One of my friend has came with a relation to a married lady.she is having 2 kids and she is staying with her husband.she is around 33 and my friend is around 36 yrs old unmarried.they are into relation since last more than two years but one day that lady's husband got doubt on them and he asked her.she refused but since then she started avoiding my friend.she loves her husband and my friend both equally.she said to my friend I love you but I cannt come with you as she love her husband and kids and she don't want to create problem for her kids in future.is she right on her decision?now what my friend should do as he loves her allot and cannt survive without her.please help him.as he nad me both are confused what to do

Continue to my previous question.that lady and my friend used to have sex weekly once but since now she is avoiding him they havenot have sex since last almost 4 months.but she is having sex with her husband obviously as she sleeps with him every night and she is happy in that.thinking of that my friend is getting mad.my friend told her he loves her allot by heart and not for sex but she shold not have sex with her husband also.for that she refused and gave back answers to my friend.is she right?how my friend has to make him mentally calm.his problem is he is jeolous abot her husband as he is touching her and I guess as he loves her truly he is somewhat right.now how this love triangle situation will be solved?please please guide and help.I cannt control my friend. I am afraid he may do something to his life because of extreme love for that girl

Your friend is a home wrecker. He knows that she's married, and she has children. As soon as he found out she was married he should have walked away.

She's just as much to blame. She's married, has kids, and should be faithful to her husband.

If your friend is a decent human being he'll leave this family alone and let them heal. She'll never leave her husband for him. He may love her, but love isn't enough. She has already made a commitment to someone else, and she should honor that, so should your friend.

He needs to move on, find someone single to love.

Whatever you are saying its right but you know love how it is.nobody comes to know when you are in love.now its not the time to blame anybody.but is her stand is right?is she doing justice to my friend?

Please keep all posts regarding the same issue in the same thread. I've asked the mods to merge this with your other thread. {threads Merged}

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...nd-570595.html

She is right. Your friend is wrong. If she's trying to make her marriage work then your friend should leave her alone.

Her husband has a right to touch her and have sex with her. They're husband and wife! Your friend has no rights and never should have had sex with her to begin with.

This isn't a love triangle. This is a home wrecker (your friend) an adulterer (the lady) and a husband.

The only solution is for him to walk away. If he chooses to do something to himself because he can't control himself and his emotions, that's in his hands. You can be a friend, tell him that he needs to leave the lady alone and find love with someone that can give it back to him.

He can't make her love him. She never should have had an affair in the first place. Your friend never should have slept with a married woman. Too late to change that now, but it seems that she's seen the error of her ways and wants her marriage to work. Your friend should have the decency to let her go. If he really loves her as much as he says then he'll want her to be happy.

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Originally Posted by star2011

whatever you are saying its right but you know love how it is.nobody comes to know when you are in love.now its not the time to blame anybody.but is her stand is right?is she doing justice to my friend?

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She is doing justice for herself, her husband and her kids, your friend doesn't deserve justice. Your friend shouldn't matter to her. He never should have to begin with, and he definitely shouldn't now.

Yes, she's right to go back to her husband and try to make her marriage work.

Your friend is wrong for trying to get her to continue cheating on her marriage.

He does have a choice. He has the choice to do the decent thing and leave her and her family alone.

But what about the love what he has for her?how he can forget everything easily what happened between them in last two years?offcourse he deserve the justice.how can you say he has no right to have justice?I know what you are saying is practically right but we should not just say him rudely that he is wrong

My friend is not crazy for sex.he done sex with her in love not in lust.I agree with you that her husband has full right to touch her body but my friend had relation not less than husband.they were in too much love.just one oncidence changed his life.earlier he was not having problem that she is staying with her husband but after she started avoiding my friend he has gone mad.he has full respect and has no problem with the lady's husband

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Originally Posted by star2011

but what about the love what he has for her?how he can forget everything easily what happened between them in last two years?offcourse he deserve the justice.how can you say he has no right to have justice?i know what you are saying is practically right but we should not just say him rudely that he is wrong

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He doesn't have the right to love her. That's the whole point. He never did have the right. He took it anyway.

He made the decision to date a married woman. If he was a decent man he never would have gotten into a relationship with her to begin with. Now he's paying the price for that decision.

He doesn't deserve justice. He doesn't deserve anything where she's concerned. She's married. She's in a commitment with someone else. The only person that deserves her love and commitment is her husband.

You don't have to be rude when you tell him, but at his age I'm surprised that he doesn't already realize that he's wrong. Does marriage mean nothing to him?

