I got into this discussion with a lady friend the other day, & she insisted that it was cheating. She said it's because he is lusting after & possibly masturbating to, an image of another woman. So in your opinion is that "cheating" why or why not? Btw yes, she is religious just not a zealot.
Thanks in advance.

To turn this around.
Do YOU consider it cheating if your lady friend reads trashy romance novels ?

Porn gets me aroused also but I'm not necessarily attracted to the people on the movies, actually far from it... even the women would get me going and I'm not gay, its just the idea of sex that gets me aroused and I think that's the same with men.

For most men porn is the fantasy,it's the visual that is exciting.

I don't consider it cheating at all,masturbation is a lot of fantasy too,again I don't consider it cheating.

I would have a problem with some types of porn, example, porn involving children, or if my partner was watching porn day and night 24/7, but now and then I would not mind and again would not consider it cheating.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Curlyben again.

Very good turnaround!

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Curlyben again."

Have absolutely no idea on how the response above is relevant to my inquiry.

Helps if you read what I posted earlier, as it was a comment to that.

No. That's why I don't/didn't agree with her. In fact, I bought her tickets to see the Chippendales for her birthday one year. In fact I wish she would have read them, maybe get her all 'hot & bothered' & with her vibrator suddenly missing *wink* well.. ).

There you go, my poiint precisely.

O'Kay! Still not understanding how these two remarks (below) have anything at all to do with the topic at hand? Clarification please.
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Curlyben again."
"Very good turnaround!"

My opinion is that porn is just one of many forms of erotica. I look at porn and so does my husband. Sometimes we look together.

As much as I don't think it is cheating or have any problems with it (that is legal consenting adult type erotica), I do believe that it is a boundary that should be discussed and agreed upon by the individuals in a relationship.

I do not believe in one person forcing his/her viewpoint onto his/her partner. If a couple has differing points of view, then they either need to find a compromise or find partners who have the same beliefs as they do.

To me a greater problem is lying about a personal viewpoint in an effort to become involved with someone.

Your friend may have a different viewpoint than I do, but I respect her right to have the viewpoint since she is honest about it.

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Comment on Curlyben's post

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Originally Posted by Curlyben
Helps if you read what I posted earlier, as it was a comment to that.

O'Kay! Still not understanding how these two remarks (below) have anything at all to do with the topic at hand? Clarification please.
"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Curlyben again."
"Very good turnaround!"

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When you mark a post as helpful or not helpful (agree/disagree on older interfaces), you are giving/taking away reputation points. On older interfaces that many of still use, it limits how often you can rate a poster. You have to 'spread the reputation' or, in other words, give reputation to other posters before you can give more to an individual.

Along with the rating is a 'comment box' where you can leave a reason for why you find the poster's advice helpful.

Craven was agreeing with Curlyben's post and giving his reason even though he could not officially rate Curlyben's post.

If you would like to see, how this works in the older interface, go to 'settings' and choose 'take me back to the old skin' (or wording to that affect.)

No I do not. I myself enjoy porn sometimes. It would be hypocritical of me to accuse a man of cheating with porn if I am watching it myself.

There is nothing wrong with visual fantasys. And porn can often offer things that are impossible in real life (I personally like anime porn)

As long as the porn is not taking over the marriage, and the man is not neglecting his wife in favor of the porn, there is no problem.

Why do some people think you can cheat with a magazine... a movie screeen or a picture.


There has to be actual interaction between TWO humans for cheating to occur.

No. Simple answer.

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No. That's why I don't/didn't agree with her. In fact, I bought her tickets to see the Chippendales for her birthday one year. In fact I wish she would have read them, maybe get her all 'hot & bothered' & with her vibrator suddenly missing *wink* well.. ).

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Is this "lady friend" your girlfriend? Maybe you're running into an issue because you're approaching it all wrong (everyone's different in what they like). It looks like you want to share this aspect of your life with her-so why not share it? Instead of sending her to see male strippers (which may make her more uncomfortable than "hot and bothered"), ask her if she'd like to watch an erotic movie with you. Personally, I like erotic literature the most because then my imagination does a lot more work.

If you share what you like with her rather than having it be your "alone" time thing, then maybe she'll understand it more and not see it as a competition. Just a suggestion!

FrankenFraud,


I apologize for the confusion. What that means is that I agree with what Curlybensaid but I can't actually rate his answer because I need to spread reputation. This is done so one person can't sit and rate one person over and over and over again.

Again, I apologize for the confusion.

Ok, no problem. I'll try to keep this all in mind when posting or responding. Cheers!

