I doubt anyone remembers my story. But roughly 6 months ago I came to this site just like everyone else and poured my heart out. My girlfriend at the time broke up with me because she said she needed to explore. She was young and in college. At the time we have been dating for 1.5 years. We broke up and my difficult journey began. She was my first love and we shared many firsts. The first 3 weeks I did everything possibly wrong and could not find the strength to move on. Finally, after getting hurt several times I decided to move on. She saw the strength I had and wanted me back. We talked and I explained to her how I would only take her back if she is ready and will not have the same feelings again. She promised and we got back together. Six months of bliss passed. We worked on our relationship, fixed our previous problems and fell deeper in love. This leads us to present time.

School starts again and everything seems fine. I saw no signs like last time that she wanted to leave me. She kept on expressing her love to me and I to her. Life was bliss. Then one night she went over to college residential community and spent some time there with friends. Immediately the next day I noticed something wrong. That night she did not call me or come over like she usually does after I get home. She didn't answer my texts and finally answered one of my calls. The next day she avoided me all day too. I finally asked her to meet me and talk over lunch. We met and she told me how she had the same feelings again that she had a few months ago.

So the process began again. She told me how she did not want to continue hurting me by having these doubts. She said that there were parts of her life that went away when we started dating. She wanted to have that part back again and just go through self-exploration to find out who she is. This is understandable since she is still young and in college. I asked why she could not share those experience with me since I was very open/accepting to any experiences. Never once did I tell her that she could not do something or act a certain way. I accepted her for who she was and every single quality that came with her. I told her that I would be glad to incorporate any lost parts and would love to explore new avenues with her. No matter what I offered her, she still gave me the same answer. She we broke up again. So here I am now again. Lost, hurt, and wounded. Some very wise people on this forum told me that I should not take her back again because they knew what would happen again. Did I listen? No.

I know what I need to do now. Loose all contact with her. Keep myself busy and move on. Let her go. We both want to stay in touch and become friends but I know this won't work. She still was my first love. I miss her and I thank her for what I was able to experience with her. Even though this a dramatic life event I still am glad that I was able to experience it. I learned a lot from her and without her I would not be the man I am today. I do hope one day our paths cross again but this is not something I will be waiting for. I just wanted to share this experience with you all so that some who are in similar positions will know what can happen.

It is tough when Im 21 but I feel much much older. Most individuals my age do not share the same values as I do. Hence why I really appreciated when I found someone who was so similar to me. I have been through so many life experience (genocide, war, constant moving, parents divorcing,) but I feel like having lost my first love is worse then any of the mentioned above.

I know I will heal and writing this down/sharing is helping me a great deal.
Thank you for listening. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Im sorry this happened to you again.
I think you know which path to take now as you have all the insights.
In my opinion this is what seems to happen quite often when people get back together again.They split up again-Ive been there and done that myself.
If a reconcilliation s going to work both people should have worked on whatever issues needed working on or it becomes a rerun of the same scenario.
Take care.

Thank you.

Yesterday was especially a rough day because she asked me if I wanted to go to a concert with her. She said that this would be a great thing to do together as friends because there would be others around so we would not be inclined to do anything romantic. I wanted to go so bad and be there with her but I had to say no. We ended up fighting over the phone. This made my night so much more difficult. She ended up telling me that she was going with another guy since I wasn't going with her. She told me that he was only a friend. To me it did not matter and all night long, all I had was dreams of her with another man.

After that conversation, I ended up deleting her phone number and I also deleted her Facebook. I just can't have any contact with her right now. I don't know if we can be friends right now but I am so afraid that I will loose her completely.

Right now the best thing is NC so you did the right thing by deleting her.
You know the advice is to keep busy and do things you enjoy so please do that.
Let your brain rule your heart and try to not dwell on what she might or might not be doing.
Don't let her attempts at gameplaying get to you.

I remember your story clearly A4 and I sympathize with you. I know you are a strong guy and you know what needs to be done. I admire you for declining to go to the concert and sticking to your guns. For some reason, I am not worried at all that you will make the right decisions and do what is best for you. Good luck man!

Here's the story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-contact-rule-not-working-me-322039.html

I'm glad that hear that you've healed from this experience. Thank you for sharing what you've learned with everyone. I'm sure your story can serve as an inspiration.

Like KC, I'm proud of you for turning down the concert offer. I'm sure it was incredibly difficult, but you stood your ground, and for that it will make this process easier for you.

Keep yourself (and your mind) busy during this time, so she doesn't get a chance to sneak in there and wreak havoc!

You are handling this incredibly well and doing all the right things for yourself... although I know right now it doesn't feel that way. I commend you on making these choices, not many are strong enough. Although it hurts, you are saving yourself more pain by sticking to your plan of no contact.

Just focus on you, as you can never know what's in your future. Don't discount the women around you for not holding the same values, sometimes those diamonds are hidden in the rough, you just have to look a little deeper. Take it one day at a time and know that there are many of us here to listen when the going gets rough.

I just wished I had the same courage when my ex broke up with me to say no. Like you she was my first everything and it was a 3 year relationship. The only thing that made me go forward is that I was fed up of suffering and yo-yoing, so I cut all contact with her. Trust me, life DOES get better, I've been there. I lost tons of sleep, lost hair, got my hair turned white and I had diarrhea for a good 3 weeks lol. Now I'm better than ever. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Today I decided to take a "me break."Im not attending my classes. I already went to bikram yoga to calm my mind and now Im heading downtown for lunch where Im going to read a book. From there I will go on a bike ride and enjoy this beautiful day. Finally I will go train at my martial arts school and call it a day.

Thank you all for the kind words and I hope I can stay strong.

Today I decided to take a "me break."Im not attending my classes. I already went to bikram yoga to calm my mind and now Im heading downtown for lunch where Im going to read a book. From there I will go on a bike ride and enjoy this beautiful day. Finally I will go train at my martial arts school and call it a day.

Thank you all for the kind words and I hope I can stay strong.

Sounds like a marvelous day! Enjoy yourself :)

You have learned well hopper grass! (Texas for grasshopper) :D:)

Way to go!Enjoy! :-)

Well, here I am. I had an amazing day. Enjoyed the weather and freshened my mind. But here I am now. All I can think is about her. I trying to keep myself busy. I know where she is tonight and it is the place the made her change her mind in the first place. But I know I cannot call her. It almost seems as if the second time around its even harder.

I MISS HER!

There will be ups and downs. Every time will be hard but it will get easier and if you go through it again, that will be harder because it is current, in my opinion.

You are doing the right thing.

Find a game to play online, that is how I kill time. Would it work for you?

It probably would if I wasn't at work right now. I know these feelings will go away soon. This a low and a high will come really soon. I know what I need to do and I know it will get better in the end. My brain is telling me all of this but my heart is telling me otherwise.

I miss not having someone to confine it, someone who I could hug and kiss after a long day. I miss not having someone to be intimate with and share a bond of love. I miss not being challenged by my partner in many ways. I miss how good she made me feel. I miss the adventures we went on, the philosophical discussions, cooking dinner together, going out and having fun, creating art, going to yoga/martial arts, going to concerts, and the list goes on. I do not have anyone to share this with.

I am alone and even though I am surrounded by friends and family I still feel alone. My roomates are nice guys but all they think about is getting "laid." They are the typical college guys and I am not. I look for meaningful relationships not a one night stand.

She was beautiful, smart, honest, and confident as one could be. She viewed everyone as equals and never judged. She was a woman not a college girl. Her family was amazing and they accepted me as one of them. We went on vacations together, shared religious events, and learned from each other.

All of this is gone. I know I'll find someone else. I know life goes on. I know I will heal. I know everything. But my heart still is shattered. How will I find another woman who is similar to her? 90% of college girls are not ready for what I want.

This is so difficult. I do not understand how weak I can be. I am have conquered anything and everything without ever shedding a tear. I always been able to swallow my feelings and forget them. I cannot do this now.

This is my low.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-breakup-after-5-years-359578.html

Read this thread, buddy. It's 50 pages, but I read every single word. Pay very close attention to the advice taoplr gives throughout it.

Raises the glass to DerelictHerds on the link, good call.

I would say... accept the low, examine it... when she enters your mind in a negative, hurtful fashion, examine why. Instead pushing it away or fighting it off, just accept.

You can also rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. For example: 'wow, an image popped in my head of her with some other guy. Huh, that hurt... I'd give that a 7.'

Accept the pain & lows, try not to dismiss or force it. I found that to be my greatest error lately.

I'm 22, going 23 in November, and I hear you on the college frat party scene. Not my happening either. Maybe it's just because of my depressive nature/anti-social... who knows.

I read the 50+ page thread and learned something's. But I still ended up making a dumb mistake.

Today we had lunch. We talked and she was very attracted to me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek when she first saw me. We enjoyed each others presence very much. It was weird because we both want each other but she cannot be with me at this point in time. I know she will find someone else. She is a great girl and anyone will be lucky being with her. I am trying to believe in the statement "if its meant to be..." but do not want set myself up for pain. As we ended our lunch she almost went in for a real kiss but held it back. When I was with her for that half an hour everything was perfect. The minute she left I went back to my depressive state.

If I continue this I know I will hit rock bottom. I know everyone goes through this and they heal. I talked to several people about their first love and they all said that they were able to move on but if they had the opportunity they would take their partner back in a heart beat. They still get emotional when they think of their first love even though they are fine.

Just keep in mind that every get together puts you back to square one. Now you start the process again. That is why no contact is hard but contact is harder. No contact helps you heal.

We all have bumps, but keep that in mind in the future.

Do you feel any progress?

I feel like I progressed a lot. But my brain and heart completely divided. Before my brain did not know what to do and I became a mess. Now I know what I need to do. I have been trying to do the right thing. No Contact all the way. But once my heart kicks in all reasoning disappears. My emotions take over and all I want at the time is to be with her. I know Im hurting every time I see her and I know I should do this to myself. But I care for her so much. I know she will move on as will I. But I do not want to accept this.

We have all been in this spot. You are incredibly level-headed and strong, there will be a light for you.
Time to run to the gym? Are you at work?

Ha ha ha. Yes I am always at work. But I am going on a trip with another friend today into tomorrow to visit other friends. Hopefully that will keep my mind clear.

Thank you very much for helping me. I really appreciate all your advice.

It's a hard time, one of the best things is the sounding board and that is what we are hear for.
Better talking to us about how you feel then telling the one person that you shouldn't be talking to.
We are always here. ;)

Sport, sport and sport is what saved me (and other stuff lol). I was training like crazy for everyday. You see the body and mind works in the same way, take care of your body, and your body will take care of your mind. After 2 weeks I was starting to feel much much better, it's amazing what a good level of endorphin can do to your mind.

UPDATE:

Well, this weekend I had no contact in anyway with her. I visited some of my friends at another college. I also I went to a party when I came back. I even met a girl and asked her to go on a date today. I kept myself so busy with activities so that I would not think of her. But all I could do is think of her. So far this has been the lowest of the low. I feel so depressed. My heart aches. Even though I have people to support me I still feel so lonely. Why is this not working. Its been 3 weeks now since the breakup and every day its been getting worse, not better.

What am I doing wrong?

You aren't doing anything wrong. You need to give yourself more credit. Just be a bit more patient. You are an example to a lot of people of how to do this. Pat yourself on the back, continue doing what you're doing and be patient. I KNOW you will get through this, we all do. If you don't believe in this, we will do it for you.

Thanks kc. I know it will get better. I find it very interesting how I am unable to control my emotions with this event. I am a strong individual and always used to stand strong so that others would not see me being weak. At times I had to swallow my pain in order to be there for my parents when they were going through rough times. When someone close passed away I was there for my family to support them. Why is it that I cannot control this?


Also, yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine that brought up deeper fears. I realized that it is not just losing my love that is bothering me but also the fear of not becoming what I want to be.

I have such strong standards for myself. I am originally from Bosnia and went through the genocide. Others who went through the same thing have given up partially on becoming successful and live a mediocre life. They did not become what they wanted. My parents brought me here to this country to succeed and have a good life. They do not put any pressure on me to succeed. They support me very much in every possible way. But I would feel so horrible if I did not succeed in life. In my mind, I need to look a certain way, act a certain way, have a successful career, a great wife and wonderful children. I do not want to worry about money. Currently I am working 3 jobs, take 17 credits at college, and am involved in various school activities. I have to work because that is the only way I can pay for school and support myself. My parents try hard to support me but most of the time cannot offer much. Also I refuse to ask for help from them.

