Oh but this is priceless, the message my ex sent to my friend said he's applying for a RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME! LOOOOOL. Is that even possible? Can you get a restraining order against someone that doesn't speak to you and doesn't go near you? I haven't seen or spoken to him for weeks. Whilst it is slightly amusing, it also angers me that, NOT ONLY does he break my heart and treat m terribly, he can't just let me move on, NO , he has to create a rep. for me as some sort of bunny boiling psycho stalker. *SIGH* I don't know WHERE I found him...

All old texts and her contact details have been deleted.. I've had.. What do they call those things? Where you have a realisation of greater truth?. Well I've had one of those, as strong as my feelings are for her I probably wouldn't want to redate her even if she was crazy about me.. She just treated me so badly.. I can handle physical pain ( am not an Emo =P) But emotional pain.. Always tends to affect me a lot more then I let on.. Alwell, I'll be better without her.. All she ever did was bring me troubles.. I hope she does realise that we can't remain friends.. Due to a few obvious reasons..

Anyway thanks for all the support, you guys are great =)

Ohh and it's been... 12 days without contact.. Hows everyone else?

Psychosis, I think the word you were looking for is an epiphany :)

How am I doing? Its been a long time since I have heard from her. She emailed me a few months ago and I didn't respond. I get down about ignoring it now and then, but I am feeling better. Hardly have down moments anymore. The thoughts I have about her are more nostalgia now than anything...

Funny that you should mention the contact info since I still have her number in my phone. I haven't been tempted to call or text her, but I see the number in my phone often and laugh to myself about how she would react if I did. Would she be angry? Relieved? Happy? Who knows :p

I don't know how many days, somewhere about three months. The thoughts still come up, but I can move on faster from them. Just yesterday was I was thinking about some of the things we did and how she "Used to love me, but not anymore" and it hurt a little - but you learn to cope with these feelings. I think I miss the relationship more than her specifically, but her being my first love its hard to separate the two...

An Epiphany, of course.. It was on the tip of my tongue. Well I remember her number, so deleting her contact details doesn't really fulfill it's purpose.. I do think about calling her, but then I have another Epiphany and realise it will get me no where and just upset myself further.. I sit beside you on that one, I miss the relationship more then I miss her. But yeah, she is probably my first love..

Bigbird, how do you pass the time? How do you get her of your mind? Assuming that you do..

I remember her phone number also, I haven't looked at it in months, but I'm sure it will be a long time before I forget it. Its okay, I trust myself not to send her anything...

Being this far into it, getting her out of my mind has almost become a subconscious habit... I tend to do it now without even thinking about it, just another thing that I do. I won't lie and say it was easy or quick, but it is definitely worth the hard work.

The best advice I can give you for passing the time, and getting her out of your mind, is to get busy doing anything possible. I started hanging out with some of my friends that were more off to the side for a while. People I had always talked to, but didn't really have the time to hang out with since I had a relationship. They became some of my best friends in the last few months, more so than some of the friends I had before. Having a wider range of people to hang out with gives me more opportunities to do different things. Any given day I can call someone and find something to do, perfect for getting me out of the house.

Apart from keeping busy and trying to stay out as often as possible, I tried to change everything in my life that was routine. Things as simple as my wakeup routine, when I take showers, what I eat, how I drive to work, etc, etc... When you start changing everything, I think your mind becomes a little caught up on all the changes and it helps you to lose the other changes (such as the breakup) in the background noise.

One last piece of advice - I identified something about myself that I wanted to change - I always felt I was too shy and too reserved, so I made a conscious effort to become more outgoing. When I am at work, or anywhere public, starting conversations and just saying hi to people that I don't know makes me feel pretty good inside, and has also helped to boost my mood. Just being able to talk to someone, anyone, is a nice distraction from the isolation of sitting with your own thoughts...

I hope that this post wasn't too long, and I hope it helps someone out :p

Feel free to ask me anything else I might have missed...

Bummer, sometimes I wish I'd get something from my ex every once in a while but she's obviously too busy to remember me. Haven't heard anything since the breakup in March. Funny how someone can one day be head over heals in love with u than the next they don't have any feelings for you whatsoever and wants to forget about u. Oh well, guess she always was a fickle woman.

What's really amazing is seeing the ex in a more realistic light, and realizing you put her on a pedestal, and kept her there, whether she deserved it or not.

Another amazing thing is the relationship is always so perfect, until they lowered the boom.

Just giving it some perspective.

Whats really amazing is seeing the ex in a more realistic light, and realizing you put her on a pedestal, and kept her there, whether she deserved it or not.

Another amazing thing is the relationship is always so perfect, until they lowered the boom.

Just giving it some perspective.


Just wanted to add - when your friends finally can talk to you about it and say to you:
"Why did you ever put up with that...what were you thinking?" and you don't have a good answer... thats progress :)

Yep.... sometimes I get distracted with my ex =/

it's soooooooooooo difficult cause the emotion runs through my head

Supernova,

Im going to run into the same problem too.. I'm going to be moving soon.. and i have his things everywhere in my room, even a sweatshirt of his that has his cologne on it.. how are you dealing with it?

I think I'm just going to have to get a seperate box and put all the cards and teddy bears, and love notes in it and seal it up and write "do not open for a long time!" so then when I'm unpacking in my new place, I will know not to open the box, and just put it at the top of my closet and don't touch it for at least a year. would that work for you??

Im definatly not looking forward to it.. that's for sure..


I've stopped packing but will be resuming shortly. My plan is just to put all these things in a box and hide it somewhere for awhile. I can't bring myself to throw them away just yet. I have to say that I am doing much better right now. I am taking things one month at a time and see where it leads me. I've done a lot of thinking and today was the first day since she broke up with me that I've felt more happy. That's a big step up for me. I hope it's not going to be too painful for you.

I've stopped packing but will be resuming shortly. My plan is just to put all these things in a box and hide it somewhere for awhile. I can't bring myself to throw them away just yet. I have to say that I am doing much better right now. I am taking things one month at a time and see where it leads me. I've done a lot of thinking and today was the first day since she broke up with me that I've felt more happy. That's a big step up for me. I hope it's not going to be too painful for you.


Thank you supernova,

I hope it will be OK for me.. I think I'm still in the denial stage right now.. it's hard to imagine my life without him.. but it has to be that way.. gah this sucks, I'm stuck in limbo waiting for the realization to hit me, and the tears and anger to come..

Well, one day at a time eh? OK well thanks

Thank you supernova,

I hope it will be ok for me.. i think im still in the denial stage right now.. it's hard to imagine my life without him.. but it has to be that way.. gah this sucks, im stuck in limbo waiting for the realization to hit me, and the tears and anger to come..

Well, one day at a time eh? ok well thanks

I feel you. I still feel like I'm somewhat in the denial phase still. I've already been through the severely depressed and angry phase and haven't recovered yet but it's getting better. I think the key to it all is to remember that life goes on and you need to do what you can to make yourself happy again. I'm taking it one month at all time because I don't know what else is coming. Could be a month from now, she'll actually call me and maybe we'll have that awkward conversation that I've been fearing but secretly anticipating. Could be that she may not call me at all. Maybe I'll realize that there is no way we are getting back together. For the past few days, I've been trying not to think about that stuff. Honestly, I still think about her all the time but I quickly try to dismiss the thought and it usually makes it better. It keeps recurring but you just have to be strong and do it. I realized that I can't control her life and what she does without me so there is no point in worrying about it. It's helped me so far... but it's only been 2 days since my epiphany. I'm really scared that the whole process of depression and anger may start all over again if we don't talk or she starts to date someone else. I told her I would not contact her until she contacted me so we'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I'm holding up okay. It also helps that I just started a new job and as a result I've been super busy. Hope this helps.

I feel ya. I still feel like I'm somewhat in the denial phase still. I've already been through the severely depressed and angry phase and haven't recovered yet but it's getting better. I think the key to it all is to remember that life goes on and you need to do what you can to make yourself happy again. I'm taking it one month at all time because I don't know what else is coming. Could be a month from now, she'll actually call me and maybe we'll have that awkward conversation that I've been fearing but secretly anticipating. Could be that she may not call me at all. Maybe I'll realize that there is no way we are getting back together. For the past few days, I've been trying not to think about that stuff. Honestly, I still think about her all the time but I quickly try to dismiss the thought and it usually makes it better. It keeps recurring but you just have to be strong and do it. I realized that I can't control her life and what she does without me so there is no point in worrying about it. It's helped me so far...but it's only been 2 days since my epiphany. I'm really scared that the whole process of depression and anger may start all over again if we don't talk or she starts to date someone else. I told her I would not contact her until she contacted me so we'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I'm holding up okay. It also helps that I just started a new job and as a result I've been super busy. Hope this helps.

I feel the same pain... I want to call and say "hey there"... then maybe get back when she moves to SF... *sigh*

Guys, I feel like relapsing. I feel pretty sad today and I can’t seem to pick myself up. I guess it all started last night when I realized that she had taken our relationship status off Facebook. I knew that it would eventually happen and I tried to prepare myself for it but still…when it happens, it hits hard. I should’ve been strong enough to do it myself when we first broke up so that it would hurt less now but I didn’t want to make it appear as though I was over her. It’s my fault really. I just really want to know that she still cares about me. I know that she does but I have a hard time believing so. This sucks because I always have one day where I feel good and I feel like I’ve turned it around and then the next day I go right back to feeling like crap. I guess I’m not as strong as I’d like to be. Okay, time to shake it off.

The next step is to take her off your friends list. I didn't and then a wall post came through on the news feed saying "hows things with you and [other guy]". I pretty much broke down and was out of action for a good few days after that. For your sanity's sake I'd kick her to the kurb completely. Its hard, but to tell the truth I felt good about it after I finally did it.

The next step is to take her off your friends list. I didnt and then a wall post came through on the news feed saying "hows things with you and [other guy]".

I did that same thing for that same reason...

Luckily it didn't happen to me, but I was afraid that it would. The funny part - the day after I removed her, I got an email from her saying (among other things) that she noticed that I removed her as a friend and she wasn't sure why, but "Whatever I have to do...".

Needless to say, I didn't respond, but it hurts still to think about.

Hi everybody! My names David, Ive just been reading through this post and it is truly amazing how you are all there for each other.

Do you ever feel after a break up you keep saying the same things to your friends and family when your out that you become boring and can't have fun? This is why this is so handy.

Here's my story

Met a girl and been together 22 months. She's 19 I'm 23. She truly loves me I believe and I really love her. Recently she decided to go to university in September and I said I would support her and I knew it would be ahrd but we would get through it.

On Thursday she got back from holiday in ibiza with her friends. She was upset and said she missed me so much and didn't want to go to university and be together because she doesn't trust herself to stay. I got very upset but in the end said Ill support you through it.

She texted me a lot saying thank you for your support, ill always love you etc etc

I hassled and bothered her until she turned around yesterday and said we need total closure, we need to cope alone.

So yesterday I was in the pub she walked in with friends and I held my nerve smiled and carried on with my night. As I went home I waved and said goodbye. My friends later told me she looked very sad and out of it. I didn't text her and haven't today. I got a text today saying did you go to work. I haven't texted back. If I get to the end of today that will be my first day of NC.

I believe this girl needs to have a bit of fun and get everything out of her head. Her friends have probably put in her head that she needs to be single etc etc. She may just want to test the water.

But as for me I'm going to be strong after reading what all your guys have been doing! Im applying total NC, who knows she may come back, I may not want her? I may want her. But as for me I'm concentrating on myself and my life and career.

Ill keep you all up to date on my progress and ill try and chip in and help some of you if I can!

David

Fyi, for any Facebook users out there, if you don't want anybody seeing changes in your relationship status, you can go to privacy and make sure it doesn't show up on the feeds when you change it... I've made that mistake and all my friends knew within the day, not exactly the way I wanted people to find out

Hi everybody! My names David, Ive just been reading through this post and it is truley amazing how you are all there for each other.

Do you ever feel after a break up you keep saying the same things to your friends and family when your out that you become boring and can't have fun? This is why this is so handy.

Heres my story

Met a girl and been together 22 months. Shes 19 im 23. She truley loves me I believe and I really love her. Recently she decided to go to university in September and I said i would support her and I knew it would be ahrd but we would get throught it.

On thursday she got back from holiday in ibiza with her friends. She was upset and said she missed me so much and didnt want to go to university and be together because she doesnt trust herself to stay. I got very upset but in the end said Ill support you through it.

She texted me alot saying thank you for your support, ill always love you etc etc

I hassled and bothered her until she turned around yesterday and said we need total closure, we need to cope alone.

So yesterday i was in the pub she walked in with friends and i held my nerve smiled and carried on with my night. As i went home i waved and said goodbye. My friends later told me she looked very sad and out of it. I didnt text her and havnt today. I got a text today saying did you go to work. I havnt texted back. If i get to the end of today that will be my first day of NC.

I believe this girl needs to have a bit of fun and get everything out of her head. Her friends have probably put in her head that she needs to be single etc etc. She may just want to test the water.

But as for me im going to be strong after reading what all your guys have been doing! Im applying total NC, who knows she may come back, i may not want her? I may want her. But as for me im concentrating on myself and my life and career.

Ill keep you all upto date on my progress and ill try and chip in and help some of you if I can!

David

Sounds like a girl who wants to part of the "hey! lets hook up & get fuqed at a party!" status.

I attended a four year university... taking a year off now..
I've lived in the dorms, been invited to parties, prepared condoms for myself etc.

Yeh...

Sounds like a girl who wants to part of the "hey! lets hook up & get fuqed at a party!" status.

I attended a four year university... taking a year off now..
I've lived in the dorms, been invited to parties, prepared condoms for myself etc.

Yeh...

