P.S.

BEFORE he told me all of those things (he'll call later, etc.) I DID say that I didn't think we should be together either. That I agreed we didn't need to get back together... and I said all that, so I don't think I came off as desperate? I just felt so.. terrible..

Confession: I contacted the ex on Saturday through texts. But I had a reason (and I know everone says that..)

I was doing fairly well with no contact (got up to 8 days, each time) seems like more.. Because the first time was v. brief.. ANYWAY..

I was molested in a club on Friday night and spent the whole night with the police/hospital, etc. It was killing me and he was the only person I wanted/trusted to talk to. So I texted him, and he acted like.. really concerned: Saying he wanted to kill the guy, he wishes he could help, blah blah.

I ended up saying some dumb things like how I've been so strong and I've been doing well, but this happening has made me feel weak and made me feel things about you that I shouldn't. And he just kept saying sorry and that he's here for me.

The WEIRD part is this. At the end of this text conversation, he says "I will call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And I was like.. what does that mean!? And he just said "I'll explain later, hang in there, i'm here for you."

WHAT!!?? I feel so dumb that I contacted him.. but I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and alone. :-(

I still love him. But it seems pretty obvious he doesn't love me.. as he hasn't said anything to me since and said he has things to explain later???

Nicole, the whole part of N/C is to get over your ex. Stop worrying about why he hasn't said anything to you since, he's not worth it.

Get on with your life without him in it, things do get easier, I promise. I was in the same sitation as you, relying on a certain someone to make the pain go away but when they don't respond, it makes you feel completely crap.

The only way forward is to cut them out of your life, completely. It is hard but it gets easier and you will be happier in the long run believe me.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

And I'm sorry if I hurt you with what I said but I just want to try to help you get out of the mess you're in because I know how low you can go when in a situation like your's.. I have been in it myself. Just stay strong, for your own good.

Yea, it's weird because I have a mutual friend on Facebook and me and her were posting comments to each other and then my ex started commenting on that same friends Facebook trying to get me to see what she said. And then said "We should go check out that hockey game someone talks about all the time" after 2 posts down I had said how I have been playing hockey a lot lately and stuff. I didn't even let it phase me because she isn't worth my time. I am finally seeing that I need to do the things I want to do. I'm like you DazT, I did not think I would be able to recover so quickly. I hit rock bottom for like two weeks, then found this site and everyone here is such a great support line that I needed. My friends were telling how to get her back, I came on here and was told flat out to go No Contact.. Which I did. Everyone here, gives honest and straight forward advice that you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.

Yea, it's weird because I have a mutual friend on Facebook and me and her were posting comments to each other and then my ex started commenting on that same friends facebook trying to get me to see what she said. And then said "We should go check out that hockey game someone talks about all the time" after 2 posts down I had said how I have been playing hockey a lot lately and stuff. I didn't even let it phase me because she isn't worth my time. I am finally seeing that I need to do the things I want to do. I'm like you DazT, I did not think I would be able to recover so quickly. I hit rock bottom for like two weeks, then found this site and everyone here is such a great support line that I needed. My friends were telling how to get her back, I came on here and was told flat out to go No Contact..Which I did. Everyone here, gives honest and straight forward advice that you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.

Yeah, just ignore them comments.. very immature of her to do that rather than contacting you herself.

Yeah, I see what you mean by doing the things you need to do.. I'm like you in that aspect as well. I had lots of things to be done but I didn't even think of them because I was rock bottom over my ex. I was really down. But I came on here also and was gave great advice, read other topics and it really helped. I must say, I was embarrassed to come onto the internet to find help because none of my friends would expect it off me and its not like me to do something like that but I was willing to try anything to get her back, then I was told to do N/C. I never listened until one day it hit me that it was the right thing to do and I've been mostly upbeat about the whole thing ever since.

And especially that the last words she said to me were "piss off and stop texting me", that's really motivating me not to contact her again. I was only trying to get my stuff back so that I didn't have to contact her again and she tells me that.. and I still haven't got my stuff back!

Sorry for that wee rant, lol.

Yea, my ex still owes me $140 bucks... but I weighed my options on that one... I could call and ask for my money, in which we may meet up to get said money and she might try to talk to me(not good because I don't want to hear what she has to say) or I could just write it off as a lesson learned. I have chosen, write it off as a lesson learned.

Yea, she has become a totally different person. She makes it apoint to talk about how she got drunk the night before when I walk by at work or always is with a guy flirting if I'm around. I just laugh it off because I think to myself "she just wants a rise out of you" and then I just walk by ha ha

My ex never said don't talk to me ha ha... I just stopped talking to her cold turkey, she wanted to be "friends because I was such a big part of her life" yea... Same song and dance, so big that you could walk away. My view on it was.. If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

Touché.

... my ex still has my fridge.. . lesson learned.

Rant on...

Well she came down to get a ride home because she is leaving work early today. As chance would have it she looks in the window as I happen to look up and our eyes meet then she goes and sits down out of my view. A guy who works for me said something to her about me but I couldn't make it out what it was nor her response. After awhile she gets up and stands out by the street for her ride and I guess got picked up at some point but I didn't see that. Naturally I pointed out to the guy who works for me that she was looking at me and that I caught her. He immediately changed the subject and then I asked if she happened to mention my name and he turned away and said "no." Obviously this is not his problem nor should he get involved but I know I came up. Anyway I have nothing to add, I just needed to rant for a second and I think I feel better now.

If you could walk away from us, I can walk away from you.

Wow... that says it all right there... my ex still thinks that I'm "one of the most important people in her life"... then why would she leave me?

I guess I'm at Day 4.

I hate him. :-(

I'm still so sad. Blah. Just blah.

Ha! You're so right. "If you can walk away from us, I can walk away from you!" I'm going to keep reminding myself. Yeah, my ex-bf is like "I love you, I will always love you, I want you to call me whenever you need someone to talk to...someone who knows you..someone who loves you"... ha, how could I do that? Call the person that walked away from me? He should be worrying about who he's going to call now when he needs someone!

Day 10 NC. Sad, but OK. No chance of breaking NC. I set a goal for myself. 5 weeks! We've never gone longer than 2 1/2 weeks without speaking in 4 years so that should really put the hurt on. Well, 3 1/2 weeks to go! Hopefully, by then I won't care so much anymore. I know you shouldn't put a time limit on NC, but in these early days, a goal is the only thing that keeps me sane and not so sad.

Day 4... so horrible just saw something on a friends Facebook about him scoring a girl on the weekend. Feel horrible and sick all at the same time, it hurts so bad to imagine him kissing someone else. But I know I can't judge him I have been out on a few dates and kissed another guy. Its weird though I don't think I should do much more dating cause I just think about him when I am with someone else. I hope secretley he does the same... man this sux:-(

Len21 - Definitely don't check the facebook/msn/myspace... any of that. Trust me! It will only hurt so much more. Not worrying about that stuff makes it so much easier. Years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend and spent months "checking" up on him (ie. Phone records cause the bills were still coming to my house, myspace pages, etc.). All it did was make things 100xs worse.. and I was just doing it to myself. Now, I have zero contact with my current ex, zero contact with anything to do with his "world" and it really makes the separation sooooo much easier. I'm not going to spend my time focusing on what he may or may not be doing. Just focus on what I can control and that's myself and my own actions.

The way I look at, anything he does after you've broken up is no reflection on you. So don't worry about it. Like you said, you've kissed other guys, and its still no reflection on how you feel about him.

I'm also going to try to hold off on dating for a while because the thought of it just makes me think more about him and only makes it harder.

I am on day 51 of NC with the Ex Girlfriend and we have been broken up for about 2 1/2 months

I am on day 2 of no contact and this sucks so bad. I'm so hurt over everything that happened. I just don't get it. I fought for my gal over and over throughout our relationship (about a year and a half), and never gave up on her. I just feel so betrayed.. I was so committed to her, and yet she could just walk away and not look back. It frickin' kills. I love her so much, and the last time I talked to her she said she still loves me too, but that we won't ever be together again. Everyday since we broke up (about a week and a half now) I get off work and just come home and cry. I'm so heartbroken. And I'm so tired of being sad, but I just can't help it. We were each other's support, and that is lost now. God I want to be better, but I don't see it happening any time soon.

Day 42 of NC 2nd time around ( with a minor run in on Monday the only bl, but I'm not counting that as it was an accident, and lasted about 15 seconds! )

If I look back on how I feel at christmas time when this crap all started compared to now, I'm miles better. I know that this is not going to be a quickly resolved pain, but from reding the other posts on this topic I know it will fade in time.

I get annoyed when I think of her now, as it really sucks to get dumped, but its her loss, as she will never find another me, so she can get on with it.

Just try and keep as busy as you can, when you busy doing an activity especially a physical one, it puts the thoughts of the ex out of the mind, for a while at least, and that's the goal.

Focus on what you can control, and let them go and get on with their decision.

Well done Canefan for getting to day 51, and belight, I couldn't eat or barely sleep on day two of NC, so if you can eat, your doing better than I was,

And now I'm on that road to recovery, just hope I don't have any more run ins with the ex, but it's a small town, and I'll be strong again if it happens again.

Keep going all

JPM

There's been an update in my no contact... last time we spoke was 2 weeks ago when the last thing she said on msn was "are you ignoring me on purpose?" on which I didn't reply.. and then a couple of days later I found she blocked me..
About 15 minutes ago she tried to send me a song on msn.. I didn't say anything I just accepted.. and like 3 seconds into it I'm like " am I doing?" and I went offline, and back online.. hoping that she thinks maybe I got disconnected or something and didn't accept...
But I guess it shouldn't matter what she thinks as long as I didn't speak to her right??

I showed her I was there I kind of feel I showed weakness in some sense?
Reassurance . :/

Are you ignoring me on purpose?

Tough one, but essentially you are. Your ignoring her for your own good.

As far as receiving the song, I would have been inclined to reject it, as you did in the end.

Your still in the early days of NC really, so your bound to be a bit confused if she's sending you things when your both online.

~I wouldn't say it was weakness and you aren't there for her anymore.

Your doing well, but if possible id avoid putting yourself in situations where you can interact for now, such as msn.

My ex wanted me to be afriend on Facebook but I ignored her request. She has no right to see what I'm up too, and I sure as hell don't want any contact with her, though there will always be a part of me that does, if that makes sense.

Keep going with the NC, but try and stay away from situations that you can control such as chatting on MSN.

I just figured I don't want to block her from msn and Facebook.. I always considered it kind of lame in that sense.. and the truth of the matter is my Facebook is blooming as opposed to hers that's dead, so I want her to see that I'm getting on.. though I don't really care if she doesn't see...

It just annoys me how she dumps me but now she wants my attention.
I wish she would leave me alone

I wish she would leave me alone
It starts with you leaving her alone, until she gets the message.

It sucks because part of me wants her to keep trying.. like.. it would hurt if she just stopped talking to me even though the NC thing was my call so I could heal or get away or whatever..
Whatever the case this sucks I guess..
Oh well.
Does this count as breaking the NC ? Should I reset the counter?

Well, I have a slight problem now.. it's got me thinking about her a wee bit more than I would usually. Its her sisters birthday party and she's having a houseparty. When we went on a break one time, she got off with one of my friends (not a close friend, would just talk to him in school) and they got up to some stuff. When we got back together, she told me this and I went crazy.

I'm over it now and I'm now playing in the same football team as the boy that did the badness with my ex. Trouble is, he's been invited to the sisters houseparty and now he'll be there and so will my ex and no doubt they will do the same stuff again!

I know it shouldn't bother me but I just get an awful feeling when I think of it. Worst of it is, I have to work on Sunday so I can't go out and get drunk to just forget it :(

DazT
Getting drunk is not the answer anyway , it doesn't make you forget it in fact you end up being more emotional , and then more chance of doing something silly like drunk calling etc.

he'll be there and so will my ex and no doubt they will do the same stuff again!

That's her business, go home, and watch the playoffs, and have a beer with friends, but no need to get drunk. Get a good nights sleep instead. You'll feel much better the next day, as these things come, and they GO!

No, no, no.. I don't do the whole drowning my sorrows thing. When I'm down or something I try to arrange a party with all my friends and by doing that, it makes me not think about what she's up to.

Anyway, I don't care what she does. It's her life and I'm not apart of that any more (thankfully) so she can do what she wants.

Ugh, today was the 3rd day of no contact and the official 2 week mark of my gal and I being split up. I broke no contact today... I had this massive urge to talk with her at work. We started just talking, and then when I had about 3 hours left working, she said she had to come by and get her snowboard boots and we could talk then. I agreed and said we needed to have a massive heart to heart. About an hour before I got off she wrote me saying she would have to cancel because she was feeling sick and we could try to meet up Monday. I said I was sorry that she was feeling sick, and that if she needed someone to take care of her, to let me know. To this she said something like "Dont worry about me! I'll worry about myself enough for everyone else." I replied that now I was worried. She said "I'll be fine. We'll talk later ok?" I am really feeling like there is no hope for us now, and it sucks. Essentially the break up went like this: she made a mistake (the reason she broke up with me), when she realized her mistake, she called me frantically telling me she made a mistake and needed to talk. I blew her off not really understanding how everything was happening, and then the next day she said I completely let her down and she had taken my not calling her as my decision to end things. Completely opposite, I just needed a second to catch my breath. Ultimately, I should have called her, but some stupid part of me told me maybe it would be good for us both to soak things in. I kind of feel to blame; if I had called her, there is a very good chance I wouldn't be posting on here and still would be with her. Argh. Now she's throwing out things like "I don't think I was ready for a relationship in the first place" etc etc. I know she still cares about me, and I have pretty much exhausted myself between trying to get her to snap out of whatever she is doing and being depressed over the whole thing. I'm trying to do all of these things to show her I do still love her like crazy, but I feel like all I'm doing is hurting her in the process. The mature thing to do would be to let her have her space and let her sort things out on her own, and that's what I plan on doing. It just sucks because like I said I know she still has feelings, and the longer she is away the easier it will be for her to decide that she doesn't want to be back together with me whereas I am deeply in love with her, and my feelings aren't going to fade anytime soon. In that regard, there's this huge part of me that wants to keep trying and trying, but I have to let go of that. This blows. I'm tired of losing it every day when I get home from work.. I had to leave my nephews second birthday party yesterday early so I could come home and be myself and cry. I know I'm a man, but God I feel like a little kid. I've been in tons of relationships, and never once have I had one affect me this drastically. I care about her so freakin' much. Bleh. With all of that said, I'm restarting my nc again.

