Hi, I thought it would be cool to share our WORST sexual experience. I have few but here goes a couple:

A while back I was dating this guy I really liked until it turned sexual. They say size doesn't matter but it does to me. He had to be no more than 2 inches, while hard. The width was, well skinny like my pinky finger.This is no lie.

Regardless, I still tried to make the best of it and no matter what position I tried it wasn't working so I gave up and pretended I had a sudden cramp.

He asked "if it's okay if he could masterbute, I said sure. In my head I was thinking "is that even possible?".

So I watch and it was a pitiful site. He couldn't even should his whole hand, he used 2 fingers. When he was done the only thing I was amazed at was the amount of that came from him. I've never seen a guy have more then him. It was like a bucketfull.

Then he tried to please me orally, another bad idea. It was horrible! I had to make him stop. I never saw him again after that encounter.

Another time me and my fiancé were doing it in a park at about 1am when some drunk stepped on the back of my right knee & fell flat of his face next to us...

Oh, and one thing. Never have sex in the woods because you might get poison ivy in some unmentionable places. That's all going say.

Liz

P.S. Thanks in advance for sharing.:-)

Thanks for sharing Liz...and that is a "micro"...yikes!
Worst? well, thats the first one...i met a guy in school. At the time i was 15. I like him, and thought he was nice. He asked me several times to go out, and I finally gave in. MISTAKE!!
He turned into a monster. He had told me we were going to a movie. We started in that direction, and he pulled off on a small side road.
I asked him what was going on, and he attacked me.
Yeah, great first experience.
I never saw him again.

The funny one I had, was several years ago, when I was about 30, a "friend" of mine wanted to be intimate. I really liked him, but I wasn't really THAT into him. I guess he thought I would like to have sex if he let me "feel" him. Uh, it was a tiny one! That two inch one, well, that would have put him to shame! I jerked my hand back. He acted really cocky about his "member", and before I could stop myself, I said, "wow, another inch there and You'd be a woman too."
Bad Girl! haha!
Sorry

Hard to decide which is the worst but here are two examples...

#1. WOman was older, very friendly in public... affectionate etc, 10 years older and divorced...

In bed she laid there like a dead fish... literally I had to shake her a few times to see if she was still breathing... I got up and snuck out at 3am rather than face her in the morning.

#2 This one never really got far... again wioman older than me... went to my place and she asked me to go down on her first... OH MY GAWD.....what died in there, I almost puked right then and there.. its been nearly 20 years and that smell is still burned into my nose. I literally had to choke my lunch back down... gagging and all, was reflex and could not help it... she got embarrassed and left.

Smoothy your second one was the worst. Nobody wants to go downtown only for it to smell like the sanitation department. Hehe

And I know she knew it wasn't so fresh down there.

Smoothy your second one was the worst. Nobody wants to go downtown only for it to smell like the sanitation department. hehe

And I know she knew it wasn't so fresh down there.I'm not so sure she knew... she did smell like she was fairly freshly out of the shower... But I haven't smelled an odor so foul outside of a garbage dumpster in August outside of a fish market. No I didn't actually notice it until my face was like right there then POW!!

I mean that is permanently burned into my olfactory sensors...

I had been with this girl for about 3months already we had alread had sex before and it was good not the greates bt it did it 4me bt well this one time she was in the mood I was tired had gotten out of work and she called and told me 2go over so I did we started normally we did everything I went down on her and she came 2ice... as soon as I put it in she came again I was thinking wow this is going to be fun then like 5minutes after she came again and we were at it lyk 30minutes and she came maybe 4times and she got 2a point wher she was so drained she told me2 stop and am not a big guy in that area bt I usually last a while and can do it at least 3times well anyway since I didn't finish she told me she would go down on me and I thot OK should be fun bt I think she had never done it before because she didn't even keep me hard and didn't do much 4me...

I guess she had fun bt well I stayed hot and heavy.

Lol... Yea I have had that happened to me before a big no no dude thought he was getn it and I didn't feel nothing never again!

There was this beautill babe that every body thought she was hot by the time I joined this campus!
How ever no body would go for her... for some reason I thought I would try find our why myself!
So I make ma move just to find out that she has an xtra part in her private parts!

My ex and I had sex outside on one of those huge trampolines (sounds fun right) well it was until about 10 minutes into it my back really started to burn and itch, my butt and crack too. I told my ex and he picked me up and saw that the trampaline material had burned my skin from all the rubbing and I had a huge rash all over my back and butt... But I'm a trooper and I still wanted to continue. I told him to lay down and I just did what I had to to do to make him ejaculate quickly on top of him. Once her did and it was over I got up and noticed a mosquito stuck between my leg on the side of my vagina lip and it had bit me!

So basically my back and butt was sore and raw and I had a mosquito bite on my va jj. It was so embarrassing when I needed to itch it in public.

my ex and i had sex outside on one of those huge trampolines (sounds fun right) well it was until about 10 mins into it my back really started to burn and itch, my butt and crack too. I told my ex and he picked me up and saw that the trampaline material had burned my skin from all the rubbing and i had a huge rash all over my back and butt... But i'm a trooper and i still wanted to continue. I told him to lay down and i just did what i had to to do to make him ejaculate quickly on top of him. Once her did and it was over i got up and noticed a mosquito stuck between my leg on the side of my vagina lip and it had bit me!

So basically my back and butt was sore and raw and i had a mosquito bite on my va jj. It was so embarassing when i needed to itch it in public.

Lol too funny I don't know what I would have did!

I never had any sexual experiences. But however I do want my first one to be great. And yes size does matter.

I never had any sexual experiences. But however I do want my first one to be great. And yes size does matter.


And based on your experience - which is no experience at all - how did you come to this conclusion?

I never had any sexual experiences. But however I do want my first one to be great. And yes size does matter.
The way You understand it, size matters, but believe me, it does Not. If you have a good partner, he will make sure You are happy, no matter What the size...once you have sex, and get a little experience, you will understand...Good Luck.

I think the worst experience for a person who has never had sex would be the time they were weeding the garden and pulling out poison ivy before going inside to masterbate themselves. Or confused the superglue for vasolene.

Getting it on in field and wild turkeys came up and tried to attack,getting up and having blood suckers on my behind :)
So much for making love in the great outdoors!

Poison ivy? There was a time when I was learning to cook Thai food and tried masturbation after seeding several peppers. That hurt for a few days. Should've worn gloves.

Did it in my boyfriend's huge backyard and then found out he had cameras and his whole family was watching the whole thing. I was 17 and he was 19 so we were still young. It was late at night and everyone was supposed to be sleeping at 2am don't you think? Apperantly his family wanted to get some entertainment!!

I was with a guy once and he was kissing me all over my neck - which normally I LOVE but he was a little sloppy with it.

He had slobbered all in my hair and everywhere. My hair was wet with saliva for pete's sake! :mad:

I just got up in the middle of things... and slowly walked into the bathroom. He looked puzzled. :confused: I got into the shower and washed my hair. I came out of the bathroom, dressed and just stared at him until he got the point and left.

K this is both gross and mortifying.

One time my husband and I were getting intimate and I really needed to go poop. I couldn't hold it in any longer and it accidentally came out [a little tidbit], he didn't notice, but I knew. In the midst of trying to cover it up, I threw a sock over it and accidentally got my hand on it and patiently waited for my husband to "finish".

A mortified,
MRS.S

K this is both gross and mortifying.

One time my husband and I were getting intimate and I really needed to go poop. I couldn't hold it in any longer and it accidently came out [a little tidbit], he didn't notice, but I knew. In the midst of trying to cover it up, I threw a sock over it and accidently got my hand on it and patiently waited for my husband to "finish".