Boy no offense but,are you ever mistaken on many counts.1) I ran into an issue because of her strong religious beliefs.2) No way in Hell that I would E-V-E-R "share this aspect of my life with her." It'd be a relationship death sentence-of that I have little doubt. & as much as you may disagree with this next part regarding watching porn, I do like to occasionally incorporate Clinton's"don't ask,don't tell"policy when it comes to this particular subject & some minor others.Call it"dishonest"if you like, I call it survival.Watch the comedy film"Sleeping Dogs Lie" & then get back to me about how honesty is ALWAYS the best policy in relationships.3) I was joking about the"hot & bothered"remark. I did it so she could go out with her girlfriends, have a good time & maybe loosen up her"up-tights"so to speak. In short, she had fun being with the girls. I didn't do it as a bargaining chip to watch porn in the future or go to nudie bars(which I don't do). Cheers!

Agnostic Atheist Guy here. Simple answer: No.

Mocking answer: "Disney and Pornography have created the most sexually frustrated generation in history. 'Where's my Prince Charming?', 'Where's my insatiable whore?' "

Long answer:
Men are sensory based creatures. We can get aroused by scent, sight, sound, taste, and touch. Mostly sight though. While Pornography will do it, it is not required. Little stimuli can trigger arousal. Which can trigger the fantasy. Now when I say fantasy I don't mean the thought of me doing whoever, but more primal. It is the urge to... mate. Many times leading to a guy rubbing one off or just enjoying the view and pondering.

The important thing to not is that we're not judging you based upon what we see. It isn't like we are judging the Mona Lisa based upon a Escher print. We are judging what we see. It doesn't reflect upon your Significant Other whatsoever. We aren't looking at porn because we find you displeasing. We are looking at it because we find it pleasing. Just as we find you pleasing. (You being the Significant Other.)

Men, even married, committed, god fearing, and righteous men, will check out women out. They will look at pornography even though they believe it is a sin. Mainly because it is instinct. It isn't that they're coveting the person, not even a little bit, but that they are struck by a fantasy. The things is, whether you believe god gave it to us or not, we have free will and the will to act on this.

Pornography has actually increased the fidelity rates in marriages. It is easier to pull up and watch "Bit Titty Night Nurses" and rub one off then it is to find a woman, woo said strumpet, and cheat on your partner. Goodness knows it has helped me through some dry spells. People are better able to play with fantasies now then at most points in history. Especially when it is becoming more socially acceptable.

There are religious beliefs about this and moral issue, no doubt. In the end every person needs to resolve this issue for themselves. There is really no right or wrong view point.

That was long winded.

Wow, you took offense to some friendly advice pretty quickly there! No worries, you have your relationship the way you wish. After your explanation, I have a clearer picture now about how things are working for you... and I truly wish you the best of luck, you need it!

By the by, I'm a girl. I might know a thing or two about what girls want. Like I said, it was just a suggestion.

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I took offence to nothing. Just provided an alternate view point. People will live as they want to live regardless of what they're told by other people.

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

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I took offence to nothing. Just provided an alternate view point. People will live as they want to live regardless of what they're told by other people.

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Sorry, I was responding to the OP. He was pretty offended when I suggested he share that part of him with his lady (granted, I think he thought I meant "share EVERYTHING with her!"... I only meant include her in fantasies once in a while). I couldn't quote him though because he used the reply feature instead of the answer feature.

Your post was really good, I enjoyed reading it!

Heck... I don't have to hide it from my wife. She knows she has me... not some bimbo that has a picture of video on the internet I'll never meet... and in many cases would never want to anyway.

She knows what floats my boat... and I know what floats hers. Neither of us are touchy about it... and neither of us cheat.

Heck... who wants to have to learn to deal with and live with someone else's pet peaves and idiosyncracies anyway. And every new person has their own.

SA, I took no offense to /how you said it. If you took it that way I apologize.I know you had good intentions.Let me throw this Lil' scenario into the overall picture.A buddy of mine gave me a deck of nudie playing cards well before I met this woman.I laughed & looked through the deck well.. because I am a red-blooded heterosexual male&proud of it-LOL!Anyway I stuck them into the back drawer of an old desk I had & forgot all about.2 years later,she came into my life.Anyway,1 day I was cleaning out that old desk & came across the cards.I said "oops, better dump these!" And I did right-into the bottom of a full trash can.To wrap this up,she found them & holy $hit did she have a fit! Ditto for a Cd Rom of the Pamela Anderson/Bret Micheals sex tape that someone had given me a year earlier. You'd think I was humping her cousin. Btw, she wasn't made uncomfortable going to see the Chipendales in the least-she had fun. Anyway, do me a small favor, watch that movie I mentioned. Cheers

Are... are you comparing bestiality to an occasional enjoyment in porn? Haha, I haven't seen the movie, I just looked up a brief synopsis and the thought made me laugh.

