Zoo,

You're a top man, and even better that you are a U2 fan, I guess? My fave band too.

The fact that you're a top man, and the money, means that your ex just got it wrong. The fact that you're a top man and the money means that someone somewhere is going to be very very lucky to have you.

Don't know what else to say, I'm not that great with the advice, but all I know is that it sucks, but life sometimes doesn't give you exactly what you want.

Cheers man, means a lot

And yep I love u2, my fave band as you can no doubt tell by my name on this lol

Once again thanks for what you said :)

It's a real git, as you know. But we are young and got a lot of living to do. So that's a positive.

Im still in a rux. My ex's birthday is in 3 days and half of my friends said not to text her at all. The other half said that I should, I'm still caught in the middle and it's bugging the crap out of me

Im still in a rux. My ex's bday is in 3 days and half of my friends said not to text her at all. The other half said that i should, im still caught in the middle and it's bugging the crap out of me

Bud listen to me.

My ex's birthday was yesterday. We haven't talked in about 2 months. I was considering sending her a card, but I decided not to.

In all honesty, the day went by faster than I had expected. I thought about it a lot in the AM, but that passed pretty quick and I got over it quickly. What I told myself is that she didn't want to be with me, and part of what she was giving up was the kindness that I extended to her (cards, gifts, kind wishes). Don't send a text or a card. You don't owe her anything, and you shouldn't feel bad (like I did) because you aren't sending one. You have no reason to, she told you to get out of her life (though in nicer terms) so that's what you need to do.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it really is the right thing to do. I did it and I am just as good as I was the day before. That's better than risking it, no?

Bud listen to me.

My ex's birthday was yesterday. We haven't talked in about 2 months. I was considering sending her a card, but i decided not to.

In all honesty, the day went by faster than I had expected. I thought about it a lot in the AM, but that passed pretty quick and I got over it quickly. What I told myself is that she didn't want to be with me, and part of what she was giving up was the kindness that I extended to her (cards, gifts, kind wishes). Don't send a text or a card. You don't owe her anything, and you shouldn't feel bad (like I did) because you aren't sending one. You have no reason to, she told you to get out of her life (though in nicer terms) so thats what you need to do.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it really is the right thing to do. I did it and i am just as good as I was the day before. Thats better than risking it, no?

Hi Bigbird,

That is excellent advice. And good for you!!

Thanks for the advice bigbird.

One of my friends went through the same situation. This is what happened to her but she was the dumper. She didn't wish him all day because she had forgotten and then later on that night she wished him. Half a year later they got back together and he was really pissed off that she didn't call him all day etc etc.

I know that I shouldn't do it because she isn't part of my life anymore and she chose to take me out of hers but I guess I can't be that cruel I think. I know I'm making too much out of nothing but I'm conflicted.

Speaking of which, she sent me a text yesterday night saying "I got my full driver's licence today, not that you care anyways"Obviously I didn't reply to it and it was kind of funny. She still thinks about me a lot and can't handle the fact that I don't give her the attention for which she craves for.
She knows damn well that I care but she just wants a response

She knows damn well that i care but she just wants a response

Precisely...

Don't play the games. And I know its hard not to feel like a bad person for not wishing her a happy birthday, but really - why? You aren't together anymore, and you must accept that if you haven't already. Are you really going to risk how you feel now so that she won't be mad at you in the future should you ever get back together?

-Do you really think there is a chance that would happen in the future?

Even if it did, she has no right to get angry with you for not wishing her a happy birthday... and if she did, it just shows what kind of person she is. It shows that she thinks she can have you hanging on by a thread...

whoa was last night a tough night for me.

i was just lying in bed and suddenly started crying, think the fact my ex wants another guy really hit me last night.


Dude I hear you. It has been a tough couple of days here too. Just when I think I am getting a handle on this I start bawling. It is nuts.

whoa was last night a tough night for me.

i was just lying in bed and suddenly started crying, think the fact my ex wants another guy really hit me last night.

Same except I didn't cry~

Hey guys,
Today was a tough day for me... As many of you know, I am in high school. I have 3 of 4 classes with my ex. So NC is not a possibility, although sometimes I wish it were. Like today for example.

There is a guy in her cooking class who I think she likes. I was talking to her, and came up. They practically flirted with each other RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! This guy that she may like is also one of my good friends. Even though we were friends, I felt like standing up, and kicking him down, and punching him out (no action will EVER be taken, I have good self control).

I have always taken break ups well, and I am good friends with most of my exes, because I continue a friendship with them after we date. So, I am not going to tell this friend something like, "stay away from her" or anything like that. If he will make her happy, then I can accept it, although I know I am better for her.

Anyway, summer break starts today. School is over (exept for a few exams). So, from what I know, she will not be seeing this guy anymore. And, I have the option to bring on NC with her, although I don't think I want to. I still want her friendship, like most of my other exes, and it doesn't kill me to see her anymore.

bigbird, those are words of wisdom. I really don't expect to get back with her because of the person that she is. I know she is playing mind games and trying to use every opportunity to stick a knife in my heart. I think I know what my answer is.
I know what my answer should be which is thatI don't think I will be wishing her a happy birthday, even though it's a small gesture, we all know that there is more to it than its face value. The only problem is getting myself to actually go through it.

I've been this strong for over a month and a half with NC and I don't want to stroke her ego by wishing her a happy birthday knowing that I still care.

And a bit of a story (I know, he has more to say? lol) if you guys are willing to read this.

The guy she dumped for me became suicidal after their break up. After he found out she was going wth me, he made an attempt on his life. He failed. The is one of the reasons she broke up with me. Another reason is because she will have no time for me, and she is going out west (BC) for 4 weeks. So, she says she didn't want to get into a relationship when she is going to be away for a month in a little while.

Anyway, she is going out with this suicidal ex again. She says she doesn't like him anymore (why she dumped him), and her plan is to get him to dump her, so that she can get away.

She leaves me with this little hope that after her trip, and if she can get her crazy suicidal b/f to break up with her, that we can get back together. That is one of the reasons I still want to hang around her.

Some of you may say I'm crazy to wait, but I am going to wait. My minds made up, and as much emotional distress this may cause, I am willing to go through it for her. Maybe she will never come back, but I can hope. So, go ahead, and tell me I'm crazy, I don't care. All I know is I want this girl back, and I may have a chance.

She still shows signs that she likes me though. She wants to go to the local theme park with me (once I get my seasons pass) and she wants me to volunteer with her. She also wants to help me study for a class that I am taking out of high school. So maybe she still likes me. There is that hope. That hope makes me happy.


Somebody said a while back in this thread (sorry I can't give credit, maybe somebody can help) that being the dumpee is like being dumped twice. I hope she comes back, because that feeling of FINALLY being let go may come soon, if we don't get back together. Crap, I am in for a roller coaster ride, aren't I. BRING IT ON! Just give me what I want in the end (the girl). I will be here on those days when I take it hard. I know it is not NC, and that it is a little off topic (for this thread), but can I trust you guys to support me, and keep me going?

Lol it was me who said about begin dumped twice my good man

Well, that is too true. I hope I don't get dumped a second time.

And by the way, I love U2 too. I'm actually listening to 'staring at the sun' right now. Favourite song ever is 'Sunday Bloody Sunday.' Never really got into the zooropa album though...

Don't get me wrong zooropa isn't my fave album but it's the only one I know of with a cool sounding name lol

I think who's going to ride your wild horses is a perfect break up song or with or without you.

Well bad luck strikes again...

Not by my own choice, but I came across information about my ex. Once again I was hit with the flushed face, the shaking and the knot in my stomach. I saw something about her leaving at 2:15 AM and "going to miss you guys (her sisters) and will call because she is sure she will be bored". REALLY eating at me wanting to know where she is going, who she is with and what they are doing. I won't dig for details because I know better, but the temptation is killing me...

In reality, she could be with her friends, no guys. I don't know anything, and I don't want to find out.

Can anyone explain why, even though I don't want her to be miserable, it kills me to think of her being happy. Its like when she is happy she isn't thinking about me even one ounce. That hurts, I guess because I feel left behind thinking about her still...

As I delay posting this, I can feel myself evening out, but it still sucks. I'm not sure if it's a fair statement that she is SO happy and not thinking about me anymore, but it hurts to think that might possibly be true.

The worse thing about being the dumpee is that we never get the chance to move as fast as the dumper does. Now I don't know why or how they are able to move on so fast cause in theory if they loved you then they should be feeling hurt as well, right?

I guess its to do with two things, first is they knew what they were doing, so that means they must have thought about it for a while and so they don't get that shock treatment that the dumpee has to endure.

Another thing is the control, the dumper holds all the cards, the dumpee has nothing but no contact on their side and its really not a good place to be.

Maybe are exs are happy without us, I know mine certainly seems to act like it and tells me about it. The truth is there is nothing we can do and so the only thing we can do is keep going, try and make the best possible life for ourselves and hope that there is better to come.

And bigbird, its best not knowing where she is, would you rather not know or would you rather know that she's out with some other guy? Personally I think ignorance is bless. That way the only thing our exs are doing is what we make up in our own minds.

God, almost 3 months post break-up and things are really starting to clear up in my head. Meaning I'm really starting to see my past relationship through unfiltered eyes.

Funny story. My ex (the same ex) broke up last summer a couple of weeks after his b-day. I hadn't bought him a b-day present because we were still shopping for it so since we broke he never wound up getting it. We broke up for 2 months over the summer then got back together. My b-day rolled around then, and guess what? He didn't buy me present because he was mad I had never gotten him a b-day present. Fast forward 6 months, and he walks out on our relationship again. Yet still wants to be friends and doesn't want me to be angry with him.

So, yes, let's get this straight! He has a right to be mad at me because I didn't buy him a lousy b-day present but I don't have a right to be mad and never speak to him again because he broke up with me... TWICE! Too funny. What the F was I thinking being with him?

Ah, its all so clear now!

Its funny how someone we once loved or was happy being around can become the person that causes you so much pain simply by thinking about them.

Love is cruel

Thanks for the input zoo,

I know ignorance is bliss, and I honestly had no intentions of finding that out, its just funny because now I want to know more. NOT Going to HAPPEN.

I guess I'm just going to stay off the damn thing for good. I thought I was good as I deleted her as a friend, but I guess I was wrong. Stupid Facebook.

I've calmed down a little. She could be doing any number of things, so why should I assume that she is out with a guy. Who knows what the truth is, and I don't want to know. The less I know the better.

Lol get this big bird, my ex told me she was going on a hot date tonight so I was all upset and angry, you know the usuall stuff.

So I decided to go out a drive to clear my head, go into my exs workplace to buy a drink and low and behold she's working there lol.

Not only did it make me feel good that she must have been lying but I also happened to have a girl - friend with me whom I know my ex is jealous off.

Dam it was a good ego boost when I needed it lol she nearly broke her neck watching us.

Yep, it all sucks...

At least I know now that I will be feeling fine fairly soon. It won't talk long to stop thinking about this and get back to normal. Just sucks to have the most graphic, worst case scenarios running through my head.

Almost makes you feel insane because you imagine things which you know have no factual basis and almost no imaginary basis either...

Yep, it all sucks...

At least i know now that I will be feeling fine fairly soon. It won't talk long to stop thinking about this and get back to normal. Just sucks to have the most graphic, worst case scenarios running through my head.

Almost makes you feel insane because you imagine things which you know have no factual basis and almost no imaginary basis either....

Ahhh but here's the good news, all those graphic worst case things are more than likely not happening at all, that's where you can take comfort in that.

Although most of my worst case scenarios seem to be coming true lol

You know what it is...

It's the fact that after being in a relationship for so long, things sort of became routine. For example, I'd go over to hang out and she wouldn't spend a lot of time making sure she looked great, doing her hair, doing her makeup, etc, etc... (which is understandable)

It hurts to think that now that she is single she is doing that, even though I am doing the same by working out like crazy, dressing nicer, eating healhtier, etc...

Almost makes you feel like you weren't worth it, which isn't true...

Anyway, enough of this "pity pot" talk. Onward and upward

Not only do they start looking better but they start being flirty again, like they were with you at the start but then it wore off cause you got used to each other after a while.

But like you said, enuff of this self pity nonsense, time to move on

Damn..

summer is here~ I have no plans =/

Most likely I'll be working or enlisting in the Army for training..

I have no idea yet D:~

holy sh*t... I just want to pick up my cellphone & call my ex =/

it's just.... so frustrating

lol get this big bird, my ex told me she was goin on a hot date 2nite so i was all upset and angry, you know the usuall stuff.

so i decided to go out a drive to clear my head, go into my exs workplace to buy a drink and low and behold shes workin there lol.

not only did it make me feel good that she must have been lying but i also happened to have a girl - friend with me whom i know my ex is jealous off.

dam it was a gd ego boost when i needed it lol she nearly broke her neck watching us.

HAHA! YEAH ZOO

And don't take what I am about to say offensive, but your ex sounds like a really nice person. She told you that she had a "hot" date, just to make you jealous... That is a real low thing to do. Was it her that broke up with you? If it was, then wow, be happy you got rid of her.

Did you make your ex serve you the drinks? LOL

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day...

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) "... Who the hell does that?? Common now that's cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why what's the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend... Can she really be this naïve and stupid??

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and that's what I get. Good riddance.

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day....

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) ".... Who the hell does that??? Common now thats cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why whats the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend.... Can she really be this naive and stupid???

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and thats what I get. Good riddance.


Denial?

NNG,

I feel for you man, I really do. I can only imagine how hearing those things must make you feel inside. I have had slight instances of that panic mode which sets in, but I assume you probably felt a little bit of that during your breakup.

My analysis (which may be as far from the truth as possible):

She is not feeling like she thought that she would after the breakup. It almost seems as though she is going above and beyond to make you think that she is happy. Maybe she wants you to crawl back to her? Maybe she needs some confirmation that she is doing better than you? In either case, I wouldn't bother with a response. If you must, tell her that you can't see her in a few weeks, no reason necessary.

Hearing all these things about her plans and other guys and all of this other BS isn't going to help you at all. Its going to hurt and its going to keep you thinking about her. I can guarantee that you are no where near healthy enough to go and see her and risk hearing about these other guys and her escapades since you have broken up.

I can tell you that from my experience, I often feel like I am doing really well and sometimes get to thinking about contacting her and wanting to meet up as friends and just see how she is doing. Then something so stupidly small comes up and sends me reeling. This alone is enough proof that your progress may be deceiving.

Its easy to feel like your doing really well when you haven't been tested...

Damnnn.. that was so messed up what she did... How could she?. They are so selfish.. only thinking about them...

Damnnn..that was so messed up what she did...How could she??..They are so selfish..only thinking about them....