A mortified,
MRS.S

:eek:
You are freakin' killin' me today MUD!! :D

Mud, that happen to me once. It was my second time ever having sex. I think I was coming but I wasn't. That was the nastiest thing ever. I never ate again and swore out of sex for a while.

Mud, that happen to me once. It was my second time ever having sex. I think I was comming but I wasn't. That was the nastiest thing ever. I never ate again and swore out of sex for a while.

Haha- did he know?

My husband ended up finding the sock and was like "what the ___ is this?" with this look that I wish I could explain- it was a mix of confusion and disgust. I turned fire red. He still won't let it down, sometimes he'll say "don't pooh on me".


MRS.S

Did it in my boyfriend's huge backyard and then found out he had cameras and his whole family was watching the whole thing. I was 17 and he was 19 so we were still young. It was late at night and everyone was supposed to be sleeping at 2am dont you think? Apperantly his family wanted to get some entertainment!!!

Yes parents and the grandma too, mind as well call the aunts and uncles and cousin's and everyone else! It was just like when we walked in everyone was in the living room sitting down drinking tea and they're just like PFFFFFFFFFT... :D I'm like :confused: then I found out the next day and didn't dare to step into that house again!!

haha- did he know?

My husband ended up finding the sock and was like "what the ___ is this?" with this look that I wish I could explain- it was a mix of confusion and disgust. I turned fire red. He still won't let it down, sometimes he'll say "don't pooh on me".


MRS.S

Yes he knew because it got on him because when it happen I was on top. The next you know when was like what is so sticky? The mystery wasn't hard to figure out.

Yes parents and the grandma too, mind as well call the aunts and uncles and cousin's and everyone else! it was just like when we walked in everyone was in the living room sitting down drinking tea and they're just like PFFFFFFFFFT....:D im like :confused: then i found out the next day and didnt dare to step into that house again!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a bunch of sick puppies,you poor thing.
I'm laughing but how mortifying is that? :eek:

I think the worst experience for a person who has never had sex would be the time they were weeding the garden and pulling out poison ivy before going inside to masterbate themselves. Or confused the superglue for vasolene.


Absolutely no joke - my neighbor was mowing his lawn and cleaning up his yard last Spring, was "itchy," scratched himself and ended up with poison oak all over his but and genitals.

Me and my girl friend were playing around trying to be quiet but I had a really squeaky bed.. and my mom walked in on us... silly of me to think she wouldn't hear when her bedroom was right next door... *worst part was we were in the lovely pile driver position *haha

I recall me and my daughter father trying to add spice to our sex life. We were going go all out that night.

He had a waterbed at the time. We wanted to tried the hot wax thing and once the hot wax hit me I let out the painful scream because it burn and he didn't just pour one drop it was a few.

Somehow in the mist of me screaming I moved and ended out getting myself wedge between the frame of the bed. He tried to pull me out but couldn't.

I got scared and starting screaming at him louder and louder. His next neighbor hear and called the cops.

Before they came he had to get his cousin to help because he is stronger and only lived downstairs. The only downside he had to see me nasked. Then the cops came and we had to explain what happen and one of the cops give him the hot wax 101 talk.

However, we did that again and I never tried that with anyone again.

Ooh gee Liz seems like you have one bad experience after the other.

That last one made me chuckle.

MRS.S

I was with a guy once and he was kissing me all over my neck - which normally I LOVE but he was a little sloppy with it.

He had slobbered all in my hair and everywhere. My hair was wet with saliva for pete's sake! :mad:

I just got up in the middle of things... and slowly walked into the bathroom. He looked puzzled. :confused: I got into the shower and washed my hair. I came outta the bathroom, dressed and just stared at him until he got the point and left.


Make sure he was not a dog!! :D

Mudweizer, my experience was similar to yours.

I had met up with a new guy after I had worked a 12 hour shift. I had partied the night before that, and I was totall exhausted.

So, we are standing in my hallway and things are getting hot and heavy, and we turn to go into the bedroom, and I pass out!!

I started coming to with him slapping my face, and he was slapping rather hard. As soon as I sat up, I realized why.

I had let go the biggest fart I've ever had... there was a green cloud over everything. I then pretended to pass out again until the smell disapated, but I don't think he was fooled. By the time I came to again, he had his coat on and was heading out the door.

Never saw him again...

What a bunch of sick puppies,you poor thing.
I'm laughing but how mortifying is that? :eek:


Whatever24 agrees: I'm telling you the nice innocent ones are the bad ones. His mom winked at me and I'm like oh you guys are up? "they had just finished watching a movie"
They watched two movies,that is so funny,you poor kid but you must have wanted to laugh about it at some point in time? Hopefully it didn't traumatize you for life from ever wanting to have sex again:)

One day, few years back, I invited this guy over to my house that I was seeing.

When he came over I didn't think anything would happen sexually because I didn't dig him that way. We were just relaxing watching movies and he just pulled out his equipment. I don't think I've ever been more stunned in my life because of his lack of tact. Who just pulls out his thing for no reason out of no where?

When I refused to touch his... thing, after he repeatly requestf me too, instead of giving up he tried to act "understanding" and said the following to me "Ohhh, I know why you won't touch it you've never seen one before, have you?" " And if you did I bet you it wasn't big like this".

I'm not sure what sort of logic he had, but obviously, he couldn't get it into his head that a woman could refuse him. Well I don't know what breed of females he was used to. I guess he just whipped it out and they just jumped his bones on the spot. And he couldn't understand that his thing wasn't as cute/big as he thought. I think too many females gas his head.

Long stort short I kicked him out. Then he had the nerves to say on the way out "You just scare of me because my thing is too much too handle and your scared of d**k". I told him if you don't get out of my house in less than 5 seconds, I am going be too much for you to handled and your going be scared of me.

After he left I couldn't understand why some guys say "Your scared of sex or my thing is too big" all because you don't want to have sex with them.

They watched two movies,that is so funny,you poor kid but you must have wanted to laugh about it at some point in time? Hopefully it didn't traumatize you for life from ever wanting to have sex again:)


Hahaha I had a good laugh, once I told like my best friend which is my cousin, we had a goooood laugh! But ever since the day after I just lost all my feelings for my ex slowly but I did and then I'm just like "i really can't return to your house!" lol


No trauma but I was sure traumatized when he told me!! :rolleyes:

I wouldn't returned back to her house either. Your ex had a family of freaks. That's weird!

oh that's not just 'weird'. That's like weird x 5325435435454543543!! I mean c'mon people that is just perverted! Lol for that you go watch porn in your room not your son having sex with his girlfriend!

A couple years ago I was going down on my ex right after I ate and being in the position I was in I had indigestion. At risk of ruining the moment I figured what the hell and did something about it; I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude and started laughing hysterically. She instantly "lost it" and was understandably irritated. I did it again a few times after too, hahaha.

me and my girl friend were playing around trying to be quiet but i had a really squeaky bed..and my mom walked in on us...silly of me to think she wouldn't hear when her bedroom was right next door...*worst part was we were in the lovely pile driver position *haha

Are you sharing your account with someone? Are you male or female?

Good question because I thought Carol was a girl especially from her other thread.

I think someone is sharing an account.

No I am a girl I'm bisexual.. and no I'm not sharing my account with any one.

My worst one was I was at a party at my friends house and this guy I knew, more like an acquaintance put the moves on me. It was fine because he was cute so we ended up going for a drive down this dead end street with a couple of our friends and we got out of the car to smoke and then he's kissing me more and when we get down to the knitty gritty his thing is so small! And the worst part was it kept slipping out and hitting me in my "taint" need less to say it was horrible and after a few minutes of this I jumped off the car saying.. "ok that's enough" and went back in the car with my friend that was with us.. covered with mosquito bites all over my legs and butt.