I'm not sure that's the truth, but then again I don't know much about the situation.

At the same time, I don't think posts like this are very helpful and can cause undue anger/pain/resentment on the part of the OP. I'm sure he already has plenty of scenarios running through his head most of which he has no basis for (it happens to all of us) - I don't think he needs more...

I'm not sure thats the truth, but then again I don't know much about the situation.

At the same time, I don't think posts like this are very helpful and can cause undue anger/pain/resentment on the part of the OP. I'm sure he already has plenty of scenarios running through his head most of which he has no basis for (it happens to all of us) - I don't think he needs more....

He needs to find a girl who is able to be trustworthy...

Guys, I feel like relapsing. I feel pretty sad today and I can’t seem to pick myself up. I guess it all started last night when I realized that she had taken our relationship status off of facebook. I knew that it would eventually happen and I tried to prepare myself for it but still…when it happens, it hits hard. I should’ve been strong enough to do it myself when we first broke up so that it would hurt less now but I didn’t want to make it appear as though I was over her. It’s my fault really. I just really want to know that she still cares about me. I know that she does but I have a hard time believing so. This sucks because I always have one day where I feel good and I feel like I’ve turned it around and then the next day I go right back to feeling like crap. I guess I’m not as strong as I’d like to be. Okay, time to shake it off.

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, I loved his eyes, and I keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. I hate that one day I'm fine and the next I'm not..

I have a question Supernova.. I currently am living with my family now and I like being around them when I'm heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but I'm moving out soon, and I will probably live with one roommate, and I'm probably going to be alone a lot and I don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am I going to do? What is your living situation going to be like? Are you going to live alone?

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, i loved his eyes, and i keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. i hate that one day im fine and the next im not..

I have a question Supernova.. i currently am living with my family now and i like being around them when im heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but im moving out soon, and i will probably live with one roommate, and im probably going to be alone a lot and i don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am i going to do?? what is your living situation going to be like? are you going to live alone?

I'd find new friends and hang out with them :O

Depends where you live...

Thanks birdbird! Yes I do, I was so hopefull about my confidence until I received his comment. On a real downer now!

I just think she needs time.

Now this may be unusual but I think I may have somehow tricked myself into thinking I'm completely over my ex. We broke up on Sunday and I was totally blindsided. I was shocked and crushed and everything in between for 2 days after I didn't feel like I was alive, it was terrible. But I had a total 180 during work yesterday. I'm no longer crushed- just slightly disappointed that things didn't go the way I thought they would've- but other than that I'm totally fine. I've called her and we had a totally normal conversation- just like before we were together- it's strange looking back because it seems like that is not the way things usually turn out. I'm happy for her going away to college and I have no resentment, anger,frustration. I do have a few regrets about stuff I didn't do- nothing huge or crippling though. Is this kind of resolution a diamond in the rough or am I just- in some strange way- tricking myself? I feel really good- it's strange

While tricking yourself helps for a little bit it is really a temporary fix.. and I don't suggest you do it all the time..

You have to mentally digest that you're not still not over your ex yet or you will never truly get over her, you'll just be lying to yourself constantly, and then one day without notice, you see something that reminds you of her and you'll break down and it will be a doozy..

Suggest that you let the thoughts in once in a while, tell yourself that's it's OK to be hurting, think about them a little... and then go and do something that distracts your mind..

You know what's weird, since I've been taking anxiety medication I haven't been feeling depressed in the mornings about the break up, it's mostly in the evenings right before bed.. when the whole house goes silent.. I get so scared to be by myself..

I have several friends, but they are not close by any means.. my Ex was my social life.. which is not good I know..

How do you go about finding new friends? That's so hard for me.

thanks birdbird! Yes I do, I was so hopefull about my confidence until i recieved his comment. On a real downer now!

I just think she needs time.

I know you have tons of scenarios running in your head as it is, and you don't need any inspiration for anymore. What you need to tell yourself is this: Everything your imagining in your mind is just that - imagination. You have no basis or proof for any of it, and don't go looking for it. Just keep away from her and get busy!

How do you go about finding new friends? that's so hard for me.

It takes a lot of work. I wrapped WAY too much of my time into my ex, so when she was gone, I had a lot of trouble finding ways to keep busy and things to do to keep my mind off her. This is a lesson that I hope you learn, I know I have.

Learning to meet new people and be more open and outgoing is a tough thing to do. You have to learn that people are generally friendly, you just might need to make the first attempt to talk. It takes practice, and the more you do it the more you will realize that people enjoy being talked to. When you are the one starting conversations and making other people feel social, you will feel even better. The more you do it, the better you get at it...

One of the first things I tried was to smile and say hi to pretty much everyone. Anyone I walk past at work, people in line at the store, the person cutting my hair, anyone at all, just start a conversation. It's a skill, and all skills take practice.

Supernova,

Im feeling REALLY down today as well.. I keep picturing his face and his beautiful eyes, i loved his eyes, and i keep picturing him with another girl.. and it's torture.. i hate that one day im fine and the next im not..

I have a question Supernova.. i currently am living with my family now and i like being around them when im heartbroken, because being by myself is horrible.. but im moving out soon, and i will probably live with one roommate, and im probably going to be alone a lot and i don't have a whole lot of friends.. what am i going to do?? what is your living situation going to be like? are you going to live alone?

Plonak, thank you for your advice on the other thread. I had written about my girlfriend needing space and your answer was very insightful so thanks. I am currently living with my sister and will continue living with her at our new place. We're close but not close enough that I can talk to her about all my problems so because of that I feel more alone at home. But I do have a pretty good support system. I've gotten a lot closer with my cousin and we can tell each other everything. I've got great friends who will listen to me too so I'm very thankful for that. It took a situation like this to remind me that I should never take my friends for granted because they are always there for me.

While I hate to say it, I feel that this time apart from my girlfriend has really opened my eyes and made me reevaluate the priorities in my life. I think that I have grown a lot since our break. I hope that she is growing as well (which was the whole point of the break) but maybe she's not where I am right now. I have a feeling it may take her a long time and I just hope that maybe she'll want to get back together after that but I really don't know. I know it's not healthy to try to hold on to something that isn't there anymore but I really hope that in the pursuit of trying to find herself that it would eventually lead her back to me. I don't know... like I said I'm just going to take this one month at a time. Plonak, will you be moving far away from you family? You could always visit them and hang out with your roommate when you get the chance. You can always go out and meet new people. I know it's hard and intimidating (I'm a bit socially-awkward) but it may be good for you. Love is beautiful, but it also really sucks!

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment! Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her Facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and I've got through it! I didn't text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post

I had a great experience today, thought I'd share with you all. The ex and I work in the same building. This morning, I was wearing a new suit, new shirt, new tie and looking pretty good if I may say so. I walked by a group of woman, about 8 to 10 this morning when they all started hooting and hollaring, basically saying how good I looked. I jokingly said, "One at a time, girls form a single file line" My ex, in this group of women, stood there watching this kind of turned away and then another girl said, "Wow, your all ready to take me out!" The ex immediately shot back, "Did you get a new suit?" I then said, "You have not been given permission to speak to me, your at the back of line." That got a huge laugh... at her expense, and I went inside, happy as could be.

Then as she left tonight she made it a point to come by and tell me how good I looked today. I asked her, "That's a compliment. I didn't think you were capable of giving one." She just said, "Yeah." I then interupted, "......aaaaaand I still don't." I then proceeded to laugh at her, as she walked away, not sure what to say or think. That felt good.

Guys stay positive, the days get better and the good times come back. You have to turn every negative into a positive, when your feeling down turn those thoughts around to your adavantage. This is your time to reclaim yourself, cherish it, relish it, and use it. Your worst time can be your best time if you allow it and make it happen. Break ups make you feeling like you've lost in the short term, but they can be you biggest gain in the long term.

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment!
:confused:... Eh? I'm a bit confused. Did I say I was down recently? I looked through a few pages back and I don't think I said anything... Heh. But hey, as long as I helped. Lol ;)


Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and ive got through it! i didnt text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post

Eeek. I remember doing that. In fact, I took down all the pictures of an ex and me together on Facebook. In retrospect, that action was really dramatic and mean to him, but hey... do what you got to do, right? I now sort of regret it because I looked really good in those pictures... hahaha. Damn it!

Ib1512, CONGRATS on taking a step onto the NC road. I just hope you're not holding onto any false hope of her coming back to you. Don't let that be concern. NC is about moving on for your own good, not to get back together with someone. Move forward.

Keep trucking,
J

While tricking yourself helps for a little bit it is really a temporary fix.. and i don't suggest you do it all the time..

You have to mentally digest that you're not still not over your ex yet or you will never truly get over her, you'll just be lying to yourself constantly, and then one day without notice, you see something that reminds you of her and you'll break down and it will be a doozy..

Suggest that you let the thoughts in once in a while, tell yourself that's it's ok to be hurting, think about them a little... and then go and do something that distracts your mind.


I am aware of the hurt and I know it's OK. There are certainly memories that still bring a bit of hurt, and I think my new-found happiness is largely due to my realization that we are better off As friends. Our separation was the result of circumstances- not necessarily lost feelings. We barely had time to see each other and it was hurting both of us so although I wasn't expecting it, it was better for both of us and I realize that now. We can still be friends and talk and I'm really glad because she is such an amazing person who I don't want to just kick out of my life. We had a good relationship and I'm glad we did but I think we'll be better off as friends- because we both realize that, we can be friends which is somethinga lot of ex's can't say. I know it wouldn't have worked out in the long run because she's going away to college at UC Santa Cruz (that's the circumstance mentioned above) and I'm becoming a senior in high school here in Sac. Long distance relationships rarely work and it was inevitable so why not make the best of it?

*sigh* I feel soooooooo..... alone~

I craved for my ex today D;

*sigh*

Jiltedgirl. Im down too at the moment! Just returned home to see my ex has taken my picture down from her facebook. It had me holding a bottle of jack danials with her comment "my two favourite men".

I just keep thinking NC is the best way and shell miss me! Its been a day now and ive got through it! i didnt text back to her!

NC will make them poo themselves! I hope.

Try and read my post

Ib,

Your starting to worry me a little bit. The true purpose of NC isn't to try and make your ex feel bad, or get them to come back. The point in NC is to heal, grow and become a happy person alone before you are happy with anyone else. It is a method to be used to get over someone, not get someone back. There is a very good sticky on this forum that I think you should read (and everyone else for that matter... )

Here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-expect-when-you-get-dumped-123862.html

*sigh* I feel soooooooo..... alone~

I craved for my ex today D;

*sigh*

Right after the breakup I thought that way. It will get better. Go out and find some things to do and live it up for a bit. Then you can settle down and find a new partner when you're ready. What you need is something to take you mind off her! Sitting on your computer reading through theseforums won't help you there! Chances are all this talk of relationships is just remiding you of her! Get out and have some fun! Forget about relationships and live it up for a bit! Focus on YOU, not her. That's all

Right after the breakup I thought that way. It will get better. Go out and find some things to do and live it up for a bit. then you can settle down and find a new partner when you're ready. What you need is something to take you mind off her! Sitting on your computer reading through theseforums won't help you there! Chances are all this talk of relationships is just remiding you of her! Get out and have some fun! Forget about relationships and live it up for a bit! Focus on YOU, not her. That's all

Thank you =]

I'm actually on just to post how I feel and respond to certain topics.
Anyway, I've been working out, studying/paying attention in summer class, planning my future etc.

*sigh* there are A LOT of cute girls in community college, but I don't feel like going after any. Maybe because the course is 6 weeks & it's ending in 2 weeks... maybe because I still feel unsure... or some reason

Well I'm still in high school and the pool of attractive girls here is very small. I wish I was in college. Hang in there! You'll get through it and find a nice cute girl in the end!

well I'm still in high school and the pool of attractive girls here is very small. I wish I was in college. Hang in there! You'll get through it and find a nice cute girl in the end!

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

Ha ha ha, true that

Ha ha ha, true that

To me... I'd rather date girls who are virgins or only had sex with one person... =/

hjpan: if that's the kind of girls you prefer, then that's all you. But I wouldn't just toss girls because they've been with 3 - 4 guys... they're nice girls too.

There are some girls who are virgins that actually end up being worse.

hjpan: if that's the kind of girls you prefer, then that's all you. but I wouldn't just toss girls because they've been with 3 - 4 guys...they're nice girls too.

there are some girls who are virgins that actually end up being worse.

I wouldn't care if virgins suck in bed...

No, not in bed. I meant in life. I've dated virgins and I've dated girls who have been with 3 - 4 guys... it's not what defines their character and how they screw you over in the end.

I've dated virgins who have cheated on me, and I've dated girls who are experienced and we broke up very amicably, and vice versa.

no, not in bed. I meant in life. I've dated virgins and I've dated girls who have been with 3 - 4 guys...it's not what defines their character and how they screw you over in the end.

I've dated virgins who have cheated on me, and I've dated girls who are experienced and we broke up very amicably, and vice versa.

Eh... who knows how my future girlfriends will be? Lol

What I think sneeze is talking about doesn't mean in bed. My last girlfriend had 6 boyfriends before me but out of all my girlfriends- she was by far the best- and I don't mean in bed. Sometimes experienced partners are the simply because they've gone through more and can apply lessons learned in past relationships to yours- making it better.

Well my ex drunk texted me tonight that she misses me... F&*$. I didn't want to hear that. She's been on my mind all week, good and bad. Now this happens. Another speed bump in the road to recovery.

I'm not really sure how the number of partners at all relates to how the person is as a significant other, unless its an extreme case...

Rocker: Hang in there, just let it roll of your back like it didn't happen. If she had something to tell you, she could have done it in a more mature manner. Until that happens, I would forget about it (at least try)

I wouldn't care if virgins suck in bed...