You say he loves her. Well, if he truly does he'll let her go, let her fix her marriage, be with her husband, her kids. He'll stop trying to mess up her life. That's real love.

What he's doing is selfish, and has nothing to do with love. It's want.

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Originally Posted by star2011

my friend is not crazy for sex.he done sex with her in love not in lust.i agree with you that her husband has full right to touch her body but my friend had relation not less than husband.they were in too much love.just one oncidence changed his life.earlier he was not having problem that she is staying with her husband but after she started avoiding my friend he has gone mad.he has full respect and has no problem with the lady's husband

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Your friends relationship was less then that with her husband. How can you think it was equal?

When someone is married, she/he is supposed to be committed to one person only, their spouse.

She's to blame too, but so is your friend. Any decent person never would have started a relationship with her, because of her marriage.

She's avoiding your friend because she wants to make her marriage work. It's about time she wised up and realized that her husband and kids are much more important then her lover.

Your last line made me laugh a bit. You say he has full respect for her husband? No, he doesn't. He has no respect for her husband, or for her. If he did he never would have had sex with her. Don't you see that?

Comeon.if two people who are in love offcourse there is always possibility that they will endup with sex.sex is a expressoin of love.dont you feel that.otherwise what's the difference between human and animals?yes.he has respect for her husband and he has no problems with him.my friend and her husband both are innocent people.both of them love her and trusted her.I know my friend is on losing side but it dosenot mean that he is not decent man.I know him how much decent he is.other than this girl he never went behind any other girl.he is still unmarried because of some responsibilities of his parents and siblings.his love for her is true.yes for love he has chosen wrong person that's the fact.but everybody should not blame him only for that.now for this mistake my friend is bearing punishment and that girl is happily enjoying her life.is it sounds great? is it a justice?now she has realised her mistake so she wants to save her marriage? after two years of relation?what's this?you mean to say if you hit somebody with bullet and then you realise your mistake and say sorry.whats the use after hiting bullet?the person who has hitted with bullet will suffer and die then you say sorry or lick his feet its of no use.bullet has already done the damage

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comeon.if two people who are in love offcourse there is always possibility that they will endup with sex.sex is a expressoin of love.dont you feel that.otherwise what's the difference between human and animals?

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You really don't get it, do you? He had no right to love her! He had no right to have sex with her! She's married! His behavior isn't that of a human being. A decent human being would never have started a relationship with her to begin with. That's the whole point.

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my friend and her husband both are innocent people.

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You're wrong. The only innocent person is the husband. Your friend and the lady are both guilty. He dated a woman that's married. He had a choice, and he made it. He made the wrong one. He's just as guilty as she is.

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both of them love her and trusted her

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The only trust she betrayed is the trust her husband has. Your friend knew from the beginning that she's married. What sort of trust did she betray with him? Going back to her husband and children?

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it dosenot mean that he is not decent man.I know him how much decent he is.

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No, he's not a decent man. He went into another mans bed. He took away a mother from her children. He did it knowing full well that she was committed to someone else. That's not the act of a decent man.

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yes for love he has chosen wrong person that's the fact.but everybody should not blame him only for that

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I'm not only blaming him. She's just as guilty. The difference is, she realized her mistake, and she's trying to make it right by going back to her husband and making her marriage work. But your friend, he's doing everything in his power to continue ruining a marriage, ruining a family.

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you mean to say if you hit somebody with bullet and then you realise your mistake and say sorry.whats the use after hiting bullet?the person who has hitted with bullet will suffer and die then you say sorry or lick his feet its of no use.bullet has already done the damage

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Your example makes no sense compared to the situation at hand, but let's use it to prove my point. So she fired a bullet, aimed at her husband. Obviously the wound wasn't fatal. She's now put the gun away and she wants to never fire another bullet at him again. Your friend on the other hand gave her the gun, and helped her aim and fire. Instead of realizing that this was a mistake, he wants her to keep shooting.

I have to ask, are you really talking about a friend, because you seem to have very strong feelings about all of this. More then a friend would.

Hahahha.its really about my friend.I am having this much feelings because I am the only person who is seeing him die everyday.he is very successful person in his life proffessionaly.I am afraid he will loose his confidence in himself because of this situation.he has started drinking allot which he never done in his whole life.we are staying abroad as room mates since last 10 years and back home also we are childhood friends.I only brought him here to work with me.so I am feeling guilty that I have brought him here.thats why my feelings about this issue are very strong.still I feel he should get his love.and that girl also still loves him,she still not refusing her love for him

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Originally Posted by star2011

hahahha.its really about my friend.i am having this much feelings because i am the only person who is seeing him die everyday.he is very successful person in his life proffessionaly.i am afraid he will loose his confidence in himself because of this situation.he has started drinking allot which he never done in his whole life.we are staying abroad as room mates since last 10 years and back home also we are childhood friends.i only brought him here to work with me.so i am feeling guilty that i have brought him here.thats why my feelings about this issue are very strong.still i feel he should get his love.and that girl also still loves him,she still not refusing her love for him

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There's no reason for you to feel guilty. He's a grown many and he's responsible for his own decisions.

