Originally Posted by
Nestorian
Meow420, you sound very smart, and you seem to be wise with your money; but, you sense that you are missing something, don't you? You seem like you are affraid of something, but I can't tell what, and by the sounds of things you your self aren't sure of it either. You feel abnormal, otherwise why the counselor? You have an ideal to follow in the way of what life should look like, and you are living in a world of obsurities and don't know who, or what you really are? Deffining yourself takes a lot of effort and even then you aren't sure if thats who you are when you say it is, or if it's a lie you tell people to make it seem ok, better, and less painful??
Does any of that hit anything? Sorry, i'm probing, counselors do this too, but i'm being more blunt and straight up, to find an answer to your question.
Important Information: When we are expereincing pleasure, it is hard to experience displeasure; thus we learn to associate some, socially veiwed as, bad behaviours (Behaviours, being feelings, actions from you or others, thoughts) as good. This is because when we experience something we like dopamine is released in our brain, lowering our threshold for pleasure, making even the things we normally precieve as negative, as a pleasing stimulation. Then we can even become addicted to that kind of behaviour craving the stimulation of our pleasure centers.
I'm not sure why you would be a sex addict, other than that it's pleasing and you simply kept doing it so much so that you now depend upon it like people who "need" their coffee/sugar fix, or if it's really bad like a Cocaine/LOVE(yes I mean love)/Mania addict, or even a addrenaline junky. But with out knowing more about who you are, where you came from, how you were raised, what your morals/values and beliefs are; there really isn't much more i can explain.
I am curious if you've ever been abused before? Or what your past relationships have been like, or your previous sexual expereinces?
One more thing, what did you think of yourself when you were younger, and what do you think of yourself now? Pysically, intelectaully, socially, personally, and so on. I see you find that being there for those men is serving the purpose of helping them, but i'm affraid that it is probably more the opposite, as they are holding onto a relationship that is baised on money and not personal interaction on an intimate and non-buisness like level. It sets unrealistic ideals, and then they may either keep treating people as they do, or cheat on thier lovers, or simply become too dependent upon you to supply them with "pleasure"/joy in life and thus they are addicted to you. What happens when you leave, or if you decide you don't want to be there any more? More importantly, what kind of purpose are you really serving? Any one can give some one money, but to teach them to make it on their own, that is not easy and is the only way to "help" some one. If they can't make it on their own, then they wont make it at all. IF you are a councelor what kind of councel do you give? Is it sound, or is it foolish? Can those people really benafit from it? Are you really providing comfort, and possibly lies to these people so they can feel good about them selves while they avoid the cold hard truth? Or do you tell them to pull up their socks, and believe in them selves, they can go tell their significant other that they are through, then tell them they need to stop seeing you so they can find them selves????
Does that sound about right??
May peace and kindness be with you.
