I've been reading a lot on here lately.. something's relate and some don't

I've wrote this out two or three times not knowing if to post it or not :confused:

I have been with my (ex) girlfriend for two years, I'm now just turned 22 and she is 19.. she has just started her second year at university and a month in she has broken up with me stating that she needs space.. time to grow.. get some headspace.

I can understand sort of where she is coming from because at such a young age its hard to settle down. Only problem is I love her with all my heart! She changed universities to be closer to home and to me after we found that the first year's distance was a handfull (I still drove nearly 200 miles to see her each week or second)

This is where I'm confused... I try the No Contact for a week after she breaks up with me, at first I asked her if this was what she wanted, she said yes so I left her to it.. I kept myself busy I continued at the gym harder than ever.. I seen more of friends id lost contact or didn't have time for. But then out of the blue she rings me at 4am! She tells me how much she misses me and wants to be with me and that she wants to try make things work.. she said she knows she relied on me a lot and needs to be independent but none the less wants to be with me. Of course I'm over the moon at this.. I get to be with the girl I love!

The next morning she asks if I think we can do this.. I say that of course we can if she is certain this is what she wants. Turns out she's had second thoughts over night and she isn't sure! What do I do??

Back to NC

It sounds like she is trying to decide to move forward in life but not sure if that means that she has to let go of old to begin with the new. She may be finding that she has much responsibility and not sure if she can juggle everything from school to her personal relationships?

You said you wanted to be with her... but how many times are you willing to be dumped then, together, then dumped, then together? She doesn't sound like a bad person... she sounds like she is trying to make decisions for her future. I think it's great your personally/physically/socially developing and growing from your experience. In my opinion, I think you should continue to do what your doing and take things with a grain of salt in relation to your relationship with your girlfriend. See how things develop over the next couple of months.

I do want to be with her.. more than anything! Im trying to let her decide what she wants, I can't force anything! But at the same time, like tonight I was out with the lads watching the boxing (Haye Vs Valueve.. Haye should have done more but different matter) but the lads wanted to go out afterwards but all I wanted to do was go home and listen to journey!

I don't know whether to wait around hanging on a piece of string or to go out and enjoy myself? If that makes sense.. now that she has told me what she did she gave me that little bit of hope we might get back together.. its hard to try and continue the NC? It's the first time we've ever split up.. I'm trying to be adult about it but my feelings are so mixed and confused

I do want to be with her.. more than anything! Im trying to let her decide what she wants, i can't force anything! but at the same time, like tonight i was out with the lads watching the boxing (Haye Vs Valueve.. Haye should of done more but different matter) but the lads wanted to go out afterwards but all i wanted to do was go home and listen to journey!!

i dont know whether to wait around hanging on a piece of string or to go out and enjoy myself?? if that makes sense.. now that she has told me what she did she gave me that little bit of hope we might get back together.. its hard to try and continue the NC? Its the first time we've ever split up.. im trying to be adult about it but my feelings are so mixed and confused

Don't wait around... don't depress yourself... please DO enjoy yourself. What good is being all wallowed up going to do? It isn't healthy to be depressed. I really think you should at least try to have fun and be happy... it may take a while (if your willing to wait; which you are) but you will find out how long it will continue. Remember your happiness counts. So do what is best for you.

I know I know happiness counts, I'm trying to just keep myself occupied! But do I do the whole NC with her.. I mean, we didn't finish on bad terms.. doesn't that seem harsh? I know it's a break-up and not a break, its just hard getting that into your head.. there's still always that bit of hope?

The thought of her being with someone or getting with someone is just plain hard! If she wanted to get back together I would definitely consider it.. but at the same time I don't want her going off testing the water with other blokes and then coming back to me.. it would sort of feel like I'm a fall back for her?

Ok. Im almost POSITIVE as to what is going on. Please give what I am about to say some hard thought. I have been down this road before and I am so happy I learned how to win.