The funniest one would have to be with my husband. We were at the zoo in the picnic area and started having sex in the sunshine when a boy and his dad came up the trail to where we were! I don't think they saw anything but that was the fastest I've ever got my pants on in my life!

My worst one was I was at a party at my friends house and this guy I knew, more like an aquaintance put the moves on me. It was fine because he was cute so we ended up going for a drive down this dead end street with a couple of our friends and we got out of the car to smoke and then he's kissing me more and when we get down to the knitty gritty his thing is soo small! And the worst part was it kept slipping out and hitting me in my "taint" need less to say it was horrible and after a few minutes of this I jumped off the car saying.."ok that's enough" and went back in the car with my friend that was with us..covered with mosquito bites all over my legs and butt.

The funniest one would have to be with my husband. We were at the zoo in the picnic area and started having sex in the sunshine when a boy and his dad came up the trail to where we were! I don't think they saw anything but that was the fastest I've ever got my pants on in my life!!

Lmfaoooo in the zoo?? Hahahahaha! I did it in a public park late at night but thank god that went well lol

Wow you guys have weird moments there:)

Lol the weirdest are the best ;)

One time I was giving my boyfriend oral and I was a little drunk and I threw up all over his penis when it hit the back of my throat. Surprisingly he didn't loose his hard on but he got me and him to the bathroom to clean up and finished with us in the shower just in case. He actually made me feel comfortable in a mortifying situation and never picked on me about it. That's why I love him :)

Had something similar to Chrissymarie, just a change from puke to my menstruating blood. And it happened during the FIRST sex with my current boyfriend. When we changed position, he said casually, 'there's blood', we went to the bathroom to wash ourselves. Me, embarrassed, mumbling awkwardly 'this is embarrassing'. He either didn't hear it or just shrugged it off. We continued with anal that night.

Lol aww that's cute, ugh I hate deep throats! Once I choked nasty style that I had to puke!! Lol it was gross BUT I made it to the bathroom :)

I guess the moral of the story is "don't drink if you plan on going down because you might puke". Lol

Things were coming to a head one night (no pun entended) and I knew this guy was a heavy weight in the downstairs department,but had not actually laid eyes on it.. when the jeans came off,I think I gasped in horror.it was MASSIVE.. im talking a donkey here.. I could'nt do it... I could feel the little redhed going,'nope,I don't think so'

I been in that same situation before. I was going be intimate with this guy until I saw his package and quickly change my mind because it was too big. I mean it was long and thick.

I guess sometimes being blessed really isn't a blessing at all.

I talked to this afterwards and he told me I wasn't the first female with that reaction. Sometimes he would start to become intimate with a girl and when he sticks it half way in they tell him to stop and he obey their order. He said " He doesn't want nobody saying he rape them". I wish he could have gotten a penis reduction and maybe give his leftovers to the guy in my original post.

My story isn't as bad as some of the others but here it is.

One night my boyfriend and I parked in a school parking lot and we ended up going into the backseat to have sex. He was giving me oral sex and I was moaning loud and I had my eyes closed for a few minutes, I opened them to look at my boyfriend and instead I saw a man's face staring at me through the window. I jumped and screamed, I was so scared I couldn't even tell my boyfriend what was going on because I couldn't stop screaming lol. Finally I told him there was a guy staring at me in the window, and when we looked out the guy was running. My boyfriend was rushing to get his pants on so he could chase the guy but by the time he got dressed the guy was out of sight. We left the parking lot right after and now every time we park anywhere we lock the doors lol.

I'm 36,about two years ago I went to visit my parents who are in their sixties.. I have a key so let myself in.

I heard a noise and my first thought was my father is having a heart attack...

Yep,you guessed it,I burst into the their bedroom. They were having sex.(I know,I know,but I honestly thought he was having a heart attack,I screamed,they screamed,we all screamed)

It never even entered my little brain that they might be having sex.

That image is forever burned onto my retinas!

Redhead, I glad I wasn't in your shoes that day.

I recalled walking in on my parents having sex when I was younger. Can you image a 6 year old waking up in the middle of night and hearing strange noises coming from your parents room.

Then you go to investigate the sounds and see your naked parents having sex doggy style. All I could say was "What your doing to my mommy" and both of them stop and tried to explain things once they got dressed.

The sad part was that I heard the noises before but decided to see what it was that night.

Then you go to investigate the sounds and see your naked parents having sex doggy style. All I could say was "What your doing to my mommy" and both of them stop and tried to explain things once they got dressed.

The sad part was that I heard the noises before but decided to see what it was that night.


You've certainly had more adventures than Lassie.

You've certainly had more adventures than Lassie.

I don't believe I have.

I have another...

Last week actually my boyfriend had me in the doggie style position on floor next to the bed and my boyfriend immediately jumped up with a girly screech because my dog had gone right behind my boyfriend and started licking his testicles and butt crack! But when he jumped up he wiped out of me so fast the condom slipped off and got stuck in va jj! We spent 15 minutes trying to get it out...

FYI we got it out lol!

Hi Chrissy:

Was it kind of like this?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/excon-albums-excon%27s+private+stash-picture272-high-jump-record.gif

excon

2inchs. How old was the person you were having sex with.

2inchs. how old was the person you were having sex with.

He was in his 20's, why?

OK so this has to be the most embarrassing thing in the entire world for any girls out there!. me and my boyfriend came home from a club one night (I live with my mum) went upstairs and got into the drunken fondle like every other weekend only this time my boyfriend obviously had more stamina then usual we must have started our session round about 3.00am next thing I knew it was 7.00am and I was absolutely wrecked just as I was about to turn over and get some well needed sleep my boyfriend is rummaging around behind me I'm like "what are you doing" so you can imagine the horror when he turns to me and says "I can't find the condom" I'm like OMG where is it?. so we look around for a bit but its still dark in the room so I tell him to hit the light and then it hits me!. we can't find it cause its stuck in me... my first thought is panic so I'm like a lunatic while he is in denial still looking for it I go to the bathroom and sure enough there it is but its too far to get back down so I go back to the room lie and the bed and well... cry my heart out I have no idea what Im going to do and you can imagine this poor guy standing akwardley beside me probably contemplating jumping out the window at this stage! After a few mis of crying and kicking the bed my mum wakes up and comes into the room demanding to know what the hell is going on so I HAVE TO TELL HER... this was the most ashaming moment in my life one of these situations your mother should never know never mind sitting on the bed between you and your boyfriend!! I think my entire body just went into shock so my mum being my mun called a taxi and sent me to hospital I had to go to the Gyno clinic at that hour of the morn with my boyfriend sitting beside me at one point I just looked up at him and the 2 of us burst into laughing and couldn't stop can you imagine as if it wasn't bad enough now we are drawing attention to ourselves... anyway after I reluctantly explained to the doc what had happened she sorted it out for me and we were off home again for our sleep we intended to have hours before hand!! My mum never mentioned it again... THANK GOD.

I have one that happened to a good friend:

She's quite a prude [a total polar opposite of me]. Her and her fiancée were getting down and dirty for the first time- she usually lays there like a pancake. She was a little drunk and also had Indian food that night. While getting a double take of a vibrator and his manhood [yea I know WOW] she said she felt a slight pressure an just let out a fart. She ended up having a major case of diarrhea and basically sh--t all over him. Her fiancée was so disgusted he actually vomited everywhere, including on himself and her.

That my friend is probably one of the worst sexual experiences I have ever heard.

Eww [mental images]

Sarah

That's why I stand away from having sex with a guy that is drunk because they have the ability to stay hard forever. I call it a "drunken di¢k" because it don't know when to go low. Even if the guy is tired.

I wonder does this happens to all drunk guys. Hmm!

liz28:

Yes. Yes it does.

