Puter angry, must go fix, back later. Ahhhhhh! Starby, did you get my puter sick? Grrrrr! ;)

I would like to know HOW you will do all of this.


Aaaaaaaaahhh...

By moving this over there... and taking some of that for over here... and oh yeah, a little borrowing... just a little...

BUT like all the other candidates... I am telling everyone what they want to hear (right?) and THEN... we can worry about all this STUFF later... K?

DUCK SOUP on every table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not buying it!!

I am not buying it!!!



PLEASE?

Purty PLEASE? A "Pink and Black" pretty PLEASE?

We need a "NEW FRESH START"... We can change things... "YES WE CAN!"

Hence the name, STARTOVER!

Nice try but everything in my life seems to be accociated with my username lately!;)
No way, you need to give me something more

Okey Dokey...

Whatcha want dear?

Oooh, the sky's the limit Starty, he's asking what you want, don't hold back, go for the gold. :)

I want all of what you said, but I want a realistic way of getting it...
I am being difficult for you, huh?
ALTY, I will take gold too... lmao

Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day (http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=933)

I will provide for all you gals: a decent looking dumb guy to entertain you..

Can I have a wish too President Stringer? I want a maid, or two. ;)

Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day (http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=933)

I will provide for all you gals: a decent looking dumb guy to entertain you.......?

But I'm already married. :D

Damn people..

Oooops... sorry... I mean; just "mark" and "X" beside my name.. "Stringer"... K?

But I'm already married. :D

Ah huh... and your point is?:)

X marks the spot. ;)

Ah huh.....and your point is?:)

I don't need two dumb handsome entertainers. ;):p

Can I have a wish too President Stringer? I want a maid, or two. ;)


How about 4.. :p

How about 4.....?:p

Dang, I don't know if I can handle 4. Could the maids be smart, easy on the eyes, clean machines? ;)

I don't need two dumb handsome entertainers. ;):p


Just think... two... to cater to your EVERY whim? To wait on you hand and foot... and double the income..!

JUST "X" it!:D

Stringer, I am laughing so hard...

Dang, I don't know if I can handle 4. Could the maids be smart, easy on the eyes, clean machines? ;)

Yep... and they can all be Cabana Boys... and after they finish cleaning they will bring you all the nice cold drinks you want.




V.... O... T... E for Stringer!:rolleyes:

Damn people......!

Oooops ....sorry...I mean; just "mark" and "X" beside my name.."Stringer".....K?


TOLD YA you couldn't stand the heat... :D

Stringer, I am laughing so hard....

Yes!! That is another thing I will guarantee; Absolutely... everyone will always be: LMAO! You will have so much laughter that your sides will hurt... yep!:D

Question, can I vote? I can't vote here in Canada, so I don't think I can vote in the US.

I think you might have to do without my vote dear Stringer. :(

TOLD YA you couldn't stand the heat.....:D

I already "out of the Kitchen" you guys are tuff...

All I want is your vote and everything will be a "bed of roses.":rolleyes:

Maxy just asked me "mom, if I spell POOP will I have to go to my room?" LMAO I said "No as long as your penmanship is nice!!" Oh geeze, my mothering skills are not so good right now!

Question, can I vote? I can't vote here in Canada, so I don't think I can vote in the US.

I think you might have to do without my vote dear Stringer. :(


No, no, no... IT'S OK... Chicago style politics's... ya know.:)

(Sssssshhhhhhh... I even got a few names of the local gravestones... Sssshhhhh!)

Maxy just asked me "mom, if I spell POOP will I have to go to my room?" LMAO I said "No as long as your penmanship is nice!!" Oh geeze, my mothering skills are not so good right now!

LMAO, that's priceless.

You know how Sydney learned to spell puppy? I told her, it's pee ewww, pee pee, why?

In other words, pee ew, I smell, pee, pee, why did you pee pee. ;)

It works. Sadly, now she won't say the word puppy, she just spells it. :eek:

No, no, no.......IT'S OK.....Chicago style politics's....ya know.:)


You'll have to explain this Chicago style politics, I've never voted in my entire life. :(:eek:

I already "out of the Kitchen" you guys are tuff......

All I want is your vote and everything will be a "bed of roses.":rolleyes:

Roses have thorns. :eek:

No, no, no.......IT'S OK.....Chicago style politics's....ya know.:)

(Sssssshhhhhhh.....I even got a few names of the local gravestones....Sssshhhhh!)


I knew I said no for a GOOD reason! :D :cool:

Roses have thorns. :eek:


My fave song... here lets link it!
YouTube - Poison - Every Rose Has it's Thorn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu2DA4I4TGw)

AND you know who is coming to the OREGON STATE FAIR??
You guessed it, I could totally go see these guys this weekend... LOL

You'll have to explain this Chicago style politics, I've never voted in my entire life. :(:eek:


You didn't get this part?

