Hi ,

I am happily married, but I am getting attracted to another guy. Me and my husband satisfy our sexual needs and very happy about it. My problemis my husband tours a lot and when ever he is not there I am not able to control my sexual urge. I got attracted to a guy and this was happening for last 3 years(iam married for 11 years). Two weeks back I happen to express my feelings to him and came to know he too had the same feeling for me. He too is married but his wife stopped having sex with him for the past 5 years after she underwent histrectomy. After getting close to him he started telling every thing about hiself. And we happened to get close physically twice. Now I statred feeling very guilty that I am cheating my husband, who is very nice. If I could control my feelings for three long years why could not do it now.

I don't want to messup any thing further. And I told the same to the guy but he says he just wants hugs from me and that he really loves me. He says he is living only for me. But some how I don't want to do that also now, though I still get attracted to him.

I am feeling very gulty about the whole issue and I really do not know how to get out of it

Mahi

I understand, but you have to be loyal to your husband. That other man of course is not getting his physical needs met in his marriage, so he's going to be pushed away from his wife. It's sad for her and him. But you don't need to break up your marriage just so he can have someone other than his wife. Who will your husband have? Just shake your head no, and tell the other guy you can't anymore. When he persists, tell him no again. If he is a good guy, he'll back off. If he doesn't, you need a friend to help you say no.

Thanks,

I already made it clear to him. And I am really hoping to get out of the relationship. But I am feeling very guilty when I see my husband. I feel like I cheated my husband which I really do not intend to. I come from a very conservative family. I myself I am not able to believe I could do this. I need to speak this out to some one and I could not do with anyone and then I found this site. Will I ever be able to come out of the guilt

I understand this is a very difficult situation for you, but you're doing the right thing by not wanting to be with this guy even though you're attracted to him. It's not fair to your husband or yourself because it's just making you feel guilty and it's hard emotional baggage you know? In my own opinion I think that the best thing to do is to just try and forget about this other man. It will be hard at first, but just try and focus on your husband while he's gone and add him into the equation every time the situation comes up where you start thinking about this other guy. What I'm trying to say is just keep your husband in mind all the time. I hope I was of some help to you. I wish you and your husband a happy marriage and I wish you the best of luck!

<3 kt

Kt,

Thanks, for the emotional support u have given. I felt lost and did not know how to come out with the guilt. I have many friends some very close to heart and even with them I could not talk about this.

Thanks once again
Mahi

I would say, that the sexual interest of both you and the man you are interested in -- really comes out of loneliness and the desire for intimacy becomes stronger out of this. From what it sounds, your relationship w/ your husband is very strong and you are as well, and you are simply identifying w/ the other man's situation more than you are attracted to him or wanting of him.
I really hope the best for you. Seeking out help from an outside party definitely shows your concern and devotion for your husband, so try not to be so guilty -- you are merely human
Try to appease a sense of loneliness with friends and interests to re-enforce your own identity.. this might detract from both your guilt and your wanting to be around another man... or at least give you some strong sense of perspective.