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-   -   It Is So Hard to Orgasm. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=389527)

  • Aug 22, 2009, 08:46 PM
    Saiyuri
    It Is So Hard to Orgasm.
    I was always concerned with whether I had a loose vagina. But I was talking with this guy and had sent him pics (sounds so bad but we're just friends), and he said I looked really tight. My previous bfs did have small penises, but I don't know...

    Other than that it still doesn't make sense to me, why I take so long to get off. Because guys usually first anyway, so for me to take extra long kind of sucks. Lol

    Suggestions?
  • Aug 22, 2009, 08:51 PM
    Synnen

    How old are you?
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:03 PM
    Saiyuri

    Oh, 20. Sorry, I forgot. Lol
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:04 PM
    Saiyuri
    Been having sex off and on since I was 16. No, 17. Lol
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:11 PM
    Synnen

    Do you masturbate?

    You should.

    How can anyone ELSE know how to get you to orgasm if you don't know?

    You should ALSO institute a "me first" rule---he doesn't get his until you get yours.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:21 PM
    Saiyuri

    I didn't masturbate until I was 19. Lol And I got to where I did it everyday. But now I do it maybe once a week. With a prop. Lol

    Clitoral stimulation is all I head but it just kind of gets boring. And maybe the guy just sucked but getting eaten out was boring too. O.o

    Do I have sexual ADD? XD
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:25 PM
    Synnen

    Nope... you have impatient partners, and too much of a goal in mind when you're in bed.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:30 PM
    Saiyuri

    Well my 1st boyfriend was an infamous minute man. The one after him was a 5ish minute man. And my boyfriend after him we would go for like 2 hours and he just couldn't hold it anymore... So often times I would get disappointed...
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:33 PM
    Synnen

    You need to be willing to self-stimulate during sex---and please be aware that MOST women cannot orgasm during sex.

    Better for him to help you orgasm other ways BEFORE intercourse even begins.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:38 PM
    Saiyuri

    I would help. I didn't at first but then I was like, I have to get in there and help too. Lol

    They would try but then I'd get bored and say let's have sex rather than foreplay... And usually after I orgasm then I'm done. I was probably just mad because of all the times he got off and not me though... lol >w<'
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:41 PM
    Wondergirl

    Females ALWAYS take longer than guys -- a LOT longer!

    Please go to your local library or look at some well-written web sites to learn about female sexuality.

    And please stop sending pictures of your private parts to anyone.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:45 PM
    Saiyuri
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Females ALWAYS take longer than guys -- a LOT longer!

    Please go to your local library or look at some well-written web sites to learn about female sexuality.

    And please stop sending pictures of your private parts to anyone.



    I have stopped sending pics. But even if I didn't then that's no one's business except my own. I was just letting y'all know what he said and how he even knew. So don't judge me or criticize me in ANY way.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:50 PM
    Synnen

    Please don't get insulting.

    You asked for advice--you got it.

    I edited your response to take the rude part out.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:51 PM
    Saiyuri

    Well if she was not going to actually help y post. Doesn't make sense. I asked for advice not judgement.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:55 PM
    Synnen

    You're posting on a public board on the internet.

    What, exactly, do you expect?

    You are GOING to get judged. If you don't like it, don't post on public boards.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 09:58 PM
    Saiyuri

    Then point me somewhere with helpful advice Only. I'll gladly go.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:10 PM
    Synnen

    A lawyer, a doctor, a psychiatrist, or anyone else you PAY for only helpful advice is a sure bet for a place to ONLY get helpful advice.

    I've been trying to help you, but I won't tolerate childish snottery like name calling.

    This is a free site, you're getting free advice, and believe it or not, our members DO want to help you. Sometimes people NEED to hear how others view them in order to get to a healthier lifestyle.

    And--you have to admit--sending explicit pictures of yourself to someone isn't exactly a smart idea.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:14 PM
    Saiyuri

    I know. U've been helpful but... Not that chick. Not to me at least. She obviously didn't read what all I've said.

    I'm not childish. Just defensive.

    I haven't sent Anymore nude pics out. Me and the guy r still great friends and he always tries to point me in the right direction. But to him, me getting off just means a big... thing. And I think my problem requires more than just that.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:19 PM
    Wondergirl
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Saiyuri View Post
    Then point me somewhere with helpful advice Only. I'll gladly go.

    I suggested your local public library (Dewey Decimal number 312) and also well-written web sites.

    I had said "please" and didn't expect verbal retaliation. Most females do not orgasm during intercourse. Reading and looking at the illustrations in a book such as The Joy of Sex would be a good place to start.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:22 PM
    Saiyuri

    I don't consider adding 'please' in front of an almost command too polite... But that's just me perhaps.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:23 PM
    Synnen

    And please--no chat speak. This is an adult board, and we hold it to adult standards.

    And you're right--you DO need more than a big penis to get off.

    But the only way to figure out WHAT, exactly, you need is to do some research, know your own body, and have open lines of communication in the bedroom.

    If you can't TALK about sex with someone, you shouldn't be having sex with them.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:35 PM
    Saiyuri

    What do u mean by chat speak? O.o

    Well if there was a good spot he was working I'd tell him. But right when I say something it changes and he stops to breath or the positioning moves or just... something.

    Well me and my ex when we were still together we would pretty try to talk about what was wrong with me. But everything just made him really depressed that he couldn't fulfill me in that way. And I was usually mad and disappointed too. I can't tell u how many times I told him to just forget about it and I'd just get up in the middle of it and walk out...
  • Aug 22, 2009, 10:42 PM
    Synnen

    Well, there's part of your problem--you're not communicating.

    Here's the thing: you shouldn't have to be afraid or worried about ruining the moment for talking about what you like. And YOU are in charge of your orgasm. The sooner HE realizes that, the better off things will be. Somehow, men tied being able to please a partner with their OWN sexuality---and in a way it's true, but seriously--he needs to RELAX about it. This isn't a porn film, and it takes as long as it takes.

    As far as the chat speak---the word is YOU, not u. And YOUR, not your.

    Type out the full word, please.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 11:08 PM
    Saiyuri

    Well me and that guy are not together anymore. And I was single for about a year. But I'm in a long distance relationship now with someone. But we've only been together 2 months so we're not worried about the sex.

    It may tie in with how attracted to the person I am. But then again I still am not sure. I've had Lots of issues with my lower body anyway. Like, no period for over a year and such and had to take some medication to get it going. But my mom would always yell at me because of the doctor bill, so I never went back which is very unfortunate for me and my health...
  • Aug 22, 2009, 11:19 PM
    Synnen

    You need to see your doctor, then.

    Medications can SERIOUSLY affect your libido.

    And yes--how attracted you are to someone makes a difference too.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 11:32 PM
    Saiyuri

    Well I guess I'll have to wait until I have a good job and insurance and whatnot.
    I'm kind of scared to get a job and go to school because I don't want to struggle and get too far behind.
  • Aug 22, 2009, 11:34 PM
    Synnen

    Have you checked with your school to see if they have a clinic they can refer you too? Sometimes schools have one that is affiliated with them, and the cost is on a sliding scale.
  • Aug 23, 2009, 12:12 AM
    Saiyuri

    I don't know... It's an Art school... Not like a regular university... Don't know if that matters. But I can ask. :)
  • Aug 23, 2009, 10:01 AM
    fisk
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Females ALWAYS take longer than guys -- a LOT longer!

    Please go to your local library or look at some well-written web sites to learn about female sexuality.

    Kind of off topin, but have you got any adresses of 'well-written sites'?
  • Aug 27, 2009, 03:53 PM
    Xrayman

    Wikipedia is the first place I'd be looking, but then again I contribute to it a lot. ;)
  • Aug 27, 2009, 04:01 PM
    Xrayman

    I have been following your posts and I can see what others have said about your lack of communication with previous and present partners. I would like to add that you seem very "goal oriented" on achieving orgasm-that makes great sense-nothing wrong with that, however you seem too fixed on orgasm to really enjoy it, and your partners don't seem to be able to enjoy sex with you because of this.
    Sometimes YOU enjoy sex when your inhibitions and your partners inhibitions (JOB to make you climax) are not there. In other words relax, spend some time masturbating before you have sex-or do it while you have sex-teach him to do it for you EVENTUALLY when you have sex-then things may come a little more natural to you both.

    Note: we ALL like to help FOR FREE on this site-it is called good manners to accept what everyone is trying to do for YOU, and listen to their opinions/good advice take from it what you want and leave the rest, but don't fire-up over a detail that annoys you. Take it with a pinch of salt.

    Cheers
  • Aug 28, 2009, 05:52 AM
    smoothy
    You can't see tight or loose in a photo.

    Some women are tighter than others... NOT being exceptionally tight has plenty of advantages... those who ARE exceptionally tight have to deal with encounters that last minutes at most, and many times they don't even get primed before its over.

    I've dated many women before I married... and its not if you are tight or not that matters most... its what's between your ears that does.

    The tightest woman I ever slept with had 4 kids... and the loosest had none.

    I married none of them because of what was between their ears, not because of what was between their legs.

    I married the woman who got my attention intellectually. And happy I did.
  • Oct 23, 2009, 02:20 PM
    NataliaVM

    I totally agree with Synnen on this one. I think it would be rare for any woman to reach orgasm in 2 to 5 minutes with ANYONE unless she was getting direct clitoral stimulation.
    In a situation like the one where your boyfriend went for hours you could stop and use a vibrator together to help you reach orgasm. Sex toysAdult Sex Toys - 25%-50% OFF like vibrating cock rings or strap on vibes that can be worn during sex can also be helpful.
  • Oct 23, 2009, 04:54 PM
    Jamilaa
    If you lubricate and foreplay well,it won't be a problem.

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