So you think that the woman should leave her husband and kids just to make your friend happy? Is your friend that selfish? It sounds like he is.

If he's only thinking about his own happiness then he really doesn't love her as much as he thinks he does.

Have you ever heard the saying "If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was".

She may love him, but she's doing the right thing for herself, her husband and her kids. She finally realizes that she can't be selfish, she has to honor the commitment she made, and that means that she has to stop cheating on her husband.

Your friend will either learn to accept this, and realize that she's right, or he'll continue being selfish and only thinking of himself.

If he's really a decent man, like you say, he'll also think of the husband and the 2 kids, and he'll leave this family alone to heal the wound he helped cause.

Star, you don't seem to understand that you friend is in the wrong. He had an affair with a married woman. He was the other man. No amount of love or lust will change the facts. He cannot be responsible for her actions, but is responsible for his own.

He needs to take whatever self-control he has left and refuse any and all contact with her. He should lose her phone number, delete her email address, ignore her emails, any type of contact he can imagine should be stopped. Then, he needs to get involved in his life. Work, school, volunteer work, hobbies, exercise, anything that keeps him mentally and physically busy. He should get out and meet new people. As he goes about his own life and allows himself to move on, the pain will subside.

He needs you, his friend, to explain to him that there are other women in the world who will be available for him. One who truly does love him and isn't running away from her problems. One who wants to spend her life building a relationship with him instead of tearing apart the lives of everyone around her.

Be a friend and encourage him to move forward. Don't help him try to rationalize why he should stay in contact with her.

OK.you are talking about her commitment towards her husband.but what about her commitment towards my friend?offcourse everybody has right to think about their own happiness.isn't it?let me tell you more.my friend never went behind her saying love me love me.her husband lost his job and went backhome.she was alone with her kids.that time my friend and she came close as friends.but that friendship started building in relation.my friend supported her immotionaly,financially and he used to take care of her small small needs.even he used to do so many things for her kids.her husband was backhome foe almost one and half year.that time my stood behind her like husband.now you tell me how her husband can leave young wife and small kids alone in foreign country for such a long time?? that time if my friend wants he can just took her advantage but he treat her as wife and gave her everything as one husband can give and done everything for her kids as one father can do?he used to take care of them more than anybody.all this time where her husband was?now he has come back here suddenely she realised her husband and family?that's why I am asking is it justice to my friend?its like he was just a care taker in her husband's absence?how you will feel if you are in his place?and he never says she has to leave her kids.he is ready to marry her with her kids.still you will say he is not decent and his love is not true

You are right cat.as a friend I am really worried for him and I am trying hard to remove him form this.I took appointment also for counsiling but my friend refused as he thought he has become mentally retarded so I want to show him to a doctor.thtas why I have put the post on this site.right now he is sleeping.looking at his face I feel crying.I cannot just see one intelligent and successful man's life destroying like this.

Can you please answer my post

Altenweg can you answer now for my post

Star, everyone is a volunteer and we try to help as much as we can, but we are not here every minute. It can take awhile for us to respond sometimes. So, please, be patient.

As long as your friend thinks he is 'owed' anything, he is not going to let go and move forward. Her arrangement with her husband was between them and should never have involved your friend. He got into the middle of marriage and started playing house with her. Both of them made huge mistakes.

The only thing he can do is live one day at a time. It isn't easy, but it does get better. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes. Healing takes time.

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Originally Posted by star2011

what about her commitment towards my friend?

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She had no moral or legal right to be with your friend. She was wrong.

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offcourse everybody has right to think about their own happiness.isn't it?

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Now she is, trying to recapture happiness with her husband.

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her husband lost his job and went backhome.

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So he did not desert her. Did he send her money for support while he was gone?

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he used to do so many things for her kids.

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That was wonderful of him to help, but he used that debt against her.

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you tell me how her husband can leave young wife and small kids alone in foreign country for such a long time??

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You said he had no choice if he wanted a job. Why didn't the whole family move with him?

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all this time where her husband was?

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Wasn't he working in another country?

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he is ready to marry her with her kids.