"(Sssssshhhhhhh.....I even got a few names of the local gravestones....Sssshhhhh!)"

Ah, I see Stringer. Wait, are you going to kill me if I don't vote for you?:eek:

Put the whip down, put it down, no, no, nooooooooo. HELP!!

PINK! :D

I knew i said no for a GOOD reason!!:D :cool:

Wait a minute now... one of the national candidates is from Chicago... :rolleyes: ;) :eek:

Ohhh goodness, I wonder what this little gem piece of AMHD would be like NOW if there were another Pink and Black thread... you guys get dirty just talking about politics... sheesh;);)
PINK! YES!

PINK, PINK, PINK!!!!!!!

Where's my afternoon pill? The guards aren't taking very good care of us Pres. :(

Ah, I see Stringer. Wait, are you going to kill me if I don't vote for you?:eek:

Put the whip down, put it down, no, no, nooooooooo. HELP!!!!!!!!

PINK! :D


Ah HA!! Do you want Susy back? We can talk about it... first you got to mark the "X":cool:

I got to make lunch no matter who the president is... so see you in a bit;)

Ah HA!!!!!!!! Do you want Susy back? We can talk about it.......first you gotta mark the "X":cool:


That's blackmail! I, I, hmmmm, um, is there a downside to this? I, ah, Starty, help, he's offering to give me back Salvador if I vote for him. Can he be trusted? HELP!

PINK! :)

Where are my pills? :eek:

Don't say another word ALTY!

Davy was mad at me and she and I were in her room, she went out the door, and I stayed in. She yelled... "I love you dad, the best, you are the best ever" Just so I could hear her...
I gave it a few minutes and I came rushing out attacked her to the floor, said... "anything you say can and WILL be held against you!!" She laughed and we made up!

Don't say anything ALTY... LOL

Ohhh goodness, I wonder what this little gem peice of AMHD would be like NOW if there were another Pink and Black thread......you guys get dirty just talking about politics...sheesh;);)
PINK! YES!

PINK & BLACK... FOREVER!! :D

You guys have been talkative for the last few hours.

I was gone for just a little bit and now there is about 15 pages for me to read :eek:

What's up other than all this election talk??

Ya... what he said!

Hi you Biggie! I am just feeding kids and getting ready to go crazy on this house... it WILL sparkle when I am done. How is the shooting? You want to know what we bought Jett for his 7th birthday? A bow... I can't wait to try it out!

I only got to go shooting that once, but I think I'm going to drop off my permit application at the police station tonight. I have a lot of stuff to do before the end of this week...

Hopefully by the end of the day I can get my haircut and maybe even do some shopping for clothes. I have to go through all my old clothes too and start getting rid of the ones I don't wear :(

I only got to go shooting that once, but I think im going to drop off my permit application at the police station tonight. I have a lot of stuff to do before the end of this week....

Hopefully by the end of the day I can get my haircut and maybe even do some shopping for clothes. I have to go through all my old clothes too and start getting rid of the ones I don't wear :(

Yep... I agree, that makes a lot of sense.:)

School is starting so I did that for all the kids, I took it all to the good will the other day. Good idea... get on that cleaning out the closet stuff BIGGIE!

Can I ask why you are trying to get a permit? Any reason or you just want to?

Well it was more fun that I expected when I took the class and its just something that I've sort of always wanted. Something I'd like to have when I have my own place as well, for personal protection. Mostly just because I think it will be a fun hobby :)

Thanks for the reply... I just wondered and inmy mind, I take a poll of why people would want to do that. I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all;)

I started shooting a while back, but I actually finally picked up the permit when I tried to start my own restaurant... restaurant didn't go as planned, but now starting another one (open in a week!! )... so I'm sort of semi-glad I kept my permit.

That is one thing I never did ask about... Sneeze, what kind of restaurant? Happy for you, I would love to have my own some day!

Oh boy,

Just went on Facebook and my buddy decided to put some nice embarrassing pictures of me from the wedding on there...

I hate these online things lol

Any money sweetheart........I will need a Vice President......(can be from any country) AND it pays well........hee hee:D

LET'S GET THIS CAMPAIGN GOING!!!!!!!!! Rebbie where are ya? And Start...I'll be GOOD, "I PROMISE."

I'm here for you Stringer! I just this minute got back into town. Just catchin' up abit on the posts before fixing a late lunch! But I'll be on tonight later but I am always here for you. If you say you will be GOOD, I believe it!! :eek:

I'm here for ya Stringer! I just this minute got back into town. Just catchin' up abit on the posts before fixing a late lunch! But I'll be on tonight later but I am always here for ya. If you say you will be GOOD, I believe it!!!:eek:

YOU are certainly a PRINCESS, my dear... :)

Now we need to hear from M... M, you can vote also.:rolleyes:

Wait... you can't just get two votes and call it good...

