I am currently dating a man who is expecting a baby with another woman in 4 months. He and I just started dating, and are enjoying our relationship- except for one thing. The soon-to-be mother of his child tries to control his love life, and has even physically threatened me if I don't leave him. She is also stating that if he continues his relationship with me, he will not be allowed to see his child. What rights does he have as a parent? What can I do to cope with her and not let her effect our relationship?

This is serious other mother drama... the woman is pregnant with his child and feels cheated on; extremely disrespected; her future with her child is going to be much harder than she anticipated; fear that he would not be available for the child because now he has a new relationship; strong hormones fighting each other... she is going through some serious torment right now... unless you made a demeaning comment to the woman... there should not have been any negative response from her... for instant new girl for the him... there is nothing more irritating than another woman stating she is a better woman for her babies daddy than she was…I understand standing by your man…but in this his situation just stand back…regardless of how you feel about the woman…this woman will be in his life for at least 18 years and if the child goes to college some 21 years.

The question is are your ready for the drama? If not lay back and watch the fireworks…you will see your future with him…so do not make the mistake of having his child also…more drama. Hating the other woman that is carrying his child is not a good note to start a so promising relationship…the woman must understand that you will love or take care or respect her child…security is one major issue…no woman wants a child to be left with the father …knowing that the father has another relationship and that woman hates her and she know the possibly that the other woman will hate her child… is this not a calming feeling for any woman… no it is not a calming feeling for the ex….got a heart think about it…do not dismiss this suggestion.

This situation will never be all right for years…are you prepared to go through this…it makes no sense to stay with a man that has a woman that is pregnant with his child. He did better waiting until the child is born…oh… by the way are you afraid the heart will find his way back to her after the child is born…something else to think about…wouldn’t you say:rolleyes:

She can't keep him from seeing his child if he wants. I think the best thing for him to do is to apply for a restraining order against her. That should keep her away from the two of you and stop her from continuing to harass and threaten you.

This is serious other mother drama...the woman is pregnant with his child and feels cheated on; extremely disrespected; her future with her child is going to be much harder than she anticipated; fear that he would not be available for the child because now he has a new relationship; strong hormones fighting each other...she is going through some serious torment right now...unless you made a demeaning comment to the woman ...there should not have been any negative response from her....for instant new girl for the him...there is nothing more irritating than another woman stating she is a better woman for her babies daddy than she was…I understand standing by your man…but in this his situation just stand back…regardless of how you feel about the woman…this woman will be in his life for at least 18 years and if the child goes to college some 21 years.

The question is are your ready for the drama? If not lay back and watch the fireworks…you will see your future with him…so do not make the mistake of having his child also…more drama. Hating the other woman that is carrying his child is not a good note to start a so promising relationship…the woman must understand that you will love or take care or respect her child…security is one major issue…no woman wants a child to be left with the father …knowing that the father has another relationship and that woman hates her and she know the possibly that the other woman will hate her child… is this not a calming feeling for any woman… no it is not a calming feeling for the ex….got a heart think about it…do not dismiss this suggestion.

This situation will never be alright for years…are you prepared to go through this…it makes no sense to stay with a man that has a woman that is pregnant with his child. He did better waiting until the child is born…oh… by the way are you afraid the heart will find his way back to her after the child is born…something else to think about…wouldn’t you say:rolleyes:

I have to strongly disagree with this advice. I was actually in a very similar situation right before marrying my wife of 8 years. We have since had 2 children of our own together who we love very much. Naturally the mother of my other child was likewise very jealous, pissed off, etc. that I had found someone else. The fact is, she had been very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me before she broke up with me, in a very rude and crude manner at that, then reappeared back in my life months later, in an equally rude and crude manner, announcing she was pregnant with my child. I honestly think words like decency and civility are foreign to this woman's vocabulary. ANyhow, naturally I wanted nothing more to do with her, pregnant or not, and she continued to harass and threaten me, to the point where I had to take legal action to protect myself. DNA tests proved the child to be mine and I got stuck paying child support and a rather exorbitant amount at that. I have not exercised my paternal rights to see this child, simply because I do not want to tolerate her nonsense, period. I have to pay the child support whether I see him or not so I just have to do what the court ordered, kind of like a charity that I'm forced to support. I know that a lot of people will brand me as a "deadbeat" upon reading this and that's OK. I'll freely admit it ; I don't pay this child support with a smile on my face. Actually, my wife and I would be perfectly willing to raise and support this child in our own home, right along with the others. We have a spare bedroom and everything. But of course, as the father I'd have no chance at getting custody and I'm sure she'd have continued to fight me tooth and nail if I even tried to get joint custody. She wanted it both ways ; raise the child and have custody but have someone else pay for it. And let's face it ; that's how our system is set up. Mom has all the rights but Dad has all the responsibilities. Quite the double standard to be sure. So I have to take exception to any advice that's critical of this man's new relationship as there are no doubt extenuating circumstances.