Belight -

I agree. It totally sucks. And it feels like you are just letting them slip away, even though you "know" they love you.

I mean, my boy even told me he loved me as he was breaking up with me. But you know what? If she loved you as much as you think she'd be with you or she'd be back. And if she doesn't come back and if she isn't with you... you deserve someone who loves you every bit as much as you love them.. you know?

It's hard for me to say that, because I feel like you do. But if they really loved us, they'd be with us.. or they'll realize and come crawling back. But hopefully by then, we won't care because they shouldn't haven broken our hearts in the first place.

That's the kicker though, is what if she doesn't still love me? I am almost certain she does, and I would wait forever for her, but it's one of those "what ifs?" I don't think I can put all my eggs in one basket on this one. I need to move on. There were several times in the beginning (probably once a month for the first 4 months) that she would do the "I don't know if we're right for eachother" thing. And when all was said and done I would always forgive her and welcome her back in to my life. I just feel kind of betrayed you know? I put so much strength into welcoming this girl back in to my life on several occasions, that it's like a slap in the face that she can just move on and forget. Maybe she was right all along and I should have jumped ship. I accepted her insecurities when maybe I shouldn't have. Hopefully the next time she loves she'll remember all I did to let her know I wasn't going to ever leave her, and will show her next guy that kind of dedication.

The sad part is, if she did come crawling back, I would probably take her back in a heartbeat. At least I say that now, who knows what I'll feel like in the future. My heart is just crushed though, and I really hope I don't have to go through this ever again.

And I agree with you about the "if she loved you so much" part. You're entirely right. Maybe that will be my motto for awhile. It's just really hard. I'm 28 and she's 26, and we've talked about marriage countless times. How we want our house, kids, etc. I put so much emotion in to the whole relationship, only for her to be able to walk away so easily. I really just wish we could hug it out, speak our piece, and move on with what we had. It's a sick world! Thanks for your response Nicole.

I went 2 months of NC with my ex of 2 years, I initiated it though. Because I smacked him in the face :] [[[LOOOONNG STORY]]]] but yeah 2 months, and lets say a couple days after that though. Then suddenly out of NOWHERE I see a note, for me, by him. He says he wants to talk again, but doesn't want to be with me. [[[[that was about a month ago]]]] and lol, even though he claimed he didn't want to be with me [[[[for the sake of being a macho guy and not showing emotions]]]] we got back together. Its funny how love is, the minute you're ready to walk out, they come strolling back in. but I'm happy, he's happy, we're happy. And I guess that's all that matters :]

That's the kicker though, is what if she doesn't still love me? I am almost certain she does.

Like Nicole said , if she loved you she would still be with you. Honestly ask yourself , would you leave someone you loved??


I put so much emotion in to the whole relationship, only for her to be able to walk away so easily.

The reason it looks so easy for her is she has thought about this for a while , nobody just wakes up one morning and thinks I'm leaving this relationship today. Therefore emotionally she is well ahead of you at the moment.

I went 2 months of NC with my ex of 2 years, i initiated it tho. because i smacked him in the face :] [[[LOOOONNG STORY]]]] but yeah 2 months, and lets say a couple days after that tho. Then suddenly out of NOWHERE i see a note, for me, by him. he says he wants to talk again, but doesnt want to be with me. [[[[that was about a month ago]]]] and lol, even though he claimed he didnt want to be with me [[[[for the sake of being a macho guy and not showing emotions]]]] we got back together. its funny how love is, the minute you're ready to walk out, they come strolling back in. but im happy, he's happy, we're happy. and i guess thats all that matters :]

I'm glad it all worked out for you lost.

Day 4 of total n/c for me, anyway last night I went out on a date with a guy that I was kind of seeing about 2 years ago, I know I should proably wait a bit but it was great we get on really well and we just have fun together... it ended with a small pec and him saying he would really like us to hang out a bit more, he knows I don't want anything right now cuase it has only been 3 months since me and my ex broke up. But it is so encouraging to actually feel something for someone else even if it is only a small something... yay!

Day 12 of NC. Why does it suddenly start getting harder and harder? I guess the reality is kicking in. I want to call him so bad and say "we can work this out"! But how many times can you say the same thing over and over to a person? No chance of me contacting him. I've just turned it into my goal. I'm not breaking before he does. My goal is 35 days... for now. Once I reach 35 days I guess I can just keep going forever.

I wish he would call so I could at least know that he's thinking of me. And also I want him to call so I can NOT answer and feel like I got a little more power back. Well, after the last time we met (12 days ago), I told him not to call me and that I would call him when I felt I was ready so I guess he's respecting my wish in that respect.

Its just hard to get it in my head that after 4 years together, he's no longer part of my life. : (

Well I guess she broke NC tonight. I was walking to my office and she was sitting on a bench outside. I didn't see her and she said, "are you working this weekend, Mr. Chuffington?" I, like a tool, walked right up to her, at which point I realized I had just walked up to her and must look like a tool for giving her that power so I said, "no I have the whole weekend off", and walked away. She wished me a good weekend and I assured her I would have one and left it at that.

Well, had 3 drinks tonight with friends and its amazing how the only thing alcohol seems to do is make you think more and more about the love you lost. All I could think about was talking to him again and saying "I understand what you're saying, we can work this out"... I was so close to calling him but didn't. Thank God! There's nothing else I can say to him. I can't change his mind. The more I say, the more I just push him away. Oh, well. At least I've maintained NC for yet another day. Day 13 here I come. Just missing him way too much. And its only been 13 days...

Well I return again with a NC update. Due to somebody not showing up for their shift this evening I had to tough it out until 3 am. Across the street there is several bars and low and behold she is over there and she is drunk. Several people who work in my building are screaming at me to be funny and she screams "I love you." I pretend not hear her, and then she says "I thought you didn't have to work tonight?" to which I told her why I was here. She then says, I called you, why didn't you answer?" I said, "when?" and she says earlier. So I go and look and sure enough she had called a couple times.

So I called her back and she answers the phone by saying "Why don't you call me anymore?" I pointed out that she was the last one who told me she missed me and was going to call me that night, which never happened. She then said, I wish you told us you were working, you could have let us in the building to park for free (I have the highly sought after parking access card that she does not). I then said, "Yeah the last time I got hit with that scam I was told I was getting lunch, which I never got." Her immediate reply "What do you want from Subway?"

So a little more of this nonsense and finally she says flicks me off (mind you she is across the street and I can see her while talking to her) laughs and says, I just flicked you off, to which I said very arrogantly "but I still love you." I think I want to stress this to those reading this, I wasn't a wimp about it, I said it more like with the tone, "you had to resort to the finger and I went the high road." It was a huge gamble because even just writing it down here I see how this could have backfired on me. However..........

the next words out of her mouth were "If you want, you can call me and we can hang out some time." Now I made a huge mistake here because I said, "we could probably do that" instead of demanding she call me when she's sober. Stupid move on my part but I have to share it so others can learn from it. But the good news was she repeated this statement 3 or 4 more times that we could do something. She seemed to want to make it clear.

The last time I talked to her a few weeks ago she picked up her cell phone in my mid sentence and called somebody else at which point I walked away. So I told her that if she wants to talk to me I'm going to start holding her to what she says and said, "you understand that, no more calling other people when you've got my time?" She said "yes"

Unfortunately, she got the last word as she said, "I've got to get back to my friends so I've got to get going," which pissed me off because I was about to end the call myself so she got me there.

I don't think I won the fight but I think I won this round.

My plan now is to NOT call her this weekend and then call her on Monday and ask "Will you be providing a drink with my lunch?" and see what her response is. But let me turn this over to some of you... I'd be curious if you think I should not call at all and just expect my lunch to arrive.

I would expect nothing, as drunks are notorius for forgeting what they said, let alone any promise they made.

Chuff - Don't even mention it. If you do, you'll be giving her all the power cause she'll know that you've been thinking about it since she said it. If she does even remember asking you that and then you don't ever even mention it, it'll make her wonder why you never brought it up again.

Agh, Day 13 and now the constant dreams are coming through every night. Dreams of him. So many urges to call him, but then I remember myself what's the point. Either (1) he won't answer or respond and I'll be more miserable and have taken 20 steps back or (2) I'll call him and be all sad and whiny which will only serve to push him more away or (3) I'll call him and try to act happy and fine but he'll still know that I'm still waiting here thinking about him and he'll think he has me right where he wants me...

I know letting go is best, but I can't lie.. I want him to come back to me. I know we can work this out if we both want it.

Well, hopefully if I continue to act like I'm moving on, maybe one day I will feel like I have actually moved on.

losingit77, I go through the same jazz every day.. I know we can work things out e.t.c e.t.c e.t.c
But then I just stop and think "okay she doesn't want to be with me..boo-hoo" It sucks and its hard and I want to hear her voice more than ever.. but she's at a different place now and she doesn't want me..
We can't keep dwelling on it.

Thanks, nickshehe. You're right. Every time I start to think "we can work this out"... I remind myself that he lost the option of working things out now. If he wanted to work things out, he would come to me, he knows where I am. I'm not chasing after someone who's only going to keep running farther and farther away. Whatever. Just keep reminding myself that one day one of us will see the light and come to realize that at least one of us made the right decision here. Don't know yet if that right decision is (1) working things out, or (2) breaking up and walking away... but one of those has to be the right answer and with time the right answer will show itself. All I can do know is to keep walking away...

My ex contacted me on msn again today... she said hi... I dno what to do its been 3 weeks she's been trying to talk to me every 2-3 days and I don't reply.. she isn't stupid I'm sure she knows I'm ignoring her :/
What's going on?
I know if she ha dsomething important to say she would call or something... should I tell her to stop talking to me or what?

She will eventually get the message on her own. Stay no contact.

Its somewhat refreshing to see her weak... I see her as being quite pathetic at times.. I mean she leaves me in the most horrible way, out of the blue, as if she was 14 years old or something( no offense to our younger members ).. and now its been three weeks she keeps trying to talk to me..
I don't extract any reason behind it.. I know she's probably just bored or trying to keep the leash close to her, but even so..

.. Im also wondering what happens if I ever bump into her.. if I've ignored her for so long I can't just be like hey what's up :/

Agh! Would have been Day 13 of NC until my phone rang and its my ex and like an idiot and weakling I'm way too eager to answer. So we're chatting and again start discussing the break-up and we wind up meeting for dinner and again discuss the break-up and of course, NOTHING has changed. I want to stay together and be there for each other and he "can't be in a relationship right now". I say, "how can you give me up forever?"... He says, "I can't even understand the concept of 'forever'"... AGAIN, a tearful goodbye. After I leave, he texts... "I love you. You're an amazing woman. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry for this. You haven't done anything wrong. Its just what I feel I need to do for me".

Why!! Why do I do this to myself? At least I know he's somewhat as sad as I am and he hasn't been partying it up the past 2 weeks. He says other than work, he's been doing nothing. Well, back to NC. Except this time with a vengeance and this time FOREVER!! Now, I'm unbearably sad again.

<3
I'm slightly under the influence of alcohol but I want you to know that I love you all :/
Honestly.
You're awesome

Well I went 3 weeks no contact... then she text me to say goodluck for my show... in which she was a week late. I went to a party lst night where her friends were and I wa stalking to them and they kept casually talking about her... ive realised no contact also means spekaing to their friends... coz now I feel rough again and down. And what's worse is I have to see her around college tomorrow for the first time in 4 weeks.. oh joy!

Hang in there srulik... you lasted 3 weeks no contact don't ruin it.

p.s sorry about the drunk post : >

Haha thanks nick. I stupidly replied to her text... quite coldly on Wednesday which I kind of regret now. But as long as I stay strong the next couple of weeks. Tomorrow should be interesting!

So, found out he went out to dinner with this girl. This girl who he never even liked as a friend before. But she's always had a thing for him.

Ugh. Whatever. It's only been one month. We were together 4 years. I don't see how he can move on so fast. It really freaking hurt me.

But I didn't break contact. I was cried for hours but he'll never know how bad it hurts. Ever. He will not see me hurt, he will not know he has any power over me. Ever again.

And I hope it's just a stupid rebound. And I hope he realizes just what he gave up. And not because I want him, but because I'm a great girl and a fantastic person.

He will never have me again. Ever. And I hope he regrets it. But I'll never EVER break down to find out.

