I just turned 19 a couple weeks ago and am still a virgin. By virgin I mean never had sex, never been naked with a guy, never been touched, never even been kissed. Absolutely nothing. I turned down the guys that noticed me and wanted to date me because I didn't have feelings for them.

Now I asked this guy I met online if he would take my virginity. He's twice my age (38), and he says he no longer knows how many women he has had sex with. He says he has never had a pregnancy scare, and he routinely has himself checked for STIs. He is very, very open and comfortable with his sexuality and is a freak about using protection properly and breaking taboos about sex. I found all this out about him before I asked him, by the way.

He's also been adamant that we talk and get to know each other first--we've still barely touched on any details. He says we have to spend time hanging out first that day as well to make sure we are both still on board. If I had my way, we would have just had sex and parted ways without even knowing each other's last name.

I guess I expect people to think I am stupid/naive, rushing things, and likely going to regret this. I really feel like I just want sex and that if I wait, I will be an old, asexual virgin someday. It's probably really pointless for me to ask this. Still, I am curious what anyone thinks, and there is a small possibility I haven't thought of everything. Any thoughts or advice?

This is very foolish. Why the rush your only 19. It will not be meaningful and you could very well pick up aids, hiv and or heb b , etc. Just because somebody says they are clean does not mean they are. You need to counseling for sure.

You have your whole life ahead of you. This should be the least of your concern right now. Focus on career or schooling or job. Do not lower yourself to hooker status.

There is nothing wrong being a virgin, even if your in your mid 20's or late 20's or even 30's. What should be more important to you is finding that special someone that you plan on being with and exploring each other with and growing with each other.

You go through with this, I guarantee you will feel dirty and more lost and you will regret this for the rest of your life.

Oh, lord.

You're only (YES! ONLY! ) 19!

You have PLENTY of time to meet the right guy, and have incredible sex with him

If you go off with this guy from the internet--not only are you taking HORRIBLE risks, you're probably not going to enjoy the sex at all, since sex is more mental than physical anyway.

How about trying to DATE a guy, first?

I guarantee that if you LIVE to regret this, you WILL regret it.

I just talked my 21 year old friend from losing her virginity to a guy she barely knew. She also felt like she had waited for too long and just wanted it.

I told her to wait... That its not the fact that she hasn't had sex. It's that she hasn't been that close to anyone. She would feel terrible after, when she finds the right guy and couldn't give him her virginity.

You don't need to have sex. She ended up going out to a club picking up a guy who was a friend of a friend and had a good pash and a rub up againts each other.
That's all she needed.

I think you just want the closeness. Keep looking for a guy. There is one out there closer to your age. Your only young don't stress. I got my first boyfriend at 18. My sister was about 22 when she got her first boyfriend...

Go out with friends and have good times!

Things you may not have considered:

You don't know this guy, the way people portray themselves on the internet may be nothing like their real persona. He could be a creep, a loser, a serial killer for all you know. He could be married.

Contraception is not always effective. Imagine this results in a child who will one day grow up and ask about their father. Imagine having that conversation.

In a few weeks or months you might meet a really great guy who you can have the whole package with. Instead of your first time being with someone special you will have the memory of a one night stand with a stranger in your head when you get it together for real.

You have turned guys away because you don't have feelings for them yet are prepared to jump into bed with a guy you haven't even met. These aren't real feelings you have for this guy, you are trying to live out a fantasy here with him.

You need to ask yourself what it is that is stopping you actually getting to know guys in real life so that you are chasing a fantasy instead. If you can't work out the answer to that then do consider seeing a therapist who can help you work it out.

When I originally asked him, the risk was half the appeal. Except now that I've asked him and talk to him, I am met with someone rational who takes things very slow--maybe even too slow. The fact that I asked him and that he's up front about things most people would deny, that he isn't rushing anything, makes me trust him. He doesn't need me, I need him.

I mess things up with guys that I like, so at this point I'm not bothering with a relationship until I get my s*** together. However, I really want to know sex. I feel uncomfortable when people talk dirty or about their experiences because it's like they can see right through me. I feel vulnerable and not taken seriously. I feel like sex would shed the cutesy, innocent image and give me back some of my confidence. Also, I'm worried my family thinks I'm either outcast or gay because I've never dated. They've joked about me being gay. I feel like people can tell whether you're a virgin or not by the way you carry yourself, though I realize sex wouldn't automatically make me confident. I just think it would boost myself esteem a little.