i am currently dating a man who is expecting a baby with another woman in 4 months. He and I just started dating, and are enjoying our relationship- except for one thing. The soon-to-be mother of his child tries to control his love life, and has even physically threatened me if I don't leave him. She is also stating that if he continues his relationship with me, he will not be allowed to see his child. What rights does he have as a parent? What can I do to cope with her and not let her effect our relationship?

You have to make the decision of whether you want to "cope" with her. And be careful with this guy too. I don't know the whole background of the story, so I can't judge him, but there is a reason she is extremely upset with him-and they are not together-and she is having HIS baby in 4 months.

She can threaten all she wants, if he REALLY wants to be a part of his child's life, he can take her to court and sort it out that way. It's not hard to be a part of a child's life-even if just paying child support, you are still contritubting to your child's life. So that's HIS decision.
But, to answer your question, if she is harassing you, you can get a restraining order. As far as the child issue goes, HE needs to work that out with HER, it should not be concerning you at this point. Good luck, girl.

Ok, I will make it in less fancy and less words.

This is his child, for the next 18 to 21 years he will be paying her child support every month and if he wants to see the child he will be seeing the ex every week or two weeks.

So you are stuck with her messing in your life and messing him him for the next 20 years. You either put up with it, or find another man.

My ex like to call and knew all the buttoms to push to upset me, she would call on my new wife and my aniversity with some issue to try and ruin the day. If we planned a vacation with the kids, she would make sure she tried to keep them from going, and so on.

And worst in some ethnic cultures it is common place for the man to go aroiund and sleep with the "babies mama" every now and then still.
So that may nor may not be a issue in your relationship later .

For now you should step aside and let him handle his business. It is too early in this relationship for you to be making demands on the father except he should respect you. As LUNA has said, sit back and watch the fireworks he is tied to this situation for a long time and he is the one who makes decisions on how to handle it. No doubt she feels she has a right to call the shots for him because right now she wants him back. Show support but keep your distance in this matter. If you stay with him you either accept his life on move onr

I believe that the man should be taking some of the responsibility in this matter as well. If his ex is treating you like that then he should be the one to draw the line with her, not you. If he can not get her to stop acting a fool then he should have enough respect for you to let you go and handle his business. In our situation, I entered into his life when his daughter was 2 and "mom" tried the same deal. He stepped up and told her that she was not going come in and start making demands, she was making herself look like a fool. She got the picture and backed off. It was not my relationship to interfere with so I stayed out of it and let him handle that end of it. If he is not willing or able to "fix" it then you need to go because this won't turn out pretty for anyone, including the child.

I have to ask... how long have you been in your relationship with "daddy-to-be"? How long was he in a relationship with the expecting mother? My daughter is going through the same thing, and I have to tell you, RUN!! If he can handle this issue in a dignified manner, that's another issue, but it seems like you are young and age is a major factor. How old are the parties in this? My daughter has been apart from bio-dad for 2 months and he's had 3 g/f's so you may be the one being played.

i am currently dating a man who is expecting a baby with another woman in 4 months. He and I just started dating, and are enjoying our relationship- except for one thing. The soon-to-be mother of his child tries to control his love life, and has even physically threatened me if I don't leave him. She is also stating that if he continues his relationship with me, he will not be allowed to see his child. What rights does he have as a parent? What can I do to cope with her and not let her effect our relationship?
I am getting so tired of these baby mammas I mean anybody can have a baby with someone but its like they try to stop our love life cause they had the baby,Who cares! Me and my Ex Boyfriend baby mamma fought every time we seen each other and until this day I don't care she can get it again. But girl ima tell you like this if your boyfriend it being truthful to you and only what his Baby Mamma gotz to say

i am currently dating a man who is expecting a baby with another woman in 4 months. He and I just started dating, and are enjoying our relationship- except for one thing. The soon-to-be mother of his child tries to control his love life, and has even physically threatened me if I don't leave him. She is also stating that if he continues his relationship with me, he will not be allowed to see his child. What rights does he have as a parent? What can I do to cope with her and not let her effect our relationship?

