If I were you I wouldn't bother worrying about this guy. Seriously, that's there issue with twins and you should just be having fun being single.

Dear woman: You must try to remember that you, the children, your x-husband, his girl friend, the sister, a friends sister and maybe a few cats and dogs are all tied up with each other on a day to day basis and this in itself is the perfect formula for producing dicite, innuendo, rumor, distrust, pain, anger, acting-out and many other sad little goodies. If you don't get yourself out of this loop I'd imagine someday you'll hear that Rex the dog who the sister thought was a male is going to have a liter of kittens in 6 and a half weeks and you'll hear of this from the girl at the gas station who is also a part-time ultrasonographer who documented the girl friends twins 11 days ago.

You can break this link of hyena crap by ignoring 98% of everything you hear and try anything to redirect your skills. Your smart and can do it. Best wishes.

If i were you i wouldn't bother worrying about this guy. Seriously, that's there issue with twins and you should just be having fun being single.

I'm not trying to worry about him, in fact I've cut him out of my life and not contacted him. I was just curious if anyone could give me some insight as to why after all this time of no contact he's telling my family news that he knows will hurt me when he really has no reason to want to.

He may be a little salty and is trying to get a reaction out of you. I would RUN RUN RUN and leave him in the dust. There is no need to bother with him. He has a new life new family and HE Isn't EVEN SURE IF THE KIDS ARE HIS! That in itself should be a sign that he is a Noodle and doesn't deserve your time or attention. GOOD LUCK!

Disengage yourself from the ex as far as you can. Tell your family and extended family to keep all and any news/gossip about the ex and his life to themselves. Does you no good to hear it. Get on with your own recovery.

Have you viewed the posts from members on how to get over a guy, what to do after being dumped, etc.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/list-things-do-after-breakup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-expect-when-you-get-dumped-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-114179.html

He may be a little salty and is trying to get a reaction out of you. I would RUN RUN RUN and leave him in the dust. There is no need to bother with him. He has a new life new family and HE ISNT EVEN SURE IF THE KIDS ARE HIS! That in itself should be a sign that he is a Noodle and doesnt deserve your time or attention. GOOD LUCK!

HAHAHA! A Noodle, that's funny. I love it! I would have to agree with you. Leaving me is his loss and he is a NOODLE.

I have an interesting update to share with everyone. Well my ex and his girlfriend are over. She finally admitted that the twins she's pregnant with aren't his...

She told him that they are her ex boyfriends babies and so they called it quits.
As most of you know my son also works with them and he said that my ex and her got into such a huge fight at work yesterday that they almost got fired.

His big reason for leaving me for this Ho was because he wanted a baby. WELL BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT. Hehehe.

Do I sound happy about this? HELL yeah I'm happy. I wasted 7 yrs of my life on someone that in the end walked away because I didn't give him a baby. Well looks like she didn't either. She just passed them off as his while it served her purpose.

Ok I know it's taken me a long time to recover from this... But I just wonder how do you recover from leaving a good 7 yr relationship that in everyway seemed extremely happy, All though minus the baby he wanted, for a lying tramp that told you your biggest wish was coming true only to find out less then 6 months later she lied the whole time... Oh the humiliation he must be feeling knowing that everyone he works with and all of his friends know how bad he betrayed me. Talk about being bit in the @ss...

Can Anyone Say KARMA??

Karma!! Lol

Sounds like this jacka$$ got just what he deserved.

KARMA... LOL
What goes around, comes around!!
Good for him, he betrayed you and left you and in the end he got what he deserved.
I'm sure it's still tough getting over him but I wish u the best of luck.

Just don't get weak, and let him come sniffing around you again.

Damn. Congrats? It's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say... do you say... congrats? Either way, glad you're happy. You think he'll contact you again?

Someone wrote: "...it's one of those situations where you have no idea what to say...." How about a bereavement card with an inscription to the effect, 'have you been checked out by your doctor?'

There are new gift cards out there that have a small battery and speaker; you may find one that is just laughing: "Ha, ha, ha, ha", etc.

Just don't get weak, and let him come sniffing around you again.

Tal he doesn't have the coconuts to call me after this..

I guess I missed the first part of this ordeal so getting in at this point my opinion might be in the least favored...

It's too bad you did not get the relationship you hoped for. He did what he felt he needed to do in order to achieve his full personal goals. It hurt you in the process, but... women do it to guys just as often... to find the right fit for their lives.

Self-actualization is something people strive for... are you saying that is bad? I know it hurts sometimes... trust me been there... but to be happy when someone else is suffering seems to make you a callous as they are?

I don't think happiness about his dilemma will lesson the pain of yours. Perhaps you need more time to lesson the bitterness, and maybe you will feel that if you truly had any love for the person you would accept their leaving you to do what they had to for their own self actualization.