Who is running against you? We need someone to run up against you...

Wait...you can't just get two votes and call it good...

Who is running against you? We need someone to run up against you....

Nawwwwwww... I can be both conservative and liberal... pick one. ;) :rolleyes: :eek: :)

Nawwwwwww....I can be both conservative and liberal.....pick one. ;) :rolleyes: :eek: :)
LMAO AGAIN... sheesh, you are a politician!

Biggie, that is why we stay "cool" in public... ;)

Yeah,

I do my best, but I was trying to be a little more fun and a little less serious - lesson learned :p

Hahahahah, I went to a wedding and it was out of control... so fun, glad I wasn't drinking, I got all those "good" pics! Woo Hoo
Tables have been turned before, and thank goodness no one got any pics of me;)

Ah oh Stringer... you are going to have to work a little harder to keep my vote. I just finished reading the posts and you lost me when you promised dumb men!! I prefer the smart ones, good looking, sensitive, hugable, kissable, stable, giving, kind, loving, one who treats me like a Princess, adores me, oh... wait a minute... not that I would partake in anything from any of these men you promised but just got carried away... sorry... just don't want dumb men around.

Ok, back to the promises... me thinks thou promises too much from both sides of mouth?? Give me some real promises I can hold on to and some real plans. I have to stand with Starty here... we need more substance to the promises... OK... GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you can do it. I have faith in you Stringer!! But need more than just believing in that cute smile and cool car!! :)

That's what I am talking about there Rebs! Nice! Give it to us Stringer...

Eh, No harm done, they're just pictures. People will forget soon enough

Hey hey hey... just wait a minute here Mr. Candidate! Did I read something about Duck Soup on every table? I object! :p

See Stringer, this is how it all goes down hill for you... what pleases one, doesn't always please another... LOL
Biggie, I would love to have seen those pics;)

It's not too late for us to view the pics is it Biggie?? We could, you know, decide which ones to keep and which ones to delete!! :/

Hi Starbs... nice to see you, have a good rest?;)

I think Stringer is reformulating his tactics. Good move Stringer.. Let's see what you've got! I have to run for now, be back tonight! You come up with a viable plan and I will back you to the death!

I think Stringer is reformulating his tactics. Good move Stringer....................! Let's see what you've got! I have to run for now, be back tonight! You come up with a viable plan and I will back you to the death!

Atts my girl... go Rebbie!:)

Hi Starbs....nice to see you, have a good rest?;)

Well I had some sleep... not until like 5am again... geeeezzzz! Too much stuff on the brain! ;)

I understand...
Gop get some rocks, set them out in the sun... for a long time... then get your skimpies on and lay them on your tummy... close your eyes, relax and think of things that make you happy... something happened to me when I did this... seriously... (not sure what it would do to put the rocks in the microwave, but if you need immediate help, I would) LOL
It really feels nice on your tummy and legs... even your neck... and in the palm of your hands

It's not too late for us to view the pics is it Biggie??? We could, you know, decide which ones to keep and which ones to delete!!! :/

The worst part about that is that I can't delete them. I didn't put them up there, my friend did and he thinks they are hilarious since I don't like them, so there is no way he would take them down lol...

Oh well I suppose :p Maybe if I'm feeling guts later ill try to take one down and post it here...

Ohhh, that would be mighty fine of you Biggie...

Hi everyone. I feel like I'm on "bat time"... I'm up all night and I catch 2 - 3 hours during the day. Not... good.

Biggie... hee hee. It's OK. One of my buddies put up a picture of me on fbook from a party until the fbook staff took it down... as... it showed some unsavory parts of my body. But this wasn't until half the nation probably got a good look.

My restaurant is a wings/fries/gyros joint... more fast food than "restaurant" but I have no other options but to call it... a restaurant.

Hot rocks and undies my dear Sneezy! Go do it...

YOU TOO STARBY... do it!

Ohhh, that would be mighty fine of you Biggie....

Mighty Big of you.

Got a name for the restaurant yet Sneezy?

... go do what? What're we doing? We're doing something?

Mighty Big of you.

Oh boy, I feel like I'm going to let people down if I don't now :p

Yep. It's an establishment that's already been set up and running... I'll just be taking over and running it. So it already has a name... I'll just be... changing some other things around.

Sounds like a fun project... Always was interested in owning my own business - I'm not sure I can handle a 9-5 job for very long :eek:

Yeahhh... I knew I wouldn't do too hot doing a 9 - 5...

... so I picked a 10 - 11... 13 hours a day, 6 days a week.

:eek:

Haha, Sounds like longer days and more work, but I'm willing to bet it's a little more fun/exciting then a desk job

...go do what? what're we doing? we're doing something?

We are relaxing! In a sweet sensual sort a way!:eek:

Loit
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Hi Little Cheeks, I love you too baby!

Little cheeks loves typing... Wants to do everything Papa is doing...