Let me get this straight... you are dating a man who is expecting a baby in a few months with another woman. And you are upset that the soon-to-be mother is trying to control his love life? Here's a question for you to give some serious thought to: In a year, when you are carrying your boyfriend's baby, how are you going to feel and react when he starts dating someone else? Or if you get married, and have kids, and he then decides to leave you for someone else?

You've just started dating this man. He's made a baby with another woman. His first concern should be that child, not you. If you decide to ignore all of this and continue in this relationship, prepare for 18+ years of this kind of drama. The kid's not going to go away. The baby's momma isn't going away either. Give some thought to why you even want to be with this guy. You are, after all, responsible for your choices and decisions, just as much as he is for his.

Well I'm in your same situation... I've been dating my boyfriend for five months now, but have been friends with him for 9 years. He has been in love with me for all these years but I ignored the signs not wanting to mess up our friendship. During this time he meet someone and became very good friends with her. He has stated that this was not his girlfriend but strickly his "friend" and I was the only girl he has ever really loved. However she just recenlty had his child. He didn't lie about her being pregnant when I decided to take our friendship to the next level. However apart of me feels like he might choose her and the baby over our relationship. I don't know what to do. I love him and I feel like it will be to hard to walk away and maybe I should try and stick it out. However I don't want to have to deal with the "baby mama drama". I can except his child and their relationship. I know that his baby mama loves him and has always wanted a relationship with him. She knows about me but we have never meet. During their "friendship" she demanded that he take pictures of me down out of his room and he said no. I know she loves him and wants to be with him. I believe she will use the baby as means to get him back. He has even blamed me for having a baby by someone else because I just recently decided to get in a relationship with him after all these years. You have to share your time with not only his friends, family, a baby, but now with someone who is in love with him. Well maybe we can be each others support system.


Has anyone else been in a situation close to this? What did they do? How did they handle this?

WOW!

Correct and amen!

Hi, I'm going through something a little similar the only difference is that his child is two.

Listen, this doesn't have to be like this. Baby mama's don't always win. My man has a retarded baby mama and she WOULD'VE LIKED to start stuff and make problems in our relationship, but he handled it like a real man. He put her in her place and let her know she has to respect me and that they have nothing to talk about unless it has to do with his child.

Of course she didn't like that, but she eventually got the picture. The best way to deal with this situation, is to not deal with it at all. That's HIS baby mama. You didn't get her triflin butt pregnant and therefore you shouldn't have to deal with her disrespect.

Hi, I'm going through something a little similar the only difference is that his child is two.

Listen, this doesn't have to be like this. Baby mama's don't always win. My man has a retarded baby mama and she WOULD'VE LIKED to start stuff and make problems in our relationship, but he handled it like a real man. He put her in her place and let her know she has to respect me and that they have nothing to talk about unless it has to do with his child.

Of course she didn't like that, but she eventually got the picture. The best way to deal with this situation, is to not deal with it at all. That's HIS baby mama. You didn't get her triflin butt pregnant and therefore you shouldn't have to deal with her disrespect.

If he say's he really loves you and respects you, he won't let anyone else do it. Even if it is the mother of his children. Trust me a lot of men get a kick out of their current girlfriends and their baby mamas fighting over them. At that point you have to say to yourself, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE WITH A MAN THAT WON'T STAND UP FOR YOU?

HE'S A MAN AND SHOULD BE A PROVIDER AND A PROTECTOR.

You really have no say in matters. You just hand him the phone and let him deal with her. Realize he choose you over her and it is obvious why. When the baby is born he can file for joint custody and visitation rigthts. He can also set up where she drop off and pick up the kids off for visitation at a public place and he can have a family member designated to do this for him. He can file for a Protection from Abuse that would prohibit her from even calling. She would not even be allowed to leave messages for him nor could he leave messages for her. Any communication would have to be through a third party about the kids and legal matters ONLY. Such as doctor appts, missing visits, etc... No personal messages!

She can't keep him from seeing his child if he wants. I think the best thing for him to do is to apply for a restraining order against her. That should keep her away from the two of you and stop her from continuing to harass and threaten you.


