Hey people I'm new to the forums and I thought id start by laying everything on the plate...

Im 20 and I met my girlfriend in work just over 1yr ago. We started going out and within a few months I come to the point that I really love this girl with everything I have, she tells me the same. We see each other basically everyday, cuddle kiss and say I love you - just the usual warm loving relation ship..

Anyway a few months ago, she went on holiday (well away) for a week with her friend and some other people and when she came back she seemed different. I didn't know if she cheated on me and felt bad or something else. But I figured it out and confronted her. I told her, "i think you saw how much fun you can have and now you are having second thoughts" she said, yes I do but I don't want to leave you I love you. I just want to spend more time with my friends, I said OK cool if you want I'm happy for you to do that. (I new because she hinted one night we done the same things over and over every night).

So her friends turned out to be some guys from college, I came round one night after work and she was in college early the next morning so I didn't stay. A few weeks later I turn up at her house after work and she crying badly, I mean falling apart. I kind have new what happened. She said, you won't want to be with me when I tell you "i said you have either cheated on me or slept with somebody behind my back to cry this much"

It turned out, the night I left, she was really upset after I left and "her collage" friend just turned up after me. So she talked to him crying (her head was messed up, and she's a very vounerable person) so he comforted her and she said they kissed. NOt once but on 3 separate occasions of hanging around. Even when I left her house she would go hand and then kiss. (he tells her that he loves her!) really f"$%ing up her head.

Im falling apart her, i just dont know what ive done to deserve this, ive done nothing but love her and care for her. She says shes sorry her head was messed up and she didnt know what she was doing, i pointed out that she did it on 3! occasions. But i said, i love you and i can forgive you i dont want to loose you.

Week later we have a little argument after fixing things. and she tells me i dont know what i want i dont think i want to be with you. I am literally dying here at this point. i thought it was over Full stop. but she says i dont want you completly out of my life, we can spend one more night together. i said ok "crying my eyes out" (but i said i will leave during the night because i can't face leaving you when your awake. so i wake up about 4:30am and move, she wakes up and i can't speak becasue im crying soo bad, I type on my phone "time for me to say goodbye" - she grips me soo tight and shakes her head and says no please, just give it time.

So we decided she needs time, but it killed me not seeing her, so i just text saying hey baby, are you ok im missin you. and she asks if im not doing anything come see me later. I hold her tight and cry saying "I can't loose you, you make my world complete" and she basically says I love you and just give me time and we will be OK. She promised that we would be holding each other in bed again.

But I just don't know, She still hangs about with that guy, but I told her to tell him how you feel etc, and she has. But I just don't trust the guy. He is the type of person to take advantage of somebody even when there drunk. I trust her but I'm just worried, I don't want to loose her I love her and I know she loves me. The pain hurts so bad.

I don't know what to do or what to think. I just feel lost.

Thanks for listening. Rob.

Rob, if she has kissed this guy and been intimate with him, and now gives you this whole space talk, I think she wants to play around with this one, and then fall back to you.

Tell her if she wants to get back with you, that she can't remain in contact with this guy that she cheated on you with. If she truly loves you, it should be a no brainer choice for her.

It seems that she's keeping you around for her life boat. This way in case it doesn't work out with someone else, she will have you to run too. Don't be that. If she is confuse about what she wants then let her be confuse without you because you don't need this confusion in your life. Stop letting her mess with your head. That's why you feel the way you do and I know you don't like that feeling.

Stop hugging, kissing,etc. This only complicate things. You did nothing wrong she cheated on you with her friend and is still hanging around him after he confuss his love for her, so move on. She shared something with him that should have only be shared with you. Let her go and you move on with your life. Let her be confuse with her friend because it sounds like she want to play the field with no commitment to no one. Your instincts was right when you thought something happen so don't ignore them, follow them.

Hi dear, I'm a little pressed for time right now, but will get back with you.
In the meantime, read the first four 'stickies' in the relationships section,and see that you are among many who go through this - and sometimes not only once in life.
At your age, this is probably your 'first real love' and you want to hang on.. that's understandable. So, hang in there, not all is lost yet.
C.U. later - and you'll get a lot of feedback from other good people here to help you. You'll survive this, I promise.

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Until she makes up her mind, don't let her feel that 'friendship with benefits' is what you will put up with. It hurts, I know, but be strong and maintain your self-respect. NO Freebies for her.

