Not too long ago, me and my current boyfriend got into a fight and we broke up for the night. He went out drinking all by himself and then later got picked up by a few sorority girls. He went to their house and stayed the night and had sex with a lesbian there. He supposedly drunk texted me all night and said very nasty things. Then a few days later he came and apologized for what he did. I was all hurt because he said he had sex with two other girls last fall to get back at me. Two wrongs definitely do not make a right. Then out of the blue a few days later she messaged me via Facebook and said that my boyfriend was amazing in bed and stuff to hurt my feelings. We chatted for a few hours and I went later to view her profile and she was from Honolulu, Hawaii and went a Baptist School there before she came to Indiana. I live three hours away from where they go to school and if she was so popular and had many friends she should not have every guy from where I live on her Facebook that do not even go to college there. It did not make sense. She had fake pictures up. And her profile was private and only had 130 friends. Her profile pictures were created only a few days after our incident. What I am getting at is she lying and is he in on it. Because obviously she is real, but the profile is not? And is he lying just to get back at me?

I'd go with your gut on this one. That and the fact that he's shown how much he cares about you by his actions, which aren't good.

He has sex with girls to get even with you, he texts you while he's doing this and then he torments you about it after you supposedly make up.

I'd kick him to the curb but that's me, I don't like being treated like crap. I have enemies that treat me better then your boyfriend treats you.

Geez, and you're calling him your 'current' BF. Why? He'd be my 'dead meat' BF if he's treated me like that.

All I can say is who cares why this person put up this fake FB profile and if your BF put her up to it?

She's a bigger loser than your BF. Sounds like they would make a great couple. They both seem to have brains like gnats and behave like insensitive morons.

You say a bigger loser than the boyfriend. I say just as big a loser. Meaning that the girl on FB is the boyfriend trying to make her jealous. That is what it sounds like to me. It takes no imagination to creat a fake profile and why would he/she have all the friends from around your area? Because its not a girl from college at all. Either she is from that area and is currently in that area or she is a he. That he being your boyfriend. I would get rid of him faster than a grenade I pulled the pin on. Turn and run for the hills and never look back. THis guy girl want to be is so not worth what you're going through and I'm sorry but even with my cheat I did not have sex with the girl. If you can get it up for someone else you can get it up for anyone and would gladly do so in my opinion. Sorry you're going through this but stop putting yourself in the situation and stop being a victim. You'll love yourself for leaving

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Originally Posted by lea_09

What I am getting at is she lying and is he in on it. Because obviously she is real, but the profile is not?! And is he lying just to get back at me?

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So best case is that he did have sex and she is real or that he didn't and she and he are lying about it or what?

Basically he's either is screwing with your mind by fabricating a lie (which is pretty evil) or its all the real deal and he still is a b@stard.

I just don't see why its important to know which it is. Either way, he is a jerk.

Just trying to figure out the time-line and events has lead me to think there are a lot of problems in this relationship.

This reads like the plot of a soap opera. I would suggest ditching the plot and writing a new script where you move on.

IF possible go NO CONTACT and delete him from ALL of your contacts (email, phone, I'm, pm, Facebook, Myspace, etc.). Let him live his 'life' and you live yours. Allow yourself to heal and get rid of the baggage this relationship is piling up. Learn what you really want in a relationship. When you are ready, find someone who shares those desires and is willing to work with you to build a relationship not act out a TV show.

Thanks guys. This cleared things up a lot. We have had a lot of troubles and his twin brother agrees that his own brother is lying. I do have a drama like life and it makes it tough for school.

How old are you both? This seems more like a soap opera than a proper relationship.

I ask ages... because a few years can separate an immature jerk... from a festering butthole.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

How old are you both? This seems more like a soap opera than a proper relationship.

I ask ages...because a few years can seperate an immature jerk....from a festering butthole.

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We are almost 20!

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I ask ages...because a few years can seperate an immature jerk....from a festering butthole.

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Sometimes you don't have to choose...

What do you mean?

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Originally Posted by lea_09

What do you mean?

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I mean when his heads up his arse this far why choose between the two...

Used to have a inside joke with friends who'd call on a bad day at work or home... they'd ask how the day was and id say "playing I & A"... they'd ask "whats the count" and I'd say something like "2 A's, an I, and a few double-ups"...

Playing I & A's is short for playing idiots and a$$holes.. and the rules are simple... on a bad day you keep track of how many I's and A's are around you... and sometimes... and this ties into my comment on smoothy's line, sometimes you don't have to choose between the two...

The guy can be both an arse and immature...

That is true. Just a minute ago he was saying I went somewhere during last weekend without telling him? I am a very busy woman and I am regular broke stuent. I have no gas lol

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Originally Posted by kp2171

sometimes you don't have to choose...