Honey the drama will persist. A BM is like family to a lot of Bd's. For example, you know how people may disagree with their family members but they still stand by them. There are a lot of situations where the bm accepts that her bd has moved on and every thing is smooth and situations where the man is still sleeping with her.
Check this out. I am 30 years old with a 6 year old daughter. I sleep with my bd very often. He has a girlfriend. He tells her I'm crazy and he is coming to see the kids. When I called and told her he was sleeping with me, she was so sure he wasn't, I laughed yet I felt sorry for her, because women choose to believe what they want although it's staring you in the face. Do you think he admitted that he was with me. He didn't even denigh it, he's so smooth, he told her that I was not her friend and I didn't like her so why would she even speak to the enemy? I'm jealous, and how I am not an angel sent from heaven to save her and if he was such a dog why would I want him. So she of course believed it. He's a great liar, got to give it to him. However, women know when their man is cheating. We know and so do you. If a man really felt like a women was controlling him he would figure out another way to deal with her. I don't control my bd or use the kids, he just tells people that, so he can have his cake and eat it to. I can't tell you the things I've done to women and the things he's done to men in the past when we were dating others. We are past the madness now. Neverthelesss we still sleep together and go out of town and so on. He tells her he's working or whatever, I don't really care.
Anyway, believe me if she is threatening you it is highly possible she might do something. And he probably will let her get away with it, because when it comes down to it as my bd always says "you are my bd" and I can't put my child's mother in jail". Truth be told I wouldn't put him in jail either. Oh and getting a restraining order won't help. That does nothing, its a piece of paper. What are you going to do wave it in front of her when she comes at you with a butcher knife. If someone does something to you or your items, by the time you get to the phone, they are already gone. You now have to proove it was them. This is not what I think, this is what I know babybirl. I have been on all sides of the fence. A baby mama broke all my windows in broad day light flatened my tires and caused the relationship I was in to end. Me and that guy are no longer together. I hear his wife is going through hell with his bm. Oh and I had restraining orders and all kinds of things. She got smart and stopped being violent. Just doing things like taking the child to the hospital for a cold and getting my man out of the bed. And of course he has to go because what if the child really is ill and he will regret it. But you see a bm/bd can be strategic and run you away unless you run away yourself. Thats his bm not yours and if you love that man that much, stop complaining and deal with it, it's the baggage he came with. This women is not controlling him, he is lying and she is sleeping with him and you know it, thats why you are wondering "right". It may sound harsh but it's a harsh reality. Trust him sounds real nice. Whatever. And you are not pushing him to her, he wants to be with her. Either he does or he doesn't, it's not your fault its just the way it is.

Eliza1229 disagrees: You are right but its not that simple, if she can still do things that are not illegal to interfere in his relationship, assuming he is really not sleeping with her lol.

What is that suppose to mean??
Of course she can do things to interfere but I was talking about stopping what he can do legally.
Do you have any solutions on how to fix it?

I agree protection from abuse papers do not remedy a situation but if they have one then it does carry some weight in court sometimes.

Also read about giving reddies or someone who has a problem with getting one will be telling you about it.
I did not give an incorrect reply. We all give replies based on what we have been through and know then it is up to the OP to go through and use what all they feel appropriate in their situation. Reddies are for INCORRECT replies.

Eliza1229 disagrees: You are right but its not that simple, if she can still do things that are not illegal to interfere in his realtionship, assuming he is really not sleeping with her lol.

What is that suppose to mean???
Of course she can do things to interfere but I was talking about stopping what he can do legally.
Do you have any solutions on how to fix it?


Yes Leave, it's not fair, but we should be more responsible on who we choose to have kids with. A baby's mom has a lot of clout and she can do things like call in the middle of the night with made up emergencys and what is he going to do, not go. If he loves his child he would feel like less of a man if something really was seriously wrong and he didn't go. Either way he will keep running and his current women will continue being miserable with the situation. Who wants to deal with that for 18 years. But what everyone fails to realize is most of the time the men are still sleeping with the women. Of course they are not going to admit it. The drama isn't worth it

You really have no say in matters. You just hand him the phone and let him deal with her. Realize he choose you over her and it is obvious why. When the baby is born he can file for joint custody and visitation rigthts. He can also set up where she drop off and pick up the kids off for visitation at a public place and he can have a family member designated to do this for him. He can file for a Protection from Abuse that would prohibit her from even calling. She would not even be allowed to leave messages for him nor could he leave messages for her. Any communication would have to be through a third party about the kids and legal matters ONLY. Such as doctor appts, missing visits, etc... No personal messages!


Also I know what you are saying. But I've not only dealt with bm's and over the top crazy ones. Which I later learned it's because of the devastation my man caused them. Nevertheless, although I got restraining orders. She made things financially hard for us, she followed him from work and found out where we lived, and damaged my car in broad day light. She did a lot of crazy things that I couldn't prove. If someone is that crazy, it is not that simple. She made false police reports against him, builiding a case until she was able to convince the judge that he was crazy and abusive and he could not get joint custody.