In fact I'd be all for it.

If you cannot look beyond a persons past that's not their problem, its yours. We all GROW through life, to be who we are, and that's a process. If you can't deal with it, then so be it, move on. But never pass judgment. Being a virgin says nothing about compatibility, or how you relate to each other, and nowadays it doesn't mean inexperienced.

Curious, since it appears were on this topic...

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did? Seems like it's the only thing about my breakup that still bothers me, I'm fine with everything else, just wondering what the general consensus is on that...

I've seen posts about rebounds, one night stands, etc, etc and thinking my ex might go that route bothers me - guess it would make me feel left behind??

Thanks for any opinions :)

If you cannot look beyond a persons past thats not their problem, its yours. We all GROW thru life, to be who we are, and thats a process. If you can't deal with it, then so be it, move on. But never pass judgement.

Agree - People change, and if someone can't look past their past and see the changes and improvements they have made, they don't deserve to be with that person anyway.

Bigbird- I have had lot of things happen to me after my break-up not to mention my ex told he me was not in love w/me anymore when we broke up ( you can see my past threads) then this new interest came into my life while I was mourning the loss of my ex.. I think things happen when you least expect it... now my mind is on the new guy & my ex is calling/texting me telling me he never fell out of love w/me that he wanted to start a life w/me & that he will always love me... its weird because I couldn't even imagine my ex being w/another girl but yet I was the one to first kiss someone else... its weird!

Anyone ever felt the pressure to get involved with someone new quickly because they were afraid/worried that their ex would end up involved with someone before they did
Its like a double rejection somehow. Especially while your still trying to grasp the whole situation. It makes you feel as if you meant nothing to them, and you wasted your time. Be aware that's your perspective on their feelings and only brings out the insecurities we feel after we are shocked, and rejected. My first serious relationship, was a real beeyatch until over time, I learned to cope with my feelings, and not hide from them, or give in to them. The whole idea of coping, and healing, is about being healthy enough, to move on.

Thanks guys,

Magrock - I'm not giving into the pressure of it, it just gets more annoying then anything after a while.

Tal - I can imagine that it would be tough to find out, but I'm not planning on finding out. I figure if I did I would be forced to come to terms with it and get over it, but taking it slow and putting that off as long as possible is my strategy. I would rather have the feelings fade on their own then find things out and be forced to deal with them.

I'm sure the insecurities are a big part of it too, for a while after it happened myself esteem hit a low and I was insecure and paranoid about a lot of things, but not after a few months, I'm fairly sure myself esteem is higher than it was during my relationship.

In the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it... not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

in the end, biggie, you realize that you're a better person for it...not because you were a "bigger person" but because you took the time off to improve on yourself, realize your mistakes, grow up emotionally, while that other person hasn't.

Makes sense...

For now, I'm sticking to ignorance is bliss :)

Yes, when that voice comes in my head saying "wonder if he's at that concert with some other girl" I just push the voice out instead of asking him or trying to figure it out.. because it's frankly non of my business! And I'd rather not know

Hahaha~ I wish I'd find a nice, cute girl whose clean xD

hjpan and andrew916.? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn TV if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old?? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next girlfriend is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

That's all I'm going to say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

To be honest, this whole virgin business is completely ridiculous.

Thats all im gonna say because frankly it doesn't warrant any more of an answer

Lol. I 100% agree :D

Hijpan- how old are u anyway? If u don't mind me asking... u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

Lol... practice safe sex?
What if one of the guys my partner dated was infected & didn't know or didn't tell?

I'd be fuqed.. right? LOL

I'm not saying virgins won't carry the disease, but it's less likely

hijpan- how old are u anyway? if u dont mind me asking....u made a blunt comment about me on my thread... u seem to have a very controversial/offensive attitude

19 year old going in the Army pursuing a degree in psychology...

Possibily psychiatry.

Most men are carriers of STD/STIs.

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this...

EDIT: Did you mean that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men? I could understand that more than the fact that most men have them...

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this....

It's actually false.
Males are harder to be tested for STDs/STIs...

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? But what about you? You're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? And it's OK?

hjpan you hold these high standard for a girl to be a virgin right? but what about you? you're allowed to sleep with whomever you want? and it's ok?

Actually, I've only slept with one girl... that's it...

I've only had one girlfriend for the past 19 years old my life. And I only had sex with one girl...

And I'm not the typical dumbfuq guy who'll go around, looking for hot girls and trying to get with them

Oof. Someone opened up pandora's box.

I think I Sort of understand where hj's coming from. I don't think he's talking about sex, per se, but the drama that comes with it. I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Granted, it's a misconception, and perhaps he should have worded things better...

hjpan and andrew916. ?? I resent this statement and am extremely disappointed!! I'm not even going to go into how wrong this statement is on multiple levels. I'll start with one. First of all, it's extremely misogynistic. There is really no need to dehumanize women anymore (turn on the damn tv if you want some more social conditioning), whether it means trying to turn them into the "virgin" or "goddess" stereotypes that some men are apt to do.

I mean, come on! What are you looking for, a 10 year old??? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but surely, you're not a virgin? If you are, fair enough. If not, don't be a hypocrite. If you can't live up to your own expectations, don't expect others of fulfilling it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that you want to practice safe sex. Have you gotten yourself checked out? Most men are carriers of STD/STIs. They just happen to be symptomless, and if your next gf is going to be "clean," you don't want to accidentally infect her.

I am a virgin. And my girlfriend is too. I laughed at what HJpan said because where I go to school I am surrounded by lots of girls who have sex just to be having sex. If I'm going to lose it I want it to be with someone who feels that sex shouldn't be used as some means of building a reputation. It brings the relationship onto a whole new level and to take sex lightly isn't right. Unfortunately girls like that art school, outside of school, and in my neighborhood are rare. Let's face it- this generation treats sex like it's a joke.

oof. someone opened up pandora's box.

I think I SORTA understand where hj's coming from. I don't think he's talking about sex, per se, but the drama that comes with it. I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Granted, it's a misconception, and perhaps he should have worded things better...

Yeh... I'm not that experienced... lol

i am a virgin. and my girlfriend is too. i laughed at what HJpan said because where i go to school i am surrounded by lots of girls who have sex just to be having sex. if i'm going to lose it i want it to be with someone who feels that sex shouldn't be used as some means of building a reputation. it brings the relationship onto a whole new level and to take sex lightly isn't right. unfortunately girls like that art school, outside of school, and in my neighborhood are rare. let's face it- this generation treats sex like it's a joke.

Hahaha~ wait until college.... there's more drama...

I went to a friends' summer-is-here frat party~not a lot of guys besides the frat brothers..

Well, I was talking to couple dudes and they said to me
"If you ever want to hook up with a whore or get laid, just talk to us"

Seriously.

Oh that explains a lot hjpan... lol

oh that explains alot hjpan...lol

Explains?

I think he just prefers a girl who is inexperienced and isn't knowledgeable in hurting a guy.

Occasionally we get women who post things here to the effect that they are in there 20's and never had a boyfriend or never had sex and they have somehow come to believe this is negative. As God is my witness, I, and I dare say the majority of good men would be thrilled to have an inexperienced girl who doesn't want to play the game for the sake of hurting the guy.

While I agree with the rest of your statement (the sex thing was pretty un called for) I'm not sure I like this statement. I'd like to see a statistic to support this....

EDIT: Did you mean that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men? I could understand that more than the fact that most men have them...

Sorry I wasn't more articulate. I didn't mean to say that most people who carry STDs/STIs are men per se. My point was that women are not the only carriers. We all are or can be. Actually, a large proportion of people (I'm uncertain of international figures. I'm speaking American statistics here) have STDs/STIs. They just don't know it.

You can get the stats from CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) at Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (http://www.cdc.gov)
A frightening factoid: "CDC estimates that approximately 19 million new infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24."

I thought men were the biggest carriers and distributors of STDs?

It seems like the numbers should be pretty even- it takes at least two to transmit...

Explains?

Well the fact that your only 19 you have a certain about sex... when to do it & when its done it's a disaster or sleeping w/ an certain amount of people is bad... think about it your 19 your sexual peak is still very high... I am 29 so I am just speaking from my experience... it just seems you are judging people based on sexual experience... I lost my virginity @21 as a woman I was very proud of that... because I personally do not sleep around however I am human & make mistakes... I just think that everyone should speak or give advice based on their experience. The fact that you are 19 explains a lot of why your responses seemed a bit unfair. But I respect everyone's opinions...

Wait, hj... do you by chance go to my school.. because... my buddy and I were being serious about that. Just talk to us, all is taken care of ;)

wait, hj...do you by chance go to my school...? because...my buddy and I were being serious about that. just talk to us, all is taken care of ;)

I'm rolling my eyes... :rolleyes: lol.

Btw- nice new avatar, Sneeze. Really subtle. :p

Why thank you. Yours too. Really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

I don't think it matters how many partners you have or haven't had. The point is to find someone who looks at "sex" in a similar light as yourself. This goes for both girls and guys. If you look at sex as a beautiful, natural thing that 2 partners do to show and express their love to each other in a very intimate way then look for someone who shares that same view. (Also know, that there are other ways to show that love as well without just the sex). If you look at sex as a primal urge, need to feel the warmth of a human body on yours for the moment then find someone who's looking for the same. Over your lifetime, you'll probably find yourself jumping between these 2 extremes. There's no right or wrong here. Just make sure whatever you are doing is what YOU want to do and whatever you are doing is what the other person WANTS to be doing too. Make sure you're both on the same page about what the act of sex is representing and it will hopefully keep the hurt feelings down to a minimum.

And of course, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use a condom.

I'm an old lady compared to you guys so I have some experience. ; )

why thank ya. yours too. really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

Umm... I'm a sophomore at Univ. of California, Davis... :O

But I'm taking a year off for advanced school program...

Anyways, since I'm inexperienced.... I just rather date/go on a relationship with a virgin or a girl who has the same inexperience as I do =/

... twas a joke hj. Twas a joke.

It's fair to prefer girls who are "as inexperienced" as you are, but I'm simply advising you to not brush off other girls because they've been with 4 - 5 guys... because really, the number of guys they've been with means little to nothing. It's how they treated the guys they were with.

...twas a joke hj. twas a joke.

it's fair to prefer girls who are "as inexperienced" as you are, but I'm simply advising you to not brush off other girls because they've been with 4 - 5 guys...because really, the number of guys they've been with means little to nothing. It's how they treated the guys they were with.

I wouldn't have sex with other girls who are more experienced... just a nonsexual relationship.

why thank ya. yours too. really screams the "jilted" part with your fancy hat.

Hahaha! What can I say? That's how I roll.;)

Damn,

Wasn't expecting to cause that much trouble... next time I'll keep my mouth shut :)

Thanks for clarifying Jilted, I get what you were saying now...

Anyways, since I'm inexperienced.... I just rather date/go on a relationship with a virgin or a girl who has the same inexperience as I do =/
Everyone has their own ways, but keep your mind open to good people out there that have more experience, and can teach you much, despite circumstances of the past.

Prejudice can be very restricting, when it comes to your fellow human, especially the females.

After reading all this, Im starting to move on even tough its to difficult for me. Im using the nc rule because I want to heal but I also have a little hope that she might come back and if she doesn't, its going to be her lost because I'm becoming a whole different person in a very good way. On Sunday its going to be 2 weeks since she asked me for time, we haven't seen each other but she sent me a message 4 days ago wishing that I was OK which I replied saying that I was good , I made it very short and polite. Since that I have applied the nc rule and even tough its hard, I'm not planning to break it. She asked me for time but I realized that its better to treat it as a break up so you can worry about yourself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I don't want to kill my hopes by I also don't want to put my hopes up so I wish I can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Everyone has their own ways, but keep your mind open to good people out there that have more experience, and can teach you much, despite circumstances of the past.

Prejudice can be very restricting, when it comes to your fellow human, especially the females.

Hmmm.... I just don't want someone else who has more experience cause my female companion WILL know what to do instead of us taking it slowly :O

She asked me for time but i realized that its better to treat it as a break up so u can worry bout urself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I dont wanna kill my hopes by i also dont wanna put my hopes up so I wish i can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Perfect strategy..

I was asked for time and immediately thought of it as a breakup. She gave me the lines "I just need some time", "We will see what happens", etc, etc, etc. I knew better. The next weekend she said she needed more time and didn't know how long it was going to be and didn't want me waiting around for her. Needless to say I took it much better because I had prepared for it all week long.

I'm glad your taking this approach, it's the smart thing to do and you will thank yourself for it later. I was very happy with myself for going that route, since I didn't have to cry and be upset all over again when she told it was probably more pemanant than a break. She was so worried that I would be crushed, and was surprised at how well I handled it. Upset, no doubt, but respectful and understanding (as much as I could be).

Your in the right place bud.

After reading all this, Im starting to move on even tough its to difficult for me. Im using the nc rule because i wanna heal but i also have a little hope that she might come back and if she doesnt, its gonna be her lost because im becoming a whole different person in a very good way. On sunday its gonna be 2 weeks since she asked me for time, we havent seen each other but she sent me a message 4 days ago wishing that i was ok which i replied saying that i was good , i made it very short and polite. since that i have applied the nc rule and even tough its hard, im not planning to break it. She asked me for time but i realized that its better to treat it as a break up so u can worry bout urself instead of be waitting for this time to finish. I dont wanna kill my hopes by i also dont wanna put my hopes up so I wish i can heal soon, regarless if she comes back or not!

Same here... I want to find a way to work with my ex but I doubt that cause I'll be in South California while she'll be in North California. Not to mention, her guy-friends said they'll go clubbing and sh*t...

Thinking about it makes me sick and happy at the same time..
Sick that my ex CHOSE TO fuqing stay near me.
Happy that she might get fuqed over.