Haha, my goodness. What a night I had. Was in a nighclub with lots of hot girls, most of my mates, great night. Get a phonecall after the club was over, it was my ex's sister. She's inviting me to her houseparty, promising me that my ex isn't there..

So I go to the houseparty, have a good time (very drunk).. slept in my ex's bed lol (nowhere else to sleep).. and one of my friends come into the room. In her room there were a few pictures up of her and me still.. but she had a lot of pictures of herself and this new fella.. so I says to my friend, "look at all these pictures of her and this new fella" and he starts to rip all the pictures off her bedroom wall and rips them to shreds!

I was annoyed with my friend for doing that but I fell asleep soon after, went home early the next morning and didn't remember about the photos until a few hours ago when I get a text from my ex saying, "What the $$$$ did you do to my pictures!", I responded.. "I don't know what you're on about, I'm over you so why would I even want to touch your photos?".. I get a reply, "Then why is all the pictures with me and other boys gone? Did Martin take them?", so I replied "I don't know but I swear to God I didn't touch them, now can you please stop texting me?"..

She replies, "Well I want money for the pictures so I can get them done again and stop acting like a $$$$$$, do you really think I want to be texting you?", so I said.. "I understand why you'd think it was me but it wasn't so I don't have to pay you anything. Well then please don't text me any more"..

And it was left like that. Do you think I dealt with the situation okay?

DazT:

Well, you can understand why she'd think you did that... because you slept in her bed. I'm not so sure that I'd sleep in my ex's bed... even if she wasn't there. You could just as easily have said "Nothing. I didn't do anything," instead of the semi-belligerent "I'm over you...quit texting me...etc" however, what's done is done.

I wanted to convince her that it wasn't me that did it though. And hey, I would never do something like that in a normal state of mind, just I was drunk and I regret it.

Hahah that's funny :D
ISneezeFunny is right though..
Still funny :D

Yeah, pretty funny.. in my life, I rarely have a dull moment. No idea why..

But I'm starting to regret going to that houseparty! You learn from your mistakes though.

Okay guys, I'm feeling awful bad about what I text her today.. I don't want to be on bad terms with her.. so do you think I should write her a text message with something like this:

"Im sorry about earlier.. I dont want to be on bad terms with you and if I walked past you in the street Id like to be able to say hello. There isnt no point in being enemies"

What you lot think?

Uhm I feel that way too.. like I loved this girl and we were really good friends for so long but now I'm just not talking to her... but I think my well-being is more important than staying on good terms with her..
Besides, in my case she was a total bi*ch too me when we broke up.. no one has ever been as cruel too me.. so I don't see why I should bother being the nice guy.. I don't know what your case is, but for you to be on this site I'm assuming you're the one that has been dumped.. so I don't see why you should be the nice guy either.

I agree with Nick.

100%

You don't have to be a nice guy, but I'm just saying that I've gone that route of being the @sshole and in the end, it really isn't worth it. It's better for the both of you (you especially) if you brush her off without being the @sshole.

I sent the text message, trying to end things on good terms. She replied that she wanted to be able to say hello to me on the street as well and we ended it like that.

I feel much better now and can start N/C once more.

Just to clarify I didn't mean be an.. I just meant "dont bother".
But whatever if you feel better about sending the text then fair play :)
I just hope you don't see her down the street and won't have to say hello.

Well I went to college today and it was her time to come back after the easter break. At around 11ish she sent me a text saying 'i hear congrats is in order for a lot of things. Are you in?' I didn't reply, I just went off to the library where she only ended up being. So I spoke to her mtes for a bit and her all toggtehr as a group as the whole library congfratulated me on a number of things. Soon as her mates left it was just me and her, I put my headphones in and ignored her and got down to work. I looked up to ask for the date to our librarian who I thought was there, and my ex was quick to answer. I said thanks and put my headphones back in. then she soon left when I started chatting to a girl in my year. And there we have it... the saga starts again... oh joy.

GRRR... she just contacted me again saying 'i know we're doing the whole no contact thing, I'm trying to respect that but I just want to say I'm really pleased for you. Things couldn't be better I bet!'... shes referring to my career success atm. I haven't replied... shud I even bother? I have to see her around college tomorrow.

A plain simple "thanks" won't hurt I guess..
If you see she's making it a habit of trying to contact you then you should cut the string

Yea I was thinking a simple 'thanks' would do... which I think would drive her even more mad
Than nothing haha.

Aghhhh! She just sent another text saying 'no worries, just wished we didn't have to see each other' I know what she means... she means its just hard. But I'm not replying that.

God I make myself mad, I heard something about him and a girl I know and I was apsolutley gutted about the whole thing and I know I did the wrong thing but I txtd him to ask if it was true. He toatlly denied it and got a bit why that I would even think that, I left it at that and said thanks have a good day. Anyway it just makes me mad I am not stronger, I wish I could remember how I was not very happy with him in the first place and how it annoyed me he always wanted to see me and I just wanted my own life... now I don't have that I am sad... I just have to keep on reminding myself that I am young, healthy, have amazing friends and even OK looking... eekk that sounds vain! And one day I will find someone else who loves me but until then I just have to enjoy being on my own... that sounds all so easy in writing if only I could really believe it lol!

Day 2 of reinstated NC (after a 13 day stretch blown). Actually feeling pretty good. Imagining myself over the next couple of months focusing on me and whatever I want to do. Seeing my ex the other day actually made me realize he's not so spectacular! God! He should be chasing me not the other way around.

Just got to remember that life goes on and is going on as I speak and that my life is not over because I lost someone. There will be many more where he came from. If I can feel that love for him than one day I will be able to feel that again if not better for someone who deserves and will return those feelings towards me. One day! Got to remember, this isn't a race... it's a journey.

We're all in this together... most of the time though I feel myself needing/missing company.. and not necessarily hers.. Like when I'm bored and I have nothing to do its when I start thinking about her, and thinking that if someone else was in the picture it wouldn't be so hard...
I'm whoring myself atm keeping my options open. *thumbs up*

Ooook.. so after Day 9 of N/C.

And the whole weird text from him "I'll call soon. I can't now. I'll explain later." And after he knew I was molested, etc.

As I posted before, Saturday he was out with a girl I hate (and I know he doesn't even like) and my brother saw him.

And TONIGHT he texts me and is like "How are you?"

Ugh. I am SO not responding. Him. Blatantly disrespectful jerk.

Well, I'm back. Tal and losingit you were both right. I appreciate you seeing me through with a clear head while I'm blinded. Not only did I never get lunch she hasn't even come to eat outside my office for the last couple of days so I'm back on day 4 of NC and worse yet no free lunch.

Hang in there chuff...

I'll bring you some lunch

Hang in there chuff! You've been through this before, you'll be fine! Day 3 of reinstated NC. Sad, but I'll live. 57 days to go!

I am so depressed. I hate him. I hate him.

I wish I didn't love him anymore. I just want to NOT feel ANYTHING FOR HIM.

Day 10. Feeling like crap. Still.

I know how you feel Nicole but honestly you are being so strong after 10 days... that is an awesome effort. I am only on day 3 after reinstated n/c when I cracked and text him so just be strong... keep yourself busy go out for dinner with friends go to the gym anything that takes your mind off him for a little while and then you when you start to realise you have not thought about him for a little while even a few hours you will realise it can be done...

Nicole... you're going to feel like crap for awhile. Break-ups are one of the hardest things to deal with, especially if you thought you had something special. Its been like 4 months or something for me and I still have days where I feel like crap. I meet girls that I think are great at first, but then I get annoyed by them easily or they turn out to be crazy, and it just makes me think about my ex. How we got along so well, and everything was just great when we were together... I haven't given up hope that there's a girl out there who will give me that same feeling, if not stronger... but sometimes it feels like I'll never get it back.

Hang in there, NC works great... after awhile you won't be able to help but not care. When I realized that I don't really care what she's up too anymore, I cried... it was really sad to me when I realized that I don't think about her the same anymore, or that I ever will, and that I would be just fine without her. But ill get over it, I've gotten over the worst of it (thats where you are! :D, lol)

I feel exactly the same about meeting other guys, I go out and get attention or what ever and then just end up thinking no one is going to live up to how amazing he is or was to me and I think that gets me on the biggest downer of all... It has been 3 months for me I should be over this but we didn't do N/C we went the other way kept on sleeping together and that just prolongs everything so the more you don't speak the better it is to forget about them, even though forgeting about them is sometimes the scariest part of all...

We're all going through the same thing. I've gone on dates with 2 different guys since my break-up and both "on paper' are WAY better than my ex. But everything they say or do, i try to compare to my ex and say "it doesn't feel the same" or "that's not what my ex would say/do". We have to remember to think with our heads sometimes rather than our hearts. Think about your ex, rationally. If you do that, you'll probably start to think, "hey, they're not so great... they're not perfect". You'll never forget them, but over time and with NC you'll see them for who they really are... just a person like everyone else... We all somehow managed to live a probably pretty happy life before our ex's came into the picture and somehow we'll be able to do the same some day after they have left.

I write this so I'll remember this when I'm feeling down. Day 3 of reinstated NC.. after a 13 day stretch. God, I wish some of you guys were in the NYC area cause I'd meet up with you and we could have a lonely hearts session. : )

I know how weird is that we build them up in our heads like they are superstars or something.. esp for me because when we were together he annoyed me a lot and we didn't agree on much but the old "dont know what you got till its gone" kicks in or most probably missing the comfort part and then I miss him so much well I miss something. I am meant to be going on a date with a guy I used to see a couple of years ago he is really great and we get on well but I am am a bit worried cause he is sooo different to my ex and I know I will constantly be comparing them.

Day 3 reinstated just like me... sux ay!! I am in New Zealand so very far away what is the time over there?

New Zealand ay... just over the water from me len21

Well today is another complete day 1 of NC. Ive been weak. I will go a day without making contact and then the next day I fall apart and do something dumb like text. So I found this thread today and I'm on DAY 1 again. I'm going to try and stay strong and hope she realizes all her wrong decisions and will talk to me some day. But for now I'm trying to stay strong and do my own thing. Wish me luck!

Good luck c-rocker. Hopefully you have learnt that every time you make contact it takes you back to square one...

Yea I have finally realized that... took a good month but I got it now

You should wish she doesn't talk to you... Im about 3-4 weeks of NC.. She's been contacting me every 3-4 days and I don't reply.. its been about 3 days since she last tried but I hope she gets the message..
If she contacts me and I reply, we'll end up talking, and ill probably get frustrated at things... maybe our conversation will go great and ill miss her.. and just generally go back a few steps..
So no you shouldn't wish she talks to you some day.

All right I'm on day 2 of NC and again just like every morning I woke up missing her and wanting her. If waking up wasn't such a hard reality to face I think I would be getting along a little better. The last time we texted each other she got my hopes up that we'll talk and then the next day she changed her mind (playing games) so the last things I said to her was that she was a cold hearted and that I hated her for the things she's putting me through. Kind of wish that wasn't the last note I left on to start the NC

It shouldn't matter what the last thing you two said was...
The last thing I said to my ex was... "alright goodnight , have fun :) "
And then I just decided.. its not worth it.
So yeah.
NC is the way to go.
Wouldve saved me a lot of time coping with my first hard break up if I knew the benefits.

Day 4 of reinstated N/C! Am feeling very positve today and looking forward to the long weekend just have to keep away from the drunk txting to the ex and I will be fine. Have a great weekend everyone:-)

Lost count... I think it's been about 4 months now.

... the calls stopped, so I guess she got the message.

... doing pretty well. 1 week before I graduate (eek)!!

I keep thinking, what happens if she calls me.. I deleted her number so chances are I'm going to pick up.. ill probably tell her I'm busy and I'm doing something and ill call her back later or something and I won't..
I guess I'll worry about it when it happens :/

Was speaking on the phone to my ex there the other day - easier than I thought! Had to phone call her to explain the whole destroying the photographs thing lol. I just explained and she believed me so I said bye. Then she text me saying I sounded so different on the phone and tried to start a conversation through texts, so I just text her "Do I sound different after only a month? Lol good night x" and that was that.

No contact again. I'm feeling really positive, I'm only 18.. I have my whole life to live and plenty of time to find love! Real love though, not puppy love. The weekends are great aren't they?

Hhhhmmm...
I was catching up on posts. Here are some quick thoughts: I think the hardest part of breakups is not only missing the comfort aspect of the relationship, but, as westy and others mentioned, facing the reality that you will eventually forget that person or at least the strong feelings that you once associated with them. In the large scheme of your life, they will be but a small blur. That's certainly what killed me/made me unable to let go. It's painful, but facing the music is a crucial part of the healing process.

And yes, I still think about the ex every now and then. I'm sure (and hope) he's doing fine. :) I have no desire to contact/see him, however, and I probably never will to be honest. I'm okay with that though.

So keep it up! Don't break NC or else you'll be worse off than when you first started. I hate to be so corny and am embarrassed to use this hackneyed analogy, but think of it as a freshly stitched up wound. Every time you make contact with the ex is the equivalent of ripping out the sutures. Switching back and forth between contact and NC only makes the wound worse. Ouch.

I've kind of been feeling the need to contact my ex. Hear me out first, lol. Its just that, I don't want her anymore, we couldn't work if we got back together and I don't even think I want to. But I liked her as a person, we were friends for the longest time before we started dating and I'm just plum curious as to how she's doing. Would an email asking how things are going be so bad? I honestly even think I could hear her tell me about new guy too... I just don't think about her as the same person anymore and I don't think it would be so bad.

