Day 16 of NC! I feel AWESOME today. Don't know why. Had 2 really bad days in a row and now I feel great. Hopefully this high will continue at least for another couple of days.

And yes, after careful deliberation and the counsel of my friends and family, I've reached a decision. I will NOT be calling him for his b-day. I'm starting to feel enlightened. I was a wonderful girlfriend.. couldn't have asked for better. He, on the other hand, was a pretty crappy boyfriend towards the end so why should I reward him with anymore of my attention or care. I'm the prize, not HIM! Thanks all! Keep up the NC, it works if you work it! (I think that's an AA quote but you get the idea).

Day 2 - I almost broke today - but I wrote two text messages, saved them to my draft folder, waited an hour and deleted them after I read them again.

It actually made me feel better twice - once because I got the thoughts out - and even more so because I kept them mine instead of hers (since she doesn't deserve them anymore anyway).

Jckdig - here's something that helped a while ago when I had the urge to contact. I deleted his # from my cell and saved my own cell phone # in my cell under his name. This way every time I wanted to send him a text message I wound up just sending it back to myself. It helped. Sometimes just typing it all out and sending it (even just back to yourself) somehow just makes you feel better. Like you released it.

I had an awful weekend - nearly broke contact twice after nearly 40 days.. was so bored because I was on a weekend away with my parents and was sat in an apartment most of the time with nothing else to think about BUT my ex. So was on a low for 3 days, hopefully I pick it up now I'm home, I've started to feel better already.

Weird how the mind takes you on rollercoasters isn't it?

I just found out my grandma died, we wernt that close but I am still feeling pretty sad and all I want to do is talk to my ex:-( weird when something bad happens they are still the first person you want to share it with...

I made an e-mail account and sent them to that address. It almost feels like they get them.
Haha and if u make up. Than there all these wonderful memories u can make reading them together :)

i just found out my grandma died, we wernt that close but i am still feeling pretty sad and all i want to do is talk to my ex:-( weird when something bad happens they are still the first person you want to share it with...


I'm sorry for your loss...

Just know anything you need to share you can share with us on here and someone will have some insight/kind words for you. You have other people to talk to, just remember that...

i just found out my grandma died, we wernt that close but i am still feeling pretty sad and all i want to do is talk to my ex:-( weird when something bad happens they are still the first person you want to share it with...

U do know it's a valid reason to talk to him/her. Heck even mean this person is so very special to you.

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

9 months to the day. Despite my resistance at the start, and 3 or 4 months of not being myself, I now know this is the best thing I have ever done. I am not the one in control. I am not really that fussed if she ever contacts me anyway, if she does, she will find a very different person than the one she last saw!! I almost find it quite funny that I was so needy over one person ( a bit like a bad film! ).

9 months to the day. Despite my resistance at the start, and 3 or 4 months of not being myself, I now know this is the best thing I have ever done. I am not the one in control. I am not really that fussed if she ever contacts me anyway, if she does, she will find a very different person than the one she last saw!!! I almost find it quite funny that I was so needy over one person ( a bit like a bad film!!).

Too hastey! I am the one in control!

Too hastey! I am the one in control!!

Dude sounds good. I guess 9month.. your pretty much moved on.
I thinks the it's the hardest thing for us to achieve.. the rest of us... being the ONE in control!
Cheers dude.

dude sounds good. i guess 9month.. ur pretty much moved on.
i thinks the its the hardest thing for us to achieve.. the rest of us... being the ONE in control!
cheers dude.

Everyone is different. You will start to reach the ambivalence stage and know when you are getting there. There is no specific time for this, some get there in weeks, some take years. When you do get there you start to see things so much more clearly. That is why NC should always be stuck at, even if at the start it doesn't feel like the right thing.

Aww God. Dude I am one of those guys who takes AGES. I hate it. It messes up my life. And I can't control it.

aww God. dude i am one of those guys who takes AGES. i hate it. it messes up my life. And i can't control it.
If misery and pain, doesn't motivate change, your in trouble.

Day 16:

Feeling all right, yesterday was pretty good also. The few days before that were a bit rough and I'm sure there are more rough days to come. Day by Day. Finally home from school for the summer which I thought would be nice, but for right now I'm kind of bored which leaves me a lot of time to think.

Next week I'll be working full time, that will take up a lot of my time and not allow me to be bored. I need to unpack, so hopefully that will keep me busy. Also going to look at that motorcycle tonight, so hopefully I'll have a new toy soon :)

Hope everyone else is doing well.

It has been playing on my mind these past few days that I really want to contact her. I'm scared that she has moved on and doesn't think of me, even though it was a mutual agreement to break up.

I miss the phonecalls at night, someone to talk to when something goes wrong as someone else said.. I was thinking after so many months of N/C that I will contact her and ask to take her for a coffee? Then we can talk and see how we're both getting on and see if we both want to break up completely.

I have a strong feeling that she's in the same thinking of me. During the week, when we're alone, we both think of and miss each other - the times that we'd meet up. Our meets during the week was something to look forward to and even though I now have other things to look forward to during the week, nothing compares to her. At the weekend, I don't think much of her and am usually trying to chat up some other pretty lady! But damn I miss her attention so much.

[QUOTE=DazT]It has been playing on my mind these past few days that I really want to contact her. I'm scared that she has moved on and doesn't think of me, even though it was a mutual agreement to break up.

Beware the mind tricks!!

I miss the phonecalls at night, someone to talk to when something goes wrong as someone else said.. I was thinking after so many months of N/C that I will contact her and ask to take her for a coffee? Then we can talk and see how we're both getting on and see if we both want to break up completely.

Is that what you agreed you would do when you split up?

No. We'd broken up a few times before but every time one of us broke contact by a simple phonecall, that would go further to meeting up and then seeing each other again.

I mean, I remember all the really bad stuff about the relationship, but I also remember the really good stuff. I'm just wondering with all this N/C, has the slate been cleaned? I remember how great the relationship was at the start and have started to value the relationship we had more and more but I don't know about her. Has she?

No. We'd broken up a few times before but every time one of us broke contact by a simple phonecall, that would go further to meeting up and then seeing each other again.

I mean, I remember all the really bad stuff about the relationship, but I also remember the really good stuff. I'm just wondering with all this N/C, has the slate been cleaned? I remember how great the relationship was at the start and have started to value the relationship we had more and more but I don't know about her. Has she?


No one can answer that for you. What I can tell you is that she has not forgotten about you. When people leave such a big impact on our lives they will always be part of our memories.

I think your just at a rough spot and you need to ride it out. Hang in there for a few days and see how your feeling. Maybe it would be good for you to make a list of all the good things vs all the bad things in the relationship and see what list is longer. You admit that you broke up a few times before and acknowledge the problems with your relationship.

All too often we look back and see our exs though so called "rose colored glasses". We overlook all the bad and the things that split us up to begin with because we miss them. We are instantly able to forgive their faults and ignore the problems. Don't fall into this trap...

Day 4 No Contact. Farthest I've been. Class with her today, hope nothing foolish goes down.

No one can answer that for you. What I can tell you is that she has not forgotten about you. When people leave such a big impact on our lives they will always be part of our memories.

I think your just at a rough spot and you need to ride it out. Hang in there for a few days and see how your feeling. Maybe it would be good for you to make a list of all the good things vs all the bad things in the relationship and see what list is longer. You admit that you broke up a few times before and acknowledge the problems with your relationship.

All too often we look back and see our exs though so called "rose colored glasses". We overlook all the bad and the things that split us up to begin with because we miss them. We are instantly able to forgive their faults and ignore the problems. Don't fall into this trap....

Thanks for the words of advice Bigbird. I know how unhappy I was that's why we kept breaking up.. I don't know if I'm unhappier now we've broken up completely.. I guess I was always unhappy for the past few months of the relationship, whilst now I'm only unhappy some of the time if you get me.

Every so often I just get annoyed that the only person that ever cared for me like she did is moving away from me each passing N/C day and I think that's why I feel the need to contact her, even though she isn't good for me.

Day 17 of NC! And 2 days in a row now I actually feel pretty awesome. I think about him a lot but not every second of every day now.

Do I still miss him? Yes. Do I still love him? Yes... but I love myself more. Do I miss loving someone/giving my love to someone and getting it back in return? Absolutely. Do I think this break-up might have actually been the right thing? Possibly. I'm getting there. Do I think I'm going to die if I never speak to him again? Absolutely not.

I know its still early and there's probably rough days ahead but I can say I feel pretty good and feel great about myself today. I'm really starting to feel like my old self again. Yay!

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me.. IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.

Day 17 of NC! And 2 days in a row now I actually feel pretty awesome. I think about him a lot but not every second of every day now.

Do I still miss him? Yes. Do I still love him? Yes...but I love myself more. Do I miss loving someone/giving my love to someone and getting it back in return? Absolutely. Do I think this break-up might have actually been the right thing? Possibly. I'm getting there. Do I think I'm going to die if I never speak to him again? Absolutely not.

I know its still early and there's probably rough days ahead but I can say I feel pretty good and feel great about myself today. I'm really starting to feel like my old self again. Yay!

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me..IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.


Are you sure Tal didn't hire you as a salesperson for NC?

HAHA.. I know its crazy! I feel alive again. Tomorrow will be my all time record for NC so I think later on (maybe next week) I might start to feel down again, but I'm prepared for it.

The greatest thing about being the one dumped is that you can have no regrets. I absolutely have no regrets about the relationship or my part in it. Its got to suck to be the dumper thinking, "gosh, did i do the the right thing? blah blah". As the dumpee, all you can do is say "whatever", dust yourself off, and keep moving.

I mean it is hard cause I miss him. And normally on days like today when I'm feeling good and the weather is nice are the days I would call him up and talk about what a wonderful day it has been and I can't do that now so that part sucks but whatever. His loss.

Wow losingit congrats sounds like you really are feeling positive:-)

I am in a great mood today, I went out with this guy again last night who keeps asking me out and could not believe the way I feel about him, I do realise it is too soon to jump into anything right now but it is so exciting to feel something like this again for someone else. I find him fun, attractive and he likes me and we are both toatally keen to take things slowly! What an awesome feeling it was weird not to have my ex as the first thing I thought about this morning yay:-)

Yeah, I'm feeling good. The only bad note is sometimes I think, well if I'm feeling good and happy, maybe he's feeling good and happy.. good and happy to be rid of me! That kind of sucks. Like, did he forget about me already? Duh! We were only together 4 years! Its stupid. Tell me I'm being stupid, I know.

I know I shouldn't think this, but a part of me hopes that if I'm feeling good and happy, then he's feeling sad and miserable. Like there's only so much happiness to go around and if I suck it all up, the scales go in my favor and he's on the losing end. I'll try to keep those bad thoughts under wraps for now. : )

Yeah, I'm feeling good. The only bad note is sometimes I think, well if I'm feeling good and happy, maybe he's feeling good and happy..good and happy to be rid of me! That kind of sucks. Like, did he forget about me already? Duh! We were only together 4 years! Its stupid. Tell me I'm being stupid, I know.

Not stupid - I've felt the same thing. You start wondering if your doing this good and you were the one that got dumped how good have they been feeling?

You've got the right attitude though, you'll be just fine :)

Sounds like you guys are doing well - losing it and len.

Don't put too much pressure on yourselves, just take each day as it comes.

I still get bad moments, but then they do pass. I'm much more positive now.

It is definitely their loss, and it doesn't matter about if they are happy, just make sure you do things to make you happy.

You will have bad days and good days, then bad moments and good days, then a bad thought, then a good few days.

It's a rough ride, but it definitely gets better. Keep busy and think of the most important person in your life - you!

But you guys are definitely on the right track.

To be honest with you guys... at this point, I don't want my ex to contact me... in fact, I'm having such a hard @ss time trying to get my ex to stop trying to contact me.. it's ridiculous.

My fun never stops:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-36.html

Hi I'm new here. I'm a bit scared to post because I posted last night in the dating forum about a break up and got slaughtered so hopefully this thread on't be as bad.

My boyfriend and I had a fight last Thursday, he told me it was over on Sunday, I harassed with texts all of Sunday. Had n/c mon and on tues sent him a text saying I was sorry for snapping at him and I understand why it's over. He replied this morning saying thanks for the text and he doesn't want to part on bad terms. So, I didn't reply and am on my first day of n/c. woo hoo!

He owes me money which could be problematic on the n/c count...

I read your post and you got some good advice, but I suspect you didn't like your answers much.

Well I guess I didn't no. It's difficult when people don't know you and know what kind of person you are. However having spoken to my friends and family about it they were keen to point out his faults (which I'm not bitter enough to list) and that he was the one in the wrong for breaking up with me the week of my finals. Actually after the advice given on here I started to blame myself for everything and thinking I was a horrible person but as one of my friends said, "everyone snaps from time to time."

Hey everyone, well its day 0 and I'm crying like a girl with a skint knee and a wort on her nose, yep it's that bad.

I've been through this before thankfully but I don't know if that makes it better or worse, I know what I have to do but also know how much and pain is involved.

I think I'm at the realization stage now, you know the part when you know its over.

Had told all of my close friends not to tell me any stories of my ex but I get one of them didn't listen. Was told that last weekend that my ex slept in the same bed as one of my friends and they were both drunk. Don't know what to get up to and it hurts that one of my friends would do that! But ahh well, shows what she's like.

Day 18 of NC! My official record of all time now! Yay!

