I am 43, my wife is 37. I would like it if she would shave her super hairy kitty. We have been married for 13 years, My reason is, it would make me have a better visual and want to go down on her. However with all that hair in the way it's a big problem. I have asked her to shave, wax, etc. and every time I ask she gets mad and then she won't give me any sex. She says "this is how God created her, and that's how it's gonna be". I love my wife very much, but I feel she is not willing to give herself fully to me. I would do anything for her to make her happy, even shave myself if that's what she wants. Help!

What uncomfortable procedure are you willing to go through as a trade off?

It's quite frankly pretty painful to wax, and shaving is quite the pain--for 2 days of smoothness, you get 2 weeks of itching and red dots (for most women, anyway). On top of that, if you use pads instead of tampons, I think that being shaved makes that time of the month a lot messier.

So--what uncomfortable, have-to-do-it-every-few-days procedure are YOU willing to go through as a trade off?

If you're not willing to offer anything but oral in return (and if you're not giving oral NOW, you've REALLY got no bargaining chip there), then you've got nothing really to offer for something YOU want that's inconvenient and uncomfortable for HER.

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Originally Posted by sawsall02

How do I get my wife to shave her kitty?

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Hello s:

Well, I think she ought to do it simply to please you... But, people don't always do what I think they should do... So, further nagging ain't going to get you anywhere... Besides, nagging doesn't work.. Negotiating a deal might... What do you have to trade? I know, I know - your shaved balls. Uhhh, she ain't buying. How about a romantic dinner and evening at your local luxury hotel? A new car? She HAS a price. Don't we all?

excon

She uses tampons. Like I said, I would be willing to go through the same procedure. What if we both shaved every other day? There is ways to keep down the itching and scratching, I have researched it, believe me!

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Originally Posted by sawsall02

I have researched it, believe me!

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Hello again, s:

Research?? Try some on the ground research. Shave your balls and let me know how it is?

excon

AFTER you go get your balls waxed, please report back and tell me if you're willing to go through that every week.

Thanks excon,

I love my wife, and would do anything to please her. How do I begin telling you. I cook for her, do the dishs for her, vacuum the house for her, fold laundry for her, take out the trash for her, pay the bills for her, not to mention all the odd honey-do-list things. Yes, I take her out to dinner. I love her!

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Originally Posted by sawsall02

Yes, I take her out to dinner. I love her!

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Hello again, saw:

I can't tell you how to negotiate a deal with your wife. If you have nothing to trade, and she knows that you'll do her bidding, why should she reward you with anything?

It sounds like you have a very one way marriage. After doing what you do for her, you say SHE withholds sex from you if you make requests of her... I think your problems run deeper than shaved bush..

excon

I'll try anything once! But I'll shave my balls, instead of waxing. I'm not stupid!

Here's the thing:

The decision to shave "down there" is very personal. Not all women like or want their private areas shaved. Now that I am no longer smaller than a size 8, it's difficult and uncomfortable to shave my private areas.

Perhaps you can compromise with her and suggest just trimming the area, rather than shaving?

She's 5'4", 115lbs. No problem with her being too big. She also,will not compromise and just trim. I can ask, and her answer is always NO! and I don't ask her very often. Got to go, check out your response tomorrow.

IF her only reason is that God made her like that, I doubt you are going to get her to change her mind, honestly.

Is that the only reason she has ever given you?

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Originally Posted by sawsall02

I love my wife very much, but I feel she is not willing to give herself fully to me.

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I know you probably don't mean that sentence to sound as controlling as it does. Is this about you wanting to give her pleasure or about your own pleasure and desires? Does she even want or like to receive oral sex?

She has a personal boundary that you seem to believe she shouldn't have. Do you have any personal boundaries that she might want to cross but you say 'absolutely, no!' to? It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be fixing foods that you can't stand or having a best friend who is male, etc.

What type of culture did she grow up in? For her, her pubic hair may be symbol of being a mature female. Shaving or even trimming could seem like a denial of her being a mature female.

Some women do not like the thought of a razor or scissors anywhere close to their labia (would you really like a razor cut on your penis?)

Is there anything in her background that would make her feel extremely uncomfortable about shaving? Including negative remarks about being hairy that cause her to become defensive?

I do not see what the issue is. She said no. End of story. Deal with it, keep some toothpicks handy.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello s:

Well, I think she ought to do it simply to please you... But, people don't always do what I think they should do... So, further nagging ain't gonna get you anywhere... Besides, nagging doesn't work.. Negotiating a deal might... What do you have to trade? I know, I know - your shaved balls. Uhhh, she ain't buying. How about a romantic dinner and evening at your local luxury hotel? A new car? She HAS a price. Don't we all?

excon

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I agree, if I was asked this of my husband I would do it for him even if I didn't want to simply becaue I want to please him and make him happy (and the extra oral is a bonus!)

However you can't MAKE her do it. She will or she won't. Instead of bugging her, see if you can trade something as excon suggested. And try to talk to her about it in a less confronting way. Explain your discomforts about the excess hair. Would she be willing to trim. Shampoo and conditioner can help soften the hair, see if you can find a compromise anywhere in between.

