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-   -   What do you make of this rubbish? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=689945)

  • Aug 2, 2012, 10:18 PM
    Juicy09
    What do you make of this rubbish?
    So I have this friend... she started sleeping with an engaged man a few months before the wedding... it was just suppose to be sexual but OF COURSE their "feelings" got involved... they began to pull away from each other 3 weeks before the wedding date smh sadly his fiancé found out and called off the wedding... although he cheated his fiancé is still willing to try and work on the relationship BUT he is still in a sideline "relationship" with my friend claiming he loves them both but he is not wiling to leave his girlfriend for my friend so my best friend is trying to convince him to tell his girlfriend about them before she finds out again but we don't believe he will... and I guess she's trying to pull away from him because I'm telling her "hang on to him for what?!?!" you'd be his 2nd option if his girlfriend leaves him... and just like he cheated on her he'd do it to you
  • Aug 3, 2012, 07:38 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    so i have this friend...she started sleeping with an engaged man a few months before the wedding...it was just suppose to be sexual but OF COURSE their "feelings" got involved...they began to pull away from each other 3 weeks before the wedding date smh sadly his fiancé found out and called off the wedding...although he cheated his fiancé is still willing to try and work on the relationship BUT he is still in a sideline "relationship" with my friend claiming he loves them both but he is not wiling to leave his girlfriend for my friend so my best friend is trying to convince him to tell his gf about them before she finds out again but we don't believe he will...and i guess she's trying to pull away from him because i'm telling her "hang on to him for what?!?!" you'd be his 2nd option if his gf leaves him...and just like he cheated on her he'd do it to you

    Why are you so involved in this?

    I don't know that it's "sad" that his fiancé found out he was cheating and canceled the wedding. Better now than later.

    I don't really understand your concern here - your friend will make her own choices. She had no problem having a sexual relationship with an engaged man. Nothing you say is going to change her moral compass.
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:21 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Why are you so involved in this?

    I don't know that it's "sad" that his fiance found out he was cheating and canceled the wedding. Better now than later.

    I don't really understand your concern here - your friend will make her own choices. She had no problem having a sexual relationship with an engaged man. Nothing you say is going to change her moral compass.
    I'm involved because she put me in it we're best friends & we tell each other everything she's constantly asking for my advice & when people are going through things emotionally, they need someone to talk to if they can't tell anyone else what's going on... asking me why I'm involved is going to change the fact that I am... now moving on I have helped her and my "involvement" (as you put it) has made a huge difference on her out look now but it's still a stupid situation she put herself in but who knows maybe someone can think of something to tell me to say that might have an impact on her & when I said sad I was talking about the fiancé her heart was broken so that's sad to me
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:26 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    I'm involved because she put me in it we're best friends & we tell each other everything she's constantly asking for my advice & when people are going through things emotionally, they need some1 to talk to if they can't tell anyone else what's going on ...asking me why I'm involved is gonna change the fact that I am...now moving on I have helped her and my "involvement" (as u put it) has made a huge difference on her out look now but it's still a stupid situation she put herself in but who knows maybe some1 can think of something to tell me to say that might have an impact on her & when I said sad I was talking about the fiance her heart was broken so that's sad to me

    I have must missed something - how did your outlook change things? I thought she was still involved with him, and he's still involved with his fiancé?

    What am I missing?

    Your best friend cheated with another woman's fiancé - I understand the "best friends" part but...
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:27 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Why are you so involved in this?

    I don't know that it's "sad" that his fiance found out he was cheating and canceled the wedding. Better now than later.

    I don't really understand your concern here - your friend will make her own choices. She had no problem having a sexual relationship with an engaged man. Nothing you say is going to change her moral compass.
    And maybe it's just me but as far as my friends & family... when they aren't doing well in life it does "concern" me because I would want someone to be concerned about me and because I love her it still pisses me off but I love her
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:30 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    And maybe it's just me but as far as my friends & family...when they aren't doing well in life it does "concern" me because I would want some1 to be concerned about me and because I love her it still pisses me off but I love her

    I get that - my friends are still my friends whether I'm being stupid or they're being stupid.

    If you weren't able to talk her out of the affair some time ago why do you think you can change that now?
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:39 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I get that - my friends are still my friends whether I'm being stupid or they're being stupid.

    If you weren't able to talk her out of the affair some time ago why do you think you can change that now?
    Oh it most definitely has because at 1st she would say things like "I dont wanna share him I wanna marry him" blah blah after dealing with her & talking to her now she's trying to ignore him (says that it's hard because she loves him) now she says things like "I just wanna move on get off the emotional roller coaster" etc I've also gave her tips on how to move on from someone that she necessarily didn't know so I have made a difference believe it or not & I did not find out about the affair until it was already happening she kept it a secret at 1st but I mean your right I haven't been able to completely get her to stop messing with him... but her mindset about it is changing & before any actions take place, in life, it starts with the mind soooo I'm hoping something's happen... they've broken up a few times to try to end it & yea they still messed around but before me they weren't even trying to stop
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:42 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I get that - my friends are still my friends whether I'm being stupid or they're being stupid.

    If you weren't able to talk her out of the affair some time ago why do you think you can change that now?
    Also my career is in counseling people so that's probably just how I am I don't mind being involved in people's issues lol I have to keep trying to help them mentally & emotionally if they keep coming for help even if the actions are still the same
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:44 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    Also my career is in counseling people
    As a friend or with a master's degree or Ph.D.
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:48 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    As a friend or with a master's degree or Ph.D.?