Still miss him loads... but am no longer "devastated". And that's the end of a 4 year relationship with the man I thought I'd marry and spend the rest of my life with. Now at 30 (which by the way is the "new 20"), I'm starting over again. So to all the younger ones out there, trying to get over the "loves of their life".. trust me. Chin up and move on! There will be plenty more to come. You will survive this and be an even better person for it. There's still a whole lot more of life to live!

Hey guys! Thank for sharing all your stories. NC since the 25th. Besides an email to get closure. Never got a response so I figure I 'll leave things the way they are. Almost two years together.the girl used to worship me when I showed no emotions. Then I fell for her. Anyway. She went to a trip out the country this past December. Came back, I had a funny feeling that something was not right. We never thought before that. Always was polite towards me. Then things all changed. Febuar, she started ignoring my calls, taking forever to reply text... anywho.. long story short, I tried to save us... but all I could get was I " i m too busy..." so I finally wrote her because she wouldn pick up when I call. Then she pulls the I don't think I have the time and effort to put in a relationship right now... my gut feeling was that she was cheating on me... we are in different univ... but I never found that out.. but it was a drastic change... cut down on sex... wouldn't even kiss me either... weird huh? Almost 2 years together you think you know them, you let your guard down, then BAM... u get the hardest blow ever... my semester on the line... harcore eng. Classes... everything just went donwhill.. man... I usually have not problem getting girls... but I fell for her and committed.. n gave her my trust... I just really wish I could erase this heartache... but I guess only time huh?. I won't even bother calling her... I feel so betrayed to the point I feel really stupid... like the song say.. she caught me by surprise.. always told myself that it could never happen to me again... man was I wrong... anyhow so NC since the 25... n honestly, thought I still long for her, I won't bother... I got a lot of people waiting down the line.. but its just like she took my energy away its crazy.. oh well live and learn...
Lesson learned : never trust too much in people, that setting yourself for dissapointement...

So basically NC 13 days... going strong... it funny. The samething happened to me a few time back. With two girls. Then I just ignored them and they came right back. But this one. I hope for that she has nothing left for me... because if she falls again, she will be sorry for playing me like that!. anyway... serioulsy guys... always and I MEAN always look for the signs. We often get blinded and give them the benefit of the doubdt... had I caught up and turst my gut, I would save myself all this bullcrap... my mistake was that I fell for her. She knows that. But she also knows how much I get approched by girls, and that regardless of whether she around. I cna't believe I stopped enjoying all the gals... for what? For this??

hey everyone, well its day 0 and im crying like a girl with a skint knee and a wort on her nose, yep its that bad.

ive been through this before thankfully but i dont know if that makes it better or worse, i know wat i have to do but also know how much and pain is involved.

I think im at the realization stage now, you know the part when you know its over.

Crying like a girl with a skint knee is bad but like one with a wort on her nose. OUCH. Oddly enough that reminds me of my ex. Trust me, I just came off that myself and she was playing the game with me, until I finally just backed all the way off. That was a few weeks ago and I feel great and I still see her a couple times a week. Give yourself some time to come down and eventually a new girl with worts will make her way into your life.

Day 2, although I nearly gave in and sent a text earlier I refrained. When does it stop getting worse? Everyday I wake up is more painful than the last... should it not be getting a bit better by now?

zooropa1985, went through the same phase.. I'm on day 35 I think now? Of NC that is..
I knew I was going to be okay at some point but I hated the process of getting there, cause I was there before too.. and I knew it's a sucky road.. Hang in there man.

Ashley, it's still early for you.. If you read about 70% of the posters here broke NC, got even more upset, even more confused, even more depressed.. and the second time around they STICK to it.. So the odds are against you, you should always think of that when you're feeling like breaking the contact. You'll only put yourself in a worse place.

I'm have been reading up on a lot of you guys lately and seeing how things are going. I must say, I am impressed with a lot of you! Keep your heads up as it does take time to heal, you gave something to the other person and they broke it. Just like if you break a bone, it needs time to heal but only if you stop reopening the wound.

GG23 - I know you're angry at your ex, which is all well and good but to think about nothing more than revenge is not the way to be. When thinking about revenge remember to dig a grave deep enough for two. Something changed between the two of you, fate had other plans other than what you sought out. I know it's painful that you gave your whole heart and trust and they broke it. But time heals all wound, and be thankful for the time you guys have spent together.

AshleyStar - It's only Day 2, so as bad as it sounds, it only gets harder for the next 2 weeks. But take comfort in knowing you have people here who have been through what you are going through and will help you every step of the way. Shoot for a week with NC, then once you reach the week, shoot for a month and just keep going! Take a mental note of how you feel right now, and keep in mind every time you break NC, you will feel exactly like this over and over again. It's not worth it

Dazt, I'm sorry to hear about that. Blame must fall on both of them though, being drunk is no excuse. I have been drunk plenty of times and remember everything I did and have had some of my friends ex's hit on me and I still knew it was a no fly zone. With that being said, I sure hope you have found out who your true friends are.

Funny huh? Gg is what I called her!! Oh well anyway... maybe I was a bit too angry the oether day! I'm definitely thankful for the time we had together. No regret about it. It was great overall! But I guess it was just time to part away! Somehow deep down a voice tells me you know it was the right thing to do!. when she told me that she did not have the time and effort, I didn't beg, or asked her to stay with me! As much I as I love her, I told her that I will never do that ever! I told her that she chose to be with me, and if she no longers wants to, I'm cool with her decision... but I told her that she knows what that would mean! End of story!! Begging a girl to stay with me just won't cut it for me, not as long as I can get other without much trouble... but there we really had something going here I thought, but life has it own way of playing things out... of course I need time to heal because I love her and she broke my heart that life, it happens to the best of us funny huh? Hahaha!! Ho well the revenge part was just me getting my frustration out! She was good to me in general I'll give her that but maybe just like I said it was time to part away... plus we were going to move further away! When I decided to go NC, I kept track the first few days, but decided to stop. Because I know I will get over her and I will leave on. I understand that this is normal to long for hernow because I miss her, and to be sad, but... it happened before before you know it, it will be gone for good... n what also made me feel this bad, is because she has been thus far my longest relationship!! again like I said... longterm was never my style till I met her!! haha funny... oh well anyway I'm cool, looking forward to a great summer and loads of fun!! her loss...

Right it's been a week since "the fight"... 2 days of n/c... I really want to text him. I know I have spent a day harassing him already and he isn't interested but I feel that if he loved me "so much baby" the day before the fight then how can he just feel nothing now? I need advice badly!!

Only he knows the answer to that question Ash. Trust me, dwelling on questions you can't answer is sending you down a road you don't want to travel down. My ex and I were looking at engagement rings the night before she ended it and was all snuggly and lovable(along with half of the crew on here went through) and I spent 2 weeks wondering how everything went to shambles. It didn't do me any good but feel free to post whatever you need to keep you from texting him as we are great motivators around here

Right it's been a week since "the fight".... 2 days of n/c....I really want to text him. I know I have spent a day harrassing him already and he isn't interested but I feel that if he loved me "so much baby" the day before the fight then how can he just feel nothing now? i need advice badly!!!

I'm going through the same thing at the mo, I text and text my ex and its got me no where so I'm now doing no contact, she says she loves me and wants me but doesn't know if it will work.

I say let them contact us, I sent her a text saying I've tried and the rest is up to her, that was the last text

Only he knows the answer to that question Ash. Trust me, dwelling on questions you can't answer is sending you down a road you don't want to travel down. My ex and I were looking at engagement rings the night before she ended it and was all snuggly and lovable(along with half of the crew on here went through) and I spent 2 weeks wondering how everything went to shambles. It didn't do me any good but feel free to post whatever you need to keep you from texting him as we are great motivators around here


I second that. The weekend before we broke up (last time I saw her because of school) we were having a great time. Spent every day with her that weekend, built a campfire in the back yard, made some smores, just hung out by the fire and she said it was the best time she had in a long time. "Couldn't wait to do it again next weekend". Next weekend rolls around - "I don't know if im happy anymore." To top it off, I heard the line "Sometimes I was faking being happy" (... bullsh*t, you can't fake that. Trying to justify it to herself I imagine).

In either case, worrying about the things they said, what they did and how they felt right before it happened doesn't matter. All that matters is what happened and what's going to happen now - YOU GETTING BETTER.

Next time you want to text or email, post up here... as Rome said - we're great motivators (and we'll kick your a*s if necessary)

Zoo, I didn't want to give you a red disagree flag because I may have misunderstood your post. It seems as though you are using NC as a way to get your girlfriend back, that's not what it's for. Use this time to heal, become a better person. Open your horizons a bit, take in all life has to offer. Go do something you didn't think you would do before. Don't use NC as hope that she will return or your recovery process will be longer and in a month when she doesn't call you, you will be back here crying about how she hasn't called you. Do this for YOURSELF, put yourself first. Forget the girl, forget the relationship because she already has.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but sometimes you need a kick in the a*s to get the point across

Zoo, I didn't want to give you a red disagree flag because I may have misunderstood your post. It seems as though you are using NC as a way to get your girlfriend back, that's not what it's for. Use this time to heal, become a better person. Open your horizons a bit, take in all life has to offer. Go do something you didn't think you would do before. Don't use NC as hope that she will return or your recovery process will be longer and in a month when she doesn't call you, you will be back here crying about how she hasn't called you. Do this for YOURSELF, put yourself first. Forget the girl, forget the relationship because she already has.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but sometimes you need a kick in the a*s to get the point across

Id give you another greenie, but I cant... on a roll today Rome.

In no way am I condoning their actions Rome, I'm saying they probably did do something because they're disloyal as they come AND the drink probably made them even more disloyal.

Anyway - after a couple of hours of hurt, I slapped myself and told myself to wise up! My life is great at the moment, I'm starting to feel kind of happy again. Then I have bad days but the good days always come back and somehow always manages to last longer than the bad ones!

For those struggling in the early days, take it from us who have been there and still there. IT GETS EASIER! MAINTAIN NC! Every time YOU BREAK IT YOU START THE CYCLE ALL OVER!

My first stretch of NC lasted 13 days. Then I broke it and opened up the flood gates again. And had to start all over feeling crappy again. Now I'm on Day 19 of my new NC cycle and the past 3 days have felt AWESOME! The first 2 weeks are going to be rough but after a while you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They'll be good days and bad but the longer you go the good days will start to outnumber the bad days and you'll start to feel like your old self again.

The first 2 weeks I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't get any work done, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. All I wanted to do was lie in bed all day and stare. I was pretty much just a zombie struggling to get through every moment of every day without completely losing it. But then, one day you wake up and think, what am I doing? I just wasted the past 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 4 months, whatever, wallowing in sadness. I'm tired of being sad. Ok, my ex no longer wants to be with me. BOOHOO! Big f'in deal! Their loss! My life will go on.. as a long as I pick myself off, dust myself off, and get back to LIVING!

Don't beat yourself up cause of what you're feeling/experiencing right now. You'll get through this. We're all in this together!

What a great week I'm having. Only 7 weeks out of a 4 year relationship and I think I'm ahead of schedule. Hopefully this high will continue for a while...

I don't think I'm making any progress...
Day 35 I think. Haven't seen her in two months.. I deleted her from Facebook about a week ago but I still find myself trying to find some sort of information.. I don't obsess over her. She just steals my thoughts about 4-5 times a day where I just turn off momentarily and sigh at how stupid this is.
No intention of breaking NC I just feel a bit down lately. I've got a lot to look forward too in the summer, lot's of girls seem to be interested in me but I just feel bummed out lately. Maybe its my exams coming up I dno?

Blah

Day 3 of NC and going on a date tonight. My heart is still aching but I need to go through this stage of dating to move on.

My ex said on Tues that he'd let me know by Friday if he has managed to get the money he owes me. So today is the day. Still holding out for a "I've made a terrible mistake" text

Ashley, what you should do is set a personal time line. Mine was 2 weeks after we broke up. I decided - if she comes back before those 2 weeks I will accept her. If she is ONE day late -I promised myself that I wouldn't take her back. Whatever the case she didn't come back -lol :P
She made contact but I guess I wasn't all that important after all..

P.S : just read how self loathing that was : >
I'm OKAY! *thumbs up*

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. The pain!! They're deleted now

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. the pain!!!!!! they're deleted now

If you met me (and probably some of the other guys here) we wouldn't be so forthcoming in real life :) Its easier when no one knows who you are

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.



You only think they move on so easily because you only see what they show you... chances are, they've all missed you, and were also hurt.

It's interesting to see that guys can go through the same pain. Any men I have known always seem to move on easily.

I did the worst possible thing and opened my emails from him. One was from ten days ago saying "i love you so much" ick ick ick. the pain!!!!!! they're deleted now

It's funny because I always seemed to think women moved on easier.

I lost count of how many days -- somewhere around 3 weeks. I don't feel like counting it out.

Still miss her at times, still wish she would call me at times, but I spend much more time excited about going out and meeting new people. I'm waiting until I find someone attractive again and get to start talking to them. I'm excited for the next week or two as the rest of my friends will be home from college and the summer festivities can begin :)

Many of my friends are happy with the close circle we have, but that limits my opportunities to meet new people. I'm making it my personal mission to expand our circle of friends or at least find new places to go and hang out.

On a note about NC: I've noticed that apart from making me feel better about the breakup, NC has helped me with other aspects of my life. I think it proved to me how much will power I actually have. Any other efforts I have that require self control I find myself talking myself through and being much more conscious of my actions. For example: Keeping on my working out, watching what I eat, and trying to come out of my shell and talk to people more. All of these things are easier now that I have learned how much my mind has control over itself.