Anyway the particular situation we are responding to sounds to me like he and his bm are still sleeping together.

Yes they can make it hard and even impossible so she has to know where things stand with them, where she stands, if the relationship is worth it, etc... the answer is not always run because it worked for you.

You really have no say in matters. You just hand him the phone and let him deal with her. Realize he choose you over her and it is obvious why. When the baby is born he can file for joint custody and visitation rigthts. He can also set up where she drop off and pick up the kids off for visitation at a public place and he can have a family member designated to do this for him. He can file for a Protection from Abuse that would prohibit her from even calling. She would not even be allowed to leave messages for him nor could he leave messages for her. Any communication would have to be through a third party about the kids and legal matters ONLY. Such as doctor appts, missing visits, etc... No personal messages!

I do appologize if you thought I misunderstood. Your answer is not wrong and you are right it can work. I just elaborated on the original post. We sometimes as women spend energy trying to figure out how to deal with the bm when it's not just her alone. We need to consider the strong possibility that is leading his bm around. In one situation I was in I was asking my friends and family how to deal with the crazy bm only to find out, yea she was crazy but he was still sleeping with her. Just food for thought. I say its not worth the headaches, no migranes.

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

I agree but again I beg the question is it worth it? I'm not going to care if she's in jail, if I'm dead. Or worst say she blow torches my face and now I've got to walk around like that for the rest of my life and now he doesn't even want me. What's that movie the Elizabeth______ story she killed her x-husbands wife and him. We'll if you think it's worth it, but I've seen too much and done too much in the past to people and I'm just being realistic. I wouldn't do any of the things I've done in the past but when you are young you think you are invicible and depending on the area you live in, people tend to get away with things. However, you should take action and not run scared but you really got to evalute your relationship. Like what if you have kids with that man and she pretends like everythings fine and does something to your baby, it's been know to happen.

You may not care but then you are not thinking about his next victim(s)
She or he can do something bad to your kids regardless if you have a PFA or not.

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

You probably will think this is childish, because it is, but just consider this. 11 years ago I was 19 and I had done some pretty serious stuff. The individual got a ppo/restraining order against me. I laughed and made up a bunch of stuff and got one against her and filed an appeal to withdraw hers which I knew would call for a court day. We went to court and we were both facing the judge. Who's side do you think the judge took? She was nasty to both of us but she allowed both ppo's to stand. The girl was mad. No one wants a ppo on their record. Getting a restraining order is not exclusive knowledge, people know how to play with the system. Than I went downstairs and got 3 ppo's against her family members just to pist them off and screw them up and they starting stressing her out to the point that put it this way it went my way. I only wanted to prove a point, A ppo is good to have in order to prove that you have taken steps before an incident occurs and yes it demonstrates harassment. You can get a ppo against the man at the gas station just know his name, you don't have to prove anything. Just consider that every crazy person is no dummy and believe me when I tell you, a person can make your life hell and cause ireversible damages without killing you, that's extream. I know from expereince not from hear say or a wild guess. Another dumb thing I did. My ex married a women and they separated. We were together and than he started sleeping with both of us again. I got her out the picture because I knew where to attack. Stress her family the hell out and other things I can't say. Oh boy the I did I'm sort of ashamed, but it worked. I'm just saying this to say that if someone really wants you out of the picture their strategic ways to do it and prove that it was me harassing you. There are people out here who are a bit insane and educated. My brother/attorney had a case were a girl did some pretty serious things to a women, reasonable doubt He got her off.

You may not care but then you are not thinking about his next victim(s)
She or he can do something bad to your kids regardless if you have a PFA or not.

Exactly, so why stay around and wait for something to happen. In the name of love for a man. I grew up and learned who was important. I love me and my children more than some man? Tell me why you think leaving is not the answer.

She has to make that decision, she knows the circumstances better than we do. I am not saying she should not leave. I am saying she has to evaluate her situation and where she sees things going.
Everybody's situation can not be a cookie cut answer. Just because something went bad for you doesn't mean her relationship can not work out.

Yeah me and my best friend are dating bestfriends and they are both expecting baby's from other girls. We love are boyfriends and love are relationships but there's only two little problems and that's their baby mamas, they threatin them saying they can't see their baby's and its really ing everything up. Their trying to control their lives and me and amanda are getting frustrated.