I am a single parent of a 17 year old boy who is very disrespectful and will not obey my rules. I constantly have to argue with him about taking the trash out or mowing the grass. He is always asking for money and doesn't want to do anything for it. He is a junior in school and has only 8 credits and it takes 42 to graduate, I don't think he is going to make it. He has been cutting classes and recently was placed in study halls, then they just decided to have him go to school half day and send him home after fourth period with the intention of getting him signed up for online classes to take at home sometime next week. Anytime I try to discuss this with him, he gets upset and says I am trying to call him stupid or a loser, etc... He starts crying and makes comments such as I don't love him and all I care about is myself. At this point in his life, all he cares about is hanging out with his friends and skateboarding. Every time I ground him, I come home from work to find him not home and he won't answer his cell phone, then he strolls in close to bedtime 9:00. He does not want to go to his fathers house every other weekend, because he would rather hang with his friends. He is also using marijuana. I am really concerned about the future of my son. I am also going insane trying to deal with him. I have went as far as whipping him tonight with the belt. I am at my witts end and don't know what to do anymore. Is there help in Indiana for me? Do you think I should take him to a psychiatrist? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I was that age not long ago, and he is playing you by pretending your concern for him makes him feel bad. Honestly, you must lay down the law. If he doesn't answer his phone, take it away. If he won't obey you, take away other things. If he acts up in school, tell him he needs to buckle down and work or you will seek out alternatives to his regular high school that he will not enjoy. He needs to take responsibility for himself, and if he cannot get his act together, since he is 18, then tell him (although it may be hard) that he may have to take full responsibility for himself. It is important for you to know that he needs to care for his own problems, though, and you cannot force him to do things, but you have to stop enabling him and giving him undeserved privileges. :(

Pick your battles. Grounding is not a good system. Keep a close watch, but give him space. He probably feels nagged and pressured by you which causes him to rebel. It might take him a little while to get things straightened out but he needs space and hell get his life in order. As for the marijuana, does he try to hide that from you? If he knows you would rather he didn't do it and take a more dissapointed than angry approach he might gradually stop. If you nag him (I know you probably don't think you are nagging but just think about it you might be) or insist that he stop skipping school and smoking pot right away he is going to rebel more and possibly do worse things behind your back. I have great supportive parents but they are so against bending the rules that my behaviour behind their backs landed me in the hospital. You and your son need to be honest with each other and the best approach if it comes to drinking is "I'd rather you do it in the house."

If he is getting upset every time that you try to talk to him about what's going on with school, then it's highly likley that you are'nt aproaching the situation in the right way. If he is a bad student(does'nt preform well academically) he may be cutting classes because he feels that he cannot live up to the standards that you/the school expect. However he may be cutting class purley because he does not wish to go to school, then this may be a sign that schooling is not the best path for your son. Either way you must discuss these matters without getting angry or interrigating him. For if he gets angry/upset its not going to help anyone.
Grounding him is not a good aproach. This will only provoke him to rebel more. Instead let him work this out in his own time(and eventually he will).
Do not give him money if he is not prepared to do anything for it. On the other hand do not nag him(wich you currently seem to be) about doing house work and so on. This way if he needs the money bad enough he will work for it.

This person posted once and has not been on since

Nov 9, 2007, 04:02 AM

Please don't post on old threads when the person obviously has not returned.

This person posted once and has not been on since

Nov 9, 2007, 04:02 AM

Please don't post on old threads when the person obviously has not returned.


I'm here, I am just taking everyone's advice... :) :) :) :) :)

This person posted once and has not been on since

Nov 9, 2007, 04:02 AM

Please don't post on old threads when the person obviously has not returned.

And I'm definitely appreciating the advice. Thank you!!

Okay, good, then. :)

I just see people post on VERY dead threads and it's like, ugh, I can't believe they didn't read.

Okay, good, then. :)

I just see people post on VERY dead threads and it's like, ugh, I can't believe they didn't read.


I have the email thingy that tells me when someone responds and I have been reading them. I wouldn't come on here and ask for advice and not check back.