Thanks a lot guys for telling me that. Believe me its not the first time I've heard it. The thing is I'm going through hell here with my life, and she keeps me from falling apart. She has told me she loves me and does want to be with me, she's just a little confused at the moment. I love her so much its hard for me to even think about letting her go, She's told me that all she wants to do is get right and hold me, squeeze me and she won't give up on our relationship and I believe her. But I honestly do understand what you guys mean. She also promised me that although were are still on a break, as far as she is concerned were still together, and that what happened with her friend is over. She still sees him because he takes her to college 3days a week and is in the same class. She's not willing to loose me and friend and I accepted that.

I know I am being stupied and making a silly choice here, but there might be light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to hang on.

Rob

Part of loving someone is letting them go. You can't be on a break and still be together. Since your on a break she is free to do what she want, including dating, and you are too. If your love each other, then why you two are not together?

If she ask for space and you want to give it to her, then do so but keep your emotions in tact. Your might get back together or your might not, nothing is guarantee. In the meantime stop doing the things that boyfriends and girlfriends do. It will only leave you confuse. You stated this happen before so this seems to be a cycle, a cycle that should want to break. Protect your heart and watch who you let in it.

I believe that sometimes it is possible to change and not cheat. This happened to me once, and she did not do it again. I was firm, and said that if you want to be together with me you will not see these guys that you have been hanging out with. I was firm and said you break contact or I'm walking, and she agreed. If she comes back, don't be a sucker and continue to let her hang out with these guys.

OK, I think I've sort'a mis-informed you guys. WE are on a "break" but its not a break where we go and date other people. It just for space apart, I think we needed it. We spent every single day together, every single night. We just need to see our friends a little more and I think the more time we spend apart, the more we will miss each other.

We put everything on the plate before we agreed to go through with this, so that the old issues would not be waiting for us when we get back. I understand all of your replys and I am truly grateful.

We will start to see each other more on the 20th, she is house-sitting for her farther and she has asked me to do it with her. I asked is it because you will be on your own and she said no, I think we can sort it out when were alone there.

I guess I will just have to keep you guys informed?

And as I say, I can't stop her from seeing the guy because she's in the same class at college and he takes her to college. She's promised me that its over and she told him there is nothing between us. I do believe her. But if I was to say don't see him, she would have to leave college and I am not stamping on any dream she has to be successful.

Rob.

Hang on? No don't hang on. If she loves you and only you you'd know that and if she picks you won't you have trust issues then with is she at school; is he talking to here there... I think she does care for you a lot but she's not ready to commit to only you. Break up with her; go your separate ways and if after a year you make contact and start things up again maybe she'll have matured to see you were the one... maybe it won't take a year for her to know that even but don't set yourself in turmoil daily waiting for her to decide. Sounds like she has decided and just doesn't know how to not hurt you in the long run by saying it to you.

The question here should be "what do I want?" If seems that you already have a plan and is willing to wait so the question was useless. It's your choice on what you do and if you accept everything then do and realized outcome might not be what you hope for.

Why can't she get a ride to school any other way? Just curious.

That's not the point, she has college 3days a week for 6-7 hours, The lesson she takes he is in it all day everyday. Even if she did it wouldn't make a difference. Im not bothered about it, I trust her. We had a real hear to hear for 4 hours in my car before hand, I trust her I just had to ask her "can I trust you again" and she said yes I want to be with you but give it time, I just need to see my friends more etc, I got a Text message saying "i love you soo much, i missing you i want to squeeze you" I won't give up on us. Ill be OK soon and we can be together again.

Rob

Well Rob, it's up to you. I wouldn't let my girlfriend hang out with a guy that she was kissing on and had some feelings for, and then ask to get back with me. I think it's reasonable to tell her you won't allow it if you are in a relationship, but hopefully if you get back together maybe they won't do anything.

And I just re-read, and he was professing his love for her? Do you want this guy around? I KNOW how men work, most of us don't give a damn if she is with you or not. We will try and get with them anyway. So unless you want this guy there to always be tempting her and trying to make advances with her, put your foot down and say "I will not have him in our life after what happened" if you do get back into this relationship.

She kissed him and told me it was a true mistake, basically the guy loves my girfriend and would do anything to get with her i.e comfort her. I think he actually took advantage of her, you have to know my girlfriend to understand. She's very vunerable when upset, I know its not an excuse to cheat.

She has also told me that she has no feelings for him, as he is like a brother to her. Nothing more then a friend, so I believe her. I love her, and I know she loves me and I also know she knows she made a huge mistake that will never make this relationship the same. We had out weaknesse and we found them out by talking, and we all know over coming out weakneses makes us stronger? Riiight?