Then again, this may be a retarded moment in westy's life and he needs to be smacked. Been 4 months of NC cept for the meeting at spring break which didn't effect me a lot at all... I don't know, I just liked talking to her... but who knows, I'm kind of a moody guy, maybe ill read this tomorrow and be like "what the crap was i thinking".

Hurt me people, or encourage me, up to you.

Haven't been on the site so much lately, because I've been doing so well not thinking about her... recently two very close friends of mine broke up with their girlfriends, and I loved the fact that I had really good advice to give them thanks to AMHD, mostly Tal. Lol. They didn't care for the advice, but I think they'll catch on.

Anyway, for those in the trenches... keep up NC and keep busy.

Broken hearts hurt, but they make us strong.

I have to agree about breaking nc and re opening wounds, best not to even go there in my opinion.

And westy, well its up to you my man, you say you graduate in one week, fair play, will you see your ex after u graduate or are you from different parts of the country?

If you genuinely think your better, and could hear her talk about another guy etc, then maybe you could meet up, especially if you were friends before.

I'd still be a little wary, as you have done so well to heal and become a better person, might not be worth a set back at this stage.

But your call buddy

Lol, that's actually sneezy graduating in a week... I have a couple more years to go... we go to different schools across the country, but she lives where I am. And where I go to school. So she'd be here over the summer, but I'm not going to try to set up anything... just curious. I can't help but care about her... I mean, its like I still love her, but not in that way... I really just want to know if she's really happy.

Westy, I know how you feel... but trust me when I say this.. if she's not happy, she'll let you know.

It sounds like you're having a downtime, and I have a rule as to now to do anything when you're emotionally down... as you might regret it in the end.

Get out there and do something for a little bit... give it a week or so, and once you feel better, if you still feel like saying w'sup to your ex, then go all out.

I got to say though... it may not work out as well as you'd want it to.

My ex is right on time.. every 4 days I get an msn message.. been 3 weeks.
Unbelievably precise :/

HAH. I know what you mean.

My ex systematically called me twice a day for the past 2 weeks.. . two calls. No message. No text. Nothing. Just one call around 7pm. Another call around 11pm.

Lucky I don't get the calls and IMs like the two of you guys get. Basically what I get is her telling MY friends that she has something she would like to talk to me about but doesn't know how to approach it, that she wishes things could be different than they are right now. Oh and told another girl that "I have been looking a lot better lately." She asks my friends and cousins questions about how my life is going, what I'm up to and such things at that and stalks my myspace... Funny how tables turn

Oh maaan. :T

I am very glad that I don't have to put up with that crap. (my ex and I reached a mutual understanding--too bad the first time we were finally able to was over nc!! Lolol.)

Anyway... Westy, (and mind you this is just my personal opinion) I wouldn't contact her. I wouldn't risk it. You've come too far. If you guys are parting ways, however, and most likely won't be seeing each other ever again (and ergo, have that distance), then I think it'd be okay. Only that's not the case.

Like Sneezy said, things could take an unexpected turn and not for the better.

GLuck and tell us what you decide to do!

Yeah, I think you're right Sneeze... regardless, I was going to wait to see if my feelings towards this idea would change, but its been a week, and I still just want to. Like a "what the hell" sort of thing. I have zero expectations. I'm still going to wait and see, because I think I probably will feel differently soon.

And about the ex contact... my ex was nice enough to respect the NC. A good thing, but at the same time... not so much, made me feel like she doesn't care at all... and that's all I wanted from her when I was in the thick of it, a little bit of an effort... whatever.

Romefalls:

Since my ex and I broke up, I started eating better and going to the gym regularly... I dropped about 20 lbs since December. Instead of getting "you look good..." I'm getting "are you ok? are you depressed?"

... apparently, people think I'm depressed and now not eating.

... what's this bs?

Ha ha! Yea, I don't understand that one. It's funny because now that it's nice and warm around here I have been wearing polos to work instead of long sleeves and I catch her looking at me all the time. I'm half tempted to walk in and when she is looking make a point to pull my shirt and expose the Abs... I love the fact she keeps staring.. is that wrong?

Not at all...

Maybe you can wear one of these:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/brianswholesale_1998_62661551

Yes, it's a girl's shirt... but it gets the message across.

I like it! It must suck when she looks at her new guy and sees a huge 38" tire of a stomach he has... But hey! Maybe that just the size of his... heart?

Mm I thought I posted already.. but my ex messaged me earlier again.. right on time,every 4 days... its kind of funny

Well I screwed up again. The nice guy in me just won't go away. She came down to my office before I arrived today with her little boy as it is bring your kid to work day and asked if I was here. A co-worker told her I wasn't but asked her if she would like me to go see her when I got here and she said that would be fine.

So like an idiot... No, not like one-the actual idiot that I am, I not only go up to see her and her son but because I happened to have some toys in my office I bring those as gifts for the kid. FAILURE!! When I left she said she'd see me at lunch and of course she never came to lunch. Total failure on my part and for the love of God please learn from me, because even I see what I did wrong, she came to me after NC, I then went back to her and on top of it, I brought gifts for her kid thinking in the moment she would appreciate that when in fact as I write this now, I realize it came off as total desperation because it was in fact total desperation. It came off as me trying to buy her affection through her son which I have to admit was exactly what I was attempting.

Once again I will point out I'm doing everything backwards and it's getting the exact problem I've had for the last while now. I've lost my edge and I let her lead. As God is my witness I can verbalize it here but in the heat of the moment I crash and turn into the nice guy which is odd because for most of the time I was in control until the last few months.

Never, ever regret being nice to a kid. You have lost nothing this time at all, but being nice, and polite. Just continue no contact. This is getting intriguing.

Never, ever regret being nice to a kid. You have lost nothing this time at all, but being nice, and polite. Just continue no contact. This is getting intriguing.

Forgive my stupidity but what do you mean by this is getting intriguing? Like intriguing in something else is going on or this is part of a game or something else I can't see with my emotional blinders on?

Also to add to the intrigue during her drunk phone call last week she asked me why I don't call her anymore, at some point she got very sad and told me that if I called her we could go out and do something but that I "have to include my little one." I asked her back, "When have I not included you little man? I understand he's part of the package and he's the priority and I've never held that against you" Her response was a very soft spoken "I know, I know." I didn't give it much consideration as part of the overall conversation but today when she brought him by I guess I thought maybe I was being tested and I was trying to include him and I think I went so far overboard that it backfired.

Hii everyone! I have to say I love this thread. I think it gives hope and reassurance to a lot of people. So.. here is my update.. my boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday. We've been on and off this whole year. We were together for about a month, then split.. then decided to stay friends.. became good friends.. got back together 7 months later.. split again after a month or so.. he told me he wanted to stay friends.. I decided to have a nc policy but something came up the very next day. I had to send a message of congrads. He replied fairly quickly congratulating me as well. After that nc. I'm assuming that I've given him the OK to be friends.. and if he really sees me as a good friend to say the least.. he'll contact me. :)

Must be having a good day because I didn't even wake up knowing what day of NC it was and I didn't even have to remind myself not to call him. There were even a couple of hours in there today at work where I wasn't thinking of him. So now that I've counted backwards, I can say its been Day 5 of reinstated NC (after a 13 day strectch broken, but hey, I still feel pretty good about it.. I mean we were together for 4 years, it's a hard habit to break). Almost 5 weeks since "the breakup". I just keep reminding myself that I made it 13 days at first so this stretch has got to go at least double if not longer than the last (baby steps). I won't conquer this in one day/one month, but I will conquer this. I will not die if I don't talk to him for a couple of months.. life goes on. Good, I'm happy today...

My friends keep reminding me that a clean break is the way to go. If he (my ex) can't understand that then he'll just have to learn to live with it. He made his bed, its time for him to lie in it. If he can walk away from me, than I certainly must be able to walk away from him. All right, I gave myself enough of a pep talk for now. Go me!

I'm on day 2, and all I can think of is this sucks.. lol

I thought maybe I was being tested and I was trying to include him and I think I went so far overboard that it backfired.
That's what I'm starting to see, a test! As you can recall, I am for being healthy enough to make decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just emotions. Some facts are just coming to light, and I suspect more will follow. I know, false hope is a no-no. So big guy, how do you honestly feel, in light of events that have occurred? I think you have handled things as a gentleman, not stupid, nor overboard (nice guy, yes).

im on day 2, and all i can think of is this sucks.. lol

If we took a vote, everyone would agree... this sucks! Just hang in there though. Read the links in my signature.

Count me in on that vote Tal... Because we have ALL been where he has been and if you read Sneezy, Westy or my posts from when we first got on here, trust me you would see how alike every situation is. I'm almost positive we all had the topic of "she's not like everyone else, she is perfect" Looking back, and I'm sure they will agree... Our Ex's are FAR from perfect and we are all getting along just fine. We just needed time to heal, which I learned from this site.

Which also keeps me coming to this site, because I have been through it and any advice I can give that helps someone makes it worth while. Keep your head up champ, you will get through this.

I think Im a lot happier now than I was with her.. I mean besides the times we were together where it was perfect most of the time(.. wasn't always or else we wouldve still been together).. but yeah I didn't really go out much because I felt like there was no point.. and during weekdays I was pretty moody and I ignored my friends a lot.

I feel really weak at times though, especially when I'm drunk.. im having the time of my life and then I go home alone and I'm like "..wwhyyyyyyyyyyyy".. hah.
Oh well.
To new beginnings.

Thats what I'm starting to see, a test! As you can recall, I am for being healthy enough to make decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just emotions. Some facts are just coming to light, and I suspect more will follow. I know, false hope is a no-no. So big guy, how do you honestly feel, in light of events that have occurred? I think you have handled things as a gentleman, not stupid, nor overboard (nice guy, yes).

Actually I still think as I wrote yesterday. I still think it came off as desperate and me trying to buy my way in as opposed to just being me. Furthermore, I think I should never have gone up there when I found out she came down here to see me. If she wanted to see me bad enough, I should have let her Even last night, at home I was thinking to myself, that I've sort of lost my way for the last couple months in my overall life and quit following my advice. In fact I spent some time yesterday reading several older posts and my responses and I was just stunned that the same guy who wrote that is the same guy who is now here wondering what the hell happened? I have to say though, reading some of my own stuff really was very theraputic, because I was sitting there going "that's me, I'm that guy not this one who is confused." In the end, I'm not really confused, I'm just holding on to hope and not following the rules. Ironically enough, I went to get something to eat last night and the bartender started flirting with me and I started ragging on her and sure enough she bought me a drink and told me when she works again and that I needed to come back. I was thinking "I still got "it", it's in there it just needs to come out" But writing this all out here has been great for me because, for some reason I can't seem to see what's going on when it's happening, but as I write it down it becomes crystal clear.

But to answer your question how do I feel, I feel like the interest level on her end is way to low for this to recover, I feel like it's way to high on my end for me to think straight or logically as opposed to emotionally, and I continue to give more then I get. Furthermore, it's obvious she has put me on the backburner and if that's where I've been regulated I have to face the fact I deserve better then that position and I need to move on.

In fact I spent some time yesterday reading several older posts and my responses and I was just stunned that the same guy who wrote that is the same guy who is now here wondering what the hell happened? I have to say though, reading some of my own stuff really was very theraputic, because I was sitting there going "that's me, I'm that guy not this one who is confused." In the end, I'm not really confused, I'm just holding on to hope and not following the rules.

Hey Chuff,

Back about a year ago you helped me a bunch with what I was going through (it was a different name at the time). I just wanted to say that I'm glad you read some of your own advice, because it really helped me out at the time. I guess it also lets you see into why some people appear to "ignore good advice", when in reality its so much easier said from outside then done from the inside.

I hope everything works out for you man, I'm pulling for you...

Hey Chuff,

Back about a year ago you helped me a bunch with what I was going through (it was a different name at the time). I just wanted to say that I'm glad you read some of your own advice, because it really helped me out at the time. I guess it also lets you see into why some people appear to "ignore good advice", when in reality its so much easier said from outside then done from the inside.

I hope everything works out for you man, I'm pullin for you....

Thank you, I seriously can not tell you how much that means.

I'm starting to realize what I need to do with my life, and I'm starting to figure out even thought it hurts like hell that if I did learn anything from her it was this, "The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you." Im still hoping that shell come around, but if she doesn't, I guess that's what I'm going to have to live by

Day 6 of reinstated NC. Ex called me last night. Did not leave a message. What? Did he really think I'd crack after only 6 days?? Please, he has no idea who he's dealing with now. Its time he realizes what "break-up" means. It's a permanent loss. It doesn't mean I sit around waiting for him to call, it doesn't mean I'm available whenever he needs me, it means I'm gone from his life for good.

He wants to give up 4 years together because he wants to be free and single? Then, fine. He'll have to deal with it. Ha!

losingit77, that's right preach on. How are you holding up? I'm only on day 2 of NC and the days arnt getting any easyer

3 days here.. Im starting to hate her :-\

Classicrocker - Just keep busy. It'll get easier. I have the next 3 weekends booked with stuff to do with family and friends so I'm just looking ahead to that and know that that'll continue to keep my mind of everything.

I know its hard, but you just got to keep on living. Keep your eye on the prize! And you, healthy and happy and free, is that prize!

ststoleson, the first couple weeks are the toughest. The best thing to do is to put her in the past and focus on yourself. It gets better but you need to invest the time and effort. Acceptance will set you free and keeping yourself active will help clear your mind of her.