I bet he is really growing up? How sweet is he, tell me Joe...

Joe- There you are!!

You, I know... funny he hasn't shown his face around here in a long time... :(
Hi you Tus! Again;)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/lounge/what-8-25-08-part-2-a-252608-5.html
Maybe you can see about guessing this TUS??

Loit
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Took a course on baby communication...

This spells out "swey uysdljd flsdfj"

... which means... what?

Huh? Are we speaking baby talk now? Don't do this to me kids, I'm too tired to decipher things. :)

All right,

Adios all, gym time for me. Behave all :)

Bye for now Biggie... work out double, I need you to make some time up for me;)

Make that triple, I missed yesterday so I'm doing both workouts today

Wow new language!

LOL... yup, that was Joe's son...
Uhhh Biggie, I will just make up my own, I can't bear to think you would do a triple workout

...go do what? what're we doing? we're doing something?

Hey Sneezy, you have some catch up reading to do about the rocks!! Starty is going to be our new leader in new ways to relax and sleep, you know, mellow out!! :p

Oh boy... mellow out?

... I'm not sure how to do that without a bottle of something or another...

bottle of something or another...

Liquid or pills? :)

I will tell you if you give me a hint for over at the other thread... ;)

... bof?

Whaaaat??

Huh?

PINK!!!!! :)

Huh?

PINK!!!!! :)


BLACK!:)

STOP it with tha Pink and Black... you will make me go back and read read read... stop!

PINK, PINK, PINK!!!!!! I win! Yay PINK!!!!!!!

It's not easy being pink. :)

No, no it's not...
I sure love PINK!

I Like many different colours.

WOW Joseph, how long did that take you? :)

Start,

Little Cheeks is the sweetest boy, almost 2 years old already. Amazing how time flies. He is very curious, and always getting into everything. Loves being outside, and walking.. So many things I could write but not enough room.

Tus, Hey there long time no see...

Edit:: Start Did not take me long at all. Lol

LOL
It would for me... I suppose I can't even capitalize my I's if I should... I am too quicky!
He sounds like he is getting so big, that is great to hear!

Hey all, please check out this link. Bring tissue.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-member-discussions/our-sweet-chery-253366.html

.. it is a nice gesture, I am sure she will be feeling better soon...

Yo strangers!! I just got the link and here I am :) Been missing most of you!

I miss you all the time... you want to come to my house so you don't slip slide away in that storm.. huh, do you?

For sure!! LOL ~~~~~Slip slidin away~~~~ come on stringer, where are you when I need you?? Hehehe

Hey there Rp,

Happy to see you... Stranger...

(;

I was singing that song when I wrote that, believe me, I really was!
Sunshine, you know what...
I miss you lots... N... lots... N more lots'... n lots

I miss you more than you will ever know!! But I am here, it will probably off and on for little while longer, but overnight I turned into a mother of 3 under the age of 4. I have had all of them for almost two weeks... godh, starty, I feel like you! LMAO


EDIT:: BRB... company here... give me 20 or 30 at the most

See you all later, (;
Off to see the remote control thingy and television... lol
Little cheeks is in bed now...

Start: Same here.

Oh Rp, you are a good woman... you can do it. As long as you can, take good care of them...
20 minutes? That is a millennium to me right now... geeze... gosh damn it

Night Joe! PLEASE tell Proud and Little Cheeks hi for me... thanks

I will for sure, (; Nighty night...

STOP it with tha Pink and Black...you will make me go back and read read read....stop!

Sorry.:(

Night Joe, Start and RPG

I am going to go and cuddle with the hubby. Holy Crap RPG I can't believe that many kids. Stay sane!!

Wow... everytime I come back today there are 16 pages to read! What are you guys on today? LOL! Just a little chatty are we?

QUACK!

Edit: Sweet Dreams Joe! (why are you going to bed at 9pm Joe? lol)

I Like many different colours.


Niiiiiiiiice Joe!:)

R.... I am here!!

Yeah and?. LOL!

I'm cursing Sneezer again trying to figure out another "what is this" thing! Urrrggghhh!

HI guys! :)

I'm here... I MISS YOU ALL soooooo stinkin much!

Aww, poor Chicky;) You are here in spirit... naw, that doesn't help does it?
I think about you often though;)

Wow, you really have to keep on top of things in the sanitarium. I see some of our wayward prisoners have been found and returned to their cells. Glad you all were caught. :)

Hey, Starty, the 2 hour premier of 90210 is coming soon. :)

Lol... 90210, huh? Ahh... memories.

Speaking of 90210... I just brought warm, freshly baked peanut butter chocolate chip cookies to the adorable (single) Soccer Coach for our college... who lives in an apartment in my building... and found out that there is not ONE single, HOT coach living in that apartment, but TWO... :D

I'm foreseeing MANY batches of cookies... ;)

Howdy all...