But trust me, I know where you guys are coming from and I thank you.

Rob.

It does make you stronger, I just hope that this guy doesn't give you future problems. Because getting back together would be the opportune time to get him out of the relationship, because if she connects with him later on and they continue hanging out, she won't.

He didn't take advantage of her, you stated they kissed on 3 separate occasions and she would hung out from him after leaving you. They shared intimate moments with one another and now he is still hanging around and she knows how he feels. There's two sides to every story and I wonder what his side would be. Not to sound harsh or mean but what is the meaning of your question if you already have a solution and made up your mind on how to proceed?

Well if all does go well for me, I am going to tell her I trust you. But just know, that I don't agree with you hanging with him after everything. Although you have told him no, it doesn't mean he will stop. He is a male after all. He will try something with you when you are least expecting it. But I trust you will make the right choice. etc.

Rob

It's the same old story, Liz. My ex told me that he "was like a brother" Since when do you makeout with your brother? Getting back together, I said you won't be seeing him anymore, even though she wanted to be friends. I put my foot down. "It's him or me, you break off contact or im walking". She changed her phone number for me, and proved herself to me that she would never do such a thing again.

@ liz, I understand, but if you read my past posts my girlfriend was messed up. I asked her wy did you do it 3x and she replied "crying eyes out" I don't know, my head is so messed up at the moment. I just needed sombody there and you wasn't. (I agree I wasn't I was always working) but still no excuse.

Anyway. I'm going to talk to her later about US, ill let you guys know how it went.


Rob

I just people should take responsibility for their own actions and people need to stop making excuses for themselves and others. I screwed up before in relationships but I admitted to them and blamed no one else. I learned also when your with someone you can be blinded and sometimes you have to step back and be the outsider looking in. I like that quote "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". People have to stop being foolish and wake up.

I believe it's honestly possible to come out of a relationship after cheating and become stronger. But each party MUST communicate things thorougly, and she will have to make sacrafices to make up for her sin. If you give her a free pass and just tell her. "Ok, I trust you, please dont do this again" There is a good possibility that it will. You have to make compromise. Show that you are a real man, and you won't be treated like this.

Wake up guy, just from what you wrote, you should have disappeared from her life, when she got back from her "holiday with friends"

I hate to be harsh, but you are a willing participant to a female that lies, and IS cheating, not behind your back, but in your face!! That's pathetic. Everything you wrote, CRIES "cheater to every one that reads this, IF NOT, LET THEM SAY SO, and I hope I'm wrong.

Friends?????????????? I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still in the air on this one. I think it could go either way, depending how much history you have together and how much trust there has been established. She did get weak, but she also told you about it. And you know her true nature more than anyone, so it's your call.

I can see how hard it is to know that the guy likes her and wants her too, and also that she needs to be able to count on him for rides to class. This is a true test for her too. He might keep on trying to win his 'chase' but she could also be strong, again, you know her better than we do.
So, go and have a talk with her, and also see how things are like while house-sitting. If you don't feel that she is distancing herself from you more - and lets you know that in her heart you are still the one, your bond, trust and emotional ties will tell you what to do.

I can see how frustrating it is for you to tolerate other men wanting your girl, but we all know that we cannot lock people up and just keep them for ourselves, we have to learn to live with some problems, no matter where we stand in life. And this, young man is a real test in her strength to keep other men at a distance and a renewed test on your ability to believe her and trust her. Maybe she'll get weak again, maybe not - but it does seem that she is still truthful to you so far.

So, in my opinion, not is all lost yet.

Either way this goes, just know that we are here to listen and help you as much as we can. Life is not a simple black-and-white line... there can be a lot of gray shades and you are the one having to deal with it. Wish you luck, dear.

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Hey guys. I saw her on sat night "i went into the store she works t get food" and she spent her 30min break in my car. She said she missed me and might give me a call to see her sun night.

Comes to almost 10pm (she was out with a girl friend) and she gives me a call to say hey how are you etc. I reply, not too good isn't felt too good all day I might go bed. "she replys - awh, i was going to ask do you want to come aroun" (I was jokin, just wanted her reaction =)

I said, sure ill pick you up, she asked to go my house. We watch a movie in my room and we talk. Before hand we went mcdonalds, I asked her so what exactly did u tell the other guy. She said that we made a mistake that almost cost me losing you and there is nothing between us. I believe her.

Comes to about 12 and she asks how tired am I, I'm fairly tired by now. And she asks, well do you want me to stay here with you tonight. (I was shocked) Sure!. so were cuddling and she basically says. I love you so much, I'm so so sorry I made a mistake. I don't want to ever loose you.