Cat has a good point.

This is something that YOU want sexually.

Would you be willing to do something SHE found to be hot sexually--something that she saw as you "giving yourself totally" to her? What if she wanted... say... you to give oral sex to another man? What if she said she felt unfulfilled unless you did this? How would you feel? Would you feel like denying her sex, because what she's asking you to do is a turn-off for you? How do you think she feels when you ask her to do something she isn't comfortable with? Do you think it makes her feel sexy and in the mood?

You are asking her to do something she is not comfortable with--for whatever reason--and do not seem to see that the trade-off wouldn't necessarily be YOU shaving as well. The trade off may be you wearing her sexy lingerie because it turns her on to see you in it, or it may be that she wants you to submit to some other sexual event you wouldn't be comfortable with---perhaps a dildo in your anus or a ball gag in your mouth or whatever.

The bottom line is that if you KEEP nagging her about it, she'll NEVER do it.

I'm surprised by your use of the "kitty" wording. I always think adults use the proper names for body parts. Anyway, she won't give herself fully to you by shaving? That's your standard for "giving herself fully to you?" Maybe she doesn't like the look. It's her body. Leave her alone and stop nagging at her.

I've posted this before so it's no shock to anyone but I shave. I always have. There isn't a lot of upkeep (or maybe I'm used to shaving every night). I don't like waxing. I happen to like the look and feel. My husband likes it/loves it but I don't shave because that's his choice. I stay "clean" because it's my personal preference.

You say " it would make me have a better visual and want to go down on her ..." Maybe that not what SHE wants.

You seem controlling with some rather unusual criteria for happiness in a relationship.

All you can do is tell her again that this is something that means a lot to you and would be very attractive to you. However, be aware that having your private areas waxed is painful, itchy when it grows back, costly to maintain and embarrassing. It's also not recommended by the medical community because it can cause infection. Shaving could be unbelievably itchy. And she may just not want to do it because she does not like the idea, for whatever reason.

If she really doesn't want to, you need to move on and decide if this is that big of a deal. Most women don't shave, for a lot of reasons - the main one being that there's no good way to do it that isn't super painful and itchy when it grows back in.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Most women don't shave, for a lot of reasons - the main one being that there's no good way to do it that isn't super painful and itchy when it grows back in.

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I have to disagree with this - shaving ISN'T super painful. You shave in the shower or tub, same as your legs.

Waxing for me? No way!

Would his wife be willing to trim for him? Maybe if he stops nagging that would be a compromise - or not.

It seems that the others covered this rather well.

The only suggestion I could add is to work on chewing it
Down to a tolerable level , she may be more inclined to try that.

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I love my wife, and would do anything to please her. How do I begin telling you. I cook for her, do the dishs for her, vacuum the house for her, fold laundry for her, take out the trash for her, pay the bills for her, not to mention all the odd honey-do-list things. Yes, I take her out to dinner. I love her!

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I have to say, this ticked me off.

You cook for her? Do you not eat? You clean the dishes? Do you not both use them? You vacuum? Um, don't you live in the house too? Do you get where I'm going with this?

I always love it when men think they should get some huge reward for doing every day household chores. Welcome to the year 2011, where doing menial labor at home is not just woman's work anymore. I do all those things, and raise the kids, care for the pets, etc. etc. I don't see anyone giving me a medal for it, so don't expect me to swoon because you do things that need to be done in your home.

Bottom line, it's her body, and if she doesn't want to shave, she doesn't have to shave, even if you buy her a mansion, servants and a trip around the world. This isn't "do this and I'll do this", it's a matter of accepting that it's her body to do with as she pleases. You can ask, but if the answer is no, it's no!

Thank's Cat,

My wife has never liked sex, she could take it or leave it. I have been trying to please her any way posible, but to no availe. You see, we are both born again conservative Christians, and have never been with anyone else. We were both virgins when we met. One other thing she says, is she doesn't want to look like a little girl. I have never said anything negative, other than "I can't see what i'm doing down there".

TK you following me,

Good to hear from you again. I know some people are more old school than others in their opinions. But I also look at it as a hygiene issue. Look, I shave my face every day for her, because she likes it that way. I don't have to, but I do these things because I love her. Should'nt she do the same?

Oh I pay no attention to names or try to connect dots.

My wife and I make a time of it, we have a jacuzzi, a standard tub works just fine, some candles, a good soak, and have at it. All is nice and clean, at first, gets a little messy, but that's half the fun.

Sounds like a lot of fun! Wish my wife could be more like that!

Thanks Jennie,

You sound like my kind of girl! I 'm glad that you agree. I won't bug her, I just hope that someday she will want to please me as much as I want to please her.

By the way, I LOVE Pepsi!

You have me all wrong Synnen! I can live without her doing this! I was hoping She would be less self-centered, and do this! We are both conservative Christians and will keep are relationship monogomous! thank you! Most of your answer is disgusting!

I really wasn't going to wade into this but I got a stunning impression of how things are going and had to say something.