Anything exciting going on?

Wow, you really have to keep on top of things in the sanitarium. I see some of our wayward prisoners have been found and returned to their cells. Glad you all were caught. :)

Hey, Starty, the 2 hour premier of 90210 is coming soon. :)

Great.:)

Lol... 90210, huh? Ahh... memories.

Speaking of 90210... I just brought warm, freshly baked peanut butter chocolate chip cookies to the adorable (single) Soccer Coach for our college... who lives in an apartment in my building... and found out that there is not ONE single, HOT coach living in that apartment, but TWO... :D

I'm foreseeing MANY batches of cookies.... ;)

Good HC, but you need an Action Plan now to be successful.

Now what will be the second step (cookies being the first)?:D

Ha... well, I'm not always good on the follow-up. But, I did bring it on an actual plate... at SOME point, they are going to have to get the plate back.

I'm afraid that I scare guys away... the whole "I"m a successful, stiletto/suit wearing professional woman." I guess the Barbie figure does a bit too... its just a pickle.

*Sigh*

Aaaaaaaah... I would definitely go with the Barbie thingy HC, yep---for sure!

Great idea in using the plate... returning it unwashed will say a lot also... ooowwwwwe!:(

See though, that's the problem. And girls, back me up on this one...

... I've had guy friends tell me that I am "unapproachable" because I "have it all going for me"... you know the "Chick-with-brains" concept. But, honestly, that's what I am. I'm a Barbie-girl chick who loves her career, history, and the Civil War.

*Sigh* Oh well. :) Me and my cookie plate shall be reunited... at some point. Hopefully washed! (You're right, String-man!)

Told you... 90210 is making their big come back and I will BE THERE!
Chicky, I bet you make great cookies, I want some! But I am not a good looking man so I doubt I will get them;)

... In that case I might get a few

;)

Ya, clean and a thank you...
I would approach you... Chicky

.....In that case I might get a few

;)
Oh you musta had a good work out... LOL:D

:) why, thanks, Starty! :)

BigB, you'd get cookies! :D

(Sneezy knows how divine my cookies are... he's had his share, being Doctor Dreamy MacSneeze that he is! ;) )

Oh you musta had a good work out...LOL:D

It was pretty good, but c'mon now, I can only get cookies if I have a good workout? Something wrong with a little confidence? Jeesh - back to the gym I go :p

Lol... well, I thought you were going to prove all that with a wild pic of you... you backin out now?

Well, I think I'm calling it a night, you all. :) I'm off here. Will try and get on tomorrow at work, but chances are, it will be another crazy, warp-speedy day. :)

Night guys!

Night Chicky;)

Uhhh... RP I thought you said 20 minutes??

Isn't so much a wild picture as it is embarrassing Starty... your calling me out now, I can't really back down :p

There are a few of me doing some sort of dancing (if that's what you want to call it) and I'd rather not look at them. Maybe I can find the embarrassing one... Makes me look a little... flamboyant :eek:

Ok! ;)

Oh man,

Starty, don't worry I'm going to post it, just working up the guys :p

No biggie, Biggie... I an wait.. I haven't posted a pic of me in so long... peopel forget who they are talking tooooooooooo... It is kind of nice to be the unknown;) You don't have to if you don't want to

Picture of Biggie, ooohhh, can't wait, it's about time. :)

I'm thinking, tall, brunette, wavy hair, big brown eyes, muscles... jeesh, Alty, stop it.

Biggie, want to be my cabana boy on NoHelps island paradise? You don't have to wear a thong like the rest, unless you want to. Whatever you wear, it has to be... wait for it... they're all expecting it... yup... PINK!

Pink? Alty, seriously you have gone mad...

Trying to figure out this picture thing... I have to have it hosted on a website already? I can't just upload it from my computer? Or, if I attach it will it display automatically?

Alty: Not a huge fan of pink, but I will admit that I wore a pink tie and kerchief to my Senior Prom.. Matched my girlfriend's dress :) All black with a pink tie - it looked good ;)

Hee, hee.

I'll start the pic thingy. Here's a pic of Sydney the birthday girl, taken a few hours ago. :)

11592

That's my little mini me, she's 6 years old today. :)

PINK! Okay, maybe I am a bit nuts. ;)

Trying to figure out this picture thing... I have to have it hosted on a website already?? I can't just upload it from my computer? Or, if I attach it will it display automatically?

Alty: Not a huge fan of pink, but I will admit that i wore a pink tie and kerchief to my Senior Prom.. Matched my girlfriend's dress :) All black with a pink tie - it looked good ;)


To post a pic you first have to resize it. You can use one that you have on your computer. Resize and then go the little paper clippy looking thing, it will say manage attachments. That's when you go to upload, find your pic, click, upload it and then close down that window. Go back the "answer question box" and click on the paper clip thingy again, and your pick will be there, just choose insert and voilà, you picture will be posted when you submit answer.

