Hello

I had a lovely question ready then got timed out :mad: so here the condensed version.

I was dating a girl for just over 2 years (know her for 3) she broke up with me last month, although I almost broke up with her 4 days beforehand (for reasons I'll state below) which she says was the catalyst for her breaking up with me.

We been having issues the past year, as we are both college/uni students but she is doing honours while I'm finishing my double major in the same field. So basically a lot of our issues boil down to me having too much time, while she is up to her eyeballs in study, and other short term factors (such as side effects from the medication in her operation earlier this year).

Now she has got a graduate job locally, while it looks like I'm going to be in the sticks no where near her for the next year or until I can get a transfer.

Now when we broke up she keep mentioning how we could still be friends in the new year, and when I pointed out I wasn't going to be here in the new year she said 'I'll still be your friend' and on the few occasions I've talked to her (to return stuff, swap lecture notes etc) she reaffirmed this, e.g she was talking about her coming around for dinner once I get a job near here.

Anyway uni finishes in 8 days here, so I asked her if she would like to see me before I go which she agreed.

The asked her why she broke up with me, because we are going to be apart for so long or because she was unhappy? She doesn't answer (should have expected that) I then mention if its because she was unhappy there no point in me finding a job locally when I could find one closer to my family (which is true). She then tells me that I shouldn't base my decisions around her any more since we aren't together but mentions how great it is here.

Now my question is did she break up with me to protect her from being hurt in a long distance relationship (which was the reason I considered breaking up with her first before deciding we should try) and wants to keep tabs on me and perhaps get back together when if move back? Or am I over analysing everything and she just wants to continue the friendship we had before we started dating?

Thanks.

She ended your relationship and has said not to base decisions on your life around her anymore...

That in itself should tell you to move on.

She has not stated that she perfer if you stayed closer,if she had then perhaps your feeling that she wanted to keep tabs on you would be justified... but she did not.

Your relationship is over... I suggest you do move on and follow through with your plans without her in the mix.

Maybe in time you can be friends,but for now,its seems very cut and dried..

To answer your question as to her reasons for breaking up with you,only she can answer that one.

2 months ago I did NOT want to hear this cause I was in a similar situation, but MOVE ON, you may get back together, but in order for that to happen you have to LET GO, which means attempting to move on, don't be friends with her until you have healed otherwise it will just prolong your pain. Focus on your life

Don't fall for the demon of false hope that she still has feelings for you. If she did, she wouldn't have told you to stop making decisions about your life around her.

In the early stages of a break up, couples still try to stay friends. It's difficult to cut 100% contact the next day following a break up. I suspect that over time, especially now that you're long distance, you will have less and less communication.

Eventually, you will have to go 100% no contact so that you can heal properly from this break up.

Sounds like she's been planning to break up with you for a while and the long distance aspect seems like the perfect opportunity, because you won't be seeing each other very often, so being far apart will be easier for you guys to heal and move on with your lives.

Like she said, just focus on your own life and stop making decisions revolving her.

Thanks, I was hoping to see if our old friendship could salvaged from this. I know the relationship itself is over, as the timing for the breaking up would have been done better if she truly cared about me, she would broken up earlier or around about now, not during exam leave.

As for No Contact she going overseas in 2 weeks for 2.5 months, and I'll be back in my hometown so it should be easy. Now only to find a way to kill my free time for the next 8 days...