NC is the way to go :)

I don't know if women or men handle breakups better. I think we just tend to deal with it differently. From my experience, women tend to deal with emotions early on in the grieving stage and get over it quickly by letting it all out in the beginning and talking with friends/family about it. Its more socially accepted for women to be crying messes to their friends.

I think guys tend to try to act tough in the beginning like it doesn't faze them and bottle up the emotions because they don't feel like they can talk about it to friends/family. Then, after weeks/months, it sets in and that's when the emotions come bursting out. So, while it may seem like women get over it easier, I don't think that's necessarily the case. They may just deal with it sooner and get over it so by the time the guy gets a hold of their emotions and the loss the girl has seemingly already moved on. I mean from my own personal experience, I can't tell you how many of my guy friends suddenly start weeping and missing their ex's months after the split when all along they were acting to the outside world like they didn't care.

Not in all cases, just a hypothesis. : )

BTW, Day 20 of NC! Not contacting him. Today's his b-day, but I'm not calling him. I don't care if he's hurt by it. He hurt me by walking out of our life together. So, whatever. He wants me out of his life, then I'm out of his life... and he's out of mine. No happy b-day from me!

Good going losingit- stay strong!

My ex is 2 weeks away from her birthday.. I'll be visiting a friend for the week though so hopefully ill be too wasted to remember :)

Day 21! This kind of sucks. But the 30 day marker is in sight! After 30 days I'm going to try to stop counting.

CRISIS ALERT: Unbelievable!! 21 days of NC and guess who's call my cell right now!! MY EX!! As you can see by my post right above, I was feeling a little down today. But I'm better now and stronger and I'm not playing into his game. If he has something to say he can say it to my voicemail.. ofcourse, he didn't leave a voicemail.

Agh, why torture me? You wanted me out of your life! I'm out of your life! I didn't answer. Score 1 for me. But it hurts. I thought I'd be happier if he called, but it just makes it harder and brings all the emotions up again.

Hang in there losingit...

Go back and re-read the last couple pages of this thread and you'll see how strong you were. Knowing you did that a mere few days ago should empower you to keep at it. You know you can stay strong and get over this...

I know what you mean about torture. As much as I feel like I'd like to know she's thinking about me if she were to call me I'd panic. I wouldn't know what to do. It would throw me right back into: She's going to think I'm an if I don't answer or I'll end up depressed if I do.

Just take comfort knowing you meant enough to him for him to not just forget about you and that you know your strong enough to move on. If he didn't leave a voicemail, it wasn't that important.

I thought I'd be happier if he called, but it just makes it harder and brings all the emotions up again.
After a while you will just be annoyed, just hang in there, your still doing great, because you didn't answer, or respond back. That's real progress, and you handled it the right way. Now cope with those feelings that were dredged up. Pedicure anyone??

Well, now I'm sitting her sobbing hysterically. Haven't done that in a month. Now he's sent a text message. It reads:

"Yesterday was my 26th b-day. The same age you were when I met you. I miss you a lot. I hope ur well. I hope you don't hate me, but you probably do. Love."

I didn't respond. Than 10 minutes later I get another text message:
"Say hi to Ichi and Henry (our cats) for me. They were kinda mine too u know."

Now, I'm a crying mess. But I'm not responding. I'll get through this. I love him and I want him back in my arms. But nothing in that communication was enough to ever make that happen. Sadness!

At least by my reaction (crying) I know that no matter how strong I am, I know I'm not that strong enough yet to talk to him or deal with him like a "friend". Sad, but it's a good reality check. I guess I'm not over it yet, but I'm making progress. The old me would have jumped at the chance to have contact with him.. any kind of contact, positive or negative. Contact with him right now would only be negative so I know I'm doing the right thing.

When your done crying, pat yourself on the back, and get that pedicure. You passed that test.

Haha.. thanks, Tal! I can't believe I've actually passed this. NEVER have I ever ignored a call from him.. in 4 YEARS! Wow, kind of feel powerful for a change.

Yeah, I actually have a busy weekend. Surprise party for my friend tonight. Can't wait! It'll keep my mind of this "passing storm".

WOW Losing it, I don't know if you feel it but it comes out from reading the last few pages how tough you are. I don't think you see it but it's there. Give yourself some credit and notice what I see. Also say hello to Ichi and Henry from the Chuffster, I'm a big fan of the name Ichi.

"losingit77 agrees: Thanks, chuff! How can some with such a scary picture be so sweet?"

I have split personalities.

Ex called again last night. I didn't answer. Eventually, guess he'll realize anything he has to say to me can be said to my voicemail. Day 22 of NC!

Throw the damn thing in the drawer and go out for the day :)

Blah I hope I don't get a call from the ex on her birthday :P
Well done losingit, we're all proud of you..
Don't fold - you'd be ruining all the progress you've done this past month.. be strong

Agh! I'm a jerk! Now after the 2 phone calls and 2 texts yesterday from my ex (which I ignored), he sent me a pic of himself on my cell today. Like a stupid weakling, I fell for the bait and sent him back a picture of myself. (Granted I looked awesome in that picture, but I shouldn't have sent it to him and rather should have just let him continue to think I had fallen off the face of the earth).

Agh, does that count as breaking NC? After 22 days do I really need to go back to Day 1? Its all right, its about time I just stop counting the days anyway.

Feel like crap. I'm stronger than that.. I shouldn't have fallen for the bait. Now, I just got to forget about it, pretend it didn't happen, and go back to "business as usual".

Losingit: I'm wondering what possessed you to send that picture... and I'm also wondering why your ex sent you a picture of himself.

I wouldn't beat myself up for it, but learn from it. NC is an art. Perfect it as you go.

You don't have to go back to day 1. I'd cheat and say... go back to day 18 ;)

It sounds cliché, but everybody falls, it's how you get back up that matters. I've "fallen" MANNNYYYY times through my NC to the point that tal probably wanted to beat me with a bat. Eh. Best wishes.

I think you do go back to day 1. No offense but you broke NC, and there was no reason for it. We were just saying how strong you were and then you showed a moment of weakness. Everyone breaks NC at first, now you can see that it got you no where. Now get angry and firm with this NC

Ouch, guys! I should've just lied and not told you about it. ; ) Baby steps. At least I didn't send him a picture of myself crying into a box of Kleenex and bon bons! (I've never actually done that so don't worry about me.) And at least it was just a 'moment" of weakness. Not hours/days of begging or pleading. I'm not defending my actions, I know it was wrong. I apologize to all my followers out there. I've let you down. But I'm back up again and fighting!

All right, I'm back on the NC train full force. But I'm not counting the days anymore. The counting and checking days off the calendar is starting to get depressing.

Hi everyone,

I'm a newbie to the forum so I hope that everyone can understand that I am in a new world of learning curves right now.

I would like to start by saying that I have read a lot of the posts here and admire and respect the words of wisdom and experience that I have read, may receive, and could possibly give someday.

I am thinking that it is time that I begin nc. I am hoping to go until June 15th or 5 weeks if I fail the first time around. I was thinking that in order for me to look out for #1, that this is a must.

I am learning that I need to take time time to reflect on my past relationship, what went wrong, and what I have learned from it so that I don't make the same mistakes in the future. I would like to have hope of a reconciliation, however, I have to believe and expect that it is not likely to happen. Even if it did, unless I learn t from my failure in the relationship, it would just fail again and to be honest, I really don't want to go though these feelings again.

I have a quick question before I enter the world of nc. Until the end of the month, we share an apartment where some of my things still are (I already kicked myself out). We have discussed that I can come and get them anytime I wish as I still have a key. She is okay with me being there when she is not and I would prefer that. This is simply to avoid the to the meaningless conversations that we may have. Also, I don't want to give her the pleasure of seeing me or knowing that I am getting past how she treated me (yes as much as I love her and care for her, there is some anger towards the fact that she ended it). I figured that since she ended it, that she will have to live with her decision on what she gave up (if she still cares). I know that I have to go there at least 2 or 3 times to take care of everything. Do these stops count as breaking nc?

Okay, I'm sorry, that was actually a long winded question but I'd be grateful for any thoughts.

She is okay with me being there when she is not and I would prefer that.

thoughts.

I think this is the way to go.

Don't worry about what constitutes breaking NC. That really doesn't matter. To be honest, at times NC isn't so black and white. If you want to get technical, if your going when she isn't there, then no, your not breaking NC. I agree with friend4u that you should go when she isn't there.

On a separate note, you sound to be very intelligent and have a very good grasp on what is going on. Know that it isn't going to be easy, but if I had to guess, I'd say you will handle it very well. Keep that head level and if you ever feel like slipping up, you know where to come first :)

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me..IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.

losingit,

Do me a favor next time you get a call/message/picture from him. Read this 3x okay?

(Dont worry, we forgive you:))

Argh losingit.. after all the praise you got!! :P
No matter we're all carrying the mantle for you - you'll catch up soon.
Anyone got an educated guess for who's next in line to break NC?
I got a few ideas ;0

Losingit... this is the first piece of advice I've given on this board as I've been a taker up until now. Have you heard the song "leave right now" by Will Young? If not YouTube it... it has served me as inspiration when I've been in your situation. I always use music to get me through things... I don't know if it will work for you but give it a go

It's not going to be me nickshehe! I'm on day... goodness knows.. she contacted me to ask her why I wrecked her bedroom, don't know if I'd count that as breaking N/C. But I've lost count and getting better and better.

Still think about her every day though.. and for some reason, seem to come on here even when I'm not thinking about her!

Not really having any problems myself, just waking up in the morning... but as soon as I get out of bed, I'm totally fine... its crazy, the power of starting the day!

Dazt welcome to my world! When I first started coming here, it was strictly for advice. Now I am here everyday, giving out advice the best I can and I don't have any problems with my ex or anything of that nature. This site is like crack, but with a better side effect

Well, I crashed and burned. See my new post "When I lose it, I really lose it". : ) I'll be fine though. Nothing NC can't fix.

Ever since my last post on my thread, I have gone completely NC. I hung out with my close friend and he really put things into perspective for me. He told me that if you were that amazing to her and she could do this to you, would you really want her back. It made so much sense to me. I realized that I didn't want her part of my life anymore. He also said that when things go wrong with her new bf/rebound lover (they hooked up after two days) she may try coming after you.
It's getting better and better each day. Whenever I think of her, I come on here and it helps me to realize that she messed up and it gets easier.

I keep telling myself that it's not a matter of luck but just a matter of time before I'm finally over her

Well I was on day 3 of NC after breaking it on Friday and he called twice today. I didn't answer but started getting my hopes up that this was him realising he'd made a terrible mistake. But just got a text asking for my bank details because he has the money he owes me. I feel completely deflated again. Why couldn't he have just text in the first place?

Yea that was like my ex texting me last night out of the blue and asking if I was OK. Spent all of this morning confused and thinking maybe there was a chance but thankfully I wised up after midday.

But why do they text or call afterwards?

Zoo... One word... GUILT! They feel guilty on what they did, not regretting it but guilty. They want to remain some type of contact because it's easier on them. DO NOT make it easier on them

How do you know there isn't a chance in your case?

I know exactly now why they call/text. Read my other posts. For them to cope with the breakup, its easier to keep us somewhat in their lives. They don't have to miss us as much cause they know we're only a phone call away and are too eager to eventually break and respond. Don't fall for it. If they dumped you, make sure they feel like they got dumped too.

Day 1 of reinstated NC! : (

How do you know there isn't a chance in your case?

This is going to sound weird but here goes...

I know I don't have a chance because even if she did want me back I honestly don't think I could. Too much has happened and she did kiss another guy while we where together so the trust would be gone, in fact id just be waiting around for her to end it again.

My heart is telling me I want her back and my head is telling me she's not worth it, its time to start listening to my head for once lol

"They call it a break up, because it's broken" Relationships end, they aren't all fairy tales. Usually when someone ends a relationship that tells you their isn't a chance. She has told him it's over, a few times, which would lead me along with a few others that it is indeed over.

It's not a movie, this isn't Hollywood where the girl will show up at his door, admit she made a mistake and they will live happily ever after! The quicker you get these false ideas out of your head the faster you will realize how the world works. Man up, or female up and get out there, show your ex's that they were a PART of your life Not the WHOLE thing.

If this came off mean or hurtful to anyone, I apologize but trust me you will thank me one day

I am still figuring out what to do. My ex told me that she loved me and just needed to work onherself. Even told me that she'd find me once she got better, make me break up with who I was with so we could be together again. That was 9weeks ago and have been NC for 6. Still confused.

I'm on NC day #10 after a 6 1/2 year relationship... I am the dumpee... never saw it coming, nor did any of our friends or family. We were known as "America's couple" and "Romeo & Juliet" by people we knew.

Man this NC is TOUGH. We haven't contacted each other in any form since the break up. So much has happened, although it's only been a little over a week. For example, I just got a new apartment to move into (ironically it's like 5 minutes from her house, nice area and price; I'm NOT stalking her). My first impulse would be to call her and tell her the big news, but I can't... my fingers ache to call her but I know that would be bad.