With this break up I feel I have failed. I thought I completed a part of my puzzle by finding a partner I could marry one day. Im afraid that I will not find someone else. I know that we learn from our mistakes and I have done this many times.

Most people my age do not look to far ahead in life. I on the other hand know what I want. I am strong and work very hard to achieve what I want. But when events such as these happen, I do not know if I can continue.

Hey man,
I understand your pain and frustration I really do. I am palestinian and my family lost everything and past through civil war. I'm also 22 years old and for my family it is important to achieve a lot.

Look at it this way. Instead of thinking that the break up as something bad, you should take it as something positive. You are now free, free to go anywhere, free to look for any job when you finish. You can learn to be more social, more sympathetic, make more friends... It is all in the learning process.

Break ups will happen in life, you will also lose friends, family members... it is all part of life. You need to learn to be complete and happy alone before you are with someone else. I cannot stress that enough. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are still in shock.

You are a normal guy. We all have concerns like that. I think we can all agree that you are a very strong individual and extremely outgoing. I admire your ambition and determination. Keep that quality. It is going to be hard at times, but keep that force driving you and keep your head up.

Determination has nothing to do with getting things, it has everything to do with overcoming things. Emotions are going to be there. Let them out and stay true to yourself.

Well ladies and gents. I have officially sunk to the lowest of the lowest. I was studying for an upcoming exam. My ex girlfriend used to help me a great deal with studying and I did well when I studied with her. So I asked her and she agreed. I came over and everything was fine. She asked me how my weekend was and I explained to her what I did. I asked her and she told me how she went to three parties, had a party at her home and some people slept over. Non which she slept with or at least that's what she told me. The dumbass that I am, asked her if if we could have another chance. I told her how I would work on everything that she needed and I would give her more freedom to do the things she needed to do. She said that she could not do this and we argued a little. I packed my things, got up, and left without a word. I immediately went to my martial arts school and punched the bag until I could not lift my arms. My hands were covered with my own blood and I took all of my anger out on it.

Back to step one. I needed this though because now I know for SURE that this will not happen and I need to move on. IM DONE WITH HER AND HURTING MYSELF!! I can't do this to myself. Im so afraid that I won't do as well now because I have lost my friends and my partner. I feel so alone but I am so confident in myself now that I will succeed and move on.

"Determination has nothing to do with getting to things, it has everything to do overcoming things. Emotions are going to be there. Let them out and stay true to yourself." (kctiger)

Yep, you pretty much did everything that you shouldn't have done... Anyhow we all have done stupid mistakes so don't beat yourself about it. During my break up I told my ex that I was willing to wait for her 6 months to a year for her...

You had your closure, you just need to take care of yourself. And by the way for this alone thing, if you don't make the necessary step to contact people or meet new people, you will stay alone. People will actually like you if you invite them and seem very sociable and then they will in turn invite you to go out. And it's also like that, that you meet potential interesting girls.

Yes, you are right paxe. I definitely had my closure. Even though I'm back at step 1 I feel much better. Before I always thought there would be some hope. Now I don't care if there is any hope.

Well, I strongly think that there are some things we need to learn ourselves by doing mistakes in order to go forward. So I guess the next month or so is going to be tough, and then you are going to have the blast of your life after that ( I know I did ).

I am thinking a lot more positively now. I hope this feeling of confidence lasts longer than a day. I already have been hanging out other girls and I know that one day I will find another person who will be committed to me.

Positive steps A, but it will take much more time. Don't make the mistake of putting your baggage onto another girl. While it is GREAT to hang around other females, it is also really easy after a break up to "rebound" into another one. Just enjoy the small things in life. Enjoy the moments, before they become memories. :)

I am staying away from rebounding because that is not the person who I am. I just enjoy meeting new people and creating new friendships. I am not ready at this time to commit to someone else since I need to heal first.

Nice! It's the way to go. You'll seriously enjoy single life for some good amount of time (I am having a blast).

I sure hope so. It is weird because I entered college being in a relationship. So I never learned what it is to be single in college. I always hung out with my partner and our friends. I feel like I have to start from scratch. I am a little afraid of this but also excited to meet new people and create new relationships. I am just not into the whole getting drunk and play beer pong all night.

Think positive in life

Ha! I dated my ex a couple of month after I started college and SHE asked me out and kissed me (yea I know). I've been in electrical engineering ever since so not too many interesting people to meet and I have to learn from the beginning. But man! I'm having a blast meeting all new people, flirting... though school life finishes in 1 year and a half.

Funny, I have a year and a half left too.

Also in electrical engineering?

I came in wanting to be a mechanical engineer and then had a 360 moment and switched to Psychology hoping to be a child psychologist one day.

Yea that's 360 all right, you missed 4 years of intensive math, physics and 100% nerdiness with classes full of guys! How could you? Joking aside there must be tons of chicks in those classes... I wouldn't worry at all if I were you. Try and visit your local electrical engineering class, that's a whole new world.

Yeah, I don't have a problem finding girls. Not to be cocky or arrogant but in the last two weeks I was able to get four girls' phone numbers. But I need to wait and heal before I hop into another relationship. I want to be single for a little bit and explore. Then maybe, after a while I will try to find another girl who I could date for a while. I am a big commitment guy so it will take me a while to find a commitment girl in college. Either way, I'm going to have some fun and enjoy college before settling down.

But to be honest. Even though I finally came to the realization that we are never getting back together, I still feel like .

Well, yea it's quite normal to fee like sh**, but then again, it's part of the healing process. Look, when my ex broke up, I had diarrhea for 2 weeks, I started balding and I had a lot of white hair from the initial pain and shock. I guess you're doing fine for what happened to you, healing takes time, even 4 month later I'm still continuing my healing, sometimes I do feel down.

In the end of the day, we are taking the harder path so that we can become better person, the more obstacles life trows at us the better we get.

And 4 girls number? Damn, you've been doing actually pretty great. I prefer playing around with girls right now, just enjoying flirting, you need to take a LOT of time as a single, between 6 month to a year, especially since you're a commitment guy. Oh and don't think about girls too much, it could reflect on you.

I appreciate your input greatly since you were in the same boat and we are at the same stage in our lives.

This is wrong of me to think this way but I feel like I cannot be single for 6 months to a year because I know my ex will have found another by that time. This will hurt me tremendously and I feel like the only way I can protect myself from this is by finding another.

You protect yourself by doing what's best for you. Continuing your education and making yourself more valuable to your family, friends and society in general. You DO NOT need another person to protect you from anything. Be the man you know you can be and do this on your own. It is that much more worth it in the end.

When I broke up with my ex I developed an almost "me against the world" mentality. Not that I blocked myself out, but it really motivated me to just bust my hump to get over this, without relying on another girlfriend to lean on.

I agree with you completely. Breaking up with her motivated me to do everything I am doing right now to my maximum capabilities. I am working even harder now to be a better student. I am training even more rigorously to become a better martial artist and teacher. I refuse to change and become like 95% of the college male population.

I just need someone to tell me this and that is just what you did. I thank you for that. It motivates me and makes me feel like I can conquer this.

I admire your dedication. Keep that attitude and attribute with you. I have never been a relationship guy. I am a HUGELY solitary guy that loves to conquer challenges alone. When the right girl comes along, then hooray, but for now, it is all about tackling my goals.

You are a great guy that is extremely outgoing and motivated. Women will love that. Even if you are a commitment guy, that doesn't mean you have to commit to women. Commit to yourself, to your martial arts, education and whatever else you are passionate about. Do that, and I promise you that type of mentality will attract so many women that find you to be a true man... a true gentlemen. Good luck A4, I have FULL faith you will accomplish everything you wish to.

I can't help but believe I found my wife, when I stopped looking for love, and started to do what made me happy.

It may look unimportant now, but school, family and friends are extremely important for a better life. I was going to get married with my ex at 23, even if I didn't want to. My grades and motivation went down the hill when I was with someone, so it's actually better not to be with anybody for now. Like me, you may think a lot about girls, don't and let life guide you. By the way, what martial arts are you doing? I've been doing kung fu choy li fut for 6 years and loving it.

Girls are fun, date them all, and enjoy it while your doing your own thing... when your ready.

I will have to learn how to do this. Hahaha Since I have been in a relationship since college started. I do enjoy talking to girls and hanging out with them. It will be hard tokeep up the no contact rule since I have to classes with her but I will not sit with her and I will do my best to move on. I feel hurt but strong at the same time.


Paxe, I have been studying Taekwondo for 6+ years and currently hold a 2nd degree black belt. I enjoy it very much and is a big part of my life.

So I am in class with her right now. Sitting away from her for the first time. I feel like throwing up.

Plus there is a guy chatting it up with her and I want to shove a chair down his throat.

Move on move on move on

Yes though one but move on like you said its for the best.

So I am in clas with her right now. Sitting away from her for the first time. I am like throwing up.

Plus there is a guy chatting it up with her and I want to shove a chair down his throat.

Move on move on move on



Stay strong! You can do it!!

Wow, I just got out of class and my stomach was a tangled mess. I participated in class and had a meanigful discussion with the teachers/class. I did this to distract myself and to start focusing more on my school work. She kept on looking back at me discretley but I did not make any contact with her. We walked out of class near each other and all I could feel was tention. I walked about on my own. That hurt so much. But I kept on telling myself that she wants to date other men and not be with me which kind of/not really helped with staying strong.

Great job! You are being very strong, and I think that says a lot about you as a person. Focusing on your studies will prove very beneficial in the end, for many reasons.

And as the days go by, ignoring her in class will just get easier and easier. I'm proud of you!

DAY 1

This sucks... In reality I will be fine but I am just writing here to let out my feelings because I can't stand them being couped up in my heart.

This day sucked. I felt proud to have avoided her all day. But it hurt me so much to have to do this. I feel so empty inside, tired, and unmotivated. I pretended all day to be fine and had to put on this fake personality to seem normal.

It is what it is A4. The reality is that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. What you did today was admirable, I'll tell you that. I wish I had yourself control and strong will.

A lot of these days are going to suck, to be honest. It is hard for you to see the tiny amount of good and healing that takes place on a day to day basis, but trust me, it is happening. Start a daily log if you have to, just be patient and strong.

I might just might have to. Thanks for the positive encouragement. I will be needing plenty more of it through my healing process.

Day 2
Today I did not have any classes with her which made it a bit easier. I feel worse as everyday passes. I have an exam tomorrow and I have not been able to study for it. I can't focus on anything and mind us running wild. I feel naustious and tired. I've been listening to music all day long and tried keeping busy. I don't know what to do with myself.

Got to move on though. I will get better.

Don't let this chick control your mind. You got sh*t to take care of

I was in the same position once (break up during term and close to finals). Well, before any studying time, I'd made sure that I have 2-3 hours of intensive workout. I can tell you after that I was much more in control. Besides it's better to have some quality study instead of lots of non-studying time.

Oh and don't worry it will get better soon, just take care of yourself (guys do I need to remind everyone how important is sport?).

Trust me. The night she told me she wanted to see other guys, I decided to go to my taekwondo school and punch the bag until I could not life my arms. It felt really good and all my anger disappeared.

But this day actually turned out for the better thanks to one of my good friends/martial arts instructor. She talked sense into me and made me realize that it is all right to let go. She said that I had great qualities that any girl would want. Also, I kept on telling her how I was trying this and trying that. She told me to stop saying trying and say that I am doing instead. Instead of trying to get over her. I just just get over her and actually do it instead of try it.

I feel much better now thanks to her. I am so thankful that I have a great support system. I will do much better on the exam, now that I have my confidence back.

Thanks again for all the help.

Day 3:
This is really weird. I did not have any bad dreams about her last night. I woke up fine and did not have an ounce of sadness in me. When I did think about her, I did not have any emotions of sadness, regret, etc.. I can tell today is going to be a good day.

Good!
Wishing you a great day.

Hi A4Effort,

It's really great how you're posting a daily update on your progress. It really sounds like you're making a strong "effort". I would definitely give you at "A" right now. However, just to be cautious, it's an conditional "A" because you need to keep it up.

Just a few more pointers. It might get tough at first. It might even get tougher in the early stages. But once you've reach that pinacle, it will only get easier and easier. You just have to keep up the strong effort and I'm sure you can do it.