You're focused on what your wife doesn't do and not really appreciative about what she does do. You've become obsessed with her shaving her nether regions. You've also mentioned how you, "Wish my wife could be more like that!". I think you are missing a lot of the forest for the few trees, or bushes in this case, along the perimeter. You've lost sight of the fact that you've got a wonderful wife because she won't indulge you on this particular desire of yours.

Take for example if she wants to try pegging. This is where she takes a strap on dildo and takes you up the pooper. If she asked and you said no. How much badgering would she do? Would you ever concede to this? Essentially walk a mile in her shoes and understand her case here.

This short sightedness is a common problem with most people. 99% of everything might be perfect but that 1% of the relationship consumes you and colours your entire interpretation of the relationship. That 1% seems like the be all end all of the relationship. It seems like 100% of it is going wrong because that 1% is wrong. It is hard to realize that the 1% isn't a problem and to appreciate all that is going right in the relationship. Don't spoil things because that 1%, or an unshaven bush, isn't to your liking.

What I think you should do is rather simple. Stop badgering her. Accept that she likes her pubic hair as it is. Accept that this isn't going to change. Focus on what you have and enjoy it rather then grousing, *****ing, and complaining about what you don't have. It will be better for the both of you in the long run.

Cheers and good luck!

Most of my answer is disgusting?

Why?

Because I asked if you'd do something YOU wouldn't like to do sexually if she REALLY wanted you to--just to please her?

That's EXACTLY what you're doing. You're asking her to do something she really doesn't want to do in order to please you sexually.

You're not seeing that, though. You think that shaving her nether regions is harmless and sexy and you don't understand why she won't do it.

Well, she won't do it because she doesn't want to feel like you want to have sex with a little girl. That WAS her answer, right? That she doesn't want to look like a little girl?

Frankly, based on all of your answers, you're NEVER going to see her point of view on this, and are going to continue to obsess about this ONE THING she won't do.

PS--conservative Christians do all sorts of naughty things in bed. Just ask all those priests who molested little boys. Or Ted Haggard. Or Joe Barron. Or Coy Privette. Or Earl Praulk. Or Lonnie Latham. And that's just a START. I have found that conservative Christians have the same kinks as everyone else--they are just more hypocritical about them.

I only glanced through the posts... but all you can really do is ask her... and if she isn't willing... there really isn't anything you can do about it. But there was very valid points being made about HOW you ask... and how easy asking can become hounding. And nobody wants to do something if they are hounded to do it.

But most spouses are open to many things if they are approached in the right manner... and handled the right way... and doors will slam shut really fast if they aren't.

And as was mentioned... you want her to shave? Ask her if she wants to shave you first... but give it a rest for a while before you think to ask again.

The little girl argument thing might be valid for some people when they are 18... but it's a pathetic stretch of the imagination once they are 30 much less older. I like women smooth... but I'd rather have a 35+ smooth female than a smooth 18 year old (emotional maturity thing)... and have ZERO desire for anyone that would even pass for under 18 much less actually be under 18.

Plus there is upkeep involved... once you shave you have to keep it that way roughly every 2 days, or you get stubble that gets itchy and uncomfortable for the next few weeks until it grows out enough.

But you can't overly focus on what you want and need... its really easy to cross the line to where you appear self centered and self obsessed and when that happens people tend to listen even less about what you have to say. You don't want to be there.

Everyone on this Earth is a hypocrite in God's eyes, that's the reason he came and died for us in the person of Jesus. Another disscusion, different day.

Thank's Smoothy,

I have not asked her in probably 6months. Sounds like by the responses, I'm going to fight a losing battle. I'll just love and cherish her the way she is. Thanks guys.

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sawsall02 does not find this helpful : She doesn't work! She homeschools are 8yr. Old daughter, which in itself is a Big job. However, she still has way more free time than me. I'm fine and O.K. with her not wanting to shave, but why can't she do this one thing for me!

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Time to read the rules. My answer was not factually incorrect. It's my opinion. As per the rules of site you are not allowed to reddie (rate a post unhelpful) unless it's inaccurate, or dangerous advice. Opinion is neither of those.

You don't have to like my opinion. That's your prerogative, but next time don't be so quick to hit the unhelpful rating unless the post is worthy of that rating, which mine wasn't.

Did anyone think this topic would be so touchy?

All this fuss over a bushy vagina.

Get pass the smell, you got it licked, I always say.

Sorry, My apologies Altenweg.

Funny! I think a lot of women get their panties in a bunch over this topic. Thanks TK.

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Sorry, My apologies Altenweg.

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No problem. Just thought I'd let you know. :)

That's because with the way porn is right now, guys think we're all SUPPOSED to be shaved.

It gets frustrating to have that expectation of being like a porn star or little girl.

I'll shave mine occasionally--but at MY choosing, as a surprise for the hubby. Of course--he never comments on it when it's NOT shaved, and he's JUST as eager to play with it with any appendage--fingers, penis, tongue, toys--regardless whether it's shaved or not.

If your job allows it you could start your own... ZZ Top look with the belly length beard etc...

Say this is how god created me...


Keep in mind she's likely to not think that excuse is as valid when you use it. And she might even get upset.