I want to add a revelation that I came to today to this post...

It seems that many people wait for a day when they will be "normal" again, or a day when they will be happy all day long. This is what people strive to feel they are getting 'better' again...

The problem I see is that a lot of people just want to be sad for less time as each day passes... However, this isn't the way it works. I'm starting to notice that the healing process is more variable.

As we all ride this emotional rollercoaster, we can begin to tell we are getting better when the swings of depression throughout the day are lessened. Not so much that we are upset for less each day, more like the times we are upset are not as extreme and do not last as long...

Am I anywhere close to right?

Bigbird.. I feel the same way. The swings just seem to get less intense and less intense. I still think of him and have this underlying feeling of loss all day... but the lows aren't as "low" as it was in the beginning. Anytime, I start to feel down, I just ask myself, "ok, can I handle feeling this way for a little bit?" And the answer, of course is yes. And I remind myself that I lived a pretty happy and content 26 years before meeting him so I must definitely be able to live another 26 years (or god-willing longer) after him.

At least we broke up during springtime! The beautiful weather is definitely helping lift my mood.

Indeed it is, I sat outside today, smoking a cigg (which I picked up right away again lol) and I figured out 2 things for certain. YOU cannot make THEM love you! And The ONLY people you need in your life are the ones that NEED you in theirs! I feel really good and I'm hoping that it will continue, I deleted her myspace, Facebook, aim, phone number EVERYTHING.. I figured if she wants to come back, she will no matter what, and if she doesn't, then I guess I learned my lesson and will stay away from her. I don't mean to t00t my own horn, but I'm pretty proud, so far so good..

Good for you ststoleson. In my opinion, I think we might be starting to become the healthiest and happiest "broken hearts club there is." I couldn't sleep last night and I was thinking the same thing. I wasn't sad or anything but it was like an epiphany. I can't make him feel the same way I do. If he doesn't feel the same way I do about him, I should be thanking him for breaking up with me and setting me free to one day find that person that wants me in their life as much as I want them in mine! I mean, we were together for 4 years. If you're not sure after 4 years whether you want to be with this person forever, then there's a problem.

There's nothing I can do to make him feel the same way as I do. The only thing I can do is just let it go and say "big friggin deal". NC is the way to go. You can't manipulate, play games, guilt trip, people into wanting you. It'll only backfire in the end. Just be yourself and one day someone will love you like you deserve... just the way you are.

If someone truly loves you, there's nothing that can keep them away from you. If someone doesn't truly love you, there's nothing that can make them stay. (I don't know exactly, the saying goes something like that).

You guys are making some great points! I'm trying to get to where you guys are and I think I am... today I felt like I just wanted to cry and let it all out but... the tears just never came so I think I'm starting to pik up those broken pieces of my heart, next step the glue and someone to help me put it all back together. And yes we can't make them love us...

21 days NC 6 days Smoke Free!
Still think about her all day and night!
We were supposed to go to Vegas next weekend together but after she left I gave her ticket to my best friend instead. I think that's making it a little harder. After Vegas I hope it starts to fade away. This is probably one of the most challenging things I've ever done in my 36 years. Maybe because I'm older or the love was stronger. My head is still a mess.
One day at a time!
Don't answer the phone!
Don't Drink and Dial!

Good luck to all!

Classicrocker - Don't forget. You don't need someonelse to put the pieces of your heart back together. You just need to love yourself and do it yourself. Until your heart is hole again, you won't be able to give it to someonelse.

Trust me! I've been there. Last time we broke up, I thought I was ready to get out there and start looking for a new love after about 2 months. Met someone, really liked him, we were inseparable for about a week until it just ended. And guess who I was calling up for consolation after that went sour... my ex. Big mistake.

Don't try to fill the void with someonelse cause no one can do that. You just need to love yourself and believe, truly believe, that you deserve that in return. Don't rush anything. Just focus on getting through the next couple of months single and fancy free and you'll be fine.

Thanks losingit77, makes complete sense

I don't know guys, today I'm really starting to get temptations to break N/C. I feel like I need a new girl to hang out with, to tell stuff to, to talk to.. I have no one in my life like that any more :(! I feel like just saying to her, "What's the point in this? Can't we just be friends?" or else getting back on the scene and look for a new girl to share love with.

I don't know, I'm in one of those moods. I picked up my memory box today, read all of the text messages we used to send each other and now I'm really missing it.. even a wee talk at the end of the day, someone to ask me how was my day.. I really miss it :(

I don't know guys, today I'm really starting to get temptations to break N/C. I feel like I need a new girl to hang out with, to tell stuff to, to talk to.. I have no one in my life like that any more :(! I feel like just saying to her, "What's the point in this? Can't we just be friends?" or else getting back on the scene and look for a new girl to share love with.

I don't know, I'm in one of those moods. I picked up my memory box today, read all of the text messages we used to send each other and now I'm really missing it.. even a wee talk at the end of the day, someone to ask me how was my day.. I really miss it :(

DazT,

We all have those temptations. Its just part of the process. You say you want to call and say "Can't we just be friends" but what you really mean is "Can't we talk so I can convince you to get back together with me". That's a slippery slope and will undoubtedly lead to worse heartache than your feeling now.

What you need to keep telling yourself is that this mood will pass. Almost every morning when I wake up I am in the same mood, but if you wait it out long enough it will eventually fade. Just make sure you don't do anything drastic when your high on emotions...

Hang in there

I'm on day 36 of NC. After I reached a month I took a look back and realized I improved a lot. I've been thinking about other things, new things, going on in my life. I do not have any intention of calling him or contacting him in any way. My main reason being because I have absolutely nothing to say to him. And I'm sure he doesn't want to hear from me.
After time went by and my head cleared I realized he wasn't the one. He wasn't all that I thought he was. I'm obviously not completely over the whole thing though. Sure, my feelings have died down, but I still think about him. I feel myself get jealous sometimes of the girl he's with now, even though I don't want him back.

Big Bird & Daz T,

I'm feeling the same way today. I have been dreaming of her several times a night. I wake up and lie there thinking of things I want to say to her. Just like Daz... I want to tell her we can be friends. But we all know that Big Bird is absolutely right! This would add more pain to our hearts. We were so used to confiding in each other before the break-up I don't know what to do. I've exhausted all of my close friends over the past few weeks trying to get them to tell me what to do. I think I'm looking for answers that no one can give me but myself. I am on day 23 of NC and it is still very hard not to call or text her.
I feel lonely and empty. There is so much that I wish I had done or said before the break-up. Any of that would not matter now anyway. It's too late.
I can't seem to let go. If I do contact her expecting a certain result or words that I want to hear and don't get them, It'll be like starting this pain all over again with more mental crap piled on.

It's So hard!

It was my first day today,or should I say this is my 536448 try at this.broke up 4-5 months ago (trying to not keep track when exactly).I just wanted to ask - should I say goodbye *again*,should I say just a casual bye and never write back (we had a LDR) or should I say I'm going into nc,please don't contact me?

Yea I broke my no contact again! Damn me. Oh well no one said it would be easy. Lets try again..

We've all broken NC before, so don't worry too much about it now. Just remember that feeling you had after you broke it (probably not good... defeated) and try to go farther this time. If NC was easy, we wouldn't be on this thread. Went 13 days on my last stretch. Now I'm on Day 8 so I know I can go farther than 13 so I'm focusing on making At least 30 this time.

I think I'm pretty good at NC :P

Man I suck! My ex helped us move some stuff in our flat yesterday I know it sounds dumb but he was pretty much the only one who could do it.. anyway so I see him and straig away he is telling me how amazing I look blah blah and I can't help it I love the way he constantly checking me out, stupid but I feel like at least I have that power over him.. so we flirt and all have a bit of fun during the moving and stuff and my flatmate offered to get him some dinner for helping out which he accepted and then it all leads to us sleeping together... I know it was dumb but well I wasn't really thinking but today it has messed with my head a bit. It was all pretty weird afterwards cause we just hung out for a while like old times, he told that isn't as strong about everything as he would like to be and it can see that he is hurting. I don't know how I feel today he asked me if we could see each other again this week...

should i say just a casual bye and never write back (we had a LDR) or should i say i'm going into nc,please dont contact me?

I sat down with my ex before she left (we also had an LDR) and I told her that I think it would be best if we didn't talk to each other for awhile, she respected it very well. She had a new BF almost immediately after breaking up with me, which most definitely contributed to her not contacting me but non the less, she respected the NC.

If you do say that you want NC, try not to be a jerk about it... I told my ex "if you want to do this, then i just can't be your friend" she took it pretty hard and it sucks more than anything to see her cry, but I know now that it was for the best.

Everyone else... we all have those days, I had one yesterday, ME? After 4 months almost 5 of NC. But I've learned to tell myself that things are going to be better tomorrow. If you really need to talk to someone, just hug your mom, I don't know about everyone else's mother, but my mom loves it when I hug her because I rarely do it anymore, but I did last night and it made me feel loads better. Just tell yourself that things will get better tomorrow, and if they aren't better at first, don't lay in bed, get up! Start the day, do something, anything... I used to poke fun at my ex's slight OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), I've kind of developed OCD from always trying to find something to do.

Hang in there people, if you make it through the days where you really want to break NC, its totally worth it later in the days where you can't help but not care about what he/she is up to. When that happens, honestly, its bittersweet, you feel like you're really moving on, but its sad because they aren't there to see you move on and support you. And realizing that you don't need them or even want them.

@Dazt, if you want to tell her, write an email, but don't send it! There's a forum on here called "letters to our ex's" I even found it for you... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/letters-our-exes-154321.html?highlight=letters+to+our+ex%27s

Hey numb your quite the genius thinking about this nc discussion board lol it really works! I have been broken apart for about 7months and no contact for 5months... truth is it really was aweful at first ,but as the days go by you as a human being come to your senses .I do see her once in a while like in a mall or a bar (as she now lives minutes away from my house haha which really sucks to be her).that being said,the ex always thinks about you and they really do miss you remember they dumped us and that's why they have the guilt conscious in contacting us... theyre the one who chose the easy way out.so if you ever do see your ex ,they're always happy to see you just don't know how to say it (depending on the past relationship with them)but never mind them now they are the past and you my friends are the future.

Day 2 going strong for now.its only 1pm

I don't know guys, today I'm really starting to get temptations to break N/C. I feel like I need a new girl to hang out with, to tell stuff to, to talk to.. I have no one in my life like that any more :(! I feel like just saying to her, "What's the point in this? Can't we just be friends?" or else getting back on the scene and look for a new girl to share love with.

I don't know, I'm in one of those moods. I picked up my memory box today, read all of the text messages we used to send each other and now I'm really missing it.. even a wee talk at the end of the day, someone to ask me how was my day.. I really miss it :(


What do you have a memory box for? Pack them up, put them in storage. All of that stuff is in the past, if you keep living in the past you're going to let life pass you by. This girl was NOT your life, you don't need anyone in this life except for yourself. You were brought into this world alone and you will more than likely die alone. I can't recall exactly how long you dated her, or how old you are. But mentality was I was with my ex for almost 3 years and I am 21. So look, I was 18 when we got together, that means for the other 18 years I WAS FINE ON MY OWN as you will be too. DELETE those stupid text messages, THEY MEAN NOTHING ANYMORE!

I hope you don't take this to harshly, but sometimes we need a fire lit under our a*sess to get to the point we need to be.

Very true Rome mate, cheers for that. I was very hungover when I wrote that message, probably still drunk and I've noticed that drinking does me no good, it is probably delaying my recovery because it makes me think of her even more.

I was 15 when I started going out with her, now I'm 18. Two and a half years with a spoilt, immature brat with only the looks going for her... so why is it taking me so long to get over her? Not the same type of music, nothing really in common.. treated each other like shi* most of the time around the end. I don't know.

Not going to break contact, don't even have those temptations any more.. just yesterday because I was too hungover to think clearly.

Good for you Dazt! I know how you feel, me and my ex didn't have loads in common but still found common ground. I HATE spending money on useless things, she was over 2 grand in debt, she loves shopping, I hate shopping.. So it's true, opposites attract.

I'm glad you're deciding not to break no contact because it really would serve no good. I have been where you are, and it does get a lot better and easier. Just keep on the right path

Ahhh, same to myself. I hate spending money on myself, never mind other people! And she lost her job around 6 months before we broke up, and she was always looking me to buy stuff for her, which I really hated especially as we were fighting and all. I guess its her loss, I was being a mug for her, I'm nobodys fool any more.

I have now purchased my first car and am absolutely broke - loving driving though and have picked up lots of hot girls from it :D lol. She was always moaning about me not being able to drive so first thing I did when we broke up was started lessons and bought a car! Kick in the teeth for her eh? :D

I thought I would never find another "perfect" guy again, until I just started NC!

NC works wonders, you just have to give it time! Like the old saying, time heals all pains (emotional pains at least ;) )

I went from crying all the time, especially during the sweet little love conquers all movies, haha, to not even thinking about him! And after sitting back and letting go, over time it has made me realize that he wasn't "GREAT" and there really wasn't anything special about him that I can't find in some other guy!

Day 2 of reinstated N/C, was so bad last night I was home alone and was so close to txting him to come around after he asked if we could see each other this week. I know it would have just been for sex and meant nothing to him so am very glad I didn't! Yay for me.