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I think I may not have been clear enough with my comment. An 18 year old that acts like that is an Immature jerk... a 38 year old that acts like that is a festering butthole, an older person should know better... a young one may THINK they are mature yet be very far from it.

I honestly thought they were both young... and the OP confirmed it.

Find yourself a more emotionally mature guy. There are plenty of them to pick from.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I think I may not have been clear enough with my comment. An 18 year old that acts like that is an Immature jerk.....a 38 year old that acts like that is a festering butthole, an older person should know better....a young one may THINK they are mature yet be very far from it.

I honestly thought they were both young.....and the OP confirmed it.

Find yourself a more emotionally mature guy. There are plenty of them to pick from.

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I completely got it from the start. Oversimplified it to get a laugh. Didn't mean to distract from your very valid add...

An inexperienced person does get a little slack sometimes. Its why we so often ask about age. Somebody who has been in the game a lot longer should have progressed... different learning curve, we would hope. Still doesn't mean he gets a pass if he's young... but we're less tolerant of the experienced person who should have bought a clue or two by then...

But I want to say he has been the game long enough! Is it the fact he is tied down and this is the longest relationship we both have held that causes these issues? I mean we are young but we sometimes can be awful together... We never were friends to start with either.

PS: We have dated in high school once before and we broke it off and got back together 2 yrs later

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Originally Posted by lea_09

But I wanna say he has been the game long enough! Is it the fact he is tied down and this is the longest relationship we both have held that causes these issues? I mean we are young but we sometimes can be awful together...We never were friends to start off with either.

PS: We have dated in high school once before and we broke it off and got back together 2 yrs later

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Neither of you have been in this game long enough... trust me... you will understand this when you are older. You can't see it at this point from your perspective. Between 18 and 24 you go through a huge maturation process. Take a look at some 16 year olds... almost funny right? Well, when you are 24 (usually when you are out of college and understand YOU are responsible for your own life) you will think the same about people your age now. It does slow down a lot after 30... it never really stops, just slows down a lot until you end up drooling in an old folks home wearing depends.

That is almost crazy to say. But I believe that a guy's brain maturation is not fully developed until 26. Even then 34 year olds can act like idiots. I think we can maybe use this as life experiences.

OK I have some thoughts. But really the only thing echoing in my head is he had sex with a lesbian? That's just giving me a chuckle.

Sounds like a Jerry Springer script :cool:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Sounds like a Jerry Springer script :cool:

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Maybe the need to go on Jerry Springers show!:D

Why in the worl would you want to have a life with this guy!

Because he is my best friend too and my first love. Yeah it is drama but I would rather be on Doctor Oz.

Good you have a sense of humor and Dr. Oz is a cutie. I hope you realize we are only try to help. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just think this guy is not good enough for you. Seems he likes to inflict more pain by telling you of his exploits.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and felt good about yourself? You are someone important. You are on this earth for a purpose. Don't let him take away any more joy from your life. Blessings and once again I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.:o

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Originally Posted by lea_09

Because he is my best friend too and my first love. Yeah it is drama but I would rather be on Doctor Oz.

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I suspect that you will have better friends and better loves than this.

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Originally Posted by lea_09

Because he is my best friend too and my first love. Yeah it is drama but I would rather be on Doctor Oz.

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All the more reason to move on. He's your first love... therefore you can't possibly know how much better it can be than it is with him.

Take our word for it... it can be and usually is better. You never forget your first love... but conversely... they very rarely ever make the best partner for life.

If I married my first love I would have been divorced ten times over by now! Oh yes, we dated three years and he was my first everything. Thank god I matured is all I can say. You will get over him quickly trust me. Don't put much value on him. Unless this is how you like to be treated.

Lea, a first love is almost always a first love. Emphasize the word 'first'. 'First' means that there will be more. What makes a 'first love' so special is that nothing comes before it. It isn't like it won a competition and came in 'first' place. Other loves can be stronger and last longer.

Part of maturing emotionally is recognizing that some relationships aren't what we think they are or what we want them to be. With that recognition comes the understanding that we have to let them go. It hurts, but we learn and create better tools to build stronger relationships. We learn what we want in a relationship (friends as well as romantic) and, hopefully, how to stay away from what we don't want.

'Best' friends aren't always what they seem. A 'best' friend doesn't go out of their way to cause pain to someone they care about. Your 'boyfriend', at best, tried to cause you pain. Whether he actually cheated or not doesn't matter, he wanted you to think he did. Those types of 'games' destroy relationships and show that he isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.

Good luck with any decisions you make about this person. Please, keep in mind that there is always more advice and help here whether you keep him or get rid of him.