If you have any problems let me know and I'll walk you through it. :)

All right - keep in mind this was well into the wedding and I had a few beverages at this point :rolleyes: Also my first picture posted on here :p

11593

... Now I'm looking for a picture to redeem myself :p

She sure is a looker... Happy Birthday Dreams to you sweet thing!:):):)

Alright - keep in mind this was well into the wedding and I had a few beverages at this point :rolleyes: Also my first picture posted on here :p

11593

...Now I'm looking for a picture to redeem myself :p
Well... you are a handsome gent... nice pic!

Well...you are a handsome gent....nice pic!

LOL thanks... I really hate that picture, but I have next to nothing for pictures of myself, so it'll have to do I suppose :p

I like it. Woot woot!
What are you drinking, I will have the same... LMAO

I like it. Woot woot!
what are ya drinkin, I will have the same...LMAO

If only I could remember I would tell you :D

Pretty sure I didn't order it either, given to me maybe? Who knows, but it tasted good! :)

You are funny... thanks for the nice pic... take a lot to post one on here, and you did yourself justice for your first time!

Uhhh...RP I thought you said 20 minutes????????????????

Sorry! Back now... had a friend stop by to make hurricane plans... evacuation route, batteries.. you know, the whole nine yards. Our news keeps saying this could come our way and it may be as bad, if not worse, as Katrina. Kind of getting nervous here. Road trip time, you think?? Hehehe

Yes, come and don't worry about anything while you are here. Gosh I wonder about Captain... hopehe is OK

You are funny...thanks for the nice pic...take a lot to post one on here, and you did yourself justice for your first time!

Thanks good to hear. Took a little more guts that I imagined the first time - though I wasn't expecting any bad reactions - glad you like it :)

Ya, what's wrong with a little confidence, huh?:)

Hahah,

I had that one coming :)

Here's a good one of me and my booger.

... so which one are you ;)

Hahahahahaha... I wish I could be three again! LOL

REAL happy to be eating that watermelon :p

Anyone tell you... you look a little bit like elizabeth banks?

Who is that?

EDIT:: Guess the answer would be no, lol

Ah. You can Google her. Actress... in the 40 year old virgin... scrubs... etc.

Aww, I love that pic Rp... and I just love you... even if you did a lucky guess over there... brat

Ohhhh, yea, I can see that... thanks I suppose :)

Starty, You know I love your spoiled sporty self :D

Hmmm, is spoiled sporty self supposed to mean I am being a sore looser, or that I am competetive?

Both

Thought so... you are a truthful ray of sunshine aren't you?
I have to get off here... I have to admit I have hit "my profile" over a billion times. I am seeing double... I feel so great RP that I got to see you... I am calling you tomorrow after work... you better answeeeeerrrrrrrrr

Adios Starty!

I should be leaving soon as well, my eyes are getting a little tired :(

Hey, I figured this place needed some brutal truth around, LOL

I'll be around the line :)

EDIT::: Night guys... I am outie as well. Nice bumping into you... see you in my next moment of peace, lol.

It does... needs some truth, and could you put me in my place every once in a while, I can only get on here two days a week... and I try to stuff it all in then... I usually put my foot in my mouth or embarrass myself once or twice... especially in the last couple of days. It could have gotten worse if you hadn't shown up when you did;);)

G'Night Starty, rp...

Sleep well all!

Yea right, you... put your foot in your mouth?? Never!! :) I may try to keep you in line girlie, but you're a bigger firecracker than me at times... go on and try to fool them :D

EDIT::: Night for real this time... hubby needs some attention... awww poor thing, lol

K... night guys...
Watch it RP... grrrr arrrr;)

Ha, I was right, Biggie is tall dark and handsome. You are a very good looking guy Biggie. I especially love the flower in your hair, nice touch. ;)

Ha, I was right, Biggie is tall dark and handsome. You are a very good looking guy Biggie. I especially love the flower in your hair, nice touch. ;)

Yep... agreed... he would make a good DUCK catcher... where is she anyway?

Okay kids, I'm out for a while too. I might be back later on, but time to have some quality time with hubby.

Be good while I'm gone.

Biggie, keep Starty in line, she's a wild one. :)

I am not wild... hmmmm, at least I like people to think I am NOT!

Well R, I said "HI" and that I was here... but now you are gone... maybe tomorrow?

Stringer

Yep.........agreed......he would make a good DUCK catcher....where is she anyway?

Nobody gent with a flower in their hair is any match for the DUCK! :p

You're a handsome one Mr Biggie! ;)

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are mov ing away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from w hat you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drow n out your constant whining an d griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
Price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my s ister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for r ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess .

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

LMAO!! Silly String, you are such a funny man!!

Please do not forget your flu shot!!

The First Half of this makes sense, but I like the second half better.

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day,
Go for a swim,

Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often.