Yep

Now I am usually a pretty calm and cool guy, and I don't usually swear but %^#&$#@!&$&^$&^$#!&$&^$!&@$&^$!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today was the official 4 year anniversary day....

She texts me "Happy Anniversary :) ".... Who the hell does that??? Common now thats cruel. I don't respond.

And than she texts me later on in the day, "we should get together in a few weeks". I say why, and I meant it as in why whats the point, (should have said nothing I know) I guess she miss reads that and thinks I mean why in three weeks. She says "This weekend I am going to see the guys from Cuba, next weekend I have a friend coming to stay with me and then to a guys camp the next weekend.... Can she really be this naive and stupid???

Seriously, I have done mostly no contact, but if any of you need a reason as to why you go full no contact there you go. I say why and thats what I get. Good riddance.


NNG she is being so cruel. That sucks mate.

Hi all,
Losingit77 I can't wait until I reach the 3 month mark. Getting back with an ex and then breaking up again must be really hard.

Zooropa man I totally agree with you. I guess that is why it hurts so badly.

Bigbird I feel you man. I am dreading hearing any news about what my ex is up to. I am not looking forward to it at all.

A couple of friends are suggesting I break NC. One says I should e-mail my ex just before I go bed telling her "Goodnight and that I am thinking of her" the other says I should call her and tell her "That I love her and would like her to come back." I am inclined to think I should stay with NC, which as ZOO pointed out is the only card we have.

Hi all,
Losingit77 I can't wait until I reach the 3 month mark. Getting back with an ex and then breaking up again must be really hard.

Zooropa man I totally agree with ya. I guess that is why it hurts so badly.

Bigbird I feel ya man. I am dreading hearing any news about what my ex is up to. I am not looking forward to it at all.

A couple of friends are suggesting I break NC. One says I should e-mail my ex just before I go bed telling her "Goodnight and that I am thinking of her" the other says I should call her and tell her "That I love her and would like her to come back." I am inclined to think I should stay with NC, which as ZOO pointed out is the only card we have.

Bro, don't do it...

I am trying my best not to call up my ex =/

WHOA!

Please, don't say any of the things your friends have mentioned. Do you have any idea how needy that would make you look? What would you think of your ex if she were to send you a message saying: "I love you and I would like you to come back."?

I can imagine it would be something along the lines of: "She broke up with me, now she wants me back? Thats pathetic, grow up."

For your own good, don't listen. It isn't a sensible thing to do. It is perfectly normal to be feeling down about your situation, trust me, I have been there over and over again. I have the feeling like I would want to call her, but I know deep down that it isn't the right thing to do and with a little self-control the problems pass right over.

Would it really make you feel better to have her ignore your text, or to have her tell you that she can't get back together with you because she is seeing someone else. It isn't worth it man, it really isn't.

You just said you were dreading to hear any news about what she is up to. It isn't something you really want to hear, trust me from experience. I didn't go looking, but I found it nonetheless, and it didn't feel good.

Don't go looking for heartbreak, you'll find enough of it by accident.

ahhh... I really want to call my ex =/

So, I hit 3 week period of NC with my ex~ it's hard because I'd see her online when I'm online as well =/

ahhh... I really want to call my ex =/

So, I hit 3 week period of NC with my ex~ it's hard because I'd see her online when I'm online as well =/


Simple - stay offline :)

I know its tough. I removed my ex from my buddy list but I have her step sister's names on there and I just don't want to risk it. Especially since I have been in a down mood for the last day or so, I'm just playing it safe. Sure, there are people on there I want to talk to, but it isn't worth seeing anything I don't want to see...

The funny thing about seeing things about them is this. You notice something you know you shouldn't see. It upsets you, and then your mind does something so utterly stupid - it wants to know more. If you give into that, its just a vicious circle downward...

My ex dumped me very out the blue over 4 months ago and since he said it was over I vanished and went into NC. It's the best thing I could have done, I broke the nc once and that was to respond to a message he sent me. Don't know what he thinks of me vanishing but I know him breaking up with me has hit him harder than it did me. So NC Does work, never thought id feel normal again!

Still not feeling that great...

Seems ridiculous to me that I saw something to stupid and it has had such an impact on me. I feel like I am thinking about her like I was a month and a half ago, and it doesn't seem to be letting up at all. I'll just keep giving it time, but after a while, you get real sick of the same thing going through your head over and over and over...

Ugh.

Simple - stay offline :)

I know its tough. I removed my ex from my buddy list but I have her step sister's names on there and I just don't want to risk it. Especially since I have been in a down mood for the last day or so, I'm just playing it safe. Sure, there are people on there I want to talk to, but it isn't worth seeing anything I don't want to see....

The funny thing about seeing things about them is this. You notice something you know you shouldn't see. It upsets you, and then your mind does something so utterly stupid - it wants to know more. If you give into that, its just a vicious circle downward....


Well, I'm not removing her from friendslist since she wants "to be friends" so I let her stay on.

I might just call her later in the month and make myself clear that we are just friends.

I might just call her later in the month and make myself clear that we are just friends.

But... are you? Are you capable of being just her friend?

But....are you? Are you capable of being just her friend?


I can be her friend, but if she suffers.. I have no remorse for her.

I told her clearly "if I became famous and popular because i contributed something to others, please don't crawling back to me and ask me for forgiveness."

I am very down for this. If I can handle the stress of being played by previous girls, I can definitely handle the relationship stress.

In my heart, it may be difficult but I may sure grow myself to be stronger than ever.
Actually, I am looking forward more into life...

I think I'm scared of women in a way now. My ex who I thought was sweet and the best, turned out to be a closest skank kind of, I don't know if that's her way od dealing with her breaking up with me or if women in general are just no good. I don't know but damn what the hell

Still not feeling that great....

Seems rediculous to me that I saw something to stupid and it has had such an impact on me. I feel like I am thinking about her like I was a month and a half ago, and it doesn't seem to be letting up at all. I'll just keep giving it time, but after a while, you get real sick of the same thing going through your head over and over and over...

ugh.

Hey bird,

Yea I feel you man, been in the dumps the last few days. Haven't been on here as I am working shifts right now and have been pretty tired. I haven't let it affect what I am doing though at least. People told me it would be like this though, you would hit some major bumps on the way to feeling better. Doesn't help that she told me that crap the other day. But it is so weird the little things that happen that show you just how not over it you are. I hate it because I don't want to think about it, and I want to feel better, but its like your brain just decides... "no we're going to be sad and think about this a lot"

i think im scared of women in a way now. my ex who i thought was sweet and the best, turned out to be a closest skank kinda, idk if thats her way od dealing with her breaking up with me or if women in general are just no good. idk but damn what the hell


I'd sadly have to agree with you on that rocker. I told myself it wouldn't jade me in any way but it has. Hopefully it will go away with time and when I do meet that "it" girl. Its like a lack of trust I have or something, I thought I had an honest exceptional girlfriend, but in the end all she did was deceive and make me feel horrible. I also feel like my standards have gone through the roof... I was told this is not a bad thing and that I just know what I really want now. Its weird though, when I meet new girls I evaluate them big time, not in a shallow way but like with the things they talk about and how they act. I want to avoid as many of the problems from my last relationship as possible.

Update: I have resisted the urge to call my ex. I talked to my sister about the urges and problems; she says it's best to tell my ex straight up (later on) about being friends or not. I have been running, jogging, and "working out".. basically sweating.

Oh damn... it feels so good when I'm in the shower with cold water.. lol


anyways... I really don't know how to control myself. Apparently, I am EATING way less than I used to which is a good thing since I used to over-eat.

Yes definitely. I'm evaluating every girl as well. It's a curse and a gift at the same time cause I think it really does show us what were really searching for. But it's a curse cause I end up not really giving other person a chance to truly get know each other. This is probably because I'm evaluating them right off the bat. And not to mention the trust factor... man my ex really F***ed me up on a few things.

Well, my ex texted me at half 2 in the morning the other night.. asking about her bike that is still at my house! That lead to other conversations and we ended up texting for a couple of hours.

I got a bit lonely the other night and texted her last night. We texted all day on and off. She said she had to go at around 1 AM last night and she said "hopefully we chat soon".. I'm starting to regret texting her because the old feelings I had are being brought back up when I was over them (or so I thought)..

I won't contact her the next time, wait until she contacts me. Then I'll either not reply or be very quiet with her.

Guys... we should all join the military and try to get ourselves based somewhere else... hopefully not Iraq :O

Hey guys,

Please be rest assured that there are GREAT girls out there that will stand up to your expectations!! It's not a bad thing to know what you want now, and to have high expectations. I think I need to do that too. Just remember that not everyone is perfect, and if you find a girl that's the opposite of your ex, just remember that she will have different problems and baggage.. not saying it's going to be better or worse, but just know that everyone has their issues.. just a matter of if you guys are willing to put up with 'em or not...

You know what's a good suggestion? Don't look for potential dates at a bar.. you will NOT find a decent girl at a bar or club.. they are most likely the kind of girl that "nice" guys should stay FAR AWAY from!. just little words of wisdom

Hey guys,

Please be rest assured that there are GREAT girls out there that will stand up to your expectations!!! It's not a bad thing to know what you want now, and to have high expectations. I think i need to do that too. just remember that not everyone is perfect, and if you find a girl that's the opposite of your ex, just remember that she will have different problems and baggage.. not saying it's gonna be better or worse, but just know that everyone has their issues.. just a matter of if you guys are willing to put up with 'em or not...

You know what's a good suggestion? don't look for potential dates at a bar.. you will NOT find a decent girl at a bar or club.. they are most likely the kinda girl that "nice" guys should stay FAR AWAY from!.. just little words of wisdom


Many people have told me the best girls are in college. Well, I am in college and I see majority of the girls are sleaze-bags... Not to be rude or offensive, but I think the best place to find great girls are shopping centers... haha

As for the potential dates at a bar... they are exactly like prostitutes/hookers. Yes, you may get to put "your key" in the "key hole" and feel great...

You can meet girls at church too BUT you should go to church for you and if you happen to meet a girl then great! Just going to church to meet girls is very obvious to the women and they stay far away from you..

My advice? Don't go searching, conduct your life normally and you will meet someone when you least expect it.. women sense when men are on the prowl.. it's a turn off.. just keep that in mind and I know the same goes for women being desperate too

I'd sadly have to agree with you on that rocker. I told myself it wouldn't jade me in any way but it has. Hopefully it will go away with time and when I do meet that "it" girl. Its like a lack of trust I have or something, I thought I had an honest exceptional girlfriend, but in the end all she did was deceive and make me feel horrible. I also feel like my standards have gone through the roof... I was told this is not a bad thing and that I just know what I really want now. Its weird though, when I meet new girls I evaluate them big time, not in a shallow way but like with the things they talk about and how they act. I want to avoid as many of the problems from my last relationship as possible.

Funny, I never thought about that until about an hour before I read your post. I was thinking about the times that we had major problems in our relationship, and it was always right around the time my ex started to finally get a little bit of her own life and hang out with her friends more. I hope that doesn't make me weary of a girl with a lot of friends in the future. I guess my mistake for getting involved with someone who really didn't have their own life :(

NNG, I know what you mean about your mind saying "no, were gonna be sad". It happens, but you do realize that it does get better. You can feel the down times fading away and the not thinking about it times becoming longer and longer. Its almost like a competition, see how good I can feel today. It gives you a little hope, and its just enough to get you through the day.

Still amazing how something so minute can make you feel so down for so long. When your on top of the world you feel like your totally healed and could be friends in a snap. Its times like these that make you realize you were wrong... I think these tests are necessary as they make me appreciate that I took advice against my wishes when I thought I was strong.

As for the potential dates at a bar... they are exactly like prostitutes/hookers. Yes, you may get to put "your key" in the "key hole" and feel great...

Okay, I understand that a lot of the girls at a bar might not be the long term relationship/good girlfriend material type of girl, but you can't generalize and say that every girl at the bar is a hooker. That's just a little too far :p

Okay, I understand that a lot of the girls at a bar might not be the long term relationship/good girlfriend material type of girl, but you can't generalize and say that every girl at the bar is a hooker. That's just a little too far :p

Whoops... I meant majority

You can meet girls at church too BUT you should go to church for you and if you happen to meet a girl then great! just going to church to meet girls is very obvious to the women and they stay far away from ya..

My advice? Don't go searching, conduct your life normally and you will meet someone when you least expect it.. women sense when men are on the prowl.. it's a turn off.. just keep that in mind and i know the same goes for women being desperate too


Becareful of some church girls..

They may seem all religious, but their legs are wide open =/

Happened to a friend of mine~

How do you intiate NC with your ex?

Do you just stop talking, and ignore her?
Do you let her know how you feel?

How did you begin?

As you know, I want my ex back. I have decided to go for broke, all or nothing. I am going to ask to get back together... If she says yes, than great! If she says no, then NC! The thing is, after I can let go, I want to continue a friendship with her. I will just need a little time to get over her, thus the NC.

So, how if everything goes wrong... then how should I intiate NC? We have talked a lot lately, so I don't want to just ignore her.
Do I just say something like, "I think its best if I don't see you for a while."

Thanks for the advice guys

How do you intiate NC with your ex?

Do you just stop talking, and ignore her?
Do you let her know how you feel?

How did you begin?

As you know, I want my ex back. I have decided to go for broke, all or nothing. I am going to ask to get back together... If she says yes, than great! If she says no, then NC! The thing is, after I can let go, I want to continue a friendship with her. I will just need a little time to get over her, thus the NC.

So, how if everything goes wrong... then how should I intiate NC? We have talked a lot lately, so I don't want to just ignore her.
Do I just say something like, "I think its best if I don't see you for a while."

Thanks for the advice guys

DUDE!! Don't ask her back. You will feel like crap right after she says 'no. Really, is it worth to be hurt more? My girlfriend (now ex) dumped me 3 weeks ago; I have the urges to try and get back but I resist. After taking advise from others who are in the same sinking boat, I decided to stop.

It's hard but you need to cut ties. Yes, I have my ex's pics, number, email address etc. but I don't contact her. Recently, I have been talking to 2 girls in particular, names are Lynn & Katrina, who are awesome~ both are virgins and seriously outgoing =]

Today is my ex's birthday and she called me three times. I didn't answer once. I was thinking about texting her a happy birthday message but I decided against it.
I'm not going to do anything of that sort. I'm going to leave everything in the past and look towards the future.
Today was a real defining day of my strength and will. It just shows that I have a great support structure and determination to get through all this.
For those of you who feel weak, just take a step back, calm yourselves down and remember that it gets easier by the day.

JRSG don't ask her back. Don't put yourself through that. She left you for a reason and by reading your story, you don't want to do that.