Don't be the bitter ex. It's not flattering.

There are new gift cards out there that have a small battery and speaker; you may find one that is just laughing: "Ha, ha, ha, ha", etc.

Wow George... You don't think that would be to mean? LOL just kidding

Well, MissingHim2Much, I want you to know you are an "advisor emeritus", a dean of wisdom and insight, right up there with those others; don't you even begin to think you have graduated and can return to your private life, ever.

Well, MissingHim2Much, I want you to know you are an "advisor emeritus", a dean of wisdom and insight, right up there with those others; don't you even begin to think you have graduated and can return to your private life, ever.

Never George... I'm an addict now.

Wow MissingHim, is it wrong that when I read that I got a big smile on my face and felt like jumping out of my chair and yelling YES!! What goes around comes around! :D

Just a response to the OP's disagreement of my post...

With no warning, my ex- walked out after 10.5 years of marriage and 3.5 of dating before that.. so 14 years in all... Why? To pursue her dreams... wanted other things in life... think I didn't feel betrayed? Still, you can't control someone else, and being bitter only poisons yourself... should I be happy at every thing negative that comes her way? I didn't want bad to happen to her before, and I still don't. Satisfaction isn't going to result from seeing someone suffer. Time to accept what was, and is no more. Often what we think we have is not the reality.

oneguyinohio writes: "Often what we think we have is not the reality." I disagree with this assessment of reality and think it is kind of sad. Maybe that is why you weren't more upset; you couldn't lose something you never had (to borrow from the title of a song).

Just a response to the OP's disagreement of my post...

With no warning, my ex- walked out after 10.5 years of marriage and 3.5 of dating before that..so 14 years in all...Why? To persue her dreams...wanted other things in life... think I didn't feel betrayed? Still, you can't control someone else, and being bitter only poisons yourself... should I be happy at every thing negative that comes her way? I didn't want bad to happen to her before, and I still dont. Satisfaction isn't going to result from seeing someone suffer. Time to accept what was, and is no more. Often what we think we have is not the reality.

Oneguy, I agree you have some very valid points and I admire you for being happy for your ex. I also feel a little bit of bitterness is human nature... And your right, often what we think we have is not reality. And just as often what we think we have is because someone else convinces us that it is reality.

I'm all for pursuing your dreams.. What I have a problem with is telling someone daily that you are the dream they were pursuing and not really meaning it... As for being bitter.. that will fade in time and I will be a whole person again.

Often what we think we have is not the reality.

This reminded me a quote...

“reality, the external world, exists independent of man’s consciousness...this means that A is A, that facts are facts, that things are what they are – and the task of man’s consciousness is to perceive reality not to create or invent it.”

Time makes a difference, and in thinking back... for the first year or two... I felt lots of anger, but having a child... I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child... our lives didn't go the way we both wanted... even if we didn't agree about it... we still have to go on.

Oneguy writes: "...I could not wish bad for her, nor be happy about bad stuff because that would have been a negative affect on the child...." That's a horse of a different color; I'll drink to that.

"Missing him", time to change your name on here! I have followed your progress and am estatic for your vindication. I was hurt too, a long time ago, horrible circumstances. No, it does not go away. You learn to deal with it. After a time, we went on to have a better, stronger, happier marrige. Your ex deserves to suffer, how else would he learn? Empathy is gained from understanding pain. You should not add to his suffering, and enjoying it is of course not nice. But hey, I am proud of you. 'the strongest of all warriors are these two- time and patience' Tolstoy

That's great stuff :) vegence is ideal. Even more so when they bring it on themselves


Regards

I love KARMA :-)

Like Tal says though be careful if he comes sniffing around , I know you say you don't think he has the coconuts to but you never know. It's easy for us to see it as that little window of opportunity that we've been waiting for. But remember what he did to you and how he has made you feel for the last 6 months.

I think you are far enough in your healing process now to make the right decision and a lot of that has to do with NC and not being as emotionally blinded as you were. Without NC you wouldn't have come this far this quickly even though it seemed like a long journey.

Well done , I'm proud of you!

I love KARMA :-)

Like Tal says though be careful if he comes sniffing around , I know you say you don't think he has the coconuts to but you never know. It's easy for us to see it as that little window of opportunity that we've been waiting for. But remember what he did to you and how he has made you feel for the last 6 months.

I think you are far enough in your healing process now to make the right decision and a lot of that has to do with NC and not being as emotionally blinded as you were. Without NC you wouldn't have come this far this quickly even though it seemed like a long journey.

Well done , I'm proud of you!

Thanks Hon, NC really is a blessing. If only we could see that in the beginning.