If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air.

Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress
From your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.
OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...

When you go for a shot, what do they do first?

They clean your arm with alcohol...

Why?

Because alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So...

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)

I put lime in my Corona... (fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the bar patio.. (fresh air)

Tell jokes, laugh... (eliminate stress)

Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,

Flu germs

Can't get you!

My mother always said,

'A shot in the glass is better than one in the a**!'

Live Well
- Laugh Often -
- Love Much -
- Have Fun -

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late
After a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and
Having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying
somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
Smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
On the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
Speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately
result in death.

LMAO, Stringer, those were great. :)

So, Silly String is in a funny mood tonight. Hmmmm, can I compete?

April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How'd I do? :)

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

Are we having a Joke fest :p

LMAO, Stringer, those were great. :)

So, Silly String is in a funny mood tonight. Hmmmm, can I compete?

April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How'd I do? :)


Pretty damn good... I'll be back...

Are we having a Joke fest :p

Apparently we are M. Stringer started it, I'm just trying to keep up. :);)

You game?

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Are we having a Joke fest :p

Hey buddy, you are working toooo hard my friend. I haven't seen you for a while?:D

Stringer

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"

"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."

Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".

Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.

In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.

To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!

His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my a$$."

No harm intended here...



I saw a billboard that said;

"Need help, call Jesus." 1-800-005-3787

I did and a Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

Is this YUK YUK night at the looney bin?? LOL!

Alty, is it too early to have to turn the heat on? I'm flippin freeeeeezing! What the heck? It's August for God sakes!

A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

"That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to impregnate."

Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.

That afternoon, the 'Inseminator' arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail.

"This is the cow right here," she tells him.

"What's the nail for?" the guy asks.

Replies the wife, "I guess its to hang up your pants."

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there in the hallway.

"What condition does he have?" the student asks.

"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass into a coma."

The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall. As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.

"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"

"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."

Is this YUK YUK night at the looney bin??? LOL!!

Alty, is it too early to have to turn the heat on? I'm flippin freeeeeezing!! What the heck? It's August for God sakes!

Close your windows and turn of your air conditioner. Jeesh. ;):)

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"

"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."

Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".

Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.

In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.

To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!

His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my a$$."


LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Marta is laughing sooo hard that she is on the floor...I had to give her mouth to mouth to revive her!!!!!!!!!1

Hey buddy, you are working toooo hard my friend. I haven't seen you for a while?:D

Stringer

Hell day at work stringer , I had one of our employees down load a virus and its gone through the whole network.

So long story short , fixing 25 PC's one at a time... gotta love computers:rolleyes:

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"

"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."

Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".

Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.

In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.

To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!

His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my a$$."


LMAO...........Now THAT was hilarious :p

Hell day at work stringer , I had one of our employees down load a virus and its gone through the whole network.

So long story short , fixing 25 PC's one at a time.............gotta love computers:rolleyes:

Yeah, I've heard that before... but they certainly don't love us... ask Starby... :eek:

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get oral sex, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

> >> Chris Rock's "Quote of the Year"...
> >>
> >> "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white
Guy,
> >> the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
> >> the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of
> >> arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most
> >> powerful men in America are named Bush, , and Colon.

This is fun, I could do this all night.

M, don't you have any? :)

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get oral sex, too?"

"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."


Aaaaaaaah... oowwwwwweeeeeeeee.. ugggh!

I know Stringer, but you can't help but laugh, and then say ewwwwwww! ;)

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

This is fun, I could do this all night.

M, don't you have any? :)

Not at my PC at the moment I'm afraid:(

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh**s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of it is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep , it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

Nun Humor These two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who's there?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice breasts," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

Not at my PC at the moment I'm afraid:(

Are you at someone else's computer laughing your a$$ off? Hee, hee, I can just picture it. :)

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh**s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of it is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep , it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

ROTFLMAO, I love it! :p :p

Nun Humor These two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who's there?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice breasts," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"


I SEE!!! ha ha

An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE:

JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

YOUR LOVING HUSBAND

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

> The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from
The city's most successful lawyer.
>
> So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish
Office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows
That even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you
Don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back
To your community through the United Way?'
>
> The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research
Also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and
She has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?
>
> Embarrassed, the United Way Rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know
That.'
>
> 'Secondly, 'says the lawyer, 'my brother, a disabled veteran, is
Blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife
And six children.'
>
> The stricken United Way Rep begins to stammer an apology...
>
> 'Third, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died
In dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and
Three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning
Disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'
>
> The humiliated United Way Rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so
Sorry, I had no idea.'
>
> And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what
makes you think I'd give any to you?'

Are you at someone elses computer laughing your a$$ off? Hee, hee, I can just picture it. :)

LOL... I am actually , I wondered why they were looking at me funny :) I'm supposed to be streesing out fixing everyone's PC's :rolleyes:

Women... are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
Tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
Afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
Apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the
Top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
Amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one
Who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up
to women to stomp the out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.