We were so intimate and in love for 5 1/2 solid years. We even played around with naming our kids and how many we wanted. Apparently it's just been the past 6 or so months that her feelings have dwindled. She said she can't continue to grow with me and she doesn't want the baggage of any relationship so she can focus on her competitive career. She even gave me the I love you so much and only want good things for your future, but I don't know if I'm "in love" with you anymore. She said she's finally trying to be brave and accept these feelings she is having rather than repress them out of her head. She doesn't want to be stuck in a relationship that is only kept around out of convenience and to avoid the pain of ending 7+ years with someone. It was bold and honorable on her end, but INSANELY painful for me. Although I'm certain she is in better shape than me, she is not a happy camper either right now; she was crying her eyes out along with me while breaking up. It was a very amicable break up. No hate or anger. Just confusion and tears, lots of tears from both of us.

I can't believe it actually happened. It came so suddenly. There was no foreshadowing whatsoever. I'm in utter shock. I'm still in the "I can't live without her" stage where it feels like my entire world has collapsed and I'll never be able to smile again. I feel like I can never be so intimate or spirtually "connected" with anyone else. She dominates my every thought... happy memories haunt me every hour of every day because we have 6 1/2 years worth of memories.

I'd do anything for one last "snuggle" in bed, even if just for 5 minutes... god I miss having her in my life.

We were 18 and 17 when we met 6 1/2 years ago, so we've been through a lot of major life changes together (high school, college, discovering our careers, adult identities etc.), it's is so hard to let it all go.

The thing with my NC is, we both agreed to meet post-breakup when we feel "okay" to talk because she really wanted to visit my mother's grave with me (it's a long story, but trust me when I say she sincerely wants to do this, no headgames). This is something that for some reason got put off for many years and is very important to both of us. She has words to say to her gravesite. I'm confident that within a few months we should be strong enough to meet on "business only" terms and close the final chapter of our 6 1/2 journey... we were both each others first big love and we have made our marks on each other. Even though we are broken up, we have been instrumental in shaping who we are today, for better, I guess.

I long for her to come running back. I have dreams that she calls me and says "baby, forgive me...Now I truly realize what we had and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you" but I know these exist only in dreams 99% of the time. But I still believe it, which is painful. A friend of mine was broken up with after 8 years, but they got back together 6 months later and are now happily married.

Eraserhead: Im in a similar situation, though mine isn't as long as yours. I've had dreams when like those too. But I think to myself that if her and I were meant to be together than it will happen, but Im not going to be waiting around for it. I'm going to enjoy my life and move on. She WAS part of my life, but in the end it's YOUR life so you might as well enjoy it to the fullest.

Remember it takes a big person to end a relationship. It takes a bigger person to get back up once they've been dumped, dust themselves off, keep their chin up and walk away smiling knowing that tomorrow will be a better day.

Dazt welcome to my world! When I first started coming here, it was strictly for advice. Now I am here everyday, giving out advice the best I can and I don't have any problems with my ex or anything of that nature. This site is like crack, but with a better side effect

Me too :)

I'm going to be coming up on 2 months of NC. It's amazing, last week I felt great. At the 1 month point I could tell I was defenitly doing better. Feelings were dying down but I was still thinking about him constantly. This past week I sensed a huge change. I was feeling really happy. I wasn't thinking about him as much and I was feeling so good about things going on in my life. It felt amazing.

Today wasn't all that great. I feel a little sick and the weather is cold and rainy and I guess that made me a little depressed but I was thinking about him again. And instead of having that "i don't care" attitude that I had the week before, I was letting it get to me. I stupidly went to his Facebook just now which I haven't done for weeks. Nothing changed at all except his status said he was sick. Even though nothing was different I got upset and now I'm on the verge of crying and I have no idea why. I don't know if it's just because of the weather or maybe I'm just mad at myself for looking at his page. Maybe I was still secretly hoping that he would have broken up with his new girlfriend by now.
I'm sure I'll be fine later, I just felt like ramberling about it to get it out of my system.

For everyone struggling through NC, just remember you're not alone. And NC does help a lot. And even things like going to your ex's myspace or Facebook just hurts more. Just try to stay busy. I know everyone says this stuff, but it really does help. I came on here after I was dumped by the man who I actually thought I was going to end up marrying one day. (LOL! ) I almost made some stupid decisions... at one point I was thinking of writing a letter to him or trying to stay friends with him. Thank god for the people on this board... their words stopped me from doing those things and now I'm sooooo glad I didn't do them.

I just keep telling myself: Life is short. I learned from my experience and now I'm moving on to bigger and better things. The world didn't end, there's a lot of awesome stuff still out there to go and experience.

Bang on Rome,

I admit I read the book! Made me feel better.

My ex tried to contact me to obviously ease her guilt, but I cut her totally out of my life as she binned me. I must be on day 70 ish of NC now, and its going well.

Still have no interest in dating other girls yet, but I'm sure ill be back on the circuit soon.

When you get dumped, don't hang around to feed off any scraps the exes give you, as all it will do is stir up emotion inside you, and you'll be hoping that they want you back.

An email from an ex - you think they may want you back
A text " " - you think they may want you back

99 times out of a 100 they don't. They are being selfish by contacting you, its helping them not you.

Help yourself by getting gone. Best advice I've seen from Tal, when you get dumped, get gone.

Stay strong guys. Things do get better. Day by day

I just found out my ex has a new girl! God it makes me feel so sick I saw pics of them and she is really pretty not that it should matter... I guess it should really help me move on more but really it just makes me feel sick and sad... this sux it has been almost four months I should not be feeling like this now! It just shows me if I had stuck to N/C the whole time things would have been better and I would have probably been toatally over this!!

Lens21: don't worry these things happened. At least you're getting the picture of how much no contact works. Just be strong and realize that they are missing out on a great person, not you. My ex moved on in two days with some other guy. It completely destroyed me but that is when I realized the person that she was.

Spion, I guess in your case it would help if liverpool was doing better :P
Hah just kidding mate.. But I must say, my ex was the last thing that was on my mind when we lifted the trophy on Sunday.. hopefully Wednesday will be a good day too...
Whatever the case.. its great to watch a game of footy without the constant phone calls and nagging isn't it? :)

Tell me about it nickshehe. Before I even dated my ex she knew that liverpool was number one in my heart and she always had to compete with it, hahah just kidding. But yea, it does take your mind off a lot. Watching footy reminds me a lot about life. You win some and you lose some. You just have to have a strong mentality to keep you going.

NC is easier once you start hating their guts/disgust. Thanks to a phone call yesterday, I'm at that stage. Eventually, that'll subside into simply not caring anymore. I'm on the road to bigger and better things. Wow, I dodged a bullet on that one. I'm thankful now he dumped me... what the heck was I thinking before?

Haha well my story got moved to its own question even though its not really a question... more like a blog as the moderator called it... Anyway if you want to read it you can, but here's my two sense on this...

No contact, or at least the beginning, most people seem to be holding on to hope that their significant other is going to come back to them. And I think this hope gets in the way of doing any true healing, or at least I know it did for me. I think there is a moment for everybody where something snaps in them and they decide that they really are better off without the person, and that cloud of admiration surrounding them lifts and you can really see them for who they really are. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts like a b**ch but I think that I can now really truly start NC with the full intension of healing myself and moving forward. Of course there are going to be bumps in the road, but that's what you guys are here for. Thanks for hearing me out and really, I am sorry for the length of all that, it just felt better to write it down.

Well, survived another day w/nc.

Just got some interesting news that will affect my nc though.

Next weekend is a long weekend here and my best friend and his wife are holding a party that we are both invited to. The catch is that the ex is really good friends with her and he is my best friend.

I have no intention of missing out on this event simply because she will be there. These were my friends long before they were hers and they will continue to be long after her. However everyone else are mutual friends.

I am considering the polite distance thing with her, but I am worried about two things.

First is the comfort level - Tension could be so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Second and more importantly, people at the party trying to get involved in something that is really none of their business.

I know that it's another long winded question, but should I assume that if she does attend, that I need to start all over on my nc? I fully intend to keep my distance from her and will be able to calmly and maturely talk to her if she initiate the conversation, however how does this fall into the no contact issue.

As far as I am concerned, even though there is so much that I need to get off my chest to her, I really don't have anything that I want to say to her at the same time. I don't and will not give her the satisfaction of knowing what is going on in my life. If she wants to know, then she will have to hear it from someone else.

I know that it will only put me a week back, but as hard as it is, I know that I am mentally stronger than she is because in the span of the 1 week since I left (as the dumpee), I have already changed the tune from I want you back to whatever. I love you, but you were not mature enough to talk to me about the relationship during a tough time. You just gave up and I have little respect for that.

Sorry for this being so long and more of a blog than a question, however I needed to vent that last bit out.

What is everyone's opinion on NC with your ex's family? I sent my ex's mother a simple Happy Mothers Day e-mail and I got this...

"Hi (north) thank you for thinking about me. You put a tear in my eye. There is not a day that goes by without mentioning your name in this house. I still talk to (my ex) about you and we get emotional. Your pictures are still all over this house. (ex's dad) and I miss you a lot. Bye for now I will talk to you again if thats alright with you."

Like what should I take from that? I don't know if anyone read my essay style blog story but my resolve that I am better than her crumbled a bit when I read this. She also texted me tonight asking me to come online with a please and :(. I didn't respond but it was pretty hard and both of these ruined my night. Why would they still have my pictures up?

Ignore everything that has to do with your ex... including her family... I loved my ex's family a lot, they were great to me and we got along very very well, and it sucks that I don't get to see them anymore... but your ex wanted you out for some reason, so that means you've got to disappear.

Forget about why they may have pictures of you still up, it doesn't matter anymore friend. Its over. If they want to hang on to your pictures, let them. It's the same as any gift you gave your ex, every time they look at it, they're going to think of you. My ex told me soon after the break-up, that her dad cried because he thought we were so good together. Her loss, the same with your ex, her loss.

So to answer your question, technically you did break NC... because her mom will tell her you emailed and any news to her about you is bad, she shouldn't know what's going on in your life anymore, she wanted you out of hers, so get gone. In a few months you'll feel loads better about everything, in fact, you probably won't even care.

My first night alone in 5 years and I've made it 6.5 hours. Damn, I hope this gets easier.

To moving...

That's a tough one buddy. Its only been a week for you, its been 3 for me and while I am feeling much better and feel like I have really got a lot stronger, seeing my ex would really take me back to the beginning at this point. I saw her at the gym a couple days ago and while I was able to give a pleasant hello and a smile like I didn't care anymore, if I had been left in that situation for anymore time and forced to be happy and social with others I don't think I could. Everyone at the party is going to be keeping their eyes on you guys for the slightest sign of trouble so be careful. I suppose you know yourself better than anyone else, and if you are confident in your abilities to be pleasant and up beat than by all means I would go for it. Just take care of yourself, you know your limits. And if you do talk to her yea... definitely do not get into anything about you guys there, not the place and nobody will appreciate that.

Good luck!

movinrightalong: It will be hard for you mate.. but chin up. I suggest you play it cool.. don't turn around and walk away every time she's in the same room as you.. If your eyes meet then just smile and nod your head, or if you're close.. a simple hello wouldn't hurt.. If you start to go through small-talk like the how are you's e.t.c don't make it last over a minute. Just be like "I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and I just came to get a refill for my drink..maybe ill bump into you later.." and smile and walk off... It's all in your head from then on.. Show her you're stronger than she may give you credit for. She may flirt with guys to get your attention - e.t.c. Don't let it get to you, and you don't have to stoop to her level either.. Just be yourself and enjoy the party like she was never there to begin with..

NorthernNiceGuy: I was quite close to my ex's mother as well.. We even talked a lot in the after math of the breakup with her daughter.. but then I told her we should stop talking about it altogether.. Her mother is divorced and a work-a-holic.. so I spent most of my time convincing her to go out there and give love a chance again since she's working too hard.. I helped her get out of her shell so to speak and I found out recently that she's dating again and I'm happy I made some sort of difference in her life.. But the problem is I found myself asking her how her daughter was and stuff.. (Not if she misses me) Just if she's doing all right at uni and everything.. which may have set me back.. She still messages me frequently but I decided that I wouldn't reply to her mother either and I decided it was best for me to block her family out as well.. I also blocked out any friends of hers I met through her (Who also still talk to me at times). It's best for you to let it be.

I'm in the middle of my fourth week of NC now. The last few days had been a little easier on me, the thoughts of her were fewer and shorter during that time - it was kind of nice.

This morning I woke up and was thinking about her. I knew it was bad from the start. Its been about an hour I've been up, but for some reason she is really on my mind today. I'm having the rookie thoughts of "What is she doing?", "Why did she do this?" and "Why can I just email her?". I know this will pass, but it's a rough morning and I wanted to get it down. For some reason I'm really worried that she has found someone and isn't even thinking about me -- I know, stupid right? I haven't had those thoughts in a long while, but they're back today.

Ugh.

It's not stupid bigbird :] I'm nearing the 40 day NC mark and I still get those thoughts.. I start thinking someone else might be touching her now, or sleeping with her.. It's a lot worse knowing that she's left you and she's with someone than if she's left you and she's alone.. But then I remind myself that I've been around since she broke up with me so I can only expect her to be doing it as well.. Days like these will come and go though - worry not :)
I think even the NC veterans get low days.. But trust me , whenever I felt weak and felt the urge to break NC - the next day I would give myself a pat on the back and felt good about not calling her, as I would have regretted it FOR SURE.
Whenever I feel down I just hang out with friends. ;]

Its been about 40-50 days of NC for me. 2 months since BU. I still get those days. So don't feel bad. It will pass, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to do that everyday.

movinrightalong:Go to have a good time or stay home. NC, doesn't mean rude or bad attitude. You treat her like anyone else, and keep your best foot forward. Keep any conversation light, and don't be drawn into anything having to do with the relationship. The its all good attitude will get your through this if you keep your cool.

spion, I guess in your case it would help if liverpool was doing better :P
hah just kidding mate..But I must say, my ex was the last thing that was on my mind when we lifted the trophy on sunday..hopefully wednesday will be a good day too...
Whatever the case..its great to watch a game of footy without the constant phone calls and nagging isn't it? :)

A football fan? Wayyyy! I'm a Boro supporter! Was disgusting seeing you lift the trophy :D! Even my football club reminds me of my ex because I had changed her into a Boro fan too! Who am I kidding? It doesn't remind me of her at all - I just remember all the hassel it was just get watching the footy!