First love is just that! I married my first love, who turned into a brutal, abusive monster. Be careful what you wish for!

You guys gave amazing advice. I believe that we need time to change and mature. But what if things are getting kind of better. I mean we aren't fighting and he is being supportive about school in the same town. And he made plans to pay for my college because he gets extra money from his scholarships. He sounded sincere and he told me randomly while we were watching a movie. I mean he seems willing to change and I am happy he is doing it. What else is there that I am missing besides maybe I should just move on?

I wish you luck. Do not let him lull you back into a sense of all is well. Once a cheater cheats it's always hard to trust him.

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Originally Posted by lea_09

You guys gave amazing advice. I believe that we need time to change and mature. But what if things are getting kinda better. I mean we aren't fighting and he is being supportive about school in the same town. And he made plans to pay for my college because he gets extra money from his scholarships. He sounded sincere and he told me randomly while we were watching a movie. I mean he seems willing to change and I am happy he is doing it. What else is there that I am missing besides maybe I should just move on?

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He isn't changing... he's pretending tio change. And what do you mean he gets extra money for HIS scholarships? I don't think that's HIS money to throw around for anything but his own education (not from what "I" understand about scholarships, they all have conditions)... besides. How are you going to possibly know what good is, and what great can be if this is your only perspective.

Besides... "he sounded sincere"... really? Man if I gould tell you the times a woman... and I do mean many more than one... "Sounded Sincere" you would not bleieve me. People say what they want when they think it will get them what they want. And when its not in their nature to do so... which is always the case in a lie... they go right back to what they normally do. Which caused the problem in the first place.

While occaisional disagreements are common with couples even just dating... frequent fights are not. When you are dating you are on your best behaviour... when you get married that all goes out the door... then its "Suprise" look what you just bought.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

He isn't changing...he's pretending tio change. And what do you mean he gets extra money for HIS scholarships? I don't think thats HIS money to throw around for anything but his own education (not from what "I" understand about scholarships, they all have conditions)....besides. How are you going to possibly know what good is, and what great can be if this is your only perspective.

Besides...."he sounded sincere"......really? Man if I gould tell you the times a woman.....and I do mean many more than one.... "Sounded Sincere" you would not bleieve me. People say what they want when they think it will get them what they want. And when its not in their nature to do so....which is always the case in a lie....they go right back to what they normally do. Which caused the problem in the first place.

While occaisional disagreements are common with couples even just dating....frequent fights are not. When you are dating you are on your best behaviour.... when you get married that all goes out the door....then its "Suprise" look what you just bought.

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Lea... I hope you find happiness and peace in your life! Nobody needs all the worry you have in this relationship. Get away and have NC for awhile and see what happens. You need to let him know you are not going to let him punish you for the rest of your life over one mistake. You'll gain more respect from him if you stand up for yourself.

You're intelligent and I believe your searching for true peace in your heart. You deserve to be happy and you need to get off this rollercoaster and find you again. You are in my prayers little girl. Be strong:)

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Originally Posted by lea_09

And he made plans to pay for my college because he gets extra money from his scholarships.

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Why in the world should he pay for your college? I just see this as a conflict of interest... one in which you will force yourself to become dependent on a person who has recently been a jerk to you...

Great that you aren't fighting. Let me know how it is when there is drama... because it is easy when its easy... its when there is conflict that the real colors of the relationship comes through.

So... a person doesn't mature this fast. He might be rethinking and retooling and he might be making real mental changes that could play out well. Lord knows I'm grateful for second and third chances after the dumb things I've done...

But of all of the recent developments, I'm most concerned that you are going to be tied to him financially for school. Might be easy on the wallet for you, but there could be a price to pay.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

He isn't changing...he's pretending tio change. And what do you mean he gets extra money for HIS scholarships? I don't think thats HIS money to throw around for anything but his own education (not from what "I" understand about scholarships, they all have conditions)....besides. How are you going to possibly know what good is, and what great can be if this is your only perspective.

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I don't see what you're saying about my 'perspective'. I mean sure it is sweet of him to offer that. He get's a full ride for tennis and he gets an extra 30g per year for grades from merits. He receives cash so he gets to choose what he wants to do with it. And his parents already put away so much money for him and his brother that they might buy another house in the college town where we will be this fall. I don't think I am digging a hole, but I believe he is more dependent on me for happiness. We stopped fighting, but now I am doing what my friends do with their bfs just fight because I need attention. I love attention and I am so use to getting it from everybody and he usually gives me attention because he always likes to hang out alone. The reasons are irrelevant to why he likes to (we still have friends around us occasionally but he has always been like that since I can remember in high school).