Well I just thought I would share the happy news with all of my good friends here at AMHD. My ex and his girlfriend got back together and she has since giving birth to the twins.

They were born on Valentines day no less... How special is that?

They broke up a few weeks ago for a short time because she had told him the babies weren't his. Well I guess she retracted that statement and told him she wasn't SURE if they were his so I guess that was all he needed to hear.

Well anyway I find it funny that he only left 7 months ago and has only known her for a few weeks before that and she's already had the babies. According to my estimate they would've been due no earlier then the end of April or beginning of May but miracle of all miracles they were born 2 months early and were both over 4 pounds each which is surprisingly big if they were born that much to early.

Anyway that makes 6 kids she has all under the age of 7 all with different fathers. WOW it's like the Ghetto version of the Brady Bunch.

... damn.

We'll see how long that lasts... good god.

Dear Missing... I hope you meant that sarcasticly when you said 'happy news', but in a sense you should be... because you are better off without him. Could you imagine living with an insecure man like him, seriously?

If he is basically a good guy, we can hope he has good influence on the children so that they get off on a good start in their lives - none of this is their fault and I wish them all the best in the world.

And you.. you've been through a lot, seen a lot, so evidently are learning a lot - use what you learned and make the best of it, dear.

Good luck.

Cher

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The universe takes care of itself. Hope he has a good job.

You really think so tal?

My friends call me "karma" because I "never get what I deserve" (I do bad things, and I never get what's coming to me)...

What were you doing with a person like that in the first place??

You ought to ask yourself that.

Don't repeat it by having low self-esteem and taking anything that comes your way...

what were you doing with a person like that in the first place????

you ought to ask yourself that.

don't repeat it by having low self-esteem and taking anything that comes your way....

Ash he obviously wasn't like that in the first place or I wouldn't have spent 7 yrs with him...

As for my self-esteem, I'm doing fine. He's the idiot... not me.

Ash he obviously wasn't like that in the first place or I wouldn't have spent 7 yrs with him...

As for my self-esteem, i'm doing fine. He's the idiot.....not me.


LOL! Truly truly... he does sound like an idiot. Your sense of humor will take you far. :D

LOL!! Truly truly...he does sound like an idiot. Your sense of humor will take you far. :D

Susan
You should go back and read "Missings" story , she's been through hell and now she's doing real good.
And yes this guy turned into an idiot , but that doesn't necessarily mean he always was.

How much sleep is he getting? Ha ha ha
He will resent the b___h sooner or later, just "sit by the river and bodies of your enemies will float by"-tolstoy

It doesn't sound like he's the only idiot, 6 kids, all with different fathers? Those poor kids, I'm more concerned about them, they are the innocents in a very uninnocent world.
Now I'm depressed.:(

how much sleep is he getting? ha ha ha
he will resent the b___h sooner or later, just "sit by the river and bodies of your enemies will float by"-tolstoy

Well cerisa sleeping won't be his problem seeing how he could sleep through a 4 alarm fire but rumor has it he's the one that takes care of all the kids because she doesn't want to be bothered with them. (HIS WORDS). So I've heard that he already resents the b_tch, but not my problem hehehe

Glad that you feel that way, Missing - about him and his sleep, I mean.

As far as kids - they are the ones I worry about and hope all the best for them - no matter who their parents are.

I had a neighbor who also had 6 kids - and each a different father. The fourth child, a wonderful little girl, found a world of her own in numbers. You would not believe how this child just went through math like it was the easiest thing in the world - she played 'school' on a blackboard and was only 4 years old at that time. Now she's in her 20's and still the best mathmetician I ever met - got a great job and is out of the parental 'ghetto'. So when some kids 'escape', there is hope in them finding their own place and get stronger. They have a right to survive!

POWER TO THE INNOCENT KIDS!

I must say, I'm a little surprised with all the bashing going on in here.

I don't think it's right to revel in anothers misfortunes (perceived misfortunes mind you). Who is anybody on this site to judge? He has a lot of kids, perhaps he can handle them all, perhaps they will grow up proper, at least you know they will have much family support.

Taking pleasure in bashing someone is just not right, especially when it is doneto make yourself feel better. Oh look at him, look at her, aren't they pathetic... I don't care for that. What concerns me is that for all the"learning" taking place here, Missing has written and entire thread devoted to explaining the lives of others in which she has no part in, how is that moving on?? Also, proceeded to rain judgement down upon their actions, How is that learning?? Seems to me that it is obsessive, focusing on the activities of others rather than your own.

I'm not being mean so don't take it like that, I'm being honest. Missing, if you have healed and have moved on this thread would never have been written, how is it that you get all this first hand information anyway?? Looking under stones I would think, not a smart idea.