So I think were going to be OK. She relises she has made a huge mistake but I guess that is what humans do, we all learn from them..

So there you have it guys, I think were going to be fine. I hope we will get stronger then we ever was before. Thanks to all you who posted.

Rob

Congratulations Rob, just don't let yourself get walked all over, all right?

Don't worry, when were finally are sorted I will have a real chat. Basically saying look what we have now, is it worth losing over another stupied mistake?

Thanks.

I only read the OP.

Trust me, been there, done that.

No matter how much you love this girl, no matter how much you BELIEVE you can forgive her, the thought of her kissing that other guy will ALWAYS be in your head, especially in difficult times in your relationship, when you fight or disagree about something.

Also, keep in mind that it's not 100% your love for her that wants you to forgive her. It's also your broken ego that wants to know you can win her back from this guy.

The minute she kissed that guy, your relationship broke irreparably. And you can't fix what's broken...

Just let it go.

Am I the only one who thinks that she is still going to play him? I mean she did it 3 other times, and I would imagine she didn't just kiss the other guy. She has been playing you from holiday and you've hung around and when you said you were leaving, she of course said she made a mistake. One I will bet the farm she will make again

I personally believe he is putting himself in a bad situation by not putting his foot down about this guy staying in their lives, but it's his decision.

Unfortunately this is an aged old problem when it comes to relationships and the only tried and true solution is to move on. Yes its hard, yes it hurts. But you are young and this is probably going to happen to you several times before you find the right one. The key words here is "the right one". When you finally meet the one that you are supposed to be with, there isn't any of this nonsense. Everything just fits, you both feel the same and no one cheats!!

OK guys, update.

Me and my girlfriend are Perfect now, were stronger then ever. She has told me and I looked into her eyes as she said it and she wants to be with me..

The bad and seriously weired part.

This other guy, I now know he is obsessed with my girlfriend..

He was texting her all morning and she didn't reply. He then sent a final text about 12:00noon asking is she at my house "she was"

We left my house to go to the skip at 1:40 and he was outside my house! A few doors down waiting for her to come out. OUTSIDE MY HOUSE. I was 1mm away from launching myself at him. AT MY FREAKING HOUSE. Hes stalking her. I only relised how bad it was in work speaking to my friend. He was at my house "for god knows how long" waiting for her to leave. My girlfriend told me that he hates the fact that she spends time with me (im like tough sh!t you're my gf" she walked out first and he got out of the car, I then walked out and he got in and sped off. Ive told her, look put an end to this or I will.


She said he's her friend, I told her. Baby, if he's your friend he shoud be happy for you no matter what. Hes not, He is now stalking you. Tell him to back off! So she is going to tell him 2moz. Basically look if your freakin me out, your following me. If your not happy for me then leave me totally alone..

That's a twist I didn't see :/


But yea, thanks guys - me and my girl are fine now. Thanks to all for listening and giving advice? Any thoughts about the update?

Rob.

We can only wait and see what actions she takes, that will be soon I hope.

If this happened today, why didn't she address it today instead of tomorrow?

It happened yesterday. And she was with me all day and then onto work. + when he sped off, if he stayed I would have probably inflicted serious harm. She is telling him tonight guys :)


Rob.

Tell her to change her number, this should help solve part of the problem. Tell the guy if you see him outside your house stalking or watching you that you will come looking for him if it happens again, do this through her cell before the number is changed.

Yeah I will. I was freaked out :/ and really angry.

She might not be going back to college after the half term break. They want even more money off her now, and the credit crunch in the UK sux. So that will solve the problem of not seeing him either.

But yes, 99% of you who replyed and thought it was over. I fought for that 1% and it happened. Love is never lossed. Were OK now, My girl even asked me last night,

"rob can i ask you something"
Me-"what about"
"us"
Me-"ohh deer god, if its bad no."
"no its not - promise me you will be with me forever?"

Me-" :D :D of course i will, i aint going anywhere"

So there you have it guys. I think were OK. Stronger. Having more fun. Thank you guys.

Rob.

Glad things worked out, just don't be blind. Love can do that, if things get weird again. Step outside of the box and take a look, things may be a little clearer if you know what I mean. Good luck! I wish you happiness!

3-4 month on update. We are happy, and we are young'ish but we decided the best way to show everyone how much we love/want to be with each other, is to go further.

We are now engaged. As from Christmas Night. Im so happy now it feels unreal. Lets see what the future holds.


Thank you Rob