:D

It's alot worse knowing that she's left you and she's with someone than if she's left you and she's alone..

Exactly why I stay away from anything which might give me that sort of information, should it exist. I don't really think she's with someone, but it doesn't matter if she was. I don't need/want to know and hope I won't find out until I'm well off on my own, and perhaps with someone else as well.

That's why I've been putting pressure on myself to "get around", so I won't feel left behind. Can't really force that though.

Ahhhhh! Was having a great day, and was about to reply to another message on this forum when I get a text message from the ex!

She text me telling me that she's giving me the stuff of mine back tomorrow and that she'd like hers as well. About time! When I asked for it back ages ago, she gave me a load of abuse!

And she must have changed her number - it's a different one with a new number?

What should I reply to this? The DVD that she's looking back is a DVD that I bought with my own money so that we could both watch. Shows how selfish she is :D!

Dazt, text her back saying that you are busy with plans tomorrow but are free the following day at around(insert SHORT time window) as it makes you unavailable to her.

Who cares if she changed her number, don't even save it in the phone

Yeah but I go to the same college as her sister and she wants me to give it to her.

I won't save the phone number in my phone. I guess this means she's completely over me - changing her number, looking for her stuff back..

Will probably put me down for a couple of days - but I'll be straight back up. Got a great week ahead of me :D

Well I text her back two and a half hours after she text me and I said:

"Oh hey. Yeah I'll give it to your sister when I see her"

That's all I sent, done okay.. yes?

Seriously people - NC is the way to go. I no longer see her through those rose tinted glasses. I see her for what she is - a selfish, immature little girl with a bad temper and she doesn't know what she wants!

I'm still sad about how it ended and that when I'm lonely or anything, I'd just ring her - I do miss all that. But then I look at the positives and they do outweigh the negatives.

I'm still sad about how it ended and that when I'm lonely or anything, I'd just ring her - I do miss all that. But then I look at the positives and they do outweigh the negatives.

Reading that bit alone just put me in a better mood :)

I think you handled it well DazT, now just be done with it...

I need some help...

I was pretty set in my resolve that I was going to be OK and that I deserved better... I am three weeks in from a breakup to a 4 year relationship. She asked me to go on msn today... I did, stupid I know. So I ask her what this is about, she said she misses me. I got into how she was feeling about me. She said she is feeling horrible that she might lose the best man she's ever met in her life... And that she is hurting really bad. She says that there is not a minute that goes by that she doesn't think of me and that there isn't anybody else and that she doesn't think she would ever be able to find someone as amazing as me. She will find out on Thursday if she gets into med school in which case she will be staying in town. If not she will be leaving to do her masters 6 hours away on Friday. She is pretty sure she won't get into med school so she wants to see me tomorrow. What the hell should I do, is she srewing with me? I feel really good right now but for all the wrong reasons, because I have overwhelming hope now. Should I see this through and just deal with it however it ends.. She said she has to get her life sorted out first. I told her I am getting to the point where I can't deal with her anymore and it will be over. She said please don't to that. Does somebody deserve to be taken a break on? Could she be telling the truth? Help please, she had a doctors appointment right now but wants to talk again when she gets home...

I think you should hold out for one of the experts to come in and handle this.. I don't know what to tell you dude I dno what I would do..
Good luck though :/

Could she be telling the truth? Help please, she had a doctors appointment right now but wants to talk again when she gets home...

I'm quite sure she probably is telling the truth. I most cases, I don't believe that the dumper has the intention of hurting the person. On the other hand, they are upset that they are hurting someone that they "love" and try to keep contact to ease that guilt.

This certainly doesn't mean that you need to do anything for her. You don't owe her anything and I personally don't think that you should see her. You admit your feeling good for the wrong reason, how do you think you'll feel after seeing her and her telling you that she wants space and needs you to leave her alone?

I, and everyone else, know your going to do what you feel in your heart. I've been there before, I didn't listen, and it hurt. All I can do is tell you that you don't owe her anything and I think you need to work on getting yourself okay before you even consider talking to her again. Read any number of stories on these boards and you will see how often the ex flip flops their feelings and keeps you hanging on.

That, my friend, is the EXACT reason for NC.

I just noticed this in my junk e-mail folder... She sent this to me last night...

Hey,
Ummmm I am sorry to bug you, I know you want me to disappear but I really really want to see you before Thursday. I really want to... :(
I might be leaving and I cannot stop thinking about you I just don't want to lose you yet. Please reply.

Cakes (the pet name I called her)

I still don't know what I am going to do about tomorrow... I could be setting myself up for total disaster, but at the same time my curiosity is getting the better of me. And that's what I am worried about bigbird... yea she misses me, we were together for 4 years so that's expected, but does she really miss us. This could just be to help her feel better, that is my biggest concern. If she does go away she is going to be in a new town alone, which also frightens me, because that might make her want me out of convenience and then as she gets comfortable there I become expendable again.

I just noticed this in my junk e-mail folder... She sent this to me last night...


Convenient place for it :)



Hey,
Ummmm I am sorry to bug you, I know you want me to disappear but I really really want to see you before Thursday. I really want to... :(
I might be leaving and I cannot stop thinking about you I just don't want to lose you yet. Please reply.


Notice the highlight...



I still don't know what I am going to do about tomorrow... I could be setting myself up for total disaster, but at the same time my curiosity is getting the better of me. And that's what I am worried about bigbird... yea she misses me, we were together for 4 years so that's expected, but does she really miss us.


Probably, but missing the comfort of a relationship is different then wanting to get back together. She might want to see you so that she feels a little better before she leaves. You want to see her because you want her to miss you and come crawling back. That's unlikely.



This could just be to help her feel better, that is my biggest concern. If she does go away she is going to be in a new town alone, which also frightens me, because that might make her want me out of convenience and then as she gets comfortable there I become expendable again.

Both sound very likely scenarios. That's why I'm worried that you want to see her. Now I don't blame you because I know how hard it is to keep NC when the other person is trying (begging, even) to see/talk to you. Its hard and it makes you feel like a monster, we've been there too.

If you truly think its going to be the last time she's ever around and you'll ever see her, then I suppose you probably could see her. Now I still don't recommend it, as it is going to make the healing process longer -- I can almost guarantee after you see her you will feel worse.

Think of it this way - if she does see you and suddenly decides she wants to get back together, would you take her back? Would you be able to trust her, and willing to risk all of this over again? I was willing to a year ago, and here I am single again (after 4 years total as well, I know it sucks). Try to use your head and not your heart, as your heart isn't rational right now...

Good luck.

I may be beaten for this, but, it made my day... finally got up the nerve to check out what my ex's new BF looks like, mind you, she started seeing him almost immediately after she broke up with me... so basically she left me for him, even though she would never admit it.

Anyway, this guy is pretty much the essence of douchebag. A friend of mine was over (she is a girl) and we were joking around about how the person they always leave you for is so much better looking and what not... she was being sarcastic obviously, I'm like the most adorable guy ever. Anyway, the guy is a douche, when we saw him, we couldn't help but laugh. And my friend was like "what is your ex thinking!?" so yeah, it made me laugh.

If anyone is unsure of what a douchebag looks like, here is an example. (this isn't my ex's BF, I wouldn't do that, but its pretty close, lol) enjoy.

Day 2 of reinstated NC! After the big fight of this past weekend. I got to say my ex boyfriend is pretty p*ssed. He's texted me 5 times today and called twice. Messages varying from angry, to hurt, to sad.

Luckily, I had Tal in the back of my head going.. "just disappear from their lives". So I didn't respond/answer nothing. I know doing that can only cause more harm cause there's too many emotions floating around right now. Sucks that our last communication had to be an angry no holds barred attack, but I guess its helping me to actually get heck out of dodge. I feel bad, because in our entire 4 years, I would NEVER had said the things I said to him... it was like I turned into a different person. I was always nice/sweet girl. But nice/sweet girl is no longer what he deserves. Truly a sad display, but its helping move on. I just had to get it out. No more pretending we can be friends. No more pretending you didn't hurt me gravely by walking out on me. No more pretending that even though we're broken up I'll continue to love and support you.

Didn't upload for some reason, should work now

My ex just sent me a message saying 'hey, what was the name of the child that you and I planned on having? I wanted to keep it as part of my memory'

At first I laughed to myself and then I deleted and ignored the message. No reply
This was easier than I thought it would be :D

Ihatewest!! That's EXACTLY what my ex's new boyfriend looks like!! SERIOUSLY!!

... holy crap... it's SO similar it's beyond uncanny. I saw him last night at a bar... he had on a turquoise polo, popped collar, hat, earring, cell phone clip, and the bracelet going.

... un... freaking... believable.

Westseneca, that guy is the epitome of douchebaggery. He should lose the glasses and think about a shave. What a douche

Who put my picture up on the internet!! God I thought I was safe!

JK!

There is actually a website about why hot chicks fall for douchebags... This picture was on it. While my ex hasn't exactly went to that extreme, but left an in shape 180lb guy who has a career and a good fashion sense for a 250 fat guy, no motivation, no college and wears skate clothing but doesn't skate. I believe we call those posers... But hey! They do drive matching Scion TC's

Quick question. Does nc get harder before it gets easier?

Quick question. Does nc get harder before it gets easier?

Often times, yes.

Don't get discouraged, hang in there bud!

Quick question. Does nc get harder before it gets easier?

At the beginning NC is hard , but as you start to realise that the Break up is final and there is no going back it gets easier by the Day.

Hang in there

Thanks guys.

Knowing that really helps.

Just remember "movin"

NC is a journey to get yourself better and to start your new life , it takes time but eventually you'll get there and feel on top of the world again.

BUT
If you break NC you go back to square one and the Journey starts again.

I'm moving along now at almost four weeks in.

Had a dream about us last night, it was weird, but it was all about me and her. I was teaching her something and there was a possibility that we were both going to die (weird huh?) so I woke up a little upset about me never seeing her again if she were to die. Whatever, stupid dreams.

Lately I've been starting to get nervous about her contacting me via email again as it has been a long time. I know she wants to be friends with me in the future and I'm thinking she might try to push it and I'll end up with an email within the next week.

Another question, related to that last paragraph. If you remember there was an issue of $50 between the two of us. When I asked her about it, she said not to worry about it or send it to her once I start working in the summer. We'll not that I'm working I'm thinking of sending her a check in the mail. Bad idea?

I can't even remember what day of N/C I'm on... he text me about money he owes me on Monday and I had to reply so if we're being very very strict it's day 2. However I haven't initiated contact since Friday (where I told him I couldn't live without him and was ignored) so I suppose I'll say day 5.

I'm soooooooo so tempted to break it right now. I think it's because I'm sitting around revising and my mind is wandering. I just find it hard to come to terms with it because it was so sudden. There was no falling out of love gradually. I know I just pushed him too far and he's the type of person to just shut down emotionally instead of moping around (like me)

Talk sense into me!

The sun is shining and the birds are singing, don't know what that has to do with anything lol.

You a video game player by any chance? Well here's the way to look at it, imagine your playing a game against your friend only they decide they don't want to play anymore. The game becomes useless cause it takes two people.

HOWEVER

Remember that the game also has a longer and more fulfilling single player mode that doesn't require anyone else but you

Wow that kind of helped me lol

I'm not a video game player but yeah I can see your point. Very insightful :)

I think I'm in denial, I just can't believe that he doesn't want "to play" anymore because he was so into me and he just switched off because of a silly fight. I just feel like there must be something I can do

That was the same as my ex, she broke up with me cause we had an argument one night, I mean that was it, an argument, over text no less.

Next thing I know she's kissing another guy and telling me she can't get over what I did!

We deserve better because would you end it over something so stupid? No, that proves that either we are more mature or that we loved them a lot more than they did us.

Lol I like your video game way of seeing things..
It's like making love and its amazing..
But then again masturbation is equally amazing..
No? :D
Too graphic?

--
I was thinking how if by coming on these forums in some way reminds us that there is an EX - every day.. I mean obviously I got tons of help from here and I've become addicted to trying to help people. But on the other hand I've mentioned my ex or reminded of my ex every day for the past 2 months.
Is that really healthy?

I've mentioned my ex or reminded of my ex every day for the past 2 months.
Is that really healthy?
Yes, as you have an outlet to vent feelings, and frustrations, without your friends running from you, or hiding under their bed, or even worse, throwing rocks at you. Keep in mind that those choices are not healthy for you. Just keep in mind, your going to think about them anyway, so just come here, and we can throw cyber rocks at you. ADVICE: Duck!!