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Why doesn't she divorce her husband and be with your friend?

She is afraid of society.thats why she cannt marry him.plus she loves her husband and kids.no he never sent money to her when he was away.he only used to care her through phone but my friend used to take care of her in reality.so who is more deserving??

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Originally Posted by star2011

she is afraid of society.thats why she cannt marry him.plus she loves her husband and kids.no he never sent money to her when he was away.he only used to care her through phone but my friend used to take care of her in reality.so who is more deserving????

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Her husband is more deserving simply because he is her husband.

I'm guessing your friend created a dependence on himself for her and used that to trap her in a sexual relationship.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.how can you say that? he trapped her in sexual relation? I don't understand your thinking.that means whatever he has done for her is not at all taken into consideration? he is telling he will marry her and accept her kids right away then how he is selfish and mean.it shows how much his love is true

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Originally Posted by star2011

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.how can you say that??he trapped her in sexual relation??i dont understand your thinking.that means whatever he has done for her is not at all taken into consideration??he is telling he will marry her and accept her kids right away then how he is selfish and mean.it shows how much his love is true

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Everything he has done for her has created a dependence. When he finally asked her for sexual favors, she could not say no, because she owed him too much and could not pay him back in any other way.

He is your roommate? Are you and he friends with benefits?

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OK.you are talking about her commitment towards her husband.but what about her commitment towards my friend?

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There is no commitment to your friend. She wasn't free to offer a commitment and he knew it. That's what marriage is, a commitment. She was never married to your friend.

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my friend supported her immotionaly,financially and he used to take care of her small small needs.even he used to do so many things for her kids.her husband was backhome foe almost one and half year.that time my stood behind her like husband.

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He made a choice. The wrong choice. He chose to get involved with a married women. He chose to support her knowing full well that she's married. He chose to take on the role he did, know that she has a husband. He made all these choices, and they were the wrong ones. Whose fault is that? Only his.

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now you tell me how her husband can leave young wife and small kids alone in foreign country for such a long time??

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And even though the husband left and she was on her own with her 2 kids she didn't divorce him, and she still loved him. That should have been the first wakeup call to your friend.

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he treat her as wife and gave her everything as one husband can give and done everything for her kids as one father can do?he used to take care of them more than anybody.all this time where her husband was?

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Again, that was his choice. He had no right to treat her as his wife, because she's wife to someone else. If he chose to get that involved and now she wants nothing more from him, too bad, so sad. He made the choice, knowing she's married. She wasn't his to covet!

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now he has come back here suddenely she realised her husband and family?that's why I am asking is it justice to my friend?

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What sort of justice do you want? He lay in another mans bed, had sex with another mans wife, played father to another mans children. He never had the right to do that. When you break the rules, there is no justice. You suffer the consequences of your actions.

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how you will feel if you are in his place?

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I can't answer that. I would never be in his place. I am a married woman, and a moral person. I would never cheat on my husband, and I would never try to steal another woman's husband. I know right from wrong, so I'll never be in his position.

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still you will say he is not decent and his love is not true

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I have no doubt that he loves her. That's not the problem. The problem is that he has no right to love her. He has no right to have sex with her. He has no right to make a claim on her. She's another mans wife, and he broke into that marriage and tried to steal her. So you're right, I don't think he's a decent person and I never will.

Tell me, how would you feel if you were married and another man was having sex with your wife, trying to steal her away from you? Would that be okay with you?

No.offcourse I will not like if someone steals my wife from me.but why she made him involve this much?now she is happily living and my friend is struggling.thats fine.thanks for all your posts.better I will tell my friend to go back to our home country and start new life.

If he LOVES her, he wants her to be happy. EVEN if that is NOT with him.

If he RESPECTS her, then he respects her choice to make her marriage work.

He has NO RIGHT to expect ANYTHING from her, because she was committed BEFORE he came into her life.

He should go see a counselor, because he is obsessive and dangerous.

This is not about friends. This is about OP.

Spidey senses tingling.

I don't know what you have understood fro this story?but whatever byou understood is wrong.he never asked any sexual favour from her.they came close and it happened in love.she is always telling that still she loves my friend.then where is the question of sexual favour comes?he never told if you cannot able to repay you have to sleep with me.I don't know what you are thinking?

I have not understood what you want to say

Both they were aware that she is married but still they came into this relation.then why my friend only has to bear punishment for this?is this a big crime?she is also involved in this relation.you cannot clap with only one hand.right? then why she has to escape just giving reason that she is married?where were her brain that time?why she gave my friend encouragement?now both have to face.why only a guy?