Anyways, I'm looking towards my future goal for right now...
I imagine myself driving in a ferrari, going to a good paying job and working with awesome people, enjoying life to the fullest etc.

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to? *SiGh*

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to?? *SiGh*

Ignore him.

Get a restraining order.

It's been nearly two months since I broke up with my boyfriend and he has done and said things to me I never would've thought possibloe and cause me SO MUCH HURT and I'm still JUST AS IN LOVE WITH HIM.It's really getting my down. Surely I'm weird for being in love with someone who has treated me disgracefully with no cause to?? *SiGh*

OMG hun!! You're life is my life!! Except I broke up with my boyfriend on Sat... I broke up with him because he did some hurtful things, where I should be angry.. but I just can't bring myself to hate him or be angry.. I still love him so much, like you said..

I hope it gets better for you.. I don't know about you but going on here is like therapy.. it really helps to talk to people that are in the same spot as us.. it's really a great thing that we have here..

Ignore him.

Get a restraining order.

Clearly not the case here

clearly not the case here and uncalled for... why are you so obnoxnious?? this site is here to help people.. not to pi$$ them off!

I'm giving advise, not pi$$ing people off

Restraining order so the ex can't do anything. No phone calls, texts, visits etc.

I'm giving advise, not pi$$ing people off

Restraining order so the ex can't do anything. No phone calls, texts, visits etc.

Lol that is ironic- he told my friend he's getting a restraining order against ME. ME who does not speak to him or communicate with him or go near him. Anything to hurt my feelings.

Thanks Plonak yeah I feel the same I should HATE him for how he treated me, and in a way, still is. His ex ( now his best friend) has told me all the things he's been saying about I can't understand why he'd do that, especially as my last request to him when we broke up was NOT to talk about me to her and he PROMISED he wouldn't.I shouldn't be able to stand him and I love him just as much and miss him. :mad:

Granted, I think a restraining order is a bit too far unless the ex starts making certain threats, stalking, etc.

Just keep your head up, and don't forget what your ex did to hurt your feelings. After a breakup, because we miss them so much, we tend to forget what they did and we tend to forgive them. Remind yourself that you two are broken up because you two don't belong together

Granted, I think a restraining order is a bit too far unless the ex starts making certain threats, stalking, etc.

Just keep your head up, and don't forget what your ex did to hurt your feelings. After a breakup, because we miss them so much, we tend to forget what they did and we tend to forgive them. Remind yourself that you two are broken up because you two don't belong together

Yea that's advice that I can take too.. I did too much of forgiving because I loved him.. it's about taking care of myself now.. and not about him.. I guess when we love someone we can be too forgiving.. I guess it just comes with the territory..

Restraining order- he's so immature it boggles my mind.That's the strange thing though I DO remember all the things he did and it hurts me very much but at the same time I still love and miss someone that has been so cruel to me. I think about him morning to night literally not a minute goes past where I don't think of him. Is it possible that it will take me longer to get over him BECAUSE of all the things he did?

Restraining order- he's so immature it boggles my mind.That's the strange thing though I DO remember all the things he did and it hurts me very much but at the same time I still love and miss someone that has been so cruel to me. I think about him morning to night literally not a minute goes past where I don't think of him. Is it possible that it will take me longer to get over him BECAUSE of all the things he did?

It will take time... I think it'll take a very long time for you to heal

It will take time... I think it'll take a very long time for you to heal

*Sigh* that's what I was afraid of. He ruined my last summer and he's ruined this one too. I feel terrible :(

*Sigh* that's what I was afraid of. He ruined my last summer and he's ruined this one too. I feel terrible :(

Don't let a rotten apple spoil the rest.

People be strong, we are all together in this !

I just got a date lined up for next Saturday.woot woot! I've known this girl for a while and we used to have a thing for each other before me and sam got together. I didn't have the balls to ask her out before (I HAD confidence issues). It should be fun. We get along great and have the same tastes in a lot of areas so I'm excited ;)

Good for you! Hope it goes well! Im not sure if I'm ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?

Good for you! hope it goes well!! Im not sure if im ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?

You're right we are in the same boat lol I don't think I'm ready to date again. I guess you're ready when you can concentrate on someone and not constantly compare them to your ex. I'm kind of getting there, but I'm still in love so it would be unfair to someone I thinlk.

Good for you! hope it goes well!! Im not sure if im ready to date yet.. how do you know when you're ready?


I just stopped thinking about Sam. One day I woke up and all the good memories that used to bring on extreme sadness, only made me happy to know that I was blessed with good times. I had moved on to open up a new chapter. I think some of us are afraid to let go- but that's what we all must do. Move on with our lives and live them to their fullest. You'll know when you're ready- it's a feeling- a realization.

I just want to show to my ex that I will be successful and if she had not dumped me, she would've been standing right next to me, not around me.

Yeah... and she'll see that... as long as you do it for yourself, not for her.

As far as the dating issue goes, I think as long as your thinking about your ex and still being sad about them yo uaren't ready to be dating anyone else yet. You don't want to rush into someone and end up worse off in a few months than you are now. I know people who tried that, then when the rebound ends, you find yourself thinking about your original ex and feeling worse than you did. Plus, you might regret the rebound...

Man I really really really hate dreams sometimes... I literally dreamed about my ex the entire night... I know that because I woke up a few times and remembered my dreams vividly, I thought I was getting much better and now I feel like crap all over again... its been 13 days of no contact and I plan on sticking with it still though, arggghhh

I met up with my ex this weekend. It was weird to say the least. I was excited to see him and see how he was doing, but something was off. I think it's the realization that we won't be anything more for each other? I'm glad I got to see him though.

Will be seeing her again tomorrow, my feelings for her aren't as strong.. Because I've realised she isn't someone who will/wasn't there for me, nor did she ever appreciate all the things I done for her.. I've come to terms with the fact, although I am not as upset as I was I am mainly dissapointed.. I guess now when it's ended, I have had a true glimpse at her character... Completely selfish, but yeah I will survive!

And it's been uhhh.. 5 days NC..

Ick.. I'm feeling especially lonely right now.. my friends aren't getting back to me, no one is online, and I can't help but miss my ex and I feel really horrible..

I was told about the rollar coaster coaster emotions that I would go through, but I guess you can't truly know what they're like unless you go through them yourself.. and lately it's been quite low and staying low.. I hate this..

Its tough when you can't get ahold of people and you want to keep yourself busy. I used to find that watching something on TV (especially something that's a comedy/pretty funny) was the next best thing. Laughing helped me to keep my mind off trying to get busy and her...

Then there's always spending time on here talking to people :p

Or picking at your belly button.

.. but be careful. Don't go too deep.

So I've let a day pass by, and I'm still weirded out after meeting up with the ex. I got in pretty late into the city and he came to a party where our mutual friends were. He was quite inebriated. He told me how he had "missed me a little" while I was gone. I replied sarcastically and half-jokingly, "Well, don't I feel special." I reminded him I was there to visit my friend, not him.

Odd thing happened though. He usually projects this proud, egotistical persona around me, but for the first time, he let his guard down (probably because he had a few drinks) and let his vulnerable side show. He mentioned the pressure of juggling school and work, paying his way through school, and helping his family financially by himself. I used to get annoyed and shoot down any arrogant statements or behavior, but this time, I actually wanted to comfort the poor guy. I wanted to tell him that I'd be there for him if he needed someone to lean on and mean it, but I held myself back. I didn't want either of us to get emotionally involved again. He already has enough on his plate while I frankly just cannot commit to anyone right now. He kept paying for everything, too, which made me feel even worse since he's on a budget (I'm not.)

I'm not sure how I feel or how he feels. Nor am I sure of where we stand, but I honestly don't want to think about it anymore. Gyah.

When in doubt, pursue NC. Hence, I guess I'm restarting NC. Lol.

Four weeks of NC tomorrow. I do feel better,but still its almost every day that I wake up and my first thought is of him. I hope those will ends soon.

Four weeks of NC tomorrow. I do feel better,but still its almost every day that i wake up and my first thought is of him. I hope those will ends soon.

It does. If not, the potency of the feelings associated with thoughts of him will diminish at the very least. Hang in there! You are doing great!:)

In a very weird turn of events, after 4 months apart the ex and I saw each other last weekend at his request. He's been trying to call me for weeks but I've been avoiding it. So, last weekend we met up for lunch which turned into an all day event (lunch, shopping, TV, dinner, etc.) He just said how much he missed me and how it was like losing a best friend.

Then, on Monday he asks me to go to dinner. He shows up with a gift for me. The gift was a $400 handbag! Crazy, I know. But whatever, after 4 years together I deserve a parting gift.

So, anyway. Feel fine. It was weird to see him again. It was like going back in a time capsule. We always did get a long well and we still do. The weird part was realizing that my feelings have diminished. While it was fun to hang out and I do truly like him as a person, those "love" feelings just weren't there for me anymore. I saw him through clear eyes and with a clear head. Time does have a way of clearing things up for you.

o.O

Losingit... I thought that "I deserves a parting gift" was by far, one of the funniest things I've read.

The first paragraph, I thought, "oh no..." the dinner line, I thought, "ohhh...:(" then... parting gift. Genius.

Hope this doesn't cloud your head... and hope your ex doesn't get any mixed messages from this.

... hm... I'm due for a parting gift. I want one.

o.O

losingit...I thought that "I deserves a parting gift" was by far, one of the funniest things I've read.

The first paragraph, I thought, "oh no..." the dinner line, I thought, "ohhh...:(" then...parting gift. genius.

hope this doesn't cloud your head...and hope your ex doesn't get any mixed messages from this.

...hm...I'm due for a parting gift. I want one.

Sneezy, I thought the same thing. After all these "dinner" posts, there is usually only one following statement, and I was about to yell at losingit :)

I got a parting gift, sort of... but I had to pay for it :(

Sneezy - haha I know! When I first opened the present, I was like "oh no, I don't know if i should accept this." then I was like "screw it, i earned this!" And I told him that.

It hasn't clouded my head at all. For the first time, I know now what I've been feeling and that is level-headed. It is nice to know that I wasn't just thrown away or anything and while we're no longer together and never ever will be again, we still hold special place in each other's hearts. Ah, memories!

Well, I got to date with a new guy tonight. : ) I think I'll bring my new purse.

Bigbird - Don't worry about me. I'm not crazy... or at least that crazy! I would never get back involved with that drama.

Hah. I got HER a parting gift... mainly because it was right before christmas.. . I didn't get one. Joke's on me I guess.

... hm. Wonder if I can call her to get MY parting/christmas gift.

Not sure if I actually updated this, but I'll update my "I am doing NC" post later. Not much has happened... cept I won. Bwahahha

+1 for Sneezy :)

Bigbird - Don't worry about me. I'm not crazy....or atleast that crazy! I would never get back involved with that drama.

Good to hear :)

Glad to hear your doing well :)

Hmmm it was my ex's 21st yesterday, very hard knowing that we had planned to be together that day, but I didn't wish him happy birthday so I'm proud I resisted that urge. Still... difficult day.

So after two weeks of being single, I've got a date for tonight. Oh yeah.

After being single for 6 months and finally got over my ex.. I bump into her on a night out.. she tells me she still loves me.. I end up sleeping with her and then regret it all the next day.. WHAT A GREAT LIFE...

I've had a few drinks tonight, sorry.

After being single for 6 months and finally got over my ex.. I bump into her on a night out.. she tells me she still loves me.. I end up sleeping with her and then regret it all the next day.. WHAT A GREAT LIFE...

I've had a few drinks tonight, sorry.

:( Eeeek. Sorry, dude. Generally speaking, sleeping with the ex is a big no-no. (Don't I know it... ) Well, have you talked to her since?

2 months after break up..

I've been working out more often... pushing my muscles until they are so sore I can't lift any more weights..

I've been talking to advanced schooling program and I am 100% looking at it.

Anyways, I called my ex-gf's mom the day after the earthquake struck Los Angeles and all the way to parts of San Diego & Las Vegas.. we talked for a bit and she asked me for my sisters' phone which I gave out. But, the mom did say that my ex rarely talks and hangs out with some friends which was it. Her mom also said that my ex has not been dating anyone else; she questions me if I have been dating other girls or if I had a new girlfriend and I told her I have no time for a girlfriend right now.

I also told her that I'm going to be working out and study for a whole year.. When I finish schooling, I'll join the Army next summer and go through training. Then I'll go back to college and study while work.. by then, I'll graduate with a degree and earning money while my ex is wondering for a job.

That's pretty much my whole life after I got banned... LoL

I'm for sure getting a motorcycle and can't wait to blow by my ex's house. Hells yeah

Andrew916:

... definitely with you. With the money I had saved for getting a condo to live together with my ex...

... I bought a gsx-r 750.

... then I sold it, to buy a business, but... ya get my drift.

Hold on to your hats. The cbr rr 1000... repsol..

It's coming.

Yeah man I'm thinking of getting either a ducati or a kawasaki Ninja ZX-14 supersport. That sh*t is race track ready. Can't wait to see her face when tear I down her street. She said I was a bit too "tame". Hahaha thinking back on it, I'm laughing

Ah. Well... I didn't get it to show her off... I just always wanted a bike... but saved up the money instead for y'know... domestication. Good luck with the zx... thing's a beast.

Exactly haha

Sneezy - you liked the bike? I bought an enduro at the beginning of the summer for the trails, but I'm thinking I want to sell it and look into a gsx-r for the 3 hour ride to school and back. Might save a bit on gas :)

Its funny - been about 3 months now, but it seems like forever. Haven't had any contact with her and the bad days pretty much don't exist anymore. There are moments, and more recently more than ever before, but it isn't as bad as it used to be... believe that.

