I was with my ex for 2.5 yrs. She has three kids with two different dads

Our difficulties were due to our exes. Her ex would tzt her things such as telll your loser boyfriend how many times we have had sex while you have been together. My ex would text her dumb things too. I believe her ex husband though.

She left her 3 kids for almost a year and moved in with me. The kids were with their dads. She left her ex husband to be with me.

She has broken up with me before. One time she went to the club one day after the break up and gets drunk and gives her ph number to someone she says she hardly remember how he looks. We got back together 3 days later and she changed her numbeer. She broke up with me a month later and left on a trip with a gfriend of her. I saw a pic of her on myspace with some dude kissing her cheek and hugging her and her gfriend next to her she had a big smile. She said it was some random dud that wanted a poic with them but then left.

So two weeks ago I chk her ph and she said she erased a text from her ex because it was dumb and probably meant foir someone else and she didn't remember what it said. So I got mad. And she kicked me out of her house. We yelled and pushed each other around so her kid saw. Then she yells to bever call her again and to not look for her.

4 days later we go out dancing she was hesitating to hug or kiss me. We end up making love that night but she says were not back together.

So I continue to call her and confess my love for her and to try again. She says not and seems annoyed. Telling me she wants space and wants to b a lone. So I keep calling her and finally she yells at me to back off and to stop calling and calls me a loser a pest and a piece of crap.


She calls five times and text me that she looked for me at home and I wasntg there and to forget about her.

I go to her hojuse the next day and she says she looked for me because she was drinking and got horny and she felt comforftable with me. We make love again that mornkng bjt she says that right now she doesn't want a relationship but like to make love to me because of comfort. And then she says she won't stop going out. But would like to keep it simple. I told her no that I wans t a sexual object.

I don't know what to do I love her so much.

Lets see - she left her kids, she's lied to you numerous times, she uses you as a "back-up", and she left her husband to move in with you. Sounds like she's a real hum-dinger!

Why would you even consider hanging on to her? Move on and find yourself a real woman who will love you and treat you with respect. You deserve better!

So basically she just wants to have a sexual relationship with you on her terms? Don't you think you deserve a lot more than that? I think it should be all or nothing, and the fact that her ex is telling you that stuff and she doesn't step in speaks volumes to how she thinks of you

I don't even know why I hold on. Friends and family have told me to move on but I don't. I'm stuck in this weird trend. We have gone through so much have told each other so many awful things. She got her kids back almost a year later and told me that she was bringing them to my house and I had to be OK with it or she would move out. So she moved out and went to her moms house where she has been living I told her to bring her kids but then she refused. Now she says she wants her space that she is happier on her own. And tels me she doesn't want to be selfish and she says she knows it sounds like that but she says she don't know if its because she still loves me or that she was just so used to me being around but she doesn't want me to stay away but does want me to back off. I don't know but I love her so much. And it hurts me so much thinking someone else might be around. She says no one else is in the pic. Amd I ask her wshen she has gone out if she gave her number away. She says no but its really none of my business. Yet she wants me in her life without strings attached. She mentioned that two guys fought over talking to her and that I was funny to her because she wasn't even talking to them like that. And that many guys tried to talk to her but she didn't give hthme the time of day. I'm so dammed confused. I don't want to give up. I have my flaws too and sometimes blame myself. Because I used to try to tell her what to wear. To not wear clothes that make her seem so sexy or would ask her all the time if guys talked to her or hit on her. It might be because of a lot of things she has done. And how we met. We met working together. Started as friends and we both were with other people. We then hooked up and we left our sig others. We used to do many crazy things while at work if you know what I mean. We worked at a hospital night shift. I don't work there anymore. So a lot of jealousy on my part because she was working during the day time but then she went to night shift. So I began to questoion a lot more because of the way we met. We used to go down to her office where no one was around. So I started to think she would do that with other people. But the problem right now is that she doesn't want to try anymore and today she said she was sorry for asking me to stay around to be making love to her. She says sorry it won't happen again. She says may be in the future we might find each other again and try to see if we work if it was meant to be. Help please. I'm confused

You have been dumped by a very loose woman, who used your feelings for her own selfish needs.

What should you do? Be happy as hell she didn't bring her kids to move in with you, and really put the screws to you.

You dodged a bullet, got sex, and now your free to think on your own. Be happy with that.

I text her yesterday y she continued to keep my hopes up and telling me she was confused and still loved me and missed me and she responded the following. Look Alex I've already told u we are over... although I do miss u... I don't miss all the arguing... I'm sorry but. Don't think we will ever be together again.. things are peaceful now. And I'm not stressed anymore...

So I ask her if there was someone else in her life and she send me this.I already told u no... there doesn't have to b anyone with me to not b with u... I've made up my mind. Move on... bye

What the heck went wrong. Why is she acting like this when she still says she loves me and misses me and no one else is in her life.

Oh my gosh, haven't you figured this out yet? She only wants someone she can use, and who lets her do whatever she wants. Despite your feelings, unless you want to be a puppy dog, leave her alone.

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I ask her when she has gone out if she gave her number away. She says no but its really none of my business. Yet she wants me in her life without strings attached.

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That should be enough to tell you that the sex was all she was after in the first place.

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Started as friends and we both were with other people. We then hooked up and we left our sig others.

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So you gave up a lot to be with this work place booty call, and fell for her. But what you fail to realize is her feelings for whatever reasons changed, and the meaning of her words of love were not as serious as you took them.

Plus, and you even admit, because of how she acted with you when you met, you thought she was that way with others as well. So you were needy and smothering with your actions, and as she says that changed her feelings.

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So I ask her if there was someone else in her life and she send me this.I already told u no... there doesn't have to b anyone with me to not b with u... I've made up my mind. Move on... bye

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She has been clear, she is through with you, even as a booty call, and now you have to leave her alone, or stay confused, and keep trying, and make yourself more foolish in her eyes as she goes about your business.

You have mixed up lust, with love, and need to face reality and accept, there was no love, just words, and the lust is gone, so this thing is over.

To keep chasing now, will only bring more misery and pain. Time to let go.

Well update. We communicated yesterday by text. Trust me she is short one words answers. But then she replies or text someththing totally irrelevant just to make me think she's talking to another guy so I ask her. And she denies that she is that its accidental. So I get mad and fwd a voicemail mail from a good friend of mine asking me to call her back. She gets up set and says. "Well, here u go this msg was not meant for u" she forwards me a pic of her getting out of the shower half picture. Her smiling almost showing her nipples. So in the message its says "thinking of u, I hope u like!" U could tell it was really a message she sent someone. So I call her and told her that since she's being sleezy I was going to fwd to her dad. Lmao. So then she's like well I made that message up I never sent a pic like that to anyone. I only took the pic because I have started the gym aagin and wanted to see how good I look. Oh my god this is eating me up it feels like torture. I'm so stupidly in love with her yet she continues to tell me to let it go that we will never be together again. She even told me that I was the one that talked her out of keeping only a sexual relationship with her, that she really wanted that because she does still love me and trust me making love to her and because she doesn't want to be with anyone else and also because she doesn't like being alone. HELP DO I DO. I CAN'T GET CLOSURE.

Is your last name Mat? First name Door?

Look, the chick is loose. She already has 2 children by 2 men. She's a loose woman, stop texting her, change your number. There's no telling what diseases she's going to give you. Remember that HIV/AIDS is not curable.

She doesn't want your love or affection, she only wants your penis on HER terms.

Don't you get it? She doesn't love you. She doesn't respect you. At least respect yourself enough to drop the bimbo and get on with your life.

There are so many problems in your situation, here goes:

1) 3 kids, 2 dads, that's an unbelievable amount of baggage.

2) Seems like she's not the type to settle down with 1 man anyway, since she's able to change so often

3) Friends with benefits? How can you be happy with that. You're just setting yourself up for constant heartbreak.

4) No regard for your feelings, just leaving you hanging to dry

5) You've become her booty call, nothing more

6) You're completely infactuated with this woman that every piece of advice you're given, it's not even going in one ear and out the other... it's more like it's blocked at the entrance.

7) If you want to continue to suffer, then go ahead.

8) If you want to heal, then leave her out of your life. Talking to her only prolongs the misery.

9) Check out my signature for NC related threads.

10) Closure comes from within yourself. You don't seek her out to get closure. Looking for her is generating false hope; thus, dragging out the agony.

Thanks guys for the info. Trust me I try to follow advise but for some reason it feels like I can't follow through. It feels like the further I distance myself and not contacting her the faster she will forget about me. She still says she loves me and misses me but right now she like to be on her own without anyone telling her what to do or when to do it.

Dude, you WANT her to forget you! Don't you get that? You don't need to have this disaster in your life. Yes, she is a disaster! A train wreck.

Thank God you don't have a child with this... ummm, well, let's just leave it at that.

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Originally Posted by alex0830

Thanks guys for the info. Trust me I try to follow advise but for some reason it feels like I can't follow through. It feels like the further I distance myself and not contacting her the faster she will forget about me. She still says she loves me and misses me but right now she like to be on her own without anyone telling her what to do or when to do it.

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This is just more evidence that you're not listening to us.

She already knows that you want a serious relationship with her, but her actions are pretty clear that she doesn't want the same thing. You keep hanging on to this false hope of this fantasy with her.

The point of NC is not to win her back. If you read the thread you will know that this is a common misconception. NC is to heal from the break up.

Your life, your choice. We can only give you suggestions.

I'm being a big baby. I know she is not playing nice but u can tell from when we have talked that is a front she's putting. She told me that she doesn't txt or call is to keep herself from hurting herself. That its her defense mechanism and she has practiced it. Shi$$$%znit I'm so torn when we were together we had many very wonderful times. Sex was wonderful. Man we just got from vegas on christmas and we were having a great time and then over a freaking argument we break upp and its all over. And then tomorrow is valentines and she has said she will be bbq with her sister and friends while ill be thinking about her like and idiot. I have tried NC for somedays and then I break it because I don't hear from her and begin thinking that she might have met someone while we were in a rship or the next day we broke up when she went out I start thinking she met someone and now she's having a goodtime with this person. D problem is that in my job I work in a car driving around all day and sometimes there's not much to do and I begin thinking so much I really don't want to say what I do. Although this doesn't interfere with my job when there's nothing to do my mind wonders.

And then knowing every other weekend she doesn't have her kids and she will go out like she said no one including me will stop her from going out to drink or to a bar or to a club. Kills me. Thinking she will hook up with someone. Like she said she never thought she would receive all the attention and how guys were offering to go out with her but she said no. She said girls love that type of attention. That devastates me even more. Making this illusion that another man will be in between her legs and her enjoying it the way she enjoyed with me or more. Gosh sorry guys.

Dude, do you have a low self esteem? Don't you think you could get anything better than a disease ridden ho?

Don't you get it?

*She does not love you.

*She does not respect you.

*You are her boy toy.

*You are a piece of meat.

*She is not a respectable woman.

You really don't understand do you? I mean seriously.

Well its pretty obvious you will be stuck on stupid because all you can think about is the fun your little head was having while she was screwing your big head over. Get a grip will you! The sex was good and all the guys think so, but it should be the way she treats you that you have to pay attention too.

I have no doubt that you will learn the hard way. Have at it. Run head first into that brick wall. Your head is hard, but not as hard as you think. That goes for the little head too.

Ditch the false hope and get your selfrespect back.
What's so attractive about spending time wondering what she is up to?

Edited-https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

She brought myself esteem to the ground. Yet people want to talk to me and I'm hesitant for some reason. May be that was the problem in this relationship. I questioned about everything. But also there was reason to question


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

I highly suggest you get your dignity, and self respect back, by worrying about you and what your doing, and not what she could be up to.

Sadly your letting yourself get carried away by past good sex, jealousy, and have thrown good old fashion common sense to the curb.

Hope you find it soon, as you can no longer blame her for YOUR issues. It doesn't matter what she did, since you let her, but its about what you do now that counts.

This stinks. Valentines alone. My dumbbutt ga ve her a gift and a valentines card with a whole lot of feeling. She said thank you and teared up when she read it. We had a short kiss but then it was over and she told me that I'm better off without her. I'm lost without her.

Time to find yourself without her now.

I am so mad at myself and sad. On valenitines day come on guys. Her daughter was texting me and telling me her mommy left her with her 2 other kids and grandma and granpa are asleep. That her mommy told her she was coming back later on at night and that she was dressed up in a skirt and heels and a nice shirt. Come on she freaking told e she was going to her sisters. Why including today does she lie in my face that there's no one involved. Where else is she going to go on valentines at 8pm because her sister was at her house. Omg I'm so mad. This woman is a 28yr old with 3 kids and doesn't have the descensy to be honest. Y? I'm 25 with no kids and I can't seem to move on. What the hell is my problem

Dude, Valentines Day is created by Hallmark. Yes, I am a woman and I despise this day. It's a reason to spend money. Life, love and happiness occurs every day, not just once a year.

Y would a woman lie so bluntly in my face that there's no one around. Y can't I hate this woman or thing whatever the hell she is. Obviously she doesn't have feelings. Its clear cut that she had a date and left her kids. Y does she continue to say there's no one involved.

Geez dude, what do you expect from a female who uses men for sex? Now you know that such people exist, accept it, and the bullet you barely dodged. Just figure she had to replace you with somebody... anybody. Celebrate!!

I understand. But its hard when you fall deep in love with someone. I just hate people lying in my face. I mean if she tells me to move on and to back off that she's happier and don't want to be with me. Shot she even told me I talked her out of the whole having sex with me thing

If you keep staying in contact with her or getting updates about her, you're just going to prolong the pain and misery.

When you are ready to let go, then you need 1000% NC.

Every time you talk to her, you're going to reset all the progress you've made. Based on your posts, you have zero progress because you are constantly trying to communicate with her. So you're just going to keep on suffering.

When you're ready to let her go, know that the NC rules are there for you to help you heal from the break up.

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So I keep calling her and finally she yells at me to back off and to stop calling and calls me a loser a pest and a piece of crap. I go to her house the next day and she says she looked for me because she was drinking and got horny and she felt comfortable with me. We make love again that morning but she says that right now she doesn't want a relationship but like to make love to me because of comfort. And then she says she won't stop going out. But would like to keep it simple. I told her no that I wasn't a sexual object.

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I think you have to examine exactly what it was you were so in love with, as she seemed really clear what her feelings were. Yes its hard when we get rejected, and have to accept that things won't work, but all the feelings in the world cannot change all that, or stop the hurting. Maybe there is no one else, just her having fun doing her thing, but that's not the important part as I don't see her being more honest than she could be, but you not seeing that this will never work.

Nice rant though, and venting those feelings helps.

You've had one lucky escape.
Go no contact and stay no contact.
Take control of your own life and avoid her at all costs.

I am sorry about the breakup, but before you can move on you need to accept the reality of your situation. You broke up, it’s over. Let reality sink in. Don’t allow yourself to harbor secret fantasies of getting back together or how she’s going to come crawling back to you. Respect that this chapter of your life has closed and tell yourself that you’re going to have to get over it and move on. It didn’t work out and it probably wasn’t meant to be. Accept that fact and move on.

You need to realize that she’s making a fool out of you. She’s playing games with your heart. You need to go complete NC with her. Don’t talk to her at all - no text, no calls, no emails. Change your phone number then she can’t text!

If you really feel like you’re falling apart over all of this you should consider talking to a counselor. Gain back your life and self respect. You need to heal and get healthy again before you can find the real woman of your dreams.

Guys I really appreciate all of your suggestions. It gives me a bit of relief. And yes I am the type of person that has to express their feelings. Thank GOD I found this site. Really guys I am a very good person and nice yes I admit I do have my flaws but not to the extent this girl is treating. Its like she's a cold blooded person with no feeling for anything or anyone. I help people out with their problems and in general but this problem hit home which I need help for. I fell for this girl totally and loved her more than words can describe. She was my world my princess my all and I received this great disappointment. So please don't get mad if I express myself constantlybut I lost many of my friends and my social life due to this woman.

Never, ever, make another person your "world." ALWAYS keep a sense of identity and independence. All you will get out of making someone your "world" is loneliness and desperation.

We won't get mad at you for ranting and venting, as we have all had to learn the same life lessons you are learning now.

Sorry you have to go through the pain of learning the realities of life.

So ranting, and venting, is good, even crying! That's why they make beer, so guys have a place to hide their tears (JK?)

You'll be okay when the dust settles.

Friends I'm sorry to tell u but this woman just killed every bit of self esteem and every bit of happiness I had. I returned a ph call and she ended up acting like I was bothering her so she finally tells me she did meet someone that she is talking to since Friday and she did it because of the voicemail I forwarded and that she has moved on so I hang up and she calls back laughing saying that she is trying everything for me to stop cqalling her and again she ended up saying that she didn't meet anyone but that this is none of my biz. Fine guys tear me up. I guess I have no self dignity. I'm so low to the ground that it's a challenge for me to come back up. Honestly it has taken a toll on me physically as well I feel weak and just want to sleep it off. This has hurt me so much. How can she be so cruel to me when all I have down is pour my heart to her. How can I deserve that.

Again-go NO contact and stop calling,returning calls and getting text and whatever updates.
No contact,act as if you've dropped off the face of the Earth.
You need to seriously detox from this toxic mess.
You can only do that if you cut ALL contact-preferably yesterday!

Rebuild your selfesteem,get in touch with your friends,get your life back.

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This has hurt me so much. How can she be so cruel to me when all I have done is pour my heart to her. How can I deserve that.

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Well geez guy, you poured your heart out to the wrong person, as evidence by what she did to it.

It was like putting your hand in a gators mouth, and being surprised he bit it off.

Toot... toot...

All aboard the Pain Train!

Like Tal said, if you stick your hand in boiling water and expect not to be burnt, you're dense. Stop calling and stop answering her phone calls. Change your number if you have too

Oh gosh. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It feels like torture. I haven't called or txt this woman in one day. Lol. And it hurts. And she is probably having fun and relieved I don't contact her. Man how can women be so rough like this. I mean really how can they b so cold. Will she ever call or txt. I have read the book by george karanastasis m.d. how to get your ex back and it does talk about no contact it says u help yourself out abd eventually she will begin to wonder and her curiosity will b so much she will call u. I lost my thumb drive and lost the book so I can't get it back. Have to buy it againn.then he talks about limited contact. Limites adjuste contact. I'm confused