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Boyfriend viewing Porn

I found links on my boyfriend's computer today. He watches porn a LOT and wants sex a LOT.

He really likes anal sex and loves watching anal sex videos.

But I found something else now. There was a clip of gay (guy on guy) porn and several clips of a guy having sex with a transvestite up his/her butt.

What does it mean when a guy like that type of porn, or if a guy watches that type of porn?

I'm worried he may be bisexual or gay and isn't telling me about it. I've asked him about this before and he has said no. Should I confront him with the things I found then?

I don't want to be lied to anymore.

Don't read anything into it. Maybe its nothing more than a fantasy or was just curious to see it. Just because he didn't delete it doesn't mean he is focused on it.

Have you ever talked to a guy before... if you was intrigued by him did you tell your boyfriend about it? I'll bet you didn't.

Now if you find a photo of him with a guy... then I think there is something to worry about.

So then why does he keep watching it? If he was curious wouldn't it just be once... what does it mean when he does it frequently?

It's a guy thing, we are very visual. Now if its 6 hours a night, every night, then there is a problem (particularly if it's the kiddie variety where no amount is OK at all), if its for a little while every night or so that's about normal for most guys.

I do need to throw in the age thing... the younger you are, then more is normal, the older you get the less that will be up to a point it just doesn't matter to many guys. What age are we talking about?

The porn thing is pretty common. A lot of guys hate using their imagination so they find something to replace that- porn is perfect.

The Guy-on-Guy porn: this could mean he is questioning his sexuality. You should ask if there is something he'd like to talk about...

Quote:

Originally Posted by SereneAegis

I found links on my boyfriend's computer today. He watches porn a LOT and wants sex a LOT.

He really likes anal sex and loves watching anal sex videos.

But I found something else now. There was a clip of gay (guy on guy) porn and several clips of a guy having sex with a transvestite up his/her butt.

What does it mean when a guy like that type of porn, or if a guy watches that type of porn?

I'm worried he may be bisexual or gay and isn't telling me about it. I've asked him about this before and he has said no. Should I confront him with the things I found then?

I don't want to be lied to anymore.

Porn is normal... If you don't satisfy your man as much as he wants, porn is his alternative... SIMPLE... Nothing bad about it...

Gay porn... I'm guessing he did what MOST of us men have done... Clicked on a link at one of those porn sights and went "oh sh!t this is gay stuff"... There you go... He accidentally clicked on a dude on dude while clicking 100's of links look for some nice poo-tang ;)

According to my husband: maybe he is curious but most guys think that being gay is not right so if he is looking at gay porn then you should confront him, because there might be mixed thoughts about it. Confront him, put a pop up blocker for all porn sites. Men don't are not normally interested in gay porn, it turns them off.

A lot of men (and women) look at porn on the internet, so try not to take it personally or as an insult. Sometimes people just feel like doing something by themselves without having to reciprocate, too.

Keep in mind that with the way you can access just about anything on the net, people tend to look at things now that they probably never would have even considered buying at a brick and mortar store. If you are curious, it is all right there just a click away. It doesn't mean it is your preference, you might just be looking at something for whatever reason.

Also, just because someone enjoys seeing something in porn doesn't necessarily mean they want to act on it in real life. For example, some people might find porn with orgies to be hot, but they would never actually have group sex themselves.

Also, there is a porn slippery slope. You know, you see one thing and then you want to see what else is out there, it's internet curiousity. I think a lot of people can say they've seen some crazy things online, but it doesn't mean they like it.

I think if you confront him about it you'll have a fight and he'll feel as though you've invaded his privacy. I think he'll get defensive and be embarrassed. But, if it is really bothering you I guess you need to give him a chance to explain himself. Just don't expect him to take it well, I don't think he will.

And I really don't think that just having gay porn on his computer makes him bisexual, or even necessarily bi curious. He might have just been plain old curious.

Just my opinion though. Good luck!

