Hi,

My boyfriend asked me what I would like to have for a present. I really need a laptop for my education as mine is broken, so I told him. He refused and said that we should discuss it. I feel humiliated and offended. Was I wrong to ask for a laptop? I feel so ashamed, like I am some kind of a tacky girl

What was/is the reason for buying you a gift?birthday? More info please.

Yes, more info would be good...

But still, a laptop is quite a big ask. How long have you guys been together for?

Are you asking for a brand spanking new, killer laptop with all the bells and whistles?

Can he afford a laptop right now?

No reason really. It is just that he travels a lot and he is now on his business trip in another country, so he asked me what I would like to have. Also, he keeps saying to me that he likes expensive things, he has expensive taste, etc. so I thought it would be okay to want an expensive gift? And he has means for it!

Ok then... so he can afford it

But he said HE likes expensive things, HE has expensive tastes... maybe that just refers to HIMSELF.

Not sure if he really wants to get YOU expensive things. Some guys are not very generous, and still, a laptop is a big ask.

Once again, how long have you guys been together for?

Yes, more info would be good...

But still, a laptop is quite a big ask. How long have you guys been together for?

Are you asking for a brand spanking new, killer laptop with all the bells and whistles?

Can he afford a laptop right now?

We've known each other for quite a while now, but started dating over 2 months ago. It is just that all this time he kept telling me that he is quite wealthy, likes expesive stuff, etc. and when he asked me I thought that it will be OK to ask for a laptop

Yes, he can well afford a laptop right now.

Ok then... so he can afford it

But he said HE likes expensive things, HE has expensive tastes... maybe that just refers to HIMSELF.

Not sure if he really wants to get YOU expensive things. Some guys are not very generous, and still, a laptop is a big ask.

Once again, how long have you guys been together for?


No, he would tell me that he wants me to see the world and pay for my trips, etc. I didn't ask for it, he kept talking about it himself.

We've known each other for quite a while now, but started dating over 2 months ago. It is just that all this time he kept telling me that he is quite wealthy, likes expesive stuff, etc. and when he asked me i thought that it will be ok to ask for a laptop

Yes, he can well afford a laptop right now.

Ok then, so he can afford it, but has he gotten you anything so far that is close to the value of a laptop?

Any piece or jewellery or anything that is maybe a little more than half the value of a laptop?

2 months is not a long time with someone before you are willing to get them something more then $1000, even if you are rich.

Once again, maybe HE likes expensive stuff for HIMSELF, not is not comfortable getting expensive stuff for you, yet

We've known each other for quite a while now, but started dating over 2 months ago. It is just that all this time he kept telling me that he is quite wealthy, likes expesive stuff, etc. and when he asked me i thought that it will be ok to ask for a laptop

Yes, he can well afford a laptop right now.

Just because he can afford it doesn't mean he has to buy it for you.

You've been dating for two months, not 2 years, and a laptop is not a cheap gift.

Also, you stated he's going away, asked what gift you'd like, it sounds like he meant a souvenir, something inexpensive from his trip.

Yes, it's tacky to ask a guy you've only dated two months to get you a gift like a laptop. It shows one thing, you think he should spend lots of money on you.

If you need one for school then get one, on your own.

No, he hasn't. It was supposed to be the first gift... I'm sooo ashamed.

Have I screwed up? What should I do now?

He definitely wanted me to know that he can do expensive stuff for me. Why such self-contradiction now?

No, he hasn't. It was supposed to be the first gift....I'm sooo ashamed.

Have i screwed up? What should i do now?

He definately wanted me to know that he can do expensive stuff for me. Why such self-contradiction now?

The thing is, you asked for something uber expensive, not just a little something, but a big something.

Have you screwed up? I don't know. How did he react? Was he shocked? What did he say?

Also, a guy that flaunts his money, claims he'll take you places, buy you expensive things, is usually a guy that has no confidence in himself. Again, I don't know him, but that's what I've learned.