However, if the guy's ridiculously drunk, then no, it's hard to get it at... attention.

You got to have the right amount of "drunk"...

liz28:

yes. yes it does.

however, if the guy's ridiculously drunk, then no, it's hard to get it at...attention.

You gotta have the right amount of "drunk"...

Interesting so what is the right amount of " drunk" Hehe!

Age is a factor as well. At 19 about 6 shots and a smoke and it was all night long. At 25 with 10 shots it was no go. Now I don't drink.

Age is a factor as well. At 19 about 6 shots and a smoke and it was all night long. At 25 with 10 shots it was no go. Now I don't drink.

How many shots does a 36 year old have to drink?

Well, this didn't actually happen to me but to a close friend.

She's a gorgeous girl and likes to have a good time - she's out one evening at the local nightclub, having a few drinks and a few dances. Meets up with a guy - good looking, nicely built, but dances a bit weird. They hit it off, laughing and drinking. Both end up drinking a bit too much and catch a taxi to his place.

Play around for a bit then head for the bedroom. Lights go out, get into bed, things get hot and heavy... then she hears a huge thump/clunk. "What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answers.

Sort of put a dampener on the foreplay she said...

Well, this didn't actually happen to me but to a close friend.

She's a gorgeous girl and likes to have a good time - she's out one evening at the local nightclub, having a few drinks and a few dances. Meets up with a guy - good looking, nicely built, but dances a bit wierd. They hit it off, laughing and drinking. Both end up drinking a bit too much and catch a taxi to his place.

Play around for a bit then head for the bedroom. Lights go out, get into bed, things get hot and heavy.... then she hears a huge thump/clunk. "What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answers.

Sort of put a dampener on the foreplay she said....

lol sounds kind of fake =P

lol sounds kinda fake =P

It isn't! Trust me, we talked about it for ages afterwards.

"What was that" she asks - "er, that was my wooden leg", he answersHello again:

I don't know. I had a girl with a wooden leg once. Didn't mind it at all. In fact, it was pretty good. Had nothing to do with her stump, though.

excon

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "I have some real wood going on down there..."

I won't go into details, but let's just say doggy-style and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are not a good combination.

~ Tee

I won't go into details, but let's just say doggy-style and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are not a good combination.

~ Tee

Shouldn't have read this after lunch... :(

Shouldn't have read this after lunch... :(

I hope you was able to hold your lunch down. Hehe

My worst would probably be one new years eve...
We went on a holiday down the coast and my partner and I were drunk off our heads and we decided to go to a walk down to a park.

We found a big cement wall to do out 'thing' behind
All was good, had lots of fun...

We drove past the next morning and realised that the "big" wall was actually only a foot high and the park was littered with beer bottles from party goers...

Apparently there was a big party there that night... we didn't notice them but I'm sure a few people noticed us!!

My worst would probably be one new years eve...
We went on a holiday down the coast and my partner and I were drunk off our heads and we decided to go to a walk down to a park.

We found a big cement wall to do out 'thing' behind
All was good, had lots of fun...

We drove past the next morning and realised that the "big" wall was actually only a foot high and the park was littered with beer bottles from party goers...

Apparently there was a big party there that night... we didn't notice them but I'm sure a few people noticed us!!!!

Haha... don't tell me it was schoolies week?

That would have been crazy, little hign school kids watching. Bet they got more than they expect to see at schoolies... Lol!

Honk if you love Liz' new icon!

Liz, at 36 I was married and had kids. Shots didn't matter, just time!

My real worst was when the 14 year old self styled "Supervirgin" barged in and proceeded to deliver three acts of teenage drama while we were naked.

Yes, Liz, the drama was about us being naked.

Most of the dialogue was "Eww!"

Haha, I can just imagine the look on their faces XD

Ugh... I have one. It's actually kind of gross. ><

I have a medical issue to where I'm not able to have children, or have a menstrual cycle. Any guy I've dated intimately always doubts me when I tell them about this medical thing, which I usually try to explain before we get too serious. Well, the normal reaction is for the guy to think I'm lying, or pretending. Or at least be a little suspicious. Kind of like a girl telling a guy she's on birth control when she's not.

Though he did express the initial doubt, this boyfriend was pretty happy to find out he was dating a woman that didn't have a week off every month, lol.

So about 2 months into our relationship, we were having an intimate night at his apartment. He was using his fingers on me, and he got a little rough. After a while, it started to feel raw, so I suggested we have sex.

The lights were off. He grabbed a tissue, and wiped off his hands. Right at that moment, the doorbell rang, and his phone went off at the same time. It was his roommate, who forgot his keys.

So he throws on some shorts and a shirt in the dark, and runs out to let him in. Afterwards, he went into the bathroom, and stayed there for a really long time.

I was agonizing over the awkward interruption, and wondering what the holdup was when I rolled over in the bed. I saw the tissue in the waste basket, covered with blood. I had time for my eyes to widen, when my boyfriend walked into the bedroom with a VERY pissed off look on his face.

Long story short... after a very bad night of me freaking out, and trying to prove I wasn't a liar, I challenged him to come to my doctor with me so we could find out what was going on.

I explained to the gynecologist what we were doing when this happened. She examined me, and then simply turned to him, and said, "looks like you need to cut your fingernails, sir." Smiled at me, advised me the nurse will be back in with some treatment, and left the room.

We're still together, lol.

Hmmm my worst sexual experience had to be my first time... I am a bigger girl so this guy was a big guy unfortunately not down there so it consisted of maybe about ten huumps with a gear shift in my back... yes we were in one of those small toyota trucks... he did not even pop my cherry... I was llike wow I didn't feel a thing.. we never saw each other again

It wasn't my worst experience - I don't kiss and tell - but it WAS my roommate's. (She kisses and I tell on her.)

We were living in NYC, she was dating this (she thought) fabulous guy, finally one night they went back to his place to do the deed. He had mentioned how clean he was, how clean he needed his partner to be, blah, blah, blah, on several occasions and she thought it was just bedroom chatter. Anyway, he tells her that he likes "his women" (a phrase which would have caused me to run out of the room) to douche before sex. She said OK but she (obviously) didn't run around with the equipment in her purse.

He said he had disposable douches in the bathroom, she went in, opened the linen closet - and he had every make, manufacturer, type, mixture in the World. Boxes and boxes of them.

While she's staring at the supply he's outside the door asking if he can watch.

Back out she marched and she arrived back at our apartment, alone and in a cab. She never saw him again although he called more than a few times.

Takes all sorts of people -

Oh my Judy... I would have run for the hills too!
That guy sounds like a major creep!

OMG Judy! I wonder if he also had a supply of pregnancy tests in another closet, and razors of all types in a drawer.

Creep!

Ooooh mine is so gross.

I was at my boy friends house. He has 2 very large boxer/pit bulls. Sweetest dogs in the world. We were having sex and really enjoying ourselves, when all of a sudden I feel something COLD against my... well... yeah.

His boy dog aparently thought I belonged to HIM lol. Cause he wouldn't let my boy friend do anything to me till he kicked the dog out of the room!!

It wasn't my worst experience - I don't kiss and tell - but it WAS my roommate's. (She kisses and I tell on her.)

We were living in NYC, she was dating this (she thought) fabulous guy, finally one night they went back to his place to do the deed. He had mentioned how clean he was, how clean he needed his partner to be, blah, blah, blah, on several occasions and she thought it was just bedroom chatter. Anyway, he tells her that he likes "his women" (a phrase which would have caused me to run out of the room) to douche before sex. She said OK but she (obviously) didn't run around with the equipment in her purse.

He said he had disposable douches in the bathroom, she went in, opened the linen closet - and he had every make, manufacturer, type, mixture in the World. Boxes and boxes of them.