Oh okay, awesome. =)

I used to be like my parents didn`t know what to do so they put me in a bording school. Its wasn`t great at first but know its like my second home.

I used to be like my parents didn`t know what to do so they put me in a bording school. Its wasn`t great at first but know its like my second home.

That's good you adapted. I have mentioned sending him to some type of bootcamp, but he doesn't want to go. I hope he turns around. I'm not giving up on him.

You need to tell him that he either passes every drugtest from you or leaves the house. Period. It's your house and your rules. Quit letting him run over you.

Whipping him is not going to do any good, and it is just considered abuse.
I think you should give him the option of if you do not want to live under my rules and you do not want to continue with school then it is time to find another place to live. At this age he needs to make his own decisions about himself and nagging him about everything is just going to make things worse, although I think at this point you understand that.

I hope things have gotten better for you since nov. but my guess is not. I'm a little late but I think you could still use some advice. I'm a 17 year old girl that is pregnant and I graduated high school early as a junior because my parents had enrolled me in and prepaid for boarding school my senior year to get me away from my boyfriend who is 21. Me and my boyfriend live together in our own apt. with two dogs and we just put his 18 yearold brother out for stealing from us.

with that said it sounds to me like you are too strict in some areas and not enough in others. I'm sorry but at 17 9:00 is way to early for bed time. If he doesn't complain about it he is probably sneaking out at night because you think he is asleep <i did>.

if he is smoking weed and that is it. Be proud of him many kids his age are on x, acid, and coke<i was at 14>.

I only needed 32 credits to graduate but regardless if he is already 2 years behind track on graduation you mite want to talk to him about getting a GED instead because he can't attend high school after 21 and he will still be there going at that pace. A GED is better than nothing and he can go to a community college for the 1st two years if he decides to major in something. High school is pretty much a waste of his time at this point. I hate to say it buts its true.

if he doesn't answer his cell phone take it away and require to talk to a parent everywhere he goes since he isn't responsible enough to let you know where he is or that he is OK.

if he wants money make him get a job. He is old enough and give him a set amount as long as he is working... check on him at work everyonce in a while because teens lie a lot if they get away with it. Most of my friends get gas money and have to pay for everything else. I never got any my boyfriend paid for everything since I was 14.

if he cries that you think he is stupid basically tell him to suck it up, and I'm sorry if he only has 8 credits as a junior he can't fight back that he is on deans list. Make him talk about it if he is unmotivated that's one thing but there is no excuse to fail if he isn't stupid. <im sorry to be so straightforth but when it comes to last chances with kids you have to be.> why do you care if he is mad at you? At 17 it is either get his act together now or possibly face visiting him in jail so what if he crys.

not want to go to dads is normal nobody wants to leave there friends on the weekends to visit parents it sucks. My parents were split up too and I hated it.

a psychiatrist is probably a good idea but he won't want to go. Oh and since when does it matter if a kid wants to go to boot camp. Unless he can do something about it I don't think he has a choice once you sign the papers. The only reason I got out of boarding school was because I graduated school you can't make someone ungraduate. But my parents never cared about me to begin with they were doing it because my boyfriend made them look bad.

and as far as everyone saying follow my rules or get out. I don't think you are the type of person that can do that or you wouldn't have come here. Trust me he can find another place to live and it won't take him but 3 minutes on the phone. You may never hear from him again though. Don't pull that card unless you can really deal with the consequences on your behalf of him leaving.

teenagers that don't care are tough. I was one of them I was just good at hiding it from my parents because I made straight A's. They didn't find out till I told them at 16 about all the stuff I did behind there back<i had already quit the drugs by then>. My dad pulled the get off the computer at 7 or find somewhere else to live card and I had homework to do so my boyfriend went and got us an apt that night. The only reason we ever really talk now is because I'm pregnant and I want the grandparents in my baby's life. That is a decision that he regrets a lot now because I had only lived with him for a few months and he put me out and I proved I didn't need him. That is a hard realization for parents to come to don't rush it.

sorry I made this so long but it is really hard for me to see someone give up on there kids when they really just don't know how to handle things. You don't have to take all of my advice but it's the things my parents could have done to stop me from doing things that I was doing. A psychiatrist would probably have a fit at it, but nothing in psychology is proven its all theory so who cares? You deffinantly need to make him tal to you one night about all of this stuff. Maybe you can get to the root of the problem. Tell him to talk to you about each topic an keep your mouth shut just listen and fuss him out in your head if you disagree he is the only one that can tell you what's going on with him.