THIS IS A GAME! You play your cards right, and you will WIN THIS game. You make 1 wrong move and you will LOSE. And lose your girl at the same time. This following strategy is only for IF YOU WANT HER BACK. Its not 100% The reason its not 100% is because love takes 2 people. And if she just don't want you anymore, there's NOTHING you can ever do to force her to love you. Other than that, this works very well! If you don't want her back, just apply NO CONTACT FOREVER.

Here's THE GAME:

She says she needs space. That translates into the following... She is putting you on the back burner. You are NOT PRIORITY ANYMORE. She is holding on to you while looking for another man. Females are very emotional. Many need that emotional support all the time. That is where you come in. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. Your being USED in my opinion. That is very selfish of her.

Did you see what happened when you applied NC for 1 week? She CALLED YOU!

You let the fishing line loose and the fish swims toward you. You pull the fishing line and the fish PULLS AWAY!

Your mistake is when you picked up the phone at 4am in the morning. NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT regardless of what happens.

You need to make her FEEN FOR YOU. The only way is to apply no contact longer than 1 week. Make her miss you so bad.

But every time you break no contact , you reset the feelings and provide the emotional support she needed and OFF SHE GOES AGAIN! She got what she came for and leaves. She uses you again...

YOu need to apply it much much longer. Until you actually start seeing ACTIONS FROM HER. WORDS MEAN NOTHING! She has to prove that " YOU " are what she wants... When its time , you will feel it. YOu will see it... YOu will not hear it. Words are cheaper than cheaper and amount to ZERO...

Apply NC and keep doing what you are doing!

BETTER YOURSELF!~ Workout! Learn new things and skills. Learn to cook. Learn to dance. Be a real man! Be the kind of man she will never want to leave or let go of... She will be back by the time you know it.

Now you will have won the GAME! And its up to YOU to choose if you want her back... LOL

Good luck man.

The thought of her being with someone or getting with someone is just plain hard!! If she wanted to get back together i would definitely consider it.. but at the same time i dont want her going off testing the water with other blokes and then coming back to me..? it would sort of feel like im a fall back for her?


Yes , I agree... That's something you will have to live with. The thought of her being with another man!

No offense, but how do you know she's not doing it now? She's so far away from you. She said she needs space... ONly comes to you when she needs something... How do you know?? You don't!

Give her all the space she wants... Trust me!! Apply NC... Show her you don't need her, not even for 1 second... You are a MAN!

That's what I find hard! We were 200 miles away... I drove every weekend or second to see her) now she's only 60 miles, you'd of thought if you can do 200 you can do 60 right? That's where I'm confused!

Has she met someone? She insists she hasn't or doesn't want anyone else... but surely she'd just say that right.. how do I know?

I'll try the NC again.. I've got rid of her number and Facebook.. but when she rang I just couldn't ignore it?

And now I have, I'm left wondering do I wait or don't I... is there something left to reconcile or even if we do will it be tainted for her to do the same again if *she meets someone new?*

Appreciate your advice though mate.. its just the games are tooo confusing! Lol

TJ! TJ!

Play your cards right! Don't mess up! Apply NC... I know it hurts. I been there once, and I met this guy to teach me how to overcome, so now I feel I should teach others.

STOP CARING ABOUT HER! SHE Doesn't CARE ABOUT YOU!! Her words don't match her actions!!

Never believe the words. Only believe the actions.

YOu won't know if she's with another man. Just tell yourself she IS. You'll make it much easier on yourself to let her go..

YOu need to let her go!! Let the fishing line LOOSE!

Yes, delete her phone number, and FACEBOOK.. When she calls and you, just change the name to " SKANK " or something.

What's left to reconcile? She DUMPED YOU! She's probably , most likely with someone else.

She comes back to you when she needs emotional support! She's USING YOU!

Is this what you deserve? NO WAY! YOu deserve a woman wholl love you at your best and WORST! A woman who says " I LOVE YOU " and show you through ACTIONS!