Keep up the progress and keep us updated.

Part of going through a break up and the emotional detox is knowing you will have good days, and bad days, and to be able to just make the most of each.

Im using these strong days to build myself up so that when another weak day comes along I will be able to handle it better.

Yesterday she actually texted me. She told me how one of her family members died and she asked me if I was still covering one of her shifts at the University job that we both work at. I previously agreed to do this and all I did is send her a text saying "Yes. My condolences go out to you and your family." She texted back saying "Wow.....how formal...etc..." I didn't text her back. I wish I could be there for her through these difficult times but I cannot be there for her anymore. I know she has a great support system from her friends and family.

Polite and formal s good then ignore!

well just writing this down to get it off my chest.

I miss being a good boyfriend. I miss coming home and sharing my day with someone. I miss listening to her talk about hers. I miss cuddeling with her during the day/night. I miss having someone to lean on and have the same person lean on me. I miss cooking together, working together, talking about random things, and having someone by my side. I miss not being lonely. I miss being silly and stupid together. I miss the intamacy and the bond I shared. I miss being there for someone. I miss taking care of her. I miss being spontanious with her. I miss learning from each other. I miss the friendship. I miss her beauty. I miss her waking up next to me in the morning. I miss the warm hugs and soft touch. I miss going places with her. I miss having someone by my side. I miss having a partner, a lover, and a best friend. I miss seeing her face and her beautiful smile. I miss being in a relationship.

I am telling myself that she is not coming back. I am doing all the right things to heal. I am not talking to her, I put away/threw away all her things, and deleted her number/facebook. I keep myself busy with school, work, martial arts, friends, and anything else. But all I can say to myself at the end of the day is that I miss her. I know these feelings will go away. I know I will heal in the end. I know I will find another one day. I know I need to enjoy college now.

That's kind of normal and you're not alone in this. That's where healing starts for you actually, it's take time and patience. Everyday, inch by inch, you get better. We never said it was going to be easy but when you look back you'll proud of yourself of having done all these positive things.

You have to rebuild your life so that you don't feel lonely and so that you are complete without any girlfriend.

Yeah, I used to be OK with being single way back in high school but then we started dating and I expeirneced something I never have before.My first true love. Since then it has been difficult to convert back. Thanks paxe helping out. Much is appreciate

No problem man, take it easy, I was in the same shoes and I love the single life. True I do get lonely or sad without companionship sometimes, but that doesn't mean we should hop back into another relationship. Also you will experience it in the future, but you shouldn't "want it", catch the difference?
Anyhow keep venting or posting how you're doing.

Why is it that young women tend to "question" more?
I know some many couples that broke up because the woman was "questioning." I read this too somewheres in a psychological journal and still do not understand why. The journal also said that men on average tend to want commitment more and do not question as much. I do not remember what their reasoning was hence why I am asking here.

My girlfriend was in love with me (or at least that's what she said to me). We had are ups and downs but we worked on them and had a great relationship. Even though we are not together we still have feelings for each other. So why is it that she was questioning?

Was it because she is still young (20) and needs to explore other herself and date other people before she commits to one guy? But why if she tells me all the time she enjoys every quality of mine and said that there was never anything wrong with me.

I just want to know because during the break up I asked her this and she could not explain this to me in a way that I understood.

I don't know if you can generalize and say that "young women" question more.

It's more like this, people need time to figure things out and build our confidence level. So during the process, we question everything around us.

There are many contributing factors:

1) Some people are more open about questioning and ask the question out-loud. While some people keep the question to themselves and quietly try to find the answer.

2) Some people already got their answers from other means, such as reading or talking to older brothers/sisters/cousins.

3) Some people feel as though they have all the answers. If there's soemthing new, then they'll learn it.

4) It's also a question of curiosity. Some people just aren't as curious as others.

However, I think that confidence is the biggest contributing factor. If you aren't confident about something, it's good to go out and find the answer. Asking question is not a good or bad thing, it's just a way of building self-esteem.

I think it is human nature to question, especially at such a young age. Hell, I am 26 (I know, old balls) and I still question a lot. We have that fear of everything being so absolute, as if this is it, this is the best we can do and holy crap, I can never change this... it is a scary proposition.

Commitment is tough when you haven't even fully committed to yourself yet. It scares the hell out of people to be growing up; not only growing up but forced to grow up simply by economic and social pressures beyond your control. Life is crazy man, that's all I can say. We all are racing around trying to figure out exactly what it is our life has become; is becoming etc. and we sometimes forget who we are and what WE want to do.

That does make sense. I just do not understand why I am so different from others.

I was completely happy in this relationship and did not have any reasons to leave it. Even when I saw someone who made me curious I still did not have any urge to leave the relationship. Why? Because I was very content with what I had and I loved her.

It might be because of the life I have lived. I have moved from country to country due to war. I think that made me grow up faster. Also, I think it made me want to be grounded more and have things balanced. Since most of my life was crazy, now I am looking for stability. I am not ready to marry but I am ready to be in a relationship that will lead to marriage.

It sounds cliché but sometimes the things we just take the most comfort and content in are the things we cannot understand the most.

I am an odd character. It is VERY hard to for me to let my guard down and allow others into my heart. Some people are the exact opposite. Reasoning and logic dictate that throughout life, it is much harder to let go of something than it is to take hold of it.

You can say that again.
I am just analyzing this way too much.

I just had this beautiful outlook for us that we would date throughout college and apply to graduate schools near each other. We would live in the same apartment and then halfway though graduate school I would ask her to marry me. What a perfect dream that was. I imagined us exploring together as we embark on new journeys and traveled the world. Our love would last forever and we create a perfect life for each other.

I think the hardest thing we do in life is make adjustments to what is the reality of our situation. After all, who wants to give up what we think is the perfect plan that makes us happy? I sure don't.

The truth, I will never be surfer dude, and have nothing else to do, but lounge on the beach, under the California sun. >sigh< .

The point is some dreams are fantasy, some are real, knowing the difference helps.

The point being, dreams don't feed the belly, or the soul very well. Living in the real world does. And its hard to get what you want, when your not sure what it is. But you do know when your hungry, and happy.

Yes I agree with you. I am very confident in myself and always chase my dreams. So far I have been very successful. I was even successful in finding my perfect partner. This is a step back for me and it is like with any other event, you have to pick yourself back up and try again. When I fell in love with her I never thought about the consequences of breaking up. I always thought that we would last and even before dating I never knew that this could happen to me. I always though people broke up with each other because they were fighting too much or because they were incompatible. I actually wish that could have happened to me because it would have been easier to get over it that way. But no, this was worse. I actually appreciate because it is a life lesson that will help continue shaping me into the man I am today and will be in the future. I am glad I was able to love deeply and be with someone like her. I know having gone through this will help me in my future relationships.

Still following what I said above but here is
Day 4

I busy all day until 9:30pm which was very nice since it kept my thoughts very busy. Afterwards I met up with this girl who was a graduate student at a bar and had a drink with her. We talked for 2 hours and everything was great. I tried not to think of my ex the enitre time we were there but she slipped in and out. I enjoyed talking to the girl and I noticed that she really like me. I hope we can keep it at a friendship level because I am not even close to being ready for a relationship again.

Day 5
Here I am at work writing this to you all. Today seems to be a low day and even though Im not thinking of her as much, my heart feels very hurt. Im working on the whole being single thing and being OK with it. Its really hard! Time is not passing by fast enough. I still miss her.



Oh and I just need someone to explain this one for me. How could she want to leave me when I had many qualities that any girl would want in her boyfriend. I am a very humble person and I dislike how boastful this comment is but nonetheless Im still curious.

Physically I am very active and in shape. I practice martial arts, work out at the gym, and stay very active. Since I'm from Europe I have learned to dress very nice. I can be classy and business professional but the next day I can dress more casual. Many people tell me that I know how to dress very well.

I fit the double standard very well. I consider myself somewhat of a metrosexual and enjoy having plants, decorating my living space, dressing well, etc... I go to yoga and enjoy the fine arts. At the same time though I can be masculine and practice taekwondo, work out, work on cars, etc...

I tend to have traditional views without the negative aspects. I enjoy being spiritual, philospohical, and try new lifestyles. My traditional views tell me that I want a family one day with kids. I also feel like being in a committed relationship is important. I am very confident in myself and do not care about adhering to the masculine norm even though I can at times if I choose to.

I am accepting of all and never judge. I love being spontaneous and adventurous. I am very conscious of social issues and support equal rights. I am conscious of women's issues and I am taking classes at the university to learn about these issues. I am very well educated and enjoy learning. I enjoy being outdoors and traveling.

I mean I even enjoy intamacy. I do not just have sex for the physical pleasure but I tend to enjoy the emotional connection too. I was told by my ex that I was very good in the bedroom and always enjoyed exploring new things. She never once complained.

I treated her with nothing but respect. Never once did I tell her that she could not do something. I always accepted her for who she was and always tried to make her happy. I never tried to put her down. I always was there to listen after a hard days of work. I cooked for her, bought her thoughtful presents, left her cute messages during random times, etc... I could keep going for hours with this but you get the point.

I am very confident in who I am but I do not understand why she would leave someone like me. Am I being to cocky? What is wrong with me? I know that I am not perfect and I know I have some faults too but still.

Patience my friend. Don't force the healing onto yourself take it slow. It's only 5 days, what do you expect? You will see real amelioration in 2 weeks. If you keep it up.

Its been almost a month now since we broke up but it has been only 5 days since I started complete NC.

Im still curious about what I just added above though. Any input anyone?

You tend to read too much into things. Yeah, you seem like a good guy, but guess what, break ups still happen! We all get broken up with regardless of how good we may be in bed or other incredible qualities! Eventually you are going to have to add to your list of qualities: Accept that some things end no matter how much sense it doesn't make.

I guess so. I also have this idealized outlook on what needs to happen in life and how things should turn out. When things do not go the way I planned I tend to over-analyze things. But the good thing about that is that I make sure to learn what I did wrong and get something out of each event. I am very big on learning from my mistakes.

Well you also need to learn that you cannot control everything, regardless of how decent and valuable you think you are. There will be many times in life that you encounter that simply do not make sense. Learning to accept that and not tying to rationalize these moments are going to be crucial in your growing as an adult. The funny thing about life is that you can't explain it by reading a book or writing out an equation.

Oh trust me I know what it feels not to have control over everything. I had to abandon my entire life (friends, family, belongings, everything) twice. I had to move to 2 different countries across the world and start my life over several times. I had to learn new languages, adjust to a new culture, and start from scratch.

I guess since then I just need to have control in my life because my past experiences shaped me this way.

Well Im a dumba**. I just sent her a text saying I love her. I know it was the wrong thing to do but my brain and heart had a disconnect. I will never learn.

Like KC said, you are probably looking too much into it. All these qualities will bring more girls and people in the future so these are assets you have to offer. Basically it's her loss and your gain. Some of us passed throw horrible times, but we try not to show it as there is always people living worse lives than us.

Well Im a dumba**. I just sent her a text saying I love her. I know it was the wrong thing to do but my brain and heart had a disconnect. I will never learn.

And here we go...

You talk all of this stuff about being such a great guy, physically AND intellectually, yet you do something like this. I think that is what you aren't getting. There is NOTHING rational about love. It can't be explained, analyzed or computed. It is what it is.

Get your head in the game and QUIT texting her!

Yep, kc's right! Stop texting her and move on. Think of it like a smoking, rationally you should not take any more cigarettes so you force yourself not to.

Let her be and be free yourself. Besides, it has been 1 month since you broke up and 5 days of NC, as I recall after 1 months I was feeling good enough not to call, text or think too much about her. Get some b**** and continue what you are supposed to do.

So you ve had a moment of weakness-its human. You know its OK to be weak on occasion.
But the beauty of NC is that it gets you back on track.
I can only speak for myself but I would not be where I am today about three months down the line had I broken N C.

She just texted me back and said that she loves me too and that she is wearing a necklace that I bought her a while ago.

I do not adhere to any religion and consider myself more of a spiritual person but I pray to god that we get back together one day.

I hope you can find your way rationally once you have applied real NC. First days are tough, but when I did it I always trusted my peers who told me that I would feel better in the future.

If it is meant to be she will return, if not then you would have moved on by taking care of yourself.