Then the fact that he's an older guy helps because he won't be immature, he's bound to be less judgemental, and I'm hoping it guarantees he will know how to make it enjoyable for both of us. He doesn't see virginity as valuable, so I wouldn't be some conquest and he wouldn't think he won anything or had something over me. Also, I feel like I could become more experienced faster because he is so experienced.

I'm the last of my friends to be kissed and the last of my closest friends to have sex. I'm afraid it will take too long to get myself together and meet a great guy, and I do not want to pass up on an opportunity and become a really old virgin. Besides, if he was such a great guy, he wouldn't care about my past, right?

I never wanted to be with one partner my entire life anyway, so does it really make a difference if the first one is special? I've heard that I'm supposed to develop some attachment to whoever my first is too, but I don't see that happening either.

"really old", huh? Like what? 22?

Can you get YOURSELF off? Do you masturbate?

If not, you've got a rude surprise in wait for you when you have sex. EVERY woman is different, and if you don't know how to get yourself off, you're not going to be able to help someone ELSE get you off.

I think you're doing this for ALL the wrong reasons, and that you should find a better way to boost your self-esteem.

I think you should ALSO figure out why you mess things up with guys you date, because I'm betting it's at least partially deliberate.

See a counselor, not a guy you met online who's twice your age and has a different point of view on life than you do.

In your (OP) defense, you should be allowed to live life by your own rules without opposition.

A stranger you met online is a little hard to swallow, but I have known people who have done it quite a few times and they're still breathing. My advice, if you're going to go through with this, carry mace with you.

First of all, she is doing it because what. She is the last one to be kissed. So what.

She is doing it because people made fun of her and told her she is gay, so what.

Should it really matter what anybody else thinks?

I did not lose mine until I was in my late 20's. People used to tease me or make fun of me or think I was gay. So what. I started late.

You know what, I waited, and eventually I was with somebody that I wanted to be with and you know what it was better that way.

Afraid of taking too long, why? Your ONLY 19 and very immature for your age. Your only going to have the wrong impression about sex, and it WILL ruin you.

Having sex isn't going to transform you into another person. If anything it will highlight what you don't like about yourself and magnify each imperfection you think you have. Using yourself and someone else as sex toys (that's what you are doing if there are no emotions attached) will not do anything to make you feel better about yourself.

People will talk no matter what you do. Do you want them to speculate about your being gay or a slut (a word I happen to hate)? What do you think they would say if you turned up pregnant because Mr. Internet's record of safety was broken?

Confidence comes from inside. It comes from accepting yourself as you are and not what others think of you. It comes from you knowing that you are equal to anyone and everyone. It does not come from losing your virginity, getting breast implants, etc. Those only mask the underlying issues of doubting yourself.

You want confidence: Get involved in things that make you feel good about who you are as a person. Volunteer, go to school, do well at work, etc.

Build a healthy relationship with yourself. Look in the mirror in your own mind and see how wonderful you are. Find validation in yourself instead of others. If you give it to yourself no one else can take it away.

You shouldn't even be contemplating having sex until you have your life together enough to date (anyone of any age-preferably someone with more maturity than to think jumping in the sack is the sole reason for any relationship). Go through the natural progression of a relationship. Enjoy the journey. Take a cruise instead of an express flight.

As has been said, you can't believe everything someone tells you on the Internet. He could be married with children and looking for a bit tail on the side. He could be a Dominant looking for a Submissive and you could find yourself in the deep end of a pool you didn't even know existed. He could be a serial abuser looking for a new target. He could be 16 years old and reading Letters to Penthouse. 'He' could be 84 and a woman.

Okthe first poin that I want ot make clear is that yo are 19 and he is 38 big age difference, if anything find someone in your age group, I'm also 19, so I know exactly what you are feeling, but I think you have no need to rush, exspeciall wit a man twice your age. Work hard for a real relationship. Don't try to get things done the eazy (dangerous) way. Every one has a time to enjoy themselves wit some one just wait for that time. Don't rush the inevitable.