Don't worry if shell meet someone new. YOu must let her go now and stop worrying about WHAT IF!

This is your only chance to play this game the right way.

Up to you now.

Il take on board what your saying! I just keep reading the sticky 'what to expect when dumped'.. seems to help a bit.. parts of it make me chuckle.. but its true!

I guess I just got to see how this NC goes.. hmmm

I know I don't have many replies.. but hopefully someone will read this

I was just sitting here wondering.. what the other is doing... (I know I shouldnt)

Right well although I'm doing this NC.. and she contacted the other that stating she wanted to get back etc.. But then took it back the next morning saying she wasn't ready to be in a relationship again! I did tell her that she was messing me around and that id prefer it if she didn't contact me for the sake building my hopes up and knocking them down again...

Well how do I know IF she has changed her mind again and wants to be with me but at the same time doesn't want to tell me because I told her to leave me alone for a while..?

Am I reading too much into all this! Why is NC soooo bloody hard for Christ's sake!

TJ... Relax. She knows you said that because you don't want to be hurt. If anybody wants to be with somebody bad enough, they will let them know. So take it easy. Don't play tricks on yourself. You will be okay soon. The memories are still fresh in your head. Give yourself time. Everything will be okay. You will find someone much better and you will have better times. Right now you just have to breath. You will be fine.

I did tell her that she was messing me around and that id prefer it if she didn't contact me for the sake building my hopes up and knocking them down again...


I already told you the BEST WAY to get your girl back while maintaining your manhood. If you tell her things like the above, you are giving the power to her and losing the game... Don't tell her anything. Just NC all the way till you feel like her actions are showing you she wants you back for real. It's a feeling... Its through ACTIONS... Never words.

Cheers for the advice fellas!

Girlfriend of two years finished with me 2 weeks ago.. she claimed she needed space, figure out who she was.. headspace.. (shes just started second year at uni btw)

I believed her until I read the 'classic break up lines' thread! As sad as I am tis a little funny reading that thread!

ANYWAY... this NC... doing it at the minute... its unbelievably hard and just itch to want to contact her, don't know what I would say if I did.. but none the less just feel compelled to talk to her:confused:

What makes NC so hard? Is it the routines of talking to her everyday for the past 2 years?. is it that I want her back.. (not sure) is it the fact I'm putting effort into NOT doing something therefor wanting to do it? I still love her.. but this NC is just hard to get your head around...

Oh and as for trying to forget about her... how does being on a site talking about HER help? Lol

It is hard breaking the routine of being a couple,and it is hard because to have to find a 'new normal' in your daily life... its an adjustment... you are also breaking emotional habits... thats why its hard!

I guess for me,when I was doing N.C I easily forgot the bad stuff and remembered the 'i love you's' and the plans that were made... you need to change your thought process... when this happens,remember the bad stuff,and the reasons its over.

I guess logging on an telling your story is a way of purging,like keeping a journal... but the nifty thing is about this site,people can help you view the situation from a different angle... in a confusing time,its good to talk about it.

Hey TJ,

You said that you drove to see her often. Did she ever drive to see you? It sounds like it was a bit of a one-way street. Now the girl wants to be alone... but then wants to keep you tagging along. You were a good boyfriend. However, I don't think she reciprocated. Think back to all those times that she did not reciprocate your actions. Also, think back on the time she treated you "badly", or you were very upset about her actions.

When you objectively think about all of the negatives, you'll begin to wonder, "what is there to miss?"

You deserve someone to adore you the same amount that you adore her. I don't think this was the case.

P.S. never listen to what an ex has to say at 4am. Usually, they are drunk, upset, lonely, or have just made a bad decision (hook up). She is your ex now. You do not have to answer her calls all hours of the day. In fact, many on this website, including me, would strongly suggest you don't do anything at all. Unless her words are "I want to get back together"... and even then, I would be extremely wary. Her actions do not match her words at all.