Today is day 3.Day 2 - he wrote to me via an IM,I responded slowly,only to a few of the things he said until he finally asked me what up,said to stop acting this way and in the end god frustrated and stopped trying to talk to me.I kept polite and distant. So that's why I count yerterday as a success.

the ex always thinks about you and they really do miss you remember they dumped us and thats why they have the guilt concious in contacting us ....theyre the one who chose the easy way out..
I would disagree with this 100% Some people do not care, bottom line. They are happy you are gone and that's just it. Even if you did nothing wrong, they find an excuse to be happy that you are out or their lives and for good.

It's 8:56 a.m.. I got up about an hour ago after a night of getting drunk.. and I woke up with this really paranoid feeling.. I wanted to login to my ex's Facebook account though I don't know her password or anything.. I feel really odd today :/
Im at about a month of NC... it sucks that I still miss her sometimes.. the way she broke up with me was disgraceful.

Just looked it up.. 29 days of NC..

It's 8:56 a.m..I got up about an hour ago after a night of getting drunk..and I woke up with this really paranoid feeling..I wanted to login to my ex's facebook account though I dont know her password or anything..I feel really odd today :/
Im at about a month of NC....it sucks that I still miss her sometimes..the way she broke up with me was disgraceful.


I would say if it's at all possible to stop the drinking do so, I feel booze has a depressive effect sometimes especially the morning after, I know it definatley does with me. It's nice to have a beer or whatever sometimes but I think it plays havoc with the emotions especially if you are in a delicate state emotionally after your break-up

Keep the NC up my friend, you will have days where it's worse, things will get better!!

Until now total NC - he's holding back on me,trying to get some revenge for yerterday and ususaly I gave it,well not this time brother

I think I am over the 60 day mark, but felt the need to give an update..

So lately my ex has been talking to my parents more and more, which I'm okay with because my mom and her were extremely close. Well I walked into my job coming back from break on Saturday and my ex was talking to my parents and my mom said something to me about our new night manager's hair cut and I said "he looks like a walking p*nis" and my ex starts cracking up and says "wow I have really missed your sense of humor" So I played it off and didn't respond. So I get home and my mom comes in and says "I know you don't want to know what me and Brianna talk about but I thought you would want to know this, she said that you have been looking really good lately" I just said "ok thanks" And then yesterday, out of no where, she unblocks me from AIM(which I thought I deleted all her screen names off my list) and I was just baffled by it, but no where near close to breaking NC

Congrats rome. Just to boost your morale this morning, there's a good chance that it can only get worse from here. It's OK. We'll be here.

My ex has stopped calling me!! It was an interesting 2 weeks. Yikes. Her last contact with me was when she emailed me to let me know that she still has some of my things (keyboard, laptop mouse, ethernet cord, mini-fridge, etc.) and she wants to know when we can meet up so she can give it back to me.

... didn't respond. Figured she'd get the message. I've already cut my losses.

I kind of know it might have a negative effect on me.. but when I'm out and I'm drinking I rarely think about her until I go home. Yesterday I was having the time of my life up until I went to go to bed :(

Rome, It's good that you've got the inner strength to resist her.. many of us would have probably been sucked in to a possible trap after a compliment or an attempt on her half to reach us..
Though I get spoken too on msn every few days, she doesn't really say anything substantial to me so its easy to shrug it off..

Yea, as far as I'm concerned every time she tries one of these things I just remind myself she has a boyfriend and it's not worth me stressing over.

I mean part of me wanted to IM her and just say some smarta*s remark about the unblocking but the more mature part said let sleeping dogs lie. So we shall see what's next because as Sneezy pointed out, it's only the beginning

Keep going as you have been guys, Rome,Nick,Sneeze

All doing great guns.

One day those exe's of ours will realise what great guys they let go, but that's there loss all round.

I'm doing much better, still think of her, but def not as much. Went on a date last week, was OK, but nothing will come of it as both not really interested in each other, but it's a step in the right direction.

Keep posting

Nada :)

He broke NC on sat, only because my jacket was still in his car. We met Sunday morning so I could pick it up. I tried to act normal, but I'm sure he sensed I was nervous. I left, like I normally did when we were friends. He sent me a text later, saying that he knows he has to give me an explanation but he's really confused from his side and mine, and he doesn't want to rush things. He said I'm very special and hopes I'm OK. I replied saying I know him very well, and he does owe me an explanation but I know he doesn't have one so there's no point in asking for it. As far as friendship, we were that first and will always be.. so if he ever needed to talk or smile, then I was just a text, call, or email away. He said he was bz and would text me later. Nothing since then. Now its getting harder because I'm left completely confused about everything. When he left me he said he didn't see us together and that he was trying to hard to fall in love. Now he says he's confused. I don't know what to believe, but I know I've lost my best friend. And after seeing him, I'm sure he feels the same way. But I've decided to maintain NC and its killing me, because I still need closure and don't know how to get it.

I think closure is all in our head... I felt I needed closure like nothing else, just an explanation,something.. all I got was that she just doesn't want to be with me anymore.. which means it was on her mind longer than I thought or imagined...
I know that some couples break up on good terms.. but I find it better to be angry at her.
No-shes not a witch for breaking up with me.. or getting bored of the relationship and wanting to move on..
But if she loved me like she claimed then we wouldve talked about this and we wouldve tried to sort this out.. So I don't excuse her and I am angry at her.
So,confusionmax, you should ask yourself what the conditions of your break up are.. and if you honestly want to be a text , call , or email away...
Because I honestly don't want to bump into my ex or hear from her ever again.

(Day 29 and I deleted her from Facebook by the way.. Next step?)

[u]HAS ANYONE TRIED TO CONTACT THEIR EX AND IT FLOPPED!??[u]

I think everyone has tried to contact their ex and had it flop... It's usually what makes them stick to NC the next time around

I think everyone has tried to contact their ex and had it flop...It's usually what makes them stick to NC the next time around

Word... every email/text I sent, I immediately regretted it after... its crazy how we try to convince ourselves that any good can come from it. "maybe if im sweet and nice, it'll make her think about how things were..." and anything else you tell yourself... it really is best to just let it go. Doesn't matter what they think or feel.

Here's an update on me... went out with a girl last night... bagged another crazy one... I'm on a roll... where are the decent girls that won't disappoint me and make me think of my ex?

West my man,

Good news to hear you well and truly on the dating circuit. I'm taking my time getting back in there , but will do soon.

They're will be a decent one out there, keep on trucking, you'll find her!

Day 10 of reinstated NC and I felt awesome all day. As I expected, yesterday was an awful sad day and then today I bounced back beautifully!

Still miss him like hell, but nothing I can do about it. Its kind of freeing to think, "well, nothing I can do about what happened so all I can do now is to focus on keepin' movin'". Its nice to have no responsibility in the situation.

Think this is Jiser's quote or something, but "by doing nothing, we can't make anything worse". Ah, serenity now!

At least I know I'm still a hot ticket, cause I have guys left and right asking me out... but I'm waiting at least a month to jump back into dating. Watch out for me come May 30th!

Westy, bagged another crazy one eh?

I'm on the other end... I'm chasing this hot but independent one... seems like she's playing games though. Been on three dates with her so far, I've always called, I've always made plans, etc. so I don't know... if she wants to see me, she can call.

As far as me contacting my ex... I did after 2 weeks of us breaking up. I found out that "new guy" was at her place at 5am... I was studying for finals... I broke. I IMed her only for her to yell at me for prying into her life.. yep. NC from there on out.

Wish I was having a good day am jealous... god I am sooo tempted to contact him today. After spending the afternoon together and then sleeping together again on Sunday (stupid I know) and him saying he wants to see me again this week. It ended with a text from me saying that I would give him a text this week to catch up but managed to hold off till now and really want to not text again because I know it sounds messed up but I am hoping that he is waiting for my text!!

Len21 - Don't worry. You'll have good days and bad. Today's a bad day so there should be a good day in the horizon somewhere.

Yes, don't sleep with him again! Of course, if he can sleep with you and not actually be in a relationship, he's going to jump at the chance. But that's not what you want, right? Focus on what you want. Not what he wants. Its all of you or none of you! He can't get the all the great benefits of a relationship without any of the responsibilities. Trust me, I've been there. Not with my current ex, although he was 25, but with guys I was involved with in my early 20s.

(And before you guys get upset, I'm not saying all guys are like that, you guys are great bunch and I only wish I knew guys like you. But I'm just saying some... I mean who's not going to jump at sex with no strings attached?)

BTW, I wish I could change my screen name now cause its been 5 weeks now and I honestly don't feel like I'm "losingit" anymore. Oh well, I'm sure there may be more of those days to come.

You are right and it is funny cause I know all this but somehow I think I can jusitfy it to myself, like thinking it is not such a big deal but if a couple of days later like now it is affecting me then of course I should just stop it... sux when it is so fun at the time lol! I really am kidding myself though so I just got to keep on trucking along and def not text him for some more no strings sex!

This guy who has been asking me out heaps just asked me out for dinner again tonight and I am very tempted to go, at least it will take my mind of things but I am worried that I might start comparing...

So weird though even if my ex said he wanted us to get back together I think that would be the last thing I want right now, think I just miss the comfort! Crazy how the human mind can play tricks..

len21 - you're so on your way to bigger and better things and are starting to really think clearly so just keep on your path.

I've thought the same thing. I miss the comfort and physical interaction my ex and I had and have thought, "well, maybe we could still do that sometimes with him and be fine and still move on..." And I think "agh, don't kid yourself. it'll feel great at the moment but the next day you'll start right back to square one. I still love him...doing that with him would always mean more to me than just sex..." Don't tempt yourself.

Yes, if you want to go out on a date you should. Just get it in your mind, that its just a fund night out. This guy doesn't need to be "the one", he doesn't need to "measure up" to your ex, and understand that just because you may not feel anything for this new guy doesn't mean you won't one day find someone who will make you feel the way you felt about your ex or even better! That's what I keep trying to remind myself. : )

Wish i was having a good day am jealous... god i am sooo tempted to contact him today. after spending the afternoon together and then sleeping together again on Sunday (stupid i know) and him saying he wants to see me again this week. It ended with a txt from me saying that i would give him a txt this week to catch up but managed to hold off till now and really want to not txt again because I know it sounds messed up but i am hoping that he is waiting for my txt!!!

I've learned that every time you make contact, you're tempted to make more contact. Like tempted more than you were before, I would say after about 3 weeks of absolute no contact, it becomes a breeze. And then before you know it you're actually moving on... insane, I know. I knew I when I was pretty much over her when certain songs on my iTunes list came on, and I smiled at the memories I have. And didn't curl into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep lol.

Hi guys, WOW! I just surpassed the nine month mark. Nine months broke up, nine months NC.

I read this thread a lot. I wonder how some of you can remain friends with your ex's. I still hold a lot of resentment towards my ex and could never be his friend and that makes me feel kind of small sometimes. Like somehow I'm not a big enough person to just let it go.

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.

Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.

Kind of makes you feel like you never exsisted... Like you've been erased.
Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

Then what really pi$$es me off about myself is when I read the posts here about the ex's making contact I find myself feeling a little envious because my ex left and never ever looked back.



And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!! :)

Wow, Its okay to have those feelings. 9 months is not a long time to heal, after a 7 year relationship, but your doing great.

Thanks tal, I am doing great I think. My biggest concern is the next time I get into a relationship one of 2 things will happen. 1) I won't see it if he's pretending to be in it 100% like the last one... or 2) He'll be in it 100% and I'll think he's pretending because of the last one.

How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?

And where does it get them , they get stuck at certain stages or go back considerably. They should be envious of you really.

Like Tal says "missing" 9 months is not enough most of the time to get over a long term Relationship , and yes you are doing great!!! :)

I know you're right about what your saying. I'm just saying that being completely forgotten hurts a lot too. I guess that just goes to show you that break ups suck regardless of how they play out.

How do you leave the bull$h!t baggage of the last relationship behind?
Just learn to love yourself enough to be willing to do what it takes to be happy. We may be gun shy at first, to take a chance in the future, but once you have really healed, and start to be proactive in building a life you enjoy, you won't be afraid to take that chance, and trust again. You just have to be patient and work to be healthy, and happy. Trust me, and I speak from experience, after healing you don't just forget that hurt, and pain, and you handle things much differently. Slowly, and eyes wide open. Love yourself enough to trust yourself.

Day 2 was a total success - no communication whatsoever. Wasn't even close to breaking NC. But I think my ex-boyfriend is being stubborn now and won't break it either which is kind of funny to think of.Reverse psychology.
Day 3 is going great for now :)

I think closure is all in our head...I felt I needed closure like nothing else, just an explanation,something..all I got was that she just doesnt want to be with me anymore..which means it was on her mind longer than I thought or imagined...
I know that some couples break up on good terms..but I find it better to be angry at her.
No-shes not a witch for breaking up with me..or getting bored of the relationship and wanting to move on..
But if she loved me like she claimed then we wouldve talked about this and we wouldve tried to sort this out..So I don't excuse her and I am angry at her.
So,confusionmax, you should ask yourself what the conditions of your break up are..and if you honestly want to be a txt , call , or email away...
Because I honestly dont want to bump into my ex or hear from her ever again.

(Day 29 and I deleted her from facebook btw..Next step?)