Hah, I don't think I've let you down yet tal :]
You are somewhat the fatherly figure around here.. anw I hope you're right..
Anyway I must stop procrastinating and start revising. I shall catch you all later.
Keep the NC flowing everyone

Nickshehe, I have been doing NC since January and I still think of my ex a lot, not so much as a "I want her back" feeling as a "how could one person change so quickly" I no longer harbor hate or animosity towards her but rather disgust that she has went so downhill. It actually hurt me to hear how her friends even think she made the wrong choice and then them saying "Rome, you should try talking to her, she might listen to you" and then me telling them "I'm sorry, but sometimes people can't save everyone. I'm not her superman, she made her bed and chose to lie in it."

Nickshehe, I have been doing NC since January and I still think of my ex a lot, not so much as a "I want her back" feeling as a "how could one person change so quickly" I no longer harbor hate or animosity towards her but rather disgust that she has went so downhill.

Same here. I was in the "I want her back" mode but am slowly drifting to being bitter about the whole experience and I don't know if it is wrong or not but but it is helping me with the NC

Nickshehe, I have been doing NC since January and I still think of my ex a lot, not so much as a "I want her back" feeling as a "how could one person change so quickly" I no longer harbor hate or animosity towards her but rather disgust that she has went so downhill. It actually hurt me to hear how her friends even think she made the wrong choice and then them saying "Rome, you should try talking to her, she might listen to you" and then me telling them "I'm sorry, but sometimes people can't save everyone. I'm not her superman, she made her bed and chose to lie in it."

I feel the same way... NC since January... and because of my current douchebag discovery, my thoughts of "i want her back" and "how could she do this", have turned to "well, she wants to be seen with that guy... so.... yeah..."

Back to day 5 no contact and it is the farthest I have gotten, its nice actually, next goal is 10

Yea, my ex has turned a dark corner from what people tell me. I see her every now and then at work and she looks so fake and then when I come around where she is she looks at me and starts smiling. Normally this would make it easy for a lot of people to break NC but I won't simply because of all the advice given and received throughout this forum. The guys who have been there from the beginning, I truly thank you as I know this wouldn't be possible without everyone's harsh but true words

So from that, guys trust me, sticking to NC will heal better than you will ever imagine

The guys who have been there from the beginning, I truly thank you as I know this wouldn't be possible without everyone's harsh but true words



Sometimes the harshest words seem that way at the time but they are really the best words for you to hear.

Oh yea definitely Chuff... I still remember when I first met Tal... I was like "man this guy is a d*ck" Now, I am giving advice just as harshly as he gave me. Which looks bad at first, then you reread it and you're just amazed at how correct it is.

It was just a general question, I mean I know that NC is the way to go.. I've been faithful to it for 40 odd days now.. and much like you guys it's not the "I want her back" period.. it's the somewhat disgust that came with her sudden change.
I set her an expiry date to begin with -where I said if she comes back within 2 weeks then I would accept her, if she's a day late then it's over whatever she does.. She made contact within 2 weeks but her intentions were friendly( as they always are ) so its been NC since. :]
I just hope I don't bump into her any time soon.. I wouldn't break the NC but it would disrupt the process. She lives in a different city, both in the UK and back home but we have mutual friends back home so we shall see... anywho I got a whole awesome summer planned out for me -no time to worry about this.

Yea Nick.. Keep it up, we are all here for you. What I did was turn all my anger into motivation for the gym. I went from going 2 days a week when I was with her to going 5 days a week, for 2 hours. I would take the anger out on the weights, and since you know your ex is with someone. A little tip, when you can't get that last rep, just tell yourself that he could get it(even though it's not true). I don't know, that may be the complete wrong was to think of things, but it helped me

Oh yea definately Chuff...I still remember when I first met Tal...I was like "man this guy is a d*ck" Now, I am giving advice just as harshly as he gave me. Which looks bad at first, then you reread it and you're just amazed at how correct it is.


No, he's really a d*ck.

















Sorry I just couldn't resist.

Actually when I first came here he was the same way and even just a few weeks ago after my lateest fall back into "nice guy hell" I basically was begging for him to slap me with reality.

On the topic of the advice that has been given out here.

One thing I noticed is that the adivce I had gotten about my situation helped me in many aspects of my life. Not only has the advice here helped me to get over the situation I was in, it is helping me to grow and learn how to handle myself in the future. If I had never found this site, I am sure that my next relationship would turn out very different. It will be nice to go into a new relationship (friendly, romantic, or business) armed with the knowledge of how things work and what to watch out for.

Its great how good personal growth can really make you feel. I am so much more self aware than I ever was before.

All right so I really messed up here...

I met with my ex today, she came over to my place. I played it pretty cool while she was pretty emotional. I acted like my life had been going very well.. (it actually has) She was very sad and upset about us and was pressing really hard that she didn't want it to be over. And when I would say things like I was moving on she would really press that no, I don't want to lose you and all this. Well I decided to console her a little by giving her a hug, only she didn't let the hugging and touching go. She sat on my lap hugging me repeatedly, rubbing my back and being really affectionate. And I mean every time we would hug she would start to cry. Than I don't even know how it happened she started kissing me and I returned... And I am guessing you can all see where this is going... we slept together... I told myself no but like most other man was too weak to pass up the opportunity. And it wasn't just mechanical sex, she was actually passionately into it. And even afterwards she didn't get distant and would continue to hug me and asked me to do lunch and maybe help her pack later... I said no to this however. I don't know, does this sound to you guys like there is a chance. I never begged or asked for her back and I made it very clear that if she did want me back she would have to work hard for it. I am not going to talk to her till she contacts me, I will give her her space. If this fails though I know that I am in for a world of hurt with no one to blame but myself. I guess I had to find out if there is ever really a chance for us, I suppose I will know in the next while, and I won't have the feeling of what if at least. As of right now though I feel horrible and am checking my phone every two seconds... idiot...

Don't be too hard on yourself.. I guess you can only wait and see how things turn out since you opened pandoras box. Hopefully all will fall in its right place. Most of us would have had difficulty in resisting.. We all care for our ex's it isn't only the physical attraction.
I suggest you hang in there and wait and see what is down the road. But like you've already rightly suggested - don't call her or push her into anything.

OK so this is going to sound dumb! My ex has this watch he brought me for xmas and he was getting something fixed on it I have never worn it cause we broke up soon after he gave it to me and I felt weird. I text him the other day and said that I didn't really feel right having it anyway and he could take it back to the store if he still had the receipt he got all upset and said why do you want to forget me, I said that was what I wanted to do right now and that he didn't seem to have any issues with forgetting me so I wanted the same. He then replied that he would never forget me and thought about me all the time but was better at hiding his feelings and that he wanted me to have the watch and remember us when I wore it... god I hate that a message like that can make me break down and make me cry even after so long!

All right people, as I was saying yesterday - my ex contacted me very randomly looking me to give her sister (I go to the same college as her sister) her stuff back. She texted me off her new number (she told me when we were breaking up she was changing her number but I wouldn't get it). When I asked her sister where my things were, she told me that my ex hadn't even mentioned it to her.

Anyway, I arranged for me to get my stuff back and to give hers back on Monday when I see her sister next.

It made me feel very strange and gave me a mix set of emotions.

And back to no contact it is.

len21 you were wrong in texting him, so in a sense you got what you asked for.
I hate to be so strict on you but what sort of reply were you expecting?
If he said "sure" wouldn't that've hurt equally?
If he had said he was coming to pick it up sometime during the week and you would see him again wouldn't that also hurt?

You put yourself in a lose-lose situation and you only did damage to yourself.
You should be careful next time hun :/

ok so this is going to sound dumb! my ex has this watch he brought me for xmas and he was getting something fixed on it I have never worn it cause we broke up soon after he gave it to me and i felt weird. i txt him the other day and said that i didnt really feel right having it anyway and he could take it back to the store if he still had the receipt he got all upset and said why do you want to forget me, i said that was what i wanted to do right now and that he didnt seem to have any issues with forgetting me so i wanted the same. he then replied that he would never forget me and thought about me all the time but was better at hiding his feelings and that he wnated me to have the watch and remember us when i wore it.... god i hate that a message like that can make me break down and make me cry even after so long!


To be honest, sending that message was stupid. It seems like you were trying to play games with him. How would you like it if he brought you back gifts that you gave to him? If the relationship was meaningful, you would want him to keep those gifts so that he could (one day) look back and cherish what you guys had. Giving gifts back is immature in my opinion.

alright so I really messed up here...

At least you know that it wasn't the right thing to do, and you won't do it again right? I've heard that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results. Let this one be a lesson to you. It might work out for you, but I'm banking on no. She is confused, lonely and misses the connection you guys had.

I was in a similar situation once, and after it happened I remember feeling so vulnerable and stupid it was ridiculous. Sure, it was great at the time. I thought things were awesome like they were before anything happened (note: not my recent situation), but as soon as it was over, I was shaking. I was so afraid of what was going to happen because I totally surrendered all power to her.

Be careful bud.

Day 3 of NC! Agh, can't I at least say it's day 38 of NC with 2 days of hiccups in the middle? ; ) Don't I get something for ignoring 5 texts and 2 calls yesterday. : )

Feel fine. Finally, at the stage of "disappearing". Time to disappear from his life and move on with my own new and improved single and ready to mingle life.

Again she messages me on FB saying "Oh i remembered the name, it's not like you replied to me anyways................."

I laughed again and deleted the message. I know it means nothing but it's these subtle messages that u hafta ignore and be strong with. They try to give u a jab in any chance they can.

I know it was stupid and imature, most things I have done since the breakup have been stupid but it is like all logic I had goes out the window. I wasn't saying for him to come and get it from me he has it and was getting something fixed on it cause he had the receipt. I actually don't want it anymore maybe one day I will but right now it reminds me of us... but I know I was asking for it and I got what I knew I would get sooo my own stupid fault. It is just when he brings it back to me it will be like he is giving it to me all over again, maybe I should just ask him to put it in my mail box when it is fixed!

Again she messages me on FB saying "Oh i remembered the name, it's not like you replied to me anyways................."

I laughed again and deleted the msg. I know it means nothing but it's these subtle messages that u hafta ignore and be strong with. They try to give u a jab in any chance they can.

Good work man, you seem to be doing well...

Len,

I think maybe you should put it in a box, then take it out the future when you can look at it without getting upset. I'm not saying you need to be using it right now, but I don't think you should ask him to take it back, or tell him you don't want it.

Best of luck.

Bigbird, I'm doing all right.. I mean I could be doing better. I still think about her a lot, that's my heart talking. But then I realize what she did to me and how I'm better off without her, that's my head talking. Every now and again I get curious as to if she still thinks about me and this message tells that tale.

I keep telling myself that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder and the ultimate revenge for me is to prove to myself and to her that I'm moving on without her in my life.'

Had an interesting talk with one of my buddies last night.

We were on the topic of another friend of ours who has gone the path of abandoning us guys for his new girlfriend (all the guys out there know what I'm talking about). We'll we went from there to talking about arguments in relationships and how people handle them. Then he said something that sort of threw me for a loop. He said:

"I don't know why people act like they're married when they are dating. They act like they need to solve every single problem. If it isn't working out, why not just try dating someone else for a while, I mean they're in college - they don't need to act like they're married."

I'm not sure why this surprised me, maybe because he never seemed to have an intention of dating anyone. He never seems under pressure to find a girlfriend or to do anything of the sort - he's just genuinely happy the way he is. The statement he made was sort of shocking coming from him and I was impressed at the simplicity of it.

Just thought I'd share.

Hello everyone.I broke NC just after I had managed to keep it for 7 days.I am so ashamed of what I did that I couldn't gather myself enough to post about it here.
It felt horrible - coming back to him with my tail between my legs,him denying he EVER send me or will be sending me mixed messages.I started crying all the time again.The second I realized this I strated NC again without warning him.I feel somewhat better now but damage was done.
Today is NC day 7 (NC2 that is).Losingit77 - many hugs

kaneda,

Don't beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes and keep going forward.

Best of luck.

Kaneda, well hopefully you have learned from your mistakes and realized you're only hurting yourself. ERASE his number, Facebook, myspace, bebo, e-mail address. H*ll if you have a tin can attached to a string cut that line. This guy is no good and you need to realized this fast or you will be stuck in a vicious spin cycle of wash and repeat

When are we having an NC party?

Day 6 NC.

When are we having an NC party?


I don't know, but I'm there.

A few hours ago he IMed me saying "Talk to me damn it".What? Was he being playful?

A few hours ago he IMed me saying "Talk to me damn it".What? Was he being playful?

He's being lonely.

him denying he EVER send me or will be sending me mixed messages.

So... we've established he's a liar.

Don't give in, your doing the right thing.

Both of you are probably right,but maybe I'm at fault too - trying to overanalyze simple words and gestures.

Both of you are probably right,but maybe i'm at fault too - trying to overanalyze simple words and gestures.

Very dangerous territory and many of us have been there. I know it sucks to hear "Just don't do it" but check the sticky in the forum, it has tons of things to do to keep busy. That's the key, keep yourself busy so you can't sit and think about it.

BigBird, I must admit, I am very pleased with the progress you have made. Just take a look back to your original posts here and then read the posts you have done within the past couple days. It's truly a breath taking experience when you realized you are starting to heal

BigBird, I must admit, I am very pleased with the progress you have made. Just take a look back to your original posts here and then read the posts you have done within the past couple days. It's truly a breath taking expierence when you realized you are starting to heal

Thanks man. It really is pretty breathtaking as you say. It's such a good feeling. I think I started to notice when I began coming on here to help other people more than I came on here to get help myself. In a weird way, answering other questions gives me the answers to my own questions before they even come up. Its funny really...

