mary79
Aug 5, 2009, 09:22 PM
This is a really difficult issue for me but I am not sure where I can turn to, if I am able to at all. Child protective Services basically ruined my life.
In 2006 I found out my 3 girl (ages 2 - 9 ) were being sexually abused by a family member. I called the police and I even called C.P.S to report the abuse. Because of threats made to us by the abuser (and his 3 friends who were involved as well), I got my girls and some clothes and we left our home to go live in a shelter. At the shelter I became emotionally unstable because my girls kept telling me what happened to them. C.P.S says I was neglecting to supervise them. When really I was just an emotional reck and didn't know how to cope or be strong for them. So the state took them temporarily. I ended up getting 2 back. The 3rd was also coming back but her situation got complicated. They took my girls from me 2 more times for little things. Like for spanking my child on the hand and introducing them to my boyfriend. I was told not to spank because they had been abused but it just happened so fast and I smacked her hand. In the end I end up being told that C.P.S wanted to terminate my rights. I was pregnant again. My attorney told me that I was going to lose the case and recommended I relinquish my rights. That way I would not lose the baby I was about to have also. He said there was nothing I could do. I had done everything C.P.S asked. Therapy. Parenting classes. I even moved into some facility for single mothers. They wanted me to live there with my kids. But still, these mistakes I made were blown out of proportion. I made a call to my worker and told her my daughter was misbehaving and I wanted to spank her because everything else was not working. She told me not to and I told her that "I can't take this sh*t, she wont listen". Supposedly that was what made them take my girls for the last time.
Two of my girls are adopted now. In a good home with a woman who keeps in touch with me. And I am thankful for that. The other one got taken out of that home because she was behaving badly. She was saying she wanted to kill her sister and she was going to lie to C.P.S about the mother hurting the kids. When asked why, she said that she felt that if she behaved bad then maybe C.P.S would get tired of her and send her back to me. She doesn't understand that that is not going to happen. They have her on god knows what kind of psyche meds. So now I am concerned for her. She just wants to be with me. They feel that she needs to be an only child, so they won't return her to her sisters home. The mother there does want her back but the C.P.S worker seems rude toward her and tells her no. Plus she conversates with the judge at trials so the adoptive mother feels the judge rules in her favor because they may have something going on, even if it's just a friendship. Now we don't know anything about her. How is she. Or if she's in a good home now. They move her around a lot. I feel that from being sexually abused, to losing her mother, this may be too much for her and I worry about her emotional state. I don't want her to grow up feeling rejected and unloved. I'm so worried C.P.S has told her lies about me.
So after all that, my question is: is there a way that I can do something about this? Not the 2 adopted ones. But the one who isn't yet. Anything.
I'm thinking now that C.P.S was without remorse toward me. My kids were the victims, but I am not the same. It hit me very hard and I felt a lot of guilt and blamed myself for everything. I know I am still very depressed. It affects my whole life. How I act, my energy, my personality, everything. I live with the father of the new baby who was not added to the case. (thank god). Things are well.
I just want to know if I can possibly fight for her somehow. Her caseworker is a btch. She won't let her go with her sisters and I don't want her to be alone. If there is no way that I can get her back, then can I at least fight to get her with her sisters. I don't believe that she needs to be an only child. I am no expert. But I know my daughter. When she is hurting she acts up. Maybe a little to the extreme. She needs to be talked to and shown love. Her esteem is so low. After some talking to and some time showing her she is loved and it's okay to love back, then she is okay. But C.P.S just wants to juggle her around.
I know this is very long. I do tend to talk a lot. I would appreciate any advice. Even just to be pointed in the right direction
In 2006 I found out my 3 girl (ages 2 - 9 ) were being sexually abused by a family member. I called the police and I even called C.P.S to report the abuse. Because of threats made to us by the abuser (and his 3 friends who were involved as well), I got my girls and some clothes and we left our home to go live in a shelter. At the shelter I became emotionally unstable because my girls kept telling me what happened to them. C.P.S says I was neglecting to supervise them. When really I was just an emotional reck and didn't know how to cope or be strong for them. So the state took them temporarily. I ended up getting 2 back. The 3rd was also coming back but her situation got complicated. They took my girls from me 2 more times for little things. Like for spanking my child on the hand and introducing them to my boyfriend. I was told not to spank because they had been abused but it just happened so fast and I smacked her hand. In the end I end up being told that C.P.S wanted to terminate my rights. I was pregnant again. My attorney told me that I was going to lose the case and recommended I relinquish my rights. That way I would not lose the baby I was about to have also. He said there was nothing I could do. I had done everything C.P.S asked. Therapy. Parenting classes. I even moved into some facility for single mothers. They wanted me to live there with my kids. But still, these mistakes I made were blown out of proportion. I made a call to my worker and told her my daughter was misbehaving and I wanted to spank her because everything else was not working. She told me not to and I told her that "I can't take this sh*t, she wont listen". Supposedly that was what made them take my girls for the last time.
Two of my girls are adopted now. In a good home with a woman who keeps in touch with me. And I am thankful for that. The other one got taken out of that home because she was behaving badly. She was saying she wanted to kill her sister and she was going to lie to C.P.S about the mother hurting the kids. When asked why, she said that she felt that if she behaved bad then maybe C.P.S would get tired of her and send her back to me. She doesn't understand that that is not going to happen. They have her on god knows what kind of psyche meds. So now I am concerned for her. She just wants to be with me. They feel that she needs to be an only child, so they won't return her to her sisters home. The mother there does want her back but the C.P.S worker seems rude toward her and tells her no. Plus she conversates with the judge at trials so the adoptive mother feels the judge rules in her favor because they may have something going on, even if it's just a friendship. Now we don't know anything about her. How is she. Or if she's in a good home now. They move her around a lot. I feel that from being sexually abused, to losing her mother, this may be too much for her and I worry about her emotional state. I don't want her to grow up feeling rejected and unloved. I'm so worried C.P.S has told her lies about me.
So after all that, my question is: is there a way that I can do something about this? Not the 2 adopted ones. But the one who isn't yet. Anything.
I'm thinking now that C.P.S was without remorse toward me. My kids were the victims, but I am not the same. It hit me very hard and I felt a lot of guilt and blamed myself for everything. I know I am still very depressed. It affects my whole life. How I act, my energy, my personality, everything. I live with the father of the new baby who was not added to the case. (thank god). Things are well.
I just want to know if I can possibly fight for her somehow. Her caseworker is a btch. She won't let her go with her sisters and I don't want her to be alone. If there is no way that I can get her back, then can I at least fight to get her with her sisters. I don't believe that she needs to be an only child. I am no expert. But I know my daughter. When she is hurting she acts up. Maybe a little to the extreme. She needs to be talked to and shown love. Her esteem is so low. After some talking to and some time showing her she is loved and it's okay to love back, then she is okay. But C.P.S just wants to juggle her around.
I know this is very long. I do tend to talk a lot. I would appreciate any advice. Even just to be pointed in the right direction