I agree with you about closure. I guess its just because I didn't expect it. And the question of do I honestly want to be there for him or not... well he was my best friend... so I guess you I do, but then I don't. I told him that because it just automatically came out.. but now that I think about it.. I'm not sure. And yes, I am angry at him... it helps somewhat.. but I still do miss him. But I know things cannot go back to what they were, so there's no hope waiting for it. I have to move on and that's about it. So... day 3 of reinstated NC... not going sooo welll yet... but I will become stronger!! :)

This question is interesting to me since my ex broke up with me brutally. I was in tears the last time I saw him. It was tough, but I did not contact him at all afterwards. Exactly 4 weeks later, HE contacted me(!) and ironically enough, during that week, I had met a guy I was interested in. I was already going through the notion of moving on and directing my interest in this new guy. It really frustrated me that he would come back into my life the moment I noticed another man. He told me made a mistake, wanted things back to how they were... well, it lasted less than 2 weeks since I caught him lying to me about his whereabouts, which is the main reason why HE broke up with me in the first place! He couldn't even admit that he got caught the second time around, broke up with me again, and blamed it on me, saying I was paranoid, didn't believe him (obviousy!) and whatnot. Unbelievable!

I even deleted him from my Facebook before he could delete me. It was kind of surprising to me that he hadn't done it right away since he was logged on shortly before I caught him lying to me.

I know now not to date liars. Haha. And no, I'm not planning to break the NC rule at all the second time around. I didn't the first time around and he came back. If he comes back this second time around, my answer is simply, NO!

Day 11! Woohoo! Only an infinity more to go! : )

How on earth can they not miss us?
Don't feel tempted to call her or talk to her much... But it is beyond me how she's never called or texted me.. just on msn..

Day 31.

Wow, 31 days and she never even attempted contact.

That's what I'm dreading, him not even attempting, but I know we shouldn't be concentrating on that. He attempted on Day 6 of NC but I didn't answer. Maybe he got the hint. Oh, well. Not my problem anymore.

Think of it this way. Its way easier to keep NC if they aren't trying to contact you and keeping NC is the main goal!

She tried contact via msn every 4-5 days or so.. she would just say hi but I wouldn't reply..
I expected at least a call or a text at some point but it appears I am not worthy :)
Heh
You're right though it wouldve been frustrating if she kept butting in my life.. its better I'm left alone

Can't sleep tonight... its 4AM... its been about 4 months NC... and I'm still having these days/nights... shouldn't I be better by now... I know I've made a lot of progress, and I'm happy with things right now, but I just wish I had another interest... someone else that I could see myself with. Its just so damn unfair... if my ex ends up with this new guy I think I'm going to take karma into my own hands, shed a little blood. (im kidding, obviously) but sometimes I want to hear something, anything about they're demise... I'm pretty sure its going to happen, but I can't be sure, lol that sounds so selfish... goodness writing this makes me feel better, I less than 3 AMHD... I am so glad I found this site, I'm so glad for the great advice... I don't know where I would be without it. But at the same time I'm glad my ex is happy, if she is happy... and I think I would like to be her friend one day, but I'm going to let it happen naturally... I'm not going to call her this summer at all when she comes home, NC is easy, but knowing that she's around doesn't make me feel any better. I also know that she has just about no friends here, what the crap is wrong with me... I know ill feel better tomorrow, and I know that girls will flirt with me tomorrow at work, and I should feel a little prideful about that, but none of them really do it for me... so it has me thinking I'm too picky, but is it so wrong that I know what I want in a girl and don't really settle for anything less? I guess I still have trouble accepting that she just doesn't want me anymore... and it really boggles the mind, we were so great together, and it sucks to think that the guy she left me for is better... women huh?.

Day 3 was purr-fect :) as is day 4 so far :)

West, these things kind of just happen.. I've only been on NC 31 days.. dumped for a month and 2 weeks about. I've slept with 5 girls since then (most my friends in a relationship would swap places with me and they envy that sort of freedom) - but it meant and means nothing to me.. I hate being single.. You mentioned you wish you had another interest.. I have several really but they're all meaningless, but to be honest it makes me feel better. I know nothing serious will develop with thes girls(I make sure I don't mislead them either).. I talk to one in particular that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off things. I miss my ex the most whenever I'm bored really.. So I just have a GIRL to call.. I know many people suggest a friend or whatever but that doesn't cut it for me.. I just call her.. we flirt here and there.. then its off my mind.
You should talk to as many girls as you can.. it really helps I think.

Day 4 going strong! I'm still thinking about him, but I don't have the urge to call him or text him. :)

Can't sleep tonight... its 4AM... its been about 4 months NC... and im still having these days/nights... shouldn't i be better by now... i know ive made a lot of progress, and im happy with things right now, but i just wish i had another interest... someone else that i could see myself with. Its just so damn unfair... if my ex ends up with this new guy i think im gonna take karma into my own hands, shed a little blood. (im kidding, obviously) but sometimes i want to hear something, anything about they're demise... im pretty sure its gonna happen, but i can't be sure, lol that sounds so selfish... goodness writing this makes me feel better, i less than 3 AMHD... i am so glad i found this site, im so glad for the great advice... i dont know where i would be without it. but at the same time i'm glad my ex is happy, if she is happy... and i think i would like to be her friend one day, but im gonna let it happen naturally... im not gonna call her this summer at all when she comes home, NC is easy, but knowing that she's around doesnt make me feel any better. i also know that she has just about no friends here, what the crap is wrong with me... i know ill feel better tomorrow, and i know that girls will flirt with me tomorrow at work, and i should feel a little prideful about that, but none of them really do it for me... so it has me thinking im too picky, but is it so wrong that i know what i want in a girl and dont really settle for anything less? i guess i still have trouble accepting that she just doesnt want me anymore... and it really boggles the mind, we were so great together, and it sucks to think that the guy she left me for is better... women huh?...


amazing how many people feel like that west, I know I do too sometimes.

I'm picky with my women too. I guess I wasn't looking when I met my ex, then we randomly met and had a great year together, then she bailed on me.

I guess I don't really feel anything toward any other females at the moment, but I guess this isn't a quick fix especially after we invested so much. The more you put in the more you stand to hurt, if the other person isn't putting in the same amount.

next time around I'm going to be strict 50% input from me.

all I can say, is that keep doing NC, and try and fill the large void as best as poss. I know how u feel as I miss the company and the friendship and the relationship I had with my ex. We spent a lot of time together and its hard to let go, and hard to fill the space they left behind.

ill be dammed if this breakup gets the better of me.

don't put too much pressure on yourself to find another, will def happen, might be a while though, just try and be happy for who you are, and also for what you will become.

that thought keeps me going. My ex let the best thing in her life go, but that was her choice, and one day I hope she regrets it, but its what she wanted, and the day before she split with me was saying ' its taken me this long to realise how much I love you and want to be with you'


next day she dumped me! Lol

women huh!

if I didn't laugh id cry.

keep going, your doing well.

Day 4 is going nicely but :/ it hit me today,the thought that every day further into NC creates a greater and greater distance between us.There will be no turing back.

amazing how many people feel like that west, i know i do too sometimes.

im picky with my women too. i guess i wasn't looking when i met my ex, then we randomly met and had a great year together, then she bailed on me.

i guess i don't really feel anything toward any other females at the moment, but i guess this isn't a quick fix especially after we invested so much. the more you put in the more you stand to hurt, if the other person isn't putting in the same amount.

next time around im going to be strict 50% input from me.

all i can say, is that keep doing NC, and try and fill the large void as best as poss. i know how u feel as i miss the company and the friendship and the relationship i had with my ex. we spent a lot of time together and its hard to let go, and hard to fill the space they left behind.

ill be dammed if this breakup gets the better of me.

don't put to much pressure on yourself to find another, will def happen, might be a while tho, just try and be happy for who you are, and also for what you will become.

that thought keeps me going. my ex let the best thing in her life go, but that was her choice, and one day i hope she regrets it, but its what she wanted, and the day before she split with me was saying ' its taken me this long to realise how much i love you and want to be with you'


next day she dumped me! lol

women huh!

if i didn't laugh id cry.

keep going, your doing well.

Thanks a lot Jpm... this is what I'm talking about when I say I love AMHD... always someone with an answer that will make you feel loads better... I guess I just kind of forget that I'm not the only one going through this... and its funny how that works, I started dating my ex when I had just started to not worry about getting a girlfriend... I used to be that guy who would roll with everything and just go with whatever is happening, then after dating my ex, we planned so much stuff out... and I like that I'm getting back to that carefree guy.

And my ex said something along those lines the day before she broke up with me too... "Westy... i am so in love with you." next day... game over.

Women Ha!

Day 1: I love you.
Day 2:... I need time.
Day 3 - 20:... I found someone new.

... should be a t-shirt idea.

Sorry to hear you're down westy. Since the weather's clearing up, you need to get outside. Tell someone you'll walk their dog for them and take it to a park. There're women EVERYWHERE.

As for me, I'm currently infatuated with this one girl... I am told that we're dating (by people around us)... but I don't think we're there yet. We just hung out about 3 - 4 times, that's all.

But yeah, I'm never putting 100% her. n.e.v.e.r.

I love that T-shirt idea :)
Anyway so far day 5 is great but last night he made contact :0 and by contact I mean via an IM he sent me a picture.I took my time trying to decide if I should accept it, seemed harmless enough.Turns out it was a picture of his varorite singer (sp vocalist)?! Wait what? He initiated contact to send me a photo of some other woman?Why would he do that?Complete and utter selfishness? I got pissed, logged off and that's that.

... it wasn't another "woman"... it was a picture of a celebrity?

... did he just simply send you a pic or were you two actually talking before he sent the pic?

Don't let curiosity get the better of you. You know what it did to the cat...

... a dust nap. Well no we weren't talking - he never said anything and I never said anything. Actually he often used to show me pictures of D`arcy and this one was no different.Way to go,push your own interests on someone who's NC-ing you.I'm still pissed :/

[QUOTE=ISneezeFunny]Day 1: I love you.
Day 2:... I need time.
Day 3 - 20:... I found someone new.

... should be a t-shirt idea.

Ha ha, very funny. I think more accurate:

Day 1: I do love you
Day 2: I am not sure about us
Day 3-10: I need time but I want to stay friends
Day 10-30: I have met someone else
Day 30-50: I don't think it is fair on my new person if we keep seeing each other followed by begging and pleading
Day 50ish: You start No contact
Day 120-250ish: You realise you don't really care anyway. What made you such a need fool etrc
Day 250ish onwards: I have been thinking about you, can we talk. You say no, not interested.

Yeah, but I figured it'd have to be an XXL t-shirt to fit all that.

kaneda, I know what you mean. Give it some time, and just try to stay busy. I'm on day... good lord... 140 ish? I lost count. My ex has stopped calling. HUZZAH!

ISneezeFunny huzzah indeed clap clap But why do you still keep count? You seem pretty moved on :confused:
BTW I'm putting serious thought into making that into a t-shirt,it would make nice PJs AND remind me not to give in :)

Yeah, I'm actually moved on quite a bit... currently infatuated with HBIASMS-girl... (hot but independent and sending mixed signals). That number's just off the top of my head... we broke up... 4... 5 months ago? Something like that.

t-shirt idea. I've bee pushing the whole, "I need space" one... for quite some time.

Sounds more like stringyoualong playgirl type,but you know better

Very true. I couldn't agree more... but she's hot enough (not to mention... extremely nice/sweet enough) that I'll allow it.. . that's a dangerous mix. Smart, beautiful, AND extremely nice.

As for now, it's finals week, so I have better things to do than to fawn over her. Last final today. Last final today! Best wishes kaneda. I'm going to go a-fib for the next couple of hours.

Ah yes,ye olde hot factor
Ex showed up in IM hasn't said a word,I guess being rejected sucks huh

I have the same problem... cept HBIASMS-girl's online and she hasn't said a word.. . yes being rejected sucks. Sad.

Dreaded Day 13 of NC. This is the day I made it to last time before breaking it. No chance of that happening this time! I at least have to double it now (little goals ; ))

Now, the dreams have kicked in. Every night for the past 3 days I've dreamt about him. Oh well, I guess they'll go away after awhile.

I'm on Day 13 as well. First time I've actually stopped and counted it out.

For the first week or so I was feeling great. The last two days have been a little tough on me but in less than a week I'm home from school for the summer. Should be tons more to do then.

I think that's a small blessing I have... I rarely dream (last dream I had was... I think 6 - 7 years ago), but when I DO dream, it's WEIRDDDD (i.e. - last dream I had... in high school, I think Ted Turner was choking in a restaurant and I did the Heimlich, didn't work, so I had to do an emergency trach. Weird...

3 weeks before break up- I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love you
2 weeks before break up- I think we need to take things easy and just have fun
1 week before break up- Im not really sure about us now.. but I can't imagine losing you in my life.. or never speaking to you again
Break up- I don't want anything to do with you any more.

1 week after break up- lets be friends
NC
Every 2-3 days msn message "hi"

Day 32 NC I believe?

Haha Nickshehe - I love it.

4 weeks before breakup: "You know my mom and your mom should meet up. I mean, if we're going to get married they'd have to meet up first, right?"
2 weeks before breakup: "I can't imagine my life without you. I think it'd be great if we could be together forever. These past 4 years have gone by so fast".
Breakup: "I don't know what I want out of my future. I don't like where my life is headed. I need to build a new life and I can't worry about you while I"m doing that."
4 weeks after breakup: "I love. I will always love. I miss you. I just can't be in a relatinship right now. I want to be free to do whatever I want. Ur an amazing woman. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve this. I'd still be willing to hang out if you want to."