I know what you mean, I spend all day at work on this site and it's not even for my own accord now. It's to hopefully prevent others from making similar mistakes or aiding them with the break up.

What is the NC??

sweetlee102 - No Contact. But its almost a religion around these parts :]

This thread has got to be headed for a record for longest on the site...

I think the NC calender is genius... We should start making them and selling them..

Thanks man. It really is pretty breathtaking as you say. It's such a good feeling. I think I started to notice when I began coming on here to help other people more than I came on here to get help myself. In a weird way, answering other questions gives me the answers to my own questions before they even come up. Its funny really....

You know what's interesting about this statement is I'm a living example of what happens both when you come and when you leave. When I first came here it was because I got used again and after being put in my place I started posting here to help others and to strengthen my brain. Using what I learned here I got a girlfriend and when it ended I felt the sting for about a week but I knew how to handle it and moved forward. I also saw it coming which was the first time ever, and when I did everything right. Then I moved on to my last girlfriend and I stopped coming here because of the lack of time and I completely got used again. I guess what I'm saying is, once I stopped using and assisting others here I compeletly forgot the basics and allowed myself to get taken advantage of again. In just a couple weeks I'm back to my old self and I see clearly again. I have to give most of the credit to Tal for steering me with just a couple of messages and I'm good. But this place steers you without emotions when you need it the most, which in turn as you said will help you when they get in your way.

Well, almost 2 months since we broke up. Still feel a little low but not so much from missing him. More so sad at what we've become. Rather than leaving on a good terms, it got really ugly this past weekend and A LOT of things were said that shouldn't have been said (So, don't ever break NC!). And that hurts. Don't miss him though. I miss what we had, miss who I thought he was, but not him. That's all.

Sometimes you think you know someone. You put them up on this pedestal and then BOOM. You got to knock them off and put yourself back up on that pedestal!

Tal, the only reason you want to patent the calender is so you can needle in all those philosophical quotes of yours ;[].
The calendar would mostly consist of tal quoting "Sorry for your loss - read my signatures" - lol. To be honest though you're somewhat the hero of the forums I think we all owe you our thanks ( Im sucking up to be your favourite broken-hearted one) :)

-Chuff I wanted to give you a greenie but it didn't let me.. You're so right though.

Guys I have to say right now I'm sooooooo angry at my ex, she's done nuttin but mess with my mind all day, I'm seriously thinking of changing numbers

tal, the only reason you want to patent the calender is so you can needle in all those philosophical quotes of yours ;[].

Why not?? How about my latest, "Learn from it, don't dwell on it".

Seriously, I appreciate the kind words. Anyone seen the OP?

guys i have to say right now im sooooooo angry at my ex, shes done nuttin but mess with my mind all day, im seriously thinking of changing numbers
Why are you letting her? You know what you have to do.

guys i have to say right now im sooooooo angry at my ex, shes done nuttin but mess with my mind all day, im seriously thinking of changing numbers

Which begs the question, "Why the hell are you talking to her in the first place?"

I know what you mean, I spend all day at work on this site and it's not even for my own accord now. It's to hopefully prevent others from making similar mistakes or aiding them with the break up.

You know it's the same with me. When I first came on here it was to tell my story. But when I decided to give advice to others, it made me see the that I'm not in a rut. I was rather in a phase which I've passed. Now I'm at a stage where I enjoy every single day and thank God that this happened to me now. To be honest, this was the best present my ex could have given me. I found out now rather than later who she was, and I know that there will be someone out there better than her. So all you hafta do is keep your chin up and enjoy being single.

To be honest though you're somewhat the hero of the forums I think we all owe you our thanks

I don't want to sound corny or cliché, but I agree with that. For some reason, it always makes me feel a little better to have tal the veteran reply to my posts.

And Chuff, when I was here a year ago, I looked forward to your responses as well. To be completely honest, I was missing you the first week or so I came back here this year. Glad to have you back :)

Thanks a bunch guys (and I mean everyone)

Starting day 8.This is the longest period EVER I've went without talking to him.

P.S You know when I broke NC recently he again insisted on beign civil friends and stated why NC is pointless and I should stay :
1.even if I was gone the earth wouldn't stop turing so I wouldn't have achieved much
2.there is nothing that can't be changed
3.he's not dependent on me for anything so basically doesn't NEED me around

He stated that 2. wasn't a mixed signal( it was just a reply to my comment that I've accepted he can't and won't love me again and that's fine,because something's can't be changed).Wait what?Not a mixed signal?Suure.

Starting day 8.This is the longest period EVER i've went without talking to him.

P.S You know when i broke NC recently he again insisted on beign civil friends and stated why NC is pointless and i should stay :
1.even if i was gone the earth wouldnt stop turing so i wouldnt have achieved much
2.there is nothing that can't be changed
3.he's not dependent on me for anything so basically doesnt NEED me around

He stated that 2. wasnt a mixed signal( it was just a reply to my comment that i've accepted he can't and wont love me again and thats fine,because somethings can't be changed).Wait what?Not a mixed signal?Suure.

Guess what?
You'll soon find out you're not dependent on him either and that YOU don't need HIM around.
Just stick to the plan!

Nichsheshe- You're so right. You finally get to the point where you realize YOU don't need HIM around. You finally get to the point where you DON'T want them back. You finally get to the point where you actually kind of feel sorry for THEM not you.

Sad at what was lost? Yes. But looking forward to my new life and my new opportunities. And new possibilities of being with someone who WANTS to be with you always. Looking forward to someone who wants you as much as you want them, and values you as much as you value them. That's what I deserve. And I'm not going to settle for anything less. Life lesson learned.

Losingit,

It sounds like someone lit a fire under your rear. I'm glad to see your still checking in once in a while. Sounds like you've got the right mindset now and you can handle whatever gets thrown at you.

kaneda: I agree with the posts above. You need to realize that you don't need to put up with the pain and suffering your being put through. It's not worth your time and effort anymore. I think a lot of times it takes a little bit of thought and honest "self-conversation" to realize that the person who is your ex was NOT the best person in the world for you. Once you realize that, the entire healing process becomes easier. You start to get excited about meeting someone new...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/letters-our-exes-154321-5.html?highlight=Letters+to+the+exes,

Read post 41.

Aw,that's why I love this place!Right now there is nobody else I xcould ask for help or support so... thank you.
I hugged my cat for about 10 minutes because of the strong desire to IM him.

It's been 13 days since the breakup and 13 days of 100% no contact. No attempts from me or from her. You can read https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-broke-up-me-after-7-years-213090.html for my story.

What makes this especially painful is that our breakup was "amicable." After all, we've been together for almost 7 years and practically breathed as a single unit, one blood... one person.

I'm still in the denial/is she hurting too/will she come running back/what the hell ever happened, I thought everything was great as usual/ stage. It's so surreal. Even if I'm busy at work, all of a sudden the thought will hit me like a train: "Oh god...she's not my baby anymore." We've been together for 7 years, all the way back since senior year in high school, so our lives before we met is such a distant memory... it's like we've known each other forever. She used to laugh and tell me that all the time... "I can't believe there was a time when we weren't together! How did we survive, haha."

The thing with my NC is that during the breakup we both agreed to meet again so she could finally visit my mother's grave with me (it's a long story, see my other post if you want). I really DO NOT want to be the first person to break NC because that would imply weakness and neediness, especially since I'm the dumpee. I want her to call me first.

Now every day seems a little bit better; actually more like nanobit. For a week straight since the breakup I've been eating one meal per day, crying until my eyes swell. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, then again early in the morning wishing she was in bed next to me. There is this particular part on my chest that she would always snuggle her head into as we went to sleep; she even had a pet name for it... ok I'm going to start crying again now...

I hang out with some old friends... it's helps a little, but just makes me miss her more because I think to myself, "I'd so much rather be hanging out with her." Yes, I know, she dumped me so I should let her go and say screw her... but like I said our breakup was too damn... civil. She was crying just as much as I was, even though she was the dumper.

For the life of me, I just cannot let her go even though she let go of me... we've been together for 25% of our lives, it's like cutting off half of my soul. I'm well aware that like less than 3% of ex's come running back, but regardless I still believe she will. My brain and body just can't accept it yet, even though in the back of my head I know the real numbers. It's like my mind is a paradox.

I hang out with some old friends...it's helps a little, but just makes me miss her more because I think to myself, "I'd so much rather be hanging out with her." Yes, I know, she dumped me so I should let her go and say screw her...but like I said our breakup was too damn...civil. She was crying just as much as I was, even though she was the dumper.


I feel your pain, I really do...

See I think a lot of people think the way to do it is to say "She broke up with me, screw her!" but I don't believe that is always the case. There are times when people are amicable about breakups (Mine was somewhat) and you need to reach a mutual understanding that it is over without getting angry.

I think you should know that everyone understands how tough it is and nobody blames you for being upset about it - it's a natural and necessary part of the breakup. To be honest, I am impressed with the self control and rationale that you are showing.

Since it has been since your senior year in high school, I imagine that this was one of, if not your first serious relationship. Seven years is a very long time and it will take time to get over, and you are on your way.

You say that you feel she will still come running back, but you are aware of the possibility of that. While I don't think that is good for you, I am hoping that in time you will fade from those feelings and start to realize that you can live without her. Its hard to pick yourself up after you have let someone become such a large part of your life.

I, like others, have been through breakups where the dumper was just as upset as the dumpee. It isn't a good experience for anyone involved, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to happen. Give it time, the feelings will start to fade into the white noise of your day.

It's going to be an up and down ride, but your in the right place to get that boost when you need it.

Good luck...

I feel your pain, I really do...

See I think a lot of people think the way to do it is to say "She broke up with me, screw her!" but i don't believe that is always the case. There are times when people are amicable about breakups (Mine was somewhat) and you need to reach a mutual understanding that it is over without getting angry.

I think you should know that everyone understands how tough it is and nobody blames you for being upset about it - its a natural and necessary part of the breakup. To be honest, I am impressed with the self control and rationale that you are showing.

Since it has been since your senior year in high school, I imagine that this was one of, if not your first serious relationship. Seven years is a very long time and it will take time to get over, and you are on your way.

You say that you feel she will still come running back, but you are aware of the possibility of that. While I don't think that is good for you, I am hoping that in time you will fade from those feelings and start to realize that you can live without her. Its hard to pick yourself up after you have let someone become such a large part of your life.

I, like others, have been through breakups where the dumper was just as upset as the dumpee. It isn't a good experience for anyone involved, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to happen. Give it time, the feelings will start to fade into the white noise of your day.

It's going to be an up and down ride, but your in the right place to get that boost when you need it.

Good luck....

Thanks for the reply. Correct, she was my first love; actually my first girlfriend ever. Prior to meeting her, I was never interested enough in anyone else to go out with them. She was the first girl to "connect" with me, and vice versa. After we talked about ourselves on our first date, we laughed and came to the conclusion that we must have been separated at birth, hah.

She had 2 boyfriends before me, but they were little 3-5 month "high school deals;" pretty much meaningless. So it's safe to say we were each others first big love, and I mean BIG. I think the length of our relationship speaks to that.

Right after she broke up with me, I actually wished to myself that she had cheated on me or something of that nature so it would be "easier" to cut her out of my life... but that has since changed. Although the thought of her having a grand 'ole time with someone else makes me want to die (at this point in time), I'll hopefully be able to accept it.

As I wrote in my post we will eventually see each other to take care of something very special to us, but I'm waiting for her to call first. When we do meet, I think need to play it cool. No questions about the breakup or even our relationship. Act civil and strong, like my life is progressing and I'm back on me feet.

Also, my 25th birthday is coming up fast on June 6th. I'm wondering if I'll get a call or text. Every year for my birthday we'd either go to Little Italy in NYC or this very romantic Japanese restaurant in Edgewater, NJ... god I miss having her as my girlfriend!

A couple days after the break up, I went out and got an apartment. Don't worry, I did it for me, not as a form of escapism. I've been wanting to move out of my parent's for a long time, so I guess this provided the catalyst. I think the fresh environment will help a lot. Ironically though, the apartment happens to be within 10 minutes of her house. I'm not trying to "get close to her," it just turned out to be the right price and location for my needs, so hey what can you do. Yesterday I started moving my stuff into the new place and I kept thinking, "Man, she would of loved this place." We spoke about moving in together for a long time, but were bogged down by college/waiting to get steady jobs. I was really counting on moving into my first apartment with her (as was she), so it's going to be sad at first. What a shame, because if we were still together she could continue living with her mom in the meantime and just sleepover or hang out at my place as often as she wants.

I also wonder if she's out high-fiving her friends and loving life right now, or if she's also hurt but progessing like me. Being the dumper, she is definitely more ahead of me since the concept of us not being together was already in her head, but I have a VERY strong feeling that I linger in her mind. Even if they aren't romantic or regretful thoughts, it would hurt me to know that I went from being her proclaimed "most important person in her life" to a total stranger. As many others have said on this site, NC and healing is a lot easier if we knew that both of us are hurting.

"Getting dumped is like being stabbed in the heart. Being quickly forgotten is like having the knife twisted." That's my quote for the day.

Right after she broke up with me, I actually wished to myself that she had cheated on me or something of that nature so it would be "easier" to cut her out of my life...but that has since changed. Although the thought of her having a grand 'ole time with someone else makes me want to die (at this point in time), I'll hopefully be able to accept it.


I have heard this before and I never thought it sounded like a good idea. It hurts enough to be quickly forgotten, how much more would it hurt to be cheated on? Bad idea if you ask me.