If anything, hopefully this post will clarify whatperhaps you should befocusingon in order to TRULY rid yourself of this situation, anything less will only hurt you more.

All the best.

I must say, I'm a little surprised with all the bashing going on in here.

I don't think it's right to revel in anothers misfortunes (perceived misfortunes mind you). Who is anybody on this site to judge? He has alot of kids, perhaps he can handle them all, perhaps they will grow up proper, at least you know they will have much family support.

Taking pleasure in bashing someone is just not right, especially when it is doneto make yourself feel better. Oh look at him, look at her, arn't they pathetic......I don't care for that. What concerns me is that for all the"learning" taking place here, Missing has written and entire thread devoted to explaining the lives of others in which she has no part in, how is that moving on??? Also, proceeded to rain judgement down upon their actions, How is that learning??? Seems to me that it is obsessive, focusing on the activities of others rather than your own.

I'm not being mean so don't take it like that, I'm being honest. Missing, if you have healed and have moved on this thread would never have been written, how is it that you get all this first hand information anyway??? Looking under stones I would think, not a smart idea.

If anything, hopefully this post will clarify whatperhaps you should befocusingon in order to TRULY rid yourself of this situation, anything less will only hurt you more.

All the best.

It's a little surprising to me that all you've seen is bashing. I too feel sorry for the children and I'm sorry if I haven't made that clear. And if it seems to you that all I do is bash my ex well I'm sorry for that too, but I'm angry about some of the things he's done to me and I feel a little bashing to get some anger out is not so bad... It's not as if you know his name or anything like that so I'm not exactly humiliating him in public.

He's a nameless, faceless person that none of you know so what's the harm. I was under the impression that this was a place to vent and cry and yes sometimes get piss'd off because we've experienced a lot of pain.

I spent a lot of years with a person that was my closest friend and we shared a lot together. Not only was I not expecting him to just pick up and leave for a co-worker I wasn't expecting him to buy and new car with me a year ago and just leave me with the payments and I wasn't expecting him to get a new place with me and leave me with the rent to pay on my own.

When he walked away with no warning he left me with a car payment that was due, rent was due, the phone bill, the electric, the gas and the cable. I barely crawled out of the hole he left me in and yeah I'm a little piss'd. All of this from someone that claimed to be my soul mate and best friend.

So I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway. That wasn't my intention.

Dear Missing,

The point of my thread was not that I felt it wrong for you to bash him because of identity issues or anything of the sort. It was intended to perhaps show you how much of a part he is playing in your life, how much his actions control your emotions, how anger ties you to the past. You may use this board to vent, but its intention, I would hope, is to help you, help you learn and grow, help remove those feeling you harbor towards him, they are not healthy for you and unless you identify and correct them you will be forever tied to them.

I have no issue with you feeling betrayed and telling us about it, my concern is not that his identity will be found out, it is simply your mindset. It is one thing to hurt and feel sad, it is quite another to prolong that hurt and sadness by updating yourself on his life, a life which does not include you. Please don't apologize to me for what you write, instead I hope you'll think about YOURSELF, your life, your well-being, not his. It must be difficult, sounds like he really treated you bad, but you will get better.

All the best.

I'm glad you aren't caught up in the madness anymore.

I hope he and she can pull it together for the kids. Children, unfortunately, are the ones who most often suffer from their parents ignorance and bad choices.

Heck, my nemesis still lives in the same building, so I know what enormous energy it takes to forget everything and go on without remembering the pain. He also has some of my things and I have tried to forget about that too. It just sometimes is not that easy, especially when confronted on an almost daily basis. We all have a right to our anger and it is nice to be able to just vent when we feel it getting at us again. We all are humans and have our feelings - not unemotional robots.

Wishing the best for all who suffer like us and hope we all can go on without too much emotional turmoil.

So, Missing, feel the anger and vent, and then go out to a park and see and feel nicer things to help you feel better, love.

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Missing, better bashing him here than in person. I know what you have been through, I hope you find a better life soon. You deserve it.

I want to thank everyone for supporting me, and I know you do. It helps more then I can say. It's hard when so many members of my family work with my ex and his girlfriend, they think I need to know his every move and they can't seem to see I don't need to know so much. I've hinted that I shouldn't know everything he does but I guess they haven't quite taken the hint.

And I want everyone to know that my anger isn't consuming my life. I have two sons that I am very close to and would do anything for me. I also have a beautiful granddaughter that's the light of my life.

I was hoping by now that the pain he has caused me would be a distant memory but I know that 7 yrs can't just be erased in a matter of months. All I can say is I truly am getting better even if it doesn't show here.

Thanks again to everyone

From one grandma to another, we are here for you any time you need to vent, honey. Just as you have been here for me and my troubles.

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