While she's staring at the supply he's outside the door asking if he can watch.

Back out she marched and she arrived back at our apartment, alone and in a cab. She never saw him again although he called more than a few times.

Takes all sorts of people -

That's it! You just busted my Creep-O-Meter!:eek:

Holy mackerel! What a freak (not in a good way-either)

Oh P.S. Did he use them on himself FIRST?? What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander!

I'm feeling ill...

I think Judy topped us all on this one. Liz, you started it, whaddaya think.

Wow... judy, DEFINITELY tops the list there.

My worst sexual experience... my worst sexual experience...

... come to think of it, I can't really think of one. I mean, I've had the full gamut of girls who cried and cried and cried (they... were... virgins. They didn't tell me... until after), and then I've had girls who have YELLED at me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with them (um... so we just met, and slept together, and you asked if we could be bf/gf... seriously? OH yes, and yelling at me at 4am... til 7am... really doesn't do much for me wanting to be your bf)...

There WAS an ex of mine who "didn't like condoms"... but wasn't on the pill... so I did what most horny teens do, and utilized the famous "pull out method" (any teens on this thread, take this opportunity to LEARN from me... NEVER do this). One time, I was about to *leave the store* and she wrapped her legs around me and said, "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and wouldn't let me *leave the store*... at which point I was contemplating taking the stairs with her and "accidentally tripping and pushing her down"... (just kidding)

... but yeah. Nothing as crazy as you folks. Just... the... scares.

...come to think of it, I can't really think of one. I mean, I've had the full gamut of girls who cried and cried and cried (they...were...virgins. They didn't tell me...until after), and then I've had girls who have YELLED at me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with them (um...so we just met, and slept together, and you asked if we could be bf/gf...seriously? OH yes, and yelling at me at 4am...til 7am...really doesn't do much for me wanting to be your bf)....



Once upon a time I had a husband who had dated a LOT in the years between his divorce and when we met and he had a wonderful tale of meeting a woman, during the first date she took off her shoe and fondled his "crotch" with her foot in an expensive restaurant (and my husband was a very conservative man but apparently decided to walk on the wild side), they went back to her place, they rolled around for a while. Afterward - and this was in June - she asked if they'd be spending Christmas with her family or his.

He bolted!

Some women -

Yeah. I think I've told you tales of the "Blueberry muffin girl"...

If not, here: If you HAVE read it, then move on...


I... um... y'know what, my last relationship wasn't even a "bad" one... sure, it ended god-awfully... but here are some of my "dating nightmares"

It's a long one. Enjoy:

Blueberry Muffin Girl

When I met Blueberry Muffin Girl (BMG), I had been broken up with my girlfriend for three days. I was an emotional wreck, as we’d been together for 3.5 years. We had virtually lived together for two years, spent every waking moment (except the moments that we were in class) together. We were six months away from graduating, when she pulled the infamous “I need space” bullcrap. By this time, we were planning on moving in together after graduation, living together for a year or two, then getting married. Life could not have been any more “set” than I had hoped. Then it happened. She began distancing herself for a couple of days and then set the timer on the “breakup bomb”…and it couldn’t have come at a better time, with a week left before finals. After the “I need space” crap (author’s note: to any T-shirt manufacturers, that quote should really be a logo), I didn’t sleep for three days and had barely eaten. So, technically, BMG brought a small glimmer of light to my hopelessly dark life.

I will be brutally honest: BMG wasn’t attractive. She was not what most guys would call “attractive.” She didn’t have a great personality that enhanced her appearance, either. She was just that quiet girl in class that no one really spoke to, and nothing about her really compelled anyone to speak to her. We met while we were studying in the library, began talking little bit by bit, and eventually went out to lunch, then dinner, then to the movies. She was good company, someone to just talk to about my day and to get my mind off my ex. One night in particular actually sets her apart from my other dates that place her in my “Dates from Hell” category.

One night, we went out to a dinner and a movie. She had parked her car at my place, and I drove to our destinations. When we returned, around 2am, we found that her car’s tire had gone flat. It was raining and it was two in the morning…there was no way I was changing her tire for her. So I offered her to stay at my place and that I would change her tire in the morning. At this point, I had no intention of anything happening that night. She was a great person to talk to, but I was just not physically attracted to her.

I offered her my bed while I slept on the couch in the living room…lights out.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of muffins baking in the oven, my dishwasher running through its cycle, and my washing machine on its cycle . My reaction to this smell was a series of mixed emotions:

“Mmm….yummm…”

Opened my eyes.

“What the hell…who’s baking…?”

BMG was baking blueberry muffins. I was a little alarmed at this, as it screamed “I’m ready to be a housewife,” but I dusted it off as a nice gesture.

“Morning, you baking?”

“Yeah, I figured since you paid for dinner last night, I’d make you breakfast.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“No problem…hope you don’t mind, I took your car this morning to buy some groceries for you too.”

“Oh…ok…thanks…I guess.”

I brushed off the idea of her driving my car…as it was already spilled milk. No crying over it. I turned on the television and relaxed on the couch, and then it happened.

About ten minutes into a morning show, my roommate came out of his room, scratching his head, with the “I just woke up and I’m extremely confused” look.

“Who’s baking brownies?”

“That would be BMG…baking muffins.”

“Sweet…she’s a keeper.”

I silently screamed and waved NO, DEAR GOD, NO! To my roommate, turned to BMG, who had a sly grin on her face, while baking away.

Then it hit me…

“Roomie, you just wake up?”

“Yeah…”

“…you didn’t do the dishes?”

“No…why?”

At this, we both turned to BMG, who answered politely, “Your sink was filled with dirty dishes. I figured, why not?”

We both grumbled a thanks…well, I grumbled while my roommate cheered.

Then another thought hit me.

I whispered, “Roomie…PLEASE tell me you did the laundry this morning.”

Without even saying a word, we both looked at BMG.

“BMG, are you…doing my laundry?”

“Yeah, I was exploring your room last night and saw that your laundry pile was pretty big, so I decided to do it.”

At this point, I was ready to couple over and hurl. I couldn’t believe the crap I was hearing. This girl, who I had met only a week or two ago, had touched my dirty shirts, pants, socks, and underwear.

I could have sworn my eyes were trembling like I was in REM-sleep as I was in full-out panic mode, not unlike the time I was in an earthquake, when she interrupted, “I hope that’s ok…”

“…oh…yeah, that’s fine…thanks, but you really didn’t have to do that…thanks, though…”

A wave of panic, fear, and nausea came over me again and again. The thought didn’t escape me: She.Touched.My.Dirty.Clothes.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I immediately got up, with enough determination that BMG and my roommate both stared at me. I looked at BMG and quickly said, “I’m going to fix your tire…roomie, wanna come?” as I grabbed my roomie’s arm and went outside.

“Dude, did she really…do your laundry?”

I nodded.

“Holy %#@%! She’s a keeper!”

He must have seen the look on my face, as he immediately recoiled:

“Just kidding. She’s…kinda bonkers huh?”

We fixed her tire together in silence. We ate in silence. She then left, with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I never…picked up her calls again.

*Author’s note: Many women will say, “God, what an . She was just being nice! The least you could do was reply to her calls!” To this, I say…no. Sorry. You can ask any guy. Doing a guy’s laundry…after two weeks of knowing him…is insane. Sorry. How would you feel if some guy you “dated” for two weeks did your laundry without you knowing? That’s right.

Then, I've also had the pleasure of going on a date with a BEAUUUUTIIIIFFUL girl who I was very interested in, and after a few dates, I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch (around... mid-march) and her response was, "How's April 25 sound?"

... I.. was... speechless.

Sneezy: all I can say...

Wow BMG... what a nutjob.