As I wrote in my post we will eventually see each other to take care of something very special to us, but I'm waiting for her to call first. When we do meet, I think need to play it cool. No questions about the breakup or even our relationship. Act civil and strong, like my life is progressing and I'm back on me feet.


Its going to be tough, but that's the way to do it if you can't really avoid it. Keep it distant and professional, not mean though.



Also, my 25th birthday is coming up fast on June 6th. I'm wondering if I'll get a call or text. Every year for my birthday we'd either go to Little Italy in NYC or this very romantic Japanese restaurant in Edgewater, NJ...god I miss having her as my girlfriend!


Don't count on it. You might or you might not, I have no idea, but I wouldn't count on it. On top of that, you don't really want to be jumping at the chance to talk to her if its over. Over and over again the dumpee gets excited because they think it's their ticket back in, when in reality the dumper is just feeling a little guilty or genuinely cares how your doing, in a friendly way.



I also wonder if she's out high-fiving her friends and loving life right now, or if she's also hurt but progessing like me. Being the dumper, she is definitely more ahead of me since the concept of us not being together was already in her head, but I have a VERY strong feeling that I linger in her mind. Even if they aren't romantic or regretful thoughts, it would hurt me to know that I went from being her proclaimed "most important person in her life" to a total stranger. As many others have said on this site, NC and healing is a lot easier if we knew that both of us are hurting.


After seven years, I doubt she's out high-fiving her friends. You know her better than anyone else and its usually pretty hard to forget a relationship that long. I haven't talked to my ex in a month (after 4 years) and I'm sure she isn't "high-fiving" her friends about it. She might not cry every night and be upset about it, but hell -- neither am I. It really doesn't matter how they are feeling because you need to stop concerning yourself with her. She was your #1 for a long time, and now you need to put yourself back in front, and keep it that way... That's the true lesson in all of this break up garbage.

She was your #1 for a long time, and now you need to put yourself back in front, and keep it that way... That's the true lesson in all of this break up garbage.
So true.

Day 7 feeling good. Going to san diego tonight till Sunday, should be a good get away

So I am finally through my first week of nc. Almost didn't make it yesterday though. I was out grabbing a bite to eat, got in my car and drove off. Went to go around the corner and just as I was making the turn, sure enough she stepped off the curb (she was crossing the street illegally). Nearly ran her right over. I'm not sure if the look that she threw me was one of disgust, being surprised, of just taken aback. None the less, I just smiled gave her a quick wave and kept going. Thinking back on it, had she stepped out any sooner, there would've been no way that I would've missed her.

I just hope that she doesn't think that I'm stalking her or anything. Just a weird coincidence that we were at the same corner at the same time, but hey, funny to me none the less.

At least you have something humorous to look back on now...

Keep strong and try to make it another week now... you can do it.

Haha it would be funny if she got a restraining order :]
But yeah I think you should remember this as something humorous too...

Not really considering that I am in the law enforcement community...

But still funny.

Hey,

I didn't say that to kill the thread...

Come on guys.

I'm now on day 9 and feeling pretty good about it. It is amazing how you go through so many different emotions not only during a week, but during a day.

Anyone else??

I had a weird dream last night.. I was really really wasted cause I'm almost finished with my exams and went out to celebrate. (Yeah I know you're supposed to celebrate at the very end.. but anyway). And I just fell asleep and I was on this bus (in my dream) with all the girls that I've been meeting since I was single.. It was quite strange, my ex wasn't there but I would think about her in my dream.. It was quite odd. I don't exactly remember what happened next but even so. I was thinking yesterday, when I was at my unis main campus how many girls are out there that could make me happy. And that I could easily fall in love for a fraction of them.. there are just so many possibilities out there for us.
I don't believe in one person in the whole world that is made for you.. I think there are lots.

Nichsheshe - I'm right there with you!

I stopped counting the NC days, because frankly, its now just a way of normal life not a goal. Ex is slowly working out of my system! Granted, I had a dream last night, and who popped up in it? My ex's mom of all people. That was weird. But as far as I'm concerned, there is no reason to EVER to talk to my ex again. I know some people can stay friends with their ex (and I know that's what my ex really wants) but honestly, its not something I feel like I'd ever be able or want do with him. There's no point. So, suck it up, to a life lesson learned!

Anyhow, had an awesome weekend! Actually met 2 guys who kind of gave me those butterfly feelings again. And both keep calling me to hang out again! Wow, its nice to feel desired again. I still got it!

I don't believe in one person in the whole world that is made for you.. I think there are lots.
Lots more than you think!

Wow, its nice to feel desired again. I still got it!
You never lost it, you were distracted.

Not really considering that I am in the law enforcement community...

I got a coupla tickets here..?

Very funny Tal.

Maybe you shouldn't be exposing yourself in public that much then...

DAY 73 NC, for some reason last couple of days been thinking of my ex, think its because its pretty much exactly 6 months since she broke up with me. Can get through days fine now, but the thoughts are still there. Not cripling thoughts that they once were thank god, just a pang when you stop and think for a bit, then I slap myself and get back on with living my life and being me.

Keep going all, it's a tough ride, not easy, but it'll be worth it in the end,

Keep posting

JPM

It is so weird, now it feels now like I miss my ex so much but then in a way I think I am also afraid of letting go, it is like I don't want him to let go of me and I know I should let go of him but I don't want to cause then I will lose that part of my life, it scares me that he is drifting away... shouldn't I be happy that I am starting to slowly forget about him?

Len,

Your thinking like it hasn't happened. The relationship has ended and at this point what he is doing, how he is feeling, and if he is drifting away or not doesn't matter. You don't have to be afraid of "letting him go" because he is going, whether you let him or not. What matters is you getting to be healthy and happy by yourself.

I don't want this to be harsh because I know how tough it is to move on and try to stop thinking about the ex. The best medicine is to keep busy and keep moving forward. You have made so much progress... keep moving forward.

Day 2.Dont ask.
Picked myself up quicker this time.

My ex said I couldn't last a week without calling her again. I guess that motivated me even more as it's now almost a week and a half.

Also her best friend called me yesterday to check up on me, too bad I was at a party and I told her I couldn't talk.
To make things even better, my ex tried calling me this morning and I ignored her call. It gets easier and easier each day. I think the 3 week barrier is key if you want to completely move on with your ex.

I don't know how long its been since I've talked to me ex. I'm not going to count either.

I have been feeling pretty good lately. Keeping myself busy and going out almost every night. Trying to hang out with different people constantly so that I can expand my network of friends and hopefully meet even more people. The group of friends I hang out with more than anyone else (in the past anyway) are all in relationships and don't get out much thus I can't meet many new people with them. I'm getting a little more in sync with my single friends.

For anyone struggling in the first few days/weeks -- trust me, it does get better. I know its hard to hear and you think I'm lying to you, but I'm not.

Good luck to all!

Well I'm starting over again myself but this was pretty awesome. This morning, I was walking into our building and she was sitting there and she just gave this half wave looked down and said "hello," you could tell she was just looking sad. I was having a great day and I said, "Hey how are you doing?" very enthusiastic. She said, "okay" but looked away again so I for once being fully aware of what I was doing and not acting on emotions stopped and said, "Is everything okay?" She just did this pathetic nod. I was then said, "GREAT!" and kept on walking.

Then later at lunch a friend of hers calls me over to the table where she is with a couple other people and we start talking about something, I don't even remember what to be honest. Then I basically start mocking her with some inside jokes that nobody else would have got and make fun of her while pretending to talk about something completely different. Trust me, it worked better then I can explain it, and she was laughing. Then at one point her friend, said, "To stick up for you, I......." I interrupted, "What to you mean to stick up for me, what do you need to stick up for me for?" Of course he says, "She (pointing to her) says bad things about you all the time" I just looked at her and then him and I said laughing, "yeah consider the source." He then said, while she was in a horrible mood until you showed up, now she's having a good time." I then said, again, " I then said, again, " But then I just kept on going doing my funny man routine that so many of you enjoy here on this site. I'm not really paying attention to her at all but she's laughing the whole way through. At the end when they got up to leave they all walked ahead and she just kind of stayed behind and watched me as I was cracking jokes at another woman at the table. I didn't even catch this at first I just happen to look over and see her standing there smiling and kind of laughing. She then walked off.

Sounds like fun Chuff...

Just make sure you don't feel too good and have her coming back around... or at least be able to deal with it the right way :)

That's the way to go chuff!! Keep up the good work. Being confident is the best way to go. When you realize that you're in control of your life/emotions, then you have nothing to be afraid of. I always tell myself to keep my chin up because this is only an obstacle that I need to overcome and so far it's been better than expected.

I've kept in touch with different friends from college, high school and others from work. It helps so much knowing that there are people who get your mind off her and make your life enjoyable.

Day Whatever of NC! I don't count. Ok, actually, I do know. I haven't spoken to him for a week but we haven't actually seen each other in over a month and it'll be 2 months since we broke up on the 23rd. Ok, maybe if I have to I can count : )

Anyhow, I can't believe how great I've been feeling. After a while, the good days really do start to outweight the bad days. Its great. And yeah, NC was broken (by him mind you) a week ago and it was rough for a day or two but I've bounced back quite nicely.

Its amazing to finally realize that yes, life does go on. Time really does start to heal everything if you just let it.. and let it go... let go of everything you thought you're life was going to be and instead look forward to all the possibilities life has in store for you.

Honestly, this break up may have been the best thing to happen in my life. I only wish I had been the one to initiate it. But I can honestly say right now, it feels like it was the right move. I wasn't happy in the relationship. I was just used to having him there and being with him, but I sure as heck wasn't getting out of the relationship what I wanted and it was a constant struggle on my part to keep it above water. I deserve so much better than that! Yay to new beginnings!

Keep up the NC all!

Chuff - I had to spread the rep, but you may be the coolest guy ever!

Chuff - I had to spread the rep, but you may be the coolest guy ever!

Just post your picture losingit77 and chuff will be onto you like a flash... LMAO:p

Chuff - I had to spread the rep, but you may be the coolest guy ever!


Well I don't know about that, I'm much to modest to accept such an honor. Also check out my new signature.

Just post your picture losingit77 and chuff will be onto you like a flash .............LMAO:p

That is only if she has any good arm pit photos.

Comments on this post
chuff agrees: Nothing wrong with a little AMHD.com get together.

Couldn't agree more my friend :)

Well I find myself below square one today... So the day after we slept together (friday) after being broken up for only 3 weeks out of a 4 year relationship have gotten me no where but worse off than I was in the beginning. She texted me the next day to tell me that she didn't get into med school (like I thought) and would be moving the next day 6 hours away to do her masters. She than called me that night, where she continued to say that she didn't want us to be over but still didn't know if she could handle a relationship in her life right now. Everyone I told about what happened between us was pretty angry at me, and were very persistent that I could do way better and that what she was doing was really selfish and was more for her own benefit, because she got to see that I still really cared for her and that made her feel good. She asked me to come visit her the next weekend as well as call me daily. Its weird, I had convinced myself so much in those three weeks that I was way better off, and that she did treat me pretty horribly at times and that I did deserve way better... but when I thought she might come back I threw all that out the window. I have decided now that I really have to think without my heart, and use my head, I don't know why but I actually do feel more upset now than I did when the break happened. Just a warning, 99.99% of the time you are not going to get back together with your ex, and in trying so or opening yourself up to it you are only opening yourself up for more pain... I could have been a month into NC by now and feeling better but now I am back to the beginning, this really truly sucks, my confidence is shot and I feel like I will never meet someone again... I have no one to blame for myself however, I definitely had fair warning. Thanks for letting me vent.

Everyone I told about what happened between us was pretty angry at me, and were very persistent that I could do way better and that what she was doing was really selfish and was more for her own benefit, because she got to see that I still really cared for her and that made her feel good.


She is being selfish and doing what she wants for herself, so isn't it time you do the same?



Just a warning, 99.99% of the time you are not going to get back together with your ex, and in trying so or opening yourself up to it you are only opening yourself up for more pain... I could have been a month into NC by now and feeling better but now I am back to the beginning


Hmmmm... sounds vaguely familiar :rolleyes:

Well,

For those who know what was happening, I saw her at the party and said hi. That was all. After the party, I went onto Facebook, changed the relationship status (I'm surprised that she hadn't) and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Should I go back to day 1?

Well,

For those who know what was happening, I saw her at the party and said hi. That was all. After the party, I went onto facebook, changed the relationship status (I'm surprised that she hadn't) and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Should I go back to day 1?

Are you expecting an answer back , is that why you sent her a message??

50 days of NC
... bloody hell :|

and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Terrible Idea, don't do it again.

Very tough. Yesterday was my birthday and I was half expecting a phone call from her. None came. We've been BU for 2.5 months and NC for 1.5.

We broke up 90 days before our wedding because of some mental issues she had and because of her parents not approving of our relationship (her parents caused her mental problems). I've half been expecting contact from her because she said she'd love to get back together with me once she got better.

I am doing my best to not wait around and date, but there are still hard days. I am not looking forward to the next time that I see her.

Sigh,today is the day I decided to seek professional help.Yes,indeed it's that bad. While Losingit77 is slowly moving on 2 months after the break up of a 4+ year (was it?) relationship,I am in month 5 of my depression over losining a relationship of 5 (FIVE) months.So yeah,professional help, I'm a comin'!

There is nothing wrong with getting a professional to guide you, one on one, through this process, Good idea, and good luck.