I kind of understand the way you feel. I've felt the pressure of being a virgin at 23, the last one out of my friends not to have done it. And I wanted to live it, I was so curious and just couldn't wait to see how it feels, what it's like etc. But I didn't let myself go with a stranger or someone with whom I wasn't in a relationship with. And I don't regret it because I met my boyfriend a year ago. And he didn't mind that I was a virgin, on the contrary.

Of course, it's your life, your decisions. I have a friend who did what you did and completely regreted it, I know of someone else who did and said she was happy she got to 'see what its like' before sharing it with a guy she really cared about.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that having sex is not just about the act in itself, it's about a connection with a person, a loving relationship that leads to sex... And your first time could be with someone like that. Why spoil it?

(And I agree with everyone else that says that it's also dangerous).

My advice to you would be calm down, don't rush it. It will happen when it happens, and its not a good thing to rush into.

A good idea, being that you are over 18 now, would be to go to a sex shop. Get yourself some toys that may help you get that release that your body is naturally and subconsciously searching for. That's mainly what it is. Your body knows its grown, and knows it WANTS that release. But you yourself need to think what is best for you. And at this age, you don't have to run off and have sex. Wait for the right time, with the right guy. It will be so much better for you if you do.

I don't even know what to say. I am just sick of waiting. I feel like I'm missing out. And yes, I do want closeness, but how many one night stands are strictly cuddling? I could save my first kiss for this "right guy", maybe. I kind of feel like that is supposed to be innocent.

I do not believe this guy is dangerous at all. I think if anything, I'm the bad guy in this scenario. Everything I know about him and his picture mesh. Either way, I could meet him in public. If he's an 84 year old woman or a 16 year old boy, I think I would know, and I could probably take him. I'm most concerned I won't find him attractive and/or change my mind last minute.

I could demand he gets tested, and he would have to wear a condom. I was on birth control until my prescription ran out, but I intend to go back on it. And I do know what feels good for me, at least.

I do work now, and one of the cashiers told me today that I was a "great person and great worker". I also found out today the school I want to go to wants me to join the honors program because my gpa is high enough or whatever. I am forcing myself to be social again, too, so I went to some campfire tonight with my friend and a bunch of people I don't know. Which some guy joked about me not wanting him to eat me (canibalism) and some other guy remarked about how most girls do and th first guy told him to shut up. And later they said I must be traumatized listening to them swear and joking about raping each other (the guys). I don't know how to turn off my innocence or whatever it is.

I mess things up with guys I like mainly by forcing them to see how messed up I am and basically tell them I'm not good enough for them.. in so many words. A lot of times the guys I'm interested in are taken or probably taken so I ignore them and am sometimes mean. It doesn't matter because it's pointless for me to pursue anyone until I figure myself out.

I don't know.

You were given all the advice. It is obvious your deaf to it. Best of luck in your life. I hope you do not mess it up more by ruining something that should be special. You defiantly need major counseling and yes your very immature for your age. Wish there was some way to get things through to you, but some people just have to mess up in order to learn the hard way. Thinking that is going to be you.

Please PROVE me wrong.

You say you could save your first kiss...

So you think this guy is just going to want to stick his penis in you and not kiss you to get into the mood?

Also you say you can meet him in a public place... That doesn't mean when you go back to his or the hotel he won't have someone waiting there to possibly rape you or worse...

People even go missing in public places. He could be a 60 yr old man that waits for you to show up at the place your going to meet.. He doesn't show up but watches from a distance. Then when you leave and are out of the busy areas he could grab you.

Do you really want to risk it? I mean any 38 yr old who wants to have sex with a 19 yr old doesn't seem like someone id trust.

You know what?

I actually only lost my virginity when I was in my late 18's. Thing is, while you do feel desperate and think that's the reason you're awkward, I wouldn't say it is. I've found out some friends of mine who are in their 20s still are virgins but they're nowhere near awkward or innocent.

If you think that popping your cherry will magically change you, I will assure you it will not.