Just recently found myself getting caught up on the situations my mind is creating again, so all those who are going through that now, just learn to deal with it and learn how to understand that they are just things your mind has made up - don't over react or get upset about them since there is no basis behind them and you have no idea if they are true or not. For me, they tend to stick around and keep happening, which is a little bit annoying. I have the images of her being a "slut" (for lack of a better word) and that hurts to think about... just have to keep telling myself that there is no reason to believe that, other than the fact that my mind is going for worst case scenario...

Liked the bike?. I almost cried when I had to sell that sucker.. . I didn't even cry when my dog died when I was little.

As far as... buying the bike to save gas... yeah... granted, the gas mileage is about as twice as much as a regular car... don't be too down if you find yourself filling up as much as you do with a car. Just based on how I rode the sucker... I was getting anywhere from... 30 - 50 mpg.

You have got to be kidding me... I'm on vacation down in newport and guess who I run into?- my ex...

Well my car doesn't get great gas milege - 21ish if I'm lucky on the highway. I'm looking into it, thinking it just might be a fun toy :)

Andrew - Did you say anything to her, or just saw her? What happened?

My car gets around the same... considering the way I drive.

It is a fun toy.. . mm...

Well my car doesn't get great gas milege - 21ish if im lucky on the highway. I'm looking into it, thinking it just might be a fun toy :)

Andrew - Did you say anything to her, or just saw her?? What happened?

I didn't say anything, I just made sure she saw me having fun and laughing with my friend veronica who I'm seriously considering a relationship with. I really wanted the chance to show sam that I'm over her and I have to say that this was quite an opportunity. It was just weird and unbelievable seeing her here. It's a small world isn't it?

Well it sounds like your handling it well and not really having any trouble with it. That's good, I think you did well with it and didn't cause any problems which didn't need to be caused. I would caution you from doing anything in spite as it might come back to bite you, but at the same time, you were having fun and that's all that matters. Keep yourself busy, keep having fun - you'll be fine :)

Besides recovering from my ex..

I've been working out about 45mins to one hour/per day (I try to). I did call up my ex's mother to notify that there was an earthquake... just for sake of it =/

Anyways, I'm going to technical school on Aug. 25th and ends 06/29/09..

oh boy~ it's going to go through my ex' b-day, my b-day, lose-v-car day etc.
it's going to be painstaking~

As for getting a car, my mom is being a 8itch about it...

:( Eeeek. Sorry, dude. Generally speaking, sleeping with the ex is a big no-no. (Don't I know it...) Well, have you talked to her since?

She text me first thing in the morning after that night (it was Wednesday night).. she told me she regretted nothing and that she meant everything she said on Wednesday night. But since Thursday.. she has made no effort to talk to me or make any contact so at the minute we haven't talked since Thursday. BUT, she had a casual boyfriend on Wednesday night and I've been told since that they have broken up.

She's back in my head again after I thought I had gotten over her.. *sigh*.

She text me first thing in the morning after that night (it was Wednesday night).. she told me she regretted nothing and that she meant everything she said on Wednesday night. But since Thursday.. she has made no effort to talk to me or make any contact so at the minute we haven't talked since Thursday. BUT, she had a casual boyfriend on Wednesday night and I've been told since that they have broken up.

She's back in my head again after I thought I had gotten over her.. *sigh*.

I thought not talking to them made things hard but it's TALKING to them that can really affect the healing process. My ex finally decided to message me saying he cares (about the miscarriage I assume) and he didn't think things would get so out of control and he doesn't know what to do etc etc. I decided to be mature and not make him feel terrible like I wanted so I gave him a time and place to meet me so we could talk and told him he better be there, he didn't reply but he got the message.Waited for like an hour---no show. Got home, "thanked" him for standing me up. He said he never agreed to meet and I'm not ready to meet him face to face. I told him I was ready to see him when I lost our baby because my only priority then was getting through it. He ignored me. I feel as depressed as I did the day we broke up... :(

Well. Now you know.

First, he gives you this idea of him needing you... needing to talk, etc.

Then, you finally decide to help him out.

... then, he stands you up, and tells YOU that he's not ready to talk.

... really? He's being selfish about this? c'monnnnn.

You tried. Done deal. If he wants to talk, he can contact you... and even then, I'm not so sure you should give him a chance.

well. now you know.

first, he gives you this idea of him needing you...needing to talk, etc.

then, you finally decide to help him out.

...then, he stands you up, and tells YOU that he's not ready to talk.

...really? he's being selfish about this? c'monnnnn.

you tried. done deal. if he wants to talk, he can contact you...and even then, I'm not so sure you should give him a chance.

Thank you xx I couldn't agree more I was JUST thinking that If he decided he wanted to talk to me I'm not sure I even would I am just sick of him and his selfishness. He didn't even say he's not ready to talk HE told ME that I'M not ready to see him and that "I know it". It's just disappointing, just as I was realising that he is not at all a horrible person and that he's just never really been taught better and he is very childish and doesn't understand the impact his words/actions have on others, I get a message from him which I feel confirms it, and he's gone back to acting as though I don't exist. SIGH- SO.HURTFUL. I hate myself for still being in love with someone that does this to me.

I don't want to go into what happened, but it suffices to say that I am hurt and feeling pissed off. Even though we complicated things a few weekends ago, I've put it aside and tried to be a friend. I've been really nice, cordial, and considerate, which is a turn for me in contrast to interactions with my past bfs/exes. So why the hell is he treating me like sh*t? I break NC because he explicitly asks me to do a favor that I promised to do a while back. Plenty of time and energy goes into this favor, and I don't even get a measly thanks. I text him to make sure he got the thing. No response.

I know that I'm not supposed to act out of spite, but if he's going to act like an , I'm going to be "mean" and "insensitive" (his words) and give him a taste of his own medicine.

My patience has run out.

Well stay in that room and don't coem out till u've learned something!

Hmmm. Oops. He just replied with thanks. Nevertheless, am staying in the room.

I don't want to go into what happened, but it suffices to say that I am hurt and feeling pissed off. Even though we complicated things a few weekends ago, I've put it aside and tried to be a friend. I've been really nice, cordial, and considerate, which is a turn for me in contrast to interactions with my past bfs/exes. So why the hell is he treating me like sh*t? I break NC because he explicitly asks me to do a favor that I promised to do a while back. Plenty of time and energy goes into this favor, and I don't even get a measly thanks. I text him to make sure he got the thing. No response.

I know that I'm not supposed to act out of spite, but if he's gonna act like an , I'm going to be "mean" and "insensitive" (his words) and give him a taste of his own medicine.

My patience has run out.

Cut ties and change your number.

Oh j.

... oh j.

You doing OK?

2 months after break up..

I've been working out more often... pushing my muscles until they are so sore I can't lift any more weights..

I've been talking to advanced schooling program and I am 100% looking at it.

Anyways, I called my ex-gf's mom the day after the earthquake struck Los Angeles and all the way to parts of San Diego & Las Vegas.. we talked for a bit and she asked me for my sisters' phone which I gave out. But, the mom did say that my ex rarely talks and hangs out with some friends which was it. Her mom also said that my ex has not been dating anyone else; she questions me if I have been dating other girls or if I had a new girlfriend and I told her I have no time for a girlfriend right now.

I also told her that I'm going to be working out and study for a whole year.. When I finish schooling, I'll join the Army next summer and go through training. Then I'll go back to college and study while work.. by then, I'll graduate with a degree and earning money while my ex is wondering for a job.

That's pretty much my whole life after I got banned... LoL


Hey hjpan. Dude I like your plan. I was in the army for 9 years. Depending on the job you pick in the army do not expect to have time to take a significant number of college classes. If you want to do college in the military I suggest staying away from infantry, artillery or any other combat arms jobs. I would also keep away from engineering or mechanics. For going to school the best jobs that allow time for college are the clerical types.

OK guys... if you remember... I mentioned awhile back that I would go skydiving as part of my putting an end to this whole bu bs... I went two days ago with 7 of my friends, one of them being the girl I have been seeing for 2 months post break up... I m definitely doing better than earlier. She keeps me focus on her even though I still have feelings for my ex, but having her in my life has made a tremendous difference. I don't know how ty my summer would be without this new gal... anyway hope you are all doing well. Ttyl

Does anyone else's emotions come in waves? Its been... jesus... 4 months since me and the ex broke up (I didn't even realise it had been that long). I thought I was over her up until a few days ago, but the past few days things have been worse than they've been for a while. Except this time I'm genuinely missing her (as her, and not my girlfriend, if that makes sense), rather than feeling depressed or betrayed etc. I don't know whether that's part of this grieving process or not.

oh j.

...oh j.

you doing ok?

Lol

Oh J xD

I'm doing alright~

Hey hjpan. Dude I like your plan. I was in the army for 9 years. Depending on the job you pick in the army do not expect to have time to take a significant number of college classes. If you want to do college in the military I suggest staying away from infantry, artillery or any other combat arms jobs. I would also keep away from engineering or mechanics. For going to school the best jobs that allow time for college are the clerical types.


Haha xD

Thanks bro :)

I actually am looking at mental health therapist... I'm a psych major :)

Hjpan mental health therapist would be a good choice. When I first started in the military I was a respitory therapist. Medical field should allow your time for school. Just make sure you do not end up as a combat medic in a combat arms unit.

Ahem... I'm doing FINE. Let me just put that out there lol...

Glad to hear everyone seems to be doing fine... Keep going, it gets better :)

A little more than three months one, I'm feeling good. Don't have down time anymore really. Going back to school soon for the final year, sucks a little bit since I know I'll be bored. But I'm upset more about not having as mnuch fun at school than being lonely/missing her. Those days seem to be gone now :)

Keep it up everyone

Hjpan mental health therapist would be a good choice. When I first started in the military I was a respitory therapist. Medical field should allow your time for school. Just make sure you do not end up as a combat medic in a combat arms unit.

I've also thought of jump school too =/

This thread is dead.. lol

So, I found out my ex deleted me from Facebook which is all right cause I'm going to study and work as well as joining the military. Hopefully, I'll fly to her parents' place and get my stuff as well as trash her room.

It sounds childish but she's being a 8itch and won't return my books I lend her.

This thread is dead.. lol
This is a good sign!! This means that at present (keyword: present), we don't need the forum and hopefully we're doing OK. :)


So, I found out my ex deleted me from facebook which is alright cause I'm going to study and work as well as joining the military. Hopefully, I'll fly to her parents' place and get my stuff as well as trash her room.

It sounds childish but she's being a 8itch and won't return my books I lend her.

Eeek. hjpan, as much as it seems as though trashing her room would make things better, it won't. She may be a b----, but don't stoop to her level. If this is how she deals with things, then just let her be. Her loss. It seems like you were close to her parents. If she won't give you your books, maybe you can ask her parents to mail them to you.

This is a good sign!!! This means that at present (keyword: present), we don't need the forum and hopefully we're doing ok. :)



Eeek. hjpan, as much as it seems as though trashing her room would make things better, it won't. She may be a b----, but don't stoop to her level. If this is how she deals with things, then just let her be. Her loss. It seems like you were close to her parents. If she won't give you your books, maybe you can ask her parents to mail them to you.

But NC calender is the life of AMHD Dating/Relationships xD

Hmmm... I want to trash her place cause she deserves some sense knocked into her that she's messing with the wrong person. I guess I shouldn't stoop to her level.. LoL
Well, I am close with her mom... I called her the day after the earthquake struck LA to San Diego to Las vegas and we talked for 10-20mins. She asked me if I have a girlfriend and I said I didn't; she said my ex isn't dating anyone and she's quiet =/

Oh well... I'll just call her mom again and tell her I want my stuff back and I'll mail her letters back :O

Okay, heard from the ex for the first time in 4 months yesterday. She texted me saying we need to meet up to close a joint bank account which we had together. I have NO idea how to act with this; I know I should be civil to her, but after what she did I want to give it to her with both barrels. Its weird, you think you're over them, then something like this comes up and you're right back in the thick of it again. Anyone else been in a similar situation? I'm completely stumped.

Handle your business in a professional manner, and get back to your life, and leave the drama for the soaps. If you can't, let her deal with it her way.

Handle your business in a professional manner, and get back to your life, and leave the drama for the soaps. If you can't, let her deal with it her way.


Easier said than done.

My ex decides to cut ties with me.. so I'm dragging her mom into getting my stuff back

Easier said than done.

My ex decides to cut ties with me.. so I'm dragging her mom into getting my stuff back


But they decided to be 8itch about it and not return my stuff

I told my ex's mom that her daughter is a liar and trash.
I told my ex that she won't succeed in the future if she keeps going on living her life.

So, I won't get stuff back~ But I do plan on ruining my ex's life cause there's cause and consequence.

"There is a possibility that someone could fall in love over the internet.
I met my ex-boyfriend through this site. We lasted about 14 to 15 months. During that time we each visited each other in San Diego, CA and Sarasota, FL.
Though many relationships are different mine was more of a mutual. I thought I loved the guy but in reality I never did, that's why I ended the relationship.
But there is a possibility, in my opinion anyways."

That what she wrote.. LoL

That's bs HJ, if she never loved you why the hell was she with you for 15 months? Where did you find this, if you don't mind me asking? It seems odd that she would write that unless she was specifically trying to make a point, most likely aiming it at you. You're better off without that woman by the sounds of it bud.

Regarding ruining her life, I know exactly what you mean; but what goes around comes around, it always does, so there's no need to do anything. I met with my ex today for the first time in God knows how long. In the run up to this I've had thoughts of what I was going to say and do, most of which involved saying something really nasty about her or her new boyfriend. But when I saw her today, something happened and I suddenly became cheerful, and couldn't help but tell her about all the good things that have happened recently (without sounding like that's what I was trying to do). She then proceeded to tell me that breaking up with me was a bad decision. I played it cool. Me-1, her-0. As they say "living well is the best revenge".