I think the best way to approach this would be, in my humble opinion, saying something along the lines of:
'So the other day I was using the computer, and while looking for some old documents, I came across some adult films and to tell you the truth it's been on my mind since."

Try that and see what happens.

How about instead of looking at it as a diversion from you (which it really isn't) try to look at some together and find new things you can do together, or new positions. Taken in the proper context it can really liven up your sex life together rather than the same ole, same ole... if you see what I mean.

I got the feeling Senere doesn't quite approve of porn

Quote:

Originally Posted by kepi

I got the feeling Senere doesn't quite approve of porn

Well, she has the right to her opinion, but if she wants to make the most of their relationship maybe she needs to change her viewpoints to something a tad less prudish. She can watch it with him... and maybe find something new she likes. Hopefully she won't be like some ex-girlfriends who tended to be a bit prudish and say, no to this, no to that, no to the other thing... and ended up being dull because everything had to be a certain way all the time. Which gets boring as hell in a few months much less years.

Thank god my wife isn't as closed minded as some of then were. Now before you misunderstand me, my wife is very conservative in her manner publicly but when we are together then there are really few rules. And that makes for a healthy relationship. My wife was once staunchly anti-porn. Till she found out it can help to improve our , well you know... by letting her discover new things SHE would like to try so it wasn't always what I wanted to try.

Like the old saying goes... "don't knock it till you've tried it."

I think I'm being misunderstood. Let me summarize.

1. I do not keep my b/f from watching porn, he can do whatever he wants in that regard. I do not let that get to me. I know he does it and I don't care most of the time. Overall I have a "whatever" attitude to him doing that.

2. HE IS WATCHING GAY PORN GUY ON GUY AND TRANSVESTITE PORN GUY ON PERSON W/MALE GENITALIA AND BREASTS UP THE BUTT FREQUENTLY.

I have confronted him about it and he says he doesn't know why. He says he is curious why people like that. At the same time, wouldn't a couple of times satisfy that curiosity? Why almost daily? And watching videos cannot answer a question like that in the first place. It shows you WHAT not WHY. I think he is using that as an excuse and is hiding something.

I'm a great girl and deserve to be in an honest heterosexual relationship. I need to know if he is gay/bi or not and I need to know ASAP so I don't waste my time with a liar.

I'm asking anyone if they have advice as to why he is doing this or what I should do after I've confronted him and found even more videos on his computer that are new after I confronted him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Well, she has the right to her opinion, but if she wants to make the most of their relationship maybe she needs to change her viewpoints to something a tad less prudish. She can watch it with him...and maybe find something new she likes. Hopefully she won't be like some ex-girlfriends who tended to be a bit prudish and say, no to this, no to that, no to the other thing....and ended up being dull because everything had to be a certain way all the time. Which gets boring as hell in a few months much less years.

Thank god my wife isn't as closed minded as some of then were. Now before you misunderstand me, my wife is very conservative in her manner publicly but when we are together then there are really few rules. And that makes for a healthy relationship. My wife was once staunchly anti-porn. Till she found out it can help to improve our , well you know....by letting her discover new things SHE would like to try so it wasn't always what I wanted to try.

Like the old saying goes...."don't knock it till you've tried it."

Quote:

Originally Posted by SereneAegis

I think I'm being misunderstood. Let me summarize.

1. I do not keep my b/f from watching porn, he can do whatever he wants in that regard. I do not let that get to me. I know he does it and I don't care most of the time. Overall I have a "whatever" attitude to him doing that.

2. HE IS WATCHING GAY PORN GUY ON GUY AND TRANSVESTITE PORN GUY ON PERSON W/MALE GENITALIA AND BREASTS UP THE BUTT FREQUENTLY.

I have confronted him about it and he says he doesn't know why. He says he is curious why people like that. At the same time, wouldn't a couple of times satisfy that curiosity? Why almost daily? And watching videos cannot answer a question like that in the first place. It shows you WHAT not WHY. I think he is using that as an excuse and is hiding something.

