Hey

OK so I never really asked anyone on the web about anything in life but I figured there are some people out here that could help.
So this is a long story ill tryand make it short

So I'm 28 and my girlfriend is 26, we met last July and started going out in sugest, at first I was suspicious about her messing around (I busted my Ex cheating on me through text msgs) so I did look at her text messages and found things from her other Bf that tlls her he loved her and they were soulmats and blah blah anyway I did that a couple of times during the first couple of months and I ended up confronting her and we talked and I promised I would never do it again and I totally trusted her witch I did. So about 3 months in I started drinking a lot , I work graveyard shift so fridays I would get home sit on my PC and drink and play xbox and stuff like that , and prettymuch every weekend id be hungover and never wanted to do anything and really didn't show her any affection, she did sometimes try and talk to me about it but I should just shutdown or get defensive , We never really fought about anything.
Anyway so she's been feeling alone for some time now and even told me that she stopped showing me affection in hopes I would show it back. And we never really did anything we were prettymuch always together all the time at home , we did MOVE way to fast I was basically living with her the first month, anyway 4 weeks ago she went on vacation with her mom to cape cod and I was on vacation also but I stayed home, a few days before she left I did realize I had to change my way of life (drinking and those things) because well it was making me sick and I wasn't motivated and I was becoming very very lazy, so she left with her mom for about 2 weeks , while she was gone I did stop drinking and smoking cigs and did get better , we didn't really talk much while she was gone , when she came back the Sunday I had to work the Monday night , she called me at 1 am and I asked where she was because I saw she got home at 1am so she told me she was at home but she was lying , she was at the moves with some other guy ( I'm not jeliouse) but I got really mad that she lied she told me it was just a friend and I did believe her , she was crying because she felt bad about lying to me , anyway the next day I went in her fone to check text messages and saw one from this guy saying Absolutely evrytime I'm with you and see you it takes my breath away
So I confronted her about it and she told me she does not have any feelings for this guy but she still sees him so maybe you no she just doesn't want to be alone I don't know
Anyway so we started talking and she tells me about how she has been feeling and that she's just really confused about her feelings and just needs to take a break, but I gave her an option to break it up now if she really doesn't think it will work but if she needs a break and time to think over things then I will def give her a break, I know I did the stupid thing and all week teared up when I was with her ( I'm moving my things out this week) and kept asking her if its another guy and how she feels about us and all that over and over, anyway I have been giving her space for a couple days now (not texting and stuff) I know she is not the type to cheat or to LIE to me about his kind of things if she wanted to breakup I think she would have taken that easy exit . Anyway today we had another heart to hear and she really just said " i really need jsuta break thats all" she said its not someone else she just wants to get the feelings back that she had for me before I made her feel alone and unwanted, she does forgive me for that and she sees that I have changed and I am the person I was before and that she does think about us and does think of all the good times we had . Anyway I think a break is what my relationship needs, I do I have more to better for me , and she sees that I am working on myself to better myself ,

I'm not asking are we going to get back together , I'm asking what should I do to get my chances higher, (we never really had a normal BF.Gf thing like go out on dates and things)

I do want to give her space and she does know I'm here for her if she wants to talk she does say she loves me and she know I love her , and she does want to get those feelings back but she just needs a break and space

Any words of wisdom would be great.. SORRY for the long story "/ I just wanted topaint a clear picture haha

Hey Mac,

You present an interesting problem. You wanted some wisdom, so take a deep breath and think about what I say to you.



...i did realize i had to change my way of life (drinking and those things) because well it was making me sick and i wasnt motivated and i was becoming very very lazy...

...i think a break is what my relationship needs, i do i have more to better for me , and she sees that i am working on myself to better myself...

...im not asking are we gonna get back together , im asking what should i do to get my chances higher, (we never really had a normal BF.Gf thing like go out on dates and things)

Your realization about working on yourself is your strongest resource right now. And you are right that your relationship needs a break so you can work on yourself. It says something that you have the courage to see yourself that well! I wonder if you will find that you are ready to grow in new ways, now, or if it will take some more time.

As you describe yourself, your distrust creates drama and crisis in your relationships. Your behavior sucks (ignoring her, video games, snooping, etc) and you have been hanging out with girls who aren't themselves impeccable. If you want to have a relationship that works, that you can be safe in and relax, that is trustworthy, your next step should be to get yourself into a state where you are several-months sober, clear about who the girl you are with is, and busily learning about yourself in depth. If you want a good relationship, start with your half. Learn more of who you are and what it's like to be in a relationship with you.

Stay on it and your relationships will sort themselves out.