As you may have noticed I'm in that brief happy stage you get after contacting the ex, before the depression kicks in a few days later. Whoopy!

Thats bs HJ, if she never loved you why the hell was she with you for 15 months? Where did you find this, if you dont mind me asking? It seems odd that she would write that unless she was specifically trying to make a point, most likely aiming it at you. You're better off without that woman by the sounds of it bud.

Regarding ruining her life, i know exactly what u mean; but what goes around comes around, it always does, so theres no need to do anything. I met with my ex today for the first time in God knows how long. In the run up to this I've had thoughts of what I was gonna say and do, most of which involved saying something really nasty about her or her new bf. But when i saw her today, something happened and I suddenly became cheerful, and couldnt help but tell her about all the good things that have happened recently (without sounding like thats what i was trying to do). She then proceeded to tell me that breaking up with me was a bad decision. I played it cool. Me-1, her-0. As they say "living well is the best revenge".

As you may have noticed im in that brief happy stage you get after contacting the ex, before the depression kicks in a few days later. Whoopy!
When I first saw that, I felt like crap but I realized I didn't do anything wrong except we argued over issues. I found her post on another public forum about internet relationships/online relationships/long-distance. I totally agree that I'm better off that 8itch xD.

*sigh* It just frustrates me that her mother flatters me a lot.. But now I realize this is all a joke. My ex is using her family as a shield to get me away from her..

I told her mom and the ex that I won't be surprised to see them in destitute as well as the ex getting pregnant and the boyfriend running off...

well.. I got part of my anger off my chest...

Well my ex texted me again yesterday nearly two weeks since our night of romance (if that's what you'd call it).. I didn't text back until today..

We chatted about some stuff, (we actually did a bit of flirting).. then I told her I was going away and I'd text her later.. a few hours later I text her.. but she was with her friend (when she's with her friend it's hard to talk to her, never mind text her) so I told her I was going to bed.

What should I do next? Wait for her to text me again or make contact first this time? I like talking to her and I know we can't get back together but she still is the girl that is mostly on my mind and I wouldn't mind meeting with her.

I don't know what her intentions are.. we bumped into each other on a night out (the place was crawling with sexy girls and probably boys but we both ended up with each other all night), she told me she still loved me.. we got it on and then we text each other the next day. And then we didn't hear from each other until she text me out of the blue yesterday to find out how I've been?

Forget her intentions... what are yours? What are you trying to accomplish by talking to her and hanging out with her? Are you trying to be her friend? If so, are you ready for the "I found someone" talk?

My intentions? I don't know.. it seems to me that neither of us are over each other.. and we aren't exactly friends..

It's obvious to me that she's missing me.. and I'm missing her. I'm so confused!

My intentions? I don't know.. it seems to me that neither of us are over each other.. and we aren't exactly friends..

It's obvious to me that she's missing me.. and I'm missing her. I'm so confused!

Of course. You don't know what or who you want; she doesn't know what or who she wants.

I am just about over my ex.. It just hurts me sometimes to see her flirting with my best friend. She exclaims that it isn't flirting.. But everyone knows it is. She keeps having cheap goes at me. She keeps attacking me for what I've said in the past.. It's irritating to say the least. The next time she has a go at me, I'll most likely retatiliate (Not physically of course.)

But anyway I'm holding up just great, what about you's?

HJ

I had exactly the same problem, but I can tell you that when I had contact with my ex and we were both missing each other, it just confused the hell out of me.

You miss her, she misses you, so your prob thinking why aren't we together then?

That's what I thought. But after some crappy back and forth round in circles BS, the only way it could go was back to NC.

Mainly because she ended it, and whilst I wanted to get back together I don't think she really wanted it enough, so we parted, yet again.

My advice, is go with NC and stay away from the drama and confusion because it really hurts the head!

I'm on day 4 of NC, and whilst I drove past her last night, we were both in cars (she was with a bloke) that doesn't count and I'm moving on as I know it's the only way to go.

I suggest you do the same. If she contacts you go from there, but don't wait and don't contact her as it will only cause you grief and mental anguish. Been there done that and got the t shirt - don't want it again!

Well said JP.

The NC is easier said than done for the first week or so. After about 2 weeks it it's a hell of a lot easier, in fact in my situation I only text her a couple of times after we broke up. Than again she got with someone else (she confirmed that when I saw her the other day), so I knew it was over the moment it was"over" and didn't really hang on. When you mentioned seeing her in a car with another bloke JP, I think (and ladies correct me if I'm wrong here) women find it a lot easier to find someone else than men. Its never nice to see the love of your life devoting their attention to some other chump. It happens though and we have to live with it.

NC is the way forward. When deep down you know its over, its over, so why drag it out? There's no point trying to be friends or meeting up to see how each other is or even getting pointless belongings back (unless they're really worth something).

Technically I'm on day 2 of NC (as I had to meet her for the first time in 4 months to sort out finances), though I don't really count this as we had to do it, and I desparately tried to get out of it, to no avail. Weirdly though, I'm feeling pretty good despite her confirmation of being with this other guy, and that they're going away together. Than again she somehow knew I was going out with someone else for two months after the breakup, so I had a sick sense of pleasure. "He scores the equalizer!"

Stick with it guys

HJ

i had exactly the same problem, but i can tell you that when i had contact with my ex and we were both missing each other, it just confused the hell out of me.

you miss her, she misses you, so your prob thinking why aren't we together then?

thats what i thought. but after some crappy back and forth round in circles BS, the only way it could go was back to NC.

mainly because she ended it, and whilst i wanted to get back together i don't think she really wanted it enough, so we parted, yet again.

my advice, is go with NC and stay away from the drama and confusion cos it really hurts the head!

im on day 4 of NC, and whilst i drove past her last nite, we were both in cars (she was with a bloke) that doesnt count and im moving on as i know its the only way to go.

I suggest you do the same. if she contacts you go from there, but don't wait and don't contact her as it will only cause you grief and mental anguish. been there done that and got the t shirt - don't want it again!

Thank you :)
The NC is actually a lot easier cause my ex changed her phone number and acts like a 8itch now. I told her that she's not going to be successful and if she is in trouble, don't come crying to me.

Recently, I'm just as confused about myself... either a relationship + sex or promiscuity =/
Sure, there is a 15 year old girl who lives in Texas admitted that she likes me..
There's a 17 year old girl who lives about 15min drive away from me..
and yada yada yada...

It's so hard to keep track what I should do =/

Well, the last time I saw her was on Tuesday when she moved the rest of her stuff out of my apartment. I haven't spoken to her since. So the day count is 5. My fingers are starting to itch, but I feel like I will be strong enough to stand my ground. It's tough, and depressing knowing I may never experience anything with her again, but I'm starting to believe that it might be for the best.

Here is my background story:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/unexpectedly-dumped-248629.html?highlight=unexpectedly+dumped

Well I don't know what I was talking about earlier.. I'm such a walkover for her. Watching my friend dumping his girlfriend after she cheated on him and then seeing him all over her every time she wants him reminds me of me.. and how stupid I was (and still are kind of being).

I've realised that my ex is having problems with her new boyfriend.. they fall out and she comes running back to me and starts texting me. They make up and she shows no interest.

What a mug I am. But no more - I managed to get over my ex after 5 or 6 months.. we do a stupid thing what night and there she is - right back in my head. But after a great weekend and realising what a mug me and my friend are.. I'm going to get her out of my head because she is only a silly little immature girl who does not know who or what she wants. And when she falls out with her boyfriend, she wants me.. but I won't want her.

Well I don't know what I was talking about earlier.. I'm such a walkover for her. Watching my friend dumping his girlfriend after she cheated on him and then seeing him all over her every time she wants him reminds me of me.. and how stupid I was (and still are kind of being).

I've realised that my ex is having problems with her new boyfriend.. they fall out and she comes running back to me and starts texting me. They make up and she shows no interest.

What a mug I am. But no more - I managed to get over my ex after 5 or 6 months.. we do a stupid thing what night and there she is - right back in my head. But after a great weekend and realising what a mug me and my friend are.. I'm going to get her out of my head because she is only a silly little immature girl who does not know who or what she wants. And when she falls out with her boyfriend, she wants me.. but I won't want her.

If she contacts you, keep telling her you're busy.

Well I don't know what I was talking about earlier.. I'm such a walkover for her. Watching my friend dumping his girlfriend after she cheated on him and then seeing him all over her every time she wants him reminds me of me.. and how stupid I was (and still are kind of being).

I've realised that my ex is having problems with her new boyfriend.. they fall out and she comes running back to me and starts texting me. They make up and she shows no interest.

What a mug I am. But no more - I managed to get over my ex after 5 or 6 months.. we do a stupid thing what night and there she is - right back in my head. But after a great weekend and realising what a mug me and my friend are.. I'm going to get her out of my head because she is only a silly little immature girl who does not know who or what she wants. And when she falls out with her boyfriend, she wants me.. but I won't want her.

Well done! You sond really strong :)


I am in a predicament, I met up to talk to my ex the other, well more to have a go at him really, and we talked for hours and he apologised for everything and promised to be there for me now and do anything to make it right... so I said we could be friends and I'd let him support me, but then he took me out, and I drank, and we kissed a LOT and hugged and stuff and things were said... I couldn't take him back after what he's done and he doesn't want a girlfriend... but I AM still in love with him.. so maybe letting him support me isn't for the best? And actually NC is? :confused: x

Well done! You sond really strong :)


I am in a predicament, I met up to talk to my ex the other, well more to have a go at him really, and we talked for hours and he apologised for everything and promised to be there for me now and do anything to make it right... so I said we could be friends and I'd let him support me, but then he took me out, and I drank, and we kissed a LOT and hugged and stuff and things were said... I couldnt take him back after what he's done and he doesnt want a gf... but I AM still in love with him..so maybe letting him support me isn't for the best?? and actually NC is? :confused: x

It seems you already know what's best for you. It's hard to try to go the friends route when you're still in love with someone. No one said it was going to be easy.

Best of luck,
J

So how is everyone doing?

I'm fed up with my ex being a 8itch so I decided to get back at her whenever I see her in the future.

So how is everyone doing?

I'm fed up with my ex being a 8itch so I decided to get back at her whenever I see her in the future.

Have you ever stopped to think that your energy might be better spent trying to move on and get healthy without your ex in your life rather than plotting revenge and being angry at her? It isn't productive and in fact is probably a detriment to your healing...

I'd recommend you take some of your focus off her and put more on yourself, otherwise your going to be in the same spot for a long time...

So how is everyone doing?

I'm fed up with my ex being a 8itch so I decided to get back at her whenever I see her in the future.

Its your time so waste it all you want.:rolleyes:

Its your time so waste it all you want.:rolleyes:

Basically what I was getting at - I guess I'm a bit long winded :p

Basically what I was getting at - I guess im a bit long winded :p

Sometimes I get those mood when I hate my ex so much I want to punch her in the face.
Majority of the time, I'm chilling

Majority of the time, I'm chilling

Good. You have to learn to let go of the hate if you truly want to move on.

Good. You have to learn to let go of the hate if you truly want to move on.

Lol~ there are those times when I'm angry D<

Hey guys how's everyone doing? I have been out the nc for a good almost 2 weeks now. I can say though that I have made a considerable step forward... I have been seeing thins girl for a good almost 3 months now, and we just became exclusive. As far as my ex goes, well I don't worry about it so much anymore. The missing her thing and her being on my mind 24/7 is definitely changed. It's still kind of weird cause at time she pops up... and all this seems like a dream. She didn't respond to me the last time I tried to contact her, so since then I thing enough was enough. So yeah we do heal after all. Just hang on... and I wish everyone good luck and stay strong...
GG23

Well, my ex recently contacted me saying, "hope you did well on the mcat"

... thanks? I haven't talked to you in 8 months... but... thanks?

well, my ex recently contacted me saying, "hope you did well on the mcat"

...thanks? I haven't talked to you in 8 months...but...thanks?


Doesn't it make you wonder sometimes how they find these things out about us, yet we haven't talked to them in a long time. Maybe not in your case, but in mine there is virtually no link between her and I, yet somehow I hear stories about her knowing things about me... It's a little sad really - like she's checking on me :rolleyes:

I know how she finds out things about me. She was an RA... and her residents all love me, and we still stay in touch; in fact, her residents call me pretty frequently to hang out... so I'm assuming she finds out things about me that way.

*sigh*

I'm lost with myself... there's so many girls but all I ever do is think of sex D:

Interesting thing happened tonight...

Was waiting in the parking lot at the bar for my buddies to show up. Saw a car drive down the street, and a dent in the side caught my attention. Looked a lot like my ex's car. Not sure if it was or wasn't, but I had a pit in my stomach for a few minutes.

Good news is as soon as my friends showed up, I pretty much forgot about it. Didn't bother me, but its moments like that which scare me about seeing her around sometime... Funny that it isn't a big deal, but the gut reaction feels so intense.

Hah. Similar deal. My ex's old residents called me for a ride to the local grocery store... and when I went to pick them up, my ex's new boyfriend was there. I was told they were broken up, I guess not. Regardless, no matter. I just drove by.

Nice. You all have come a long way. Proof: one of the posts on the forum (I don't remember which one) recently referred to sneezy as the "poster-child" for recovering from breakups or something akin to that. Hahaha. Flattering, no?

I'm stoked to see all my friends when I go back to college in a week, but I have this fear of running into the ex. The thought makes me dread going back.

He better leave me alone.

Or else.

I'm the poster child! I'm the poster child!

If he doesn't leave you alone.. you going to hiss at him? Possibly bite him?