    I was going to ask that.

    At any rate maybe if you slap all the interested parties, just to get their attention.

    I'd be counselling her on how she could "do that" to another woman!
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:56 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    As a friend or with a master's degree or Ph.D.?
    As a friend, haven't got the masters yet but I was just saying helping people in this way is a passion & I guess that's why whenever my friends come to me with their issues I try to stay pro active
  • Aug 3, 2012, 09:58 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    As a friend, haven't got the masters yet
    You're in a master's program now?
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:00 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I was going to ask that.

    At any rate maybe if you slap all the interested parties, just to get their attention.

    I'd be counselling her on how she could "do that" to another woman!
    Lol I would love too! But she knows karma is coming for her she tells me that all the time & tell her it most certainly is smh
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:04 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    You're in a master's program now?
    No I'm taking a break before I go back although I probably shouldn't.. but I won't wait too long
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:10 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    No I'm taking a break before I go back although I probably shouldn't..but I won't wait too long
    So you were in one? I am just curious, based on some of your comments. Am interested in which program.
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:14 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    So you were in one? I am just curious, based on some of your comments. Am interested in which program.
    No I haven't gotten in a program yet
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:16 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Juicy09 View Post
    No I haven't gotten in a program yet

    Here's an off topic question - my minor was Psychology. Do you need a Bachelors in Psychology and then you enter a masters program?
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:20 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Here's an off topic question - my minor was Psychology. Do you need a Bachelors in Psychology and then you enter a masters program?
    You can have a bachelor's in anything. Mine was in Elem Education/British & Amer Lit. I had to pick up two undergrad courses (Theory of Personalities and Abnormal Psych) during my master's. I had had two psych courses (Ed. Psych and Gen. Psych) in undergrad but needed those other two also for the master's. In my program were students from many different careers and disciplines.
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:23 AM
    Juicy09
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Here's an off topic question - my minor was Psychology. Do you need a Bachelors in Psychology and then you enter a masters program?
    You have to have a bachelors to enter any masters program but you don't have to have a bachelors in psychology to get a masters in psychology... you can get a masters in just about anything regardless of the undergrad major/degree
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:52 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    You can have a bachelor's in anything. Mine was in Elem Education/British & Amer Lit. I had to pick up two undergrad courses (Theory of Personalities and Abnormal Psych) during my master's. I had had two psych courses (Ed. Psych and Gen. Psych) in undergrad but needed those other two also for the master's. In my program were students from many different careers and disciplines.

    My major was English and I got into law school. My stepdaughter's was theatre arts (whatever that is. She ran around in tights and a sweatshirt a lot with her hair in a ponytail and "interpreted" things through dance. I think her major shortened my late husband's life. He couldn't believe his eyes).

    She got into law school.

    Who knows?
  • Aug 3, 2012, 10:58 AM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    "interpreted" things through dance.
    She would have loved doing family systems therapy. Family relationships are thought of as a dance.

    My younger son has a bachelor's in English-Creative Writing and got two Master's in business admin and project management. The mixes and matches that lead into a master's are incredibly interesting.

    I'm wondering if Juicy's friendship hinders him/her in counseling this friend or other friends.
  • Aug 3, 2012, 11:09 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    She would have loved doing family systems therapy. Family relationships are thought of as a dance.

    My younger son has a bachelor's in English-Creative Writing and got two Master's in business admin and project management. The mixes and matches that lead into a master's are incredibly interesting.

    I'm wondering if Juicy's friendship hinders him/her in counseling this friend or other friends.

    Wow - my nephew has 2 bachelor's and 2 masters and a PhD (he's a college professor in Wisconsin) in Political Science or some such thing. English - creative writing. I would have loved that.

    Maybe family therapy encourages family dance - my stepdaughter's interpretive dance about Passover pretty much made my husband choke on his brisket. After she left to go back to California (with all due respect to other people living in California) I appeared in the kitchen one night for dinner where Ken sat with his glass of wine and the table set (I can't believe I'm sharing this) with MY hair in a ponytail, black tights, BUNNY bedroom slippers, HIS sweatshirt (I'm 5'4", Ken was 6"2", I was 105#, Ken was tipping 300# at that time) and did an interpretive dance concerning the meal - which was chicken. I thought I did an excellent portrayal of the chicken being hatched, pecking around the farm yard, being euthanized (I was torn between head chopping and strangulation so I did both), being plucked, shipped to the supermarket, purchased and cooked.

    Andi Dandi Pandi Wandi (from my blog) actually sat in his lap - I think I scared her half to death and my dog, my GSD, only wanted the slippers. She did eventually manage to steal and destroy them, but anyway -

    It was a very lengthy dance, and by the end of it Ken was clutching his chest and howling with laughter (this serious, college professor, "I can't believe I married this free spirit" guy). We talked about that so many times, including the last time he was in the hospital. He said he never saw anything like that in his life - and he was probably right.

    I trust my stepdaughter isn't reading this because she takes herself VERY seriously.

    Would that qualify me for grad school?
  • Aug 3, 2012, 11:23 AM
    Wondergirl
    I'm speechless. Check back later after I get up off the floor.

    A bit of whimsy is always a good thing for a counselor to have.

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