So tomorrow is her birthday. What am I allowed to do? Can I call her? Can I text her? Present?

You do nothing. You owe her nothing. She has plenty of people to wish her a happy birthday.

I can only assume you will at least text her. Keep it short and simple. Absolutely NO presents.

If I were you, I wouldn't do a thing, but I doubt you will do that, so at least make is something short and simple.

Ha ha ha ha. Wow, you all know me so well.
I have come to a realization though yesterday. I think it is a good thing that her and I parted ways because now I have the same opportunity as her to go out and explore. Also seeing other people will allow us to see if we want to be in the end. If she sees what else there is and comes back then I know she will be ready to commit. If its meant to be it will happen in the end.

The only thing that would bother me though if we ever got back together is what she did while she was exploring. If she slept around with too many other men (which I doubt she will since she is not that type of girl) then I will have trouble coming back to her. But this is something I should not be thinking about since I know right now its over and I need to work on myself.

No right now you should be thinking of you-not any what if she comes back.
And you know that!

Hope is what brings you down. You will try to get better but always having those false hopes and still trying to contact her when you need to realize it's pretty much over. We learn it the hard way ( I know I did ), and I can tell you if somebody told me before to start NC without any hope of me and her getting back together, I would have won 2 months of my life.
Trust me it won't work between you two and it's time to move on.

Ok, OK, OK, please don't hate on me for what Im about to do.
So my ex's birthday is tomorrow so I sent her a text today telling her to open her apartment door tonight at exactly midnight. I will be at the door with a small birthday cake. I will wish her a happy birthday and give her the cake. From there I will go home. I will not go inside. I will not try to hug or kiss her. I will not stay for long. I will just say Happy Birthday and leave from there. I know I am potentially setting myself up for a big hurting but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Let us know how it went.
Take care.

Can we place bets on how bad things will go?

Sure. T-minus 89 minutes. I feel a little uneasy about it. But I bought her a little cake and placed 20 candles on it. I will go there, give it to her, wish her a happy birthday, and leave.

I know my feelings will hurt and all I want is to have her back. I have no idea why I am doing this.

Yep, I'm betting it's going to hurt like bad. Even worse, there is quite a big chance that you may find another guy "friend" there and you'll become enraged and god knows what happens. I'm ready to bet on that.

Seriously you seem like a nice rational guy that many people would like to be friends with and lots of girl would like to go out with you, why do you this kind of action? Even after my break up with my ex of 3 years (first relationship) the worst I did is to go to her place, look at it and leave (it was the morning, nobody noticed) and we don't live that far from each other (give or take 15 min walking ).

I was heartbroken but I knew my boundaries and you don't seem to know them.

I don't know. We just had such a deep connection that is hard to get over. This is so cliché but I really believe she is the one for me.

It is cliché and it stays as a cliché. There is no ONE for every one of us. We just have to work hard for a relationship and if it doesn't work we move on. We'll see what happens, I'm actually eager.

Me too. T-minus 20 minutes

We'll have a good laugh about it, probably a lot of pain, then hopefully you'll learn a lesson. Hum studying at midnight for an exam for 8:30 I'll be awake all night, so I'll have time to read about it :D!

Hahaha all right.

How are you doing man?

Well, here is what happened. I went over there with a cake. Right at midnight she opened the door and was surprised immediately. I went inside for a bit. Nobody else was there besides us. We talked and caught up. She hugged and kissed me on the cheek because she really enjoyed the present. The hug made my heart so warm. For that moment everything was perfect and I had no pain whatsoever. Life was perfect and I had so much love for her. We went outside and chatted some more. She invited me to come to her birthday party but I refused because I knew there would be some guys there that I would want to hurt if they got close to her. She invited me to another event she was going to have tomorrow but once again I refused. I told her how I needed to not see her anymore. I told her not to be mad because of it because I need to move on with my life. I told her that I need to be OK with knowing that we might never happen again. I told her that I need to be OK with being single. She asked for friendship but I told her that I cannot be friends with her because I will always have feelings for her. This night was not a good choice but hugging her one last time was the best feeling I have ever experienced. If its meant to be it will happen and I hope it does in the end. But now I need to move on and enjoy my life in college.


Good by my love, I have always and will always love you. May you find happiness in your life.

That's good my man. Now all you have to do is stick to it. It's hard...

I've been back with my ex 4-5 times now. It always never works out... it's the same deal. It's good for awhile, but the same old stuff happens again.

You just get to the point where you're sick of it, and you just want to be happy for yourself. Get to the point where you're happy, you'll be fine. It seems like you are on your way, and it's nice that you can be civil with each other. Just stick to your principles. No more showing up at midnight haha.

Hahaha I will do my best. Thank you for sharing your experience and advice.

As long as you stick to NC, you should be all right. Time to take care of yourself now. I think I lost a bet though.

Well like expected I feel like s**t. I knew this would happen if I got this close to her. Nobody needs to tell what I need to do know because I know very well. Start NC all over again and move on with my life. It will take me a very long time to accept the fact that we might never date each other.

Maybe after all I did win the bet. I did stupid stuff during my break up, it's only human nature. One of the best way to go with NC is that if you stick to it, the pain you're feeling now will go away and you won't suffer anymore. There is that website: www.helium.com/items/1252890-why-breaking-up-can-be-the-best-thing-for-you you can check it out. It explains how a break up could be the best thing in your life.

My break up brought me so much afterward I'm so happy right now, it's incredible. In a couple of month you will probably think like that.

I sure hope so. Like I said before it would have been easier if we were not happy in our relationship or if we got tired of each other. Everything was perfect before we broke up. We didn't fight, we loved each other, we communicated well, etc...

This is one hard lesson to learn.

We were supposed to get married and was happy in the relationship, then she broke it off by cheating on me. It's life and we learn from it. You will probably find out that it's a good thing for both of you, you don't seem having any trouble finding a girl.

Yeah, I do not have trouble finding a girl but it is harder to find the right girl.

I heard a great analogy today. She asked me to imagine two river banks and in between the banks was sharp glass instead of water. She told me how in order to get over a relationship you have to slowly travel through the sharp glass in order to get to the otherside of the bank were you will heal. One will have to experience pain in order to feel better.


I guess Im on my way through the glass at this point and the other side is still far away.

Actually, you feel better day by day by applying NC. The analogy is quite wrong, because it tells you that the healing process is actually pain itself when it can be something liberating.

Well I think you and I are a bit different in the sense that your ex cheated on you and my ex did not do anything wrong. I understand her feelings. I know why she is doing it. I am not saying what Im going through is/was worse then what you went through but Im just trying to say that is different.

Well I didn't know until 2 month later, and I've done quite some mistakes during that time like hoping for her to come back. But when I started NC 1 week after the break up for 3 week, I felt everyday was getting better, inch by inch, so it was kind of liberating.

Yep. The real trick of it is to not secretly wish for her to come back... when you can get over that, you'll be ready. It seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Focus on other things for awhile. A new girl will come around eventually. It just happens.

All right, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the relationship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be OK with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

Yep,
First of all who are you trying to prove with those girl's number? Why are you so stressed out about meeting new girls and not passing time with your old friends? Next thing you know you'll be dating one of them that is a "superb" girl in order to get over your ex and ending hurting her. I've been on month 4 being single, and I'm planning to stay like that for a long time to come.

Secondly, if you can't keep from contacting her, that shows her you are weak and she probably likes that. You're rational, it's over, don't talk to her. If you love her give her the space she needs and that's the end of it.
It's kind of easy not to contact her, delete her phone, delete everything from her, Facebook, msn etc... pictures, erase her and next time you want to call... take a deep breath, call someone else or just do push ups.

I mean come on, take care of yourself and go enjoy time with friends.

I am trying to meet new people since my old friends are heavily connected with my ex. Every time I say to myself it can't get any worse it does. I just felt like when someone close to me told me that I drove my girlfriend away and that she did the same to me.

Alright, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the realtionship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be ok with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!!!!!!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

I think you have this idea of yourself as a person who shouldn't be having this much difficulty dealing with this. This is hard to get through, I don't care how strong you think you are. You need to be more patient with yourself. This is going to take time, and probably a lot of it.

I just don't understand why its not getting through my thick head. I keep getting hurt but I still continue doing things that hurt me.

I really don't feel well today because of what happened yesterday.

Be patient, it is something that takes time, everyday you have to take care of yourself. But with time and with proper NC, the pain will go away. If you take the cause of the pain away (your ex), then you won't suffer as much.

Well, here I was minding my own business. I was in class with my ex. I have not been sitting with her since we broke up and today a guy there started flirting with her. He talked to her throughout the class and made her laugh. She giggled and talked back. I knew what he was after and here I was 4 feet away unable to do anything. I lost all concentration. I tried to hard to focus on the class but all I could think about is how I would want to smash his head into concrete. I started writing down my feelings onto paper. At the end of the class he went to ask her out but I intervened by talking to my ex about an exam we took a few days ago. I wanted to go up to him after class and tell him to stay away from her. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was there just to watch. The rest of the day spiraled out of control to me. I became instantly depressed.

I don't know what is happening to me. I am spiraling out of control. I can't control my feelings anymore and I am going into depression. I am a walking zombie filled with unhappy thoughts. There is nothing I can do. She is gone and soon she will find a new man. Here I am observing all this. I don't know what to do with myself. Someone please tell it will get better because right now I have no hope.

Dude, do what I did with my ex. Sit in the front row, and pay attention. You cannot let this affect your school life... at all. If so, you will self-destruct in this downward spiral, and you will hate your life.

Let the other guys get at her. It's going to happen. And you are going to get attention from other girls. Make a conscious effort to stay out of her business.

OK, so in class, sit in the front row so you don't have to look at her, and just pay attention to whatever the profs are doing. Make new friends in the class and talk to them if you get bored. But you cannot let this affect your school life.

If you do, you will regret it 5 years from now. Will you be missing your ex 5 years from now? I think not. Keep things in perspective and keep moving forward with your life. There's a quote I really like.

"If you're going through hell, keep going".

And if you necessarily must, drop the class. But you cannot let this affect your life anymore. You're in survival mode, and you got to recover and get power over your life back. Use it to springboard to success. Enjoy new friends and new experiences, and try not to wallow or sulk.

Your girl has moved on. The less amount of contact you have with her, the better. This is about you now. You have to do it on your own, but of course, we are all here to help.

Wishing to see you succeed,
Yoso.

I need to pull myself up from this mess that I am in otherwise it will only get worse. I do not want to go down a bad path.

You will buddy. The only problem is that you still see and talk to your ex. For the next 30 days, you have to disappear from her life. No contact at all.

If you think about it, every time you see her or contact her, you get confused and hurt. It happens to all of us. If you stick to no contact, you'll be all right. Do it to keep your stability and sanity and life. Right now, you aren't acting reasonably, but you will soon be on the right track.

It is a hard process, but it does work. My ex and I have been on-off for 3 years... until I initiated the final no contact. I knew I was over her when I refused to get back together with her, and could ignore all of her phone calls and texts. I no longer care what she does anymore. I think she has hooked up with some of my friends to make me jealous, but all she did was make herself look kind of slutty. Today, I think that I am fortunate that she broke up with me, as she is acting like an immature child, and I no longer have to deal with it.

You just have to get to the point where you say to yourself, gosh darnit, I deserve to be happy. And this girl is not making you happy. So cut her out of your life, completely.

You obviously have tons of potential on the girl market, as you are picking up numbers and going on dates. However, I would suggest you take a break from all of that, because I think you are doing that to spite your ex girlfriend. You even admitted that you aren't ready for any of that.

To make your sense of self-worth and self-esteem higher, I suggest you complete all your classwork, spend time with friends, and maybe get involved in other activities/volunteering. I picked up a sport that I had left off when I came to college, and it has helped a lot. Not only is it a good physical outlet, but I've made great friends in the process.

Yes, dating is fun. However, don't start something if you're not ready. Just cherish your friends and work on you... which includes getting your classwork done. That should be your top priority right now. Stay focused and stay strong.

You said you don't want to go down the bad path. Stick to your word. Cut all ties and contact with the ex, and just start living your own life, how you want to live it.

Thank you for that advice. I really needed it. I do need to be happy. I do deserve someone better.

Yes you do, look I could probably relate to your situation in some sense and it really really sucked in the beginning. You have to tell yourself that you are actually a great person and you deserve the best. You deserve a bright future with a great women and you will never settle for less.