I'm a great girl and deserve to be in an honest heterosexual relationship. I need to know if he is gay/bi or not and I need to know ASAP so I don't waste my time with a liar.

I'm asking anyone if they have advice as to why he is doing this or what I should do after I've confronted him and found even more videos on his computer that are new after I confronted him.

Ok, with your standing clarified on that. Let me answer.

#1 OK, that's a good way to look at it, have you ever considered watching together with him? To get some fresh ideas?

#2 Maybe its just a "train wreck" or "House Fire" sort of curiosity type thing. Many people may be mesmerized watching stuff like that when it happens, but that doesn't mean they are going to go out and sabotage the tracks or torch the house in order to have more involvement in it.

Maybe you are just reading more into this than there is...

1. I am disgusted by guy on guy porn and tranny porn, so I wouldn't watch those with him. He also seems to just watch those and fisting or anal sex videos. : /

2. But he continuously watches them, day after day. Is that really something normal? He can't even get off on regular sex for some reason and it's been like that with all 7 of his other girlfriends.

He is 22 as well and he keeps a lot of his past secret. I have feelings that he is not honest and is lying to me, even about this issue.

Is he mesmerized by it when he gets off on it and fantasizes about it? I think it's something more than that. But what the heck am I supposed to do now after the confrontation is over and he doesn't want to own up?

I was thinking of asking his dad for advice. His dad knows a lot more about his past and I know would be willing to talk to me... the only thing is, he would find out about his son's oddities and I don't think that would please him very much.

I'm at such a loss right now and I can't just "forget" about this. I feel I may be wasting my time with someone who isn't interested in marrying me, so I need to find out if he IS straight in the first place. And with questions and lies (he's lied to me about everything in the past) I can't live like this anymore and just "forget."

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Ok, with your standing clarified on that. let me answer.

#1 OK, thats a good way to look at it, have you ever considered watching together with him? To get some fresh ideas?

#2 Maybe its just a "train wreck" or "House Fire" sort of curiosity type thing. Many people may be mesmerized watching stuff like that when it happens, but that doesn't mean they are going to go out and sabotage the tracks or torch the house in order to have more involvement in it.

Maybe you are just reading more into this than there is....

Quote:

Originally Posted by SereneAegis

1. I am disgusted by guy on guy porn and tranny porn, so I wouldn't watch those with him. He also seems to just watch those and fisting or anal sex videos. : /

2. But he continuously watches them, day after day. Is that really something normal? He can't even get off on regular sex for some reason and it's been like that with all 7 of his other girlfriends.

He is 22 as well and he keeps a lot of his past secret. I have feelings that he is not honest and is lying to me, even about this issue.

Is he mesmerized by it when he gets off on it and fantasizes about it? I think it's something more than that. But what the heck am I supposed to do now after the confrontation is over and he doesn't want to own up?

I was thinking of asking his dad for advice. His dad knows a lot more about his past and I know would be willing to talk to me...the only thing is, he would find out about his son's oddities and I don't think that would please him very much.

I'm at such a loss right now and I can't just "forget" about this. I feel I may be wasting my time with someone who isn't interested in marrying me, so I need to find out if he IS straight in the first place. And with questions and lies (he's lied to me about everything in the past) I can't live like this anymore and just "forget."

OK, by my perspective...

#1 that's fine... I was meaning more the regular stuff. As to the anal and fisting stuff, that's his fantasy or fetish... those I can understand better.

#2 Now what you are saying means something more. Now if we are talking a little bit each day its not that unusual, now if we are talking hour after hour every day is a bit much. At 22 he's going to be more into porn than your average 50 year old.

HOWEVER with that said at 22 he should have no problems getting off with regular sex... in fact many 22 year olds will bang anything that moves, or lets them. He should not need anything to get him going or get off.

I don't see anything wrong with him liking anal sex... I do, and a lot of women I have known do, the fisting part, I know people who love it, those who would love to try it and those who can't do it for whatever reason. Its not a fetish that I would worry about because its totally consensual. I'd worry more about someone who is into rough sex or has rape fantasies. You haven't indicated this is an issue.