I have another friend as well, she was the most innocent girl you could know, dirty jokes would leave her uncomfortable or she wouldn't understand them. Thing is, these days, that gal actually joins in the dirty jokes but she's still a virgin. Why did she change? Mostly because our "dirtyness" (for lack of a better word) rubbed off on her.

What I'm trying to say is, if you want to look less innocent and less awkward you need to socialize more and get yourself into different conversations with people who aren't.

As a last bit of advice, I would like you to just do the following. Wait one or two months and highly consider what you want to do, consider that you may come to regretting it a lot latter on.

I think I've been through (even if not on the same scale) and I'd have to say that if I had just didn't do it with someone I loved and trusted it wouldn't have been as good or as special and even if I'm not together with that person anymore, I still cherish the moment.

Good luck give2me1lemons.

EDIT: Oh and just in case you need to see just how messed up I am, feel free to check this topic: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/person...up-465284.html
Believe me, you aren't the only one :)

Well the first step in being able to have a relationship was to have a life. Because what guy would be interested in a very average looking girl with no special quirks or talent, some issues, who sits home alone and might not go outside her front door for a week or more. So I got a license and a job and started to make myself accept invites and go places.

Next is to make myself less average, but I HATE standing out. I won't even wear makeup because I think it will shock people and make them think I'm being deceitful because I never have before. I just wear jeans and a graphicless top and my hair is always the same. I own three pairs of shoes. I never had money to splurge and now I'm afraid to do much with the money I make--assuming I even knew what I would want to wear.

Then there's my issues and they will take a while and maybe a professional to sort out. Or maybe confidence will solve everything, but that will take some time too.
-------------------------------------
I've been talking to him at least three months, and I was aware of him much longer. I can't understand why he would rape someone or pull any stunts with someone who is giving themselves freely, knowing things that would send a lot of girls running (like his high number of partners). I could always be the one who watches across the street, and as far as kissing, it doesn't have to be on my lips, right?

So thanks everyone for the input, and now I have a little more to think about. If the "right guy" at least makes an appearance in August, I definitely won't go through with it. I'm going to school in his state, so I have at least that long to be sure. Unless he agrees to meet next week when I'm there for orientation, but I doubt it seriously.

Your plan is just wrong. Very BAD idea. You say you know this guy, but you don't. I promise you that you don't. We all say things over the internet to get people to like us, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Predators are all over the internet. They know how to lure innocent girls like you in. You are their prey.

Whether he's tested clean or not, you still run the risk of pregnancy. This will tie you to him for the rest of your life. Yes, condoms, yes birth control pills, but these fail. There are members here who have used 3, yes THREE forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Contrary to popular belief, you can get pregnant your first time.

As for the "cannibalism" remark... that's not the kind of eating he was talking about apparently.

This man you are thinking of is 38. That means he was 19 when you were born. Think about having sex with a newborn baby... that's what it's like to him. He is twice your age. He's a pervert plain and simple.

Hey I know how you feel. I was 18 and in my senior year of high school and everyone made fun of me for being a virgin, but you know what I made the mistake of following the crowd and having sex and I DO regret it! Very very much so. You hold something sacred right now. And I'm sure you are curious and want to know what it's like but I would have to agree with the rest of them, you don't want to do it for the wrong reasons, because honestly in the end you keep talking about GETTING CONFIDENCE from it but if you do it this way, honestly in the end don't you think your going to loose confidence... anyone can go out and find a random stranger to have sex with it's not hard and I think in the end it will make you feel worse about yourself rather than better... so do you think you owe it to yourself to find someone who actually cares and gives a damn about you instead of just some random person you don't know. Nobody can judge you, especially me like I said I've been there and I wish I had waited because once you give it up, chances are that's all men are going to want, and you will most likely continue to give it up trying to find someone who will care about you and not just want sex, and that's not easy. So I wish you luck and hope you change your mind! Wait for someone who loves and cares about you, you are worth that much for sure!

I find this very, very sad.

Anybody can have sex, for any number of reasons, as often as they like, and with or without protection, but there is certainly a risk- emotionally.

We are not talking about what colour nailpolish goes with which lipstick here.