Why do you need her to make you happy? You need to find your own happiness alone. I hanged out with friends, started doing sport and went on a trip and I got myself much much better. Join a group, you said you survived a genocide (most probably in eastern europe) then you could try and help some groups so that it never happens again. It could give you some great sense of pride helping other people.

That's the thing. I work three jobs, work at a psychology lab, take pictures for the university news paper, etc... I average 12 hour days/7days a week with all those activities and my three jobs.

I train at my martial arts school, I hang out with friends constantly, but I am still spiraling down. I doubt I will sleep tonight. I just hit a low that I never have experienced before.

Well,
Like Yosomoton213 said, drop the course or go to the front of the class without looking back. It is going to hurt, but with time you will feel better. The thing is that you have to see her the least amount of time. Go to class and leave asap after, don't go and talk to her and if you do see her give her a quick "hi".

You are spiraling down because you are in shock. It's all science really. You were with someone for a long time and now you're not, you feel lonely, you desperately want her back for all the wrong reasons. Your dopamine levels in your brain is much lower now. This is why there is so many rebound, especially from girls, since there is a lack of dopamine.

It's basically like a drug, you crave it. Though like any drugs, the only real way to get over it, is to be patient and taking care of your body. There is no magic solution. There is ups and down when you apply NC, but in the future there will be more ups than down.

I tried to rationalize as much as possible, it makes it easier to see things (I'm engineer I rationalize everything). You just have to understand WHY your body and brain is reacting the way it is. I hope this gave you a new way to see things.

Thank you paxe.

All that is going through my head is that I will never find anyone like her again. I have met so many girls throughout my time here in America (9years) and she was the only one that stood out to me. I am very social and meet new people everyday. None of them come close to her and this is me speaking rationally. I have not met one girl who had all the qualities that I look for in a woman besides her. Having lost the person who I thought was perfect match for me hurts me more than anything. I could list all the things about her that made me love her so much but I think I already have done it a few times already. I was very fortunate to have met her and I appreciate all the moments we shared. She was like a drug and now that she is gone I feel like I am withdrawing. Without this drug I am sick.

With all due respect A4, you aren't speaking rationally. You can't because you are still so caught up on her emotionally. No woman will compare to her right now because of your connection you have with her. This is why we must give ourselves time to heal, so we can think rationally and clearly.

This is America, and trust me, they come in all manners of form (women), there is more than one out there who will catch your eye. You are limited to a college atmosphere. Just take time to heal and worry about the women stuff later.

Everything makes sense. But I don't know how I will get out of the state I am in currently. No contact hasn't been working because even when I try not to see her, I see her. But I guess if it has worked for so many it should work for me.

It almost seems as if you are expecting this to go away within a few days, and that isn't the case. It is going to take time, there aren't any magic pills to get over this. You just have to get through it, no short cuts are there.

I didn't know I would see her being asked out/flirted to so soon after our breakup. I knew she would have said yes to the guy if I didn't intervene. I am was not ready nor am I now to see that happen in front of my face. Maybe after a few more months but so soon. It magnifies the pain I have a million when I see some other guy flirting with her and her being into it.

I know that kind of thing sucks, big time, believe me. Been there done that. The good news is that you have most likely hit rock bottom, so you have nowhere to go but up.

I sure hope I hit rock bottom because I cannot image being in a worse state that I am in now.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to stomach, watch the love of my life embrace a man the way she used to embrace me. This happened on my birthday last year. It killed me.

At the same time it was a major ego check to me. The world doesn't revolve around me and I don't believe I am any type of Prince Charming, so I had to realize that this is life and there are other guys out there that could make her happy. I know I'm not the best thing out there, I know that she deserves to be happy and I know that maybe I just wasn't the one. That is fine, I can accept that now... I can live with that. The experience itself has changed my life and my attitude dramatically.

I totally agree with you. There will always be another person who will be able to make her happy. It hurts a tremendous amount now but I do want her to be happy. I will eventually heal and find someone else who will make me happy.

This is a great challenge for me. I don't know if I can swallow this. I am afraid that I will not succeed. I am saying to myself that I should be thankful for having experienced such strong love. It is too soon for me to see her with other men. Hearing about it is one thing but actually seeing it crushes any confidence that I ever had. It makes me so hopeless about moving on and finding someone new.

You need to accept the fact that these feelings are normal and to be honest they aren't going anywhere for awhile. I have said that time and again... you are going to feel like death for some time, there is just no way around it. Be thankful you are actually still alive and have much to live for. As for the feelings, you vent and continue doing what you're doing and they will take care of themselves.

I sure hope so because I really do feel like death. When I get such strong emotions when I see her, I try to write all my feelings at the time down. Not only is that a good outlet but also it helps me distract me from her. I just wish I could tell her to be more mindful when I'm in class. The less I know the better it is for me. But the more I see the more I hit that rock bottom. I am mindful around her and make sure not to do anything along those lines. I hope I don't flip out one day when I see her with another man. I have great self control but I I saw her kiss another man I think I would just want to unleash my pain onto the world.

Your inner strength and your integrity will protect you whatever situation arises. Its still one day at the time for you and you re doing well.

Thank you for the kind words. I don't see myself doing to well at all since I feel horrible. I am dreading tomorrow because I know I will see her. I know that guy will ask her out on a date. I will do my best to ignore but I know I will feel horrible no matter what I do. Having to see this occur twice a week is not good for my healing. But I can't drop out of the class. I need to continue with my education. I don't know where I will end up if I continue seeing this. I will go insane.

Well go in front of your class and don't look at her, leave asap. You can't control who and when she dates as it is over between you two. She is taking her own decisions and so should you.

It's going to happen one way or another the best thing to do is to accept it and try to overcome the pain. You're a better person than that.

Easier said than done but it most be done nonetheless. It is so hard to accept the fact that she has already moved on. It makes me feel as if she never was committed to the realationship as much as I was hence why she is not experiencing the same pain.

I know I am doing the right thing by mourning the end of this relationship. I know that it is OK to feel this way and that I need to accept it.

I really have this issue with having my life in control. I am very good at learning from mistakes too but this is so different. I don't know why I can't apply the same procedure to this event. I am thinking irrationally all day and I have thoughts that I never imagened I would have.

I have tons of people helping me out and I have tons of drive to overcome this.

Well at least you have people to help you here and this is a great advantage. First break ups are like a shock, you go into withdrawal. It will take some time for your body and mind to get better.

Instead of thinking on how you feel right now, why don't you state the things you do to improve yourself? It will give you a greater hindsight to better yourself.

So I had a dream yesterday. My ex and I decided to go on a date and we went dancing. She was dressed beautifully and right before we left we shared a kiss. That kiss, even though it was only in my dream, made me feel like I was on top of the world. But then right after that dream all I could think about is how that guy is going to ask her out today. I will sit in front of the class and pay as much attention to the professor as possible. I will rush out of the class right afterwards. But its been on my mind all day and all night. It is driving me crazy and I feel crushed/depressed. I can tell this day is not going to be a good one.

Be strong my man! Don't set yourself up for failure already!

I don' t know why this is bothering me so much. Why can't I just accept the fact that we will never get back together and that she needs to do this in order to be happy in her life. I have difficulty separating myself from what we had once. No matter what I tell myself I cannot believe that she is not in my life anymore.

Accepting this pain really hurts. I made sure to have a busy day today because I know if I had a lot of free time I would go crazy and do something stupid. So I am going to the gym, class, taekwondo, work, and dancing later tonight. She is having her birthday party tonight hence why I want to be as busy as possible. I can't stand feeling this way. Why did I go from slowly improving to total breakdown?

It's human nature man. This is hard, to let go of someone you care so much for. As I stated before, the hardest thing I ever did. We learn from it, over a period, and get better eventually. I know it sucks, and it will continue to suck for awhile, but you are strong enough to overcome this. You need to believe in yourself.

So when will I start feeling better? I haven't done anything wrong to intentionally break the NC rule, and I have been doing all the things stated in the stickies/recommended by you all. I know this is a process and I will feel like this for a while. But I don't know for how much longer I can take this. Im not trying to let it affect me in any way (scholastically, socially, mentally, etc... ) but I am so sick of putting this fake persona everyday so that others don't see the pain I am in.

Well it is different for everyone. It took me 5-6 MONTHS before I was normal again... maybe not even normal, but 80&#37; normal at least. It is a marathon, not a sprint. You are doing everything the right way, but unfortunately patience is a huge part of this process. You need to understand that, and understand being easy on yourself as well.

Yes, I do need to understand that. But I have huge issues with not doing things right and losing control over myself. But that alone could be made into a whole new thread.

Over the years I have build myself up by accomplishing many meaningful goals. I have worked my butt off to become the person I am today. I am SOOOOOOO afraid of not becoming the person that I have mapped out in my head.

I want to have a successful job where I will never have to worry about financial needs. I want my job (Psychologist PhD) to be enjoyable. I want to have a great partner who will be committed to me. I mention commitment a lot because my parents divorced when I was 16. They were married 20+ years. I am afraid that this will happen to me. Since I have high expectations of myself, I need my partner to have many positive qualities. She needs to be confident, adventurous, beautiful, successful, smart, artsy, spiritual, outgoing, etc... I do not want to be the couch potato when I become older. I want to continue traveling, exploring, and trying new things. I want to be a good father because my father was never there for me when I was a child.

So when I this relationship ended all these fears of mine came back.

I don't think the problem would lie with you finding a partner. These fears are unfounded and you may need some help to work on them. Did you consider seeing a counselor of some sort?
It's normal to question yourself, but you are basing yourself on too much past experience to decide your future. You are living in fear and that is completely wrong. While trying to heal yourself from your break up you may ask yourself why you are having these fears and you need to overcome them.

Hey A4 one of the main reasons it keeps coming back to you and bothering you is because, you believe everything you guys shared was perfect and could easily be like that again. You say you want her to be happy but deep down you want her to be happy with you and not someone else. If some other guy is flirting with her and trying to put moves on her then let him there is nothing you can do and it's a horrible feeling but just let time take its course. I have been going through heartache for about 8 to almost 9 months now and I feel a lot better! I can go days without thinking about my ex at all, I can go out have fun with friends and just kick back and relax and not have all this drama on my shoulders. I still do think about her every once in a while but my ex is making bad decisions for herself when I knew it would happen and I tried to tell her so. But that is her life not mine I worry about my life and my future and when the time comes again when I'm ready I will date again. If me and my ex just so happen to cross each other again one day then maybe ill give it another shot but until then Im living my life drama free having a good time! =]

Sorry for it being long just hope you get what I'm trying to say

Yes, I do need to understand that. But I have huge issues with not doing things right and losing control over myself. But that alone could be made into a whole new thread.

Over the years I have build myself up by accomplishing many meaningful goals. I have worked my butt off to become the person I am today. I am SOOOOOOO afraid of not becoming the person that I have mapped out in my head.

I want to have a successful job where I will never have to worry about financial needs. I want my job (Psychologist PhD) to be enjoyable. I want to have a great partner who will be committed to me. I mention commitment a lot because my parents divorced when I was 16. They were married 20+ years. I am afraid that this will happen to me. Since I have high expectations of myself, I need my partner to have many positive qualities. She needs to be confident, adventurous, beautiful, successful, smart, artsy, spiritual, outgoing, etc... I do not want to be the couch potato when I become older. I want to continue traveling, exploring, and trying new things. I want to be a good father because my father was never there for me when I was a child.

So when I this relationship ended all these fears of mine came back.

I wouldn't think of these as fears. It is normal to feel like this. You had painted a picture of your future that you were content with and a big part of that picture has been taken away from you. The uncertainty and not having control of things scares you. It sounds though as if you have laid solid foundations for your future with respect to your studies and where you envisage yourself to be in the long term. You mentioned you have achieved many goals and endured many hardships throughout your lifetime so how about for now you stop thinking of long term plans and focus on getting through each day at first. In time days will turn to weeks and weeks to months before you know it. Let life lead for a little while until you regain the strength to be in full control again. It sounds to be like you have got a good head on your shoulders and that you can definitely pull this off. I mean the exciting thing is you never know how things will turn out. With time you will be able to recreate an even better picture of your future and one that is based on major life experiences.