Agh, Day 13 of NC. NC is awesome. It keeps you completely out of their confusion. And let's you start to see things more clearly. See the ex for what they are, " a confused messed up person who just lost the greatest thing that ever happened to them... forever.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking about every word their exs said to them in the few weeks before they broke up, then critically tearing it apart and analyzing every single word. I'm not sure this is the best way to go about it because people tend to feel as if they were lied to or lead on.

I'm sure if I thought about it there were things my ex said to me before we broke up which I could look back on now and say "Why" and probably get all teary-eyed. However, that they did not mean it personally. I can guarantee none of them were thinking: "Let me say this to keep them hanging on so it hurts that much worse when I dump them." Its just simply not the case.

I try not to look at the breakup as a personal attack, rather just an incompatibility. Once it becomes personal, it hurts that much more.

Just my opinion

LosingIt77 aww : / it seems to me you dream a little too often of him :'x you'd have to be really strong to make it past this point,so hold on both of you (bigbird213 too!).
As for me I rarely dream of him,when I did I always ended up crying and feeling well... really hurt.

Bigbird, recalling the words that were said to me, don't make me teary eyed they make me laugh at how ridiculous of a month it was.. Almost unreal :]
I agree with you though that it's the case 90% of the times.. and I've said before- the only reason I AM taking this break up personally, and I am angry- is the way that she handled it. Though I must say it left me without hope so I should probably thank her at the same time..

What I heard 2 months before the breapup was "I never want to love or have another girl" riiight
Breakup? "Err...we have to talk...so that you dont feel lied to later.I dont feel the same about you anymore.Sorry.Now then how about that 4chan,huh?"

Unfortunately, for me I've always been a very "active" dreamer. Its funny, when we together, I rarely had dreams with him in them. Now, that we're apart, they're starting up. Oh well, guess that's just the "missing him aspect." Just got to keep remininding myself its natural. I mean its only been 2 weeks since I last saw him. It okay to miss him... its NOT OK to call him though! So, its all good. Just looking forward to getting through the next couple of months and keeping myself busy. The last 2 days have been a little hard but I know its all going to be ups and downs for awhile. As long as I just cope with the emotional roller coaster for a bit, I'll come out the other end a stronger and better person for it.

You sure are levelheaded wow
Okay :( I just saw this LoveShack.org Community Forums - View Single Post - What the hell happened? Falling out of love (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1635785&postcount=1) it made me cry because almost every aspect was present before my breakup and it may ruin my NC because of the sudden need to confront him :(

Kaneda - Don't do it!

And don't kill yourself by reading all those things on the net that give a million different reasons as to why it didn't work or what YOU did that caused the breakup. Its not you. It was the both of you. Some times people just aren't compatible. Don't worry, you'll meet the person that's the right mixture of love and compatibility for you one day.

For now, just keep up with the NC. It'll make it a lot easier and try not to sit around dwelling on what went wrong or what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you! He just wasn't the right one. One day you'll meet someone who feels equally as strong about you as you do about them. Just let time heal this. It will. I know I'm going through the same thing, we'll get through this.

losingit77 thank you so much. I know I shouldn't blame myself or play the blame game at all.Its just he was so disrespectful to me,he even said it himself and it drives out of my skin right now.
What I did was make a cake.Not a big success but hey I kept NC.

When that love is gone, it's usually gone for good.

So if your partner has fallen out of love, it's time for you to do the same. When love isn't reciprocated, it comes back to you as pain. It's time to move on and start your new life.

True

Starting day 6.Last night he IM-ed me saying "i hate you".Why?

Starting day 6.Last night he IM-ed me saying "i hate you".Why?

May have been the "drunken IM" ignore it, don't let it get to you as how he feels about anything is meaningless at this point.

Probably thought it would make you crack and contact him, we know you're stronger than that though ;p

At this point in time, the last thing you need is to wonder why he is doing, what he is doing. Not only will unanswered questions drive you crazy, and keep the confusion going, but will take the focus from where it should be, on YOU!! He is an immature NUT, so leave it at that, and start making yourself happy.

You're both right.It wasn't the drunken IM though,since he doesn't drink but questions shouldn't be asked,Getting past your past explainted pretty good why not. I guess he's frustrated he's losing his puppy love girl ha! He'll get over it I'm sure.

Kaneda - Good for you for not responding! See, the NC is getting to him. But anyway, don't respond and don't dwell on it. Don't get sucked back into his land of confusion. You don't deserve that and it'll only prolong your hurt.

Ah, Day 14. Going good. Missing him but looking forward to getting to the 30 day milestone. Can't wait to see how much better I feel by then. Its weird, I've never been on the receiving end of a breakup before. Wow! Makes me feel bad for anyone I've ever broken up with before. Oh well. That which doesn't kill us only makes a stronger. Everything happens for a reason. Time heals all wounds. Look forward not backwards. Ok, that's enough sappy one-liners for today.

Day 14...

Funny how its easier, then gets harder, then gets easier again. I like roller coasters, but not the emotional kind :)

Three days and I'm back home for summer. Looking forward to it. So much more to do at home then at school. That should make all of this a lot easier as well - I'll be much busier :)

Oh yeah, and I get to ride the motorcycle I'm buying myself next week :)

Yeah, its amazing how it gets easy, then hard, then easy, then hard. But I guess that's just how it is. Anytime I start to think, "god, i can't do this"... I remember myself, "wait its only 14 days, thats 2 weeks..come on, that's nothing, you can keep this going!"

The greatest thing about NC is it eliminates all the "what ifs". At least for me. I can pretend he just doesn't exist anymore. We have no friends in common (atleast anymore since we all kept our respective friends post-breakup) and I never have to run into him since we live so far apart. If I don't want to know nothing, I don't got to know nothing. Its great!

Its like, come on losinit, you're doing fine, you can't expect to get over 4 years in 2 weeks? One day at a time. Looking ahead to the summer. Should be fun.

Motorcycle, huh? I need to make a "change". Think I'll just go a cheaper route and dye my hair blonde. And of course, go out and buy a whole bunch of new summer clothes.

Motorcycle, huh? I need to make a "change". Think I'll just go a cheaper route and dye my hair blonde.

It becomes a lot cheaper when I factor in gas for my commute to work :)


And of course, go out and buy a whole bunch of new summer clothes.

... I hope your nothing like a lot of the women I know, or else 'cheaper' is relative :cool:

Haha, yep. With the money I was saving up to get a condo for my girl and me... I bought a gsx-r.

Day 30 is the milestone eeek It seems so ffar way... Till now I only managed 5 day NC and now I'm at the end of day 6 :)

Well I'm back to day 1 no contact. Lol I'm determind this time,probably more than ever. But hey bigbird, I'm looking into buying a bike too. I'm thinking it will actually help keep my mind off my ex. Being free, one with the road so to speak. And gas will be saved like never before. I'm excited about that.

day 6 and I broke NC. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I went online after about two weeks. Last I was on it was two days before my boyfriend told me he didn't see us together and felt he was trying to hard to fall for me. Anyway, we were having a conversation online two days before. We both were involved in some celebrations. People from my community came together and were celebrating in another city few days before. He was with his friend talking to some girl. I was close by with my friends. Surprisingly I meet one of my exs from 10 yrs back. We met, I gave him a friendly hug and we just stood their talking for a few minutes. All of us (we all had traveled from this city to the other) came back. My boyfriend and I were talking online that night and he kind of told me he saw me turning into one of my friends who flirts with anyone and everyone. I was taken aback. I'm generally considered the conservative type who is very professional and highly respected by my peers. I was like what are you talking about. He didn't go into details, he was like I just wanted u to know that. I let it slide. I told him how I met my ex after ten years and along with all my other friends. I never hid anything from him, nor did I want to. He was like OK.. I thought he logged off, so I logged off too. I didn't log back on until now and what I saw was an I-m that said, "if u find ur ex attractive, dont let me be the one to stop u." well apparently, I made no comment about that because I never saw it, nor did he say anything. Two days later we break. I've been maintaining nc.. but now that I saw this, I lost it. I figured this was the reason.. that he thought I would cheat on him or something. So he just bailed. I sent him an email saying I wasn't sure what happened, but this is what my imagination stirred up. I basically tried to tell him that if after all this time, he saw me as such a cheap, lowly person who had no values and ethics, then he doesn't know me at all and if I'm right about this, then I don't know what else to say. And left it at that. Was my reasoning wrong?

This is the start of day 7.I never made it that far so I'm pretty proud of myself. :)

All right day 2 of NC. Still waking up is the hardest part.but there are good days and there are the bad. Not much I can do about that. I have one problem that I'm not sure if anyone else has... I have a college class with her every Tuesday and Thursday. I'm not talking to her in the class or anything but is their anything else I can do to make it easyer?

classicrocker - be civil with her. Do not show and preach about your hurt feelings,your relationship on so on.Be business,no drama,no over-emotion.Dont play it too cool though,just act as a regular guy.

Day 15! 3 more days and I reach my own personal best. (Last time on the 18th day he called and I foolishly answered and we wound up getting back together for another 7 months... only to break up again for the same stupid reasons). Agh!!

My dilemma is now that his b-day is in 5 days and I don't know what to do. Last time we spoke other than him telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he actually said to me "you'll call me for my b-day, right?"... I don't want to be a b*tch but I want to do what's best for me. I'm thinking maybe I'll just send him a voicemail this way I don't have to actually talk to him that just says "happy birthday, hope all is well, bye"... But I also don't want to be a chump! We'll see how strong I feel later this week. If I'm strong enough, I'll do it.. if not, I won't. I don't want to get pulled back into any confusion. I know, NC means NC... its just hard when these things come up in the middle of them. He has attempted contacted twice and I ignored it so I don't know what to do. I think at least it'll show him that I'm OK and not a crying sad mess anymore.

I'm trying to live everything now by the motto, "just play it cool"...

I had the same dilemma for the birthday... my thing was: they want you out of their lives, then that's exactly what they get. Calling/leaving v-mail/texting for birthdays... open up a hole for communication. Do what you feel is best for you. If you don't feel like contacting them, then don't. There's no wrong to it... yes, they may think you're a jerk for not calling, but... it's what they wanted right?

My dilemma is now that his b-day is in 5 days and I don't know what to do. Last time we spoke other than him telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for everything he actually said to me "you'll call me for my b-day, right?"... I don't want to be a b*tch but i want to do what's best for me.

Stay with NO CONTACT. Keep the door closed. Its his birthday, and your attention, is not his present. Why give him false hope?

Sneeze/Tal - I know you're both right. I was thinking a lot about it today and I was like wait, why would I wish him a happy b-day. If he wants me out of his life, than I'm out of his life. Regardless of how "friendly" the breakup was, the fact of the matter is, I still got dumped. So why in the world should I give him one more second of my attention? He gave that up the second he walked away from us. I'm tired of being the nice girl to him. Its over!

He gave that up the second he walked away from us.
Looking out for yourself doesn't make you a beeyatch at all. Plus its okay to be one, if it protects your own interests, right!

Today marks the first week of NC.Yay :(
Losingit77, keeping the NC and not giving your power away is a fine advice but think of that : why not just politely and coldly wish him a happy birthday? There's nothing wrong with being a genuine nice person.And IF he tries to communicate after that- no.Keep NC.There - you were friendly.

Yeah I am on this train.
Was really tempted to e-mail. "if when you think of me your hurt and stuff... doesn't this mean u still love me...?"
We broke up more than 3 month ago. And been on nc few times. Once for two weeks than told my ex wasn't ready but than was contacted a week later... than now we are on out 3rd NC. Its been 3 weeks now. But I contacted my ex yesterday by text, which I am letting go :P
Aiming for about 3 months before I try talking to my ex...
My ex has a new lover... I really want my ex back...
Thing that worries me the most is them getting over me :(
This is when I panic... I think... maybe I am letting them go...
The problem is that... I dumped my ex and now I want them back. I have asked and my ex said no.
Haha. And my ex did pretty much the NC technique so it differently works.

OK day 3 of no contact. And I woke up feeling decent... weird. I mean she's still on my mind... but I don't feel like crap this morning. Things are looking up?

Well I've hit the big number 60.

Bar a minor run in, in the street, its been 60 clear days of NC.

Am I better, yes
Do I miss her, yes
Can I see a bright future for me despite the pain I went through, yes
Did I die, no
Did I feel crap for a fair while, yes

But I'm still here, doing all good.

Haven't met anybody that floats my boat just yet, but no hurry. I'm just glad that I'm so much better than I was, and I my day is no longer full of thoughts of her.

I miss my ex terribly, buts its just one of those things.

Keep going all, it does get better.

Jpm, has it really been 60 days for you? It seems like you were just here telling us about how you started NC... congrats!


Usually, 90's the goal... and after 90, you'll be much better.

33 or 34 for me.. I was fortunate enough to have broken the first run in of NC quite early and I got rejected outright.. so sticking to it 2nd time around was a lot easier than most people :)
I also deleted her phone number so that probably saved me several times when I was drunk... I have to go through my phone bills to find it and I don't think any drunk is capable of doing that :)

I'll raise a glass when I get to 90 sneeze :)

i'll raise a glass when i get to 90 sneeze :)
Just wondering if a group of folks on AMHD has actually had a synchronous toast?

I wish I could delete his num off my ph I know it off my heart!! It has been my downfall wayyyyy to many times! My ex picked me up from the airport again this week, we kissed in the car was dumb felt like all over again plus toatally rejected. I am going on a movie date with a guy tonight who is really into me kind of freaks me out but will keep me distracted.