You are talking about the most precious gift you can offer to someone who you have a relationship with. That comes after you build a foundation, starting with friendship, and getting to know someone well enough to know it is the right thing at the right time with the right person. A sexual relationship that happens only because the goal is to not be a virgin, will affect you in ways that you will regret.

It is immature to set about 'appointing' someone to accomplish the goal you have. It is cold, and it reduces the act of love making in a relationship, to having no more importance than getting a hair cut, or picking out which outfit to wear.

The reasons you wish to 'hire' this man, show a lack of understanding about sex, relationships, love, and sharing intimacy. What you want to do, should happen naturally, no matter how old you are, after you have a trusting relationship.

He is almost 20 years older than you, and what the he** is he doing even talking sex to a 19 year old. You have already given too much of yourself, personally, to this stranger.

Not only that, but you will be at his mercy, and God only knows how he intends to take your virginity. Are you going to meet in some sleezy motel? Maybe the backseat of his car? In a deserted park somewhere?

What happens if you get him all worked up, and then decide that you are afraid, vunerable, uncomfortable, and want to stop. That side of his character you do not know. There is a very real danger here that you are getting yourself set up for something that you have not considered could happen.

And then what. You are another notch in his bedpost, and the meaningless sex, was just another one night stand. You come out the other end not being a virgin, and where does that get you.

Will you feel better about yourself? Will you be able to defend yourself to your parents or friends if you get into some serious trouble? Are you going to expect that when you eventually have meaningful sex with someone you deeply care about, that your expectations are going to be only what you learned from this 38 year old man? What if things were painful and rough, and you are left feeling deserted, unwanted, unfulfilled, and used. How are you going to deal with those very real possibilities.

Please re-think what you are doing.

I have real serious doubts about a 38 year old man who picks up 19 year old girl on the Internet and agrees to do her a favor by taking her virginity. You only have one and to give it away to a stranger is just silly. This guy is a creep.
You don't need to have sex, you need counseling, talk to someone about yourself esteem. Your being a virgin has nothing to do with being uncool or weird. Losing your virginity is not going to make you the belle of the ball. Being so willing to give it away to a stranger, thinking it will make you feel better about yourself is the problem, not your virginity.

Sex for the first time is special and should be done with someone special. Don't cheapen it by throwing it away to a stranger. This is your body your most personal space, have you no appreciation or respect for that?
I was 23 when I lost my virginity, it was to my husband. But the thing is, I waited for that special person, someone who loved me enough to be gentle and appreciated what I just gave him.
You are a fresh untouched vagina to this guy, that's all. It this what you want invading your most personal space?

Okay, so, I met him on another forum. I saw him around the forum for a year or so, and I liked the way he thinks/writes. That's how I learned a lot of the things I know about him. Then one day I decided to ask him because the worst that could happen is he would say no and life would go on. But he said yes. His only real demands were that we get to know each other because we should at least like each other, and he said we should hangout a while before anything happens that day to make sure we still want to go through with it. Does he still sound like a predator or a creep, now that you know what I know? We didn't even exchange pictures or anything until after I asked him. I picked him up, and I'm 1-3 years over the legal age to have sex, depending on the state/country.

Also, my sister is dating/living with a 40 year old man, and she is 23. That's a 17 year difference. I guess that's why it's not as taboo to me.

I don't know what he was thinking, but I planned on a cheapish hotel. He already said he would drive to me.

I still don't know if I would keep, abort, or adopt out a baby if I became pregnant before I was ready. And I know it can happen with two different forms of birth control, but if you remove human error (use everything as directed exactly) then the rates drop. I equate it to the fact that I know someone who had polio as a child. It's a real possibility, but it's not very common.

No, I'm mostly worried how I will feel about it during/afterward. I mean most people don't stay with their first anyway. And I have no reason to believe there's a guy out there for me. I still have time to make sure it's what I want. I'm sorry, I know I'm frustrating, but I really do appreciate being able to bounce this off someone besides him. So thank you.

You are only 19. What is the rush?
You have college or career to be thinking about and your wanting to screw a stranger.
This guy is a creep. No decent man is going to have sex with a 19 year old to take her virginity. That is just plain tacky of him to do that.
If he had any scruples he would be telling you that you are making a mistake and then he would leave you alone.
I think you need some counseling. Yourself esteem should not be wrapped up in your virginity.