Guess you have that effect on the ladies? :p

Sneezy, too funny -

She sounds like a stalker. I once dated a guy (and I never realized you could even do this) who had some type of control in his car so you could set a garage door to open and close from the car, without the remote. Well, he picked me up, I went out through the garage door, came back in through the garage door at the end of the date. I have dogs and they jump around when I get home so if the door reopened and closed after I came into the house, I didn't notice, but it was closed when I locked the house up.

Worked the next day, came home to a bouquet ON THE TRUNK OF MY CAR INSIDE MY GARAGE. Nice card from him but, again, FLOWERS INSIDE MY GARAGE.

I called him and said thanks and did I leave the garage door open? He said, no, he had programmed it in when he dropped me off. Said it as calmly and matter as factly as you would order coffee in a restaurant. I was shocked that he would do that... and admit it.

I still have nightmares of what would have happened if I had EVER allowed him inside my house - or had a relationship with him.

YIKES! I had the code changed and now I am very careful to go in and out of the front door - apparently if the garage door is open one of these built-into the car things can read the code.

That's really scary Judy :eek:

JudyKayTee agrees: And did you even know this is POSSIBLE?

I have heard of it being done but I had no idea it could be done so easily, I thought it was only a thing in movies!

That's not supposed to be do-able from the car. You're supposed (I thought) to have to get up at the opener to read the codes. Nothing is safe from hackers, I guess. Scare-y!

That's not supposed to be do-able from the car. You're supposed (I thought) to have to get up at the opener to read the codes. Nothing is safe from hackers, I guess. Scare-y!


My new car has the same device and, yes, you have to have one person standing (on a ladder), at the garage door overhead device, pressing the "set" button and the other person pressing the "set" button in the car.

His did not need to do this.

Well, The first time I was having sex was in an upstairs bedroom at a party.

I had just got my penis in and was going when something rammed into my head really hard and I had no idea what it was . I turned the lights on and turns out that is was a damn cat. It kind of ruined the mood a bit but still got the job done.

One other time was all in my fault. I was having sex with this girl I had just met a few hours before hand and I was going down on her and kissing her and doing everything to get turned on but I just couldn't keep a hard on for anything. I did here and there and we got going for a bit but I never could keep it. That was so embarrassing. It only happened to me that one night and hopefully never again.

I don't think I have anything else to bring to the table right now.

I loved your story liz. Lol I don't know what I would do with 2 inches.

mudweiser agrees: What a ding dong-- she forgot to vacuum, windex your windows, clean your fridge AND make the bed while you were still in it.. Gawd. I at least would've done THAT.

You have NO idea how attractive you are to me right now...

My worst sexual experience...my worst sexual experience...

...come to think of it, I can't really think of one.

Me neither. Of course, they weren't all good, but even the worst seem not-so-bad from a distance of thirty years.

Me neither. Of course, they weren't all good, but even the worst seem not-so-bad from a distance of thirty years.


That's the advantage of age - of course, I also can't remember what I had for breakfast

That's the advantage of age - of course, I also can't remember what I had for breakfast

What's this breakfast thing people keep talking about? :confused:

I'm a little vague on the details so I can't answer that.

How many shots does a 36 year old have to drink?

Oh god! When I get drinking I call myself Polly Pornstar. All shyness breaks free and you better lay back and enjoy the show... or ride.

Oh god! When I get drinking I call myself Polly Pornstar. All shyness breaks free and you better lay back and enjoy the show.... or ride.

After a few shots of whiskey you can call me anything you like;)
After a few rounds of vodka I'm your best friend
After a few cocktails I'm just silly.

Different alcohol, different outcome when it comes to me.

Muddy's drink of choice: Three Wise Men Shot (http://www.drinksmixer.com/cat/475/)

Sarah

OK so I am on the 2" penis train here. I have had one of those. But the sadest part is, at the time he was older quite a bit. Had been divorced for a long time. But as we are getting ready to go at it I was shocked at how small it was and thought it was OK to go ahead. I am willing to try. But with some tricky moves he was able to finish. As he is laying there he feels the need to tell me he hasn't had sex in 14 years since his divorce. Oh god! I didn't know how to feel at that point. Happy to help him out or sad for his lack of... well he was hard to shake off after that right. I think OK I will try this again. Well this time around he apparently went out and bought some books to read on how to hit the g-spot and make a woman . He actually had the balls to take out the books and show me what he was studying and the pictures of the female organs the books said to explore and all this. I was speechless. I had to get out of there. I mean come on! Your 44 years old at that time, your showing me your reading books on how to have sex?? Hmmm that one scared me.

This one is super super gross to me. I had this boyfriend and we were out drinking one night. It was getting hot and heavy back at his place. We are taking off our clothes and ready to get the job done and instantly it hit me I was having my period and my tampon was in. Crap! I mean we were ready. Well I didn't know what to do. I pulled my tampon out and slid it down the side of the bed and the wall. I know super gross but I didn't want to lose the moment. Well we finished and fell asleep and I long forgotten what I had done since we were pretty drunk. A couple days later he finds it and asks if it was mine. I was like "NO!" haha like I would admit it. So he starts blaming his brother who lived with him at the time and his floozy girlfriend. I never said a word.

Well, there was the first time I had sex with my fiancé and we were planning on waiting a little bit because I wanted to show her that I respected her and all that. Well anyway, we were making out and rubbing all over each other when we decided to do it. Well, I grabbed a condom and we got to it. After a few minutes, she decided to stop and I agreed to her wanting to wait. Then I looked at the condom and was like, what the hell is all over the condom? It was a red condom and I thought somewhow the stuff was running off. Then I started smelling this horrible horrible smell and started gagging. I asked her what it was and she didn't know. I almost threw up before making it to the shower to wash off this "condom mess"

A couple months later I smelled the same smell and the condom was clear with a new red color and I learned that both of the times she had started her period and didn't know it yet. She knew it the first time but let me believe that it was the condom for a long time until she finally admitted it here recently. She was just to embarrassed to admit it. Lol

Also, there was a time when my friend had met met up with some girl to have sex with and he was really drunk and he was in the backseat of his car and just did get his window down in time to puke over her instead of on her and for some reason they continued to have sex.

Adam what do you mean by "you don't know what you would do with 2 inches either?" What would you doing with a penis anyway?

Then I started smelling this horrible horrible smell and started gagging. I asked her what it was and she didn't know. I almost threw up before making it to the shower to wash off this "condom mess"

A couple months later I smelled the same smell and the condom was clear with a new red color and I learned that both of the times she had started her period and didn't know it yet. She knew it the first time but let me believe that it was the condom for a long time until she finally admitted it here recently. She was just to embarrassed to admit it. Lol



You find menstrual blood to have a horrible smell and make you gag? There actually are people who have intercourse straight through their periods.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Honestly - I'm surprised by this.

You find menstrual blood to have a horrible smell and make you gag? There actually are people who have intercourse straight through their periods.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Honestly - I'm surprised by this.

True story, my health education teacher in the ninth grade told the whole class that having intercourse while a woman was menstrating was what he enjoyed best because it was natural lubrication when you get older and women aren't naturally as wet.

Telling a room full of fourteen year olds this... you can imagine how it went over? It still haunts me to this day, just the thought of this conversation taking place.

To top it all off, the teacher now shows up to my poker games and I have dealt and played with him a few times... I recognized him right away and he still has no idea how much he tramatized me.

You find menstrual blood to have a horrible smell and make you gag? There actually are people who have intercourse straight through their periods.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Honestly - I'm surprised by this.