He'll grow out of it, or not. Don't enable him at all. I disagree that kids should get paid for chores. They make a mess, eat your food and expect you to "provide" for them. Respectful behavior may generate funds. My daughter just turned 18. Sometimes I wish she would just drop off the face of the earth. Maybe it's just their age. We grew up in a different world, and don't understand what they are going through, you see.

The thing to do for yourself is to be honest (not necessarily to your son about every little detail.) Learn why you react the way you do. What really irritates you when he does certain things. You are reacting. Yeah, I know he's acting like a turd. Your reactions to his behavior are something that you can control though.

It sounds as if he is closed to you. At the moment, anyway. People close up when they feel hurt. That doesn't make you a bad Mom. But, look at your little boy, and know that he is hurting. Approach him with kindness. Let him know that you want to help him finish school. If he isn't able to finish it doesn't mean that he is dumb. He can get his GED (or not) and you will love him just as much. He's hanging out with his friends as much as possible because with them he can feel successful.

I never blamed anyone about getting pregnant I love my baby and will be married soon. I know it is my fault. The point was that if you tell a teen to follow rules or get out they can and most likely will get out. Kids don't have to blame there parents for things like pregnancy parents do it on there own. It was just an example as to why not to raise that option unless she is ready to deal with those consequences! My mother tried to force me to have an abortion because she didn't want any one to know that her daughter that she hadn't seen in 4 years was pregnant as a teen! She had me at 12 and blames me for her lack of college degree. I have plenty of other stuff I could blame on them if I wanted to but I most certainly do not feel they are worthy of being blamed for the best thing that has ever happened to me! Besides my parents had nothing to do with me when I got pregnant I already said I live on my own with my boyfriend and have since I was 16.

Just show him who's boss!

I have a 17 yr old and I also have a friend that has a 17 yr old. My best advise is to let him fall. Sooner or later he needs to learn to take responsibility. You've done your best in teaching them to him. I have seen teenagers not learn because parents carry their responsibilities. How will they learn if we keep doing it for them? If it means repeating a grade? Oh well! My daughter learned and takes responsibility seriously now. Try it - it works!

Difficult situation at best.. There is hope... The Best hope for him is to find a youth pastor who will confront, confirm and help enlighten him. Nothing is impossible with God!

Bottom line, he has to start being responsible or he's going to end up working at Mcdonalds.

Im 16 right now, and I used to be like your son, I skipped classes, sometimes not going to classes for weeks at a time, then last semester I got my interim report.

Fails in all my classes, it crushed me, suddenly I realized that at this rate, I was going to have no future and live unhappily. Now I never miss a single class, I even come to school sick sometimes, just so I don't miss school.

If he won't answer his phone, take his phone away, quit giving him money, especially if he's spending it on weed. I'm VERY pro-weed, I smoke it quite regularly, but your son doesn't need it in his life right now.

If he won't come to school and attend classes, put him in a boarding/military school that forces him to come to class.


This is the hardass route, to take if your son won't smarten up. Try opening up to him, talk to him in a non accusatory, non judgmental way, give him no reason to get defensive. If he still gets mad, then tough beans, he needs to hear that he's messing his life up.

I also think getting him to spend time with his dad is a good idea. Father's are a very good influence on teen boys, I know my dad has been a very positive influence on me.


I hope your son works his life out, I hate to hear about people messing up their lives when its totally preventable.