Yes, he still sounds like a predator and a creep.

What you don't realize is he is telling you everything you want to hear. You are saying in effect that you are pursuing him, when the truth is a man of his age and experience is playing you like a fiddle.

If he said the opposite of what you were asking him, or what you wanted to hear, would you give him another keystroke?

He is playing you, and you are falling right into it thinking he is a great guy doing you a favour, when actually what you are asking of him he is interpreting as a free romp in the sack with a kid who thinks he's doing her a favour!!

No decent man would even entertain such an idea, in fact, even hearing what you are proposing would have you deleted from their contacts.

I don't know what kind of site you are on- is it a dating site?

There is a high probability if it is, he has other women and teenagers on the go at the same time.

And while that is happening, you sit there thinking that you are safe and in control.

The truth is, once you meet him, and the door shuts on the hotel room door, and nobody knows where you are, you are in serious danger.

Well it sounds like all you want to be is a cheap hooker. Everybody has tried to help you out, but you do not want to hear any of it.

This thread is now a waste of time. Your determined to sell yourself out.

Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

When I originally asked him, the risk was half the appeal. Except now that I've asked him and talk to him, I am met with someone rational who takes things very slow--maybe even too slow. The fact that I asked him and that he's up front about things most people would deny, that he isn't rushing anything, makes me trust him. He doesn't need me, I need him.

I mess things up with guys that I like, so at this point I'm not bothering with a relationship until I get my s*** together. However, I really want to know sex. I feel uncomfortable when people talk dirty or about their experiences because it's like they can see right through me. I feel vulnerable and not taken seriously. I feel like sex would shed the cutesy, innocent image and give me back some of my confidence. Also, I'm worried my family thinks I'm either outcast or gay because I've never dated. They've joked about me being gay. I feel like people can tell whether you're a virgin or not by the way you carry yourself, though I realize sex wouldn't automatically make me confident. I just think it would boost my self esteem a little.

Then the fact that he's an older guy helps because he won't be immature, he's bound to be less judgemental, and I'm hoping it guarantees he will know how to make it enjoyable for both of us. He doesn't see virginity as valuable, so I wouldn't be some conquest and he wouldn't think he won anything or had something over me. Also, I feel like I could become more experienced faster because he is so experienced.

I'm the last of my friends to be kissed and the last of my closest friends to have sex. I'm afraid it will take too long to get myself together and meet a great guy, and I do not want to pass up on an opportunity and become a really old virgin. Besides, if he was such a great guy, he wouldn't care about my past, right?

I never wanted to be with one partner my entire life anyway, so does it really make a difference if the first one is special? I've heard that I'm supposed to develop some attachment to whoever my first is too, but I don't see that happening either.

---

I was in the same situation and had the same feelings. That didn't make me run out and find someone to have sex with.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. It was with two very close friends that I remained friends with afterward.

If you're SET on losing your virginity, then make sure it's with someone you know, respect, are attracted to, and TRUST! You want your first time to be something you remember fondly, not something you regret.

What are you going to tell the guy you meet someday who IS the right one?

"Oh yes sweetie I lost my virginity to an older guy I had never met before and I met him on line."

You are asking for a world of hurt and trouble. Forget about losing your virginity until you meet the right one.

This "nice guy" could very well be a sexual predator or worse. You are acting foolish and if you do this, I only hope you have the nerve someday when you have a
Daughter and she ask how you lost your virginity, you have the guts to tell her. Won't that be a kick in the rear?

I'm a short term thinker. I can't see myself at 30, let alone a mother..

It's disturbing everyone still thinks he's a creep and I don't really know what to take from that. I don't know if it's the age difference, the way I met him, or that I'm a virgin.. or all of the above. Am I supposed to assume everyone online is a serial rapist?

I just feel like I'm not allowed to be picky. I don't think it even registers to guys that I exist and am available. I don't feel like I have anything much to offer. I feel bad for the guys I do talk to for having to experience me, so I usually leave them alone. I don't think I'm hideous, but I don't think I'm someone a guy would be proud of dating, I guess.