I went through a similar experience some time ago and I am not going to lie it was probably on of the hardest things I have had to go through but in the process I learnt new things about myself, met some great new people and made friends I know I will stay in touch with for life and would like to believe that I have come out a better person. I know this all might seem like really far away, because it definitely seemed like that when I was in your position but with baby steps at first you can definitely go through this for sure.

Thank you both for posting.

I really think I do need to take things one step at a time and start getting through one day at a time. She is having her birthday party tonight and I know that there will be people there that I would feel uncomfortable around.

But I really hope she has a great night because she deserves it. I would love to go because all my friends are there but I know if I went I would only get hurt.

I believe what I need to learn is that I should not be looking for a partner that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need to just have fun and enjoy dating. Enjoy meeting new people and just building up this new life. I did not know another life when I was with her and now that she is gone I have lost much. I have lost a companion and now I am alone facing this life. With losing her I have lost my friends since they always they were my ex's friends to begin with. I cannot be with them anymore nore to they want to hang out with me. I have to find new friends, and a new way of seeing the world with my own eyes.

I am afraid but confident that I will be OK down the road. I have already met tons of new people since we have split. I have gone a few dates that I enjoyed very much. I have done things/gone places on my own. I have the time and ability now to do what I want and when I want.

My world has been shaken up by this breakup but even though I can't admit this I think it's the best thing that could have happened to me. Why?

I have learned a new lesson and grown very much. I have learned what to do and what not to do in the next relationship. I have learned much about myself and my fears. I have learned that it is OK to be single and not have a partner that I will spend the rest of my life with. I need to let life guide me a more instead of having complete control. That is how I met her in the first place. I let life happen and it led me to her. Life could have been so different if I did not meet her at the freshmen orientation that day. I am so thankful that I did meet her because I have grown immensly with her and as an individual. Also, I cannot believe how much I enjoy school again. Before all I could think of is being with her and being the good boyfriend to her. I took pride in being the good guy who treated her with all respect. But now I can focus on enjoying my education. I have been talking more in class and engaging in conversations. I used to not do well on exams because being next to her made me feel inferior academically. She is a brainiac and I never did as well because I worked/work 3 jobs while attending school. But now I am doing well again. With her not being next to me I do not feel pressure. I did well on an exam that I thought I would not do well on.

I don't know if this is a revelation or just a high that I am experiencing. But I am sick of feeling low and sad. I want to be happy again and enjoy my college life. These are the best years of my life. I will not wallow. I AM DONE WITH HER and I accept the fact that we will never be together again. I can see through the silhoutte and realize that our relationship was not perfect. She did make me feel lower at points. She competed with me at all times. Many times I got mad at her because I could not do the things that I wanted to. But I am not forgetting the good things about her and our time together either. I will cherish those moments for life.

I am ready to let go of this event and work towards my future. I am ready to heal and to become the person I want to be.

Well there we go, it took a bit of pain and work but there we have it lol. Now you can REALLY work on yourself and start the proper healing treatment.

Don't forget to post how you're doing.

Well there we go, it took a bit of pain and work but there we have it lol. Now you can REALLY work on yourself and start the proper healing treatment.

Don't forget to post how you're doing.

Yeah, I decided to go dancing tonight with a bunch of friends. We were there until 2:30am. It was a blast and I got to dance with plenty of girls. I have not gone dancing in a while and I am really glad that I did tonight. Even though I was having fun, I still thought of her and how it would have been awesome if her and I came dancing there. But I made sure not to dwell on those thoughts and enjoy the night.

Hehehe, I'm going clubbing all weekend long myself (it's thanksgiving in Canada). It's actually nice to let go and have some fun once in a while, this is things that you don't get when you are with someone else.

Today is the actual first day that I have nothing planned. It feels very strange to be alone. My roommates left for home as did most of my friends. There is plenty that I could do such as clean my room, do homework, take pictures, etc...

I have been thinking about her all day and how I wish one day she would call me up and ask if we could get back together. It is very hard to accept the fact that her and I are not together anymore. But I am taking this a day at a time and marking my calendar. I really do want to try 100&#37; NC for a month.

Ok this is so weird. I am alone on a Friday night and have no plans. I feel very strange and alone. I am not used to this. For the past two years I always had something to do. Either something with friends or my partner. Even when I did not have anything planned, I could always call her and be with her. Together we would always find something to do. I have an urge to call her but I know that is not a good idea so I won't even attempt. This is something I was afraid of when I lost her.

Haha buddy, sometimes I go through the same thing still. I don't think it's about you missing her, I think it's about you being bored.

Eventually, you will come to love the quiet time you have with yourself. What do I do? I watch movies, exercise at the gym, or play videogames. If I have homework to do, I do that. But, the time is ME time! You should get some YOU time in. You deserve it.

Just mellow out, have a couple of beers, and sit outside and enjoy the cold autumn air. Or spend the entire day watching movies. Or read a good book.

Love is like an addiction. You will soon be over it. Your brain wants the chemicals that a person has when they're in love. Once you get over that period, about 30 days, you won't feel nearly as bad. You will still think about her, but... you'll be all right.

Then after about 3 months, you won't really care that much at all.

6 months - year... it'll be like, who did I date again?

I sure hope that is true because I feel this great sense of loneliness. I am not used to having time to myself. For the past couple weeks I've been trying to surround myself with others in order not to be alone. Even tonight I ended up texting tons of people until one person invited me to come join them at a bar. Even when I came home from there I went to this girls room and talked with a few people. From there her and I watched a movie together. I do not feel comfortable to having anything to do and I do not feel comfortable being by myself. I enjoyed the companionship of my partner. I enjoyed her warmth and touch. I enjoyed having someone to talk to before going to be. Someone to be intimate with. Some one to laugh with, etc... Now when I am by myself, I crave those things and it makes me sad because I do not have this anymore.

Is this normal to think this way?

Its normal-it takes a while to realise that we can be happy and comfortable with our own company.
You re doing the right thing by seeing people and building up your social life.
Its also normal to miss the closeness and the good times-but try to remember that there were times that weren't so good and that the relationship s over for these reasons.
It may seem like a long and winding road but you ll get over this.

This is the learning process, you have to learn to enjoy yourself alone. Of course it is normal, and it takes to actually be OK alone. I was like you, I tried to go out every night since I broke up and see as many people as possible. After a while, you balance your life and you find out that it's actually OK to be alone.

It is normal and expected. It takes a long time to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.

Having had someone there by your side for 2 years and suddenly having her gone is a big adjustment.

I don't know why I am thinking this but the reason as to why I am having a hard time moving on is because I do not think I will find someone who was like her.

She was very gorgous. She was thin but had curves. Her hair was brown and wavy. She dressed exceptionally and had class. She was adventurous in every way. She was a virgin before we met but together we were able to explore like crazy. She was confident with her body and with her self. She was very different from most girls on campus. She was smart. She has a gpa of 3.96+. She is very driven and knows what she wants in life. She knew how to relax and enjoyed the occasional party. She was all this and much much more. I cannot believe that I lost her. Now I feel like whomever I date in the future, they will never match up to her. I do not want to settle for someone. I want someone with similar qualities and over the years I have met many people and they did not come even close to her.

Once you make adjustments to yourself, you will adjust to others, and their different ways. That's just part of the process, of learning and growing.

Its so normal to miss some one and their ways as that's what attracts you, but I think when your ready to really let go, you will appreciate the differences in others. For now, your just use to one persons ways. That will change in time.

I understand that but I don't want to have to settle for someone who is not as driven as me. Someone is not confident in themselves. Someone who is not adventurous.

I have this outlook for myself and the type of partner that I want next to me. I had this outlook before I even met her. When I met her she exactly matched those qualities. Hence why I fell in love with her and wanted to marry her in the end. But now to find another person that matches those qualities might take forever.

Who says you have to settle? Just enjoy the journey is my point, with whomever you so choose.

You can have a great time with people while looking for that "soul mate".

I guess I am a bit insecure in that department. All through high school I did not date because people only ever saw me as their friends. Back then I also lacked confidence and was not in the best shape. Towards the end of high school my confidence was booming in every way and I vowed not to let anything hold me back from experiencing life. I also went through a physical transformation and started working out, running, martial arts, eating healthy, etc... I took care of myself in everyway. Now people see me as a metrosexual. I have tried my best to fit the double standard. I am confident in myself as a man and do not care much about not fitting the male norm. I work hard at everything, consider myself as an intellectual, someone who is aware of social justice issues, etc...

I have many girls who think I am cute, sexy, etc... Right now there is a graduate student who is infatuated with me.

But even with all this I still do not feel confident. I feel like I am unable to attract females who were like my ex because I feel like they are out of my league. I do not know why I feel this way but being in college all I see is girls falling for the "bros." Those guys who party every night, play hardcore sports, and basically opposite of me. They do not dress well, they are rude, cannot carry on a conversation, and fit the masculine norm only, etc...

Why do I lack confidence out of nowheres? This is not my typical self.

You lack confidence because you have just broken up with someone you love. That is natural. Rejection sucks, especially when it occurs by someone we truly care for. Your confidence will come back. I also want you to apply extreme caution when putting your ex on this pedestal that is unattainable. I assure you there are PLENTY of women out there who have the same qualities she does.

I sure hope that you are right because I feel now I made a huge mistake. I feel like the reason she broke up with me is because she wasn't satisfied with me. The last couple of days I've been blaming myself for screwing this relationship up. I worked very hard to be the perfect boyfriend but I made some mistakes too that affected our relationship. She wasn't perfect either and I realize that. I know I should not be blaming myself. I know this was my first true love relationship and I did not know how to act the right way all the time. But now she has moved on. I know this very well and I have not. She was involved in another 1.5 year relationship right before me and she got over him very fast.

I do not understand why I can't just be happy that I was able to experience this. Why can't I just realize that things happen like this all the time to many people? Why can't I realize that life moves on and you do find someone else down the road? Why can't I just be happy with being single at this point in my life? Why can't I just accept the fact that I am still young and have plenty of time to find the "one?"

You aren't happy yet because you haven't healed. Do you honestly think that you would be grateful to go through this while you are still healing? That isn't reality. We cannot see things clearly when our emotions are running at a 1000mph. Once you have had time and given the proper love to yourself, then those thoughts and realizations will occur, but not right now, and not for awhile.

I just feel with this break up I have become too sensitive. I fit the double standard well but I need to realize that I am a man after all. I do not want to wallow in my pain and show my ex that I am weak. Maybe she even left me because I became to sensituve. Time to man up again and regain the confidence I have lost. That doesn't mean I will treat other women negatively or do only manly things. It means that I will be more in control of my emotions and not show signs of weakness. Women always say that they want a man who is sensitive but deep down they want someone who is strong and confident.

Being a man isn't about showing you are strong. It is about realizing you hurt and being able to get through it. It about recognizing that you have a heart and you are allowed to show emotions, you are allowed to have a pulse and be human. Being a man is knowing the right time to acknowledge the fact that you may need support, and that is why we are here.

Well the first time she came back it was because she saw how confident I was in myself. She saw the strength I had and it made her realize that I was the guy for her. I over analyze things and when I do this I become weak. Anything else in the past I was able to swallow and move past it. I started opening up too much and got lost in my emotions. Time to regain my strength and be the strong individual I was before.

I just made an intentional mistake. I did not do it because I was weak but rather because I chose to. I sent her an email telling her that I will no longer send her texts, emails, etc... I told her that I have been weak for too long and its time to be the strong myself that I was before. I told her to enjoy her life and that I enjoyed our time together. Yes this might have been a mistake but I do not want her to know that I will never get over her. I am not letting myself go down this path of depression and I will work my butt off to show everyone and myself that I can work through this.

I sure hope that you are right because I feel now I made a huge mistake. I feel like the reason she broke up with me is because she wasn't satisfied with me. The last couple of days I've been blaming myself for screwing this relationship up. I worked very hard to be the perfect boyfriend but I made some mistakes too that affected our relationship. She wasn't perfect either and I realize that. I know I should not be blaming myself. I know this was my first true love relationship and I did not know how to act the right way all the time. But now she has moved on. I know this very well and I have not. She was involved in another 1.5 year relationship right before me and she got over him very fast.

I do not understand why I can't just be happy that I was able to experience this. Why can't I just realize that things happen like this all the time to many people? Why can't I realize that life moves on and you do find someone else down the road? Why can't I just be happy with being single at this point in my life? Why can't I just accept the fact that I am still young and have plenty of time to find the "one?"
Edited and spell checked, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

Let me share you my experience, I've been in 2 relationships. One for 1 yr, and the other one around 4 yrs. I got over my first relationship without a tiny bit of pain, but for my second relationship I totally broke down, it's the first I got dumped, I didn't know how to react, before god led me here. I screwed up around 1 month before I actually starting to set my mind on accepting the fact and get myself back. Everything you're feeling is normal, you're on the PROCESS of healing, but you're not fully healed. You got to be strong and patience

Your heart is lost and I'm very sorry to hear about that. I'm still healing right now, I'm able to control my emotions so I don't get wrecked up with anything about the ex. This also means I had made progress in the past few months.

Cut the contact is to make you realize that you can live without your ex, if your heart keep contacting her *in a sense that you're questioning yourself with things. Its hard to realize until you EXPERIENCED it. Just like you never know a break up can be such a devastating trip to hell. You'll know why things happen in such a way, when you accept it as a part of life. This list goes on and on... stay strong and tell us what you are feeling, focus more on thoughts rather than feelings right now!

Even though you sent the email to her telling her you will not be weak anymore and continue to be strong it still tells her that you think of her and not letting it go. I made the same mistake before. If she wants to talk to you or meet up or anything she will let you know in time. If not then continue to heal and not get involved with her at all. This will take time but after a while you won't even think about her.

I agree with you. I need to focus on myself and really stick to no contact. I need to take this time and work on improving myself. I already learned what I messed up on in the relationship. I need to be confident enough to realize that I will find someone even better. Someone who will appreciate me for who I am. Someone who will give me the time to do my own thing. Someone who will not compete with me. But until then I will work on my emotions. Pick myself up and use this event to become stronger.

So how do you work the whole being single thing? I am not even joking. Usually I try to plan every night out, that way I am not alone but tonight I stayed in because I feel sick. This is a really strange feeling being alone. I have not done this in the past 2 years. I feel strange in every sense. I have plenty of homework to keep me busy but I am not very used to being in my room with free time on my hand.

So how do I deal with this? How do I become OK with not having something planned? How do I become OK with being by myself?

Think it was in another thread, look into a mirror each day and tell yourself that you are okay with who you are and will work to being a better person

Then do yhour work/read a book/ watch a movie/ learn an instrument/ etc

Well, here I am. I spent this whole day alone. I went to work and came home. I mostly spent my time in bed since I was sick but I did get to hang out with this one girl for a while. I played the guitar and browsed the web. I did not feel lonely nor was I sad but I did not enjoy it either. I wish I could have done something more active with a friend or (ex partner). But life is such and I need to get used to this. This is so different and I do not know if I like it at all. I enjoy the time I have to myself but I enjoyed time with my ex even more.

You have to live your life as it is, it is still new for you so you're adjusting. It's OK to go out but leave some time for yourself to just chill out alone doing whatever you want to do. Learning to live alone is not easy in the beginning but after a while things do get better.

I prefer my life now then when I was with my ex. I have girls chasing me but I don't care too much about finding a partner right now.

Wow you seem like a very nice compassionate man, which is very hard to find. It hurts there is no possible way it would not hurt when a love ends, especially when you are the one still in love. I believe it is one of the most excruciating feelings to endure, it is almost as if someone has died. Despite the fact that you might believe these feelings will never subside, they will. If it takes weeks, months, it will pass, everyday it will be easier to move on. Everyday your heart will become a little more healed, and your thoughts of her will become less and less, even if thinking of her 23 hours of the day lessens to 22 you will slowly make progress. Eventually you will learn to live life without her, because time heals almost everything. You will learn that there are others out there for you, even if it doesn't seem that way now there is. Someone like you, with obviously so much love and compassion to give, will have no problem finding another to love and love you back. Stay strong hun and realize that with losing someone you love, can never be healed by anything but time. Good luck and please know that there is someone else out there to love and love you. Imagine what you felt when you were with her and know you will feel that again one day.

It probably would if I wasn't at work right now. I know these feelings will go away soon. This a low and a high will come really soon. I know what I need to do and I know it will get better in the end. My brain is telling me all of this but my heart is telling me otherwise.

I miss not having someone to confine it, someone who I could hug and kiss after a long day. I miss not having someone to be intimate with and share a bond of love. I miss not being challanged by my partner in many ways. I miss how good she made me feel. I miss the adventures we went on, the philosophical discussions, cooking dinner together, going out and having fun, creating art, going to yoga/martial arts, going to concerts, and the list goes on. I do not have anyone to share this with.

I am alone and even though I am surrounded by friends and family I still feel alone. My roomates are nice guys but all they think about is getting "laid." They are the typical college guys and I am not. I look for meaningful relationships not a one night stand.

She was beautiful, smart, honest, and confident as one could be. She viewed everyone as equals and never judged. She was a woman not a college girl. Her family was amazing and they accepted me as one of them. We went on vacations together, shared religous events, and learned from each other.

All of this is gone. I know I'll find someone else. I know life goes on. I know I will heal. I know everything. But my heart still is shattered. How will I find another woman who is similar to her? 90% of college girls are not ready for what I want.

This is so difficult. I do not understand how weak I can be. I am have conquered anything and everything without ever shedding a tear. I always been able to swallow my feelings and forget them. I cannot do this now.

This is my low.

You would be surprised at how many college girls are looking for someone like you, I almost think it is the reverse, do you know how hard it is to find a college guy who wants a long term committed relationship? Most women want a relationship and love not to get laid, which no offense is most guys (note I said MOST). Have you tried dating anyone else? Maybe that would not be such a good idea considering the mental dependency you still seem to have for her, but it is worth a shot. There are lots of beautiful girls with wonderful personalities out there, who ARE looking for relationships and love, even though they are in college.

Thank you for you comments white-rose. Yeah there are others out there and I already met some. I just need to take things slow and work on myself so that I am ready to date again. Also, right now I just enjoy getting the attention from others. I also agree with you that time will heal my feelings and this is still a very fresh wound. There is a lot of adjustment that needs to be done now but hopefully in the end it will be worth and I will find another woman to love. She might even be committed to me and not think about dating others while she is in a relationship with he. Haha

I enjoy getting attention too, lol! Knowing that girls are interested in us can make us feel better about ourselves and I used that a lot. Flirting a bit is great as long as you don't show you want something serious.
You're a great dude you just need to control your emotions and actions... by hoping you are NOT going to break NC yet again *sigh*.

Yeah, I'm not the best at keeping NC hence why I keep hurting myself. But I am getting better slowly each day.

That's the right spirit, emotions are emotions and they might just get in your path but taking bit by bit is still progress!

Wow, I can't stand this emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm fine and the other I am a mess. I miss her so much right now. I cannot believe I lost someone so beautiful as her. She was perfect in every way. Yes we had an issue here and there but no relationship is perfect. I am having such a hard time accepting the fact that she is out of my life. I would do anything to get this girl back but I can't. I need to be strong and stay away from her. Just like many people mentioned she is like a drug and I am going through withdrawal now that I do not have her anymore. If you all only knew her and what type of woman she was. Any man who falls in love with her will be one lucky man because she has so much to offer. She can make you feel like a million bucks in every way. I miss her and I wish every night to myself that one day she comes back. I hate these lows.

If it helps any, I have let many a fine women slip through my greedy hands. I kick myself every time and vow, "Never again"!! But it only takes one who comes along to change that and today, I am truly grateful for being butter fingered in the past.

Sometimes though the what ifs, and close calls, haunt you. It passes quicker now than it use to.

Kudos for not getting carried away by passing emotions, and feelings. Expressing them here is a lot better than dwelling to long, so back to the game, >sigh<.

Yeah, I think expressing these feelings somewhere helps a lot instead of having to dwell on them. I decided to go to the gym to work some of these emotions out.

Excellent decision, say hello to someone new while your there.

Its funny that you say that because on my way back from the gym I stopped in the kitchen that is located on our floor to get some water and introduced myself to 2 girls that were chatting in there. The workout helped a little with the emotions. I am not really depressed or sad. But I am not really all that happy either. I am in this between stage were everything feels new and strange.

But since we have broken up I have been trying to become a better man in every way. I bought myself a guitar and started learning how to play it. I started going back to the gym to bulk up and just made sure that I learned from the mistakes that I made in this relationship. My only worry though is that she was my first real relationship. I never really dated anyone before. I have no problem meeting girls and having them be interested in me but I just have not been in many relationships. I worry now that I will not find another relationship and if I did find one that it would not be as good as my past one.

I mean, I am confident in who I am in almost every way. I dress well, I am in great shape (6-7&#37; body fat), I have many talents, and am very comfortable with the opposite sex. I just do not know why I am lacking confidence in myself right now. I think it is because of my past and how in high school not many people were interested in dating me. I think that has stuck with me and affects me now.


I have met one girl though. She is beautiful in every way (personality, looks, etc... ) I feel though she is out of my league though because she is a graduate student and I am still a junior in college (undergrad). Also, I met her through a friend of mine who is in the same grad program as her. This friend of mine is totally into me so I can't just go up to her and ask her questions about her cute friend. I am not ready to date either yet since I am still working on myself but this girl is so beautiful.

Ya know, when guys get carried away by their attractions, they want more, and then they act more like suitors trying to impress, than friends who pay attention. Let them be impressed and want more, then all you have to do is pay attention, and just be your happy charming self.

Talaniman Rule-Never express interest in a female to her friends, you don't need the drama of having them to into your business. Keep 'em guessing and wondering. Just keep paying attention.

I will try that. I mean the only times I see the cute one is when I am hanging with the other grad student. I have no idea how to approach her since I barely know her. But her beauty just swept me off my feet. It definitely made me realize that there are other fish in the sea.

I have no idea why my mind can't stop wondering about my ex. I am doing everything right. I went to the gym, played the guitar, and focused on my homework. Her image is burned into my mind. I remember all those precious moments we had together. I remember the warmth of her body as we cuddled into bed every night. I remember the in depth conversations we had about our lives and what we went through. I remember the gaze she gave me as we became intimate. I remember her soft touch as she kissed me in the mornings. I remember her beautiful voice as she sang every morning while getting ready. I remember all the wonderful hours spent together embraced in each others arms. My life was complete with her. She meant the world to me and still to this day does. Knowing that she is/will be soon with another man will destroy any remaining parts of my heart.

I know, I know. I need to let her go and focus on myself. I need to build myself up and let go. I need learn how to be alone again and be OK with it. I know all this but the fact is I just want to be with her.

I am feeling sick to my stomach again. The more I think about us the more I realize what I could have done to make our relationship better. I could have been more adventurous and been more interested in her interests. I could have taken her rock climbing more. Listened more to music she preferred. What a dumba** I am. But now she is gone.

I guess you know, but I had diarrhea for 2 weeks after my break up. Even 5 month later I'm still thinking of her in those terms but it doesn't hurt that much. There is nothing wrong you're doing. Just keep doing everything you are doing.

Isn't the feelings dimming down though? You have to stop putting her on a pedestal, you are a super dude who deserves the best. It's her loss and your gain, literally. You also need to understand you are missing the affection, not her.

Buddy, it sucks. That's the hard part of the breakup. When my ex and I broke up for the FIRST time (I say first because I was stupid enough to take her back 4 more times... ) I couldn't eat or sleep for weeks. I was a zombie. I felt like a complete loser, myself esteem was shot, and I was a wreck.

However, now is a different story. You have to be patient with yourself, be forgiving. Part of loving yourself is understanding your weaknesses, as well as your strengths. Your feelings will ebb and flow like the tide. Some days you will feel like a "new man", chatting up girls, and discovering how awesome single life is. Some other days, you will be lonely and bored, and your mind will flash back to the good times with the ex.

In my opinion, you're doing fine. You're still in the shock/denial stage, but you're slowly getting into the bargaining stage... where you realize what you did wrong, and you want to fix it to make it all better. You think there's still a slight chance of getting back together, and everything will be bliss like it was. Eventually, you will accept the breakup is final, and move on.

I've been broken up with 5 TIMES by the same girl! Hahaha, you don't want that to happen to you, do you?

Just let the natural progression take its course. Keep your head up, don't cry in your beer, and stay focused on building yourself back up. You're doing all the right things, just trust in the fact that eventually things will be much, much better.