Hope this helps.

Once again, I read a thread where a guy lets himself be used by a woman. I am a woman and I think you should stop be fooled by your long distance, unsure if she wants a relationship with you girlfriend and tell her to come to you when she is ready for a real relationship.

Still Keeping up the NC.. =D I watched the movie 'SWINGERS'.. was in the sticky thread as a must see! And that really puts things into perspective... looking at it from the outside.. its a lot easier to understand!

I watch the opening café scene.. most days.. you can find it on YouTube, that seems to help and puts me in a good mood for the day ahead!

recommend all guys watch it after break up.. it's a guys flick! Don't get many but does help

I'm not entirely sure if I'm allowed to post links up.. so I apologise if that's the case, feel free to delete this comment..

YouTube - Swingers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu-QjTNtDz8)

That's the link to the café scene.. watch it a few times

Hang in there TJBrit.

Weekends are the worst! Little bit of drink with the lads and all you think about is her! Doesn't help when friends etc saying.. has she contacted you! I'm like nooo... I'm trying not to think about it! Lol

Oh man TJ Brit- you sound like me. Same thing on the weekends for me- I drink with my friends and when I get home I'm even more depressed and think about her way too much. Maybe this weekend I'll do better. Just try to have as much fun as possible and try not to think about her- when you do- think of something else.

I don't want to contact her.. she ended it.. wanted space

I'm not going to get back with her whilst she's off galavanting meeting new guys.. I don't want to be her 'easy fall back'

Its just hard not thinking about the good times! I suppose that comes in time! Lol one minute I'm on cloud nine doing great.. the next minute I get two minutes to myself and I'm a shell lol!

I dont want to contact her.. she ended it.. wanted space

im not going to get back with her whilst shes off galavanting meeting new guys.. i dont want to be her 'easy fall back'

its just hard not thinking about the good times! i suppose that comes in time! lol one minute im on cloud nine doing great.. the next minute i get two mins to myself n im a shell lol!!

Yes exactly- she ended it- no point contacting her at all! Our ex'es are off with other guys doing god knows what- not thinking about us for even a second. I don't ever want to be someone's fallback either- who in their right mind would want to be 2nd choice?

Oh I know- the good times are so hard to ever forget... I think its OK to always remember the good times as long as emotionally you move on. If you look at things in a positive way- she gave you some great memories and taught you so much so you'll be better prepared for your next relationship.

I don't know if you have but I have lately been trying to release all my anger and bitterness to my ex. This is important so that you could get on with life and eventually a new relationship.:D

If you have read the stickies (all of them) you find that a plan of action is in order, to not only stay busy, but replace old habits (her) with new ones. The more the merrier.

####side note#######

Alcohol is a depressant!

heyyy, back again after god knows how many months! Just thought id let who evers interested how I'm doing lol =) well I'm doing great anyway... moved on, I'm with someone new now, taking it slow but having fun at the same time =D... I dooo the no contact for 5 months, now all of a sudden she messages me on FB, I duno if she's heard I'm with someone new or she's just trying to talk... either way, I'm not interested =D I'm happy.. thank you all for your support when I needed it! Its weird reading back through it! Lol but again.. thanks

Good luck with the new relationship.
Stay nc with the ex forever!

Oh dear, it is hard but, sadly, I think once they've begun to have doubts and taken some time away it really means they've made their minds up. They struggle with the decision but know what they want, or rather don't want. We, on the other hand, misunderstand what they say in our hope to be with them and work through issues.
My ex said he wasn't sure, felt confused, depressed and tearful, etc. etc, but missed me and loved me and always would. It turned out he was going out though and at least slept with someone, who knows if it was meaningful. He turned that on its head and blamed me for it - didn't like the guilt maybe. They're messed up so mess us around and it's tough on the receiving end when you love someone and want to help them. Truth is they know their minds, just don't want to be honest about it.