The question is, are you with him because you like him, or because he has money? By asking for a laptop, you basically told him you're in it for the cash.

No, he hasn't. It was supposed to be the first gift....I'm sooo ashamed.

Have i screwed up? What should i do now?

He definately wanted me to know that he can do expensive stuff for me. Why such self-contradiction now?

For a first gift, that is quite a big ask. Should have started smaller... way smaller...

I don't know what he thinks, but he may be thinking you are a gold-digger. I don't mean to offend you, but asking for a laptop from a rich guy after 2 months is something a gold-digger would do and he MAY be thinking that

But also, it was wrong for him to lead you on that he woul dget you expensive stuff just because he likes expensive stuff.

My advice would be talk to him and discuss it like he suggested. Let him know you ar enot with him for his money, but thought you needed a laptop when he asked.

He didn't contradict himself actually. He didn't tell you he would buy you an expensive gift. He just asked you if you wanted a gift. You assumed he meant it could be expensive

At this point if he wants to spend money on you it's HIS choice. It's too early in the relationship for you to ask him to spend money on you, even if he does offer to get you a gift. He's not contradicting himself, he's just not comfortable buying something that costs that much money for you because you asked him to. In the future that may change, or it may not. If he's had ex's who just wanted him to spend money on him then it'll take longer for him to trust that you aren't after the same thing.

Just apologize to him. Explain your side of things and apologize. There's nothing else you CAN do.

My 2 cents will be, it is cheaper to buy electronics in the US. He is traveling somewhere in the world, where is it exactly?

From where I have been, I am quite positive in the US it's a lot cheaper for a laptop with a good quality of course.

And I do think asking for a laptop is a bit TOO MUCH as the first gift.

Well, it seems you took it too easy. Long in short, you made a mistake.
It is not appropriate to ask a laptop for birth day gift in 2 month relationship. He is not your parents, but new boyfriend who wants to show his affection. Obviously, the laptop is over his budget, and he is not comfortable with it. He could think you are materialistic, and you are trying to take advantage from him even though he constantly demonstrated he could afford it for you.

You should take 'money matter' with sensitivity, because unintentionally it can ruin the relationship. He can misjudge you that you are interested in his money not him. Nobody wants to be used, and it can turn him off. As a nice girl, you set a budget line in your mind, and when anybody give you a gift over the limit, gracefully & politely refuse it. It makes you more precious and lovely girl.

Well, what has been done is done. The best thing you can do is, if you can, buy the laptop before b-day ASAP, and tell him it was not appropriate gift from him, and you already bought it. If he travels a lot, ask him to buy a nice brand name perfume at a duty free shop, so you can wear it FOR him. It will make him happy, because he can show off his international traveling & duty free shop shopping capability, and the gift is private between you & your boyfriend.

By the way, some guys have tendency to exaggerate his capability or willingness to impress girls in early stage in relationship. Do not take it as facial value.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-wrong-me-keep-dating-married-men-388699.html

Is he married? Rich or not, its inappropriate to ask for expensive gifts this early in the relationship. That's a gold digger move. Maybe its okay if you're the mistress of a rich guy, but not a serious boyfriend.

That sends a bad signal, with any one though, about you, and what's on your mind.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-wrong-me-keep-dating-married-men-388699.html

Is he married?? Rich or not, its inappropriate to ask for expensive gifts this early in the relationship. Thats a gold digger move. Maybe its okay if your the mistress of a rich guy, but not a serious boyfriend.

That sends a bad signal, with any one though, about you, and whats on your mind.

Actually I found out that he is separated. His wife knows about me and has no objection whatsoever. So, in this case you are saying that it is OK?

No my dear, separated, is not divorced, or single, and most separated guys only want a g/f when they need one. If they are truly separated that is. You mean you have talked to the wife, or only going by what he has told you??

Actually i found out that he is separated. His wife knows about me and has no objection whatsoever. So, in this case you are saying that it is ok??

Are you saying you're the mistress and you're okay with that?