Honesty is my policy and it is my boyfriend's as well. It works very well for us, but neither of us would blink an eye at a nudie deck. So, good luck again!

Again, I wasn't "offended". And I had a pretty good idea what you meant by sharing things with her. I do if she shows an interest, which she generally doesn't-oh well! However, this one particular facet of my life WOULD cause a Tsunami of pure $hit to rain down upon me that would dwarf what hit poor ole' Japan. Btw, did I mention her father is a Nazarene preacher? I reiterate, I didn't/don't like Billy Clinton as a President (or his old lady), but I do like Billy's phrase/philosophy of "don't ask don't tell." And I do use it frequently in regards to MINOR issues. Her mother once said regarding raising kids, "pick your battles.' I incorporate that bit of sage advise in any & all my relationships. Again, no hard feelings.

I am getting a clearer picture now. I could have stuck with the "no-I don't think it's cheating"... but I gave more advice because it's what I do lol.

So, she doesn't know about it then? I was under the impression she did and it was a big problem (hence my "you should involve her" advice). You know her better than I do, and if you have to hide it, unfortunate as that sounds to me, then you have to hide it. No two relationships are alike!

You're a lucky man! I have relegated myself to the philosophy of "pick your battles."
And with this particular issue, I would not win, even if I was Perry Mason. I was just curious what other women thought about the issue.

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Originally Posted by FrankenFraud

Ladies: If your man watches porn do YOU consider it "cheating?"

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Hello F:

No, but I think masturbating is cheating... Do you cheat/whack off? I'll bet you do.

excon

Ummm... 1) Hopefully you didn't just ruin the movie or put off someone from watching it because "bestiality" isn't what the movie is about at all. 2) No comparison between bestiality & watching "regular" porn @ all. 3) Watch the film in its' entirety & get back with us/me. It's not gross because nothing is ever shown. But I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say about what the movie is REALLY about & your solution to the poor girl's dilemma.

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Ummm... 1) Hopefully you didn't just ruin the movie or put off someone from watching it because "bestiality" isn't what the movie is about at all. 2) No comparison between bestiality & watching "regular" porn @ all. 3) Watch the film in its' entirety & get back with us/me. It's not gross because nothing is ever shown. But I would be very interested in hearing what you have to say about what the movie is REALLY about & your solution to the poor girl's dilemma.

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I was tooootally kidding with you. It made me laugh in a light-hearted way, that's all. Where's that sarcasm font?

So excon, you think "masturbating is cheating?" Elaborate.
Btw, LOL on your question. And I could reply and say, "yes I do frequently to pictures of your sisters & mother."
But I won't. : P
JK

If this is a friend and there isn't any romantic entanglement involved what does it matter what her viewpoint is on porn. She has her opinion. Others have theirs. If she is getting upset about something you have in your house then it is up to you to set the boundary and explain to her that you do not agree with her viewpoint and agree to disagree.

You keep talking about picking your battles but I am getting the impression that you want ammunition to blow her argument away.

What are you wanting out of this discussion, because I don't think it is advice?

I've watched porn myself when I've been committed, and I never feel any less towards my partner. Although I feel rather uncomfortable if they were to, I'd still allow them to.

It's my insecurities that need sorting out, not the fact that someone I'm with would look at porn.

To add to this, I'm a glamour model, it's MY job for men to look at me!

Xx Dani G

1) I didn't say she was or wasn't "romantically involved" with me. 2) I wasn't seeking "ammunition to blow her argument away" rather perspective from the women on this group. I believe I made that quite clear. 3) Advise- no, opinions/thoughts- yes. Because I know I would never be able to change her mind & wouldn't even bother trying (I.e. picking my battles).

I do think it's cheating. If you're willing to please your partner however and whenever they want they should not need porn. It's harmful to the health of your relationship if your partner feels hurt, inadequate or lied to. It's unnecessary.

This is a topic that is a year old. Chances are the original poster isn't going to your response. Please take a look at the date of the last post and not revive threads older than a week or two.

Also You're not really conversant on the way that men use porn and masturbation. There are more than a number of threads in the past little bit that explain it well. You might want to educate yourself, it will save strife in the future.

No it is not cheating. How could it be?