Bigbird, our major problems revolved around three issues. 1) Her insecurity with other women, she thought I was cheating on her emotionally with this other woman, but I did no such thing. I use to ask this other woman advice on how to improve my relationship with my ex. This other woman was like a sister to me but my ex thought I liked her, by the way the woman was gorgeous maybe that's why.
2) Exam time. As you know trying to become a doctor isn't easy and it can be stressful so I use to get frustrated with the hardcore school work etc.
3) Kind of LDR/didnt express emotions too much. We use to live about 20 minutes away from each other. It isn't too far because we both went to the same uni in downtown which literally was 10mins walking distance. Also, I use to have a difficult time expressing my emotions. My ex knew I was happy whenever good things happened to her or to me etc, but I didn't like to express myself too much. Even now I have a hard time, people don't generally think that I've gone through a breakup because of how calm and collected I am. It's not that I keep things bottled inside, it's just something I've been taught not to do. Yea you can be happy and joyful but not too happy or too hyper etc which she wanted

DUDE!! Don't ask her back. You will feel like crap right after she says 'no. Really, is it worth to be hurt more? My girlfriend (now ex) dumped me 3 weeks ago; I have the urges to try and get back but I resist. After taking advise from others who are in the same sinking boat, I decided to stop.

It's hard but you need to cut ties. Yes, I have my ex's pics, number, email address etc. but I don't contact her. Recently, I have been talking to 2 girls in particular, names are Lynn & Katrina, who are awesome~ both are virgins and seriously outgoing =]



I knew I was going to hear that, especially on an NC thread. The info is going to a little biased here, lol.

I thank you for your consideration, and concern.
BUT... I still want her back. We only went out for two weeks, and we broke up with me after her ex tried to commit suicide. Now, he is stable, and getting help. I am seeing much more lately, and for the past 2 days. I am fairly certain she will accept my offer to get back together now that all that drama is over. It was the root cause of the break up. Now that it is over, I think we can move on together.

That 2 weeks that we went out, I didn't get too attached. I can take it if she doesn't want to get back together. If she doesn't I just need a little time of NC, so how should I do that? How do I begin NC?

Again, thanks for the concern, but I at least want to try. It won't 'break my heart' or anyting like that. If I can confirm that its over, then I can move on. Right now, it feels like the relationship is in this 'limbo.'

JR,

Asking her back is a risky move. I'd advise against it as well.

However, to answer your question - you can initiate NC any way you want really. Its your move, and you can do it however you'd like. Let her know that you need the space to heal and be better by yourself before you can talk to her, or just ignore her. The choice is yours.

In my particular situation, I knew about the NC route before it happened. When she told me that she wanted some time, I told her that I didn't think we could stay friends, at least not for a while. She was upset, but understood...

EDIT: I wasn't aware that you only went out for 2 weeks. With such a short period, it should be easy for you to live with either decision. Though, if she broke up with you within 2 weeks, could you trust her in the long term?

Spion,

I'm glad to hear that you are being strong and doing well with your NC. I'm proud of that and you're an inspiration to people here going through tough times, including me. Thanks for the update.

Spion, that is great! It feels so much better when you have a great support system, doesn't it? Keep going buddy! You're doing great!
_________________________________________
Back to my situation,
I know everyone here will advise against it...

I really do appreciate all of you guys advising of what you think is best. As a teen, I am going to use that line, "let me make my own mistakes." - I promised I would never use that stupid stereotypical line, but I just did, Oh god.

Its something I think I have to do. If I don't, I will thinking, "What if..." for the next while, then I definitely won't be able to move on. I think this is the best and most quick way.

If she dumps me a second time, its okay. Hey! I am 16. I've got a whole life ahead of me, and I only dated her for 2 weeks, so I'm not in love or anything. I am fairly certain that I can move on quickly.

Thanks you guys, it really does mean a lot because we're all in this together. We're all going through unique but yet similar situations. Things always have a way of working out so all you can do is live your life the best as you can and control things which only you are able to control. Other than that, you have to keep your chin up during the hard times and keep walking on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still going through the pain daily but when you look at the bigger picture, you can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is a test of our character. If you've read my story, I have come a long way but the real success story isn't about getting your ex back, it's about getting your life back together. If you can be yourself and keep yourself in check, you will find other women because hey, if you've found one, you can find many.

How awesome *sarcasm*

My ex text me and I thought something was wrong. Turns out she wanted to talk to me... so she chats for over 1 hour while I just sat & didn't really give a flying effe. She did mention a "friend" of hers tried to make a move by scooting closer to her and putting his arms around her...

I was like "umm... yeah... sounds like a player.."

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been on recently; its been a hectic and somewhat weird couple of weeks. This is another testiment to no contact: Been seeing this girl recently, I may have said about it in another post. Everythings going great, she's really into me and I think there could be potential in it (touch wood).

Anyway, I've been feeling great. Im on Facebook this morning (yes, Facebook again) writing on a mutual friend's wall and there's a message from the ex which seems to be indirectly slating the guy she's with. I decide to go on her profile and there's another message from some random woman saying "really nice to see you both and glad you had a nice weekend... say hi to [new boyfriend]". Its amazing how everything can be going fine, and then that happens. F**king constant tests! Can safely say things are pretty right now. For any of you snooping or thinking of breaking no contact... Don't.

Jammy I was just there and went through that I know what you mean.

When you haven't been tested, you feel like you are on top of the world and can handle anything. You feel like your ready for friendship right now... Then a test like this comes along and your trying to pick yourself back up off your knees...

Take comfort knowing it will get better, because it always does.

Yeah too true. Im happy for her in a way and I guess he's good for her and hope it works out, but then again I HATE her. Its an odd situation. I don't feel as bad about it as I think I should though, weirdly. For a while I was dreading finding out anything about her, then whenever I did it was about as bad as it could possibly have been, and I've almost become desensitized to it.

Its good to know that you're never going to make the same mistakes again. It says a lot about guys like us who are willing to find out what went wrong in the relationship and make moves to not let it happen again. Break ups are a harsh lesson in life that teach you a hell of a lot about yourself.

How's everyone else doing?

Its been rough for me. I spent a long time feeling good, then I found out something which was so stupid and meaningless, but still sent me to the bottom of the barrel. It was a tough fall, but I'm picking myself back up.

Its certainly a lesson for everyone to stay away from any indications of their life. Hearing anything, no matter how negligible, can really wear you down. The worst part is that you feel so good and you feel like your almost ready to be friends with them, then the smallest inkling has you tumbling backward. Anyone else feel this way?

Well I have broken NC. My ex and I spoke on Wednesday. I was surprised as I really believed she would not answer. She said I can call any time and even suggested meeting next week some time. I truly have mixed emotions here. As I am not sure where we stand. She seems to think that she did not truly dump me. So where this puts me I do not know. If she and I do meet then I will certainly lay out what I am looking for as far as she and I go.

The thing I find is that, when you feel you are ready to be friends with them, that just means you AREN'T ready for it. When you don't think of them that often or don't really care who they are seeing or sleeping with etc, that is when you are ready. And also, you shouldn't be pursuing a friendship with your ex "when you think you're ready" but it should come naturally.

Spion, that's actually pretty bloody insightful. Ironically the time when you're truly ready to be friends is when you don't really care about being friends. Any time before that and there's probably feelings involved. Good call man!

Its been rough for me. I spent a long time feeling good, then I found out something which was so stupid and meaningless, but still sent me to the bottom of the barrel. It was a tough fall, but I'm picking myself back up.

Its certainly a lesson for everyone to stay away from any indications of their life. Hearing anything, no matter how negligible, can really wear you down. The worst part is that you feel so good and you feel like your almost ready to be friends with them, then the smallest inkling has you tumbling backward. Anyone else feel this way?

I think it happens to everyone... Well to me it does. I have gone through some days of feeling great and thinking I could handle anything, but with recent events I am certainly not. But one day these little things that make us run for the hills won't bother us, and I think that will be the day we realize, "Hey, I really am going to be okay"

Well I have broken NC. My ex and I spoke on Wednesday. I was surprised as I really believed she would not answer. She said I can call any time and even suggested meeting next week some time. I truly have mixed emotions here. As I am not sure where we stand. She seems to think that she did not truly dump me. So where this puts me I do not know. If she and I do meet then I will certainly lay out what I am looking for as far as she and I go.

Be careful on this one f104... I am getting the sense your hopes are going up. Especially after she said she thinks she didn't truly dump you... What the hell was the week of no contact, some sort of vacation?? And if you hadn't contacted her would she have? If you do meet be ready for the worst, I hate having to be brutally honest with you on this one but I think this is going to end with you at square one again.

Thanks for the words NNG...

I was thinking recently about how my relationship was. I don't know how other people's relationships were in terms of happiness and seeing yourselves together in the future but this applies to mine.

Without being conceited, I can say that I tolerated a lot from her and gave her a lot. There were a lot of times during the end of the relationship that I wondered what we were doing together and why we weren't ever happy. Funny thing is, it doesn't make it any easier now.

What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes I wish I could just say to her (in my head): "Good luck finding someone else who is going to put up with what you put me through." Because I know that I did a lot, and I don't think many people will have that kind of patience... But in my (demented) head, I think she is going to find someone immediately without any problem.

I guess this is the same thought process that kept me with her when we had large fights which should have probably ended the relationship, but I didn't... That "I can't stay mad at her" feeling.

6 days of fully NC
17 days since I saw him & 23 days since I spent time with him.
*Sigh* finding this unbelievably hard it's taking everything inside me to not just ask him if he wants to do something. I've spent every Friday with him for the past year :(

I was diagnosed with moderate depression today.

Hang in there Boris,

It is tough at first, but you do feel better. Despite feeling like sh*t lately, I can honestly say that the past few weeks have been really good to me considering. You will get there, just give it time.

Boris you are in the right place. You will find support and encouragement here.

NNG, Jammy and Spion what you all say makes perfect sense. I wish I could say that I was not getting my hopes up but that would be a lie. I initiated contact although she said she was planning on calling me. She did suggest meeting so we could "hangout" whatever she means by that.

Thanks for the words NNG...

I was thinking recently about how my relationship was. I don't know how other people's relationships were in terms of happiness and seeing yourselves together in the future but this applies to mine.

Without being conceited, I can say that I tolerated a lot from her and gave her a lot. There were a lot of times during the end of the relationship that I wondered what we were doing together and why we weren't ever happy. Funny thing is, it doesn't make it any easier now.

What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes I wish I could just say to her (in my head): "Good luck finding someone else who is going to put up with what you put me through." Because I know that I did a lot, and I don't think many people will have that kind of patience.... But in my (demented) head, I think she is going to find someone immediately without any problem.

I guess this is the same thought process that kept me with her when we had large fights which should have probably ended the relationship, but I didn't... That "I can't stay mad at her" feeling.

Bigbird - I see things a lot like you too. Now, I'm like "why did I put up with so much". The last couple of months we were together I kept thinking the same thing... "why are we staying together? why am i letting this go on like this?" I gues you just keep thinking that it will somehow magically get better. But it just delayed the inevitable. Guess in the back of my mind, I always knew he'd end up my EX-boyfriend. Its like holding onto to a sinking ship. Some people have a hard time committing to a relationship, but we were the opposite. My ex and I had a hard time committing to a break-up. Its funny.

You're doing good bigbird. Keep it up. You're helping a lot of people out here.

Thanks for the words NNG...

I was thinking recently about how my relationship was. I don't know how other people's relationships were in terms of happiness and seeing yourselves together in the future but this applies to mine.

Without being conceited, I can say that I tolerated a lot from her and gave her a lot. There were a lot of times during the end of the relationship that I wondered what we were doing together and why we weren't ever happy. Funny thing is, it doesn't make it any easier now.

What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes I wish I could just say to her (in my head): "Good luck finding someone else who is going to put up with what you put me through." Because I know that I did a lot, and I don't think many people will have that kind of patience.... But in my (demented) head, I think she is going to find someone immediately without any problem.

I guess this is the same thought process that kept me with her when we had large fights which should have probably ended the relationship, but I didn't... That "I can't stay mad at her" feeling.







Bigbird, my ex herself told me that. She said that one of the many qualities that I had was patience. Before I initiated NC with her, she told me how patient I was with her and was always the one with the cooler head when it came to fights. Yea I do have a temper but my patience with her was one of the things that she loves about me.
I'm not trying to say that you're situation isn't unique but it just goes to show that for people who we love so much we do put up a lot. We wear our heart on our sleeves and our ex's haven't yet realized what they are missing out on. Most of our exes have new bfs/gfs and are still in the honeymoon stage. Yea some will move on to others, some may stay with their current ones for the long term(marriage etc who knows?) while some may come back. But the main question is, are you willing to take them back, I know at the moment I won't because I'm honestly having a lot of fun being single

f104, I can't imagine she wants to hang out with you for the purposes of getting back together, but rather to alleviate the guilt she's feeling or because she's feeling and you're the first port of call. Unless she makes it clear to you that she wants to get back together, it's probably a waste of time. NNG's right about ending up at square one.

Bigbird, what you're saying is absolutely right... toward the end of our relationship there were countless occasions when I was going to break up with her (and on a couple of occasions actually threatened it)... mainlly as she had in fact become cold and obnoxious. Its still pretty painfuleven though we weren't happy for a long time before we broke up.

Boris, as the guys are saying this is the place to come if you want advice or you just want to vent. Its AMAZINGLY therapeutic and good to know that there's others in the same boat as you. I've learnt a hell of a lot on here, and they're lessons you'll never forget which is always a good thing

I know what you mean Spion about being single. Apart from the loneliness and general feeling of rejection and betrayal (fairly powerful emotions admittedly) it is nice to actually do what you want to do when you want to do it. I guess relationships make you a bit institutionalised, like you're scared to get out into the world at first but then you get used to it and start to love the freedom after a while, just like you did before you got into the relationship. Personally I would never take mine back now I can put it in perspective. One thing I'm curious about though... I know this probably isn't the most positive subject, but do most people's ex's have new bfs/gfs? I can't help but think I'm one of few in that situation.

jammyb, I had to push my ex to dump me because I felt something was weird. If I didn't confront her she wouldn't have dumped me. She dumped me over msn, I asked her to call me to dump me because she was too much of a coward. Well she moved on in 3 days with a guy I had warned her about from her work. He's 5 years older than her and she is 21. The way I see it is that instead of makings things amicable between us, she ruined all the good memories of three years in three days.

I don't know if this is a rebound or whatever but whatever it is, I certainly don't want any part of her and her life.


EDIT: wow the amount of typos is unbelievable.

Thanks for the words NNG...

I was thinking recently about how my relationship was. I don't know how other people's relationships were in terms of happiness and seeing yourselves together in the future but this applies to mine.

Without being conceited, I can say that I tolerated a lot from her and gave her a lot. There were a lot of times during the end of the relationship that I wondered what we were doing together and why we weren't ever happy. Funny thing is, it doesn't make it any easier now.