I don't want to be a cheap hooker. I just want something.

I guess I will update this when I make a definite decision either way. Not until then..

For me it is not about the man at all.

For me it is your willing to give yourself away to somebody you do not even know.

For me it is your immaturity level.

For me it is how your willing to throw your life away for something you say you can not wait for which is full of BS.

It is time to get counseling. It is time to grow up and it is a time to put more value in your own self. Which your not doing by your so called short term thinking.

This for me is not about the man at all, for me it is you willing to become a cheap hooker to satisfy something that will just disappoint you.

That is all. In the end, no matter what has been said. It is YOUR life and YOUR decision.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper1976

For me it is not about the man at all.

For me it is your willing to give yourself away to somebody you do not even know.

For me it is your immaturity level.

For me it is how your willing to throw your life away for something you say you can not wait for which is full of BS.

It is time to get counseling. It is time to grow up and it is a time to put more value in your own self. Which your not doing by your so called short term thinking.

This for me is not about the man at all, for me it is you willing to become a cheap hooker to satisfy something that will just disappoint you.

That is all. In the end, no matter what has been said. It is YOUR life and YOUR decision.

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I want you to read this and think about a few things. Today in this world there are twelve and thirteen year old children getting pregnant.
They think it's okay because their friends are doing it. It's not cool.
Do you know how many young women your age would give to have a "do over" when it comes to losing their virginity?

In my opinion it's something you need to be proud of. The fact you haven't given yourself to someone tells me there is hope you will do the right thing. You are in a minority young lady and instead of trying to "lose it" you should be thanking your lucky stars you still have it.

Cheap men and women are a dime a dozen. Be proud to be different...
Chances are this guy "online" is leading you down the garden path and when you do meet him... you will wish you never had. Please think about this..

There is someone out there and if you wait you'll be glad you did.
I think you need to start thinking about yourself. You say you're not pretty... I doubt that. Get some self esteem and you will learn to like yourself.

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I'm a short term thinker. I can't see myself at 30, let alone a mother..

It's disturbing everyone still thinks he's a creep and I don't really know what to take from that. I don't know if it's the age difference, the way I met him, or that I'm a virgin..or all of the above. Am I supposed to assume everyone online is a serial rapist?

I just feel like I'm not allowed to be picky. I don't think it even registers to guys that I exist and am available. I don't feel like I have anything much to offer. I feel bad for the guys I do talk to for having to experience me, so I usually leave them alone. I don't think I'm hideous, but I don't think I'm someone a guy would be proud of dating, I guess.

I don't want to be a cheap hooker. I just want something.

I guess I will update this when I make a definite decision either way. Not until then..

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Do you want something good or just something?

And of course you're allowed to be picky, you're just 19!

What I think you want is emotional closeness, you want somebody to see you as a romantic interest. That will not happen just because you give some guy twice your age your virginity. It will not in fact make more guys gravitate towards you. If anything, if things go awry you'll be crushed and it will leave a permanent emotional scar on yourself. You won't be able to go back and fix it.

If you want to be a romantic interest to guys that actually interest you there needs to be change. Having a creep put his penis inside you won't magically take all the weirdness and make you any different. It won't raise your self-esteem or confidence either.

Consider this, ever heard how guys will usually not even think about the consequences when a girl straight up offers sex? Do you actually think you'll feel better and more confident because you straight up offered some guy your first time?

If you want a guy to want to date you, you need to learn to like yourself first. Now, I don't like Psychologists myself but perhaps you'd fare better with one than me.

There are just so many things you can do to make you feel better about yourself...

Get some exercise (I'm not saying hit a gym and go she-hulk), just run around the block or something. I'll assure you that exercise helps everyone and it has certainly helped me.

Go out and buy a few outfits that make yourself look like cute and beautiful, look beautiful enough times and you'll feel beautiful and in turn guys will believe you're beautiful. This sounds like bull**** but it's not, it actually does work this way. (For instance, do you find the nerdy guy with no confidence more attractive than the social guy who dresses well and feels good about himself? Of course not.)

Still, don't do something stupid like putting yourself in a dangerous situation to try to fix something the wrong way.