As far as talking with his parents... I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess if you do that you will pretty much ruin anything you have or might ever have with him, and them. Don't do it. If you want to walk then walk but doing that will forever brand you as something I'd rather not type. And might even become pubic and follow you. You don't need or want that.

Now as to his past... is he usually an open person otherwise... some people are just secretive... if he is selectively secretive then he may be hiding something. I can't judge which by what has been said so far.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SereneAegis

I found links on my boyfriend's computer today. He watches porn a LOT and wants sex a LOT.

He really likes anal sex and loves watching anal sex videos.

But I found something else now. There was a clip of gay (guy on guy) porn and several clips of a guy having sex with a transvestite up his/her butt.

What does it mean when a guy like that type of porn, or if a guy watches that type of porn?

I'm worried he may be bisexual or gay and isn't telling me about it. I've asked him about this before and he has said no. Should I confront him with the things I found then?

I don't want to be lied to anymore.

Basically - he is bi curious - he cannot admit it - the tranny thing makes him feel less guilty about looking at gay porn. I highly doubt he accidentally clicked on that link. I have been here... Run while you can... or buy a strap on - see what he thinks about that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by klinus1997

Basically - he is bi curious - he cannot admit it - the tranny thing makes him feel less guilty about looking at gay porn. I highly doubt he accidentally clicked on that link. I have been here... Run while you can... or buy a strap on - see what he thinks about that?

Who knows... maybe he will like that. Doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe its something you will both like together.

Unfortunately you may never find out if he is bi or gay unless you ever catch him with another man. If you can't live with that then move on to someone else. You are still young and I am sure you will have many more relationships in the future. Chalk this one up as a learning experience or just except his fetish. My guess is he is that he is straight with gay tendencies/fantasies. Most likely at some time he will act them out, but it still doesn't mean he is gay. Just curious and into experimentation, especially anally. Like I said if you want no part of this then move on. There are many more people in this world that can make you happy and that aren't bending their sexuality in both directions. Not trying to break you guys up, but I say you either except it or move on.

What's wrong with everyone? Its not a fantasy if they could do it in real life they would that's y its wrong is everyone blinded from made up reasons why porn is OK. The only reason its OK is because the companies are making millions off degrading women. Wow there real winners. Doesn't anyone relize that's someone's daughter? There poor mother or father to find that out. That they degrade themselves and hate themselves so bad they'll spread there legs for money? Hooker anyone

I say confront him hun its not normal for a straight guy looking at gay men normally there discusted by it confront him

Most "straight" guys don't look at homosexual porn- true. If he is questioning his sexuality, although it may hurt, you have to be supportive of his decision. If he is indeed a gay/bisexual, the last thing you want to do is be hasty about this, as this may shove him right back into the closet.

l'm a guy... and l think he's just really horny... try dress up to satisfy him

Quote:

Originally Posted by SereneAegis

I found links on my boyfriend's computer today. He watches porn a LOT and wants sex a LOT.

He really likes anal sex and loves watching anal sex videos.

But I found something else now. There was a clip of gay (guy on guy) porn and several clips of a guy having sex with a transvestite up his/her butt.

What does it mean when a guy like that type of porn, or if a guy watches that type of porn?

I'm worried he may be bisexual or gay and isn't telling me about it. I've asked him about this before and he has said no. Should I confront him with the things I found then?

I don't want to be lied to anymore.

Hey I agree with most of these fellas in this section... porn watching is normal for guys. What isn't normal is watching guy on guy porn or transvestite porn. THAT ISN'T NORMAL FOR A STRAIGHT GUY PERIOD! If he's watching that kind of stuff or it is SAVED on the computer (key word being SAVED on the computer) then he either is interested in it and gets off on it (let's be honest, that's why we watch porn) or he's tried it and liked it but is embarrassed about it. (note: make sure he has more than one video or clip on the computer before you jump the gun. He could have downloaded a clip by accident from the net... happens all the time)

<--- A MAN

Quote:

SereneAegis I found links on my boyfriend's computer today. He watches porn a LOT and wants sex a LOT.