I am in the same boat as you. My son is 16 and stayed out past curfew last night. I even went to where him and his friends were and tried to get him in the car. He does not even care that if he gets cought past midnight, I will be fined $500. As for me, even after all the counceling, etc. I am learning that of what my mother used to tell me all the time, "You can take a horse to water, but you can not make him drink it." I see more and more children today besides our two that are going against their parents and rebelling. Tough love is going to have to be put in place for both of us. As for me, I know that my relationship with my son will change and I will no longer be the person that he can come to for answer for anything he may have. After a long night of sleeplessness and him deciding to not come home and stay at a girls house, I have decided to cut off his financial money tree. Our jobs, as parents, are to make sure our children have a safe, environment in which they can lay their heads down at night, food in the tummies, and a roof over their head with cloths on their back. That is it and that is all he will receive from this day forward from me and I would advise to you that you do the same before it is too late. I am going to tell my son that if he wants to behave like this and act like an adult, then I am going to treat him like one only to give rewards when deserved. If he wants money for things he does not have to have, he will have to go out and get a job and earn it. If he wants to stay out late at night, I have already told him that the door will be locked and he will not be allowed into the house past midnight because my decurity and the security of my daughter that I am still trying to raise comes first before his desires to "hang" with friends. If he is not going to answer his phone when I call or txt him, then I can just as easially turn the phone off. The main reason for the phone to begin with was contact him in case of an emergency which is not what it is being used for. Previouslly, I told him that if he did good in school, I would reward him with a car. He still continues to do poorly in school and is not getting his credits, therefore, car is not going to be rewarded. If he wants a car, he will have to get a job and pay for it himself. When he reaches the age of 18 and is not still in school trying to get a degree or deploma, he will have to pay me rent just like he would anywhere else. I don't know why I have not used the same principles that my mother used on me but it is time. I hope this information lets you know, first, that you are not alone and there are other (a lot of us) out there that are going through the same thing(s) you are when it comes to children not listening to their parents. Second, after all the money I have spent previously on doctors, it did not work and gave my child more verbal weapons to use against me. I have even considered moving from my neighborhood but have come to realize that this situation is going on in every neighborhood around the globe. I, personally, believe that I have given my child too much freedom at a younger age because of my downfall with my marriage and the guilt behind it of not raising my children up in a two parent family atmosphere. I have blamed myself long enough, it is time for me to grow up as well and get off myself pitty box and stund up for what is right and that is that I am no longer going to allow my son to enflict his choice in life on me. I will focus my attention on things that I can change and make sure I do not make the same mistakes twice with my other child. Sometimes you have to set the rules down, stick to them and never let them see it is effecting you and to never give in... that is tough love. I hope and pray that this message give you some sort of peace to know that it is not your fault and that children of today are rebeling more and more and because of the laws of the land, there is not a thing we can do about it. Never give up; never surrender.

My situation is worth ,my son is `17 years old, on drugs (psp) started with weed, disrespectful, calls me names, tells me when I die he will come and spit to my face and all of this going on and on everyday, doesn't do anything in the house! Demands on meal , wouldn't eat one meal twice ,for example tonight he called to cops on me for not feeding him, that was not true , he eat a plate with lamb with potato , when he went for more I said that was enough because I tried to punish him that way for coming home at 10:00 pm ,he was gone since morning,he wouldn't go to look for a job either, < while I'm not 18 its your responsibility to take care of me other wise your going to jail>>.. this is what he tells me.. My husband decided to leave me so our 7 years old baby girl wouldn't see all this madness in our house ,he took her to IL we live in FL... it hurts me a lot My son has been in two different private schools which he got kicked out from both ,the last school was very tough with strong discipline even there, stuff members couldn't handle him , I'm so over of living like this ,everyday is screaming arguing, crying headaches ,I lost interest in life.. there are a lot to write and describe our relationship with my son.. but its horrible.. I would never imagine that I will be living life like this with my son

I apologize for my poor basic English

My girlfriends son is the same
And now we have found him dealing drugs (Idiot)
His mother got the police in
Now he says the big boys are after him because he has lost there money
So he is trying to blame her and get her to pay
if I get my way the dealer will beat him the cops will get the dealers and
The son will go
The poor mother has had one breakdown all ready and fast approaching another
One
He spends all day in bed and all night in and out of the house people calling
Day and night
His mother works 15 hr days and this lazy little does sod all
if the dealers don't beat him I am going to
But I know deep down she would not be happy
She seems to be in fear of him he knows Im not and wants me gone
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