Well, I'll probably hiss. I mean, that's pretty basic. As for biting, I believe that's what you do.

They don't call me chompers for nothing.

Hahaha. You weirdo!

And oooh, another nickname to add to the list. ;)

Well, its been 5 months since breakup. Wow, has it really only been that long. Can't really talk about NC because there has been some communication every couple of weeks initiated on his part. (I've decided to ignore that from now on. Not out of animosity or anything, just because its pointless to maintain and honestly, I really just don't care anymore).

But yesterday I came to a realization. Aside from feeling awesome lately and more like myself than I've felt in years, I realized yes I lost one relationship. But by losing that one relationship, I've strengthened so many of my other relationships. I've become a better friend, a better daughter, a better aunt, better sister, etc. Sometimes in a romantic relationship, we lose ourselves in that relationship and forget about all the other people around us who love us and need us. We neglect the other things/people in our lives who matter and who will ALWAYS be there for us. Never again. I've strengthened existing relationships and reconnected with old dear friends. I'm happier than I've been in years!

So, I guess the point is. If you've still struggling with your breakup, stop focusing on the ex and the negativity, and put your effort into strengthening and rebuilding the other relationships in your life that you do still have and with the people who are happy to have you in their life. They are out there. It'll make a world of difference.

Losing it is right..

Sometimes when we're wrapped up in a relatinoship the world kind of passes us by.. After my breakup I didn't have many friends left (cause I ditched them all for my boyfriend) and after that I realized the true meaning of friendship..

Friendships are the most important thing in the world, and I cherish the very few close friends that stuck around.

I learned to NEVER LET A RELATIONSHIP DEFINE ME!!

Well, its been 5 months since breakup. Wow, has it really only been that long. Can't really talk about NC because there has been some communication every couple of weeks initiated on his part. (I've decided to ignore that from now on. Not out of animosity or anything, just because its pointless to maintain and honestly, i really just don't care anymore).

But yesterday I came to a realization. Aside from feeling awesome lately and more like myself than I've felt in years, I realized yes I lost one relationship. But by losing that one relationship, I've strengthened so many of my other relationships. I've become a better friend, a better daughter, a better aunt, better sister, etc. Sometimes in a romantic relationship, we lose ourselves in that relationship and forget about all the other people around us who love us and need us. We neglect the other things/people in our lives who matter and who will ALWAYS be there for us. Never again. I've strengthened existing relationships and reconnected with old dear friends. I'm happier than I've been in years!

So, I guess the point is. If you've still struggling with your breakup, stop focusing on the ex and the negativity, and put your effort into strengthening and rebuilding the other relationships in your life that you do still have and with the people who are happy to have you in their life. They are out there. It'll make a world of difference.


Another good idea:

FOCUS THE ANGER WHILE WORKING OUT

That's what I do

Hey guys/girls who saw my recent activity..

Well, I'm done with relationships or finding a new girl(s). I found I was lied to for 3 weeks straight~

hopefully, my friend can visit me and we going drinking...

Hey guys/girls who saw my recent activity..

Well, I'm done with relationships or finding a new girl(s). I found I was lied to for 3 weeks straight~

hopefully, my friend can visit me and we going drinking...

*UPDATE*

My friend drove from LA and we hung out a bit in downtown SD. Afterwards, I went to pick up a bike my sister bought for $125 which was pretty cool. Went home and chilled with my friend once again... ended up going on google and searching for strip clubs

Left around 8pm and arrived at a nude strip club.. it was really awesome~ LoL
For the first time, I felt relieved cause I remember how my ex used to restrict me to go to strip clubs or hanging out with girls... even though she's a hypocrite and hung out with her guy-friends.

So, there was a blond stripper wearing glasses who looked at me for a long time =/~ when she came over to get tip, I said "cutie pie~ you look nice =]" and she said "thank you :D"

My friend and I left around 9:30pm cause he had to drive back to LA; when we left, a stripper wanted us to stay but we said we got to go and promised that we'd go back xD~ eventually, we're going back =]

So my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago, which to me was completely out of the blue. It happened 5 days after we went to Europe together for 2.5 weeks. Europe went great, we connected, we laughed, we fought a little bit, but that's just standard when you are backpacking with someone for 2.5 weeks, and its very hot. But really the trip was great, and I thought our relationship was great. I usually have a great read on people, and I just can't believe how blindsided I was. I've been in a couple other serious relationships and we both always knew when the end was coming. This one I thought we were both super happy, we went to Europe and had an excellent time together, and then it comes back and this happens. I think part of the reason it hurts so bad is that I had no idea that this was going to occur, and that it happened after Europe. She even told me that she had a great time, and I told her that I wanted to forget about it because to me it seems like she was faking it during the trip, and she assured me that was not the case, she might have had some doubts but she really hoped she would overcome them, and that things would be back to normal. She said only after she got home and had some serious time to think about us that it became apparent that she wasn't in love anymore. Yeah I got the line that I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love. I just don't get how it happened so fast and I was so blindsided. Everyone I have told that we broke up is shocked (including her parents, according to what she told me) because they said that it seemed like SHE loved me so much. She said that she was deeply in love with me, but things change.

I'm a law student, so I'm busy but a lot of it involves me sitting and reading and thinking, and my mind is continuously wandering to her, and she is a senior in college, so I know she is just going out and having a great time, which I know I shouldn't let it affect me, and it doesn't that much, but it still does.

We are doing the NC, since it occurred except for two times to arrange a pick up of stuff, both times she picked up the stuff I was not at the house, so there was very little interaction. But its just a bad situation how someone could be totally head over heals, and then nothing, when there wasn't any sort of event or controversy that lead to the downfall. Any thoughts?

So my gf of 2.5 years broke up with me a week ago, which to me was completely out of the blue. It happened 5 days after we went to Europe together for 2.5 weeks. Europe went great, we connected, we laughed, we fought a little bit, but thats just standard when you are backpacking with someone for 2.5 weeks, and its very hot. But really the trip was great, and I thought our relationship was great. I usually have a great read on people, and I just can't believe how blindsided I was. I've been in a couple other serious relationships and we both always knew when the end was coming. This one I thought we were both super happy, we went to Europe and had an excellent time together, and then it comes back and this happens. I think part of the reason it hurts so bad is that I had no idea that this was going to occur, and that it happened after Europe. She even told me that she had a great time, and I told her that I wanted to forget about it because to me it seems like she was faking it during the trip, and she assured me that was not the case, she might have had some doubts but she really hoped she would overcome them, and that things would be back to normal. She said only after she got home and had some serious time to think about us that it became apparent that she wasn't in love anymore. Yeah I got the line that I love you and care about you, but I'm not in love. I just dont get how it happened so fast and I was so blindsided. Everyone I have told that we broke up is shocked (including her parents, according to what she told me) because they said that it seemed like SHE loved me so much. She said that she was deeply in love with me, but things change.

I'm a law student, so I'm busy but a lot of it involves me sitting and reading and thinking, and my mind is continuously wandering to her, and she is a senior in college, so I know she is just going out and having a great time, which I know I shouldn't let it affect me, and it doesnt that much, but it still does.

We are doing the NC, since it occured except for two times to arrange a pick up of stuff, both times she picked up the stuff I was not at the house, so there was very little interaction. But its just a bad situation how someone could be totally head over heals, and then nothing, when there wasnt any sort of event or controversy that lead to the downfall. Any thoughts?

Hey lawschool101,

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. I've seen it happen way too many times. I doubt she wasn't in love with you or has stopped loving you, but people are constantly changing.

... I know that doesn't make it any easier to comprehend how her feelings could change like that. :T

Take time to process your feelings. Try to get involved in busy work so that your mind won't wander off to her. Take on some hobbies, surround yourself with friends, exercise, read a book, etc. Also, don't contact her. Allow distance to speak for itself.

And look at it this way. She did you an enormous favor. I mean, would you want to be with someone who isn't in love with you anymore? You'll get through this. If you need to vent some more, come here.

Best,
J

After a breakup, or during, you will hear a lot of things that make you wonder and you will second guess a lot of things that she has said to you. Its best to try and not think about what she said and did in recent times. It will have you upset and wondering about what else wasn't true. After you can get over the fact that it has happened, it is a waste of time to think about these things.

Try not to worry about how she felt on the trip and how she has been thinking lately - just look to the future and try to do what you need to do you feel better...

Yeah I understand that people change. Throughout most of the relationship it seemed apparent that she loved me more, partially because I didn't want to totally let my guard down, but as our relationship progressed I fell deeper and deeper into love with her (as I feel like what happens in a good relationship, the love should continuously grow) and I thought she was falling deeper into love with me. Which she wasn't. I sent her an email just saying that she forgot something small at my house, and she e-mailed me back very nicely and used exclamation marks which just makes her seem like she's so happy in life, and things couldn't be better. I almost just want to e-mail her and ask if she is genuinely happier, or if she's feeling some transitional pain. Obviously I'm feeling a lot of pain, but for her to break up and then be totally happy is painful to me. I would almost rather just know one way or the other because if she's happy then I know I need to move on, and if she's not happy, it will make me feel better that I'm not the only one who is upset, and it will help me move on.

I also sent that email because its been a week since the break up and since our last contact so I wanted to just open the line of communication to see if a week changed her mind (I didn't say anything about us, all I said was I have this of yours, but I wanted to see if she was going to say I'll come up and pick it up, or say anything that would signal that she felt how I felt). It didn't which is good for me to know. I would still take her back if she just said the word, but I know that's not going to happen, nor should it, the relationship will only work in the future if we both change, grow, and then come together, everything is easier said then done. I think it has gotten worse since when it first occurred.

What you mentioned about the exclamation points already makes me think that you are reading too much into things and might get hung up on them. I don't blame you, I've done the same thing and so have many other people, but it really is bad for you to be reading into things and living based on assumptions and conclusions.

You need to remember than anything you thinking your head, is just that - thoughts. There is no basis to them and there is no reason to change the way you are living or thinking based on things which may not be true...

What you mentioned about the exclamation points already makes me think that you are reading to much into things and might get hung up on them. I don't blame you, I've done the same thing and so have many other people, but it really is bad for you to be reading into things and living based on assumptions and conclusions.

You need to remember than anything you thinkin your head, is just that - thoughts. There is no basis to them and there is no reason to change the way you are living or thinking based on things which may not be true....

Second person whose done the same...

So I want to e-mail her just asking if she has figured out what happened. When we broke up it was "I don't know why and I can't explain it, there is just a feeling inside of me that won't go away that says I don't love you anymore". To me that was a very unsatisfying way to end it after 2.5 great years, and considering it came from no where. I know the whole NC thing, but I feel like I need some closure before I can start to heal. I know there is nothing that I can do, I'm just trying to get a little closure.

Thanks for everything, this is a very helpful board

Another note from my experience...

You might not ever get an answer as to why. I never did, and I gave up looking.

Is it fair? No
Does it hurt? Hell yea
Is there anything you can do about it? Probably not...

Sometimes its best just to accept what happened, don't ask why and try to move on. I know that's hard to do, it takes a lot of mental conditioning to just accept that something has happened, but there are times in life when these things happen... and you have no other option but moving on and leaving all the questions and confusion behind...

I did something very hard today but I am proud of myself. My ex said he wanted to make his previous neglect of me right (regarding a miscarriage I had) and be there for me, and be a really good friend.-in my opinion he has failed miserably. I'm in and out of hospital and he's never once offered to come and see me, or do something to take my mind off things.Most of the time when I tell him I've been he doesn't even ask if I'm OK or what it was for. Today was the last straw-I offered to help him with something, he blew me off yesterday and said today, blew me off again because he said it wasn't necessary any more. So I told him coming round to keep me company is probably too much effort for him-he agreed!! I've had enough, it hurts, but I know the support I want is not going to come from him, and keeping in contact will just continue to hurt me knowing how much he just DOESN'T CARE. I.AM.DONE.

NC-DAY1

Another note from my experience...

You might not ever get an answer as to why. I never did, and I gave up looking.

Is it fair? No
Does it hurt? Hell yea
Is there anything you can do about it? Probably not....

Sometimes its best just to accept what happened, don't ask why and try to move on. I know thats hard to do, it takes a lot of mental conditioning to just accept that something has happened, but there are times in life when these things happen... and you have no other option but moving on and leaving all the questions and confusion behind...

Same here! My ex refuses to tell me the truth =/

But, I got a list of girls who like me :)
Many are younger, or acutally... all of them xD

I took time and used it wisely.. forgot the ex~ made her image as an enemy in my head

I did something very hard today but I am proud of myself. My ex said he wanted to make his previous neglect of me right (regarding a miscarriage I had) and be there for me, and be a really good friend.-in my opinion he has failed miserably. I'm in and out of hospital and he's never once offered to come and see me, or do something to take my mind off things.Most of the time when I tell him I've been he doesn't even ask if I'm ok or what it was for. Today was the last straw-I offered to help him with something, he blew me off yesterday and said today, blew me off again because he said it wasnt neccessary any more. So i told him coming round to keep me company is probably too much effort for him-he agreed!!! I've had enough, it hurts, but I know the support I want is not going to come from him, and keeping in contact will just continue to hurt me knowing how much he just DOESN'T CARE. I.AM.DONE.

NC-DAY1


I am sorry to hear. I don't know why people do what they do. But I sincerely believe that at the end of the day, you are better off without him. I know it hurts when someone who you like doesn't care about you. The hardest part of all this is that you cannot control who he is and how he is. And I think if you can simply let it go, you will probably feel relieved. Life is too short to let one person control your emotions. It is unhealthy. The best thing is to stay happy. Please take care of yourself first before you take care of someone else.