Typical 20 something guy stuff.

Quote:

He really likes anal sex and loves watching anal sex videos.

Typical 20 something guy stuff

Quote:

But I found something else now. There was a clip of gay (guy on guy) porn and several clips of a guy having sex with a transvestite up his/her butt.

There is all kinds of porn out there, and this is one of many things to look at, Found any bestiality, or golden showers porn???

Quote:

What does it mean when a guy like that type of porn, or if a guy watches that type of porn?

From what you've said he watches a lot of porn and wants to have a lot of sex...........with you, I presume.

Quote:

I'm worried he may be bisexual or gay and isn't telling me about it. I've asked him about this before and he has said no. Should I confront him with the things I found then?

I think this is more your fear than a fact, as you have nothing but the porn to which sounds like curiosity, more than some emerging sexuality.

Quote:

I don't want to be lied to anymore.

And what are the lies he is telling???? He said he didn't know why he was watching gay porn, that may be true. If he lies about watching thats normal when one is confronted in an accusatory way like a kid caught by his mother. Instead of confrontation and disgust, which is more about you and your attitude, than him and what he is doing, how about approaching him like a grown adult, with respect and curiosity and see what he says. You confront a cheater, you engage your partner, so he can open up instead of hiding, or lying.
We can all assume all sorts of things, and have many demons fueling our fears, but if the two of you who love and care openly, and honestly talk, and listen, you would learn more about each other, and you wouldn't have to ask strangers if your b/f, who you see everyday, is gay or not. Porn and sexuality are but symptoms of the real problem between you, which is a lack of honest dialog

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Well, she has the right to her opinion, but if she wants to make the most of their relationship maybe she needs to change her viewpoints to something a tad less prudish. She can watch it with him...and maybe find something new she likes. Hopefully she won't be like some ex-girlfriends who tended to be a bit prudish and say, no to this, no to that, no to the other thing....and ended up being dull because everything had to be a certain way all the time. Which gets boring as hell in a few months much less years.

Thank god my wife isn't as closed minded as some of then were. Now before you misunderstand me, my wife is very conservative in her manner publicly but when we are together then there are really few rules. And that makes for a healthy relationship. My wife was once staunchly anti-porn. Till she found out it can help to improve our , well you know....by letting her discover new things SHE would like to try so it wasn't always what I wanted to try.

Like the old saying goes...."don't knock it till you've tried it."

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS USER! You know how people are always saying "you can't change a man" "If you want to change him find someone else" Well do that. Keep your opinion and stick with it. If you don't like him doing it let him know. Don't watch it with him and lower you morals. There's no need for that. Stick up for what you believe in and be a strong women that knows what she wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by honey2700

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS USER! you know how people are always saying "you can't change a man" "If you want to change him find someone else" Well do that. Keep your opinion and stick with it. If you don't like him doing it let him know. Dont watch it with him and lower you morals. Theres no need for that. Stick up for what you belive in and be a strong women that knows what she wants.

You have the right to say that if you wish... personally I don't care if you do. But most of the women I have known in my life before I married that thought that way have all been either real boring in bed... (I feel sorry for whoever married them) or married a "bad boy" who though they could change them and have been either since then divorced or stay in a miserable marriage when they find out people don't change.

Thank you to everyone who tried to help. I've found a solution to the problem and it's something I am happy with. =D Thanks to everyone who responded to help me!

Comment on alkaline's post

Great answer

Watch porn together and make sex more exciting to him. Don't do something you don't want to do but instead want to do something you never would before. He's mind races with thoughts of sex. Sex is Sex and when he runs across gay stuff online when he is hot in his moment, he might be more open to more at that time. Does it mean he is destined to date men and have sex with men? no. You already know that but are scared that you might lose him. This is probably not the case. Make you what he wants. As he gets older, he'll want nothing else but you. Give him time and don't be harsh when you approach him.

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