depressive and have been since I was 14 sometimes I have good days and bad days but more recently with all this going on I have more bad days but I'm not worried about me as I don't care about myself I will plod on I'm just worried about my son I don't want him to lokk back later in life and have regrets. Tickle have we spoken before? As I am intrigued as to how you know I was from the uk and how you know my screen name.

I do appreciate peoples help by the way

When he first started to steal, at age 6, to still stealing at age 13, what happened during that 7 year time of development to address the problem, other than one round of counselling three years ago.

I think, in context, it would be unfair to consider him to have any mental illness now, that would explain everything, from when he was much younger. This has, in other words, been an ongoing problem for more than half of his life.

It is easy for a licensed clinician to mis-diagnose, through simple ignorance, of not knowing the entire story, which includes such a huge part of this child's life.

I urge you to have him back in for an assessment, preferably with a Psychiatrist, who is the only one who can offer a diagnosis, and a course of treatment. Anything else that can be suggested as a 'cause' or 'cure' or 'course of action', is only a guess. This is far too important, with symptoms that have gone on far too long, without a diagnosis.

It may include what has already been guessed at, but to know exactly what you are dealing with, until you have him professionally assessed, is doing him a disservice, in that everything else is a badaide, and could ultimately undermine any success that he could have, under proper guidance.

You have every reason to believe that this will be a continuing problem as he grows into the teen years, and in my opinion, it is not a stretch to say that the behaviour he has had for so long, will continue outside the home, and police will become involved.

BEFORE that happens, and he ends up like so many other misdiagnosed, or underdiagnosed, or not diagnosed teens with mental illness, and finds himself in a viscious cycle of being arrested, charged, incarcerated, out, arrested, charged, incarcerated, I urge you to step up, and get the help he needs.

This behaviour of his is not a problem of simple defiance, or bad behaviour- there is much more going on here that (obviously) simple fixes have not worked. You have years of history that are telling you that.

Time for action, and that is get him assesed before the behaviour, and its consequences, are out of your control.

Tickle have we spoken before?? as i am intrigued as to how you know i was from the uk and how you know my screen name.

I do appreciate peoples help by the way

Your screen name was very typically british, tidgey, so not rocket science and it states you are from the UK. Which you must have entered yourself in the top right corner of your original post.

:)
Tick

I have taken him to the doctor on the 5th of October 2010 (which was yesturday) today he has just tried to set my kitchen on fire by pressing a naked flame to an airosol can I have since phone my doctors and again getting passed from pillar to post and can not speak to anyone there till Friday who do I speak to now as he is getting worse no longer happy with just stealing but now trying to kill me himself and his younger brother.

His behavior is escalating and fast. If he's now a danger to you and your other child than you cannot wait any longer. Friday is too late.

Most hospital have psychiatric wards. I don't know if this is the case in the UK, but my next step would be to have him admitted, get him the help he needs before he hurts himself, or you and your other son.

I agree with Alty.

You and your son are in grave danger in lieu of his recent actions.
As a parent you should be able to get him admitted. Call the police if necessary to do it, but it needs to be done now
For the safety of all involved.

Tidgeypudd, as another British Northerner I can empathise with your frustration. Getting doctors to take this sort of thing seriously can be incredibly difficult. I have seen the families of severely mentally ill people begging for help and having the situation treated with no urgency, sometimes not being heard until after disaster has struck.

I can only suggest you keep pushing as hard as you can. Sadly it is often the case that the most vocal people get listened to. If your son does anything else of a dangerous nature I would consider ringing the police, but making it clear when they arrive that you believe your son needs medical help. I have seen this get results when constant visits to the doctors yielded nothing.

Believe me I have seen the results of people not getting the help they need and were asking for, so please do everything you can and refuse to be ignored. I sincerely hope for the best for you and your son.

I don't know why you didn't take him to the emergency ward when he tried to light an aeros can? If you had gone, and explained what he had done, and that you could not trust him in your home (obviously), they would most likely have called for a Psychiatrist to determine where he should go so that he is not a danger to himself, or anybody else.

Sorry to sound a bit harsh here, but what would he have to do before you went to extreme measures to get him immediate help. Waiting for a phone call back from your Doctor instead, was also taking a risk- with your son's health and safety, and with the health and safety of everyone else living in your home.

Until you can get a long overdue (years) appointment with a Psychicatrist and have him thouroughly evaluated (for risk) and assessed (for treatment), your only resource now that this has predictably escalated, is to get him to hospital, immediately.

Until you start rattling a few cages here and demanding help, your son will not get the help he needs, and nobody is safe.

If you need help pushing the system in order to help your son, contact your social service agencies, school counsellors, help lines, and anything else available in your community, for advice, particularly hands on advice on how to handle an out of control child who you cannot control, and what your immediate options are.

You called this right. Look at how it has escalated .