So I want to e-mail her just asking if she has figured out what happened. When we broke up it was "I don't know why and I can't explain it, there is just a feeling inside of me that won't go away that says I don't love you anymore". To me that was a very unsatisfying way to end it after 2.5 great years, and considering it came from no where. I know the whole NC thing, but I feel like I need some closure before I can start to heal. I know there is nothing that I can do, I'm just trying to get a little closure.

Thanks for everything, this is a very helpful board


I know how you feel, and I really beg you to not contact her. Your school is the most important thing right now. Seriously, you are in law school. You shouldn't let a girl affect your life. You don't have time for that, do you? Trust me, if it was meant to be, it will come back to you. If not, you need to let go of things that you have no control over. If she suddently felt a change of heart, it just happened. So let it be. You cannot change it. For example, you cannot change the color of the sky, right?

I really beg you to take care of yourself first. Make yourself happy. To do that, you need to just forget and move on. Get your confidence back, dude!!

Well, its been 5 months since breakup. Wow, has it really only been that long. Can't really talk about NC because there has been some communication every couple of weeks initiated on his part. (I've decided to ignore that from now on. Not out of animosity or anything, just because its pointless to maintain and honestly, i really just don't care anymore).

But yesterday I came to a realization. Aside from feeling awesome lately and more like myself than I've felt in years, I realized yes I lost one relationship. But by losing that one relationship, I've strengthened so many of my other relationships. I've become a better friend, a better daughter, a better aunt, better sister, etc. Sometimes in a romantic relationship, we lose ourselves in that relationship and forget about all the other people around us who love us and need us. We neglect the other things/people in our lives who matter and who will ALWAYS be there for us. Never again. I've strengthened existing relationships and reconnected with old dear friends. I'm happier than I've been in years!

So, I guess the point is. If you've still struggling with your breakup, stop focusing on the ex and the negativity, and put your effort into strengthening and rebuilding the other relationships in your life that you do still have and with the people who are happy to have you in their life. They are out there. It'll make a world of difference.

Ditto... it does feel awesome. This is my 7th week or 49 days of NC!! It's awesome! I didn't feel this way when I was with him. What a relief!

I've been feeling really depressed lately. Since me and sam separated I feel different and slightly emptier than I ever have before. I realize I have an amazing life and I'm really blessed but I'm not as happy as I know I could be. I feel as though I'm happy as happy as this town can possibly make me and I feel like if I do move on I can find that extra happiness I'm longing for... it really feels bad

Yeh I know what you mean andrew, at the minute I'm surrounded by a lot of friends, I'm always busy and my career has really taken an upturn, not to mention the odd other woman but when I'm alone (eg before bed or in the morning) there's this horrible feeling of emptiness inside. Things were great, but since meeting my ex a couple of weeks back its brought all the feelings up again. It's a real tribute to nc contact really.

A while back, a mate of mine who recently split up from a 5yr relationship jokingly said to me (about relationships) "if the fruit's gone bad, throw it in the bin". It sounds dumb but the weird thing is that its true, you can't magicly make it fresh and tasty again, so the only thing to do is to bin it. Its true with relationships as well I think; if its gone past the point of no return, throw it away. Granted, this metaphor is flawed because not all relationships "go bad", but for all those that want "closure" there is nothing you can do about it, move on. Its hard to take at first but there's always... ahem... I hate to say this... plenty more fish in the sea. If they want to make it work they can come crawling back to you.

Thank you wallawalla, I know you're right :( What really adds insult to injury though is- he can't be bothered to see me-yet, he stays at his ex girlfriend's house 24.7-the one he was still in love with going out with me, the one he cheated on me with. VERY HURTFUL :(

Thank you wallawalla, I know you're right :( What really adds insult to injury though is- he can't be bothered to see me-yet, he stays at his ex girlfriend's house 24.7-the one he was still in love with going out with me, the one he cheated on me with. VERY HURTFUL :(

I know how hard it is. I am in the process of recovering from a breakup. I think that what kept me strong and prevented me from contacting him for 50 days are the negative things that I remember about him. I think it is a blessing. It helps you not want to go back to those negative things. Sad, but you should be glad that it is over and you don't have to face it again.

However, I do still love him. That in itself is not wrong. It is much worse hating someone than loving someone.

If you feel hate, your mind goes into this mode that makes you think about doing bad things to him. At the end of the day, you will regret to have done that. It is your regret and not his when you do bad things to him.

So I'd say love your ex and let it go; like you would if you had a child. If you love your child, you have to let it go and let it go on--on his/her own term.

God Bless...

Yeh i know what u mean andrew, at the minute im surrounded by alot of friends, im always busy and my career has really taken an upturn, not to mention the odd other woman but when im alone (eg before bed or in the morning) theres this horrible feeling of emptiness inside. Things were great, but since meetin my ex a couple of weeks back its brought all the feelings up again. Its a real tribute to nc contact really.

A while back, a mate of mine who recently split up from a 5yr relationship jokingly said to me (about relationships) "if the fruit's gone bad, throw it in the bin". It sounds dumb but the weird thing is that its true, you can't magicly make it fresh and tasty again, so the only thing to do is to bin it. Its true with relationships as well i think; if its gone past the point of no return, throw it away. Granted, this metaphor is flawed cos not all relationships "go bad", but for all those that want "closure" there is nothing you can do about it, move on. Its hard to take at first but there's always... ahem... i hate to say this... plenty more fish in the sea. If they wanna make it work they can come crawling back to you.


Great point jammy. If the fruit has gone bad, no amount of injecting it with passion or effort from one side will make it better. Waste of time. Move onto another tree with richer pickings. I keep telling myself that.

Day 1 of NC again. This time it I for good. Got to beat 101 days, determined this time!

So how is everyone doing?

So how is everyone doing?

10 days after breakup. I left him because there was no future for us together, so I was a mean dumper. But I had to protect myself from deeper involvement.
5 days of NC, then he called saying I looked sad when he saw me at work. We made a small talk.
This morning he texted, wishing me happy birthday.
Back to NC.

10 days after breakup. I left him because there was no future for us together, so I was a mean dumper. But I had to protect myself from deeper involvement.
5 days of NC, then he called saying I looked sad when he saw me at work. We made a small talk.
This morning he texted, wishing me happy birthday.
Back to NC.


Good for you for standing strong =]!

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

Hey Shadowburn,

I've been there, done that. I know where you're coming from. I agree. Sometimes, it's worse when you're the one who leaves, not because you stopped liking the person, but because you couldn't continue on "his terms," as you put it. God knows how many times I've picked up the phone and called, when I shouldn't have. It never accomplishes anything though. It's still over and you don't want to get back together with him. I'm glad you realize this and are acting on this knowledge.

Don't worry. You'll get through it with time, slowly, but surely. You'll be surprised one day when you realize you're over it. :)

Best,
J

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably don't want to go back there because you don't want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just don't want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.

Well, I started my first week of advanced schooling... there is a pretty cute girl who looks at me once in a while but I am deciding not to pursue her. It seems to me she has a boyfriend cause she texts a lot on her phone....

Besides that, I got hired right off the chart as a courtesy clerk/bag boy~

whatever... atleast I'll make about $500 to $600/month and save up for a car

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably dont want to go back there because you dont want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just dont want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.


I think your right. I'm looking forward to feeling better again. Its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. I am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as I can, but I think I struggle with trying to find a replacement, when I shouldn't, I should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that I was so happy with my ex, I haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

Keep going everyone

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably dont want to go back there because you dont want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just dont want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.

That's why I left. I chose the pain to be without him over the pain to be with him. I have better days and worse days (yesterday was a better day), sometimes I start to feel like myself again, before our relationship started. That is my goal, to get things where they were before. And as much as I miss him, I don't want to go back and suffer all over again.

52 days of NC, wow. Keep going!

Great work on 52 days,

I got to 101 then collapsed, big mistake! Keep with the NC!

great work on 52 days,

i got to 101 then collapsed, big mistake! keep with the NC!

jpm247, what happened? Did you contact her or she did and you just answered the phone?
I answered my phone when he called the day before yesterday just to be civil. Made a small talk and that was it.

i think your right. im looking forward to feeling better again. its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. i am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as i can, but i think i struggle with trying to find a replacement, when i shouldn't, i should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that i was so happy with my ex, i haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

keep going everyone

9 months! Did you contact him/her in between? I don't mean to sound pejorative, but I would think you would have long forgotten about her. That's too long!

All I know is my ex is in SF and I wouldn't want to see her face when I'm in a club =/

I had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex message me on msn. Say "hi..." With two attempts on different days Sunday and then Monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" I just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. How is my work and stuff. And he even went to my Facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And I know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

Third attempt:

Him:hi...
Him:hows your day
Me after like 10 mins:hi
Me: actually I don't think I want to talk to you at the moment
Him: oh I am sorry...
Him: then when do you think we can talk again?
Me:i am not sure
Him: can I say hi once in a while?
Me: I am tired
Me:goodnight. Bye.

Last I heard he was sick... like having a bad fever cough and flu for many days... heard from a friend of his.. and that's why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
He texted me:
Hi, a sms to say hi..
Hope everything fine... take care of yourself. Night

What is he up to? Apparently from his Facebook.. I saw that he's been living the life he has always wanted... clubbing... getting a lot of attention from girls and etc.

I ignore his text.

What should I do guys? I hate him! He kind of left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
He kept saying I am conservative and sensitive.

He hurt me bad

i had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex msg me on msn. say "hi..." With two attempts on different days sunday and then monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" i just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. how is my work and stuff. And he even went to my facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And i know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

third attempt:

him:hi...
him:hows your day
me after like 10 mins:hi
me: actually i dont think i want to talk to you at the moment
him: oh i am sorry...
him: then when do you think we can talk again?
me:i am not sure
him: can i say hi once in a while?
me: i am tired
me:goodnight. bye.

last i heard he was sick...like having a bad fever cough n flu for many days...heard from a friend of his.. and thats why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
he texted me:
hi, jus a sms to say hi..
hope everything fine...take care of yourself. night

what is he up to? apparently from his facebook..i saw that hes been living the life he has always wanted...clubbing...getting a lot of attention from girls n etc.

i ignore his text.

what should i do guys? i hate him! he kinda left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
he kept saying i am conservative n sensitive.

he hurt me bad

It's hard. I can only speak from my heart, but that may differ from yours. Most in this forum will tell you to move on. However, you have to be true to yourself first and then to others. I think if you dig deeper into your heart, you know what you want without any compromise. The reason why you are asking us for an answer is that you just want to us to solidify your belief.

I know exactly what you are going through because I am there with you. What I can say to you is this, you are not entirely healed. As such, any decision that you make now will be irrational. So here is my take: ask him if he wants reconciliation. If he does, then tell him to wait until you are healed. That's the least he can do to win you back. If he cannot wait, then I'd say it was not meant to be.

You have to be healed and forgive what he said or have done. This is the basic of humanity. Look at the big picture. If the world is filled with hatred and unforgiveness, we will always have war. So you have to forgive and let it go. And then, your love might just be saved. It's the only big thing that you can do. I'd say never ever make someone feel little.

So ignoring is one thing, but be fair to that person.

Walla, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there, except for the fact that forgiving is easier said than done. By the sounds of it I was in EXACTLY the same situation as lovepolis, and I still really hate my ex (to be honest). Maybe one day I'll forgive her, but for now I'm happy to just never speak to her again and live in the knowledge that what goes around comes around. I think the thing you need to remember is that some relationships just aren't meant to be, and breakups happen, but I'd also say it's the dumpee's prerogative to look after themselves. Therefore, screw the dumpers feelings, they made that choice when they decided to split up. Its part of the package to feel guilty when you play with a person's feelings. In terms of how to heel, go out and spend time with your friends/family and keep busy so you don't fall into the trap of contacting him. It's a times like these that people make some their biggest achievements; nothings a better motivator than that immense feeling of inadequacy that follows a breakup. It WILL get easier, and it'll probably be a lot quicker than you think.

p.s. sorry if that got a bit emotional

i had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex msg me on msn. say "hi..." With two attempts on different days sunday and then monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" i just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. how is my work and stuff. And he even went to my facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And i know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

third attempt:

him:hi...
him:hows your day
me after like 10 mins:hi
me: actually i dont think i want to talk to you at the moment
him: oh i am sorry...
him: then when do you think we can talk again?
me:i am not sure
him: can i say hi once in a while?
me: i am tired
me:goodnight. bye.

last i heard he was sick...like having a bad fever cough n flu for many days...heard from a friend of his.. and thats why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
he texted me:
hi, jus a sms to say hi..
hope everything fine...take care of yourself. night

what is he up to? apparently from his facebook..i saw that hes been living the life he has always wanted...clubbing...getting a lot of attention from girls n etc.

i ignore his text.

what should i do guys? i hate him! he kinda left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
he kept saying i am conservative n sensitive.

he hurt me bad

What a douch3 bag... he left you for another girl?

Pffft~ delete him from Facebook...
After all, he's a shallow jack@ss... claiming he's being clubbing & getting attention?
That doesn't impress me. I'll be impressed if he said "I'm working as a manager for *insert company*."

i think your right. im looking forward to feeling better again. its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. i am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as i can, but i think i struggle with trying to find a replacement, when i shouldn't, i should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that i was so happy with my ex, i haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

keep going everyone

I know how you feel, I was telling my friend how I was exhausted just from thinking about him and things allll the time. Like, no matter what I did. I also thought, like you, that someone to fill the gap would make things better. Also the not being truly happy-it does feel like that doesn't it? "When something good happens it doesn't feel as good, like I'm missing some happy part of me"(Coach Carter) It's so true... but... I'm just starting to get better, not thinking about things ALLLLL the time and it feels so much better! I know time will make me think about it less and not feel sad thinking about him and his ex together. So hang in there! X