LOL......I am actually , I wondered why they were looking at me funny :) I'm supposed to be streesing out fixing everyone's PC's :rolleyes:

They probably think you're that evil boss that is sitting in front of his computer and doing the Muwahahahaha laugh, as you are figuring out how to somehow deduct the down time from their paychecks! :eek: :D

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.


He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.


Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.


"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.


They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.


After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.


They had a wonderful, wonderful time.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!


"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "


"No, " she replies. . . . . "



Wait for it. .



It's coming.




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?


She says:


"You just happened to catch my eye."

Did you give me that virus M? Now my puter is acting strange. Grrr, and I spent 2 hours trying to fix it this afternoon, it was doing fine, now all of a sudden it's acting up. :( You know I'm kidding, right, I know it's not your fault. My puter has been acting up for the last few days, I think it's Starby's fault. ;)

I'm going to go do a virus scan, see what's going on. Then I'm going to hit the sack, and the computer if it doesn't smarten up. ;)

Night boys, take care. Stringer, I enjoyed joke night. :)

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.
After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. "Stanley,"
Responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:

"First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
"Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
"Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
"Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all
Americans don't have health insurance?

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that
They
Will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right,question
time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Bush points him out and asks him his
Name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have 6 questions:

"First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
"Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
"Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
"Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all
Americans don't have health insurance?
"Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
"And sixth, what happened to Stanley?"

Did you give me that virus M? Now my puter is acting strange. Grrr, and I spent 2 hours trying to fix it this afternoon, it was doing fine, now all of a sudden it's acting up. :( You know I'm kidding, right, I know it's not your fault. My puter has been acting up for the last few days, I think it's Starby's fault. ;)

I'm going to go do a virus scan, see what's going on. Then I'm going to hit the sack, and the computer if it doesn't smarten up. ;)

Night boys, take care. Stringer, I enjoyed joke night. :)


I didn't do anyting to yer puter! You not going to say night to me? :( ::sniff sniff::

G'nitey Night!

Did you give me that virus M? Now my puter is acting strange. Grrr, and I spent 2 hours trying to fix it this afternoon, it was doing fine, now all of a sudden it's acting up. :( You know I'm kidding, right, I know it's not your fault. My puter has been acting up for the last few days, I think it's Starby's fault. ;)

I'm going to go do a virus scan, see what's going on. Then I'm going to hit the sack, and the computer if it doesn't smarten up. ;)

Night boys, take care. Stringer, I enjoyed joke night. :)

G-night alty

What's the difference?

A group of kids from the city was on a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm.

First, the farmer asks one little girl,
"What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?"

"The hens lay eggs, then the rooster brags about it."

"Very good!"

Then the farmer asked another little girl,

"What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?"

"Well, ducks are a bunch of soggy quackers....
turkeys are what we eat on Thanksgiving Day."

"Excellent!"

Then he asks little Johnny,

"Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?"

"Yep, I sure do!"

"Bulls smile when you milk 'em."

Hahaha! Sounds like a TRUE "Bush" story!

RE: THE NAVY
>
> A young Navy Officer was in a bad car accident, but due to the
>heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of
>one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the
>military and eventually became an Admiral. During his career he was; always sensitive about his appearance.
>
> One day the Admiral was interviewing three Master Chiefs for the
>Command Master Chief position.
>
> The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type an d it was a
>great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do
>you notice anything different about me?"
>
> The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice
>you are missing your starboard ear, so I need to know whether this
>impacts your hearing on that side." The Admiral got very angry at this
>lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
>
> The next candidate, a Aviation Service Master Chief, when asked
>this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."
>The Admiral threw him out also.
>
> The third interview was with an Submarine Master Chief. He was
>articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the other two
>Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead
>with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
>
> To his surprise the Submarine Master Chief said, "Yes. You wear
>contact lenses."
>
> The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an
>incredibly tactful Master Chief. "And how do you know that?" the
>Admiral asked.
>
> The Submarine Master Chief replied, "Well it's pretty hard to
>wear glasses with only one f**king ear."

"Soggy quacker???"... I thought those were the saltines you put in soup!

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

To the sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

For the sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And...

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:


The higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.

"Soggy quacker???"...........................I thought those were the saltines you put in soup!!


Oooooooooooppps? sorry, no.:rolleyes:

The Value of a Good Drink


"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
Happened to your bra and panties
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

They probably think you're that evil boss that is sitting in front of his computer and doing the Muwahahahaha laugh, as you are figuring out how to somehow deduct the down time from their paychecks!! :eek: :D

HA hA... now there's an idea starby ;)


Stringer , your on a roll here!!

I've always like the... 24 hrs in a day... 24 beer in a case... coincidence?. I think not! Has to be in my top one hundred! LOL