Where to start...
I am Bi but my friend thinks I am fully straight, I only know him a matter of months and already I have fallen head over heals for him! So much so it is effecting my daily life.
To add to the comfusion... everyone around me thinks he is Gay and coming onto me, I
I see things he does to me and the way he acts around me, its far more in my eyes than a friend would just do. I have some very close froends and they would not act this way to me.
I am being called pet, darling all that crap by him and I don't know if he's messing or what now. He has a girlfriend and she hates me, she even feels really uncomfortable when he's around me.
Is there anyway of me finding out what is going on? I really am going mad wondering about it.. Any advice would be greatly appricated

Exactly. You're going mad wondering about it. Why don't you ask him what his intentions are.. That really is, the only way to know for sure.
p.s. If he has a girlfriend, he is off-limits, so don't even think about it.

Ask him, talk about it

Hi, Patrick Brown!

Yes, why don't you just straight-up and ask him about it?

Thanks!

Thanks for the replys, I think if he is just a touchy feely friend. I really couldn't handle it if I lost him :(
He must see something because he accused me when he was drunk of trying to break him and his girlfriend up. Bu when I asked him he told me "he dosent know why he said that to me".
I think there is a lot going on that is unexplained but at the same time I am starting to wonder am I only seeing what I want to see?

Either way, he has a girlfriend.

Stop seeing what you hope to see, because he's taken.

IF at some point in the future, you're BOTH single at the same time, then discuss it. Otherwise, back off and treat him as you would any other friend.

But it s not even that, they are not a good couple. She cheats on him all the time. He told me the other night he would take my side over hers anyday...
I really don't want to lose him :(

Does anyone think from what I said that he is a bit intrested?
Like mates don't grab other mates asses and more the pillows in a bed over pushed up against mine to be closer to me. Or how the last time he say me with a girl he ran into the bedroom and had a "breakdown" at just the same time

I think that if you do not sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him, you're making stories in the clouds.

There are two ways to tell if someone is gay/bi:

1. They tell you so.
2. You physically see them in bed with someone of the same sex.

That's it. Those are the ONLY ways.

As far as telling if someone is interested in you--no idea. Everyone kind of seems to have their own cues.

HOWEVER--I *do* know people are impressed by courage and confidence.

Is he really worth getting upset over if he drops you, even as just a friend, because you express interest?

Why does HE have to be the one to make the first move?

Sitting and dithering about it is getting you absolutely nowhere.

Either DECIDE to do nothing, or approach him about it---but by actually doing nothing, you GAIN absolutely nothing.

And again--he's in a relationship. Whether it's a GOOD relationship doesn't matter. No one will thank you for getting in the middle of that.

Why not just find a casual way to tell him you like guys? When you guys are watching TV or a movie make a comment about one of the guys on the screen. Just letting him know that you are interested in guys will make a huge difference if he does like you.

I agree with everyone else, though. He is OFF-LIMITS as long as he has a girlfriend. Use that time to get to know him better. The last thing you want hanging over your head if you do end up in a relationship is the fear that since he left someone to be with you that he'll repeat it to be with someone else.

Well that's funny, because the last time we were watching a dvd and brad pitt was on it he said "wouldnt you do brad pitt"

Does that mean that he was trying to tell me?

No. My fiancé and I always joke about which celebrities of the same sex we wouldn't mind going gay or bi for. And so does him and his friends. This doesn't imply that he is gay. The only way you can know is by asking.

Also, he has a girlfriend so stay away. Her cheating on him is no excuse- this is THEIR relationship, not yours- you don't get to decide they should end it and then try to steal the guy away from this girl. Leave them alone, and stop reading so far into him and just ask.

No one can say for sure. Eventually you're going to have to find the courage to tell him. I know it's hard, from personal experience, but it will make you feel better in the end. I don't think he'll stop being your friend, even if he isn't interested in you.

Will it things up if I tell him and he's not?:(
I get so jelous all the time

You can't change his feelings if you ask and he says he's not, and it would be immature to try to get him to change his feelings. You don't have to tell him that you like men, you just have to ask him if he does.

Yeah I think your right, even do it will be hard I will still have to do it...
And to be honest it really is only him I have developed feelings for

Just be casual and ask him. Go from there based on his answer. If it's a yes though, you still need to wait for him to deal with his girlfriend before you do anything else. If it's a no, you won't die. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Patrick Brown

does anyone think from what i said that he is a bit intrested?
like mates dont grab other mates asses and more the pillows in a bed over pushed up against mine to be closer to me. or how the last time he say me with a girl he ran into the the bedroom and had a "breakdown" at just the same time

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Of the threads I've read on here that say "I'm gay and in love with a straight man", I find it hard to believe that "the straight guy" is really straight. Ya, it's possible, but if you believed there was a snowflake's chance in hell that he'd date you, you wouldn't let your feelings get the best of you. That being said, you obviously can sense something about him that makes you think this way.