Making yourself like yourself more, being more confident and getting more attention from guys does not include giving your virginity to a 38 year old guy you've never met and who might place you in a horrible situation with even more horrible outcomes.

You're trying to find an easy fix but... nothing worth having in this life comes easy. So go do the work, even if it's hard.

Guys like me, but they are usually creepy, socially awkward, and they get mad at me for having high defenses and not wanting to be with them as more than friends. I've attracted some real winners, which certainly helps myself esteem..

My job is physical. I lost two pounds (119 now) and have slightly more visible mucle tone in the almost four months I've been there. I work 32-39 hours a week, on my feet all day, lifting sometimes as much as 40lbs. Not that this makes me feel glamorous at the end of the day when I'm dirty and gross.

I still don't think it's fair to label this guy a creep. It's not his fault I'm me, and I do think he is nice and well meaning. It's not like he knows my past or all my reasons.

But I think I can at least agree not to do anything drastic until October. Assuming everything goes as planned, I'll have been in college about two months and be mostly settled at my school (I dropped out last year). Maybe I'll have reason to believe things can be different. Or at least I'll be better distracted. He probably wouldn't assume in that time that I've changed my mind, and I'd still have options...

Fair enough?

How is it not fair to label him a creep when he wants to willingly take the virginity of a girl half his age?

He just wants a quick lay as far as I see it and the things he's saying to you are making you think what he wants you to think.

How is he not a creep give2me1lemons?

Look guys, she's going to do whatever she wants to do. Our assessment of this guy is falling on deaf ears. Let's just hope that she comes back to tell us that she is alive an unhurt after having this sordid rendezvous.

I guess you're right J_9...

Let's just hope for the best.

True J_9...

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Originally Posted by J_9

Look guys, she's gonna do whatever she wants to do. Our assessment of this guy is falling on deaf ears. Let's just hope that she comes back to tell us that she is alive an unhurt after having this sordid rendezvous.

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No, I don't believe he's a bad person. But I am not saying I will go through with it. I was never sure I would. It's kind of like playing chicken with myself and at the last minute I either do or I don't. I just don't want to tell him no, because then I can't ever ask again. And it's scary to go back to having no options and just waiting and hoping things will change. And some of your comments made me feel gross and stupid last night, so I'm not deaf. I just don't like condemning people.

Obviously I would prefer to have some guy crazy for me and be in a happy relationship, but it's hard to wait for that when your closest friends have already passed through the crappy, rocky relationships and now have these great guys. And when you feel like you're nothing, it's hard to believe someone else could want you... someone who has options and still wants you.

I probably won't, but I am not ready to burn that bridge. I asked to make sure I really could do this, but you all at least made me doubtful, so all I can do is agree to give it more time/thought and see what happens. I'm sorry if that's not good enough.

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

No, I don't believe he's a bad person. But I am not saying I will go through with it. I was never sure I would. It's kind of like playing chicken with myself and at the last minute I either do or I don't. I just don't want to tell him no, because then I can't ever ask again. And it's scary to go back to having no options and just waiting and hoping things will change. And some of your comments made me feel gross and stupid last night, so I'm not deaf. I just don't like condemning people.

Obviously I would prefer to have some guy crazy for me and be in a happy relationship, but it's hard to wait for that when your closest friends have already passed through the crappy, rocky relationships and now have these great guys. And when you feel like you're nothing, it's hard to believe someone else could want you...someone who has options and still wants you.

I probably won't, but I am not ready to burn that bridge. I asked to make sure I really could do this, but you all at least made me doubtful, so all I can do is agree to give it more time/thought and see what happens. I'm sorry if that's not good enough.

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You're only nineteen.. there will be some guy going crazy for you someday... that's all the more reason not to give yourself to an old codger online who is probably around seventy... and is a flasher... Be careul, be patient and wait... Please. You'll find there is someone out there who will appreciate that you did wait. Behave yourself:)

Do some things to work on yourself esteem and you will feel quite differently about this.
It's more about how you feel about yourself rather than your virginity. You say you don't want to judge this stranger but you have put yourself in a very low position. This is not about sex, but about you.
Get some counseling.