Yeah, I don't think the smell was related to menstrual blood. I've had sex lots of times when my partner was menstruating, and the only difference was a little more (and more colorful) mess to clean up afterwards. Some women seem to get really horny during their period, and if their partner has enough sense not to be grossed out, he can have a great time.

it was natural lubrication when you get older and women aren't naturally as wet.
I guess post-menopausal women are SOL, huh? There's always K-Y, I guess.

I guess post-menopausal women are SOL, huh? There's always K-Y, I guess.


Or men who take their time and know what they're doing -

Me neither. Of course, they weren't all good, but even the worst seem not-so-bad from a distance of thirty years.

OK, I've thought about this some more, and now I know what my worst sexual experience was. It was the last time I had sex with my wife. It was about five years ago, and I don't remember a thing about it.

You find menstrual blood to have a horrible smell and make you gag? There actually are people who have intercourse straight through their periods.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Honestly - I'm surprised by this.


I have sex through my period. My husband could care less. I don't flow super heavy so its never an issue, but even so he doesn't care. Still feels as good and who cares, throw down a towel.

I have sex through my period. My husband could care less. I dont flow super heavy so its never an issue, but even so he doesnt care. Still feels as good and who cares, throw down a towel.


Oh, good - I thought it was only me.

Oh, good - I thought it was only me.

Nope, it's not just you.

Nope, it's not just you.


I've never had anyone comment on odor before, particularly to the gagging stage. That's what startled me.

I've never had anyone comment on odor before, particularly to the gagging stage. That's what startled me.

Ya I agree I have no odor really. Hell there were times I was almost done and he would go downtown and never notice. Guess we are the lucky ones.
Oh god is there going to be a thread on our cycles now? Lol

I've never had anyone comment on odor before, particularly to the gagging stage. That's what startled me.

Me either! Some guys are grossed out by it; I get that. But never heard anyone mention a foul odor. May be something else going on...

But I say if he doesn't mind, neither do I. I'll worry about the mess afterwards.

Ha!

My partner and I are waiting till we get married to do it, but she does tell me she wants me to do it during that time of the month too, so we'll see how I go. Thing is, she tells me the has a very very heavy flow. Half the time, when she gets up in the morning during that time, she says it looks like someone was murdered in her bed with the blood everywhere. Oh well, that's something for me to look forward to I guess. Lol!

she tells me the has a very very heavy flow. Half the time, when she gets up in the morning during that time, she says it looks like someone was murdered in her bed with the blood everywhere.

Uhmmmm... TMI :eek:

Bad visuals

My friend told me that he once was dating this girl and they decided to have sex one night. He was drinking but when he was about to go down her her thing smelled horrible enough to make him throw up.

He said he didn't know if it was from the heat because it was a hot summer night but come on. She could have wash down there. It smelled worst than the department of sanition. Me and my fiancé just laughed at the story.

Uhmmmm...............................TMI :eek:

Bad visuals

Haha... tell me about it... sorry for the visuals... but this is something I might have to wake up to, unless she is exaggerating a lot.. which I hope she is. Lol!

Haha... tell me about it... sorry for the visuals... but this is something I might have to wake up to, unless she is exaggerating alot.. which I hope she is. Lol!


LOL... you may need to buy her some sponge pants :D

haha... Tell me about it... Sorry for the visuals... But this is something i might have to wake up to, unless she is exaggerating alot.. Which i hope she is. Lol!

Sleep on the couch! Lol

LOL..............you may need to buy her some sponge pants :D

Or some Depends adult diapers. :eek:

Ha!

My partner and I are waiting till we get married to do it, but she does tell me she wants me to do it during that time of the month too, so we'll see how I go. Thing is, she tells me the has a very very heavy flow. Half the time, when she gets up in the morning during that time, she says it looks like someone was murdered in her bed with the blood everywhere. Oh well, thats something for me to look forward to I guess. Lol!

Maybe she should with a towel under her. Why is there blood everywhere? Hehehe!

Or some Depends adult diapers. :eek:

Yeah but when she takes it off the blood might get over everything. Hehe!

That's just bad!

Haha... she has a towel under her sometimes, but some nights, she forgets and that's when the murder happens. Lucky for me I don't live with her yet and when I do some visit her, her sheets are always nice and clean. Lol! I guess she moves around a lot at night.

Adult diapers... Lol... yeah I'm sure that will go down well with her. Interesting conversation:

Hi hun, I got you some adult diapers so you can use them at that time of the month.

The next night there is blood all over her bed anyway, because I was murdered for saying the word adult diapers. Lol!


(Don't worry, there is a spare room in the house I bought)... lol

Yeah but when she takes it off the blood might get over everything. hehe!

Ok! Ok! This thread is getting out of hand! :(

So do I win the worst sexual exp contest?

Other than the fact I ain't had sex with her yet, but I will in time, do I win? Lol ;)

So do I win the worst sexual exp contest?

Other than the fact I ain't had sex with her yet, but I will in time, do I win? lol ;)

Nope, have you read the other posts?

We've got poop, drool, rotten va jj's, douche fetishes, and kids watching... Holla back once you come out drenched like you're a star in a horror movie... :p

Haha... she has a towel under her sometimes, but some nights, she forgets and thats when the murder happens. Lucky for me I don't live with her yet and when I do some visit her, her sheets are always nice and clean. Lol! I guess she moves around a lot at night.

Adult diapers... Lol... yeah I'm sure that will go down well with her. Interesting conversation:

Hi hun, I got you some adult diapers so you can use them at that time of the month.

The next night there is blood all over her bed anyway, because I was murdered for saying the word adult diapers. Lol!


(Don't worry, there is a spare room in the house I bought)... lol

They have something you can buy at any major store. It looks like half a blanket and is made to absorbed anything. I used to buy it for my daughter when she litle because she used to pee the bed. Hospitals use it but the name of it isn't coming to me. Maybe I will think of the name in the morning.

I thought the spare bedroom was for me. :-( You hurt my feelings. Hehe

Nope, have you read the other posts??

We've got poop, drool, rotten va jj's, douche fetishes, and kids watching... Holla back once you come out drenched like you're a star in a horror movie...:p

Bahahahaha!!

Yeah I've read the other posts. Very interesting

So if I look like this, I'm in with a chance? Or more blood??

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h153/beth_a_rama/update_evildeadremakenoash.jpg

Bahahahaha!!!

Yeah I've read the other posts. Very interesting

So if I look like this, I'm in with a chance? Or more blood???

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h153/beth_a_rama/update_evildeadremakenoash.jpg

OK OK... I"m out of here :eek: :eek:

They have something you can buy at any major store. It looks like half a blanket and is made to absorbed anything. I used to buy it for my daughter when she litle because she used to pee the bed. Hospitals use it but the name of it isn't comming to me. Maybe I will think of the name in the morning.

I thought the spare bedroom was for me. :-( You hurt my feelings. hehe

Haha... cool cool, if you know what its called, let me know. Could save my life... Lol!

And sure, you can have the guest room, I'll sleep in the study... Better to keep my eyes open anyway just in case... :eek:

Bahahahaha!!!

Yeah I've read the other posts. Very interesting

So if I look like this, I'm in with a chance? Or more blood???

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h153/beth_a_rama/update_evildeadremakenoash.jpg

Honestly that made me jump! Good one! Honey if you look like that when your done you had a full course meal and loved it! Haha Then you win in my book.

oK ok..................I"m outta here :eek: :eek:

Haha... mission accomplished... :D

Haha... mission accomplished... :D

Me to, but no mission accomplished here. I am going to bed.

Haha... cool cool, if you know what its called, let me know. Could save my life.... Lol!

And sure, you can have the guest room, I'll sleep in the study... Better to keep my eyes open anyway just incase... :eek:

It can be called anything you want to be. Hehehe

Me to, but no mission accomplished here. I am going to bed.