Thank you for you comments white-rose. Yeah there are others out there and I already met some. I just need to take things slow and work on myself so that I am ready to date again. Also, right now I just enjoy getting the attention from others. I also agree with you that time will heal my feelings and this is still a very fresh wound. There is a lot of adjustment that needs to be done now but hopefully in the end it will be worth and I will find another woman to love. She might even be committed to me and not think about dating others while she is in a relationship with he. haha

There are lots of women out there in college looking for relationships. I know this because I am in college and have been in a happy four year relationship. Being that I have so many girlfriends, I know what most of them are looking for. My friends want stable relationships with nice guys, and a lot of girls in college who sleep around blah blah... in the end want romantic relationships to a man they can come home to every night. Yes A4Effort I feel very sympathetic towards you, because I am still in a relationship with my first love, so I could not imagine how terrible losing him would be. Being that she was your first love, I can see how hard it would be to move on, because she is the only person you experienced love with, you must be apprehensive to thinking you could find love with anyone else. And of course, you will, YOU WILL.

I am glad that you understand how I feel and I also appreciate a college females perspective on this too. I just need time pass so it can heal my wounds. Every day some piece of me heals a little. With every girl I meet I become more comfortable with being single.

It is just weird because my entire life I had this fairy tale in my mind where I would meet the girl of my dreams and eventually we would marry. I met her but it did not turn out into a happily ever after story.

You also should understand we all have that fairy tale mentality. Just because this one didn't work out doesn't mean it is all gloom and doom. Good thing about dreams is they don't become impossible until we stop believing.

I have met more than my fair share of dream girls... one of which I was certain would be my wife one day. That clearly didn't work out. That doesn't mean there isn't someone better out there for me.

It's true what KC said, it's important not to focus on the ladies (or the boys) and live our life. Life should not be about finding the right person, it seems people are too focused on being in a couple. Don't forget you will have a lot of break up before you find the right one.

Yeah, you two are right. I never focused so much attention on it before until I met her. Before it was all about succeeding in my education. But once I met her it was a whole new experience and I decided to invest a lot of time into this new way of life. Now that it is gone I need to revert back to the old days and make myself #1 priority again.

It is just so strange though how she made me believe that her and I would last forever. She always used to tell me how I was the one for her. I was the one that made her complete. I was the one who she saw marrying one day. I was the one who she was most compatible with. I was this and that... etc... It is sad that she came back the first time around and lied to me about being committed to me and telling me that she will not have the same feelings again. I asked her and made it clear the first time around that if she needed time to explore that she should have taken it then. I asked a billion of times: "If you come back to me will you not question yourself/our relationship?" "If another guy walks by that you are attracted to will you not regret having stayed with me?" Yes, yes, yes!! I won't regret. Blah blah blah... So what does she do? After spending an entire summer together, working on our previous problems, and having a great time together, she decides to have those feelings again. It pisses me off! Why did she lie to me in the first place and why was I so dumb to believe her?

Me and my ex was supposed to get married right before she broke up with me, it was her idea :). You are young, very young explore while you are ahead. What does it help you to know the answers to these questions? There is a huge difference between a girls talk and what they do. Read their action, not their words.

To tell you the truth, I really think that I am getting better. Each day, I think less and less of her but that doesn't mean that I am not thinking of her a lot. I am continuously meeting new people and making new friends. I have no problems socializing and meeting new people. I also enjoy getting looks from girls every time I walk around campus because I dress well. I never noticed before. Things are looking up slowly but surely. I still have the pain in my heart about having lost my ex but I feel OK with it. Its not the end of the world anymore. But I do miss being in a relationship.

Well there you go. Same thing for me, I also enjoy getting looks from girls, especially when I dress well but I generally look good though. Even though you miss the relationship part, you have to learn to be completely and fully happy and not wanting a relationship, before you look for one or that one comes to you.

Well I have no idea why this happened but I ended up dreaming about her all night which I usually don't. I dislike Tuesdays and Thursdays now because it means that I have to see her in my classes. I always build up over the weekend because I don't see her for about 4 days and then comes the day I have class with her. I have two classes with her and I am fine in one but in the other there is that guy who keeps flirting with her. One thing that surprised me a lot is once I talked to her (roughly 2 weeks ago) about him and she told me how she knew he while we were dating. She told me how she always found him interesting. I was really pissed off inside because I thought to myself how she was picking out guys while we were together and was just waiting to break up so she could pursue those guys. But like last time. I will sit in front of the class, engage in class discussions, and look nonchalant if front of her even though I will probably be tearing myself apart inside.

So this was very odd. I was working in my psych lab and my ex walked in. She works close by in another lab. She engaged in a conversation and asked me how my weekend was. She asked what I did and then she proceeded to talk about her weekend. I felt very strange because she never approached me before like this. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and told me to have a good day. I was very confused as to why she did that. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to talk to her because there were others in the room. Has she moved on and is trying to make a friendship? Is she just trying to hurt me more? Why did she do that? I don't feel well now having talked to her and I have a class with her in an hour where that guy will most likely flirt with her.

So this was very odd. I was working in my psych lab and my ex walked in. She works close by in another lab. She engaged in a conversation and asked me how my weekend was. She asked what I did and then she proceeded to talk about her weekend. I felt very strange because she never approached me before like this. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and told me to have a good day. I was very confused as to why she did that. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to talk to her because there were others in the room. Has she moved on and is trying to make a friendship? Is she just trying to hurt me more? Why did she do that? I don't feel well now having talked to her and I have a class with her in an hour where that guy will most likely flirt with her.

Maybe she was just trying to be friendly, or she could be screwing you around. I'm not sure what her purpose was of doing that because nobody here knows her disposition like you do. The vibe that I get from her is she wants her cake and to eat it too. It seems almost like after a period of her freedom with other guys, she thinks she can just come back to you, and everything should be okay, like you shouldn't care. I just believe that she seems insensitive, if she knew you well which I'm sure she does, she would know that you are extremely upset and hurt inside. If she will flirt with other guys around you and honestly not care, what does that say about her? Sorry A4Effort Im constantly replying to your posts but I have a lot of opinons! Haha :p

No I appreciate your opinions very much. I don't know why she is doing that. But here I am in class and I can here her and her "friend" talk a out how they want to gt together and study. She already has his number and probably hung out with him. Having her come in earlier and now hearing this makes me feel so great! Hearing them talk makes me hurt and pissed off at the same time. Why does she screw with me? I hate seeing her now because I immdiatly loose anything that I have built up.

That's not very sensitive of your ex I agree with previous poster.
And you have to attend that class I guess?
Grin and bear it is all you can do though-tough as that is.
Maybe this will help you knock her of the pedestal?

Yes, I dread every time I have to be in this class. I am minding my own business and I am acting like nothing is happening. I can't wait until I feel better. This does show me that she is not the goddess that I thought she was. I hate this day!

Its progress when we can start looking at the exes and realise that they weren't Miss or Mister Perfect.
And you re doing a good job keeping your dignity intact by not losing your cool.

I am flipping out inside. I don't know what to do with myself. I have this fake smile on my face but I am clawing my insides. Every time this happens my anxiety that I once had comes back. Staying strong is so difficult right now.

You know what, screw her! Seriously. Tough love is coming A4... DO NOT give her the satisfaction of your anger! You stay strong for yourself and the hell with her. It sucks but you'll get through this.

Hang in there -you can do it.

I stood strong. I did not let me see me in the state that I was in. I left the class and went to my next one which I have with her too. The only difference here is that I am one of 3 guys in that class so no flirting happening there. As I came in she asked me how I was doing. I told her calm mannered that I was fine and left to sit down in my spot. The whole time during class she kept on looking at me discretly but I did not give her the chance to make eye contact with me. I paid attention to the class and walked away after it was done. I can't believe what she did to me and I can definitely see her ugly side. This is helping me get over her much easier.

I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel. I am not the one to ever get angry at anyone. I am very calm mannered but I just want to tell her off. But I won't because I know it would only feed her.

Just stand tall and strong-you don't need this.

A4, this falls under over-analysing her acts. Doesn't matter whether she's just being polite, friendly, or acting like a drama queen, you don't wan that to bother you at all! First we act like we don't care, it's a good first step, the next step is to just DON'T CARE. Stay strong !

Stay strong man, it's hard but not impossible. Did you tell you don't want to talk to her? Make it clear and tell her you are trying to get healed.

Keep staying strong and taking care of yourself, it's a horrible dark path but the light is in the end of the tunnel even if you don't see it.

You are also putting her on a pedestal so that doesn't help either. Think of yourself and the dreams and goal you have set for yourself. For example you set a goal of moving out of your city once you finish your degree or you can plan a big trip alone or with your friends. That will help you a lot.

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

Well, if she doesn't listen next time you talk to her you can say out loud in front of everyone that you don't want to talk to her and to keep out of your life. That will calm her down, and you have every right to pass the message to her that way.

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. First I become depressed and now I am furious. What the hell comes next and when does happiness come in?

It takes time, a lot of time but it's the proper way of healing. You could also go party and get drunk all the time and try to hock up with the next girl that passes by. Like that you can end up like my friend in the hospital with a heart attack (he's 25) by drinking too much.

Take it slowly, it's always hard in the beginning.

I stood strong. I did not let me see me in the state that I was in. I left the class and went to my next one which I have with her too. The only difference here is that I am one of 3 guys in that class so no flirting happening there. As I came in she asked me how I was doing. I told her calm mannered that I was fine and left to sit down in my spot. The whole time during class she kept on looking at me discretly but I did not give her the chance to make eye contact with me. I paid attention to the class and walked away after it was done. I can't believe what she did to me and I can definitly see her ugly side. This is helping me get over her much easier.

I just wish I could go up to her and tell her how I feel. I am not the one to ever get angry at anyone. I am very calm mannered but I just want to tell her off. But I won't because I know it would only feed her.

Its good to know that you are not giving in to her. Gosh I would never do the crap to my boyfriend that she is doing to you! Its so despicable what she is doing, I don't know how she can hurt somebody so badly. I swear to god, she is thinking well I want love, affection from someone who truly cares about me, (you) then once she's with you, she craves having freedom and experimenting with other guys. Then once she's had her period for screwing around with other guys, she wants you back because she then lacks and misses the love, affection and attention she needs from you. She keeps rebounding back to you, and using you for emotional support and love, because you always take her back. But she is too selfish to realize that to have a relationship you need to be committed and show the same affection back. I feel very sorry for the mind games she plays on you, its pathetic to put it bluntly. I despise girls like this and know many girls like this. You don't deserve the crap she is doing. I don't want to make you feel worse, but to put it VERY bluntly, she uses you for love, affection... (I mentioned earlier) gets bored, than goes off screws around with other guys, than comes right back to you. It's a sin that you allow her to do this, and from what it sounds like, she's trying to get into a relationship again with you... the cycle will never stop... the pain you endure will never stop as long as she is in your life.

I told her thousands of times how I do not want to talk to her but she never listens. I am pissed off at her but I am glad that I am because now I am not as infatuated with her as I was before. I cannot believe how insensitive she was. Seeing this makes me get so motivated. I went and worked out tonight extra hard. I worked on my school work. I am motivated to to become a better person.

Good for you!

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

I hope you don't there are too many beautiful women in the world inside and out to save yourself for.

Trust me, there is no way that I can take this woman back ever again. She has hurt once too many times. I know that one day I will find the one who will appreciate what I have to offer and she will be committed to me.

Yes, I agree with you white-rose. Now that I am a little further in my healing process I can see that there are others. I have met some beautiful girls with wonderful personalities. I am very thankful for all the support around here and the support I am receiving from the people around me. I am channeling all my anger into motivation. Every day I am learning something new, meeting a new friend, or learning something about myself. I know I will have more rough days as well as many more good days. But I have gone through too much in my life to let a girl slow it down. This whole journey has been a huge learning experience and I am glad that I have been able to go through it. I see nothing but positives coming from this. I was caught up in this routine with her where I kept on doing the same thing over and over again. I did not have any personal time and that kept my motivation low to do anything else besides work, school, and being with her. Now I am very much into working out again and I even was able to get my six pack back again in just a month. I have my first gallery opening coming up for my photography and I will have another one in January. Also, I had a local business interested in selling my art. All of this I wouldn't have done if I was with her because she needed me to be with her at all times. LIFE IS GREAT!!