Are you also okay with being considered nothing more then a sex toy?

Well, if that's the case then by all means, ask for the laptop, because you won't get anything else from him.

OP,

If you asked for the gift and received it, we have a name for you.
Worse than calling you a mistress, I think you know what the name is for someone offers sex and receives money.

You guys don't have to be like that. I am not his mistress, as he does not leave with his wife anymore. The only reason that he is not divorcing is because of money issues. And yes, I am sure that he does not leave with his wife as we are planning to visit his hometown soon and there is a chance that I'll come across his wife.

Money issues? If he as so much money that you see nothing wrong with asking him to buy you a laptop after only dating him for TWO MONTHS, then why can't he afford to get divorced? If he honestly can't afford to get divorced, then why in the nine hells did you think asking him for a laptop was OK? Also, you're worried that asking for a laptop will make you seem tacky, not that fact that you are seeing a married man?

I never said that he is RICH and has so much money as hheath541 is saying. I only said that he can afford it. Btw, I got him wrong. He didn't refuse to buy the laptop, I misunderstood him as we were emailing each other and got lost in translation.
I was bothered about him being still officially married as I had previously bad experience with it. But his is separated from her... He almost never sees her. I am not planning to get married in the near future or make him divorce. It is solely his own business and decision and I am definitely not ruining his marriage!

I didn't say he was rich, you basically did. What I said was that if he has enough money that you think expecting him to drop several hundred dollars on a gift for you after only two months makes sense that he should have enough to afford a divorce.

Sounds, to me, like he doesn't really want to get divorced. Either he's lying to you about something or you're not giving all the facts.

I think your showing us how you keep getting attached to married men, as they all use the same line on unsuspecting females, and even though he may well be separated, he will probably go back to her, before he makes a commitment to you.

Separations are not official, he is still legally married, and its cheaper to have you on the side to help him through the emotional times, that a separation brings. He still pays her bills, and maintains her life, and his kids, if there are any, and half his worth is hers. Yes, you are his mistress, or thing on the side, while he still has a wife.

Good thing he can afford you, but the future is not bright with him at all. You already know what the emotional price is that you will pay, with being with a married man, you have done that before, and are doing it again.

Forget the laptop, and any gifts he uses to buy your time, and love, get a single guy to have fun with, and leave the married ones alone.

Aside from the fact that you're involved with a married man... if he wants to discuss it, suggest a netbook. Laptops aren't as expensive as they once were, and you can get a small, portable one with long battery life that's typically classified as a "netbook" for $400. Still steep for a first gift in a two-month "relationship", partner being married or not, but more reasonable.

I am not planning to get married in the near future or make him divorce. It is solely his own business and decision and I am definitely not ruining his marriage!

Oh, boy. You have no ground rules. You are seeing a wrong guy. Are you OK to see a guy who is still married, call him boyfriend, and ask a gift and rejected? How low can you go further from here? Do you still plan to see him while he is not planning to divorce soon, and visit his home town to encounter his wife as mistress? Are you out of mind? A separated guy does not mean he is single. He is legally married, and has wife!

Do you know, whatever you say, you completely act like an escort girl who is providing a love service to a married man for money? Please have some class and self esteem as a lady. Even though he has Brad Pitt looks with Donald Trump money power, I will not even consider to date him for a minute (if I am still single) if he is married.

Why is the money so important to you? Are you desperately poor and cannot make enough money to support yourself? Stop living like a mistress to only insult yourself. Please look hard yourself, accept your mistake, and change yourself to a real lady ASAP. There are plenty of nice single guys out there looking for decent girls.

He didn't refuse to buy the laptop, I misunderstood him as we were emailing each other and got lost in translation.

He is your boyfriend, he can't even call you. Has to email you, what kind of relationship is that?

Maybe he can't talk to you b.c. his wife is sitting next to him.. Or maybe he can't afford paying his cell bill?

What makes OP, you believe he doesn't live with her any more?