I don't know how to be any more clear.

You've gotten advice and comments. For whatever reason that's not good enough for you.

That's why I think YOU are the person you are posting about.

you all are getting him wrong.he never asked for any sexual favours from her or he never harassed her.infact he only loved her every time.we accept she is married and he has no right on her but then what right she has to spoil my friend's life? isn't it wrong? she cannot just escape saying she is married and she has to care for her husband and kids after taking everything from my friend when she was in need?now after one and half year her husband has come back and showing right on her.where was he when she was struggling here alone with kids?forget money.money comes and goes.but she was secure in my friend's arms when she was alone.otherwise you know all how this world is if they find a lady is alone.everybody is ready to take advantage of her just for use.but my friend did'nt use her.he is ready to marry her with kids.her husband is having more value just because they are married? tell me if one lady gives birth to a child and leave him roadside.another lady picks that child and grow him.who is having more right on that child?the one who gave birth and left child OR who took care of that child?I know marriage is more esteemed in the society in which we live but love and care is definitely more esteemed than that.she is loving both but just because of social barriers she is not marrying my friend.she has guilt for cheating my friend but she is saying she is helpless.in this she and her husband is not losing anything.after doing this much my friend is at a losing side.her husband got her and kids in proper condition because my friend stood behind her as angel.I have closely seen all this with my own eyes.she told me she loves my friend allot but she is very much afraid of her husband.she also having confused state of mind but she has chosen the way going towards her husband.its totally totally wrong for my friend.he is not asking that he has done allot for her so that she has to marry him but he cannot accept just because she is married she has to go to her husband leaving my friend alone to die

Hello.I am not that person.my friend is not in a state of mind to post and take advices.since the day one I am seeing this story closely.infact as a friend that time I told him the same thing and tried to stop him

Unless your friend is a complete dunce he got what he deserved. He had an AFFAIR with a married woman. What goes around comes around.

I don't see that she pulled a pistol on him so he made some bad decisions of his own free will.

I believe in karma.

If you believe in karma then you should know properly what is karma.karma means action,work.it dosenot mean that if you do bad things in your life then only bad things will come to you.then it should be vice versa.are you from india or hindu? then tell me when her husband left her alone for whichever reason is it right? who will leave young wife alone in foreign country for one and half year?for hungry foxes to keep bad eyes on her? that time my friend came into her life to make sure no fox should eat her.I have seen him the way he used to take care of her and kids.I really cannot explain that in words.one time was like she don't have money to feed her kids.he supporetd her.that time her husband was sleeping or what? she is working hard and sending him money.is this husband's duty?is this commitment in marriage? what is husband's commitment to wife that whatever happens he will take care of her wife and kids.not just to have sex with her bacause he is legaly married.I am really feel sorry for your thinking

Oh for heaven's sake.

It does not MATTER how justified your friend feels. He's out of luck and should get counseling.

She is DONE with him. And what makes you think she isn't being punished in some way? She has to live with HER choices, too.

In the end, HER choice was to honor her commitment to her husband. If your friend TRULY loves her, he will understand why she is doing this, and respect her decision.

If he thinks that somehow she OWES him leaving her family and husband and running off with him---well, he's got some weird ideas on what love is.

If you cannot understand that she has made her choice, and her choice was just NOT what your friend wanted... well... I feel sorry for YOUR way of thinking.

She owes him NOTHING. If he wants her to be happy at this point, he will walk away.

Synnen.which husband you are talking about?if I am husband I will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable? is this his responsibility as husband?

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Originally Posted by star2011

synnen.which husband you are talking about?if i am husband i will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable??is this his responsibility as husband??

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You don't get it.

It doesn't matter what her husband did. What matters is that she's chosen to honor her marriage vows and make her marriage work.

It doesn't matter if your friend acted like a husband while her husband was gone. That was his choice, and he made it knowing that she's married to another man. He doesn't get anything for being a sucker. He doesn't get a reward for sleeping with a married woman. He doesn't get a prize because he got what he wanted for 2 years and now it's over. It is what it is.

No, it's not right that her husband left her for 1 1/2 years. No, it's not right that she had to fend for herself. But, no one told your friend to step in and help. He did that because he wanted to. Now he thinks that she should leave her husband. Why? To pay him back? He got paid, in sex.

I find it funny that you said it's not about sex, but in one of your posts you mentioned that he's upset because they haven't had sex in 4 months, and they used to have sex weekly. Sounds to me that it is about sex.

So, ask your friend, how many more times would she have to have sex with him in order to pay off the debt he thinks she owes him?