What I'm trying to get at is that sometimes I wish I could just say to her (in my head): "Good luck finding someone else who is going to put up with what you put me through." Because I know that I did a lot, and I don't think many people will have that kind of patience.... But in my (demented) head, I think she is going to find someone immediately without any problem.

I guess this is the same thought process that kept me with her when we had large fights which should have probably ended the relationship, but I didn't... That "I can't stay mad at her" feeling.

Nothing conceited about that. I feel the same way. Last a few days ago before I really started ignoring her texts she said to me, "you are the only one I want to be with, you are perfect and I don't want to be with anyone else"

Make sense of that... I just replied "If you can say that and still don't want to be with me than you are nuts"

But you know, I personally think its true, good luck finding someone else who will treat you like I did and who put up with your crap.

And bigbird, sure they might be able to find someone else fairly quickly, but that doesn't mean it will last. People always appear perfect in the beginning, but as time goes on you get to know the real them.

And bigbird and losingit, we will find the right partners who are going to be blown away by how we treat them, and they will appreciate it, not take advantage of it.

Yeh tell me about it mate, its ridiculous to think that after all the time we put into the relationship they just chuck it all away like that. I think what it is is that they are too weak and cowardly to cope with being alone, so they just get with the first bloke that comes along. Though I say that, my ex's new boyfriend has got everything; he's well-off, 4/5 years older and generally seems like a good catch. That's what makes it even worse, I could handle it if he was a complete loser. In a sick way Im hoping he dumps her so she knows how it feels.

Yeh tell me about it mate, its ridiculous to think that after all the time we put into the relationship they just chuck it all away like that. I think what it is is that they are too weak and cowardly to cope with being alone, so they just get with the first bloke that comes along. Though I say that, my ex's new boyfriend has got everything; he's well-off, 4/5 years older and generally seems like a good catch. That's what makes it even worse, I could handle it if he was a complete loser. In a sick way Im hoping he dumps her so she knows how it feels.

Yea, well that's normal feeling jammy... And chances are most of our ex's are going to feel this one day. Pretty rare that someone goes through their whole like without being dumped or hurt in love. Not our problem though and I am not saying I hope they do get dumped, but if they do, I hope they see the pain we went through, and maybe regret some of the things they did, and have a better understand of what we were going through and learn something from it.

And bigbird, sure they might be able to find someone else fairly quickly, but that doesn't mean it will last. People always appear perfect in the beginning, but as time goes on you get to know the real them.

And bigbird and losingit, we will find the right partners who are going to be blown away by how we treat them, and they will appreciate it, not take advantage of it.

I couldn't agree more with you NNG. At first everything appears to be perfect but then wear and tear occurs in a relationship. Plus we've got the potential to be great, it's just these little obstacles are in our way. Once we overcome them, who knows. Things always have a way of working out. All we can do is keep our chins up

Someone tell me I'm nuts...

So my ex's step sister calls me and is wondering if I want to go out to the bar with her and her friends tonight. While she was talking to me, her younger sister yelled in the background: "We miss you bigbird!". That made me think:

1) If she said that, my ex must not be around.
2) If she isn't around, where is she?
3) Is she out having fun? Who's she with? What's she doing?
...
N) etc... etc... etc...

Someone please tell me if that is a ridiculous thought process or what? It's what I thought of, but in reality I think I might be nuts... Just give me your honest opinion.

Oh, and for the record, her step sister is just being friendly, as best as I can tell, do you think it would be a bad idea if I were to go? It would be me and my friends with her and her friends...

Anyways, I do not know what I should do.... more problems arise into my life =/

As for ex, we are "friends"....

Someone tell me I'm nuts....

So my ex's step sister calls me and is wondering if I want to go out to the bar with her and her friends tonight. While she was talking to me, her younger sister yelled in the background: "We miss you bigbird!". That made me think:

1) If she said that, my ex must not be around.
2) If she isn't around, where is she?
3) Is she out having fun? Who's she with? What's she doing?
....
N) etc...etc...etc...

Someone please tell me if that is a rediculous thought process or what? It's what I thought of, but in reality I think I might be nuts...Just give me your honest opinion.

Oh, and for the record, her step sister is just being friendly, as best as I can tell, do you think it would be a bad idea if I were to go? It would be me and my friends iwth her and her friends....


Before I answer, Biggie, love you to bits, you know that, I wouldn't give you this advice unless I cared, so take it that way and no other, okay?

Why do you want to go out with your ex's sister and her friends, dig deep, is it because you're hoping to run in to the ex, or because you want some info on what she's doing now, or is it just to have a good time? If it's to have a good time, then go for it, but, do not mention the ex, ask no questions, and if she appears, be prepared to leave.

You aren't nuts, but you've been having a hard time dealing with what the ex might be doing now, so are you looking for info? Sweetie, this would be a step back, not forward. Nothing can be gained by this. That's my take on it, and remember, I've been down that road, and actually had a similar experience. I was invited out by my ex's friends, I told myself I was only going to have fun, but I really went hoping he'd show up, he didn't, and all the questions I needed (or felt I needed) answers to, went unanswered. I went home feeling worse than I had in weeks, allot of steps back that night. Don't make the same mistake.

If you are really only going to have fun, then go, but be honest with yourself sweetie, because I don't think that's the only reason.

Remember, love you to bits, only trying to tell you what I feel is going on. I don't want to see you hurt again.

Alty

I think I have finally hit the two month mark for NC.

It feels like it has been forever, more like 6 months. I wish this was going to be another strong supportive post for all of you, but I'm not feeling it. This last week has been one of the tougher weeks in a long time. When I was having a down time at the beginning of the week I was hoping that I would snap out of it in a day or two. Not so.

After this long it blows my mind that I am finding myself hung up on issues like "Will she ever call me again?" and "Why doesn't she love me?". Totally pointless, even stupid, questions at this point. After seeing something she wrote which made it seem as though she was going out of town, I have been a mess. Even when your not looking for it, the bits of info find you :(

Last time I had a down time, it only lasted a day or two and it was great. To be back riding high so quickly really boosted my confidence in how well I was doing. Now that all I think about is her and how much I miss her, I'm really sick of the whole situation.

It's the constant thought that she is with someone else already that hurts me. No proof that its true, and I want to believe what she told me, but I'm finding it hard. This is a topic for another thread however...

Sorry to be long and drawn out, needed to vent.

Come on Bigbird, you're stronger than this! Pull yourself together man!

If, IF she has a new man.. I'd pity him if I was you. He's going to go through the same thing that you're going through in a matter of time not that far away.

If she was worth missing, she wouldn't have dumped you. I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about her if she doesn't care about you. Don't believe a word she says.. ex's talk a lot of crap to us to make us feel better and so they can have a clear conscience.

Stop thinking about the past, look towards the future. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone even better than this girl! Someone that won't dump you, tell you a pile of crap and then gets a new boyfriend in the small space of 2 months!

Harsh, but I hope it gives you the kick up the arse you need to get over this girl.

Hi bigbird. Mate you do not have to be strong for anybody here. I just want to know how you are doing and what you are feeling. The way you help me most is by letting me know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Me I am totally stressed out at the moment and I feel sad and angry and upset and all of that is okay. I know it will pass but I also know it will take time. You will be okay and I am glad you are here.

Hey bird,

Read your post on your thread and now this one so I thought I would respond here. Just understand that this is going to happen from time to time during the break up, and I am sure once you pull out of this funk you are going to be doing even better than before. It's hard not to think of your ex with other guys, but in your case you really don't know what the hell is happening. It could be worse...

My ex went down to see the guys from cuba last night.. (by herself). So that means she spent the night at one of their houses... and they went to the bar so I know she was drunk.

So just remember that you don't know, and that every scenario that your brain makes up is just that... made up!! Not true!!

Your ability to do no contact for 2 months is a great thing that you should be proud of. Sure it may make your mind wander at times.. (sometimes to the point of being miserable) but at least you can tell yourself you don't actually know what's going on.

All I have thought about since last night is that she stayed in some guys bed and things just happened. It sucks... She has also been texting me every night this week... Thursday night She said "goodnight my big tough man xo". Pretty weird thing to get, but then of course I don't get one last night when she is out. I haven't been responding but its pretty obvious she is only thinking of me when there isn't a distraction.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that it could be a lot worse... Ignorance is bliss!! Sort of...

NNG is pretty right. BB - your always going to have tough days mate. Always. 2 months isn't that long at all. You've got massive feelings for this girl, and that pain and hurt doesn't go instantly. The best I way I found to deal with the thoughts of what she is doing and who with is to think like this...

Whoever she is with, it isn't me. That made me smile not cry, as I know she would never find another like me. So I smiled to myself and looked in the mirror, and said JPM you are a top man, and destined for greatness, and this woman clearly has bad taste in men.


Then smile to yourself, that no matter what she is doing BB - the best thing that happened to her is not there. And that my friend is her big bird loss!

BB, even the best of us have days where we are unable to cope with. Today too I've been feeling a bit down. My ex's whole birthday thing has hit me hard. I put it into perspective and I realized that by not wishing on her birthday, it was a way for her to finally leave me alone and say goodbye for good. I feel that now is when everything starts because the rope has finally been cut and we're now walking two different paths.

This is what I wanted and even with all the advice I give, the pain is still there. I know it will get easier as time is a healer. I guess the main thing that bothers me is her boyfriend and if it was any other guy but that weasel who's been hitting on her for the past year then things would be a bit different.
I really hope karma comes into effect...

Come on Bigbird, you're stronger than this! Pull yourself together man!!

If, IF she has a new man.. I'd pity him if I was you. He's going to go through the exact same thing that you're going through in a matter of time not that far away.

If she was worth missing, she wouldn't have dumped you. I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about her if she doesn't care about you. Don't believe a word she says.. ex's talk a lot of crap to us to make us feel better and so they can have a clear conscience.

Stop thinking about the past, look towards the future. You are young, you have plenty of time to find someone even better than this girl! Someone that won't dump you, tell you a pile of crap and then gets a new boyfriend in the small space of 2 months!

Harsh, but I hope it gives you the kick up the arse you need to get over this girl.


Very True, I'm going to print this response and put guy instead of or he instead of her because I believe this is very much similar to my situation,this reply hits in right on the spot.
BigB,I'm going on 4 months,and I still think that way,but it does get better,try to read positive books, when you get a chance,Bible for starters,somehow it feels great to know that there is someone,a higher supreme being in charge,even if you're not religious,it helps a lot and also Law of attraction books,there's tons out there.
I read something that says, what you focus on you will attract,so you're focusing on your ex not cotnacting you,the same with me-and that's what you're getting more of,
I don't want you to hold out and wait but if you learn to let go and sone day say,I won't worry about this,its all for the best,not only will a weight be lifted off,you'll feel a little better. Hope it helps

Vivia I like that. Law of attraction books sounds like a good idea to me. I will have to check those out.

Very True, i'm going to print this response and put guy instead of or he instead of her b/c i believe this is very much similar to my situation,this reply hits in right on the spot.
BigB,i'm going on 4 months,and i still think that way,but it does get better,try to read positive books, when you get a chance,Bible for starters,somehow it feels great to know that there is someone,a higher supreme being in charge,even if youre not religious,it helps alot and also Law of attraction books,theres tons out there.
I read something that says, what you focus on you will attract,so youre focusing on your ex not cotnacting you,the same with me-and thats what youre getting more of,
i dont want you to hold out and wait but if you learn to let go and sone day say,i wont worry about this,its all for the best,not only will a weight be lifted off,you'll feel alittle better. Hope it helps

Kind of sounds like that movie/book the secret... is it? I liked that one, pretty uplifting.

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1... down. Lolol.

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1...down. lolol.

Before you know it it will be day 30, and then day 60. Better times are ahead!

I don't know even know what day of NC I'm on... guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Just as long as I'm sticking to it until better things come along in my life, like a beautiful woman who is kind and caring, can easily have fun just hanging out not having to actually be doing anything, you know lol something like that ;)

idk even know what day of NC im on...guess it doesnt really matter anymore. just as long as im sticking to it until better things come along in my life, like a beautiful woman who is kind and caring, can easily have fun just hanging out not having to actually be doing anything, you know lol something like that ;)

Haha I was just saying that to my friend the other day. I need to find a cool chill girl... Do we have to get drunk and go to the bar every weekend??

NNG, I was having this same conversation a few days ago with a buddy of mine. But likewise, even though we're still on NC the wounds are still there no matter how much we tell ourselves that we're close to being fully healed. Today, however, things have taken a turn for the better. This weekend in general has brought me a lot of ups. Hang in there guys

How's the rest of y'all doing?

WOW,

I wanted to say thanks to all you guys. The support you guys give is unbelievable. I am feeling a little better today, and much better than the mornings now that it is early evening. The mornings are what suck the most - that's for sure.

I have saved those responses with the intention of reading them next time I am feeling down. I hate to say it, but being a little angry lately helps me to get over this. I thought I was past anger and bitterness, but for now, whatever works. Instead of saying "why did she throw me away" I can say "Too bad for her she threw me away."

Thanks again guys/gals,

I needed that.

Le sigh. No contact starting today for me.

Day 1...down. lolol.

Good Luck!
Stay strong... and whenever you feel like contacting your ex, come here so that we can convince you otherwise :).
You can do this, and we are here to support you!
Good Luck again!

Hey guys just thought I would give an update.

Me and my ex met up tonight, we got talking. We talked for hours without realising it and ended up making love, it was just like old times.

Anyhoo afterwards we are cuddling and we start talking about why it ended. We talk some more and then she looks at me and says we should try again. I have to tell you, as soon as she said that I burst into tears, I couldn't help it lol.

So as of right now, we are a couple again, only we are taking it very slow and we are only going to meet up a few nights a week to see how we go.

I advise NC to anyone but sometimes these things happen. Its still early days but the sheer fact she wants to try is great.

I'm so happy at the minute, thanks guys and ill be here for you.

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO, congrats bro. Hopefully you take things slow and can work on the issues at hand first before you guys continue in developing your NEW relationship. Yes, that's what it is, don't treat it like the old one, start fresh be the person she fell in love with and make sure that she is also the girl that you fell in love with. Take it slow but enjoy any minute.

If you're having any problems, let us know, we're always here to help

Nice Zooo

Only if my life was not full of sh*t

Hey guys & girls..

I guess you are all right. I should forget my ex & be just friends. For some odd reason, she LIED to me about taking her classes online; she told me straight forward that she's moving to the college campus...

*sigh* fuq... why are girls so complicated??

Zoo,

I'm glad to hear that things seem to be going well for you. Just a word of warning, make sure you really are taking it slowly. I have been down that road and it didn't turn out the way I had planned. Just be careful and keep your eyes open.