From that quote above, there's no question he's into you, which means he's probably not into his girlfriend. I suggest catching him off-guard and try making a move on him. If you simply ask him whether he likes you or not, you'll give him an opportunity to say "no" when he may have really wanted to say "yes" but crumbled under the pressure. You'll get the most honest answer this way.

Wel that's what sort of was thinking but if it doesn't work... then is going to be trouble:(
Yeah when he's with me he won't talk to his girlfriend he switches off his phone...
And she told me the other day she thinks he rathers her than me and then laughed but am not sure what she meant

The worst that can happen is he pushes you away and yells "what the hell are you doing!?", and then you can tell him everything you've told us.

I don't think it'll cause trouble--you said yourself everyone thinks he's hitting on you--and I really don't think he'll stop you.

He sounds confused about his sexuality to me.

I wouldn't make a move on someone that has a partner - he needs to sort his own $hit out.

All I would do is ask him, straight out, why he comes on so strong to you.

If you make a move on him, you're going to be the bad guy forever.

Should I just wait for him or what?
It is really ing me up big time, thinging of what could be

Don't wonder, just ask him straight out like Gemini said: " why is he coming on so strong?" that's the only way to find out.

I think your right, now its just the part of gathering the balls to do it.lol
I hope I am right, but if I am not... I think it would be best if one of us moved out to give the other one space and me time to see the fact it is never going to happen

You may get a "not interested," or a weird look, but you won't die.

Thanks all for the advice:D

From the little bit you told us about him, I honestly don't think he'll end the friendship if you confess your feelings. If you make a move and he isn't interested, you could end up scaring him and damaging your friendship. I think your best bet is to just state your feelings simply and straight forward.

Try not to expect anything from him. If he thinks you expect him to respond a certain way it may spook him.

So how do I go about teling him?:D

However you think best. You know him better than we do and are better able to judge how he'll react to different scenarios.

He is in a relationship. Doesn't matter if it is good or bad.

While I think it is permissible to tell him YOU are Bi or, as a friend, to ask him what's up with how he acts around you, I think you need to keep in mind that HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Telling him how you feel or 'making a move on him' would be putting both of you and her in a very awkward position. He has to deal with his relationship without having someone lined up to take her place.

You seem to want to encourage him to hop from one relationship to another and that is the WORST thing that could happen for either of you. It would mean that he hasn't given himself time to deal with the current/past relationship before starting a new one. It would mean that all the baggage he is packing now would be placed on you to carry and that is not fair to you. You may think right now that you can handle it (a lot of people have thought the same thing-read some other threads-they were wrong), but I doubt it would take long before you started trying to get out of the relationship or worried that he was moving on to someone else.

I have been tryngfor days now to tell him but I can't do it, a friend of mine told me if I distance myself from him that it would help me to, so I am going to tr and do that

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Patrick Brown

I have been tryngfor days now to tell him but I can't do it, a friend of mine told me if i distance myself from him that it would help me to, so i am going to tr and do that

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That is probably for the best. He needs to decide what he wants because I think he is confusing himself by playing games with you as well as trying to keep up with his current relationship. I also think you have been so close to him for awhile now that you may be confusing yourself about how you really feel about him.

Giving yourself time and space to deal with how you feel plus giving yourself a chance to meet other people is a good idea.

Good luck.

If he knows you are bi, I doubt that he would be surprised at you asking him what's up with his behaviour toward you.

However, that is also putting the cart before the horse, and no matter what kind of preference you have, if one person is involved with another person (no matter what you think of it), it is off limits.

At some point should he be single, that would be the time to ask him.

Until then, keep your interest to yourself.

This walking away is harder than I taught:(
I need help and advice.. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Patrick Brown

this walking away is harder than i taught:(
i need help and advice..:D

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Walking away is never easy... but as an adult its one of those things you just HAVE to do from time to time.

Can't sugar coat it... if its your favorite snack... favorite passtime... a bottle of booze, a bad relationship. When you should do it then you have to just do it.

Patrick, I am going to suggest that you develop some interests that take up your time and limit the amount of time you would normally have available for him.

Continuing Education classes, the gym, volunteer work, getting involved in your community (theater, community center based classes, etc.) are ways that you can use to put distance between you and help you meet more people broadening your circle of friends. Maybe even meeting someone you might want to date once you feel like you have allowed the feelings for him to dissipate.

Yeah I think I should do something like that, thanks everyone :D

Good luck and have fun. :)

Hello long time no info.lol,
My story has take a real turn... the chap I was talking about broke up with his girlfriend and a week later things happened between us, its all secret and one min he wants me the next he don't, so am sort of confused... I don't get how if you are having "relations" with another guy, how you can still say your are straight... it don't make sense...
Look at it this way, I would have been an a lot smarter if I walked away at the start. To think that something that you wanted so bad could turno round and hurt you so much isn't worth thinking about, because I have him but at the same tim I don't have him

Sounds like he's confused, and it's scaring him. Give him time to figure out who he is and what he wants. He may come back to you. He may not. Just give him the time he needs, and let him know that you're not going to pressure him to label himself before he's ready.