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Originally Posted by lea_09

I don't see what you're saying about my 'perspective'. I mean sure it is sweet of him to offer that. He get's a full ride for tennis and he gets an extra 30g per year for grades from merits. He recieves cash so he gets to choose what he wants to do with it. And his parents already put away so much money for him and his brother that they might buy another house in the college town where we will be this fall. I don't think I am digging a hole, but I believe he is more dependent on me for happiness. We stopped fighting, but now I am doing what my friends do with their bfs just fight bc I need attention. I love attention and I am so use to getting it from everybody and he usually gives me attention bc he always likes to hang out alone. The reasons are irrelevant to why he likes to (we still have friends around us occasionally but he has always been like that since I can remember in high school).

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What you don't want to be is "High Maintenance" any guy will tire of a prima-donna eventually. They want a partner, not a project. I've known several High maintenance women over the years... I walked away from all of them, none was even half as special as they believed they were. In fact, my wife was twice the woman all of them were, combined, and had none of the "look at me, I'm so special" arrogance they had. Just a down to earth, this is who I am type who never pretended to be anything more than she was.


As far as his grants go... he may appear to have excess funds... but he needs to be careful. Grants come with conditions... nobody throws money at someone else and tells them, do ANYTHING you want with it. Its always assumed to be for him and his personal expenses. You can't assume otherwise or you are opening yourself as well as him up for a lot of trouble. Consider the fact that if there were conditiions they can come after that money for misuse. You don't want to be there. One thing I've learned over the years... just because someone says something, doesn't make it true. Particularly when you are young and trying to impress others. In other words, believe only what you can verify yourself.

The late Ronald Regan said it best... "Trust, but verify"

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Originally Posted by smoothy

What you don't want to be is "High Maintenance" any guy will tire of a prima-donna eventually. They want a partner, not a project. I've known several High maintenance women over the years....I walked away from all of them, none was even half as special as they believed they were. In fact, my wife was twice the woman all of them were, combined, and had none of the "look at me, I'm so special" arrogance they had. Just a down to earth, this is who I am type who never pretended to be anything more than she was.


As far as his grants go.....he may appear to have excess funds....but he needs to be careful. Grants come with conditions....nobody throws money at someone else and tells them, do ANYTHING you want with it. Its always assumed to be for him and his personal expenses. You can't assume otherwise or you are opening yourself as well as him up for a lot of trouble. Consider the fact that if there were conditiions they can come after that money for misuse. You don't want to be there. One thing I've learned over the years....just because someone says something, doesn't make it true. Particularly when you are young and trying to impress others. In other words, believe only what you can verify yourself.

The late Ronald Regan said it best...."Trust, but verify"

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Lea, why don't you merge this thread with the how to gain trust again.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

One thing I've learned over the years....just because someone says something, doesn't make it true. Particularly when you are young and trying to impress others. In other words, believe only what you can verify yourself.

The late Ronald Regan said it best...."Trust, but verify"

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Well, true. I am kind of tired of him saying something then doing another thing. I can't trust him with a lot of things now. I try to but I feel like I can't take it anymore. I am like in tears now because I try to talk to him during the day but he ignores me. I mean it is nice you tell the person that you got something to do like homework and you can't talk. I can't take it anymore and I am doing the crappy break up and ignoring him and not ever talking to him. I mean it is hard, but he is hitting me where it hurts and he hasn't given me one good reason why he loves me or wants to be with me. I am tired of it.

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Originally Posted by lea_09

Well, true. I am kinda tired of him saying something then doing another thing. I can't trust him with a lot of things now. I try to but I feel like I can't take it anymore. I am like in tears now because I try to talk to him during the day but he ignores me. I mean it is nice you tell the person that you got something to do like homework and you can't talk. I can't take it anymore and I am doing the crappy break up and ignoring him and not ever talking to him. I mean it is hard, but he is hitting me where it hurts and he hasn't given me one good reason why he loves me or wants to be with me. I am tired of it.

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You need to get out of it and do some soul searching. I think you need time alone.:)

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Originally Posted by lea_09

Well, true. I am kinda tired of him saying something then doing another thing. I can't trust him with a lot of things now. I try to but I feel like I can't take it anymore. I am like in tears now because I try to talk to him during the day but he ignores me. I mean it is nice you tell the person that you got something to do like homework and you can't talk. I can't take it anymore and I am doing the crappy break up and ignoring him and not ever talking to him. I mean it is hard, but he is hitting me where it hurts and he hasn't given me one good reason why he loves me or wants to be with me. I am tired of it.

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I think you may have been told that this is what you need to do and have ignored it so far , I really hope you've seen the light and just DO IT.

Why would you stay with someone who you can't trust anyway , it's beyond me :rolleyes: