So me and my boyfriend has been dating for almost 2 years. We've only had sex twice. We tried to develop a friendship before we deicde to have serious relationship. We recently had a conversation about aresex life. He told me that we have a issue with our sex life. He told me that I am very inexperienced and he is very experience so it's a lot I have to learn and its hard because he's not easily turned on. He said he's been wanting to talk to me but he didn't know how. Now when he said that my confidence level went down. So I told him how am I going to give him what he want if we don't talk about, he don't tell me what he like, wants, or turns him on. Now I'm going crazy trying to find ways to catch him by surprise and give it to him like he never expect me to. I've bought toys, porn movies, and is currently reading a book about men and sex. It obvious that we are both umcomfortable with subject but I want to get over the nearvousness and put it on him especially since he says I'm inexperienced. So my questions are:

1. How do I initiate sex to him?
2.what do men like?
3. what don't men like?
What are things I should do to make him want it?
4. what should I do to let him know I want it?
5. what are ways to get me comfortable to initiate sex with him?

How old are you?

22 yrs old

Just curious, what country are you from?

Anyway, have you ever tried wearing costumes, like a nurses outfit or anything sexy to get him turned on?

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Originally Posted by adam_89

like a nurses outfit

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Too funny... I'm sitting on my sofa in mine right now!! :p Ummm, I AM a nurse.;)

USA. The very first time we had sex I wore lingerie which worked. But I think it tuned him on because I was new to him as far assex. He never tried me before so that turned him on. The problem is that I never had to initiate anything in my past relationship so its uncomfortable to do it now and I don't think I know how.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Too funny....I'm sitting on my sofa in mine right now!!! :p Ummm, I AM a nurse.;)

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That is hilarious. Nurses are sexy. My girlfriend has one.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

USA. the very first time we had sex i wore lingerie which worked. but i think it tuned him on because i was new to him as far assex. he never tried me before so that turned him on. the problem is that i never had to initiate anything in my past relationship so its uncomfortable to do it now and i dont think i know how.

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Well, I find it very weird in your situation. You shouldn't have to be the one to initiate it. It also weird that you have only had sex twice and he doesn't want it more. Does he watch a lot of porn? You guys need to be more comfortable with each other and talk about it. You guys have been together for 2 years and you aren't comfortable talking about it. Don't you find that weird?

Yes I find it weird. Before he had a lot going and he was very stressed with family. I didn't see him that much because he was in out of the hospital for family. He told me we want it but then he start thinking about the stress he has in his life and it puts him out of the mood. One time we were getting ready to have sex and all of a sudden he stopped and got real emotional. We don't watch porn. At least not with each other. He said he want me to initiate it sometimes but when I do try to in the way I know how either by telling him, sending little text messages. He be like OK but then we never do it. I don't know so that make me want to not initiate and even more uncomfortable to try. But just yesterday he said he don't know how to teach me to be more experienced but we will work on are little issues. I mean it it a bad thing to be inexperience to a male perspective?

Talk.

Talk some more.

KEEP talking.

If you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be having it, anyway.

And if he can't tell you what turns HIM on, well... that's a problem too.

Keep talking to EACH OTHER about it. Strangers aren't going to know what turns HIM on--you'd have a better idea than we would on that.

The OTHER side of this situation is this: NO ONE PARTNER in a relationship should have to do all of the chasing. He needs to learn to initiate too.

If he says he wants it then he needs to show it, Not just you. It isn't your job to do all the work. It takes two to tango you know? He sounds like he has a few issues and you both need to work them out.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

1. How do i initiate sex to him?
2.what do men like?
3. what dont men like?
what are things i should do to make him want it?
4. what should i do to let him kno i want it?
5. what are ways to get me comfortable to initiate sex with him?

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First off, the man has issues... If you have been dating 2 years and only had sex TWICE and he has issues getting excited... the problem is all his... A normal guy that age would be so excited and ready he would almost finish before he got his pants off. Sounds like he has ED (erectile dysfunction) and isn't mature enough to own up with the fact its his body and its his problem to deal with.

I'm 48, I neither have a problem getting excited nor getting hard. An early 20 something should get hard just seeing some cleavage and nothing more.


Now for specific answers to the questions...

#1 - That's really the easiest thing there.. usually nothing more than "I'm ready" is needed.

#2 AND #3. There is no simple answer to these.. what really gets one guy in a frenzy might turn the next one off. But we really are easy to please on the average.

#4 - Guys are notoriously bad at reading women's minds... you can be direct or beat around the bush a bit... whatever suits your personality best is what you should use. You have to be comfortabile with whatever you choose. Don't assume we know what you are thinking... we don't.

#5 - THAT is something you have to find because what works for one woman might not be right for the next. A secret is however... when you are truly ready... you will be comfortabile in the situation. Excitement and anxiety are not the same emotion... know the differences.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

... we recently had a conversation about aresex life. he told me that we have a issue with our sex life. he told me that i am very inexperienced and he is very experience so its a lot i have to learn and its hard because he's not easily turned on...

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I forgot to address this part earlier.

First off, that's pretty damn rude of him to say... 2 times and he is an expert about your potiential in bed? Hell, maybe after 20 it would be possible to critique someone but almost never after only 2 times.

And my BullSh*t meter is pegging on his comment about "how experienced he is". I'm willing to bet cold hard cash he doesn't really know his way around a female body beyond the very basic anatomy. VERY few 20 anthing guys do... even though they will boast all day and night about "HOW MUCH" they know about women... I'm usually stifling hysterical laughter every time I hear a young guy say that. What they really know is usually inversely porportional to their level of cockiness. I.E. The more they brag (or the cockier they are) the less they really know.

I have to address something here.

He says that you're inexperienced, that it's your fault that the sex isn't good? Well, for someone with so much experience he certainly doesn't seem to be very good at initiating things, or talking things through.

I have a feeling that his version of experience is that fact that a few girls said yes, he got it up, he got it in and no one got pregnant or complained.

Just because he's had sex more often then you, doesn't mean he's experienced. In fact, if he's a 20 something like you, I can guarantee that he has a lot to learn. A lot!

A few other posters have mentioned this already, but it's worth mentioning again. The key to good sex is good communication. If you can't talk openly to each other about what you like and don't like, if one partner puts all the pressure on the other, then you're not going to have good sex. Heck, you're not going to have any sex.

Personally I'd sit him down and say "If you're so darn experienced then why aren't you doing anything about this?"

Tell him that you're frustrated.

Whatever you do, do not let him belittle you. So what if you're not experienced? That's not a bad thing. Practice makes perfect. :)

More of the story:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-416829.html

This is probably going to seem harsh:

After reading your merged threads from November, I think you need a new boyfriend. He isn't one. He is a moocher and user.

I don't think it matters what you do to entice him in the bedroom. He is still going to keep putting up walls and using you for every thing except sex. Quite frankly, I wonder if he doesn't have someone else taking care of those needs.

This isn't about how experienced you are in bed, but how naïve you are in the relationship. Stand up for your self-esteem and let him find another person to play his games with.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

i want him because i love him.

i accept him for who is but its obvious that he knows how to be affectionte because he can be affectionate with his family and when he wants something but why not all the time. i'm try to figure out if he loves me or not.

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That is a red flag that is bigger than the Grand Canyon.

I wonder just how good this relationship is in areas other that the sex part.

Well first, he's 26 yreas old. Does that make a difference? And I thought that it was an excuse too. I admit that I'm not the greatest in relationships and I've never had a problem with any male saying that I'm inexperienced so it caught me by surprise especially since we haven't had much sex.

Our relationship has been bumpy throughout the 2 years we've been together. But after we broke up and June and got back together, things have gotten a lot better. Everything he said he couldn't do in the past, he started doing. As far as being more affectionate, spending more time, showing he cares, and helping me.

I admit are communications skills are horrible. It has always been. Welve gotten better but its still not where it should be. We can talk about are day and what not but when it comes to things a little more personally, we tend to not talk about it. He even said he wanted to talk to me about are issues we are having in bed but he didn't know how. I just feel like this more of a bigger issue and I should give up because I am worrying too much about. And the fact that if I come on to him he might not like it.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

our relationship has been bumpy throughout the 2 years we've been together. But after we broke up and june and got back together, things have gotten a lot better. Everything he said he couldn't do in the past, he started doing. As far as being more affectionate, spending more time, showing he cares, and helping me.

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This along with his being able to be 'affectionate when he wants something' makes me believe that he doesn't want to give up everything else you give him. He is giving just enough to keep you playing his game.

Please be honest about how much has changed since November when you first posted a question about your relationship with him?

I know you feel like you have put two years of effort into this relationship and, like a lot of others before you, don't want to give up on what you see as an investment. However, it seems that you have been the one actually putting any kind of effort into it. I think that if you were with a man who gave as much as he takes that you wouldn't be here asking us for extremely basic information.

I wish you all the best and, if you still want tips on 'spicing up' the relationship (or another relationship-after healing from this one), I will be happy to give you ideas.

Well, I think it all sounds extremely weird.

Firstly, why do you have to read books and talk about having sex - why aren't you both in bed, on the floor, in the car, in the yard - just doing it?

The best way to find out about sex and get the experience is just to DO it. You guys are in your 20's and your level of so called 'experience' shouldn't matter - sex twice in two years? - very, very odd.

Something is inherently wrong at the core of this relationship and it goes waaay beyond the lack of sex.

You seem to be investing a lot in this guy over 2 years - giving him your money, time and affection - what has he given you in return apart from taking your money and putting the blame for everything back on to you? Very little, by the sounds of it.

I think that as the new year unfolds, you need to give some serious thought as to whether this is the sort of relationship you want to make further investments in. The return from your investment is pretty poor. I wouldn't be investing here.

I think that he is trying to use your lack of experience as a weapon to get you to do something that you are not ready for.

Don't ever be forced, or be made to FEEL forced, into doing something that you don't want to do.

Edit: Reading your other posts I see the whole story. He is using you plain and simple. You are wasting your time, and money, on a guy like him.
Sex will come natural with someone who loves and respects you.

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Originally Posted by Tanzania

well first, he's 26 yreas old. Does that make a difference? And I thought that it was an excuse too. I admit that I'm not the greatest in relationships and I've never had a problem with any male saying that I'm inexperienced so it caught me by surprise especially since we haven't had much sex.

our relationship has been bumpy throughout the 2 years we've been together. But after we broke up and june and got back together, things have gotten a lot better. Everything he said he couldn't do in the past, he started doing. As far as being more affectionate, spending more time, showing he cares, and helping me.

I admit are communications skills are horrible. It has always been. Welve gotten better but its still not where it should be. We can talk about are day and what not but when it comes to things a lil more personally, we tend to not talk about it. He even said he wanted to talk to me about are issues we are having in bed but he didn't know how. I just feel like this more of a bigger issue and I should give up because I am worrying too much about. And the fact that if I come on to him he might not like it.

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Age has little to do with it... older guys SHOULD have more erxperience (but not always)... but a jerk is still a jerk regardless of how old they are.

Occaisional disagreements are going to be normal... but it seems like you are constantly having them... and that tells me you don't have a relationship... you just choose to hang out with a guy that shares none of your personal interests. Particularly after 2 years of this. What is it... do you not want to find a better guy than this one? All the signs have been telling you he ISN'T Mr. Right... he IS Mr. Issues... or Mr. Wrong.

If you were meant to be together you would have few disagreements and few problems...

Me and this guy broke up for two months and got back together. Things got better. He started doing way more than he did before we broken up. It just seems like he progresses slowly. So I guess when I see him progress I little bit I have hope that our issues will be resolved. I guess that's why I stay. But now I don't know. I guess now I'm getting tired of him. I feel like he just makes excuses as to why he don't want to have sex with me. I really don't understand why he don't want to. I'm tired of putting effort in to trying to have sex with him and make this relationship work.

People don't make major changes without a life altering experience... like having been on the brink of death.

Otherwise they temporarily start doing what they think someone else wants... but almost always eventually fall back into their old way of doing things.

Is he masturbating? Low sex drive? Seems to me he's making excuses about your lack of experience. That's just my opinion. I think when someone wants to be with you, they want to be with you, that includes sex. Again, just my opinion.

I find it hard to understand this cause to me sex takes the stress away ,but we are all different and like Synnen said Talk Talk Talk but maybe about where he can release the strees before you get into sex