As far as taking it slow - making love the first night isn't really slow! I hope it slows down a little more than that hah.

Keep us posted though, and keep coming back so we can help you keep a level head :)

hjpan,

If she is lying to you why do you want to be her friend? Would your other friends lie to you? I'm not sure its worth the hassle to continue trying to be this girls friend if she is going to lie to you and make you feel bad.

hjpan,

If she is lying to you why do you want to be her friend? Would your other friends lie to you? I'm not sure its worth the hassle to continue trying to be this girls friend if she is going to lie to you and make you feel bad.

I do not know...

I guess so =/~ it's just so frustrating... I am caught up with classes, family, and financial issues...

Congrats Zoo!
I only hope I can be telling your story soon...

I hope it works out for you Zoo. All the best mate.

Thanks guys, its weird but I can't shake the feeling that any minute she's going to change her mind lol its so surreal.

The main reason we are taking it slow is because we don't want to make the same mistakes again, also we don't want to spread the word and then end up breaking up again so we are keeping it to ourselves for now.

I just had to tell you guys.

Listen for what its worth you never know what the future will bring, all of us on this site deserve happiness at some point, and each of us will get it. Maybe not with the person we want right now but that only brings us one step closer to the real prize.

thanks guys, its weird but i can't shake the feeling that any minute shes goin to change her mind lol its so surreal.

Try not to let the past influence your feelings in this relationship beyond what you have learned. Don't let past events muddy your chances - though don't overlook the valuable lessons you learned during your breakup.

Go into this like it is a new relationship.

Hey guys... hope you're all doing well and keeping NC...
I had a little situation...
On Friday I went to the movies with aa friend and I got a called from my ex's uncle... That was weird I thought... I picked up and told him I was at the movies so w.e... that was it... On Saturday I was doing laundry and a strange number calls... I didn't pick up but they left a message.. Guess who it was?. my ex.. telling me to please listen to the message, he needed to talk to me... blah blah blah... l8r on I get a call from another strange number.. Me being the smart person that I am picked up the phone and there he was telling me to please not hang up the phone that he needed to talk to me... I said OK, then hung up... during the entire day I kept getting calls and texts.. well yesterday we talked... he said he was sorry, that he hasn't been able to sleep, he cries when he thinks about the good times, he can't forget about me, he said he knows he ed up but he wants another chance even though he knows he doesn't deserve it... He asked for another chance and he gave me my ring back (a promise ring I returned to him after we broke up).. he told me he didn't want to lose me ever again...
Im so confused!. im fine without him, but now for some reason I want to get back with him.. IDK what to do,. what do you think?

I think that he heard about you going to the movies from his uncle and he is panicking now. Not worth giving into, though I wouldn't answer the phone and lead him like that. If you must tell him then go ahead, but I think you should stick to NC.

That's a tough one damaged... BB may be right but its really hard to say. You really have to ask yourself what you want on this one. You have mentioned before that when you have reflected on your relationship that this was for the best, I know you care for him and still love him but if you were to get back with him would it be for the right reasons or more for comfort?

Think with your head and not with your heart when you make your decision. I was with a bunch of friends last night and my ex called and texted me quite a few times saying she needed me right now, and had to talk to me. Part of me wanted to walk away from my friends and call her back but I said no to myself... You weren't there for me when I needed you so why should I leave my friends for you. Don't forget what they have done to us... now that they are sweating bullets because they think we are moving on they want us to be there for them, selfish really.

Also, if you did get back with him do you think it would ever be the same. To me there has already been way too much damage for me to ever trust and be happy with her again.

Also, if you did get back with him do you think it would ever be the same. To me there has already been way too much damage for me to ever trust and be happy with her again.

You have to be 100% honest with yourself. At times I can think that her coming back and us living happily ever after would be the best thing ever. Problem is, that would never happen. The trust is gone, the relationship wouldn't be the same.

Too much damage done.

@ damaged:

Guys can be clingy and wanting, but when the relationship starts... they will be different.

Also, if you did get back with him do you think it would ever be the same. To me there has already been way too much damage for me to ever trust and be happy with her again.

I'm Also in that same boat. I care and Love her but, she did things never forgetable and broke my trust to no end... the unfortinate truth...

im Also in that same boat. I care and Love her but, she did things never forgetable and broke my trust to no end...the unfortinate truth...

classicrocker, I'm going to SD on the 27th & LA on the 28th..

Hopefully, I can greet you~ lol

No clue where to begin and what to say... been so many months since I have checked this forum and today, while I was searching the net, one of the results had this forum's link and it brought back the bad memories yet, a strange smile got drawn on my face when I re-read my posts and saw my NC thread after almost a year :)

Not sure if anyone of those who posted under this topic re-posted again after fully and totally getting over the whole thing, so I thought that maybe I'd share a thing or two with you all, in case it might be of some help to anyone.

My NC period became a strong castle and yes, I carried on with it the day I started this thread and it was the best thing I have ever done to overcome the pain.
A lot of people advice you doing new things, going out, having fun etc... yet we all know it won't really help first. What I did is that I used "Post It" to carry on with my NC and that was the only thing that kept me going with it (of course beside the great help from all the people in here). I wrote on 6-7 "Post It" the following "No Contact You Idiot" and spread them all over the things I see/use the most (PC screen, stereo, phone, on my bed, bathroom mirror etc.. ). It was hard, I tried dating, going out and lots of other things, but nothing really healed the wound. It was all a matter of time... I accepted the NC strategy and had to carry on despite how badly I missed her. I trusted time and time did indeed take care of that!!

Now I'm completely over the whole thing, re-living the single life, which I have forgotten how it tastes and just carrying on. NC saved me a lot of humiliation and helped me realize slowly that she's not worth it anymore. No contact with the ex = less emotional vagueness.

I sometimes run into my ex here and there and I don't even blink... she's still dating the same guy since she left me and getting drunk every weekend at the pub he works at, yet funny enough, it doesn't affect me. Even after 2-3 months from my NC initiation period I put myself to a test. I went to that pub she hangs in with her boy, all alone, sat there, had a few drinks, enjoyed myself and went back home as if I saw nothing.

She never contacted me nor did I and here we are. I still remember exactly how I felt when I typed that post and how it was like for me back then, it's really "funny" to re-see it again. What was an impossible thing to do back then is now nothing but "history". So you you can do it, no matter how bad it feels. It's really doable... You'd be so surprised to see what time is capable of (e.g. I really can't even recall her phone number!).

I'm still looking for a new relationship and hopefully I'll have one, someday, who knows. It's not bad at all after all being alone, so keep your chins up guys :)

Hope my post could be useful to you all! Stick to your NC! It's your own ticket for salvation, NEVER break it or compromise it no matter what! Each time you break it, things will get much more painful! STICK TO YOUR NC ;)


hey guys... hope you're all doing well and keeping NC...
i had a little situation...
On Friday i went to the movies with aa friend and i got a called from my ex's uncle... That was weird i thought... i picked up and told him i was at the movies so w.e... that was it... On Saturday i was doing laundry and a strange number calls... i didn't pick up but they left a message.. Guess who it was?. my ex.. telling me to please listen to the message, he needed to talk to me... blah blah blah... l8r on i get a call from another strange number.. Me being the smart person that i am picked up the phone and there he was telling me to please not hang up the phone that he needed to talk to me... i said OK, then hung up... during the entire day i kept getting calls and texts.. well yesterday we talked... he said he was sorry, that he hasn't been able to sleep, he cries when he thinks about the good times, he can't forget about me, he said he knows he ed up but he wants another chance even though he knows he doesn't deserve it... He asked for another chance and he gave me my ring back (a promise ring i returned to him after we broke up).. he told me he didn't want to lose me ever again...
Im so confused!. im fine without him, but now for some reason i want to get back with him.. IDK what to do,. what do u think?

I think you really have to move on and get rid, 100%, of your past relation, it will bring nothing but heart/headache.

Numb,

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. Its amazing that you have come back and shared your success story on here with everyone. I think it is inspirational to hear from someone who is so recently out on the other side.

Not to say those who went through this decades ago don't provide valuable experience and advice, but seeing the originator of the thread, who experienced the entire thing with the help of AMHD, come back and tout how successful it really is - is just great.

Thanks :)

Numb: just tell yourself that she won't have a future compared to you =]

WOW,

I wanted to say thanks to all you guys. The support you guys give is unbelievable. I am feeling a little better today, and much better than the mornings now that it is early evening. The mornings are what suck the most - thats for sure.

I have saved those responses with the intention of reading them next time I am feeling down. I hate to say it, but being a little angry lately helps me to get over this. I thought I was past anger and bitterness, but for now, whatever works. Instead of saying "why did she throw me away" I can say "Too bad for her she threw me away."

Thanks again guys/gals,

I needed that.

Good lad, Bigbird.

Now, the next time I come on here, talking like a big nancy boy.. I expect you to kick me up the arse :D

Good lad, Bigbird.

Now, the next time I come on here, talking like a big nancy boy.. I expect you to kick me up the arse :D


Deal :)

anyways... I'm still confused about letting go of my ex =/

any help?
I started exercising.. lost 10lbs in about 2 weeks..eating less.. drinking more alcohol

Lol drink her away for abit.. I mean not sloppy drunk.. but causual/social drinking. Helps loosen you up when meeting new people.

I started exercising.. lost 10lbs in about 2 weeks..eating less.. drinking more alcohol


A few words of advice...

First off, congrats on exercising - makes you feel better and if you keep it up it will make you feel better. Make sure you aren't doing it for anyone but yourself though, you're the only one worth it :)

If you are eating less to lose weight, just be careful. Your best bet is to eat healthier, not necessarily less. And drinking more alcohol isn't going to help you lose weight :)

Just some friendly suggestions - but whatever makes it easier for you is the right thing at this point (to an extent - no drugs :p)

Keep at it

Thanks guys =]

I am planning to meet with a friend in LA on Saturday & probably drink..

I feel so frustrated that I am not a good boyfriend since I spend time in college than girls =/

I feel so frustrated that I am not a good boyfriend since I spend time in college than girls =/

Huh?

You mean you spend more time on school than you do on girls? That doesn't make you a bad boyfriend. In actuality, that makes you a good boyfriend beucase you are goal oriented and hard working toward the goals that you need to accomplish. A girl should be looking for someone who has a life of their own, just as you should be looking for a girl that is independent and confident in herself.

Huh??

You mean you spend more time on school than you do on girls? That doesn't make you a bad boyfriend. In actuality, that makes you a good boyfriend beucase you are goal oriented and hard working toward the goals that you need to accomplish. A girl should be looking for someone who has a life of their own, just as you should be looking for a girl that is independent and confident in herself.

I don't know why but many girls I have met like guys who party =/

Well you could define party in many different ways.

I personally don't mind drinking, but I also don't mind not drinking. I could go to a party and have tons of fun being totally sober if everyone else is getting drunk. It really makes no difference to me. I like to have the option and not be pressured in either direction by anyone.

Its not about what your doing, its about how you make people feel.

Hey,
So I talked to my GIRLFRIEND today!
We got back together...
I never really used NC, but you guys were still here to support me every step of the way.
Thanks,
And I hope you don't mind if I hang around this thread to support you guys in your NC!
Thanks again

Well you could define party in many different ways.

I personally dont mind drinking, but I also don't mind not drinking. I could go to a party and have tons of fun being totally sober if everyone else is getting drunk. It really makes no difference to me. I like to have the option and not be pressured in either direction by anyone.

Its not about what your doing, its about how you make people feel.

Yeh... college girls usually define party as in lots of alcohol, some music, and passing out/throwing up...

then some one-night-fuqing-stand

Seems like everyone on here is getting back together... haha. Best of luck to all of you though. Just interesting to watch. So BB, is it just you and I now?? Haha

seems like everyone on here is getting back together.... haha. Best of luck to all of you though. Just interesting to watch. So BB, is it just you and I now???? haha


Forgot me.

seems like everyone on here is getting back together.... haha. Best of luck to all of you though. Just interesting to watch. So BB, is it just you and I now???? haha

Don't plan on getting back together regardless of the fake drivel/bs that spews out of his mouth. Ever.

You can still count me in. NC--woooot. Lol. :rolleyes:

BigBird, NorthernNiceGuy, jiltedgirl, & hjp..

we're in the same boat =O

Don't forget the classicrocker, he's still rolling down the road of NC.

I'm still here guys. Just been away from the net for a few days. Me and my ex are in contact but nothing heavy. Just light contact at the moment. If she contacts me to say lets hang out, ill go from there, but until then I'm all good and doing OK.

Kind of realised that if it doesn't happen again I'm cool with that, and I'm cool with it if it does.

Keep going all, and best of luck to those who are trying again. Keep us posted.

Northern and BB, keep up the good work.

Im well and truly on the NC path. It'd be a cold day in hell before I even spoke to my ex, let alone got back with her haha. Than again I am technically with someone else, if that counts.

Yep the numbers sure are dwindling.

Finally snapped out of my funk, which is nice.

A little past two months now, and I'm hoping I'm further in then I have to go left. Only time will tell...

My mind still likes to bring back memories of us, theme seems to be intimate memories which hurt a bit. Not sure why my mind likes those so much, but they do suck because the natural progression is from my intimate memories to her "making new ones" with someone else. There goes the assumptions again...

How's everyone else been holding up?

You're most welcome bigbird, I'm glad to know that my post was of some help to you and anyone else.


My mind still likes to bring back memories of us, theme seems to be intimate memories which hurt a bit. Not sure why my mind likes those so much, but they do suck because the natural progression is from my intimate memories to her "making new ones" with someone else. There goes the assumptions again...

It's perfectly normal. Your mind always digs up the memories of your last relation and it won't stop until you get into another relation. Just take it as a natural process, don't do anything about it, it's really normal and with time it won't bug you or anything. It's just the same thing with sex fantasies.. most of the times you remember your last sex partner.

So keep hanging on there with your head up :) Same goes to all the rest, good luck guys!

Hey guys I might be back with my ex but I'm sticking around because I want to support everyone and lets be honest, there's a chance I could be back here again sometime in the future.

I'm still here guys so count me in :)

hey guys i might be back with my ex but im sticking around cos i want to support everyone and lets be honest, theres a chance i could be back here again sometime in the future.

im still here guys so count me in :)
Same for me guys,
I am in high school, I'll be back here hundreds of times before I find the 'one.' I am enjoying the relationship while it lasts. But who knows, maybe this will be one of those 3% of high school sweetheart relationships that make it through to marriage. Yeah, I looked up statistics...

But good luck with your NCs! And I'll hang around with Zoo to support you guys, and I may ask a little advice here and there if you don't mind.
Thanks guys,
And good luck

Hi all I am still here. Trying hard with the NC thing. Speaking with my ex last week was not a good thing for me looking back. Part of me now wants her to just tell me to PISS OFF! At least then I feel that I would know there is no chance in hell of anything coming back. So I figure if I start calling all the time she will eventually get so mad she will say "go away creep." I think I deserve an explanation of why I got dumped! At least if I made her mad then I could justify it to myself. I mean this really sucks.

To all of you who are back with you ex's good stuff and I wish you all the best. I am meant to see my ex this weekend I guess. I really have mixed feelings about the whole thing.

Hey guys!

So I don't know if you guys remember me, but I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, and the no contact has been non existent.. we still talk and this weekend we went camping together, and while it was an amazing time that I will never forget, I don't think it was the best idea... I realized I'm still upset and angry at him for what happened and it's confusing him that we're spending time together..

Relationship are SO CONFUSING!! I just don't really think we are both ready for no contact now, believe me I know it's the right thing to do, but I just don't think we can do it at this point. I'm not 100% sure if we're going to be broken up forever.. just riding the waves. And trying to figure things out..

Just wanting to express my thoughts. Thanks guys

Express away lol

I have to ask though, is NC the right thing to do right away? Don't get me wrong I know it helps but maybe we tell people to start it a little to early and so the chances of getting back together slim wayyyy down.

Maybe NC should be started after a few weeks or month, that way you won't ruin any chance you may have.

This is just my opinion of course.

I think I deserve an explanation of why I got dumped! At least if I made her mad then I could justify it to myself. I mean this really sucks.

Wishful thinking buddy.

A lot of the time an explanation is hard to come by. Not because they hate you or want you to suffer, but they don't know. Something just "wasnt right". I don't believe that a lot of breakups happen because one parter hates something about the other partner, though there are some.

She might not be able to give a good answer for the question "Why?", nor one that you want to hear. It's not really in your best interest to go digging for answers which might not exist.

Bigbird what you say makes perfect sense. I need to move on from this. She has left things not totally closed which sucks as I still have hope. I am wondering if I should just e-mail of leave a message on her phone telling her I cannot sit in limbo like this and that since she does not seem to be able to shut the door on this then I will. At least that way I will have closure.

express away lol

I have to ask though, is NC the right thing to do right away? Dont get me wrong i know it helps but maybe we tell people to start it a little to early and so the chances of getting back together slim wayyyy down.

Maybe NC should be started after a few weeks or month, that way you wont ruin any chance you may have.

This is just my personal opinion of course.


I tend to think people need to live through it once or twice first to realize that early NC is the right thing to do.

At times, it seems like you can reach a quick reconciliation with your ex by keeping contact. But have you ever stopped to think about the implications of keeping contact? You keep the ex feeling guilty, you keep them thinking about you and what you did wrong. You keep them thinking about the loyalty and comfort that existed between the two of you, none of which makes it any easier.

Sure, the chances of them coming back might be a little higher if you keep interjecting yourself into their life, but what are the chances that it will last? It happened to me...

Last spring my ex and I broke up and were apart for about 4 months. I keep light contact with her, probably once a week, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less... It was a confusing time for me, and it hurt like hell. I was at th epoint of breaking. My grades suffered, I lost a lot of weight and I wasn't myself. I spent too much time worrying about what she was doing and who she was with. Why? BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO HER.

Anyway, we got back together and things were "okay" for about 9 months or so. Then, lo and behold, she dumped me again 2 months ago...

So guess what? It was great, I felt on top of the world when she came back to me. I kept myself in her life and told myself that NC was for fools. It didn't work, it was a ploy to make me unhappy and everyone was just trying to get me down (well not really, but.. ).

Turns out, the problems still existed. They came back and plagues the "new" relationship we had and ended it once again...

Not sure if that really addresses your point, but its how I feel about it.

(I cannot lie, however. At times I want to make contact with my ex even now for exactly the reasons I cited. I want her to miss me, think about me, and feel sad. I want her to text me and say "I made a huge mistake..." Its immature, its unreasonable, but its how my mind works.)

bigbird what you say makes perfect sense. I need to move on from this. She has left things not totally closed which sucks as I still have hope. I am wondering if I should just e-mail of leave a message on her phone telling her I cannot sit in limbo like this and that since she does not seem to be able to shut the door on this then I will. At least that way I will have closure.

Hi F104,

Are you still going to see her this weekend? If so, I would have a face to face discussion with her, and really lay it out.

Hi starlite I don't know. I have not heard from her since Wednesday. I am wondering if she just answered the phone then by accident. I tried calling her twice yesterday and again this afternoon and still no response. I don't know if I can keep doing this it is tearing me up inside. I feel like a plance circling before trying to land at an airport.

At least that way I will have closure.

Again, I call it wishful thinking. I never really got closure from her, and it sucks a bit. She sent me an email a month ago and I didn't respond. I still wonder to this day if she didn't get a response and said to herself: "He must be pissed at me, I guess I have to move on and forget about ever talking to him again." That thought hurts me, but it would be better than her keeping me hanging on (intentionally, or not) by talking to me.

She left things open. - So what. The way I see that is maybe you ended on good enough terms for you to meet again in the future and be friends. My ex and I ended very amicably if I do say myself. We weren't arguing, we weren't yelling. She talked, I listened and I understood. No begging, no crying, no pleading. I asked her to see me that day (since she dumped me on the phone) a few times more than necessary probably - but I think that left it very open for us to be friendly in the future.

I get angry with her in my head at times, but then I stop and realize that I am getting angry for reasons which I have created in my head. Not real reasons.

hey guys i might be back with my ex but im sticking around cos i want to support everyone and lets be honest, theres a chance i could be back here again sometime in the future.

im still here guys so count me in :)

Hi Zooropa,

Thank you :) I wish you all the best. I hope things work out for you!

Hi starlite I don't know. I have not heard from her since Wednesday. I am wondering if she jsut answered the phone then by accident. I tried calling her twice yesterday and again this afternoon and still no response. I don't know if I can keep doing this it is tearing me up inside. I feel like a plance circling before trying to land at an airport.

I know exactly how you feel. It really sucks when you try and communicate with them (the ex's) after plans are made, and they don't even respond/call/contact you. I still haven't gotten a response from my ex (from the text I sent him Sunday). Fun, isn't it? The fact that we love them so much, and we are in pain, and they don't even give a f*&^!

Sorry guys, I'm venting on behalf of F104 and myself, and all of us for that matter.

Well.... I called my ex last Thursday cause I got a missed call... still don't know who it is =/

Anyways, my ex is moving to SF =/~ I feel like sh*t cause my friend lives in SF & her campus department is 10-20min drive away... omfg

but yeh...I'm still looking at my career as a street-racer/drifter, military career, and psychologist/family consulting/child issues...

Hi HJpan,

I know it is hard because she is moving away, but you know what? That isn't necessarily a bad thing for you. When distance is put between people (ex's), it could help the healing process. Even though she is moving close to your friend, it is still not close to you, right?

Again, I call it wishful thinking. I never really got closure from her, and it sucks a bit. She sent me an email a month ago and I didn't respond. I still wonder to this day if she didn't get a response and said to herself: "He must be pissed at me, I guess I have to move on and forget about ever talking to him again." That thought hurts me, but it would be better than her keeping me hanging on (intentionally, or not) by talking to me.

She left things open. - So what. The way I see that is maybe you ended on good enough terms for you to meet again in the future and be friends. My ex and I ended very amicably if I do say myself. We weren't arguing, we weren't yelling. She talked, I listened and I understood. No begging, no crying, no pleading. I asked her to see me that day (since she dumped me on the phone) a few times more than necessary probably - but I think that left it very open for us to be friendly in the future.

I get angry with her in my head at times, but then I stop and realize that I am getting angry for reasons which I have created in my head. Not real reasons.

Again what you makes sense. A buddy of mine said

"you want closure? It is over! There I have just given you clousue now you must try to move on and do the next right thing"

I know you all are right. I guess I am still hoping and I want that hope smashed. I don't want to be pining after her for months like I have over past relationships. I don't like loose ends.

Yes I am going to try and go back to NC. It will be hard but I know I can do it.

You can, F104. We will help you in any way we can :)

OK guys! So my ex msged me the other night out of the blue! I haven't talked in a long time. Last time we messaged each other was on the first, then I just bothered!. around 11 pm... just a simple... " hey...whats' up?"... that was Sunday night... Saturday night I went out with friends and I had such a blast and met this chix.. n we had beautiful night... with NC... I really realized that I'm getting her out of my system... n becoming indifferent... I m not even sure if I want us to even be back... oh well so I didn't text her back... I still haven't... I want to let her wonder... oh yeah and yesterday, I met up with a bunch of my beautiful looking girlfriends and played beach volleyball and went to the pool with my bro and other friend it was a blast... I guess my silence is starting to speak louder huh? Anyway her that drove her nutt and to the point she changed so many things on her Facebook.. etc... I don't give a... in fact I'm starting to realize that what I once thought was gold has now tarnished!. n oh yeah... I been working out... looking good... n u should have seen how many heads turned when I went out at the clubs... n that really hit me... to the point I was like why did I bother about this one?? even put up with her BS? She wanted me out of her life right?. well that's exactly what I am going to give her... anyway I'm going to play Vball again then some soccer!! hope you are all doing better... hang in there... I thought I wouldn't make it... but I think now I am stronger than ever... silence speaks volumes!! guys silence speaks volume!!

gg23 thanks for the post. It shows that there is life after an ex. I appreciate the positive outlook.

Starlite and everyboyd else glad you are all here too. I need to get over the whole "I will never meet another like her again" syndrome.

I know how you feel f104, and I'm still in that stage too. & I hate to admit it but I obviously still have a lot of false hope :(. I also agree, gg23's post gives hope to us all. One day we'll be able to look at them and not feel that burning desire and need for them... It's just hard to believe right now.

I've thought a lot about my ex in the past couple of days, not sure why. I think it's because we were texting each other last week and she said "chat soon hopefully".. bad news. Found out there now that she's away to France for a week, lucky her. It's her birthday next week, the day I go on holidays. Not going to bother texting her for it, I'm just going to let her contact me whenever she wants, I'll decide then if I'm going to reply.

Even if your ex contacts you, I wouldn't reply. I thought to myself "ohh one reply won't harm me" but I haven't been able to get her out of my head since!

Hi HJpan,

I know it is hard because she is moving away, but you know what? That isn't necessarily a bad thing for you. When distance is put between people (ex's), it could help the healing process. Even though she is moving close to your friend, it is still not close to you, right?

I guess~

it's just there's so much going on with my life =/

This sucks! I sent what I thought was a final e-mail to my ex a few hours ago. She wrote back that she had not returned my calls because her phone is broken(it has been bad on and off for a couple of months) and she has not returned my e-mail because she only just checked her e-mail tonight. Tonight in my e-mail I told her I am calling it quits as I cannot do this emotionally. She writes back and says she agrees that is probably the "best idea for now but there is no reason why we cannot stay in touch."

I did not expect her to answer. She said she is sorry that I feel that she has been avoiding me as that is not her intention. She went on to say she just needs space.

Last Wednesday she was making noise about us hanging out this weekend. I sent her another e-mail asking if she was still interested in meeting this weekend. I have mixed feelings here. Part of me hopes she says NO. Part of me hopes she says yes. If she says no then I will feel better in cutting all ties with her.

It would be so much easier if she would be a mean to me. Maybe it is up to me to totally end this after all. Initially she dumped me by a text. Later the same day (3 weeks) ago she asks me to call and says she needs space but we are not totally together or broken up.

I think the hardest part of a break up is the false hope of getting back together. Hence, bring on the NC! Lol. I was really angry with my last ex when we broke up. When he contacted me a week later, I told him apologies for being bitter when we parted, but let him know it was because he had been so cold. I had broken up with him, not because I wanted to, but because I knew that's what he wanted/needed at the time. He justified his behavior with "I didn't want to give you any hope." Then, he told me the summer apart wouldn't seem like a big deal when we see each other in the fall. How contradictory. When I tried to lighten the mood by retorting, "unless you find someone else to entertain you," he told me he wasn't looking for something stupid and silly.

I kept trying to keep it light and friendly. He kept giving me hope.

We have a lot of people we mutually know and for ONCE in a relationship, I wanted to end things somewhat amicably. When he didn't reply to a message I sent him a week ago, I was actually relieved. It forced me to finally let go.

It sucks when they don't reply or give you the answer that you want, but think of it this way; they're doing you a huge favor!!

Yeah I agree completely Jilted, sometimes the best way to end a relationship is to hate them. Though its never good to fall out with someone, it reinforces the fact that you need to break up.

By the way, for those in the early stages of the breakup, you will NEVER get closure. Its just your brain playing tricks on you. This was how it was with me anyway. When me and my ex split, she told me she didn't love me and that we shouldn't see each other for a while, yet still I wanted "closure". What more closure could anyone want!! That's the whole point in letting go; its hard to grasp the fact that the situation is completely out of your control, but that's just the way it is. The ball is in their court. Yeh there's exceptions but they're few and far between. God I wish I hadn't written this now, brought up a whole bunch of bad memories. Still, was good to have another rant.

Good post Jammyb. My ex who I was supposed to meet this weekend said she is not coming to town now as she actually came and went last weekend. Now she wants to call me tonight. The question is should I answer the phone or just say screw it, enough of this e.

Good post Jammyb. My ex who I was supposed to meet this weekend said she is not coming to town now as she actually came and went last weekend. Now she wants to call me tonight. The question is should I answer the phone or just say screw it, enough of this e.

Answer it, listen to her talk, and just sit back responding "yeh... no.... cool... sure.."

Just like Lumbergh from Office Space

It's a tough one f104. From my experience so far, during the actuall conversation I felt pretty good and the only reason I felt good was because it created false hope in my head. So when I realized that this false hope started up again I would get angry in a way, thinking of all the she did wong and would never admit to leading to us arguing and so on. So my advice... stick to the NC. But see here's my problem I don't listin to my own advice. If my ex called me tonight there is a good chance id answer if I'm not out with friends...

You're right classicrocker about not following your own advice, I'm guilty of that too! It's a shame huh? I guess we all just have to learn our own lessons by making the mistakes ourselves.. people can give advice, yes, but it only gets us so far.. it's the actions that define how we are going to learn from the mistakes.

I here you guys. I never follow my own advice either. I too would suggest to others not to answer the phone. I doubt anything positive would come from the conversation. Part of me just wants to argue with her just to make NC easier. I am going out with mates tonight which is good.

Hjpan I like what you said about just saying yeah, sure, yes etc. It makes sense.

Yep...

My mind is fuqing with me =/
I have this weird thinking of meeting with my ex, but I don't want to =/

I am going to follow my words.. which I told her:
"If you leave me now, don't expect me to take you back. If you dump me, don't come back and ask for forgiveness when I become a person of popularity and fame for contributing something good to society."

Lol. I hear you f104 and hjpan. It's basically when your mind is struggling between what is right (for you) and what you want, which usually entails something impulsive and most likely regretful. I suppose that if you take a stand, it's best if you stick by it.

So my ex finally decided to answer my week-old message today... and asked me a question (the same question) to which I had been replying to in the first place. Um... great listener, isn't he?

Anyway, I'm glad he took a long time because now I neither have hope nor want him (thank goodness). Yesterday was the first time that I felt free and happy to be single again. Oddly, I'm starting to look at the entirety of our intense, short relationship from a 3rd person perspective and seeing where we both went wrong.

Now the key is making sure it lasts. :D

Freeeeeeeeedooooomm~!!

Evening everyone - how are you all doing?

Just a little update for you guys on my "situation" last week...

I have been feeling pretty good the last few days. The worries have finally faded. Its funny how it happened, there was one moment when something just snapped and it really helped me to get past it. I know it sounds bad to say, but thinking about some of the negative points in the relationship helped me to realize that it couldn't really work in the long run and helped me to get over what was keeping me down.

Just wanted to tell you guys that I am feeling better so maybe anyone who is feeling like I was last week and have some hope. I know when your down like that you almost don't want to feel better (if anyone knows what I'm talking about), but in time you do feel a little better...

I hope everyone else is feeling well...

Evening everyone - how are you all doing?

Just a little update for you guys on my "situation" last week....

I have been feeling pretty good the last few days. The worries have finally faded. Its funny how it happened, there was one moment when something just snapped and it really helped me to get past it. I know it sounds bad to say, but thinking about some of the negative points in the relationship helped me to realize that it couldn't really work in the long run and helped me to get over what was keeping me down.

Just wanted to tell you guys that I am feeling better so maybe anyone who is feeling like I was last week and have some hope. I know when your down like that you almost don't want to feel better (if anyone knows what I'm talking about), but in time you do feel a little better....

I hope everyone else is feeling well...

That's good to hear.

Well, I am planning to hang out with another friend in LA this weekend =]
hahaha~ I don't know what we're going to do :O

As for my ex.... no idea how to resolve issues D:

As for my ex.... no idea how to resolve issues D:


An ex is an ex - leave the issues in the past and live one day at a time.

An ex is an ex - leave the issues in the past and live one day at a time.

Thanks BB =]

lol. I hear you f104 and hjpan. It's basically when your mind is struggling between what is right (for you) and what you want, which usually entails something impulsive and most likely regretful. I suppose that if you take a stand, it's best if you stick by it.

So my ex finally decided to answer my week-old message today...and asked me a question (the same question) to which I had been replying to in the first place. Um...great listener, isn't he?

Anyway, i'm glad he took a long time because now i neither have hope nor want him (thank goodness). Yesterday was the first time that I felt free and happy to be single again. Oddly, I'm starting to look at the entirety of our intense, short relationship from a 3rd person perspective and seeing where we both went wrong.

Now the key is making sure it lasts. :D

Freeeeeeeeedooooomm~!!!

I totally concur with what you are saying. My ex called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She offered to come and see me to which I said a big "NO." I want to see her but not at the moment. I am not in a good enough place emotionally and she does not think she is either. I guess time will tell what will happen with the two of us. I am inclined to think it is really over. She still wants to stay in touch so I guess NC is not really going to happen. But at least I do not feel the need to contact her every 5 minutes. Of course who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow. I do miss her and I do love her. I told that I care about her and that I miss her. She responded in kind. I told her she needs to take care of herself and do not worry about me. I know I can be selfish and self centered if I am not careful and I told her that just because I want something to happen my way does not mean I should get it. I told her to put herself and her needs first.

I guess if she and I are meant to be it will happen. I hope she and I will get together sometime in the future because she is truly a remarkable woman.

I totally concur with what you are saying. My ex called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She offered to come and see me to which I said a big "NO." I want to see her but not at the moment. I am not in a good enough place emotionally and she does not think she is either. I guess time will tell what will happen with the two of us. I am inclined to think it is really over. She still wants to stay in touch so I guess NC is not really going to happen. But at least I do not feel the need to contact her every 5 minutes. Of course who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow. I do miss her and I do love her. I told that I care about her and that I miss her. She responded in kind. I told her she needs to take care of herself and do not worry about me. I know I can be selfish and self centered if I am not careful and I told her that just because I want something to happen my way does not mean I should get it. I told her to put herself and her needs first.

I guess if she and I are meant to be it will happen. I hope she and I will get together sometime in the future because she is truly a remarkable woman.

Same boat

:T best of luck to both!

:T best of luck to both!


Thanks

Quick side off question:

As a guy, I have some standards when I choose a girl.. I don't know if it's too much though~
My standards are: virgin, vegetarian, non-smoker, & non-alcoholic

Is that a lot to ask?

The smoking and non drinking I can understand. But if she has to be a virgin and veggie... why?

the smoking and non drinking i can understand. but if she has to be a virgin and veggie...why?


Cause I'm a vegetarian xD? Got to find suitable partners, right?

For virgin part... I just like girls who are virgins =/??

Hmm I don't know I'm no theropist so I guess there is nothing wrong with people wanting what they want are you saying if you met a great woman and you 2 got along great you would end it if not a virgin?

hmm idk im no theropist so i guess there is nothing wrong with people wanting what they want are you saying if you met a great woman and you 2 got along great you would end it if not a virgin?

Well.. if she has had sex with 1 person... I'm good with that..

But with like 3 or more... no way

Well.. if she has had sex with 1 person... I'm good with that..

But with like 3 or more... no way


So why is it important how many people she has slept with? Really it is no business of mine how many people somebody has slept with. There are so many wonderful people in the world I think it would a shame not to see a person due to how many sexual partners they have had. Incidentally in my mid 20s I was seeing a woman who had years before been a prostitute. She had more than a 1,000 partners. She was also one of the sweetest, caring and most honest people I have ever met. That relationship ended not because of her but because of me. I went back in the military and that was not the life she wanted. I saw her a couple of years ago and she is still an amazing woman and married with a great family.

Don't let the numbers game stop you from meeting wonderful people. We all have histories.

Hey guys,

Everything is going well so far. I've just been working out and watching the Euros. This Sunday would have been our 3 years. I guess I'm getting a bit edgy right now. I wonder what she might be thinking ha?
How's the rest of you doing?

Spion,

Next time your feeling edgy, turn the sound up on the game and invite the buds over :)

Being around your friends can do wonders.

Yes yes yes, friends are there to help you move on!

thanks

quick side off question:

As a guy, I have some standards when I choose a girl.. I don't know if it's too much though~
My standards are: virgin, vegetarian, non-smoker, & non-alcoholic

is that a lot to ask?

hjpan-
I can understand you wanting someone who is a vegetarian, non-smoker, and/or non-alcoholic... but whaaaat? She has to be a virgin?! :eek:

I think the "virgin" bit is not only a double standard (unless you're a virgin as well), but unrealistic. So.. it's fine once you take their virginity? That's odd. Go for the person, not their sexual past.

hjpan-
I can understand you wanting someone who is a vegetarian, non-smoker, and/or non-alcoholic...but whaaaat?? She has to be a virgin?!? :eek:

I think the "virgin" bit is not only a double standard (unless you're a virgin as well), but unrealistic. So..it's fine once you take their virginity? That's odd. Go for the person, not their sexual past.

I just don't want to get infected with STDs or HIV/AIDs?

I think the "virgin" bit is not only a double standard (unless you're a virgin as well)


An important consideration...

I have been doing that, there have also been some ladies who I watch the game with. Right now life's good, there are some moments when you feel down but other than that, you just take it one day at a time.

Anyone want to give advise for me?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-just-230736.html

HJ,

There's nothing wrong with having a criteria of the type of person you are after or are attracted to, but having a bit of flexibility in this is a good idea.

Me, I like brunettes with long hair, about 5"4-5"7 and slim, with great legs and a cute bum. Always been a leg man as opposed to a breast man. But if I meet a great girl who is blonde, I won't turn her down on the basis of her hair colour.

I've met up with my ex a couple of times in the last week, and its been good, and she has had her brunette hair cut quite short, and I don't see myself saying, no I'm not going to see you because you have short hair.

Go with the flow and see who you meet. I understand about the STD issue, but don't you think that people are careful and don't want to contract one? Just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they have an STD.

just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they have an STD.

Good point - I think personality will tell you her chances of having an STD before her past. If she is a slut then... be careful. It's a risk of a one night stand :p

Good point - I think personality will tell you her chances of having an STD before her past. If she is a slut then....be careful. Its a risk of a one night stand :p

But looks can be deceiving D;

Hi all. Star you deserve the best, you really do. Hell we all deserve the best.

As damage said sometimes not getting what we want is just what the doctor ordered. Of course I am having trouble seeing that at the moment but I know that has often been true for me.

Hope you guys have got plans for this weekend. It is important for me that I keep myself occupied. Today I had class then I went to the driving range. Tomorrow is paintball and then out on the town. Sunday is study and then watch the Eurocup with mates and sink a few lagers.

As long as I am doing things I find it is easier to get over my past relationship. I find it is important that I spend time with other people. The more time I spend with myself the worse I get. I hate to say it but "my brain is out to get me."

Hey if anybody here wants to IM me then feel free. Or if you have a myspace of Facebook account I will add you as a mate. Anyway my e-mail/IM is [email protected]

Hi all. Star you deserve the best, you really do. Hell we all deserve the best.

As damage said sometimes not getting what we want is just what the doctor ordered. Of course I am having trouble seeing that at the moment but I know that has often been true for me.

Hope you guys have got plans for this weekend. It is important for me that I keep myself occupied. Today I had class then I went to the driving range. Tomorrow is paintball and then out on the town. Sunday is study and then watch the Eurocup with mates and sink a few lagers.

As long as I am doing things I find it is easier to get over my past relationship. I find it is important that I spend time with other people. The more time I spend with myself the worse I get. I hate to say it but "my brain is out to get me."

Hey if anybody here wants to IM me then feel free. Or if you have a myspace of facebook account I will add you as a mate. Anyway my e-mail/IM is [email protected]

My facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=861820695

Good point - I think personality will tell you her chances of having an STD before her past. If she is a slut then....be careful. Its a risk of a one night stand :p

Actually, it's more difficult to detect STIs in men than women, even if you've been tested. For HPV, men predominantly do not show any symptoms, and they may end up infecting their partner unknowingly. As a result, those women with HPV may have to face cervical cancer and infertility in the future. Some STIs may not even manifest. Even genital herpes does not necessarily appear in infected persons. Yet, the virus can shed at the site of infection, even though there are no symptoms. In the case of chlamydia, which shows little to no symptoms, women at a disadvantage when it comes to the sexes--the possibility of irreversible infertility. Men, on the other hand, get a funny discharge.

I'm just letting you know. :D
... I hope I didn't scare anyone into celibacy!!

Good point - I think personality will tell you her chances of having an STD before her past. If she is a slut then....be careful. Its a risk of a one night stand :p

Actually, it's more difficult to detect STIs in men than women, even if you've been tested. For HPV, men predominantly do not show any symptoms, and they may end up infecting their partner unknowingly. As a result, those women with HPV may have to face cervical cancer and infertility in the future. Some STIs may not even manifest. Even genital herpes does not necessarily appear in infected persons. Yet, the virus can shed at the site of infection, even though there are no symptoms. In the case of chlamydia, which shows little to no symptoms, women at a disadvantage when it comes to the sexes--the possibility of irreversible infertility. Men, on the other hand, get a funny discharge.

I'm just letting you know. :D
... I hope I didn't scare anyone into celibacy!!

Well then - I'll shut up :)

Good info though, thanks.

Sorry my post got posted twice. Hahaha I think I drove the point home on the first post...

Btw- I broke NC. I responded to his message. It was actually pretty sarcastic and scathing (as aforementioned, he asked me the same question that I had responded to), but then again, that is my sense of humor. I have a question though... is he on the same page as me? Because he replied with something completely irrelevant: "Then come visit me. I'm here."

??

As far as I can tell, we're over. We ended things with me telling him that we go on a break until the fall because that's what he told me he wanted. He told me that we would see each other in the fall and the summer wouldn't have seemed that long. But I thought that he had said all of that fluff/crap to lessen the blow of the breakup. I mean... I've had my share of "nice" (insert: cowardly) guys say things they don't mean so they don't come off as the bad guy.


The thing is... I think I'm over him.

OK guys... I got some interesting news... it hit two months since my ex and I broke up... she did... I geuss... some of you know my story... anyway... since the break up... I talk to her twice... the day she was leaving town... and on the 1st of June... anyway... so I made up my mind and started going out and meeting new peeps... and I met this girl... pretty sweet so far... and the chemistry was there and so we hit things ups... I would say that I met her two weeks ago or so.. but last week we got intimate and started hanging out a lot... I mean she good looking... fun and fun... anyway... the past 4 days or so we hung out hardcore... I spent the last 3 nights at her place:)... anyway... I am also courting this other chic with who things seem to pick up slowly... I never had the intention of anything serious since I just got burned... from my mate for 2 yrs... so long story short, my ex messaged me last Saturday... I ignored her text... she went bullistic and acted a bit a la britney spears kind of drama!. anyway so I just somewhat decided to reply this past Tuesday on Facebook... I did it intentionally just cause all the girls I have been talking to have been hitting my wall pretty hard... some interesting conversation and very milky ones at time;)... yeah so anyway NC helped a lot and I really am ready to move on with my life for real... so I replied to her on Facebook and kind of filled her in on what I have been up to and she wrote me back... and here is her message... now keep in my mind that she is moving closer to where I live about 45 minutes drive... compare to her home which is 3 hrs away...

"hey.. the 507 # is my house # in rochester. I moved 1/2 my stuff with my mom about a week and a 1/2 ago and am moving the rest after the 4th. It was crazy up until this last week. Now its just relaxation time pretty much. I like it. I took up crochetin.. I'm making a couple really pretty blankets and just chillin on my boat before I leave. I think about you too.. with time to think about it, I think the distance was just getting to me. Even though you came back, it was just mentally and emotionally difficult. I couldn't get used to seeing you and then not. It was just almost like a trick. Like.. surprise.. I'm here.. surprise.. just kididng.. I don't know. Hard to explain.. but.. its not like my feelings were gone. It just felt like a stupid game that I could never win internally. Oh well.. I'm not going to talk about it rt now. Otherwise, life is fine. I'm just waiting to start my internship. Hopefully see you and talk to you soon. I owe you some cookies I no... we'll figure something out. Have fun w/ your dad and skydivin and everything.

Now what do you make of this??
Opinion?? and sorry for the long message


Message en cours d'envoi...

Réponse :

Hey GG23,

First off I want to thank you for the help you gave me on my resent question. It helped a lot. Its been a pretty crazy week for me but I am starting to come around. Really didn't think I could that fast... but my mind does think of the two of them together and that's really the worst part right now...

Moving right along though to your question... I wouldn't take a whole lot from what she said. It seems pretty light and more like she is just trying to keep herself in your head. Like you said (hopefully meant) you are ready to move on. So do so, don't think too much into what she's saying because really it doesn't matter anymore right? (I know you do just a bit though, I said I was but obviously I wasn't)

Keep things going with these other girls... however make sure you don't break any hearts yourself. That's pretty sweet to hear that you are clicking with them and are excited about it. Can't wait myself.

Also, awesome that you are going skydiving, I went two weeks ago as something crazy to take my mind off things. One of the best things I have ever done. Get a video made if you can... I still watch mine a lot and it makes me feel better. Here's the link if you want to pump yourself up... or scare yourself... haha

YouTube - My Sky dive (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a0SRVvvVXA)

Sweet video NNG... wow I can't wait to jump I'm definitely having a video made... wow... oh yeah... no I'm not going to break any heart... I have done it's not fun... this chic really seem to dig me a lot... and we really connect and talk as if we
Ve know each other for a long time!! It's weird... anyway... thanks bro... don't worry you will get there sooner than expected...

Also really when you feel low... please please please.. just remind yourself that it's just a phase and that's it's going to be over before you know it... it's crucial... when I am low... I tell that to myself.. that if I can make it to tomorrow, it will all be over... and really focus on the bad things and how she treated you towards the end of the relationship... it helps a lot and it works for me...

Thanks buddy,

Yea that's what I am definitely doing from now on, its really truly over now, and that's how I have really needed to think for a long time. Life goes on and soon enough it will be good again.

@ jiltedgirl: I WILL GET TESTED BEFORE SEXING IT UP

@ gg23: that's cool you're meeting new girls =]! Just remember NOT TO CHEAT ON THEM!
have fun, but no sex drama =D!

@every1 else: well, I'm in SD (San Diego) for the summer and I am going to meet up with a friend to smoke hookah (first time), do some salvia, and drink alcohol. As for my ex, she is moving to San Francisco (2 hrs away from my univ, but 15mins away from my friends place)... yeah

For everyone out there feeling low, take my advice and listen to the lyrics of fleetwood macs Don't stop, it's a great feel good song

I'm a bit drunk. Found out tonight my ex has a new boyfriend! I just checked her Myspace when I went home! Ahhhh! I don't know why I'm even bothered.. it's 4 months since we broke up.

For the record, her new boyfriend has long hair! She has died her hair black and now dresses in black! Can't believe this is my ex!

Guess she's just going through that wee stage you do when you're a teenager. Don't know why I take her so seriously.

Anybody else up?

I'm a bit drunk. Found out tonight my ex has a new boyfriend! I just checked her Myspace when I went home! Ahhhh!! I don't know why I'm even bothered.. it's 4 months since we broke up.

For the record, her new boyfriend has long hair! She has died her hair black and now dresses in black! Can't believe this is my ex!

Guess she's just going through that wee stage you do when you're a teenager. Don't know why I take her so seriously.

Anybody else up?

I was talking to my ex on MSN.. didn't say much~

Became a total 8itch and lied that she needed to go..
How do I know she was lying? Her myspace said "online now" when she went off MSN

Anyway, I am considering street racing (drifting) as my hobby

Hi all. Thank God for all of you people. Just when I think I am alone, I come here and find I am not. Breaking up would not be a problem if the feelings of loss were all gone within 24 hours.

Howdy all,

How's everyone doing today? Been slow around here the last few days... is that a good thing? :p

Had to reinstate NC guys... I'll post on another thread what has happened, nothing major. Anyway, I'm on day... *counting on fingers*... 10 of reinstated NC. How's everyone else doing today?

I am considering going to a vocational school...

Howdy all,

Hows everyone doing today? Been slow around here the last few days...is that a good thing? :p

Haha, perhaps. I went out last night, had some fun, but am feeling somewhat depressed this morning... A little loneliness I think. Had to cab back home by myself, was usually something I would do with my ex. Thinking of her with the other guy again, eugh, frigin girls.

haha, perhaps. I went out last night, had some fun, but am feeling somewhat depressed this morning... A little loneliness I think. Had to cab back home by myself, was usually something I would do with my ex. Thinking of her with the other guy again, eugh, frigin girls.


Hang in there man. I had a few down moments because last night one of my wonderful friends thought it would be funny to bring it up and hassle me about it a little bit. Saying things like.. "Hey, I wonder what shes up to?"... "You think she has a new boyfriend?"

Guys are awesome sometimes - but whatever. I didn't let it get to me so I guess that's a good thing and speaks a little to how I am dealing with it. You start to get numb to it after a while and you can just sort of let it slide right off your back. Getting to that point however, is rough...

I feel a bit down cause I rarely had the time for my girlfriend (now ex) like I did back in high school =/

Hang in there guys...

I feel a bit down cause I rarely had the time for my girlfriend (now ex) like I did back in high school =/

Don't live in the past. What happened is over now, you need to look to the future. If you think it was a serious problem that you had, then learn from that and ensure that you don't make the same mistake again.

However, you must be honest with yourself as to whether it was as sreious a problem and your mind is making it into.

Don't live in the past. What happened is over now, you need to look to the future. If you think it was a serious problem that you had, then learn from that and ensure that you don't make the same mistake again.

However, you must be honest with yourself as to whether or not it was as sreious a problem and your mind is making it into.

Yep.... my sister and I talked about MY future plans..

Career, job, money-income etc.

Well.. she recommended vocational school and I am considering going =D

but it's just so hard...

I am going to LA this week to visit my mother and some shamans =]

No, I am not in a cult; its more of a Buddhist fortune teller.. similar to a Christian priest giving advise status

Yeh....

Well, I guess it's my turn to feel the loneliness tonight. Lol! I admit that I've been thinking about my ex after he's been so responsive. It's true that I still have feelings for him, even though he's selfish and an a$$hole (of which I have informed him :)). I guess I fluctuate on any given day. (Those damn emotions... )

Funny thing, I met up with a friend who had been abroad this weekend and it turns out she was flatmates a few years ago with his ex-gf, who apparently worshipped him, even though he treated her with little respect. Now I know why he thought I was always so "cold" to him because I told him constantly to keep his arrogant self in line and that he wasn't at the center of the universe.

I have to say... I'm just glad that I'll never have to be that girl.

What are you guys up to?

I'm finding it really hard to grasp that my ex has a new boyfriend! Her new boyfriend is a lot younger than me, he's wayyy different looking from me (I have short hair, he has long), he has completely different tastes and styles from me.. I guess that's the type of boy she goes for now.

She told me she didn't want a steady relationship when we were breaking up, now 3 months later she has a new boyfriend? I don't get it.

I got told the other day that they were going out for a while then she dumped him, and I was telling you lot about my ex texting me a while ago.. that was the time she dumped him! As soon as they broke up, she started texting me, and me, like a fool, replied to her messages. Now apparently she has took him back.

Little girls, sigh.

Welcome to the club Daz. Its easy come, easy go for them usually. I was even fed the steady relationship BS as well. It cusions the blow, and then triples it when you're not in contact with them anymore. Cowardly is the only way to describe it. Personally, I went out and found a new and improved model. That p**sed her right off. Knocks them down a peg or two as well. Not that I'm bitter or anything haha.

Fair play jammy.

Stay strong Daz, sounds like your better of without her to be honest.

Yeah mate, but we broke up mutually.. nobody dumped anybody, we both agreed to the break up. She texted me 3 or 4 times since we broke up, I never texted her back once until the last time she text me (which was the worst time I could have possibly chose to text back! ).

But yeah I am better off without her. She had my emotions in a rollercoaster most of the time because of her constant mood swings. Just when I look back on the good memories, it hurts me to think that this new fella will be having them with her. But then I think at the way she treated me and the way she's going to treat this other guy..

If she said to me "I'll dump my new boyfriend and take you back", I'd tell her to f### off! Just the comfort of the thought that now I can't have her back even if I wanted her back.

I know its tough to think about these things, but try to put it into this perspective:

Your trust was betrayed, your faith in them destroyed and your overall vision of them tarnished since they broke up with you, or you broke up mututally. If they were to come crawling back, would you be able to give them a second chance? Wouldn't your mind be racing constantly, wondering when it is going to happen again? Walking on eggshells to make sure you don't slip up?

If that's the case, then recognize that you couldn't take them back even if they came crawling back. Therefore, your wish for them to ask for you back, or tell you they made a mistake is merely an ego booster, nothing more.

So perhaps it doesn't really matter at all in the long run if they come crawling back or not, because the result is the same - your not together. In time, the pain of thinking/knowing they are with someone else will dwindle and your emotions will return to normal. This is yet another reason why keeping as far from your ex as possible is a good thing. Don't we all wish that we don't hear anyhting about our ex's until we are well enough to hear anything??

I'm sorry, daz. :T I know it's really hard and hurts like hell. In the end, you need to drive into my head that it doesn't matter. NOTHING will change or bring you guys back together. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on.

Like bigbird said, just concentrate on all the times they took you for granted and made you doubt not only them, but yourself. Also, maintain the NC! (hhmm... I admit I feel a bit hypocritical saying this... but at least I know it's the right choice. I just need to stay the course. SIGH)

So yesterday would have been my three years with the ex. But it's safe to say that my day passed by pretty quickly because I kept myself busy. I was out since 10 in the morning with my friends and didn't come home till about 3 in the morning. I didn't think about her for the longest time yesterday and I see that as a great accomplishment.

I know for a fact that she was thinking about me/us yesterday and it, may or may not, have hit her hard.

Now that all the obstacles are behind me (her birthday, the three years that would have been), I think I can finally put her behind me and start focusing on the future.

Congrats, spion!! And things will only get easier! :)

I am going to reinstate NC again. Lol. Day 1... again.

Thanks jiltedgirl, I haven't kept track of the days that I have been NC, but I think it's about two months or so. Keep going at it and eventually you'll be in control of your emotions and most importantly, your life.

Good going spion_kop

Well I am sucking at NC. I e-mailed her today and tried to call her. It all just sucks. I wish she would tell me to simply F-OFF. I asked to see her next week. If she says NO then hopefully I will have the guts to tell her then we can no longer communicate in any form whatsoever for now.

The thing that stinks is that she never treated me badly. She was always great to me. I wish she had cheated on me or been horrible to me, but she never did, not even once.

Awww f104. I seriously think that for some people, they need to be ready to do NC and thus, move on. It's hard to do graciously. (example: me!) Only after losing a lot of dignity and self-esteem did I realize that I needed to move on with my life and not contact the person ever again. The point of NC is to circumvent that debilitating state. So don't be so hard on yourself. No one said it's going to be easy. We're only human.

But, I want you to recall that people have a tendency to focus on the good rather than the bad after breaking up and end up idealizing their exes. Keep in mind that she wasn't that great, otherwise, she wouldn't have broken up.

I am somewhat in the same boat. I responded to my ex and ended up fighting with him AGAIN not even on the phone, but online. It's seriously a clash of wills between us. He has a tremendous ego and is stubborn to a fault. At the same time, I wouldn't want him to change. He's quite an ambitious guy and has gotten far because of it, although I always did enjoy bringing him back down to earth when I thought he was out of line. Even though encouraging communication between us was stupid and it made me take a giant leap backwards (I felt quite sh-tty today), I'm glad I made the mistake because it only reiterates our incompatibility. We both deserve to be with the type of people we want.

Perhaps try this? I noticed this helps when I'm going through break ups. I pretend my best friend, brother, or sister is going through all of this instead of me and I try to imagine what I would advise to that friend (example: Don't take his/her crap anymore. They make you miserable. Etc etc.) It helps me in trying to look at it more objectively.

I wish I could be more help. :T I'm here if you just need to rant!

Hey F104,

Its hard my friend, I know exactly where you are coming from. My ex treated me pretty bad and I still kept in contact with her. It finally took me learning that she slept with someone a month after we broke up to go hardcore NC. For some people (you and I) going NC is very hard, something will happen though that will make you want to do it though. I am not saying it will have to be as intense as what I heard, but something will turn a switch on in you that tells you that "yea, I am over this and sick of wasting my emotions on it". In the meantime though just try to do it on your own. You know as well as any of us that its not helping you in the long run.

Keep on keeping on my friend

Right now, it's been 1 month & 1 week of getting dumped; no idea on how long of NC.

Anyways, I have been talking with my sister for a bit as well as my mom and "priests/priestesses & shamans." From my sisters' view, we discussed my grades and future career in the psychology field. Well, I need to be more independent and she suggested vocational school. I thought for a bit (2 nights) to myself... memories of my ex, the good times we had, my "future" and career etc..

I decided to go for vocational school and university. My sister told me all the benefits which included 5 figure salary/year, hands-on experience, higher chance of med school, and so on.

I don't know what my ex wants cause she calls me certain times and we talk for a little bit... But, I am DEFINITELY NOT telling her my plan.. To me, she's hurt me before and I want to be successful in my life... xD

I sound like an @55, but I just want to keep my life closed.

f104, believe me when I say I know its hard to stick to no contact, I texted her today for a stupid reason, not even sure why the hell I did it. But oh well I couldn't care less any more. I miss her, but I hate the new her. The way she acts without me "sluty". But soon you'll be sticking to it a lot better. Everything becomes easyer and less painfull each day that goes on.

I had a strange dream last night. My ex was in the dream with her current boyfriend but then he vanishes and it's just her and me. She is carrying a school bag. I wanted to get up because anything that has to do with her, to me it's a nightmare. But I couldn't wake up.

When I got up, I played soccer for 2 hours and on the way home, it hit me. The backpack she was carrying represented baggage, emotional baggage. It showed me whether I wanted a girl with emo baggage and whether I would deal with it.

It was one strange dream. Lucky for me I'm a psych major lol.

I had a strange dream last night. My ex was in the dream with her current bf but then he vanishes and it's just her and me. She is carrying a school bag. I wanted to get up because anything that has to do with her, to me it's a nightmare. But i couldnt wake up.

When i got up, i played soccer for 2 hours and on the way home, it hit me. The backpack she was carrying represented baggage, emotional baggage. It showed me whether or not i wanted a girl with emo baggage and whether or not i would deal with it.

It was one strange dream. Lucky for me I'm a psych major lol.

Well, dreams are dreams... can't really hurt you, right? LoL

Anyway, I want to get back with my ex but I don't want to be fuqed with~