Haha... well in my mind, my work here is done... lol... because its 11am here.. lol... night night... :)

It can be called anything you want to be. hehehe

Haha... OK then... we'll call them super soakies... :)

Me to, but no mission accomplished here. I am going to bed.

Your going to bed to do what? Don't go to your tickle chest.

Haha... cool cool, if you know what its called, let me know. Could save my life.... Lol!

And sure, you can have the guest room, I'll sleep in the study... Better to keep my eyes open anyway just incase... :eek:

They're called "chux". They're waterproof disposable pads. Used a lot in hospitals.

I really hope you don't have blood all over your face afterwards. :eek:

They're called "chux". They're waterproof disposable pads. Used a lot in hospitals.

I really hope you don't have blood all over your face afterwards. :eek:

Thanks. Will look for them. But I think chux here are different, because they are normal cleaning clothes here, for like wiping windows and stuff.. but all good...

Haha... wish me luck... I'm going to have to be very delicate in this matter...

Thanks. Will look for them. But I think chux here are different, coz they are normal cleaning clothes here, for like wiping windows and stuff.. but all good...

Haha... wish me luck... I'm going to have to be very delicate in this matter...

Here's a site, this is what we're talking about.

NorthShore Care Supply: Underpads (http://www.northshorecare.com/underpads1.html?gclid=CKf0kvrJtZoCFQq3sgodsXUpbw)

Here's a site, this is what we're talking about.

NorthShore Care Supply: Underpads (http://www.northshorecare.com/underpads1.html?gclid=CKf0kvrJtZoCFQq3sgodsXUpbw)

Ha cool! Thanks, Now I have to convince her to let me get them for her, to order something from America... lol! This is going to make her feel sooooo bad... lol

I know why your face would be getting bloody like that but I not going say why. Think about it! Finish thinking? Lol

I know why your face would be getting bloody like that but I not going say why. Think about it! Finish thinking? lol

Haha... I know I know... I'm not as dumb as I look... lol... but its OK... I'm sure she doesn't expect that...

Imagine if BlackVY and his girl had sex in the shower in her Tamp time , it'd look like a scene from "Pshyco"

Imagine if BlackVY and his girl had sex in the shower in her Tamp time , it'd look like a scene from "Pshyco"

Haha... all you'd see is the red stuff going down the drain... Lol!. got to have the theme music playing in the background too... ;)

Imagine if BlackVY and his girl had sex in the shower in her Tamp time , it'd look like a scene from "Pshyco"

I thought you were leaving. I guess not! Hehe

Haha... some people just can't stay away... ;)

we gave up having sex in her shower, mines much bigger and nothings above waist level in there.lol

Exactly how big is your shower?

Haha... tell me about it... sorry for the visuals... but this is something I might have to wake up to, unless she is exaggerating alot.. which I hope she is. Lol!

Gee wiz... good luck with that!. :D

Ha cool! Thanks, Now I have to convince her to let me get them for her, to order something from America... lol! This is going to make her feel sooooo bad... lol

Naw, she may appreciate the thought because clean ups can be awfully time consuming and expensive... :D

Haha... thanks... yeah I can imagine how it would be, so I'm glad I don't have to deal with any of it right now... :)

Haha... thanks... yeah I can imagine how it would be, so I'm glad I don't have to deal with any of it right now... :)

Oh, the joys of what is to come... lol... :p

Oh, the joys of what is to come.....lol.....:p

Haha... yes... "joys"... lol ;)

(Im going to be sleeping in another room 3 days in a month)

Haha... yes... "joys"... lol ;)

(Im going to be sleeping in another room 3 days in a month)

3 days? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... :D

3 days? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...........:D

Ok then... maybe a week... if its more than that, I'm going to be in trouble... Lol!

How do women bleed for a whole week every month and still have enough energy to yell at men so much, and blame in on PMS... lol

Ok then... maybe a week... if its more than that, I'm going to be in trouble... Lol!

How do women bleed for a whole week every month and still have enough energy to yell at men so much, and blame in on PMS... lol

Talent baby... lol...

And hey, wouldn't you be yelling if you had to do that for a week EVERY MONTH too?

Talent baby......lol....

and hey, wouldn't you be yelling if you had to do that for a week EVERY MONTH too?

Haha... good point... Hope I never have to experience that...

And yeah, I would say women are pretty talented... ;)

That was hilarious Smoothy

That was hilarious Smoothy

Umm, I didn't know Smoothy had posted on this thread... :confused:

Umm, are you trying to be mean? He didn't post by the way.

Umm, I didn't know Smoothy had posted on this thread...:confused:

I was thinking that but just left it alone! Haha thank you

Umm, are you trying to be mean? He didn't post by the way.

Why would I be mean to you Adam? Your post said "That was hilarious Smoothy"

Adam is referring to the greenie and the comment left by Smoothy, on the page 17.

Adam do you have PMS? Hehe

Thank you Liz, you are the only one smart enough to figure that out. On the other hand, rude enough to make fun of me like the others. I wonder myself if I pms. Haha

Umm, I didn't know Smoothy had posted on this thread...:confused:
Actually it was a rep that I said on post #167 where I commented.. "if it was me with 2" I'd join the monastery to save the embarrassment". And any poor shmuck with only 2" is going to have a LOT of that in his life.

This has me confuse - ed.

NURSE!

My brain...

HURTS!

This has me confuse - ed.

NURSE!

my brain ...

HURTS!

Why does your brain hurts? Did you eat too much ice cream and then it gave you brain freeze?

Liz,

Google "Firesign Theatre"

It's an oldie

Hey Black I went to bed last night with us talking about your soon to be blood blath, and now I sit here at work and we still talk about it. See what you started.

Haha... don't worry... its all over now... no more blood ;)

Haha is it too late for me to join in this conversation? Its all so funny. I've been sitting here reading all of it and I find myself wanting to say so much!

haha is it too late for me to join in this convo? its all so funny. ive been sitting here reading all of it and i find myself wanting to say so much!

Fire away Jennie :cool:

haha is it too late for me to join in this convo? its all so funny. ive been sitting here reading all of it and i find myself wanting to say so much!

Haha... its never too late... and there is always room for more stories... :)

Jump in with both feet, Jenni.

Liz, it's an old comedy troop

I read the introduction of the book Catsmine and it was funny. I ordered it off Amazon because it seems interesting.

Over the weekend I went camping with my fiancé and friends. By the night everyone was having a good time and 2 of my friends went in the woods to do the dirty deed. However, a few minutes one of my friends returned without the girl and everyone was like "where your girlfriend?" He said, "he ran off because he heard a coyote" Some boyfriend she has.

Over the weekend I went camping with my fiance and friends. By the night everyone was having a good time and 2 of my friends went in the woods to do the dirty deed. However, a few minutes one of my friends returned without the girl and everyone was like "where your girlfriend?" He said, "he ran off because he heard a coyote" Some boyfriend she has.

Gee, the kind of guy EVERY girl wants... NOT! :rolleyes:

I read the introduction of the the book Catsmine and it was funny. I ordered it off of amazon because it seems interesting.

Over the weekend I went camping with my fiance and friends. By the night everyone was having a good time and 2 of my friends went in the woods to do the dirty deed. However, a few minutes one of my friends returned without the girl and everyone was like "where your girlfriend?" He said, "he ran off because he heard a coyote" Some boyfriend she has.

Hahah wow. That's all I can say is wow.


So how is everyone this fine evening? Or morning, or afternoon, which ever the case may be for you :D

liz28 agrees: I Google it. Is it s a book?


Nah it's a comedy show. :P

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
jenniepepsi agrees: maybe she had an infection?[/QUOTE]



Good question - person who posted never came back to let "us" know he was gagging - if it's simply menstruation or something else.

Liz

They got coyotes in New York? Or was that an excuse?